The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1200 of 15917 Newer› Newest»Does anyone have any concrete proof that tucker was actually booted out of the army?
Seems pretty hard to do. Hell, even the idiot military guys that post on his board accomplished that.
^I knew a total loser who was booted out of Ranger boot camp. He was like Tucker: A soft, emotionally stunted, upper-middle class kid trying to redefine himself.
The Army would let you go back to civilian life just a few years ago, usually under the pretense of medical discharge. With the war in Iraq, I doubt they'd do that now though... you'd probably get you ass shipped to the regular Army, where you'd complete Basic Training.
That still doesn't provide any proof about what taht poster asked
Back in the late 80s/early 90s time frame, an aunt (navy) and an uncle (army) of mine enlisted. Both of them changed their minds and dropped out. I don't know the details. It's not (or at least wasn't) impossible.
4:26 That poster's question is a nonstarter. It's not that Tucker was booted out of the army, it's that he dropped out. So the question is, is there any evidence that Tucker dropped out of the army?
I doubt there is anything concrete. Somebody said the hoo-ah stories were based on Tucker's experience and people jumped on the bandwagon.
In one of the older blog posts, there was a comment that a former friend of tucker's mentioned it.
Yeah, exactly. Somebody posted that hoo-ah is based on tucker's life and then some people believed it.
But who is to say that the poster really was a former friend of Tucker? Its not possible to to check his qualifications, since this is the internet and he (presumably) doesn't post anymore anyway.
The alternative is believing Tucker.
Given Tucker's track record at telling the truth, I believe it. And yes, I knew someone who dropped out too. Same reason, an immature kid couldn't hack it in the volunteer army. Medical discharge.
Hey Kids! Do you hate Tucker Max and hope his dreams all crash and burn in total failure?! Well you're in luck, because there's a new interactive web reality show coming that's about just that!
It's tentatively titled: Project Redlight
or
Tucker Max's Show Gets Cancelled: The Show
It's a new show that's all about cancelling Tucker Max's show!
For more info, head to the temporary promotions page at:
http://tuckermaxgetspwned.blogspot.com/
Hey Kids! Do you hate Tucker Max and hope his dreams all crash and burn in total failure?! Well you're in luck, because there's a new interactive web reality show coming that's about just that!
It's tentatively titled: Project Redlight
or
Tucker Max's Show Gets Cancelled: The Show
It's a new show that's all about cancelling Tucker Max's show!
For more info, head to the temporary promotions page at:
http://tuckermaxgetspwned.blogspot.com/
Cloud, I think you're late to the game. Didn't his show already get cancelled months ago?
You should put the video of you beating up Kung Fu Mike on your new blog.
Seriously, his show was already cancelled? What evidence do you have for this? T.V. Shows take a long time to develop and get into production, what makes you think it was cancelled without a pilot even being shot?
The best evidence is the fact that the ego-centric Tucker doesn't mention the show anymore. If it hasn't been cancelled, then what is taking so long?
There was a guy who got banned rather quickly on the old TMMB. His screen name was NapaTransplant. He actually was in Basic Training the same time as Tucker. He remembers vividly that Tucker got booted out. Any time he brought it up, Tucker's minions brought out the axe and banned him.
Hey, Cloud? Remember when you got your ass kicked on video by Kung Fu Michelle, then tried to claim you fought to a draw?
That was funnyz.
~KFM
Remember that successful writing career of KungFu Mike's? You know, the one that yielded lots of accomplishments and acknowledgments regarding the legitimacy of Mike's 'talent'?
It was pretty funny to see "Kung Fu Mike" getting his ass owned. He should start dressing in a thong or something. The "Kung Fu" gimmick isn't working.
Cloud: Just repost the video. It was a classic.
And the wierd sideshow of latent homosexuals, losers, and bitch-made haters keeps on trucking.
Cloud,
You actually wrote that church of tucker thing? Confirm or deny.
I am pretty sure Cloud Starchaser works for Rudius Media.
The term 'Kungfu Mike' is synonymous with success and achievement. KungFu Mike is one of the most enterprising, gifted thinkers of his day, which is why he is so highly regarded in circles of intellect for all of his noteworthy and outstanding accomplishments. Kungfu Mike can look back on his life with a profound satisfaction at the lasting legacy he's fashioned for himself and his family.
Kungfu Mike will die in a gutter, unloved and by himself.
How can you say that KungFu Mike is unloved? Have you forgotten how he feels about himSELF?
Kungfu Mike doesn't qualify as a human being, so his love for himself isn't real love.
Cloud, why are you such a shithead? You only kept up your new blog for one day before deleting it. http://tuckermaxgetspwned.blogspot.com/
Kung Fu Mike is loved. At least he was when he bottomed for tucker in the buttsex story.
KungFu Mike is loved because of his sizable contributions to humanity and art. He is one of the great writers of the twenty-first century.
Kunt Fudge Mike is a great writer. I bet someday, his work (such as "YouTube Movie of the Day - 7/6" and "Moving to Carlsbad, CA") will be required reading for AP high school students.
I kicked your ass to fucking pieces, Cloud.
Post the video if you dare to claim otherwise.
~KFM
Why do all of you homo's think that Cloud kicked KFM's ass? I am not a fan of either of them, but I know a fight when I see one and that wasn't one. It looked more like 2 high school girls pushing each other around while calling each other names.
I'm not a bitch, your are a bitch.
No you're the bitch.
nuh uh. shove, slap
Uh huh. shove slap.
It was the dumbest fucking fight I have ever seen.
4:52 is right...both Cloud and KFM should be ashamed of themselves, which is why neither of them will post the video anywhere.
Although to be fair, Cloud did have KFM pinned down until one of Tucker's friends stepped in and pulled him off.
The only thing that bothers me is that back when the whole thing happened, and the video was linked off the message board, people were slapping KFM on the back telling him what a great job he'd done beating down Cloud. It was pathetic.
Also - ever wonder why that MTV special Tucker boasts about isn't available anywhere?
Oh, the Tucker Max MTV brief that showcased him striking out on dates and making excuses?
I'd like to see the video again. It was like watching two chicks trying to fight. Who doesn't like a good ol' cat fight?
I was going through through my file drawer on tucker and printing out these last few comments before I settled in to do a little serious research on what that fag Tucker is actually up top these days. Then I started wondering why I know sooooo much about Tucker, Kung fu mike, Ryan Holiday. I mean gosh I know where they live, what they are working on, what they posted last. Damn near everything. What could it all mean?
^ Fuck off. Most people here are people from tucker's message board. It's not excessive to know where tucker et al live, what they're working on, and when they last posted, because we are on the message board too, and those fuckers talk about LA, Rudius, etc. all the damn time on the board.
What it means is that the boards took a turn towards unintentional self
parody. Key members mutated into freakish, megalomaniacal caricatures. Content has been eclipsed by a cult of personality.
It's like watching one of those comedies of embarrassment -
Curb Your Enthusiasm, or The Office. You want to look away but you can't.
Tucker is destined for greatness. Didn't ys'll know that? Whatever he does, it's going to be great. I bet none of ya'll knew that a person could achieve greatness by sleeping with lots of women, bragging about his exploits, and writing a two-bit sitcom on a floundering cable network. Oh, and making a frat-boy comedy about a bunch of "dudes" taking a road trip is also a feat of greatness.
Getting laid when you look like a bag of ass and have man tits is certainly an accomplishment. Or it would be if the girls weren't fat/bed wetters/psycho.
So it's apparent that BC Woods has too much class to actually say why he's no longer writing for Rudius. Does anyone know/think they know what happened? He's really talented, so it's a disappointment that he's no longer writing for now.
My explanation is that BC quit under protest after tucker stole his content and turned into a tv idea.
BC's departure came RIGHT ON THE HEELS OF tucker's announcement that he sold a new show based on a rudius site.
My suspicion (which is completely unsubstantiated – just a hunch) is that with three writers working for DDHM, there may have been a dispute over money.
Possibly Rudius Media felt that a straight three-way split was the best way of divvying up the cash. Woods may have felt aggrieved, given that he contributed more than his two counterparts and effectively kept the site going single-handedly.
my guess is that he realized tucker (and rudius media) is a fraud and can't deliver the book deals, hollywood connections, or advertising dollars he claims.
