The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1401 – 1600 of 15917 Newer› Newest»Anon 11/08/2007 9:30 AM
That story was funny and it's clear that it was a sequel to the Ryan Holiday shit-eating story.
If you want to use your queer theory to look for latent gay fantasies, look at the Rudius Message "Bored" and ask why all those losers are in love with a pudgy small-handed bullshitter.
11/08/2007 10:50 AM
Don't hate on other mens preferences just because you prefer lean, large-handed, good honest men.
P.S. - I'm 6'2 and can palm a basketball...honestly.
Hey, weren't you Tucker Max?
Olololololol I haven't checked my other email account yet but ask Tucker to check my new beefy facebook profile. I'm trying to decide whether to pull an all-nighter and drive in 2 hours or not...thankfully I have sugar free Rock Star and a breathalyzer in hand.
Sincerely,
Sergeant Dick Amazing
Also I have small appendages as well but maybe not quite to that extreme.
Lol...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flaming_Dr._Pepper#References_in_popular_culture
Author Tucker Max, known for his alcohol-fueled adventures and flaming homosexuality, mentions the drink in his story "The Austin Road Trip." After seeing a round of Flaming Dr. Peppers prepared in a bar and drinking one, Max remarked "I'll be damned if it didn't taste exactly like Dr. Pepper...It was the coolest thing involving alcohol I had ever seen."
Max also makes reference to the drink's purported strength: "People, heed my warning: That stuff is Special Olympics in a pint glass. You think they are harmless and not very strong, and the next thing you know it is an hour later and you are in the bathroom of the bar with your pants off, surrounded by five guys, giving your boxers to a bachelor party because one of the guys is cute and told you that you had a nice butt. Be forewarned."
The latest spin from TM on the details surrounding him canceling the pilot: But thankfully, I never turned in the pilot that they ordered. I had a big issue come up with Sony about the movie and internet rights to my material--essentially, they claimed they owned them, I claimed they didn't--and we could not resolve it. In short, I could sell Sony life rights to my material for basically nothing and keep going with the show, or I could cancel the deal and get no money and no show, but keep the rights. I cancelled the TV deal, paid Sony back the money they paid me, and took back all rights. And I didn't have to join the writer's guild. That was in April, I believe.
So for 4 months TM kept people believing that he had a pilot in the works b4 quietly acknowledging that like the rest of his failures, his TV show was no more.
Of course even better is earlier in the post when TM identifies $1500 as STEEP. I guess when you are 30+ and living in a rental with 2-3 roommates that $1500 is quite a bit of cash.
tucker shows off his inabiliy to drink once again. If you do the math on the flaming dr pepper (12 parts beer (4% alcohol), 1 part bacardi 151 (75%), 3 parts amaretto (25%), it's equivalent to 3 beers ... before burning away the bacardi, which would reduce it to 2.5 beers.
Cloud Starchaser has a new blog/website:
The Impossibles, his blog is linked on the bottom.
Wow Tucker, you claim they demanded intellectual property ownership of your life's work for $1500?
Well, they must not have thought you life was worth much.
If they were only paying 1500, then it was never a major series being developed for CC. For example, Sarah Silverman got 25K to develop her series. I realize she's WGA, but still, if a company wasn't serious, then they'd just lowball the offer to her so she couldn't sign it. Tucker's not union, but he's also not important, which is why he got almost next to nothing for the show. I don't think the deal was ever inked in full. His story is plausible, but when he's only getting 1500, then they knew he didn't have a leg to stand on and would have written the contract into their advantage (which means they could fire Tucker in a moment's notice). Therefore, I don't think he'd have a deal where HE could just pull the plug on the show. I think they were going to sign him, he tried to negotiate, they gave him exactly what they thought the show was worth along with a contract that wasn't in his favor, and he passed on signing it.
It was just one of many shows they were throwing against the wall and hoping one of them stick. It was never a real project, but it was funny to watch Tucker make like it was the biggest deal in the world.
Y'all aren't understanding.... the $1500 is the standard fee for WGA membership. Tucker would have to have joined in order to make money as a writer (the position for which he would be credited if his CC show were to materialize). He's never disclosed financial details for his CC project; the $1500 is the standard membership price to join the WGA.
That's not how the WGA works.
1) The initiation fee is $2500
2) You need to have worked a as a writer first. Blogging doesn't count.
My guess is that he was given $1500 to write the pilot. If they approved it, they would have given him more money ($25,000 maybe) to film the pilot.
u fuckkin loosers hav way too much time on ur hands to analyze tucker.
loosers
get a spell checker, douchebag.
u fuckkin loosers hav way too much time on ur hands to analyze tucker.
loosers
11/13/2007 6:09 PM
^^^ This guy is an obvious fake. No one is this stupid.
Of course. He spelled "losers" wrong but spelled "analyze" right. Nice try, sucker.
evidently, he's got a lot of anal experience.
ur mom was a great teacher. after she pulled that pineapple out of her ass w/o out lube, i never questioned her ability
ur dad mustve had fun with that shitpipe
Holy shit. Quit bringing the level of discourse down, you morons.
What a mess. If Tucker was only given $1500 to write a pilot, what does that come out to on an hourly basis? Minimum wage? And that's what he was bragging about, until now?
OK, I salute anyone who, within reason, cuts his own path. But at some point you have to get your bearings. The $1500 is a pathetic sum, but if that's all his work is worth, then he should treat it as a wake up call. Either you decide that it is time to change careers, or it is time to sign the contract and take a risk. If you're a hit, you can later renogotiate from a position of power.
Tucker is an idiot. He chose the worst path possible. He overplayed a weak hand, and now has nothing.
Jesus Christ, the $1500 was how much Tucker claimed it would cost to join the WGA. He never said how much he was paid to write the pilot. Since it was on spec for Comedy Central, I doubt it was much at all. And he had to return it anyway, so there's no point in worrying about it.
Why don't we talk about how Tucker thinks the strike will somehow benefit Rudius? Hahahahaha
^^^
I wouldn't be too sure. It costs $2500 to join WGA, not $1500. He also isn't qualified to join WGA, as he hasn't earned sufficient writing credits.
Tucker isn't telling the whole story.
Content of comment board at present:
3 to 4 - 20-something males with curiously vast knowledge of Tucker Max and all recent Tucker Max related happenings.
2 - Teenage pro-tucks who go on about shitpipes and anal lube while trying to talk shit to the anti-tucks, not realizing that everyone is enjoying the gay roughouse banter, whether they want to admit it or not.
1 - gadfly
First off, a PILOT would have to be produced of Tucker's work for him even to be considered to get into the guild. Not just written, but PRODUCED. They never even got a working script from him that they approved.
The 1500 is an OPTION, if the show had gone to pilot, then he'd receive about 20-30K for the pilot script, that is, if he were actually writing his own show. In the end, I doubt he had any control over content of his own show. He's just not that powerful of an entertainer.
What I believe happen was that they gave him an option of 1500 (which is still bad for somebody with a NYTimes Best Seller), and gave him a chance to write the script on spec. I'd say around April, they passed on his script and had some other writers take a shot on his TV show. When their pass came back empty, the producers pulled the plug on the whole show. Tucker most certainly didn't pull the plug on his own show, because he never had the power to do so.
It was either that, or they were stuck in contract negotiations for a number of months, and he passed on signing when Sony told him that he'd be signing away the rights on everything. That makes more sense than actually signing the contract for nothing and having no leg to stand on and then pretending like he has the power to pull the plug.
You guys, get this straight: the only time the figure '$1500' was EVER mentioned by Tucker was as the figure the WGA would charge for membership. SOMEhow, people on this blog associated the figure '$1500' (in speculation) with the amount of money Comedy Central paid him (an amount that has never been disclosed). Reading back on this blog will show this.
I done fucked a moose-knuckle once.
If tucker claimed WGA membership is $1500, then he doesn't know what he's talking about.
1) The WGA website (which I linked to above) lists membership as $2500.
2) You don't need to be a WGA member to work as a screen writer.
3) You can't join the WGA until you already have a certain amount of screen writing credits.
I'm not going to dig through his shithole messageboard to find his exact quote. Maybe somebody told him it cost $1500 to join -- at some point in the past, it probably did cost $1500.
But he's wrong about the cost and he doesn't have the experience to join.
Amen brother. In this case, I refer to the venerable, and decidedly wise poster at "11/16/2007 6:16 AM"
"Tucker is an idiot. He chose the worst path possible. He overplayed a weak hand, and now has nothing"
Neither I, nor any other person could have expressed the essence of the "Tucker Max phenomenon" (rights reserved by Douchebaggery Incorporated) more succinctly.
Bravo, sir.
nice run on sentence.
Anonymous (1:19 PM ), you're right. Cockly McBeefwell probably doesn't even care about Tucker anymore. That would explain why there hasn't been a new post for 8 months. Everyone now knows that Tucker is full of shit, so this website isn't very controversial anymore.
Think about Tucker.
Nah, let's focus on Mikey Fun Chow for a while...anyone read his latest blog post (it may only be on My Space)?
Widdle Mikey is moving baaaack to Portsmouth. He hates the big, bad city.
Or is there more to the story? Does he hate Tucker?
