The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 10801 – 11000 of 15918 Newer› Newest»That protester is Mark Ebner, of the Rudius Media empire. I think it's a gag.
Is it really?
Hey Ebner, you suck.
Nah, that's funny, actually.
Ebner stole my line?
I guess I'll have to write a lame article decrying John Travolta right after his kid dies to get even.
-TDG
Let's recap:
a) Tucker hired his friend Mark Ebner to protest his own movie?
b) Ebner wore a sign that featured a slogan that was created on this blog?
Good thing they don't pay attention to the haterz.
http://www.youtube.com/user/beerinhell#play/uploads/0/qSCb3zt_n0s
And that's why it's funny!
a) Tucker hired his friend Mark Ebner to protest his own movie?
b) Ebner wore a sign that featured a slogan that was created on this blog?
Maybe Tucker does have a decent sense of humor.
Tomorrow's the big day.
Expect the excuses to start any minute now. First one will be "well but most people will wait till the weekend to see it, that's when people go to movies anyway"
Rottentomatoes has it at 25%
THIS IS UNACCEPTABLY HIGH
The problem: I do want to finally see Tucker's trainwreck, but I don't want to help its box office numbers, nor do I want to help promote "rape culture" with my hard earned money.
The solution: Buy a ticket for The Hangover and just sneak into Tucker's movie.
This way I can sleep at night!
Not to mention, I won't have to go through the abject embarrassment of uttering "one for I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell"
Just thinking about that gives me the chills
"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLY HIGH"
I know, it can't possibly be better than all about steve with 7%, or Epic movie with 4%...
I'm totally going to have Tucker Max buy me a drink.
I wonder if I should wear my "I Fucked Tucker Max" shirt?
http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2009/09/is_tucker_max_the_next_tyler_p.html
It's D-Day Fail-Hour -40 here and I cannot wait for the descriptions of this awfulness. This barbarian's savagery has indeed transcended oceans and continents, and stands as black, black infamy upon the pyre of our once proud cultures and civilisations. Truly, such a fate as awaits this cur has rarely been so deserved, and at last will this oafish boor be forced to toil from 9-5, like the rest of us, to graft a meagre living with which to stuff his grease stained chops.
I hereby nickname the above poster:
The Conan Guy
-TDG
http://chicago.metromix.com/movies/movie_review/movie-review-i-hope/1485947/content
Zero stars (out of 4)
Michael Phillips
Chicago Tribune Critic
Good thing the Chicago market isn't dependent on the movie going wide.
Oh wait...
^^^
Zero out of four. Inside fastball.
^^^^^
That should have read:
"good thing the movie isn't dependent on the Chicago market"
...but I'm not a good writer and shit, like Tucker
I'm trying to figure out what's going on with the "top" critics at name places, like EW, Variety that they are rating this movie good.
Every other reviewer has said it's terrible. Did Tucker pull some Amazon BS on the side?
It's trending low, but it should be even lower. 27% isn't low enough in my book. It should be sub 10%.
Wow- if this is true, they are really desperate:
http://tinyurl.com/y8lph6z
"along with serving beer, I hope they show “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” in hell."
This is about to become my sig on TMMB.
LA Times gave it a good review:
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-capsules25-2009sep25,0,840610.story
nils' wife?
Possibly the funniest, and most pathetic, thing yet i have been sent. It's resorted to family members begging friends and family on facebook to, and i cant make this up, "PLEASE help us buying tickets, even if you don't go." Wow, what a cluster$#@ of epic proportions. Does Mrs. Parker realize that Hollywood isn't the future city of residence they should be living in after this scarlet letter comes out.
As some of you may know, my husband Nils Parker, co-wrote/produced a movie Dr. Laura said was "proof that America, as a concept, no longer exists" I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL. The movie opens this Friday, September 25th in select cities and scheduled for wide release the next weekend. The link below is the list of the cities where it's opening this weekend and links to buy advanced tickets. Even if this isn't for you (and it's certainly not for everyone) PLEASE help us by buying tickets, even if you don't go see it. And if it doesn't open in your city opening weekend and you're feeling charitable, you can still buy tickets online and we'll be ever so thankful. Thank you all for supporting us!!
In a world in which The Hangover exists, there's no purpose to this movie whatsoever.
I just laughed, out loud, at that. I have to give Tugger credit for being such a fountain of humor, though not in the way he intended.
NYTimes, Hollywood Reporter, and USA Today all gave bad reviews. There goes Tucker's "Top Critics" streak. 3/6 now it seems. That would be "mediocre" for now.
NYTimes, Hollywood Reporter, and USA Today all gave bad reviews. There goes Tucker's "Top Critics" streak. 3/6 now it seems. That would be "mediocre" for now.
SF Chronicle killed it too.
Variety doesn't count--wasn't a review.
EW is a joke.
everyone is killing it and calling out the highjinx.
mccoymountain,
I want to say that I think you're a douchebag in your own right. However, I'd like to also say that your work on the IMDB board is AWESOME. You literally have every single Tucker fanboi pulling their hair out in their hatred of you.
This leaves guys like PMC and others to write about the movie with little to no interference from Tucker's fanbois, because you've made yourself a target. It's the ultimate team play and I have to give you props for that.
I don't agree with your methods, but I can't argue with your results.
-TDG
Ultimate team play. Never thought of it like that. Go mccoy, I guess!
"I want to say that I think you're a douchebag in your own right. However, I'd like to also say that your work on the IMDB board is AWESOME. You literally have every single Tucker fanboi pulling their hair out in their hatred of you."
When Richard Kelly falls asleep after banging his girlfriend/boyfriend/whoever, and tucker falls asleep after banging some college slut-whore, and nils rolls off of the orca he married, they all share this in common--they think to themselves, "mccoy mountain."
Here's a scathing review from The Hollywood Reporter:
http://www.reuters.com/article/reviewsNews/idUSTRE58O0PC20090925
"Beer in Hell" a torment of unfunny antics
Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:58pm EDT
If for no other reason, "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," based on Tucker Max's blog and best-selling memoir, achieves a certain cinematic distinction by outdoing "Dumb and Dumber" in sheer grossness and detail with its depiction of the unfortunate effects of explosive diarrhea. Whether that will be enough to entice moviegoers in sufficient numbers is another question.
An accurately self-described "asshole," Max also co-wrote the screenplay for this effort, which, like his literary output, makes little effort to depict him in any but the most unflattering light. The film opens Friday via Freestyle Releasing.
The story involves Tucker (Matt Czuchry) recruiting his best friends -- soon-to-be-married straight arrow Dan (Geoff Stults) and bitter, recently dumped Drew (Jesse Bradford) -- to a private bachelor party at an apparently freewheeling strip club several hundred miles away.
Things don't go quite as planned, of course, with Dan -- who has lied about his whereabouts to his trusting fiancee (Keri Lynn Pratt) -- winding up in a drunk tank after being beaten within an inch to his life, and Drew, whose hatred of the female species is constantly being expressed in the most explicit terms, becoming emotionally involved with a good-hearted stripper (Marika Dominczyk) and her young son.
Meanwhile, Tucker manages to fulfill his real aspirations for the road trip, which involve, among other things, a hoped-for sexual liaison with a dwarf.
Despite a long, rambling mea culpa in the form of a wedding toast that Tucker delivers near the film's end, the character is irredeemable. This wouldn't matter so much if he displayed an iota of rakish charm, but, as less than charismatically portrayed by clean-cut Czuchry, he's not someone who audience members are likely to embrace as an overgrown Ferris Bueller.
Crudely filmed by director Bob Gosse ("Niagara, Niagara"), the film is unfunny from first minute to last, and its half-hearted attempts at emotion merely underscore its general loathsomeness.
Other films that IHTSBIH shares ZERO stars with:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/movies/chi-090924-worst-movies-pictures,0,5273212.photogallery
These are the two BEST reviews of the movie by an ex-fan and a "hater".
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/148170163
If you watch The Office, you'd have seen that Ryan Howard was reading IHTSBIH in tonight's episode.
