Sunday, January 22, 2006

Angry post from Tucker Max's ex-girlfriend

The following message was posted on Cloud Starchaser's blog. This message was supposedly written by someone named Erin Tyler who used to date Tucker Max. The poster wrote that this message was originally posted in Tucker Max's forums but was quickly deleted by the image-conscious Tucker Max:

Humiliating
Last night Tucker blew me off. Again.
I went insane. I cut off all my hair with kitchen scissors like Frida Khalo. Today I examined the fallout (actually quite cute and flippy. I am good at everything). I also thought, "Bunny... there is something terribly awry. Why are you so angry? Why have you become a bitter and horrible person since you met Tucker?"
Today, while I'm working, Tucker is hovering over me asking me the same question.
I have decided to make an itemized list of reasons why I might want to cut off all my hair like a rape victim.
[Note: This is truly humiliating. If anyone were to make a medicine to cure low self-esteem, I'd take it in spades; I'd do the 10k walk for closet self-loathers, and wear the empty wine bottle lapel pin. I wish to God these FACTS were fabricated or embellished, but the awful truth is that they are not. I only hope this helps the other girls who don't like themselves].
What it is like to date Tucker Max…
-You will get fried chicken for your birthday. Later that night when you both go to a bar, you will want a diet coke, but won’t get one because that is one less beer that he can drink.
-He will hang up on your favorite aunt, and be stunned when you get upset that he referred to your mother as “that fucking bitch” because she called you at a late hour.
-He will scream at you because you don’t like the instant coffee he bought you.
-He will never kiss you, and barely fuck you, even if you beg him to for months. You are now the Virgin Mary. He will still try to coerce crazy whores into coming to Chicago to fuck him. He will kiss them because they are whores, and don’t you know that you’re only supposed to give good passionate sex to women that you don’t know or give a shit about? I didn’t know that either.
-He will make sure you know that you aren’t very hot, only sort of cute, and that your head is too big for the rest of your body. You also have unattractive dark circles under your eyes and your tits are too small. He will never compliment you.
-You will be bi-sexual and okay with him sleeping with other women, but this will not be enough. He needs freedom.
-If he is an insensitive asshole to you, it is only because you are selfish. You should understand that his parents sucked and now you have to pay for this. How this is logical, I’m not really sure.
-When he has major surgery you will not leave his side. You will spend day night waiting on him hand and foot, making sure he is comfortable and well cared for. You will even wipe his ass when he takes a shit. Later he will tell you that it was all unnecessary. He didn’t need or want you to be there.
-When he is supposed to pick you up and take you to a party, he will get black-out drunk and fuck some girl instead of showing up.
-He will tell you he loves you and wants to have children with you. When you then get pregnant, he will say that he has about two to four more years of drinking and whoring left to do, so a baby isn’t in the cards. He will coerce you into an abortion by threatening to give away your dog if you try to have the child. Then he will be evasive so that you will be forced to dump him and he can get off scot-free.
-When you get upset about this, he will tell you that you are over-emotional. When you try to explain how this hurts, he will ignore you till you find yourself screaming and breaking things. He will explain these outbursts to his drinking buddies as so: “Yeah she’s fucking crazy. She flips out on me like every third day.”
-When you go to stay with your parents (read: bawl day and night) for two weeks, he will fuck other women in your bed. The night you return he will try to go out with a whore he’s just met and wonder why you’re upset about that. He needs his freedom.
-When you are at your parents, he won’t take your calls. Instead he will spend his time e-mailing some whore. Later, he will not stop e-mailing this same whore, because all whores come before your feelings even if the whores are half as attractive and barely capable of forming cogent sentences.
-When his ex-girlfriend dies and then comes back to life, you will nurse him through the depression. You will even be fine with her coming to stay at your own fucking apartment so that he can decide which of you he wants. This is so that you can be fair to both of them because you are a good person… unlike them.
-Later on you will catch him telling this covert bitch who pretended to be nice to you that he is only keeping you around because you are willing to support him financially. They will laugh at you behind your back for being “over-emotional.” Oh how silly you are!
-When Tucker bounces back from his depression you will not be needed anymore. You will just hand over the keys to his car and not say a word when he drives it all over Chicagoland while black-out drunk.
-When girls come to the apartment, he will become “Cooooool Tucker Max.” He will dress and act differently. He will be an asshole to you. Why are you upset? Don’t you know “this is the Tucker Max show?” This pathetic statement is his actual quote.
-And finally (though I could write pages and pages of this horrible shit): When you’ve been stood up by the very first date you’ve planned in a year, you will call Tucker and ask to hang out with him. He will not come pick you up in YOUR OWN FUCKING CAR, because HE lost your license the night before and you won’t be able to get into the club he's going to. When you ask if it’s possible to go anywhere else he will refuse because there are free drinks and whores in said club. Whores are very special. Much more special than the woman that did all the above things out of unconditional love FOR A FUCKING YEAR!