It's entirely possible that he had to sign a non-disclosure.
If he left because of Tucker, say Tucker was not worth putting up with, crazy, etc... He may be legally bound to keep quiet about that.
The TV show thing makes sense, too, though (despite all of his asshole tendencies, I don't think Tucker would fuck him over like that).
Tucker would fuck anyone over for a dollar. He's a sociopath.
Yes, but he's also an uncreative fuck. What would be the point of getting the show deal only to drive off the writer? It's not like any of them could come up with the material.
Also, in the FAQ, it says that the author retains all rights to anything published on Rudius. Does that mean they wouldn't be able to do a show without BC?
Why wouldn't he steal the show idea even if the writer got driven off? A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
And even though bc woods is gone now and can't contribute writing to the show anymore, he already left a wealth of content behind. That motherfucker was prolific. There is more than enough material in DDHM to make a show out of.
If Tucker Max drove off his best writer by screwing him financially, then he's already finished as an online publisher. In his own distorted view of the universe, he probably thinks that Rudius has just scored a major coup, proving its worth as a publisher. In reality, no fledgling writer worth a damn will use Rudius as a vehicle to publish and promote.
It's all just speculation anyhow... what evidence does anyone have that BC's departure has any connection with the TV show deal? Has anyone any information about the show, other than Tucker's singular mention of it last week on his message board?
no, I don't think anybody has any evidence. Maybe bcwoods left because Tucker stole his content, maybe there's another reason. With no evidence all possibilities are equally likely.
There's no evidence. It's just a matter of timing.
How fucking weird is it that they did not address his departure at all? In any way, shape, or form? I thought wonderboy Holiday would be all over it. That's what he's supposed to do, right? You'd think he'd make some kind of announcement, or even a one line acknowledgment.
Fuck, Rudius, if you expect to be an earth shattering company, you'd better start acting like a company, period.
Tucker Max is a lousy writer who can't tell a story that interests anyone over 21 years old who isn't still interested in 'getting wasted, man' and 'getting laid, man' and showing everyone how awesome and cool it is to be the loud guy at a party.
Kungfu Mike is like Tucker Max, except even lousier as a writer and with NOTHING to show for his arrogance (Tucker at least has a book to cling to as evidence of his mighty shadowbox of accomplishments.)
Seriously - to anyone reading this - if you're older than about 22, and you still find Tucker Max's vapid tripe entertaining, you need to take stock of your worldview, because it's probably broken.
The funniest thing is that Tucker tries to wrap all this nonsense in the guise that there's a higher existential message in his 'work' - the all-important lesson to 'be yourself.' Man up, bro - you're a spoiled rich kid who doesn't want to grow up. Enjoy the fruits of what you sow. For the rest of you: ditch this bullshit.
^ Well said.
About the no evidence thing, yeah, there is no evidence, and it could very well be the case that Tucker did not steal bcwoods' content. The thing is, Tucker's announcement and bcwoods' departure happened pretty much simultaneously. That timing doesn't ENTAIL that the two events are connected but it sure as hell implies it, and it's enough to raise my suspicion anyway.
Tucker has many character flaws and amusing quirks. I do not believe that he would intentionally rip one of his writers off. He might have thoughtlessly made decisions regarding what to do with the material on the DDHM site without consulting Woods, but I don’t think that he would purposefully fuck him over.
The reader comments for B C Wood’s last entry for DDHM dry up on August 4th. There must be a backlog of unpublished comments that have been submitted since then, many along the lines of "Dude where the fuck are you?"
At present DDHM looks abandoned and neglected. By failing to address the departure of one of their most popular and prolific writers, Rudius has given the impression that no one working for the company cares. Their continued silence also demonstrates a certain disdain for the readers of the website.
All that the editors really needed to do was to add a short explanatory sentence to the bottom of Wood’s final entry – Something like -
Due to professional differences B C Woods is no longer working for Rudius Media.
or, even more ambiguously
This is B C Wood’s final column for Rudius Media. We wish him all the best in the future.
Tucker Max and Rudius Media share the same quandary: How do you deal with situations beyond your control in a way that leaves you looking good.
Tucker wants total control over his image. Whenever things don’t go his way he clams-up, beats a hasty retreat to safer territory and attempts to excise all mention of the embarrassing incident from the public record.
This strategy won’t work if he genuinely intends to broaden his popularity, since this will increasingly entail putting himself into situations that he has no control over; where he will have to fall back on his own resources and find ways of magnanimously dealing with public failure or being fucked over.
^ It's the cost of being a narcissist, I suppose. Narcissists cannot handle any affront to the carefully crafted false image they present to the world. It severely hampers your potential, to be sure.
Justin Massler aka Cloud Starchaser was in the paper this morning, the obituaries. He finally committed suicide. I knew the guy was nuts, but damn.
^source cite?
I thought I recognized that name from somewhere. I read it this morning. No mention of HDS or the name Cloud, just Justin Massler. Damn.
which newspaper?
Thats funny as hell. Everyone knew it would happen sooner or later. I have to check the obits to see for myself.
Yes. Death is hysterical, especially suicide.
Assuming that this is true, it isn't funny at all. It's tragic in the purest sense of the word.
I am still a little skeptical. Can someone with access to this alleged newspaper obituary scan it and put it up online.
If he's dead, why hasn't anyone posted a link to his obituary? I call bullshit.
Whoever posted the original note about Massler is trying to call him out here - get him to respond since he finally posted last week, then disappeared and removed his blog. What are the chances that said poster lives in the same town as Massler, actually reads the obit section, etc? It's just a ruse. Come out, come out. Justin!
So, back to this TV show...
What about Jamie Kennedy? Hear me out. He sucks donkey balls, but he's still there, isn't he? Is it possible that he got a TV show and Tucker's just hitching his name to it? Would he be stupid enough to do that?
I mean, if you drive the guy to the lunch appointment, doesn't that mean you basically orchestrated the whole event? You got him the show?
Jaime Kennedy, Paul Levine (left), Bill Dawes, Mark Ebner, Robert Greene, that boring guy that can't believe he's still single ... half his talent pool was established (or as famous as they'll ever be) before rudius media. Why would they give up 20% on future deals when they've already got an established agent that's delivered?
That said, maybe the deal is for Jaime Kennedy to host a public access cable reality tv show.
"that boring guy that can't believe he's still single"
Hahahaha, nice.
Rudius makes big promises to their future writers. Who wouldn't be seduced by the thought of being able to write whatever the fuck you wanted and still profit from it?
It's incredibly funny that this media company that labels themselves as a sort of free spirited company that will fight for it's writers is actually run by a bunch of twisted, selfish douchebags. Good idea in theory, poorly done in execution.
I killed Cloud. Lolzeses.
~KFM
Did you slap him to death?
Cloud died of boredom after reading Kungfu Mike's webpage.
Kungfu Mike's site is NEVER boring; it is a pinnacle of quality and acumen; an oasis of literary supremacy in a desert of mediocrity.
For instance, the Youtube Movie of the Day is a revolutionary concept that SHOULD be garnering Mike his well-deserved worldwide acclaim ANY day now....
...anytime at all....
...ANY time now, that fat Hollywood contract is going to fall RIGHT into ol' Mike's lap, confirming what (only) he has (ever) always known about his unappreciated writing prowess.... yup, it's going to FINALLY vindicate and justify his Europe-sized self-image....
...it's a-comin'...
...was that-?!... oh, that was just Tucker, cashing another of dad's personal checks....
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm still waiting for details on that blockbuster Hollywood deal... or is it in workout already?
I've got exclusive info on the blockbuster hollywood deal: Tucker took a job working at BlockerBuster video. Bunny took a job working at Hollywood video.
Whenever someone famous rents a video, they'll be given a free copy of hilarity ensuing as tucker attempts buttsex for the first time.
that would explain the shitty apartment.
I find it strange that KFM left the tit of Tucker and then soon after BC Woods did the same. After BC left KFM came back. I wonder what that's all about?
Not that it matters. Tucker's weak, what is he now..like..33 years old? He's marketing himself to a generation that he is out of touch with his version of what it's like to be young and free is outdated. If his TV show ever gets picked up it will be a huge failure, how many shows about 30 somethings are now freash and entertaining in this day and age? Wasn't there a show actually called "30 something" like 15 years ago?
