Saturday, March 24, 2007

Story About Tucker From Facebook.com

The story below was copied from a Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.

Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand

Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!

Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.

In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.

15,972 comments:

1 – 200 of 15972   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.

Anonymous said...

YAY! mr mcbeefjerks is back! now let's all go back to talking about tucker's cock.

Anonymous said...

It's a repeat, but a classic nonetheless: a perfect depiction of TM's douchebaggedness, his tiny body parts, and his limp-wristed fighting style.

Anonymous said...

hahaha "tiny body parts". not even 3 posts in, and the obsession with tucker's body begins.

Anonymous said...

i swear to god this fuckin blog is run by tucker or one of his friends.

Anonymous said...

this is a repeat story and totally made up.

Yup, and Tucker's lies are true. Asshole.

Anonymous said...

she forgot to mention his nasal, high-pitched, lisping voice.

Anonymous said...

Yup, and Tucker's lies are true. Asshole.

There are three sides to every story, and I doubt this dumb college twat and tucker's are the complete truth.

Anonymous said...

This blog is such a joke. If someone REALLY had any proof about the validity of these stories, how come they don't have the balls to come out and speak the truth???


I didn't think so.

Anonymous said...

no kidding. tucker posts his whereabouts at any given time, he's easy to find and confront.

i've tried to rally my tucker-dick-obsessed brothers around to confront him in person, to no avail. i guess we're all just stuck obsessing about every appendage and body part of his in this dumb blog run by someone called Cockly McBeefwell.

but in any event, we're still cooler than him.

Anonymous said...

Someone must be able to verify this story. Where was this tailgate?

Anonymous said...

This 'story' is so fucking old, some cunt posted in her facebook yet she never defended her encounter and nobody has verified it.

Surely someone else was there with her when this went down, yet nobody is saying shit.

I call bullshit, she probably fucked him.

Anonymous said...

you stupid fucking meatheads. this chick posted the story under her own name. i'm sure the friend mentioned could verify it. i'm sure she's just doing it to slander him though. hey, maybe she's cockly mcbeefwell?

Anonymous said...

Does Tucker really wear shorts with the elastic waistband? I can see wearing those while playing basketball, but wearing those to a tailgate party is pretty lame.

Anonymous said...

Did anybody else see the thread where this internet tuff guy calls out several members of the board? It's pretty funny in a lame kinda way.

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=13211

Anonymous said...

Man, That chick in the picture looks like a Bag full of smashed assholes.

Anonymous said...

Man, That chick in the picture looks like a Bag full of smashed assholes.

wait, is that the Bunny or her sister the trixie?

Anonymous said...

Well, the mystery of the dozens of positive reviews for Max's book on Amazon has been solved - they are all Max himself:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/11/tucker_max_sxsw/

Anonymous said...

What happened to Cloud?

Anonymous said...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/11/tucker_max_

they took his words out of context, u guyz r fuckin haterz go get a life.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 12:18 pm

NOOB, U got PWNED by t max. u R stupid N should not toke B4 posting

LOLZ

Anonymous said...

some of tucker max's fans write like they are 13 years old. the message above does not make a lot of sense.

Anonymous said...

yo, seriously, the owner and writer of this blog is a fuckin retard. theres supposedly all these "anonymous" stories of tucker max being a fraud but every single one is written the same fucking way and with a vocabulary that it VERY consistent. SO consistent that one might say that ITS THE SAME FUCKIN PERSON WHO NEEDS A LIFE. you think every person who's given "anonymous" stories of tucker is that literate and that they would all take the utmost care in their grammar and vocabulary as those entries show? no faggot. stop hating.

Anonymous said...

what are you talking about? true or not, they don't all look like they came from the same person. the story in this post was written by a retarded girl who can barely write. the other stories were definitely written by more intelligent people.

Anonymous said...

These comments are hilarious. Tucker Max or his friends are so angry about this blog and vent by posting here.

Anonymous said...

they're not even his friends. they're his dick sucking virgin groupies who he'll probably ban tommorow for disagreeing with his favorite brand of cola.

Anonymous said...

i think this is funny. tucker is so old.

Anonymous said...

ahhhhhhh and the jealousy never ends, I LOVE IT!!!1

Anonymous said...

There really isn't any need for this blog. Tucker Max is so two years ago.

Craig Kowalski said...

omg seriously this site is fuckin funny as balls. u guys r so fuckin sad that u hav 2 make up a blog like this to make fun of a dude that is so fucking hilarious and his stuff is all true. me and my boys crack up over his shit becuz its all 100% like how we r when we go out and get crazy.

Anonymous said...

Sweeeeet. A Polish sucker of cock named Craig.

Anonymous said...

i already beat your ass one kowalski. fuck off back to warsaw with the rest of your meathead pollack buddies.

Anonymous said...

Look at this shit its funny.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=13211

Anonymous said...

Did anybody else see the thread where this internet tuff guy calls out several members of the board? It's pretty funny in a lame kinda way.

I'm sure that guy could easily take giegs and Jeet Kune Do Mike in a fight.

Just look at him. What a slob of shit: http://www.myspace.com/kungfu_mike

Anonymous said...

There's a thread up now that is just one big circlejerk. It's ridiculous when Tucker talks about success.

Anonymous said...

There's no way that Kungfu Mike is 5'10". He looks like he is maybe 5'6". He thinks he's some kind of Interent tough guy, but don't forget that the fruitcake Cloud Starchaser beat him up a year or two ago.

Anonymous said...

"building a company that could potentially change the entire nature of the entertainment business"

fuck me. tucker has truly lost his grip on reality. this guy has become a pretty brutal self-parody.

Anonymous said...

A favor - in the future can you guys please post the links to the threads on his messageboard? Don't see the sense in trying to search for them since that will just add to the traffic on his site.

Craig Kowalski said...

LOL OMGWTFBBQ!!!!1

u guyz dont hav that much 2 say anymore eh?? maybe ur moms cut off ur internet access in ur basement.

loosers.

Anonymous said...

uhhhh - that's "losers."

Loosers. That's funny. Almost as funny as the 'mom's basement' thing. I've never heard that before. Ever. Not once, especially in a blog comment section. Mom's basement. That's funny Polish Craig.

Now get back to sucking cock.

Anonymous said...

TUCKER MAX IS A DOUCHEBAG!!!!

THIS BLOG IS GOING TO DESTROY TUCKER MAX!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Kowalski?

Your hero is a lolski. Y'know, a Polish LOL.

Craig Kowalski said...

OMGWTFBBQ U FUCKIN LOOSERS!!! 4 real u guys are such toolz, yay i'm polish omg letz all try to make fun of that becuz we have NO comebax. fuckin toolz u people r so insignificant & u just hate on TMax becuz u hav nothin better to do with ur livez.

L O O S E R S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PWN'3D FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Anonymous said...

okay, i have to assume tm looks at this blog, so i'll do this right here. i was recently introduced to his stories by a friend who told me i should read them because i would relate to this guy. that was further from the truth, i first realized this guy was a liar when reading the story about the portable breathalizer, and him throwing up at a .22 or .24 (i can't remember which). he claims that a .35 is lethal, which is true for someone who only moderately drinks, it has been proven that among heavy drinkers, this number can double. if tucker really was the amazing drinker he claims to be, handling a .22 or .24 should have been no problem. maybe he should do more than a 2 second google search when he writes these stories and actually read the facts, or at least buck up and actually drink like a man.

Anonymous said...

oops, i forgot the point of my post above. i am giving an open invite to tm to come to michigan state university and party, so he can see what happens when the things he claims to do are actually tried. i'm still hardpressed to believe he ever goes into a party knowing no one, and starts ripping on people, i've seen bigger people than him get their asskicked for this.

Anonymous said...

he'll just make fun of you for going to MSU.

Anonymous said...

You are all retarded. Do you know the easiest way to hurt Tucker? Quit talking about him and feeding his ego. Quit visiting his sites and don't mention his name. Take money out of his pockets and let him fade into the past like all the other "has been's"

I used to be a member on his board and got tired of the bullshit. So I decided not to go there. Its amazing how easy it is to forget about something when you decide to just delete the bookmark.

Anonymous said...

"Its amazing how easy it is to forget about something when you decide to just delete the bookmark."

4/02/2007 9:57 PM

haha not that easily obviously, if you took the time to come to this tucker-centered site, look through it and take the time to write your important thoughts on the matter.

Anonymous said...

