The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 11601 – 11800 of 15918 Newer› Newest»I forgot to add: The redneck crowd is even less likely to see it than the college crowd, which might explain the delayed rollout.
Per screen average for next weekend: $1800
"I've been confused about the way his more rabid followers will viciously defend any criticisms of their golden boy ... So what is it with the rabid fanboys? Just what is their malfunction?"
Welcome to Earth, Mr Space Alien sir. This is the human race.
People have always done this for anything they believed in strongly. Doesn't matter the justice or weakness of the cause. People do it.
Who are the mongoloids in this photo with Tugger?
http://twitpic.com/ja75e
Is Tugger's chin getting bigger?
Review & TMFT Thoughts Pt I:
First off, just to clarify my position (hater vs fan boy), I really can't stand Tucker Max. Unlike most of the readers/posters on this & the various douchebag boards, I am very familiar with him on a personal level, and is/was friends with some of his "inner" circle going back to the early Chicago days. Tucker has always been extremely full of sheight---when he had to drop out of the military b/c he couldn't handle ARMY basic training (much less the Special Forces he was coveting)---he spun it so that it made him look good (oh, you didn't really think Hooh-Ah was somebody else did you??). That is just one of the legions of lies & embellishments that Tucker's "friends" have had to put up with over the years. Some accept it about him, as he is rather charming on an individual basis, but most move on, or at least keep their distance. Only the broken/damaged/needfull ones (Erin anyone?) stick around, much like a moth "needs" a flame.
Anyway, I've followed his "career" (IMHO the very definition of a one-hit wonder) since the early days. I have moved on with my life & away from Tucker's friends since the Chicago days, but it is fun to drop in on the hater boards, and the IHTSBIH boards on a weekly or monthly basis, just to see what the mood is like. I post occasionally (I put up the first post on the douchebag board about how Tucker was going to travel by RV w/KF Mike & show the movie to college kids in their basement---not far from reality as it turned out). Tucker is nothing if not predictable.
IFTB
Pt II:
As I said, its been years since I really had any contact with Tucker & his crew, but yesterday I went to see his movie in one of the New York movie theaters, along with another major Hollywood release. I went in with fairly low expectations---I'd read the 2 versions of the script, so knew most of the jokes, and had read some of the RT reviews, so expectations weren't high. Firstly, this was a mid-afternoon showing in the largest city in the US, and there were only 18 people in the audience, and the movie was in a very small theater (one of only 2-3 in the NY metro area). The demographics of the audience were interesting: 3 douchebags sporting MMA gear (two of whom laughed at EVERY joke in the movie), one older couple (late 50s), 2 single girls in their early 20s, two mid-20 couples, and the rest were single, solo men, all in their 20s/30s, with the exception of one old guy in his late 70s (who I am going to assume goes to see every movie that is released).
The movie itself was interesting. It wasn't good, but it wasn't awful. I found myself liking certain parts of it, and it brought out 3-4 chuckles out of me, and 1 genuine laugh (mostly slingblade lines). Reading the reviews ahead of time, I could see where the reviewers liked or didn't like certain parts & how it affected their overall view of the movie. Overall the audience reaction was pretty muted---aside from the Douchebag boys, there were very few laughs. The bathroom scene at the end generated some groans & exclamations, but they weren't laughing as much as generally uncomfortable. Overall, the movie just isn't very funny, and aside from the fanboys, the other audience members were reacting pretty much as I was. One of the couples left 20 minutes into the movie. The Tucker character was a major problem in the movie---he just wasn't sympathetic in any way, shape or form. However even if you could like Tucker, the movie's other flaws were really, really annoying. Firstly, the production value was crap. Whoever handled the cinematography should be ashamed---it looked like it was done on an old Super 7 home camera. It certainly wasn't high-definition. There were multiple scenes where it was simply blurry & not in focus---a major fail. The lighting was off as well---I don't know if they messed it up in the editing room, but there were many scenes where the background would shift from light to grayish on the cuts. It wasn't amateur night, but it certainly wasn't very professional.
IFTB
TMFT Pt III:
As a first time effort for a bunch of guys who had never made a movie before it wasn't bad, but I kept thinking to myself "they spent $6m on this??" Overall I give it a 4.5 out of 10.
Therein lies the problem with Tucker's plan for global media domination: he just isn't very creative, and the movie makes that abundantly clear. NOTHING in the film felt fresh---maybe b/c I read the script (I never read his book but did read most/all of the online stories 4-5 years back) it felt stale, but that 90% of the audience wasn't laughing at the obvious one-liners leads me to believe it was more a problem with the script/material than my familiarity with it. Seriously, if this was the best that they could do after 7+ years of working with this material, it may be time to pursue other interests. I mean they've had YEARS to get this right, and they couldn't. I actually don't even think they came close. Tucker has always been lazy, and very presumptive of his position in life, but I never thought those traits would be imparted so much onto a commercial effort. I really thought, based on his pimping the movie & his spin, that they might have hit a home run. This MIGHT be an infield single, if they can leg it out. Unfortunately, the marketing plan is frankly awful, and the movie just isn't very funny. Aside from fanboys (and Tucker seems to have massively underestimated the size & loyalty of his own fanbase), who cares about a stupid bus tour? And he now thinks that this is the way that he is going to save his movie's B.O.? Massive fail. If they can only draw 18 people to one of three theaters in NY, on the 4th day of release, they are in serious trouble. I don't think Tucker really gets that point, and based on the quality of the movie, it certainly isn't going to be driven by WOM. If what Tucker insinuated about Chicago being a bomb, despite apparently massive advertising, this is likely gone after another weekend.
FWIW I went to see Bruce Willis' new robot movie right after IHTSBIH. The theater was 3x the size (same complex), and was about 70-75% full. Some idiots actually clapped at the end of that movie (it was decent, at best, but much more entertaining than IHTSBIH, but a totally different genre & probably cost about 20x as much to make).
IFTB
"I hope he has a contract already signed for his next book."
10:28 PM
Signed, advance paid, and spent. Tugger's behind the eight ball.
"You made me laugh from 03-06 and pissed me off from 06 to 08 and you, as a person, were always very kind to me on a 1 to 1 basis. I don't want you to fail... but I don't want such darkness to succeed either."
3:20 AM
Truth, Bunny.
Ha, you guys are such suckers. This was all a fake-out operation designed to draw out the hater dumbasses. What I've actually been working on is a major studio project slated to come out next month with some of the top name actors in the business. I kept this secret as part of my revolutionary marketing plan for the Tucker Max brand, which is going to be absolute GOLD after this next project comes out. Trust me. And keep your eye on the headlines. Some very well-known people are going to start giving interviews where they talk about me real soon.
I was totally not kidding about that private jet, but of course a side project done by me and some friends for pocket change while we were all drunk isn't going to pay for it. No, the jet's got my name on it already, and after you see this movie I can't talk about yet, you'll all agree I earned it.
-Tucker
^^^
If you're going to do an impression of Tucker, you'll at least need to include some spelling, grammatical and syntax mistakes. A little more whiny and self-righteous would help too. BTW, anyone know how to make the typed word sound nasally?
bah, us world-famous millionaire racecar drivers can't be bothered to pretend to sound nasal in print
Hollywood thinks that drugging a 13-year-old girl and orally, vaginally, and anally raping her while she begs the whole time for her rapist to stop is a minor peccadillo that obviously should be forgiven without punishment.
We should all listen to what Hollywood tells us. Hollywood knows better.
Also, what ethnicity and religion is Mr. Polanski?
what tucker would have done is open on every single screen in every single theater in every single complex in every single city in every single country in the world.
if only darko hadn't held him back!
douchebags!!
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/
Wow...the per screen average is actually pretty decent for a monday. 370...I guessed 150.
It won't matter though, there are 3 rated R comedies all opening wide Friday that are much better. ZombieLand, Whip It, The invention of lying, all critically reviewed very well.
Tucker is babbling about word of mouth building before he even has the second weekend results.
It's been out 4 days dude...there's no way to compare it for word of mouth except week over week, from friday to next day saturday, or weekday to weekday.
He's still trying to swing this into his delusional massive BO he predicted.
He's going to see a serious drop off next weekend for about the same BO weekend with added screens (300 I think?) so he will probably take in 400k, his movie may break 1 million BO, but no more than 1.5 I would bet, in line with what biscuits said.
Note: His film opened on a weekend where there was virtually NO COMEDIES OUT IN THEATERS. Look at the top 10 from last week. None of them is a comedy that taps into Tucker's demographic. He basically had the market cornered from the standpoint that he had no competition.
Zombieland is going to wipe this film off the map.
WOW! Let's see how long this post lasts on Tucker's board:
PART 1
somethingofagod
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 79
Validation Points: 5
To Tucker:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm sure this message will probably be deleted shortly after posting, and I'm sure that I'll probably be banned (not that I really care about either). But I felt that I would be remiss if I didn't make this post.
