I went on a book signing tour once with an internet celebrity that made six figures, and he insisted on pulling a chew-and-screw at every Cracker Barrel restaurant we saw on the road. I didn't even realize that we were doing it until the 5th time.
Internet Celebrity: "Dude, let's get out of here."
Me: "OK, did the waitress bring the bill around?"
Internet Celebrity: "No dude, let's just go."
Me: "...what? You want to chew-and-screw?!"
Internet Celebrity: "Um, Mike...we do that every time we eat breakfast at one of these places."
I was so nervous walking out of that restaurant that in my rush to get out the door I bumped into some elderly guy with a cane, throwing him off balance and into some vintage toy display, leaving him on the floor with other patrons trying to help him up as I scurried out to the Ford Explorer. Fucking internet celebrities, they're like coupons with feet.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Kungfu Mike (Tucker Max's friend who got beaten up by cloud Starchaser last year) posted a real-life Tucker Max story recently. Tucker Max claims to make over $10,000 per month from his website and recently bragged about getting a $300,000 advance for the next pile of rubbish he calls a book. However, despite this supposed wealth, Tucker Max apparently ripped off a few restaurants and waitresses a few months ago by eating and then leaving without paying:
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
It's amazing that the idiots who kiss Tucker Max's ass continue to visit his website after he treats them like crap. Here's a typical post by Tucker showing what he really thinks of his fans:
"Let me explain something to the whiney cunts who have been PMing me about their fucking signatures or whatever being changed:
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I don't care. You shouldn't care either, but if you do, I don't want to hear about it. I don't care about your signatures, I don't care about your rep points, I don't care if a mod is leaving negative reps and signing them from one of your buddies, I don't care about any of that shit. If you take that shit seriously enough to PM me about it, you need to fucking check yourself.
Do you people think I have the time or the desire to deal with your petty problems? In case you are unclear about this: I don't. From this point forward, I am going to just immediately ban anyone who bothers me about these things.
If you think a mod is being unfair to you, PM that person. If it goes poorly for you, tough shit. Deal with it, create a new account with a new username, or just don't come back. Contrary to what you may believe, this place doesn't need you. I don't care how many rep points you have, or how good your posts are, you are easily replaceable.
The TMMB should be an entertaining place, a place for diversion, laughter, and maybe some intellectual discourse every now and then. That is all. If it becomes more than that to you, you need to go. Nothing that happens here with regards to signature and rep points matters at all, so I don't want to hear about it."