This is off topic, but does anyone know why the Freak Safari forum started up, and why/how so many TMMB members migrated there? And why lots of the people at F.S. are banned at TMMB?

Its pathetic, but for some reason I want to know the drama/background.

Anonymous said...

There isn't really any drama behind it. Freaksafari is mostly ex TMMB poster who got tired of the way things went over there. You can only read so many threads about TM telling himself how cool he is. Ego speak gets really old after a while.

Anonymous said...

Anybody else see him cream his pants over Paul Wall (who?) He's jizzing in his pants over some D-list "celebrity" no one has ever heard of.

Best of all -- the hilight of hanging out with him was watching a shitty movie in the back of an SUV. I've seen grocery lists which were more interesting.

Maybe next month he'll watch CSI: Miami with Dustin Diamond.

Anonymous said...

Craig, are you what, 14?

Who but some adolescent dweeb uses that much text-messaging bullshit on a blog? What next, a text message about how you stroke your tiny dick to Fergie or some shit?

Fucking Tucker fans crack me up. His core audience is getting younger and younger.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max won't party at Michigan State. He's a drink counter who can't hold his booze. Normally I'd say cool, lots of folks can't and it doesn't make them any less fun. But the posers who pretend to party hardy are too emotionally needy.

Anonymous said...

I saw a copy of Coloring Book Land (the book) at Barnes & Noble a couple days ago. I didn't think the site was funny. Thumbing through it, I saw one genuinely funny comic. The pictures are scaled up to fit the paper (10"x8") so they look like ass.

Anyhow, Amazon.com has some glowing reviews. I wonder why?

Currently, reviews are from: Luke Heidelberger (Tucker Max intern), Ryan C. Holiday (Tucker Max intern) , Donika Miller (Tucker Max friend), and 3 others. Of course, the other three haven't posted any other book reviews.

Smells like astroturf. Or maybe astroglide.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max has up on his message board a description of how much cooler he is than the tech conference he was invited to.

So basically, he's in a room full of internet nerds bragging about how much cooler he is than them.

Anonymous said...

Coloring Book Land is like everything else in Festering Rudius, or whatever it's called -- derivative. Anybody remember the Dysfunctional Family Circus cartoons that were popular starting like, fifteen years ago? And were much funnier?

Anonymous said...

Does Luke Heidelberger have a real job, or is he just Tucker Max's servant?

Anonymous said...

Luke/Mr. Jake runs all the technical aspects of Tucker's website. So yes, he's just basically Tucker's servant.

For some reason, I find these “reviews” particularly galling, even for Tucker. Nowhere in their reviews do Luke/Donika/Ryan Holiday suggest that they work for Tucker’s media company and thus have a direct, financial interest in “Coloring Book Land” doing well and selling copy. Instead, their reviews are written in a style of “I’m just a regular person who stumbled upon the book and am just offering my [unprompted] opinion.” It’s the worst form of sock-puppetry. Even worse, Luke and Donika appear to be actively hiding the fact that they work for Rudius, as they are listed from Elizabethtown and Philadelphia, respectively, but not where they actually live, NYC (and yes, I realize this shows far too much inside-knowledge about the TMMB crew than is healthy). I have no problem with people who have a direct personal interest in a product praising it and trying to convince others to buy it, I just wish that they’d be a little more upfront about it and not deliberately hide pertinent facts. Unfortunately, astro-turfing is a trademark tactic of Tucker and his entourage: why have real fans/feedback when you can give off the perception of unending praise?

Anonymous said...

luke sounds like a little dweeb. is he?

Anonymous said...

hell yes. there's a picture of him somewhere.

Anonymous said...

wow, this site...........died.

too bad, it has such potential.

Anonymous said...

I tried counting the number of times TM or his merry band of cock-sucking minions says, "I call bullshit" on his tired message board.

I got annoyed at 472.

Is that the cool thing to post or comment?? Neat.

Anonymous said...

This site didn't die, it's a reaction on what TM is doing,and since he's in LA doing nada (from what I understand, he's about to be replaced as writer on his own TV show), this site's function has slowed down.

Anonymous said...

What happened with his sitcom? Did he finish writing the pilot yet?

Anonymous said...

WRONG. This site is dead. Nobody that seems to have these stories to counter his wants to show some balls and actually come forward.

Until someone shows real proof, this site is DEAD.

Anonymous said...

This site is definitely dead. It is dead because nobody gives a shit about Tucker anymore, not because of lack of proof of any stories.

Anonymous said...

is tucker really about to get shit-canned? more info please.

Anonymous said...

God, you guys are such fucking losers. any of you have your own lives to scrutinize? Or are they so boring you have to oggle and discuss tucker's every career move and obstacle?

why am i even asking this question. The latter, obviously.

Anonymous said...

The reason this site is dead is because, while you continually pick over old wounds, Tucker Max, for all his glaring faults, has moved on from the person he was a few years ago.

Whether his current ambitions will match his hubris remains to be seen. Even if he fails miserably the one thing no one can say aganst him is that he didn't put in the work or give the opportunities that came his way his best shot.

That is why, on a sliding scale of douchbaggery, Max will always be some way above the majority of people who have posted on this blog.

Anonymous said...

This blog has slowed, but it isn't because Max matured as a person. It is because he hasn't done anything noteworthy of late. Whomever originally posted that Max "jumped the shark" when he allegedly had sex with a midget was right. He simply ran out of ideas as a writer.

His online business ventures appear to be stagnant as well. All that remains is his shot at Hollywood. Whether that ever reaches fruition is an open question.

Anonymous said...

It seems as though this blog has served its purpose. Wasn't this blog set up to call Tucker out on his bullshit and to allow people to comment on Tucker without everything being deleted?

What happened with Tucker and the pilot? Is it dead or what?

Anonymous said...

What's a douchebag? Urbandictionary generally defines it as a major league asshole with an inflated self worth.

Score: Tucker 2, everyone else: 0

There are a couple "tucker has a small dick!!!!" folks here, but most people are questioning his absurd claims (something that would get you banned elsewhere).

Anonymous said...

The Tucker Max Show is going to bomb for the simple fact that Tucker isn't funny.

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=445314#post445314

That is unbelievable.

Anonymous said...

Anon 7:06 PM:

Wow... just fucking wow. It is obvious from that post that Tucker really does fantasize about beating women. It can only be so long before he slips up in real life, assuming he hasn't actually clocked a girl yet.

Anonymous said...

I believe a couple of years ago Tucker was hanging out with some board regulars and he punched one of the women, giving her a black eye. Apparently, it was big news on an earlier incarnation of the board and there were even pictures of the damage put up. Anyway, that's what some oldtime poster mentioned once.

Even if that is not true, by Tucker's own admission he often has "consensual" rough sex. Bites and bruises the girls and shit.

Anonymous said...

Someone on the last thread said it best:

"One of these days Tucker is going to be accused of some kind of abuse or be connected to a homicide of some kind. Someone, you watch, will say that they got the idea to bite and scratch and punch a woman during sex from Tucker Max's message board."

Tucker might not be totally insane, but his board seems like a perfect breeding ground for serial killers.

Anonymous said...

^^^

I don't know of many documented 14 year old serial killers.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that's why I said breeding ground.

Anonymous said...

Fuck all of u, the guys one of the few who actually pays attention to women....theyre all the fuckn same, nice try with this hes laughn all the way to the bank

Anonymous said...

Anyone see this?

http://takendownlink.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

The above link kicks ass.

Anonymous said...

that story is pretty funny, what a tool. He's getting too old to be cool anymore.

Anonymous said...

What happened to his pilot? Shouldn't that have started filming by now? Or has he already been dropped by Comedy Central?

Bill Dawes said...

What fashion sense. If nothing else, it should put to death rumors that Tucker is gay.

Anonymous said...

Anybody see this gem in Tucker's blog:

NOTE TO ALL GUYS: Nothing personal, but if I don't know you, then I don't want to hang out with you. Don't send me emails asking if you can buy me a beer or if you can come "watch me work." You can't.

The wizard of oz didn't like it when people watched him work either. Pay no attention to the man behind the website. Especially pay no attention to his man-tits.

Anonymous said...

What work? He fucks mentally disturbed girls that throw themselves at him because he's a "celebrity". And even then she's got to be fairly pathetic if she doesn't take one look at him and realize he's full of shit.

Anonymous said...

Has he always had AdSense on his board?

