The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 12001 – 12200 of 15918 Newer› Newest»Hey guys, my bros and I were arguing, maybe you guys can help.
Is tugger a "has been" or a "never will be?"
Hey guys, my bros and I were arguing, maybe you guys can help.
Is tugger a "has been" or a "never will be?"
________________________________
tugger's friends aren't even the coolest ones of themselves.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:
* Reacts to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
* Takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
* Has feelings of self-importance
* Exaggerates achievements and talents
* Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
* Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
* Requires constant attention and admiration
* Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
* Has obsessive self-interest
* Pursues mainly selfish goals
In one of Tucker's post he recently challenged people to compare his behavior to Troy Duffy's (of Boondock Saints/Overnight fame). Please someone drag up Troy Duffy's comments from the movie Overnight and then post them side by side with Tucker's comments blasting Darko/Freestyle.
"I'm confused. This mess is like the aborted baby McCoy didn't want and threw away. If it's too confusing for McCoy, God help us all"
lolingest comment all day
Treatment
Psychotherapy may help the affected person relate to others in a more positive and compassionate manner.
Causes
The cause of this disorder is unknown. Narcissistic personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood.
Tests & diagnosis
Personality disorders are diagnosed based on a psychological evaluation and the history and severity of the symptoms.
Prognosis
The outcome varies with the severity of the disorder.
Complications
* Relationship and family problems
* Alcohol or other drug dependence
I hope they filmed the whole filming process so we can get Overnight 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbbPYfW2s-E
odd
Good Movie, 15 July 2005
7/10
Author: juanathan from United States
There is nothing more enjoyable than watching a very mean and terrible person getting what he deserves. It helps me get up in the morning that complete jerks like Troy Duffy get what they deserve. He is an egotistical under talented sexist intolerant moronic alcoholic piece of trash that I have no sympathy for. He clearly did it to himself. Although I have to say this film was not well put together and carried on on some subjects too long it was very entertaining. It is amazing to see how much Troy Duffy thinks of himself. He is a jerk to his whole family especially his brother. I really cannot believe he is trying to get back into the industry with Boondock Saints 2. Poof!
Troy Duffy: [about his band's royalties] You do deserve it, but you're not gonna get it.
Troy Duffy: Opinionated-ass fuckin' film students are about the most putrid lot I can think of.
Troy Duffy: Harvey Weinstein is afraid of me.
Troy Duffy: As for my film career? Get used to it, 'cuz it ain't goin' anywhere. Period.
bunny, i miss your sister.
the way her anal cavity fit around my phallus like a glove.
tell her dave says whats up
Time for bed... I'm so tired, I just looked @ the post count and, in my head, got all excited, thinking, OMG, yay, we made it to 15,000
It took me about 15 seconds to realize that it was not 15,000 but 12,500... two very different numbers
Night sweet haterz, it's been a blast.
I hear he may not even be the coolest one of his friends. But I could be wrong.
does tucker max spell haters with a z because he hangs out with ultra gangster paul wall aka grillionaire?
Riddle me this Batman?
IF Tucker had a time machine, and could only use it once with the chance that if he gets it right, all of his wildest dreams would come true, what point in Tucker's life would be the one to return toward and choose a new path?
why are we on a chinese spam list?
""I'm confused. This mess is like the aborted baby McCoy didn't want and threw away. If it's too confusing for McCoy, God help us all"
lolingest comment all day"
-------
So true. Like I said, mccoy is better at this than any of us.
Also, count me in on the "Tucker deserves to fail" side. Nobody made him belittle innocent people to tears or claim that his script might win an Oscar. As he would say, fuck him if he can't take a joke.
Crazy night on this board.
I wish my balls were quarters and Tucker's mouth was a Coinstar machine.
so you can get a 50 cent gift card? I don't get it.
the bunny is hot.
TDG, still here?
Just wondering, why do you dislike Tucker so much? Did he do something to you in the past?
Don't take this the wrong way, I'm a fan of your work and think you're funny as all hell. Just wondering what motivates you.
Thanks,
Leslie
Leslie Nielsen? Is that you??? I loved Naked Gun!!!
wazzzup!!!!! me and my bros got shit faced drunk and watched the fucking movie today, it was fucking awesome!! how awesome? shit, after it was over, we bought tickets and watched it again! Fucking-A! And we had never heard of Tucker Max or his book, can you believe it?!?@?!?
After the second time, the theater was closed, so we went back to the bro-room, circled up and dropped trou. Then we yelled out fucking hilarious lines from the movie as we circle jerked. It was fucking awesome!!!
Rating: 10/10, twice as fucking awesome as the hangover
What's happening to Tucker right now reminds me of the classic swordfight scene in Monty Python's The Holy Grail.
One arm is chopped off, then another, and Tucker still thinks he's in the fight.
His leg gets lopped off, then his other leg, and he still thinks he's gonna come back.
Realzing he's just a defenseless, babbling buffoon, everyone just leaves him in the forest and moves on, leaving Tucker all alone by himself.
"I'm relevant!" he screams to an empty forest, "Hey everybody, I'm an exthremely important perthon. I'm a betht thelling auther! I'm an alpha male! I drove a girlth car through a donut thop window, remember?"
"TDG, still here?
Just wondering, why do you dislike Tucker so much? Did he do something to you in the past?
Don't take this the wrong way, I'm a fan of your work and think you're funny as all hell. Just wondering what motivates you.
Thanks,
Leslie"
I'll keep it simple, I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do. That's what motivates me.
-TDG
I believe it was a Subway.
I wonder if Tucker would put his finger in my butt if I asked nicely?
I know no one asked me this personally, but someone did ask TDG a relevant question and I'd like to answer this:
"What motivates you?"
I also think that other crazy chick had some questions that I'd like to answer. Loosely paraphrased:
"Why hate Tucker when there are worse people in the world?"
I think both of those questions subtly imply that none of us have any 'good' reason to dislike Tucker and instead are doing it because we are petty and spiteful people. Again, that could be true for a few of us. But I'd like to answer these questions myself because there are other good reason to root for Tucker's failure that have nothing to do with petty spitefulness or even fun.
I hate Tucker and root for his failure because he did something terrible to me, personally. No, he didn't make fun of me on his message board and no he didn't sleep with me and never call me again or anything like that. I am NOT The Bunny. But, he did do something legitimately terrible to me that caused me a lot of grief and much personal trauma. I cannot reveal exactly what he did because it would reveal my identity. However, I want the Tucker defender's to know that some of are glad to see him fail because we know are people who suffered greatly as a result of his mental illness. Yes, I do believe (I KNOW) that Tucker is legitimately insane. But he's also evil. I truly believe that with all of my heart.
So, he can go to Hell. Fortunately, this public humiliation right here is the closet thing he'll ever get to experiencing hell on earth and I hope he chokes on it.
Fuck him. Fuck him, he's evil.
I wonder if I could put my finger in Tucker's butt if I asked nicely?
Tucker, since you're reading this, are you or are you not the coolest one of your friends?
@10:19
Your post screams "herpes."
Bad enough to get the gift that keeps on giving, but every time you get it, you have to think of Tucker Max.
"I love the thoftness of your puthhy."
10:24 PM
Ew, gross. I was trying to make it clear that I did NOT sleep with Tucker. There is not enough bleach and Brillo pads in the world that would allow me to recover from something like that. Seriously, I'm gagging here!
"I'm thoo eckthited to inthert my penith in your puthhhy." - Tucker Max to Bunny
Tucker's not even the friendliest one of his Kools.
@10:24
If you were trying to make it clear you did not sleep with Tucker Max, it might have helped if you wrote something like "Oh, by the way, I never slept with Tucker Max."
What did he do? Why be scared of the little pussy?
What's he going to do, force you to go out to lunch with him and make you watch him order a thathafrath thalad with a thide of caperth?
"Thee thells theethells by the thea-thore." - Tucker Max, Grade 2
"Thee thells thethells by the thee thore." - Tucker Max, Yesterday
@10:24, I agree with the poster @10:35. You're safe here. Tucker's a cocksucking shithead. You're among friends.
Whoops. I thuppothe I meant to thay that Tucker'th a cockthucking thithead. My mithtake.
