The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 15001 – 15200 of 15917 Newer› Newest»16 days until the DVD is out. Then the torrents will run reddish-brown with the bloody diarrhea of Tucker's butchered shitty script.
Tucker is going to Broadway:
http://www.broadwayworld.com/article/Rialto_Chatter_Tucker_Max_to_Get_Broadway_Treatment_20100107
@7:44
Goddammit, it is NOT April 1st.
Now get whoever you paid off at Broadwayworld to take down that sorry excuse for an article.
" Christopher Carter Sanderson says:
January 9, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Monica, I already have backers and I sincerely hope you’ve read the book you’re trashing here. If so, fair enough. Seth, Wilhelm, actually no, it is not a musical. But, you’re close – there will be something wonderful about the form we’re using. Wilhelm, you’re onto something when you say it is satire. The problem right now is that New York law is clear: if there’s full nudity, then alcohol can;t be served on premises. I’m leaning toward body-colored thongs and serving beer, too. They served wine at Socrates’ Symposium, after all. Oh, and Zev, you need stop reading the Internet in the morning before you put your sense of humor on. Here, try this: ever heard of a controversial, experimental Broadway show that paid for decades of free Shakespeare? We’re not inventing the wheel on that one, guys. Judge it once you see it. I didn’t go to the Yale School of Drama to learn how to make shows people will hate."
God his director is a douchebag too. Doesn't surprise me.
This is going to be awesome! Do you know how entertaining it's going to be hear Tucker say, "My beth theller is going to be a hit Broadway Muthical!"
15 days until the DVD is out. Then the torrents will run yellow with the piss of Tucker's watered down script.
Tucker!
Tucker, tucker, tucker. You've overlooked something very important. If you make a broadway play of this, all your fans - your hundreds of millions of fans, all across this great nation - will not be able to see it! The play will tank, all because your fans couldn't get to the theater! And, saar, out here back yonder where's all's us rednecks'n'like all live, ev'n tho we don't git all yer highbrow 'culture humor' 'n stuff, we's still wants ta see yar play. Cuz we knows when sumpin's funny, ev'n if'n we're'n jes a bit dumb an' can't quite figger it out fer ourselves. That bit wiff da poop, tho, that 'as funny. HAR HAR!
ANYWAY the point is that you need to market this play better than you did the movie. Because, after all, the one and only problem with the movie was how it was marketed.
If a play is ever produced I'm gonna round up a bunch of my buddies to go opening night and chant "Tuck has a mangina!" the whole time.
this blog is still active?
oh wait it's being infested by blog link spammers and people that still give a fuck for some odd reason.
We Won. Game Over.
Would you like to play a game? How about Tic-Tac-Toe?
After Tucker's movie doesn't sell shit on DVD, he will claim that it's because millions of people have pirated it instead.
the funny thing about this blogs is how pathetic all you retards are
u think tucker cares about ur gay shi?
you all go on and on about his movie failing but it still made over a million dollars. it was not massive like some thought it would be but how many of you retards are million airs like tucker
fuck of you morons
i've probably breathed in a million airs in my life and i'm only 26
>how many of you retards are million airs
I am! I'm a million airs!
I give myself airs, too.
@8:47
JINX
Can that guy even spell?
Keep thinking about Tucker.
I'm thinking about Brigitte Bardot.
Mmmm ... Brigitte Bardot.
are you still here BIFF!!!!
@7:24pm:
This blog was never about winning or losing anything. It is a place were the uncensored voice has a place in this wide wacky world of internets to spout ridiculous waves of amber golden prose.
If you haven't been paying attention, let me sum it up for you:
This site is about being funny. That's it. There's no hidden meaning or self righteous nonsensical crapola that the shitwadders on other blogs make it and themselves out to be.
For fuck's sakes man this blog is what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the internet. We, the posters on this blog, stand here united to state for all eternity that we did not like a guy named Tucker Max for whatever reason held self-evident to there self or something to that effect. And we will continue to write inane, "retarded" dribble for all the world to read and so on and so forth. All I'm really trying to say is Nils is still fat.
Probably.
Who would know at this point, honestly.
The point is this, tit-monkey: everybody who has lost less than 11 million dollars last year has been more successfull than Tucker Max.
Capiche, bitch?
I'm imagining this blog hitting 10 million posts. 100 million. A billion. It will be the Empire State Building of online community participation. Studying this blog will become a university course, a four year degree handed out for serious analysis. As we read Shakespeare today, the content of this blog will be alive hundreds of years from now, as students pore over, examine and remember what has been wrought here.
Henceforth, ye be the immortal Tucker!
I envy thee thy name,
it be lest not unechoed, but chambered and
returned to the ears of each new babe
from this time into all times.
The torch has been passed Mr. Max.
Falstaff is thy name but shamed,
As lesser of humour and greater of douche,
Thy herpes and unkind morals as such be
lesser than Falstaff yet greater than none.
(posted by time machine, Class of 2147)
I have a great plan to transform BIH into a 2 hour one man mime show. Given Tucker's proven marketability and profitablility, I'm thinking it could fund this new plan I have called "Theater for Retards" for the next ten years. And that's "retard" pronounced the way Zach Galfiniakis says it.
Here is the script for the mime show;
[mime enters stage dressed in black striped leotard with white face, the stage is empty except for an old school video camera and a 16 oz bottle of astro glide]
^^^^^
Dumbass, its a mime show so there is not dialogue.
Damn even the Fat Nils can't screw up a script for a mime show.
But they will appear after the show to answer questions and insult the audience.
^^^^^^^
Hey, I didn't go to the Yale School of Drama and learn nothing about adapting a book into a mime show.
When you see the mime, mime "what you no rike me," you will all bow at my genius.
