The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 13201 – 13400 of 15917 Newer› Newest»They ban people because they are assholes and douchebags.
Force everyone to drink the cool-aid or put a gun to the head.
He is pulling a Jim Jones on his own community.
Oh... and Nils is a fat fucker.
Tucker is fucked. His movie tanked, and his chances for any sort of payday went right with it. His website is generating a few hundred a month, tops, in advertising revenue. He's not making any money on the book (almost nobody does).
Poor guy. He's gonna have to go, hat in hand, to Daddy Max begging for money soon. Gotta be tough when you're north of 30.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck you Tucker.
Heroic Destiny Squad 1 - Tucker Max 0
Holy shit, he really did it. He shut down his fucking forum.
Ultimate crybaby maneuver. Tucker is still the spoiled 9 year-old who takes his ball home and goes home when people start making fun of him. Well, this blog will live on, as will the imdb boards, as will the Gawker voyeurism. Hopefully the legions of ex-faithful will regale with some inside dirt on Tucker "spoiled rich kid who washed out of the Army and couldn't pass the Bar exam" Max.
What a fucking pussy.
He didn't even take a swing.
Coward.
hahahahahaha...they just took tucker's fuckin' site down! hahahahaha
eat it, tucker. NO, it's not enough that you tried, it's no excuse that it's hard to make a movie, you self-obsessed dickdiner... you brought 100% of this shit on yourself... fucking loser.
also, your gay lover is really fat.
He got destroyed by a blog of bored strangers. HAHAHA!!!!!
Is this what Skywalker felt like when the Deathstar blew up?
Anything is possible, but no, right now I can't imagine myself ever doing a studio movie. This movie is an indie and will play out two ways:
1. It was be a failure. At that point, no one wants to work with me, and rightly so.
2. It will be a success. At that point, I can raise all my future money without the studios, so why use them?
At last Tucker got one thing right.
No one, not even that fat fucker Nils will want to work with him now. Tucker = cunt.
Tucker got fucked.
Told. You. So.
- Real Mod B (aka jackie)
Tucker Max is more predictable than an episode of Scooby Doo.
Some really good posts tonight. I bet this is what Luke felt like. Also very glad that Japanese Spammer Guy got a shoutout on the other blog.
jackie, you were right.
Oh well, it wouldn't be the first time I was wrong. Mark my words: OC/DC will make $500 million at the box office.
The Japanese surrender.
Hitler kills himself in his bunker.
O.J. sentenced in Las Vegas
Tucker Max runs from the internet in fear and shame after he fails in Hollywood.
ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
Wait a second... let me catch my breath.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
He did it. He actually fucking did. To me, this is the most amazing aspect of his stupid movie failing. Or I guess you could say this is the first real fallout from the movie.
I'm still shaking my head. I honestly can't believe it. This might be the most cowardly and insecure behavior I have ever seen in my life. As has been well documented here, Tucker talked so much shit about how good his movie was gonna be and how he was gonna revolutionize Hollywood, bla, bla bla. And he had all of his shit talking and perhaps more denigrating, his meltdown after it was blatantly obvious even to him the movie was going to fail on his messageboard. And now he is trying to erase any and all records of any of that. Thank god IMDB has a thread recording all of his dumbass quotes. I guess his next logical move, and my prediction, is he will destroy all evidence of his movie blog and pretend both it and RMMB never happened.
Wow. It's just so comical what is going in Tuckerland. RMMB was his life. RMMB was where he built up his entire persona and act. And now he killed it. He has nothing left.
I guess sometimes there is justice in this world.
We should all co-write an e-book about this hilarious failure. Charlie Hoehn can market it.
I predicted over 2 months ago the boards would be deleted after the movie failure. Unlike Tucker, I was able to predict something right! I win.
OH MY GOD!!!
This is honestly one of THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. I've been coming here for years, and well, I'm sitting here typing this with tears in my eyes.
All our work, and WE DID IT! God, this feels good. We did it my friends. We brought him to our knees.
Tucker Max is no more. I'm literally sobbing and shaking with joy.
Best moment of my whole life.
The IHTSBiH blog is still up.
It is FULL of all his overbearing shit predictions of glory.
I wonder how long that will last.
Yes sar... I LOVED the Tucker Movie!!!
Come on guys. I love you all and this place as much as anyone, but he did this to himself. As someone said recently, he should have gotten a real job and made a few bucks off his stories on the side. Instead, he had to lead a revolution, and ends up f'd in the a.
Even as he exits the LIES and SPIN continue. I give you..
"It is nearly seven years to the day since SlingBlade encouraged me to put up a forum on my site where we could talk shit to people, and in that time, this place has grown with me as I have gone from some random asshole with a website to a famous asshole with a #1 best selling book and movie."
He makes it seem as if HE HAD A #1 MOVIE!
Tucker said that after the movie's run, he would answer everybody's questions. He said he would reveal what went wrong, what he did wrong, and what his partners did wrong.
More unfulfilled promises. The fucking guy never follows through on ANYTHING.
In case he deletes it, here's the 100% real email from that soldier:
------------------------
I just got this email from the Army officer who set up the screening for deploying soldiers at Fort Bragg. When it’s all said and done, this is the type of feedback that makes all the bullshit worthwhile:
“Dude,
Hope all is well. I’m sure it’s very hectic but satisfying work. I just wanted to shoot you a quick one to let you know something a paratrooper told me today. Trust me. It’s awesome.
I was waiting to jump out of a plane today so I basically sat around for a long time. A private came up to me, it was his first jump in division, and said something pretty awesome. Mind you, he is about 19 yrs old, out grew up in “the country parts of the US” and had NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THE BOOK other than buzz from another soldier he lived by. He attended the screening cause his friends claimed it would be awesome. He also had a very surprising critical sense (for a cherry 19 yr old) in comparing the films.
He said, (all in an extremely southern twang accent): “Sarrr, I jis wann thank you fur dat movie you had dere for us.”
Me: “Yea no problem dude”
[digress from the accent] “See sir, the thing is I saw The Hangover about a week after. I mean, it was ok. But compared to the Tucker Movie, [this is the only name he knew it by] it was boring. The Tucker Movie just kept on hitting you over and over again. I barely had time to catch my breath from laughin sarr. Hangover just kinda moved slowly. Hangover also was unrealistic sarr. The Tucker Movie was real and truly funny. I mean Hangover just kinda got slapstick after a while. I like the Mike Tyson part but other than that I wasn’t really able to enjoy it after the Tucker Movie.”
Me: “So you’re basically telling me that you blew your load with ‘The Tucker Movie’ and everything else you’ve seen just ain’t cutting it?”
Him: “Yes sarr! I did! I mean I wish i could see it again and again. It was just hilarious. And others i see just don’t match up.”
Me: “Well it’ll come out eventually and you’ll get your chance.”
Him: ” I hope so sarr, everyone keeps talkin bout it tho in battalion. I even told my dad and family on block leave how awesome it was. He couldn’t believe that the guy came down to do it for us. I told him that it was great and he’s definitely gonna see it when it comes out.”
He spent the next 20 minutes going line by line through the movie reliving everything from the [redacted] scene to the [redacted] scene to everything else. This guy was nervous for his first jump all day but he just lit up when talking about the movie.
I’ll be heading out on [date redacted] to [place redacted]. Wish nothing but the best for you before this comes out. Thanks again for the screening, This week I’m only starting to breach the surface of how much the guys loved it.
Later”
I'm stunned.
The Berlin Wall of Bullshit has collapsed.
Wow...rereading that email, and damn. Tucker seriously phoned it in on that one. Not remotely believable.
Hey Tucker, since you shut down your site, will you take questions here? We all know you're reading.
I betcha Tucker just bought a bunch of his own books to resell in order to boost himself to the #1 spot so he can go out with a bang. What a little bitch.
Sorry if this is too serious, but do you think a professional psychiatrist could seriously put Tucker on suicide watch right now? I'm still completely stunned that he shut down his message board.
How many times? How many times do I have to tell you people that we will answer these questions and address these issues in the future, after the theatrical run is over, and not now.
I mean, you can keep asking them over and over if you want, or you can just chill and let us play this out the way we are going to play it. There is a time to write about everything and do a recap and during the process isn't the time. I mean, for fucks sake, I have written the most open, honest, forthright blog in the history of filmmaking, and it seems like so many of you people come back here and ask me why I don't do more. It's really incredible, the sense of entitlement many of you seem to have.