10:36
I thought that is what I was saying when I said:
"no he didn't sleep with me and never call me again or anything like that. I am NOT The Bunny"
However, in retrospect, I should have been more clear. What can I say? It's late and I'm tired. I re-read my post and noticed I made metric shit ton of mistakes. I hope my point comes through anyway, which is: Some of us here have very good reasons to dislike Tucker. Reasons he EARNED from us, personally.
I'm not going to go into detail about what he did because it would be obvious who I am, but I will say it was a traumatizing experience for me, one that I would not like to relive on a message board. It was ugly and as soon as I'm satisfied that Tucker is suffering close to what I suffered, I will make my peace with it.
@10:19
If you never had sex with the guy, what could he have possibly done to you that was so mean you can't mention it here?
Wait, do you happen to own a donut shop?
@10:44
Ladies and Gentleman, Miss Vermont!
"The thideth of your uteruth thtorkes my penith so thoftly when I thoot my thperm into your fallopian tubeth."
-Tucker Max
I like TDG, he rallied the base. Showed people how to easily take apart Tucker's stories and words and use them against him. Guys like PMC and a few others now use his tactics like a weapon.
Again, he rallied the base, this place was at arouond 6500 posts when he came into the scene, and that was 6500 posts in 30 months. In 2 months since we've almost doubled that.
His tactics are brutal and efficient. Why fight Tucker on his message board? Tucker loves a fight on his message board because he's in charge there and has a number of cronies who will fight for him.
Fight him in a place he can't fight back (like here) or on neutral ground (IMDB) and you can see how easy it is to make him look like a fool. You know he reads this, and the best part is, there is nothing he can do about it.
Thanks TDG, I really enjoy watching you work.
"Thweet, baby. Let'th have lotth of thweaty, thteamy thexual relathionth. I'm a New York Timeth bethtthelling author, you know. I'm the fucking voithe of a generathion and thit, thweetie. And the betht part ith that I'm not even the cooletht one of my friendth."
- Also Tucker Max
I would say 10:44 is Andrew Ator but that idiot cannot string so many sentences together.
Ok, I absolutely cannot have the rumor going around that I'm Miss fucking Vermont. Or anyone stupid enough to let that man's grubby little paws anywhere near me so I'll say this:
I never slept with Tucker. I never dated Tucker. I was never friends with Tucker. I disliked him intensely from the first moment I spoke to him. He's a bully and a fraud and anyone with half a brain can see that within 3 seconds.
What Tucker did to me was not accidental. He deliberately tried to hurt me and he succeeded. In the case of Miss Vermont or any of girls in his stories, it can be argued that he did what he did out of selfishness, but not actual mal intent. In my case, he actually set out to cause me harm. Which is why you'll never read about me in any of his gross fucking stories. There's nothing funny about what he did to me and not even the brain dead fuck ups on his board would stand beside him if they knew what that rotting piece of shit is capable of when he feels spurned and rejected. I hope that sheds a little light on this, and I'm sorry I can't say more.
But my ultimate point is that some of the haters here (And I know a couple of other lurking haters here who share my view) have a very good, personal reason to dislike Tucker and wish him ill. Simply put: he's fucking evil.
10:19, can't you give us a leeeeeeetle teeny hint? Believe me, there's no love lost for Tucker over here.
"TDG, you're getting defensive. It shows in your assumptions that you knew where the conversation was heading. I'd bet my dog that I'm right.
Take a step back and remember that you aren't here to prove yourself to anyone. You're here because you enjoy it. Let it continue to be an enjoyable experience. Don't play into the troll's hands.
This is like ninja training. Focus."
This is a fanboy trying to attain satisfaction proving he is smarter than TDG. He's not. And I'm guessing Ryan Holiday. I love it when dumb people try to be smart. Probably why I liked the IHTSBIH script.
@11:06
Was he mean to your cat?
10:19, are you:
--Megan ***** from Cockly's story?
--Marnie Tyler, aka Trixie?
--Donika?
--friend of Courtney?
WE MUST KNOW!!!!!
"I'm not even the cooleth one of my friendth." -Tucker Max
Tucker Max Cool Olympics
Gold Medal- His Friendth
Thilver Medal- Tucker Maxth
Bronth Medal- Pauly Shore
"Simply put: he's fucking evil."
Quite possibly the truest thing ever written on this board.
I have a perfectly good reason to hate Tucker Max: He'th not as cool as his friendth.
admit it, you are just offended by his mathculinity
Tucker Max's friends: "He's not as cool as one of us."
Come back, girl who called Tucker Max evil.....
Coolness: "Tucker Max isn't even the most of me among his friends. Or whatever. And shit."
I bet he just slept with your boyfriend.
Omg brah, he TOTALLY slept with my girlfriend!!! AND he drank all my Natty Light while crashing my car into a donut shop before proceeding to steal my gray t-shirts and athletic shorts.
Damn, Tucker Max is THE MAN!!!!
and shit.
I can't wait for the thequel to IHTSBIH!
Fuck the thequel, I can't wait for Rudiuth Airplaneths!!!!!
I'm not a Hollywood insider, but I have a serious question.
Considering Tucker Max's recent complete revolutionizing of the entire Hollywood system (now referred to in Mexico as the "Revoluccion de Tuquer Macques), I was wondering if someone could help me with some math?
Cost to make IHTSBIH: $12,000,000
Net receipts: $400,000
Using those figures in Tucker's revolutionary new Hollywood system, how much profit has Tucker earned?
"Revoluccionjes del Tucqere Macques" - Felipe Calderon
"Ni siquiera soy el más frÃo a uno de mis amigos." - Mexican Tucker Max
Tucker Makth ith THUCH a big, thtrong man. Ekthcuthe me while I pretth my pantieth againtht the computer thcreen!
From Tucker:
"Nils and I have a long and involved dissection of the movie being written right now. We will post it at some point for everyone to read, sort of like a scene by scene guide to what we were thinking and what each line/interaction means. We put a ton of thought into this movie, and if you look, you can find it, but this guide will help you see all of it."
Seriously dude please don't. I barely care enough about the movie let alone a scene by scene guide to what you were thinking while writing it. I go to the movies to watch a hopefully funny bit of escapism for 90 mins, then I move on with my real life. Why the fcuk would I want a blow by blow breakdown of your fucken average thought processes. I mean who the hell has that much emotional investment in way to pass a couple of hours. I really dont give a shit.
"I think that will clear up a lot of the confusion that some people have with some of the scenes or characters, and it's probably a lot more productive and easier to deal with than responding to random people and their random misunderstandings of various aspects of the movie. "
I saw a movie. It was a piece of fiction that kepts me mildly amused for a short time. The story was formulatic, the acting was average, the laughs sporadic and the WTF's? widespread. This is not a deep philosophical event man. Will you pull your head out of your arse for 1 minute and understand that?
"I have NO IDEA when we'll post that, so don't be like the Canadians who constantly ask when the movie will be in Canada. It'll go up when it goes up. Until then, enjoy this hot mess of a thread."
Got it. Never to be seen or heard of again.
... I may however the evileststhtsth one of my friendths.
11:06
Girl Who Tucker Fucked Without Fucking (GWTFWF)
Please please at least whet our appitites a tinsey bit.... what city did this take place in?
Chicago, Shreveport, LA.....?
Did it involve a pet?
Did it involve rejection of his tiny hand?
Did it involve a coolness scaleometer?
Look, people, this is ridiculous. It's almost 3 AM where I am; I have class in, like, four hours, and I can't focus on the many tasks I have to take care of tomorrow. I've been begging you people to finally resolve this issue for me, yet nobody seems to know... so I'm going to ask, once more, and pray to the heavens that SOMEone- ANYone- can finally put this struggle to sleep for me.
Is Tucker, or is he not, even the coolest one of his friends?!
Movie magic 101 by our friend Tugger Max:
"That is something that many many people are doing with this movie that is bullshit--they are bringing their OWN issues to it, and imputing things on it that are not there.:"
Well fuck me. People are bringing their OWN issues to a movie. How dare they. They should approach this movie within the strictly controlled, narrowly defined parameters of MY view point. DO NOT attempt to have an independant thought. DO NOT attempt to analyze using your own life experiences. DO NOT have an emotion while watching that is not authorized by me. DO NOT use your own life as a frame of reverence for your opinion of this movie.
