The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 8601 – 8800 of 15918 Newer› Newest»"And we know from people like Bill Gates and all those losers from silicon valley that they never get the high class chicks that try and get into minivans."
I found it funny.
How incredibly stupid of a woman do you have to be to go to this thing, see the movie, see Otto in person, and still want to screw him?
"And we know from people like Bill Gates and all those losers from silicon valley that they never get the high class chicks that try and get into minivans."
I found it funny."
Then we need to start a brand new "Gottfried Liebniz is a Douchebag" site. Because believe me, you let the guys that didn't drop econ because of the "tough math" have their way deconstructing our boy Gottfried --hilarity will ensue. The sketches of the Frauleins being pushed from Liebniz's coach onto the dirt road alone are hilarious.
"How incredibly stupid of a woman do you have to be to go to this thing, see the movie, see Otto in person, and still want to screw him?"
I you build it they will be dumb. Hos are all over.
Statistics show 30% of women will fuck on the first date, 80% of whom won't ask a guy to wear protection.
Couple that with many women being self-concious and wanted to validate themselves and a slight change at some sort of "popularity" by screwing a z-listers and viola.
Pauly Shore still gets chicks...and hot ones. He is broke and when is the last time you ever saw him?
"Statistics show 30% of women will fuck on the first date, 80% of whom won't ask a guy to wear protection.
Couple that with many women being self-concious and wanted to validate themselves and a slight change at some sort of "popularity" by screwing a z-listers and viola.
Pauly Shore still gets chicks...and hot ones. He is broke and when is the last time you ever saw him?"
OK, if you want any further evidence, one need only look at Jon Goesslin of Jon & Kate fame. I mean, here is a guy that literally has 8 kids under the ago of 10--can you imagine the child support and financial obligations this guy will be saddled with, who is somewhat famous for being brutally hen-pecked by his shrewish wife; and he is getting better quality ass than Tucker.
Google Pierre Woodman if you ever really want to be shocked.
Girls bang guys for the same reason guys bang girls. Really, its that simple. And like sales, it becomes a numbers game. Interact with enough girls on any given night and give some indication that you are looking for sex and you will eventually score
Women in general are easily manipulated hos, they melt for an alpha. Equal rights was the biggest con of all time
"How incredibly stupid of a woman do you have to be to go to this thing, see the movie, see Otto in person, and still want to screw him?"
It's not just women, anyone that associates with the lying douche-suck is either naive, inexperienced, ignorant, psychologically damaged, or combination of all four.
"Women in general are easily manipulated hos"
Otto, stop comparing all women to your mother, it's just not healthy!
"they melt for an alpha"
Second hand information there, evidently.
The Holocaust was the effort of Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party in Germany to exterminate the Jews and other people that they considered to be inferior. As a result about 12,000,000 people - about half of them Jews - were murdered. The murders were done by every means imaginable but most of the victims perished as a result of shooting, starvation, disease, and poison gas. Others were tortured to death or died in horrible medical experiments.
Hitler took power in Germany in 1933 and almost immediately began the chain of events that led to the Holocaust. This first phase was the persecution of Jews in Germany and the other countries invaded by Hitler. It lasted until 1941. During this period, while Hitler built his power, Jews were persecuted and brutalized but there was no organized effort to systematically murder them.
In late 1939 Hitler invaded Poland, beginning the Second World War. In mid-1941 Hitler invaded the Soviet Union. At about the same time - historians do not agree on exactly when - Hitler also decided that there should be a "Final Solution" to "the Jewish question."
The "Final Solution" was the murder of the Jews and was mainly carried out by a military group known as the SS and a security service known as the SD. The Gestapo was part of the SD. They arrested Jews and other victims, ran the concentration camps and organized the murder squads.
During the first part of this extermination 1,500,000 Jews and other people were murdered by military groups which rounded them up and shot them. Gradually the emphasis changed to concentration camps, where the prisoners were worked to death as slave laborers, and extermination camps, where they were murdered in the gas chambers. The most famous of these was Auschwitz, which was both a labor camp and an extermination camp. About 1,300,000 people perished at Auschwitz; approximately 1,000,000 of those died in the gas chambers.
The Nazis targeted many groups for persecution - among them Catholics, Poles, homosexuals, Jehovah's Witnesses, Communists - but only three groups were targeted for systematic extermination: Jews, the handicapped, and the Sinti and Roma (often known as Gypsies).
Sometime in 1944 it became obvious to most Nazi leaders (excepting Hitler) that they would soon be defeated and put on trial for what they had done. Several, including one of the worst of the criminals, Heinrich Himmler, tried to make deals with the Allies closing in on Nazi Germany. As a result the actual extermination stopped in November 1944, although thousands of people continued to die in the concentration camps. By that time most of the Jews who lived in Europe before the war, and millions of other innocent people, were dead. The war in Europe ended six months later, in May 1945.
One of the questions that we frequently hear is about how the United States reacted to the Holocaust. Our answer is not a happy one. During World War II the United States took virtually no action to impede the Holocaust or rescue the victims from the concentration camps even though both Great Britain and the United States knew about that genocide. Such proposals as bombing the rail system that brought victims to Auschwitz was rejected. The United States even refused to admit the few Jews who were able to escape Europe. One historian has labeled the failure of the United States to aid the Jews of Europe as the greatest single failure of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
There are many reasons why no attempt was made to aid the Jews of Europe. Part of the reason is anti-Semitism in the United States. Anti-semitism was much more prevalent than it is today. Congressman such as Senator Bilbo of Mississippi and bureaucrats such as Breckinridge Long who was in charge of refugees at the U.S. Department of State, did not help because they did not want to help. This anti-Semitism also impeded Jewish groups who were afraid of provoking their enemies if they protested too much.
Those who defend the failures of the United States think that there was little that really could be done. They point out that the real genocide did not begin until the United States was at war with Germany. Under those circumstances, they think that the best way to halt the Holocaust was to defeat Nazi Germany as quickly as possible.
"One of the questions that we frequently hear is about how the United States reacted to the Holocaust. Our answer is not a happy one."
Of course it was happy, the Jews are evil and I am not the only one that is glad they nearly got wiped out.
"During World War II the United States took virtually no action to impede the Holocaust or rescue the victims from the concentration camps even though both Great Britain and the United States knew about that genocide."
Atta Boy!!
"Such proposals as bombing the rail system that brought victims to Auschwitz was rejected. The United States even refused to admit the few Jews who were able to escape Europe."
Why waste precious bombs on saving Jews?
"One historian has labeled the failure of the United States to aid the Jews of Europe as the greatest single failure of Franklin Delano Roosevelt."
That historian is a pussy
"There are many reasons why no attempt was made to aid the Jews of Europe."
Because they were Jews?
"Part of the reason is anti-Semitism in the United States. Anti-semitism was much more prevalent than it is today."
I'm not Anti-Semitic, I hate everyone equally
"Congressman such as Senator Bilbo of Mississippi and bureaucrats such as Breckinridge Long who was in charge of refugees at the U.S. Department of State, did not help because they did not want to help."
Breckinridge Long is my hero
"This anti-Semitism also impeded Jewish groups who were afraid of provoking their enemies if they protested too much."
Just like a Jew to be scared, they were probably too busy counting their money
"Those who defend the failures of the United States think that there was little that really could be done."
Not only was there nothing that could be done, no one wanted to do anything about it. That's how we do!
"They point out that the real genocide did not begin until the United States was at war with Germany."
Thank god we went to war with Germany then!
"Under those circumstances, they think that the best way to halt the Holocaust was to defeat Nazi Germany as quickly as possible."
If only we hadn't defeated them
-TDG
No, PMC is not me and neither is the guy above.
Something I've always found interesting is how the Holocaust is taught as the pinnacle of evil but hardly anybody in the USA knows a thing about the Holodomor, which killed millions more than the Holocaust and was just as targeted and intentional. In fact the NYT received a Pulitzer Prize - which they still display in a place of honor - for a series of articles claiming the Holodomor wasn't even happening. Even the Russian Commies admit that's BS.