I know everyone's a millionaire on the internet and nobody has any reason to believe me, but I have heard BJ Novak (actor who plays Ryan) personally say that he tries to be the most insecure douche possible when he plays Ryan. Seems like he picked a good book.
It would be good publicity if it were more noticeable, but I don't think the lay viewer is going to pick anything up subliminally.
I just read on Wikipedia that Tugger is going to sue the Bostonist for libel for claiming he is a rapist. What's happening with that?
I think it's funny that he's the one pissed about how he's being portrayed when he's probably told hundreds of lies about himself and women in the b.s. stories on his website.
What a journey it's been... over six years in the making. From MTV show to opening day... here we are, my children. Here we are out in the open showing our insides to the world.
Share in our joy, buy a ticket, be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem. Open up your hearts, children. Open up your arms for a hug, your eyes to the film, and your mind to the idea of a revolution.
I love you, my children.
-Tucker Max.
A plethora of bad reviews, family members BEGGING people to buy tickets...jesus.
This is just as I had pictured it.
Tucker Max Fail.
New post from Biscuits:
"I'm posting this publicly only because I logged back in today to find a couple private IM's asking me about this weekend's box office, and it's easier to answer them all at once here. So I swear I'm not coming back to rub anybody's face in what's about to happen... but I do want to point out, on the eve of the opening, that this movie's fate was sealed the day of the initial exhibitor screening. When I HOPE TO SERVE BEER IN HELL failed to secure legitimate domestic distribution, this weekend's grosses became a fait accompli.
At this point, even a major victory -- say, 6K per screen for a total of 725K -- will still result in very long odds for this movie to ever reach my optimistic scenario of a 4-6 million domestic gross, simply because the level of saturation that it would need to make that achievable is almost entirely unrealistic now (unless the movie can somehow match that 6K per screen in its resulting second week expansion).
Again -- nobody's fault from a creative standpoint. And without having seen the movie, I still think in the longrun that the initial investment in the negative cost of the film can be profitable. But as far as domestic theatrical, as far as the investment of P&A into a DIY distributed movie with this narrow of a niche audience... absolutely foolish. The 4-6 million in P&A that was spent on this movie's theatrical release is 4-6 million that might as well have been tossed down the Grand Canyon.
The movie as a theatrical entity is dead, and that has nothing to do with the bad reviews, or the lack of serious mainstream attention for its release. The movie as a theatrical entity has been dead for six months. This weekend is just its funeral.
I will be attending, though, hopefully on Monday or Tuesday. I'm very curious at this point to see what the actual product we've been discussing really is or isn't (not that it matters from a financial standpoint, but I'm curious nonetheless). And congratulations to Tucker and Nils on making a movie that they are proud of and believe in -- for them, hope lives on for at least a few more days, because the MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING outlier is still technically feasible at this point... if completely statistically irrelevant.
Best of luck this weekend regardless the outcome."
yay biscuits
yay dumb wife
lady, it's your own stupid fault - ok, technically, your husband's, but nobody forced you to marry him - don't go around begging people to save you from the consequences of your own bad choices
Oh, and guys, we need to round up some folks for Rotten Tamotoes, the cronies are in full effect over there.
Fanboys rating it 100% with no reviews.
"The 4-6 million in P&A that was spent on this movie's theatrical release is 4-6 million that might as well have been tossed down the Grand Canyon."
ahahahahahahahaha
"Tugger is going to sue the Bostonist for libel for claiming he is a rapist. What's happening with that?"
He has no case I hate to tell him. Because they used langauge that said "seems like a rapist" or something along those lines in the original article.
And not only this, but later when interviewed and asked "What do your parents think of you?"
Tucker said, "They think I'm a rapist." - Any good lawyer is going to get a hold of that and say, "Look, my client was just reiterating what he said about himself."
End of case.
Can someone post the link to TMs board for Bisquits new post?
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=27937
"with this narrow of a niche audience"
Something the fanboys just don't get.
(Case in point: The very post right after Biscuits'.)
Beorn 24:
"Biscuits -- how likely do you think it is the movie accomplishes its goal of building momentum past opening weekend as opposed to fizzling out?
I ask this because, and this isn't an attack, your post felt like you were analyzing the movie as a statistic as opposed to a piece of art. But don't you think there is a point when the quality of the artistic product makes most statistics analyzing the art, which is organic, as if it belonged to a rigid group, moot?
I mean, matching the 6k the weekend after opening is at least part of the ultimate plan, hence the WOM marketing strategy. The goal for the producers has never seemed to be a killer opening weekend, but to get the movie in front of as many people as possible without sacrificing their artistic integrity. And the only way to do that was to create a remarkable movie that people talk about -- which is something your analyses don't seem to take into account."
"WOM marketing strategy?" People talk about movies' they've seen or they don't... they say nice things or bad things.... there is no strategy to control any of that.
I was going to get myself banned from RMMB to reply to this guy, but that would entail actually logging in for the first time in months. Typing in my username and password entailed too much effort to respond to someone who's drank the kool-aid.
I now understand why Tucker's so disappointed with his fan base. Not because they're all raging idiots, but that's there's just not enough raging idiots for Tucker to get rich. Viva la douche Tucker, viva la douche.
"Life is short and Tucker is obviously having fun. The only thing you folks do is try to make this a moral issue."
9/23/2009 2:52 PM
Why didn't you sign your name to this one TATguy?!
"your post felt like you were analyzing the movie as a statistic as opposed to a piece of art."
But even looking at this...the movie has been Panned. It's hated. It's not going to build some ridiculous My Big Fat Greek shit.
Even if biscuits was statistically wrong, the movie would not generate buzz because it sucks.
These SlumDog hopes are just completely unfounded. And it shocks me that the fanboys (and even Tucker himself) can't see that.
"The goal for the producers has never seemed to be a killer opening weekend"
Is this guy serious? Everyone associated with any movie has the goal of an opening killer weekend.
And the equation is about 50% P&A with sufficient screens, and 50% WOM from the Friday open.
If your movie is great, you will probably do 3+ times your opening weekend, if it isn't (GI Joe) you will do around 2 times or under your opening weekend with a mass P&A campaign.
Movies like SlumDog, My Big Fat Greek, Titanic, are complete exceptions to the rule. But they also had things like Danny Boyle, James Cameron, Leo, and were critically reviewed near perfect.
This movie is tracking 25% on RT. End of discussion.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
This is an IM I got on the RMMB
"Hey man, need to ask you a favor. We all need to register on this website called Rotten Tomatoes and give Tucker's movie a 10 rating. I'm not going to let these haterz beat us. I've already registered 4 times, but I could really use your help. Thanks in advance."
This came from Geigs. Because if they cheat and get a positive user rating on RT, then they can claim victory.
Losers.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yeah, I got pretty much the same IM yesterday from another mod on RMMB.
Beat "us"?
How exactly is he invested in this movie? What stake does he have in it? How is it a personal defeat for him if it goes badly.
Oh, right. It shows he's a credulous fool of a dumbass. Ok.
http://www.flickfilosopher.com/blog/2009/09/092509beer_in_hell_review.html
"Hey man, need to ask you a favor. We all need to register on this website called Rotten Tomatoes and give Tucker's movie a 10 rating. I'm not going to let these haterz beat us. I've already registered 4 times, but I could really use your help. Thanks in advance."
Knew it. There are a bunch of 100% reviews with little to no review at all. Just a rating.
We need to fight back. Let's pack up some guys and get to work.
http://www.avclub.com/articles/i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell,33304/?utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=feeds&utm_source=imdb
The Onion Review: FAIL
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/09/11/the-rapiest-quotes-from-i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell/
ahahahahahahaha
They shoulda gone with the "fuck" video as their trailer, it'd be a better reflection of the movie
you should all get down to rottentomatoes.com, register and give BIH a 10% score to neutralise all the fake reviews tugger, his fan bois, and his cock-sucking forum mods are giving.
only takes a minute.
geigs is a sheep shagging nonce, with any luck dingos will steal his babies if he ever tries to reproduce
You can get your RT score down to zero. First you put it in at 10%, then once it's registered with RT you can bring it down to 0%.
The New York Times critic (Stephen Holden) didn't post his negative review properly on rt. i feel let down.