I wrote, produced, cast, directed, lighted, edited, marketed, cut and polished this movie. Now I will tell you how to personally interpret it also.
I'll tell you later and shit.
"That being said, why should Tucker Fucking Max get any of my empathy? As I said before, he was given EVERYTHING, and uses it to mock and criticize those he perceives to be weaker than him (read the other posts on Cockly's blog) for profit. Seeing him crash and burn so spectacularly is a wonderful reminder that sometimes, the bad guys do lose.
10/01/2009 6:05 PM"
I agree. After Tugger dragged the names of Katy Johnson and others through the mud, it is nice to see Tugger receive his comeuppance. Fuck that dickhead!
Tucker is cool? T/F?
Tucker has friends? T/F?
Tucker has friends cooler than him?T/F?
Tucker has friends NOT as cool as him T/F?
From these outcomes please write a 5000 word dissertation on the folowing premise:
Tucker Max is not even the coolest one of his frientths. ahem sorry friends.
Movie magic 101 by our friend Tugger Max:
"That is something that many many people are doing with this movie that is bullshit--they are bringing their OWN issues to it, and imputing things on it that are not there.:"
Well fuck me. People are bringing their OWN issues to a movie. How dare they. They should approach this movie within the strictly controlled, narrowly defined parameters of MY view point. DO NOT attempt to have an independant thought. DO NOT attempt to analyze using your own life experiences. DO NOT have an emotion while watching that is not authorized by me. DO NOT use your own life as a frame of reverence for your opinion of this movie.
I wrote, produced, cast, directed, lighted, edited, marketed, cut and polished this movie. Now I will tell you how to personally interpret it also.
I'll tell you later and shit.
_____________________________
One of the characteristics of great art is that it's richly ambiguous. It has a definite form, and reveals something of its creator, but has enough ambiguity that the consumer can draw something out of it that is unique to him.
Tucker's 'art', on the other hand, evidently requires a heretofore-unpublished user's guide.
I bet that the old Irish guy, Jimmy, from this true life Tucker Max story is enjoying Tucker's implosion:
http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com/2006/08/real-life-tucker-max-stories.html
Or maybe he just doesn't give a shit about Tucker...
Anyone know why all the old threads have been deleted off the Idiot Board except the All-Stars? Just cleaning house? Or Tucker trying to erase his online legacy?
I wanted to look at some of the old ones when it was pretty funny before it went to shit.
(Yeah, yeah, it's always been shit, but I found it entertaining before I converted to Haterism.)
"One of the characteristics of great art is that it's richly ambiguous. It has a definite form, and reveals something of its creator, but has enough ambiguity that the consumer can draw something out of it that is unique to him.
Tucker's 'art', on the other hand, evidently requires a heretofore-unpublished user's guide."
__________________________________
This stuck such a chord with me. Tucker is forever banging on about his "art". Art is subjective. It speaks to you in a differet way than its speaks to me. We discuss it, we learn from it, we converse about it, we swap opinions and lean towards argument but then laugh and agree to disagree. We take away different things and are hopefully richer for the experience. Thats art.
Tucker, please dont ever use this word to discribe what you do ever again. It's an insult to the very idea. And, if I'm not very much mistaken, theres some dead babies who would like a word with you.
"Don't respond to this. You aren't smart enough to post on this thread. Interacting here is not a right, it is a privilege, and you have lost yours by being obtuse and annoying.
And worst of all, wrong."
Holy Shit Tuckshter. These are the same people that you are asking to spead the gospel of your movie. Get a frikken clue and stop alienating your fanbase.
This stuck such a chord with me. Tucker is forever banging on about his "art". Art is subjective. It speaks to you in a differet way than its speaks to me. We discuss it, we learn from it, we converse about it, we swap opinions and lean towards argument but then laugh and agree to disagree. We take away different things and are hopefully richer for the experience. Thats art.
Tucker, please dont ever use this word to discribe what you do ever again. It's an insult to the very idea. And, if I'm not very much mistaken, theres some dead babies who would like a word with you.
_____________________________
Right. And understand, I'm in no way arguing for a totally subjective, postmodern approach to appreciating art- but what Tucker's doing is disingenuous. It's like with his book- he wrote these silly, nasty bathroom-and-penis stories, but his massive ego wouldn't allow him to accept that he wasn't doing something 'great', so he read the whole hackneyed 'be the person you want to be' meaning back into his nonsense, in order to make himself feel like his writing has this deeper meaning. Now he's doing the same thing with his movie. When the artist has to explain the 'deeper meaning' of his art to his audience, it usually means it's just bullshit.
Also, Nils is really, really fat.
Where's the guy who wrote that hilarious interview, the one revealing Nils' neverending consumption of junk food and Tucker's--excuse me, Otto's--real name?
He needs to come back and satirize this shit...no joke.
Doc Rivers
Citizen Advocate
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 331
Validation Points: 16
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucker Max
Another thing I regret not doing: Having all this explanation up and ready to go the day the movie released. I feel like so many of these questions could have been addressed and answered and avoided a lot of confusion. Not for the haters or critics--they aren't going to do any research anyway--but many of the fans have missed stuff that I thought was obvious, but with hindsight, I can see might require some explanation for certain people. It seems like most people get most of it, but everyone misses something different, and a comprehensive scene-by-scene guide would have helped avoid this.
We'll get this up eventually, but I will add this to the things I wish I'd done differently.
Is this going to be like the scene-by-scene guide that should've out with Caddyshack? Because I feel I would've enjoyed it a lot more if there some...thing...some guide, perhaps, to explain just how funny Caddyshack really is.
________________________________
Not bad!
11:06--Taryn is that you? You don't seem to remember our last little "talk" do you? Run along little girl before someone gets hurt. TM
Hey Tucker, how does it feel to know that you are absolutely, positively FUCKED in every imaginable way? What's it like to know that you couldn't get a job wiping Jamie Tarses' ass, much less another shot at making a movie?
And most importanly:
Is it thrue that you're not even the cooleth one of your friendths?
"I wrote, produced, cast, directed, lighted, edited, marketed, cut and polished this movie. Now I will tell you how to personally interpret it also."
That is funny on so many levels. This board could just be the greatest thing on the internet right now. I mean besides porn. That goes without saying. But i said it anyway. Oh well.
2:59, whatever you know, DISH DISH DISH!
We need tho make abtholutely thure that Thucker Maxth isn'th even the cooleth one of his friendths!!!!
Another thing I regret not doing: Having all this explanation up and ready to go the day the movie released. I feel like so many of these questions could have been addressed and answered and avoided a lot of confusion. Not for the haters or critics--they aren't going to do any research anyway--but many of the fans have missed stuff that I thought was obvious, but with hindsight, I can see might require some explanation for certain people. It seems like most people get most of it, but everyone misses something different, and a comprehensive scene-by-scene guide would have helped avoid this.
Lucky the Hangover guys didn't think of doing this either, or else it would have taken even longer for IHTSBIH to pass it in box office receipts. But then again, The Hangover is not very realistic and full of hi-jinks, so it probably wasn't necessary.
11:06, that's the least detailed awesome story I've read.
Jesus Christ...
I step out for a few seconds and walk into whatever hot wax is going on here.
Board went insane again apparently.
So I guess Biscuits posted this:
So I finally saw the movie. And putting aside any other critical opinion I have, I do want to say: I actually think The Hangover's stripper relationship is significantly more realistic than the one in your movie -- precisely because we never see Ed Helms and Heather Graham "connect emotionally," as you call it.
So Ed Helms wakes up in the morning, realizes he married a stripper last night -- and all he wants to do is get his ring back and get the *beep* away from this lunatic. She's dumb, obviously, she's slutty, obviously, she's not a particularly good mother (she left her baby in his closet, after all) she lives in a dumpy apartment building, and most realistically of all, she's clearly not in love with him either. She found out he was a doctor, and she saw her ticket out of her *beep* life and so she agreed to marry him. That's it.
It's not until the very, very end of the movie that they have a brief emotional connection -- and only after she acknowledges that she married him because he was a doctor and she hates her life. Ed Helms realizes she's just a sweet, damaged girl -- who happens to be hot as *beep* and kinda into him -- and since he's about to break up with his fiancee, he decides to ask her out on a date. And that's it.