Why the difference? Well, that's simple. One killed blond-haired green-eyed middle-class whites. The other killed jews. Everybody knows which is more important.
YO, tando, brah. Do you honestly enjoy looking like a pedophile?
Or is it just a requirement for working (very occasionally!) for god awful games companies with the other losers?
It must really hinder your pederast proclivities.
Gee, Otto REALLY doesn't like it when his mother or his Speetht impediment are mentioned. What's the matter buckaroo? Did she not pay you enough attention as a child? Or maybe too much...
Now the RMMB thugs are trying to impersonate TDG and derail the thread, yet again.
This blog just keeps making these sudden right-angle turns into freakishly odd places. It's nearly as funny as watching Tucker crash and burn. I almost regret that both of them are going to have mostly run out of steam by the end of the year (at least I expect that Tucker will have, and this place won't retain attention without his antics to keep it going).
11:10#
yup its amusing to watch their pathologies driving them to pump out more and more bullshit as ottos 'art' goes progressively off the rails
http://www.movieweb.com/news/NEKcDSOSiSR9OR
"s far as Tucker Max is concerned, I received some pretty goofy emails from obvious sycophants that warned me, "Tucker Max is the devil!" I went to his offices to interview him and his screenwriting partner Nils Parker, half expecting some red demon to spring up from the floorboards. But that couldn't have been further from the case. Both guys are extremely cool and funny (guess that goes without saying). And you'll see their interview soon. It was fun meeting them and talking about the movie, and I wish them all the success in the world. I will be seeing the film in Knoxville soon. The trailer's great, and I'm sure I'll dig the film (as I stated in the past, I am a fan of the book). Though, if I don't like it, you may never hear from me again (just kidding)."
This guy is a fucking tool, and from the sound of it, almost as much of a douchebag as Tucker is.
"There is a significant possibility that there will be a significant # of new tickets available for the DC show in the week before that particular date."
It's like magic!
http://gawker.com/5337719/the-depraved-sadness-of-a-tucker-max-fan
gawker pwns tucker again for posting his own bs CL ads. only in tucker's delusional brain could this ever have been real.
Ahahahahaha,
There really is nothing this Fucktard wont write to make himself look good, including his own eulogy most likely.
:-P
***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
Healthcare and pharmaceutical giant Johnson & Johnson has announced a new extra-strength version of its Tucks Medicated Hemmorhoidal(TM) pads, to be released in Q4 of 2009.
Called the "Tucker Max(TM)," this product is designed to be used with only the most inflammed assholes. If rubbed around the anus every two hours, the Tucker Max(TM) promises to deal with all your asshole issues.
*CAUTION: Women who are or may be pregnant, or in possession of a vagina, should forgo handling of the Tucker Max(TM) pads. Touching the Tucker Max(TM) pads has been shown to increase incidence of mental retardation and physical abnormalities. Tucker Max(TM) pads should kept away from children at all times
^^^^^^^^^
Hey, wasn't that in the SWAG bag?
-TDG
http://charliehoehn.com/2009/08/14/the-portland-and-seattle-screenings/
"Bill Dawes, the comedian who’s on tour with us, was cracking me up. He was doing impromptu interviews with people before and after the screening in Seattle, and at one point we came across a crazy homeless man. Bill walked up to him and said, “Excuse me, sir. What did you think of the I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell movie?” The guy starts ranting nonsensically (about religion, I think) and we both quickly realize… he has an enormous stutter. He talked for about 30 seconds, never addressing that he hadn’t seen the movie, then paused. Dawes, with a completely straight-face: “So what would you say your favorite scene was?” This provoked a lengthy tirade about Vietnam."
Yeah, that's sooo funny.
Frank Dux is the Tucker Max of karate.
This is almost impossible to say, but NILS PARKER HAS ACTUALLY BECOME
A FAR BIGGER DOUCHEBAG THAN TUCKER. Wow. Congrats fat boy, trust me there is more dirt on you than Tucker.
http://nilsparkerisadouchebag.blogspot.com/
CHECK IT.
HEY GUYS IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT! I'm here in my mom's basement hating Tucker Max because he gets more ass than I do. Where's all the other haters at????
guess you failed there, tucker. its only me who responded, it was hours later. the loser is you.
this is a no spin zone, you douchebag.
i predict literal suicide.
if tucker doesn't kill himself within the next 10 months, i will quit this blog 4ever
Tucker's been smart enough to drop the "I'm an revolutionary artist" routine and ride the "I'm a drunk womaniser" persona again. I think someone smart must have ha a word in his ear.
More fatty & fail bloviating.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKRlO2jZEbQ
"Tucker's been smart enough to drop the "I'm an revolutionary artist" routine and ride the "I'm a drunk womaniser" persona again."
Yeah, that paradigm-shifting, best-comedy-in-ten-years nonsense was always bound to falter once the movie had actually started to be seen by real people.
I wonder what his post-failure line will be..."the movie didn't get made they way I wanted it to be, the idea I had in mind was REVOLUTIONARY!" I reckon it'll be something along those lines... That, along with a healthy dose of "You just didn't get it, you have no sense of humour, you're probably fat and ugly, etc."
holy shit i was at the seattle preview/screener/etc you want to call it.
that was worse than, well, anything i've seen in the past 8 years.
worse than euro trip.
worse than the second oceans 11.
worse than hemmorhoids.
tucker, please pray for good dvd sales.
oh yeah, i totally want to fuck the bunny and trixie, like ATM style. hook me up, i know you read this.
Breaking news on RMMB = RMMB core trolling this site
It's science.
Leaked crap footage = Tando/Bunny feminist trolls
Sucky trailer = Nils trolling himself here
Crappy Reviews for premier = Anti-Semitism surprise troll
and they alternate and toss in the occasional fake TDG post as well
Look, Tucker, I'm really sorry that your movie isn't getting the attention you think it deserves. Perhaps it is karma's way of telling you that pushing bitches out of vans isn't appropriate.
So I turn on the TV and I hear the characters talking about "Tucker" and how "that's schmoozing" and I think wtf, are they actually running the trailer?
But no, it was just some dumb show about random sex and decadence.
"oh yeah, i totally want to fuck the bunny and trixie, like ATM style. hook me up, i know you read this."
I have no idea who you are mr anon, but im sure you can do better. A lot better.
"Breaking news on RMMB = RMMB core trolling this site"
Dude, that's been blatantly obvious for some time.
It also makes this site all the more entertaining as we know that it actually gets under the douchebags skin, as well as his cock sucking cronies and fan-boys
"I wonder what his post-failure line will be..."the movie didn't get made they way I wanted it to be, the idea I had in mind was REVOLUTIONARY!""
---------------------------------------
Nah, he's already set up himself to be the victim of Hollywood, even though he sold a tv show twice and a feature film. He's just David against Goliath "protecting the artist against the oppressive studio system and it's not about money." Hilarious. Interesting that in recent statements that he's mentioned returning to television "in a few years." As if that is an option.
Why are you all so fat and ugly?
FAT. AND. UGLY. ALL OF YOU.
Also, you can't score with chicks. Not like Tucker. Tucker's really cool and you're all just jealous. And fat and ugly.
And ugly.
And fat.
Anfatanugly.
"Why are you all so fat and ugly?"
When we had our last AGM i didn't see anyone over an A-cup bitch-tit, or anyone able to hide a big mac in their fat rolls, so we're in better shape than tugger and nils!
Apparently the genetic disorders for delusional fantasy, pathological lying, and combative personality disorder (AKA Douche-baggery) are closely linked to Obesity!
From a professional point of view, i recommend that otto and nils never breed; the gene pool is polluted enough already.
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER box office as of 07/16/09 ---
Domestic: $226,309,780
+ Foreign: $74,700,000
That justintv interview with Tucker was very interesting. Tucker seemed insecure and uncomfortable in his own skin, judging from his mannerisms and gesticulations. And this was in sharp contrast to the confident, natural demeanor of Traci Lords. He is such a fraud, and not nearly the alpha male he thinks he is.