Every time in the past I told I would write about something, I have. I know you want to know lots more stuff, and believe me, I want to talk about all of that stuff, but I will talk about it when I'm ready and the time is right.
If that's not enough for you, then you can go read all the other film blogs that are doing this, or go on the messageboards that the other celebs use to talk to their fans.
Oh wait...
Since this thread is about posting REVIEWS and DISCUSSIONS of the movie from other sites, and no one is posting those anymore, I will am closing it for now.
Tucker has really lost it. Shutting down his message board? Christ, that place was about the only thing keeping his two-bit career on life support.
Hey, remember when Tucker said he and Nils "decided" that Bob Gosse wouldn't be in contention to direct any sequels? After this weekend's results, I think it's safe to say Tucker and Nils won't be in contention to direct any sequels either.
Wow. I didn't think it would happen, but there it is. Shut down without a single explanation for the pathetic failure that was the movie. I'm actually surprised that they shut the entire board down because they couldn't handle the criticism.
If there was any doubt to any fair-weather fans like myself what kind of bullshitter Tucker is, it's been erased now. I was always on the fence between the "haterz", i.e. the posters here, and Tucker and his crew.
I always wanted to see some sort of concrete action from Tucker to expose himself as a liar if that's what he truly was. And now I've just seen it.
-JB
I don't think it's a money issue. He put zero into the movie and is still selling plenty of books.
I think it's seriously a mental health issue. He's incredibly insecure, which is the main reason he fronts the whole "unapologetically masculine" line, and I think he's suffering a breakdown right know and the fact that HE is finally the subject of the SCHADENFREUDE he engaged in on others for so many years has hit him like a tyson cross. He probably didn't leave his apartment this weekend. Right now, his dog is probably licking peanut butter off his balls.
OH MY GOD!!!
This is honestly one of THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. I've been coming here for years, and well, I'm sitting here typing this with tears in my eyes.
All our work, and WE DID IT! God, this feels good. We did it my friends. We brought him to our knees.
Tucker Max is no more. I'm literally sobbing and shaking with joy.
Best moment of my whole life.
I'm 100% with you.
I'm not unapologetically masculine, and I can admit that when I saw the message on the Tucker board, I literally cried. The tears kept flowing and flowing, while I laughed and thought about all the times I knew this would happen.
I'm cracking a beer right now at my computer, and I'm going to sit here, get drunk and just think about how good this feels.
Influential. In what way. I can't even put a question mark on that sentence cause it would be a lie. Just trying to say that Tucker is influential (or even questioning it) is like saying you admire Josef Mengele's work.
In his Art he abuses others. On his message board he abuses others. At his film screenings he abuses others.
And then he laughs about it.
His final post leaving the RMMB starts with:
"SlingBlade encouraged me to put up a forum on my site where we could talk sh*t to people"
Talk and throw sh*t at people is all he has done in his life. Heck, look at his most beloved sh*t scene in the movie. Metaphor for who he is? That's a stretch, but Tucker deserves nothing good at this point in his life.
He needs to some serious help (years of therapy) that I don't think he would ever bring himself to seek out.
In other words... Nils is fat.
Some of you people are way too emotionally invested in some guy on the internet.
As happy as I am about it. No one took down TM.
Tucker took himself down. All his years of abusing others: family, friends, and fans has finally caught up.
Tucker is a cunt.
And cunts always get fucked.
Ok, mods....spill the dark and nasty dirt on Tucker, Nils, Bunny, Ryan Holiday, and all the other super mega-douches; the poopie king is dead!
how the fuck can he be too busy to run rmmb? hes got fuck all to do.
also LOL!
You people are as bad as Tucker. You didn't do this.... He did it tp himself.... He was going to fail regardless of your blog.
I sort of halfway believed the shut down posts bc the posters said TMMB instead of RMMB... Only us old timers still call it TMMB.
I quit going a long time ago but I wish Tucker well. This can be a chance for him to pull his shit together and grow up.
Tucker, thank you for hosting the boards. They brought a lot of entertainment to my life over the last six and a half years.
Good luck Tucker. Wish you the best.
"I quit going a long time ago but I wish Tucker well. This can be a chance for him to pull his shit together and grow up."
It's really not.
Dear Tucker,
I hope your mother gets raped tonight. That would sort of be the salt-icing on the old wound-cake of failure, wouldn't it, champ?
I am bummed the site is gone. There were tons of funny and interesting posts.
I understand why Tucker would take it down. It had to stink to get mocked in the house that you built and have your failure be so public.
I hope the board comes back in another form.
Tucker, I know you're reading this.
I just wanted to say thank you for helping me pass the time when I was bored at work.
Whenever a critic gave anything resembling a lukewarm approval of your piece of shit movie, I registered for the site and called you a bigot and a misogynist. For good measure, I also linked your script so that it would spoil the movie for anyone bothering to read it, and probably discouraged others as the script was absolute crap. I also linked the "professional Hollywood scriptreader" (remember that phrase?) review to your "painfully unfunny" movie.
I just thought I'd fuck you over using the same tactics you used over the Internet. Harsh, yes, but I thought it was poetic justice, as you're an absolute cancer of a human being.
Tucker, you're a butthurt little bitch and a coward to boot.
Slingblade--Aaron Kellerman
Jojo--Kamau Coar
Bunny--Erin Tyler
Trixie--Marnie Tyler
I quit TMMB because of new mods and fanboys. I will quit this blog because it is those same gd annoying fanboys and mods that make posts claiming to have beaten Tucker.
Some of you are more sick than even Tucker. You got your feeling hurt there so you ran here. Boohoo.
Some of us were here to watch and be funny and you little fuckers tried to suck all the enjoyment out of it exactly like you did on TMMB.
I suggest therapy and real life friends for all of you losers.
I hate to put pressure on people, but ... we're waiting on you, TDG..
I quit TMMB because of new mods and fanboys. I will quit this blog because it is those same gd annoying fanboys and mods that make posts claiming to have beaten Tucker.
"Some of you are more sick than even Tucker. You got your feeling hurt there so you ran here. Boohoo.
Some of us were here to watch and be funny and you little fuckers tried to suck all the enjoyment out of it exactly like you did on TMMB.
I suggest therapy and real life friends for all of you losers."
--ryan holiday
So Tugger wasn't even making enough money on ads on his message boards to pay for the bandwidth? So that fucker is even more full of shit than I ever thought. Do other people remember when he claimed to be making $100k/year from his website? So that was obviously another of his fabrications!
I remember when he claimed that Maddox made a lot of money on his website despite not posting any ads. As far as I could tell, the only possible source of revenue was from selling branded t-shirts. When posters would ask Tugger how Maddox could possibly be making much money without selling ads, Tugger got pissed off, attacked the poster, and refused to answer the question.
Tugger must really be broke. When are we going to discover that the whole story about the $300k advance on his next book was a bunch of bullshit?
Tugger may have a nervous breakdown in the near future as his world implodes. One would almost feel sorry for him if he hadn't fucked over so many people along the way.
Fanboys suck regardless of their allegiance
Mental health hotline is waiting on you cruel bastards
BOLOGNA
Thank you foe the boards Tucker
Good luck in life
Seriously
For...oops
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
The $300K bonus is obviously bullshit, but he probably did receive some advance. I just hope Simon Spotlight allowed him to keep it. Nothing would satisfy me more than to learn that Tucker spent every dime of it on his failed movie. Imagine a lazy jerkoff like Tucker trying to write Assholes Finish First, without even a remote financial incentive.
Tucker Max Fail
Correct me if I am wrong, but wasn't something like 95% of the traffic on Tuckermax.com going to the message boards instead of the pages where his stale fake stories are posted? The page ranking for Tuckermax.com is going to plummet. How is he going to promote his new book on a domain that is much less heavily trafficked? Is it possible that the book publisher will cancel its deal with Tugger?
Oh, go fuck yourself. If you're still a well-wishing fanboy after everything, you're dumber than Tucker, who was dumb enough to think people would fall for fake military guy's email.
I'm not a fanboy at all... I'm a normal human. Normal humans don't spew foul emotions. I truthfully do appreciate the boards. I enjoyed them prior to 06. I do wish Tucker well.
I wish you bleeding cunts well too. It is just my nature.
I will laugh my ass off if I go to alexa.com in a couple months and discover that this blog has a better traffic ranking than tuckermax.com!
People may still want to gossip about his failure over the next few months.
If the messageboards are gone, is Nils still fat?
It's not to late to turn your life around, Tucker.
Oh hell, just drink a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and sit in a bathtub of warm water. Then slit your wrists, and take a nice nap.