^^^^
Tucker: Anything Marcel Marceau does at the box office, we can beat. . . easily."
"I could shit in a bag and it would still do better than a mime performance by any other mimer.
^^^^^
this is a repeat mime and totally made up.nice try mcbeefsmoker.
^^^^
It was difficult, but we were able to cast a mime with very small hands who stands 6' tall provided he stands on some cushions. Everybody will know its Tucker.
Please do not e-mail me about this people
Tucker: "well the writing is on the wall. The mime show didn't perform as well as we expected. I wish I could tell how how epically Christopher Carter Sanderson and Gorilla Theater screwed up the marketing for the mime show, but there will be a time for it after the mime completes its run at the Times Square subway stop--rear concourse near the men's room. Nils and I will do a book and explain everything later. Clearly, the mime wasn't even seen by my low estimates of my fans, and the money collected in the open violin case wasn't enough to pay for the bandwith to restart Rudius.
Here is an example of what happened. I'm standing outside Sardis, waiting for them to put my picture on the wall and a girl who clearly was a mime fan comes up to me:
Girl: Aren't you Tucker Max, I loved your DVD that I got as a gag gift at NYU when the "Bad Lighting: How to avoid it" class met and we had a holiday party. Its one of the best examples ever of how bad lighting can transform a film that is just really bad, into a film that is completely unwatchable in that format. I'm a huge fan of bad lighting so I couldn't keep my eyes off your film. What are you doing here?
Tucker: Well, I'm just bumming some change off these customers to pay the parking meter for my private jet that is parked up the street. I have a mime show going on in the subway near Times Square, its Gorilla's Production of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell--the mime show. You think the lighting was bad in the DVD, wait till you see my mime show performed in the back of the subway platform, you can't see crap.
Girl: Yeah, its a shame I didn't know it was out, my film school friends would have loved to come out and see it while high on ecstasy.
See, this is just what kills me. The girl was clearly a fan, and Gorilla screwed up the marketing, she didn't even know that it was playing on Broadway, well under Broadway . . . but what's the difference.
Tucker
Tucker max is a sociopath.
A sociopath is a person with antisocial personality disorder. Probably the most widely recognized personality disorder. A sociopath is often well liked because of their charm and high charisma, but they do not usually care about other people. They think mainly of themselves and often blame others for the things that they do. They have a complete disregard for rules and lie constantly. They seldom feel guilt or learn from punishments. Though some sociopaths have become murders, most reveal their sociopathy through less deadly and sensational means.
Nice sequel youtube video, ryan holiday's intern.
"Brunch ran late, just turned game on. IT'S 24-0?? Were the Pats with me at the restaurant? Do they know the game started? "
AHAHAHAHA Who the hell talks like that? Brunch ran late?
This guy is slowly morphing into DiMeo.
If a man builds a thousand bridges, but sucks one cock, he's not known to the world as a bridge builder, but as a cock sucker.
Tucker Max is a Zionist Kike.
Tucker Max is a Negro.
14 days until the DVD is out. Then the torrents will run yellow with the piss of Tucker's watered down script.
i know for a fact that Tucker Max has made many posts in this comments section
"i know for a fact that Tucker Max has made many posts in this comments section"
That's no big surprise. We all know the guy checks the blog daily- the script leak proved that.
"Tucker Max is a Negro."
Tucker Max is a light skin negro who doesn't speak with a negro dialect unless he wants to.
He usually speaks with an effeminate lisp which makes him more appealing and less threatening to America, then lets say . . . Lexington Steele, who is also relatively light skinned and doesn't speak with a negro dialect--unless he wants to. But Tucker's trade mark tiny hands are far less threatening to America than Lex's foot long schlong.
"i know for a fact that Tucker Max has made many posts in this comments section"
And like most of the posts he made on the Rudius Board, none of them are funny.
i know for a fact that Nils Parker is fat. . and his posts in this comment section reflect a culinary bent.
"Tucker Max is a light skin negro who doesn't speak with a negro dialect unless he wants to."
LMAO.
I know for a fact Tucker Max has made many moneys off this comment section
Griffin Sucks
Hadn't checked on Griffin in a while, so went to see what he was up to. Apparently his Tucker Max gravy train is running out.
No new tour articles in weeks. Now he's talking about fucking spiders.
pleasegodmakeitstop.jpg
I like saying Brigitte Bardot.
Wif ze outrrrrrAjus Frrench accent-a.
BRRRRRRRIGITTTTTTTE
BAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRDOT
Tucker Max anally raped by McGriddle. Film at 11.
McHambwich!
... I can't even remember what the stupid non-copyright version of the name was for the movie
anything avatar makes, we can double, easy.
We all know it, but how do you know "for a fact"? Has he told you about it? Just curious.
You want evidence and logic and crap like that? What are you, some kinda dirty capitalist?
13 days until the DVD is out. Then the torrents will run reddish-yellow with the bloody piss of Tucker's butchered, watered down script.
http://i50.tinypic.com/2yl8gep.jpg
why is she so cute
brufflolski.
FUCK!
It's like there's fucking Tucker sitting around peeing on whores and then God damn it, a beer in hell? What the fuck? Then, shit, Bunny sitting around dumping all over the place, pigtails and shit -- I'm serious guys it's a problem. This is a God damn atrocity and nobody should stand for it. Look him right in the eyes and be like "you fucking douchebag... you shouldn't piss on bitch-ass sluts" and he'll probably start crying. Fuckin' guy's a piece of shit. Let's club his knee caps, all together on 3! Fucking then have sex with the Bunny if she doesn't have a tequila bottle jammed up there already. Relentless shit. FUCK IT
CHEST BUMP!
SING for us, Jonathan! SING FOR ME!
KTAT
tucker max = cunt.
