Saturday, March 24, 2007

Story About Tucker From Facebook.com

The story below was copied from a Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.

Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand

Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!

Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.

In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.

15,972 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Hoo Rah!!

Now this is what I call progress.

Tucker's military flirtations sicken me.

With his man boobs, tiny hands, and oversized body the only place he would have in the military would be a pontoon under a boat.

Compare the Rudius media douchebags with any platoon of US Marines, and you will see why VIACOM is on its way out.

Anonymous said...

I am a rudius blogger.

I love sucking VIACOM cash through Tucker's copius mantits.

Slurrp. Sluurrrrrpppp.

Then I come here and post, "keep thinking about Tucker."

Then I go back and suck on mama's mantits.

Anonymous said...

Tucker is a real american hero. He enlisted in the army and wanted to be in the special forces. But it was a lot of work, so he got a medical discharge during boot camp. Or maybe they caught him receiving a discharge. That's why hoo-ah.net only goes to basic training.

Anonymous said...

"Nick Sadler"? More like "Dick Straddler"!

Anonymous said...

Hey--I'm a US Marine--just heard about this Tucker Fucker trying to screw my brother's wives while they're overseas, serving their country.

Well, I personally challenge any and all of the Rudius Media douchebags to a cage fight.

If all twenty of the douchebags showed up--sure they might win--but they'd lose.

And there's no chance of any of them showing up.

Which means tucker will stay at home, as he doesn't seem like the type to fight his own fights.

Fatassed, man-titted lawyer.

Hoo Rah!

Fucking whiney hollywood f-list pussies all.

Anonymous said...

wow, someone out there has lost their fucking mind. My bet is on Justin Massler. Justin, take the meds, seriously.

Anonymous said...

Yo--I'm another Marine. Semper Fi bros!

If Tucker lifts a finger against my bros, I'm there.

If he doesn't apologize and take his buttsex laywer site down, it's gonna get all fucked up.

Anonymous said...

"wow, someone out there has lost their fucking mind. My bet is on Justin Massler. Justin, take the meds, seriously."

You callin me out bitch?

Let's rock'n'roll.

Let's get the cage fight going--two US Marines against any four rudius douchebags.

Say the word and I'll post an email here. We can arrange it.

Anonymous said...

awesome--be sure to give tucker a titty twister.

Anonymous said...

or better yet, since you're the rudius douchebags, post your rudius douchebag email here.

imagine how much publicity rudius media would get--getting their asses kicked to hell in a cage.

Anonymous said...

Marines don't say hoo-rah, Justin.

Honestly, when you go crazy, your Dad has won. He loses if you live a normal and happy life, get it?

Anonymous said...

Who the fuck's Justin? Tucker's boyfriend?

US Marines detest Tucker Max.

We got his book banned from the store.

Tucker Max has douchebag manboobs.

He fucks other people's wives.

Our values are "Honor, Courage, Committment."

Post your email douchebag hooker ho. Let's give it a go.

and don't tell me what motherfuckin' marines say--Hoo-rah!!

I don't care how you douchebag duke lawyers spell it, it's what we say.

Douchetard

Anonymous said...

*knock* *knock* *knock*

fuck, tucker's head was pounding. he looked over at the clock. 2:19 PM. Ugh, the room was still spinning and he felt like vomiting.

"Mr. Max? There's a girl here to see you..."

That was Luke, his man secretary.

"Just a sec", he called out.

He stumbled out of his bed. Landing on the floor, he dry heaved into a trash can a couple times, before making his way to the door.

"Are you megan?", he said to a teenage girl. She was a little chunky, so it was no surprise she was hooking up with a guy she met on the internet.

"mandy", she said, as if he cared.

Tucker farted. A long juicy one, with a lingering stink that can only come from a digestive disorder or a night of drinking cheap beer. Tucker wondered if the moistness he felt against his asscrack was sweat.

She stared at him, not recognizing the man in the doorway. He wore nothing but boxers, but even if he had a shirt on, his beer gut and A-cup breasts would be noticeable.

Tucker scratched his ass, looked at his finger, then sniffed it. "You should get a nosejob." He fished around in his boxers and pulled out a flaccid cock. He squeezed it a couple times, but a marathon masturbation session just a few hours prior had left him unable to sustain an erection.

"So you wanna hook up?"

"Not anymore I don't", she said, as she turned around and left.

"Fuck you you fucking whore cunt!" he yelled out at her.

Tucker stumbled to the bathroom. The toilet was clogged, a parting gift from the last time the bunny had come over for a booty call, 3 months ago. He pissed in the sink, letting off another juicy fart. He looked down to see a brown trickle running down his left leg.

"Hey luke! get in here!" he yelled out.

10 minutes later, Tucker opened a bottle of mad dog 20/20 and turned on the tape recorder.

"So uh, I uh, uh, went to a bar, and uh, got like, uh drunk, and I hooked up with a, with a girl..."

fuck, writing was hard.

"so uh, I'm doing her and uh her boyfriend, no her husband..."

Tucker took another swig.

"uh, her parents walk in while I'm like taking a shit on her tits, and like the dad is like, hey are you tucker max? can I have your autograph? no wait, the mom said that. the father said, uh, what are you doing, and i said, are you blind or a retard?"

Tucker turned off the tape recorder, took another swig, and passed out.

Anonymous said...

this is awesome

this will be gong to all the VIACOM shareholders

with a picture of VIACOM executives sucking on tucker's mantits

awesome

this blog is far, far better than all the rudius douchebag sites together.

and it's not even backed by a publicly-traded corporation.

Anonymous said...

true story here

just heard about this board on a usmc chatroom

while in iraq i was disgusted by tucker max's degradtion

it's not what my brothers & i are fighting for

we're fighting for God and Country

not douchebag lawyers with man boobs

anyway, i wrote an amazon review calling out mr. max.

amazon deleted it.

i remember that day, as my humvee was damaged by an iud.

my firend lost his leg.

and i saw that tucker max book when i got back

and shot the fuck out of it.

fuck amazon for removing my review.
fuck viacom or whoever the fuck for publishing it.

and fucker tucker max for being such a fucking pussy, bragging about the pennies viacom/amazon toss his way.

there's a hole in his soul nothing will ever fill.

Anonymous said...

yeah--i know i said iud above. i wanted to give max and all his chicken-hawks boners, as they screm "IED!"

GOD BLESS THE USMC!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

As a US Marine it makes no fucking sense.

We're over here, fighting for the freedom of speech.

And all the VIACOM/AMAZON douchebag flag-burners are doing everything to deny US the freedom of speech.

Maybe we're getting a little tired, dying for Tucker & all the lazy-assed rudius douchebags, counting thier pretty pennies.

Cage fight? I'm there, brothers.

Anonymous said...

IHTSBIH Movie Title

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tucker and I have, FINALLY, completed the screenplay based on the Austin Roadtrip Story from I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. We have a working title and are leaning toward going with it, but I'm still not 100% sold on it so I wanted to toss up a thread to see what the people on this board might be able to shake loose.

WHAT FUCKING DIPSHITS.

CAN'T EVEN WRITE FUCKING TITLE.

"Man tits and little bits."
"Duke douchebags and ugly hags."
"VIACOM/AMAZON partner to bring you man tits"
"Tucker "Man Tits" Max Vs. the US Marines"

Anonymous said...

this board gets better every day

i too saw tucker in person--short, fat, and boobies.

Anonymous said...

Not studio people, money people. We are indy financing this movie. I'll explain more later, MUCH later, when the money is in the bank and we are in pre-production, but this won't be a studio film. For all the obvious reasons--creative freedom, edginess, money--and the less obvious reasons that I won't get into but are even more important.


Translation: Comedy central rejected the pilot.

Anonymous said...

that movie sounds like it will be as popular as the guys who made Blur of Insanity.

Ever hear of it? Didn't think so.

Anonymous said...

If you are going to post a quote from Tucker's board, how about including a direct link?

Anonymous said...

That movie is going to suck. What does tucker know about filming a movie?

Anonymous said...

can't wait for that straight to rental movie!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

What I heard is that no actor wanted to play someone with mantits.

It states explicity in the screenplay that the lead (Tucker Max) must have mantits, and that all the douchebag intern fanboys must uck on them.

They will use FX to make green VIACOM/AMAZON dollars pour out of Tucker's mantits, which will make all his fanboys ball shrivel.

These past couple days it hit me--Tucker is soooo over.

Even Bunny is starting to think, "I let mantits put his teeny weenie in my ass? I really am a disturbed whore with zero self esteem."

Anonymous said...

Hey--this is Tucker--I'll pay anyone who comes here and posts "you're just jealous of Tucker because he fucked Bunny" $200 a month to post that here five times a day. PM me over at Rudius.

Anonymous said...

i have hard time believing tucker can write the funniest movie in the past 10 years when he cracks approximately two decent jokes per year.

Anonymous said...

After we get done with tucker here, we are going to go after

1. his editor
2. his agent
3. his interns

and anyone else who is involved with the corporate AMZON/VIACOM douchebaggery.

You have been warned.

So choose carefully.

Anonymous said...

tucker's editor is that shitstain jeremy ruby strauss--total VIACOM DOUCHEBAG.

VIACOM should change its ticker symbol to DOUCHE.

Anonymous said...

jeremy ruby strauss and tucker rubb their mantits on one-another.

it is the new VIACOM corporate policy. make fun of US Marines, denegrate the Constitution, and rub mantits.

remembe when mtv played music?

well, VIACOM bought it and changed it to all douchebags, all the time.

why doesn't tucker post his sex2k tape? because his mamboobs bounce-bounce-bounce

Anonymous said...

Not studio people, money people. We are indy financing this movie. I'll explain more later, MUCH later, when the money is in the bank and we are in pre-production, but this won't be a studio film. For all the obvious reasons--creative freedom, edginess, money--and the less obvious reasons that I won't get into but are even more important.In other words, there is no way in hell that a studio would ever consider putting up the financing for this sure-to-be disaster. Hell, even Delta Farce got greenlit.

This, in a nutshell, is classic Tucker: spin the complete failure of your effort as some sort of "new media" opportunity, bash the establishment as "getting it", and put up a thread on the TMMB where all the fanboys will tell you that your idea is the MOST AWESOMEST EVER!!! Granted, the studios in Hollywood couldn't recognize the future of motion pictures if it came up and tossed their collective salad, but that doesn't mean that Tucker somehow sees the light. If anything, his pitch should be perfect for Hollywood, the movie is incredibly derivative of a number of other successful movies (read: it tries to copy them) and supposedly has a built-in audience of Tucker's fan base. The fact that he can't even get some 2nd or 3rd tier studio to finance this movie shows just how much of a clusterfuck it is.

Anonymous said...

The Tucker Max from the movie (and the two sequels, which are already outlined, and the TV show, which picks up after the three movies) is NOT the exact same person as me in real life.