Tugger has a link on his website indicating that he will sell a 32-character blog ad on the right side of the pages on his blog for $3000 for 3-months or $9000 for 3-months for a "premium" location. I checked his website and saw that he does not have any paid blog ads at this time.
He must have been losing a lot of money on his website. If he were turning a profit, why would he have taken down his message boards even if the messages had been critical of his movie?
I enjoy soup.
"...we got the finance deal of the century."
"...we are being mentioned as potential Oscar nominees."
"...we not only got distribution, we got an AMAZING deal. "
"...Their hatred is helping to create the situation they are most dreading: Me as massive star."
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily."
"We have a distributor and it's a major. I'm not allowed to say anything until the trades make the official announcement."
"IHTSBIH will be released into thousands of theater just like any other Hollywood movie."
Originally Posted by Tucker Max
And we are marketing it the right way--by engaging fans in the process, being completely honest with them, and always treating them the way we would want to be treated, instead of shilling and lying to them at every turn.
And I can promise you that no one has ever gotten the backend deal that we got. Ever. You'll see this play out over the next few years if things go right, but what we will be capable of doing, no one has ever done. The old structure of the system prevented it. You probably can't see it because either you don't understand the studio system, or you understand it so much you can't see beyond it.
He laughed when we made Freak Safari, and now we're the last one left standing.
Sorry our board is funnier and better than yours Tucker. Guess you should have thought twice before you let those mods go. Maybe your movie would have done better you pathetic fucking cunthole bitch.
Don't even try to register an account in a few months when you realize the biggest mistake you ever made.
Is this for real? Do you really think a bunch of lame cast offs and rejects from the old tmmb actually had anything to do with Tucker's movie failing? That bunch of jilted drama queens are completely and totally fucking irrelevant.
No, the movie failed because it was awful.
This blog and others forced Tucker to flee the internet. Fact.
TUCKER LOSES A FILM REEL HILARITY ENSUES PART I
(After one of the film reels gets damaged and Tucker can't get a replacement reel in time, he tells a sold out San Diego crowd the following)
"Okay, check this shit out. The average film is spooled on like six separate film reels and shit. About twenty minutes each, give or take; I'm not a fucking projectionist. Well last night after leaving Arizona, which is a cool place but hot as shit, and those fucker don't party like you fuckers in SD!"
CHEERS FROM CROWD
"Anyways, last night the fifth reel of the film got destroyed. But here's the funny part. I FUCKING DESTROYED IT. Well, not me, but a motherfucking Tiger."
CROWD GOES NUTS
"Serious, this is true story. Last night we got to SD early, like 2:30am. The whole way here Nils, Dawes, Tando and I were doing shots of moonshine. Like 40 or 50 shots each. We're full-on buzzed and looking for some fun. Then I remember there's a Naval base down here in SD. Holy shit, I said 'I should call up a few Navy SEAL friends I know.' BAD. IDEA."
CROWD LAUGHS
"By 3:00am my SEAL buddies BroHawk, Mondo and Terror meet us in a parking lot. They didn't come empty handed. They brought a Howitzer machine gun. If you're not familiar with the power of a Howitzer let me explain. Ten seconds of rapid fire from a fucking Howitzer can turn an entire Iraqi Wedding party into two thousand pounds of ground beef and shit."
CROWD ERUPTS WITH EXPLOSIVE APPLAUSE, A FEW BOOS
"Calm the fuck down, they're Iraqis NOT humans"
GUYS IN TANK TOPS AND FLIP FLOPS ARE NOW ROLLING IN THE AISLES
"Fuck, I haven't even told you motherfuckers the best part of the story. Shit. so we spent the next hour drinking beers and shooting out every motherfucking street lamp in a two mile radius. The cops were called and we took off in the tour bus. Since I was fairly drunk I knew the best thing for me to do was, well, drive the mother fucking bus!"
CROWD JUMPS UP AND DOWN WITH HOOTS
"Problem is, I couldn't figure out how to work the fucking air conditioner. So now it's like 100 degrees in the tour bus and I'm doing like 80-90 mph. To where? Who the fuck knows? Anyways, since everyone is sweating and shit, people started taking off their shirts and shit. I look in the mirror and I catch my Navy SEAL buddy Terror's reflection. He is shirtless, sweating and cut like a motherfucker. Full on six pack, nice round pecks, shoulders to die for."
GIRLS IN THE CROWD SQEAL
"At this point I'm no longer looking at the road. I'm looking at Terror's fucking chest and thinking about running back there and sucking and licking his nipples. Damn, dude has a better body than me motherfucker."
CROWD GOES SILENT
"Shit. I don't have notes. Where the fuck was I again?"
GUY IN CROWD "YOU WERE ABOUT TO GO GAY"
"Gay? Motherfucker, I've pleased more pussy than Purina Cat Chow!"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH LAUGHTER
"So I'm driving the fucking bus down the road when I see a sign. A sign from God. It reads: SAN DIEGO ZOO. 'Guess where we’re going motherfuckers' I yelled to the boys. So a few minutes later we're in the zoo parking lot. Obviously it's closed. Closed to the public that is, but not Tucker Fucking Max!"
STANDING OVATION WITH TWO MINUTES OF APPLAUSE
(TO BE CONTINUED)
TUCKER LOSES A FILM REEL HILARITY ENSUES PART II
(In part one Tucker was telling a sold out IHTSBIH crowd in San Diego about how the Rudius crew and his Navy Seal buddies were raising hell and accidentally destroyed a reel of the film. In his "true story" it's 3:00am and Tucker has just pulled the tour bus into the parking lot of the San Diego Zoo)
"So I pull the fucking bus into the zoo's parking lot. The bus has all these fucking gears and I'm just beating the shit out of the engine. Since we were Tucker Max drunk at that point I decided to park the bus across 15 handicap spots. Who the fuck brings retards to a zoo anyway? (mocks retard voice) 'I wannaz dee munkeee!!!!"
THE CROWD ROLLS WITH LAUGHTER
"Fuck. Note to self. San Diego is full of sick motherfuckers!"
THE CROWD CLAPS AND STOMPS FEET
"Hold on, you're going make me lose my place. Ok, right, so we're fucking in the parking lot of the San Diego zoo at 3am. We get off the bus to stretch our legs and I look over at Nils. He is in shock and pointing at something. Was he looking at a copy of USA today announcing Pizza Hut Chapter 11? Who the fuck knows. So I turn around to see what the fuck and there underneath the bus are a set of legs. Holy shit, I fucking ran over somebody. Not HIT someone. Not drove NEAR someone. But actually fucking DROVE OVER THEM WITH A 8000 POUND TOUR BUS!"
THE CROWD LAUGHS
"I went over and started kicking the legs and shit. Nothing. Finally Terror and Mondo went over and dragged the body our from under the bus by its feet. Holy shit. It's like a fifteen year old kid. I almost felt bad. He was toast."
THE CROWD SIGHS, AWWWWW
"Hold your awwwws you fucking pussies. The kid was Mexican!"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH RELIEF LAUGHTER
"Terror looked down at the body and says; swear to God, he says 'Looks like someone was trying to steal your axle, Max!' I fell to the ground laughing, tears rolling down my face. After a few minutes we tried to collect our thoughts. Being Green Berets and shit Terror, BroHawk and Mondo did the only natural thing they are trained to do in these situations. They took camera-phone pictures of themselves resting their nutsacks across the dead kid's forehead. It was a fucking Kodak moment."
THE CROWD BELLY LAUGHS
"You should see the photos. Fuck. I'll try to get them on the blog tomorrow or some shit. Terror has perfect fucking nuts, man, shit. Like two hardboiled eggs wrapped in fucking panty hose."
THE CROWD MURMURS
"What? I'm a stickler for detail and shit."
MORE LAUGHTER
"So now here we are. Drunk and at the zoo. I want to go fuck with some animals but we have a fucking wetback body we need to deal with. I forced Tando and Ryan Holiday to bring it inside the tour bus. Terror and Mondo propped the fucking body in a chair and rigged its jaw with string and tape so that as they watched ESPN playbacks on TIVO they could make the dead Tonk mouth the words. Like I said, I'm not even the coolest one of my friendses."