5 for 22 on RT so far.
This is going to go below the Mendoza Line soon enough.
"The New York Times critic (Stephen Holden) didn't post his negative review properly on rt. i feel let down."
I noticed that on some of the top critic reviews they initially don't post their actual tomatoe rating, just the review. Happened with one of the positive critics from variety.
Eventually it will probably get counted.
The Deconstruction Guy said...
"I'm totally going to have Tucker Max buy me a drink.
I wonder if I should wear my "I Fucked Tucker Max" shirt?"
Definitely dude, definitely. And once you've finished the drink, tell him he's a lying douche, bid him goodbye, and walk off into the sunset.
"We need to fight back. Let's pack up some guys and get to work."
Dude, you guys sound like them. Who gives a shit? The community rating on RT is not going to sway anyone when there's a big fat 25% on the front page.
^^ right
Legal question for Tucker: Doesn't it make sense to file for bankruptcy now? Assuming that Assholes Finish First has even a slight chance of becoming a best seller, wouldn't you want to protect that property?
lol at Ryan Holiday trying to knock down Biscuits. Yet another sycophant who thinks he's accomplished something because he has a blog. While Biscuits, though anonymous, clearly knows his shit and has experience in the business.
There are still a couple questions I've never gotten an answer to:
1) WHAT was the "revolutionary" marketing plan? A blog and Twitter updates? Seriously, was there ANYTHING?
2) How come almost none of the stars promoted the movie? Were they just not given platforms, or are they all running away from this as fast as they can?
Also, if someone's so concerned about the RT community rating, register and post what geigs is sending out as your review.
"register and post what geigs is sending out as your review."
I did do that. I also posted it in the comments on 2 other critic reviews.
"1) WHAT was the "revolutionary" marketing plan? A blog and Twitter updates? Seriously, was there ANYTHING?"
You just couldn't see it cuz you're so fukken stupid you hater. Tucker doesn't have to waste time on the likes of you. He's an important star now, he's been in a major Hollywood movie, he's got an entourage, if you can't see that you're too dumb to waste time on. Banned.
So what did I miss?
Oh, the feeding frenzy on the IMDB board is fucking magnificent. Nice to watch Tucker fans get eviscerated.
I did not get an PM from any mod on RMMB to write on RT, although I don't doubt it happened. Even funnier is watching the mods flock to the thread on IMDB to say how it's a fabrication.
Tucker talking about reviewers missing "facts" might be the funniest thing he's ever written. What facts? Hey Tucker, you mean facts like NOT SELLING 1 MILLION BOOKS LIKE YOU FUCKING CLAIM IN EVERY FUCKING INTERVIEW YOU'VE GIVEN?
Oh, and Ryan Holliday trying to discredit Biscuits (who at least seems like he knows what he's talking about) might be the funniest thing to ever happen to the board. I love it when he says "you're wrong" and then doesn't explain why Biscuits wrong.
It's one big Confederacy of Douchebags. My prediction is that in 2-3 months that Tucker loses 1/3rd of his regular posters. They won't say anything, they just will discontinue posting on the board.
Nice job to everybody who has stuck around the last few months.
"lol at Ryan Holiday trying to knock down Biscuits. Yet another sycophant who thinks he's accomplished something because he has a blog. While Biscuits, though anonymous, clearly knows his shit and has experience in the business."
Ryan Holiday is a moron and a coward.
"Yeah, you're totally wrong and stuff. I don't have time or whatever to actually say what you're wrong about because I've gotta edit this Wikipedia entry and shit, but trust me, you'd totally get an intellectual beatdown if I wanted to give you one."
When Ryan Holiday says:
"There's no reason to have this conversation anymore anyway. It too late to change anything and too pointless to make predictions about numbers that will be here in 24-48 hours."
He means:
"I am a massive pussy and I'll never amount to anything."
The TMMB has become hilarious again:
"But it's interesting how this movie has been so polarizing that it distinguishes the relatively objective critics from those who clearly have agendas that run counter to my theatrical tastes. Now I know which critics I can count on for a decent review in the future."
Yeah, those reviewers totally have agendas. We have them on the Tucker Max is a Douchebag payroll. Cockly has been wiring funds into their accounts for YEARS in preparation for this moment.
Tucker's fans to the negative reviews: "THEY DIDN'T WATCH THE MOVIE PROBABLY. LOOK, THEY THE ACTOR'S NAME WRONG. NO WAY THEY WATCHED IT."
Now if they were positive reviews: "Well, a couple of facts were wrong, but he really got the point of the movie. Great review!"
They are hypocritical as all fucking hell.
I can already see how Tucker will spin this as a success. He has already said he has done something "remarkable" for having disparity in the reviews. Hey dumb shit, go look at other reviews ... it HAPPENS to most movies.
Does Tucker even know what "agenda" means?
Wow, for a really successful guy, Tucker Max is spending a ton of time posting on his message board.
It's his mccoymountain moment. He's cracking.
Posted by Bounty Hunter:
This is not really a review, its more of a question directed at Tucker.
I showed up at the LA premiere with a few friends, and what I have to say, I mean in the least hater sense possible, so don't anyone try to flame me or accuse me of such. I got respect for your book, what you do, and I even PM'ed you about how reading your material and blog have indirectly impacted me, wish i could bang hotter chicks, blah blah.
Did you feel it was necessary to show 30-40 minutes of previews of audience reactions, their post-movie thoughts, AND the footage of the protestors, and you yourself come out and proclaim the movie was awesome to us before it even started?
This confused me on three levels. One, you claim fresh eyes will love this film. The three friends I brought had never heard of you once, and I got them to go. They were pissed as shit that you painted an impression of yourself by broadcasting these haters, yourself, and of people giving their post-movie impressions before they had a chance to watch the thing, and judge for ourself, as you want. All that rape talk to the fresh eyes unbiased friends made them go "what the fuck? Start the fucking thing already? Is this guy a rapist? What kind of fucking shit have u taken us to?"
Two, you claim you don't like these haters, and you can't sweat them. Why for the love of God, did you decide to include them, and force us to watch them discuss rape, against our will, for 15 minutes AFTER the show was supposed to start at 7:00 p.m. ?
I love your work, and I am a guy, but I had no intention of attending the Q & A, an afterparty, or even taking a picture with you. Maybe it's my fault, but I would never attend an advance screening if there was a Q & A RIGHT after at the same place, and you can't just get up and leave because of all the cameras. I just wanted to watch the movie, leave, and go to a bar with my own friends and discuss the film over some drinks. Which is what I do at every film I go to. Pardon me, but i thought a film has previews of other films, or it just starts. It's not allowed to hype itself up, and it certainly doesn't give the appearance that the creators are confident about its quality. Otherwise they wouldn't even need to say that. Todd Philips or whoever didn't come out before the Hangover saying "everyone this movie is awesome". Because they don't at that point. Nobody does. I've been to advance screenings before too, they don't do this.
All me and my friends could talk about afterwards is how it was the first time in our life, we had gone to a film where it was hyped up BY the creator himself before we had a chance to watch it. That was completely fucking unnecessary, we bought tickets and showed up, did we not?
I hope this doesn't go down at your other premieres. It completely goes against what you say: let the art stand on its own speak for itself.
If you want to kick it with fans after, it should be at a place where people can go if they want to, and only AFTER the movie is over, not forced down their throats from the get-go. Not everyone who wants to see your film wants to kick it with you or ask you a question. I admire your work and the fact that hot chicks love you, but I would NEVER go up to you at a bar. I just don't care.
Again to people on this board who blindly support Tucker, don't cast me as a hater, I'm not. I'd like a response, directly from Tucker, not anyone else, as why he did what he did.
-----------------------------------
It's a legit question which will never be unanswered and basically the guy lost all his rep (awwww).
Chalk it up to the fanbois on TMMB to alienate another fan of Tucker's because they cannot deal with legit criticism on what seems to be one of the worst marketed films ever made.
^^^^^^^^
He put the question out there, which was a brave thing to do, and it was a perfectly legitimate question. Just another example of the childishness that is the TMMB.