BC Woods has relocated his blog on Freak Safari:
http://www.dunceuponatime.com/
Tucker's show isn't going to be writen by Tucker. I'm positive that the producers looked at his draft and what they were dealing with, and decided to get somebody else on it. At this point, they're almost a year into the deal, and not a word has been mentioned about the project.
This is a bad sign. Shows like T-Bone and the Naked Trucker were already filming the last of their episodes 10 months into their deal with C/C and their show was on the air within a year of the announcement.
Another telling sign that Tucker isn't working on the show anymore (besides his lack of mentioning working on it) is that he wants to do an "independant" movie, where he controls ALL THE STRINGS. From what I've gathered, he wants to get 5 million dollars up, and claims he has a lot of money already raised. Producing a film takes a lot of leg work, and I'm sure Tucker has connections to people with money.
I'm calling bullshit on this. You only need around 350K in an escrow account to show to casting agents that you're for real. Once that happens, you can go about casting your film as well as getting a "name" director. If Tucker has money in the bank, and he's not doing this, he's either a moron or he's lying about the money.
Also, 5 millon dollars budgeted for IHTSBIH the movie? I doubt he even sold 5 million dollars worth of books. His NYT Best Seller BS is a paper tiger, and any decent investor will ask how many books were actually sold.
Lastly, if you were an investor, why would you put your money in with a self-proclaimed "asshole" who routinely writes about fucking other people over?
I think right now we're starting the steady but inevitable decline of Tucker Max. He's been stagnating for months now, and he's been playing a game of hide and seek with his readers. He says one thing is going to be the most awesome thing ever (the TV show) to the next most awesome thing (the movie), neither of which looks like they are going to happen. What's next Tucker? A theme park based upon IHTSBIH? You're the little boy who cried "greatness" while simutaneously dispelling any notion of your own self-proclaimed "greatness".
Right now Tucker's whole career rests on what happens with his next book. I think he's going to find that most of his ardent fans have left him (Freak Safari), and the ones who really dig him are lame teenagers. If the book fails, Tucker's career as a writer, and potentially Rudius, will implode.
Then of course, Tucker will say he's stopping writing and say he's committing all his time as the "publisher" of Rudius as he watches people like Robert Greene and others walk away from his company.
Somebody said it best when they said that the only way Tucker can really shock anybody anymore is if he comes out as a gay performance artist, and the entire "Tucker Max" myth was created to fool people into buying into shallow American machoism and to push the envelope on how awful people are willing to let somebody be so long as they claim to ffuck a lot of women and drink even more.
Anyhow, the show doesn't look like it's happening, and even if it does, it's not going to look anything like Tucker's writing. The premise itself is so formulaic and boring, I can't see how they can make it interesting. The movie based on his "best seller", if he raises the money, has a chance, but I'm betting against him for the reasons stated above.
2008 will probably be the year of the fall of Tucker Max. Can't wait.
^^ Good analysis and discussion.
"Another telling sign that Tucker isn't working on the show anymore (besides his lack of mentioning working on it) is that he wants to do an "independant" movie, where he controls ALL THE STRINGS. From what I've gathered, he wants to get 5 million dollars up, and claims he has a lot of money already raised. Producing a film takes a lot of leg work, and I'm sure Tucker has connections to people with money. "
No doubt that this reeks of "Vanity project" from a nobody in the industry. I'm sure Tucker's name can open some doors, and I'm positive that his personality closes those doors.
"I'm calling bullshit on this. You only need around 350K in an escrow account to show to casting agents that you're for real. Once that happens, you can go about casting your film as well as getting a "name" director. If Tucker has money in the bank, and he's not doing this, he's either a moron or he's lying about the money."
Maybe a little bit of both, lying and he's a dolt. Tucker might have some of his own money, but I highly doubt he has the amount that he's claiming. Like this poster said, it doesn't take much $$$ to get a project in Hollywood rolling. What this poster forgot to mention that once you get a casting agent, you might be able to draw some big names in Hollywood, which in turn would solidify any other investments into the project depending on who gets cast. All you need is between 250K to 500K in the bank, and you can make it happen. Tucker claims to have 2 million? What's stopping him?
"Also, 5 millon dollars budgeted for IHTSBIH the movie? I doubt he even sold 5 million dollars worth of books. His NYT Best Seller BS is a paper tiger, and any decent investor will ask how many books were actually sold."
He budgeted this out at 5 million? I can only see that happening if there are a lot of locations that you're going to have to fly cast and crew to. If Tucker's script is as good as he claims, he could do his film for less than a million and still gain top-notch talent. That is, if his awesome script is really awesome like he says it is.
Tucker is aiming to make a huge payday on producing fees and selling his script (to himself no less). He probably hired another yes man as his line producer, because any LP worth their salt could budget IHTSBIH for less than a million and still have wiggle room. If I were Tucker, I would lower the budget to 2 million. Pretty much guarantees the investment, and he'd make more money on the back end.
"Lastly, if you were an investor, why would you put your money in with a self-proclaimed "asshole" who routinely writes about fucking other people over? "
Not to mention a guy with zero experience in the industry. It doesn't say much for the project that the guy who wrote the script based on his best selling book (vanity project) is also raising money to make it into a film. That's a red flag. If I were investing in a film, I would have to ask why nobody else has approached him to produce the film. I understand Tucker's need for control over the film's content and a larger back end, but still.
Tucker wants to get a name director for this project, but really, no director is going to want to work on this if diva Tucker is their boss. Tough love might work for editing people like Bunny or whomever, but it's not going to work with established talent who have a larger record of success than Tucker.
I'd still bet that Tucker does make this movie though, and I'm also hedging my bed that if he does go about making it the way he wants, it will be a disaster.
Will Tucker's movie include the scene of Ryan eating Bunny's shit out of the toilet?
you guys are quite elaborate with your theories.
either you are tucker himself or you just seriously need to worry about your own life, get out of your parent's basement, and get laid. Summer's almost over!
^
It's just a sign that the intrigue surrounding Tucker Max and his inner circle has become more interesting than the content of his message boards and the various other projects he has in a permanent state of limbo.
I throughly recommend Ryan Holiday's Rudius Media blog, both as an object lesson on the dangers of self deception and also as a source of unintentional hilarity.
It would be fucking funny to mess with Ryan Holiday's blog.
www.ryanholiday.net
You know what's funny about Tucker's "Empire"? Ryan Holiday, with no connections and no juice is the Rudius "PR Director".
Hilarity ensues.
Now Tucker, who brags about how big he's going to make it, has a kid teetering on dropping out of college as his point person in the media. Is it no wonder Tucker's "Celebrity Poker" games has a no-name like Bill Dawes as a selling point for the celebrity selling point? Oh well, you get what you pay for.
Hilarity ensues.
Ryan's blog is one of the dullest, most pretentious blogs on the net, and that's saying a lot.
Remember to leave comments and let's see how many of them make it on the board. My guess is "none", but you never know.
Hilarity ensues.
It's an issue of precedence. By what precedent is Tucker supposed to revolutionize the entertainment industry? His stories are mildly amusing to some (though not to me... like, at all), but I seriously find it hard to believe that there are so many people out there who just go apes#it over his stories. I think he believes in the comic value of his stories based largely on his friends' reactions to them over the years. Anybody ever laugh at a buddies stories because you knew it would make them feel good? Yeah...
My money says the earlier poster was correct, about how Tucker's probably something of a laughingstock to his friends, behind his back. How can you take a 33-year-old "partier" seriously? We all know them; few of us respect them.
I bet you all just when you think Tucker Max is down, he'll shock everyone by becoming The Beast and ruling Earth as God with an iron fist and his picture everywhere.
3:52 Jojo openly mocks Tucker on the message board. He's been doing it for years. Tucker is James Frey to Jojo.
What's your point?
Here's what Jojo thinks of Tucker:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=508430#post508430
Read his sarcastic haiku.
Just wanted to post this here for posterity, since there's a good chance that within two weeks this post will have been disappeared off the board. Tucker posted it on 9/3.
"Remember this post? Here are the details I couldn't talk about earlier:
Mark Ebner of HollywoodInterrupted.com recently closed a six figure deal with Simon Spotlight Entertainment imprint of Simon and Schuster (the same people doing AFF). The book is going to be called "Six Degrees of Paris Hilton," and will be a true crime book set in the "young Hollywood" nightclub/celebutante scene.
