The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 12201 – 12400 of 15918 Newer› Newest»Actor Geoff Stults passed on The Hangover to do IHTSBIH.
Taken from Tucker's Movie Blog (http://www.ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/95-days-out-a-general-update/)
"Geoff Stults, one of the three leads in our movie, was also offered the role of the groom in The Hangover. He had both that offer and our movie’s offer at the same time…and he turned down more money for The Hangover to do I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. There was a reason for that.
It’s not because The Hangover is a bad movie. Far from it–that movie is solid, and everyone knew it would do really well.
No, it’s because ours was something different, something special, and he saw that.
And in 95 days (or less), you’ll see for yourself."
Anyone else think Geoff Stults is kicking himself right now?
You're making a mistake. You're believing Tucker.
I watched the mcgriddle (pancakewich) clip last week and I have to give Tucker and Bob Gosse credit. That scene was even worse than I imagined it would be. And my expectations were low to begin with.
I played little league with Tucker in the 5th grade. He struck out pretty much everytime he went to bat.
it's so gratifying to know that NO amount of bullying, deleting posts from RMMB/IMDB or outright lying on Tucker's part can change the fact that IHTSBIH is a steaming pile of failure, in every sense of the word.
face it, tucker; you lost. BIG time.
^
"but at the length truth will out."
Instant karma's gonna get you/
Gonna knock you right on the head/
You better get yourself together/
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead
Sweet, delicious karma...the pinnacle of Tucker Max's career is floating in a shit-stained toilet, along with any chance he had at a normal life or a real relationship.
Hey, fuck him if he can't take a joke.
Let's break down the now infamous Magic Johnson/HIV joke. If this has already been done, I'm sorry.
Not only is it deplorable to mock a hero in the HIV/AIDS community, but it's just an example of Tucker's dated humor.
Johnson announced he was HIV positive in 1991. The bottom of his target audience range were little buns in their mothers' oven. The upper limit of his target audience were about six years old. Tucker was 16 at the time.
While he was at it, he should have made a Vanilla Ice or MC Hammer reference too. Maybe crack a joke on Jim Kelly and the Buffalo Bills, just for kicks.
or a richard kelly joke or two.
richard kelly has only epic failed in modern times.
Tugger has some new clips up. They're much better than the trailer (that's not a compliment), but it looks like a fucking soap opera.
"Phone Comedy Central and ask them for the ad rates for 30 second spots for daytime, primetime and cricket time."
They were prime time spots. And the other 3 films were all wide. Especially Jennifer's Body would have been expensive to be previewed before because of the P&A buy they did.
We're not talking 1 30 second spot, these were continuous runs. I think you underestimate how expensive it is to do anything in advertising.
Also, check out the "buzz" for Tugger's movie on Twitter. I searched for what people are saying about his movie, Zombieland and The Invention of Lying.
The last tweet on ol' Tug's movie was about 10 hours ago.
Zombieland? Less than a minute ago.
Invention of Lying? 22 minutes ago.
Yeah, your movie is red hot there Tugger. Nice WOM, right?
Jesus H. Christ, that "pancakewich" clip is fucking terrible. WTF is a pancakewich?!?! And yes, I realize the rant's directly out of the book and it's supposed to be a McGriddle; the movie name is still terrible, and the product looks nothing like it.
Don't even get me started on De Nils diamonds...this film is seriously the Aldi brand version of The Hangover.
No dude, you just don't get it. You need to go to film school and shit to understand the genius of the pancakewich scene. There's all sorts of underlying levels of meaning and symbolism and shit and it reveals all sorts of deeper layers of the characters. And shit. Except that film school nerds don't know anything about making movies. And shit. It takes a properly socialised man like Tucker Max to do it right.
And shit.
And, shit.
POOOOOOPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Tucker Makth is a properly thothialithed man who is unapologetically mathculine.
They were prime time spots. And the other 3 films were all wide. Especially Jennifer's Body would have been expensive to be previewed before because of the P&A buy they did.
We're not talking 1 30 second spot, these were continuous runs. I think you underestimate how expensive it is to do anything in advertising.
The expensive part of advertising is the shoot. A well done 30-60 second commercial can run into the millions to produce... although that kind of budget is more often a series of spots under one campaign. The media buy can be just as expensive if you saturate a campaign for months nationally in prime slots. A few prime spots for a week on Comedy Central and ESPN is nowhere close to millions of dollars. For a film promo, there is no shoot cost. That's already been done, it's just a matter of an edit/v.o./music to fit the TV time slot.
"ESPN is nowhere close to millions of dollars."
? Look at the cost of just Monday Night Football...which ESPN runs. It's always been big, but when Disney came in it got a pretty big jump.
We're talking a corporate entity worth Billions of dollars. Not some mom and pop shop on the corner.
Sorry, I thought we were talking about a Mom and Pop shop. My mistake.
If you could advertise on ESPN prime time for nothing...everyone would do it.
Any news on the BO numbers for Friday?
If you could advertise on ESPN prime time for nothing...everyone would do it.
Now I feel like I'm talking to Tucker. Where did I say you could advertise on prime time for nothing? I said a week's worth of spots on ESPN and Comedy Central did not cost millions.
"If you could advertise on ESPN prime time for nothing...everyone would do it."
Sean McKittrick, is that you? How's it hanging?
Damnit! When will Friday's numbers show up? I can't wait for tugger and the tuggeroos to explain why it's not a total failure. Me and my bros were planning on turning it into a drinking game.
"Me and my bros were planning on turning it into a drinking game."
That's totally gay, brah.
Yeah. You can only see the top 12 until they finalize the numbers for the day.
I did see on "the-numbers" that the number of screens only increased to 210.
So based on my estimate that per screen average drops 40% this weekend. 210*1800 = 378,000 or very similar to last weekend.
And that just goes to show that Tucker's art is too highbrow for America. Americans are too used to having their funnies spoonfed in little bites, they can't think hard enough to understand why Tucker's movie is so funny.
Has anyone seen the new clips Tugger posted on youtube? They're terrible.
Look at this stupid one showing one of the characters playing a video game. I fail to see how this is funny or would make someone want to go see the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIkQNr-cMWQ
anyone else think "unapologetically mathculine" might be the funniest quote of the year. tucker plaxico'd himself with that one.
Well -- we know he didn't make $1,000,000 yesterday. So his average is under $5000. My guess is he'll rack in about $200,000 for Friday.
I bet the preliminary numbers are terrible. Tugger hasn't posted one message on his blog or message board.
Okay, so i watched th new clips that tucker has posted on his youtube channel. as much as i want to hate the movie, i am being totally honest when i say those clips are thoroughly unwatchable. even though i wanted the hate the movie, it actually legitimately is AWFUL... and those are the clips that tucker chose to post! oh god.
Anyone heard the Friday estimates? The-numbers and Boxofficemojo don't have it because it's not in the top 10 or so movies.
Tucker hasn't posted 'cause he's out partying hard cause the movie has been KICKING SO MUCH FUCKING ASS!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does Learjet build Zeppelins? Zeppelins with jet engines, maybe? That'd be totally fucking rad, man. That's what Tucker's gonna get.
I bet the numbers were great! Tucker's probably out right now celebrating, getting Tucker Max drunk and banging deaf, dumb, blind and mute midgets.
RMMB is pretty quiet. No one dares to breathe a word until the box office figures are released. It's like they're a bunch of battered housewives, married to an abusive husband... too scared to say anything that might result in a beating.
www.griffinwrites.com finally updated again. No mention of Tugger. Even his loser sycophants are trying to distance themselves from his sinking ship.
I don't think anyone cares anymore.
"Another great start for Griffin. They put me on the next flight. I texted Jeff and told him I’d be in Atlanta three hours later than planned."
Yes Griffin, I'm sure they held an ugly, white, ordinary Canadian at the airport for 2 hours just to look over your paper work.
Learning from the other pathological liars I see.
"But I can’t imagine going home for the day and thinking “I ruined fifty people’s day today. I can’t wait to get back tomorrow and write more tickets.” What’s worse is that a lot of the personalities employed at these jobs seem to enjoy fucking people around. As if they were bullied as a kid and have a permanent chip on their shoulder, desperate to wield the hollow power bestowed upon them by the social contract — faceless, expendable minions of the status quo. Everybody hates them for doing their job, which makes them bigger pricks, spiraling into a vicious circle until they end up divorcing their fat wives at fifty years old and become vicious, self-loathing alcoholics drinking themselves into an early grave."