Now let's look at your movie. Your stripper is smart, funny, and brutally quick-witted. Okay, fine. She goes home with a customer a few hours after meeting him. Okay, fine. She brings this stranger home to HER HOUSE, where her son is SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING. And now we've learn that she's a single parent who lives in a cluttered, middle class home. Okay, still -- fine.
But then she watches the Drew character interact with her son, and she's moved. And then she tells him about her past relationship, and we find out she has a strict moral code. She doesn't cheat, her son's the most important thing in her life, she's the proverbial stripper with the heart of gold. And so before her and Drew ever even kiss, they've spent hours having a conversation and establishing an "emotional connection". And then when Drew has to leave, her son gives him a toy... and now HE'S moved. And then we see them together at Dan's wedding, and no matter how you want to paint it -- because this is a movie, and you've already established that she is a stripper with a heart of gold, what you're asking us to accept is that this very damaged guy with serious female trust issues... is now dating a stripper he *beep* on the first night they met at the strip club where she works.
It's not even the lack of realism that bothers me -- and although we can all agree that you don't have to be an anthropologist or a psychology major to understand the motivations for women to become strippers, let's just put a pin in debating the authenticity of Marika's character. What bothers me is how completely and entirely she fits into one of the oldest cinematic cliches in the book. I mean, this is a stock character we've seen so, sooooo many times before -- there's even a wikipedia page on it, for God's sake! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hooker_..._heart_of_gold
And yes, Heather Graham's character makes the list, which is fine and well-deserving. But as the original poster pointed out, it seems so bizarre in retrospect that you called The Hangover out for a cliche that your movie not only has, but wallows in.
And by the way: I can't speak for Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, but Todd Phillips and Jeremy Garelick, the guys who ACTUALLY wrote the draft of The Hangover that got shot, are by no means "nerds who don't know how it happens" -- it being a guy meeting a stripper and going home with her. How can you possibly say that "they can't write something they don't understand or have never experienced"? Really? How in the world would you know whether that's true or not?
I vote Taryn too. For both chicks last night. Good to see Bunny is alive.
3
I love the new spin from Tucker & his sycophants. Now the movie failed because people weren't smart enough to appreciate the various nuances of his story.
He did the same thing with the book. Tried to tack on some deep philosophical meaning that boiled down to, "be yourself." Holy shit. I should just be myself? That's some fucking Full House shit right there.
First
Realism in The Hangover vs. Realism in IHTSBIH.
This debate over at RMMB is the funniest thing I have ever read. It is also the saddest.
A movie, any movie in any genre has one objective. ENTERTAIN FROM FIRST FRAME FROM 'TILL LAST. I'll say it again. ENTERTAIN FROM BEGINNING TO END. I'll say it another way. Don't be BORING. Not even for a second.
That is all a movie promises and that is all it has to achieve. I pay $10 to be entertained for 120 minutes. If a movie can achieve this I leave satisfied.
THE HANGOVER achieved this. It had a well built first act. Interesting characters and premise. The turning point into act 2 was clever and moved the story forward. Precisely what it should do. Act 2 was solidly funny and unrelenting in its push to the finale. The final act was satisfactory and tied the story up nicely. The end result, people come in droves to see it. But wait...there's something wrong...I can hear someone mutter something from afar. "The movie isn't realistic." Stop everything!
Guess what, you're right. At some points the movie is anything but realistic. But i don't care because I'm too busy laughing at the absurdity of it all. I'm too busy smiling at the witty dialogue. I'm too invested in the story and (likeable) characters.
Tucker claims IHTSBIH is the most realistic comedy ever created. And I'll accept that statement even though it's plainly wrong.
What he fails to understand is people go to the movies to escape from the mundaneness of life. They don't want to see real. THEY WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED. YOUR MOVIE IS BORING.
It is boring because the script is irrevocably terrible. The characters are detestable, thus making their outcomes irrelevant. The 'jokes' are dated (watch Seinfeld to learn how to create a timeless joke) and delivered poorly. The movie just plain sucks. 24% on RT is damning.
Saying a movie is realistic is not a compliment or a detraction, it is nonsense.
I bet Todd Phillips can't sleep at night because he wishes The Hangover was more realistic. "Damn, why did I let Mike Tyson and his Tiger ruin my movie." I hope the $30 million he banked is solace to him.
Girl. I'm sorry you got hurt but maybe therapy would be a better place to handle this shit.
Carrying around these kind of feelings is a sign you have issues.
I have some too. It is ok. Just deal with them in a safe setting.
It is honestly creepy to know that someone thinks he is evil. I save that word for murderers and rich people.
As the board used to say to its crazies all the time, get help.
@5:06 FAIL
NNG, master of poast ninjas
"I save that word for murderers and rich people"
I have never had a poor person offer me a job.
But if you wanna think gainful employment is evil, go ahead.
enoevian
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 35
Validation Points: 78
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Rivers
Is this going to be like the scene-by-scene guide that should've out with Caddyshack? Because I feel I would've enjoyed it a lot more if there some...thing...some guide, perhaps, to explain just how funny Caddyshack really is.
I've watched thousands of movies & never needed a scene-by-scene guide to let me know where I should be laughing.
Is a movie truly funny if it requires a guide to point out the funny?
_________________________
Well, I kind of think Doc Rivers had kind of made the point, but given the audience, I guess there's no harm in ramming it home.
Wait until Tucker releases his guide on why this movie was funny, brah.
**Spoiler alert**
You have to imagine that all the characters are Nazi Chimps, and that Tucker shitting himself symbolises the demise of the US economy.
@5:14
Lots of poor people hold management positions in agrarian and light industrial settings
Bigot
@5:14
Lots of poor people hold management positions in agrarian and light industrial settings
Bigot
I'm gonna say it. I like NNG better than TDG a little.
Funny without cruelty is more my style.
I like TDG. And he's not even the coolest of Tucker Max's haters.
@5:30 AM
Blasphemy!
TDG kinda lost my respect last night with that troll. There are a lot of unnamed haterz who have been just as funny.
Who is Taryn???
"Lots of poor people hold management positions in agrarian and light industrial settings
Bigot"
1) That's what % of total economic activity?
2) They got those jobs by doing what - creating the farm/company themselves? Or getting offered it by the guy with the money to set things up in the first place?
And you're calling ME a bigot? URSOK3WLNSMRT!!
"It seems like most people get most of it, but everyone misses something different, and a comprehensive scene-by-scene guide would have helped avoid this."
That a movie requires some sort of guide is beyond parody. Tucker has become immune to parody.
The same thing happened with the green band trailer when it was released. Here's the process:
1) Tucker fans watch the greeband trailer, and note that it's shit.
2) They post sheepishly on Tucker's board saying that maybe, possibly, perhaps, hypothetically the trailer is not as good as it might be.
3) Tucker responds with some non-sensical shit about the funniest jokes not being in the trailer, and that the trailer is, in fact, brilliant.
4) Fanboys watch the trailer over and over again until they've convinced themselves that it's good. I'm not even joking. Have a look at the greenband discussion thread and see how many say, "at first I was underwhelmed by the trailer, but after watching it five or six times it started to make sense to me."
5) Tucker fans get mad that everyone doesn't like the trailer. They convince themselves that it's a conspiracy against Tucker. "They just don't get it." They think to themselves. "Tucker SAID the best jokes weren't in the trailer. Why aren't these losers going straight to Tucker's site so that it can be explained to them why the trailer wasn't funny?"
6) Tucker fans lament their nihilistic existence. They realise the world is stupid for not agreeing with them. Nobody "gets" it. Only they do. Because they're special.
7) The movie is released. Repeat steps 1-6.
Comment for Bunny (or whomever that was "throwing a line" to Tucker):
This has bugged me for a while so I'll post it here.
Why, exactly, do you think it's your job (or ours) to save Tucker Max?
Has he ever expressed even the mildest interest in being helped?
Or is it just because you derive some sort of self-worth from feeling like you're a loving person? And if so, how has that been working for you with respect to your "unconditional love" towards Tucker Max?