I told you, almost a year ago, that your movie was going to bomb. You of course wrote me off as an idiot. And here we are. I was right, and you were wrong. As usual, your delusions of grandeur have come back to bite you in the ass. I don't believe in karma, but the failure of your movie is making a great argument for its existence. You over-promised and under-delivered. You claimed that your movie would be released on thousands of theaters, it wasn't. You claimed that your movie would be indistinguishable from any other major movie, yet virtually nobody has heard of it. Despite it being out for a few days now. You claimed that your movie would beat The Hangover at the box office. The Hangover has been out for several weeks now and it still made more money this weekend alone than your movie did on its opening weekend.
PART 2
Also the reason that nobody has heard of it is because you had virtually no marketing. The movie would spread by word of mouth IF it were good. The fact that it hasn't should tell you all you need to know about its quality. With an atrocious film like this, you should have been heavily marketing it. A man once said "With the right marketing, you could sell anything! Even bottled water!" Look at how well The Blair Witch Project it did thanks to marketing. I've got an idea for your next book, it can be called "How To Make A Shitty Movie: From a C-List Celebrity Wannabe Who Just Lost 12 Million Dollars!" And the reason that I suggest you make this book, is because you'll NEVER get another chance like this again. No sequels, no television show, hell I would be surprised if your next book (if you ever release it) doesn't flop.
You like to use ad hominem attacks quite frequently. You still claim that the only reason people hate your movie is because they are "haters." The problem with that is you have just as many "fanboys" who love it, for reasons other than its quality. So you're pretty even there. The reason that virtually all independent sources are claiming that your movie sucks, is because your movie does in fact suck. The jokes are outdated and unfunny, they continued to fall flat. The lighting of course is terrible, and the actors weren't that great, quite frankly most university film students could have made a better film. The leaked script which everybody was shitting on a year ago, the one that you claimed was completely different from the final script, was in fact almost identical (and just as bad).
PART 3
And of course you created the majority of your "haters." Sure there are idiotic feminist groups who hate you for no reason, but many if not most of the so-called "haters" are people like myself who used to be fans. I don't think that it comes as any shock that virtually every place on the internet where people can speak freely happens to be full of people who hate you and mock you, but used to be your fans.
I told you, about two years ago, to stop running this board the way you do. You put these moronic losers in charge (SillyLittleFreak, Kung Fu Mike, Bunny, just to name a few) and with your help you guys runs this place like Auschwitz. Any free thought is immediately removed. You treat your fans like shit, and it has come back to bite you in the ass. Not only did you lose a few bucks from all of us not purchasing your products, but the internet is full of people like us who continue to help others realize what a douche you are.
Virtually everything that you say is a lie. I don't mock the people here who believe everything that you say, because I was one of them once. But then I woke up. I think the final straw for many people was your "I'm not lying and here's why" list. You say you got the idea from Obama. That is hilarious. Obama could do that, because he wasn't lying. He isn't a Muslim, and this is verifiable. Your stories, even on the off chance that they are true, aren't verifiable. And you continue to avoid the topic of proof with the ones that are. The arguments you made showed all too well that you should have been a lawyer. They basically come down to "My friends were there! That is solid proof! And this one guy who I made up, what does he matter? It is only one of my friends and he means nothing! You shouldn't unquestionably believe everything that some idiot on the internet says, unless of course it is me! And if you don't believe me, you're as dumb as one of those 9/11 Truther people!" WONDERFUL logic there buddy. You could start your own religion. You've already got the groundwork with your RMMB cult. Now all you need is political power.
PART 4
This is the reason that virtually everybody with a functioning brain has left this place. This place used to be great, but then people started waking up to the reality of your lies. Now one moron mod decides which topic is appropriate for the idiots of the page to discuss, and then the thread goes something like this:
Person A: I like it!
Person B: Me too!
Person C: I do too!
Person D: I like it the most!
And so on and so forth ad nausem, because the only people left are too stupid to do any thinking of their own and don't want to dare upset one of your ruling Mod-Priests and get banned. This is why you have so many "haters." The fact that you are, for all intents and purposes, a middle aged man who acts like a college kid meets an attention whore, is a reason to mock you. Not to hate you. When you say 'I'm an alpha male blah blah blah" you will get dumb people to believe you, and everybody else to laugh at you, because alphas don't need to remind people of their status every two seconds, or act like the world's biggest attention whore. But as I said, that isn't a reason to hate you. But people do hate you. Take one look at IMDB and you'll see how many of us there are who absolutely can't stand you and spend portions of are downtime predicting how you will fail at life.
Now that you've lost all of your money (and a lot of other people's money too), there is one clear option left for you, suicide. I'm not advocating that of course, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least bit if you did kill yourself now that you have completely failed, as predicted by anybody with any semblance of a brain. Speaking of failing, did you see the addition "Tucker Max Fail" to urban dictionary?
At any rate, sorry for the long post. I just wanted to get all of that out. No need to reply. I'm sure you, your idiot mods, and your moron fanboys would all love to jump in and tell me what an idiot I am. But coming from you losers, that would be a nice compliment. So feel free to delete this post and ban me. You guys know the routine by now, all dissenters must be removed.
Just like in law school, Tucker used to walk around talking about what an alpha male he was to anybody who would listen (read: nobody, not even his five friends, who mocked him constantly).
Tucker is slightly effeminate, sucks at sports and stereotypical masculine activities, wears chick repellent that wards off 95% of females, and speak with a lisp. Alpha male? Never. More like diseased attention whore.
A recurring theme in Tucker's life is that he is financially destructive to those around him. And in many cases, to the people who trust him the most. Can anybody name someone who is financially better off because of Tucker? Certainly not Bunny, KungFu Mike, any of his buddies he used to mooch of when he was poor, Darko, any movie investor, his dad, etc.
Anyone wanna head down to Boca Raton in a couple of weeks, go to Max's Grille and get waited on by NY Times best selling Arthur Tucker Max?!?!?
bater - awesome, but harsh
tucker is genuinely mentally ill
would you stand and poke a bear with a stick?
that's what this is doing
kicking someone when they are down isn't cool
if you would have posted this shit pre-fail, ok, more props to you
but after the loser is already at rock bottom, well, that doesn't take guts at all
sorry, but i have to vote thumbs down
don't care if that makes me a pussy in the hater's eyes... i fight fair and i feel parts of your post were over the line
er, author
I think Max deserves to be kicked while he is down. He spent over 3 decades berating, humiliating, and walking all over the unattractive and the unfortunate.
He's not some charming, rascally, trouble-making drunk. He is a fucking prick who made life miserable for people who he sensed were emotionally weak or socially awkward. he is a mean, spoiled bully who had no comeuppance until now.
This is 30+ years of pent up karma that the universe couldn't hold back anymore.
He deserves this.
one person is NOT karma and they are NOT designated to speak for the universe
sorry, but i disagree
i'm not saying i'm better... i didn't call tucker out pre-fail either... but doing it now is just, i don't know, it's not that hard to take an ice cream cone from a kid with no arms
we'll agree to disagree, sorry
Anonymous said...
bater - awesome, but harsh
tucker is genuinely mentally ill
would you stand and poke a bear with a stick?
that's what this is doing
kicking someone when they are down isn't cool
if you would have posted this shit pre-fail, ok, more props to you
but after the loser is already at rock bottom, well, that doesn't take guts at all
sorry, but i have to vote thumbs down
don't care if that makes me a pussy in the hater's eyes... i fight fair and i feel parts of your post were over the line
___________________________________
I actually didn't write the post... someone over on IMDB did, and it was deleted within minutes. I thought there were some timely points in it, which is why I spammed the RMMB.
I respect your reasoning, but like the poster above me mentioned, Tucker is a bully and a jackass, and he deserves everything he has coming to him. If y'all knew what I do for a living, you'd know that empathy, forgiveness, grace, mercy, and kindness are very important to me. However, Tucker represents everything that's wrong with western culture, and he's made his entire life out of destroying both individuals and institutions. He has no right to the things I've mentioned above- he merits no mercy.
bater, sorry I wrongly accused you, I thought I read somewhere that retab was bater...
i'm not angry with whoever wrote the post and I don't think badly of them or anything... i just think it's a little harsh and inappropriate, especially saying that about suicide
yes, tucker is a huge huge huge asshole... but still, he's a person and i try really hard not to treat people that way
i'm not saying i never have... hell, ive told my own mother i wish she'd just go ahead and die... but i can't say or condone that sort of stuff while in any sort of sane mind
and no, i'm not bunny, no, i'm not a fanboi, i'm a hater just like everyone else... i'm just a hater with a heart, i guess...
you guys are right, karma will get tucker, hell, karma gets tucker on the daily... if you spent any time on the boards, you know that asshole has a shitty life... he's always broke, barely has any friends, is a total social loser... the only excitement he gets in life is through that damned message board...
that's karma enough for me... i don't need vigilante justice...
just sayin...
thanks for sharing it with us, i shared it with someone else once i saw it here!!
they said it's alread been deleted :( so quick, those mods... so quick
I just received this email from a deployed soldier:
"Hey Tucker,
My name is [redacted] and I am serving in [redacted] with the [redacted].