I can't really say more about it now, but the actual content of the book is going to be really big. MediaBistro is printing an interview with Ebner soon, I'll post when its up.
And within the next two weeks, I have what will unquestionably be the biggest announcement ever for me and for my company. What is happening with AFF, the Comedy Central show, and everything else will all be explained at some point in the next two weeks. And it is really really good news."
I love that Tucker implies Ebner's connection with Rudius is why he got a six-figure deal. Right. Cause it's not like the guy is already established, or anything.
http://www.hollywoodinterrupted.com/archives/entries/about_mark_ebner.phtml
The previous claim:
Well, Rudius Media got its first TV show picked up today (no, it's not mine, but I do have an announcement coming about that soon).
I am not going to say who it is yet, I'll let the network announce it and we'll piggy back off that, but it's pretty cool and I am very excited. Stay tuned.
Still smells like bullshit.
Gaijin Smash has slowed down recently. I could see that site working either as a comedy or as a documentary.
Azz is a decent guy who deserves his 15 minutes, so fingers crossed.
All of them have slowed down (or left). The only exception being Kung Fu Mike and his daily youtube videos (which he can only manage to post twice a week since he's too busy sucking gay dick in airport bathrooms).
Nah, his TV show probably got picked up. Have you seen TV lately? If getting a show on Comedy Central is what passes for major accomplishment, then Sarah Silverman, Carlos Mencia, Greg Proops, Dave Attel, Julie Brown, those retarded 'Stella' guys, and Dana Gould are all highly accomplished people. And we KNOW how influential THEY are in the world. They were all destined for greatness.
Is anyone hiding Jada? She seems to have disappeared.
Maybe her gaping cunt swallowed her up?
So I was going through through my file drawer on tucker and printing out these last few comments before I settled in to do a little serious research on what that fag Tucker is actually up to these days. Then I started wondering why I know sooooo much about Tucker, Kung fu mike, Ryan Holiday, etc. I mean gosh I know where they live, what they are working on, what they posted last. Damn near everything. What could it all mean?
it means you have a gay crush on all off them.
jada? Maybe her husband grew a pair and told her to stop posting pussy pics online.
It seems like her widdle world is imploding:
horsefacebeth.blogspot.com
Jada's being sued. For chump change. By a former boss.
So I was looking at the daddy don't hit me site (which hasn't been updated to reflect that BC Woods isn't involved anymore). The last non BC Woods story was from February. Of the 47 stories, 43 are by BC Woods. 91%. Most of the rudius blogs are dead or lame (kung fu mike, drunkandsoreass rex, coloring book land, I'm looking at you).
Also, good riddance to that insufferable cunt jada.
Jada's being sued. For chump change. By a former boss.
$5 says it's for dry cleaning when she sucked him off and spilled jizz on his suit.
The term fratire sucks because as a term is very limiting, yet is applied to a very wide variety of writers. I think the piece I wrote in The Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tucker...e_b_22530.html) gives the best definition, "Fratire is, at it's essence, nothing more than men writing about being men in an honest and authentic way." I definitely have a very distinct and fresh voice, but I think far more important than my voice is the way I say things. I am one of the first modern male writers I know of that is completely honest and authentic about a lifestyle that to this point, had never been critically examined. I think all I really did was expand the idea of what a man can and can't effectively write about.
^
No, "fratire" is very a dishonest form of writing... unless you are in fact a mindless idiot. In weak college fraternities, the brothers try to emulate characters from the movie, Animal House. It can be fun for a party, but unless you are a cardboard character, there is another side of us (and no, it doesn't mean crying at movies). Max is dishonest because he does little to show anything meaningful within his literature, other than inadvertently projecting his fears of inadequacy. It is a literature that stresses conformity, a self-imposed straightjacket on individual thought. Thus the themes of "fratire" are limited and redundant.
I will even venture to say there is no such thing as "fratire". Only Tucker's camp seems to be applying the label. Categorically, Tucker's writing is just a derivative of the old, worn college humor from the 1950s.
Wow. All Jada needs is a broomstick, a pointy hat, and green skin paint and she's set.
Fuck me, she's ugly.
Alternatively, a nose job, a cure for herpes, a handle of vodka, and 6-pack of shut-the-fuck-up and she'd be fuckable.
Tucker's film should be a Wizard of Oz remake, just so he can cast Jada as the Wicked Witch of the West.
WHAT COULD IT ALL MEAN?!?!?!
Thizzle abizzle Tizzle.
Think About Tucker Guy takes it up the ass.
Thizzle abizzle Tizzle gizzle tizzle izzle uzzle tizzle azzle.
Don't call out the "Think about Tucker" poster. He will pontificate on having arrived in life after attending the Baylor MBA program.
Man, what a loser.
Dizzle cizzle ouzzle thizzle "Thizzle abizzle Tizzle" pizzle. Hizzle wizzle pizzle ozzle hazzle arrizzle izzle lizzle azzle attizzle thizzle Bizzle MBIzzle prizzle.
Mizzle, whizzle azzizzle lizzle.
Anyway, tucker's show is going to make it to air, apparently.
Are you sure about that? How about a source?
Ryan Holiday sucks Tucker's dick and blows the lid off a story:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=17357
There have been some threads before about awful Top 50/100 lists but this one on the Top 50 Most Influential Bloggers is particularly stupid. This one makes my blood boil. Not only is Tucker nowhere on it but it has Harvey Levin--the head of TMZ--at number 42! Here's a guy who just launched a nationally syndicated television series off the back of the name of his website and he's not as famous dork from BoingBoing? My job is to literally sit around and know who these people are and I have heard of maybe HALF of the people on this list.
Tucker Max is a nerd pretending to be an Alpha Male, but he's not. He's a fucking Beta Male wannabe, just like Mystery.
Read this:
http://tuckermaxisanerd.blogspot.com/
Tucker Max is a Nerd - Read This
where to begin....
There have been some threads before about awful Top 50/100 lists but this one on the Top 50 Most Influential Bloggers is particularly stupid. This one makes my blood boil. Not only is Tucker nowhere on it
Probably because this was a list of influential bloggers, not boorish alcoholics with massive egos.
My job is to literally sit around and know who these people are and I have heard of maybe HALF of the people on this list.
Uh... first off, you suck at your job. Second, that is the lamest job I've ever heard of.
PS - The TV show remark was about Harvey Levin, not Tucker Max.
Read This - Tucker Max is a Nerd
Posted by Tucker on 9/3:
And within the next two weeks, I have what will unquestionably be the biggest announcement ever for me and for my company. What is happening with AFF, the Comedy Central show, and everything else will all be explained at some point in the next two weeks. And it is really really good news.
He's got two more days. Can't wait to see what excuse he'll have this time.
The fact that Tucker can keep making (and breaking) promises is a testament to the limited attention span of his audience.
that tucker max is a nerd site was most likely set up by tucker himself. you can just tell. it calls him a genius and says he got an academic scholarship to the university of chicago.
i understand the u of c is a good school, but let's not be too impressed by tucker's having gone there. this would've been in the mid 90s, when chicago's lack of selectivity was a big controversy. they were letting in close to 70% of applicants at the time. somebody like tucker probably epitomizes the problems they were having.
like his athletic ability, tucker has a wildly distorted view of his own intelligence. he is a fairly average intellect. on his site, he brags about how he got an a for writing about how the smurfs was communist propaganda. it's a cliched, unoriginal insight that has occurred to just about everybody with a semi-functional brain, and yet he seems to be quite proud of it. pretty pathetic if you ask me.
btw, my prediction for the tv show is that tucker is going to be writing, producing and directing it and putting it on his site rather than having it be on a proper network. he'll then proceed to dribble shit for pages and pages about how groundbreaking this is, how he's reinventing content delivery and how he really meant to do this all along.
Tucker is suffering from a lot of pathology. Can we all just leave it at that?
Not only is there not a morality lesson, I win. I go home with the girl. That's part of the reason I named my next book "Assholes Finish First," as a giant fuck you to all those people, to reinforce the main underlying lesson of my stories: You don't have to play by their rules to win. I don't.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=519929&postcount=5
This post says it all, doesn't it? Narcissism, antisociality, sex addiction, and he is replying to his codependent friend drunkrex.