I've never felt sorry for Tucker, but I have felt sorry for Bunny because of the way he used her (mercilessly) and then threw her away, and then when she had the temerity to complain, in a very minor way, about it (the list) he immediately emotionally bludgeoned her until she thought SHE was the one who was being unfair for daring to catalogue the things he did to her.
That's just fucked up. One more reason I think he's a raging douchebag.
"TDG kinda lost my respect last night with that troll. There are a lot of unnamed haterz who have been just as funny."
Um, I don't think TDG tries to be funny, I think he just is funny, especially when he's attacking Tucker on his bullshit. Some of the best quotes from this entire comment section come from him and him alone.
I'm becoming more and more convinced that Tucker Max is a front for the reincarnation for P.T. Barnum. No one can actually be that delusional. It must be an act.
Step 1. Set up a website.
Step 3. PROFITS!
bselig
Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2
Validation Points: 97
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorGambler
Who said anyone needed a guide to laugh at this movie? Have either of you even seen it, or at least watched the videos of people who have seen it? Apparently some people need their hands held since they don't think the Drew/Lara relationship is as realistic as the Heather Graham relationship in the Hangover. The guide that was mentioned is to cover shit like that. Can you point out where exactly in Tucker's description of a guide he says you will need it in order to laugh and find the funny.
Yes, the guide is to understand the art. That's obvious.
________________________________
I think this was tongue-in-cheek, but in any case, it's gone.
@ 6:14
Phase 1: Collect Underpants
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Profit (Rule the World?)
You people are so easily manipulated and you don't even realize it.
vcv
code monkey
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Amherst, NY
Posts: 187
Validation Points: 176
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know why we should act surprised at all that people are this stupid. Yet here I am, surprised.
Jesus Christ, are literary cues such a difficult thing to comprehend? They're all fucking over this movie, already explaining why scenes are playing out a certain way or characters are acting/interacting a certain way.
It's a pretty simple fucking concept and something you should have learned in school when you were forced to read books and discuss them in class. Fuck, you should have learned them just as a natural extension of growing up and maturing.
If anything in this movie doesn't make sense, it's because the cues flew right over your fucking head. That, or you made up your own cues based on your expectations.
__________________________________
Apparently, we're all idiots.
If you hear a wooshing noise, it's the fucking literary cues flying over your fucking heads, idiots!
Wow. Jojo is a moron. He's actually ripping off Biscuits now, who was been right with every prediction he has made thus far:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=27508&page=14
"For all the people thinking that Tucker is deleting all dissenters and surrounding himself with yes-men, I find that laughable. I have more posts on this board deleted than just about anyone, and it's because I don't really pay attention to what the topics are and just decide to fuck with Max. And the nay-sayers amongst our friends are much louder than his supporters.
I don't mind people disliking Tucker or the movie. A lot of my good friends do. I just find a lot of the reasoning to be flawed or intellectually dishonest and that's where I take issue. Biscuits, for example, seems to have a hard on for rooting against Tucker and this movie. I haven't said a word in his direction because while I don't agree with a lot of what he's said or his view of reality, and wouldn't want to live in his world, he generally has at least decent rationale attached to his version of reality.
But this isn't about me. This is about Max and the notion that certain characters aren't realistic somehow. Which I find laughable. From my experiences, I've met far more strippers who are like Lara than I have narcissists like Max, yet people decide that Lara is the character that's unrealistic? I just don't get that."
Wow, I've never seen flying literary cues before. Does anyone know if they walk sometimes? Or maybe swim, or just float on the water, like seagulls or ducks? You know duck ponds are pretty icky because the ducks just crap in the water while they're sitting there.
Too bad about Jojo. I thought for a while he was ripping on Tucker while secretly laughing at him. Now it looks like he was just being randomly obtuse.
I gotta go play Deus Ex again, so's I can blow that Jojo away with a shotgun.
"Ohhh, you baaaad!"
I agree with JoJo.
It is true... His shit gets deleted a lot bc he argues with Tucker all the time.
I think this is an excellent example of why we need to be more articulate.
The issue any realism, it is he fact that Tucker thinks his move is different than TH when it is same shit different day.
I know not everyone can have my iq, but slow down before you post. Be clear. Not reactionary.
@ 7:00
Yeah. You're just wrong.
I'm out. If I wanted to argue with intellectually inferior damaged goods, I would post on RMMB.
Good luck to you all. Many of you are absolutely as sick as Tucker.
My first real job was with a QA department for a small online firm. At one point, we were asked by the CIO (an Australian) to do a review of the website and write up every single interface and customer useability issue we could find. We took this seriously. Spent a week on it, went into great detail, wrote up a really nice report with diagrams and circles and arrows and everything. The CIO comes by. Our manager hands him the report and starts explaining. The CIO flips through the report in about five seconds, says, "You're absolutely fucking wrong, mate," and walks out.
Every now and then, I remember that, and laugh.
Deconstructing JoJo
In this episode: We see why Jojo failed the logic portion of his LSATS.
"For all the people thinking that Tucker is deleting all dissenters and surrounding himself with yes-men, I find that laughable."
Mostly because Jojo is a yes man. Sure he'll halfheartedly call out Tucker on whatever, but he's nothing more than an enabler. Case in point, Jojo made fun of Tucker because of his script, but really had no follow up on it.
Hey K.C. Want to be a real friend? You should have told him his script sucks and it's going to embarrass him. Sure it's not what he wants to hear, but it would have been what you felt.
You coming to his defense now IS laughable because YOU ARE A YES MAN.
By the way, my friend Everette thinks you fucking suck at hoops.
" I have more posts on this board deleted than just about anyone, and it's because I don't really pay attention to what the topics are and just decide to fuck with Max."
Actually it's because you rip on Tucker in a very truthful manner and he hates it. But whatever, you don't pay attention.
"And the nay-sayers amongst our friends are much louder than his supporters."
When you mean "friends" do you mean all those other people in his 100% true stories who dropped him years ago because they know he's full of shit? Those friends?
"I don't mind people disliking Tucker or the movie."
But here you are telling everybody HOW they should like or dislike the movie.
"A lot of my good friends do."
When you say "a lot of my good friends", you mean every black person you know?
"I just find a lot of the reasoning to be flawed or intellectually dishonest and that's where I take issue."
Wait, you're defending Tucker Max and you're accusing others of being intellectually dishonest? Are you fucking kidding?
How the fuck are you a lawyer? That's like somebody who defended OJ Simpson for murder decrying Lindsey Lohan for drunk driving. Are you fucking serious?
Seriously dude, your lack of logic floors me.
"Biscuits, for example, seems to have a hard on for rooting against Tucker and this movie"
Or maybe he's just telling the truth, which judging BY FUCKING REALITY HE'S BEEN PROVEN CORRECT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
What, do you think Biscuits opinion has changed reality? So you take homage with it?
"I haven't said a word in his direction because while I don't agree with a lot of what he's said or his view of reality, and wouldn't want to live in his world, he generally has at least decent rationale attached to his version of reality."
Hahahahahahaha. You're a fucking idiot. You haven't said a word in his direction because YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. Who gives a fuck if you don't agree with what he's talking about, EVERY WORD HE SAID MONTHS AGO HAS BEEN PROVEN TRUE. You not agreeing with it is like not agreeing with reality.
Go live in whatever world you want to live in (btw, my friend Everette said you SUCK at basketball), I'll listen to an expert who is giving expert opinions to a board of sycophants and yes men.
BTW, like most Tucker defenders, they decry somebody for "not getting it" aka "being incorrect", yet they don't spell out WHY THAT PERSON IS INCORRECT.
Part II
"But this isn't about me."
Really dipshit? Is that why you've said "me" or "I" at least a dozen times?
"This is about Max and the notion that certain characters aren't realistic somehow."
To be honest, I don't even think Tucker is realistic anymore. He's just some guy stuck playing an act that has gone stale for at least 3 years now.
"Which I find laughable."
Me too.
"From my experiences, I've met far more strippers who are like Lara"
Really counsellor? I'm sure that your clients would LOVE to hear that statement. And considering that you've been posting on a message board of a known mysoginist DURING DAYTIME HOURS, I can only assume you've done so while charging your clients your firm's hourly rate.