Is this guy serious? At first I thought Griffin was a very young dude because he is so naive. But it turns out he's older.
Guess what Griffin. It's not that deep. Most people don't go to their jobs saying anything at all. They just go do their job. Nothing more nothing less. They work...for money!
Revelations all around.
I can't get over how this guy writes. He acts as though every sentence is a great mystery...when it's plainly obvious things that most people understand by the time they are 25.
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell FACT #41: If Tucker Max fans were any more retarded, they'd all be on deathrow in Texas.
How does a female Tucker Max fan help make the world a better place?
She has an abortion.
How do you get a Tucker Max fan to kill themselves?
Put a knife in their hand and ask them "who's awesome?"
or just show them the BO results from his shitty movie.
Why do TUcker Max fans cry during sex?
The Mace
Tucker Max and Osama bin Laden jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who fucking cares.
What's the difference between Tucker Max and a bag of shit?
The bag.
What do you call Tucker Max if he had no arms?
Douchebag.
Why does Tucker Max carry around a piece of shit in his pocket?
It's his I.D.
What do you say to a Tucker Max fan in uniform?
I'll have fries with that.
What do you do if you run over Tucker Max in a car?
Put it in reverse.
How do you stop Tucker Max from drowing?
You don't.
What's white, orange and douchey?
Tucker Max on fire.
What do you call a Tucker Max fan with an IQ of 85?
Moderator.
What do you call a Tucker Max fan having sex?
Rape.
WHat's the difference between The Bunny's pussy and a bowling ball?
I could eat a bowling ball if I had to.
I'm the real feminitht.
Bunny and Griffin are the same person!
"Let me tell you something...I've been on that site since 2006, paid for his hotel in ATL when he launched his book because I was supporting a free website, and bought 8 of his books for gifts. I've never had a problem on that site until I sent him a rep point and told him to chill.
I said, "you're losing it with the neg. on the movie but just step back and quit banning everyone" and let it play out. Guess what? I was banned for my neg rep to him. He is off the reservation. I still have the email I sent him two seconds after and he responded in less than 1 minute, just like my neg rep. He's watching his press, his reps, his site, and all else Tucker. He's a total nut. This guy is kissing the mirror and cry while doing it.
This isn't some "hater" writing this. I have the emails and the hotel bill to prove it. I like supporting new people chasing their dreams, but this guy needs mental help. I am dead serious; he's lost it."
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148758708?d=148763397&p=1#148763397
Tucker is the type of person who happily takes and takes and takes, with no regard for the impact on those around him. I mean, really...the guy is in his mid-thirties and regularly plays dine and ditch. He is a sociopath who lacks empathy for others. Watch the implosion with glee from afar!
Ever notice that there are no more tucker supporters on IMDB? He has more or less alienated anybody who might have some sway with those few undecided people who don't yet have enough information to loathe him.
I vote for IHTSBIH# fact #34: Tucker Max's fan base is now tinier than his hands.
~ FDG
Let's vote for a title for the Tucker Max version of Troy Duffy's "Overnight" (that I hope to god is upcoming). Holliday, you better be filming this shit when you aren't busy picking up KFC for fatty and narciss-sissy.
I vote "Unapologetically mathsculine"
"Guess what Griffin. It's not that deep. Most people don't go to their jobs saying anything at all. They just go do their job. Nothing more nothing less. They work...for money!"
EXACTLY. That's one of the biggest things that pisses me off about the douchebag that is Tucker Max--his "I contribute to society by sharing my stories with the world" bullshit. No, you fucking don't. Yammering on about poop, buttsex and alcohol is NOT contributing to society, particularly when you do so while looking down your privileged nose at people who didn't have the luxury of a restaurant-owning daddy to pay for expensive private schools and managerial jobs.
XXXXXX XXXXXX to tuckermax
show details Oct 1 (3 days ago)
Tucker,
Nice job with the perma-ban. I've only been on your site since 2006. At the rate you're banning people, the site will soon be like the movie - DEAD. A little constructive criticism and this is how you act? Wow, the depth of your insecurity amazes me. I'm going to laugh as I toss out your book and sadly, watch your career drift into obscurity.
And to think, I thought you had a brain...what a douche you really are.
[Redacted]
Tucker Max to me
show details Oct 1 (3 days ago)
You are a tool and have been ever since you've been on the board. That
ban was LONG overdue.
--
"...highly entertaining and thoroughly reprehensible..."
-NY Times describing TuckerMax.com
XXXXXX XXXXXX to Tucker
show details Oct 1 (3 days ago)
You don't even know one post of the 50 or so I wrote. Dude, I'm shocked at you. You're in a complete melt-down. You're pathetic. A child.
Have a nice life...I really see you for what you are and wow, how sad. What all these people are saying is really true. Enjoy what's coming to you...I guess you really do deserve it.
XXXXXX XXXXXX to tuckermax
show details Oct 1 (3 days ago)
Tucker,
Nice job with the perma-ban. I've only been on your site since 2006. At the rate you're banning people, the site will soon be like the movie - DEAD. A little constructive criticism and this is how you act? Wow, the depth of your insecurity amazes me. I'm going to laugh as I toss out your book and sadly, watch your career drift into obscurity.
And to think, I thought you had a brain...what a douche you really are.
[Redacted]
Tucker Max to me
show details Oct 1 (3 days ago)
You are a tool and have been ever since you've been on the board. That
ban was LONG overdue.
--
"...highly entertaining and thoroughly reprehensible..."
-NY Times describing TuckerMax.com
XXXXXX XXXXXX to Tucker
show details Oct 1 (3 days ago)
You don't even know one post of the 50 or so I wrote. Dude, I'm shocked at you. You're in a complete melt-down. You're pathetic. A child.
Have a nice life...I really see you for what you are and wow, how sad. What all these people are saying is really true. Enjoy what's coming to you...I guess you really do deserve it.
^^^
Yes I know. Tucker is a fucking pig and deserved to die during the Cultural Revolution.
The song Glorious Morning by Waterflame.... I've been listening to it all night.
Gawker has a clip of Tugger's appearance on Carson Daly's show. I like where Tugger claims that he is "unapologetically mathculine."
http://gawker.com/5371215/tucker-max-and-carson-daly-together
Comment from the Gawker article:
"What the hell is masculine about poop jokes and date rape? Dude, you're DESTROYING masculinity. You and your merry band of fratty weasels are reducing the idea of being a man to a petty punchline. The whole Tucker Max ouvre is nothing more than 'According to Jim' for the under-30 set, a helpful indoctrination program for an overweight middle-aged period of dumbassery prior to justifiable expiration on the couch of some sort of heart defect. Being manly used to have something to do with humility, hard work, sacrifice, and fidelity, and the fact that Tucker Max embodies none of those ideals is comforting to real men. Because real men get to look at 'I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell' and accurately yardstick their superiority."
MOTHERFUCKING PWNED!!!!!
"Let's vote for a title for the Tucker Max version of Troy Duffy's "Overnight" (that I hope to god is upcoming). Holliday, you better be filming this shit when you aren't busy picking up KFC for fatty and narciss-sissy.
I vote "Unapologetically mathsculine""
I second that
I just watched the Carson Daly clip. Tucker speaks like anyone actually gives a shit about his opinion. Whoa, bad news for you Tucker, you've got Ryan Holiday Syndrome.
I got banned today from RMMB. All I did was say that I really liked Tucker's movie. I emailed Tucker to find out why and he said:
"You didn't say that you really REALLY REALLY REALLY liked my piece of art. In fact you called the movie by it's name instead of calling it a piece of art.
You are unworthy to post on the board."
You should have done what I did: Leave a negative review that sounds like praise. Tucker is too stupid to understand sarcasm.
i just got this email from a navy seal over in afghanistan. dudes, STOP ASKING ME FOR MORE INFO, i cannot reveal anything else about my seal buddies other than what i have said. here's the email:
hey dude,
i am *redacted* and i brought along a few copies of your books for my buddies. needless to say, we almost blew our cover from laughing so hard! the operation was a success and *redacted* and then the general ordered the rest of the troop to read your book! keep up the good work man.
navy seal
a funny thing happened to tucker on the way to completing military basic training. they decided that he was so masculine that they ordered him to write a blog about what it's like being in the special forces. so he "failed" out of basic training in order to complete the mission. 100% True story.