12 days until the DVD is out. Then the torrents will run reddish-yellow with the bloody piss of Tucker's butchered, watered down script.
"Assholes Finish First" should be the story of how Jay Leno stole the "Tonight Show" for a second time.
Tucker has had a great run as a douchebag, but let's face it, Leno has taken douchebaggery to a whole 'nother level.
well if you must know i was with Tucker fucking his brains out last weekend and found this site on his web history. we laughed about it and he told me he posts on here to "stir up the haters". he has made posts on here as recently as last week.
"well if you must know i was with Tucker fucking his brains out last weekend and found this site on his web history. we laughed about it and he told me he posts on here to "stir up the haters". he has made posts on here as recently as last week."
Nobody really cares. We know Tucker posts here. It's fine, really. He's welcome to get in on the joke, so long as we knows that he IS the joke.
^^ 2nd we = he
Tucker is a bag of shit.
^^ Hi, Tucker.
Hello haterth. Thith ith Tucker Makth athking you to cum (LOL! I'm thoooo naughty!) on out and thee my new Broadway muthical "Unapologetically Makth-uline" thtarring Pereth Hilton (OMGOMGOMG!) ath Tucker Makth, Ru Paul ath the womyn he loveth, and David Hyde Pierth ath Drew Peacock. Altho introduthing inthane womyn-hating fed Aaron "Thlingblade" Kellerman ath Andrew Cunanan who threatenth to end Tucker'th mathculine hijinkth in Thouth Miami Beach. Ryan Hollygay gave it two limp-writhtth up! Hope to thee you there daaaarlingth.
Go ahead and email me about thith people!
The fucking movie is out right now - get it while it's hot haterz: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=F4ERWCLO
^^^ Holy shit, guys. Confirmed. Let's download this bitch and get it all over the internet.
The movie's all over the scene now. Plenty of downloading options for you guys.
well, i'm watching it now, and it's not as shitty as i thought it would be. i even chuckled at one point. it pretty much is exactly a poor man's hangover. the characters are pretty undeveloped and the dialogue is forced, but it's at least watchable.
still not "good" by any means, tho.
I'm Tucker Max, and I like pretending to be a middle-aged chubby mother of two who pretends she's a 17-year-old hottie on the internet.
Just got done watching it (for free of course). not funny. just boring and forgettable. wow.
^^ agreed
How did this get made into a movie is what I really want to know.
Only through the first 15 minutes....dont know if I can stand to watch the rest.
IHTSBiH comes out in 11 days.
Get the word out that the torrents are up now so people will download the hell out of it.
No human being should pay actual money to watch this. Fuck Tucker.
Post where ever you can that the torrent is up.
Anyone a fan of Tucker on Facebook of his book or movie? Let all his fans know to torrent it now.
Tucker himself told folks outside the USA to pirate it. Everyone who wants to see it should pirate it.
Let's make this DVD release the biggest Tucker Max Fail ever.
Torrent that piece of shit!
http://milledrive.com/videos/38359/I_Hope_They_Serve_Beer_in_Hell.html
IHTSBH has been leaked. I found it while looking for good movies to watch.
The quality was better than I had expected reading all the crap reviews.
Granted I only watched the opening scene and a couple minutes of the campus stuff. Didn't really care to see what happened.
What?
would one of you faggots actually post a working link?
http://milledrive.com/videos/38359/I_Hope_They_Serve_Beer_in_Hell.html
This one works. You have to turn off Ad Block Pro though.
This looks like it was put together using only Windows Movie Maker.
Lots of torrents on piratebay.
Do as Tucker asked and pirate the fuck out of that piece of shit movie.
Encourage all your friends to pirate it.
Movie still sucks. Unmemorable.
Wow, movie was way, way better than expected. Laughed my ass off several times.
LOL the movie was actually pretty damn funny. The trailers did not do it justice. Oh well, Tucker is still a doucebag though.
so i finally watched the movie after downloading it for free, because id never give tucker money. i have to say, it was awful. it was like an alternate reality version of the hangover where the other reality totally sucks. there was nothing redeeming about it. predictable, hackneyed, poorly lit, bad actors, and the dialogue... insists upon itself. that's right, the dialogue insists upon itself, lois. i was very bored, hated it, and am happy to see tucker's vanity project go down in a whimpering aids structure fire.
-ryan holiday's intern
1000 times worse than i imagined or would have believed. A barely competent production.
Why are all the characters in the film angry, sarcastic, pissed off, bitter dudes?
What is fun about watching that?
Movie sucks.
At least I didn't pay shit to see it.
Torrent that fucker. Don't waste any money.
Damn, it was bad. Like, it wasn't a train wreck, but it was just so SLOW and LABORED. In half the scenes, the dialogue is just forced and unnatural (and rarely funny), and in the other half, it's like the director just start rolling camera and told the actors 'just come up wit whatever you can come up with.' Any movie where the 'big scene' is a guy going to the bathroom is NOT a good movie.
I just watched the opening and then flipped through it on ninjavideo. The thing is fucking horrible.
I'm not quite a hater either, I thought the book was great (for the most part) back when I assumed most of it was real.
American pie 10 with an unlikeable dink in the lead role.
What?
I watched the movie. I think the only thing I laughed at in the entire movie was when Czuchrhchcydchchchyhcry scooted past the maid lady after his poopy time.
Seriously, the movie wasn't good. I don't see what was so revolutionary about it. It looked like a low rate indie comedy.
Whatever, though. He failed. Hard. I hope that there are sequels so I can have as much fun watching this guy get decimated again as I did on this movie.
That might be the least funny fucking thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
Including the time I walked in on my mom giving my dad a rimjob.
I, too, am gay.