GUY IN CROWD YELLS "I FUCKING HOPE SO"
"Excuse me; are you a fucking dude or a chick?"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH LAUGHS. TWO PARAMEDICS WHEEL IN A STRETCHER JUST IN CASE
"I decided I had enough ESPN and set out for the zoo. As I made my way to the zoo gates I was approached by a security guard. Only it wasn't a security guard, it was a hot chick. She was in her forties with a nice round ass and big tits. She had tears in her eyes. 'Are you like fucking okay and shit?' I said to her. She said 'no.' From her accent and skin color I could tell she was Mexican. I had two obvious choices. Do I fuck her in the pussy of the ass?"
THE CROWD CHANTS "ASS ASS ASS ASS"
"Calm down you SD motherfuckers. Last chick I fucked in the ass was Bob Gosse. ..ahh---oooohhh.."
(Tucker does an Andrew Dice Clay rim shot "ah-ooohhh" but it's so high-pitched that is sounds more like an eleven year old girl's reaction to seeing a spider)
"Then she said the magic words. 'Can you help me find my son?' "
(TO BE CONTINUED)
"I have a question I use as a test of sorts when evaluating how wise a man is. It has to come in the proper conversational context, but I will ask him, “Why do you do anything?” and if he says anything other than the one correct word, I know he is either young or stupid or self-delusional in one way or another. I was VERY happy when I posed this question to Bob and without hesitation he said, “Pussy.” Any man who understands that, understands the world."
-Tucker Max
Wow, no wonder IHTSBiH is so successful. Tucker knows shit and stuff.
Tucker is even the brokest one of his friends.
^^^ I think you meant to write that Tucker is even the brokesth one of his friendsth.
it seems that the great bubble of 09' :-fake absinthe and t shirts has finally burst.
this is the big one boys and girls.
Fuck, does this mean that my RudiusAir tickets are no longer valid?
"I quit TMMB because of new mods and fanboys. I will quit this blog because it is those same gd annoying fanboys and mods that make posts claiming to have beaten Tucker.
"Some of you are more sick than even Tucker. You got your feeling hurt there so you ran here. Boohoo.
Some of us were here to watch and be funny and you little fuckers tried to suck all the enjoyment out of it exactly like you did on TMMB.
I suggest therapy and real life friends for all of you losers."
--ryan holiday"
mccoymountain is the best mountain.
fake tucker interview guy is the best interview guy.
fake tucker story guy is the best story guy.
HERRRRRRROICCC DESSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNYYYYYYY WINNNNNNNNNNNNS!
Cloud Starchaser grins a wacky grin, and leaps into the clouds, following the sunset.
10/18/09 : V-T Day
What am I going to do with my preadvanced 5 year "Gold" membership to Rudius Pistol and Crossbow?
"DROVE OVER THEM WITH A 8000 POUND TOUR BUS!""
Only 5000 without Nils.
P.S. One of the girls on the boobie thread had seriously amazing tits. I should have saved the picture.
I think the reason Tucker shut down is because he just couldn't live in the shadow of Kungfu Mike's huge literary success any longer.
KUNG!!
FU!!
MIKE!!!!!~~~~!~
"I beat up people on the internet"
MiniSkirt Mike
Cloud Starchaser even beat him down.
http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/
I just checked the archive to see exactly how long I've been a member of the TMMB "community." I knew its been 5+ years, but the above link verified my so-called veteran status.
The earliest current active user member list listing me is Oct. 22, 2003. 8 years. Wow. Though I was never a fanboy, had less than 30 posts in all that time, haven't seen the movie, thought the book was mediocre, well...I still checked the site at least once a day. I'm going to miss it. I must admit that the site had gone to shit in the last few years. When I look at the old member lists I get nostalgic for what it was.
What I'm really trying to say is, Nils has always been fat and never better than a second tier poster. Until the first team packed up their shit and left.
Jesus. My math skills are on point today. 2003-2009 does not equal 8 years. I meant 6 years.
Thinking back, though. Wasn't there a board that predated the vBulletin board? I'm 90% positive that I became a member in 2002.
On behalf of everyone who, deserved or not, had an "All Stars Thread" free-for-all devoted to them, I am pleased to see the TMMB be deleted. Maybe I'm just too sensitive for my own good, but that section of the board always made me cringe. Yes, women should know better than to post photos of herself and then ask the opinions of Tucker Max and his army of frat boys, but Tucker wasn't right to give the resulting massacre a place of honor for all to see. Good riddance, TMMB!
(Interestingly, one of those threads focused on a supportive message board for 20-somethings who were having trouble getting their personal, professional, and educational lives together. There was much mockery and trolling from Tucker's minions. The word "losers" was thrown around quite a bit, and there was much doubt about whether the young people on the outside board would ever have successful, fulfilling lives.)
October dude... I'm from march 2003. When I started, I remember it being very basic. Maybe just one board?
As for the nostalgia, I feel you... The whiny haterz are mostly the same idiots that participated in the yahoos and ran off the rest of us.
Sure the board was always a little harsh but in the old days... It was very equally distributed.
For those of you who still try and paint the board in a negative hue, you should know that I was a member with top 3 rep who never once fucked a boardie, wahoo'd someone, bet on a hurricane, or fed anyone's ego.
Some of us were on the board foe the intelligent humor... Before the children turned it into 4chan.
Jenn sterger- finally dropping the "it's not really her, I'm just her friend" bit.
March Guy...October was the just the earliest I could see myself as online there. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure I remember when Nils first showed up, and by March 03 it lists him as already a mod. Wasn't there a joke that he was running for Mayor or something when he was still at Berkeley? I think that's the first time drunkrex = Nils Parker.
I hope you're not Joethefat. If you are, then you're probably ecstatic that the infamous picture with XgataX is deleted with the board.
@8:10
That's when Tucker lost his real audience. He was a flawed child, the product of self-centered parents, like many of us. He was well-educated and had a healthy disdain for the PC crap that was forced fed to us during our college and graduate school years. But then he became pompous, toxic and caustic. Being that Tucker is not self aware, he actually thought those latter traits were what made him popular. That's partially why the first wave phased out of his message board.
The second wave were largely kiss asses and toxic personalities. That's why Tucker's movie doesn't strike a cord with his original audience, in that the folk who enjoy the bigoted, misogynistic culture are more likely to be driving a pickup truck and work as tradesmen. They'll look up to Tucker as the online version of an educated, partying version of David Duke.
Both crowds are rather small. You'll find the former group buying his book at airports, while the latter group collected at his message board. Neither group is all that sizable. Most of the latter group (the pickup truck crowd) that are not members of TMMB would not be able to relate to some privileged kid spending daddy's dollars in search of debauchery. In short, the film wasn't funny, and audiences could not empathize with the characters... not to mention it was just a terrible plot and poorly executed by all involved.
October guy... Nope not joethefat... Although the first thing I thought when I saw deleted was that xgatax and jtf would be thrilled. Yup, nils was there when I started so you must be earlier than march. Although nils was a total whiny douche who I hated. Saw him as being the only kiss ass on the board back then...
Previous poster
You're dead on about losing wave of fans...
I know most of my crowd fell back right after the first tanked for the troops
IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZORS
wait, am i too late? it's already gone? fight's over? he lost? nothin else to do?
nuts.
March Guy...TFTT did kill off a bunch. Around then is when he really started to single people out and attack individual members. Before that, there was the Fight Club board where things were pretty even handed. TFTT ended with that wolf guy getting attacked and anyone that wasn't in the RV a second class member.
I couldn't stand Nils. He was one of the worst mods. And there were only like 12 of them back then.
- October guy, I guess.
Well boys, we did it.
I got to say, I'm proud of all our hard work. I finished drinking my morning coffee, went to check out the TMMB and it's officially done.
I knew this day would come when I went over to Freak Safari. There's a reason Freak Safari is funnier and more cultivated as a community. There's a reason why Dunceuponatime and Whoreonhold get better traffic than any of the Rudius blogs save for Tucker. And why all of the old Rudius blogs are setting up shop on our network.
I'm glad we set out to destroy Tucker. I didn't think it would come this easy.
Are you kidding? FS had zero point zero to do with Tucker's Fail. A really, really horrible movie did.
The RMMB had some funny people on it. The Mods and Tucker ruined it.
The freak board is a complete bore. Enjoy your coffee.
enjoy your SOUP, mazafaka!!!
If Tucker's movie had been a success his message boards would not only be active right now, they would be flooded with Tucker gloating and proclaiming victory over Hollywood and the world.
But the movie failed worse than a snowblower dealership in death valley.
And what did Alph-Male do?
RAN LIKE A CHILD and tried to bury his tracks and all evidence of his failure.
Anyone who still follows this coward needs to have their souls revoked.