We have been over here for about 9 months now and my whole unit has read your book at least 3 times. We are always quoting it and laughing about it. it helps stave off the boredom and is fucking hilarious.
I can't wait to get back stateside and see the movie- everyone I know over here is talking about it and how awesome its gonna be.
I hope they serve beer in hell, cause they sure a shit don't serve it in [redacted],
sincerely,
[redacted]"
I have received 45 million emails almost exactly like this one. This thing is gonna be huge among returning military. Its just that the timing was off, I told darko not to release it now, but they're all a bunch of fucking idiots.
Everybody with Twitter accounts should post this link to Tucker:
http://bit.ly/T77Kj
Something like "@tuckermax http://bit.ly/T77Kj"
Would be hilarious.
Or even better. Post it on his message board so all his fan boys will end up click on it.
They will end up killing themselves.
From RMMB:
"Fandango and TrailerAddict both have a couple clips from the movie.
http://www.traileraddict.com/clip/i-...bachelor-party
http://www.traileraddict.com/clip/i-...ll/pancakewich
http://www.traileraddict.com/clip/i-...e-princess-cut
Don't be afraid to tweet them around to your friends!"
Reply: "Here's a link for the first one: http://bit.ly/T77Kj"
:(
"Matti" is at it again:
Holy shit, have you guys looked at Twitter recently? The expansion seems to be working -- the movie is all over the place. Trust me, with this kind of activity on Twitter and Facebook, tons of people will watch the movie this weekend. I'm having a hard time convincing my friends at Viacom to join me on Friday but then again, there's a reason they work at fucking Viacom (all smart people seem to have left in 2005). I'm glad that I'm out of here soon. These douchebags (ok, they aren't always douchy) want to see "The invention of lying" instead. I don't get it. Ricky Gervais? Ricky fucking Gervais?! The original Office is just awkward and weird. Why would people want to watch that shit? Do they think that just because it's made by some european it must be good? Fuck 'em. Some people just don't seem to get it.
This stuff is great. Whoever it is, you rock!
1/2 the Twitter stuff about Tucker is negative.
Here we go:
Threeboxers
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 5
Validation Points: 10
"My point? I'm not just blindly wishing for success for this movie. I am telling you it will be a success, and most importantly, I am telling you WHY it will be a success before the fact, and you can judge me by these predictions after the fact.
If it turns out that this thing rides to a 210 million dollar box office based on it word of mouth starting in the 18-24 year old age group and in select internet circles and is regaled as a classic comedy--then I was right, for the right reasons, and I should be considered an expert. I called it before it happens, exactly how it would happen. If it crashes and burns, then I was completely wrong and I have no idea what I am talking about and shouldn't be making movies. And it if does something in between--say 80 million, and gets a demographic profile I didn't predict--well, I was still kinda wrong. Being right for the wrong reasons is mostly luck, and I'll need to tease out what was me and what was luck. Being right for the right reasons means you are probably onto something. "
What does this say for making sequels?
5...4...3...2...1...
Deconstructing Tucker Max who is Deconstructing Tucker Max.
In this episode: Cry me a fucking river.
"And by the way, to all the nerds who are so butthurt because I said things and made predictions that didn't come true immediately:"
No dude, they didn't come true "immediately. THEY DIDN'T FUCKING COME TRUE. Having the word "immediately" means there is some hope that it may occur some day soon. You are so intellectually dishonest that you can't even say one single sentence without having to fucking lie or embellish in some way. The problem is, I fucking OWN YOU. I fucking know you're a liar and I understand language in ways you couldn't even conceive. You do this in every fucking sentence you write to your fans, while still saying "I'll never ever lie to my fans" which is also a fucking lie.
"You mean Tucker Max is fallible?"
No dickhead, I mean Tucker Max is a fucking lying douchebag.
"OH NO!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!"
Hahahahahaha. No, it's really not, but your career in Hollywood is most certainly over. You have to sit back now and watch as everything that you've built by accident comes crashing down around you. A lot of fans are now asking (even if it's not on your board) a lot of questions about you and your "authentic" stories.
"Look, I never said one thing that I didn't believe that the time I wrote it."
Great, so basically you're like a little kid who believes in Santa Claus. I believed in Santa Claus too, but we both know he's a fraud.
"Every prediction I made I believed in my heart."
You know, for a so-called "smart guy" Tucker Max speaks with his heart and his dick a lot more than his head.
"Every statement I made I thought was true."
Yet every statement you made has been shown to be a fucking lie (see above).
"Clearly some of the things I thought have turned out to be incorrect."
Tucker, make a list of the things you wrote that turned out to be correct and then write a list of things that turned out to be incorrect. Then get a fucking dictionary and look up the word "some", because clearly you are too retarded to understand what BASIC FUCKING ENGLISH MEANS.
You've been so fucking wrong on so many levels that it's been a fucking joy to watch you crash and burn. You're an intellectually dishonest bully, and now that your wings are clipped you have the audacity to say "some of the things" were incorrect?
Fuck you bitch. You're a fucking liar.
"And I may have overstated things, used too much hyperbole, and over-promised,"
Bitch, you used so much hyperbole that I thought you were auditioning to be the next nemesis of the Fantastic Four.
You were wrong, you've been proven wrong and even your contrition is trite and full of lies.
"but I never lied and I never said anything I didn't believe at that moment. You know that means?"
Yeah, it either means you are 1) an unrepentant liar or 2) really fucking dumb. Because you could write volumes of books filled with the number of lies you've said over the last 6 months.
"I'm just like every other fucking person on earth: Flawed. "
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. We already know your flawed. Your flaw is that you're a fucking liar. I can deal with a lot of other flaws in people, but lying about virtually everything while taking advantage of those fans you pretend to care about with those same lies is fucking unforgivable.
"This is not news to me, even though it seems to be news to some of you."
Whatever douchebag, enjoy your free-fall into the douchebag hall of fame.
-TDG
Damn TDG, that was vicious.
Well done, but vicious.
wow, tuckermax.com is only at a PageRank of 3 now?
that's brutal.
TDG's latest post just got my wife pregnant. Thanks a lot, jerk.
I'm the guy who kept asking what the revolutionary marketing scheme was. Well, Tucker answered.
#1- Bus tour. In other words, lasagna.
#2- CTA ads. In other words, everyone thinks you're a rapist.
TDG, I like the new ferociousness.
Wow. TDG. Mean, lean, and merciless. I loved it. Please, don't stop. There's been WAY too much deconstructible stuff floating around over the past five days to retire now. Besides that, your latest deconstruction was like 'TDG X-TREEM' or something. Keep it up.
^^^^^^^^^
and I used to be such a nice guy.
I think guys like PMC, GenericUser, BarryBater and RedsUnite are doing a good enough job on the IMDB boards that I don't want to step on their toes and deconstruct something they already worked hard at.
Plus school is in session and my casebook is full this quarter.
Keep up the good work.
-TDG
I want to hear more stories about Tucker in high school
Clips and trailers from the movie here: http://tinyurl.com/yhauqgs
The pancakewich clip is absolutely terrible and completely unfunny. Of course, Tugger's idiot fans have rated almost all of the videos with an "A" mark.
I cannot believe that Tugger thought this pile of crap would be a huge hit.
I just finished reading the script. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Unknowing ineptitude is hilarious.
God, just one tiny bit of humility, of self-deprecation, of gratitude . . . just one tiny bit and he might have made a (modest) success of this.
Hey Tuck!
I guess assholes DON'T finish first!
Bwah-ha-hahahahahahaha. . .
What the fuck are you haterz TALKING about?! The movie's only been out for five days and shit, and it's already done something most movies don't do- it actually had LESS ticket sales on Saturday than it did on Friday and shit. That's fucking revolutionary and shit. You bitches better raise up and recognize and shit.
"Do you people think the CTA ads thing played so well by accident? Really? "
Wink wink Tucker.
So you put up advertisements that offend the majority of people then "engineer" the "controversial" removal of said ads which generate maybe 3 paragraphs of press. Which means your movie has nil mainstream advertising in the days leading up to its release, becuase nobody really cares.
Brillant!!!
"Do you people think the CTA ads thing played so well by accident? Really? "
That reminds me of an episode of The Office (english version) where David Brent says he fakes high cholestrolso he won't get promoted and the company won't face redundancies.
i feel bad for him, but he really need to be knocked down a notch. i fucking choked on my food at the fantastic four villiang thing. rock on tdg
wtf
tucker on carson daly's unwatched show?
http://www.nbc.com/Last_Call_with_Carson_Daly/video/#cat=new&sec=1a&mea=1162133
When is somebody going to call him on the million books sold thing?
http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/tucker_buckles_under_pressure.phtml
"Then it happened. Possibly the most embarrassing moment of my life, and easily a moment I will eventually have to redeem myself for:
Carson Daly walked in the Green Room...and I didn't punch him in his face.