"Oh, gee, I am a hater too but the movie wasn't so bad"
Fuck you Ryan. Damn, I can't believe these guys are still trying so hard. That. Movie. Sucked. It was painful. It hurt to watch, it literally caused me physical pain but I was determined to get through it since at one time in the past I enjoyed his stories, and more recently have enjoyed watching him flame out. As much as I tried I could not watch more than half and I have felt dirty and a little nauseous for it all day.
watched it on watch-movies, I agree with whoever said that all the characters are so foul mouthed for no reason.
Theres a lot of problems with each of the characters but the main one I had a problem with is Geoff Stults character
He's getting married, supposed to be portrayed as the guy with a good head on his shoulders, and he succombs to all of Tucker's bull shit. Acting like him, degrading girls like he does and then we are supposed to sympathize with him when his wife gets in a fight with him WTF! He deserves to be in the dog house but they blame tucker when they are the ones too stupid to realize that they there so called leader friend doesn't give a shit about them this movie completely loses the audience.
I wasn't really a hater either but this movie is so sexist on a level that if you do relate or like this movie in anyway then you are the biggest douchebag
It was just so boring. I stopped watching after about half an hour. I can't believe he described it as "revolutionary."
The movie is painfully retarded.
Wow, movie was way, way better than expected. Laughed my ass off several times. Like when he , or when they all . I tried to watch the hangover afterwords but I just didn't think it was any good after I blew my load all over the Tucker Movie, saar.
^^redacted interpreted as tags, didn't show up
when tucker calls himself a narcissist, you guys all know he really is just a sociopath, right? narcissist sounds way better to the average person, but its painfully obvious that this guy is a complete sociopath. the movie blew, but i am looking forward to the sequel, because tucker learned a lot of lessons from his first movie, so his next one will nail it for sure. i hear that it's going to have wide release, but will only be shown in another dimension and reality called dimension Z9. unfortunately, that means most of us won't get to see it without our time machines. dont email me about this, people.
good lord that movie was awful.
demonoid members like myself got to DL it in about 3 minutes, so many seeders for this.
it was terrible. it will probably make less in dvd sales than at the box office.
i liked the one dude when he was in swimfan though.
Is Demonoid back up? It was down FOREVER.
What?
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
It's like a rough cut of a low-budget movie just going into the editing room.
It's ... painful.
Nils is fat AND sounds like a giant with down syndrome.
I can't believe I made it far enough to see his little cameo as the strip club DJ. I should've gouged my eyes out half an hour ago.
the funny thing is how successful sociopaths can become, before they inevitably self destruct, of course. i cannot believe that misshapen-head-tucker and glandular-disorder-nils talked their way into any funding of this vanity, fail-project. i mean really, look at the final product. not even a professional director, with professional actors, could save this piece of shit.
the dialogue... oh god, the dialogue. it sounds like tucker thinks he once said or thought of something funny, wrote it down, and then tried to force actors to recreate it in front of a camera... except it was never funny dialogue to begin with, so it sounds awful and boring the second time around too.
not one character, not fucking one, - and i dont even know who teh star was. was it drew? tucker? the guy who got married? the stripper? i dont know - had any redeeming qualities. the stripper, maybe. the rest - seriously, didnt you fucking retards know that these characters sucked? no one wants to relive the misery of your every day, sociopathic life, tucker. make it happier and more redeeming next time, you idiot.
the plot is funny because the hangover was released first. ha ha. you got fucked by the hangover which was actually a good movie. the hangover will go down in history, and IHTSBiH wont even be remembered in 5 years for an obscure hipster joke.
die, tucker. you sociopathic loser. you will never recover from this, and no one wants you to. your head is misshapen, you are effeminate, you have a man crush on every real man you ever meet, like the army guys you try to hang around.
finally, here is a picture of tucker, mac danzig, and forrest griffin http://fiveouncesofpain.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/forrest_tuckermax3.jpg
according to wikipedia, mac danzig is 5'8. according to my calculation, that makes tucker nowhere 6'0. you suck at lying, loser. suicide immediately plz.
Hey, whatever happened to Tucker's massive UK release in January? I guess the distributor there doesn't know a revolutionary genre defining product when he sees it.
while the film wasn't made for me and thank god I'm not in it's target audience, I must say it got better as it went along. For those who bailed on the first thirty minutes go back and watch it again. when I say it gets better I mean technically regarding lighting, pans, master shots and stuff. were there really people rolling in the aisles?
"Hey, whatever happened to Tucker's massive UK release in January? I guess the distributor there doesn't know a revolutionary genre defining product when he sees it."
He must be timing the UK release to his mythical trip to Ireland. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is so fucking revolutionary that Irish Protestants and Catholics are going to reconcile after viewing it.
I downloaded this movie and watched it.
It's bad. Not the worst movie out there, like some were making it out to be. But it's bad.
Mediocre, lame, forgettable, dumb. About the quality of one of those American Pie sequels (after the third one) or a straight-to-dvd National Lampoon movie.
And most of all, if you ever considered yourself a Tucker Max fan, this movie is DISAPPOINTING.
The humor is "meh" and no one under 30 will care about the "shock value."
guys remember this:
in this blog we are going to post all reviews of the film, whether they are positive or negative. all press will go here! no censorship!
except for the negative stuff.
were there really people rolling in the aisles?
I laughed a LOT more at the premier then when I rewatched it. Probably because I was several beers and shots in at the premier, and I was sober when I rewatched it.
I'm watching the movie now, and I'm considering turning it off, there's about 20 - 30 minutes left. It's the "fat girls aren't real people" scene.
Honestly, I tried to watch this movie with an open mind without Tucker in mind, and it truly is an awful movie.
The actress that plays the "nerdy" stripper is cute, and I think that may be the only redeeming factor of this movie, disregarding how unrealistic the situation between her character and Drew is anyway.