Not that there is anything wrong with having that, but for a guy that claims to make so much cash off of ad revenue, why bother pissing off sponsors (selling crap like fake absinthe) and taking AdSense?

Oh wait, 13 yr olds (his new core audience) can't purchase liquor.

My guess is that he is losing demand from sponsors and the 15 minutes are almost up.

Anonymous said...

READ THAT LINK!!!

There you have it. The "premiere party boy of his generation" or whatever the fuck he calls himself is a fat, man-tittied lame-fuck who wears stupid shoes.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!!

McBeefy - I'm betting a McGriddle donkeypunch that you are a made-up guy. Prolly one of Tucker's buddies.

Fucking Brilliant!

Truth or not, Tucker has some funny stories. I could care less if they are somewhat embellished. I was entertained.

Anonymous said...

Okay so I came across this link from Jada's hatemail then decided to read some of Tucker Max's stories. Let me just say that I have no clue where he earned the tag 'celebrity' from, Ive never heard of this cocksucker before.

Tucker Max is nothing but a bullshitter. So we all watched American Pie, we all thought Stiffler was pretty cool there. Tucker Max is nothing but a wannabe. He reminds me of a 5year old in his Superman pyjamas. Whoever falls for this guys crap totally deserves to be his fan.

I watched his radio interview on youtube, its obvious how ticked off he gets when even the dj's wont believe his shit.

PS -- Jada is a cheap whore.

Anonymous said...

Where's the pilot, Tucker?

We need some new material. Clearly it's a failure, we're just waiting for your excuses. Let me guess, a fat girl ate your script, or you got so drunk on absinthe that you drove the pilot into a donut shop.

Anonymous said...

Hey everone read this:

http://www.violentacres.com/archives/10/alpha-male


Tucker Max tells another tale.

Anonymous said...

Tucker is now comparing himself to this guy
http://www.timferriss.com/
This guy Tim Ferriss has done more with his life then can be imagined. There is no comparing the 2 at all but according to Tucker.
"When I was at SXSW, I met this guy, Tim Ferriss. At first, I thought he was one of those annoying assholes who has done everything with his life that you haven't; he owns a profitable nutrition company, is a national champion kick boxer, races motorcycles competitively, is in the Guinness Book of World Records for tango, etc, etc.

But once I started talking to him, I realized that he was not only a really nice guy, but had arrived at many of the same truths I had; life was not meant to be lived in a cubicle, following the "right" path was bullshit, and that there was another way. My way and Tim's way are different, but they share the conviction that the things worth living for cannot be found in an office or through a bullshit job."
Then later Tucker says this.
"Over the past few months, I have gotten to know Tim very well, and he is not a bullshitter. He lives the life he claims."
I know alot of you don't want give tucker traffic but the thread is here.

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=15172

Anonymous said...

Tucker does what his own fans do. They latch onto him in hopes of becoming some sort of hard-drinking-car-crashing-sorority-screwing-rebel-causing-chunk-blowing-elastic-waisted-short-wearing machine. Likewise, Tucker latches onto others and equates himself to them... those who might be funnier (Maddox), tougher (U.S. Army), smarter (natch) or more accomplished (right now, Tim Ferriss).

Mirror, mirror on the wall....

Anonymous said...

I am speechless. honestly. That was so transparently fabricated it was as if a 12 year old had written it. what is wrong with you fucking idiots?

Anonymous said...

^^ What are you talking about?

Tucker has narcissistic personality disorder. Trying to associate themselves with special people is just what narcissists do.

One reason is obvious--he becomes special by association. The more pathological reason is that narcissists have weak senses of selves and have a hard time distinguishing themselves from others. In the case of Tucker, he doesn't think he is special just because he is (allegedly) similar to Ferriss/Maddox/etc; he thinks he is special because he sees that relationship as constituting an extension of his self. In a way, he believes they are a part of him.

Narcissists are really fucked up.

Anonymous said...

Secret rumor has it that Tucker failed out of basic training in the Army. There was a guy who was saying that Tucker was in the same basic training regiment as him. Can anyone research this? That may explain his fascination with military men. I'm not saying he is really gay. But I think it needs research and I am quite honestly to stupid to follow through.

Anonymous said...

Yeah its true and what all of Tucker's "friends" laugh about behind his back. Hoo-ahh is basically Tucker's "story" about him leaving it all behind for a shot at the Special Forces. Unfortunately, Tucker didn't make it. Word is that he couldn't handle the physical requirements & was able to weasel a discharge out of the army. Hoo-ahh hasn't been updated in years, and Tucker has repeatedly banned anyone on his board who has called him out on the whereabouts of "Nick" & the BS that is Hoo-ahh. Now he clings to his "buddies" in the SF (why do you think he glommed onto "Reaper" so quickly) in a typical narcissistic/futile attempt to catch some of their glimmer. So sad.

Anonymous said...

His "friends", eh? I have no doubt that Tucker's friends must HATE him. Does anyone have any details?

Anonymous said...

not that alexa rankings mean shit b/c you have to have the toolbar installed to be part of why they rank you, but his site and message board have been getting worse and worse in terms of rankings lately.

I remember him bragging about his great alexa rankings in the past, which means he doesn't know shit about SEO b/c anyone that has a clue about manipulating those rankings can easily fool alexa into giving you a higher rank than you deserve in the first place.

the clock is ticking on the Tucker Man Boobs...

Anonymous said...

Does this look familiar to anyone? John Thomas Horne circulated this around the internet before Sushi Pants was ever conceived. Vanguards of Modern Lit have all the originality, don't they?

A chronology of events for Saturday, November 20, 2004 and the early morning hours of Sunday, November 21, 2004:

6:00 a.m. Arise, play the Gator Fight Song at full-freaking blast while engaging in pre-game calisthenics.

6:20 Get in car, begin drive to Tallahassee.

6.28 (crack open first beer)

6.45 Crack open second beer

7:08 Crack open...(you get the idea)

9:18 I have been singing Brooks and Dunn tunes for over an hour. My truck-mate is tired of my singing. He suggests that perhaps Brooks and Dunn have written other good songs besides \"You're Going to Miss Me When I'm Gone\" and \"Neon Moon\" and that maybe listening to only those two songs, ten times each was a bit excessive. Perhaps, he suggests, I could just let the CD play on its own.I tell him to f**k off and restart \"Neon Moon.\"

10:35 Headed for \"Joke Shamble Stadium\".

10:50 Buy three 18-packs for pre- and post-game festivities

11:10 We decide we don't have enough booze, so we double-back to a liquor store and buy the good ol' 750 ml plastic bottle \"Traveler\" Jim Beam

11:50 Arrive at the tailgate spot. Awesome day. Not a single cloud in the sky. About 70 degrees. My truckmate, against my loud and profane protestations, parks on the top floor of a nearby parking garage. I tell him he's an idiot. I tell him we will never get out. I tell him we may as well pitch a f___ing tent here. He ignores me. I think he's still pissed about the Brooks and Dunn tunes. I whistle \"Neon Moon\" loudly.

11:55 I decide that we're going to kick the s**t out of the Criminoles.

11:56 I tell my first Criminole fan to go f**k himself.

12:00 I am rallying. I have 4 warm beers stuffed in my pants. We're going to kick the s**t out of Florida State.

12:15 The Gator band walks by on the way to the stadium. We're hooting and hollering like wildmen. The band doubles back to the street right below us and serenades us with the Gator Fight Song and We are the Boys... AWESOME MOMENT!!

12:25 In the post-serenade serendipity, 50-100 grown men are bumping chests with one another, each and every one of them now secure and certain of the fact that we are going to kick the s**t out of Florida State.

1:00 The Florida State band walks by on the way to the stadium. Again, we hoot and holler like wildmen. Again, the band doubles back and stops right below us to serenade us, this time, however, with the Florida State fight song. Although somewhat impressed by their spirit and verve, we remain convinced that we are going to kick the s**t out of Florida State.

1:30 I begin the walk to the stadium somehow managing to stuff the \"Traveler\" and 11 cans of beer into my pants.

1:47 I am in line surrounded by Florida State fans. They are taunting me.