So, I was trying to dig up a quote from tugger (more on that next comment) and I stumbled on this gem from August 2008:
[For comparison, my book just passed 400k copies sold. You can check it out on BookScan. And almost three years after its release, it's the highest it has ever been on the NY Times Best Seller List.]
I wonder what the fanboys will say now that the Top Critics score is trending towards the overall score. Spin away, idiots.
The AintitCool.com news interview with Fail & Fat is an exercise in unilateral hilarity. Tucker doesn't know even the bare essentials of film cannon or filmmaking; and for a guy who has allegedly seen "5000-10,000 films" (quite the disparity between five and ten, no?) Nils understanding of film seems relegated to pretty conventional comedies.
Remember when tucker was talking shit about the hangover? "Anything the hangover can do, we can beat easily", "if people compare us, it won't be good for them", etc?
So... how do the Hangover and IHTSBIH compare?
The movie plays out like a watered-down and far less comical version of The Hangover, without the likable characters and the crazy fun.
---
In a world in which The Hangover exists, there's no purpose to this movie whatsoever.
You know... tugger's film is so lame and pedestrian that it doesn't matter if they're in Texas or North Carolina or New York. It doesn't matter if he shits or if he vomits. It's unbearable to watch, the dialogue is shit, and lighting and production are substandard.
Tugger thinks he's revolutionary because he was so heavily involved in it (script writer, producer, editor, lighting guy, fluffer, diy distribution etc). That's not revolutionary -- that's every low budget indie movie. The only thing revolutionary about it is if he turned down studio money to do it himself. And I doubt he was offered serious money for his script.
He was never offered money for the script, he was offered money for THE FRANCHISE. Frankly, if I were him I wouldn't take that offer either if it meant that I was cut off from my work once the check was mailed out.
However, since Tucker doesn't have an agent or manager, he had zero leverage, so the offer he got was final. I also doubt that he was offered anywhere close to 7 figures. But hey, he's a liar, so who cares what he says since it won't be the truth.
Nothing this guy says amounts to anything in my mind because he's been proven to lie and lie again in order to keep up his image. Fuck him. He might have gotten 30% of the film profits, but you know what 30% of 0 equals?
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
0 stars
A bachelor party goes awry. At the Empire 25 (1:45). R: Nudity, sex, language.
This desperate effort by professional frat boy Tucker Max may be the most dismal movie of the decade. But Max has made his name on outrage, so we should probably treat him like we would any tantrum-throwing child: by ignoring him.
Max has adapted his bed-notching memoirs into a "comedy" starring the appropriately unlikable Matt Czuchry. Basically, Czuchry's Tucker organizes a bachelor party that descends into drunken idiocy. So far, so "Hangover." But "Hell" has two distinguishing traits: a relentless, pathetically insecure misogyny, and a complete lack of competence.
To understate, the script is bitter and witless, the performances career-killing, the direction inept. You could get angry that a guy like this even got a chance. Or you could just forget about him, and move on to something worthwhile.
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/movies/2009/09/25/2009-09-25_short_movie_reviews_.html#ixzz0S9uvv49t
-----------------------------------
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Dude, he got fucking creamed on this review.
^^^
ouch.
Tucker is bad with numbers part 26:
Expected a $25 million opening weekend. I think the decimal was off by a couple places.
Why is it that the (bad) reviews are so much funnier than the trailers or the script?
Me: I can't wait to see this movie.
Friend: Dude, you won't believe it, it's fucking awesome.
Me: I know dude, it's fucking awesome. There's all this shit and shit and then Tucker says something shitty and cleans up shit.
Friend 2: Who's in it.
Me: Brah, you won't believe it. Traci Lords is in it and shit.
Friend: She plays a cougar.
Friend 2: Wow, that's a stretch. So does she get naked?
Me: Almost broseph, but then she takes a shit.
Friend 2: Wait, what?
Me and Friend: Traci Lords takes a shit! It's awesome!!!
Friend 2: So wait, I have to not only watch Traci Lords attempt to act, but she doesn't get naked and takes a dump?
Me: FUCK YEAH BRO!!! It's Tucker Max awesome.
Friend 2: Yeah... I think I'm just going to drink in a bar and try and hook up with a girl.
Me: Whatever, fag.
"Nice job to everybody who has stuck around the last few months."
Even me, Trollguy #347?
Yay! I'm validated and loved!
"Even me, Trollguy #347?"
Yes, even you 347, even you. i'd rep you, but thats for fags.
I'm on the RMMB and go by the name Smythe. I asked a question. Here is what I asked:
"Originally Posted by Smythe
You guys mentioned being at bars in Chicago opening weekend awhile ago in some thread or maybe blog and have not said anything since. Where is this going to be? And I'm guessing you guys aren't making it to the Press Sneak Peak on Thursday night?"
This was Tucker's response:
We have nothing else to do, we're just being lazy thats why we haven't posted it.
Are you fucking kidding me? Are you people such petulant children that you can't just fucking be patient and accept the info when it comes? What the fuck are you going to do with the info now that you can't do tomorrow or Friday????"
Fuck him, I'm done.
"The result just might be the most hypocritical feature in the history of film as well as the history of hypocrisy, and along with serving beer, I hope they show “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” in hell."
ahahahahahaahah - Chicago Tribune right in his launch sector.
That is just merciless.
"Why is it that the (bad) reviews are so much funnier than the trailers or the script?"
I agree. The reviews have some hilarious one liners. It's like the reviewers are trying to top each other for best, most original insult of this movie.
I have a proposal for everyone here. The movie opens today. Love it or hate it, I think we should all at least go see it.
We owe Tucker and Nils at least that much. I'm heading out in few hours with three other friends to check it out.
What do you guys say?
I have a proposal for everyone here. The movie opens today. Love it or hate it, I think we should all at least go see it.
We owe Tucker and Nils at least that much. I'm heading out in few hours with three other friends to check it out.
What do you guys say?
What do I say? I say this is funnier than anything Tucker Max has written in YEARS.
I don't care what anyone else thinks. Todd Philips, the director of The Hangover, has got to be sweating bullets somewhere right now. If Max's movie catches on like Big Fat Greek Wedding or Titanic it could give Hangover a run for its money. People keep discounting this thing like its dead in the water. That's what they said about Rocky too. Can't wait to see the look on peoples faces when this thing hits 2000 screens in three weeks.
"We owe Tucker and Nils at least that much."
No.
No, we really don't.
I have so much better uses for that time.
"Can't wait to see the look on peoples faces when this thing hits 2000 screens in three weeks."
Your sarcasm-fu is weak, old hater.
I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness at how awfully this is going. I mean, it's not just Tucker's career that is ruined. I hope it means I'm a good person and not just a dupe.
It's over.
Went to Union Square theater in NYC this evening to see the new Bruce Willis movie (not bad). Went out to take a piss and walked by the theater/closet where they're showing IHTSBIH. For the 7:40 showing there were a total of 6 people in the theater.
All guys btw.
From a poster at RMMB:
"Just got back from a 7:10 showing. Got there an hour ahead of time because I was semi-worried it would be sold out if I waited any longer. Ended up being like less than 20 in the theatre. Relatively poor showing, but it's UF, people here are fucking idiots anyway."
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21503&page=17
"It's over.
Went to Union Square theater in NYC this evening to see the new Bruce Willis movie (not bad). Went out to take a piss and walked by the theater/closet where they're showing IHTSBIH. For the 7:40 showing there were a total of 6 people in the theater.
All guys btw."
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
That $60 average per theater is going to justify expansion! What do you mean over! It's just begun son!
HAHA! 20 ppl at a UF show opening night? 6 ppl for an NYC show? This is too fun to watch.
Evidentally it is stinking it up in Boston, which is a big college town. Out of 500 availalbe seats, only 174 seats sold.
It's unfortunate he won't be making the top 100 list on RT for the decade with worst film.
That's reserved for the 7% and below club.
It looks like White Out and All About Steve may get Razzie honors this year. I wish it was taking a Razzie, but I think it might get blocked.
it's still possible that word of mouth makes this movie popular. isn't it? if those who saw it today tell their friends..
"it's still possible that word of mouth makes this movie popular. isn't it? if those who saw it today tell their friends.."