The audio is also really bad. What an embarrassment.
Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.
I feel bad for hating on it all these years without watching it first.
We need to admit to ourselves that this is a quality movie. It had subtle humor like Adventureland, and was a little too heavy on the dialog ala Juno. But still excellent for an indie comedy.
Hey Anonymous (Tucker?) at 11:20 pm:
Nice "review" you got there.
I feel bad for hating on it all these years without watching it first.
The movie came out a few months ago, moron.
We need to admit to ourselves that this is a quality movie. It had subtle humor like Adventureland, and was a little too heavy on the dialog ala Juno. But still excellent for an indie comedy.
"Quality," "subtle," "excellent," and "comedy" are not words I'd use to describe IHTSBIH.
Adventureland and Juno, for all their faults, are orders of magnitude better than this film.
The best that can be said about IHTSBIH is that it's not quite the shittiest movie ever made.
The cameo with Tucker playing Dan's brother at the wedding is awful. He sounds like a mumbling retard.
Matt Czuchry plays a better Tucker Max than Tucker Max.
How sad.
It was boring. I didn't particularly think the production was bad (except for maybe the sound in some dialogue - I couldn't make out) It was better quality than I expected but just simply boring. No funny anywhere, insulting, out of date jokes, complete lack of any redeeming female characters, (actually male charactiers too come to think) and trying too hard to be hard-ass that just came off looking lame. If I had paid to go to it I'd be pissed and telling everyone don't bother.
Tuckers acting was embarrasing. Even trying to act like a douche which should come naturally, he failed.
And as for Nils...(cringe)
Wow did you see all those Easter Eggs!!!
^^To 11:40 poster - 11.20 was irony. Nobody comes on this site and says shit like that and means it.
It's time for another round of "What Tucker Meant", brought to you by 'I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell', on sale January 26, 2010 on VHS and LaserDisc.
What Tucker SAID:
"In the jail scene, Dan makes collect calls to three numbers. Two of them have the “555″ prefix and are thus not real numbers. One does not. The first one he tries, the one that rings to Movie Tucker’s phone, is a real seven digit phone number.(It IS?!)
It is my real phone number(WHA--?!?!?!)
I am completely serious.(What a wild and crazy guy!)"
What Tucker MEANT:
"Please call me. I really need this. I put my real phone number in the movie because I'm perpetually starving for validation. God, please, let some Hollywood visionary who actually understands the profound depth of my artwork watch this movie and call me. Please? I'm cool. You really want to call me. Please?.... mother, did it need to be so high?"
So who did the real heavy lifting when it came to writing the screenplay: Nils or Tucker?
I get the impression that it was Nils who had to do the real work of hammering Tucker's totally "true" stories into a workable screenplay, as unfunny as it was.
Anyone know?
inb4 Nils is fat, etc.
Check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrEigv9PueM
At about the three-and-a-half-minute mark, Tucker and Fatass start talking about all the TONS of extras that are going to be on the DVD. Yet, the reviews of the DVD I've seen describe the extras as being pretty bare-bones.
I'm confused. It would seem that there's some dissonance between what Tucker and Lardbutt promised, and what actually came to pass.
"I'm confused. It would seem that there's some dissonance between what Tucker and Lardbutt promised, and what actually came to pass."
My guess is once this thing failed at the box office both just said, "Fuck this" and decided that whatever work had been done on the DVD before the failure is all they'll do and wrap it as complete. Darko probably told them, "We're not giving you shit for the DVD now. Release it as minimal as possible. Next, clean my asshole." They'll take whatever little piece they get from the sales to pay off the investors and suck the penis to pay off the rest.
Notice how you've barely even heard about the great DVD that's coming out next Tuesday? Tucker has put up one tweet about it.
They both know that they fucked this up and they're now trying to forget about it.
That, and as I said previously, Darko probably pulled any extra funds that would be associated with DVD costs and told them to fuck off. Waste. of. money. Darko may have actually wised up and realized that.
7:18, you are exactly right. What happened to a battle is lot but the war isn't over? His DVD is coming out this month and he's done nothing to promote it!
I could just slap that douche across the head. Had he just taken a little more time with his script he had the resources to do a decent movie. Dumbass.
omg, i was watching avatar, which IHTSBiH should have beaten easily, and did anyone else catch that easter egg where the alien said james cameron's cell phone number? tucker's so revolutionary. he takes a 100% vanity project, then puts himself and all his buddies in the movie for cameos, then adds his MMA man crushes to the movie, and puts his cell phone number in the movie BUT WARNS HE WILL NOT ANSWER !!11
james cameron is a hack
Beer In Hell: http://www.ninjavideo.net/video/55263
Griffin Writes latest post just randomly came through on stumbleupon when I was clicking for humor.
Does that mean the world is coming to an end? or should I watch IHTSBIH before I come to any conclusions?
In fairness to Tucker, Nils and Darko, the film brought in about 2-3 million box office if you include all foreign and money from bus tour. Do not forget there was a soldout coast to coast promo tour that brought in almost 400k between seats and merch.
with that in mind, if they can move 1,000,000 dvds, which is highly doable via word of mouth and torrent sites, they are looking at another 20 million in revenue. The movie only costs 6 mil to make. Tucker and darko will both get last laugh to the bank.
Hahaha. And as we shit talk Tucker's lack of DVD mention, he writes a blog post about the DVD!
Nice to know you're listening Tucker.
^^^^
In the words of a biscuit - you are seriously delusional. Based on what are you predicting 1m sales? Last year less than 90 movies sold 1m DVD's. Some of the biggest releases such as Sex in the City didn't even make that number.