The stupid asshole has a personality disorder. A number of people do. He's nothing special and the worst thing you can do him is to forget that he exists.
It's been two weeks, and it's already about 1 p.m. eastern time. Anyone else shocked by Tucker's failure to make his announcement yet?
No news, other than Tucker remaining in the closet.
So I was logging on to my computer and right away I panic because I don't see my "I hate Tucker Max" screen saver. Then it finally comes up, relief washes over me like a cool wave. I log onto the TMMB and read all the comments made by Tucker's little fanboys. I print them out and file them username. I see if there are any details about Tucker that I missed. I find a pic of him I hadn't seen before. Was the shirt sand or eggshell? Are the colors on my computer set correctly? God I hate Tucker Max. This is my second favorite place other than TMMB. Its nice to find other people who are so irrestibly attracted to endlessly pursuing this topic as I am. How do you handle all the filing? Did you buy a photo printer for pics of that fag Tucker Max? Did you hear he might be moving into a new place? What about this new announcement? Do you think it'll ever come? Fuck Tucker Max!
What could it all mean??
Thizzizzizzle abizzizzizzizzle Tizznizzle.
wow, over 1000 comments by loser pasty people. you guyz r worse than us on the board!
WHAT COULD IT ALL MEAN?!?!!?!?
The Think About Tucker Guy was thinking about his most recent posts on the Tucker Max Is A Douchebag blog. He was infinitely better than all of the other posters. After all, they post on a blog--something he would never do. And they made fun of Tucker Max. It is foolish to even think about Tucker, unless, of course, you are defending him. Boy, Tucker would be so proud of him. He was sure of that much. He thought so HARD about his posts, the time he took on crafting them into the gems they were was so LONG, they made his head THROB from exertion, but Tucker was just worth it. Wait, what could THAT mean?
Whizzle cizzle izzle azzle mizzle?!?!?!
The fact that he was ridiculing people for posting on a blog when he had posted more times than anybody else that day was lost on The Think About Tucker Guy. So was the fact that "Snoop Dogg" talk is old and lame. Nothing could wipe that smug grin off his face. Then he fingered his own asshole.
Bizznizzledy Whizzle Frazznozzizzle Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
The snoop dogg talk guy is not the Think About Tucker guy, just somebody with a limited imagination.
The ridicule is not for posting on the blog you narrow minded idiot. Think about it for a while then come back and ask me a question.
Also it is not in defense of Tucker Max, you've misinterpreted that also. The Think about Tucker guy is NOT a Tucker fanboy.
Limited imagination?! I'll give YOU 'limited imagination'! Brizzleizzleozzle!
BC finally revealed why he left Rudius.
"Like Jess, I also knew a self-entitled asshole who was so arrogant he felt he was entitled to the work of others as if he had produced it himself.
For six months, I worked my ass off producing all kinds of content in hopes my work would be rewarded with money and some cool projects being thrown my way.
At three month mark, I grew concerned my paycheck hadn't show up, so I wrote him an e-mail. He seemed to think he had never had any intention of paying me, and that I had misconstrued events. However, because he was a "nice guy" he agreed to pay me half of what I really deserved, and I took it without complaint.
Flash forward another three months. In the intervening time, my boss has told me he has heard "rumors" and I should be concerned. I don't really know what he's talking about, and he seems to ignore me when I offer to discuss them, so I don't pursue it. He then tells me I should drop out of school and be a prison guard because this would fit well with his plans. I tell him thank you but no. I am treated as though I am balking at an offer of help. I sigh and ignore it.
My check is definitely supposed to be arriving this time, with all the back pay for the first three months. Everyday for a week I go down and check the mail. No check comes. I write a series of e-mails to middle management people. No answer. I wait a week and write them again. The check is coming. I wait. I wait some more. Three weeks after it was supposed to arrive it comes.
I open up the check. The amount is for $83.
I am stunned.
I wait a day to wait for the shock to wear off, and then write the boss a direct e-mail expressing my concerns.
My boss proceeds to tell me that I have a big head for daring to talk to him that way, and that he is going to leave me as the nothing he found me."
Niiiiiiiiiiice. So, by giving your writers all that freedom, what you REALLY mean is "We're not going to make you sign a contract so we can rip you right the fuck off."
Wow. I'm stunned that Brandon (BC) wrote that. He swore he wasn't going to talk about it.
I guess when you're a shitass (Tucker, not BC) you deserve to have shitty things written about you.
i know i've said this before, but what the fuck is it that tucker actually offers to his authors? he seems to be trying to be kind of like a movie studio only for bloggers, but the problem with that is it's moronic. studios, whether music, film or whatever else, provide capital in the forms of millions of dollars and access to equally expensive equipment that would otherwise be totally inaccessible to artists. it might take somebody a week to set up a good website, on a legit domain with basic content management scripts and whatnot. and you wouldn't have much trouble coming up with a design that was as good (or better) than that pos tucker uses. and in exchange for a grand total of maybe 20-30 hours of work, you get to keep half your profits, which if you're actually a good blogger, could amount to thousands of dollars. plus you don't have to cut tucker in on any future book tv/deals and you're not subject to his editors or him.
it's basically the same problem with tucker's own website. he doesn't want to actually work for a living, but he has no skills or talents. he can't play an instrument, he's not athletic, and he doesn't have huge amounts of money at his disposal. so he figures that because he's literate and his loser friends love his stories, that he should be a writer. and then he somehow cooks up a scheme that's even dopier, that he's going to somehow empower artists with the freedom of the internet by stealing from them and keeping them on a short leash. and the ultimate irony: that he takes the small but extremely loyal fans he has, and proceeds to alienate them one by one. listen to the radio show. he's actually going out of his way to be an asshole just to impress maddox and the other guy. and he just comes across like a douchebag. not in a funny, cool way, but in a "if i ever meet this snotty, spoilt rich kid in public i will not hesistate to beat the living shit out him" way.
tucker, if you're reading this buddy, you suck. you really do. your stories suck. the only funny one you have (anal sex) turned out to be bullshit. you're not funny. not at all. fuck you, fuck your rich daddy and fuck your whole pointless existence. have fun managing his restaurants again kiddo.
I open up the check. The amount is for $83.
I am stunned.
Maybe that was Tucker's Big Announcement. Have you any idea how many absinthe ad click-throughs it took to generate that $83, buddy?
where did BC post this?
On the Freak Safari Forums:
http://www.freaksafari.com/forum/showthread.php?p=68620#post68620
I wish there was some way to get this posted on the Tucker Max boards.
u should rename this comment section "freak safari part 2, except here we'll actually use Tucker's name because over there we're scared of him."
or
"jess and fizzles board of bitterness"
Now we know why "Kung Fu Dyke" ran out of cash. Tucker talks big, but doesn't pay. Not that it matters to emotional weaklings like Bunny and Kung Fu Mike. They simply require Tucker to validate them.
1:35 - good point. Why is Tucker "he whose name shall not be spoken" over there?
The whole site is made up mostly of former Tucker Max Message Board people, who left for one reason or the other. Yet they never talk about why? And why not trash him like the people do on here? There's no shortage of material.
Also from the FS board:
"I had the displeasure of meeting one self proclaimed "internet celebrity" who claimed to be in the process of "revolutionizing the media" with his "true stories" and "writing skills."
There was, and still is, no end to his bragging and self promotion, and he's got thousands of teenaged minions who don't know any better and contribute to this mass circle jerk. Even though there is no evidence for any media revolution to speak of, and every "coming soon" announcement about "amazing things" he's doing never seem to come.
This guy also proclaims himself to be a master pick up artist. However, when we met, he was completely incapable of picking up any girl at this midget convention we attended. Were it not for me, he wouldn't have met any foxy midget ladies to bring back to the apartment and pretend to fuck. Of course, he said his lack of game was due to the overwhelming presence of his ultimate fantasy and he was thunderstruck. But, even when I physically walked cute girls over to his table, after telling them that he was shy, he still was unable to even begin a conversation with any of them.
In reality, he comes off as one of the most insecure, insincere people I've ever met. I was sad for him, really. You know how a 5 year old kid who doesn't get enough attention brags and acts out so people notice him, but then throws temper tantrums when they don't get their way? That's him, all groweds up, surrounded by nannies that smile and turn a deaf ear to the tantrums because it's easier than telling him to shut the fuck up.