I'm just not sure whether or not Tucker is even the coolest one of his friends.
dude, im not even the most mathculine one of my friends. i'm just the firsth to fail basic training.
im not even the most mathculine one of my friends.
im not even the most mathculine one of my friends.
im not even the most mathculine one of my friends.
-
I have 2 questions. I hope someone can answer them swiftly. It would ease my mind.
QUESTION THE FIRST (In 2 parts) - Who is Ryan Holliday? What does he do for a living?
QUESTION THE SECOND - Does anyone know where i can find the friday BO numbers?
Thanks. One Love.
Ryan Holiday is Tucker's PR guy. I believe he was one of the first people Tucker hired. He also did PR for American Apparel; Gawker had a story about their collapse that included some quoted emails from Holiday where he and an AA executive are pretty much whining at each other about the marketing.
Shameful admission: way back when Tucker first posted his thing about how he was looking to hire someone for Rudius and that this would be a great position, getting in on the ground floor of a new startup with a lot of potential, I seriously considered it. I was unemployed at the time. Ended up taking a shelf-stocking job at Sears instead. All things considered that was much better.
Hey Jennifer. You're pushing 35, not 23. What're you going to do when the cosmetics and airbrushing can't hide the wrinkles anymore? What're you going to do with yourself then, huh?
Watch Tucker, Jennifer. Watch and learn. Lies only last so long.
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You're up rather early, Bunny.
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Because Tucker is feral, he lacks certain manners. Table manners, primarily.
I suppose this is because his Mom was a flight attendant, and thus never home when he was growing up, never there to teach him how to use things like forks, knives and napkins. It could be because she kicked him out of the house at 16, and he was forced off to boarding school, where he ripped up scraps with the other little wolves, sporting a wild crudeness that grew into totally disgusting table behavior. Whatever the cause, he eats like a fucking animal.
Even at the finest restaurants, there is no use of a napkin. More often than not, there is no use of table implements, forks, knives, etc. He eats sushi at Nobu in front of Morimoto with his fingers. He eats ribs like a caveman at Carson's, diving in, wolfing the platter down in a manner which leaves sauce mittens on his hands to nearly the wrist mark. You are appalled and say, "Do you want to borrow my napkin?" though you don't want to give it to him for fear of him returning it when finished. And with a great smile of barbeque sauce on his cheeks and chin like clown makeup, he says, "Nah, I'll clean up when I'm done." Luckily, he finishes his food in under two minutes like my Heeler. He excuses himself with the sauce mittens and clown face, and while he's in the loo washing up, the people around you look in your direction with empathy, for you are out on a date with a retarded boy. Awww...
More often than not, this table conduct leaks into other areas of social grace. There is zero filter between brain and mouth, and so everything that is spun up in his brilliant little head is in less than seconds time put out into the air. This can be quite embarrassing. Sometimes it's excruciating. But there are other times--when he says the one honest thing that you are thinking but don't have the balls to say--you fake shock and awe for the sake of maintaining a certain social propriety, but you wholeheartedly feel: God bless Tucker. He's so real.
I had gone to dinner with Tucker, Robert Greene and Neil Strauss, and now we were sitting in a bar off Sunset with two lovely women. They were Albanian, I believe, and almost certainly struggling actresses of some sort. They were flirting with Neil with their backs to Robert. One wore a babydoll dress and seemed to be either dating Neil or at least aiming to do as much. The other had a great Diana Ross type afro of hair and lithe body. She was wearing some sort of eighties dancersize getup you see on Melrose. It was teal, my least favorite color. The babydoll girl was fine. I wanted to punch teal Diana Ross in her left fake tit. There was something really foul about her energy.
Robert seemed a tad bored. Neil noticed this. He told teal Diana Ross, "Robert is Robert Greene."
"Huh?"
"48 Laws of Power Robert Greene."
"Huh?"
"New York Times bestselling author--sold millions of books--Robert Greene."
You should have seen her face. It was disgusting. It lit up like Christmas tree bedecked with gold-digger tinsel. She turned sexily--like LA news women in their promo shots--till she was facing him with little personal space between the two of them, then put her arm around his back.
"So, Robert. Tell me about yourself."
And Robert Greene is not a dweeb. He's quiet, and gentle and very unassuming, and when you first meet him, you think, "What a nice man," but by the end of your time spent in his presence, you're touching your collarbone and thinking, "What a sexy man," because that Art of Seduction shit really works. There's no reason to not find him fascinating, unless you're a soulless whore.
Tucker noticed teal Diana Ross' move. We both did. I clenched my fists under the table and kicked Tucker in the shin. Above the table, I kept smiling and being nice. That was how I dealt with it. Tucker had a different way of dealing with it, a way which involved brutal honesty and no brain to mouth filtering.
He smirked, and said at the highest volume he could muster, "So speaking of prostitution, how'd you girls get into America?"
Sometimes I love that fucker.
People always ask me, "What's it like to be friends with a narcissist?"
I tell them it's like being friends with a very interesting and dynamic person who lives inside a swimming pool. They're beautiful and intelligent, and they swim, swim, swim in circles all day long 'neath ten feet of water, impressively so in their own world where they can control things and heave their weight around supernaturally, like Poseidon, or a little boy in a bathtub playing war with his GI Joe dolls. From where you're watching them, we're all obeying the laws of physics and reason, and we can empathize with each other, but through the water it's different. Everything belongs to him. Particles of matter bend to his whims. People are pawns. There's this disconnect that's often hard to swallow, but there are also times--beautiful times--my swimming pool friend comes up to the surface and chats with me as just himself...without all that crazy water.
A few days before I left Los Angeles, Tucker and I went out for lunch and a walk through Runyon Canyon with the dogs, and it was on this somewhat sunny, hot afternoon, that my swimming pool friend breached the surface for a bit.
"Bunny, do you think the financing will come through?" he asked me, taking off his shirt to make the sun come out. That's how it happens in the pool: 1) Take shirt off. 2) Make sun come out.
"Of course it will, Rilla."
Murph dashed thirty meters up the trail, spun out and laid in wait for Maxie-who trotted insouciantly, hoping to spy a pretty, long nailed lady with which to spark flirtations. Murph got tired of waiting for Maxie to return her invitation to play, and charged back down the hill, kicking up dust and debris with her signature stride. She wastes all her motion laterally, bouncing to the right and then back to the left with each lay of her paws to the dirt, not unlike a wobbly train that's about to derail, a joyous, retarded train. Tongue flopping outlandishly, she smacked into the side of Maxie and squealed. She then squatted and shat.
"Do you really think so?"
"Of course I do, Rilla. You've been on the best seller list for three fucking years. Just 'cause the media is too retarded to respect you, doesn't mean there isn't a huge market for your movie."
If you swap out "best seller list" and "movie" with other accomplishments, you can say we've been having this conversation for five years. We're both so tired of it. There was a time when we would stay up all night long and talk about our various dreams--ones involving grand pieces of art, ones involving houses on hills and lots of kids and dogs in them, ones involving justice for the people who add value to the entertainment industry, ones involving the vanquishment of the people who don't-but that sort of talk has become exhausting. Talking time is over, and has been for quite some time. Now, its walking time, and the walking is going way too slowly.
He sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
The tiny cloud that shrouded Runyon blew over Beverly Hills, and it became too bright to keep my sunglasses on my head. I slipped them down over my eyes just in time for my "special needs" dog, my Heeler, to whack me in the back of the knees, squeal, and then run off, ears flapping joyously. The way her ears flap, I sometimes imagine that her head is a retarded crow. Flap, flap, flap. So much joy in one little dog.
We stood side by side and admired the smogged layout of Los Angeles, sort of fluffy under the smoke. Little gray buildings downtown. A green square of pubic hair over Hancock park. La Brea snaking up through Hollywood. Century City. The Baldwin Hills. It all seemed as faux as my experiences within it. Had I even lived in this place? I was too tired, body and soul, to even consider it.
And as casually as can be, the real Tucker--without the water--turned to me and said, "I just...I don't know. I really don't want anyone else to have to go through what I've gone through out here with all these assholes. It's not right, and something has to be done about it. People shouldn't have to take abuse to get a project made."
"I agree, Rilla. That's very empathetic of you."
I said more about how excellent it was to see him, the narcissist, showing some empathy, just as he began to curl his forearms up and flex his pectoral muscles, his biceps, his triceps, etc. Just like that, my swimming pool friend had retreated to the depths again. He was checking himself out in my sunglasses.
"Are you...are you checking out your muscles in my glasses...in public."
"I look hot in this lighting."