Did Tucker fuck him up the ass without lube?
Hmmm....
"...your persistent determination puts the tootsie roll owl to shame..."
LMFAO!
Well there is one advantage: I bet busboys in Portsmouth, NH get paid better than their counterparts in Los Angeles. All in all, a solid career move, Mini-Skirt Mike.
1:19 I agree with you to some extent. I can't speak for the others who comment here, but as for me, there is a real possibility that my interest in Tucker is unhealthy. The thing is, why do you care? It is none of your business how anybody else spends their time.
Beyond that, you are essentially doing the same thing the people here are. We are interested in a person on the internet; you are interested in a group of people on the internet. There is no real difference, and you are being very hypocritical.
The strange thing is that you suggest we're gay and then invite us all out for bloody mary's. That's funny.
Anyway, like I alluded to earlier, I mostly agree with you. Thinking about some dude on the internet is a weird waste of my time. I'm going to make an effort to cut it out.
The purpose of the blog is to entertain. Turning this into Psy. 101 blog is a lame attempt by the crap flooding loser from Baylor, to gain attention. Don't all highly paid energy traders crap flood blogs all day long?
Didn't Kung Fu Dyke claim to be an energy trader? If we accept his testimony at face value, he has awful timing. Here we are in the greatest bull market for energy in recorded history, and Mike is limping home broke after failing in Los Angeles.
Anonymous said...
The purpose of the blog is to entertain. Turning this into Psy. 101 blog is a lame attempt by the crap flooding loser from Baylor, to gain attention. Don't all highly paid energy traders crap flood blogs all day long?
11/21/2007 7:20 AM
You are the final holdout. The dude at 11/20/2007 7:27 PM pretty much hit the nail on the head. About himself and about me. I had already seen the hypocritical side of it all. I stood out on my balcony in the rain and lightning...I clenched my fists and screamed at the sky. The photograph I have of all of you fell to the floor. (Really its just a picture of a bunch of guys roughhousing with their faces cut out). I think of you as the one with the tied together wrestling shoes draped over his left shoulder. You're like my sporty spice. You say the purpose of the blog is to entertain. Well it was getting pretty stale there for a while. It needed characters, enemies, it needed revelations and drama. You are also very right about necessity of my getting attention. I wrote those terrible descriptions of what Baylor guy did with himself after he wrote his posts, or rather after I wrote them. Then I wrote from some other persepctives. Wouldn't it be scary if, when it came right down to it, it was predominantly you and I communicating with each other in here? If that WERE the case, well, we could at least define it as entertainment.
^^^Enjoy talking to yourself? Your writing style looks the same as the 7:27 poster.
Get help, dude. You are obsessed with the posters here.
I've started a new web site. Check it at:
www.obsessedwithtuckermaxdoucebagposters.blogspot.com.
^^^ 1021 dude was trin to be funny. Your inability to figure that out speaks volumes.
Hi. I'm obsessed with Tucker Max. It started out a few years back. A friend of mine sent me a link to one of his stories -- I'm not sure which one -- and I was hooked. I spent all night reading through his website. Here was a guy who lived life by his own rules, a guy who said what he felt and got laid because of it. I had a new hero.
When he advertised for an assistant (I read his messageboard daily!), I nearly creamed my pants. I didn't send in my application immediately -- I knew there would be a lot of people vying for the position, so I spent a couple days crafting the perfect letter -- but I did send it in. And imagine my joy when I was chosen! I jacked off three times that night, I was so happy.
Later on, Tucker told me to drop out of college and move to LA with him. How could I refuse! Everything was fine for a while until Bunny moved in. She did his laundry, normally a duty of mine.
You see, I loved to smell his dirty underwear, inhaling his rich man-scent. Sometimes I even wore his dirty underwear. It made me feel pretty. Bunny took that away from me. When I heard them fucking at night, I would masturbate with them, imagining it was Tucker violating my anus and not a dildo I stole from bunny's drawer. Sometimes, when I find bunny passed out afterwards, I eat out her pussy in the hopes of getting some tucker max cream pie. Unfortunately, he tends to wear a condom. I can't blame him, her pussy tastes like shit.
Do you think I should just tell Tucker how I feel?
well ryan, we've never seen that side of you!
These stories just aren't funny if they aren't homoerotic. That last one though, I chuckled and chuckled right up until I blew my load.
I hope Holiday - for his own sake - realizes the mistake he made early enought to salvage the rest of his life.
If that "top" rudius writer made $83 for all of the work he put into his blog, then how could Holiday possibly be making enough to live on?
Holiday making $83 for working several months shows us that the Max websites aren't making much money. That shouldn't be surprising, as his numbers stink, and actual buying behavior by that group probably haven't panned out.
That is also why Kungfu Dyke is begging for a full-time job on his myspace.
It was BC Woods (Daddy Don't Hit Me) that made the $83, not Ryan Holiday. Daddy Don't Pay Me.... the site hasn't been updated since BC was fired. You'd never know he was fired if he hadn't mentioned it. Makes you wonder how many other rudius writers were fired for questioning their paycheck. Makes you wonder if any of the other rudius writers were even paid.
Shit.
Literally.
An innocuous scratch of his ball revealed that Tucker had shit his pants last night. As he lay in his bed, the afternoon sun creeped around the drawn window shade. His head still hurt from a night of drinking. He squinted his eyes and looked at the clock on the floor: 2:36.
"Bunny!" he yelled, "hey bunny!"
"What's up Gorilla?" she said, poking her head through the door.
"Uhh, listen, uhh, I like hooked up with a, uh, girl last night, and uh, she, uh, she shit in my bed. I uh, you gotta clean this mess up for me."
She snickered. "You haven't been laid in 3 weeks. Do you want me to get some Depends for you?"
She was right. Being the psycho ex she was, she kept track of how often he got laid. Or how often he didn't, as the case was.
"Go fuck yourself."
"I was", she said, walking off.
"Hey Ryan!"
"Hey tucker. I just got back from a 10 mile run. I had some great ideas for cross promoting the movie by capitalizing on core dynamics ..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, Remember that uh hot blond at the uh bar last night? Uh, after you like, uh, left I hooked up with her, uh, and she uh she shit my bed. Can you belive this shit? uh, so I'm gonna sleep in your uh bed uh until you get my bed cleaned."
Ryan watched as he peeled off his boxers. He gave them a couple sniffs before turning his nose in disgust and tossed them against the wall, leaving a brown splotch, and left the room.
Ryan pulled back the covers to Tucker's bed revealing a lumpy brown pool of half dried shit. With his right index finger, he poked at a lump.
Looks like a peanut, he thought to himself. He put it in his mouth. Yep, it's a peanut.
His cock twitched. He dropped trou and picked up a handful of warm shit. Jackpot.
^^^^^
That story was funnier than anything Tucker has written in the last few years.
just like tucker, the 15 min of this blog are over.
good run though!
This girl's looking for Tucker:
http://www.dallasobserver.com/2007-11-29/news/douchebags-in-the-mist/
Hey there--I was just checking the Comedy Central listsings for Tucker's new show. When is it on again?
LOL--a week from never.
My MBA program is right now studying the case study on how Tucke rMax revolutionized the entertainment industry by being an asshole and telling everyone that he was an asshole, because how ironic would that be, and even though he said, he was still an asshole, which was ironic^2, which is really cool and revolutionary. Absinthe blogads bring in millions upon millions of dollars.
clearly those ads are getting less and less conversion on his site.
I dont remember seeing AdSense on there prior to everyone figuring out that he's full of shit.
Half of the Tucker Max admirers aren't able to afford absinthe on their weekly allowance.
Ad conversion is way down, as the same people keep visiting his site. In terms of reach, his site has lost approximately 65% of its unique audience from last year. Page views have also dropped like a rock.
Tucker Max has become Tucker Min.
what happened to that sirius radio show he was going to do?
i actually listened to that abortion when it aired. jeez, nice lispy voice.
What is Tucker going to do now that all of his projects have fallen through? Is he going to live off of his website forever? Traffic to the website has to be on a downward trend.
I don't think he can live off of the website traffic. The demographic isn't appealing, as evidenced by the poor quality of advertiser. That might give you a measure on his click through rate, which is probably tiny.
The Alexa ratings are down significantly from last year, the previously cited 65% drop might be a reasonable estimate.
The Tucker crowd is abandoning him, either out of boredom or because they realize that his 15 minutes of fame are about over.
Even this blog has taken a hit. There is little new material, and very few new Tucker lies to introduce. Damnit Tucker, do something!
I AM doing something, motherflippers. I'm creating the most incredible film experience any of you losers will ever see. It has EVERYTHING - a dude having a bowel movement in a hotel lobby, some guys cracking wise at a strip club - EVERYTHING. You'll see. A cinematic experience this powerful has never been seen before. you losers are going to be eating your words when it's all said and done.
~TM
The reason his traffic is dying is because all his original die-hard fans have grown up. They are no longer intrested in his stories or the are now able to think for themselves and realize that his stories are just that..stories.