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is awesome. keep up the good work. you gotta expose tucker max for the douche that he is.

Everyone said...

Cloud,

Your fist must be like sandpaper by now.

Sincerely,
Everyone

Anonymous said...

Great post, lets have some more...I especially like the part that douchebag max deleted it from his site, er "The Tucker Max Show"...

Anonymous said...

Holy shit!

Poor Bunny.

Anonymous said...

Now I know why she became half a dyke.

Poor girl. If she had a brother with any balls, Tucker would be eating through a straw for the rest of his adult life.

Anonymous said...

Dumb bitch should have known better than to date a douche like him in the first place.

Anonymous said...

I always knew he was full of shit. The sad truth is there are so many women with low self esteem who date these guys despite the obvious.

Its a lesson learnt and I hope she finds happiness.

Anonymous said...

Just so everyone knows, this point quite nicely contradicts the picture you've painted of him as the great fabricator who could never get laid.

Just saying.

Anonymous said...

Oh shit, Bunny.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget how he will make everything that EVER goes wrong YOUR fault.

Wish I could have met PWJ first. sigh

Anonymous said...

Ratshit batshit dirty old twat, 69 assholes tied in a knot, HOOORAAAAY! LIZARD SHIT! FUUUUUUCK!

Anonymous said...

I hate his book and I think he is a retard; I'm sorry that you went through this, but I hope you learned that losers like this will never change. He is an alcoholic, first of all (the DUIs, constantly blacking out, becoming angry) Ugh I can't believe that I wasted ANY of my hard-earned money on his book. I am so sorry for you and I hope that you know what women will learn from this, that we all have to learn to have more self-respect and date men that actually love us and care for us. Despite popular belief there are a few good guys out there. Bunny, you deserve better..

Anonymous said...

hahaha you dumb whore it's your own fault for letting him treat you like that. You sound like one of the bitches who should be in a Max Hardcore film or something.

JC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

yeah i almost feel sorry for her, but then again, she's dumb enough to stick around and go through that shit with him. So kinda eh...fuck the lot of you bunny. :) you AND tucker faggot max. (if i see him, i'm gonna fight him just because i fucking can. if he tries to run, i will chase him down and beat him like a fucking puppy!)

matthew said...

like tucker said in his book women only get treated they way they let themselves get treated. think about it.

Anonymous said...

Poor girl? What a pathetic slut.

Anonymous said...

Matthew,I can't believe you would repeat that quote. Why do women put up with crap? Because we're used to being nurturing and caregivers. We actually want to believe the guy is telling the truth or that he is a good person. A pretty girl probably thought he was lucky to get her, and then he treats her like trash...then brags about it. I'm still trying to figure out how the ****er got that piece of rubbish published. I'm afraid dumb guys are going to read this and think that's what they can do. I don't believe his stories. Imagine if everyone wrote books detailing their promicuity and putting down the women they chose to ****.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max gives even sleazy lawyers a bad name.

Max said...

Incredible, I feel sorry for that poor woman. If she took all that and didn't kill the guy. She really has no self-esteem and should try a therapist or just dating better guys (well, easier sad than done, I guess)...

Anonymous said...

And the reasons you dated him for a year are...?

Bipolar Girl said...

Tucker said, woman come to me who are broken.

Healthy women will not want him. This woman obviously has self esteem issues and needs to work with a therapist. She is neither a whore nor a slut. People quit calling her that. She has self esteem issues, but she is not promiscuous. She stayed true to Tucker and that shows she is neither a whore or a slut. You need look up what those words mean. I don't think you understand the definitions of those words.

Anonymous said...

Silly girl for letting him get away with it for a year! I hope she's found a nicer person to give her time too.

I'm actually going to send a copy of his book (a used book so "Phucker Max" doesn't get any extra $$) to a 19yo friend who is at risk of becoming a door mat like this. I'll also be including a copy of "The Rules" so hopefully she'll find a happy balance between the two books and never allows anyone to treat her like this poor girl experienced.

cialis said...

Hi, well be sensible, well-all described

Anonymous said...

You people act surprised by the fact that Tucker Max is an ASSHOLE. He doesn't try to hide this, nor does he pretend to be something he's not. Bunny seems cool but, if you're dating an asshole you should be prepared to be treated like one. I think he's pretty honest, and though honesty may hurt, it deserves respect. "So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect." And FUCK YOU IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!

Carmela Johnson said...

I heard Tucker Max is dating some sex doctor, Taylor Puck. She goes around to colleges and does sex talks. My friends saw her at Rutgers and said she was amazing. I don't know though...one of those names has to be fake. Tucker Max and Taylor Puck just sounds weird.

U guys r pussies said...

chick r u fucking serious. the fact ud cut off all ur hair just screams u got problems. u know how this guy is yet u stayed with him. if u dnt want to be treated like a whore get some self respect and leave his ass. u r pathetic as well as the haters agreeing with this psycho