So yeah. That's what it's like being friends with a narcissist. He's there, and he's not there, quick as shit.
But I'm so very proud of him, and I love him dearly. It is difficult to say how much I do without sounding crazy or pathetic. All the good analogies, metaphors and similes are used up and he's not my boyfriend, nor has he been for a great while. I'll just say that when I left Los Angeles, I gave him the greatest parting gift ever, fifty-five pounds of retarded joy. It pretty much felt like giving away my kidneys.
I miss them like hell, my "special needs" animals.
I hope Bunny gets into a terrible, terrible car accident, and is horribly injured, so she has to go to the hospital and undergo intensive treatment that would completely bankrupt her, during which she would contract several variant diseases and being a slow process of terminal decline to irreversible death. People would hear about it, and they would come see the brave young woman facing such horrible disasters with such bravery and strength of spirit, and be moved to tears by the generosity and goodness of her heart, and they'd ask each other, "Why? Why must this happen to such a wonderful young person? Why did we not see her qualities before? Why did we cast her aside and not raise her up, as she truly deserved? Oh, Leigh, forgive us! Forgive us our trespasses! It should be us lying there, not you! You're too good! What shall we do without you? Only now do we see your qualities, only now do we realize how empty and shallow life shall be without you! Don't leave us, Leigh, don't leave us! We love you!" And Bunny would say, "I forgive you," with a peaceful smile radiating serenity and goodness. And then she would die. And everyone would weep with the memory of what they had lost - weep, and remember Bunny.
...
Nah, not really.
6:32, that's a really good story. Repost from bunnyblog?
Just 'cause the media is too retarded to respect you, doesn't mean there isn't a huge market for your movie.
Just 'cause the media is too retarded to respect you, doesn't mean there isn't a huge market for your movie.
Just 'cause the media is too retarded to respect you, doesn't mean there isn't a huge market for your movie.
Just 'cause the media is too retarded to respect you, doesn't mean there isn't a huge market for your movie.
OBOYZ!!!! IT IS SPAMTIME NAOW??? I CN POAST 2!!!!!!!!1??/
- BIFF!!!
Fuck you all, my Rilla is a genius.
Fuck you all, my Rilla is a genius.
Fuck you all, my Rilla is a genius.
"People shouldn't have to take abuse to get a project made."
people shouldn't have to take abuse, period. Too bad Tucker disagrees.
Just 'cause Im off my meds and too retarded to notice, doesn't mean there isn't a huge resale market for the pills I wasn't prescribed.
6:32 am – 6:37 am.... that's the most insightful piece I've ever read on Tucker. And if that's Erin who wrote it, it's the best thing she's ever written. It clarifies pretty much every aspect of his behavior. Thank you for that.
SO it's Erin Tyler who is to blame for Tucker's movie!!!
She could have just said: "Your script is shit, there is a market for your movie, but GET FUCKING REAL!!!"
No, instead she told him how awesome he is, because she's needy and needs to be nice to him at all times so once in a blue moon he's nice to her.
Bunny, I was wrong. You do have promise as a writer.
I felt the energy. That's your goddamn book. Now see it through to completion.
What did Bunny get for all her troubles?
Tucker chose to write with Nils and use her as a sounding board for everything regarding the film. She's probably done more work reading the script than both Nils and Tucker combined. She was at all the script readings, all the casting sessions, meeting with talent, producers directors. Fuck, she was the person who got Max Wong interested in the project to begin with and got the ball rolling.
What did she get for her efforts? Nothing. Okay, not "nothing", she's going to get a big THANK YOU at the end of the credits. But that's it. She fucking deserved an associate producer credit at the very least, and TUcker, who had a lot of control on the project didn't fight to get her that credit. He rolled over the second they said NO to giving her a credit. Fuck, she could have been given a credit and Tucker could have given her one of his many points on the project just so her take wouldn't come out of Darko's points.
Did he do that? No. He fucking left her high and dry and made his movie without her getting any credit at all. A year later Tucker is telling everybody how great the movie is going to be while she was in rehab or a psychiatric hospital.
Erin, I don't know if you read this, but come on, that's got to sting. Yet you still fight for Tucker tooth and nail. Why? Why? Why? He's not your friend. The little "good times" are tempered by the 99% of the time he treats you like shit and you get nothing out of it.
Make a clean break. End it all. No more message board, phone calls when he needs you, etc. End it. Work on your art (which is excellent on a lot of levels) and do something for yourself BY YOURSELF. If it happens for you, that's great, if it doesn't you'll still have your dignity. You're too good of a person to keep this shit from going on and on in a vicious circle where only you feel pain.
Wow, Tucker is seriously a piece of shit.
Here's an exchange from IMDB with a Tucker fan. I'm just archiving it here as things get deleted on IMDB:
Let's say Joe B. Messageboard reads your script and thinks it's terrible, and the general consensus from a number of people predisposed to hate your material told Joe the film itself was trash. Joe has not seen the movie, but decides that these influences alone validate his opinion of the film as a whole, so much so that he feels the need to share his opinion with others in an effort to sway theirs.
That's a valid question, but here's my take:
If the main ingredient to bat guano pie is bat guano, why would it take a taste test to know that it is repugnant, foul and distasteful? A movie is built around a script, and if we wish to extend the metaphor, the other ingredients are merely intended to bring out the best properties of the bat guano. In the end, having the bat guano pie baked to perfection does not alter the fact that the shell is filled with excrement.
As a screenwriter, would you accept this if it happened to your film? If you ran into Joe on the street and he told you that your movie sucked, but prefaced that with the information that he hadn't actually seen it, would you even take his criticism seriously? What you're saying is akin to someone calling a restaurant terrible because one particular dish wasn't to their liking. Maybe the dish was so bad that it would prevent the person from ever going to that restaurant again, but one dish doesn't necessarily speak for the others or the menu as a whole.
I would imagine 9 times out of 10 someone would just say, "Let me get back to you on this" and then never return your calls. Sales or hitting VCs up for funding isn't much different, and the VCs in particular are just slightly more refined versions of what you see in Hollywood. They suck the life out of you.
If anyone was that honest with my script (assuming I had one) I'd do my damndest to engage the person into a discussion. You rarely see that degree of honesty in a rejection, and if it's honest criticism, you dissect the reasons why he thinks it's crap, or what needs to be done to make it a sellable product or fund worthy venture.
But that's really an aside. If reliable quantifiable measures (24% acceptance rating among respected movie critics, poor box office receipts) and anecdotal evidence exists, then it doesn't take a rocket science to understand that "Beer in Hell" sucks. That's not to say that a niche audience wouldn't enjoy it. If you showed Michael Moore's latest movie to the Republican National Committee, I wouldn't expect applause. His movie serves a niche, albeit a much more sizable one than Tucker's. But the difference is that Moore's movie (though obviously stilted) had the benefit of quality content, ample funding, quality direction and production values. Tucker's movie had a no-name director with zero comedic experience, a rather unfunny script, and actors who had no background as standup performers (which is extremely important, as ad libs can salvage a weak script). It doesn't take a Hollywood a*hole or VC to project that piping hot bat guano pie won't sell.
7:54, what's the story behind Erin and Tucker? How'd they meet, and are they actually together!?
Darth Vader is one cool badass dude.
Just to be clear, I like the sound of my own voice.
"Hello! ma baby, Hello! Ma honey, Hello! ma ragtime gal.
Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me, Honey, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone;
Oh baby, telephone and tell me I'm your own.
Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello there."
The Bunny is a decent writer, but no phenomenal talent. Leading her down the path of "you could make a living at this" is cruel punishment. I suppose its kinda sorta interesting how she could love someone with almost no redeeming qualities, but that story has been told before, and better.
Tucker is not beautiful nor brilliant. Rather, he is a pretty run of the mill narcissist, whose ego is held together by safety pins against the constant blitzes of failure and mediocrity.
Tucker distinguishes himself not be talent or brilliance or art, but only by sheer repulsiveness.
I have sympathy for faux-Diana Ross here. She probably has more talent than Tucker and Tyler combined, just based on the law of averages.
It makes me laugh how all of Tugger's fanboys say "Oops, I missed that one joke, I'm now going to go see it again next week."
Seriously, if Tugger makes money from this movie, it isn't because of WOM or it being any good, it's because his fanboys are making it a point to see the movie 3-4 times EACH.
Oh, and each time they bring a different friend who HAS NEVER HEARD OF TUCKER MAX, BUT LOVED THE MOVIE.
