The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 11401 – 11600 of 15918 Newer› Newest»Ps I'm just one person and I didn't write those other posts. You have your own haterz.
Arrogance and rudeness do that... I bet it is like that for ou in real life too.
Limited relationships bc no one can stand ur bullshit holier than thou soap box monologues?
Just ease up. Present facts without damning others to hell. Try it. Maybe you'll make some friends.
"So what do we do now? Two things:
"1. Ask fans to talk about the movie: If you’ve seen the movie, please tell your friends. It’s that simple."
I thought WOM was supposed to start this weekend? Let me know when it does so I can be at the starting line.
"There is no question in my mind that this thing will blow up on DVD and make us a grip of cash, and that’ll be nice, but we’d really like it to do well theatrically as well, and in order for that to happen, we need word of mouth. So tell your friends."
Sorry Tuck Tuck...I don't think Darko will be letting you see much money until the recover the investor money you lost. And even if you saw any money, it will be after Fox, after the retailer, after the manufacturer and everyone in front of you.
You will not sell as many DVDs as you have books I hate to tell you.
"Extend the tour: After talking about it, we have decided to extend the promotional tour."
Oh...so you've decided to throw more money after bad. Makes sense. I mean, why stop when you're digging your hole so well.
"This tour has been the best vehicle to promote the movie, and push the awareness of the movie, even among my fans. To that end, we are going to keep doing promotion stops for at least two more weeks, and keep trying to get the word out."
If this didn't work before the movie....what is the point now? IT'S TOO LATE. What does he not get about this? The BO is over.
Sold out to the max
You know it baby
Good analysis by the way
"However... You remain arrogant... "
I remain factual that is all. These are the same kinds of things that Tucker fans believe...
He sold a million books, all his stories are true, the BO was really great, and on and on.
Because they saw it somewhere, because they are ignorant enough to believe a continual liar, because they are incapable of searching for the real information (or simply too lazy to do so)
When someone throws their hat out there with ridiculous claims my response should be different that it would be if it was Tucker? No, I think not.
"Ps I'm just one person and I didn't write those other posts. You have your own haterz.
Arrogance and rudeness do that... I bet it is like that for ou in real life too.
Limited relationships bc no one can stand ur bullshit holier than thou soap box monologues?
Just ease up. Present facts without damning others to hell. Try it. Maybe you'll make some friends."
So you want to have the last word and be right? I see.
"Well, the test is in the results, and the first week numbers are back, and they are…well, they’re not good or bad, which is the weirdest thing."
If by "not good or bad" you mean "bad," then sure. I suppose calling the numbers "not good or bad" when everyone knows they're bad is a pretty weird thing.
"And if the numbers just sucked, then we had a plan on how to best cut our losses and position the DVD."
Clearly you didn't, or you'd be implementing that plan as we speak.
"In some cities and complexes, we are the #1 movie, in others, we barely got anyone out."
I reject your reality and substitute my own!
"We averaged a $3,000 per screen average, which is not really good or bad–it’s mediocre, which is what makes it so perplexing."
Yeah, all those box office experts clearly don't know what they're talking about when they say $3000 per screen is poor.
"We have a movie that is doing extremely good in some areas, not good in others."
So what you're saying is that even though you are in LIMITED RELEASE, your movie is still performing badly in some areas? This might be hard for you to understand, but that problem isn't going to just get better all on its own.
"We heard from at least 20 independent sources about crowds erupting in applause after seeing in theaters all over the country."
How exactly do twelve people erupt in applause? Does it start with the slow clap?
"We know the people that are seeing it are loving it. People who hate a movie don’t sit on negative feedback, and you can search on Twitter and Facebook and see the overwhelmingly positive response. For every negative response about the movie, there are 80 positive. It’s crazy."
Seriously, are there even 80 responses in total?
"But the other main response we are getting, especially from fans, is “There is a Tucker Max movie coming out?” We clearly didn’t reach enough of my fans to get their awareness about the movie up and get them out to the theaters the first weekend."
Because Tucker's fans are so stupid, that when they saw "I hope they serve beer in hell" in theaters, they just assumed it was a coincidence.
"1. Ask fans to talk about the movie: If you’ve seen the movie, please tell your friends. It’s that simple. There is no question in my mind that this thing will blow up on DVD and make us a grip of cash, and that’ll be nice, but we’d really like it to do well theatrically as well, and in order for that to happen, we need word of mouth. So tell your friends."
Translation: :,(
"2. Extend the tour: After talking about it, we have decided to extend the promotional tour."
Yeah, the solution is to ride a bus around for a few weeks. Revolutionary as always, Tucker. When you need the equivalent of an extra $36 million in your marketing budget, a bus tour that was a retarded idea to begin with is the only way to go.
"Here’s the deal: Come to any of the places we are, bring your ticket showing you went to see “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” at any theater, and we’ll give you one of the IHTSBIH shirts we have here."
Even though we've already opened, we still have to give away free stuff to get people to come watch this movie.
"And yes, I still have to post the Tempe, San Diego, Los Angeles and San Francisco write-ups."
He has been trying to, but the tears just won't stop.
Accusing someone of wanting the last word with your last word is super douchey
Don't ya think
You write like jojo. Are you jojo?
"Accusing someone of wanting the last word with your last word is super douchey
Don't ya think
You write like jojo. Are you jojo?"
But I can't really have the last word can I?
I'm more focused on Tucker. That discussion is fine and all, you disagree with the way I handled it, fine.
Has anyone seen BO numbers for today? I'm interested how it is doing during the weekdays?
I have an eating disorder and you assholes are stressing me resulting in a desire to call Dominos.
Chill the fuck out.
"1. Ask fans to talk about the movie: If you’ve seen the movie, please tell your friends. It’s that simple. There is no question in my mind that this thing will blow up on DVD and make us a grip of cash, and that’ll be nice, but we’d really like it to do well theatrically as well, and in order for that to happen, we need word of mouth. So tell your friends."
Translation: :,(
______________________________
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"This is what was said. This is a clear distinction involving race by your own words."
It's Obama's words, actually.
Given that, I won't disagree with your characterization of the idea.
"You're an idiot. A) That is what corporate Americas plan was...the people who hire people, their plan was to be bailed out. B) Do you not realize that "little" tremor we saw last October/November was only from the failure of Lehman Bros."
I am perfectly well aware. I am also aware of what will happen if these companies' positions are not unwound ASAP and instead the bad debt is allowed to continue to filter everywhere. As bad as bankruptcies now would be, it's going to be a lot worse if it's put off. Don't take my word for it though; Obama has decided to see for himself, we'll all get to watch.
"C) The bailout was done under the last POTUS. The banks haven't taken any money this year..."
Wrong. The Fed has been doing a lot of things behind your back, and refusing to explain itself to Congress. Look into Maiden Lane for a start.
"D) Complaining about 16% U6 unemployment now? Had they allowed those places to fail you would be looking at 30 and 40% unemployment...something worse than the depression."
Temporarily, yes, and then the system could've rebuilt because the bad debt was liquidated rather than hanging over everyone's heads. As it stands we're headed for that lasting at least 10 years, possibly much longer, and possibly triggering assorted political instability. Again, don't take my word for it, just live your life and see what happens.
Here's Tucker's plan to salvage this turkey:
Extend the tour: After talking about it, we have decided to extend the promotional tour. This tour has been the best vehicle to promote the movie, and push the awareness of the movie, even among my fans. To that end, we are going to keep doing promotion stops for at least two more weeks, and keep trying to get the word out. Here is the plan:
Wednesday:
Louisville, Kentucky
Maker’s Lounge
446 S. Fourth St.
Louisville, KY
502.568.9009
Thursday:
Nashville, Tennessee
McFadden’s
134 2nd Ave N
Nashville, TN
(615) 686-2482
Friday:
Knoxville
Bar TBA
Saturday:
Knoxville
Tailgating at Neyland Stadium
Tucker, you're an idiot. Sit down with a calculator and work the numbers. Do you think getting on a bus and driving down to KY and TN is going to cause a sizable jump in your per screen average? Think about it, dimwit. Out of 120 screens, you're going to visit 4 located in small metro areas, and you expect that exercise in futility to change the outcome?
Bless your undersized brain, Tucker. Had you majored in finance at a state college, you might have been able to understand that visiting 3% of your viewing base (4 screens out of 120) would have negligible impact on your per screen average.
Grant Graham
ha ha aha ha ahahahahhahahahah!