What happened to the Nils blog?
he ate it
om nom nom nom nom
titties soft
30 cities * 100 people/city * $10/ticket = $30,000. In TuckerMath, that's like 400 million.
In your face, Hangover!!!!!!
anyone who doesn't buy into tucker's lies is a fat loser. this is a factual statement. 100%
^^^
fatter than nils? more of a loser than otto tibor max? not possible
hahaha I went back and watched when Tucker went on opie & anthony and it still cracks me up
Their bullshit detector was going off the minute he started the story.
And I dont care what Tucker says or his fanbois, but you would try to save that tape if that really happened. Sure he didn't know he was going to publish it, but still being 22 or whatever you would keep that.
BRAH, DUDE, THAT OPIE AND ANTHONY GIG WAS TOTALLY WORTH, LIKE, $20MILLION OF ADVERTISING! AT LEAST!!!
WORD OF MOUTH BRAH, WORD. OF. MUTHA. FUCKIN. MOUTH.
of course broseph
why take the money upfront and be millionaires when you could just give Hollywood the middle finger and revolutionize comedy by fucking a midget?
This just in. Otto's sequel will feature the following jokes: a character named "He Hate Me" with a catch phrase "What'choo talkin' about, Willis".
After all, Tucker knows how important it is to be culturally relevant to an 18 year old fan base with an average IQ of 91...
but he just can't think of any other jokes.
Also, he will skip direct to DVD and instead wire the movie directly into the brains of his 50 fans, once a day.
It will revolutionize the way we look at film and comedy. And comedy films.
Hollywood will be on it's knees.
I'm watching that interview on TM's blog, and it's annoying me that Nils seems sorta smart and savvy.
TM still full of nonsense, obviously.
tuckers got my back
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=27527
Halfway down. Didn't Tucker say this girl was fat? I'm sorry, she doesn't look very fat to me.
Tucker must have skewed sense of reality that Bunnies anorexic ass is what girls are supposed to normally look like.
She should press charges, that's easily assault and battery. And the courts are always sympathetic to the girls.
Also, it looks so crowded there Tucker...I mean, standing room only just outside the theater.
http://twitpic.com/dt8dp
Is that Tucker pushing her down? Looks like Tucker just lying some more.
"Go read Twitter, a ton of people posted about it. Or read the Facebook fan pages, people posted about it there. And they all said the same thing:
It was awesome, it was hilarious, I loved it, etc, etc. The same things everyone who has seen it has said. People, I have screened this for like 1000 people, I have already told you how people have been reacting and will react"
http://twitter.com/#search?q=i%20hope%20they%20serve%20beer%20in%20hell
I'm sorry Tucker there have been 20 Tweets in the last 24 hours for your movie. That is all. Half of them are actually for your book, not the movie.
He's gone back to delusion. After the whole discussion with Biscuits, everything. He still things it's going to be a huge hit.
http://twitter.com/#search?q=%40TuckerMax
This search is for @TuckerMax which shows you all the tweets maxie pads gets.
12 in the last 24 hours...way to go Tucker. Those 25,000 followers are really paying attention to you.
Just watched the justintv interview - Holy crap now I understand - Tuckers got Touretts - he cant stop friggin twitching and tweaking and fiddling and fidgiting. What the hell is wrong with him?!
Doucebag: "Though, it might be fun to watch them melt down as their cognitive dissonance confronts the reality of this movie being not only awesome, but a massive hit. If you want to watch that, I don't blame you."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
I wonder what Tucker was like when reality struck and people smarter than him told that movie would not make any money.
Tucker: Seriously people--if you are going to mock someone and have a picture w/their face in it, at least blur it out. I am a public figure, but they aren't, so be cool about that. Just think how you would want to be treated in that situation--its one thing to mock someone and keep them anonymous; its wholly different if you show the world who they are.
BWAHAHAHAH
All the losers that tucker mocks in his stories -- fat girl, lazy eye asian girl, greasy hair camo guy -- those are his fans. They read his stories and laugh along, not realizing that they're laughing at themselves.
Tucker can't show the world who they are since they're his fans.
"not only awesome, but a massive hit."
It seemed like he was coming around in the biscuits conversation. Like he might actually realize that it's not going to do everything he thinks it will.
That lasted three seconds, now sense a 40 year old cougar hooked up with him (look at the picture, that woman is older) he's delusional again.
Tucker seriously cannot survive this failing. It's the story of his life, he runs anytime something is hard.
Look at Kevin Smith. He made some great hilarious movies, but it took years, and years, for him to break in.
Tucker doesn't have the stomach to handle this if it doesn't meet his expectations.
don't taze me, gawker
BOLOGNA
sam handwich
If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs, if we had some eggs.
Like, whoa, man!
No, really?!
Yeah, man!
Wow. That's, like, DUDICAL cool.
Totally, man, I totally get what you're saying, it's like, awesome, man!
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
YAY! mr mcbeefjerks is back! now let's all go back to talking about tucker's cock.
YAY! mr mcbeefjerks is back! now let's all go back to talking about tucker's cock.
hahaha "tiny body parts". not even 3 posts in, and the obsession with tucker's body begins.
i swear to god this fuckin blog is run by tucker or one of his friends.
this is a repeat story and totally made up.
Yup, and Tucker's lies are true. Asshole.
she forgot to mention his nasal, high-pitched, lisping voice.
this is a unique story and totally grounded in fact. poor try, Mcbeefsmoker.
to the fucktard wasting his time duplicating the opening posts OVER AND OVER:
kill yourself, seriously.
that is all.
oh yeah, and tucker max is still a douchebag.
FUCKING NIGGERS
Every so often this blog gets an injection of crazy.
I still miss TDG.
TM's tour updates are ripe for the pickings; anyone else notice how all his "feedback" points out the exact things he mentions in his interviews (can't hear all the jokes because laughing at previous joke, etc). They all also have a suspiciously similar tone and register. Odd, that...
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER box office as of 07/16/09 ---
Domestic: $226,309,780
+ Foreign: $74,700,000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
= Worldwide: $301,009,780
"American comedies do not do well overseas. Ever. Overseas distribution is not important to us at all." Tucker Max, June 2009
3:34
Yes, that's because all those totally fuckin' true honest dude bro e-mails are written by tugger or one of his lackeys.
Theyre such terrible writers that they still can't write in another voice (after a shit-ton of practice too).
Lying Douchebags
Knoxville 'premiere' cancelled,
HAHAHA
I recommend all single American guys marry Ukrainian girls. Best women in the world! Blonde and thin and hot and love sex! No feminist bullshit!
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
http://tuckermaxisadouche.blogspot.com/2009/08/official-trailer-for-i-hope-they-serve.html
1st comment lollerskates
how many cities will be left on the tour list?
30
29
28
27...
Going down!
tucker max fail!
otto will be comforting his man boobs with his tiny tumor pocked little hands, whilst crying his balding little head off, in a lispy, effeminate sob
I'm sorry for that last comment, of course I meant to say Massive hydrocephalus-Freak Mellon head, not; not little.
41 Days out: Seattle video, fans, and other updates
August 15, 2009 (Deconstructed)
In this episode Tucker shows what a nice guy he is to the fans, especially when he needs them desperately.
“Once the tour starts, we will have an efficient and streamlined process to get the pictures and video from the premieres up,”
Except Bunny is back on the thyroid meds, and she took a dump on the camera and it totally fucked up the Betamax that he has Corman operating. But TRUST HIM, he’s Tucker Max, he’s got it all covered.
“usually either that night or the next day, so there will be a minimal lag time between the end of the event and the record of it.”
Tucker Max, officially the producer of the infomercial to IHTSBIH the movie.
“That didn’t happen on the Seattle and Portland stops because they were early and they were our first ones. “
Wait, didn’t you say it was just “efficient” and “streamlined” yet it took you forever to get them uplinked?
Definitions are not Tucker’s forte’.
“We didn’t have the tour bus, we didn’t have the professional video and camera guys we will have for the main tour, etc, etc.”
Heck, you didn’t even have a decent script.
“he only way we could get up to the pacific northwest was to do it early and do it with a skeleton crew, so we did it, and it made things go a little less smoothly than they will later.”