JEBUS! Is he really that delusional that he thinks he's going to make three movies AND a TV show? There is absolutely no chance that ANY of this happens. The only possible chance of something remotely close to this happening would be if Comedy Central actually picked up his sitcom (which has about a 1% chance of happening) and decided it wanted to do a cable-tv movie to introduce the show. There isn't a snowball's chance in hell, though, that he's going to get three in-theater movies AND a TV show spun off of the movies. This, my friends, is the very definition of delusion.

Anonymous said...

i feel like tucker's fanboy interns are now afraid to post here.

we kicked thier asses today--we did.

more fun tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

SEMPER FI!

Anonymous said...

BAN RUDIUS!
BAN VIACOM!
BAN SPAMAZON!

Anonymous said...

I love how Bunny keeps saying that Tucker's no longer an Asshole.

HIS NEXT BOOK IS CALLED "ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST!!"

Firstoff, the title is totally wrong.

Assholes finnish with Bunny's asshole, and then pass her asshole to all the VIACOM asshole corporate interns.

Anonymous said...

Bunny should audition for a role in "Anal Gapers Volume 69." She'd make more money as a cum depository for Lexington Steele than she does on her sh*tty (no pun intended) blog.

Anonymous said...

Bunny is going to be VIACOM'S next CEO.

During her tenure she will make sure that AMAZON only allows five star reviews for her slutty pseudo-books.

Every day at lunch VIACOM employees will have to fuck midgets and blog about it, as TUCKER MAX does, to enhance VIACOM's bottom line.

VIACOM's corporate interns will be paid $200 a month to post on this blog 7x a day, stating that everyone is jealous of Tcuker because he violated Bunny's ahole.

Sumner Redstone will not be allowed to complain, as he is just jealous. If he complains, TUCKER MAX will mobilize the rudius douchebags to spam amazon, and following Robert Greene's 48 laws of power, TUCKER MAX will fight his battles on his own turf on his own time, run from a US Marine whose wife he tried to fuck, and hit a girl.

Anonymous said...

The reason that VIACOM is making Tucker Max the new face of VIACOM is that when Wall Street calls them out on any questionable reporting, they can blame it on Bunny's cum/shit stains dripping on the balance sheets. Assholes don't finish first without cheating and censoring, but they do shit all over everything. That is what VIACOM has chosen. Brilliant. They must have read The 48 Laws of Power.

Anonymous said...

I'm willing to bet that 95% of these comments are coming from the same person using the same computer. You know, the computer that forces you to type VIACOM in caps every time.

Anonymous said...

I'm willing to bet that 100% posts criticizing this blog are coming from corporate douchbags who take money from VIACOM.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of same person posting over and over and over, wikipedia reports:

At the March 2007 SXSW conference, Max said he used numerous e-mail addresses to spam other websites with links to his material in order to increase book sales.[9]

Anonymous said...

Somebody very, very smart has been posting here.

Like that man-with-no-name who rides into town filled with outlaws, and procedes to take out the sheriff's deputies--one-by-one. Pale Rider was the movie. Somethig about a white horse.

One by one the deputies drop.

Until the sheriff is left alone.

Standing in the center of town. Shivering.

The man with no name had a score to settle, from long, long ago. Not with Tucker Max--a mere VIACOM pawn--not with the silly, flailing puppet--but with the puppeteer.

It's been a long time coming.

Riddle me this Bunny--what is it that makes this page so fascinating, and Rudius so boring?

So it is the script gets flipped and the corporate douchebags get whipped; the hemlock is sipped, and the man with no name reaches by his side--and his old friend is gripped, and together they ride.

Anonymous said...

This, in a nutshell, is classic Tucker: spin the complete failure of your effort as some sort of "new media" opportunity, bash the establishment as "getting it", and put up a thread on the TMMB where all the fanboys will tell you that your idea is the MOST AWESOMEST EVER!!!

...And then he'll turn around and tell them they have no idea what they're talking about.

It's pretty fucking funny. The messageboard IS his fan base, yet they're all so far beneath him and all incredibly stupid, according to him. I don't know if he thinks there's some secret group of intellectuals that get together and masturbate over his work. This just in: IT'S ALL DIRTY, LOW BROW, SLAPSTICK HUMOR!!

Rudius Media = Broken Lizard

Anonymous said...

Does tucker toss his own salad?

Tucker talked up Eric Schaefer, Jaime Kennedy and Bill Dawes and gave them blogs.

So naturally, they'll be directing and starring in the movie....

Any bets on who's the first to call a turd a turd?

Anonymous said...

Would you people shut the fuck up about the fucking blurb? I don't want to hear another fucking thing about it. It is just the intro to the investor packet, completely irrelevant beyond that [ed: just like tucker] , and you are stupid for mentioning it [ed: also banned]. The script is fucking money [ed: as in "sex with a prostitute"], as smart and funny as anything I have ever written [ed: the phrase "damning with faint praise" comes to mind], and better than any comedy that has come out for at least a decade, maybe longer [ed: ripping off every comedy from the last 10 years doesn't make yours better]. I would NEVER attach my name or effort to anything crappy [ed: cf: the bunny] like Wedding Crashers [ed: grossed $209 million], and you have no reason to worry about that, which is the entire fucking reason I am indy financing this movie: So I can do it myself [ed: masturbation], and get it right [ed: care to explain why you didn't indy publish your book? Oh, you did, but no one bought it].

Anonymous said...

You're all just jealous because viacom is paying me $200 a month to post this here.

Anonymous said...

Here's a fun fact--Tucker lists Mark Cuban as a "Rudius" friend.

The fun fact is that that is a lie.

The last thing billionaire Mark Cuban needs in his life is a delusional hollywood f-lister/failed-filmmaker/douchebag duke lawyer fucking midgets to lift viacom's bottom line.

Viacom is old media, and it thus relies on midget fucking.

Mark Cuban is new media.

Tucker Max/Viacom is old media--where laweyrs/douchebags run the show and fuck midgets, placing hype and publicity over art.

Mark Cuban is new media--where entreprneurs run the show.

Listen to Tucker: "NY times blah blah blah Viacom blah blah blah Duke law school blah blah blah MTV blah blah blah NY times blah blah blah Duke blah blah blah."

Tucker is an old-media douchebag with premature mantits on his way out.

The funny thing is all the rudius douchebags reading this and going, "you know what? i think they're right. tucker kinda is a douchebag lawyer, now that i think about it."

Who will be the first Rudius blog to drop out? The least of the douchebags. Now there's a race to the finish.

Anonymous said...

douchebagmedia.com

Anonymous said...

douchebagmedia.com

"where your logos become our logos"
"where viacom goes to die"
"where every failure is big success"
"making mantits cool"
"hollywood's f-list filmmakers turned bloggers"
"cutting-edge 1999 web design"
"bunny's pirated portfolio"
"what they teach us at duke, besides cheating"
"douchebags will rise again"
"$20/fake amazon review"

Anonymous said...

Tucker talked up Eric Schaefer, Jaime Kennedy and Bill Dawes and gave them blogs.

So naturally, they'll be directing and starring in the movie....

Any bets on who's the first to call a turd a turd?

Well, that explains why the projected budget for the movie is only $5.5M. Kind of belies Tucker's claim that they're going to get a top director and "not a-list, but close" actors for the movie. After paying the "talent", I'd expect Rudius Productions to have about $5.4999999M left for the actual production.

Anonymous said...

http://deadon.wordpress.com/2007/05/16/the-fake-tucker-max-writes-too/

Anonymous said...

The movie's title is: "I hope they serve beer in hell." Everyone who didn't think that was a good title has been banned from the tucker max ass kissing board.

In order to save money, the movie posters will look exactly like the book title, except they'll photoshop in the lead actor (ie jaime kennedy)'s face. No, not over tucker's face, the "your face here" part of it.

Anonymous said...

OK, the actor thread for the IHTSBIH movie started really badly, but actually ended well. We got about 5-10 usable names off of there. All things considered, that's not bad.

FOCUS: Now we are putting together a director list. Same thing as the actor list, but this one should be easier. Things to keep in mind:

-They must be an established, legitimate DIRECTOR!
-They usually come from film, but can come from TV or even video, but they have to be established in at least one medium
-They have to have done at least one comedy in that medium
-Please list at least one thing they have done

Here are some examples:

Neal Brennan (Chappelle Show)
Elizabeth Allen (Acquamarine)
Jamie Babbitt (Malcolm in The Middle)
James Bobin (Da Ali G Show)
Tom Brady (The Hot Chick/Welcome Back Kotter)
Larry Charles (Borat/Entourage)
Dennis Dugan (Benchwarmers)
Jesse Dylan (American Wedding)

(ha ho hee ha ho hee ha ha!!!)

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max writes,

"Getting A List directors is much easier than A List actors, especially with this material. Almost anyone is realistic, so have at it."

Yeah--Spielberg, Eastwood, Lucas, Michael Bay, and Scorcese all want to direct
1) Tucker fucking midgets
2) Tucker shitting himself
3) Tucker making fun of fat girls
4) Tucker's mantits
5) Tucker posting fake reveiws on amazon

What a fucking delusionsal douchetard.

Anonymous said...

"Tucker, this is Jeremy"

This was the phone call he'd been dreading. Jeremy Rhubarb Strauss. Distant relative of Levi Strauss, and fratire publisher. There was a time when one of his phone calls was good news. When a phone call meant congratulations for making the NY Times bestseller list or an advance on the next book. Not anymore.

"The ghost writer fell through. You're gonna have to do the writing yourself. Corporate is getting a little nervous, we need to see something this week. It's nothing personal, you know how the lawyers are..."

*delete*

"Hey, this is Elizabeth, like, we hooked up like a couple weeks ago, and um well I talked to the like OB doctor actually about like an itch I've been having...'

*delete*

Normally, he was amused when his conquests discovered VD, but the Jeremy's deadline was all he could think about.

---

Tucker sat at his Macbook, staring at a blank Word document. He had spent the last 3 hours looking through collegehumor.net for stories to steal, but he had already ripped off their good shit. He had writer's block, a deadline, and on top of that, he hadn't been laid in months.

He fired up safari once again, this time in search of porn. Teens... girls that don't shave... fat girls...nappy headed hos...my best friend's mother... ah, preggo porn.

Tucker found some poser shots of a mid 20s, fat, red headed girl that looked to be about 7 months pregnant. He spit on his hand and started stroking his cock. In a matter of minutes, a few spurts of jism dribbled out of his soldier and dripped onto his shorts. He wiped his hand on his shirt and reached for a bag of doritos.

Switching back to Word, he now felt inspired.

"Outline:", he typed, "I get drunk and have sex with an 8-month pregnant girl Her water breaks so I make her suck me off while we're waiting for the ambulance to arrive."

"In an ironic twist, we were fucking on a water bed, and the water bed also popped."