--from imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148394716
MCCOY MOUNTAIN
mccoymountain@excite.com
ART, FILM, & LITERATURE GUILD OF AMERICA
Ms. Priscilla Painton
Simon & Schuster Editor in Chief
RE: ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST, Secretive Tapings of Anal Sex without The Girl’s Consent, Corporate Douchebaggery, and the Epic Failure of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
“Little Italy is fighting back against Tucker Max's controversial ad campaign. Yeah, that poster on the right says, "Blind Girls Never See You Coming." Va fan culo, indeed.” gothamist.com/2009/09/21/tucker_max.php
Dear Ms. Painton,
I and my colleagues in the ART, FILM & LITERATURE GUILD have a couple questions regarding the direction you are taking Simon and Schuster in. Why are you guys/gals hating on art, literature, culture and America? It was recently brought to our attention that you are intent on publishing Tucker Max’s ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST, and that your company actually gave him a $300,000 advance for his fart art. As the editor in chief of Simon and Schuster, owned the CBS corporation, do you truly believe Assholes Finish First? It is oft said that girls like “bad boys.” Does Tucker’s fart art douchebag wit titillate and excite you? Is that why you are publishing and profiting from it? Did you laugh during Tucker’s recent film flop when what’s-his-name stated that overweight women aren’t real people? Do you smile smugly when your billion-dollar corporation profits from douchebaggery?
gawker.com/5363233/tucker-maxs-campaign-of-hate-against-chicagos-transit-system “The ads were poetic ditties of white text on a black background. Like: "Blind girls never see you coming" and "Strippers Will Not Tolerate Disrespect (Just Kidding)."”
“Over at the Washington, D.C., premiere, Max’s video minion ridicules both Vietnamese and African-American women, the former for being employed as a pedicurist, and the latter for having a name he finds funny.”
washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/09/10/spot-your-local-tucker-max-douchebag/
Do you enjoy profiting from making fun of Asians and overweight women? imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148314040
tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com
tuckermaxlies.blogspot.com
Does this make you laugh Ms. Painton? It is not too late to choose the right direction for Simon and Schuster and CBS and walk away from publishing Assholes Finish First. At most it will bring in a few pennies, which will lead everyone to conclude that you and CBS aren’t in it for the money, but just the debauchery and destruction of the culture. As Tucker Max pointed out, the feminist movement empowered women and gave them the right to choose the art they affiliated with and promote. So now, with all the power in your hands, what will you chose on behalf of women all over the world? Please do us proud and choose the right thing.
“The ad campaign for the new flick "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" includes slogans like "Deaf Girls Can't Hear You Coming" and "Strippers Will Not Tolerate Disrespect (Just Kidding!)."”
nbcchicago.com/news/local-beat/New-Movie-Ads-Take-Offensive-to-the-Max-59695522.html
"As bad as bankruptcies now would be, it's going to be a lot worse if it's put off."
Let's just say, I disagree and leave it at that.
why are women funding/publishing tucker max?
FRIDAY -- $154,454
SATURDAY -- $118,363
SUNDAY -- $94,092
Every other movie on the chart has a JUMP in the saturday numbers. Not Beer in Hell
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/
I live in the Knoxville area and am puzzled about his decision to promote the movie here. There might be some Tucker Max fans at UT who will be thrilled with his presence and eager to see his movie, but this is a pretty conservative area. I may be wrong about this, but I'd say that many college students around here will be put off by the swaggering boasts and beer-soaked antics of a man in his mid-30s. I guess we'll see.
Tucker do you think it was smart to show your movie to 15,000 fans for free prior to the movie opening?
It's like you opened a restaurant and let 100 people in. Then you gave them each a free loaf of bread and a pound of lasagna. Once they were stuffed you busted out the menus and said:
"Who here is hungry and shit?"
No one says a word.
"Nils, they aren't fucking eating and stuff. What did we do wrong?"
"I'd say that many college students around here will be put off by the swaggering boasts and beer-soaked antics of a man in his mid-30s. I guess we'll see."
Tucker is 20 years old. He said so in the G4 interview. He just "does what any other 20 year old does" - drinks and hooks up.
why are women funding/publishing tucker max?
Way to beat the Hangover Tucker! Oh wait, it's been out for just about 4 months, and you still couldn't beat it.
who are these women funding/publishing tucker max?
ha ha ahhahahhahaha a hahaha hahaa ha ah ahahah!!!
Hangover - 423 193
Beer in Hell - 366,909
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/
His delusions know no bounds. Now he is assuming that his disasterpiece can sell upwards of 5 million units within 18 months of release. To put that into perspective: 5 million units this year would mean it moving more DVD's than both Taken and Gran Torino. Who are these surplus 4.5 million fans over his fanbase willing to shell out money for his detritus?
The latest from Tucker:
"First off, of course we are going to keep promoting it. The problem is not hte movie, the problem has been the marketing--we haven't reached enough of my fans.
But I don't pay for this Darko does, and if they choose to stop, then we stop. If the movie looks like it has legs, we keep going. I will go for as long as they keep paying.
And dude--this thing going to DVD is not a bad thing. Of course I want it to hit as huge as possible theatrically, but there is zero doubt in my mind it will be huge on DVD. We actually make a ton more money on DVD as well. If it's a huge hit on DVD, and sells like 5 million copies on DVD in the first 18 months--something every realistic--the we're going to end up doing sequels anyway. It'll just be a little later than we anticipated.
The fight doesn't end with the theatrical release of this movie. Losing this battle doesn't mean the war is lost."
Mark it down. Tucker says 5 million DVD sales is realistic.
Looks like the latest propaganda is "Dude, who cares about theatrical release? It's all about DVD! Also I'm not paying for it so who cares? I have a sweet bus!"
Also love how all the fanboys are basically admitting that the green band trailer blows ass. Just like any normal person thinks. And I hear no defense from Tucker and Co.
Biscuits is back:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=877874&postcount=39
One more retarded thing about Tucker's "revolutionary" marketing strategy. If you go to www.tuckermax.com, IT BAERLY EVEN MENTIONS THERE'S A MOVIE OUT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! People go to the site that made him famous, and they can't really tell there's a movie. Revolutionary.
Ha! Biscuits pointed out his inane DVD sales bloviation is unwarranted - and even worse - batshit insane.
More Biscuits:
"All due respect but that is insanely unrealistic. Nine movies sold over 5 million copies last year. Two have done it so far this year. None of those movies grossed under 200 million at the box office, much less under 2 million."
Biscuits drops some knowledge
"The Friday box office number is in reality pretty solid. It's the Saturday number that is troubling.
Normally Saturday is the most attended movie day of the week. As such, most new releases experience a Saturday bump -- an increase in day to day grosses from Friday to Saturday. Kids movies in particular experience a large Saturday bump because of the weekend matinee numbers.
This didn't happen for BEER IN HELL. In fact, out of every single movie playing in over 20 screens this weekend, BEER IN HELL is the only movie whose business decreased from Friday to Saturday.
There are really only two reasons for a Friday to Saturday decline (three if Christmas Eve happens to fall on a Saturday -- obviously irrelevant here). The first is what's called the Friday Anticipation Bubble. This is when an adult-skewing movie is so heavily anticipated by its fans that they turn out en masse for it over the first 24 hours, which is almost always as a result of Thursday midnight screenings.
The second reason is because of poor word-of-mouth (although even then it's almost always an adult-skewing movie). You see this happen frequently with schlocky horror films or big budget action movies. People show up Friday, tell their friends how terrible it was, and the people who were gonna go Saturday go see something else instead.
Its safe to assume that both reasons contributed to BEER IN HELL's Saturday total. Obviously there were devoted fans who showed up for on the first day, which resulted in a disproportionately weighted Friday percentage -- but even as such, if word of mouth was good then the Saturday number would have at least stayed static.
A decline of more than 20% from Friday to Saturday is, in no uncertain terms, a disaster. And putting aside all of anecdotal evidence (twitter messages, response from the biased sample at the premiere tour) it is also the most objective indication possible that word of mouth on this movie is, in fact, quite poor.
There is absolutely no precedent for a movie to reverse a Friday to Saturday decline the following week. It just doesn't happen. In other words, a movie's per screen average doesn't dip on Friday-to-Saturday and then magically increase the following Friday-to Friday.
So we now know that I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL will end with a domestic gross somewhere between 0.7 and 1.5 million dollars. The only remaining variable now is the second week expansion. Tucker said that the plan was to be in 400 theaters in the second week -- the numbers certainly don't support that, so the only question is how many prints have been struck at this point. Hopefully they waited to see these weekend's numbers to determine how many additional prints to strike. Assuming Freestyle can hold on to whatever theaters they've targeted, it makes sense to get some ROI on the print costs by releasing it in as many theaters as they can. Regardless, whatever the second week screen total is, that will be the most saturated the movie will ever get -- after that the two week window will expire and screen count will drop dramatically, my guess being over 80%.
So where BEER IN HELL ends up in that .7 to 1.5 spectrum really just depends on how much money they've already spent/are still willing to spend on P&A."
I want to marry Biscuits.
Biscuits' validation points/posts rating gives me hope that not everyone on the RMMB is borderline brain-dead.
ratio, not rating.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=28020&page=2
Wow. Tucker is owned by Biscuits yet again.
Actually they do.