So that’s why nobody got a SWAG bag!!
“That being said, we did get some decent video of the Seattle premiere. See below:_”
You know what they don’t show in the video? The fact that the theater was at a little over 50% capacity. I’m not making this up, I called the theater to verify. It was at about 51-52% full… for the 2nd show on his “premiere” tour.
“I want to talk about something else, something that some people have mentioned to me. A bunch of people have emailed me or commented on Facebook or Twitter about how nice I was to them at the premiere. “
Oh great, here's where Tucker shows off a fake email to prove he's a nice guy to his fans.
As an aside, he also had email saying how nice he was to the people of Shreveport, and you all saw how that worked out.
“For example:
“As an aside, I wasn’t going to talk to you because I didn’t want to be one of those annoying guys, and I just wanted you to have fun. I specifically told the girl I was with this, but she grabbed you right after you came out of the bathroom and then beckoned me over. So sorry about that, but you were incredibly gracious and nice.””
Yep, this is a bullshit email. “Gracious”? Seriously? You might as well had him say “Tucker saarrrrr. I dun thunk you were really nice and shit.”
“I appreciate the desire to not bother me,”
He’ll appreciate it even more once he leaves your city and gets into a place where you can’t hit him back.
Part II:
“but people, please listen:
This is a promotional tour. I am doing this specifically to show my fans the movie, take pictures with them, sign autographs, and celebrate a little bit.”
No dude, this is a tour to sell your retarded fans a piece of shit while telling them it’s chocolate cake. The only reason you are being “nice” and “gracious” is because you have to be, your career depends on it. However, you are lying to them profusely, to the point where it’s obvious you fucking hate your fans. Fuck, I hate your fans and I’m not you. You are nothing more than a low rent con man, and you will lose far more fans than you will gain in the short and long run.
“Yeah, the partying and hooking up is fun, but that’s not why I am there.”
Seriously, somebody punch him square in his jaw for this statement.
“Please feel free to come up to me and ask for a pic or ask me to sign something if that’s what you want.”
I swear to God, I’m going to find a transsexual hooker and pay them to watch his shitty movie, and then have them ask Tucker to sign their cock, and then put the video I make of this on YouTube. It will definitely get way more hits then any of the informercials Tucker is trying to pass of as “fan reactions”.
“That’s WHY I am going on this tour.”
No dude, you’re going on the tour because you ran out of opportunities, and this is the last chance you’ve got.
“The only people I don’t really like are the fucking weirdos who stare at me for an hour like stalkers, or the drunk idiots who can’t stand up straight and won’t stop bothering me, or the crazy skanks who get violent with me when I won’t hook up with them. But those people are only like 0.1% of my fans”
Actually dude, that’s like 99.9% of your fans. Don't you read your own message board?
“–the rest are cool and respectful and normal,”
Yeah, just look at the population of the TMMB to see how “cool”, “respectful” and “normal” those douchebags are.
“and if you are like that, PLEASE feel free to approach me at any time. “
How about if I approach you after the film and say I want my money back? That you’ve lied about the product at every turn and I feel conned?
How much do you want to bet none of those interviews never make his infomercials?
“I want you to have the best experience possible at these events”
Then tell them not to fucking go!!
“–that’s why we are having them.”
No dude, desperation is why you’re having them.
“There is some shitty news: We had to cancel the Knoxville premiere. “
Where’s the shitty news?
Part III:
I just sent this email out to the people who had bought tickets:”
All 3 of you who bought tickets better listen up.
“Due to logistical issues that are beyond our control,”
Cough, cough, lack of tickets sold, cough…
“we have to_cancel the Knoxville premiere of “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. You_will of course get a full refund for the ticket(s) you purchased. The_credit card company should process the return by Tuesday night at the_latest. If the transaction is not fully refunded by Tuesday night,_email me and I will personally make sure it goes through ASAP.”
Tucker Max, the producer in charge of customer support of IHTSBIH.
“I am sincerely sorry for this. Even though the issue that caused us to_cancel was beyond my control, this sucks and I apologize.”
He apologizes just like how he said he loved the people of Shreveport.
“I may be an_asshole,”
I’ve thought about this you’re not really an asshole. You’re more of a douchebag who needs to hide behind this fake “asshole” persona. See, most of the stuff I have a problem with are not the results of an asshole, it’s the results of a douchebag. I can deal with an asshole, even if they aren’t on my side. I can’t deal with a douchebag, which means I’m enjoying this.
“but I love my fans and would never do anything like this_unless the circumstances forced us to.”
Like if you’re from Shreveport for instance.
“I will make it up to you in any_number of ways:”
Tucker will shit on your dicks.
“1. If you want to go to another premiere in a different city, I will_give you tickets for free. Just let me know how many you need and_we’ll work it out. The closest cities to Knoxville that are having_premieres are Lexington, KY, Athens, GA, Columbia, SC, Raleigh, NC,_and Atlanta, GA.”
Lord knows, he needs to fill the seats in those cities before they're cancelled as well.
“2. If you can’t make it to another city, I will still mail you the_swag bag that you would have gotten at the premiere. Just reply with_your address, and I’ll have it put in the mail ASAP.”
Get ready lucky Tucker fan, a bloody TheBunny tampon and a year’s supply of douche are coming your way in a bonafide SWAG Bag!!!
“3. If neither of these work, anything else reasonable, I will do. Just_ask, and I will try.”
Tucker, get ready to do this for a number of lucky ticket holders in a number of venues that are going to be cancelled due to lack of interest.
“Again, I am very sorry about this. The good news is that the movie_opens on September 25th in Knoxville, and you can still see it then.”
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
No you won’t.
“The issues won’t affect any other stop, just Knoxville.”
That is until the next venue cancels.
“Sucks,”
For whom? Certainly not the people getting their money back.
“but these are the sorts of things that happen on tours I guess.”
Happened an awful lot to Spinal Tap.
TDG IS BACK!!!!!
Nice work bro.
TDG,
I love your deconstructions. They are so well thought out and make me laugh out loud.
Seriously your the reason i check this blogspot so often. Keep up the good work. I love it
Hey TDG guy, keep up the good work. By any chance did the theatre guy tell you the size and rental cost?
same here, him and the 'tucker meets his dad / troy duffy' stories
"I swear to God, I’m going to find a transsexual hooker and pay them to watch his shitty movie, and then have them ask Tucker to sign their cock, and then put the video I make of this on YouTube. It will definitely get way more hits then any of the informercials Tucker is trying to pass of as “fan reactions”."
This must be done. And I mean MUST be done.
TDG, fantastic work as always!
TDG, did you really call the theater and find out it was 50% capacity? Because I thought tickets were sold out in Seattle...
I'm still waiting for the sequel to "Tucker and cronies go to the zoo."
I firmly believe the theater was not sold out. Have you seen the pictures? They all indicate not many people were around.
TDG brings up an excellent point, the fact that Tucker will be giving a number of tickets away for free in order to fill seats.
This tour really isn't about money, it's about trying to manipulate the system. He's going to try and feign interest in the film by giving away tickets and filling seats so he can say "see, we're selling all our seats out", and try and either attract a bigger distributor to go national or get interest up on the DVD.
I can't see this film making it's money back in it's current form. Understandably, Tucker does have fans, but it's not nearly the base numbers he believes it to be.
Tucker Max Fail indeed.
i went to the seattle show and it was nowhere near sold out.
the movie was bad, just like you'd expect.
i went to the seattle show and it was nowhere near sold out.
the movie was bad, just like you'd expect.
Whats in the swag bag out of interest, Seattle Guy?
"“we have to_cancel the Knoxville premiere of “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. You_will of course get a full refund for the ticket(s) you purchased. The_credit card company should process the return by Tuesday night at the_latest. If the transaction is not fully refunded by Tuesday night,_email me and I will personally make sure it goes through ASAP.”
Tucker Max, the producer in charge of customer support of IHTSBIH."
Haaaaaaa!! A clear indication of how low-rent this "Premiere tour" is.