Tucker picked me up for lunch an hour and a half ago. He came barreling around the corner toward my office parking lot with two parking tickets attached to the hood of his rental car, its windows rattling to Southern ass rap, its brakes screeching when suddenly forced to come to a halt. We're in a hurry, hurry, hurry. He is busy. He is taking over the world.
"Hi Rilly."
"Helloooo, Bunny! Get in dee car dis instant! Hurry Bunny, hurry!"
We sped off again, before I could shut the passenger side door, put my (oh so necessary) seat belt on and settle in. I turned down the ass rap to an acceptable level. The center console of the Impala he's rented held a copy of a book about Ghengis Khan. A black rollerball pen marked his progress in reading it, and as I flipped through the pages, I noticed several underlined passages and phrases. Most of them were about subjugating the masses.
"It good book, Bunny. Where is In-N-Out? I want a double double wif cheese, disin instant! When I am rich and famous I will put an In-N-Out in my back yard."
I tell Tucker to make a right hand turn, but he never learned left and right in school. He will likely run the entertainment industry some day, but will not know which shoe is the left one. He will probably circumvent this issue by hiring a right/left savvy midget to follow him around and point him in the correct direction at all times, and this midget will have to be male, or it will end up pregnant.
Tucker makes a U-turn in the middle of a rather busy street, forcing four cars to halt for him, and when confronted with the fact via horns that he's inconvenienced many drivers, he says "OUT OF MY WAY!" He then makes the correct turn, the one he missed because he doesn't have a midget yet, and speeds off in the direction of the Burbank In-N-Out. The light ahead turns yellow, then red, and when he speeds through it successfully, I breathe an anxious sigh (we are doing 60 in a school zone). Tucker says "Yaaaayyy! I am dee bestest EVER!"
At In-N-Out we sit at a table and wait for #67 to be called. Tucker fidgets and thumbs the slip of paper claiming order 67 as ours while I talk about tits and how wonderful they are. When 67 is called, he sprints to the counter to collect. He returns with a tray, his mouth plugged with strips Kennebec potato. The race is on to shove the double double down his gullet the way tornadoes pick up barns, quickly, and with great sloppiness, washing it down with massive gulps of diet coke, his hands coating the paper cup we share with grease. There is a piece of sauce covered cheese caught in the corner of his mouth.
I am less than halfway done with my burger when Tucker gets up from the table and says "Come on, Bunny! Let's go!" He bursts out the door into the parking lot. The door closes on a mother of three and her offspring. I see his blonde head a hundred yards away. It disappears beneath the roof of the rental car.
He's a force of nature, that boy.
Jr. Douchebag Griffin finally updated his shitty site
www.griffinwrites.com/atlanta/
How long until this talentless fuck disappears now that Grand-Daddy Douchebag has packed it in?
The second best thing to watching Tucker completely fail will be watching the fallout as everybody around him collapses into the piles of shit they are!!
fake bunny story poaster is the best bunny story poaster
"and this midget will have to be male, or it will end up pregnant."
Not a problem, he'll just threaten to give her dog away if she doesn't abort it.
I think even the most optimistic hater would never have guessed that the message board devoted to the movie would be shut down less than one month after its release.
Charlie Hoehn has also updated, maybe he's saving his post about his complete and utter failure for part 2?
http://charliehoehn.com/2009/10/19/looking-back-at-the-ihtsbih-tour/#comments
Coke-ay-ina
I believe I have been neglectful in my duties as head cutter. I am sorry. I love you all--so much more than I love people in the real world, for you actually return favor--and I promise I've only neglected my duties as head cutter because I've been in the lab, with a pen and a pad, tryin' to get this damn label off.
FYI--If you're cutting...stop. Please do. That's not your pain, baby; don't wear it. There's no net. Only scars. You don't want to explain arms like mine for the remainder of your days, and bloody, motherfucking hell, don't be a victim of projection, how cliche is that? Be the minority. Be a survivor.
Bunny is still breathing. How can you have given up? See, it can always be worse.
So this brings me to my most recent frustration. In New York, in Baltimore, in Tampa (in a hundred places in Tampa), in Chicago, in Los Angeles, and now in [current location redacted], I know just where to go to get an eight ball. Several, actually. My god.
God dammit.
God dammit. God dammit. God dammit. God dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't meet a nice guy. I swear. Something about me says, "Hey, dude, if you're a totally great guy who would treat a girl well and not fuck her over, I think you should move on." The next vibe emitted is, "Hey, that chick has arm scars, and you sell vast quantities of cocaine, like pounds and pounds of it, and your apartment looks not unlike like "The Thing," so why don't you stick your pasty tongue down her throat, and if she acts shifty, we'll stuff her torso in an incinerator."
So if my half-incinerated torso is found around and about in the southwest, just know, I've loved you all who've cut yourselves, and those who have not, and I think you're too fucking good for this planet. Let's all fly away.
Posted by The Bunny at 4:37 AM
ROFL YOU STUPID STUPID STUPID FUCKING BITCH. ROFL ROFL.
The movie was pulled from theaters on Friday the 16th. The theaters it opened in were mostly all discount theaters that do not count towards BO.
There's a reason why there is no record of it's BO past October 15th on Box Office Mojo.
Griffin is just another basket case that Tucker conned into an unpaid internship. What's amusing about his narrative is that he's totally unaware of his naïveté and lack of talent. He feigns antipathy towards "haters" and yet he blindly follows an abusive, caustic fucktard like Tucker, and somehow feels he's building a cause for underserved art.
He really isn't much different than Kungfu Mike and Bunny, two other simpletons that Tucker manipulated into doing his dirty work. I wrote a quick summary of it in Griffin's comment section, that he, Tucker and the fellow travelers are just a collective case of mutually reinforced self-delusion, each encouraging the other to not see the obvious, which is to find a new profession. None of those fools have the talent to be professional writers or artists. They are all mediocre writers, and they all lack an important story to share.
Griffin Writes is back!
Does he honestly not get that people are mocking him in the comments sections?
I agree that Tucker is delusional. 250 billion box office predictions and all that. Where is Griffin's delusion?
He's a shitty writer but I don't see him making any bogus claims.
Yes the tour was destined for failure and yes he's a douche. I do detect an ounce of self-awareness though. Something that can't be said for some other douchebags.
Friday:
$19,407
Saturday:
$20,543
Sunday:
$16,526
Total:
$56,476
Grand Total:
1,357,585
Is it any suprise he took his toys and ran home?
http://www.the-numbers.com/movies/2009/IHTSB.php
Looks like Rudius Media might be going down. From the new ChasingKaz about page:
Finally, www.chasingkaz.com is going to be shut down on Nov 1 as will most, if not all of the Rudius related sites.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Another Tucker Max revolution going down in flames. I love it.
More Tucker comedy. Some updates have been made to his going away message on RMMB:
"Just so I don't have to answer this in multiple emails:
-I am not shutting the board down for any reason concerning money, but just so you know, this places costs WAY more every month in bandwidth than it brings in from ad revenue. Like by a factor of 10. The bandwidth and hosting costs aren't incredibly onerous, but they are pretty high and the idea that the message board nets me or anyone money is laughable and reflects a complete lack of understanding of internet economics.
-The content on the board is not disappearing forever. I intend to bring much of it back in other forms and on other places in the future, especially the advice board material. But in the immediate future I am going to focus exclusively on my next books(s). New sites, etc, come a little later."
A few comments:
1) We now definitively know that the board was costing non-trivial money. But the speculation can continue about whether or not Tucker is shutting it down because he is broke. Despite his claim, I'm guessing he is because of all the money he lost on his movie that he'll never see back and the tip from chasingkaz that all of Rudius Media might shut down.
2) I also love how he's still his old arrogant self in the update. Insults and mocks people who have speculated that the board did not cost money.
3) I love how of all the material he plans on bringing back, he singles out the advice board. Who in the fuck would listen a single piece of advice this guy says about anything after his movie? How would he sell it? Follow this advice if you want to fail so badly at business and at life that a new term has been created to describe it?
Tugger wrote this on his website:
"EDIT #2:
Just so I don't have to answer this in multiple emails:
-I am not shutting the board down for any reason concerning money, but just so you know, this places costs WAY more every month in bandwidth than it brings in from ad revenue. Like by a factor of 10. The bandwidth and hosting costs aren't incredibly onerous, but they are pretty high and the idea that the message board nets me or anyone money is laughable and reflects a complete lack of understanding of internet economics.
-The content on the board is not disappearing forever. I intend to bring much of it back in other forms and on other places in the future, especially the advice board material. But in the immediate future I am going to focus exclusively on my next books(s). New sites, etc, come a little later."