I think this crowd IS the word of mouth crowd from the bus tour.
Yes, technically it's possible. But I would not take that bet.
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
Sorry man. When I posted the top commentt on this page I didn't know someone had already gotten to #11400.
Smythe, you were quite the fanboy before switching. Interesting.
IDIOT FILMMAKERS INTENTIONALLY SCREEN MOVIE FOR FREE TO THEIR ENTIRE POTENTIAL TARGET AUDIENCE BEFORE THE FILM'S PREMIERE
(PRent/091809/wide-US) In what some Hollywood insiders are calling the 'worst case of movie marketing since MonkeyBone,' gonzo 'fratire' author Tucker Max has completly thrown himself and his film under the bus.
(click for full story)
"I think this crowd IS the word of mouth crowd from the bus tour."
Right. But shouldn't the amount of people who have heard about the movie - from their friends - increase each time the movie is being shown?
That is, tomorrow's crowd should be larger than today's. And the crowd on sunday should be a bit larger than the crowd on saturday. And so on.
But yeah, it's getting a bit harder to be a fanboy, no doubt about that..
Fake mccoy, I'm a fan of your work. Pretty funny.
Facebook: VERY first showing in Crystal Lake, IL. Only 5 people there?
How do the fanboys feel about being lied to? I mean, Tucker has known for a long time that the movie was going to bomb (at least since Biscuits pointed it out to you).
Word on the street is that Ryan Holiday was fired from Rudius Media an hour ago. Tando quit yesterday.
^While I severely doubt the veracity of the above post, if true, it could lead to some funny stories.
"Facebook: VERY first showing in Crystal Lake, IL. Only 5 people there?"
Yes. but those five people will tell their friends. Tomorrow, there will be seven people. Or maybe eight?
http://www.brianorndorf.com/2009/09/film-review-i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell.html
“I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” based on a book by author Tucker Max, spent a few weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List. Forgive the disrespect, but who in the heck is Tucker Max? Clearly the man has some sort of following, necessitating a feature film version of his successful novel (though let’s be fair here, both Artie Lange and Tori Spelling also scored time on the Bestseller List). After seeing the picture, perhaps it’s best to keep a safe distance from Max, since he comes across as a truly nauseating human being. Who knows how the man conducts himself in civilian life, but as a force of entertainment nature, he’s the worst thing to happen to cinema in a very long time.
Tucker Max (Matt Czuchry, in a career-killing performance) is a hateful soul who occupies his time chasing women and indulging his insatiable thirst for cruelty, basting in the juices of misogyny and spite. Watching pal Dan (Geoff Stults) get ready to walk down the aisle, Tucker arranges for a bachelor party night at a special strip club located hundreds of miles away. Recruiting Drew (Jesse Bradford), still reeling from a harsh break-up, the trio head to Lucite heel nirvana, where they encounter and humiliate a series of friendly women on their way to total inebriation, save for a special stripper (Marika Dominczyk), who charms the boys with her ability to speak fluent Nintendo while showcasing aggressive verbal one-upmanship. It’s all well and good for Tucker and guys, but when they head their separate ways, the night takes a drastic turn, forcing the cavemen to confront their vile manners.
I’ll cut to the chase: “Beer in Hell” is trash. It’s a garbage display of filmmaking cheering on a noxious premise that essentially encourages the viewer to celebrate hate. Max’s prose is allegedly intended as satiric, acting as the antidote to the chick-lit shenanigans that are just as ruthlessly shallow, but never come across this infuriated with the opposite sex. Adapting his book for the big screen, Max maintains a certain towel-snapping tone from frame one, using himself as the ringleader of rage, depicting Tucker as a rascally lout who can charm the pants off any woman around and talk his way out of all sorts of trouble. He’s a beer-swilling, bra-snapping Dorothy Parker, containing the expected repulsion to his personality by passing around heavy dollops of frat boy charm. Just don’t accept any open drinks from him and check his mouth carefully for sores.
Who is Tando? Got a source for the firing of Ryan Holiday? Sounds like BS -- aren't they friends or something?
Part II:
Though director Bob Gosse sees it differently, I couldn’t find a single redemptive quality about Tucker that would read as appealing. He’s an alien of lust and bile, and there’s nothing even remotely funny about his behavior. I realize I’m playing into Max’s publicity bear trap here by condemning the obvious, but I’ve never seen a film so openly loathe women, reducing them to date rape bookmarks and irrational complainers. The material is actually so delusional, Drew runs around describing how he’ll cut ladies up with a knife if they keep talking to him. And this is the comedy, folks. It’s a disgusting shovel of scorn that Gosse keeps slamming into the face of the audience, somehow under the belief that Max’s shtick is the birth of a new jock-lit posture that will snatch back the chalice of futility from the “Sex and the City” ghouls. And if someone calls Tucker on his venom? Oh, it’s all a joke. One big gag, and your panties are screwed on too tight if you don’t enjoy it. I heard Ted Bundy was similarly uproarious.
With muddy cinematography that makes the first DVD release of “Highlander” look like sterling 4K digital projection, a plot point that features Tucker on a furious quest to bed a little person, performances that aren’t shy to hit squealing notes of idiocy, and a finale that has Tucker literally (and graphically) defecating all over himself, it’s not hard to dismiss “Beer in Hell” as a complete waste of both time and filmmaking effort. The knife across the throat comes in the finale, where Max and Gosse, clearly under the influence of peyote, decide to make a sympathetic figure out of Tucker. The sad clown finds his horn has lost its honk while his friends go off to do that silly maturing nonsense. It’s madness. Pure madness. Surely this Max fellow is an Onion creation.
“I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” is an astoundingly crude and amateurish film, and no amount of supposed irreverence can mask the fact that the material is a pure, unfiltered hate crime, not a permissive, lampshade-wearing male bonding comedy. If anything positive can come from this film, it might be the mass acceptance of gay marriage across the land. After all, if Tucker Max symbolizes where heterosexuality is headed, perhaps the alternative is worth a shot.
F
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Word on the street? Is this an old Starsky & Hutch blog?
Anyway, I hope they serve douchenozzles in hell.
"Word on the street is that Ryan Holiday was fired from Rudius Media an hour ago. Tando quit yesterday."
I think TDG said it best when he said "hasn't Jon Tando outlived his uselessness?"
Decoy McCoy:
You have to admit, this place has way more activity than Tucker's own board.
I hope you guys are proud of yourselves making fun of a guy who is just trying to make a movie and share laughter. His movie employed over 100 people. People with families and kids. If sequels were to be made thousands of more people would benefit.
It just sucks that you idiots ruin everything good.
A wise man once said, "Fuck him if he can't take a joke."
I hope you guys are proud of yourselves making fun of a guy who is just trying to make a movie and share laughter. His movie employed over 100 people. People with families and kids. If sequels were to be made thousands of more people would benefit.
It just sucks that you idiots ruin everything good.
I thought Tucker was driven by art. Now you're saying it's all about stimulating the economy? Viacom Guy was right.... the fuckin' FED is behind Tucker.
Deconstructing an Idiot:
In this episode: I fuck shit up for America!!
"I hope you guys are proud of yourselves making fun of a guy who is just trying to make a movie and share laughter."
I am so proud that I totally fucked up Tucker's movie from the comment section of a message board that's over 11000 posts deep. I am so proud that I not only have that sort of power to destroy what Tucker has worked so extra hard on and basically staked his entire career over, but I have also pissed off his fanbois to the point that they make really dumb comments ALL THE TIME.
When this is over I will begin to deconstruct things like... health care and the banking crisis, because I now realize the power I have with my deconstructions.
"His movie employed over 100 people. People with families and kids."
Who were already paid and said "GOOD RIDDANCE TUCKER MAX."
Oh yeah, and cry me a fucking river. When those same 100 people asked Tucker if they could see the movie they were told "BLOW ME" by the same person who benevolently gave them work and led them out of poverty.
"If sequels were to be made thousands of more people would benefit."
True, but billions would benefit if the sequels weren't made. Not to mention all the babies who won't die of AIDS when Tucker refers to himself as "an artist".