Can overly obsessive fanboys really have true friends in real life? I think not.
No one has the box office numbers from Friday or Saturday? It's showing they expanded to 210 theaters, but can't see the per screen averages yet.
1533 average on 210 screens.
Gentlemen and ladies, it's been a pleasure working with you on this.
Latest fanboi spin - Tucker didn't make the movie funny on purpose. holy shit!
My guess (based upon no personal experience or facts whatsoever): Tucker's playing for the end-game. He and Nils could have made this movie a lot more funny, done a lot more ridiculous shit, and sold a lot more tickets. But, by taking that route, they would have -- to borrow a line from "Drew" -- torpedoed their chances at future success. Fourth quarter, Tucker took the short yardage run instead of risking an interception with a touchdown pass. Romo might get on SportsCenter but Brady wins games.
At least Tucker cracked the Top 10 in all time releases by Freestyle!!!
http://boxofficemojo.com/studio/chart/?studio=freestyle.htm
fail
I'll bet that Tucker starts complaining that estimates from Box Office Mojo aren't accurate
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?page=weekend&id=ihopetheyservebeerinhell.htm
will it be able to make it to a milli though?
Limited Fan Base + Terrible Script (no name cast * mediocre director) * Egomania from a dislikable person * Horrible marketing * Critically panned final product = TUCKER MAX FAIL
Hoo-ah! The weekend numbers are in and for the second week in a row, I beat The Hangover like I beat TheBunny and Nils beats anorexia. Not only that, we increased from 25th to 24th. Had we gone wide, we would be in the top 12.
Trust me, I just got this email:
From: [redacted]
To: Tugger Max
Subject: Awesome movie bro
Tugger, I'm a marine stationed in [redacted]. Although I've never heard of you or your book, I was talking with a fresh fish between fire fights. He's green as grass and talks with a thick asian accent:
Pfc Asian Guy: Ah, Tugger Max, he so funny!
Me: Yeah dude, I've never heard of him or his book or his movie
Pfc Asian Guy: He make movie, I Hope They Selve Beel in Herr, vely funny, bettel than The Hangovel. Mole lealistic.
Me: Shit dude, that's fucking awesome. I bet it redefines comedy and shit
Pfc Asian Guy: It beat hagovel rike Nirs beat anolexia. Onry leason it not numbel one movie because it not show on 17,000 scleens. pool malketing by dalko and fleestyre
Shit, we're under fire, so it's time to kill me some insurgents, catch you later dude.
How fucking dare anyone out there make fun of Tucker after all he has been through.!
His movie bombed, he's reviled by 80% of America. His name is now synonymous with "fail" and "douchebag."
His ex-girlfriend turned out to be an alcoholic and a whore, and now he's left fucking college girls half his age. All you people care about is….. readers and making money off of him.
HE'S A HUMAN! What you don’t realize is that Tucker is making you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him.
He hasn’t written anything in years. His book is called "I hope they serve beer in hell" for a reason because HE'S TRAPPED IN HELL! HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL!
LEAVE HIM ALONE! You are lucky he even made a movie for you BASTARDS!
LEAVE TUCKER ALONE!…..Please.
David Zuckerman talked about professionalism and said if Tucker was a professional he would’ve pulled it off no matter what.
Speaking of professionalism, when is it professional to publicly bash someone who is going through a hard time.
Leave Tucker Alone Please…. !
Leave Tucker Max alone!…right now!….I mean it.!
Anyone that has a problem with him you deal with me, because he is not well right now.
LEAVE HIM ALONE!
@10:57 AM
That was sarcasm, right? It has become impossible to distinguish between sarcasm and genuine fanboy posters
Well, it's over. He can't him and haw anymore. He saw a 50% drop off weekend to weekend. Which is terrible.
Out of theaters in 5-6 weeks. Like I always thought.
Originally I had put this as below 5 million BO. But it turns out I was just too optimistic for Tucker (which is saying something, because I thought my numbers were very low)
"It has become impossible to distinguish between sarcasm and genuine fanboy posters"
Yeah...I think that happened a few weeks back.
That in itself is amazing. We've seen so many fanboy arguments that we see one who is being sarcastic and it is indistinguishable from a real fan.
That's quite pathetic.
Bob Gosse opens up about Tucker:
http://laist.com/2009/10/04/laist_interview_bob_gosse_i_hope_th.php
-9/28 guy
Not insurgents. The proper term is "towelhead" or "sandmonkey" or "shitnigger" or "roadkill".
Hope this helps!
"Bob Gosse opens up about Tucker:"
Heh. He does. As politely as he can.
He also basically admits he didn't have a directing career left when he took this. No wonder he did it, it looked like there was no downside.
Wow, that guy is as big a douche as Tucker. No wonder he hired him.
"Out of theaters in 5-6 weeks. Like I always thought."
If the investors were smart, the only theaters in 5-6 weeks are the cheap-ass, near college theaters.
dude, im not even the most mathculine one of my friends. i'm just the firsth to fail basic training.
im not even the most mathculine one of my friends.
im not even the most mathculine one of my friends.
im not even the most mathculine one of my friends.
1500 PTA!! No expansion. Failure defined. Darko will be lucky to recoup 700,000 dollars from theatrical when all is said and done.
Maybe Gosse's company was called the Shooting Gallery because he uses his feet for target practice.
Tucker's MO seems to be that he believes himself to be smarter than everybody else and that no matter what he does he will do a better job than everybody else.
That's why he failed at his father's restaurant business DESPITE being the son of the owner. He had all these great ideas without ever having worked in the industry before. He berated the people who worked under him and was intellectually lazy, thinking he knew better than everybody else. In the end he Tucker Max failed.
Cut to the present day: He walked into the movie business knowing nothing. He got his movie off the ground and had all these great ideas about the business without having ever worked in the industry before. He berated the people who worked under him and was intellectually lazy, thinking that he knew better than everybody else in the industry. The end result:
Tucker Max Fail
You figure that some people learn from their mistakes, but it's doubtful. Where does Tucker go from here? Who knows and more importantly, who cares?
Moderation is slack on TMMB at the moment. I guess it's difficult to see the Haterz through the tears.
I'm Macker Tux.
"If it turns out that this thing rides to a 210 million dollar box office based on it word of mouth starting in the 18-24 year old age group and in select internet circles and is regaled as a classic comedy--then I was right, for the right reasons, and I should be considered an expert. I called it before it happens, exactly how it would happen. If it crashes and burns, then I was completely wrong and I have no idea what I am talking about and shouldn't be making movies. And it if does something in between--say 80 million, and gets a demographic profile I didn't predict--well, I was still kinda wrong. Being right for the wrong reasons is mostly luck, and I'll need to tease out what was me and what was luck. Being right for the right reasons means you are probably onto something."
Bob on Tucker:
On the other side, he had no idea what he was doing. He was new to the filmmaking process, and he would get very frightened when he didn't understand things. He didn't understand initially the idea of coverage or that it takes an hour and a half to move the camera and re-set the track and put the wedges under the tracks so that the dolly is even. Then we'd have to tweak the lights and actors would have to go back to make-up. The whole thing confused him. He was very, very overwhelmed. And even during pre-production I'd say, "Hey, Tucker, we're going to go scout this strip club. You should come check it out." And he would come and bring his dog, but he wouldn't understand what we were doing. We were checking the power sources, seeing where we could park the trucks, where would we take our meals, where could we go to the bathroom, could we get air-conditioning units moved in -- he just got spooked a little bit. You know? And the actual shooting of the film was the same thing. He would periodically spin out, and he would berate a crew member irresponsibly for no other reason than he didn't know what he was talking about. And he didn't do it with any malice. He was just doing it because he wanted to participate.
Translation: spoiled brat throwing tantrums every five minutes.
Yep. That's Exam Truck.
http://gawker.com/5373983/i-hope-they-serve-staff-meals-at-chilis
Gawker exhuming the Tucker Max corpse only to piss on it. Tremendous work. I can't wait for this weeks hissy fit on RMMB.
holy fuck, I just saw the carson/tucker clip and seriously, what the fuck? I'm not sure if his mouth was pumped full of novocaine or if he's mildly retarded, but the way he looks and talks seems abnormal, to say the least.
The mods deleted this total and complete crushing of a pissy nuthugger...which is too bad, Millertime73 is my hero;
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attitude View Post
Ok, I'll play along. I don't know if Tucker gets "butthurt" over your criticism. If I had to bet though, I'd bet he doesn't give a shit what you think. I'm actually pretty sure about that part.