The forum is pretty much the same as it was when it started topic wise but most of the posters are guliable kids who think they are original by copying the attitudes of the collective whole. The forum is basically like the "Borg" as a matter of fact it should be called "The message borg"
Drunkrex Cracked articles are lame.
seriously. cruise tucker max's message board. believe me, he'll love the traffic. but any posts by the beloved rudius bloggers have a link to something someone else wrote with a "discuss" to cap it off. it's hilarious.
"but any posts by the beloved rudius bloggers have a link to something someone else wrote with a "discuss" to cap it off. it's hilarious."
Actually there's a great thread right now where Ryan Holiday, a bigger douche than Tucker will ever be, links to one of his own inane articles, about how people will be able to source Wikipedia in academic works within five years. He bases this all of a misinterpretation of a hack book about the wisdom of crowds, etc. etc.
Eventually, and this is why I like the thread, he gets called out and has his argument torn to shreds by people who actually work in academia, have specialized knowledge in assorted fields of knowledge and oh, didn't drop out of college to work for Tucker Max.
I'm not sure if it's part of Tucker's plan to bring his traffic back up, but so many of the posters (Ryan being the prime example) are so thoroughly unlikeable (see also: KungFu Mike, DrunkRex, Tucker, The Bunny, etc. etc.) that I want to read the board just to see if they can out-do themselves in terms of how awful and self-delusional they are.
The flipside is that I can't stomach any of their blogs. No wonder they all use nicknames; would you really want your name associated with any of the garbage they post?
Yeah, Tucker's delusions are, in my opinion, his defining quality. He actually believes that he is poised to take over the entertainment industry. He actually thinks that Rudius is going to be a success, even though both the business model and its execution are laughable. He actually thinks that his movie is going to get or made. I guarantee you that the script he wrote is garbage. He's just not funny anymore.
didnt u guys know that this site hasn't been updated b/c tuckers got people that work 4 google and they got cockys info and are blackmailing him so he wnt post blogs on here anymore?
I'm sure Cocky would have a field day. He'd sue Google, and Google would pay or face ugly publicity fall out.
You know what would be funny? McBeef hiring a Duke law grad to represent him.
The person who left the comment at 10:14 is an idiot. If Cockly was being blackmailed, why wouldn't Tucker demand that he take down the entire site instead of just not posting anything new? Cockly probably stopped caring about Tucker a long time ago.
Tucker is a sad specimen. What can he really do now? Nobody other than his father is going to hire him with his crappy work history.
And so should EVERYONE here.
success = tucker max
I go away for a little while and the latently gay obsession rears its ugly head again. I thought my sporadic sessions with you guys had turned some of you away from "the lifestyle". Apparently, Tucker Talking (and homosexuality) have a high rate of recivitism amongst highly educated ivy-league graduates...namely, you guys.
Don't you understand that, by coming here, you're equating yourself with us? If WE'RE gay, YOU'RE gay.
Fucker's fifteen minutes are up. He isn't going to have a TV and he isn't going to have a movie. His publisher is going to regret the $300k advance for his forthcoming piece of shit book - assuming that he's even telling the truth about that.
I think Tucker is good for one last laugh. In about a dozen years, there will be a David Spade-like movie (Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star) on guys like Tucker, KFed, Kato Kaelin, etc.
KFed and Kato Kaelin are far more famous than Tucker Max will ever be. I do wonder what Tucker will be doing to 10 years. Will he be overweight, without a job, and living with his father?
ok, everybody agrees kfed is a jizzmop, but consider this:
Britney Spears :: KFed
The Bunny :: Tucker
bwahahahah
As post number 1500 I'd just like to say that I've fucked Tucker in the ass and he cried like a little bitch.
Anonymous @ 12/13/2007 1:21 PM wrote:
KFed and Kato Kaelin are far more famous than Tucker Max will ever be. I do wonder what Tucker will be doing to 10 years. Will he be overweight, without a job, and living with his father?
Yeah, you're right. He wouldn't make the cut. I think another poster also helped put it in perspective:
Anonymous @ 12/13/2007 4:35 PM wrote:
ok, everybody agrees kfed is a jizzmop, but consider this:
Britney Spears :: KFed
The Bunny :: Tucker
bwahahahah
You guys are wrong. In ten years Tucker will have five additional NY Times bestsellers. He'll have a movie that will have grossed $100million and several TV shows based on Rudius Media properties.
Now, gotta go, have to figure out how to budget my $83 from blogging to pay for rent, food, utilities and entertainment for the coming month.
Bored at work today so I thought I'd visit Rudius to see what our favorit douche has been up to over the past few months. Its been years since the Douchebag posted anything new or entertaining, aside from the recurring admissions of failure.
Why? Perhaps since TM is now seemingly pursuing a new goal: becoming a trained MMA fighter. He has started a new blog (http://www.fourouncestofreedom.com/) where the writing is VERY similar to what TM has put out before. It fits with his desire to prove himself (failed at the military, failed at Hollywood, failed in his high-school basketball pursuit, etc) as a man. And to complete this greek comedy, he is now posting pics of himself (complete w/douchebag approved chest shave) on his website showing his new fitness level:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/ showthread.php?p=575176#post575176
This pic cracks me up more than just about anything else he has posted in years. There is absolutely no reason to post a pic in the thread, but as Tucker has zero self confidence, he just HAS to let the world know that he is no longer pasty & fat. But, he is afraid of the ridicule he will endure if he posts that he is trying to become a MMA fighter, so he does it surreptitiously. Classic Tucker.
And that Bunny is doing MMA training as well makes sense as well, as she can't be more than 10 feet away from Tucker at any one time.
Bit of supposition involved in this theory, but it makes sense given TM's lack of meaningful posts or actual production.
Um, probably not, but just as vain:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/
showthread.php?t=18147
Tucker was kind to put up those pictures of his naked self - now KingFagMike, DRex and Holiday have jerk-off material.
Michael Boulerice!
Michael Boulerice!
Michael Boulerice!
Tucker's Predictions for 2007:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=19172
I'm willing to bet that none of these come to pass and the thread is quietly deleted when the release of his book is pushed back (again) in late 2008 because of his desire to "change the face of publishing".
Also worth a laugh:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=19206
Right. Like how your resolutions, past & present, are completely subjective, leaving you as the ultimate arbiter of whether you succeeded. How about a nice (quasi) objective benchmark, like whether your Alexa rankings (with all their attendant flaws) continue to plummet throughout the year? Face it Max, you're a one-trick pony who's time has passed.
And yes, I feel very dirty for having spent this much time on both the RMMB and this website.
Rudius must have run out of money, because none of their sites are currently working. Only the RMMB runs, and that's because it's on another network.
It's been like this for a few days too, not just for a few hours.
Tucker is at the forefront of the media revolution with Web 3.0! Didn't you know that the next generation of the web will be all about NO content and inaccessible pages! Once again, Rudius strides across the web like a Colossus, pointing the way of the future! Duh.
Why would any writer go with Rudius? None of their sites have taken off, their best writer left them (after an $88 paycheck), and even TM's biggest syncophant, The Bunny, admitted in her latest rambling that she was "college broke"---not exactly what you want to be as a 30 y.o. female in LA. His other long-time jock sniffer Kung-Fu Mike had to move back to the North East & move in with his mother (at age 30) for christs sake! Talk about a Legion of Failure.
Tucker is a loser. He failed at the military. He failed repeatedly at getting a TV show. None of his assertions about reinventing the state of media haven even come close to materializing. And now he thinks that shooting a self-financed, low budget movie will launch him into the stratosphere in '08? Please.
I love his New Year's resolution for '08: "make the leap". From what? A D-list internet has-been that aside from some 15-21 y.o. virgins everyone mocks?
Tucker's problem, and those around him, is that none of them can consistently deliver quality material on any semblance of a timeline. Where is the ever promised Bunny book? What has it been--2-3 years since she announced that she had a book deal? Ditto Tucker's next book--which will undoubtably be completely unoriginal and unfunny (if any of his recent blogs/posts/stories are any indication). Its already been delayed one year, but Tucker of course thinks it is going to hit #1 on the NY Times bestseller list. Please.
Tucker reminds me of one of those one-hit wonder bands/singers, who had a semi-hit that crested at about #14 on Kasey Kasem's America's Top 40, then spend the next thirty years living off the mojo of that one song playing for state fairs & tractor pulls across the midwest & south.
I just read Kung Fu Mike's "Why I moved home" and my hatred of Fucker just doubled. KFM seems to have been completely destroyed after his L.A. adventure. Part of this was due to his financial reliance on Rudius Media.
Yes, KFM is a big boy and can make his own decisions, but Fucker should stop giving these guys a load of bullshit and start telling them the truth before they uproot themselves and move across the country.
Fuck you Tucker Max.
Honestly, that's the best thing KFM ever wrote. Who knows, maybe getting away from Tucker is the best thing for him professionally, or maybe he'll be putting up seamless gutters on rich peoples summer homes for a living.
Who's next to drop off the TM map of faux-wannabe-literary-stars?
Bunny or Ryan Holliday?
My guess is it's Ryan, his parents send in a couple of deprogrammers to kidnap him. Bunny is the Squeaky Fromme of the Tucker Manson cult, so she's going nowhere but down.
Either way, it will be fun to watch Ryan rationalize himself out of his reality of hooking up with a failure like Tucker Manson on his blog. Even more fun 10 years from now, when he's working manual labor with KFM for low wages, wondering when Tucker's next book is coming out.