The Friday box office number is in reality pretty solid. It's the Saturday number that is troubling.
Normally Saturday is the most attended movie day of the week. As such, most new releases experience a Saturday bump -- an increase in day to day grosses from Friday to Saturday. Kids movies in particular experience a large Saturday bump because of the weekend matinee numbers.
This didn't happen for BEER IN HELL. In fact, out of every single movie playing in over 20 screens this weekend, BEER IN HELL is the only movie whose business decreased from Friday to Saturday.
There are really only two reasons for a Friday to Saturday decline (three if Christmas Eve happens to fall on a Saturday -- obviously irrelevant here). The first is what's called the Friday Anticipation Bubble. This is when an adult-skewing movie is so heavily anticipated by its fans that they turn out en masse for it over the first 24 hours, which is almost always as a result of Thursday midnight screenings.
The second reason is because of poor word-of-mouth (although even then it's almost always an adult-skewing movie). You see this happen frequently with schlocky horror films or big budget action movies. People show up Friday, tell their friends how terrible it was, and the people who were gonna go Saturday go see something else instead.
Its safe to assume that both reasons contributed to BEER IN HELL's Saturday total. Obviously there were devoted fans who showed up for on the first day, which resulted in a disproportionately weighted Friday percentage -- but even as such, if word of mouth was good then the Saturday number would have at least stayed static.
A decline of more than 20% from Friday to Saturday is, in no uncertain terms, a disaster. And putting aside all of anecdotal evidence (twitter messages, response from the biased sample at the premiere tour) it is also the most objective indication possible that word of mouth on this movie is, in fact, quite poor.
There is absolutely no precedent for a movie to reverse a Friday to Saturday decline the following week. It just doesn't happen. In other words, a movie's per screen average doesn't dip on Friday-to-Saturday and then magically increase the following Friday-to Friday.
So we now know that I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL will end with a domestic gross somewhere between 0.7 and 1.5 million dollars. The only remaining variable now is the second week expansion. Tucker said that the plan was to be in 400 theaters in the second week -- the numbers certainly don't support that, so the only question is how many prints have been struck at this point. Hopefully they waited to see these weekend's numbers to determine how many additional prints to strike. Assuming Freestyle can hold on to whatever theaters they've targeted, it makes sense to get some ROI on the print costs by releasing it in as many theaters as they can. Regardless, whatever the second week screen total is, that will be the most saturated the movie will ever get -- after that the two week window will expire and screen count will drop dramatically, my guess being over 80%.
So where BEER IN HELL ends up in that .7 to 1.5 spectrum really just depends on how much money they've already spent/are still willing to spend on P&A.
More Biscuits:
"All due respect but that is insanely unrealistic. Nine movies sold over 5 million copies last year. Two have done it so far this year. None of those movies grossed under 200 million at the box office, much less under 2 million."
Where is this one? Can't find it on that page.
Peopleseeus, RMMB member since 2004, says:
"Lastly, I know you're probably feeling down a bit. I know it would've been awesome to hit it out of the park on the money side, and you still could, but if your objective was to make a funny movie... you definitely did that so you should be happy about that at the very least."
I'm sure he'll bookmark this post and return to it when filing for bankruptcy.
4:27- see page 3 of that thread.
Tucker sucks at numbers, part 74:
We are also the ONLY movie to go up from Saturday to Sunday, which is completely unprecedented as well.
----
The numbers:
Friday: $154,454
Saturday: $118,363
Sunday: $94,092
---
That's right, folks - in Tuckerland, $94,092 > 118,363.
My lord this shit is too funny:
"I totally agree. And wasn't that the purpose all along -- to make a movie that makes people laugh? Tucker, Nils and the rest of the crew have definitely succeeded in a major way. I doubt they'll admit it, but I bet that there's more than a few people in Hollywood who only wish that they could create a movie that creates as much laughter as IHTSBIH does. Again, I'll be watching the movie again on Friday and I'm still trying spread the word about it. Is there anything else we as fans can do? I was a bit surprised by how much publicity a few pissed off feminists could generate. They really got the attention of the media. Could we do something similar, some kind of publicity stunt?"
Seriously? I give up.
At least Tugger's new hilarity has given us a new date of failure to shoot for; when it is released on DVD we can check the tracking sites (like the-numbers.com) and see how short it falls from his lofty 5 million unit expectations.
From RMMB:
"Saw it Sunday afternoon. 5 other people were in the theater with me and my girlfriend. I thought it was pretty good. Not the "revolutionary comedy" that some made it out to be, but some pretty funny lines. I think I had too high of expectations after reading how great some people here thought it was. Probably 5 or 6/10 for me. Girlfriend hated it. Didn't laugh once and was bored throughout. I told my friends about it and they are thinking about going this week sometime, even though it is about a 25 minute drive from where we live."
Holy shit. The fans are starting to come to grips with reality.
"Of course, you are right. But I barely hear the naysayers and haterz and morons now. Flying at 35,000 feet in my own G4...no chance."
Sept 25, a day that will live in infamy: the day Tugger's dreams of a private plane died an ignoble death.
Tucker has been absolutely fucking owned in the worst way possible. I predicted several months ago that he would claim some major coup via DVD sales when this thing flamed out at the box office-could this guy be any easier to read? And of course, the DVD numbers will be unverifiable because he'll sell "like a totally insane number, bro" via his website. As others have said, people may buy a book on a flier, but nobody buys a DVD they've never even heard of.
All this misfortune could really not have fallen on a better person. His movie got fucking smashed, it will make even less next weekend, his DVD sales will suck balls (as I also predicted, prepare yourselves for numerous Fight Club and Shawshank Redemption references), and his career in Hollywood is finished. His book deal will probably get axed, or downgraded, as well.
All the "haters" were right Tucker. You truly are a talentless, delusional, fifth-rate, internet meme on life-support-level hack. The public has spoken. Now kindly return to the sad, depraved anonymity from which you came.
If he had simply stuck with being someone like a Kevin Smith who had realistic expectations he would have been fine.
But he had to inflate his ego, start bragging about f you money, etc.
Instead of concentrating on generating a good movie and thinking about making the investors some money (as Kevin Smiths films made money...because they didn't cost anything to make and returned that investment over time with VHS and DVD sales)he was too busy e-sucking himself off.
lol at Nils Fat A. Dugong's response about not taking the hypothetical Searchlight deal in retrospect:
"That is not how it works. If Searchlight does the movie they own everything: the name, the characters, the sequels, adaptations from the source material, everything. THAT is of far greater importance than instant money."
Future type 2 diabetes mellitus patient clearly wasn't a math major. Owning 100% of an asset worth nothing is still nothing.
From the RMMB:
"I stand corrected.
Next question, What did Slumdog Millionaire do in those first 10 theaters to make the same amount in weekend 1 that you guys did but with 12 times less theaters with a small amount of P&A?
That's cruel (though nicely disguised)!
Now they're all just piling on, taking the piss:
Have you guys thought about raising money on your own for more P&A? You've got an awesome movie. Screen it privately for some investors, explain your excellent marketing strategy and signs some contracts. It should be an easy sell. I mean... it would be a shame if the theatrical release failed just because you didn't spend enough on advertising. It only makes sense pay more money now to make sure that the marketing really gets out there. I remember you guys saying that Nils' wife cut the first check for the movie. If she's already invested in the movie.. and she believes in the movie.. why not go 'all-in'?
"Have you guys thought about raising money on your own for more P&A? You've got an awesome movie. Screen it privately for some investors, explain your excellent marketing strategy and signs some contracts. It should be an easy sell"
Is Matti deliberately trying to get Tucker deeper into debt?
I notice Griffin and Hoehn haven't updated at all.
Junior Doucebags.
I think I know who Matti is, like the comments too.
Subtly very funny.
Hey guys, I noticed something weird recently.
Saturday afternoon, I had to meet with my buddy, LeftNut (bike accident, ouch) at the library:
LN: Dude, you're late
Me: No shit. I lost my watch. I was fingerbanging a MILF Thursday night, haven't seen it since. I guess she was more of a MILF-B.
(pantomine phone call)
"Exthcuthe me, did I leathe my watcth in your puthy?"
LN: Not funny.
Me: That's not the best part. You can't make this shit up. She's all like, "my cunt is so tight, isn't it?" She's got a 14-inch dildo on the night stand, looks like a fucking horse cock. I've got two hands in her snatch, and she thinks she's got a tight vagina? More like vagiant-a
LN: Seriously dude, the bar has been raised. That shit's not funny anymore.
I was confused, but he's right. I thought I felt an earthquake Friday night, but I think it was the comedy world being shaken up. I get most of my snatch by being funny, I don't know what I'll do now. And no-talent ass clowns like Carlos Mencia and Bill Dawes are going to have to get new jobs.
Has anyone else noticed this?
Charlie Hoehn predicted this would be huge from the get go and he was right. Hoehn knows his stuff.