This is his forum, he sets the tone. A huge part of his shtick seems to be punching buttons and being offensive. It looks like he doesn't like that in turn.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attitude View Post
As for your assertion that he micro-managed the film, well, I have no idea. I wasn't there.
I read the blog from day one. I have my eyes open. It's that easy to see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attitude View Post
Did you see the movie? The point here is to discuss the actual movie.
Is the point to honestly discuss the movie, or is this just another marketing platform?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attitude View Post
Because you're really just a troll trying to get some dig in on Tucker because, well, I don't know why. Because he gets more pussy than you? Because its always been your dream to make a movie but you wouldn't even know where to start? Because you're a typical tuesday morning QB who always knows better then the coach? Except that you've never actually accomplished anything. Thats pretty clear.
1. Anyone can get pussy, that isn't some giant feat I'm in awe of.
2. I've had three posts here, you are really grasping at straws.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attitude View Post
Thoughtful criticism is fine. What did you add? Some heresay about Tucker micro-managed the process (as if thats even a bad thing - I'm sure he wouldn't be the first creator to do that).
Point is, you not only add no value, you're just a distraction.
Think carefully before you post again. Be thoughtful or funny. Otherwise you're gone.
Hiding behind the mantra of allowing only "thoughtful criticism" is a ridiculous crutch. It is smoke and mirrors, because you are the only allowed arbiter of what is thoughtful. Not to mention, this is a movie about drinking and fucking. It isn't the film adaptation of "Atlas Shrugged".
I posted some funny shit. You deleted it because you didn't want Tucker or others to read it. Funny from someone whose screen name is "Attitude".
Put your big boy pants on and we can have a discussion.
Tucker Max on the Bob Gosse interview. From RMMB:
"I know many of you are capable of thinking for yourselves, so play this game. Ask yourself:
Was Bob on the premiere tour?
Was Bob at any of the premieres, save the LA one?
How much press has Bob done during this process?
There is a reason he hasn't been involved in this movie since he showed everyone his directors cut, and answering those questions above can give you all the understanding you need of Gosse's attempts to spin the situation to help his career in the one interview he has done for this film (an interview he scheduled for himself through a contact with a friend)."
Tucker on Gosse, version #2 (Tucker edited the post]:
"I know many of you are capable of thinking for yourselves, so play this game. Ask yourself:
Was Bob on the premiere tour?
Was Bob at any of the premieres, save the LA one?
How much press has Bob done during this process?
Answering those questions above can give you all the understanding you need of Gosse's one interview he has done for this film. There is a reason he hasn't really been involved in this movie since he showed everyone his directors cut. I mean, it should tell you something when the director can't get basic facts right about his own movie--for example, Matt was cast LONG before we got to Shreveport, in fact he as cast before we even secured financing. It was Marika we cast when we were in Shreveport.
Look, Gosse has his own issues, and I don't care about them or want to discuss them beyond this post. They aren't relevant to me anymore, or to the movie, or to anything in the future."
HAHAHAHA...
Originally Posted by Determined
Is this guy throwing you under the bus or something? This doesn't really square with the image I got from the blog posts. You were doing video interviews of minor players just because you thought their job was cool, for fuck's sake.
Posted by Tucker
"I know many of you are capable of thinking for yourselves, so play this game. Ask yourself:
Was Bob on the premiere tour?
Was Bob at any of the premieres, save the LA one?
How much press has Bob done during this process?
Answering those questions above can give you all the understanding you need of Gosse's one interview he has done for this film. There is a reason he hasn't really been involved in this movie since he showed everyone his directors cut. I mean, it should tell you something when the director can't get basic facts right about his own movie--for example, Matt was cast LONG before we got to Shreveport, in fact he as cast before we even secured financing. It was Marika we cast when we were in Shreveport.
Look, Gosse has his own issues, and I don't care about them or want to discuss them beyond this post. They aren't relevant to me anymore, or to the movie, or to anything in the future."
What do Richard Kelly and Bob Gosse have in common?
They've both participated in making two of the least profitable films (at the box office) in all of history.
http://www.the-numbers.com/movies/records/budgets.php
Biggest Money Losers, Based on Return on Investment
Release Date: 11/14/2007
Southland Tales (directed by Richard Kelly)
Budget: $17,000,000
Worldwide Theatrical Gross: $364,607
Percentage return on investment: -98.93%
Release Date: 5/4/2001
Eureka
Distributor: Shooting Gallery (Bob Gosse and Co.)
Budget: $2,000,000
World Wide Theatrical Gross: $76,654
Percentage Return on Investment:
-98.08%
Those two sure can smell a winner. No wonder they hitched their fortunes to a lying douchebag conman like Tucker.
But wait, what's this?
Who else is on that list?
Troy Duffy.
Release Date: 1/21/2000
The Boondock Saints (written and directed by Troy Duffy)
Budget: $7,000,000
Worldwide Theatrical Gross: $250,000
Percentage return on investment:
-98.21%
Everyone needs to lighten up here. Maybe Tucker's masterpiece will have strong international box office receipts. Even though it's only made $800k in the U.S., it can easy earn $199.2 million overseas.
- Tucker Max fanboy
The big question is: When will Tucker's "trusted third party" release his box office prediction? I know Tucker has some crazy ability to predict the future, so I'm dying to know if he predicted the movie will make $900,000 or $1 Mil. Either way, I'm confident Tucker's incredible business acumen helped him predict the BO within a few hundred dollars.
From Nils's post-
"If you ask Kevin Smith, the reason Z&M didn't do well is because the studio fucked up in its marketing scheme and failed to promote the movie properly--as a broad, semi-raunchy, semi-raucous studio comedy. While that sounds like a bunch of rationalizing and excuse-making (which it is), there is some truth to it when you consider that the landscape of American film over the last 10 years is littered with shitty, unfunny comedies that were box office successes precisely because they were crammed down the throats of movie-goers.
Still, were the movie actually funny you would expect word of mouth to sustain its progress to some degree after its opening weekend. That did not happen, and that is not the studio's fault."
HAHAHAHAHA- wonder if that applies to any other movie???
fail
^^^^
Good find. Lest anyone forget that Nils is every bit the deluisional self-aggrandizing douchebag that is Tucker -- he's just fatter and slightly less lispy (or in Tucker terms: unapolgetic masculinity).
Seriously, you have to wonder what Tucker's low-ball estimate for IHTSBIH was. 20, 30 million? LOL.
Rick James's Bitch
The Virgin
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 459
Validation Points: 2120
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tucker, if the sequels are greenlit, do you have confirmation from the players associated with the film that they'd come back? I would think you'd want to avoid an American Pie/Van Wilder situation where you have characters played by different actors. And with Gosse preusmably not returning, what kind of an impact would that have on the stylistic elements of the next film?
__________________
I wonder if Tucker will see through the sarcasm.
I wonder if Tucker's Drill Sergeants would've described him as "unapologetically masculine"?
Btw, the not-so-subtle digs at Gosse crack me up. Why does everyone who works with Tucker end up thinking he sucks?
"If you ask Kevin Smith, the reason Z&M didn't do well is because the studio fucked up in its marketing scheme and failed to promote the movie properly--as a broad, semi-raunchy, semi-raucous studio comedy. While that sounds like a bunch of rationalizing and excuse-making (which it is), there is some truth to it when you consider that the landscape of American film over the last 10 years is littered with shitty, unfunny comedies that were box office successes precisely because they were crammed down the throats of movie-goers."
Nils is a f ing moron. Z&M is a funny movie...it was reviewed so, it's a good, solid, funny comedy from Kevin Smith.
It recouped costs on BO, DVD and second market. Yet another Kevin Smith victory.
Because he can make movies on the cheap and always has. He doesn't overspend like some idiots.
And Boondock though a BO failure, made up it's money on the secondary market.
Troy still had a chance, in fact, that launched his career. He just blew it in subsequent movies.
Tucker is blowing it with no success whatsoever.
From the Gosse interview:
"So I thought, 'If I'm going to do another film ever, it's going to need to be a genre film.' It should be a comedy. It should be a horror film."
Well, Bob certainly nailed it. Films don't get much more horrible than 'Beer in Hell'. The way that movie is massacring the careers of everyone associated is more terrifying than any horror film Hollywood's ever produced.
"Be thoughtful or funny. Otherwise you're gone.