One reason why I do not like the "new media" is that it allows mediocre individuals to get a tiny "audience" and thereby delude themselves into thinking that they have talent.
Just about anybody can self-publish these days - and I've seen some very good independently published work - but 90% of it is cliched junk written by people with little to no talent. For every "indie" writer, artist or band with a good piece of work there are 50 others who really should stick to their day jobs. All the new media is doing is making it harder to separate the wheat from a growing mass of chaff.
Gatekeepers - be they record labels, literary agents or galleries - do have a function to keep out "the crap." Yes, they fuck up a lot. I hate corporate pre-packed music, bad novels and shit art as much as anybody else, but I'll bet there are 100 hacks kept out for every talented artist that is missed by a gatekeeper.
KungFu Mike has learned a tough lesson, but hopefully now he gets a real job and does his writing on the side. If it doesn't pan out he'll still have a career doing something else. Unfortunately there are a million people out there waiting tables and hoping for a big break that ain't going to happen.
From 'The Now Infamous Tucker Max Charity Auction Debacle' (IHTSBIH):
"That is the whole true story, exactly as I remember it."
Speaks volumes, doesn't it?
I don't know which is the most depressing facet of Mini Skirt Mike's blog entry:
a) Financial failure
b) Social failure
c) Acknowledgement of failure
d) Inability to correct his present course, despite acknowledgment of failure
e) Obvious self-esteem issues
Even a talented writer (which Mike is not) needs to experience life. Mike isn't going to drink life by reading a Tucker message board, or isolating himself socially from the real world.
To sum it up: BCWoods quit, Bunny is broke, KungFag had to move back home with his mom and Ryan Holiday is the only Rudius blogger who updates more than once every three months.
Talk about taking the media world by storm.
I just can't believe that Tucker is re-releasing his book with "new" material; especially considering his actual new book should have come out a few months ago. The designs for the revised cover he posted on his site are embarassing, so of course the only poster willing to point this out was banned for a week.
Also, Tucker said he's sold around 300,000 copies. The book came out two years ago and costs around $12. He gets what, a 20% cut?
That's pretty decent bank, and if you factor in what he allegedly earns from advertising, why is it that all his employees are dead broke?
Is everything (from his sales records to his advertising income) a complete lie? Or does he just rip-off his friends that bad?
"Also, Tucker said he's sold around 300,000 copies. The book came out two years ago and costs around $12. He gets what, a 20% cut?"
I doubt he's sold that many, and he's not getting 20%. He's a first time author with no real record of success. If anything IHTSBIH was a financial risk that was rewarded by success. But that success was after the fact, and I'm assuming he got about 8-10% max.
I'm guessing that Tucker has made about 300K from the book. Add to that the fact that he got a nice advance for his next book, which means that he's made about 600K for his work the last three years or so. That's pretty good, but not so good if you're putting it back into your business. A business model based on an idea some overinflated ego (surrounded by a bunch of sycophants) has come up with.
He's become like the dark side of the show Entourage, where instead of people reaping the benefits of being a groupie of a famous person, they all self implode while the "star" begins to plummet.
300k is probably true--he had posted 60k in sales the first 6 months of sales, and 200k as of SXS last fall, so 300k is reachable, and his book is still top few hundred in Amazon & on the top 25 of paperback non-fiction. Its been fairly sticky.
He has stated before that he receives roughly $2.00 per book, and with his re-release it will be $3.00.
So $600k over 5 years (it took 2+ years to get it sold & in print), equates to $120k income per year + whatever he makes off the blog ads. Decent bank, but after taxes, expenses, etc basically middle income.
The $300k advance for his next book may have had to be returned as delaying a book release a year is usually a sign of problems.
However how much went into starting Rudius? There is no way that biz is generating enough cash to cover any real salaries, but then again do they even have real employees? Ryan is part-time, Bunny is broke, and who knows what DrunkRex & the rest of the retards do on a daily basis besides massage the message board.
And if he is making even middle income bank, why live in a shitty part of LA with roommates at his age? Something doesn't add up.
I can’t be alone in thinking that there are some good writers on Rudius Media and that more could have been done to make the site successful.
As it stands Rudius has the air of a faintly disreputable independent record company that flaunts its alternative credentials but ends up screwing bands worse than they would ever be by a major label.
Now everything seems to be on the verge of flying apart. Tucker is resourceful enough to land on his feet and hobble away. Those riding on his coattails will suffer varying fates.
Part of the problem with the whole Tucker thing was that he never really had fans, at least in the sense of people sitting at their computers howling at his tales of getting drunk in a strip club in Austin. What hooked those sad and pathetic fucks in was the idea that Tucker was going to be the next big thing ala Maddox (who himself has seen his 15 minutes expire) or something of that ilk. They latched on because they're losers who desperately feel the need to be part of something. Once they realized that wasn't going to happen they bailed because Tucker's stories really have no value as literature or entertainment.
You have to laugh at how he constantly berates and abuses his 16 year-old groupies on that message board of his. He owes whatever illusion of popularity he has to them. Rest assured, Tucker Max is still unknown to 99% of his target audience, let alone people in general.
And I thought I was broke:
Tucker is too poor to go out for New Year's Eve.
Sure he covers it up by saying that NYE is a night for amateur drinkers, that LA is full of them, etc. etc., but come on, this is just embarrassing. He's like 33 and the only friends he has are that DrunkRex dude and Bunny? And the best idea they had for celebrating the night was coming up with a stupid bit for the message board?
Hello Tucker,
I finished reading your book, and I would like to say that I really doubt you will be going to hell. A trip to hell would suggest that your behavior and your life (including your book) actually has some sort of global significance. Rather, you are most certainly headed for reincarnation as one of the "Wildebeast" girls (from your female ranking system), complete with acne and a hairlip. However, for this to happen, you will have to develop a more substantive soul beyond the vaporous sub-entity of semen and booze that currently passes as such -- lest there be nothing to reincarnate.
(In case you are thinking I am a bitter Wildebeast with nothing going for me, my website link is below.)
Please understand... I don't say these things because I found your book deeply shocking and offensive. Instead, I found it a bit snoozy and hard to get through, largely because you sing a one-note tune ("look at Tucker get smashed, pork some girl in the ass, and then treat her like dirt"), and then insist that the reader acknowledge how cool and surreal the stories are. And you call yourself a writer. (Any fool can carry a tape recorder, transcribe the events of his life, and then regurgitate them in bullet-point form. This isn't writing.) Truth be told -- and I say this as a psychologist who has seen the dark side of many lives -- your stories of drunken debauchery hardly even register on my "bizarre-n-kinky meter."
Also understand... I don't say these things because I think you are a loathesome cad. Indeed, I find many womanizing cads to be very sexy, very fascinating, and very worthy of a nasty and boozy roll in the hay. But you have a long way to evolve before you qualify as one of these. The truly sexy cad is a multi-dimensional and tortured creature: He might abuse substances and use women, but he is full of self-loathing and recrimination. In glimpses, you can see his humanity, even his divinity, and his fundamental desire to be something more than the gin-soaked bastard that he is. For an excellent role-model of the supremely sexy cad, see Dennis Leary's character in "Rescue Me."
If you produce some writing that shows a little more diversity and complexity -- and soul -- to your exploits, I might just read your next book. You certainly have potential. But until then... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
yeah, what is the deal with tucker claiming to be a good writer? what the fuck could have possibly given him that idea? there's nothing even remotely intelligent or interesting about any of his stories. fucking hack.
Tucker made the bestseller list; therefore, he's a good writer. The Backstreet Boys made the Billboard chart; therefore, they must be good musicians.
Can you tell that Aenigma is really Tucker Max?
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=587590
It's blatantly obvious, and very interesting. There is a wealth of information on Tucker's mind and real self in that thread.
I get the feeling that Bunny is supporting that house full of losers.
If I remember correctly, she has a job. One that sounded like it would pay decently. If she's only paying 1/3 of house expenses, she shouldn't be broke. Certainly not that fucking broke.
As much as I think she's a hypocritical bitch, I just want to shake her and say, "RUN!"
Anon 1/07/2008 11:12 PM
Any rational person would think that Fucker et al. could afford a better place to live if he was making as much money as he claims from his website and his book.
I don't believe his "plowing money back into Rudius" claim one bit. I helped some friends start a small internet business and the overhead was very low. I doubt he even needs to spend $5k/month to keep that company running.
The only reasonable conclusion is that he's lying his ass off regarding how much money he is making. Either that or he's socking it away due to the realization that once his 15 minutes are up he'll need those savings since he has no viable job skills and few prospects for employment in the real world.
Seriously, read that thread. Aenigma is Tucker Max. If the style wasn't enough of a clue (the diction and syntax are exactly like Tucker's), the content is. The guy plans on getting jacked, finishing a movie, and finishing a book.
I wonder if "Aenigma" is Tucker's way of saying "yeah - I'm so smart because my fake handle is 'A(n) enigma' or 'enigma' using a different vowel." Obviously this is because Tucker is so complex that he is an interisting enigma of a human being.