Notice how Tucker didn't respond to Biscuits until he'd gone offline?
Pussy.
“These are the guys I would rather not have as fans,” said Max, a Duke Law School graduate. “They’re the ones who think my writing is only about drinking and macking on chicks. They show up at bars drunk out of their minds screaming and cursing at people. They’re the ones that think sexual assault is funny.”
Um, isn't the the exact crowd he tried to pander to? The only difference is that Affliction probably didn't exist when he first made his stories up.
Yep. Now all of a sudden theatrical was merely a smokescreen for the real revenue driver: DVD. As evidenced by him faux-selling 1 million copies (cough*shipping*cough) Tucker is projecting a private jet via DVD sales!
What is up with all the D-bags with Affliction Shirts?
Are you an ultimate fighter? No. Are you middle aged and fat? Yes. Is your shirt entirely too tight? Yep. Do you look like a massive tool? That's right.
I'm getting an Affliction Sucks Balls Shirt and wearing it everywhere. I swear to god.
Biscuits accurately pointed out that all the movies this year that have cracked 5 million DVDs sold had 200 million BO.
I don't think Tucker understands in order to generate a cult following your movie has to get into a pretty good demographic range.
All the movies I can think of that were so-so comedies that did lots of DVDs appealed to a non established fan base. I.e. it has to go outside Tuckers fans, and it simply never will.
That said, I don't think any person with half a brain thought this would do Slumdog Millionaire type of numbers.
Wow, what a fucking slam on Tugger!
Otto says
"2. It's going to great on DVD, regardless of how it does theatrically.
3. Once it does great on DVD, we can still do all the sequels we want."
Uh, right, way to just ignore Biscuits' points about DVD sales. And, sequels? Sequel to what? Sequel how? What in this story is deserving of a sequel? Never mind, that question presumes that the movie itself deserved to get made at all. Wait, I've got it! You could make a sequel about how Tucker gets this great offer to make a movie and then blows chance after chance by being an asshole only to wise up at the last minute and make a speech about what a great guy he is, and the Hollywood female producer would coo at him and greenlight his movie and TV show and then go down on him right then and there! That's truly a TUCKER MAX SEQUEL.
At this point I have to believe that Tucker is rather canny and self-aware enough to be simply trolling for his own amusement (no doubt to cheer himself up after a humiliating defeat). If not then it is clear that Duke should have its ABA approved status revoked for allowing a mentally retarded scitzophrenic to attend their institution.
Tucker predicted 20 million to 200 million, plus a private jet for his art. Now he's saying it was always about the DVD release. 5,000,000 DVDs no less.
This is as close to a white flag as Tucker gets, although he is still hanging on to his delusional optimism, and still lying through his teeth.
Tucker do you think it was smart to show your movie to 15,000 fans for free prior to the movie opening?
It's like you opened a restaurant and let 100 people in. Then you gave them each a free loaf of bread and a pound of lasagna. Once they were stuffed you busted out the menus and said:
"Who here is hungry and shit?"
No one says a word.
"Nils, they aren't fucking eating and stuff. What did we do wrong?"
__________________________________
I don't laugh at the internet very often, but this cracked me up. Nice work, whoever wrote that.
As an aside, BIH took $154,454 on Friday. Is it possible that that's its peak performance? That it might not ever have a better day than $154,454? Wow.
"But the other main response we are getting, especially from fans, is “There is a Tucker Max movie coming out?”
What does this even mean? All your fans come from knowing you on your website. Thats who you are, how you got a name. You have no other fanbase. And as you have been promoting the movie on your website for what, 2 years now, how can anybody be a fan and not know about it? Where the fuck do you think your fanboys know you from if not your website?
"the problem is not hte movie, the problem has been the marketing--we haven't reached enough of my fans."
You mean your so called "fans" haven't read your site for 2 years? Then how exactly do they qualify for that dubious title. Because they bought a book? I buy books all the time but would not describe myslef as a "fan" of every author.
You sir, are certifiable delusional. Who and where are these phantom fans that you keep referring to? If they havn't read the site then they dont exist. And if they read the site, they know about the movie. Douche.
Looks like the floodgates are opening on the RMMB. They're outright accusing him of lying to them.
Frebis:
"I think part of the problem here is that you have said over and over again this movie will do awesome in the theaters, we shouldn't believe the haters, critics don't mean anything, etc. Now it turns out that may not be true. As in everyone got it right but you.
I guess the important thing is I'll get to see the movie, but still I would love to see you succeed. It's like the ultimate success story, do things your way, work hard and things get done. Then you find out this may not be the way things work after all. It is kind of a let down.
Speaking of sequels.... How is work on Ass Holes Finish First going? Are we going to get to see it any time soon? I remember back when you began talking about the movie you mentioned the book would coincide with the release of the movie (I'm probably wrong)."
OMFG, you are soooo banned.
Since Matt is now and forever the public face of tugger, I can't wait to hear why someone else will be playing that role in the sequel.
Where are Matt, Geoff, Jesse, and Bob, anyhow? It's like Michael Jackson, stealing "his" baby and the mother is never heard from again.
Likewise, both surrounded themselves with sycophants who couldn't say no, leading to him living in some sort of bizarre alternate reality.
ace:
"...In the past, you said the people who may like your movie the least (or even dislike the movie) are your most hardcore fans, because they already have a preconceived notion of what you should be like on the big screen. You also said the people that like the movie the most will be those who have no idea who you are and enter the theater with a fresh perspective.
Now, however, it appears you are relying on your most hardcore fans to spread the word about your movie, which logically, presupposes that they love the movie in the first place (and conflicts with earlier assumptions about how hardcore fans will feel about the movie.) It just seems illogical to hope the fans you thought may like the movie the least would convince those who are supposed to like it the most to go see the movie...."
Bitch, I'm Tucker Max. I don't need logic. And shit.
And it begins, the next stage in Tucker's stages of fail tragedy: blame everyone but himself--
"Thats a great idea. How about you call Sean McKittrick and tell him to buck up and drop 15 million do we can have a real ad spend?
Exactly. I love how all of you are so full of suggestions, without any concept of what the fuck is going on. Like how I DON'T MAKE ANY DECISION ABOUT WHERE MONEY IS SPENT.
Do you think I want the movie playing in crappy dead malls and in shitty outliers suburbs? Of course not. Freestyle booked those theaters, ask them why they are fucking up.
Do you people think I am making every decision on this movie? FUCK NO. If I was, I can guarantee you things would be going much different. But I'm not. So in the meantime, please forward your suggestions about spending money and booking theaters--whoich are often good suggestions, things I have said for six months--to the people who are making the stupid decisions.
Because its not me."
After hearing how he didn't sell to the majors so he could keep the film marketing and release under his autonomous glance he is now pleading passive impotence. Pathetic.
Tuck is having a messagenoard meltdown. Deleting undeleting blaming everyone etc
Not going to end well
Tdg get over ther
How to get even more blacklisted in just five minutes a day
By tucker max
The biggest problem about 80%+ of these reviews is that they are focusing one of the following:
1. Tucker Max the person.
2. The fact the movie is NOT the Hangover.
3. The fact it is an independent movie that is not Juno.
Guess someone didn't get the memo:
If there do end up being a lot of comparisons, it will go poorly, but not for us. The Hangover is probably one of the best comedies of the last ten years, but all that means is that comedy has sucked for ten years. The days of being able to pass off dogshit like The Hangover as great comedy end on September 25th. We are going to sweep in out of nowhere and shake up the comedy world. The bar will be raised.
Oh, my sweet Lord. Tucker's blaming everyone on earth right now. The wheels are really coming off this thing.
I'm thinking that the only reason TDG has been silent for the past few days is because there is literally so much de-constructible material right now, he's overwhelmed.
You could literally take all of Tucker's production-blog posts, put them in a book, and watching him go from 'this is going to be the most revolutionary shit in the history of cinema' to 'my movie's doing shitty because we're broke and all the people i'm working with are idiots'. It would be so much funnier than Tucker's book.
GOD, this is fun to watch!
Seriously, how many times did he claim that he was going to be responsible for the marketing and that it was going to take Hollywood by storm?
"And just an FYI--The only things that HAVE been effective are the online marketing and the tour. The evidence of this is the Chicago market--that market had a huge ad spend. NO EFFECT."
That is not at all evidence of his argument. What a tool.
"OMFG, you are soooo banned."
Not yet, but Tucker went ballistic on him (because what he said was completely true)
And Frebis is also a very long time member of RMMB.
Before its gone, RedsUnite says:
"For a guy who has constantly said that this movie is revolutionary, how the marketing was revolutionary, how it'll blow us all away, how the tour is the greatest thing since sliced cheese, how YOU were the guy to look toward... this excuse is absolutely lame.