"That's a good example. Office Space did horrible in theaters but later gained a huge cult following. It is a movie I have seen at least 10 times and have on DVD and can watch again and again.
Another example is one of my favorite movies of all time: The Shawshank redemption: Trailer here. I would not pay to see this based on the trailer, but it is another one of those movies that I can watch over and over."
Tucker fans are unbelievable. Just compared Mike Judge (who IMO is a real comedic genius) and Frank Derabant, Morgan Freeman, and Tim Robbins to Tuckers abortion of film. Don't all those guys have Oscars?
They keep failing to see that even *if* the film finds a following, until Tucker backs it up with another film it won't work.
Kevin Smith didn't making anything with Clerks, MallRats, Chasing Amy, but after making good film after good film, the money doors were open to him.
Tucker will not do that. If this film loses money, but is good, he will consider it a failure, and not try, and try, and try again. Most people work. Tucker does not.
"The trailer is in the top 10 previews on Comingsoon.net. Despite both positive and negative reactions, LOTS of people must be watching it, id say thats pretty awesome for a non-studio movie."
Are these people for real? It's had 100,00 views on Youtube...that is nothing.
Funny People had millions of views on the trailer, a huge cast, script, talent and made 50 million bucks.
i have never fucking heard of comingsoon.net
slightly off topic, but is this the same justin massler, AKA 'heroic destiny squad' that kicked the shit out of tuckers midget minion 'kungfumike' AKA Mike boulerice?
http://gawker.com/5338521/ny-observer-letter+writers-innovative-ideas-about-print-horses-jared-kushner-and-the-jews
Yep, that's Cloud Starchaser alright.
Honestly, I thought that dude was funny as fuck and had balls to bring the fight right to Tucker, but what do I know, I only deconstruct the rantings of a wannabe frat boy.
-TDG
Let's say the movie breaks eve or does well enough that darko, a studio, or somebody wants to finance another Tugger Max movie.
Then what?
The book was 10+ years worth of stories and he doesn't have any more. The movie reads like he went through all his stories and cherry picked anything that looks like a joke. And he still needed to steal shit from Wedding Crashers, et cetera.
What else does he have? sushi pants? absinthe donuts? The material isn't there.
Of course, since his stories all follow the same pattern, I'm sure he could just remake this one, with a better cast and studio backing. Not like anyone will watch it the first time.
Awesome! Cloud Starchaser is still around and still crazy!
"My name is Justin Massler and recently I was appointed by Angels to be the King of the Jews in the tradition of previous Kings such as Moses, David, Solomon, and Jesus.
I have been ordered by the God of the Jews to free the horses who are enslaved as carriage pullers in Central Park for the purposes of restoring freedom to the lands, much like how Moses himself had to free the Jews from their enslavement in Egypt so many years ago."
Man, and I thought he had worked out most of his raving insanity already. But this is GOOD STUFF.
Of course, if he's King of the Jews, that makes him the enemy of all things that live and breathe. Because Jews are evil and bad and hateful and conniving and greedy and destructive alien colonizers trying to rule humanity even as they despise it. We can't live with Jews. Sorry, Justin, you're gonna get kicked out. Go be crazy in Nigeria or Kenya or somewhere that they'll chop your head off and use your private parts as ingredients in magic spells. Ok? Ok.
its the anti-semite jew
as far as trolls go, i dont get it
i meant anti-semite troll
i dont get it as far as trolls go
he may be as mental as a box of frogs, but Cloud is still way, way less of a lying douche than tugger et al
he also isn't about to put a small film studio out of business!
fnhahaha
Damn, when did he post that message?
I could go through it and outline how each verbalization of confidence is actually an indicator of shaky delusion... but I won't because this is just sad now.
That's like the letter the ugly girl writes to her boyfriend to tell him that she doesn't care anymore... but she posts it on her facebook page in hope that he will read it while pondering their lost love.
He clearly admits that he reads this board AND that he chooses to respond on his board as a calculated move in this battle of tits... I mean wits (homage to mantits guy).
I don't want to watch you flail about life anymore. It was fun when I was 24, it's not anymore. It's just sad. It's getting more sad by the day. Bragging about pushing a girl to the ground while she's too drunk to have her senses?? That's humorous if you are a 3rd grader or a popped collar douchebag frat boy freshman year. It's not funny in your 30's... it's called assault.
Your embellished stories are getting more difficult to maintain and make you look like an ass. All that was wrong with Captain America girl was buck teeth? Really? You know she's in that video right? Not to mock her, I'm sure she's lovely, but if those are your standards, then surely nothing else you've ever said is true.
Beyond, of course, following the Mystery method of obtaining chicks. Which has to be the most pathetic, disgusting, backwards dickway to attract women. As a gal, I can tell you that no stable chick falls for that shit... which is why you are alone.
So, stop reading this board, trust me... you are chasing your pain. If you leave it behind you, maybe you can finally move on and find some peace. So, the movie didn't go as you hoped, big deal... suck it up and get the fuck on with your life as a NEW Tucker Max. You can leave this characterization behind... it's ran its course.
Good luck asshole.
^^^^^
TheBunny, is that you?!!?!?!?
How do you think the 'hot mess' ended?
"-New PR contact: I have switched up my PR, so all press inquires need to go here. If you sent a request to the other people and haven’t gotten a response, send a new one to Jeffrey, he’ll take care of it:
They got sick of him or he dropped em?
^
Other than Ryan Holliday, Tucker didn't have PR, let alone professional PR. Tucker is a freaking idiot if it took him this long to figure out that Holliday is lightweight idiot. Where was the movie review in The Oregonian or Seattle Times or Seattle Post Intelligencer? Neither publication could be bothered, as Holliday has neither the connections nor the credibility to provide coverage.
Tucker you idiot, a good PR agency would have gotten you a review or at least a mention in a prominent local entertainment column. Further, a seasoned PR agent could have sat your ass down and given you media training, which you so desperately need. You interview like a tool; unfortunately the losers you surround yourself with will never share that ugly truth with you.
Mcbeefthmoker, Mcbeefthmoker
gawker is about to pwn tucker in a way that only a douchey hipster gossip site could ever pwn a douchebag. you heard it here 1st
Intriguing...
disclose your gawker sekrets
please
True story. Tucker didn't want to fuck a midget. Well, he did want to fuck a midget, but not for the sake of fucking a midget. That was merely the means to the end, not the end itself.
See, Tucker wanted to deep-dick some pussy. Most of the girls he fucks are fat or sluts (or both) with floppy pussies. And you know what they say about small hands.
So Tucker figured the only way he would ever deep-dick pussy was from a midget or 6 year old. Since the midget didn't work out, look for Tucker at a kindergarten in a couple years.
tucker doesn't have enough mouths for all the fan-boi dicks he is sucking at the moment.
I wish I'd mentioned this when Tucker first posted the link a while back from some random viewer who believed that Tucker and Nils should be considered for an Academy Award for their screenplay.
I saw a similar scenario play out in the past! It was in that movie "For Your Consideration...."
You guys know Tucker stole the "Don't taze me bro line" right?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_taze_me_bro
Yet, again, Tucker stealing other peoples work.
i wish tucker was a funny as nils is fat
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
alright 9000 fuck yea haterz
Wow, Ryan or Corman or or Tando just spent 20 minutes of their life cutting & pasting the Mcbeefsmoker line.
Epic fail.
i wish tucker was a funny as nils is fat
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER box office as of 07/16/09 ---
Domestic: $226,309,780
+ Foreign: $74,700,000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
= Worldwide: $301,009,780
"American comedies do not do well overseas. Ever. Overseas distribution is not important to us at all." Tucker Max, June 2009
this is a true, verified story. nice catch, Mcbeefwell.
tugger has a documented, self admitted history of hitting women with his tiny hands; as he is a spineless, fat headed, lisping effeminate, downs-syndrome.
over 9000 comments as a testament to his lying douch-baggery
"Beyond, of course, following the Mystery method of obtaining chicks. Which has to be the most pathetic, disgusting, backwards dickway to attract women. As a gal, I can tell you that no stable chick falls for that shit..."