He had on a green mesh Jets hat, and--get this--the fucking guy had a DIAMOND STUD NOSE RING. Literally a diamond nose ring, I shit you not. He stood to the side watching the show on the huge flat panel screens they have in the green room.
I saw him, my fight or flight response kicked in, and...well...I ran. Right to the bar, where I downed three vodka doubles in what felt like 30 seconds, got my courage up and went over to blast him in the face...and he was gone.
I know, I know. I failed. I am sorry.
I can't remember the last time I was so utterly and completely disappointed in myself.
I promised many friends of mine that when I came out here, if I ever saw Carson Daly and I was drunk enough, I would beat his ass. I let my friends down.
But don't worry--this has only begun. I'll get Carson one day."
Too perfect. Being interviewed by Carson Daly about your fail movie.
I thought this couldn't get better?
I JUST REMEMBERED THE DALY THING, CAME BACK HERE, AND BOOM, SOMEONE ELSE REMEMBERED TOO
SUCH A TOTAL DOUCHEBAG
THIS IS the ultimate
sorry about all caps, iphonefail, too lazy to retype
somebody send that link to carson daly's people, quicklike
he had to pretend to care about that asshole's movie, he at least deserves to know the truth
What's a Carson Daily?
I think the funniest part of the interview was Tucker saying that he's "unapologetically mathculine."
I love how he still claims to have invented the "time-stamp" thing when he ripped it from Bill Simmons.
It's a gimmick that is a lot older than Bill Simmons.
Tucker is a lot older than Bill Simmons.
(Not really, but whatever.)
Who's Bill Simmons?
Who is John Galt?
"I hope he has a contract already signed for his next book."
10:28 PM
Signed, advance paid, and spent. Tugger's behind the eight ball.
9/29 11:51 AM
Whoa-- is this true? Can anyine confirm or deny? If so, epic.
What we don't know is whether the publisher (Simon Spotlight) of Assholes Finish First demanded a refund of the advance... which I doubt was $300,000. Who in the hell would advance $300,000 to an author who only sold 300,000 books (or less) when the deal was signed? No one is that stupid.
What we do know is that Tucker's first manuscript for Assholes was rejected some time back. I'm not sure of the timeline, but I believe the rejection was approximately 2 years ago.
Personally, I hope the advance wasn't returned. Nothing would be sweeter than watching the lazy fool lose his financial motivation. In that case, they'll either publish whatever they have (ruining whatever is left of Tucker's literary career) or sue him for breach of contract.
John Galt lives!
Tucker's film has been dropped by at least 15 venues.
Epic fail.
^^^^^^^^^^^
You have a source for that?
haha the editing in that Daly interview makes me laugh
Especially the black and white zoom ins of tucker's hand movements
unapologetically mathculine!!!! ROFL!!!!
on carson daly's show!!!! double rofl + hypocrite points!!!
unapologetically mathculine!!!! ROFL!!!!
on carson daly's show!!!! double rofl + hypocrite points!!!
unapologetically mathculine!!!! ROFL!!!!
on carson daly's show!!!! double rofl + hypocrite points!!!
unapologetically mathculine!!!! ROFL!!!!
on carson daly's show!!!! double rofl + hypocrite points!!!
unapologetically mathculine!!!! ROFL!!!!
on carson daly's show!!!! double rofl + hypocrite points!!!
unapologetically mathculine!!!! ROFL!!!!
on carson daly's show!!!! double rofl + hypocrite points!!!
nice lisp, alpha dogg.
Those clips are horrible. Honestly, Tucker's taste in comedies isn't that bad. Does he really think he made a good movie?
Wow...I feel bad for this kid. The guys over at IMDB have brutally torn him apart:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148535426?p=1
I saw that....ouch.
i think that kid might be tucker.
he does a sporadic ALL CAPS word in it
and he calls everyone losers living in their parents basement
imdb is funnerer than here today
"Don't need the bus, thanks. I'm actually testing the first Rudius Air Airship. Nils, Tucker and I were sitting around in our Russel nylon shorts eating McGriddle's last night; and we decided that the Rudius Zepplin should be a go this week. It has a crossbow/pistol range inside and one of the gas bags actually has a big MMA mat that we can roll around on and practice our RNC on each other. The fridge is stocked with cold Natty Bos; so get your p##@@ys ready ladies. The Zepplin actually has a big IHTSBIH transfer on the gas bag; and IHTSBIH Fact#5 That says something about Aids isn't funny unless someone you hate has it. The new IHTSBIH i phone ap actually contains a GPS ap straight to Knoxville, bros, so we won't get blown off track. Just put on a big IHTSBIH flag on the roof of your frat house and we'll pick you up on the flyover. Could you pick up a bucket of chicken and a half gallon of cookie dough ice cream for Nils though, he is doing a little bit of comfort eating to get him through the pain of how his contribution to the script ended up completely sinking this great movie. he finally admitted that if he just let me write it by myself, it would have been epic. Dawes has also taken responsibility for his screw up on the tour so we took away his Axe spray."
-----------------------------------
best post of the day at IMDB by pmcdonnell-4
Thpeak like Tucker Mackth Day:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148535426?p=1
just wait, you guys will eat your words after this weekend.
and the movie wasn't dropped from any theaters. morons.
@1:58
TEH FUNNEREST
Shut teh fukup. I'm Macker Tuckth.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?s=31790b4e000686048075f8b7f3aafc6a&p=878857&postcount=378
"And trust me, you would be shocked if I told you some of the stories about the shit that Darko and Freestyle and MRC and Pandemic either has done or wanted us to do. You wouldn't believe it. You literally would not believe the incompetence and lack of professionalism. It's shocking, even to us still. We've been swimming with an anchor around our neck. I'll explain it all later."
Tucker, we've been reading about you for a long time. We can believe quite a lot of incompetence and unprofessionalism.
I'm sure this sort of talk will help with your future Hollywood deals though. Keep it up!
Did anyone save that second post from the Philocalist before it was deleted? It was pretty good.
So wait...Tucker is blaming others for his own failure?
Is it Darko's fault he got pretty much 1 positive review from the major critics? That most people think his movie is a spastic, overdone, underproduced unfunny piece of shit?
Couldn't be. He wrote the funniest comedy of the last 10 years, after all.
I drink the haterade as much as everyone else but ... his weekday daily box office numbers (around $40-$50K, $300/screen) seem not bad for the steaming turd of a film that this seems to be (one of my friends gave the following review: "It's like watching grass grow. And then crap all over itself.")
Can anyone with more knowledge of the movie industry/distrbution speak to the strength or weakness of his numbers?
"Can anyone with more knowledge of the movie industry/distrbution speak to the strength or weakness of his numbers?"
Small number of screens = higher per-screen averages. Even if he's treading water now, would anyone really watch this over Zombieland or Invention of Lying? If his numbers hold steady throughout the weekend, he might be on to something, but I doubt it.
Shorter: Biscuits predicted between 0.7 and 1.5M, and that guy is basically a prophet.
@4:56 PM
Here's a whole thread discussing it:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148531458
Someone enterprising individual should e-mail Darko, MRC, and Freestyle his comments. I'm sure they'd be interested to know the kind of fabulateur they entrusted their money to.
It's not bad. But it's not great either.
I believe the reason it has managed to be good is because college kids simply didn't go this last weekend. They were busy with football games, parties, drinking, etc.
About 80 of the screens are in college towns or locations. College students will frequently see movies during the week because they have long breaks between classes, or may not even have a class some days, or maybe only 1 later in the day.
It's not "building steam" per Tuckers bright analysis. Which consists of analyzing 5 days of BO in which it has DECREASED in per screen average every single day.
And realistically...it is generating around 170k for 4 weekdays, and assuming 370k this coming weekend.
I'm still with Biscuits...the upper earning limit is probably around 1.5 million BO, maybe higher if he gets some luck.
No one is taking an indy movie wide averaging only 3k on the weekend per theater. It will average less this coming weekend than last. In 5 to 6 weeks this will be gone from theaters.
Riptide
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1
Validation Points: 10
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First let me say that I'm a first time poster. I am a fan of Tucker's. Well, not necessarily a fan of Tucker the "artist," but Tucker the real life person. Yes, I've met him on several occasions and not in the back of some long line of fanboys/girls at a premiere or booksigning. I'm also not talking about Tucker "the narcissist" or Tucker, the "asshole." But Tucker the real life blood and bones dude who screws up and makes mistakes. And he did.
I'm also a professional working in the film and television business in Los Angeles. Not an assistant, a lackey or a coffee-fetcher. Yeah, my IMDB credits are bigger than yours. Okay?