I am taunting back, still certain that we are going to kick the sh**t out of the criminoles. I decide to challenge a particularly vocal Florida State fan to play what I now call and will forever be remembered as Cell-Phone Flop Out.\"

Remember flop out for a dollar? The rules are similar. I tell this Florida State j**ka*s that if he's so confident in his team, he should \"flop out\" his cell phone RIGHT NOW and make plane reservations to Miami for the Orange Bowl. And then I spoke these memorable words: \"And not those damn refundable tickets, either! You request those non-refundable, non-transferable sons-of-bi***es!\" He backs down. He is unworthy. I call Delta Airlines and buy two tickets to Miami non-refundable and non-transferable. Price: $712. He is humbled. He lowers his head in shame.

I raise my cell phone in triumph to the cheers of hundreds of Gator fans. I am KING and these are my subjects. I distribute the 11 beers in my pants to the cheering masses. I RULE the pre-game kingdom.

2:34 Kickoff. Brimming with confidence, I open the Traveler and pour my first stiffy.

2:45 I notice something troubling: Florida State is big. Florida State is fast. Florida State is very pissed off at Florida. Florida State scores.

3:01 I share my beer with two high school girls sitting behind me. Surprisingly, they are equipped with a flask full of vodka. I send them off to purchase Sprites, so that we may consume their vodka. I have not lost faith. Florida State is a bunch of pu**ies.

3:15 Florida State scores again. No more vodka. The young girls sitting behind me have fled for their lives.

3:16 Score is Florida State 14, Florida 0. I am beginning to lose faith. This normally would trouble me, but I am too drunk to see the football field.

3:30 I call Delta Airlines: \"I'm sorry, sir. Those tickets have been confirmed and are non-refundable and non-transferrable.\"

3:33 I walk to the bathroom while drinking Bud Light out of a can. I am stopped by an usher: \"Where did you get that, sir?\" There is no alcohol allowed in the Stadium. I tell him (no s**t): \"Oh, the cheerleaders were throwing them up with those little plastic footballs.

Would you mind throwing this away for me?\" I take the last swig and hand it to him. He is confused. I pretend I'm going to the bathroom, but I run away giggling instead. I duck into some entrance to avoid the usher, who is now pursuing me. I sneak into a large group of people and sit down. The usher walks by harmlessly. I am giggling like a little girl. I crack open another can of Bud Light.

3:47 I am lost. In my haste to avoid the usher, I have lost my bearings. I have no ticket stub. I cannot find my seats. Florida is losing. Florida
is being screwed by the refs. I am enraged. I have cleared out the seats around me because I keep removing my hat and beating the surrounding chairs with it. A concerned fan asks if I'm OK and perhaps I shouldn't take it so seriously. I tell him to f**k off.

4:02 After the fourth consecutive \"worst f***ing call I have EVER seen,\" I attempt to remove my hat again to begin beating inanimate objects. However, on this occasion I miscalculate and I thumbnail myself in my left eyelid, leaving a one-quarter inch gash over my eye. I am now bleeding into my left eye and all over my shirt. \"Perhaps,\" I think to myself, \"I'm taking this a bit seriously.\"

4:07 I am standing in the bathroom peeing. I'm so drunk I am swaying and grunting. I have a bloody napkin pressed on my left eye. My pants are bloody. I have my (formerly) white shirt wrapped around my waist. I look like I should be in an episode of Cops.

4:12 I try to start a fight with every person behind the concession counter. As it turns out, no beer is sold in the stadium. I am enraged by
this policy. I ask loudly: \"Why the f**k didn't you announce this over the f***ing PA system??!!\"

5:35 I have been wandering for over an hour trying to find my seat.

5:55 Under 2 minutes left in the game. Back in my seat, I am slumped in my chair in defeat. All of a sudden, the Florida crowd goes absolutely nuts. \"Whazzis?,\" I mutter, awaking from my coma, \"Iz we winnig? Did wez scort?\" Alas, the answer is yes-Florida scores on a 82 yard run and we were setting up for an onside kick! Gators recover...throw and the receiver takes off for a 20 yard run into the end zone!!! Gators go wild!!! The Stadium shakes (it's such a piece of s**t that I'm afraid it will collapse and crush us all) I cheer wildly. I pick up the empty Traveler bottle and stick my tongue in it. I am thirsty.

6:02 6 seconds on the clock. The crowd is hushed...Zook is going for two...hand off to the tailback...he's running, he's falling, he's pushing for the line with 6 Criminoles on his back. There's a pile and with all eyes on the refs...THE HANDS GO UP!!!! THE GATORS WIN!!! THE GATORS WIN!!!!

6:16 Florida Fans fans are going berserk as I walk back to the truck. I would taunt the Semenholes with some off-color remarks about their parentage, but I am too drunk to form complete sentences.

7:05 With my one good eye, I have located the parking garage. I walk up six flights of stairs, promise that when I see my friend I will punch him in the face for making me walk up six flights of stairs, find the truck, and collapse in a heap in the bed of the truck. I look around and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I take a nap.

7:17 I awake from my nap. I see my friend in the driver's seat. I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up
all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I am too tired to punch my friend. I call my friend a \"Stupid c**ks**ker.\"

7:19 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a \"Stupid c**ks**ker.\"

7:22 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a \"Stupid c**ks**ker.\"

7:24 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a \"Stupid c**ksu**er.\"

7:42 I am jostled. The truck is moving. I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is beginning to move on the second floor. I jump out of the truck, walk to the edge of the parking facility, and pee off the sixth floor onto the street below. My friend looks at me
like I just anally violated his minor sister. I turn around pee on the front of his truck while singing the lyrics to \"Neon Moon.\"

7:55 We are out of beer. I jump from the truck and go from vehicle to vehicle until someone gives me two beers. I am happy. I return to my vehicle.I crack open a beer. It is warm. I don't care.

8:32 We have stopped for gas. I am hungry. I go inside the store. I walk past the beer frig. I notice a Zima. I've never had a Zima. I wonder if
it's any good. I pull a Zima from the frig. I twist the top off and drink the Zima in three swallows. Zima sucks. I replace the empty bottle in the frig.

8:39 There is a Blimpie Subs in the store. I walk to where the ingredients are, where the person usually makes the sub. There is no one there. I lean over the counter and scoop out half a bucket of black olives. I eat them. I am still hungry. I lean further over the counter and grab approximately two pounds of Pastrami. I walk out of the store grunting and eating Pastrami. The patrons in the store fear me. I don't care.

9:16 I'm sleepy. I fall asleep in the truck humming Neon Moon.

7:25 am My neighbor's poodle wakes me by lifting his leg on my head. My friend has dumped me on my front lawn where I slept soundly through the night. I roll over and see the morning paper...headline \"GATORS BEAT 'NOLES\". It will be a great day!!

Anonymous said...

Man, someone is bitter. Guess the show didn't go over as planned:

FOCUS: As evidenced by their behavior, what must TV executives think that we think?

Some of mine:


"Why do we need Tucker Max to write a TV show about Tucker Max? We can find someone cheaper than him to imitate his style. After all, Hollywood is filled with men who can successfully write male characters, as evidence by all the successful sitcoms based around the lives of young men."

Anonymous said...

From the Wiki, before that fuck Mr. Jake deletes it to ensure his Cult of Personality.

In April 2007, attorneys representing Dreamworks announced that they will be looking into the Rudius Message Board and it's logo at Tuckermax.com for possible violation of copyright from the film Gladiator.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I think Tucker Max is as much of a shithead as does the next person. However, I'm pretty sure that the b.s. Sushi Pants story was on Tucker's website at least a year or two before 2004.

Anonymous said...

That story seems to be an edit of one dated Saturday, December 4, 1999, concerning UT vs Nebraska. Here's a Usenet post from Jan 14th, 2000.

Anonymous said...

Tucker has said a few times he took that guy's format to make his early stories.

Anonymous said...

Interesting.

Though a reporter investigated the Sushi Pants story and found plenty of evidence that it was fabricated, I always assumed that Tucker at least had some imagination. Now it appears that Tucker plagiarized the story from an old usenet posting.

This explains why Tucker was soliciting his message board for script ideas. Tucker doesn't have much of an imagination. That doesn't bode well for Tucker's pilot: He is a poor writer, he lacks imagination, and his ego constrains any plot development.

To be fair, at least he got paid something, albeit far less than if he actually worked as a lawyer.

Anonymous said...

Wow. The final nail in the coffin. He doesn't even have the talent to make stuff up.

Anonymous said...

is there any reference to the dreamworks/rudius logo aside from wikipedia? IIRC, when the rudius logo was debuted, some people called it out for being a knock-off of gladiator (and were promptly banned).

Anonymous said...