Someone back me up here. Didn't Tugger claim to be making $10k/month on his website a few years ago? Either advertising revenue fell off a cliff or he was lying. I actually thought that a website with an Alexa ranking of around 5,000 could be making some decent money from Internet ads, but I guess I was wrong!
Check out Tucker's facebook page. (http://www.facebook.com/TuckerMax) As you can imagine, someone posted a comment about RMMB going down, and Tucker actually responded. And he's still up to his some old Tuckerisms. Says he put tons of work into it and most of the mods just fucked shit up. Says the board had gone to hell the last two years because he put too much work into the movie. Tells his few fans left to get a life if they are sad the RMMB is gone. Says it was only a very small part of his life.
He just won't go away. The purpose of this blog has been rejuvenated.
Link to Rudius Media shutting down on ChasingKaz: http://chasingkaz.ning.com/forum/topics/announcement-1
Finally, www.chasingkaz.com is going to be shut down on Nov 1 as will most, if not all of the Rudius related sites.
Gotta love how http://assholesfinishfirst.tuckermax.com/ still says "Coming Fall 2008".
Instant revenue stream: Every Rudius Media site is supported by advertising, and the writer takes home 50% of his/her site's gross revenue. We handle all the advertisers and money, you just write the content and cash the checks. The more traffic your site generates, the more money you make. (There is no 'average' amount of revenue that a Rudius Media site generates since it is solely based on traffic. The highest grossing site, TuckerMax.com, generates gross revenue in the low five-figures every month, but that site generates a huge amount of traffic. The lowest grossing make a few dollars a month.) The amount you make from advertising is directly related to how hard you work.
I give it three months, tops. He's not focusing on shit. He knows as well as anyone else does that the messageboard IS his fan base. Without it, he would not have come half as far as he actually managed to limp. It was the biggest draw to his sites.
Within three months, it will reappear because "so fucking many people bothered him about it" that he had no choice but to put it back up. Oh, but natch, all of the previous content will be completely gone.
I hope all of the mods look long and hard about what he said regarding your lot. Some of you cheered and screamed and banned and supported harder than anyone else. You were behind him 317%. He was going to be a fucking SUCCESS. He realizes now you're all idiots and you will be blamed for his failures and his blindness. How does that feel? Not as nice as a seat on a private plane with Tucker's face on the side, huh? No "Your Ass Here" bragging rights for you, eh? Must sting a little.
Wow. Just fucking wow.
I never imagined that the collapse would be so public, and at the same time publicly reveal so much about Tucker.
First off: what a whiny little bitch. Yeah, and you were going to be a Green Beret? You are a run-of-the-mill coward, nothing more. Rather than man up & take his lumps, and maybe salvage some fans/self-respect, he is taking his ball & leaving the playground. So be it--if the massive failure of IHTSBIH The Movie demonstrated anything, its that Tucker's supposed empire certainly isn't very large, and quite certainly isn't very relevant.
At the very least Tucker is finished in Hollywood---I would expect a move out of LA shortly as there is little left for him there.
I wonder what Nils will do now? He certainly doesn't have book royalties to fall back on. Back to that high-flying paralegal career? Return to a 3rd rate law school? Massive fail.
As for Ryan, Corman, Ian, and the rest of the TM True Believers: whoopsie! No chance of a do-over boys. Rudius: gone. Jet: never going to happen. Fame & Fortune: wanting. Back-end IHTSBIH points: Monopoly $$. Hows that whole "live your life according to YOUR terms & fuck the system" working out for you now? Morons.
I've followed, and been involved with some of the players in this ongoing train wreck since 2003 or so. I fucked the Bunny. And her sister. And some of their friends. And I was smart enough to bail out on the whole Chicago TM scene very early on, when Tucker was little more than a random D list douchebag with an amusing website & a vanity-press book or two. Now I think he is probably well & truly fucked. Rumour is that he borrowed against quite a bit of future book royalties & sunk that $$ into the movie. That is now gone. I would venture to guess that the supposed S&S $300k advance is also long gone---book publishers don't give out $300k & then not get a suitable, publishable manuscript back for 3+ years----that $$ has likely been returned, if it ever really existed.
Done in Hollywood.
Done on the net.
Tired, worn out act---any followup to IHTSBIH is going to be redundant, and likely awful.
He does have the #1 NY Times Bestseller moniker to fall back on, and its likely that he can figure out a way to partially monetize on that, but all of his larger dreams & ambitions to control & dictate the future of media are done. I see AFF coming down the pipe in the next 8 months & not doing much. Perhaps, eventually, an inside-Hollywood expose on the failure of his movie---likely self-published/ebook; certainly not something that the mass public will care about. Tucker did more than just shoot himself in the foot with this massive & public failing: he basically crippled his future.
Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Fuck you Tucker---enjoy mediocrity.
IFTB
IFTBAHSATF
He's already started blaming his mods. Check out his facebook wall.
Oh, and, true to his Tucker self:
"That thing was based around me, and it was a very small part of MY life."
It was so really NOT about you, Tucker. It actually had very little to do with YOU.
A very small part of your life? Or it takes up too much time? Small part? Too much time? Which is it?
Wow. Just wow. A Tucker Max fail indeed. Love how he's promising an even better board in the future with all the good things and none of problems from old RMMB. The guy hasn't learned a fucking lesson. He hasn't been introspective at all. He's completely done.
Wow... this victory is turning into a total rout.
What a fucking toolbag of a douche.
Talking about why he won't let the mods run the board even though he is too busy.
"Because they aren't very good at it, and they end up doing a lot of shit I don't want done and fucking shit up."
That's a good strategy Tugger. After shitting all over your fans on the tour and mocking them, take a swing at unpaid RMMB folk who stood up for you until the end. Call them stupid failures who are worthless.
Fuck you Tucker!!!
WTF? Tucker on Facebook...
"Fuck no. Are you kidding? You really think an obscure little board I never advertised or talked about, one that only about 15k people a day use, is the MAIN way I contact my fans? Are you joking?"
10/19/09
Oh yeah, forgot about the RNN (Rudius News Network) that you started along with Rudius Air to keep in touch with your fans.
Tucker = cunt.
"wasn't the message board really the main medium of conveying the messages you wanted to put across to your audience"
Fuck no. Are you kidding? You really think an obscure little board I never advertised or talked about, one that only about 15k people a day use, is the MAIN way I contact my fans? Are you joking?
Don't forget about the restaurants. Or the crossbow ranges.
More and more this entire situation is begging for a Downfall Hitler meme.
From Facebook (10/19/09) Day After RMMB shut down
"People, those things don't govern themselves. It worked so well because I spent a ton of time on it. If I just let it go, it would go to shit, which is essentially what happened over the past two years as I worked on the movie. I don't want to do that anymore--I want to finish my next two books, and I can't do both effectively."
then
"If you are really upset over that place shutting down, you seriously need to examine your life. That thing was based around me, and it was a very small part of MY life."
Which was it Fucker? Did it take up a ton of your time or was it a small part of your life?
Fuck you for trashing the mods. Just fuck you.
And Tucker's deletes from his wall the one guy who dared to question Tucker's decision to shut down RMMB.
Don't you monkeys get it?!?
The message board was bout me. ALL about me! It was a very small part of MY life. It as a place for me and my friends to look down on you and take a shit all over your dreams... And...
Just be you and live your life and don't give into the system... And... Oh yeah...
It's all about me.
Tucker is a sociopath.
Anyone who is defending the mods who would actually care about this is fucking stupid. If they deleted one post, banned one person, said one fucking thing about how AWESOME it all was, they deserve it.
Guys you're not seeing the big picture. A revolutionary announcement is forthcoming; RMMB will now be location exclusive! You'll only be able to access them from selected Rudius sites - such as: Rudius airfield, Rudius firing range, Nil's Grease Fat Hamburgers (all you can fit in your gullet), and the chain of Rudius bars around the country. All of you are probably too close to the old system of social media so you can't see it - mark my words - this will be the wave of the future.
Can someone quote his full mod comments from facebook here? We used to be linked, but I guess he defriended me. Awesome.
The two quotes:
"Tucker Max: People, those things don't govern themselves. It worked so well because I spent a ton of time on it. If I just let it go, it would go to shit, which is essentially what happened over the past two years as I worked on the movie. I don't want to do that anymore--I want to finish my next two books, and I can't do both effectively."