"It just sucks that you idiots ruin everything good."
I know, it does suck. But it doesn't 21% on Rotten Tomatoes suck like somebody's movie.
-TDG
"Word on the street is that Ryan Holiday was fired from Rudius Media an hour ago. Tando quit yesterday."
Seriously?
"(Matt Czuchry, in a career-killing performance) "
I wonder how many times we're going to see this prediction. I admit some regret at the prospect, I sorta liked the guy on Gilmore Girls.
(YES I AM A STRAIGHT MALE WHO WATCHED GILMORE GIRLS. DON'T JUDGE ME)
" It’s a disgusting shovel of scorn that Gosse keeps slamming into the face of the audience, "
Yes, Bob. We, the long-time haters, know what you were dealing with in making this. Most other people won't. Some projects, it doesn't matter that you need the paycheck, you turn them down.
All in all that was an awesome review.
"It just sucks that you idiots ruin everything good."
Oh, yes, WE'RE the ones who ruined it. WE'RE the ones who wrote the script. WE'RE the ones who insisted on total creative control. WE'RE the ones who - yeah, that's not gonna fly.
hey. it's not over yet. let the word of mouth spread. that's why they started small, to give people time to talk about the movie. right?
give me some hope.
""It just sucks that you idiots ruin everything good."
I know, it does suck. But it doesn't 21% on Rotten Tomatoes suck like somebody's movie."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"When this is over I will begin to deconstruct things like... health care and the banking crisis, because I now realize the power I have with my deconstructions."
No need, it's too simple for you. The answer to both is that Obama is lying and both parties in Congress are totally corrupt and lining their pockets at our expense. Also, Viacom.
This right here...
This thing that we're all watching...
The total destruction of Tucker Max...
It's, like, poetry in motion.
Who knew that all that garbage would eventually produce something very close to art?
*wipes tear
"This right here...
This thing that we're all watching...
The total destruction of Tucker Max...
It's, like, poetry in motion.
Who knew that all that garbage would eventually produce something very close to art?
*wipes tear"
Bro, I know. Like this week I was generating a new strategy to help this little Haitian boy speak after attempts by my contemporaries have failed. I mean, this kid's speech was so horrible that people thought he was autistic, but I felt he was not and got him into some tests where it was found that I was correct so he wasn't put into a special school for autistic children and I am going to work with him 5 days a week for at least an hour a day as well as 3 days a week ON MY OWN TIME so he can speak normally and hopefully enjoy a happy childhood.
All that is meaningless because I feel in some small way that I have helped beat Tucker Max at his own game.
-TDG
Whatever, I just like to see the assholes fail. Hollywood has trained me to always expect a happy ending and finally I've got mine.
Tucker go boom!
Dude, I wasn't joking. I totally agree with your statement.
The only thing that can make this better is youtube footage of Tucker reading all the negative reviews and box office numbers. Oh, the look on his face must be so fucking priceless! Also audio of frantic, psychotically angry calls to Bunny. Oh! Oh! Oh! And the mental breakdown he will go through 3 weeks from now when his message board turns into a ghost town and he finally fades into obscurity forever and ever and ever. It's so...so...beautiful!
Jesus Christ! When I was a little girl, all I wanted was to see a unicorn. But this? This is better!
Tucker claims that he and Nils got a backend deal on the film that no other filmmaker has ever received.
I think Tucker is telling the truth when he says his backend got filled in a huge way on this one.
Love or hate Tucker, you have to admit his iPhone app was awesome!
You assholes keep forgetting that there are two days left in the weekend dicks!~
Love or hate Tucker, you have to admit his iPhone app was awesome!
Link?> What app???
^^^^^^^^^^
dude, I'm just being sarcastic. It's just another thing Tucker didn't deliver on.
So who will take the blame for this? Gosse? Nils? Freestyle? Darko? Bunny?
Who dropped the ball?
i think mccoy mountain will get the blame here.
if only it weren't for mccoy mountain... damn mountain..standing in the way of that private jet.
Have you seen/read END THE FED by Ron Paul? "Everyone must read this book--Congressmen and college students, Democrats and Republicans--all Americans."
--Vince Vaughn
Whn you think about it, Tucker Max was the Fed's ultimate creation--a soulless, debased douchebag:
"My name is Tucker Max, and I am an *beep*
Think about it--Tucker's motto @ http://tuckermax.com could be the Fed's motto:
"I get excessively drunk via inflating the currency at inappropriate times, disregard social norms (funding feminism/debauchery & debasement of the family/currency/culture/tucker max(educated at the Fed's University of Chicago's School of Economics (school of freakanomics) and Duke scholarship)), indulge every whim/war, ignore the consequences of my actions/bubbles/bailouts, fund idiots and posers and tucker-max-like CEOs, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable/luring them with fiat currency & a fiat-funded bus, and just generally act like a raging darko/douchebag/dickhead."
What do you think of Ron Paul's new book--End the Fed?
http://www.amazon.com/End-Fed-Ron-Paul/dp/0446549193/
Review for End The Fed
"Rarely has a single book not only challenged, but decisively changed my mind. "
--Arlo Guthrie
"Everyone must read this book--Congressmen and college students, Democrats and Republicans--all Americans."
--Vince Vaughn
Vince Vaughn is a far, far better actor/director/writer than Tucker Max, so it makes sense that Tucker and his jealous friends at the Fed detest Arlo Guthrie and Vince Vaughan as well as art, film, and literature.
The book has much better reviews and is far-higher ranked than Tucker's douchey books/film/trailer--Five solid stars!
Why do you donnie darko douchos/cbs haterz hate on art, the Constitution, morality, goodness, sound money, peace, prosperity, love, the family, kindness, and Ron Paul so much?
And like the Fed, tucker privatizes all the profits of his private jet while sharing all the risk with his volunteer employees, who work for free.
i went to max's grille in boca raton (tucker's dad's restaurant, and the guy who bought thousands of tuckers books from a specific store in ny so it would artificially seem like a best seller, then they sold them on amazon) and anyway, i went into max's grille and took a huge shit, didnt flush, and got some pee on the floor. i want to do something worse, but i figured not eating there and just taking a shit and peeing on the floor was good enough.
Haterz.... It's like the night before my birthday. Every new message you post builds me up with anticipation for opening my big gift. I don't know what it is but I've kinda known foe years that it would be special.
I love the posts tonight. You guys are great. Thanks for the laffs all summer.
To Tucker, grow the fuck up. You had an opportunity with your fans and you pissed it away long before the movie started. Just accept your life and quit trying to be someone you're not; ok? Take care of Bunny. Reward her loyalty with an actual relationship. Your disorders really do compliment one another.
The saddest part that might even make me shed a tear would be if they sat alone in those bars each night with no fans heading out. That is just heartbreaking.
Yay haterz. Boo fanbois.
TDG...I look forward to your worl on healthcare.
I'm the guy who said he felt a twinge of sadness at how badly this went for everyone involved with the movie. But I'm still enjoying all of you. I guess this really is the end.
So it ends...
Not with a bang but with a whimper. An insipid denouement to a comedy of errors. As a hater I wish I could garner more hate for this utter failure but honestly, I feel...indifferent. He's a sad little man who failed in a sad little way and suddenly I just realized that I stopped caring.
And so it ends like it began. In law school poor little Tuck was disrespected and treated like a joke (the kind that was...you know...on him). His immaturity and poor work ethic pissed away the advantage that privilege had bestowed upon him, and left him essentially blackballed from the profession, and while many of his classmates (including me) have graduated to positions of influence, leading interesting, fulfilling and often lucrative lives, poor little Tuck just had to settle for getting that chip permanently tattooed on his shoulder, along with the seared imprint on his middling brain of an imagined belief that all of us are so miserable because, unlike our hero, we just aren't capable of living life on our own terms.
Tucker, I imagine that you sit at some crappy bar in Chicago, eyes welling with tears of disappointment that you bravely hide from the sycophants engulfing you with affliction t-shirts. Perhaps you are nervously rubbing your fingers through your disappearing hairline, contemplating your impending bankruptcy and day of reckoning, or perhaps just how much longer you can convince naive, moderately attractive, emotionally damaged 19 year old girls to hop in the Chevy Malibu and back to the Days Inn to meet the jackhammer. Ah...living life on your own terms. Fade to gray.