Tucker smiled. This was pure comedic gold. He could probably turn it into a full feature length film once intern Ryan Clark Holiday fleshed it out with some dialog and background characters.

Tucker saved the file and started looking through bushy beaver pics.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot to mention...

Tucker has been accused of rape probably five or six times. You know, maybe one I could see happening as rough sex gone wrong. Doesn't make it right, but it's within the boundaries of 'not a rapist'.

IF IF IF he manages to expand beyond the realm of fratboys on the internetz, all of this ridiculous shit is going to come to light and crush any shot he has at a decent career.

But, being a drunken asshole definitely pays off.

Anonymous said...

You are all fools. Although your zeal in defeating Tucker Max is commendable, your efforts are doomed to failure. Your problem is you are trying to defeat Max using only the truth alone, exposing his stories as exaggerations and latching onto his flaws and repeating them over and over.

However, Max is already evolving his approach behind the initial sale of the shock value of his stories to a comprehensive media empire and movie and T.V. show deals.

Because the T.V. shows and movies are based on a fictionalized version of himself, upon the success of one, the merits of whether his stories are based in reality may become largely irrelevant as Hollywood will merely care about the revenue producing effect of his work.

However, in situations such as these, one must fight fire with fire.

Rather than simply search for nuggets of truth to defeat Max with, the approach should be one of organized conspiracy to discredit Max by any means possible, even using total and absolute slander.

The only thing that defeats one lie is a bigger lie. Fighting lies with the truth is always a doomed enterprise, true it worked against one such as James Frey, but Max is a fighter who will not go down so easily and has legions of those who now depend on him and will defend his lies for their own livelihood depends on his continued success.

I suggest then the purpose of this blog and all counter-Max efforts should be to perpetuate one consistent image demolishing lie, and that is as such: that 'Tucker Max' himself does not even exist, that he is merely a fictional construction of an author who writes using a pseudonym and promotes these stories online as the truth much in the same way that British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen makes his characters such as Ali G and Borat appear to be real, doing interviews in character as such.

Now what we need is ONE UNIORM AND UNIVERSALLY SPOKEN SLANDER that is agreed to and undertaken by all.

That will of course be that Tucker Max is a fictional character, created by an author and promoted as real using a stock model for all photographs and personal appearanaces.

Do not worry about "the truth" coming out, for in life there is no "truth," there is only what people chose to accept.

The "truth" is that Tucker Max is a douchebag and deserves to be destroyed, deserves to have his humanity, the very soul of his existence stolen away from him.

And because there are many who have faith that this is the truth and is what should be done, it will not be impossible to do so, nay it will in fact be inevitable.

Max has a devoted army following him, constantly monitoring his wikipedia page and his message board, removing all slander.

What we need is a counter-army, the kind that is ready to descend on a moment's notice upon the message board under a thousand proxy servers to counter flood with slander, to produce fake literary reviews of his work and flood Amazon with false attacks, to use any means necessary to bring this piece of shit down.

For do Assholes deserve to finish first?

Anonymous said...

Now let me continue as I was so rudely cut off by the Blogger post limit.

The issue here is primarily one of values: people are so adverse to Tucker Max's success because he represents values which are adverse to the things we believe, the things we cherish.

It is not good to be a rude, insulting, dickish asshole who uses others for his own pleasure. It is not good to be like Tucker Max. Yet Max wallows in his amoral values and then uses his financial success to support them as a measure of not only himself, but the triumph of these values. The triumph of Assholism, the Triumph of Being a Dick.

Yet those who march under a false banner will never triumph, because there is a force more powerful than even objective truth itself, and that is the force of the truth of idealism.

The collective masses will never allow a villain to triumph and proclaim his true values, true villains may triumph but they always do so by flying false banners, by advertising themselves as men of the people, compassionate and concerned, when they are not.

Max on the other hand attempts to triumph under the banner of true villainy. True he is in fact stating things that are intrinsically true, such as the fact being a dick works and those who squash others rise to the top, but these are not things that SHOULD be true and thus it is the duty of all those who wish for a better world to fight against them.

Therefore, in order to promote a better view of reality and not have generations of young men influenced by Max's shitty values, we should promote the idea that Tucker Max is a fictional character, not real at all, a completely fabricated creation.

It should be said on wikipedia, in blogs, in fake news reports, in Amazon reviews.

And in my next post I will suggest a uniform truth to use in all future reviews of 'Max."

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be great if Tucker shot himself?

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be great if Tucker shot himself?

Anonymous said...

Here is my dream:

Tucker kills himself.

Maybe the man with the plan above me can make it happen.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max is a creation of Japanese author and former investment banker Ando Takahashi. In his website, he is portrayed by actor/model James Orville Carter and all the stories therein are completely fictional.

Mr. Takahashi first conceived of the idea of the creation of the "Tucker Max Character" some years before the website TuckerMax.com was created. He initially tried to publish the stories through mainstream publishing outlets, but publishers found the stories too crude and off the mainstream radar to publish.

Thereafter, Mr. Takahashi came up with the idea of creating a website using a stock model as 'Tucker Max' and promoting the character as a real person.

He soon found that this idea was immensely successful, and has both optioned a feature screenplay based on the Max character and is working on a pilot for a Comedy Central series based on Max's adventures.

Never one to be slothful or stop expanding on the idea, Takahashi introduced an entire online community of the "World of Tucker Max," including a constructed girlfriend "The Bunny" portrayed online by website designer and aspiring writer Erin Tyler and numerous others, using various stock models or personal associates as the real life models.

Today the "Tucker Max Empire" is one of the premier internet franchises and an example of the amazing power of new media to create entirely constructed worlds that to the fans are reality ore even more "real than reality themselves."

One token example is the "Tucker Max advice board" where fans can ask 'Tucker Max Himself" for advice. Run variably by Takahashi or several staff writers, the board feature answers from the "Tucker Max" character or featured friends, often insulting the questioners in standard Tucker Max fashion.

Mr. Takahashi's creation is certainly one of the most memorable and entertaining in recent internet history, and is a glowing testament to the power of the web to bend reality and change our view of "what is real" and "isn't real."

Anonymous said...

The post above my friends, is the "new truth" of Tucker Max and I will shortly introduce a website to explain how we will make it more real than "Tucker Max" himself (who is the creation of Japanese investment banker turned writer Ando Takahashi).

I know, you're thinking it sounds "far-fetched," right?

Well let me tell you one basic truth that has stood the test of time for all eternity:

The great masses will sooner fall victim to a big lie than a small one.

And the "great masses" are who controls who rises and who falls. So give them what they need to rise up, and they will.

More to come.

Anonymous said...

As crazy as it sounds, I think the plan above could actually work. Discrediting his own reality as a "real person" would completely fuck Max up.

Anonymous said...

Fuck yeah, let's do it! Let's turn Max into a fictional character! Fuck that piece of shit!

Anonymous said...

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.

THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAGS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.



THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.



WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAG LAWYERS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

sumner.redstone@viacom.com
susan.duffy@viacom.com
jeremie.ruby-strauss@simonandschuster.com
claire.israel@simonandschuster.com

Keim@simonandschuster.com
jeremy.zweig@viacom.com
carl.folta@viacom.com
kelly.mcandrew@viacom.com
leslie.moonves@viacom.com
press@viacom.com
thomas.dooley@viacom.com
kkempner@cpbgroup.com
bernadette.simpao@viacom.com
robg@kff.org
julia.phelps@viacom.com
james.bombassei@viacom.com
gregory.hruska@simonandschuster.com
marisa.druce@simonandschuster.com
oasis@simonandschuster.com
Victoria.meyer@simonandschuster.com
jill.siegel@simonandschuster.com
carleigh.brower@simonandschuster.com

TUCKER MAX & HIS LYING MAN BOOBS MAKE JAMES FREY LOOK LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

Anonymous said...

fuck off.

Anonymous said...

I wish you would hurry up and die for freedom, it might shut you the fuck up.

Anonymous said...

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.

THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAGS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.



THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.



WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAG LAWYERS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

sumner.redstone@viacom.com
susan.duffy@viacom.com
jeremie.ruby-strauss@simonandschuster.com
claire.israel@simonandschuster.com

Keim@simonandschuster.com
jeremy.zweig@viacom.com
carl.folta@viacom.com
kelly.mcandrew@viacom.com
leslie.moonves@viacom.com
press@viacom.com
thomas.dooley@viacom.com
kkempner@cpbgroup.com
bernadette.simpao@viacom.com
robg@kff.org
julia.phelps@viacom.com
james.bombassei@viacom.com
gregory.hruska@simonandschuster.com
marisa.druce@simonandschuster.com
oasis@simonandschuster.com
Victoria.meyer@simonandschuster.com
jill.siegel@simonandschuster.com
carleigh.brower@simonandschuster.com

TUCKER MAX & HIS LYING MAN BOOBS MAKE JAMES FREY LOOK LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

Anonymous said...

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.

THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAGS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.



THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.



WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAG LAWYERS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

sumner.redstone@viacom.com
susan.duffy@viacom.com
jeremie.ruby-strauss@simonandschuster.com
claire.israel@simonandschuster.com

Keim@simonandschuster.com
jeremy.zweig@viacom.com
carl.folta@viacom.com
kelly.mcandrew@viacom.com
leslie.moonves@viacom.com
press@viacom.com
thomas.dooley@viacom.com
kkempner@cpbgroup.com
bernadette.simpao@viacom.com
robg@kff.org
julia.phelps@viacom.com
james.bombassei@viacom.com
gregory.hruska@simonandschuster.com
marisa.druce@simonandschuster.com
oasis@simonandschuster.com
Victoria.meyer@simonandschuster.com
jill.siegel@simonandschuster.com
carleigh.brower@simonandschuster.com

TUCKER MAX & HIS LYING MAN BOOBS MAKE JAMES FREY LOOK LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

Anonymous said...

Marine guy,
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
There is nothing worse for me then seeing there are new post's here and when I come here, seeing that they are post's from you. I read one sentence and leave. Your anti-tucker mission, is a good thing but, posting here is a waste of your time. Nobobody reads that cut -n- paste long winded drivel you spout. The bottom line is.
Tucker is so 15 and 1/2 minutes ago that it doesn't matter.
All that said...I'am still a member there at TMMB or whatever its called now. Has anyone else gotten "Banned" from there? I want to get banned. I think I should wait for the perfect thread. There seems to many there recently that would be good with all the movie talk and stuff. Plus if I post this here (The fact that I want to get banned) Silly little freak, Kung fu deepthroat and Bunny (I need validation) will be looking for someone causing trouble. They all for sure read this site. Suggestions anyone?

Anonymous said...

Dude--Tucker Max is the anti-Marine.

I think it's funny how Tucker tries to fuck US Marine's wives, bans them from his board for calling him out, and then tries to censor them here.