If this is true, then he's about 50 years too late - the real name of "The Riddler" from Batman was "Edward Nygma" - E.Nygma, "enigma," he tells riddles, get it?
Tucker sucks hairy man ass.
Poster 12:27 PM,
Damn, that was great. I don't know if you should make that character an attorney at the end, though. Do we know if the character has even passed the bar exam? And who would want to hire the guy anyway?
Have you thought up names for the friends who didn't invite him to the wedding and who called him out as a fraud? Just wondering.
1/09/2008 12:27 PM
That was bloody brilliant. I'd see that movie. I'd love to compare your treatment to whatever TM has going on with his own script.
I believe the friend who didn't invite him to the wedding was SlingBlade. The friend who called him out might have been Jojo, but I'm not sure about that one.
That was fucking brilliant.
Actually, you could actually do a made-for-TV movie along those lines, though you'd have to borrow stories from other, more colossal Hollywood failures. Therein lies the irony, 12:27. Tucker's life isn't worth living, let alone witnessing.
Wedding was definitely Slingblade's. Tucker almost cops to it here:
As most of you know, a few weeks ago I went to SlingBlades wedding. I don't think I am going to end up writing much about it--even though there was a retard tour group staying at our hotel--but there is one short anecdote I have to tell:
SlingBlade was about as ambivalent as to the wedding details as a human could be, and his parents ended up planning the rehearsal dinner. Well, the wedding party was very small, and even though SB had like eight friends show up, only five of them were in the actual wedding. The three left out? Me, Jojo, and Credit. Apparently, SB didn't trust me to behave enough to put me his wedding. Jerk.
OK, no big deal, I would probably make the same call. But since it was his parents organizing the rehearsal dinner, they only invited the people in the wedding party. I am not making this up: SB had eight friends at his wedding, and only five were invited to the rehearsal dinner.
I was legitimately pissed off about this. I mean, I am one of the dudes best friends on earth, and I wasn't invited to give a speech? The best part was that he was pretty much clueless when I asked him about it, "I don't know who I am supposed to invite to these thing, I didn't organize it. How much do you think I know about weddings??"
Thats OK, I got something for him. I was going to give him $200 cash for his wedding gift, but instead I gave him a wedding card with the receipt from my dinner the night of the rehearsal dinner, with the amount of the dinner deducted from $200. Down to the coins. I thought it was pretty funny.
Yes, I'm sure it was all some big misunderstanding. What a ridiculous lie.
I don't know who called him out though, cause JoJo still posts on the board.
I bet that this treatment is more than TM has on his own script.
I think 12:27 is either an insider to TM or has a very active imagination. Either way, somebody should email Tucker with his treatment (unless it actually was Tucker who was writing it).
Jojo does still post on the board, but he still could have called Tucker out. I remember several posts from him in which he called Tucker a James Frey.
I thought it was pretty funny.
I think Tucker is a whiny faggot and no, that dumb trick wasn't funny. Who hasn't been to small weddings where they haven't been invited to the rehearsal dinner? Grow the fuck up you baby.
Hell I wish I could pass on ever going to weddings because they're boring and the bride & groom end up splitting after 2 years anyway.
I'm 24 (to Tucker's 32) but shit, I'd be mortified to try and pass off $200 in cash as a wedding present to one of "best friends in the world."
I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that giving them the change and bill from his dinner the night of the rehearsal dinner was a douche move, but I'd argue that the initial gift is an even worse insult than that. No wonder he wasn't invited to the wedding.
JoJo appears to have carte blanche on Rudius Media. He has called Tucker out on a number of occasions.
JoJo appears to have carte blanche on Rudius Media. He has called Tucker out on a number of occasions.
You're right, but I don't get why. It seems like most of the posters who've lost interest in Tucker (even as recently as Mr Jake, but I know there's been a lot of falling outs) just don't bother posting anymore.
And the posters who have real beef against him and care to say anything (BC Woods) are categorically banned from posting.
I'm probably alone in saying this on here, but I found Max' page about 3-4 years ago, saw some promise in him as a new media celebrity/personality/writer and actually enjoyed most of his stories.
But the constant "my big break is just around the corner" coupled with the complete lack of any kind of open discussion on his career on the message board or in his blog have really turned me away as a fan.
Which I think at least partially explains the huge turnover rate on the message board that the moderators keep referring too. (i.e. drunkasaurusrex: "Well we did this thread three months ago, but since it's almost completely new users since then, we'll run it again.")
To give actual cold, hard cash? Yeah, that's tacky. I don't think it would have been had it been a check, but does Tucker even have a checking account?
As for JoJo, I get the feeling that he hasn't been banned because he knows something and can hold it over Tucker's head.
:::shrug:::
Just some random thoughts.
When Tucker first announced that Comedy Central had fallen through, he made it sound like it was his decision to cancel the deal, in order to work on his movie. Then, recently, he alluded to the notion that Comedy Central hadn't seen his vision, was just like all the other networks, etc. etc. It's interesting that, once again, it was the fault of someone else that his vision hadn't panned out.
It would be one thing if Tucker's work truly was in some way groundbreaking, but really: what does he do as an artist that is so revolutionary? Writing about his exploits isn't anything new. His greatest achievement to date has been a successful individually-run website and a NYT bestseller. But the website success is to be expected, with the new-media advent, and the NYT thing isn't bad, but a lot of books run up and down that list. Neither of these accomplishments translates to any sort of revolutionary or groundbreaking presence, and I just wonder why he's so confident that he's somehow a vanguard for artistic expression. Those people who read and enjoy his writing today, by and large, will forget about him tomorrow; those who don't need to check themselves for personal growth and maturity.
That NYT bestseller status is for hardcover non-fiction. He placed top 20 in the land of self help, personal finance, and biographies.
No doubt his upcoming movie will be in the top 50 documentaries of the year.
I find it incredibly funny that Proser said in the plagiarism thread that BC had an ego inflated by rep points. He's really quite humble.
I guess that's the angle Tucker is playing. I guess it was egotistical of him to expect to get paid for his writing, as he was told he would.
For shame, BC. For. Shame.
Hey Guys! Rudius Media is having another internet celbrity poker tournament! Participating this time:
Tucker Max -Bestselling author and Hollywood Mogul
Homeless Ed - Remember Homeless Ed from the Disco Buttplug story? He was evicted and had to live in his car for 2 months in law school after I shit on his landlady's porch. Fuck her if she can't take a joke. This isn't him, this is a homeless guy that lives in the dumpster behind the McDonald's
Larry The Cable Guy - No, not that one, Larry the meth head that hooked me up with some free cable.
The Bunny -Graphic artist and soon to be children's book author. She won't be having any kids of her own, due to that ghetto abortion I gave her. I think she still resents me for that.
Paul Neuman - An up and coming Hollywood action star/waiter. You haven't heard of him yet, but you will. I know talent. This guy has talent. And he gets free nachos.
Seriously, though, I suck at poker and Homeless Ed smells like shit, so I probably won't last the first round.
^^^ As a regular poster here I would normally be pretty fired up about this little tidbit of Tucker news for me to swallow whole like peeled banana, but the way you describe it needs to be a little bit more, well, homoerotic to really pique out interests.
Kungfu Mike's real name is Michael Boulerice. I also have his phone number and email address if anyone wants it.
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I heard tucker max is a douchebag.
If you login to Facebook.com and look at that group, you'll see that this asshole tries to defend Tucker and is then called out for being a loser:
http://justinvarner.net/
I think Fat Varner might actually be a bigger douchebag than Tucker.
What's the deal with THIS?!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osMfkq_MwKY
I wonder how The bunny is doing with that book of her's? I guess she's been bust doing tuckers laundry.
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/tuckermax.com
awesome.
even with all that corporate viacom cash to support anal sex and duke law douchebaggery, tucker is going down.
a new age has begun. an age of freedom.
Yeah, Tucker's actually in a lot of trouble. Check this out if you haven't heard about it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGvHuBYX5eo
Pathetic:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=599625&postcount=35
this blog has gotten stale.
viral posts linking to shitty indie trailers on youtube? jeez.
Another sad/pathetic/funny thing I noticed on his message board the other day, the first listed ad for his "Tucker Premium" ad section is just his own referall link to an Amazon book.
He's gotta be doing well if that's how he's pulling in an income these days.
Yet another pathetic thing: Tucker doesn't lift the weights that are a part of his workout program. Anybody who knows even a little bit about weightlifting knows that Tucker will never see gains.
No way Tuckers site is better then ever! Where else can you read such nugget's of tucker's wisedom such as this.
Quote Tucker:
"Five years ago (January 2002):"now: I had no self-awareness, I was adrift in my career, I was not reading or writing on a daily basis--I was doing nothing I cared about. A few months earlier, I would have told you I was on top of the world, but at this point I was beginning to realize how much I hated doing that conventional type of work, and it was really showing in my approach to things. My father fired me the next month, and to that point I thought that was the lowest moment in my life, but I had no idea what the next five years would bring."