Depending on your definition of "stable", maybe. My observation is that about 90% of single American women _do_ fall for that sort of thing, because it's designed to act on what women inherently look for. Even when they know - or are told - exactly what's going on. Sort of like if a girl walks up to a guy, flashes him a big smile, and says, "Hey handsome, wanna watch me seduce you? It starts like this:" and she lifts her boobs with her hands and pushes them together and starts kneading 'em and bumps lightly against his arm and so on. Takes a pretty "stable" guy to not react.
oh shit, pwned by The Onion http://www.avclub.com/articles/i-hope-they-serve-beer-in-hell-trailer-killed-come,31727/
we can all agree that the onion is funny. and they hate tucker's movie. Lolz
^^^
Trust me,
The chicks fuckin' LOVE IT when you tell them that you have written a new york times best seller (paper back, non-fiction, extended list)
Not a fuckin' dry seat in the house after that one! Amiright! Amiright!
guys?
...
@12:28, fail.
I noticed the screenshot of paul wall in the onion review. Anyone else think he looks like bobby, the mildly retarded fat kid from King of the Hill?
This is a comment on the Onion article:
"If I encountered one joke that good in this movie I would shit myself. Which is probably something that happens in this movie."
Heh. TM's movie is so revolutionary that random Onion readers are able to guess the plot.
Fail.
Can't wait to see how he deals with this one.
I recommend all single American guys marry Ukrainian girls. Best women in the world! Blonde and thin and hot and love sex! No feminist bullshit!
More quotes from the Onion article's comments:
"...but I went to school with this dude. Tucker Max, I mean. Friend of a friend.
And this cat was a total non-entity. Fucking zero. The kind that arrives at college and, boiling in the moral ambiguity exposed by all his new-found freedom, gets his Heart of Darkness on by throwing out all his high-school track trophies and drinking one or two more Old Styles than is comfortable before arriving at his math test a few minutes late. And being a carefully manicured brand of misdemeanor-class asshole to women.
His revisionist history of himself as a debauched nihilist reminds me of guys that pretend to have served in the Vietnam War. Guys that have not so much 'survivor's guilt' as 'non-participants' guilt."
...
"I felt bad for him, and quite a many like him, at the time. Watching lame cats like him make the transition to undergrad poorly was empathy-worthy for awhile. On the odd occasion I thought about him and his kind at all. Now he's got a tawdry sliver of fame, and we're talking about him on a workday.
So is he laughing all the way to the bank _yet again?_ Did he cash in his own former callowness for a lifetime's earnings, freeing himself to be all kinds of a more confident, mightier, and fairly loaded dude now? Or is he imprisoned in the gimmick of inflating himself into the bottom, dooming himself to the permanent identity of a low-rent, flea-bitten Quixote (that doesn't even bother actually sucking because he can fantasize that he does) every time this book is readvertized or repurposed? Isn't this whole mini-event psychologically more complicated than just 'douchehouse gave voice to the vast, quiet ocean of college douchehouses for cash'?
I think about this."
This all fits with everything else people who knew him in his college days say.
More and more stuff like this will come out the more that people see the trailer. It's sort of a lose-lose situation for him...
^ As someone who went to Duke with Tucker, I've made that point before. At Duke - in his supposed prime when he at least had potential - he was not so much of an "asshole" as an immature non-entity living in a fantasy world where he was oblivious to the sort of self-critical thought processes that turn people with potential into productive and interesting members of society.
Sadly, in his prime, Tucker was not athletic, charming, intelligent or unconventional in any kind of interesting way. He contributed nothing to the academic environment except to parasitically attach himself to Duke's reputation and had nothing to offer as a person except to serve as a focal point for everybody's general angst about law school.
He and his friends were boring people. Being immature doesn't make you interesting.
A little anecdote...he used to brag constantly about how amazing he was going to be at age 30 (and talk about the people that told him this).
That joke is on you, Tucker, and it's a hell of a lot funnier than anything even typed from your tiny little hands...
~ FDG
yup, otto now lives in a house of bullshit built on sand.
the douche-water tide's coming in...
http://www.hbg-international.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/Sell%20Sheets/2009%20Individual%20Sell%20Sheets/I%20Hope%20they%20serve%20Beer%20in%20Hell%20REVISED_micro.pdf
This is the new Sell Sheet for IHTSBIH.
This is to resell Tucker's shitty book, not for theaters.
Deconstructing Steve (aka Tucker Max)
In this episode: I perused by the Script Reader site and found this entry from "Steve". Steve either proves one of two things 1) Tucker fans are fucking crybabys who can't deal with any criticism or 2) Tucker Max cannot write in any voice except his own.
steve on August 4th, 2009 3:27 pm
"I love how you dismiss much of his success as being “due to immature fratboys who can’t/won’t grow up”"
You're kidding, right? Because that's exactly who Tucker's fan base is, immature frat boys, wannabe frat boys, etc. You're dismissing it because it probably came a little too close to home.
"Many of my friends and I who enjoy - don’t love, or worship, but enjoy - his stories,"
Yep, this is Tucker. He always prefaces these fake replies with "I'm just a casual fan", but then blows his cover when his casual fan gets extremely upset.
I'm a casual fan of Kurt Warner. I think he's a pretty good quarterback, but I'm not enough of a fan to respond if anybody says "his wife looks like she has a dick" because I just don't care that much.
How come any and all "casual" Tucker fan can't seem to just not respond about somebody they claim they don't really care about?
"are not immature fratboys."
Okay, you're mature fratboys.
"Are we guys who like to have a good time (read: get drunk and make asses out of ourselves on occasion)?"
Hey, you just defined "immature fratboy" with that last sentence.
"Yes, but we are also adults who went to top public universities,"
Like say... University of Chicago or Berkley?
"work 8-6 corporate jobs, and contribute to society."
Let me guess, do you contribute to society in one very important way, and that is by writing down your stories for the world to enjoy?
"None of us are misogynistic, racist, or homophobic,"
Sure dude, and you're also not a immature fratboy although you just described yourself with the activities that immature fratboys do for fun...
"and nothin in Tucker’s book or movie script suggests that he is any different."
Hahahaha, yeah and I'm sure Tucker is getting a lot of play at Magic Johnson theaters too.
"Narcissistic and assertive, sure, but Tucker himself wouldn’t deny that."
Why not, he already denies reality in every other facet of his life.
"Look, the movie may suck, it may be amazing,"
It might even cure cancer... Nah, it sucks.
"it’s impossible to tell from one green band trailer."
However, it's very possible to tell that it sucks from the trailer and reading his mind numbingly bad script.
"But dismissing, criticizing, and writing off someone else’s success as being due to a so-called idiotic fanbase is pathetic and comes off as nothing more than jealously."
Yep, it's Tucker, he just dropped the J bomb.
It's easy to dismiss Tucker's success. He lucked into his profession. Period. He lied about the majority of his stories and somehow stumbled into being a writer. That he's successful at it is nothing more than dumb luck. It has very little to do with his talent.
Facts are, he writes like an idiot FOR idiots. There are far more failures then there are success stories left on TMMB (Tando, I'm looking at you). Hey, I actually think it's cool that he got a bunch of dumb college alcoholics to pick up a book for a few hours instead of drunk driving or date raping, but let's be honest here "Steve", his fans are a bunch of fucking retards.
Sorry. That's the truth. It's at least more truthful than any of his stories.
Part II:
"Lastly, even if the ONLY people to see the movie are people who bought the book,"
That's wishful thinking at best. Just look at his message board, it's shrunk by at least 50% since 2006. Do you think those people who left the board are going to pay money to watch a badly adapted movie on a badly written book? If you believe that then I bet you believe Tucker works really hard.
"he still fucking worked his absolute ass off to write a New York Times bestseller,"
Oh, I guess you do believe that.
Tucker does work hard. I mean, have you read all his new stories since 2006? That fucker is prolific as fuck.
"turn it into a financed movie with nationwide distribution,"
Dude, a bus tour isn't "nationwide distribution". Fuck, he didn't even get distribution, as he even said Freestyle is a RELEASING COMPANY.