He published a reasonable facsimile of the night's events, but being the nosey little girl I am, I peeked in the fornication room, and it would appear that no fornication was had. Or, if so, it ended really quickly, allowing no time for the bedroom antics that were publicized.
I was assured that I was to be part of the revolution, as I am officially a part of the LAST STORY!! in the NEXT BOOK!! I was repeatedly told that I didn't understand the implication. I'm in the next book!! Isn't that awesome?! I failed to be sufficiently impressed, and therefore I sucked.
It's ok, though. It's easier to say that other people suck and don't understand you than facing the fact that you're useless and not as famous or important as you want to be."
So basically Jess says that the midget story was bullshit, and she's IN THE STORY!!! Tucker tried to sell it to her that she was PART OF THE STORY, therefore she had to validate his lies, when she passed she was booted off as a moderator of the TMMB.
I can't wait until the book comes out, Tucker is going to get crucified when it's shown that he's a con man and most of his stories have major holes in them.
* Instant revenue stream: Every Rudius Media site is supported by advertising, and the writer takes home 50% of his/her site's gross revenue. We handle all the advertisers and money, you just write the content and cash the checks. The more traffic your site generates, the more money you make. (There is no 'average' amount of revenue that a Rudius Media site generates since it is solely based on traffic. The highest grossing site, TuckerMax.com, generates gross revenue in the low five-figures every month, but that site generates a huge amount of traffic. The lowest grossing make a few dollars a month.)
DDHM was one of the most updated, and evidently lowest grossing, sites. Interesting.
On another note, the alexa ranking from DDHM has pretty much dropped 50% in the last 3 months. July 19th was the last BC Woods post. Coincidence? He pretty much had the same traffic rankings as philalawyer.
I guess tucker has revolutioned the medi industry by finding exciting new ways to not pay talent. Bravo!
Tucker posted on his myspace blog today:
OK, I have a huge announcement coming up about the book, TV show and something else (hmm...movie), but I can't officially make it until all the fucking paperwork and whatever is done, and that takes weeks, and its driving me crazy, so I have to get out of LA to get my mind off the waiting. To that effect, I am taking two trips next month:
Oct 5-7: I am going to be in Phoenix, AZ this weekend for a wedding. But not just any wedding. My buddy SlingBlade is getting married. I'm not kidding at all. The funny thing is that he has only been dating this girl for like six months, none of us have met her, her family is very religious, and we made him get an open bar at the reception. I haven't been this excited about a wedding in my whole life.
Oct 12-14: You may not know this, but I grew up in Kentucky, and thus I bleed UK blue. Generally that means I only pay attention during basketball season, because UK football is usually gut-wrenchingly bad. But not this year my friends. Not only are we good enough to watch games without puking, last week we STOMPED the 9 team in the country (some school called Louisville, whoever the fuck that is). The 13th we play LSU at home, and I am going to the game.
Same drill as always: Girls, if you live in either place and want to hook up, I am easy to reach: tuckermax@gmail.com. Send pics and get your drinking shoes ready.
It's the same thing he's writen for the past year.
Any day now...
translation: It'll take weeks for you to forget that I'm full of shit and haven't delivered on anything I've promised. Since I've already fucked every fat skank in California (and been rejected by the rest), I'm going to Arizona and Kentucky. Full set of teeth not required. Vagina optional. Bra size must be larger than mine (B cups).
The 'Tucker has breasts' stuff gets old pretty quickly, but I must admit: the above post made me laugh.
It made me laugh too. That's what Tucker doesn't understand, Freak Safari will own his ass in one or two years. He's a fucking idiot for thinking his bullshit movie deals and TV shows are going to make any splash. What a fucking dink ring. Really. IamRob's book will rock Tucker's first out of the water, and Tucker's second book will bury itself. That's the thing. Freak Safari is on the way up. And the TMMB is on the way down. Look at the user numbers. Soon Philalawyer and Judd Tritchter and Hollywood Interrupted and Jamie Kennedy will be at FS. That's the behind-the-scenes no ones sees. But if you're too big of a fucking idiot to notice. Fine. Enjoying having the rug ripped from beneath you and end up staring at the ceiling.
Tucker isn't mentioned on Freak Safari because the opening of the site had the misfortune of coinciding with Bunny's running people off the boards. Every one there knows Tucker is a joke, but Rob didn't want FS to become... like, the TMMB Outcast Island. He didn't want the association.
Which is understandable.
Rob is fucking hilarious, way more so than Tucker. The best thing about it is he does it for the sheer sake of comedy, not the e-fame.
$83 for 3 months.... something is seriously wrong. Let's look at the numbers:
$83 means actual revenue was $166, $55 a month. If you compare the alexa rankings, tuckermax.com gets 52 (based on the 3 month global %) to 82 (3 month average reach) times more traffic. Now, ddhm hasn't been updated in 3 months, so those numbers would otherwise be lower, but we'll be generous.
Based on those numbers, tuckermax.com is pulling in $2,860-4,510 a month in gross revenue.
The highest grossing site, TuckerMax.com, generates gross revenue in the low five-figures every month,
For a guy that claims to have majored in economics, he's not very good at counting. Or maybe he's lost more than half his traffic.
I think BC's post implied that DaddyDontHitMe had earned considerably more than $166 during the 3-month period, hence he was being ripped off. But there is no way we can know that for sure.
BCwoods got his payday split three-way since he's one of three authors. It may be unfair in the short term (the others never updated!), but anyone thinking of long term gain has to know that the possibility to earn is there. What does that come down to? BELIEF in the Rudius brand. You don't believe? Alright. But that's pretty much the underlying principle of the company. When they make it big; they make it big. You can tell me otherwise, but I've read Judd, Phila, and Ebner... these guys are intelligent and have all been involved in the hollywood-type industry, one way or the other (except maybe Phila, but really... he might as well be). So, you get these people, each perfectly successful on their own, and they are behind a "douche-bag fucking, drinking, cocksack"? HOW ABOUT NO. They're not idiots. It makes no sense for them to sign up, unless there is a reason. There is potential. And that is what BC "potentially" missed out on.
Rob doesn't want the title of TMMB cast-offs yet Freak Safari IS FUCKING TMMB CAST-OFFS! Jess if you want to have your period all over the screen and deny this, by all means, go ahead.
Rob may be the funniest fucker in the world (I write better shit whilst taking a #2, but nonetheless) he still does NOT have the balls to say, "hey Tucker I don't agree with your shit, and took all the most pathetic sycophantic ass-stains and formed an even bigger circle-jerk messageboard. People on FS are fucked. They're not even passable based upon society's standards. They're electronic emo.
Now you might ask yourself: "well what the fuck, who cares? They are happy without Tucker, and they enjoy their own clone messageboard except without the basic standards of critique and feedback." Fair enough. BUT, if you want to argue that Tucker is a douchebag, then you have to know that based upon principles implicit within the critique-critiqued relationship, that the critiquers are always the major fuckups, aka I have no life motherfuckers, in the deal. It's like when you break up with an ugly chick and she says, "you're no man. You never cared about me. Blah, blah, blah."
Response: "Whatever cunt, I'm already fucking another chick.
It's no secret the FS is the minor leagues for TMMB. Sure, TMMB lost some good posters, nobody is denying that. But those posters had a choice. Some of them just chose to go to a site that consists of 100 people repping each other while trying to turn their monitors into a phallic representation of inclusion and fellate it.
Thank you for that incredibly enlightening, and delusional, post Mr. Holiday. Please go back to servicing Tucker in person.
Rob doesn't want the title of TMMB cast-offs yet Freak Safari IS FUCKING TMMB CAST-OFFS!
FS is not TMMB castoffs. FS is full of a number of the posters that made good posts on TMMB that came to FS because they like Rob. It is not a competition between TMMB and FS. A lot of the same posters still post in both places. Freaksafari is just more fun for some people vs. TMMB. It's nothing more than that. Most of the posters on Freaksafari came there because they got tired of hearing Tucker constantly talk about how cool he thinks he is and the Moderator censorship involved in disagreeing with Tucker.