Has his comedy central pilot been put on hiatus? I haven't heard anything new about it.

Anonymous said...

Wel, since there is no way his ego would allow him to say it, it is unlikely that Tucker is going to announce on his blog: "Hey, you know that Comedy Central pilot I was bragging about, the one that I used to justify my sense that I will revolutionize media distribution? Yeah, they fired me because I had pretty much shot my load writing wise and now how to constantly remind people I was a NY Times best-selling author for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!!!"

If you read between the lines of what's happened and what Tucker wrote about the thinking of tv executives, it would appear that he has been eased off the project and its in turnaround. If, six months or a year from now this show actually gets shot, you'll hear all about it and how it is solely the result of his efforts, but the truth seems to be that he's no longer attached to it. Remember, when he announced the deal in late November/early December, Tucker said this would be done within six months (at most) and he would have some major announcements then. Well, that timer is just about to run out. Unless you hear something in the next month, the project is dead.

Anonymous said...

u guyz r so fuckin lame. tmax is gonna have a show on comedy central and hes gonna be funnier thanfuckin chapppelle show.

we r all givin him advice about whos gonna play him on the show and shit like that so its gonna be even funnier!!

u guyz r fukin jealous as fuck cuz u cant even dream of gettin a shot to be on tv like him. fags.

Anonymous said...

^
Glad you swallow everything that comes from Tucker, fly boy.

imus said...

tucker max is fuckin tight. shut up nappy headed ho.

Anonymous said...

yo max be my nigga he so tihgt word haha he gonna kill all u sucks with show that gonna rox

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately (for him), this isn't like Opie and Anthony. Even his fans will notice if he never says anything about the show again. He'll be forced to comment at some point.

Anonymous said...

He can get away with never mentioning it again. Between the people that get banned on the message board, people that realize he's full of shit, and people that realize all his stories are the same, the turnover has to be pretty good.

Anonymous said...

anyone know what happened to Cloud? i can't find anything about him anymore :(

Anonymous said...

>anyone know what
>happened to Cloud?
>i can't find anything
>about him anymore :(


Since his missions on Earth - beating up King Fag Mike and exposing Fucker as a fraud - were complete, he decided to return to his home planet, where the women are women, and so are the guys.

Anonymous said...

He didn't manager either of those yes, he should come back if that comic book outfit still fits.

Anonymous said...

he's still on track to have a tv show before TM.

Anonymous said...

yeah, good luck with that boycott.

tool.

Anonymous said...

LOL hahaha yeah no fukin shit. goood luck with dat boycott u fuckin pussy

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max: when he's not claiming to have bareback sex, he's denying having bareback sex. Maybe he's just making things up.


-"bareback sex" -- I have no fucking idea what she is talking about. To my memory, the issue of condoms never came up, and if it did, I told her that I use condoms (who doesn't?). She's just making things up that fit the story she wanted to write.




Fellas, I cannot begin to tell you how many girls have fucked around on their boyfriends/husbands with me. You what is REALLY fucked up about that? When I fuck single girls, I almost always use condoms, and single girls are usually right on top of me to put one on. But married/engaged women? They often ask me to NOT wear a condom. I can only imagine how many men are raising my son thinking its their own, or how many have followed me in my own juices.

Anonymous said...

dat post link iz so fuckin ghey. u guys hav NO clue wut u r talkn about, fags. go back to ur moms basement fo real.


looserz

Thunder Thunder said...

New Blog for tucker "Man Boobs" Max!

http://tuckermaxhedgefund.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Dear God these posts have been a train-wreck of stupidity and unintelligibility. In the name of all that is holy, learn how to type concise, coherent sentences. I'm not a fan of Tucker's but your hate websites and posts are an abortion.

Anonymous said...

Crap, find some original material. Reposting the same shit reminds me of the Tucker Max message board.

Anonymous said...

fuckin fagz u all suck dis blog iz weak azzz fuck lol boycottt mah aszzz

Anonymous said...

what an eclectic and diverse group of haters. racists, homophobes, incestuous idiots, the guy who really believes his dumbass boycott blogs are going to make the difference, and the moron who pretends to represent someone who likes tucker by talking like a moron.

what a fun bunch you all must be in real life.

Anonymous said...

We must ban Tucker Max...for FREEDOM!!!

You make me laugh.

Anonymous said...

what an eclectic and diverse group of haters. racists, homophobes, incestuous idiots, the guy who really believes his dumbass boycott blogs are going to make the difference, and the moron who pretends to represent someone who likes tucker by talking like a moron.

Yeah - and you Tucker fans are such an enlightened group of intellectuals.

Anonymous said...

hahaha who said i was a tucker fan.

you know it's starting to get real sad when you assume that someone's a tucker fan just because they don't jump on the idiocy bandwagon of racial slurs, histrionic posts, long-winded pointless boycotts that is this comments section.

Anonymous said...

"If you aren't with us, you're against us!"

-George W. Bush, President (He-Man Tucker Max Haters Club)

Anonymous said...

You mean all you did was not jump on the bandwagon? You sure you didn't insult the people who comment here?

When you call the people who comment here haters, as well as various other names, the inference that you are pro-tucker is really fucking reasonable, ya moron.

Anonymous said...

"Tucker Max, Viacom, and Simon Spotlight constitute an axis of evil! Eeeeviiil! Evil I tell you! Eeeeeviiilll!"

-George W. Bush

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max rulez!!!!!! LOL

You haterz are just jealous cuz Tucker gets to fuck hotties and makes lots of money.

Anonymous said...

You are retarded, Tucker Max is better than you!

Anonymous said...

This entire blog is just wonderful! No... wait, the other thing... boring.

Anonymous said...

Dear god, can we get a word limit on these comments or something?

Anonymous said...

u guyz are so fuking sad, lol yeah good luck boycotting tucker u fuckin nerd.

Anonymous said...

He may be a fucking loser, or short, or stupid, or whatever you can come up with, but you are still here, talking about him, thinking about him. So that means that right now he has the power. Until you forget about him, he wins.

Anonymous said...

WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?

Wait a minute...a show about Marines serving their country? OK, I'm getting out of this chair and I'm going to patent that idea before any of you assholes can do it. Dude I think you just gave me the idea that is going to make me a rich man. To think it was all so simple, I'll make a movie about guys that are, like, out in the field right? and one of them is going a little stir crazy, all the battles are getting to him, and they try to calm him down but he runs off into the jungle...ok thats enough, you'll just have to wait for my masterwork to be released, and my Academy Award to be delivered straight away!

Anonymous said...

"He may be a fucking loser, or short, or stupid, or whatever you can come up with, but you are still here, talking about him, thinking about him. So that means that right now he has the power. Until you forget about him, he wins."

Ha ho hee ha ho ha. As soon as VIACOM pulls the plug, we won't have to hear about Tucker's douchebaggery anymore, as he won't be able to afford to hire useful idiot douchebags to post comments on this awesome blog.

Face it--Tucker is so 2003.

Anonymous said...

VIACOM has a Max internship program--first you must hold your hand on his book and solemnly swear to serve douchebaggery. You get to hang with Max as he and his man boobs scare girls away in bars, and attract all the guys. And if you're lucky, you'll get a blog/spam platform with his Hollywood F-list--something you'll be very proud of a couple years from now--you too were once a douchebag, and ran with the king of douchebags.

http://www.chicagoist.com/2006/05/02/1459.php

Anonymous said...

Reading these posts, something occured to me.

I saw somewhere that Tucker Max claimed he never gets any props from the mainstream.

He got $300,000 from Simon & Schuster for a book on douchebaggery.

He got money from Comedy Central for writing a pilot on douchebaggery.

MTV featured his 2002 douchebaggery.

How come Tucker never mentions the sugar daddy of all his douchebaggery--VIACOM?

They own simon & schuster, comedy central, & MTV.

How come Tucker doesn't have a VIACOM forum on his site? Shouldn't he get one, so we can talk about his corporate douchebaggery in it?

Anonymous said...

When I grow up, I want to blog with the corporate Rudius douchebags. I want to go to Duke law school & study with the corporate douchebags, & then blog with the corporate douchebags. My goal is to be included in the dictonary's definition of the word "douchebag."

douchebag: n. a short, pudgy Duke law-grad with man boobs who hires douchebag interns to spam the internet with lies about his height after girls who meet him call him out.

Anonymous said...