Hiding behind the mantra of allowing only "thoughtful criticism" is a ridiculous crutch. It is smoke and mirrors, because you are the only allowed arbiter of what is thoughtful"
How can they not see the painfully obvious contradiction in this? I mean, he used the same fucking word!!!
Twitter is buzzing with the artistic masterpiece (sorry AIDs baby):
@moose190 seeing #ihopetheyservebeerinhell @ carousel mall. theather's less than 50% full :(
LOL
From Twitter Guy:
"I hope they serve beer in hell fact #37:The Rudius Media Message Board is so quiet that you can hear the sweat accumulating in Nils' navel."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Tucker's movie was a spectacular failure on so many levels, the only thing he succeeded at was killing a few babies with AIDS.
~ FDG
i don't know who i'd be more embarrassed to be this weekend- tucker max or lindsay lohan.
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell the movie will come out in theaters at some point between May and September, and will be bigger than ANYONE (except me) is predicting.
Well, it did come out in September and it beat my prediction (225-250k opening weekend, 800k total before disappearing in 3 weeks).
(Thanks for digging that quote up, TDG)
I would absolutely LOVE to see Tucker's response to this question which, incredibly, wasn't deleted from his site:
Misha Filitov
Let's Go Get 'Em
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 175
Validation Points: 10
Quote:
"Under 10 mil would be a bomb. 10-29 would be considered respectable, but probably underperforming to some extent. Over 30 would be very good, and over 40 would be considered by pretty much everyone in Hollywood a hit. It would guarantee at least one sequel, probably two (depending on DVD). Lots of movies considered hits make much less than 40--on higher budgets and with stars." -Tucker Max, December 17, 2008
What are the normal expectations? Has the movie's performance thus far caused you to re-assess the movie making business model?
^^^^^
Ask and you shall receive....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misha Filitov View Post
"What are the normal expectations? Has the movie's performance thus far caused you to re-assess the movie making business model?"
The movie has not done very well at the box office. Given the situation we were in--indie distribution and very small P&A--it's to be expected. The odds were stacked against us. I thought we could beat the odds, but we didn't.
He did respond to it.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21503&page=21
Basically threw up the white flag as far as the box office being a success, threw Bob Gosse under the bus again, and said ".. can you monkeys let the fucking thing get through its run? I mean, at this point the writing is on the wall, but I would love it if some of you would lets thing happen before you analyze them."
So he admits the writing is on the wall, but wants to wait for it to play out before commenting. If someone could explain this Tucker logic to me, I'm all ears. But then again, I probably don't understand it because I'm not even the cooleth one of Tucker's frienths.
Tucker the douche strikes again:
Originally Posted by Rick James's Bitch View Post
Tucker, if the sequels are greenlit, do you have confirmation from the players associated with the film that they'd come back? I would think you'd want to avoid an American Pie/Van Wilder situation where you have characters played by different actors. And with Gosse preusmably not returning, what kind of an impact would that have on the stylistic elements of the next film?
In order to have sequels, the DVD has to sell very very well. Until that time, anything else is speculation. I will say that in success, money talks, and the actors are normal people in that regard. And Gosse was never in play to direct the sequels, no matter what this movie did. That was decided by Nils and I early in the editing process (by contract, we pick the director for any sequel). We didn't talk about it to spare Bob the embarrassment. Which makes his interview that much funnier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misha Filitov View Post
What are the normal expectations? Has the movie's performance thus far caused you to re-assess the movie making business model?
The movie has not done very well at the box office. Given the situation we were in--indie distribution and very small P&A--it's to be expected. The odds were stacked against us. I thought we could beat the odds, but we didn't.
Before I write about everything the release has taught me, can you monkeys let the fucking thing get through its run? I mean, at this point the writing is on the wall, but I would love it if some of you would lets thing happen before you analyze them. There is plenty of time to write about the mistakes that were made later, and I will write about them, all of them, when the right time comes, and when I've had enough time to look at everything with a more objective perspective. I tell you people more than anyone in media tells his fans, and you still only know a small fraction of what happens.
Quote:
I'm dropping the Bob Gosse thing, but I'll just throw this in: as a fan, it is EXTREMELY interesting to hear about the drama and stuff that didn't go well during filming - more interesting, in fact, than the stuff that went right. I respect the fact that you'd rather not dwell on that stuff, but I'm just laying it out there - if you had a blog that relayed those stories, I'd read every word.
You're not dropping it, you're writing about it again, aren't you?
Have I not written about how I acted on set, like, 100 times already? Of course I was a control freak on set--I said in the LA times piece that Nils and I were the ones that blocked scenes, ran the rehearsals, gave notes, made all the creative decisions in editing and marketing, etc, etc, because that is what happened. And did I ont write exhaustive posts about how little I knew about the technical aspects of movie-making? And I have said ad nauseum that I am hard to work with and can have a temper at time? Bob said nothing in his interview I haven't said before, he just tried to put his spin on it so that he can feel better about everything that has happened to him since we wrapped shooting.
Nils and I are writing the comprehensive book about the movie--everything that happened behind the scenes, all the stories we haven't told yet, etc, etc. I wrote the most comprehensive, exhaustive blog ever kept during the production of the movie, and we still left a ton of shit out. Some of it for time constraints, some because it was embarrassing to various people at the time (myself included), some because I wasn't even sure how to write about it or we didn't know what was going on at the time. But the book will cover everything that has been told and everything that hasn't. If you've been following along since day one, there really won't be a ton of new stuff in there, it'll mostly be interesting filler. If you are new to the movie or something like that, the goal is to make it the most comprehensive book ever written about what its like to make a movie for the first time--the accomplishments, the mistakes, everything. It should be good.
I'm not going to talk anymore about it here. You're just going to have to wait until the book comes out.
Tucker SERIOUSLY believes that anyone will want to buy a book about making a festering, rotten turd of a movie?!??!?!?
wow.
Hey, come on now, without a pointless fail book to keep his attention occupied Nils will just eat his wife out of house & home. For once Tucker is committing to a charity project.
Outstanding issues:
1. Will Assholes Finish First be rejected once again by Simon Spotlight? If so, will he be required to return the advance?
2. Will Ryan Holiday give up the ghost, and go back to school? I'm sure he gets by with financial assistance from home.
"Tucker SERIOUSLY believes that anyone will want to buy a book about making a festering, rotten turd of a movie?!??!?!?"
Isn't that exactly what Troy Duffy did with "Overnight"?
Hahahahahaah Following in great footsteps Tucks.
So he admits the writing is on the wall, but wants to wait for it to play out before commenting. If someone could explain this Tucker logic to me, I'm all ears. But then again, I probably don't understand it because I'm not even the cooleth one of Tucker's frienths.
Let me explain it to you:
---
"I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure!" the Queen said. "Two pence a week, and jam every other day."
Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, "I don't want you to hire ME - and I don't care for jam."
"It's very good jam," said the Queen.
"Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate."
"You couldn't have it if you DID want it," the Queen said. "The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday - but never jam to-day."
"It MUST come sometimes to "jam to-day,"" Alice objected.
"No, it can't," said the Queen. "It's jam every OTHER day: to-day isn't any OTHER day, you know."
"I don't understand you," said Alice. "It's dreadfully confusing!"
---
See, if you ask tucker a question, he generally either bans you, calls you an idiot, claims to have gone over it already, or promises to answer in the future (at which point he won't answer because he's already gone over it).
People, seriously: who remembers the fake Tucker interviews from about a year ago? Is that guy not turning out to be a total prophet?
There's something about the way Tucker keeps saying "I'm not going to talk about this anymore" that reminds me of the wife in The Room. It's almost a shame his movie is just amateurish rather than genuinely, epically shitty, like The Room, otherwise he'd have a shot at cult classic status.
Is TrembleTheDevil one of us? He wants this thing to succeed sooooooooo badly. I mean, he's still clinging to the hopes of some kind of Twitter effect. Either a troll or even more delusional than Tucker.
Nobody wants to get to heaven and find out they backed the wrong religion.
Interesting reading Tucker's comments about Gosse's lack of involvement with the premier tour. Implicitly acknowledges that Whocry and Stults wanted nothing to do with the film since they weren't at any of the events. In fact, only Bradford and Kerri Lynn Pratt seemed to be at any events. Which is kind of odd in Pratt's case as the rumor was that she couldn't stand Tucker at all.
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
^^^ Hahahahahaha. 'Repeat story Guy' can't count.
9:14--aren't you guys a bit tired of the constant fail?