It's no secret the FS is the minor leagues for TMMB. Sure, TMMB lost some good posters, nobody is denying that. But those posters had a choice. Some of them just chose to go to a site that consists of 100 people repping each other while trying to turn their monitors into a phallic representation of inclusion and fellate it.
TMMB started out with a small group of friends also that grew. The difference is that Freaksafari is based more on a place for people to have fun and enjoy each others posts, rather than sucking some wannabe famous douchebags dick.
Rob may be the funniest fucker in the world (I write better shit whilst taking a #2, but nonetheless)
Until you get to a point that you are actually letting people know you write instead of scribbling on toilet paper with a crayon while you are taking a #2, you shouldn't give anyone any shit...no pun intended.
Rob may be the funniest fucker in the world (I write better shit whilst taking a #2, but nonetheless) he still does NOT have the balls to say, "hey Tucker I don't agree with your shit, and took all the most pathetic sycophantic ass-stains and formed an even bigger circle-jerk messageboard. People on FS are fucked. They're not even passable based upon society's standards. They're electronic emo.
So, how hard did you have to fail to not be loved and adored there? Yes, there is the same rep system in place, but it doesn't have 1/10th of the meaning that it does at the TMMB.
Why should Rob say any of that? Why should Rob even care? What would be the point of it? Hmm, maybe Tucker would invite Rob to a 'debate', write out a really long, stupid reply and close the damn thing before Rob can respond. Then, he can start a new thread about it so all of his adoring, mouth breathing fans can tell him how he TOTALLY PWNED HIM <3<3!!!
It might matter if he was trying to compete with Tucker. FS is a different site with a different focus. It's not centered around the lies of an egomaniac and that alone makes it better.
BCwoods got his payday split three-way since he's one of three authors.... yada yada yada
Are you on drugs?
Multiply BCWoods take by three ($249 = $83 times 3), you fucking dipshit. It still means one or both of the following statements are true:
1) Tucker lies about his advertising revenues and success;
2) Tucker short-changed BCWoods.
Once again, we're talking about $249, you fucking idiot.
Given BCWoods' obvious humiliation, I doubt he's making the $83 payday up. Tucker hosed the naive boy. The payoff is so damn tiny, I doubt it's worth a legal challenge.
I'm sorry if I missed this, but I cannot search through nearly 2,000 comments to find it.
What did Bunny do to run people off TMMB?
^ She posted nudes.
Was Jess a big poster on the TMMB message board?
I like how she puts quotes around "true stories" and "writing skills" when discussing Tucker: http://www.freaksafari.com/forum/showthread.php?p=68540#post68540
It seems as though many of Tucker's former fans are turning on him. Will Kungfu Mike ever turn on Tucker?
Jess' post is interesting. If the midget story is the last story of the new book, that of course means it concludes the rest of the book...which suggests that fucking a midget is going to be held up as proof that assholes finish first.
What an absurd message, and it's just sad the he didn't really fuck the midget. His whole life is a sham.
I seriously doubt it was nude pictures of Bunny that "made her" run people off TMMB.
So what was it?
Dude, this has been posted before. She believed some people didn't "deserve" their green dots so she and kungfu mike chased them off. I dont know the specifics of how they did that. I imagine they harassed and insulted them a lot.
I'm not a dude, dude.
It's insane that these validation dots matter to so many people.
Dude, this has been posted before. She believed some people didn't "deserve" their green dots so she and kungfu mike chased them off. I dont know the specifics of how they did that. I imagine they harassed and insulted them a lot
It was grade A e-high school stuff. They'd red dot the shit out of people, signing the posts with other people's names, trying to pit posters against each other or something. They reset the rep points to zero, fucking with signatures, shit like that.
But green dots aren't supposed to mean anything.
Brick Tamland made a really good post about how they obviously do mean something, or we wouldn't have them in the first place and was promptly banned.
I miss old Brick Tamland. He was a good poster. The RMMB is absolute shit these days.
what rudius offers to writers:
- instant traffic. Of course, he's taking a 50% cut in any advertising dollars. And he won't actually pay out the other 50%. But he'll give you good career advice, like drop out of college and work as a security guard (that would make a good blog, bro). Or drop out of college and be my personal assistant/human toilet (Ryan Holiday).
Bunny and KFM fuck around with everyone's rep and have a little fun, and all the people that took it seriously packed up their toys and went over to a "new" messageboard with "new" threads.
Over at FS the ten peons repped each other continuously and had the greatest time of their lives.
I laugh at the "FS is not about Tucker" responses. And even more so at the fact that there are about 10 FS members at any given moment hovering around in this comment section.
I don't understand what FS wants to accomplish with it's 23 members online. Maybe the ultimate goal is to wear douchey shirts out around town and cackle silently to theirselves every time somebody gets offended. This will continue until two FS members run into each other wearing hilarious shirts and start snickering. Both their faces will turn bright red, so that it blends in with their greasy acne complexion. They cautiously walk up to each other, and one tilts his head and says, "green dot" and the other one says "lol green" and they vigorously start smoking each others cock by lying on their sides on the ground and doing sixty-nine, only stopping to breath and yell out, "green dot"
^ weird
QUOTE :translation: It'll take weeks for you to forget that I'm full of shit and haven't delivered on anything I've promised:QUOTE
This is the same thing Homer Simpson does in the episode where he has to go back to college to take "Nuclear Physics 101"
When the nerds that are tutoring him ask what he plans to do when it comes time to put up or shut up (In the Simpsons episode it means Homer passing his exam,) Homer says.
Homer/Tucker:"During the exam, I'll hide under some coats and hope that somehow everything will work out."
That's what Tucker is doing.
hahahah! Tucker has a lot in common with homer simpson -- fat, drunk, obnoxious, and unemployed. All he needs is a failing liver to turn his skin yellow.
3:32 PM
Oh, hey, Ryan, what's up? I can only assume you're Ryan because Tucker publicly stated that shit wasn't going to happen any more, but I doubt you're capable of saying a single negative thing about any of your higher ups. Does it sting to know that Bunny and KFM are your higher ups?
I'm not really sure why you're confused as to what FS is trying to do. What you should be worried about is the fact that freaksafari.com is consistently getting higher traffic than kungfumike.net and is now right about on par with thebunnyblog.com, a thoroughly established site.
Oh, and it's doing all of this without the association of Tucker Max.
no doubt most of those people on freak safari are even bigger losers than tucker, but it illustrates an important point. for all the shit he talks, tucker puts certain people on that board beyond reproach: bunny for one. jojo is another, squeekycleen, and pretty much anybody who knew him before he started the site. they can literally say/do anything, and not only does tucker not censor them, but he doesn't even fire back. just ignores it.
reason is simple: they know he's full of shit. they know he's not anything like the character he portrays, and i'm sure all of them have about a million anecdotes that would prove it. so they get carte blanche. it's pretty funny to see tucker eat shit from most of them, especially jojo.
and ryan holliday, tommorow you need to go down to the dean's office at whichever uc campus it was that you attended and beg them to let you come back. you're a young man for fuck's sake, don't ruin your life by hitching your wagon to the non-existent star that is tucker max. just put this sad chapter of your life behind you, only to be spoken of in hushed tones behind your back.
The only people that would ever complain or take shots against the people on FS are insecure Tucker Max worshiping sheep.
The focus of this blog is to make fun of Tucker, not analyze the differences between FS and Tucker's minions.
At the risk of getting too insider-ish, does anyone know if Ryan Holiday really dropped out of college? If so, that is just pathetic beyond belief. Talk about not having any sense of long-term reality.
If, hypothetically, Tucker did become a huge force in the entertainment industry (I know, I know, it's ridiculous to imagine), does anyone doubt that he wouldn't drop Holday at the drop of the hat for someone more established and with greater pull/juice in the industry? The BCWoods episode, if nothing else, illustrates that Tucker never has anyone but his own interests in mind.
More realistically, Tucker/Rudius will be complete failure and disappear quietly into the night. In which case, Holiday will have completely mortgaged his future. Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy.
Some notes:
On his website, Ryan recently wrote 'who will say I'm the best if I don't?' This is a statement parallel to Tucker's acknowledged tendency toward self-promotion. But the idea is wrong, and history proves this: true greatness doesn't ever need to herald itself, because those who know how to recognize true greatness WILL recognize it. The great ones have no need for self-promotion; others do it for them.