Now someone in between (it was actually the fat virgin dude that Tucker tried to help get laid on his tour Link) asked Tucker why he just couldn't let his mods run it, but lo and behold, the comment was deleted. But Tucker's reply is still intact.
"Tucker Max: Because they aren't very good at it, and they end up doing a lot of shit I don't want done and fucking shit up. The places on that board that ran well without me were the niche sub-boards, and those all spun off into their own boards.
If you are really upset over that place shutting down, you seriously need to examine your life. That thing was based around me, and it was a very small part of MY life. If it was anything more than an entertaining distraction to you, you need to get a real social life."
I as a mod at TMMB and RMMB.
Thanks for throwing us under the bus, you douche.
All I have to say at this point is...
FUCK YOU TUCKER.
YOU ARE A ASSHOLE. YOU ARE A CUNT.
AND ASSHOLES AND CUNTS GET FUCKED.
Fuck him.
Tucker's reaction to a sad fan regarding the RMMB shutdown:
"I agree, but you are only sad because you don't know what will replace it. This is only the end of beginning for me. After I finish the books, I have something way better that will replace it, something that will incorporate all the good aspects and remove the bad ones. Just wait and see."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That can't be his response. Really???
After what, five years of trying to pull this shit, does ANYBODY still believe it? Even Fat Virgin has to have seen the light by now.
Remember when Tugger was genuflecting about the influx of new users he'd have to herd once the movie "blew up". Never happened. Has anyone contacted Gawker? This would be perfect for their Media Meltdown feature.
"going to be shut down on Nov 1 as will most, if not all of the Rudius related sites."
VICTORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
"After I finish the books, I have something way better that will replace it, something that will incorporate all the good aspects and remove the bad ones. Just wait and see."
He forgot "Trust Me"
and also to fake an email from a soldier in [redacted] about how Colonel [redacted] with the [redacted] is working closely with him as well as certain really high profile venture capitalists he can't name on a really really groundbreaking and revolutionary new project that will totally turn the economy upside down and make him a very rich man and he won't have enough dicks for all the pussy being thrown at him and it won't be fat chick pussy either not like now oops he didn't mean to say that just forget you read it fuck you banned
Tugger is fucked and now he's blaming the mods for making his forums crappy? I love it when he gets so pissed off when people dare to question his decisions. Tugger is a self-proclaimed "Internet celebrity" and his world is imploding! I wonder whether he even makes a hundred dollars a month off advertising on tuckermax.com. He had an opportunity and he blew it - 2009 was not a good year for Tug.
I have just submitted a book proposal to a publisher. What do you think?
REDACTED! TUCKER MAX: THE RISE AND FALL OF AN INTERNET IDIOT
Der Untergang
*leansback*
Tucker needs to explain his sooper sekrit marketing plan that involved all those intentional leaks to Gawker that we were all just too dumb to see what was right in front of our noses.
Tucker, welcome to Loserville- population: you.
this is going to sound crazy, but i think i saw nils at the supermarket. i live in south florida. anyone know if nils is near miami right now?
if it was him, he is portly.
to the guy who fucked bunny and her sister, got any hot/naked pics? share plz!
people, something better than the message board is coming. it will be revolutionary. do NOT email me on this. more about this later.
I am going to revolutionize how people take a shit. It will be groundbreaking and shake up the system forever.
Trust me. You'll see.
I'm finally seeing that the whole PT Barnum routine is truly pathological with Tucker. The fact that he spends the majority of his days of his working adult life in the internet just makes him all the worse. Oh well, it's probably all or nothing with him, either it was a complete mental breakdown, or this "you'll see" business.
Ok, now I'm laughing. You mods dare to come here now and expect sympathy. Fuck you all to hell you pathetic limp dicked no friend motherfuckers.
I pity Tucker bc he is genuinely mentally ill but you assholes are just spoiled children without the moral compass to guide you in a direction not governed by selfish want.
This is actually the first time I've believed a gd word tucker has said in five years. You little shits did ruin the board.
You turned it into a wannabe abortion of far and salon and literally got into jealous bitchfights with long time posters until they abandoned ship.
Every thread was full of dick sucking stupidity. Tucker is right.... When he was there everyday, it wasn't like that at all.
So how fucking dare you come here now like the obamatards who were bushtards six months earlier....looking for a new little bo peep to direct your stupid sheep ass. You are the people I hope suffer.
Tucker suffers every second of his life as a consequence of just existing... You little \b\tard rejects need to pay too.
I hope you are all subjected to the same sort of cruelty you put upon those you wahoo'd and mocked.
There are a few who are not evil and to you... Still, shame on you.
-long time hater, original board member
I as a mod at TMMB and RMMB.
Thanks for throwing us under the bus, you douche.
All I have to say at this point is...
Shut up. Please. If it's taken you this long to open your eyes, just shut up. Be angry, feel betrayed if you want, it doesn't matter. But I have zero desire to listen to you. It was ignorant control-freak-ban-monkeys such as yourself that kept Douchenozzle Max propped up for years. The fact that you either A) couldn't see Tucker's true self until now, or B) saw it long ago but continued to support him because you didn't think he would turn on you, simply means your judgement about social matters is worthless. If Tucker and I would agree on only one thing in this world, it's that your opinion isn't worth listening to.
The sycophants of history are just as despised as their sociopath masters, because they're the ones that do the actual killing.
Damn, I didn't think it was possible to sob uncontrollably two days in a row. I don't know why but I get this deep gut reaction when reading about this failure. Like it was meant to be on a karmic, soulful level. I sit here with tears running down my cheeks feeling like now I have done something meaningful in my life. I have exposed Tucker Max. Now, when I go to work Mon-Fri, nothing matters. Whatever other misery or bad feelings I have disappears. I am truly happy, maybe for the first time ever. As deep a happiness as I have ever felt.
8:37--
*golf claps*
8:49--
*raucous applause*
Ok, now I'm laughing. You mods dare to come here now and expect sympathy.
Ok, now I'm laughing. I'm not a mod, nor do I have any sympathy for them, but wow, somebody just became a woman on her period (Apologies if this is actually FS Jess on her period. You know who I am, and that I don't mean it).
But if this is anybody but Jess you are so gay.
"HOW DARE YOU!"
hahahahahaha Time to change your tampon you self-righteous fag.
hahahahahaha Time to change your tampon you self-righteous fag.
What are you doing here Tucker, don't you have an empire to rebuild?
I don't know whether to be sad for 8:50 or proud. I'll go with proud. I'm glad you found happiness, I guess.
lrn2read trolling, o credulous one
Why is the little koala bear in the yellow pajamas talking at me?
"Fuck no. Are you kidding? You really think an obscure little board I never advertised or talked about, one that only about 15k people a day use, is the MAIN way I contact my fans? Are you joking?"
I just don't get this - does Tucker actually think he has a presnece outside of the net? He IS an internet celebrity. Nothing more. What planet does he live on if he thinks he is anything else?
Just because someone brought a book does not make them a "fan". In fact, after reading his book, they probably go and have a damn hot bath and scrub themseves raw.
What fans is he talking about if not his board fans? Is he seriously this delusional?
^^^
08:50
Seriously dude - we're all happy but this is just sad.
Under the bus so far:
Darko, Bob, Shreveport, Freestyle, fans, and now the mods.
Getting a bit crowded under there aint it?
Its truly amazing that everyone except Tukcer is to blame for this failure. Mercy but who could have forseen this? He certainly is very cool but I do wonder if he has any friends that are more so?
"Fuck no. Are you kidding? You really think an obscure little board I never advertised or talked about, one that only about 15k people a day use..."
Wait...what??!!
You tell everyone and anyone how big a celebrity you are, and your board is the ONLY reason anyone has ever heard of you. What the fuck are you talking about dude? Anyone would think you actually did someone before the board by the way you talk.
Tucker meet obscurity.
Maybe by "private jet" Tucker meant he was gonna make Nils put on a propeller beanie and run in circles making airplane noises? The fat fuck is about as wide as a mid-size Gulfstream.
And, dig this: Tucker isn't even the cooletht one of hith friendth.
Max may be broke, but Erin Tyler is flat busted.
Max may be broke, but Erin Tyler is flat busted.
Erin is cool. She's sad in her own way, but she's also a pretty cool woman in her own right. She's a good conversationalist, she's funny and witty. When she was away from Tucker and able to be her own person, it was a person that I liked to be around. Her problem has always been the booze. That was always her downfall since I knew her in Chicago. Great girl, horrible alcoholic. Nothing personal, just an observation. It's no wonder that she fell for Tucker who is an alcoholic of the highest order. Had she not met Tucker she still would have self destructed, but it wouldn't have been as painful to watch.