"than I have narcissists like Max, "
Come on Jojo, it's an act. We both know it. Why lie?
"yet people decide that Lara is the character that's unrealistic? I just don't get that.""
Hey Jojo, again, why don't you spell out what's so realistic about the character instead of "I know tons of strippers". It's like saying "I know tons of black lawyers" who suck at their jobs because I know you from a message board..
Jesus Christ, Duke Law fucking SUCKS.
-TDG
"That's like somebody who defended OJ Simpson for murder"
Jojo's black. OJ's innocent. Get with the program.
""From my experiences, I've met far more strippers who are like Lara"
Really counsellor? I'm sure that your clients would LOVE to hear that statement. And considering that you've been posting on a message board of a known mysoginist DURING DAYTIME HOURS, I can only assume you've done so while charging your clients your firm's hourly rate."
PWNED!!!!!
TDG,
Vicious and effective yet again. This is why this blog is better than anything on TMMB.
TDG IS THE MAN!!!
"Every now and then, I remember that, and laugh."
I don't have the energy to go into massive detail about every moronic thing posted here. Look at Philocalist's post that was deleted. Good example of a well thought out post that was deleted within minutes, and the poster IP banned shortly thereafter.
Many posts are now being erased. Not just deleted with an explanation like "troll" or whatever, but erased entirely as though they never existed. Anyone who claims that Tucker is all for dissent on TMMB is simply wrong.
Anyone know if it is true that "Slingblade" works for the government now??
http://twitter.com/IHTSBIH_
"I don't have the energy to go into massive detail about every moronic thing posted here."
Yeah, uh, I wasn't laughing at you. Was pretty sure you were ripping on Tucker, actually, same way my former coworkers and I will toss out "You're absolutely fucking wrong, mate" in response to a suggestion just because we know we'll all laugh.
"Yeah, uh, I wasn't laughing at you. Was pretty sure you were ripping on Tucker, actually, same way my former coworkers and I will toss out "You're absolutely fucking wrong, mate" in response to a suggestion just because we know we'll all laugh."
Ah. Apologies. Seemed like you were referring to the post just above yours.
Economics tangent.
Headlines report: 263,000 increase in "unemployed"
But look a little deeper:
Civilian Labor Force: 154,879 thousand to 153,617 thousand this month.
Employed: 140,074 thousand down to 139,079 thousand this month.
In other words the decrease in actually employed people is nearly a million - FOUR TIMES what is being reported as the increase in "unemployed".
I am returning here from a brief hiatus and I'm really confused.
Can someone fill me on on the stupid "coolest one of his friends" rant you guys keep adding at the bottom of every one of your posts?
Thus far it is not funny at all, but maybe if it were put into context instead of an inside joke I would get it.
It's something Tucker said during the Opie & Anthony interview, I believe. It was a clumsy way of trying to make himself look good by showing how cool his crowd is.
DOL numbers have been politically massaged for decades, beginning with the JFK administration changing the definition of unemployed. The percentage does not include "discouraged workers" which is a politically motivated contrivance to understate the health of the economy. Worse, times and employment practices have changed over the years. Many workers are now 1099 pay based. When the 1099 workers are terminated, they are not counted as unemployed.
"It was a clumsy way of trying to make himself look good by showing how cool his crowd is."
Wasn't it from the Fox interview? It was funny to begin with, but has lost its charm rather quickly for me.
What he actually said was "I'm not even the coolest one of my friends"
1) Tucker's his own friend
2) It's completely natural that we would expect Tucker to be Tucker's coolest friend, because Tucker's so cool, so natural that he has to disabuse us of the notion
3) Of course we can take him at his word regarding coolness judgements
And of course the slight lisp.
TDG and NNG are great, but the guy who writes the fake stories is my favorite.
PS Wouldn't surprise me if that was Tucker writing as Jojo. If not, Jojo is a bigger douche than I thought. What a terribly weak argument it is to say that "Biscuits lives in a different reality." Combining straw men with ad homs. Way to go, cockbreath.
We can't all live in a reality like the one Tucker lives in.
JoJo fucks with Tucker for entertainment purposes. He's a total asskisser who has stayed on the bandwagon long after the old crowd left. His motivations are selfish.
"Economics tangent."
Way to go not looking at the seasonally adjusted numbers. Or knowing the fact that the BLS also tracks those that have exited the workforce and you can look up that info as well.
"The percentage does not include "discouraged workers" which is a politically motivated contrivance to understate the health of the economy"
Wrong. That information is available for anyone who wants to go to the BLS website where they track. Sure, they want to use a "nice" number, but it's still the most correct one to use.
"Discouraged" means that person has quit looking for work due to be discouraged because of the economy. To count them as traditionally "unemployed" is blatantly wrong (thus why it is in U4) because they have stopped looking for work.
I get so tired of people being blatantly lazy. They are not hiding anything from you.
http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t12.htm
The full measurement is on the very right.
If you want to talk about people who are sheisters, they have more in common with Tuck. They're what's known as corporate thugs and Tuckers shares many similarities with them like being full of BS, lying, overpromising and under delivering, etc.
Back on track:
Tucker says he'll bank because the film will sell 5 million DVDs, which we all know is horseshit.
Can someone with knowledge of film distribution tell me how many DVDs Tucker would have to sell to recoup Darko's investment? If they put in $ 6 million and the movie makes $1.5 million, I guess IHTSBIH would have to sell something like half a million DVDs to break even. I'm probably missing all kinds of costs though.
$ 6 million in costs, assuming the movie makes $1.5 million (actually leaving $4.5 million to recoup)?
Sorry, typo-
Back on track:
Tucker says he'll bank because the film will sell 5 million DVDs, which we all know is horseshit.
Can someone with knowledge of film distribution tell me how many DVDs Tucker would have to sell to recoup Darko's investment? If they put in $ 6 million and the movie makes $1.5 million, I guess IHTSBIH would have to sell something like half a million DVDs to break even. I'm probably missing all kinds of costs though.
The International Olympic Committee is very clearly racist.
I mean, they had The One, The First Wookie, and Oprah, all there to lobby for Chicago. Turning 'em ALL down?
RAAAAACIST!
http://arstechnica.com/old/content/2005/04/4767.ars
A few years back. I don't know if they are accounting for the retail cut though.
Retailers have margins they have to meet on DVDs too. 50% I would think doesn't actually make it's way back to the Studio.
But for arguments sake. Let's say this DVD averaged $15 at retail, with the "studio" taking in 50% after all costs (this means Fox who is the studio doing the deal)
Then out of Fox Cut, comes Darkos cut for the investor costs. Which according to Tucker they need 25-30 million to repay.
Assuming they only make 1.5 mil on BO, say 750k off 25 mil.
They need 24.25 mil At $15 X 4 mill, for 60 mil in sales, 50% kicked back at 30 mil, and then Fox say takes 10-15% of that. Leaving 24.25 mil...
So I'd say he needs to sell around 4 million DVDs...which he will never do.
Just use a guestimate, until someone with industry knowledge drops a few dimes of wisdom on us:
Capital costs = Production + P&A = $12 million
Repatriated Darko Capital costs, prior to DVD Sales = Box Office Revenues times DIY Margin (assumed percentage based on theaters owners getting paid first) = $2million times 50% = $1 million
Thus Darko is down $11 million in capital costs prior to DVD release.
To breakeven:
$11 million = DVDs Sold times per DVD sales price times retail margin
Thus,
$11 million = DVDs Sold times $20/DVD times 50% profit margin
Tucker needs to have 1.1 million DVD sales at full retail in order to start seeing any money.
Of course, this model is over simplified and very favorable to Tucker. In reality, I doubt this will sell at $20 per copy, and I understated expenses. The margins were guesses.
Tucker is featured in a story today on Roissy, which is a great blog by the way.
Unfortunately, it seems Roissy bought into the Tucker Max "alpha male" bullshit, without having our proper knowledge.
He needs to be educated my friends, go over and make a comment, his comments are open and he usually gets 300-400 per post and thousands of readers a day!!
Spread the gospel!!!
http://roissy.wordpress.com/
^^^
Oh, and no, thats not a promotion attempt.