Tucker Max, I saw the movie myself. The critics and most of all social networking agrees - your movie just isn't good enough to care about. I really wanted it to defy the odds but it doesn't. You can spin numbers all you want, but you bombed this weekend. You can call me a hater, a loser, a moron.... but I saw it myself, in your test market on a night that should have helped your weekend numbers, and it did very very badly.
I worked in a bar that saw the commercials. A co-worker of mine who owns your book brought it up to me and was not impressed. And he fits your demo WAAAAY more than mine. He had no interest. The movie played over this weekend in theaters not shitholes in where I saw it. It didn't do well.
Other people may control the cards, even though that contradicts your overall premise. Let them pull the plug, focus on on the DVD sales. You? Where is your next book? It better not have stories from this tour, because about the same amount of people will care."
He said:
"Just an FYI:
Nils and I are more responsible for the editing of this movie than anyone else. The final cut is our cut. "
cutting and pasting this before it gets deleted: RedsUnite responds to Tucker's most recent post:
"For a guy who has constantly said that this movie is revolutionary, how the marketing was revolutionary, how it'll blow us all away, how the tour is the greatest thing since sliced cheese, how YOU were the guy to look toward... this excuse is absolutely lame.
Tucker Max, I saw the movie myself. The critics and most of all social networking agrees - your movie just isn't good enough to care about. I really wanted it to defy the odds but it doesn't. You can spin numbers all you want, but you bombed this weekend. You can call me a hater, a loser, a moron.... but I saw it myself, in your test market on a night that should have helped your weekend numbers, and it did very very badly.
I worked in a bar that saw the commercials. A co-worker of mine who owns your book brought it up to me and was not impressed. And he fits your demo WAAAAY more than mine. He had no interest. The movie played over this weekend in theaters not shitholes in where I saw it. It didn't do well.
Other people may control the cards, even though that contradicts your overall premise. Let them pull the plug, focus on on the DVD sales. You? Where is your next book? It better not have stories from this tour, because about the same amount of people will care."
This is really jawdropping - legit mouth agape, eyes bugged - every other post on the board is now an overt or subtle critique of Tuck. I figured you'd have the blame everyone to start eventually be i had no idea it'd be this imminent. Must suck for someone who demands to be recognized as the smartest guy in the room to be revealed to be an emperor with no clothes.
Retab
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1
Validation Points: 10
You're still going to land your private G4 on the roof of your indoor crossbow range, right?
Whoever that was: respect!
Tugger's meltdown is so fucking awesome.
Wow...
RedsUnite: Who is also a very long time member of the board from 2004.
"For a guy who has constantly said that this movie is revolutionary, how the marketing was revolutionary, how it'll blow us all away, how the tour is the greatest thing since sliced cheese, how YOU were the guy to look toward... this excuse is absolutely lame.
Tucker Max, I saw the movie myself. The critics and most of all social networking agrees - your movie just isn't good enough to care about. I really wanted it to defy the odds but it doesn't. You can spin numbers all you want, but you bombed this weekend. You can call me a hater, a loser, a moron.... but I saw it myself, in your test market on a night that should have helped your weekend numbers, and it did very very badly.
I worked in a bar that saw the commercials. A co-worker of mine who owns your book brought it up to me and was not impressed. And he fits your demo WAAAAY more than mine. He had no interest. The movie played over this weekend in theaters not shitholes in where I saw it. It didn't do well.
Other people may control the cards, even though that contradicts your overall premise. Let them pull the plug, focus on on the DVD sales. You? Where is your next book? It better not have stories from this tour, because about the same amount of people will care."
Newly registered Retab (obviously one of us) says:
"You're still going to land your private G4 on the roof of your indoor crossbow range, right?"
someone called Retab just joined and posted this. putting it here before it gets deleted:
"You're still going to land your private G4 on the roof of your indoor crossbow range, right?"
Ha. I guess there are several of us who are on anti-FYB duty.
Hmm..."Retab" is "Bater" backwards...
^^^ hahaha. i swer, i was just going to put that. methinks it could be barry?
Wow. Long time posters/members are just straight calling him out.
And he is just losing it.
RyanJM says: "That's what I don't get about the reviews. It's like the people who liked it, and the people who disliked it are living on different planets."
Yes, one planet has the population of Eerie, Indiana. The other planet has the population of the rest of the fucking world.
Oh man. Who DIDN'T predict Tucker would start blaming others? Too obvious.
And Bater's post is deleted
For those that are piling on, I salute you. This is the most fun I've had reading the internet in a long, loooonngg time. Press his buttons until he goes batshit insane.
(PS: Someone invite Bunny over so Tucker can use her as a punching bag)
The call outs are absolutely brutal...hilarious.
Some fanboys are still trying to stick up for his blame game with some "Tucker Max logic"
Quote:
Originally Posted by DocHolliday
Yes, he said that, but do you not see the differences here? In that blog, Tucker was explaining why he wanted control over making the movie. He didn't want to let outsiders make a movie based on their interpretations of his stories and/or have his input marginalized.
He got the control he wanted by going the indie route, and made a kick ass movie. Seemingly the only thing he doesn't have control over (distribution/marketing) is apparently doing a poor job.
There's absolutely no hypocrisy at all in what Tucker is saying. If anything, it proves his point.
Why would anyone think that Tucker controlled the marketing? Because he told us he did:
Quote:
Anytime I can bet on myself, I am down. It was ballsy and brilliant and I fucking loved it. And the best part: Because there was no studio who bought the movie from us, we control the distribution strategy AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, we control the marketing materials. This is why the trailer and the one sheet are exactly what Nils and Sean and I want, instead of being some piece of shit an idiot studio suit picked out.
As a long time fan, it does not sit well with me that Tucker is now blaming board members for essentially believing what Tucker told them.
Why would anyone think that Tucker controlled the marketing? Because he told us he did:
Quote:
Anytime I can bet on myself, I am down. It was ballsy and brilliant and I fucking loved it. And the best part: Because there was no studio who bought the movie from us, we control the distribution strategy AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, we control the marketing materials. This is why the trailer and the one sheet are exactly what Nils and Sean and I want, instead of being some piece of shit an idiot studio suit picked out.
As a long time fan, it does not sit well with me that Tucker is now blaming board members for essentially believing what Tucker told them.
Absolute science is being dropped on the board now -- science, I say.
^Guy who said that has been registered for FOUR YEARS, but that was his first comment. Rats leaving a sinking ship.
7
4
3
2
1
This is a repeat of Troy Duffy and your success is totally made up. Nice try, Tucker.
Rats leaving a sinking ship.
Who are you calling a rat?
Guys. Don't push him to suicide.
He's flippin out enough without being baited.
I have parents with personality disorders and shit can get scary. You can't win. His world is his world just as sure as kittens and lollipops are cute. If someone did crack through.... Legitimate psychotic break would follow
Is the nature of his particular pathology
Props to retab though...
why is a woman publishing tucker's next book ASSHOLES FINSIH FIRST?
It's a shame there wasn't someone in his retinue documenting behind the scenes footage like Troy Duffy's crew did. Otherwise they'd probably have enough delusion mixed with borderline personality disorder to make a decent documentary...it'd probably more successful than Tuck's movie.
his per theater was pretty solid considering the lack of PR and all that.
y'all haterz get ready for the revolution, it's coming and tucker will have more money than you think.
gayfags.
tucker tried to film a comedy but ended up writing a tragedy. too bad he forgot to film it!
"Who are you calling a rat?"
People who didn't see through the lies until just now.
holy shit- retab/bater strikes again. this one has some zingers.
"I just have to say it. Tucker has been wrong, wrong, wrong. He was wrong about getting distribution with a major; he was wrong about the reception of the movie. He said he KNEW it was going to be huge nd revolutionary and everything else... now he's passing the buck (and given the movie's performance thus far, he really should hang onto that buck- he's going to need it).
Mods can delete this, whatever- I'm not being disingenuous, and I'm not posting off-topic: I'm saying what a LOT of people are thinking right now: that, in retrospect, the whole thing's been a jury-rigged hot mess from jump street, and that all this talk about a revolution was so far-off that nobody should be taking much of what Tucker says about anything too seriously right now, because he's proven to be very, very bad at predicting things.
The fact that he's blaming everyone else is just the icing on the cake, but in his defense, he DID promise all the people with points on the movie that he'd share the backend. Right now, there's a lot more blame than there is money to pass around."