"We did poorly theatrically because we failed at marketing and distribution"
OMG he's still in denial. Tukcer, you did poorly theatrically because it was a bad movie. It was not funn. It was crass and boring to the majoirity of people. (yes yes we all know about your thousands of fans but hell theres always the lunitic fringe) It was lame. And you made it.
Blog posts like the DVD one is the main reason I miss the message boards. Watching all the idiots verbally fellate Tucker's wisdom is hilarious.
^^ The guy predicting 1,000,000 DVDs is delusional, indeed. First off, the movie didn't do $2-3m. you're telling me that three cities in Canada and a limited release in the UK doubled the domestic take? Bullshit. Second, the tour brought in about 15,000 people (Tucker's number), so at $10 a head, we're talking $150,000 (merch sales don't count toward box office revenue). But even that number is misleading, because they still had to pay for the merchandise they gave away with each ticket, the bus, van, and hotel rooms, and the people that helped them on the tour. I guarantee the tour came close to breaking even (if it didn't LOSE money)- that cot was written off as part of Tucker's revolutionary P&A campaign.
you're still missing the bigger point, though- why didn't the movie make more money? Because people didn't think it was great. But not just the public at large- the devoted fans who knocked themselves out to attend the tour screenings didn't go and spread the word- that's why the movie failed. Now, why would those same people buy the DVD (especially when it's so easy to get for free, and that crowd is certainly tech-savvy enough to know about torrents and the scene)? They wouldn't- they didn't even like the movie enough to tell their friends, or to go and see it again (or, heck, maybe they did- if they DID, it bodes even WORSE for Tucker's DVD, for reasons that should be obvious). If Tucker's 'dedicated fanbase' isn't going to buy the DVD, why would the public at-large?
"In fairness to Tucker, Nils and Darko, the film brought in about 2-3 million"
Utter bullshit.
The newest post on Tucker's Facebook page:
"You're movie was so bad that I'm de-friending you. Pathetic."
AWESOME.
^^^ AHAHAHA... tucker just deleted that post from his wall. hahahahahaha it was only up for, like, two minutes.
stare into the abyss of madness!
http://twitter.com/BunnyBlog
The movie made between 2 and 3 million?
Which is it? You seem to have all your stats worked out. So is it 2 or 3 that it made? A million extra dollars is a huge difference.
More likely, you are just talking out of your ass. Like Tucker.
The movie made 1.429 million in the US. It played for a few weeks in 3 cities in Canada. If you add that to the $150,000 from the tour, you still have 1.7 million tops if you are being generous.
How is saying that 1.7 is anywhere near 3 million?
If you want to be fair to Tucker... then just speak the truth.
He is a shit human being who made a shit movie and wasted a shitload of money doing it.
Fuck Tucker. And Nils is fat.
The DVD will be the next in a long line of Tucker Max Fail.
Another post from Fucker, another load of promise not to keep. Shall we run a book on when tuckermax.com will get its promised facelift?
I'm giving evens on never. 2/1 on don't email me about this.
tucker's new post is funny. he says he doesnt mind that the movie is pirated, because maybe people will see it and tell their friends, and some friend who isn't as piracy savvy will buy it. oh, i see. tucker, you are forgetting that the more people who see your movie, the more who will tell their friends THAT IT IS HORRIBLE. most people would rather listen to the helpless death rattle of their firstborn son than recommend this horrible movie. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked. it sucked.
and you suck
I see all you Freak Safari fuckheads are having a circle-jerk about Tucker's new post. I figured you would.
Thought I'd point out that TiB is still holding steady with an Alexa ranking BETTER than it had when it was the RMMB. Great leadership, and the inclusion of Weekend Drunk Threads has led to this.
Meanwhile, what is Freak Safari's alexa ranking??? 2 million? So that means 20 visitors a day. Awesome. Good job faggots.
Fucking pathetic.
yes, idiot board members, you are so much cooler than the freaks safari. you won that electronic tug of war so hard!!! congrats. now please return to your respective tucker board and we will return to calling nils fat, etc.
I wonder if Charlie Hoehn, marketing wunderkind, puts this movie on his resume.
^^^ I'm sure Charlie puts it on his resume if there's room on the back of the cocktail napkin he writes it on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HdSfiKY8y4
tucker pwned again
Funny how Charlie Hoehn, individually, has a greater alexa ranking than all freak safari sites + forum + shirt genius combined.
He doesn't have a better ranking than TiB though. Fucking PWND.
You know why TiB succeeded? Because we weren't afraid to call Tucker on his bullshit in public. We didn't have to go to an anonymous comments section and hide. We said it out loud. That's why we have a better ranking than RMMB. That's why we are soon to be the best forum on the internet.
Freak Safari is hereby renamed Fag Safari.
TiB is hereby renamed The Irrelevant Board. Enjoy scrounging your 15 members for next month's hosting bill.
^^^^
15 members? You Fag Safari fuck. Try no less than 50 registered users at the lowest hours and upwards of 1000 during peak hours.
We maybe have young moderators like Grind, but his crass humor and leadership (along with Chater) lead the board to massive growth.
He is a young kid, but I really look up to him.
Bragging that the idiot board is better than Freak Safari is like bragging that your father used to rape you more than he raped your siblings.
What I'm trying to figure out is why all of you idiots (TiB guys) are still all over Tucker's jock.
Be truthful Mr. TiB guy, did you REALLY find Tucker's movie that funny?
Boards that sprung from Tuckers failure = more fail.
Recent post by Chater:
"I for one will be purchasing the DVD when it comes out. He's done great to get where he's gotten and accomplish what he has. It's unfortunate what happened with the movie, but I won't forget the book and everything else he's done. No more talk on supporting the movie. Just tell us what you think once you've watched it."
SOS. Same old shit. Sucking Tugger's cock and telling people what they can say and what they can't.