Oh man. Twitter.com/ihtsbih_
May have already been posted, but kudos to whoever! Pass it on to the imdb guys. Too funny.
Yeah, I have to give props to Twitter.com/ihtsbih_
Whomever is writing this, it's fucking hysterical. Well done soldier.
-TDG
I have been following this blog since 2007, but it has become more and more difficult to keep track of all the attacks against the doucebag.
imdb
twitter
RMMB
tuckermaxlies
gawker
...
I can't keep up!!!
"Tucker needs to have 1.1 million DVD sales at full retail in order to start seeing any money."
Nah, it's a lot more than that. Average dvds don't sell at $20 for hardly anyone.
Plus even if they got 50% of retail, Fox gets a cut of that for paying for the distribution, advertising, etc.
http://www.the-numbers.com/dvd/charts/weekly/thisweek.php
X-men Wolverine sells for an average of $16.58. This DVD will not demand any such premium, I'd be surprised if it sold for even close to $15.
I was going off what he said he needed on BO to repay Darko, he said 25-30 million BO. My mistake.
So technically its 12 million, he'd still need around 2 million DVD sales at a minimum.
If you're going to argue with Roissy, do it on the right basis.
Roissy defines it based solely on how much women are attracted to the man in question. There is no doubt that tons of women are attracted to Tucker. Thing is, the ones he sleeps with aren't that hot. THAT's why he's not an alpha.
Great DVD intel, thanks.
Of course Tucker says you guys don't know what you're talking about so there. Idiots.
7:31 am: yes the slingblade info is accurate. If you look hard enough you can also find his address and phone number through google.
Just to give an idea how laughable Tucker is. He said his movie would sell 5 million DVDs...
http://www.the-numbers.com/movies/2008/HANCK-DVD.php
Hancock, which had a huge domestic box office, is just barely over 5 million units.
http://www.the-numbers.com/movies/2008/SLUMD-DVD.php
Slumdog Millionaire hasn't sold 2 million yet. And total units drop way off once they are out for a while. You'll notice on both on the backend.
Slumdog has sold about 120k copies in the last 4 months, that breaks down to less than a 10k per week average.
Yeah, I questioned my own assumption of $20 per DVD copy. I know my analysis is superficial. The 50% margins are questionable too, particularly on the theatrical release side of the business. Last, a guestimate of $2 million at the box office seems quite generous.
I intended to make this as conservative (from a hater's perspective) as possible.
Addendum: But the model (with better ballpark estimates) does yield a pretty good estimate on how many DVDs are needed before Tucker sees his money.
Face it, if this turkey sells 1 million DVDs or even 2 million DVDs, it won't be at bargain bin prices. In my humble opinion, Tucker's audience is quite narrow, and many will download copies of "Beer in Hell" for free. It is entirely possible that the sale price will be closer to $5, when Blockbuster and the like sell the used leftover stock.
A movie could generate quite nicely on secondary sources, all the-numbers has are domestic sales.
Then you have the video game, products, TV buy, the HBO buy, residuals, on Demand, movie downloads, etc.
Of course Tuckers movie doesn't really have any of those things. I doubt any network will be making a buy to play the movie at anypoint ever.
Yes, they will own the rights for the life of the product. But it's entirely possible it will never pay for itself.
The number of DVD's pressed is based on a standard equation. It is based on 1) box office 2) "names" attached to the project.
Also adding to the mix is the number of copies that retail rental outlets like Blockbuster and Netflix want to carry. They look at the names and BO before ordering, usually with a film like this Blockbuster may carry only 1 or 2 copies for their 4000 stores.
Since this movie has had poor BO and has no names of note, my guess is that they press less than 25000 DVD's for the first round. If they show a sell through potential, then they press about 1/2 the amount from the 1st round.
I doubt the DVD sells more than 25000 units total. There are outliers such as Clerks, but that film had great WOM and found it's legs in the VHS market. That is more of an outlier rather than the standard.
Thanks.
^
I'd say extremely probable it dies with a few thousand DVDs sold. It cannot even sustain a yawn in the handpicked college towns.
While I see some smaller draw cult movies from time to time on HBO, they're a tiny minority. Most of low budget films like Beer fall through the cracks.
It might see some action on PPV. Once again the revenues won't be material relative to the losses.
At this point it is a virtual certainty that this movie will be commercial failure like most other indies. I'd be surprised if it cracks $4 million total during the course of windowing (theatric, DVD, PPV & TV).
Good info, thanks 11:12.
Another hopeless review of the movie on TMMB from Rick Kane:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=27508&page=14
"After seeing the movie myself and witnessing the unedited reactions of a bunch of strangers, I have to conclude that the vast majority of people who don't like the movie fall into the following categories:
1. People who haven't actually seen the movie;
2. People who hated Tucker before seeing the movie and had already decided that they weren't going to like it no matter what;
3. People who are fans that had a preconceived notion of what the movie should be who are disappointed that the movie isn't exactly as they would have made it; or
4. Uptight humorless nitwits that never like anything fun (e.g. bible bangers, virgins who live in their mother's basement, crotchety old people, etc.)."
As always, Tucker's fans simply cannot envisage a world in which people don't think the movie is good (even though this is clearly the view of the vast majority that see the movie). The idea that reviewers have some vendetta against Tucker is laughable. Before the movie, most of those reviewers didn't even know who Tucker was.
Saar, I have NEVER HEARD OF TUCKER MAX, but I am going to review his movie anyway.
I miss the fake emails. I hope Tucker reinstates them at some point. Perhaps once his career is in tatters.
Why you become an artist, part 2.
After some generally mixed reviews from people with an agenda, and massive screw ups from Darko and Freestyle, the movie was picking up momentum because I made the best comedy in decades without assistance. Still, those fascists at Darko decided to pull the movie. I'm really sorry about this, guys, but it was completely out of my control. I KNOW we have a great product. I've seen 15,000 people laugh at this movie. It's NOT the product.
I was feeling pretty pissed, when I got this email:
"Dear Saar
Me and my 87,000 friends were greatly dismayed that your movie never played in our area, even though WE'D NEVER HEARD OT TUCKER BEFORE. I guarantee that all of us will purchase at least ten copies of your movie when it comes out on DVD. We look forward to being hit over and over again."
Guess what? I've gotten 50,000 emails just like that. There was no doubt in my mind that this was going to succeed at the box office. Unfortunately, forces beyond my control meant that the movie could never generate the word of mouth it needed to.
Mark my words, though: This movie is going to BLOW UP on DVD. You heard to here first. No amount of DVD's sold would surprise me. A few million copies later, and we'll be making sequels.
So laugh it up haterz, naysayers and my mom. Laugh while you still can.
Who are the success stories from RMMB again?
I hope Tucker ends up getting some normalcy in his life, meets a nice girl. Settles down and gets married and eventually has a child, a daughter.
And I hope his daughter gets raped.
^^^ Holy hell. Twisted Guy is back.
The hypothetical DVD numbers ignores the fact that we don't know what his "revolutionary" deal was. Fact is, his movie is not very good and nobody wanted to have anything to do with it at any point. Fox/Searchlight or whoever is distributing the DVD, but their only investment is pressing the DVDs.
Most likely, he got an advance up front and a percent once the advance is paid off. Or maybe he got an upfront payment, 5,000 DVDs, and can purchase additional DVDs at
cost. Either way, their primary concern is making money, bot the welfare of a douchebag.
10:59 That is crazy I am surprised that "slingblade"/Aaron was able to pass an FBI pysce test. Hope they aren't having him interrogate female suspects....
I cannot imagine that a DVD advance on 5,000 copies would be all that much. At a lofty $5/copy, Tucker would only receive $25,000.
Tucker got exactly ZERO new reviews on a weekend it's opening in other markets.
Has Tucker even acknowledged the possibility that the reason he had no money is because nobody but a desperate company wanted a piece of the movie because it sucks?
Going by how the expense numbers are cooked on a shoot, I don't believe $6 million was spent shooting this pic. And there's certainly no way $6 million was spent on P&A (remember Tucker's words, the PR firm hired by Darko did nothing). Generous on print numbers, 300 prints is $900k. A BIH website, print courier costs, assorted long distance phone calls and some Chicago bus ads do not add up to $5 million.