First line "I was not reading or writing I was adrift in my career," I thought when you were over 25(25 is being kind he was probably more like 27 five years ago) you should be atleast starting your career by then .The douche is still not writing. If he was so busy writing why was his book delayed? His own Father fired him. To that point he thought that was the lowest point in his life? Finally he's got something right. Having the silver spoon ripped out of your mouth can be painful. What has the next five years brought him? HMM let's see, an internet site that in the past 5 years has lost all of it's edge and is now infested with teenagers. No real advance and (or) changing the face of media as we know it today. A failed "Piolt" at a 3rd rate cable station. Vison of grandure of a movie that will never be made. Last but not least sharing a house with a bunch of loser's in the cholo district of L.A. Yeah Tucker go on with your bad ,up and coming self.
Full thread here:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=13251
__________________
I've known professional writers (mostly journalists), and though they tend to be a diverse lot, the one common denominator is that they must write. That does explain the delayed publication date for Tucker's latest work. For him writing is a chore, not a release or avocation.
conventional type work? Fuck, he was a waiter at his daddy's restaurant. Since then, he's needed a shitload of menial jobs just to afford the McDonald's value menu.
The racist slur thread is hysterical, considering that board is just full to the brim with closeted racists.
Funniest thing Tucker's ever written:
https://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=19943
As if he's going to get real celebrities to cameo in his movie....depressing, really.
Anon 2/06/2008 6:28 AM:
He *might* be able to get some celebrities to do cameos - but it is going to cost him. There are enough low-level actors out there who will take a shit job so long as it comes with a paycheck.
Tucker will lie, of course, and claim that any celebs who were in this disaster waiting to happen either did it gratis or at the union minimum. That'll be a load of bullshit just like everything else out of his fat mouth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say... the Message Board is officially hilarious again. Not because any of the moderators or posters have anything funny to say, but holy s-, reading the posts of blind, unaware hypocrites is hysterical.
Even the moderators are a bunch of rubes - DrunkRex started a thread about how he's writing a script for Rudius Media. As if they're a real production company.
Maybe I just have a cruel sense of humor, but I found all that s- hilarious.
drunk rex's massive talent, along with kungfu mike's youtube video of the day, will reverse the decline of rudius media:
http://alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/tuckermax.com
think of all the corporate help tucker has gotten: the hundreds of thousands of dollars many times over from viacom, the mtv special, the comedy central deal, the scholarship to duke law.
and he still sucks.
now he's thirty-two. soon he will be forty.
where's the show? how many of his rudius blogs have been converted into shows? didn't he promise this?
think of all the knowledge he has received from robert green about power. how to get it. how to keep it. how to wield it to advance your alexa ratings and hook up with la 4's and cancel tv deals with comedy central/viacom.
where's the show?
for that matter, where is robert green's power? doesn't he have power to get tucker's show produced? don't tell me his book is a hoax too.
and their new-age, new-media website can't even crack the top 10,000.
maybe, just maybe, assholes don't finish first.
wow.
maddox, who barely posts, has no forum, does not advertise.......
still pwnz him on alexa. That just has to hurt you, eh tux?
Tucker's missed his window. He needed to capitalize on the success of IHTSBIH with a quick follow-up - something that would cement his reputation as a cultural phenomena, rather than some fly-by-night internet fad.
He didn't do that and now the momentum is lost.
you know his "celebrities" are going to be his blog buddies. He'll ask some of his story friends (TheCousin, TheBunny, TheStripper, ThePreOpTrannyWhoGivesGreatHead, etc) but they'll turn him down.
Look for: Bill Dawes, Jaime Kennedy, and Eric Schaefer. , and that waiter waiting for ihs big break (this isn't it).
tucker's site seems sooo 2004,
as most of his material is from 1999.
i expect viacom to keep supporting him with their corporate welfare program devoted to helping struggling artists.
You're wrong, dude. That program is for struggling ARTISTS. What, exactly, is Tucker's 'art'?
Obviously you haters haven't heard... Tucker's movie deal is going so well that he's launching the web site for it in two weeks.
Here's the best line of his whole post:
"So I am going to create a new media guide on how to create a feature. I'll have a section with a step-by-step guide to the process, some of it text but much of it done with video."
What's the over-under on the site being delayed because the director he "chose" didn't see eye-to-eye with his vision?
The way Tucker sounds, it's like Troy Duffy all over again. Duffy thought he'd revolutionize Hollywood too, and he can't get a dime to make a film ever again.
Tucker talks about Duffy, and "what to avoid" but really, he's not only walking down the path Duffy made, he's making it a two lane highway in the process. They're basically the same guy. Guys who have a decent semblence of talent, but thought way too highly of their own skills, treated those around them like shit, and sabotaged their own career.
Tucker doesn't even have an agent or management team behind him anymore.
God, he really is fucking delusional.
He claims in the movie thread that the board is only a very small part of his fan base. Are you kidding me? The traffic rankings alone prove that the board IS his fan base.
The difference between Duffy and Tucker is that people have a road map to Tucker's douchebaggery, whereas people had to work around Duffy to find out what he was really about.
I agree though, they are almost identical, except I'd say that Tucker has gotten to a higher level to fall from.
And in the meantime, Ryan Holiday keeps posting his childish inanities with the tenacity of a moron running into a wall. He probably thinks that he can benefit from all the other sites' stagnation to gain more readers. Silly fuckin Ryan Holiday, your first step to wisdom will be when you recognize your own mediocrity.
I was dying reading through the latest round of comments, cause I figured there's no way Tucker's message board has gotten that ridiculous. So I went over there, and what's one of the first threads I see? "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell Ringtones." Just...wow.
It's funny, but only in the kind of way "Overnight" was.
Yeah, the cringe factor on all the messageboard posts is really something. Based on the quality of the comments, the average TM fan is now in his late teens, never been laid, and still thinks that most of Tucker's witticisms are original.
Dropping in once per week is more than enough to catch the drift of what is going on--which is basically "we've run out of anything original to say, so lets have Drex publish some lame links, and lets reconstitute some old threads, and try and hang on for another week" Its just boring.
I have yet to figure out whether Tucker is truly delusional, or simply naive. His lets-get-in-shape-for-my-big-scene attempt is comedic both in his haphazard approach, as well as time-frame (forecasting a March shoot---while its obvious this is going to be done on a shoestring budget (if at all), TM thinking that making a film is all about the actual filming is laughable).
The years go by, TM fails to produce, his lackeys come & go (and yes, Ryan Holiday is a pretencious little twat), and his fan base decreases.
At the end, will TM make a big announcement or will his site simply cease to exist?
"At the end, will TM make a big announcement or will his site simply cease to exist?"
It will probably end up being something like this:
http://www.boondocksaints.com/
About a year or two ago, Duffy re-released Boondock Saints: Director's Cut, which was basically 5 minutes of stupid additions that showed clearly that Duffy wasn't clever with a camera (wow Troy, more blood, yawn).
Last year, Tucker's book was pushed back, and he is reissuing his popular book because it contains about another 20 pages of stupid additions that show clearly that Tucker is a one trick pony who, like Duffy, does not know what they are doing in entertainment.
Overnight was on IFC, and I just watched it. The stories are very similar indeed.
At present Tucker knows as much about creating a feature as professional forelock-tugger Ryan Holiday knows about power. He may have read books about it. He may have spoken to people who have done it, but as far as I can tell he doesn’t have any firsthand experience and certainly no past success in this area.
None the less he plans to produce a series of informative shorts that will educate the layman in the art of making a full length film. One way or another this project is going to be a comedy.
www.enturbulation.org
Anonymous is legion.
wow, his alexa rankings now have him getting less traffic than around the time that he first launched.
if it looks like it, and smells like it, then it must be....
way to revolutionize, tux. thats why i left.
I'm 1,345% sure that no "executive" would drag herself into the ghetto, into the ghetto house shared by three people, to do the laundry and suck the cock of an absolute nobody.
It's just not going to happen.
The subtext being 'I have connections in Hollywood but they aren't as savvy or as well-versed in movie lore as I am.'
That may well be true but if Tucker was confident about his own feature, he wouldn't resort to chest-beating like this.
I think it's interesting that Tucker brags about how one of the things that will separate him from 'old media' people in Hollywood is that he plans to treat people well. He doesn't treat people well on his message board well. He is condescending, insulting, and pretentious. It seems reasonable to expect him to treat these people as his customers, since that's what they are. I'm not sure why he makes a distinction.... and if treating people 'just like shit' (one of his witty, profound maxims) is a part of routine, how much of a sell-out is it for him to decide to suddenly treat people well?
Hey wrote the book about not treating people well. Assholes finish first won't be about drunken hookups with suicidal fat girls, it will be about how he fucked over BC Woods and other rudius media writers.
Tucker is going to give advice for making a film?
Okay, let me guess, here's his advice:
"First, write a book about all the funny stories friends of yours have told you over the years.
Then, make yourself the common thread in the stories by lying and saying they all happened to you (how JoJo hasn't said anything about this is beyond me).
Then write a book, making yourself out to be the wildest, craziest person on the planet. Tell everybody the stories are "100% true". Buy a lot of your books at next to nothing to make it seem like the book is flying off shelves.
Keep letting everybody know that you're a NYTimes Bestselling author even though your book is on the same list as that stupid Cheese book and other self-help bullshit that people forget by the next year.
Then take 2 years to write a script about your own book. Play it up. Make it like everybody in Hollywood wants to do business with you.