This is a true story, and tucker max has a lisp
I try as hard as I am able but still I cannot muster any amount of caring for Tucker Max and his Tucker Max fail of a movie. He was much more interesting when I thought he had achieved some level of unjustified success -- as it turns out, it was all smoke and mirrors. Should I try and be interested in Arthur Kade? Should I start paying attention to whatever Troy Duffy is up to? Or should I get a fucking life and not obsess about what a broken, pathetic little man does with his time?
Somebody joined under the name "Jamie Tarses". Here is what he/she wrote:
Tucker:
"If it turns out that this thing rides to a 210 million dollar box office based on it word of mouth starting in the 18-24 year old age group and in select internet circles and is regaled as a classic comedy--then I was right, for the right reasons, and I should be considered an expert. I called it before it happens, exactly how it would happen. If it crashes and burns, then I was completely wrong and I have no idea what I am talking about and shouldn't be making movies. And it if does something in between--say 80 million, and gets a demographic profile I didn't predict--well, I was still kinda wrong. Being right for the wrong reasons is mostly luck, and I'll need to tease out what was me and what was luck. Being right for the right reasons means you are probably onto something."
------------------------------------
I would have ended the post with
C
U
Next
Tuesday
OK, I saw it.
I confess, I'm a hater. But I went and saw the movie. And I didn't hate it.
But that's not good enough.
I didn't love the movie either. The pacing was off, the jokes were lukewarm, the plot was rough. You can really sense the amateurish feel behind the movie.
There were positive aspects. I thought Matt and Geoff both pulled off their characters well. Dan in particular was very likeable and the Tucker character did have a bit of charm (more so than the real Tucker Max). Drew was all right but a bit heavy on the lines and his romantic subplot really felt forced. He by no means stole the show.
The crowd was about 2/3rd full but only a few people laughed consistently. The shit scene did cause a bunch of laughs (myself included) but that really was the highlight of the movie. Everything else just kind of meandered along.
All in all, that's the problem with the movie. It's not terrible, but it's nowhere near good enough to spread by word of mouth. I really don't see people drumming much enthusiasm for it (although this has already been proven by the low box office). I'd give the movie an overall B-. Funny, yet forgettable.
Oh, and watching Tucker in his cameo was just painful.
"I'm not going to talk anymore about it here. You're just going to have to wait until the book comes out."
And so it begins.......again.
De ja vue anyone?
PS is this due before or after "Assholes "?
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER worldwide box office as of 10/04/2009:
$456,703,632
I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL worldwide box office as of 10/04/2009:
$863,000
Yes, folks, 'Beer In Hell' has done approximately 1/529th as much box office business as 'The Hangover'. Tucker is really, really bad at forecasting.
So its obvious Tucker and Bob had a falling out. To be expected really. But it would be nice to know a few details. Come on some of your Shreveport people - I
know you're watching. Spill a little.
Private jet, here I come.
Tucker wants to write a book about the filming of a movie no one went to see. What is the hook then, that it's going to be from the point of view of a complete unknown independent, Hollywood Outsider?
OK maybe I can see that. The only problem is that the movie was a complete failure and outside of what you hear on RMMB, everyone on the crew hated Tucker.
If Tucker writes this book, it won't be full of his ridiculously half-truthful stories? Then who cares! Who would even want to publish a "behind the scenes" book about a movie that was panned by critics and ignored by the people?
You'll Never Bag Douche in This Town Again.
""I have no idea what I am talking about and shouldn't be making movies." - Tucker Max"
^^^^
That should be everybody's tag on IMDB.
I'm waiting to see what kind of ridiculous spin comes out today.
Of course, He's still believing it will do great on DVD. So we'll have to wait a few more months before we can look at the pathetic DVD numbers and maybe then Tucker will finally realize it's all over.
6:23,
No, no, a thousand times NO! When DVD sales are inevitably mediocre to bad, Tucker will just move the goal posts again. That's why the epic box office fail is so amusing. Tucker was so full of himself, made so many ridiculous claims that he provided a huge target, one that could be independently and objectively verified. Now, having met with abject failure, he's simply trying to change the rules mid-game so he doesn't have to admit that he failed. Just because he's a dishonest hack, it doesn't follow that we have to let him off the hook.
Tucker can't lie because DVD sales are verifiable. As are DVD rentals. So there's no chance he can say "we sold 1 million copies of the DVD" because nobody can access BookScan to verify.
Tucker just posted this great email showing that it does have the largest marget in the world in the bag.
Haloo Tucker Sar:
My name is Rakeysh Omprakash Mehrah from Calcutta. I just saw your marvelous and wonderous moving picture which I afforded to see. "I Desire to Drink Malt Fermented Beverage Prior to Samsara" begun with a sublime collection of eye and ear candy tailor made for the Bollywood viewing pleasure. I especially appreciate the rustic and colorful Shreveport and the manner of explore the morbid underbelly of Adult Dancing Entertainment. The nuptial pre-event will make big expression in Punjab culture since both involve mythical exploration of dwarf. Like many film of Amir Kahn, your picture moves from sprawling higher learning place to a riot of neon before settling gently on wings of penal difficulties.
With great apologies Mister Tucker, I did take liberties with showing of movie to audience of Tamil refugees who never even heard of internet fascination Tucker to the Maximum. Although Tamils are ignorant swine, they love realism. intelligent dialogue, and no hijinx of your most pleasing movie. We believe film will also appeal to most castes and muslims; and Sihks will find defecation movie segment of utmost satisfaction and enjoyable. Gurkas likely think your fine and colorful art movie even better than Mike Tyson tiger stealing movie called "Gross Headache following Large Drinking Excess."
With gracious indulgence and shame in troubling great filmaking genius Nils and Tucker, greatest enjoy would be had if trouble to trip to Dehli and show great picture to festival of america filming in Bollywood theater. Most happiness will happen if great audience who know not Tucker sees "Malt Beverage Prior Samsara" and build great fan base for you and your true but funny stories. Also on bill in Dehli is great producer Troy Duffy to present his crime epic Boondogging the Reincarnated starring most delicious Julie Benz.
Pleasure of cable reply acknowledging two coach tickets on Air Pakistan with railway package from Karachi to Dehli; and pension stay in Hotel Raj for three excellent day. Assurances granted and made that most wonderful and beautiful Dalits females will prepare thier pussainas in traditional fashion for Nils and Tucker.
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" . . . will be bigger than ANYONE (except me) is predicting."
TM
^^^^
PMC from IMDB
What do you guys think would happen if Tucker dropped acid? Or if he were dosed without his knowledge or consent? How might Tucker's ego withstand a psychedelic experience? Would it destroy him, or save him? Would dosing Tucker with acid be a noble and compassionate act of redemption, or a horrific violation of his fragile psyche?
Just something to ponder.
XOXO
- Cute Feminist
Still radio silence on the RMMB boards?
"And Gosse was never in play to direct the sequels, no matter what this movie did. That was decided by Nils and I early in the editing process (by contract, we pick the director for any sequel). We didn't talk about it to spare Bob the embarrassment."
As compared to the embarassment of being the person who, by your own admission, has no business making movies?
Keep digging, Tucker. You'll make it to China eventually.
All good poasts are repoast poasts
http://laist.com/2009/10/04/laist_interview_bob_gosse_i_hope_th.php
"He was new to the filmmaking process, and he would get very frightened when he didn't understand things. ... The whole thing confused him. He was very, very overwhelmed. ... He would periodically spin out, and he would berate a crew member irresponsibly for no other reason than he didn't know what he was talking about. ... It was interesting to be in rehearsal and have Tucker witness what we were doing, because he was befuddled."
Please, please, PLEASE tell me that someone saved a copy of this IMDB post.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/nest/148826804?p=1
Apparently it was the response of one of the investors, but the OP deleted it.
I must read this.
Beer in Hell's ranking based on BO:
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
CHARTS (click to view) Rank
All Time Domestic 5,908
Top Movies in the Past 365 Days 219Yearly 2009 149
Yearly Opening Weekends 2009 122
Yearly R Rated 2009 50
In homage to his movie beating the Hangover and changing Hollywood, Tucker "Keep on Failin'" Max
has made some changes to his next book. First, the title has changed to bring it in line with how his movie compared to other movies in terms of box office. He's also decided to go with a self help theme:
TO FINALLY BE RELEASED IN JAN 2010
Assholes Finish 5,908th - How To Spin Your Epic Fails Into Victory!
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