--from imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148394716
MCCOY MOUNTAIN
mccoymountain@excite.com
ART, FILM, & LITERATURE GUILD OF AMERICA
Ms. Priscilla Painton
Simon & Schuster Editor in Chief
RE: ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST, Secretive Tapings of Anal Sex without The Girl’s Consent, Corporate Douchebaggery, and the Epic Failure of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
“Little Italy is fighting back against Tucker Max's controversial ad campaign. Yeah, that poster on the right says, "Blind Girls Never See You Coming." Va fan culo, indeed.” gothamist.com/2009/09/21/tucker_max.php
Dear Ms. Painton,
I and my colleagues in the ART, FILM & LITERATURE GUILD have a couple questions regarding the direction you are taking Simon and Schuster in. Why are you guys/gals hating on art, literature, culture and America? It was recently brought to our attention that you are intent on publishing Tucker Max’s ASSHOLES FINISH FIRST, and that your company actually gave him a $300,000 advance for his fart art. As the editor in chief of Simon and Schuster, owned the CBS corporation, do you truly believe Assholes Finish First? It is oft said that girls like “bad boys.” Does Tucker’s fart art douchebag wit titillate and excite you? Is that why you are publishing and profiting from it? Did you laugh during Tucker’s recent film flop when what’s-his-name stated that overweight women aren’t real people? Do you smile smugly when your billion-dollar corporation profits from douchebaggery?
gawker.com/5363233/tucker-maxs-campaign-of-hate-against-chicagos-transit-system “The ads were poetic ditties of white text on a black background. Like: "Blind girls never see you coming" and "Strippers Will Not Tolerate Disrespect (Just Kidding)."”
“Over at the Washington, D.C., premiere, Max’s video minion ridicules both Vietnamese and African-American women, the former for being employed as a pedicurist, and the latter for having a name he finds funny.”
washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/09/10/spot-your-local-tucker-max-douchebag/
Do you enjoy profiting from making fun of Asians and overweight women? imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148314040
tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com
tuckermaxlies.blogspot.com
Does this make you laugh Ms. Painton? It is not too late to choose the right direction for Simon and Schuster and CBS and walk away from publishing Assholes Finish First. At most it will bring in a few pennies, which will lead everyone to conclude that you and CBS aren’t in it for the money, but just the debauchery and destruction of the culture. As Tucker Max pointed out, the feminist movement empowered women and gave them the right to choose the art they affiliated with and promote. So now, with all the power in your hands, what will you chose on behalf of women all over the world? Please do us proud and choose the right thing.
“The ad campaign for the new flick "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" includes slogans like "Deaf Girls Can't Hear You Coming" and "Strippers Will Not Tolerate Disrespect (Just Kidding!)."”
nbcchicago.com/news/local-beat/New-Movie-Ads-Take-Offensive-to-the-Max-59695522.html
The silent majority coming out to destroy Tucker's delusions on the board is pretty brutal. He might as well close the board down for the remainder of the films theatrical window (about 14 minutes and counting) then reopen it and pray that everyone has forgotten the enormous amount of shit he spewed for a year.
"I'm going to take a wild guess here. Alienating the only people left who might help you market this movie is not a great idea."
Above was a response to a Tucker rant whereby he called someone who dared ask a question,"fucken dense". Finally. If he had this kind of feedback, and actually took notice of it all along,there may never have been a need for tuckermasiadouchbag.com.
But then, hes probably not even the coolest one of his friends.
When are the next Razzies? It's funny how he was talking "Oscar" for best screenplay but I foresee Razzie for worst screenplay.
P.s
Tucker please learn the difference between it's and its. You're embarrassing yourself.
I can't decide what I want more now- complete exposure of Tucker's lies from insiders and mods who jump ship- or just for him to fade into total irrelevancy. I'm hoping for a combination of both.
From a Senior Member:
"Where the fuck are these people coming from that have almost no posts that are only now climbing out of the woodwork to talk shit?
Yeah, there was a huge gap between between expectation and result (result SO FAR I might add). Obviously Tucker is not infallible.
But where were these people before today? I don't recognize their user names at all. Ridiculous."
Maybe it was because all the mods were too busy deleting any and all anti-Tucker posts. Did you not relize that anything that did not follow the "worship Tucker" partyline was removed? And if you did manage to get something through - you got bombarded with abuse.
This is why Tucker is so delusional - for years hes been living in an artificially constructed world of his own making. And now reality.
RMMB Mods- go ahead and post your Tucker stories. You know you want to.
Goddamn, Tucker is a thin-skinned, whiny little bitch.
Jingou: Registered for almost 4 years. Makes 1 comment. FYB'd. Here it is-
"I enjoy Tucker's stories, but attacking us because we're not slavishly devoted fan boys doesn't accomplish a lot.
The reason everyone like yourself is so surprised is because you hung onto every one of Tucker's appraisals like gospel, when the reality is the movie's future wasn't bright from the get-go.
A small-time celeb with appeal to a limited audience making a movie about himself? I applaud Tucker on staying true to himself and being a cocky motherfucker, that is, making a movie about his own life, but I doubt most people outside of his most devoted audience expected this to go anywhere.
Edit: Yeah, it was clearly the rape protesters that made it bomb. Watch out Scorsese, you're being targeted next."
someone tell me who bater is? this is too funny.
Barry Bater, co-host of this blog:
http://tuckermaxlies.blogspot.com/
I don't think his fanboys realize the world of pain he's in. They keep going on about it was an accomplishment just getting it made, that he'll keep moving forward, etc. I hope he has a contract already signed for his next book.
Gay little fan boy Merle says:
"In all honesty if people showed as much hatred and dedication to something like cancer we would already have a cure. If you want to call me a gay little fan boy fine. I am for people who I feel are doing everything they can to make things that they enjoy and especially if they are making a living off of it."
You read that right- anonymous internet commenters work harder than cancer researchers.
PS Someone is hard at work deleting comments almost in real-time.
realness, board member for 3 years, says:
"Law 18, Page 130 of the 48 Laws of Power:
"Do not build fortresses to protect yourself - Isolation is dangerous"
Tucker Max made a lot of mistakes when it came to the decisions involving this movie. The majority of these mistakes were a result of his limited connection to reality.
Tucker surrounded himself with sycophants. Flatterers. Everybody who has been to the TuckerMax Boards knows of the intolerance for anything close to dissent with Tucker/moderators.
This has effectively become the culture of the Tucker Max movement.
Tucker himself encourages the opinions of only those who agree with him. Instead of taking criticism to heart, like a confident and wise person would , Tucker dismisses it at every turn. This is due to insecurities that Tucker tries to overcompensate with over-the-top alpha behavior.
This twisted relationship with reality has blinded Tucker and his decision making throughout the movie. In isolating himself with lackeys, he has lost an eye for the re-adjusting touch of criticism.
In choosing the EGO over true success, Tucker has proven to be a true narcissist in form. But unlike the usual case, he can't proclaim it proudly this time around.
I wanted this movie to succeed because I too am an entrepreneur on an independent path and related to that struggle. But things gotta be told the way they are, not the way some of us wished them to be."
You know what's funny? At one point, Tucker actually did have a brand, positive word of mouth and an internet presence. If this movie gets released circa 2005, it probably does launch him into riches.
Master Strategist Tucker Max missed his window of opportunity by about 4 years.
I thought Assholes Finish First was a book about eating etiquette.
Like: Don't eat so fast, because only assholes finish first.
Silly me, it's about Tucker's failed film.
Is Assholes Finish First a double entendre implying that Tucker is a premature ejaculator?
Burning the bridge with Darko seems to be on deck for Tucker.
Does anybody still think Tucker chose DIY? If so, newflash: They failed to secure major distribution. Which is what Tucker said he wanted earlier.
Tucker is quite literally losing his mind. This is really unprecedented, even for him; sure he's blown deals and missed out on opportunities, but this is a clear-cut, 100% transparent, full-on-in-public-view fail. How humiliating.
I know we have some Hollywood types reading this board; please, PLEASE tell us when Tucker inevitably flips out on various Darko and/or Freestyle execs, this Sean guy, and anybody else you feel merits our attention. Watching the final bridges burn will be immensely satisfying.
And to my fellow haters, I say: bravo. We've been right on this every step of the way. Tucker, if you're reading this, burn slow buddy. Burn slow.
Tucker Max:
"Do you think I like it that the PR team Darko hired didn't do ANY work, and I had to hire my own PR company?"
Now that he's thrown Darko and the entire marketing department under the bus (perhaps his Tour failbus? Inquiring minds want - nay, have a right to demand - to know) I can only imagine the binging and bitching he'll do when the DVD falls short of 5 million sold. Clearly it will fall on the shoulder of Fox DVD distribution for not pushing for the DVD to be prominently displayed at all big box retailers.
Get your pussies ready, ladies
Still waiting to hear from Charlie Hoehn, boy genius.
"You keep looking backwards, I'm going to move forward."
Right up Holliday's colon.
Does anybody still think Tucker chose DIY? If so, newflash: They failed to secure major distribution. Which is what Tucker said he wanted earlier.
Therein lies the rub; if he hated all the drawbacks of a DIY distribution deal -- miniscule marketing budget, lack of flexibility in PR, bookings in modern "grindhouse" theatres -- why'd he endeavour to do so. Having "four distributors" is equal to having none.
That thread should honestly be 10 pages long, but they've deleted so much of it. Holiday protecting Max's fragile psyche, I guess.