Also, during this time, make sure you get a big TV DEAL, but blow it because nobody wants to deal with your bullshit (as well as the fact that you're a mediocre writer with limited talent).
Tell everybody that you pulled the plug on the deal because the producers were douchebags. Who cares if it's true, fanboys will buy anything.
Get dropped by your agent and management team.
Come up with an outlandish plan to cash in on your awesome filmscript. Maybe attach some money man who is only really hanging out with you because they want to bang all the skanks that you won't fuck.
Tell everybody that you have a brillant idea for marketing and making the film, and how you're going to revolutionize the medium through your business dealings. Never once mention how nobody worth their weight is even bothering to look at your project because you've been blackballed by your and other agencies in Hollywood. Tell everybody that's part of your awesome plan.
Watch OVERNIGHT and realize you are Troy Duffy, only 10 years later."
Here's the thing about Tucker's movie. Nobody cares anymore. You were famous for a blip 2 years ago and everything you have promised has fallen through (always somebody else fault though, right?). He's become Troy Duffy, telling his friends about how his next big break is just around the corner, but always finding some new excuse to say why those things never came to fruition.
In other words, don't do anybody any favors, you didn't know what you were doing within TV, you don't know what you're doing in regards to your film. Tucker always speaks about how his film is going to revolutionize Hollywood, but it's always about how his business plan will do this,and never about the content of his own movie.
I'm betting that in 10 years, Tucker will be hawking his stuff on his skeleton of a website, still talking about how his next book or next movie is right around the corner. His whole posse will have left him by then and finding that life sucks for talented sycophants who threw their hats in the ring with a guy like Tucker.
Yes KungFuMike, I will have fries with that.
Originally Posted by Aaron Black
"You need either a star (or two) attached to attract financing, or a director attached whose name and body of work can attract such talent."
Granted, for a large budget film, or an actor driven script, this is still true. And as recently as even 5 years ago, this was true for pretty much any script.
Not anymore. The world has changed, and most of Hollywood hasn't even realised it yet. I will have the money for this movie before ever going out to directors or actors. The way I end putting the backend together for this is going to end up being in textbooks. you'll see.
Tucker's Tips For Moviemakers should be as successful as:
The Tucker Max Show
Bunny's Book
The Kung Fu Mike Book
Ryan Holliday's Tips For College Kids Who Are Smart
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Why I Left School - February 19, 2008
A couple weeks ago, one of Tucker Max's dogs jumped up, squatted and pissed all over my puppy's face who just happened to be stuck in the middle of a large tractor tire in the front yard of a barrio house in Los Angeles. Apparently, this is what my life has become. I'm totally happy with that. When you're in a surreal space, surreal things will happen - it's what you get when you take a chance and stop listening to "how things are and should be."
Oh come on Ryan,
We all know it was Tucker pissing in your face, because that's what he's done to your fledgling career as a "PR Director".
Good luck with that career post-TMMB.
We all know it was Tucker pissing in your face, because that's what he's done to your fledgling career as a "PR Director".
I think Tucker was doing something else on Ryan's face.
So Ryan has quit school & seemingly moved in with Tucker. Could this greek tragedy get any funnier?
Ryan has watched or read Fight Club way to many times. At what point will Tucker's minions simply abandon him?
"At what point will Tucker's minions simply abandon him?"
Good point. Tucker will always have some sucker around him. He is/was somewhat famous, and writes in a style that appeals to a demographic that wants to be exactly like him. Even Tucker isn't himself, he's some on-line ego experiment that went out of control somewhere around Januarty of 06 and watched it come crashing down sometime after the Opie and Anthony show.
That being said, there will always be a Ryan Holiday type around him because Tucker will promise them the world "when he hits it big" due to one of his various schemes. Really though, other than the fluke success of his book, he's basically a failure. Tucker was handed the world in 06, and it really looked like he was poised to do something with his noteriety. Problem was, he became Tucker Max, the character, rather then Tucker Max, businessman. It's one thing if you want to trailblaze your way to something long lasting, but Tucker has basically just followed the path of guys like Troy Duffy and has flopped in a less then spectacular fashion.
Tucker no longer has the TV show, his movie, if it gets made, probably won't do well because he's not that strong of a writer in the first place and is basically making a vanity project. He no longer has an agent and a manager (whom he says he fired). At the moment, he's managing his own career. Yes, he's found some low level Hollywood types to help him along with his film, but already you can tell that he thinks he's some sort of expert at it, much like he suddenly became an expert at making a TV show.
The next book was pushed back by the publisher, not Tucker. The only way it could have been pushed back by him is if he didn't complete it in the first place. Neither scenerio bodes well for Max. If his next book doesn't do well, or he is dropped back again, it's curtains.
By 2010, he'll be an afterthought. His career hinges on two things, both of which he controls. That being said, these are things he's blown before and he'll blow again.
The bottom line is this: if Tucker can get the movie made for six million, it will probably turn a decent profit. Six million is a pretty bare-bones budget for a movie, and the road-trip-frat-boy-whatever sort of movie appeals to the casual moviegoer-type, so it's not hard to see that sort of movie making its budget back, plus some. That certainly doesn't equate to revolutionizing Hollywood, and what Tucker is counting on is that the business/distribution models he's implementing are going to be so different from what's been done before, business and marketing types in Hollywood will take notice and recognize Tucker's genius. Will it happen? Who knows? But I think the disconnect comes from the fact that Tucker has NEVER had great content - he believes he does because he 'came from nowhere' to find a niche in pop culture. But great art has a timelessness and an existential beauty that is rarely stumbled upon by someone as narcissistic and opportunistic as Tucker. Do you think that, if Maxim radio (or whatever) had offered him a radio show, he would have turned it down? No. Do you think that if the Comedy Central situation had worked out differently, we wouldn't be hearing (from Tucker) all about how this was the next big thing? No. Tucker has a strange sense of entitlement, whereby he believes that somehow, someway, he's destined for greatness, and when anything falls through (radio, TV show, whatever), he simply moves on to the next thing, because in his mind, that's where this 'inevitable greatness' must be waiting to flow from. What Tucker truly doesn't understand is that without a truly meaningful, profound SOMETHING to offer the world, his destiny is to be one of the countless writers/creators/visionaries in the entertainment industry mechanism to make a nice living for himself, without ever actually contributing anything of true worth. Tragically, the money and fame that come from this will likely be enough to convince him that he has, in fact, established his legacy. Sorry, Tucker, Seth Rogan isn't 'great', Kevin Smith isn't 'great', Howard Stern isn't 'great', the fratire genre isn't 'great' (no, it's not enough to 'write about being a man in an honest and authentic way'), 50 Cent isn't 'great', Paul Wall isn't 'great', and your current path is not a path of greatness. It's a path of fame and wealth, maybe, if you do it right, but fame and wealth aren't the same as greatness. It's too bad modern western culture has confused those things for greatness.
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Tucker's business model isn't original. It's been done before, mostly by indie film production companies who tried to skate around Miramax during the 1990's. All of these companies had a record of success, none of their plans worked out.
But hey, none of them had a NYTimes best seller or fucked 1000 women, both of which mean a lot more in making a film then years of experience.
Tucker was supposed to have his "big announcement" about finding a director today (February 25th).
Wrote today that he'll have a "big announcement" on Thursday.
Here's the guess, he probably found a director. Director has agent do his due dillagence, asks Tucker for the escrow account with the money in the bank, (ya know, to show that he's for real). Tucker tells agent to fuck off. Deal ends up falling through, Tucker has to go to director #2.
Unless the money is in the bank, it's worthless to talk to anybody. Any director worth their weight is going to pass on Tucker. Think of the job.
You're going to work for:
A primadonna
A guy who lies, fucks over friends, and has poisoned the well for himself in Hollywood
A guy who is claiming knowledge on making films without making a film.
An alcoholic.
A risky at best scheme for the film to make money.
A guy who was let go by both his agent and manager.
A guy who has a very limited and shrinking audience.
I could go on, but whatever, I'm sure you get the point.
Nobody in Hollywood worth their weight would work on a film like this, it's a recipe for disaster.
Tucker will probably get some documentary director trying to break into feature films to do this movie.
documentary? only if you consider low budget porn to be a documentary.
$5 says he ends up "directing" it himself. Oh, wait, it won't be made. Nevermind.
2/25/2008 9:34 PM
"Tucker will probably get some documentary director trying to break into feature films to do this movie."
Good call. Probably some guy who won Sundance for a film nobody saw or cared about, and Tucker will make it out like it's a victory. I can see the headline now on TMMB:
"My Movie To Be Directed By Sundance Winner."
And go on about bragging about it, not realizing that it's meaningless.
Tucker has some money in the bank, I'm pretty sure of that. I doubt he has the 6 million yet, but he's savvy enough to score at least 2-3 just on his name and people he's met.
Tucker's dad wasn't much in the food service industry until he found an investor whom he partnered with for a number of years.
Tucker is smart, he'll probably get the film made, and most likely it will be exactly what he wanted. While I think the film will end up being a disaster if it even makes it to theaters, he's got enough of a fan base to make back 6 million dollars selling the DVD's through his website. Then again, perhaps that might of occurred while he was hot 2 years ago, nowdays, he's an afterthought.