I've popped in the boards from time to time as well, more to see what was going on in Tucker's world, but never felt a need or desire to jump into this discussion, until now. I'd like to add my two cents. I'm not a "hater." Let's see if there really is free thought on these boards...
Tucker,
You made a film that you thought your fans would go see, but I don't think you made it for the fans. You made it for yourself and, as of right now, it doesn't appear that it worked. You claimed you were were working outside the system and you were gonna see it through that nobody messed with your vision. Sometimes you claimed it wasn't about money but most of the time it was obvious that it was ONLY about money. When that happened i think you lost a lot of your fans, as the only thing they care about is whether this is authentic -- not whether you made money (which won't affect them in any way). Your fans-- the people who bought your book and read your website and made you a cult hit -- you insulted and ignored until very recently when you desperately needed them to spread the word about your little film. I think a lot of them are gone. I can't imagine some of them don't feel a little duped and, for lack of a better word, used. I would try not to alienate them further by calling them "dense" or arguing about what you did or did not say, who's fault it is/was, or who was really making the decisions behind your distribution strategy.
With all that said, it appears you made the film YOU wanted to make and I CONGRATULATE YOU FOR THAT. But what you have is a somewhat funny film that is also self indulgent, slightly amateurish and, in the end, not very authentic. This is my opinion and I acknowledge as much.
You offered to take responsibility whether it exceeded or failed, but so far you have blamed others. Even if your distrib partners screwed up on logistical items, I'm sure they have a very different story to tell. Just as you claim that previous posters have no idea what it takes to actually execute this marketing/distrib stuff and their suggestions are laughable, I'm quite sure Freestyle is saying the same thing to (and about) you.
I wish there weren't so many people rooting for you to fail, but there are. You made silly predictions and overhyped and oversold at every single level. I remember reading something about a darkhorse oscar nom for best adapted screenplay? If you had an agent or publicist the first thing they would tell you is don't start believing the hype (good or bad). I wish you had that person in your corner. A previous (troll) had it right about the danger of surrounding yourself with sycophants and flatterers.
Truth is Tucker is not really an asshole. He's a nice guy with some internal issues. But he HAS been a braggart and bully, however, to both his fans and his nonfans. And that was a much bigger mistake than anything revolving around this movie. I hope this was a learning experience.
Peace out
Deconstructing Tucker
In this episode: Let the blame game begin!!!
“Your analysis is in many ways correct. But it makes me laugh so much.”
Unlike his film, which now even the slightest mention of will bring him to tears and anguish.
“It must be awesome to sit on the sidelines and talk about what needs to be done, without actually having to do it.”
Yeah, it is awesome, it really is. But not as awesome as watching the guy who told all those screenwriters who wrote all those comedies that they sucked at their jobs and how his “revolutionary” comedy would redefine whatever without actually having to DO IT. Then watching his comedy get panned both critically and commercially.
Watching THAT GUY fuck up has truly been awe inspiring.
““I feel like you're that dude in the bar yelling at the TV, "Why doesn't the fucking QB just evade the rush and hit his receivers in stride? What the fuck!??!"”
And I feel like you’re that dude in the bar who keeps saying something douchey until he gets punched in the mouth with a beer mug.
“Everyone wants to be the star--no one wants to actually do what it takes to become that star. “
Or, you could just tell everybody you’re a star, make up a ton of fake stories based on urban myth and other shit, then pass those stories as your own. Maybe get a book deal, perhaps a movie out of it, then somehow convince yourself that you really are a star while alienating all those around you. Then you could keep saying how cool and popular you are during interviews and whatever until everybody realizes you were the only person telling people that you were a star.
“You should see the marketing doc I wrote up last year about this movie--it had EVERYTHING you suggested and about 100 things more.”
Tucker’s plans for his movie are probably a lot like Michael Scott’s screenplay and plans for his movie.
“You know why we didn't do many of them? MONEY.”
Yeah, I bet that 8 figure payday would come in handy in these situations.
Cry. Me. A. Fucking. River.
Riptide
This message has been deleted by Tucker Max. Reason: Most of your assumptions are wrong and this is not the thread for this
Thanks for the link, very insightful and informed.
Riptide's discussion had no place on a thread titled "Reviews, discussions, and blog posts."
I'm going to get banned, but I'm PMing him this zinger from TDG:
"“You live in a fantasy world where ideas just become reality.”
Broseph, you just described the Tucker Max brand."
Fuck it if he can't take a joke.
OMG, i thought the fun was over after this weekend, but the rapidly accelerating disintegration of tucker's ego and the rising tide of informed criticism sure is compelling. Whoops, now I am acting like the guy at the bar telling the QB to evade the pass rush.
FDG
"Fuck it if he can't take a joke."
Exactly.
It sounds like Riptide ran across Tucks in Hollywood.
But I like the fact that he comes out and says his IMDb cred is bigger than Tuckers. And then Tucker says his assumptions are incorrect...
Tucker. HE'S NOT ASSUMING ANYTHING. HE MOTHER FUCKING DESCRIBED EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
And HOW CAN SOMEONE WHO KNOWS MORE THAN YOU BE ASSUMING TUCKER?
@ 5:20--
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Seriously, FUCK this lying, whining, pissant little prick (and anyone who has a shred of sympathy for him); it is a joy and pleasure to watch his nasty little self and nasty little movie go up in flames.
Somewhere, Miss Vermont is smiling.
Ha, Tucker's been reading IMDB. See the new banner on the homepage.
http://www.tuckermax.com/
"Ha, Tucker's been reading IMDB. See the new banner on the homepage.
http://www.tuckermax.com/"
See? Who says the haterz aren't looking out for Tucker's best interests.
Isn't it interesting to see users accumulate 50-100 rep with just one or two posts before being deleted?
Seriously. His fanbase is dwindling, and many of those who remain seem to be trolls.
Riptide reposted under a different thread. Deleted.
How do people stay loyal to this guy?
"Riptide
This message has been deleted by Tucker Max. Reason: Most of your assumptions are wrong and this is not the thread for this"
ahahahahahahahahaha
"How to make friends and influence people - TUCKER MAX STYLE"
I took a screenshot of Tucker blaming Darko in his "EDIT 1". Glad I did because he then edited Darko out.
Anybody have information on how to send it to Darko?
"Contacting Us
If you need to reach out to us, you can use info @ darko-entertainment.com. However, please note that under no circumstances can we accept unsolicited material. Thanks."
Riptide's (probably) dying words:
"My last post was deleted unnecessarily by that lemming Ryan Holiday and I'm quite sure I'm now in danger of being "banned" for writing something thoughtful and non-inflammatory. So anytime someone argues that there is free speech on these boards (outside of trolls and haters) they are just not telling the truth.
In my previous post, which you can know longer read, I identify myself as a professional in the film industry and someone who knows Tucker on a personal level. A fan, no less. I do not work for Freestyle or any of the several companies working on this film
This is ridiculous."
Already contacted Freestyle via telephone. They were aware of the situation regarding getting badmouthed by Tucker Max.
Ryan Holiday is such a cunt.
I've never actually used that word in reference to a human being before. This is a good first case.
Damn, you guys are merciless. Props.
"Already contacted Freestyle via telephone. They were aware of the situation regarding getting badmouthed by Tucker Max."
hahahahahaha AWESOME
keep it up, tucktucks
"that lemming Ryan Holiday "
This is too perfect
Ryan Holiday is probably helping his own career in a simply immeasurable fashion right now.
Ryan Holiday does realize that he's now at the zenith of his career, doesn't he? I mean, he will not be touched by anyone of consequence after his stint as the truth smothering, petulant delete-ban mod of RMMB. If he found a cure for cancer and male pattern baldness, he'd still be a corporate outcast. A mental lightweight.
I wonder if he regrets dropping out of school.
it's easy to think tucker max would kill himself with his type of personality with this epic of a failure. honestly, i'd hate to see that happen.
as hard as it may be to believe, he's got a mother and a father. someone loves this asshole.
i'd rather see tucker rehabilitate himself, as i'm sure his parents would too.
i would love it if tucker did a 180 and wrote about his childhood, his stint in duke, the conception of his website/book, the stories contained in these mediums, and finally his shitacular movie.
writing that with a grain of humility and complete honesty would make for a great entertaining read i would buy. "my name is tucker max and i am not an asshole"
the likelihood of that is slim however.
http://www.popeater.ca/2009/09/23/tucker-max-popeater-interview-spencer-pratt/
If I ever meet him, I'm gonna call him Spencer. Then I'll punch Carson Daly.
I think riptide is czuchry.
He's articulate and polite with a very empathetic tone.
Anybody notice that MccoyMountain was banned from IMDB?
"I think riptide is czuchry.
He's articulate and polite with a very empathetic tone."
That's a really interesting thought. Makes a lot of sense too. Fits with my impression of the guy.
"Anybody notice that MccoyMountain was banned from IMDB?"