Okay, so everything is not under his control. Sure, maybe he didn't pick the theater. Sure, he doesn't decide the money spent on advertising. But notice how he will play the deflection and blame game at all costs and not even for a moment consider the fact the movie sucks?
If the movie was good, none of this minor nitpicky bullshit would matter.
Tucker:
"And by the way, to all the nerds who are so butthurt because I said things and made predictions that didn't come true immediately:
You mean Tucker Max is fallible? OH NO!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!
Look, I never said one thing that I didn't believe that the time I wrote it. Every prediction I made I believed in my heart. Every statement I made I thought was true. Clearly some of the things I thought have turned out to be incorrect. And I may have overstated things, used too much hyperbole, and over-promised, but I never lied and I never said anything I didn't believe at that moment. You know that means?
I'm just like every other fucking person on earth: Flawed.
This is not news to me, even though it seems to be news to some of you."
-----------
Fine, but you're a flawed idiot. Many people have been mocking you for making those predictions for months now.
Dude, are you somehow implying that Tucker Max, world-class writer, is somehow untalented?
Fucking ban, bro. Big time.
I bet Katy Johnson is happy.
Thread Closed.
That sounds about right.
Wow, with all his talk of cognitive bias and dissonance it seems as if his is transparently collapsing. Hope he doesn't run for the razors. If he was a big enough celebrity he might merit inclusion to a celeb death pool.
He might as well close up shop and stop talking about the movie since every one of them is gonna lead to him answering the same questions of incompetence.
Tucker I'm not mad about your mistakes, flawed people aren't real people.
I love how pissed off Tucker is
What does Bunny have to say about all this, I wonder?
Honestly, I think she is secretly happy, as failure might make Tucker more likely to settle down with her.
But who cares she is ugly, talentless, and crazy. Girls like her are the reason sexism exists.
Honestly, I hope Tucker and Bunny do end up together...after the Bunny's hit her expiration date, of course; the thought of those two fucktards spawning is too hideous to comprehend.
No fair using Tucker's own words against him...he believed everyone of those things when he said them...just like Charles Manson.
Tucker.
I win.
Wow 12,050 comments and nearly 1,000 within the past week! Let's get this bitch up to 100,000!
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=23216
Holy fuck; read this madness in retrospect. The posters on the board, many of whom are mods, actually had this turdburger doing somewhere between $100-250 million dollars gross. While, it can be said that Tucker has failed as a screenwriter and lawyer he - with virtual certainty -- can excel as a cool-aid distributing cult leader.
I don't know why he didn't release his new book a couple of months before the movie. That would have been the smart thing to do. The operative word being smart. The bus tour completely killed opening weekend numbers. It's up there with the dumbest marketing decision of all time.
Let's be honest, this project was doomed as soon as they wrote "FADE OUT" on the script. Nothing replaces quality and the fact is the script is subpar. This movie failed because of THE SCRIPT!
IHTSBIH screenplay by Tucker Max and Nils Parker.
From Tucker
"Some people who should have done their jobs didn't, and we didn't realize it until too late, and now--on a movie that had almost no margin for error--we are stuck with some huge errors, most of which were completely out of our control."
The thing is if you had made a movie that was funny, intellient, relevant, and edgy without being abusive and insulting, and also had not pissed off everyone along the way, then you may have got the major distribution you wanted. However with the pile of vomit that you made you had no choice but to go the DIY route. So yes actually, this was something you controlled.
Haterz, you guys are all over the board from hatred to compassion but i love you! good morning!!
Once again, loving the smell of failure in the morning.
Tucker talks about how he's flawed. Here's a better word choice for you, Tuckernuts: FUCKING MORON. I knew your film would suck before you even filmed it. You know how I knew? Because you're you! There was never any way you could have done something like this right. We all saw it, why didn't you?
BEFORE IT IS DELETED:
"And by the way, to all the nerds who are so butthurt because I said things and made predictions that didn't come true immediately:
You mean Tucker Max is fallible? OH NO!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!
Look, I never said one thing that I didn't believe that the time I wrote it. Every prediction I made I believed in my heart. Every statement I made I thought was true. Clearly some of the things I thought have turned out to be incorrect. And I may have overstated things, used too much hyperbole, and over-promised, but I never lied and I never said anything I didn't believe at that moment. You know that means?
I'm just like every other fucking person on earth: Flawed.
This is not news to me, even though it seems to be news to some of you."
"Burning the bridge with Darko seems to be" on deck for Tucker."
That's the funniest thing about this to me, that he's trying so hard to shift blame onto the only people in Hollywood who were willing to give him a chance. He won't be satisfied until he's destroyed himself
"Wow 12,050 comments and nearly 1,000 within the past week! Let's get this bitch up to 100,000!"
Not happening, Tucker's going to be burned out before we hit 20k.
Do not forget.
Tucker strongly suggested that his script would get an Oscar.
Oscar.
Yes, he said that.
Academy award.
This is what we're dealing with.
http://therickyreport.blogspot.com/2009/09/fridays.html
September 25: The AMC movie theater in Harvard Square is the only theater in Massachusetts showing "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," the Tucker Max movie. After making the trek across the river for a 9:30 showing, the movie starts 20 minutes late. Without audio. So they stop the movie to fix that problem. Another 20 minutes go by and finally the movie is starting again. After more previews. Five minutes into the second attempt to show the movie, the movie reel slid off the projector, and you could see the reel burning on the screen. After almost two hours at the theater, I leave without having seen the movie. I got my money back, but I'll have to wait until a real movie theater in Randolph shows this movie untill I get to see it in its entirety.
Unless one of his shenanigans goes seriously awry and lands him in court, Tucker's peaked in the notoriety stakes.
There's nowhere to go but down.
This pretty much tells the whole story.
http://twitpic.com/ja75e
tHE. eND.
Huh, an actually half-decent review by a guy whose opinions I otherwise respect:
"Max’s movie is at its best when the plot is de-emphasized and the focus is on the strong dialogue. The film is chock-full of hilarious quips that caused the audience to drown out the movie with their laughter. For example, during one scene in which Tucker and friends are driving, Tucker lets rip a fart and Drew remarks that it smells like Tucker “got buttfucked by a garbage compactor.” The best scene in the film is an interplay between Drew and stripper Lara (Marika Dominczyk), with each of them trying to one-up each other in a battle of insults. The second half of the film is more focused on physical comedy, which is where the narrative starts to come apart. In particular, the film’s re-creation of a particularly disgusting episode of “The Austin Road Trip” involving explosive diarrhea is unbelievably lame. Despite its flaws, the film is a fun and funny ride for both Tucker Max fans and newcomers, and is a faithful adaptation of the man’s work. ...
... Satan is in the details, though, and I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is considerably better than The Hangover in this regard. As I noted in my mini-review of The Hangover, the beta male character’s girlfriend is a complete and utter bitch who gleefully emasculates him and even cheats on him. In I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Kristy, while depicted as a bit of a killjoy, is an attractive and pleasant woman who is unfailingly loyal to Dan. The subplot of one of the main characters becoming romantically involved with a single mom stripper is reused, but instead of the beta male, it’s the omega Drew who becomes smitten with Lara after bonding with her during a game of Halo 3. Finally, while most sex comedies featuring alpha male player characters have said characters recanting their womanizing ways to settle down with a girl who is immune to their charms (The Pick-up Artist, Hitch, Sex Drive), it is revealed at the end that Tucker’s epic apology to Dan was based on a lie, meaning he’ll continue to be an asshole.
In this, Tucker Max’s movie, despite being a bit far-fetched, is both more honest and more pro-masculine than The Hangover, or any other entry in the sex comedy genre as of late. For more evidence of this, note the hollering hordes of feminists and manginas who came out to protest Max during the film’s premiere tour this past summer ...
... virtually every expression of masculinity has been crushed by the modern culture. One of the few that is acceptable is the amoral jackassery represented by Tucker Max. It’s unfortunate that a creature such as him is the most visible face of American manhood, but as one of the few positive icons for men today, his presence is necessary. Women wondering why young men look to him and others like him as role models will find their answers by looking in the mirror."
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2009/09/28/a-tale-told-by-an-a-hole-full-of-crudeness-and-vulgarity-signifying-something-a-review-of-i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell/
Still not something I'm going to pay money for. But it's odd the places people can find meaning.
FUCK YES! I've INTERNET ORGASMED .. after reading the IHSTSB board and this comment section and the untrollable blog for week.
INTERNET DRAMA ORGASM!
INTERNET DRAMA ORGASM!
INTERNET DRAMA MOTHERFUCKING ORGASM!
wha'ts the untrollable blog?
tuckermaxlies.blogspot.com
"Do you think I like it that the PR team Darko hired didn't do ANY work, and I had to hire my own PR company?"
Wow. He's imploding. Good luck trying to make those "sequels" whose going to work with you to do that?
Since you're throwing this small studio under the bus and blaming them now.