~ FDG
Someone started a poll - which movie was better: Hangover or IHTSBIH
http://www.dipoll.com/index.php?poll_id=305
"His movie employed over 100 people."
The same 100 people he mocked without mercy later and trashed? Yeah, I don't feel bad about his failure...
what time do the daily box office numbers get released?
check out boxofficemojo.com i dont think friday is up yet, but as a comparison, the hangover made $40,000 on thursday (if im reading it correctly) :-)
Yeah $42,209 for hangover on thursday.
"what time do the daily box office numbers get released?"
the-numbers.com says early by 1:30 pm, official by 3:00 pm.
Of course, if the numbers are low, Tucker will say they're wrong, inaccurate, etc. But he's not going to release the real numbers.
there's still plenty of time for the twitter effect. watch and see how the movie rises from the ashes!
"Word on the street is that Ryan Holiday was fired from Rudius Media an hour ago. Tando quit yesterday."
^
need more info on this
Ryan hasn't been fired. That's a ridiculous rumor from the haters.
you do realize that NO MATTER WHAT THE NUMBERS ARE, they will be "better than Tucker had hoped for" and that "everything is exceeding our master plan" and Tucker "could not be happier" because this was one of the greatest "weekends of his life" as the rollout begins better than anyone would have thought.
8:07: of course. I stated earlier that tugger will spin it as a success no matter what.
Tucker will also let us know that IHTSBIH had "the highest per-screen grosses in history" for theaters that were showing... IHTSBIH.
Hey, a milestone is a milestone.
Again if this movie made 85k he will some how spin those numbers in a equation that will compare numbers from Star Wars, Juno, Titanic and Speed.
IHTSBIH is a winner regardless of the facts.
25 critics calling it crap, zero stars?
"How many other movies can pull that off? You know you're doing something right when that happens! (Tucker Max)"
Face it, Tucker has already made up his mind as to the outcome of the film. now all he has to do is backtrack the numbers and his theories into a paragraph or two that 18 y.o. kids named Kyle, Seth and Dylan can "understand."
Opening weekend was AMAZING and went beyond Tucker and Nils wildest expectations.
Thank God he hired protestors for the L.A. Premiere. Oh wait, not sure if that last part is public info.
He's going to claim that the numbers they got for a self-distributed movie are remarkable, and the fanboys (like the chubby virgin) are going to eat it up.
This is like 4chan. So many anonymous.
Because mccoy-mountain is your real name.
From varied reports it seems a lot of theaters were near empty, some were partially filled, but I haven't seen any say it was absolutely packed with no seating available.
I'm going with 2-3k average per theater. BO will then be 240-360k for this weekend. I don't see it ever averaging higher than that, and in all liklihood the per screen average will only get lower over time.
It's just an incredibly small market for them. a) it's a rated R movie, b) comedy c) target range 18-24 year old males d) not critically reviewed well which means most mainstream people won't see it.
How Tucker will explain away theaters that held 6 people, 13 people, 50 people on opening weekend?
"One of the mistakes we made on the bus tour was the fact that we filled the theater every night. why is this abad thing? People were laughing too loud and many times missing some of the jokes. The jokes are the gasoline that fuels the word-of-mouth initative. Also when there are too many people at a screening most of the audience assumes that the guy next to them will handle the word of mouth aspect so they forget to tell their friends because they figure it's already been handled, you know, by someone else. Well on opening night we found that smaller crowds are more effective.
Let me break down some numbers. If a theater that hold 250 people has 13 people on Friday night, that's actually a soldout house on Sunday. How so? If each of the 13 people tell 10 friends how awesome the movie is than we should see 130 at each Saturday screening, and when those 130 tell another 10 friends each, we will see 1300 people for the Sunday screening, and so on. The only danger here is getting shut down by the fire marshall due to crowding.
I told you guys this would be a revolutionary film that would change the Hollywood system and it will be. I have never lied to you guys once. I may have mislead you like when I hired Mark Ebner to pretend to be a protestor at the LA premiere, but that's besides the point. People don't protest someone unless they're famous and important.
To the haters that said this film was going straight to DVD. Looks like you were wrong. Again. Before it comes out on DVD we're going to spend five million dollars of our own money paying movie theaters to show the film - Just like any other major studio release, except in this case we keep the profits not them."
geigs is a serious member of the cult of personality over on the RMMB. He once wrote:
"Dude, take a look at your monitor. What website are you on? How many thousands of people post here/read this place? Do you really think that a couple of trolls posting shitty h8r comments is representative of the general public opinion?
Not to mention the fact that IHTSBIH, the book, has been on the NY times bestseller list for, oh, YEARS? And that Tucker has given sold out speeches at numerous college campuses?
Think carefully about the questions you are asking, the answers are self evident. Inferring that the general public hate Tucker is fucking retarded."
Good lord. I wonder if reality is finally sinking in. Probably not.
"Tucker will also let us know that IHTSBIH had "the highest per-screen grosses in history" for theaters that were showing... IHTSBIH."
I had to read that three times to get it.
"Let me break down some numbers. If a theater that hold 250 people has 13 people on Friday night, that's actually a soldout house on Sunday. How so? If each of the 13 people tell 10 friends how awesome the movie is than we should see 130 at each Saturday screening, and when those 130 tell another 10 friends each, we will see 1300 people for the Sunday screening, and so on. The only danger here is getting shut down by the fire marshall due to crowding."
Quoting this for the masterpiece of example Tuckerthink. This must not be lost to posterity.
"Good lord. I wonder if reality is finally sinking in. Probably not."
Give it a week.
"Let me break down some numbers. If a theater that hold 250 people has 13 people on Friday night, that's actually a soldout house on Sunday. How so? If each of the 13 people tell 10 friends how awesome the movie is than we should see 130 at each Saturday screening, and when those 130 tell another 10 friends each, we will see 1300 people for the Sunday screening, and so on. The only danger here is getting shut down by the fire marshall due to crowding."
Yeah, that's how all the f-ing movies do it.
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/?sortdate=2009-09-18&p=.htm
Cloudy with a chance of meatballs had awesome reviews and great WOM, and look it went from 2609 on Friday per theater to 2890.
That means we go from 130 bucks from 13 people to eleventy trillion on Sunday!
I hope that was some sarcasm, it seems like it.
Interesting how Richard Kelly has zero tweets about the movie.
Some of you are wondering who exactly is Mark Ebner, the Rudius employee that Tucker and Nils hired to stage a fake protest at the L.A. screening. He's a investigative reporter that lives in Los Angeles. He's also the author of a few cool books. Do a google search and you will see for yourself.
So how exactly did Ebner and Tucker cross paths? They met at the San Diego Zoo where Ebner was about to blow the lid off of a new scandal.
TUCKER: Excuse me, do you know which way to the Rhinos?
EBNER: Fuck the Rhinos buddy. If I were you I'd get out of here why I still had a chance.
TUCKER: Huh?
EBNER: Trust me, I'm Mark Ebner. I'm an investigative reporter who has broke the news on many of the dark secrets society doesn't want you to know about.
TUCKER: Like what?
EBNER: There's a serial killer in the Glendale, Burbank area of Los Angeles - but the police are turning a blind eye.
TUCKER: A serial Killer? Holy shit.
EBNER: Yeah. The bodies are stacking high. This twisted monster is burying them on a hillside and marking his victims graves with cryptic stone messages. I call him the Forest Lawn killer.
TUCKER: Are you talking about Forest Lawn Cemetery in Burbank?
EBNER: WHO SENT YOU?
TUCKER: No one, dude. Relax! I just think that maybe you have a few facts mixed up. Those people weren't killed by anyone. It's a cemetery. People are buried there on purpose.
EBNER: Fuck! I knew it. It was just too perfect.
TUCKER: Hey, the point is you tried, and that's all that mattered. My name's Tucker. Tucker Max.
EBNER: Is that a real name.. or are you like a professional figure skater or something?
TUCKER: That's my name.