"and got 100,000+ (I’m going with a fucking way below bare-minimum basement number here) people to watch it. "
Dude, in all seriousness, he hasn't even gotten 300 people to pay to see it.
Again, this is totally Tucker. The "with a fucking way below bare-minimum" statement was the giveaway.
Another giveaway that it's Tucker is that "Steve" writes like a total douche.
"What the fuck have you EVER done, in your entire life (literally) that gives you the right to criticize him based on his perceived personality to you?"
Well, I helped a 7 year old Dominican girl with a cleft palate learn how to speak with almost perfect diction in less than one summer, but what's that mean if she didn't shit on my dick.
What TUcker, you say you're an asshole, and you expect people to like you for it? That's his "perceived personality", that's his fucking brand.
You douchebags fail to realize that not everybody is that impressed with him, and enjoy taking head shots at him because he's a douchebag.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
OMG, I was wrong, only Ryan Holliday could be douchey enough to put this innane quote at the end of his... er... Steve's statement like it proves something.
Is it me, or does this come off like a bully trying to get his way when everybody realizes what a douchebag they are? It's like the kid who spends his days bullying everybody until he has no friends, but then wants to bully people into liking him now.
Fuck Tucker Max, he's a fraud and a hack and his fans are fucking retarded.
-TDG
Part III:
It's from this site btw:
http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thescriptreader/2008/07/29/the-tucker-max-movie-idiots-delight/
TDG wrote:
"and nothin in Tucker’s book or movie script suggests that he is any different."
Hahahaha, yeah and I'm sure Tucker is getting a lot of play at Magic Johnson theaters too.
-----------------------------------------
You know TDG, I never thought of that. Magic Johnson owns a lot of theaters and has a lot of pull... Not that Tucker's film even hits his radar, but I'm just saying...
"Facts are, he writes like an idiot FOR idiots. There are far more failures then there are success stories left on TMMB (Tando, I'm looking at you). Hey, I actually think it's cool that he got a bunch of dumb college alcoholics to pick up a book for a few hours instead of drunk driving or date raping, but let's be honest here "Steve", his fans are a bunch of fucking retards."
A-FUCKING-MEN!!!! Couldn't have summed it up better myself.
TDG, you continue to impress. I'd love to see you and pmcdonnell square off against Tucker in a formal debate.
But we know that'll never happen, because we all know Tucker doesn't actually face his detractors- he just takes indirect potshots at them on his revolutionary production blog.
"It might even cure cancer... Nah, it sucks."
Fantastic!
What TUcker, you say you're an asshole, and you expect people to like you for it? That's his "perceived personality", that's his fucking brand.
------------------------------------
oh man, hit the nail on the head. That sums up his epic fail perfectly. Great work as always, TDG
http://www.griffinwrites.com/portland
I guess this guy is an assistant to Tucker for this tour. Anyways he writes about the Portland stop, and it is somewhat of a neutral observation of everything. (I say "somewhat" because its obvious this guy worships Tucker, but there is tuckermax failness in it)
Who is Griffin, what is his regular job, why is he doing this, and is he getting paid?
Oh, and remember when Tucker and Charlie Hoehn kept saying "the mainstream media will not see it coming"? Well, at least they got something right.
"Oh, and remember when Tucker and Charlie Hoehn kept saying "the mainstream media will not see it coming"? Well, at least they got something right."
--------------------------------------
Dude, that was fucking great. Well done.
I also think Kurt Warner is good quarterbacker!!.
http://www.griffinwrites.com/ = junior douchebag
"It's from this site btw:
http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thescriptreader/2008/07/29/the-tucker-max-movie-idiots-delight/"
The (earlier) comments are worth looking at there, the Scriptreader outs all of the vicious, offensive tucker 'fans' as posting from the same IP address
"Jeff comes over to talk to Corman and I. He was commenting on the sound, and some dude that had been hovering around all night starts tossing sound advice over Jeff’s shoulder. Jeff turns around, and says “keep telling me how to do my job, and I’ll punch you in the face,” and then turned back and continued talking to us."
Yet another violent outburst from tuggers' PA who apparently enjoys assualting co-workers and fans.
PMC from Imdb:
"Most people over the age of 10 are familiar with the Aristocrats joke. According to legend, old vaudville and nightclub comedians would entertain each other by telling the most disgusting versions of this joke until the other would just concede. The best recent versions were South Park's and Bob Saget's which are on line if you do the right google search.
Tucker has now become the latest version:
Night Club Owner: So, I don't have enough time to actually see your act, can you tell me what it is?
Tucker: Sure, first, I sodomize a young girl until she craps on me, and then I puke all over her back. Then, nils, my friend here falls out of a closet with a camera and starts puking as well. This causes the girl to puke and we are all puking until she runs out off the stage in a sheet crying and screaming about us filming her. Then, I sit on the crapper and defecate while a woman performs a sex act on me. The next scene, you see a doctor filming another one of my girlfriends getting an abortion while I make jokes about it to Nils and others and use it as a pick up line. Then, I drink with a breathelyzer in my hand eating sushi with girls in lingerie until I am so drunk that I drive my car into a plate glass window and leave it there running away. I then beat up and assault a minor league mascot in a big enclosed suit while my friend Waldman chokes out another guy while we film him. Cue up the midgets, because soon, I am hanging with a group of midgets while my friends and I say suggestive things to them until I try and consumate a sex act with a midget, BUT, she has a tear gas canister in her hand bag which suddenly explodes mid-coitus. Then, I verbally and abuse a girl until she has to go to rehab, but not before I show pictures of a huge crap that she left in my toilet. I screw a beauty queen and post all the details on the web, and then I crap my pants and run out into the hallway until I make a huge mess in my pants which a mexican has to clean up. Well, now the act really works its way into a crescendo because I start randomly insulting Asians and other minorities while poking fun of fat girls. Then, I take a girl whose claim to fame is a one nighter with Ryan Seacrest, take her for a minivan ride, bang her, and leave her unsatisfied. Walman my buddy chokes someone else while this is going on and we insult other people about thier appearance while Nils scarfs up massive quantities of fast food. Meanwhile, cue up the strippers who suddenly surround me and my friends and are so enamored with me that they can't help but try and perform for me at a financial loss. BUT, it gets better, and this is where my fans go wild. I take a random fan off her meds out of the audience and throw her out on the street in the concrete-- out of my minivan, which is great because my buddy Kung Fu Mike is rolling around on the ground fighting another disturbed kid off his meds-- and filming that as well. Its great.
Night Club Owner: [Clearly Befuddled and disgusted] Wow, what do you call this act, kid?
Tucker: The Aristocrats. Really, this is all innovative high art that is going to change comedy forever. Did I mention that I am doing all this while holding my degrees from the University of Chicago and Duke Law School and wiping myself with them.'
A law School Story:
This story takes place at another time and another law school but the characters are all the same.
Once upon a time there were a group of law students who had just finished there exams. One of their classmates was a bit older (30) and married to a fairly prominent doctor so they had a very nice house that was much more refined than the typical apartment digs the rest of us were living in with IKEA furniture and book shelves on milk cartons. The doctor's wife agreed to host a party at her house and supply pizza and beer, everything else was pot luck, including booze and mixers. Most of the students in attendance appeared at the party appropriately dressed and behaved consistently with being in a house where somebody had the money and time to make it look pretty good. IOW, most of us realized that this was "treat the house like your parent's house" and not the craphole frat house at State U. It was also Christmas time so the house was decorated for themselves and their three young kids. Most of us were very grateful to have a nice place to hang, blow off steam and vent about the exams that had just taken place. It was also the first time most of us had met each others spouses, fiances, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc in a social setting.
Well, we didn't have a guy that went on to internet fame as an "asshole," but every class has a few. As you can imagine, one of these assholes got too drunk, said stupid stuff to some of the spouses about alleged romantic interests, broke some expensive crap . . . all the fun stuff that Tuckerites relish in. Now this kid might have thought he was the life of the party and that he was the whole show, but to most of the people there, folks that were sacrificing so somebody could go to school and putting their lives on hold for a few years, the kid was a loathesome disease. Really, after a few hours, the doctor asked this worm to leave, and everybody was glad to see him go.