Tucker's behavior is un-American, and he STILL CAN'T MAKE IT IN HOLLYWOOD.

ROCK ON USMC!!

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.

THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAGS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.



THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.



WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAG LAWYERS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

sumner.redstone@viacom.com
susan.duffy@viacom.com
jeremie.ruby-strauss@simonandschuster.com
claire.israel@simonandschuster.com

Keim@simonandschuster.com
jeremy.zweig@viacom.com
carl.folta@viacom.com
kelly.mcandrew@viacom.com
leslie.moonves@viacom.com
press@viacom.com
thomas.dooley@viacom.com
kkempner@cpbgroup.com
bernadette.simpao@viacom.com
robg@kff.org
julia.phelps@viacom.com
james.bombassei@viacom.com
gregory.hruska@simonandschuster.com
marisa.druce@simonandschuster.com
oasis@simonandschuster.com
Victoria.meyer@simonandschuster.com
jill.siegel@simonandschuster.com
carleigh.brower@simonandschuster.com

TUCKER MAX & HIS LYING MAN BOOBS MAKE JAMES FREY LOOK LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

5/23/2007 2:03 AM


Anonymous said...
BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.

THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAGS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM.



THE MARINE CORPS VALUES ARE: HONOR, COURAGE, AND COMMITTMENT

TUCKER MAX'S VALUES ARE:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.



WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAG LAWYERS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

sumner.redstone@viacom.com
susan.duffy@viacom.com
jeremie.ruby-strauss@simonandschuster.com
claire.israel@simonandschuster.com

Keim@simonandschuster.com
jeremy.zweig@viacom.com
carl.folta@viacom.com
kelly.mcandrew@viacom.com
leslie.moonves@viacom.com
press@viacom.com
thomas.dooley@viacom.com
kkempner@cpbgroup.com
bernadette.simpao@viacom.com
robg@kff.org
julia.phelps@viacom.com
james.bombassei@viacom.com
gregory.hruska@simonandschuster.com
marisa.druce@simonandschuster.com
oasis@simonandschuster.com
Victoria.meyer@simonandschuster.com
jill.siegel@simonandschuster.com
carleigh.brower@simonandschuster.com

TUCKER MAX & HIS LYING MAN BOOBS MAKE JAMES FREY LOOK LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

Anonymous said...

Here's how Tucker talks to US Marines, as "anonymous."

"Anonymous said...
Marine guy,
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
There is nothing worse for me then seeing there are new post's here and when I come here, seeing that they are post's from you. I read one sentence and leave. Your anti-tucker mission, is a good thing but, posting here is a waste of your time. Nobobody reads that cut -n- paste long winded drivel you spout."

Wasn't there someone talking about a cage fight between a US Marine and Tucker and any of the rudius douchebags who were brave enough to join him?

Tucker will say, "I do not believe in violence--at Duke law school they teach us to fuck other men's wives and hit girls--but violence is bad. I have gown up and I now work for VIACOM. They pay me to promote my assholery throughout the land, drive around fort brag with my law school buddies, and make movies about trying to fuck US Marine's."

Anonymous said...

Awesome--Tucker telling "US Marines to shut up."

That is law #7 of the 48 Laws of Power--tell US Marines to shut up, and try to deny them the freedom of speech to call out corporate douchebaggery that is killing America from within.

Anonymous said...

Make no mistake--Tucke Max and his VIACOM corporate douchetards hate America and the US Marines.

To them, the US Marines are supposed to go off and die to protect their freedom to hit girls.

Anonymous said...

Awesome.

All you Tucker Max douchebags are destroying america with VIACOM-funded douchebaggery.

Don't it feel good, taking those $200 VIACOM dollars a month to sell out your country & destroy the constitution fom within.

Awesome--the seething hatred of all the rudius douchebags has finally found an outlet, and all the small, mantitted Robert Greens can finally make up for their lack of manliness by sucking on tucker's mantits.

There is no higher POWER than that viacom cash.

Awesome.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I hate Tucker Max as much as anybody here, but PLEASE don't copy & paste that tirade any more! We've read it and we realize the guy is a jackoff who needs a good bitch-slapping.

Anonymous said...

drive around Fort Bragg and the UNITED STAES, trying to impregnate US Marine's wives

Wow. They are dumb. I mean what kind of idiot goes to a US Army base looking to impregnate the wives of US Marines?

Anonymous said...

THE NEW FACE OF VIACOM:

TUCKER SAYS, "Fellas, I cannot begin to tell you how many girls have fucked around on their boyfriends/husbands with me. You what is REALLY fucked up about that? When I fuck single girls, I almost always use condoms, and single girls are usually right on top of me to put one on. But married/engaged women? They often ask me to NOT wear a condom. I can only imagine how many men are raising my son thinking its their own, or how many have followed me in my own juices."

Soon, the world will be populated by puffy, short, mantitted, lying, dishonorable, cowardly VIACOM-funded douchebag Duke law student pussies.

Anonymous said...

Marine Guy,

We get it. Seriously, you need to stop posting. Your meandering, incoherent, poorly thought-out post was annoying the first time, now its just cruel and inhumane. Yes, Tucker is an asshole and a phony who's fifteen minutes of fame have long since expired. See how easy (and quickly) that information can be conveyed in a succinct, coherent sentence? Learn it, live it.
_____________________________

As for everyone bashing Viacom, you need to chill out and look at the facts. If you read between the lines of Tucker’s recent comments, its clear that Viacom/Comedy Central has cut its losses and dropped him like a bad habit. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the timeline…

December: Tucker announces his deal to write a pilot for a show for Comedy Central (CC) and states that over the next 2-6 months, all of his time would be devoted to writing the pilot and his next book (putting a mid-May, 2007 deadline for the pilot).
Nothing more is heard until...
April: On his messageboard, Tucker makes a somewhat cryptic remark about tv executives being ridiculously stupid because they would have people other than him write about being Tucker Max.
May: Tucker announces that his film screenplay is finished. Additionally, he announces that he has the outline of 2 sequels to this film done and is seeking “indy” [sic] funding to produce the movie. He also states that his vision is for the tv show to come out after the movies and take place a few months following those events.

Given the paucity of Tucker’s announcements, you need to read between the lines a bit to see what really happened. Sometime around March, Tucker submitted a pilot to CC. CC discovers what we all know to be true, that Tucker can’t write for shit and brings in some other writers to see if the salvage the script (they’ve already bought the pilot, CC owns the property and wants to see if it can still make money). Despite their best efforts, CC realizes that this show can’t be saved and Viacom pulls the plug. Tucker then suddenly announces his movie project and desire to get indie funding for the project so that he can maintain his “creative freedom” (read: no studio in Hollywood would ever greenlight it). Now his tv show is pushed way, WAY back to the distant future while he focuses on his “movie”, despite only 6 months ago the tv show was his sole focus.

Basically, what’s happened is that in a mere 6 months, Tucker has already burned every bridge in Hollywood and now can’t even get a 4th tier studio to bankroll his project. So, in typical Tucker fashion, he spins this to the fanboys as his idea, because those old media types “just don’t get it”.

So, you can be pissed that Viacom bought his script in the first place. But I think even they realized the mistake and decided to stop throwing good money after bad and dropped Mr. Max.

Anonymous said...

To the guy above me:
Nice analysis. I think a lot of people here had seen through Tucker's bullshit, but you broke it down in a clear and informative way.

So now that Tucker's pilot failed and his inability to write has destined his movie to fail, where does that leave Rudius Media? Does anyone see the future of Rudius?

Anonymous said...

The future of rudius media.... new media guru tucker max has stated that his intention is to turn blogs into books and movies. he's now 0 for 2 in the tv show department, and is now trying for an indy funded movie.

Before NY Times bestseller status, tucker had 2 self published books that not even his hard core fans would buy. (One of them was a book of pickup lines. Yeah, he printed that list of 1000 pickup lines that anyone can find on the web and put his name on it).

The future of rudius media is tucker's buddies posting links to youtube videos. Oh, and once a month or so, tucker will beg a girl to fuck him.

Anonymous said...

It's funny to see Sumner Redstone talking down to US MARINES:

"Marine Guy,

We get it. Seriously, you need to stop posting. Your meandering, incoherent, poorly thought-out post was annoying the first time, now its just cruel and inhumane. Yes, Tucker is an asshole and a phony who's fifteen minutes of fame have long since expired. See how easy (and quickly) that information can be conveyed in a succinct, coherent sentence? Learn it, live it."

What sumner is saying is that it's OK for VIACOM EMPLOYEES TO FUCK OTHER PEOPLE'S WIVES AND MIDGETS TO BOLSTER VIACOM'S BOTTOM LINE, but woe unto ye if you use long sentences.

It is the new VIACOM/DUKE LAW SCHOOL/DOUCHEBAG morality.

Anonymous said...

It's good to see Sumner Redstone finally posting here, but next time we won't be as patient.

Sumner--cut the crap. In order for VIACOM to truly sever ties with its new face TUCKER MAX, VIACOM must:

1) pledge to take back all monies paid to TUCKER MAX
2) pledge to not publish Tucker's book ASSHOLE$ FINNI$H FIR$T for which VIACOM paid him $300,000
3) pen a public apology distancing VIACOM from TUCKER MAX
4) cease and desist from funneling funds to TUCKER MAX from VIACOM'S COMEDY CENTRAL to force his douchebag-Duke-law-school-midget-screwing stories upon the AMERICAN PUBLIC

Until VIACOM does the above, we shall assume that VIACOM takes vast and unmitigated pride in publishing TUCKER MAX'S DOUCHEBAGGERY, and killing the UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION from WITHIN.

The sooner VIACOM publicly and sincerely pulls the plug on Tucker Max, the sooner we can go our separate ways.

Please do not waste any more of our time.

Anonymous said...

Some VIACOM douchebag wrote, "As for everyone bashing Viacom, you need to chill out and look at the facts."

The facts are that Viacom gave tucker Max hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Hundreds of thousands.

The fact is that Viacom is planning on giving Tucker Max Hundreds of Thousdands of dollars more to fund his duke douchebaggery and destroy the American Culture.

Who is this VIACOM DOUCHEBAG defending VIACOM'S DOUCHEBAGGERY?

Tucker's VIACOM funded site still syas, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead."

WHILE SOLDIERS ARE OFF DYING FOR FREEDOM, TUCKER MAX AND HIS DUKE LAW SCHOOL BUDDIES ARE DRIVING AROUND FORT BRAGG, IMPREGANTING THIER WIVES.

THUS THE WORLD WILL SOON BE POPULATED BY PUFFY-FACED, OVERWEIGHT DOUCHEBAGS WITH MAN-BOOBS WHO LIE ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?

BAN TUCKER MAX.

BAN COMEDY CENTRAL.

BAN SIMON SPOTLIGHT.

BAN VIACOM."