Did Tucker shit on Bunny's dick after she fucked him in the ass? (what, you didn't know she was really a pre-op tranny?)

Anonymous said...

Oh come on, don't give bunny a hard time. Didn't you know that she's amazing too, just like Tucker!

A quick read over her blog reveals the following:

--she's going to be the next big thing in MMA. Really, she has "heavy hands!"
--Robert DeNiro thinks she's funny! Amazing that the bunny can get through security and run down the red carpet!
--She throws down in the streets of NYC, hits a girl, the cops are called and amazingly, the bunny gets off and no police report is filed!!!
--Her dog is discovered by a scout at a dog park. Of course, the bunny's dogs are special and unique! Just like her!

Wow, and that's just the last couple of months. I don't know how the bunny manages it all!

Anonymous said...

Well I know now how Tucker is going to explain his lack of completing the Comedy Central show. He's going to use the "caught up in other projects" line that he always uses when he fails at something. He's been bust writing a screen play you see.
From a thread on his board (the best and worst comedies) Tucker says:
"FYI: The reason we are watching all these movies has to do with our screenplay. I'll tell you guys first: It's done (and it is awesome), and very very good news is coming. You'll have to be patient, I may not be able to talk about it until the fall, but you will be happy when you hear what has happened."
Classic "You'll have to be patient" read please don't give up on me yet. Just keep coming here and sucking my cock long enough for me to make rent money for the month.

Anonymous said...

Well, Tucker is moving to LA. I guess he got sick of everybody in New York calling his shit. LA is full of bullshit., he'll fit right in. Of course, with actual celebrities (the kind without mantits), I give him 6 months before he moves back to Chicago. Until then, all his stories will no doubt involve fucking bunny and/or getting a blowjob from a toothless crack whore.

Anonymous said...

So his screenplay is written. I guess he just needs to take a job as a waiter and he'll be just like everybody else in LA. I wonder how that lisp is working out for him? I bet he's got some pure gold stories about butt pirates trying to burgle his turds.

Anonymous said...

Tucker is a narcissistic sociopath who hates women. He is untalented, and quite frankly, unfunny. He really believes he's going to change the entertainment industry - with a blog site.

You know, he had a lot of book signings. I'd always wondered how his book managed to make the best sellers list. It occurred to me that for relatively unknown people, it's not uncommon to require the author to accept so many books as part of their payment. If he accepts 5k books, those are counted as books sold. I wouldn't be surprised if he turned around and sold those on the book signing tour.

Bunny is such a ridiculous fraud. Don't let her fool you, she'll tell you she's a deep, thoughtful, special snowflake, but she is just as petty and bitchy as the women she claims to be so far above. Additionally, she goes on and on about what a talented designer she is, but thoroughly experienced people in the industry will tell you the sites she designs are no more than mediocre at best. She and Kungfu Mike were the ones who ran off the majority of posters who contributed anything worth reading, because they didn't feel these people, "deserved their green dots." But you're a deep broad, lady. Really deep.

I can't believe I just sat here and wrote all of this out.

Anonymous said...

Keep thinking about him. When you wake up, as you sleepwalk through your day, when you go to bed at night. Think about Tucker Max. Write about Tucker Max. Be angry. It's unfair isn't it? He's a douche and you're cool and its unfair! Be angry. Think about Tucker Max. Think about him all the time. Write about Tucker Max. Think about Tucker Max.

Anonymous said...

It is unfair that Tucker Max has man boobs.

I want man boobs.

It is unfair that Tucker Max is a douche.

My boyrfrined wants to be a douche.

Anonymous said...

the bunny is hot.

Anonymous said...

The Bunny is hot in the same way a 12 year old boy is hot, you fucking pedo.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if tucker will beg someone to do his laundry again. I think it would be embarrassing to have a girl wash all your jogbras.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people spent a lot of time thinking about:

1) Scott Stapp
2) Vanilla Ice
3) Adolf Hitler
4) Milli-Vanilli
5) William Hung

Fun Fact: Tucker Max is nowhere near as famous as these peeps, and he 10x the douchebag.

Anonymous said...

Can someone get a picture of Tucker's man boobs at the beach? That would rock. I am gay and would like to suck on them.

All the money VIACOM is pumping into Tucker Max has its benefits. It's providing food that goes straight to his manboobs.

Anonymous said...

i dont understand y u guys r so jealous of tucker

Anonymous said...

well, it is obvious that the bunny reads this site, otherwise she would not have posted this:

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=15548

She calls her sister funny too. I fucked her sister last year. The only thing funny was the smell of her crotch......

...and that she wanted anal sans protection.

Anonymous said...

the great thing about this blog is that I bet it gets 10x the traffic of any rudius media blog.

i think we ought to apply to rudius media with the "tucker max is a douchebag" blog.

imagine all the book and movie deals.

and the action figures with man boobs, big heads, narrow shoulders, and tiny hands.

and a bunny action figure that has a string you can pull, which makes it say, "i am not a slut! you just hate rudius because tucker "man boobs" max fucked me in the butt! you want to fuck me in the butt! that's hot!"

but since they are intent on losing money in the long run, they will stick to hyping douchebaggery, and glossing over tucker's #1 assett--his glorious man boobs.

Anonymous said...

What kind of skank goes around calling herself bunny? I guess she doesn't like this blog -

"It is so fun being Tucker's public ex and buddy, what with all the well-adjusted people that lurk the Interwebs. I just adore the bull-dyke marginalization of myself that pops up on message boards via accounts linked to strangers--when anyone who knows me knows me as laid back and more straight than gay--and truly, it's wonderful to me that people I don't know impersonate and misrepresent me to belittle my real, all grown up, friend Tucker, in order to demean the circa '99 cocksucker he used to be. I'd sooner pick up Christianity than impersonate a Q-list blogger, but whatever floats your boat. Loser."

http://www.thebunnyblog.com/archives/tell_me_when_th.phtml

Anonymous said...

Tucker is still a cocksucker.

But now he has man boobs.

And he hits girls.

And Bunny knows this is the new blog, because Tucker's sorry site is full of lies and bullshit douchebag hype.

I've seen her in person--she's skanky.

Tucker's biggest liability is that he is afraid of the Truth, and writers who reject the Truth do not long last.

Tucker's best days are far, far in the past.

I imagine the burn rate over at Rudius is vast, and it cannot last.

VIACOM will pull out as soon as it realizes that Tucker's man-tits can't sell books, no matter how many corporate interns he hires with VIACOM cash.

Anonymous said...

Here's what VIACOM-funded Bunny has to say about Catholics:

"No, its okay Geigs. The Catholic motherfucking church. How a corporation preaching the merits of poverty, a repository for sexual deviancy, a "Jesus-loving" PR entity that shits on the true teachings of Christ, a money-grubbing, criminal-cloaking, idol-worshiping, murdering, raping, soul-stealing shit barn of a disgrace captured the hearts--and certainly heads--of my people I'll never understand."

Yeah--Bunny should know about the true teachings of Christ--I think he said, "go forth and sin no more" to the prostitute.

Bunny's out with a different cock in herself every weekend, and she doesn't even charge.

I'm getting tired of Tucker and Bunny denigrating the Church.

They own and operate the biggest cesspool of depravity on the net, and they are paid by VIACOM to crucify Christ over, and over, and over.

If Jesus came down to Tucker and passed judgement on him, what would Tucker do?

"My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole."

Why is Bunny trying to tell us Tucker's no longer a cocksucker? Who cares? He owes everything he has to his cocksucking, and he always will, because without his cocksucking douchebaggery, VIACOM would not have given him a penny.

Anonymous said...

Dammit! Why does Tucker keep removing the facts from his wikipedia page. At SXSW he said he pays his interns to write fake reviews and spam sites from fake email addresses. Why does he keep deleting it? I thought Tucker was proud about the Truth.

Anonymous said...

Yeah--I'm pissed about Tucker's Historical Revisionism on his Wikipedia page, but he will fail in erasing is douchebaggery. For without douchebaggery & VIACOM cash, we would not know him.

I'm heading out now. I don't have man tits, so I probably won't score any hotties like old slutty Bunny--imagine her a year from now. One big Fungus.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't someone at VIACOM worry that they're tarnishing their brand with Bunny's sluttiness and Tucker's assholery?

I mean they are sooooo 2002.

We should organize a campaign to give honest reviews to Tucker's next book--Assholes Finnish First. Rest assured that he'll be paying his corproate interns with VIACOM cash to spam amazon (spamazon) with fake reviews.