Tucker taught you well.
RMMB. TIB. You're both cunts.
And Nils is fat. I think we can all agree in that.
Seriously ... "I'll be buying it.
If anything to say 'thanks for the memories.'"
Right. In other words, "We all know that the movie sucks balls, but if Tucker ever puts up another message board, we would like to stay on his good graces so he'll send us pictures of his penis again."
omg you two retard clubs are still arguing over who is more retarded
Freak Safari and The Idiot Board both fucking suck.
All of you faggots, FS and TIB alike rode Tucker's jock, ergo, shut the fuck up and get off our board.
I am from the Idiot Board and we do not suck Tucker's cock!
That is slanderous!
We like to look at boobs and ass!
We would NEVER put Tucker's cock in our mouth and suck him of until he came!
We are cool as shit!
Respect!
This place smells like Doritos.
dear tib troll (obv),
tucker's board was filled with boring content written by low quality humans.
then 6'0 tucker shut down the shitty tucker board, which spawned these irrelevant, shitty, derivative boards.
but why? tucker's delusions and destruction provide entertainment; you guys are boring and irrelevant .
the irrelevant bored and freak safari should really just combine, cause the hierarchy at the bottom is uninteresting to us or anyone else. and next month when your $9.95 hosting bill comes up for your 200 mb of combined traffic between the two boards, you have a better chance of raising the money if you work together.
i have no advice for when your domain expires. that $12 to renew it isnt going to pay itself, and i know your 8 scholarly members are going to have to scramble for that one. start saving now?
Hey!!!
At TiB, we are intelligent AND we're depraved.
We LOVE talking about smart stuff AND we love tittays!
What's NOT awesome about that?!?
If you don't like it... then fuck off! Cause you must be gay.
That's right, just fuck right off!!!
Purely speculation, but here's what I believe happened.
Tucker makes film.
Movie gets screened by studios.
Studios pass on distributing movie.
Studios say the film is "too much like the Hangover", "unrealistic" and contains too much "hijinks".
Tucker sees this and suddenly panics. Realizes that some distributor might read his blog, so he creates an alternate reality where a fake soldier tells a story about how IHTSBIH is so much better than the Hangover despite being absolutely nothing like it because Tucker's movie is realistic and contains no hijinks. He does this in the desperate hope that Hollywood distributors are as dumb or dumber then the typical RMMB member.
Hollywood is a little smarter than the typical Tucker Max fan and IHTSBIH still gets no distribution.
Darko decides to go with Freestyle Releasing.
What happened to the UK release you lying Barsterd?!?!?!?!
"The book has become a classic."
What fucking planet is this clown living on? Has he really not learned a single thing from his ridiculous boasts-exposed-with-embarassing-failure experience?
How utterly excruciating.
you guys, erin tyler just killed herself. seriously. do NOT email me about this, people.
Amanda Whitaker on Tucker's facebook:
Dear Tucker,
I am so mother f*cking pissed that you made that stupid ass movie. I waited months before I could see it (being that I live in a very rural part of Vermont), finally I got to see it tonight. Tucker, This might be one of the worst movies I have EVER seen in my life. Your book is beautiful, a work of fucking art... Don't EVER try to make a movie EVER again. I am sooooooooo pissed. Soooooo dissatisfied! This movie made me hate my life!!! Just kidding.. but seriously.. IT SUCKED!!!!!
I love how Tucker deletes any negative thing said about his movie on his fan page. What about transparency Tucker? What about being objective?
What an ass clown.
He didn't delete them. He's saving them to post on the Haters part of the IHTSBIH site.
There's a commercial for the DVD on youtube. Pretty funny- at the end of the commercial, it has this website: www.beerinhelldvd.com, but if you go there, you find that it's not a working website.
Can't these people do ANYTHING right?
i can haz domain plox
He didn't delete them. He's saving them to post on the Haters part of the IHTSBIH site.
He didn't delete them. He's saving them to post on the Haters part of the IHTSBIH site.
He didn't delete them. He's saving them to post on the Haters part of the IHTSBIH site.
ahahah
tucker and ryan holiday are currently huddled in their 1 bedroom el segundo apartment planning their next move. armed with the 40 laws of power and The Secret, they plan to use the law of attraction to boost dvd sales into the stratosphere. first move, encourage piracy.
sorry, his strategy goes in this order:
first move: shut down message board. second move: encourage piracy.
third move: ???
4: profit!
Time to revisit the IMDB site.
Erin & Tucker have just posted some new bogus reviews, presumably to spam out the bad reviews.
Just keeping score here. Tucker Max gets 25 grand to speak at Jersey college 01/20/10.
"Max will address an audience of students only on Jan. 20, said senior Raquel Fleig, director of the College Union Board...Max's $25,000 speaking fee comes from entertainment fees paid by students each semester."
Add the few hundred grand he made last year from the film, book and the tour, I'd say the good doctor is making bank and enjoying his cocktails!
PWND!
As the principle owner Tucker also made bank on the sale of foreign rights. Darko is shit out of luck, but Tucker is living the good life.
Just goes to show you, a bunch of freak safari/4chan nerds posting on a hate site = still failures
Tucker max = living a life anyone of you pathetic fags would trade for in a heart beat.
DOUBLE PWND!!
Do these idiots honestly think Tucker is rich?
A few hundred grand over a few years is not that much.
Do these idiots honestly think Tucker is rich?
Tucker lives in Los Angeles and Manhattan. Owns part of a bar. Drives a Range Rover. Gets 25 grand to speak for 50 minutes at colleges.
Shall I go on?
^^^^^
Dude you got a bit of Tucker spunk on your chin.
How does that Tucker cock taste?
Tucker, why do you post here trying to promote yourself?