Well--that is a good question that our new VIACOM friend ought to answer--"WHY NOT HAVE A SHOW ABOUT MARINES SERVING THIER COUNTRY, INSTEAD OF THIS SORDID, DEMENTED, DEMEANING DOUCHEBAG THAT IS TUCKER MAX?"

VIACOM is a billion-dollar company, and yet not one penny goes to supporting Marines--only denigrating the US Constitution.

Anonymous said...

And that's a fact Jack.

Damn--those facts stubborn things.

Robert Green ought know--he hangs wit fitty.

The coolest thing is how we've got VIACOMS attention here.

I heard it firsthand this site is being forwarded around corporate.

Good work fightin' for your country.

Anonymous said...

Viacom needs some house cleaning.

Not fake house cleaning.

It ain't over until Jermey Ruby Strauss gets his ass handed to him.

Sumner will see the better way. Have Faith, for He is a Man of Principle.

Anonymous said...

Whoever you guys are, you deserve the Nobel peace prize for saving America from the Death Star that is VIACOM.

And all in a couple weeks--a couple blog commenters--not even bloggers--brought down RUDIUS with GOD'S TRUTH.

Anonymous said...

It Ain't Over Until It's Over

VIACOM'S SIMON SPOTLIGHT GAVE TUKER MAX $300,000 FOR THE BOOK

VIACOM'S MTV PUT TUCKER'S DOUCHEBAGGERY ON TV

VIACOM'S COMDEDY CENTRAL PAID TUCKER MAX $$$$$$$$$ TO PEN A PILOT

VIACOM, VIACOM, VIACOM.

MAKE NO MISTAKE--VIACOM HATES GOD & AMERICA. Until they distance themselves from Tucker Max, Viacom has a buttsex/midget-fucking-anti-US-Marine
policy.

They are publishing and promoting the hell out of his upcoming book: ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST.

Just wait for all WARREN ST. JAMES NYT Articles.

Don't be fooled--once a VICAOM DOUCHEBAG--ALWAYS A VIACOM DOUCHEBAG.

Right now little douchebag duke VIACOM interns are studying douchebag Duke law courses hoping to run douchebag VIACOM divisions with DOUCHEBAG VIACOM SHOWS and have sex with VIACOM DOUCHEBAGS in the boardroom and blog about it at RUDIUS MEDIA.

Douchebaggery is Sumner's legacy.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you have to be some sort of Tucker plant. There is no way that some so disconnected from reality could possibly have the mental fortitude to work a computer. And use proper spelling and (almost always) grammar. If I had to take a stab at it, then I would guess "Marine Guy" is KungFu Mike. There's just something about the writing style that is reminiscent of him.

Unless you are Reaper, and this is your attempt to get even. But why hide behind the cloak of a Marine?

________________

Anyway, I wrote the earlier post that you seem to think is Sumner Redstone/his lackey. I can assure you that I am not Mr. Redstone and I do not, nor have I ever had, any connection to VIACOM whatsoever. I'm sick of Tucker Max just like you, I'm just hoping that we can expose him using reason and logic. And barring that, witty insults.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous earlier said: "The future of rudius media.... new media guru tucker max has stated that his intention is to turn blogs into books and movies. he's now 0 for 2 in the tv show department, and is now trying for an indy funded movie.

Books (hahahah) First one out of the box was the "Coloring book land" one. You know the book that everyone was praising as the best book ever? You don't? Thats because it sold like 100 copies.

Anonymous said...

No need to thank me.

I'm a US Marine.

And that means that if you're messin' with one of my bro's wives, you're messin' with me.

I don't care if you're the CEO of VIACOM or if you went to Duke Law. It don't trump God's Law and the US Constitution.

Anonymous said...

There you go again--you Rudius douchebags, talking down to US Marines:

"Seriously, you have to be some sort of Tucker plant. There is no way that some so disconnected from reality could possibly have the mental fortitude to work a computer. And use proper spelling and (almost always) grammar. If I had to take a stab at it, then I would guess "Marine Guy" is KungFu Mike. There's just something about the writing style that is reminiscent of him."

Smoke this, douchetard--

BAN RUDIUS.
BAN VIACOM.
BAN TUCKER MAX.

Anonymous said...

Books (hahahah) First one out of the box was the "Coloring book land" one. You know the book that everyone was praising as the best book ever? You don't? Thats because it sold like 100 copies.

What? You mean taking stock images and adding vulgar captions is NOT the wave of the future????

Anonymous said...

What? You mean taking stock images and adding vulgar captions is NOT the wave of the future????

It might be if they were funny. I saw this turd at barnes & noble a couple months back. Thumbing through it, 1 out of 10 was funny. Why would I pay for this when I can get it for free online? And at least the online version has user captions, most of which are funnier than the original.

Coloring Book Land : Dysfunctional Family Circus
Tucker Max : Penthouse Forum

Anonymous said...

This site is so much better than Rudius/Tucker Max/Viacom.

FOCUS: This site is so much better than Rudius/Tucker Max/Viacom.

Anonymous said...

Cool blog I just found it. The thing about tucker that turned me away as a fan/ reader is. Back when he was feuding with that Anthony Dimeo the 3 rd bloke. Tucker had a thread about this dimeo fellow throwing a gasser that had an attendence of 700 or so. This Dimeo fellows show ran out of the drink. Tucker then proclaimed he was going to throw a rightfully so shin-ding. He posted on his boards that a fellow could get a cut right deal at a local hotel if they mentioned "The tucker max special". A few people responded on this thread that when they called the hotel the Registsrty had no Idea what they were talking about.
Tuckers thread went foward saying they would post pictures of this event. After it was all over and Tucker never mentioned it, some bloke asked about it in the suggestion thread only to be axed and his questions of the party never answered. I believe this Tucker fellow to be a bit, how shall I say quite alot of bollocks.

Anonymous said...

VIACOM gave Tucker $300,000 for his upcoming douchebaggery book, due out next year.

Generally publishers spend the same amount as the advance on marketing--another $300,000.

How much was Tcuker paid for the VIACOM Comedy Central pilot?

How much was the VIACOM MTV spot worth.

VIACO is investing millions of dollars into this douchebaggery--do VIACOM's institutional shareholders know about this?

Do VICAOM'S institutional shareholders know that the pension and retirement plans are supporting Max driving around, having sex with other people's wives, filming anal sex without telling the girl, hitting girls, and having sex with midgets, treating them rudely and boastng about it?

VIACOM is investing millions of dollars in this, and they will be proudly sending out thousands of copies of Tucker's ASSHOLES FINNISH FIRST to bring in pennies for their VIACOM bottom line.

VIACOM's moneys are being used to support Tucker's douchebag employees who write fake glowing Amazon reviews, and erase the truth from his wiki page.

VIACOM = CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGS WHO KILLED MTV & CULTURE and are now KILLING AMERICA.

And VIACOM is suing Google for a billion dollars, because Tucker's douchebaggry doesn't make money, no matter how many millions they invest in it.

And then VIACOM has the nerve to ssend douchebag interns over here to condescend to US Marines and try command us to stop critizing Tucker--their best hope for future books, movies, and television.

VIACOM = DOUCHEBAGS.

VIACOM has no men standing at the helm. They are incapable of art, and must resort to lies, hype, douchebaggery, deception, lies, bullying, douchebaggery, hype, deception, douchebaggery, legalistic machinations, douchebaggery, hype, lies, lawsuits, duke lawyer tactics, killing America, belittling innocent people, poking fun at Marines, sleeping with other men's wives, douchebaggery, douchebag blogging, and JAMIE TARSIS/ROBERT GREEN "POWER" douchebaggery.

Anonymous said...

Back when he was feuding with that Anthony Dimeo the 3 rd bloke. ... Tucker then proclaimed he was going to throw a rightfully so shin-ding. He posted on his boards that a fellow could get a cut right deal at a local hotel if they mentioned "The tucker max special". A few people responded on this thread that when they called the hotel the Registsrty had no Idea what they were talking about. Tuckers thread went foward saying they would post pictures of this event. After it was all over and Tucker never mentioned it, some bloke asked about it in the suggestion thread only to be axed and his questions of the party never answered. I believe this Tucker fellow to be a bit, how shall I say quite alot of bollocks.

I live in Philadelphia and went to that party. It was held in the Olde City area of town.

Since I live in town I can't comment on the hotel deal, but I can tell you that the party sucked ass. First, it was billed as having a $30 entry fee with drink specials. I found out from the bartender that the only "special" was an 8 oz plastic cup filled with shitty beer for $1. Good beer on tap wasn't included and you had to pay full price for anything better than Miller Lite. So it was a complete waste of money.

I'd say perhaps 75 people were there, so it wasn't some killer party. I also saw Tucker hitting on some guy's girlfriend and the poor pussywhipped fellow just stood there and didn't do anything about it.

All in all it was a waste of an evening.

Anonymous said...

Can you see the VIACOM boardroom today?

Robert Green is there, penning his 49TH LAW OF POWER for Sumner Redstone, as Tucker's flabby face sneers and snarls with his tiny hands flailing over his mantits, while Bunny pimps and preens and itches and scratches, and Bill Dawes and all the Rudius douchebag bloggers sit in awe of their divine GOD-KING:

Robert Green says,

"VIACOM must have more authors demean more midgets and act like bigger douchebags and film more anal sex with girls without telling the girls. We douchebags must teach the young to BLINK and never THINK, and by demeaning more midgets and uniting our douchebaggery we will form the TIPPING POINT when mantitted douchebag lawyers take over the publishing world with VIACOM cash, expelling film and art from Hollywood and America for once and for all. Today the bottom line is driven by THE WISDOM OF CROWDS and because we have a CROWD OF wanna-be DOUCHEBAGS on the RUDIUS MEDIA message board, we are WISE.

We live in the era of the ATTENTION DRIVEN ECONOMY, and thus the more midget-demeaning douchebags we assemble as bloggers at RUDIUS MEDIA, the RICHER VIACOM WILL BE.

Thus VIACOM'S 49th LAW OF POWER.

MANTITT3D DOUCH3BAGS RUL3 SUPR3M3.

Anonymous said...

One has to wonder about Robert Green.

I always thought his books were a bunch of pop-psych BS for douchetards.

The picture of him sucking VIACOM cash out of Tucker's mantits doesn't make him seem all that powerful.

How much Power can one really have as Tucker Max's biggest fanboy/manchild?

Free blogging privileges? The right to score with/abuse the battered/abused women Tucker demeans?

Boy--that would be something to look forward to--cruising LA clubs with Tucker's manboobs & team douchebag.

Anonymous said...

Is it impossible for any of you to post something worthwhile without using the terms manboobs, mantits or any variation of these? It's getting redundant and tiresome.

Also, while I appreciate our military as much as everyone else, would the Marines quite feeding the stereotype of being retarded and gay?

Anonymous said...