Anonymous said...

Well, there you have it.

The corporate douchebags at AMZN/VIACOM are forcing corporate anal sex (filmed without the consent of the woman) and corporate douchebaggery upon the american public.

They will lie, cheat, and steal to advance their midget-fucking agenda.

The only problem is:

1) Tucker's writing sucks
2) Bunny is a slut
3) Tucker has mantits
4) The Rudius Bloggers all suck

There is no better way to jump the shark than get a rudius blog. We have forewarned you--all you little Tucker douchebags.

Face it--when you cut off your balls, you get man tits.

Anonymous said...

wow I never realized the fact that he literally has someone constantly monitoring his wiki entry!

I added something to it that wasn't even cruel, it went up.......five minutes later, GONE!

Someone is a little too paranoid about their image.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it funnny how Tucker's schtick is that he makes fun of everyone's physical appearance--and then he won't even let wikipedia report the Truth he has mantits.

VIACOM is giving his interns tens of thousands of dollars to squelch the truth about CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGGERY.

VIACOM/AMZN are concerned about one thing--profiting from tucker's porn and corporate douchebaggery.

And the funny thig about all the Rudisu Media Douchebags--they aren't rebels--not at all--the are CORPORATE DOUCHEBAG HACKS, whoring for the man and his mantits.

Anonymous said...

If Bunny weren't a douchebag-loving whore who let some fatass douchebag with mantits fuck her in the ass, would we know her name?

No.

That is the depths to which VIACOM/AMZN Wall Street publishing has sunk.

So spam on all you rudius media spammers. Spam on at spamazon and burn that VIACOM cash--don't it feel good as Bunny's funguses (fungi for duke law graduates) grow along with Tucker's mantits.

Anonymous said...

foxnews.com/story/0,2933,271068,00.html

VIACOM loves buttsex & child abuse:

NEW YORK — Akon, under fire for doing a sexually explicit dance onstage with a 14-year-old girl, has offered an apology to the teen and anyone else who was offended by the display.

Akon, whose hits include "Don't Matter," "I Wanna Love You" with Snoop Dogg and "Smack That" with Eminem, was videotaped simulating sex with a girl invited onstage as part of his act during an April 12 concert in Trinidad. After the video was circulated widely on the Internet, it was revealed that she was 14.

Since the incident, Verizon has pulled out as a sponsor of his tour with Gwen Stefani, for whom he wrote the hit "The Sweet Escape."

foxnews.com/story/0,2933,271068,00.html

There you have it all you Rudius Media douchebags--is it any wonder that VIACOM's Tucker Max hits girls?

Blog on all you VIACOM RUDIUS DOUCHEBAGS. BLOG ON, SPAM ON, AND make the $$$$ that make Tucker's mantits grow, grow, grow.

Anonymous said...

The difference between Tucker Max and US Marines:

Tucker Max: has man tits
US Marines: do not have mantits

Tucker Max: hits girls
US Marines: do not hit girls

Tucker Max: douchebag living for his sorry self
US Marines: fight for their country

Anonymous said...

The hype: We want to publish writers and artists with specific and interesting experiences and/or compelling voices. This is NOT another avenue for people who like to hear themselves speak. That's what Blogspot and Livejournal are for.

If you are unsure what this means, go look at the current Rudius Media line-up on the front page again. Notice how everyone currently on the roster has a very interesting job (e.g., a special ed teacher, a green beret, a prison guard, a group home counselor), a great concept that they execute well (e.g., an investigator reporter, a hilarious cartoonist) or a unique voice and very compelling stories (TuckerMax.com, TheBunnyBlog.com, DrunkRex.com).

The reality: self absorbed hollywood has-beens and never-will-bes.

Anonymous said...

Rudius Media = The Hollywood F List
Rudius Media = Hollywood Has Beens & Wanns Bes
Rudius Media = VIACOM trying to raise its bottom line with secret vidotapings of buttsex, because they are incapable of true literature
RudiusMedia.com = Pirated graphics from Gladiator
FesteringAss.com = Pirated graphics from Johnny Cash
Tucker Max = Soulless duke law school hack
Bunny = Soulless, talentless graphic designer who steals her best material
VIACOM will pull the plug before we ever get to see the show.

What tucker story (lie) are they going to film? Are they going to cast someone with man boobs? That Turtle guy from entourage should play Tucker's character.

Anonymous said...

Top 5 reasons to be a rudius blogger:

1. "u r almost as good as tucker" is the kind of praise all authors like.
2. "this sux rite about getting drunk" is the kind of constructive criticism that helps authors grow.
3. www.my-sister-fucked-a-guy-with- man-tits-and-all-I-got-was-this- stupid-blog.com
4. your site includes a color scheme and professionally stolen logo
5. 10% discount on sex furniture.

Anonymous said...

#4 made me laugh aloud!

#4. your site includes a color scheme and professionally stolen logo

I have not laughed at anything Tucker has written in five years.

One more sign that rudiusmedia.com has jumped the shark.

What are they going to do?

Send all his $200 interns to spam here & say that bunny didn't steal the Johnny Cash & Gladiator logos?

And when you think about it--Tucker is the exact opposite of Johnny Cash and Gladiator.

"Oh--isn't it ironic--don't you think?" Bunny gleefully ejaculates as she sits in the VIACOM board room, choosing color schemes and stolen logos for their next rudius douchebag blogger.

Tucker Max is a douchebag with mantits who hits girls.

He needs to to update his site:

"My name is Tucker Max, and I am a douchebag who hits girls."

I'll buy that book--"Douchebag Tools Finish First--With Bunny's Arsehole--And They Then Pass It On To Thier Corporate Douchebag Interns."

Anonymous said...

Tucker has spent hours here:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=15530&page=5

There is one more thing that I get asked about all the time, and since the hard core people are reading this thread, I'll go ahead and answer it here:

As all of you probably know, over the last year or so, several people have questioned the authenticity and truthfulness of my stories. This has always caused two reactions in me: laughter, because how the fuck am I going to make this shit up, and confusion, because seriously--how the fuck am I going to make this shit up?

The truthfulness of my stuff seems so obvious to me. If you have ever gone out drinking and aren't a complete loser, these stories are similar to things you've done in your life. If anything, I feel like I have to tune some stuff down because no one will believe what actually happened. You think I would have written about the Tattoo Story if I didn't have pictures? Fuck no, no one would have believed it. Shit, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it. (and I love how people say those are photoshopped--the girl is a MOD ON THIS BOARD, just fucking email her yourself.)

It never occurred to make these up--really, how the fuck would I? Or even better, WHY the fuck would I? Think about it: When I started writing, there was NO MARKET for this type of stuff. My stories created the market. And all of the early stories started as emails to a group of ten people, my real life friends. How the fuck am I going to lie to my best friends, some of whom where there during the events I was writing about? Beyond that, many of the people involved in the stories are readily available for contact--PWJ and Jojo are on the board every day, SlingBlade and Credit and TheCousin used to hang out here all the time--don't you think if I was lying, it would have come out, not from some random nobody making shit up on their own, but rather from a real person who really knows me?

And all of this ignoring the fact that one of my stories has spontaneous VIDEO of an exact line I had written in it, months beforehand, and I won a landmark FEDERAL CASE about the truthfulness of my stories. But those are facts, and why would we pay attention to facts? Oh wait... [My favorite part of all this are those hilarious blogspot sites that claim to debunk my stories. If you haven't seen them, you should look them up. Those things are awesome--there are at least three that I know of, and each one has provided hours of amusement to me. I mean, they are so bad they'd make the guys who did that preposterous Loose Change movie blush. I love how those pitiful guys get worked up in to such a lather over me. It's all at the same time amazing, incredible, hilarious, and kinda sad. I don't even think I spend as much time thinking about myself as they do.]

Anyway, there is a point to this--those of you who have been on this board know that I don't sit back and just take shit. When a response is necessary, I always respond. How many call out threads have we had here? And how have I done every single one? I fight my battles at the time of my choosing, on the turf of my choosing, under the conditions that favor me the most. I never let my enemies dictate terms. Sometimes that means racing to battle, other times it means a tactical retreat. Clearly, I have chosen to lay back and wait this one out. Why? Mainly because none of the people who have called me out are important enough to respond to (as evidenced by the fact that my book is CURRENTLY on the NY Times Best Seller list, and I have multiple Hollywood deals, and my company is doing great), but also because I want my answer to be so completely, utterly decisive, that it will end this stupid discussion entirely. And the timing for that just isn't right. But it will be, and when that time comes, the answer will come with it.