Srsly? Crap. Hope he doesn't take up spamming here all over the place again.
""I think riptide is czuchry.
He's articulate and polite with a very empathetic tone."
That's a really interesting thought. Makes a lot of sense too. Fits with my impression of the guy.
"Anybody notice that MccoyMountain was banned from IMDB?"
Srsly? Crap. Hope he doesn't take up spamming here all over the place again."
-richard kelly
^^ haha just kidding
http://www.villagevoice.com/2009-09-22/film/i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell-wusses-out/
mccoy's not banned. He just posted this on imdb:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148571270
used to post at imdb with the username flatulence consumption.
they deleted my account since i tried to make subtle changes to the imdb page.
it slightly pisses me off since i can't even register with my phone number for a new account.
Speaking of Riptide, this was deleted from the thread "Reviews, discussions, and blog posts":
Riptide
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2
Validation Points: 97
Riptide will be allowed to stay for a bit
Default
I agree that there's no point debating stuff. But I will say that it IS over, whether you acknowledge it or not. Read Biscuit's posts. All of them. 700K-to 1.5mil North American box office gross. He was totally and exactly spot on.
With all due respect, I'll cover my eyes when the Hail Mary is thrown on Friday. It's easier to just listen for the screams or sudden silence.
Damn, what happened to that fake hedge fund manager on IMDB? She couldn't answer how she covers a short position in financials by buying put options. Needless to say, it was one of Tucker's idiots.
^^^^^^^^
I think it was just Tucker.
The hedge answer was on the fringe of possible... I used to model shit. Let's see if she can answer the question about it not being a perfect hedge.
dear tucker, so it turns out that i have 12 million dollars. do you have any investment advice? i hear that you know what to do with 12 million. your top 50 college education and top 40 law school education has given the world a fine investment advisor.
CuttingConfessions is easily the most annoying poster on IMDB. I don't care what side he's on, if he plugs his unwritten script one more time I swear to God I'm going to mock Tucker some more because I can't punch CC in the face.
Posts by KellyCastlebridge on IMDB.
Wow, this chick likes pussy a little too much. Read on:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1087853/board/thread/129355949?p=2&d=145630454#145630454
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1813878/board/thread/147166537?d=147166537#147166537
I think it's a guy posing as a woman. Clearly she's lying about the hedgefund stuff, why not lie about not having a dick? Same thing really.
mccoy is the best troll I have ever seen. As someone posted a few days back, when Kelly, Tucker, and Nils go to sleep, they think of mccoy.
When Jpeeezy and tmfz finish pleasuring themselves to a Bunny story, they think of mccoy.
When Ryan Holiday screams into his pillow, he thinks of mccoy.
He/she ran after my perfect hedge comment. The "Finance 101" answer is to go long on something whenever you short. However you need to know something more (quant time) to make it worthy as a hedged position. The devil is in the details.
It was a good front, but he/she is full of shit.
FromTugger;
"And trust me, you would be shocked if I told you some of the stories about the shit that Darko and Freestyle and MRC and Pandemic either has done or wanted us to do. You wouldn't believe it. You literally would not believe the incompetence and lack of professionalism. It's shocking, even to us still. We've been swimming with an anchor around our neck. I'll explain it all later. "
So what you are saying is that you are going to not only throw your backers and distributors under the bus, but at some future point you will also back the bus up and crush them under the wheels again and again, leaving multiple black tyre marks of betrayal over the corpse of your reputaion. Good one.
But not now - got to to ask them for more money and shit for marketing.
Time to call Darko. If Tucker removes that comment, then he's a bigger pussy than the Grand Canyon between Paris Hilton's legs.
From a poster on IMDB:
"This movie has been a disaster of epic proportions. You can be a dick in Hollywood, but you have to be a dick that brings some sort of talented skill or property to the table that can make $$$. If you're just a dick with a collection of white t shirts and a fanboy co writer who looks like Fred Flintstone, well then sorry, this town just has nothing for ya. Thanks for playing."
This guy is so fokin wrong. He couldn't be more wrong if he was the king of Wrongville in the state of Wrongness, Wrongsingland.
Its GREY t-shirts not white.
Sheesh.
Has anyone noticed these days that when mccoymountain starts a thread, he gets 0 replies?
Please please someone answer this question for mercy's sake:
Is he or is he not the coolest one of his friends?!?!
".... You wouldn't believe it. You literally would not believe the incompetence and lack of professionalism. ....."
You're right Maxieboy- I literally would not believe it. Because you wrote it.
Please please someone answer this question for mercy's sake:
Is he or is he not the coolest one of his friends?!?!
_________________________________
He'th not! He'th not, even!
I'm not sure whether this was previously posted, but I just saw it myself. Here is an article about Tugger from USA Today:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2009-09-30-tucker-max-i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell_N.htm
"...
One of Max's chief critics says there's nothing complex about him. "He embodies the fantasy that many have at 20, which is you can live the stupid, drunk, free-sex frat life forever with no consequences," says Hamilton Nolan, media writer for Gawker, which has waged an assault on Max for the better part of a year. "So as long as there are drunk college kids, he'll have a big fan base. But he's really not clever."
Why not just stop the critiques and see if Max fades away? "There's just so much public hate out there for him," Nolan says. "I suppose if I had a stronger will, I'd ignore him. But it's about traffic, I suppose. Anytime we write about him, we get 25,000 hits."
If Beer in Hell the movie is a hit — which Max defines as bringing in $40 million or more given its modest $7 million budget — expect to see "three more movies.""
From what I'm hearing, it seems that Tucker may not even be the coolest one of his friends.
October 1, 2009
For Immediate Release
Attention: Reuters, AP, WROQ, WLAX, Gawker
Re: T. Max New Book
From: Penguin Publishing House
We are pleased and excited to announce the arrival of Tucker Max's latest book. The NYT best selling author has done it again with a collection of raucous stories from his real life. Working titled Assholes Finish First intended to sum up Tucker's success against all odds with a twist of humor only Tucker can add to the mix.
How to Fail at Failure by Tucker Max wiLl arrive in stores all over the country by mid - October.
Soft cover ed. 3,564 pp. Penguin Publishing, NYC, 2009
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
nice post, you're forgetting the most basic marketing strategy of all... he's not even the coolest one of his friends.
That philocalist post #2 is really excellent. No wonder it was deleted. It really highlights all the ways in which he didn't make good decisions on the marketing and gives the lie to his "it's all just money so it's not my fault" claim.
Is he is or is he ain't the cooletht one of hith friendth?
Some of you are wondering who exactly is Mark Ebner, the Rudius employee that Tucker and Nils hired to stage a fake protest at the L.A. screening. He's a investigative reporter that lives in Los Angeles. He's also the author of a few cool books. Do a google search and you will see for yourself.
So how exactly did Ebner and Tucker cross paths? They met at the San Diego Zoo where Ebner was about to blow the lid off of a new scandal.
TUCKER: Excuse me, do you know which way to the Rhinos?
EBNER: Fuck the Rhinos buddy. If I were you I'd get out of here why I still had a chance.
TUCKER: Huh?
EBNER: Trust me, I'm Mark Ebner. I'm an investigative reporter who has broke the news on many of the dark secrets society doesn't want you to know about.
TUCKER: Like what?
EBNER: There's a serial killer in the Glendale, Burbank area of Los Angeles - but the police are turning a blind eye.
TUCKER: A serial Killer? Holy shit.
EBNER: Yeah. The bodies are stacking high. This twisted monster is burying them on a hillside and marking his victims graves with cryptic stone messages. I call him the Forest Lawn killer.
TUCKER: Are you talking about Forest Lawn Cemetery in Burbank?
EBNER: WHO SENT YOU?
TUCKER: No one, dude. Relax! I just think that maybe you have a few facts mixed up. Those people weren't killed by anyone. It's a cemetery. People are buried there on purpose.
EBNER: Fuck! I knew it. It was just too perfect.
TUCKER: Hey, the point is you tried, and that's all that mattered. My name's Tucker. Tucker Max.
EBNER: Is that a real name.. or are you like a professional figure skater or something?
TUCKER: That's my name.
Ebner looks Tucker up and down suspiciously.
EBNER: Can you keep a secret?
TUCKER: I never told anyone about Nils' Herpes or Bunny's suicide attempts, so yeah, I can keep a secret.
EBNER: I have a feeling something weird is going on at this place.
TUCKER: Here? Like what?
EBNER: I think.. I think they're holding animals.. against their will. Like fucking hostages!
TUCKER: um, it's a ZOO.
Ebner grabs tucker by the collar of his grey T-shirt!
EBNER: How do you know about the codename?
EBNER ZOO - PART TWO
TUCKER: What code name? You're at a Zoo. Look at the sign, it says "San Diego Zoo"
EBNER: Holy shit. You're right. How did I not see that?
TUCKER: Are you sure you're a reporter?
EBNER: Not only am I a reporter, but I'm also a best-selling author.