Beer in Hell will lose money because it was designed to lose money, on paper. If Darko's actually spent more than $4 million to date on everything (neg. costs, P&A, lawyers), I'll eat a bug.
Just hypothesizing.... since the film is in the red, all intellectual rights go to Darko as compensation for their financial loss. Darko now owns the BIH franchise... film, characters, everything. They dump Tucker, hire pro writers to do a sequel. Instead of Tucker getting his "8 figures" to sell his franchise, he gets nothing. No points, no profits, no ownership. Nothing.
Well played Jamie Tarses, well played.
At the risk of being redundant, the IHTSBIH_ tweets are even funnier than TDG. I chortled for three minutes straight.
This is the best use of twitter I've ever seen. Twitter's market cap just got a 30% boost.
Gawker featuring another "post of a post" about Tucker Max.
http://gawker.com/5373231/kreepie-kats-in-dave-whyd-you-sleep-with-staffers
NSFW, not that we'd care, but believe me, it might be hard to stomach.
Starts at 1:28
Thursday was another crappy day for "Beer in Hell". The revenues dipped by a small amount (-2.3%) but what is more telling is how it performed against the other lower tier films... it sank. Of the films ranked from 8th to 25th, only 3 movies experienced decreasing revenues. Beer in Hell of course was one of them.
IHTSBIH Fact #30: Investors made money (just kidding!)
tweet this
"At the risk of being redundant, the IHTSBIH_ tweets are even funnier than TDG. "
Holy shit dude, this is funnier than anything I've written on my best day.
Well played Twitter Guy, well played.
"assorted long distance phone calls and some Chicago bus ads do not add up to $5 million."
He had ad buys in front of Jennifers Body, Extract, and one other movie. That certainly cost money.
As well as Comedy Central, ESPN national spots.
Those two things could have easily cost millions. TV spots and preview spots in front of wide released movies are very expensive.
"Most likely, he got an advance up front and a percent once the advance is paid off."
He took a back end deal on DVD just like the BO. He gets nothing until a certain point.
He talked about it on the board.
Ok, who is Taryn?!?! This is gonna bother me until it's answered, as does the timeless, ever-unanswered question--
Is Thucker theriously noth even the cooleth one of hith friendth?!?!?!?!
Twitter guy, ID yourself man. You are a genius.
Hollywood uses a borderline fraudulent acccounting system where money is shuffled around and companies bill themselves for advertising and shit at inflated rates. the net result is that no movie is ever profitable, on paper. Many people who were expecting a % of the profit (as opposed to gross) discovered that the hard way.
So I wonder if (or how much) darko skimmed off the 6 million budget. I wonder how much of the 6 million advertising budget was retained in house.
(I just see that I'm repeating the earlier post, but it bears repeating)
BITCHES, GET YER PUSSIES READY!!!!
Tucker's movie is a-CUMMIN' RIGHT ALONG!!! THIS WEEKEND'S THE BIG WEEKEND! It's been buildin' up the word of mouth all week and THIS WEEKEND YOU'RE GONNA SEE THE RESULTS! The Tucker Max Show(tm) is IN SESSION! They're gonna be teaching this in film schools for years to come: "How to build to a hit, Tucker Max Style!"
YEAHHHH!!!! HOOO-AH!! YEAH! LET'S GO OUT THERE AND DO THIS THING! TIME TO BUY SOME TICKETS AND SEE THE MOST UTTERLY KICKASS MOVIE OF THE THE PAST THREE DECADES!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twenty bucks says Twitter Guy is Mccoy.
HI I AM BIFF
I WNT TO SEE TEH MOVIE BUT I DIDNT GET IT
WHYS IT FUNNY??????????
- BIFF!!!
oh fuck
i'd quit the board, but i just watched the clips
this shit is awful
literally awful
these are the clips tucker has chosen to promote the film, i suppose, they are on the official youtube channel, and they are awful
i thought, initially, hey, i might rent it on redbox or steal a torrent... at this point, i doubt i'd do anything
that's right, i don't even want this movie for free
He had ad buys in front of Jennifers Body, Extract, and one other movie. That certainly cost money.
As well as Comedy Central, ESPN national spots.
Those two things could have easily cost millions. TV spots and preview spots in front of wide released movies are very expensive.
Buying ad space for the Super Bowl or the Olympics is very expensive. For everything else, think Herb Tarlek. Comedy Central, ESPN and preview ads do not cost millions. Phone Comedy Central and ask them for the ad rates for 30 second spots for daytime, primetime and cricket time.
Money wise, Tucker's been told the finish line is 100 meters away, then they dropped a marathon course in front of him. He's not supposed to see the finish line, by design. Skim milk? Thank you, I'll have another glass.
Y'know, I've been thinking about this, and how it is common knowledge that Hollywood always cooks the books so that no movie makes a profit on paper, to the point that Peter Jackson had to sue New Line because the studio was trying to tell them the LOTR movies didn't make a profit. And I'm wondering. Did Tucker actually fall for this? Did he take a deal where he gets paid if the movie makes the profit that nobody in Hollywood ever admits exists? Is he really that clueless?
Is he really that clueless?
How well does Tucker take advice?
Tucker Max will not make a dime from this movie.
Regardless what he's telling his board, Tucker Max will not make a dime from this movie.
His DVD will not sell enough copies to even begin to sell back the 25 million his movie owes it's investors.
Remember this a few months from now, his movie will never make a dime of profit for anybody involved.
Do you know what kind of actors don't support the movie? The kind who know the movie will not even begin to make a profit so their points will kick in.
Tucker Max has lost more money on this movie than his books have sold TOTAL.
Don't fool yourself Tucker, your book hasn't sold more than 500K total, and you know it. If you were actually important and people gave a shit then they'd be able to do the Bookscan check on you like I did to show you didn't sell 1 million books like you claim.
There were 15 theaters that dropped IHTSBIH. Not sure how many pick ups there were, but 15 theaters dropped the movie.
@ 10/02/2009 1:19 A.M., you said: "This stuck such a chord with me. Tucker is forever banging on about his "art". Art is subjective. It speaks to you in a differet way than its speaks to me. We discuss it, we learn from it, we converse about it, we swap opinions and lean towards argument but then laugh and agree to disagree. We take away different things and are hopefully richer for the experience. Thats art."
I think that Yayo Guy put it best when he said:
"Incidentally, the measure of artistic merit is not the size of one's readership, as you so endlessly propound and fervently believe.
Rather, it is timelessness and universailty. When anyone from any culture, at any age can enjoy your writing in their own way for their own reasons, then you have created something that can legitimately be termed a "work of art".
Amen, you fucking cokehead. I couldn't have put it better.
Free Advice: Quit the "yayo", and you'll be much more productive.
And by the way, get your ass back here and join La Fiesta de los Haters, YG. You, along with TDG are a few of the more entertaining and erudite posters of this merry band of miscreants.
fact #20: In a movie theater where I hope they serve beer in hell is being screened, no one can hear you laughing.
BUTHSECKTHS!!!!!!!
In 2005, author Clive Cussler's novel SAHARA was adapted into a film starring Matthew McConaughey. It lost money and lawsuits were filed among the creators -- from Wikipedia:
Cussler sued Crusader in 2004, claiming the company reneged on a contract that gave him approval rights over the film's screenplay. Crusader, which is owned by billionaire Philip Anschutz, countersued, accusing Cussler of duping it into adapting his book into a film based on an inflated number of novels sold. Jurors ruled in May 2007 in favor of the production company, and the author was ordered to pay Crusader $5 million.
Wouldn't it be terrible if. . .
"And by the way, get your ass back here and join La Fiesta de los Haters, YG. You, along with TDG are a few of the more entertaining and erudite posters of this merry band of miscreants."
Hell, yeah, dude. Fucking Yay Guy was awesome.
I still want the guy who wrote the interview with Tucker/Otto and Fat Nils to come back...that shit was awesome.
Hey Tucker, how does it feel to know that you are absolutely, positively FUCKED in every imaginable way? What's it like to know that you couldn't get a job wiping Jamie Tarses' ass, much less another shot at making a movie?
And most importanly:
Is it thrue that you're not even the cooleth one of your friendths?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcrDTdBafDI
the last 25 seconds.
Post a Comment