EDIT: Forgot to mention this--another reason I haven't responded is because it is actually helping me. All these chicken heads squawking about me does nothing but keep my name on peoples lips and in their minds. I know exactly how I am going to respond, and what that response will be, but I am not going to make it for a long time--this it's a very good thing for people to keep this issue in the front of their mind while all the other projects I am working on are simmering. This keeps my name fresh without me having to do any work. It's fucking awesome.

Anonymous said...

Here's some truth.

The. Biggest. Douchebag. Ever.

http://www.jamiekennedy.net/

That is the fucking funniest picture in the sunglasses. Good eye Bunny!

Douchebag Hollywood F-lister.

Jamie Kennedy is why I hate going out in LA. Imagine twenty of him at some douchebag club, thinking they're "actors."

Anonymous said...

Here's a fun fact: Tucker reads this blog more than any rudius Media blog.

I think Tucker has mastered The 48 Laws of Power. What a douchebag--he's reciting it--I fight my battles when and where I want blah blah blah--they are playing into my hands--blah blah blah--i have my critics right where i want them--blah blah blah.

DOUCHEBAG!

Robert Greene, like tucker, is a washed-up Hollywood hack. His books suck--power, seduction, war--you think anyone who's anyone reads his books? Sure 50 cent does, but you think the USMC reads them? Hell no! You think Brad Pitt reads his Art of Seduction to score chicks? Hell no! Greene is a classic armchair quarterback who's empowered by idiocy and nihilism, just like VIACOM.

But it doesn't change the Truth.

Tucker is not six feet tall.

Tucker's well-documented lies are funded by VIACOM. I think the SEC needs to be called in.

Tucker has man tits.

Tucker is a puffy, pale, bloated douchebag.

Tucker will never respond to his critics. His reign of terror is over.

Tuckermax.com is losing traffic to this blog.

There are many diet books on the NY Times bestseller list ahead of Tucker's piece of crap. Tucker ought buy one & lose his man tits.

Anonymous said...

Damn "Anonymous" guy who keeps using the term "Man tit's" and "man boob's" get a freaking life. All your posts are the same and you seem to be very intrested in "Man Boobs" what the fuck is wrong with you?
You make some good points and if you just stop thinking about Tuckers TIT'S you might make some good post's. Any point's you try to make followed by the terms your using lose all inpact. We all know TM has man tit's if we didn't we all know now because you keep saying it over and over in all your post's that everyone can tell come from the same person. Tucker is a douchebag for sure but maybe you should start a blog called. "I'm a douche who is suppressing my love of man tit's"

Anonymous said...

Keep thinking about him. When you wake up, as you sleepwalk through your day, when you go to bed at night. Think about Tucker Max. Write about Tucker Max. Be angry. It's unfair isn't it? He's a douche and you're cool and its unfair! Be angry. Think about Tucker Max. Think about him all the time. Write about Tucker Max. Think about Tucker Max.

Anonymous said...

There's nothing unfair about all of Tucker's failures.

He's the hardest-working douchebag I know, when one has man tits, one must compensate

Tucker has failed with women--he has never had true love and never will.

Tucker has failed at writing--he would be nowhere without his degraded porn and cheap raunch. He would be a douchebag lawyer.

Tucker has failed to make the world a better place.

I only posted two posts about Tucker's mantits and douchebaggery.

Rudius's (VIACOM'S) next blog should be tuckersmantits.com .

It should have pictures of Tucker's flabby mantits.

Closeups.

Candids.

Bunny pointing at them.

People being angry at them.

People with signs in the streets.

Tucker jogging down La Cienga with no shirt, his flabby mantits flapping in the wind.

"Stop Tucker's mantits!" the LA Mayor will institute a new holiday.

I think his mantits are awesome. It gives us a reason for living.

It gives us a reason to write--to write about Tucker Max's glorious, flabby, pasty, fatty, magnificent man boobs.

Anonymous said...

Keep thinking about him. When you wake up, as you sleepwalk through your day, when you go to bed at night. Think about Tucker Max. Write about Tucker Max. Be angry. It's unfair isn't it? He's a douche and you're cool and its unfair! Be angry. Think about Tucker Max. Think about him all the time. Write about Tucker Max. Think about Tucker Max.

By Anonymous, at 5/21/2007 8:23 AM


That message and the other ones like it were probably all written by Tucker. He already admitted he has spent many hours on this blog, so he's probably posted a bunch of the comments.

Anonymous said...

Keep thinking about him. When you wake up, as you sleepwalk through your day, when you go to bed at night. Think about Tucker Max. Write about Tucker Max. Be angry. It's unfair isn't it? He's a douche and you're cool and its unfair! Be angry. Think about Tucker Max. Think about him all the time. Write about Tucker Max. Think about Tucker Max.

By Anonymous, at 5/21/2007 8:23 AM

That message and the other ones like it were probably all written by Tucker. He already admitted he has spent many hours on this blog, so he's probably posted a bunch of the comments.

5/21/2007 9:34 AM

Thank you and keep thinking about Tucker Max!

Anonymous said...

A lot of people spent a lot of time thinking about:

1) Scott Stapp
2) Vanilla Ice
3) Adolf Hitler
4) Milli-Vanilli
5) William Hung

Fun Fact: Tucker Max is nowhere near as famous as these peeps, and he 10x the douchebag.

Anonymous said...

We can hardly wait for Tucker's new book!

We are setting up a website to launch on the same day as ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST.

It is called:

douchebagsfinishfirstintheirownminds.com

The site will have emails of all the amazon executives and VIACOM executives, so you can tell them of your dissatisfaction with Tucker's corporate-funded buttsex tyranny, fake reviews, and spamming amazon with fake, glowing reviews, while deleting all the honest and true ones.

We are grateful for Tucker for doing so much work to help promote our upcoming site.

Anonymous said...

rudiu5 m3dip is pwn3d !!

i can think of no greater douchebag anthology than rudius.

titles could be:

"how i scored with man tits."
"how hanging out with tucker makes us douchebags seem cool."
"how i look forward to reading bunny's blog next year, when she is a single mother with little douchebags sucking on her tits that tucker once came on, until he got mamtits of his own."
"how robert greene has power over his cock in 48 ways--all with his left hand."

Anonymous said...

Rudius Media is the pinnacle of every douchebag law school program, every douchebag creative writing seminar, every douchebag "new-age" will-to-power poseur, every failed hollywood actor, every slutty chick who has daddy issues, every Wall Street scandal, and every Hollywood mantitted douchebag who thinks he can write, just because he's an atheist.

Anonymous said...

C'mon all you tucker max douchebags.

C'mon.

You called down the thunder.

And now all you pussies are running.

Running on back to burrow your heads in Tucker's VIACOM mantits--to cuck that VIACOM cash--as your mothers were Bunny whores with cum all over theirs.

C'mom. C'mon. C'mon!

Anonymous said...

Think about Tucker.

Anonymous said...

Hello Tucker,

I'm a US Marine, and I'd like to challenge youto a fight.

one-on-one.

We could sell it as a PPV.

That way more people could think about you and your mantits--and your pasty, puffy douchebag body.

So who do I call at VIACOM to set this up?

Tucker fighting a US Marine will be far funnier than any of your dipshit rudius stories.

What is VIACOM's number? C'mon--let's get the whole world thinking about Tucker.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people spent a lot of time thinking about:

1) Scott Stapp
2) Vanilla Ice
3) Adolf Hitler
4) Milli-Vanilli
5) William Hung

Fun Fact: Tucker Max is nowhere near as famous as these peeps, and he 10x the douchebag.

Anonymous said...

awesome.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Bunny titty-fucked Fucker's man-boobs Russian style when they were going out.

What, you still don't know that she was a pre-op tranny back then???

Anonymous said...

Philalawyer blows.

Anonymous said...

"C'mon--let's get the whole world thinking about Tucker."

You'll suffice.

Anonymous said...

How many call out threads have we had here? And how have I done every single one? I fight my battles at the time of my choosing, on the turf of my choosing, under the conditions that favor me the most.

Turf of his choosing: tucker max message board.

Time of his choosing: might be a while, he's only witty in his stories.

Conditions that favor him: after you've been banned and can't respond.

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