Erin, if you do read this, I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you find some sense of peace in your life post Tucker. You need to stop following him around because he's no good for you. You're a better person then that and you have to know it. His little circus is at an end. All of the time you've spent dealing with his bullshit you could have been working on your own art. You are an artist and a good person. I hope that you can get past your demons, both internally and externally and move on. You have so much to add to this dreary world that it pains people who know you and love you to see you fall. I look forward to your upswing and can't wait to see what you offer for the future.
In other words, Nils is fat.
"As the film only grossed 1.4 million dollars at the box office it is safe to assume that Gawker would have won the bet." -tucker max, after betting gawker $10,000 that his movie would make more money than they predicted
You know what's better than a story about Tucker Max?
Literally anything on Earth.
Erin Tyler is flat out insane - and a chronic liar. She doles out psychiatric advice that's flat out wrong and based her own issues. Her stories contradict themselves and only seem consistent in that they serve her desire for attention. She went from an alcohol allergy to no alcohol allergy, she's psychic and sees visions of the BTK killer, she was anorexic, she was ADD, she has a thyroid problem, she's fund-raising for a boob job that didn't happen, etc., etc. Truth, she's just fucked up and she buys thyroid medication illegally to lose weight. Why? Because when Tucker first met her he told her that she had to lose 20 pounds to date him. And she's still not thin.
She's a clinger with serious, serious problems. The board going away can only help her by eliminating the people who worship her LOOK AT ME way of life.
tucker was right about one thing, erin does need to lose 20 lbs. but he still slept with that thing. gross. actually, i'm more sure who's grosser, cause he's like a 5'8 midget. very bizarre body shape
tucker was right about one thing, erin does need to lose 20 lbs. but he still slept with that thing. gross. actually, i'm more sure who's grosser, cause he's like a 5'8 midget. very bizarre body shape
There's a reason why Erin posted only about 3 pictures of herself in the seven years she's been known on the internet.
In the list of lies - Don't forget that Erin posted that she was approached to be a plus sized model.
Get your pussy ready, Bunny.
Greetings everyone. My name is Try-Stopper.
Perhaps some of you fine Tucker Max-haters recall Heroic Destiny Squad, the team which waged a battle against the TMMB back in late 2005?
I was the co-founder of Heroic Destiny Squad. In addition to myself and Cloud, the other original members were Magnus Rock and Clapton Von Hendrix III. Our stated mission was to fight against injustice in all its forms. To that end, we developed the "Drink Against Injustice" game, which served to put evil dictators such as King Gyanendra of Nepal on notice.
Tucker Max was later invited to join Heroic Destiny Squad, as it was determined his ways of debauchery would prove a boon to our cause. It wasn't until we encountered the overwhelming stupidity of the goons on his message board--as well as the extreme censorship of the board itself--that we went to war with the TMMB. A war which we believe we ultimately won, due to the fact every trace of HDS was eventually purged from the TMMB. (As everyone now can see, TMMB only "admits" defeat when they decide to purge something from their archives.)
There is still much injustice in the world, and there is still much drinking to be done. And although the TMMB no longer exists, the spirit of Heroic Destiny Squad will live on until the end of time.
Also, a final message for Tucker Max:
Nice movie, asshole.
Original soup guy.... I'd love to grab some soup.
Maybe we can work on a screenplay too.
Wouldn't that be a true hollywood romance? Brought together by tucker's delusions...
Until next time
-original soup girl
Cloud, you need to post the video of your fight with Kung Fu Mike immediately!
kung fu mike knows kung fu about as much as the bunny looks like a playboy bunny
Ben Corman, Rudius Media Creative Director
8/2008 - I’m aware that what’s coming is going to be good for all of us. If the movie does well, we’ll be in a great place.
A lot of people are going to look at what’s coming and think I’m crazy to miss the days when we were run out of a living room. But Rudius has been such a big part of my life over the last few years that I can’t help but feel something now that we’re about to undergo this huge change.
Never underestimate the desire of clueless goofballs to feel like they are a part of something big and important.
Tucker Max Is A Douchebag COMMENT RSS with newest comments is here:
http://tuckermaxfaildouchebag-shutdown.blogspot.com/
And as much as Tucker is a 6 footer.
Tucker is about 5'8" to 5'9" in shoes. While that isn't short, it invites ridicule as he advertises himself as something more.
That's the story of the entire Rudius gang... always pretending to be superior, but hobbled by delusion and mediocrity.
Tucker said that he had a plan to save DVD sales if the movie was a loser. I wonder if he's eliminating the message board and bringing it back as subscription only/DVD purchaser incentive ... No way right? Makes even less sense. Bottom line: Tucker is an idiot and Nils is fat.
To everyone here that knows Tucker personally:
What was up with him and his last (admittedly hot) ex-girlfriend (the nurse from Ohio)? Was that the real deal, or what?
No, the death of his message board wasn't about money or DVD sales.
Actually I think he shut it down out of vengeance and short-sightedness. This entire movie exercise was his attempt to monetize the message board and his "media empire". The former was never as powerful tool, as Tucker just doesn't understand Marketing 101. He thought he was going to market "Beer in Hell" primarily through his website, which is a masturbatory exercise. Why advertise "Beer in Hell" on your own message board?!? These are already your fans and acolytes. What he needed to do was to spread the message outside of the "monkeys" and "morons" of his message board. When a member pointed this out to him, he ignored it.
The board doesn't cost much to run, as bandwidth is pretty cheap. If he wanted to consolidate expenses, he could have pulled the plug on his worthless "media empire" which was nothing more than a tiny blog farm. Though he failed to sell advertising on his message board, the message board was an asset rather than a financial liability. Had Tucker used his pea sized brain, he could have solicited other sites (sports sites, social networks) and sold his message board. Though TMMB is not what it used to be in terms of demographics and traffic, it had solid monetary value.
In the end, Tucker never really cared for his fans, which shouldn't surprise anyone who hasn't been drinking the Kool Aid. The fans were a tool to help him achieve fame and fortune, and when the tool failed he chucked it into the waste bin. Further, some of the fans had the audacity to second guess the business acumen of Tucker, and question the merits of his film. Tucker didn't want to return to his message board to address those questions. Indifference for his fans turned to loathing, which we can now all clearly see from the parting shots on FaceBook. He'll address his failures using the media of printed paper, as it doesn't talk back or question... and he's stupid enough to believe that the general public will care enough to read about a film that grossed $1.4 million revenues at the box office.
The final irony is just how stupid a businessman Tucker really is. He kept talking about the Tucker and Rudius brand as if understood brand equity. By promising and underdelivering he disappointed. By padlocking the digital door, he destoyed. That's the death of the Rudius and Tucker brand.
THE KOALA IS TALKING AT ME
MAKE IT STOP
NOT THOSE PAJAMAS NO
I wish I lived near Tucker, so I could just go and beat him up. Like grab him by the collar and drive my fist into his pathetic little face, over and over again until he went limp.
I'd let go of him, and fuck every orifice in his body with a chili-coated condom on a cucumber.
Then I'd cut off his nipples, his balls and his eyebrows and feed all of them to him.
After that I'd cut all the tendons in his arms and legs .. and carve "HOT WHEELZ" on his chest.
... then I'd drop his limp fag carcass in front of a hospital, and let him live the rest of his days as the cripple retard fuck he is.
^^ Cool story, bro.
Psycho story fail
I saw nothing about Nils being fat.
Anyone remember this comment?
"There are times when celebration is appropriate. Immediately after the first few steps is not one of those times. I'll pop the champagne when the box office numbers start coming in on the opening Friday, and we are projecting at a 25 million dollar opening weekend."
Their Gross Revenue has only just broke over a million dollars, and it's 4 weeks in.
I also like that the Wiki page removed the incoming figures for each week.
Erin did indeed constantly spew horrifyingly wrong psychobabble on the RMMB. Anyone who was taken an undergraduate-level psychology class could have seen that. It's like she gets all her knowledge from talk shows. I would have corrected her, but I knew it just would have been deleted and I'd be FYB'd.
Remember when she told that bullshit story about the Starbucks dude running from the register to watch the trailer? And she apparently called the script an Oscar winner long ago.
Finally, whoever you are, stop leading her on by calling her an artist. (I presume you mean "writer.") It is really, really difficult and rarely ever rewarding to become a writer these days, and Erin just does not have the ability to focus long enough to write a profitable book.
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