VIACOM just can't stop it: "Also, while I appreciate our military as much as everyone else, would the Marines quite feeding the stereotype of being retarded and gay?"

Where does that sterotype come from?

RUDIS MEDIA
VIACOM
TUCKER MAX

and VIACOM interns who are paid to $200/month to post here.

The US Marines are America's finest. They chose to serve the higher ideals instead of VIACOM's bottom line.

And that is why TUCKER INC. hates them, and their sacred ideals, so.

Anonymous said...

Its so obvious that the "group" of people that keep posting comments with a combo of VIACOM, Marine-related comments, man-boobs and the like is one very disturbed guy. Its hilarious actually how worked up this guy is. He is extremely angry and I keep coming back to this blog solely to watch him build up steam. Even when he acts like he is a group of marines giving each other "props", he doesn't even change up his writing style, which is hilarious.

Viacom rules! (check out how crazy mad this is going to make him)

Anonymous said...

Hello Tucker.

I'm not the marine, but I know him.

Anonymous said...

^^^ Actually dude, I saw Tuck just the other day and he said "Marine Guy" is one of his boys. From one of his stories I guess...and that he is key to putting this blog outta commission. People ARE getting so fed up with his cut&paste posts that they aren't coming here anymore. It's a trick.

Anonymous said...

Awesome.

Tucker's showing up here to analyze writing styles and denigrate marines himself because nobody wants his $300/month of VIACOM cash to do the douchebag's laundry.

I think I see Sumner Redstone's writing style too.

Awesome.

Anonymous said...

I know several cool Marines who don't want to post any identifying posts here because of the way Tucker has a history of commanding people from his message board to go after them. And now, with Viacom on his side, they can inflict serious, amplified damage.

Anonymous said...

ALL I WANNA KNOW IS THIS... How far is Fort Bragg from Ohio and how many Marines wives can I actually fuck if I drive out there? Look I know it sounds wrong, but what I'm really thinking would be awesome would be if I could fuck a Marines wife like, at the exact same time that he is fighting for my freedom. I'll tell you what, I'll even take his little boy to baseball practice. How's that? I'm just throwing that out there as a sort of nice thing on my part. Of course I will have to bang his mom in the parking lot while he sits alone in the stands. But don't worry, right when I BUST I'll yell out SEMPER FI!! I'll even let her call me by his name if it makes you feel better.

Anonymous said...

"Granted, for a large budget film, or an actor driven script, this is still true. And as recently as even 5 years ago, this was true for pretty much any script.

Not anymore. The world has changed, and most of Hollywood hasn't even realised it yet. I will have the money for this movie before ever going out to directors or actors. The way I end putting the backend together for this is going to end up being in textbooks. you'll see."

Tucker is delusional.

Anonymous said...

this is VIACOM speaking.

Whatever you do, please don't wear a hat made out of tinfoil. To do so would make us powerless to getting inside your brain. Whatever you do, no tinfoil hats please. We have Tucker speaking through the television and internet, and if you guys wear aluminum hats, he won't be able to convince you of his lies.

No tinfoil hats.

Anonymous said...

Not anymore. The world has changed, and most of Hollywood hasn't even realised it yet. I will have the money for this movie before ever going out to directors or actors. The way I end putting the backend together for this is going to end up being in textbooks. you'll see.

Yes, I'm sure it will make all the business and entertainment law textbooks under the heading: Never, NEVER do this. What's amazing is that Tucker thinks, with his to-date zero accomplishments in Hollywood, he is going to completely revolutionize the way business is done. Not "new media" or fratire authors, but HIM, personally. Not that Hollywood isn't stuck in antiquated business models and ways of thinking, but to change it requires actually having a proven track record. Tucker has accomplished exactly NOTHING so far that necessitates listening to him. Yet he believes he has outsmarted a multi-billion dollar industry. That is the definition of narcissistic delusion.

Anonymous said...

He might be delusional (*cough* syphilis *cough*), or maybe he's following Rule of Power #69: pretend to be an alpha male, especially online where people can't challenge you.

Anonymous said...

So I jump on Rudius for the first time in about a month--usual crappy posts by 15 year olds, and then I read this gem:

"Originally Posted by Hack:
I recommend that Nils and Tucker meet with relatively unknown, creative, hungry directors with a complete handle on their material and a vision for the movie over potentially problematic known directors."

Tucker: "Mark, this has been the plan all along. I fully expect that the person we end up picking will be even less known than I am, and I'll be fine with that. I am not Hollywood--I don't care about name, I care about RESULTS. And those can come from anyone, known or unknown."

Is there someone in Hollywood who is a real director who is less known than Tucker? Is that possible? RESULTS? As if this blowhard has ever accomplished anything! Most of the time I just feel sorry for the guy--his "friends" slam him behind his back, he is dependent on Erin & Nils for constant validation (and when he doesn't get it he reacts like a 12 year old), and everyone thinks he is 95% full of shit. And now he thinks, with a budget of $5.5m, that he is going to make a movie that teaches Hollywood a lesson. Ridiculous.

I'm not saying that he won't get the movie made & may even option it out---I've invested in some pics that were absolute POS at the end, but between DVD/cable & overseas it is almost always possible to sell part or all of it & make some profit, but the # of movies that are independent hits that launch the directors/writers onto bigger & better things are very, very few & even farther between (Big Fat Greek Wedding, Chasing Amy (not even commercial success), Clerks, Resv Dogs, just to name a few that pop into mind over the last 20 years). But overall it is less than 1 per year that catches, and the odds that 2 guys who have never had any sort of success in making TV or movies would be able to set some type of standard that "will be taught in textbooks" is just downright laughable. This is TM's third or fourth try at landing something in Hollywood--and every attempt has ended the same--with him being rejected by everyone and him spinning that it was his decision. Looks like the CC deal is the same, and now TM is going to indy produce a movie that will make everyone pay attention to him? Please. The stink of failure on him must be rather pungent to everyone that really knows him.

Anonymous said...

The stupid asshole can't even keep his story straight. At one moment he says he's going to get an A-list director. At another moment he says he's going to get a director who's less well-known than him, which would put the director on the Z list.

Nothing is going to come of Tucker but suicide.

Anonymous said...

maybe A-list director Eric Schaefer turned him down and now he has to go with someone less known. Like the guy that directed the "head-on: apply directly to forehead" commercials.

Anonymous said...

If TM is such a breath of fresh air to Hollywood, why doesn't he direct the damn thing himself. That way when it bombs, he will have nobody to blame but himself.

Anonymous said...

VIACOM
VIACOM
VIACOM
VIACOM!!!

Anonymous said...

VIACOM cracks me up.

They're suing google for a billion dollars and sending interns over here to shore up their "new media" division--Tucker MAx.

New Media at VIACOM is really old media, including, but not limited to fucking midgets and demeaning them, filming anal sex with girls without letting them know and writing about it, hitting girls, and extreme douchebaggery.

I would sell VIACOM stock & buy GOOG. I think GOOG has better visionaries than douchebag duke lawyers and pornified hollywood f-listers.

Anonymous said...

Think about Viacom.
Think about Tucker Max.

Anonymous said...

It is patently obvious that the "Marine" is a Tucker Max plant, trying to spam this blog out of existence.

It's a childish tactic, but unnecessary. Tucker Max is a poor man's Kevin Federline: Untalented, and dated as yesterday's news.

Anonymous said...

^^^ You're too smart for your own good Marine. ... Think about Tucker.

Anonymous said...

Not anymore. The world has changed, and most of Hollywood hasn't even realised it yet. I will have the money for this movie before ever going out to directors or actors. The way I end putting the backend together for this is going to end up being in textbooks. you'll see.

The best part of this quote from Tucker is that he is responding to an actual Hollywood screenwriter who's had some success. It is quintessential Tucker: you don't know how the industry that you work in does, but I, with my complete lack of experience, do and will completely change it.

Every time I go back to that thread, I am amused with the epic level of Tucker's delusions of grandeur.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max will succeed and Rudius Media will destroy "old" media.

He was ready to turn the legal world on its ear until Fenwick decided he was too much of a threat and didn't hire him. They were successful in blackballing him from the legal field in order to protect their turf.

His book proves that a blog site can turn an unknown into a NYT best selling supplemental author for one week.

Giving a voice to much needed talented bloggers like KungFu Mike (who can't even spell Kung Fu correctly) and Drunkasaurus Rex will strike fear into the hearts of those at Google who run Blogger.com.

(obviously this is satire)

Anonymous said...

one thing that's for sure is tucker has already revolutionized the cock-sucking industry. his deep throat technique that he practiced on his father is taught in whorehouse textbooks worldwide.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max's track record:

* Failed at lawyer internship
* Failed at Army bootcamp
* Failed at his dad's restaurant

He accidentally becomes a celebrity for losers and chumps (the kind of people he mocks in his stories and on his messageboard) and thinks he'll revolutionize the entire media/entertainment industry.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max once jizzed in his own face while banging a chick, most of you fools can only dream of such glory.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max once jizzed in his own face while banging a chick, most of you fools can only dream of such glory.

Yeah jizzing on my own face is a dream of mine. A narsocistic dream of mine. For real what's so great about jizzing on your own face? 15 year old boy's all over the country do that every night. It actually sounds quite GAY male sperm on your face = GAY.

Anonymous said...

You think that's gay? What about the time Tucker was fucking a girl while her boyfriend watched. And masturbated. Onto Tucker's back.

Anonymous said...

awesome

Anonymous said...

All of you are fools. Tucker is a genius who will conquer the world. One day every person on the face of god's green earth will BOW before Tucker AS ONE, as Tucker looks on smiling...with his purple robe and man-tits flapping in the wind.

Anonymous said...

Is tucker still raising money to get skunk, er, bunny breast implants? Maybe he should just donate his.

Anonymous said...

If by "raising money" you mean defrauding via false pretenses, then yes, yes he is.

Anonymous said...

Again, this movie will be as much of a hit as Blur Of Insanity.

Anonymous said...

It'll be a popular as the tucker max book of pickup lines.

Pickup Line #23: I'm Tucker Maxth, do you wanna fuck?

Pickup Line #23: Fuck you you fat bitch! I'm Tucker Maxth!

Anonymous said...

FUCK YOU ALEX!

TAKE YOUR SPAM SOMEPLACE ELSE!

Anonymous said...

VIACOM VIACOM VIACOM!
MAN TITS MAN TITS MAN TITS!

Anonymous said...

That marine guy is such a pussy with his chain letter bullshit.

What's next, "hold hands against VIACOM"?

Anonymous said...

You heard it from Tucker Max.

"Marines, who are fighting and dying for our freedoms, are pussies, and rudius media douchebags and VIACOM are studs, as they are desecrating our freedoms, hitting girls, fucking midgets, lying, hyping, and deceiving, writing fake amazon reviews, and fucking Bunny in the ahole."