Have you heard of Tucker Max Fail?
That will be your only contribution to society, falling flat on your face in public and on the internet.
Thank you for giving us someone to laugh at.
And Nils is fat.
Add the few hundred grand he made last year from the film, book and the tour, I'd say the good doctor is making bank and enjoying his cocktails!
Um . . . you know the movie LOST money, right? He didn't make anything from it.
Eh, he probably got a salary from the budget. But for a first-timer it couldn't have been much.
Meanwhile, he doesn't live in LA (does he still split rent with Ryan Holiday?), no longer lives in Manhattan, and won't ever see a dime from future IHTSBIH sales.
Like I said, a few speaking arrangements over a few years does not make one rich. I mean, his company went under because it wasn't financially viable.
Months, if not years, ago, I predicted that after an inevitable box-office flop Tucker would start laying on the "Boondock Saints" and "Office Space" comparisons.
Chalk another one up for the haters.
As a producer on the movie, there's no way his salary for doing that whole tour was less than $100,000. Probably double or triple that.
And his twitter says he lives in Austin, TX.
I bet most of the 4chan/freak safari fags here bet they wish they made 1/100th what Tucker has made this year.
They should rename the comments section: Faggots place where fags comment.
Pathetic fucking fags.
. . and people still show up at these speaking engagements? Other than to picket them for promoting rape culture, I mean?
I thought he had forgone a good salary in favor of back-end points.
"Dude! Paying me $1,000,000 for something that's going to make $200,000,000? That's some serious fucking mafia expoloitative shit!"
I believe was the quote.
Good luck finding those points, douche-bag!
. . . and what's the topic of the speaking engagement? Is he up there with Tay Zonday and the Dancing Baby and the Star Wars kid talking about what it was like being a early 21st-century internet celebrity?
“For his May 11, 2009 speaking engagement at Ohio State, Tucker Max was paid $8,500, which included his travel expenses. This amount, which represents less than seven-tenths of one percent of OUAB’s annual budget, is one of the lowest speaker fees paid to a lecture performer by OUAB in the past few years."
One you throw in air fare, an agent's fee, and hotel, its not bad money, but you would need to do at least 20-30 a year to make a good living. The Jersey college mentions event fees of 25k, which includes probably the whole costs including security union lighting and equipment operators, set up and break down. If he is getting much more than 10k as his speaker's fee, I would be very surprised or these kids are just idiots for paying him almost 3 x what Ohio State paid him. My guess is that the budget for the whole event was 25k, which is why they were limited to d-list speakers, of which Tucker was the king of the d-listers
First of all, Tucker is NOT rich. I'm not sure about his current finances, but I am willing to put real money on the fact that they are worse than what they were two years ago.
Secondly, Tucker doesn't live in Manhattan and LA. He lived in Manhattan and split the apartment with MrJake, just like he lived in LA and split whatever he split with Ryan Holiday or whatever that idiot's name is.
Thirdly, nobody paid him 25k to speak.
Fourthly, stop believing what Tucker says from now on. It's obvious he's full of shit or at the very best, exaggerates the truth in such a way that makes his image come off as what he wants. If it isn't obvious to you now, then nobody can help you.
Well the other competition Tucker faced when doing the NJ speech was the chef from Ace of Cakes.
There's a win-win
First of all, Tucker is NOT fat. I'm not sure about his current weight, but I am willing to put real money on the fact that he's flabbier than he was two years ago.
Secondly, Tucker doesn't eat as much as Nils. He ate some of Nils' leftovers while splitting the apartment with Mr Jake, just like he ate some of Nils' leftovers and split whatever dribbled down Nils' chin with Ryan Holiday or whatever that idiot's name is.
Thirdly, nobody paid him 25k to eat.
Fourthly, stop believing what Tucker says from now on. It's obvious he's full of shit due to being constipated and having an unbalanced diet even though it's only visible in photos as extra flab. If it isn't obvious to you now, then nobody can help you.
You really think his salary for the tour was 100k or 2-3 times that? You think he earned 300k for doing his bus tour?
Who paid him? At that point the studios had rejected the film and Darko had basically checked out.
I always knew Tucker was an idiot, but you at least match him thinking he made money off his big bus failure.
Keep sucking Tugger's cock.
And Nils is fat.
TiB is awesome!!!
Stop making fun of us!
We are intelligent AND depraved.
Tucker and Nils paid themselves out of the $6m he raised for the movie. I'd say a generous estimate is that they each took $250k. On top of that, Tucker's probably smart enough to have made sure he had a little money put aside in case things went sour. How else could he afford to travel to Cancun and buy a (probably used) Range Rover, even while his investors are scratching their heads, trying to figure out where all their money went?
Let's remember that he's a selfish dickhole- you know he's going to look out for number one above all else.
It's going to be funny when my DVDs fly off the shelves and you're all stuck wondering what the hell just happened.
His DVDs* ....
What?
tucker is living such a good life that he shut down his message board. btw how far does 25k get you in LA? how far does losing 12 million get you in LA?
All you freaks are quick to claim that Tucker lost 12 million. Let's look at the real numbers.
Film cost about 5 million with Tucker and Nils each getting 100k for services with plenty of defered backends. Gosse got 300k. Now subtract tax incentives of 1.2 million and the film is at about 3.8 to make.
Films NEVER state actual costs in case a buyer comes along. You never want to low value your product. A larger studio or ditributor could have bought $$$ BIH after initial theatrical and re-released it wide.
Same with marketing budget. it wasn't 6 million but more like 3 million. In other words....the total cost of BIH was under 7 million, NOT 12. Now subtract the 2 million plus that has been made so far and with a moderate DVD release profitability is months away. Everyone but Gosse will be back for sequels.
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