Whomever said he poisoned his well in Hollywood is correct. While he didn't badmouth the production company who were going to make The Tucker Max Show, they certainly saw that he lied about him "taking back the deal". Word spread fast around Hollywood, so when Tucker went back out to find another production company, the doors were already closed and locked for him. He's not messing with people on his message board, he's dealing with professionals who know how to hurt you with a simple phone call.
He's hitched his career to many things that have not come to fruition. A lot of this is due to him "knowing better" then those who are professionals. However, the film is different. If it works out for him, it will be the first time since he self published his own books, that he is in charge of the purse strings. He's taking a lot of things at "best case scenerio", which seems to be a habit for him, but most likely we will see a film from Rudius soon.
In the end, it might end up being a cult hit like Boondock Saints (again, whomever found the Tucker Max - Troy Duffy similarities, kudos), and like Duffy, Tucker will forever be selling his own things from his own website, talking about one day showing everybody how he is a genius, a small insecure man who never figured out his place in the world.
I just watched Overnight, the documentary about Troy Duffy. Tucker can only HOPE to be as successful as Duffy
Is the announcement of the movie details (director, etc) being pushed back? It was supposed to be today.
drunkasaurusrex: It's being pushed until Thursday, probably.
Anonymous (2/26/2008 12:11 PM), I don't beleive for one second that he has 2-3 millions dollars lined up for his movie. Honestly, why would anyone give him money to make a movie? Did he even complete the TV pilot script he was supposed to write? If he couldn't do that successfully, what makes you think he's going to make a movie that is successful enough to make a profit. That guy has done one thing well, and that is to convince high school kids that his drunken fabricated stories are true and he's created a fairly popular website, whose popularity is diminishing. Has he done anything original in the past few years? Whatever he was going to do in the entertainment industry, he's already done it.
Have you guys seen what he's done to his Wikipedia page again? Ryan Holliday and other fanboys have deleted all mentions of the Opie and Anthony interview.
I'm glad this blog exists even though the blog owner doesn't seem to care about it anymore.
drunkasaurusrex: It's being pushed until Thursday, probably.
Gee, it's Thursday and NO big announcement from Fucker.
Well, it is only noon on the West Coast. I'm sure Tucker's big announcement will come any second now. Or not.
The real question will be who is the "director" that Tucker was able to attach to the project. Over/under on the number of credits the "director" has on his IMDb resume' is 4.* Gentlemen, start your betting.
Please note that I make no comment as to the value of the listings. I completely expect all his "credits" to be some never-heard of, straight-to-trash bin movie. Or, in Tucker's parlance "someone that the dinosaurs in mainstream Hollywood don't get because he is part of the new media revolution!" Which, in normal terms, is a "failure"
Tucker posted today at 6:44
"The decision is made, we'll announce it tonight or tomorrow, probably. We may wait though, b/c it will be in the trades next week, and I may want to give Variety/THR the scoop to get a better placement."
So it will be anounced Next week, today, when Mars and venus are aligned, Christmas, Monday, Friday, maybe never, who knows tucker sure doesn't.
Tucker posted today at 6:44
"The decision is made, we'll announce it tonight or tomorrow, probably. We may wait though, b/c it will be in the trades next week, and I may want to give Variety/THR the scoop to get a better placement."
Well that post was disapeared off the board. Probably just replaced with this:
So it will be anounced Next week, today, when Mars and venus are aligned, Christmas, Monday, Friday, maybe never, who knows tucker sure doesn't.
OK, we are going to try and negotiate a front page with one of the two major trades for the announcement, and to get that I need to give them the exclusive, so I can't break this until they do.
Plan on a Wednesday announcement, in either THR or Variety, followed by a thread on this site about it.
More tired excuses. There is no way THR or Variety have any interest in printing a page-one story about Tucker's alleged movie deal. Maybe two years ago, when he was still relevant, but come on. My money is on the fact that whatever hack director Tucker had lined up fell through, and now he's just stalling.
Next week, he's going to say how the reporter(s)/editor(s) from THR and Variety were idiots and were going to publish a biased article, so he decided to not let them run it, but he's got something else lined up, and because of that secret deal, he won't be able to post any details about the movie just yet. But soon!
I'd love to get a copy of a tape of Ryan Holiday's phone call to Variety, when they ask him
"You work for who? Who is that? Uh huh... Who?".
Unless he's getting a "name" director, who did a recent "name" film, Variety isn't going to care. It just doesn't matter. Him announcing that he's going to Variety to tell them about the news, means it's not news, which means the only way he'll get page one in Variety is if he becomes Britney's next boyfriend.
Holy shit, the guy is so motherfucking clueless he's become a walking comedy unto himself, and his old audience is now laughing AT, not WITH him.
This new comment format sucks. I liked it better when all 1600+ comments were displayed on the same page.
The name of the film is The Douchebag Who Called Wolf over, and over, and over:
http://alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/tuckermax.com
tucker's last, best hope for comedy is to run a live video feed into his home so we could watch ryan holiday lecturing on success and power from the couch with a ps2 controller in his hand as he plays 50 cent's video game. ryan would say "i know tucker who knows robert green who met fitty. yo dude whattup beeatch i gotzpower."
it would be called lifestyles of the douchebags and college-dropouts.
or maybe douchebag and douchebaggerer.
i think tucker got a $300,000 advance for his book. what do you reckon he spent it on? CDs, savings, real estate, stocks, a viabale business venture, or rudius media bloggers?
HOLY SHIT the 6:44 post is indeed gone. But that copy a few posts up is what it said you can see that indeed there was a post at 6:44
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=20019&page=10
Unreal, when the post was still there it also had a link to the movie site in it. I saw the site. It had nothing on it just the same old tired "Your face here" book cover and the same message quoted from the 6:44 post. Even The Wiki page about the movie has a link to it that doesn't work.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Hope_They_Serve_Beer_in_Hell
what happened to that Asshole Finish First book he was supposed to write? Has that been shelved because nobody except Ryan Holliday cares about him anymore?
Here's the movie web site:
http://www.beerinhell.com/
Awful. If he has so many plans for the site, shouldn't there at least be more to it by now?
this is getting funnier.
and funnier.
and funnier.
and funnier.
a documentary on tucker's douchebaggery would be immensely profitable for him.
"i hope they serve douche in hell"
"douchebags finish first"
a documentary of tucker
1) just hanging with wonder boy ryan on their couch, reflecting on life and deep philosophy.
2) talking to his agent/manager / getting dropped
3) pictching his show to comedy central in such a way that it gets dropped
4) picking up hollywood skanks who don't even know he is a famous internet celebrity -- he's got game!
5) designing the new website & calling robert green on the speaker phone with ryan to plan how to delay announcements and create confusion to maximize power.
i would want to watch him sitting down with his new director, see them calling vanity fair/whoever, watching ryan holliday book two speaking dates for tucker/year, see him hanging out with that rapper dude like he's all cool, watch bunny designing/satarizing logos, see his duke law professors teaching him about douchebaggery, and watch him high-fiving ryan when they sell a blogad to some absinthe company.
The odds that whomever Tucker hires as a director actually being the guy who directs the film is about even.
Tucker doesn't want a director, he wants somebody he can TELL what to do, because HE knows what he's talking about and the director hasn't fucked as many chicks, sold as many books or is going to revolutionize Hollywood.
Don't get me wrong, if Tucker respects somebody, he'll kiss their ass. Film production is different, it's high stress, and I doubt Tucker will do well in a high stress situation. Since the film is about him, he'll always know better than the director on how to make his movie (that he raised the money for). There is no big payoff for any established director to make Tucker's film. Even financially, it's not like the director will make the 10% of the budget they normallyy get on a film, since Tucker is negotiating their contract as well.
Plus, I don't think he's got the 6 million raised. He's hedging everything on "best case scenerios" regarding financing. This is exactly why Tucker is so comical. He's pretty much the worst promoter of himself on the planet. Nothing he ever fully states ever comes to fruition, and he keeps making the same mistakes over and over. He wants things his way and only his way, no matter how preposterous his plans get.
There's a reason why Tucker is trying to be "nicer" in the business. His bout as an asshole basically cost him any chance to make his television show. Tucker could have easily gone out with his show idea and tried to find a home for it on another network, that is, if his agents hadn't let him go because he was extremely difficult to work with. When the show's producers decided his script sucked, and they wanted to go with another writer, he threw a fit. This blew any chance of his show getting made, and word leaked out around Hollywood, thereby killing his show for good. Add to this that his 2nd book was shelved by the publisher for a year (due to concerns about quality, so I've heard), and his agent and manager had no other choice but to drop him (although he'll tell you he dropped them).
Tucker doesn't want his fans to know the truth, but really is is the malady in his own demise. So long as HS kids think he's for real, he'll always have an audience, but anybody with at least some semblence of world wisdom knows he's full of shit.
I don't think it will be the director that Tucker butts heads with. I think he'll go nuts when the production company tells him he has to get a PG-13 rating on his film because a large portion of his fan base is from the 13-17 demographic.
there was a time i almost cared...
the market cap of this blog is definitely worth more than rudius media.
WHERE IS THE ANNOUNCEMENT TUCKER???
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