TUCKER: So am I!
EBNER: You wrote a book?
TUCKER: Yup, and it's awesome.
EBNER: What's your book about?
TUCKER: Me and my rich white jock friendses drink beer and make fun of poor people.
EBNER: Sounds like a winner.
TUCKER: What's your book about?
EBNER: Paris Hilton and her rich white friends do coke... and make fun of poor people.
TUCKER: I love Paris Hilton.
EBNER: ...heh...
TUCKER: Say what are you doing September 21st?
EBNER: I was going to go undercover working at Fantastic Sams as a shampoo boy to show that they aren't
TUCKER: Aren't what?
EBNER:... Fantastic.
TUCKER: You sure have a lot of free time on your hands, but you seem to be ambitous if not slightly misguided. Here's eight bucks. I need you to show up at the Archligth theater in Hollywood wearing a sandwich board that says something to the effect of "Tucker Max Rapes Culture"
EBNER: What should is say on the back?
TUCKER: Something funny and clever -- steal anything you find. Hey, I stole my book cover from Dave Attel word for word, no one cares.
EBNER: So I will be protesting you? With your permission?
TUCKER: 100 PERCENT
EBNER: Seems odd.
TUCKER: Odd? not at all. Liza Minelli marrying David Guest seemed odd at first, but then it all worked out fine.
EBNER: You sir are a critical thinker.
TUCKER: It's not just me. I have Charlie Hoehn on as an advisor.
EBNER: Wait, you know Charlie Hoehn? THEE Charlie Hoehn?
TUCKER: Charlie's been working with me for months. He even helped me shoot a video with Traci Lords.
EBNER: That one you shot in a diner in West Hollywood, with all the noise problems so you couldn't hear the audio?
TO BE CONTINUED
I pity the guy but he really deserves everything he's brought on himself.
"Has anyone noticed these days that when mccoymountain starts a thread, he gets 0 replies?" --richard kelly
I met Ryan Holiday at the red carpet screening. He's actually really smart. I think he has the right perspective to understand the position he's in, and he also said that Tucker's movie is going to blow up to 5 Mil this weekend.
All in all he was a sweet guy.
^^ you're a girl who got sweet-talked, right?
either that or a weak troll
Jesus Christ. You are arguing with reality. Your assumptions are wrong.
"Jesus-Christ-Ryan" on IMDB suddenly makes sense to me as a name.
Yes I'm slow.
To Anon 7:30 AM, save your pity for someone who deserves it. TM is an unrepetant mean-spirited and delusional asshole to everyone who crosses his path. He justified this by touting how smarter and how much more talented he was than everyone else. Well it's put up or shut up time and guess what? He failed. On an epic level.
This is not a question of marketing. He made a terribly lame and unfunny film with dated jokes (Magic Johnson and AIDS) and a worn plot.
All he's left with now is what he he was all along, revealed for everyone to see: a cult of personality built on losers who wish they could get laid and damaged chicks with daddy issues.
Might be enough to eke out a living for a couple of years, but the only way for him to rescue his career from this steaming shitcake of failure is to knock it out of the park with his next book -- but as a previous poster pointed out, he's not the same (mildly) self-deprecating college kid who wrote about his drunken shenanigans in IHTSBIH. For the last several years he's made himself instead into this self-proclaimed "alpha male" who cannot tolerate the mildest bit of cricicism, much less self introspection. I don't know if anyone wants to read about that, particularly after the film on which he staked his reputation bombed so spectacularly in the theaters. As a one time fan and owner of the IHTSBIH book, I can say with absolute certainty that I'll never pay a cent to hear his delusional rantings about his self-importance.
holy crap that dionysiac review reposted on imdb is harsh
time to ban ... 3...2...1...
"I met Ryan Holiday at the red carpet screening. He's actually really smart. I think he has the right perspective to understand the position he's in, and he also said that Tucker's movie is going to blow up to 5 Mil this weekend."
If Ryan is smart; and he said that it would blow up to 5 Mil, then I'm sure its going to happen that way. He has the right perspective and all that.
Because if you have the right perspective, then the movie has to blow up. Because that's why it had such a bad first weekend. Last weekend, Ryan had the wrong perspective. Now that his perspective is right, the movie will do great.
Most people don't realize that box office success is highly dependent upon Ryan Holiday's perspective. It's a bit like Puxatawney Phil with the whole shadow. If Ryan's perspective is right, then a film will do 5Million. If his perspective is wrong, then the movie could see problems.
Again, it has nothing to do with the quality of the movie, P & A or any other recognized industry factors, it's all about Ryan's perspective in the red carpet.
Hey, did you know Magic Johnson has aids?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fat chix aint peeplz!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Poop!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OW! My balls!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(PART I)
Dionysiac
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Miami, Florida- Intellectual Capital
Posts: 275
Validation Points: 686
I walked out the movie, after wanting it to be a good one, because it is simply a fucking horrible film. You guys don't understand the least thing about story telling or screenwriting and you all should be ashamed for putting this thing out there for the world.
Let me break it down for you like this, the most important part of a movie is having a likable protagonist and having a story that constantly moves along in a direction that is suspenseful, interesting. This protagonist, Tucker, he fucking sucks. He's got nothing redeemable about him. How are we introduced to this character? By seeing him fuck a deaf chick. Aight, that's pretty funny, I can work with that. Now lets learn about him, what's his life like, why do we like him, who is he, what's he stand for, etc?
Well, instead of any introduction or character development, we see him walking through campus as if saying "allllriiiiiight, booya!". Pretty fucking lame. Then he's in the library chatting with his bros. "hey bro you ever fuck a deaf chick? Raise your hand if u have???"
NO ONE ?!?! LOLz!
well I raise my hand cause I'm tucker and I fucked a deaf chick... cause I'm THE MAAAN! Bow chicka wow wow
At this point I'm already like, damn this Tucker guy fucking sucks. So then we get the c00l rebellious scene, where the c00l kid in the class acts like he doesn't care, like a badass, no respect for the rules, man, but actually, he's fucking smart and he can talk about all the shit the professor is saying BETTER THAN ANYONE. CAUSE HE'S THE MAN AND HE JUST DOES HIS THING AND NO ONE CAN FUCK WITH HIM. Yea!
Damn, I'm really starting to like this protagonist and his poorly written one liners and pathetically artificial attempts at character development. I mean this guys got everything. 1) He goes from fucking a girl, to, in the very next scene, immediately bragging about it... that's fuckin' cool 2) He's nonchalant and doesn't care about school but its ok cause that shit is effortless for a GENIUS like TUCKER. How can we not like this guy?
But wait, we haven't even met Slingblade yet... I can't wait!
Well woah, here's slingblade and bwahaha what do you know he's playing Halo in a really elaborate gamer device. I mean he looks like he should be flying a Tie Fighter not pwning n00bs on the internet. Damn, he seems angsty too... he's got a look on his face like he just ate a lemon while sitting on a butt plug.... real crass, dark... dang I wana know more...
Turns out his girlfriend fucked a rapper... damn what a bummer but hey keep your head up cause that "even happens" to Tucker... so its gotta happen to mere mortals too... you know? If a girl could possibly want to sleep with someone other than Tucker, they can want to cheat on anyone, am I right about that or what?
(con't.)
(PART II)
Dionysiac
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Miami, Florida- Intellectual Capital
Posts: 275
Validation Points: 686
*I will say seeing Paul Wall getting blown by Slingblade's girlfriend was a personal highlight for me.
After cheerin' up Slingblade and some awesome lines about Magic Johnson (gee there's a guy who hasn't had this exact same joke made about him 1,000,000 times a day for the last 15 years). We get some more really fucking lame dialogue and shit, at this point I'm saying to myself "Who gives a fuck about these tools, what the fuck is this story?".
Then we meet some loser named Dan who seems to be a huge vagina, I guess a voice of reason or something, who knows what he's supposed to be but he most certainly sucks. Flat, boring, no depth of character.
Then there's more scenes where these guys go out to get girls talk about ripping new fuck holes and pussies being for dicks so women are just dick holders , cum dumpsters, LOLLERSKATZ, look at how her friends love it and she gets mad. Damn this Tucker guy is GANGSTA GANGSTA. Damn he pisses them all off... Slingblade drops this nugget of pure awesomeness on us: "Bad game bro..."
Gee, I wonder where this Tucker guy is going to end up at the end of the movie... wait no I don't... I don't care at all because neither of these people feel like real humans, I see no reason to care about where any of them end up and frankly the story has taken so long to even get started that I have lost interest. I mean the first scene we get of Dan's girlfriend is of him convincing her to go on a road trip. I mean you have 3 characters all of them are supposed to be equally important and interesting but you just introduce us to them out of the blue and give us no reason to really give a fuck about either of them.
BAD MOVIE. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.