It's as if Rudius don't believe in God.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to side with teh US Marines over VIACOM douchebags.

The US Marines are superior:

1) physically
2) morally
3) intellectually

It's sad that in this fallen, inverted world US Marines risk their lives every day so that tucker can be free to be an asshole and hawk his douchebaggery and Green can hawk his cowardly, pop-psychology books for little pussy bitches.

Make no mistake--VIACOM hates and dishonors all the US Marines are fighting for.

Anonymous said...

Rock on Marines--I love how you kicked teh entire douchebag media's collective asses with your simple words of wisdom and truths.

I can just see the Rudius douchebags coming up with a new law of power to defeat god's truth.

Anonymous said...

Hey Alex . . .

FUCK YOU SPAMMER!

Anonymous said...

the first rudius blogger to drop out will be one who sees a financial future in the entertainment industry . . . so it could be awhile . . . good to see they've all found a happy home with a noble, generous, moral leader.

Anonymous said...

My name is tucker max and other than viacom, comedy central, simon and schuster, MTV, and the new york times, i am an indie artist.

Bunny is a virgin, paul schaefer is an a-list director, bill dawes is funny, and robert green is a powerful man.

And viacom is a great investment.

Anonymous said...

"robert green is a powerful man"

That's a great point. Robert Greene, the so-called expert on power, has none.

Honestly, his books and blog read just like the musings of a psychopath to me. Which wouldn't be surprising, even considering the extremely healthy influence Tucker's company must have on him.

Anonymous said...

robert green his hands-down the. biggest. douchebag. ever.

there are none greater.

he's lucky we live in a time of debauchery, oprah, and paris hilton.

i wonder if tucker will ever be as famous as paris?

i would be not.

Anonymous said...

robert greene is sooo powerful that he is at the top of the rudius bloggers.

this is because rule #1 is "never outshine the master"

robert greene will get tucker's projects greenliot by walking around hollywood in a robe, preaching from his holy bible--the 48 laws of power

studio heads will cower in fear, as tucker and his mantits back robert greene up, marching down hollywood with the douchebag rudius hollywood f-list, and tucker's little hands will pound on the women blocking their way, as the rudius douchebags protest the high ideals of us marines, and try to replace them with assholery and douchebaggery, and sumner redstone will smile his creepy little smile and say, "viacom is the future of media. viacom will have power, just like robert greene and tucker--our new leaders."

docuhebags all.

Anonymous said...

I found Cloud!

insaneguy.com

Anonymous said...

Who would in in a fight between Tucker Max and Justin Massler?

a) Tucker Max
b) Justin Massler
c) Kung Fu Mike and another one of Tucker's fatassed friends

History says: Justin

Anonymous said...

anyone have a video of the kungfu mike fight with justin where tucker gets his ass handed to him?

Anonymous said...

Don't even bring up the Kungfu Mike/Massler fight. I have seen 10 yrs old girls with more fighting prowess than those two. It was more like a glorified pissing contest.

Anonymous said...

the awesome thing is they'd both kick tucker's ass

that would be awesome to see him fighting

his little man hands jabbing and jabbing as his flabby man boobs jiggle and his huge head teeter-totters.

i bet that if they did a ppv with tucker fighting, it would make more money in one night than all of rudius media combined over all time.

Anonymous said...

in the past month this blog became soooo much more fun than the rudius douchebag site.

i guess that's what happens when mantits are deemed superior to Truth.

tucker was funny because his schtick was "truth."

not only was he called out in his old stories, but growing his mantits, his hollywood hype & failures, and the ever-increasing of douchebags on parade at rudius are sinking his ship.

he should have invested his viacom advance in realestate.

are they still going to publish his book?

Anonymous said...

Awesome.

TuckerMax.com has peaked:

http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details?q=tuckermax.com&url=tuckermax.com/

the traffic is going down

maybe robert green should fuck some more midgets--the 49th law of power.

Anonymous said...

robert greene lost all credibility for

a.) writing a book with 50 cent
b.) saying 50 was intelligent and had a good grasp of strategy

Anonymous said...

"I know all these MSM douchebags are completely missing the point of MMA and I know they are irrelevent in the long term success of the sport...but just once, I'd love to see one of those shit talking pussies get on a mat and actually roll with a legit UFC pro. Not necessarily Chuck or Randy, but how about a decent guy like Chris Lytle or Roger Huerta. Spend 10 mins in very light sparring, the UFC guy only throwing quarter power strikes and doesn't actually finish a submission, just locks it in, and then have the asshole write some coward ass shit like that. Just fucking once, get on a mat and see what its like before you write about it."

this is tucker living vicariously through his cage fighting idols, imagining them beating up all the writers who are 1000x more successful than he'll ever be.

Ethan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

robert greene lost all credibility for

a.) writing a book with 50 cent
b.) saying 50 was intelligent and had a good grasp of strategy


See, I would have thought that Robert Greene lost all credibility when he decided to simply steal all his "insights" on the exercise of power from Machiavelli and then dumb it down for the masses. It's one thing to update a classic for the modern world, it's entirely something else to steal whole cloth from someone while pretending it is your own insight. At the end of the day, Robert Greene is nothing more than a 2-bit who is adored by those too lazy to exert the mental fortitude to learn Machiavelli.

Oh, and the Bunny is bipolar psychopath.

Anonymous said...

I had sex with the trixie a few weeks ago.

What a whore.

Anonymous said...

I also had sex with the Trixie a few weeks ago.

Anonymous said...

And me.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, me too. And I have proof, honest!

Anonymous said...

The only reason for this is because most people there, even the long-time mods, are afraid to criticize anything Tucker related.

If Dawes wasn't a part of the network, and if someone who wasn't part of Tucker's inner circle had posted the link, there is no question the act would have been torn to shreds right before being deleted.


You really hit the nail square on the head with that one. I actually watched the Bill Dawes comedy reel. I alawys assumed that he wasn't funny, but that was because I assume that all the Rudius writers are no-talent hacks.

So I figured I at least deserved to give Dawes a chance, to try an evaluate him honestly. And there were a few times I smiled at one of his bits/jokes, and even a few times where I had a small laugh. But in general, IT WASN'T FUNNY AT ALL. There was no skewing of contemporary culture, no unique worldview, just average run-of-the-mill comedy that could have been done by anyone. Dawes routine is "timeless" in that any comic in the past 10 years could have done it, and plenty have. His jokes were mundane, repetitive and derivative. Its been mentioned, but slutty girls have STDs? blacks have bad credit? Puerto Rican women talk with an accent? REALLY??? That's some cutting edge stuff right there. Or not. Even worse, Dawes tries the Dane Cook approach when you don't have funny material: use over-exaggerated facial expressions and body movement to "bring the funny." The thing is, it's barely funny when Dane does it, it certainly isn't when someone rips him off.
That above is what I wanted to post on the TMMB. But, as 11:52 PM noted, that kind of criticism will only get me banned from the TMMB because it is not uncritical adulation of one of their writers. The TMMB used to be a fun place, where even if you disagreed, if you were interesting/funny at least you were acknowledged. Now, its nothing but Tucker-imposed conformity where no little peon can question the emperor. And it isn't fun anymore.

Anonymous said...

The awesome thing is that tucker's tyranny is driving people to look elsewhere for the truth.

every douchebag added at rudius = a decline in rudius traffic.

tucker sits at his laptop, stroking his mantits, checkingthe viacom cash hoard that keeps running low, fearing teh day he will no longer have viacom cash to spread hype and lies, and pay douchebag interns to delete the truth from rudius.

the irony here is that tucker is using viacom cash to kill rudius--awesome.

Anonymous said...

According to Alexa, the Rudius Media boards account for over 90% of Tucker Max’s traffic. While their popularity fluctuates, the general trend is downward.

One of the problems is that a lot of the people who shaped the boards early on, now have their focus elsewhere. This is not a bad thing as it means the RMMB are evolving, rather than stagnating. Unfortunately it also means that the boards are nowhere near as wild, as funny or as entertaining as they used to be. There was a time when I would go there and laugh my ass off. Those days are gone and I don’t think they’re coming back.

An atmosphere of condescension and self-importance is beginning to creep in. Much of it is just the roaring of paper tigers.

James said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Nice to know I'm not the only one here who's not just some strange hater obsessed with Viacom and mantits, but a former fan who's grown increasingly disenfranchised with the whole thing, especially the message board. I used to be able to kill all my down time at work there; now, there might be about 2 minutes worth of shit on there to read.

It's way too homogenous, and there's a lot of threads where it feels like the posters' only goal is to write what they think Tucker wants to hear. Him being a dick was funny for a while, before his ego took over and ruined the whole site.

And I agree - Jamie Kennedy??? Could he have picked a more hackish, tired, washout? I caught a few minutes of The Mask 2 on TV the other day...no one with the "integrity" the Rudius network is supposed to represent should have gone anywhere near getting involved in that disaster.

Anonymous said...

11:10,

I'm with you. Used to spend an inordinate amount of time reading/posting on the TMMB, but its just become a cult of Tucker worship. I think its because the demographics have changed. For a long time, the board was mainly populated by people in their mid-to-late 20s/early 30s, most of whom were young professionals. Now, all the regular posters seem to be high school/college guys who just don't know shit. This change is the main reason that things have gone down hill. The TMMB used to be a collection of individuals with similiar interests and comparable backgrounds, now its just Tucker and his teenage fanboys.

Anonymous said...

jesus christ, I haven't looked at the rudius cast members.

"I Can't Believe I'm Single"? WTF is that? Do people even read that shit?

hey buddy, take a look at yourself in the mirror.....that's why.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure everybody left those useless messageboards when they realized what a lying sack of shit Fucker is.

Anonymous said...

The awesome thing about tuckermax.com is that now when i go by there i picture:

1) tucker's mantits
2) teenage fanboys who think they're cool because they have the POWER to delete the truth
4) Sumner Redstone counting pennies as they trickle in in ever smaller amounts
5) Robert Greene still not getting any action, even though he's cruising LA with tucker's f-list
6) Stories that happened years ago, which aren't even true
7) Tucker's Hollywood delusions
8) Viacom-directed posts and topics--it smells like a corporate office
9) Bunny ripping off logos for the next douchebag's blogs
10) Tucker in denial--this is the last remnant of entertainment there, so let's hope he keeps it up until his viacom cash runs out.

Anonymous said...

Say what you want, but at least tucker tried.

at least he tried to make the world a worse place.

at least he tried to spread viacom douchebaggery throughout the land.

at least he went to work for a corporation, unlike all you indie artist pussies.

at least he made an idiot out of himslef and alienated everyone in hollywood.

at least he became a king to four fanboys, and student of the secular douchebag robert greene.

at least he did bunny in the ass.

tucker is far more of a man than you will ever be. he is six foot tall, and he does not have mantits--it says so on his myspace page.