Ebner looks Tucker up and down suspiciously.
EBNER: Can you keep a secret?
TUCKER: I never told anyone about Nils' Herpes or Bunny's suicide attempts, so yeah, I can keep a secret.
EBNER: I have a feeling something weird is going on at this place.
TUCKER: Here? Like what?
EBNER: I think.. I think they're holding animals.. against their will. Like fucking hostages!
TUCKER: um, it's a ZOO.
Ebner grabs tucker by the collar of his grey T-shirt!
EBNER: How do you know about the codename?
...
TO BE CONTINUED
so how much do you guys think it will bank for sep 25?
so how much do you guys think it will bank for sep 25?
$175,000 -- $200,000
weekend = $500,000
For Friday?
I see 666 - 1000 per theater, for a haul of 80,000 - 120,000 for Friday, September 25.
Friday's numbers? I got $63,750
Wow...and I thought I was being pessimistic.
i say $140 000
Yes, Fridays numbers.
Yes! I've been waiting for the conclusion to the "Tucker goes to the zoo" story. Welcome back, FTSG.
According to Klady's estimates the Friday number is coming in at 145-150ish. With the standard Satuday bump and Sunday slump for youth demo programmers it should end up somewhere between 370-450k for the weekend. Just for the sake of context and juxtaposition Coco Before Chanel is only 40k behind it on Friday with roughly 25% of the screens.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=27508&page=8
I love it. Board members from back in the day, 2004, 2005 before the book.
"Once I entered the theater for a late show, I put those expectations aside. This was its own work, and any relation to people, living or deceased, was merely coincidence and unintentional. So as I sat in a theater with a dozen or so people in it, I sat back and watched."
I think his post is actually a barb in Tuckers direction, though subtle.
"This is the most important part of the previous comment. You guys, they need to make money this weekend. 12 bodies in a theater is not going to cut it"
http://www.the-numbers.com/charts/today.php
The-numbers prelim just came in, but they didn't even include IHTSBIH.
Why does this blog exist?
Imagine you're a waitress struggling to make ends meet working a double shift to take care of your children when the door to your place of work opens and three drunk and loud pricks stumble in.
"8:49: We walk to a pasta bar for dinner. The waitress is immediately displeased by our behavior, "We usually don't get people as drunk as you coming in here." I decide her attitude needs an adjustment, "Do you know who these guys are? They routinely risk their lives so you are free to toss your fat ass around Lincoln Park like some haughty tramp, and you question them? Woman, get us some food and liquor, and be quick about it."
Imagine your an overweight woman having a tough day so you decide to stop at a McDonalds when the same three pricks walk in and stand behind you.
"8:58: We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than 5 seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?, MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALD'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S ALL MCSHIT! JUST ORDER!"
8:59: She quickly departs the restaurant. One might have described her departure as "fleeing in terror."
Now imagine you are workers at that same Mcdonalds. You are not people born into priviledge and your family doesn't have homes in Aspen and Boca, you are just people trying to work for a living.
"9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, "Give me all of that."
9:05: I am displeased with what I get. I try to send back certain items, like the apple pie. The 14 year-old Mexican boy working the Friday late shift doesn't understand. I get frustrated and just throw everything I don't like on the floor.
9:07: We decide to play Rich's favorite game: Window Pickle Races.
9:09: We have about 8 pickles on the window, each making ketchup and mustard streaked trips to the bottom. We argue about who owns each pickle. These become intense and profanity laced arguments. Military guys use very creative curse words. I didn't even know I had a "cock-holster" or a "man-pleaser."
9:14: The last people finally flee in terror. The restaurant is empty. We taunt them, and cheer as they leave. They, along with their small children, are all cowards.
9:15: The manager comes out and asks us to leave. Eddie is confused, "We can't get kicked out of McDonald's? This is like the DMZ of drunk eating. THIS IS WHY WE CAME HERE!"
9:16: The manager is a frail Mexican woman. She is scared of us. She goes behind the counter, then tells us to leave again. She waves the phone at us, threatening police intervention. We go."
Picking on women and teenagers. Making people feel uncomfortable in places they should feel safe?
And, this is just a few minutes in the life of this dickhead.
Anyone who supports or defends this guy needs to rethink their entire life.
That's why these blogs exist. Don't shed a tear for Tucker Max.
Re: the-numbers.com:
They also don't include The Collector (also FreeStyle) and was included on Thursday... looks like we'll have to wait a bit more to see how much of failure this was.
FLASHBACK - Before the downfall there was:
Making this movie was never the end goal for Nils or myself. Never. This movie is just a launching point for something much larger.
In addition to building a franchise off of this first film project, we have tons of ideas for Rudius media. Some are easy to envision (books, movies); others will take a lot more resources and be dependant upon certain benchmarks associated with domestic receipts and other factors that I will explain soon.
The business plan for Rudius is diverse to say the least and will surprise many people. Without giving away too many secrets I will list just a few of like 20 venutres we will be exploring.
Rudius Air: We are already in talks to purchase or lease two high-end private jets that will cater to specically to filmmakers. More on this later.
Crossbow and Rifle range: We have met with a few commercial realtors in Los Angeles to help us scout a location for an indoor firing range that isn't limited to handguns. There is a huge potential market for this in Southern California. People are just to lazy to do the research.
IHTSBIH Bar/Restaurant(s): Depsite the plethora of places to eat in Los Angeles, there are only a few places to go and actually drink (without being surrounded by cokehead actors in shiny shirts). The problem why so many bars fail in this town is because everyone overthinks the concept. Not us. Don't gte me wrong--There are HUGE obstacles for this; a liquor license being one as they are near impossible unless you stick to serving just beer and wine. We've run a broad concept past a few investors and got amazingly POSITIVE feedback. Again, this would be two years out at least, but two years is nothing in the timeline we have fashioned.
You state that the movie is destined to fail because you claim every ditributor in Hollywood passed on the movie, forcing Tucker to got the DIY route via Freestyle.
How do you know there weren't offers from majors? Maybe the team didn't like the terms outlined in those offers and decided to use Freestyle so that they can control both the creative side and the financial side.
Ever hear of a reverse rollout? What about films like My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
Let's examine it for a minute. Budget was $5,000,000 (estimated) Story was based around events leading up to a wedding. Opening Weekend $597,362 (USA) (21 April 2002) How many screens you say? 108 Screens.
108 screens. It played in theaters for one year. What was it's take you say? $241,438,208 domestic. (Psssst, that's a Worldwide tally of $368,744,044. and that's BEFORE DVD revenue)
Who distributed this film? Must be a HUGE well known company, RIGHT? How about IFC films. Yeah, I never heard of them either.
So how did this happen? Simple. Word of mouth. People responded to the story and the characters. They told there friends, who in turn told their friends.
Now imagine if some people were smart enough to take a film on the road, cross country, pre-threatrical release and whet the whisltes of a rabid fan base. Hmmmmm. Noboby is THAT smart.
Lesson to be learned? Tucker, Nils and Sean will be a very rich men this time next year. Now ask yourself this simple question. What will YOU be this time next year.
11:24 is a repost
but it's a good one
TUCKER, READ THIS!
http://twitter.com/TuckerMax/status/2733204001
Regarding your "art" you wrote the following:
"Ft. Hood screening going great, same as all the screenings. I cannot wait until September 25th. Private jet, here I come."
Good to see where your heart is at in this whole venture.
^^^ Thanks for the laugh! If anything, word of mouth will hurt the box office receipts for Tugger's movie. As far as I can tell, the only people who honestly like this movie are Tugger's fan boys. The big question now is whether this movie will even break $1 million at the box office.
Several of the reviews of Tugger's movie can now be found on Yahoo's movie page: http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810040809/critic
YARR YARR YARR
i m teh h8rz
i m teh h8 teh muvie
i laff n laff n laff at tucker 4 SUKKKIN
lolololololololollerz lol
also, lol
teh mvie BOMBED hahaha it SUKKED HAHAHA sukit tuker
11:54: Although your idiom is barbarous and unfamiliar to my ears, I believe I grasp the general direction of your argument, and feel I may safely speak for all present when I admit to sharing certain of your sentiments.
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