I wanted the movie to be good because I respect what this site stand for, in terms of figuring out what you want to do, who you are, and going for it 100% without looking back. I wanted this movie to be successful so that I could see how this whole dream was possible and, I know that it still is possible. The problem is that you are not an artist or a film maker. In fact, you lack the basic emotion, empathy, and understanding of the human condition necessary to create a meaningful work of fiction.
Your short stories work because they are short, have a linear plot, and give us insight into a VERY interesting, intelligent and unique, albeit deeply flawed, mind. But writing them is not a form of artistry, despite what you would like to believe. It is a social skill... the art of storytelling...the art of boasting, and bragging, in order to one up or outdo the story of another. This is a social thing you have learned over time, along with the ability to drop funny one liners.
There's a big difference between a short story and a film. You need to have an artist's heart and a deeper understanding of human nature. You view life in terms of strategies, hate post modernity and love the scientific, linear, rational security of modernity. You actually had disdain for creative writers for a large percentage of your adult life. The truth is that this story sucks and you couldn't see it because you don't have a good artistic vision. This movie is lifeless and not worth watching.
Tucker, reading D.'s review: "Ow! My balls!"
everyone else: hahahahahahahaha
I love you last reviewer
I wanna have your babies
They've already removed Diony's post. Removed, because deletion isn't enough. Nothing to see here folks, move along.
Why do they even bother? Even if the silliest fanboys there don't know about or visit here very often, they must be aware of the IMDB boards, and all sorts of damaging crap gets reposted there all the time. Deleting it on RMMB just makes their impotence and hypocrisy obvious.
Jesus Christ. Dionysiac never posted a review. And it was definitely not removed by Tucker Max.
Seriously: Don't argue with reality.
New post:
"Theaters:
Sorry to post this again, but I keep getting emails about it. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is out, and it’s doing well enough that we are expanding the list of theaters this week. If you missed it last week, its still in all the theaters we opened in, and a ton of new ones.
The major cities we are debuting in this weekend include Cincinnati, Las Vegas, Charlotte, Omaha, Indianapolis, Kansas City, College Station, Richmond, Lubbock, Jacksonville, Palm Beach, Memphis, Sacramento, Fresno, Boise, Anchorage, Norfolk, Northern Virginia and several cities in New Jersey. Below is the list of NEW theaters it’s in (which is in addition to the theaters from last week) . . ."
"This is so comical. So much of the commentary surrounding this movie is so absurd, it's like a parody of a Christopher Guest film. You don't believe it's real, but it is." - Tucker Max, today on RMMB
"Jesus Christ. Dionysiac never posted a review. And it was definitely not removed by Tucker Max.
Seriously: Don't argue with reality."
Ryan darling, you're so sweet and funny. I just wanna rub my dough-colored shapeless flab all over you! You'd like that, right sweetie?
- XOXO Fat Chick
Tucker is seriously crazy. He is beyond the usual qualifiers bestowed upon him: narcissist, selfish, self-absorbed, egocentric.
NO. He is clinically insane. He lives in his own world, in his own sheltered bubble and now that the bubble has burst there are 2 realistic options left for Tucker.
- Suicide
- Continued delusion
Self-introspection is not an option because that implies some sort of self-awareness, a foreign concept for Tucker.
My prediction is that he will continue to lie to himself and the few sycophants he has left.
I also don't think the majority of you guys understand his condition. He is not CHOOSING to be delusional.
HE IS delusional, and there is not much of anything that anybody can do about him.
By the way, I am the owner of FUCKTUCKERMAX.com. Any ideas what to do with this domain name?
Sell it to Tucker for hard cash. Convince him he can make it into a major business opportunity, an expansion on his dating application thing. You walk away with cash, he gets deeper in debt. Everybody wins.
I was banned within seconds for the following.
This was Tucker's post:
"You just called something hijinks--THAT HAPPENED EXACTLY THAT WAY IN REAL LIFE!!
It must be so easy to go through life so stupid.
This is so comical. So much of the commentary surrounding this movie is so absurd, it's like a parody of a Christopher Guest film. You don't believe it's real, but it is."
My response:
"high jinks or hi·jinks
pl.n. Playful, often noisy and rowdy activity, usually involving mischievous pranks.
I think he wants to know what you mean when you say "hijinks."
That was worthy of insta-banning.
You made him look silly. Don't you know you're not allowed to do that?
They are wearin out the fyb button.
Makes me wanna sign in just to get banned.
If they didn't have dirt on me... I'd do it.
Tucker's throwing an e-tantrum.
That movie review by Dionysiac hurt his little feelings.
I think Tucker'th a very cool guy and everybody who doethn't like him ith jutht jealouth becauthe Tucker probably thlept with their girlfriend or thomething becauthe Tucker doeth that a lot becauthe he'th tho cool and thickth really like him and guyth like him too but not in a gay way you know becauthe that'th totally lame and homo and thit.
Tho you lotherth all need to thtop making all thethe thtupid pothtth about thtupid thtuff and jutht go home and cry like little lotherth or maybe you could be adulthtth and go out and maybe thee a movie or thomething, like Tucker'th movie, you'll learn a lot from it about how to be a well-adjuthted human being and thit, and altho it'th really fucking funny, it'th the funnietht movie in yearth, and the only people thaying otherwithe are jealouth becauthe Tucker thlept with their girlfriendth and they know they're jutht lotherth and Tucker'th cool ath thit.
THomething tellth me Tucker'th movie thucked at the box offith yethterday.
"YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING NERD!! THE WRITERS ARE ALL JUST NERDS!! I'M COOL!!!"
Man, Tucker is mature.
IMDB reports yet another industry poster trying to be nice got deleted.
These Hollywood types are being way nicer than he has any right to expect. Thanks to Otto, though, that won't last.
Wow. I joined just to post this, and it got deleted within a minute:
______________________________
Aaron Kellerman
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1
Validation Points: 10
Default
Quote:
Originally Posted by theodore-manswell View Post
"2) All you know about Slingblade is what Tucker chose to write about him in his book. Do you (not just you - everybody) even known Slingblade's real name? Really?"
Yeah, his name's Aaron Kellerman, and he's an FBI agent who lives in Arizona.
Oops.
____________________________
That information's true, by the way. Tell your friends.
Dionysiac Here.
I can't fucking believe Tucker banned me permanently for my movie review. I know it was him because it sent me an automated PM from him.
It's fucking BULLSHIT. I WAS THERE FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS!!! What a cunt. He's going to regret this. BIG TIME. I'm going to reveal Slingblade's real name because I know it!! HE MADE A HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE. That board is going to miss my posts too. I had a TON of friends on there.
I HOPE YOUR MOVIE BOMBS WORSE THAN EVER NOW TUCKER!!! My friends all trust my opinion in movies and say I'm THE BEST AT REVIEWING MOVIES so I know that it sucks.
Fuck Tucker Max in the face. Fucking dickhead cuntface. I'm going to register a new account every minute FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS!!!!!
mmm that reads like a ryan holiday troll to me
those bits about every minute for 72 hours, and all friends looking up to you for movie reviews, that's just a leetle over the top
How much money does Tugger make from advertising on tuckermax.com? I seem to recall he mentioned that he made $10k/month, but I think that was several years ago when he probably had more traffic.
Jesus Christ. You guys are good.
"Dionysiac Here."
Prove it. Create an IMDB account and post your review there.
Tucker Max is a well-respected artist whose movie is doing really well.
How does creating an IMDB account prove anything fucktard? The review is already pasted on here. You're just as stupid as Tucker. Fuck this whole internet SUCKS!
Hey, the guy who owns FUCKTUCKERMAX.com should at least add links to this blog and the other popular anti-Tugger websites.
Creating an IMDB account DOES SO prove stuff! It proves someone can create an IMDB account! HA!
"How does creating an IMDB account prove anything fucktard?"
I knew it. You don't want to post "your" review there because you are Ryan Holiday.
"I knew it. You don't want to post "your" review there because you are Ryan Holiday."
- ryan holiday
Jesus Christ. I don't understand how you are able to function.
How much money does Tugger make from advertising on tuckermax.com? I seem to recall he mentioned that he made $10k/month, but I think that was several years ago when he probably had more traffic.
Well under $600 per month. Look at the lack of advertising, let alone quality advertising. Here's a practical test: How many "Why so Syria" teeshirts do you think it takes to generate $1,000? Use a ballpark figure, and assume the teeshirt printer is willing to pay Rudius $2 per teeshirt sold via click-thru. Do you think Rudius ads sell 500 teeshirts a month? I don't either, which is why $600 seems like a generous estimate.
I'll give you this, you've got the tone and word choice totally nailed
"I met Ryan Holiday at the red carpet screening. I think he has the right perspective to understand the position he's in"
You mean holding onto his ankles with his pants down, & tugger approaching menacingly from behind?
That's the usual dynamic in that particular partnership, and otto doesn't even have to pay him for it!
You are so obnoxious. Seriously.
Go back to RMMB. Tucker needs a hug.
Post a Comment