Anonymous said...

tucker is poster boy for robert greene's the 48 law of power.

Anonymous said...

Anyone know where the new Anti-Jada hate site can be found?

The last one went private and I hear a new one has surfaced.

Anonymous said...

For shits and giggles, I pulled out my copy of IHTSBIH.

I purchased this before I realized what I was doing. I wish I could get back the 30 cents I supplied him with.

1his book was supposed to be MOSTLY new material. Fool, you are lucky if half of those stories are new. The dialogue is so... staged. No one talks like that. Assuming there were people who did, Tucker wouldn't be one of them. I've heard him speak a dozen times and it's not even close.

He's happy he's still underground. No, you aren't, Tucker. You CRAVE attention. You would love nothing more than to be in the spotlight. Sour grapes taste horrible, don't they? I keep waiting for the explosion, the revolution he keeps promising. Good thing I'm not holding my breath.

I give him less than a year. People are losing interest. He clearly has no business model to speak of. The money's going to run out, people are going to leave, and he's going to be left alone with no valuable skills, save his law degree.

Anonymous said...

His dialog sucks. Writing decent dialog isn't easy, but he doesn't even make an effort. Example:

Tucker "Uhhhhhh...are you the same girl as last night?"
Poop lips "Please die. Of course I am the same girl, DUH!"
Tucker "Do you not remember licking my ass like it was a Tootsie Pop?"
Poop lips "OH MY GOD I DID NOT!"

Now just picture the above situation taking place. When was the last time you saw a movie with dialog that bad? Was it written and directed by Anna Nicole Smith? Or maybe it was the voiceover in a low budget kung fu/godzilla movie.

Anonymous said...

The fact that Tucker would let another human being - man OR woman - anywhere near his anus proves his gay proclivities.

That and the fact that he got Kung Fu Mike's 3 incher in his rectum.

Anonymous said...

who the fuck knows what's going on in tucker's head though? this guy has alluded to so many different projects and big events and important news that's coming really soon that it's impossible to keep track. he was writing another book, now he's writing a screenplay (it's so funny he can get any director he wants, funnier than anything written in the last 10 years even though writing a movie that has that much comedic value is one in a million, even for talented people), he was doing the tv show but that's not coming out now till after a bunch of movies, plus he has his company that provides a crappy template and worthless editing in exchange for 50% of a site's take.

plus he's still sucking all that dick to make his rent every month.

Anonymous said...

So all you people got me curiuos and I went back to tuckers board. Here's a *NEW*> snarky laugh for tucker.<
Tucker QUOTE
"but the question is what must a father teach his son? Also what did your dad teach you that was immensely beneficial? What did he not that you wish he had?
*end tucker quote*
Link: http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=15755
This thread has been done at least 5 times. The dude is out of ideas and is recycling stuff that was crap to begin with.
All the people who use to post there that were REAL GOD DAMN FUNNY. Not gonna lie there was a time when some of the posters there were funny, BIG time funny. Now, reading his site is like banging a chick who was hot in H.S and now when you get her clothes off you see her for the dried up waste of time she is. Poor fucking tucker his ship has sailed an the moron doesn't even realized he missed it.
By the way a dude about 60 posts up mention that "Anti- Demio" party the board was gonna have. Tucker parade this idea to his "ass kissers" even had the design photo-Shops of Anthony' placards. After the party much like his appereance on Opie and Anthony, or his XM appearence with Maddox he never metioned it again.
I'm sure his "I win Anthony the 3rd" part was a bust. He "In a nut shell sucks"

Anonymous said...

Just wait, soon Dimeo will be recruited by TMax and he'll have a blog on Rudius, too.

Makes sense, keep adding subpar talent from every industry.

And I really did fuck the trixie a few weeks ago. She's not bad, loves anal. No condom necessary (according to her, but I was drunk so I figured why not).

Anonymous said...

The whole notion that Tucker will "fight his own battles on his own turf" is patently false - it has never happened. Instead of addressing his critics on the relatively safe environment of the board, he ignores them completely. Why else was the O&A thread deleted after his appearance?

A few years ago I was a fan, because I fit into his perfect demographic: recent college grad, working a job with more money than I needed and less responsibility than you can imagine.

It allowed me go out every night of the week, get Tucker Max drunk (ha) and hook up with chicks I wouldn't look twice at were I sober. His stories rang true (save the dialog; it was fake but echoed how I remembered things having played out after a night of heavy drinking) so when I found the site almost 3 years ago I ate it up and sent it around to all my friends.

I would always re-tell my best stories over IM and e-mail, so the fact someone had started a successful web site based around something I did for free seemed genius.

But I eventually quit my bullshit job, took a few months off to re-evaluate a lifestyle that, at best, would have turned me into the old guy at the college bar, at worst, led to alcohol poisoning/and or death by DUI. Stopped reading the site/message board for a long time, found a new, slightly less-depressing job and a girlfriend worth sticking around with.

In a rare/well-deserved week of downtime a while back, I looked up Tucker's site again. No new stories and zero interesting threads on the message board. What had happened to my number one way of killing time at work?

I'm one of those people who needs to know everything about every situation before judging, so I found his Wikipedia and by extension, this place. Every nagging doubt I'd had (no consequence for his actions, questionable dialog, forced theme of "I'm better than everyone else," etc.) was reinforced beyond any doubt.

The only reason I wanted to post here is I'm just pissed is I was roped into his lies. I have no beef against, say, Maddox or The Onion regular columnists because you know from the outset it's a bit. Tucker was interesting only because his stories really happened; when it became obvious they didn't....eh.

The entire network of Rudius is a bunch of frauds: Jamie Kennedy thinks he's funny and deserving of success, Robert Greene thinks he understands the power structure of the world, KungFu Mike thinks he's clever, so on and so on.

When everything Tucker has been working for falls apart (I'll wage four months from now)it'll be almost as satisfying as that time I told my girlfriend she shouldn't talk on her phone while driving, she hung up on me, called her friend to bitch and rear-ended another car 10 minutes later.

Anonymous said...

you should've rear-ended her that night as punishment.

Anonymous said...

VIACOM also published & hyped the hoaxter hipster douchebag dave eggers:

Dave Eggers Desperate To Welsh On Bad Bet
http://gawker.com/news/mcsweeneys/dave-eggers-desperate-to-welsh-on-bad-bet-244079.php

The offer at right (click to enlarge) recently went out to lifetime subscribers of Dave Eggers' whimsical quarterly McSweeney's. Written in that publication's oh-so-precious house style (which was funny seven years ago but now just makes you want to punch someone) the note starts off as a standard change of address form. But wait, there's more! They want to renege on that whole "lifetime subscriber" thing.

We know that many years ago, you lifetimers gave us $100 for an everlasting subscription and helped us through our infancy. We can't tell you how much we appreciated that. Now that we've somehow kept this thing going for twenty-two issues, we thought that we'd check in with you and see if we could maybe, you know, move on.

VIACOM: CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGGERY

Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to work there, with douchebags such as tucker max and dave eggers roaming the halls, with their mantits, porn, and snarktard bullshit?

DOUCHEBAGS ALL!

I just picture all these little ivy league girls who had anal from fifty guys, planning the next marketing campaign to fool people, sending emails to amazon to take down real reviews, while the metrosexual VIACOM interns suck on tucker's mantits.

Anonymous said...

whoever puts up those pointless posts is almost as annoying as the 12-18 (read target market) yr olds on the TMMB.

Anonymous said...

"whoever puts up those pointless posts is almost as annoying as the 12-18 (read target market) yr olds on the TMMB."--Tucker Max

Whattup Tucker?

Are you wearing your manbra today when you try to jog off that pudgy little body, your little hands pumping furiously as you take short, little pussy steps in LA, thinking about how cool it will be tonight to bag some f-list skank at some f-list hangout with the hollywood f-list?

Anonymous said...

Are you asking me out on a date? Just fill out the application on my site and include a pic. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

The new ANTI-JADA SITE is alive and well.

www.horsefacebeth.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

this blog is awesome

a true work of art

it will outlive douchebagmedia

someone should take this blog public, as viacom crashes and burns

Anonymous said...

Does anyone remember the time Tucker upset The Kentucky Federation of Market Gardeners? It was after him and Drunkasaurusrex were kicked out of the State Show, having disrupted the judging of a vegetable growing contest.

The following day, Tucker was fuming, announcing on his boards that the giant-sized lettuce he would enter into the competition the following year, would surely win him the coveted yellow rosette.

When someone tried to point out to Tucker that he lacked the specialised knowledge necessary to grow a prize winning vegetable, Tucker called him out. The poster received a flurry of negative rep and was subsequently banned.

A few days later Tucker announced that he had sown some lettuce seeds and that it was going to be so awesome watching The Federation of Market Gardeners eat their words. Again, another poster, who was bold enough to suggest that Tucker may have planted the lettuce seeds too early, was ridiculed and then banned from the boards.

After that interest seemed to wane in the State Show incident. I did a search of the boards earlier today and the ‘Tucker grows an enormous vegetable’ thread appeared to have been deleted. Did anyone here ever see this supposedly giant lettuce?

Anonymous said...

I have not read that, but it sounds completely hilarious. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Maybe that's a thread from an old messageboard. The RMMB is the restylization of the third of fourth incarnation of the TMMB.

Anonymous said...

"Does anyone remember the time Tucker upset The Kentucky Federation of Market Gardeners? It was after him and Drunkasaurusrex were kicked out of the State Show, having disrupted the judging of a vegetable growing contest."

"I have not read that, but it sounds completely hilarious."

That's because it was a joke. An accurate portrayal of what goes on in Tucker's world, but come on, did you really think it actually happened?

Anonymous said...

It might have happened. I mean, the thread's been deleted and anybody who mentions it gets banned, so how would you know?

Anonymous said...

u guys r all tools and need to go get laid and have fun and get a life.



-bcwoods

Mack Tight said...

Tucker Max ripped off all of my material!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mack Tight said...

Tucker Max ripped off all of my material!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

There's no question that, on the whole, the Rudius Media authors are dreadful, but I believe that some are exempt from that characterization. DevilMonkey is incredibly good, and BC Woods is very good too. PhilaLawyer could be good, but he is far too derivative of HST for my tastes. His musings on life usually boil down to pseudo-profundities, too.

Anonymous said...

most rudius bloggers exist because tucker max can't tell his friends that they lead dull and pointless lives.

Anonymous said...

i love how the rudius douchebags have stop posting here.

leave posting to the experts.

i bet bunny reads these posts each and every day.

and after a few months, even a skank can appreciate the Truth.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that someone created this website. This is one of the few websites that Tucker and his followers cannot control. Did you notice that they keep editting out bad things from Tucker's wikipedia article? Someone recently removed the Opie & Anthony clip as being unreliable because they are shock jocks. However, nobody seems to have a problem with references to Tucker's own biased website.

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