Everything I have ever read about Tucker shows that he was that guy at Duke Law. Believe me, by law school 98% of everyone has out grown these antics. Nobody but Tucker remembers his presence at some party fondly. More importantly, in the back of everybody's mine was the Ginsburg nomination or the thought that some day stupid crap could back to haunt you. None of us wanted to disclose a recent DUI, disorderly persons offense, or petty possession bust on a bar application.
^^^ Holy crap. I haven't actually 'laughed out loud' at anything on teh internets in MONTHS, but that did it.
^^^ Talking about the thing pmcdonnell posted, by the way.
You are all f*king big mouse
The idea of mixing high-speed pointy objects of uncertain and varying vectors with giant flimsy gasbags a mile in the air is so good it's exactly the sort of thing Tucker would go for.
@10:24 "Who is Griffin, what is his regular job, why is he doing this, and is he getting paid?" He says on his blog that he's volunteering. There are other entries.
"“When I tell you to move, you fucking move. Don’t worry about that asshole, you’re working for me. If he wants to get mad, I’ll deal with him.” He said, as he started looking through his phone to see what he missed during the flight.
I said I understood, and reset the GPS to the hotel before heading out. About five minutes into the twenty minute trip back I was updating him on the day so far while trying to convert all the miles per hour road signs into kilometers per hour. I ended up coasting behind a vehicle doing the speed limit in the middle lane. I was mid-sentence talking to Tucker “Ben and Charlie are back at the hotel setting up the…” when Tucker looked up at the road.
“What the fuck are you doing? Pass him. PASS HIM.” He said gesturing at the mostly empty lane to the left. “Jesus Christ, you’re not in Canada any more. You will drive me insane if you drive like a pussy the whole way home. I cannot stand that. Can Not Stand That. You can’t coast along at 50 with the Mexicans if I’m in the car. I will push you out of the way and take the wheel myself. Actually, I will choke you out, and throw you out of the moving car onto the side of the road, and leave you there.”"
I thikn Tucker must be some sort of undead entity who feeds on self respect.
"You are all f*king big mouse"
Is that good or bad? Why? What is 'big mouse'?
@ the last 6 or so posters, Haha good ones.
Good 24 hours on this blog. Expect the trolls to return soon.
i feel bad for Tucker. He's been living behind the internet for so long, and has created such an imaginary world for himself based on incredible illusions of grandeur, that he is so clearly out of touch with reality. Reality is just going to keep creeping in as September 25 comes up. Just over a month out, and the explosion on interest for the movie just isn't there.
Tucker only fights his battles at his own choosing, where he has the advantage. By hiding from the haters, his movie has not elicited any negative critical reviews. Tucker released a trailer that intentionally was devoid of humor, purely as a diversionary tactic. While the haters tore at the trailer, Tucker's artwork drew unbiased rave reviews on the RMMB message board. After the movie opens in 4 weeks, Tucker will be flying in his private jet, while Nils will be hovering over sports stadiums with the Goodyear logo stamped on his belly.
A few thoughts about what that Griffin douchebag had to say:
My favorite moment during the ticket process was when two young guys, probably 18 or 19 years old, came to ask if there were any tickets for them, and three other friends. I said, “you want tickets huh?” And slowly looked through the list, even though I knew we still had a few extras available. “Hmmmm,” I kept building the suspense, “I don’t know, this doesn’t look good…. oh wait, yup, looks like you’re in luck.” I tore off five wristbands, and handed them over. “Free, compliments of Tucker Max.” I said as the one kid took them. He took a few steps back to his waiting friend and exclaimed “I told you!” And the two embraced in a spontaneous full body hug before they realized it was a little gay and awkward."
Tucker max fans: Gay and Awkward.
"As I was setting up, a Chinese girl came out and sat in the chair beside the swag table. She was talking on the phone “It is disgusting, and vulgar, and there’s nudity, and it’s just gross.” She didn’t seem pleased at all AND it was like 15 minutes into the movie. The weird part is that I remembered her picking up the tickets under her name. What the fuck did she expect?"
What the fuck did she expect? Probably something along the lines of: "Why you no rike me? You want me frip over? You no piss me off! ME FIND YOU IN POCKING ROT!! YOU NO TAKE MING ARIVE!!"
"Now, you might think that Mr. pua would be the biggest douchebag at the screening, but you would be wrong."
Dude, NOBODY thought that he was the biggest douchebag at the screening, because Tucker was at the screening.
"They started chatting about the one book she’s buying, and the movie it’s based on..."
Don't you mean the movie that is based on the book? Because 99% of the time, that's the way it works.
Jesus, I can't go on. This fucking tool is almost as much of a douchebag as Tucker.
yea that Griffin is so oblivious to the douchebaggery going on around him.
If Tucker ever talked to me like that I would throw him out the van. What a prick.
TM's Rule #27: Bitches are cunts.
If that doesn't make people wanna watch his movie, I don't know what will.
Honestly, I'm all for people saying what they think, but what kind of awful PR advice has he gotten when this stuff is allowed on the movie site? Whatever about its obvious hateful awfulness as a statement, when TM wants the internet to be a major force in his marketing, that is just ill-considered.
I love how Tucker bandies on relentlessly about how three-dimensional his characters are, how the movie is steeped in realism, etc.
I know when I got married, my bachelor party consisted of two other dudes who I had only met a few years before, in grad school. No brothers, cousins, childhood friends, college friends- only my two friends from grad school.
I love the part where the one character tells Tucker he might not have a fiancee anymore, and Tucker just sits there for 'a beat', then the guy tries to jump him. That is not a cliched comedy device at ALL, and that's how those kinds of conversations really go down in real life.
The part where the chick's parents are straight-laced Christians is really realistic, too, and in no way a cliche of any kind. I know if I want to see Christians accurately portrayed on film, I go watch a movie made by an atheist who only sets foot in churches for weddings where he can get free food and drinks.
Yep, Tucker's movie is firmly grounded in reality, and that's why everyone in the media just can't stop talking about it.
Hey tucker!
Didn't Bob Gosse (remember him?) say that one of your characters was totally original and destined to be one of the greatest roles in the history of cinema?
Was he talking about the midget stripper? Cause everyone else seems derivative. I'm sure there's midget porn, but a midget stripper? I doubt hollywood has ever seen anything that revolutionary!
We love you Tucker, oh yes we do, and when you leave us, we'll be blue.
So, never leave us, no Tucker dear, stay right by us, stay right here.
We love you Tucker.
United Breaks Guitars #2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-UoERHaSQg
WOO DAVE
Nice sound mix!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.justin.tv/clip/8d31d19346b051ec
Is this a sign of things to come?
Thread is dead and boring.
NEEDS MORE TROLLS
Dear god, don't say that!
We're still waiting for TM's "efficient and streamlined" process to give us plenty of snarking material, but since his last post four days ago there's been nothing.
Needless to say this "Premier tour" has been an anti-climactic joke from start to finish.
Did I read that Gawker was planning pwns or was that a dream?
Someone said that here alright...TM or one of his lackeys probably read it and that's why there's been no sign of them for so long - there's some sort of heavy duty damage control going on behind the scenes.
I really want this to be true.
yes, i said that gawker is planning to pwn tucker. i know this because a few months ago i submitted some material to them about tucker and they published it, and then a bit later i submitted more, and they published it again. the third time i sent tips@gawker.com the juciest info, they responded to me that they are working on it. it might be a smoking gun style pwning like http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0803091pranknet1.html which could take time. or maybe they just dont want to pay any attention to tucker. personally, i think either is a great option: pwning or ignoring.
come on gawker, this thread is nearly as dead as tuggers film / writing career at the moment,
Has anyone heard anything out of ATL?
I saw that show was not sold out.
That's fuckin low.
@12:53, just share it here, if it's a hot enough story, Gawker can still break it wide, don't you want the anonymous scoop?
come on, please, i need some excitements!
^^ re: this thread being compared to TM's career.
Post a Comment