Tucker grew up in Lexington KY. Attended elementary school, jr. high, and the first 3 years of high school there.
In 7th grade he drew swastikas on his hands in a attempt to piss off his social studies teacher (Mr. Esrael, who, as it turned out, wasn't even jewish) This was followed
by his reading "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" and declaring that, despite what we might think based on his skin tone and blond hair, really, he's black.
Then he flunked out his junior year (in addition to a scandal involving cheating on the AP U.S. History Test) and ended up at a boarding school on his daddy’s dime, repeating that year and hiding his failure well enough to get into UC.
His psychotically delusional narcissism is DECADES old.
For a long time we waited for the 25th of September. To see the combustion take place.
I think my next goal will be with the Razzies are announced. Monday, February 1, 2010. If this movie is up for Worst Picture, Worst Screenplay, then there's no way Tucker can avoid finally accepting that the failure was HIS and HIS ALONE.
Of course who are we kidding. Tucker's already throwing Darko and Freestyle under the bus. Nils, if I were you I'd start preparing because pretty soon you'll wonder what the long metal thing protruding out of your back is....
slow board
Show's over folks. Time to go home. Nothing left to see here except a long dark tea-time of the soul.
Ha, fat virgin on 9/1/08:
"Tucker, I'm going to be honest with you, I don't see this film being a huge financial success. "
Later in the post: "My Prediction: $15.5 Million"
HAHAHAHA. So 15+ mil isn't a success. I wonder what he thinks now?
Tucker, 9/1/08:
"We can go either way with our movie, and though it is still to be determined, I am betting we'll go with a major distributor, like Fox Searchlight or Lionsgate, for example. "
geigs predicted $150m.
why does no one else hate gris like i hate gris?
it's always geigs this, tando that
i HATE gris
geigs has been a douche since day one... but he's also the most retarded person on the board, so to be expected
i happen to like tando
but gris, grrrrrrr
him and ... hmm, capt capital i think he sucks too
i can't remember but come on, spread the hatred around
I don't know any of the stupid board politics bullshit, but a few days ago someone here reported that geigs was begging people to skew the RT community rankings because "he wasn't going to let the haterz win" or something. I've been shitting on him since.
You know, the really crazy part about all of this is that Tucker isn't even the coolest one of his friends. I wonder if the coolest one of his friends could have kept from losing 12 million dollars?
I have always hated just about every single poster on RMMB. Self-important pretentious foul-mouthed ignorant posers one and all. And there's nothing surprising about that; these were all people attracted to the biggest self-important pretentious foul-mouthed ignorant poser of all.
That mostly includes the people who came here and talk about how RMMB used to be cool. So, I hate you too. You personally. Yes, you. Stop trying to pretend otherwise. I hate you, Anonydouce. Hate hate hate. Tucker's downfall is yours by proxy. You hate him because he didn't live up to his hype, I hate him and you because even trying to live up to that is soulless and evil and wrong.
I understand entirely that Tucker hates his fans. RMMB posters, pro or con, are or were pretty much all fans. He's right to hate. I hate too.
THIS JUST IN!
TUCKER HAS PURCHASED HIS FIRT PRIVATE PLANE WITH HIS F U MONEY!!
I found the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzVz3yyNoI
"I have always hated just about every single poster on RMMB."
I hate all that aren't secret trolls. TDG on the other hand, baller. And Biscuits, a special kind of genius.
But the rest of them, including those that came crawling here when they finally, after years of being lied to consistently, realized what fools they've been- they all suck.
Well, how about the ones who were Tucker board regulars, left years before this place even came into existence, and are only posting here because they are excited others saw the light?
Don't generalize, young haters, if you don't know the entire story. I know of myself and at least 3 other people here who were very active on the board not because we were Tucker fans, but because we liked one another. We left between 05-06 and definitely were all gone by the movie stuff in 08.
So, please don't talk about stuff you don't fully understand. None of my group, now or ever, hate Tucker for anything in particular. We're just glad his bullshit is brought to the surface.
If you'd like, we could leave, but your little comments section would be a lot less entertaining if we did.
- old board guy
TDG has over 1500 rep points on RMMB and hasn't been caught.
I came for the hate, I stayed for the pie.
I fucked that pie and I didn't use a condom.
Hate is evil and wrong. Haters are bad people, and everyone should hate them.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=850832#post850832
Some real gems from Tucker's response on this page.
"...we got the finance deal of the century..."
"...we are being mentioned as potential Oscar nominees..."
"...we not only got distribution, we got an AMAZING deal..."
"That to me is going to be the funniest part of all of this: Watching the haterz try to explain away the huge success of the movie. Because make no mistake, that success is coming..."
"...the slight overpromising that started by accident has continued on purpose..."
"The movie is done, it's going to be in theaters all over the country on September 25th..."
"They have put all of their sense of self into me failing--I don't know what they're going to do when the movie is a massive success, but I really can't wait to see it."
Give me a freakin' break. The man prides himself on stomping people into oblivion and now we're supposed to empathize with him?
Tucker Max always has to be right. Even in his hissy fit last night, he still is trying to prove that he's right and that other people are the ones holding him back:
"Well, I'M not the one calling the shots. If we had more money, we'd be good. So many people messed up... but not ME!"
Dude, it's not like you said reasonable things and didn't deliver on the iPhone app and that's it. No one would care then. Promise the world and you'll be held to that standard.
I have no sympathy for this man. None. He would shit on everyone if this movie did well. He would be laughing in our faces because that's what this petty, small, insecure man really gets his kicks out of. Destroying and one upping others.
The movie's numbers are a joke. If he can't take it, fuck him.
http://www.bitchmagazine.org/post/douchebag-decree-marketing-tucker-max
why are women publishing and promoting tucker max?
Despite the fact that teenagers nationwide are going to hear gem pick-up lines like "get away from me or I'm going to carve another fuck hole in your torso", what truly crowns this film as an epic fail is its apologetic attempt to masquerade gratuity as an Apatovian bromance. --http://www.thelmagazine.com/newyork/we-hope-you-can-still-get-alcohol-poisoning-in-hell/Content?oid=1291260
Ms. Painton—do you find that entertaining? Is it good literature? Do you consider demeaning stories about having sex with midgets good literature? Do you consider it good business to make fun of Asians, overweight women, and minorities so as to bolster your bottom line?
What is driving you to publish Assholes Finish First? What are your motivations? Money? America does not want Tucker Max, as demonstrated this past weekend at the boxoffice. Do you find these signs to be entertaining/a good CBS investment?
"If you'd like, we could leave, but your little comments section would be a lot less entertaining if we did."
Maybe you're right. Sorry for generalizing. But you have to admit, the vast majority of RMMBers are idiotic dudes who would toss Tucker's salad if they thought it would help him out.
Do you think he'll ever acknowledge that the movie bombed because it sucked? He probably can't do that now because it's still playing, but someday?
Anyone want to guess what the PTA will fall to now that they've "expanded" to 300 theatres with the last of their money? $1200? $900?
Nils, do you still think rape is funny?
"That to me is going to be the funniest part of all of this: Watching the haterz try to explain away the huge success of the movie. Because make no mistake, that success is coming..."
MAKE NO MISTAKE
"That to me is going to be the funniest part of all of this: Watching the haterz try to explain away the huge success of the movie. Because make no mistake, that success is coming..."
MAKE NO MISTAKE
The distribution is definitely weighted towards the south. I guess they surveyed the "Beer in Hell" test screen population, and noticed a geographical or psychographic presence. I could be the latter, as I recognize a few of the northern venues (upstate NY and Danvers, MA & Revere, MA) as being distinctly "yankee redneck".
Tucker's caustic intolerance would probably strike a chord with the redneck crowd, though a road trip featuring privileged, rich lawyers-in-training would likely turn them off.
AGAIN...
"That to me is going to be the funniest part of all of this: Watching the haterz try to explain away the huge success of the movie. Because make no mistake, that success is coming..."
Could Tucker's former fans who have defected to this board explain something to me?
Ever since I found out about Tucker Max a few years ago, I've been confused about the way his more rabid followers will viciously defend any criticisms of their golden boy (this defense usually consists of something along the lines of "You just hate him because he wouldn't f*** your girlfriend!"). I'm not accusing any of you of resorting to such nonsense, but maybe spending time amongst the masses has enabled you to shed some light on the matter. I doubt that Tucker's interest in them goes far beyond letting them stroke his ego and buy his merchandise, but some of them seem almost willing to resort to violence to defend him. It sort of scares me.
So what is it with the rabid fanboys? Just what is their malfunction?
I can't speak for who wrote those first posts but I left tmmb bc of those kinds of people. Tucker likes being defended so that's who he allowed to take over. Tucker was never mean to me. I was mocked a handful of times by new mods post book and I peaced out. They were just hangers on; in my opinion. Just wanted to say they knew someone worotabook . Sorry damn bb storm is a pos.
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