Tucker probably has gotten someone to finance his movie, his TV show probably got picked up, and his book will probably outsell the first one. None of this should surprise anyone; he's very popular, and his subject matter appeals greatly to the generation that is gradually becoming the establishment in American culture. None of those things makes Tucker or his work great. Tucker has stated in the past that he vehemently rejects the postmodern worldview (rightly so), yet he employs components of its ideology for self-justification: because his book/movie/TV show is temporarily popular, because it makes a lot of money, it must be great, as though greatness were an arbitrary thing determined by the populace. But it isn't; Tucker's 'work' doesn't contribute anything positive or lasting to Western culture ('being honest' is not a contribution [it's a responsibility too few take], nor is 'breaking ground' by talking about certain things in ways nobody has previously; lasting contributions are necessarily linked to the positive aspects of nature and society with which they are associated, and Tucker's 'work' doesn't deal with positive things; yes, that's a value judgment, but it's a correct one: I'll take anyone on regarding that statement, and I'll win because I'm right.)
The truth about Tucker is that he is who he is in large part because of experiences he had growing up, and the way he assimilated those experiences. He has an underdeveloped ability to be in right relation to others and to empathize because of those things. (I don't know what they are; I only know that this is how it works for all of us) My theory is:
- that his parents had dysfunctional relationships with each other and/or auxiliary spouses; this warped Tucker's perspective on man/woman relationships;
- that growing up, he was simultaneously built up(partly because children of privilege frequently are, and partly because one or both of his parents tried to compensate for the above-mentioned dysfunction) and torn down (for reasons too complex to elaborate on here); this is responsible for the internal tension whereby Tucker thinks highly of himself, yet seeks to define himself through great deeds - in short, he is all-at-once convinced of his own grandeur and painfully insecure and in need of validation (though paradoxical, this is not only possible, but frequent, especially in people of his generation).
One has only to read his writing and listen to him speak to pick up on subtle but strong clues that reveal these dynamics. Details and speculation aside, I'll hedge bets that I'm very close to spot-on with most of my ideas here.
Why do we concern ourselves with Tucker? Because the manner in which he is received is a telling commentary on the state-of-affairs in the world today (particularly in the West). Though most here don't think it through any more deeply than to want to mock a self-important, selfish guy, and some post here mainly to mock those of us who give the whole matter anything more than a passing thought, the truth is that most who come here - most who follow Tucker's story in some way - do so because tacitly, maybe even unawarely, we recognize that something is very wrong with him and with a society that celebrate his lifestyle as though it were acceptable or good.
Care for discussion or elaboration?
madsammyboy@hotmail.com
TMMB jumped the shark sometime last summer. It's redundant at best. Any intellectual conversation is quickly drowned out by the 15-18 year old fanboys who really shouldn't post. It's nothing to do with Tucker, or his mods, it's more to the fact that the people who regularly post there (the majority of them at least) are fucking morons. Robert Greene comes up with some cool stuff, and then it's 50 posts of dipshits trying to be smart. After a while, the place loses it's luster because of this.
Like I said, the place is redundant. How many "let's come up with a better list then CRACKED magazine" threads can you go through before you just have to write off the site as boring? Because that's what it's become. Dull. Most of your good posters have left, and they've been replaced by people who just aren't interesting or as funny as those who went to FS. You have to remember though that the people on FS were very loyal to Tucker to some degree, and if he's pissing those people off, how do you think the average fan is going to react?
Nothing against Ebner, Greene, etc, but they're not exactly heavy hitters in the industry. Don't get me wrong, they are both talented, but their names don't really carry any clout. My guess is that they just don't want to spend the time dealing with advertisers, etc, and just let Rudius manage that aspect while letting them write their own content. That's fair and smart, but unless Tucker begins coming through (his book sells, his deals somehow happen,etc), then the ad revenue will dry up and they will leave.
I don't think FS wanted to be a TMMB clone, although that's sort of what it is, with one big difference. Tucker and all his bullshit don't post there. No drama, no crap, just a bunch of people who like posting on the same board together and has kept it alive for over a year now. Rob's not looking to sell his work or use the site as a stage to hunt down sluts. While not having the traffic that TMMB has, it also doesn't have any of the headaches, and frankly that's a good thing.
Oh, and for the record, other than Tucker's site and TMMB, FS and their 100 members have better Alexa ratings then all of the other Rudius media sites COMBINED. If these names are so huge, then why does a loser clone site beat all of them in the rankings? I guess nobody is really interested in reading about Jamie Kennedy bitching about making a shitty movie after the fact, or Bill Dawes talk about being an out of work actor or blah blah blah.
I find that extremely fucking funny.
9/21/2007 11:00 PM:
I forgot Ryan had his own site and since it's my turn to do laundry this weekend, I figured a good way to put it off was read through his cluster fuck of a blog to see if I could find an answer.
The short of it: he dropped out.
Of course, he never comes out and says this directly. Like Tucker, he keeps hinting at imaginary job offers and out-of-this-world opportunities, but never bothers with the details.
Sure, he'll go on forever about what a great, special and brilliant person he is, but he never really makes clear why this is.
There's a whole entry about how he's working with Robert Greene (right...) on his new book about 50 Cent. But instead of talking about, say, how a talentless thug got rich quick, he writes about how he cut most of friends and family, out of his life. Without a hint of irony.
Yet this is about as deep as he'll get into his personal life. No explanation for his actions, but plenty of justifications.
I guess what bothers me about his site (aside from the pedestrian writing, boring topics and pretentious tone) is that it's about as fake as most of Tucker's stories.
If he really felt he was walking down the right path, he would either: A) Not need to talk about it constantly in his blog, or, B) Talk about it in much greater detail, adding context and explanation.
As it is, he's straddling the fence between drinking the Tucker Max Kool-Aid and walking away from Rudius entirely. There is no consistency in his writing. He goes from talking about how brilliant Bunny is to some boring bullshit about the record industry. This isn't diversity; this is desperation. I have the feeling that there's nothing Ryan could add to a conversation that hasn't been said a thousand times before in a million different ways. So it's just as well he's dropping out of college; it's not like he's going to actually learn anything he doesn't think he already knows.
Oh, and for a college drop-out with no future, this is an incredibly bizarre thing to say:
"This is simply the inevitable route of ignoring the future for the present. It doesn't come without consequences. "
I can't wait until Tucker's new book comes out and the only protection he has against the media is Ryan Holliday. This is going to be about as much fun for Tucker as it was for Tom Cruise when he hired his sister to be his PR director.
"Now you might ask yourself: "well what the fuck, who cares? They are happy without Tucker, and they enjoy their own clone messageboard except without the basic standards of critique and feedback." Fair enough. BUT, if you want to argue that Tucker is a douchebag, then you have to know that based upon principles implicit within the critique-critiqued relationship, that the critiquers are always the major fuckups, aka I have no life motherfuckers, in the deal. It's like when you break up with an ugly chick and she says, "you're no man. You never cared about me. Blah, blah, blah."
That's about the same arguement that Scientologists give when somebody rejects their philosophy.
"It's their shortcoming, not ours"
That might be fair if one or five people shared that same mindset, but there's more then that, a whole lot of people have left TMMB, and most all for different reasons.
I know I left because Tucker is a complete fraud. It took me over a year to figure it out, because I found him to be very funny, but it's hard to overlook the fact that he's lying about a lot of stuff and hiding even more. This will all come out if/when his book is released.
If morons like me can easily access this information about Tucker that completely contridicts his stories, how do you think a professional journalist is going to do?
I e-mailed Tucker to let him know that he'd been mentioned on the air here (Austin, TX).
The panting/drooling was palpable when I got an e-mail back from him asking what the DJ's had said about him.
I responded (the comparison was that the story the DJ had told was "more disgusting than a Tucker Max story.") and Tucker never got back to me.
I kinda found it odd--he was all psyched to know and then obviously disappointed that the DJ's weren't kissing Tucker ass.
The next book will certainly have more industry support (from the publisher and bookstores), but will it really sell?
IHTSBIH was the best material culled from 5-6 years of writing. If you look at the midget story, he's jumped the shark. Tucker gets drunk, tucker insults people, tucker has sex. That grows old (and pathetic) fast. Is he going to have some new and exciting angle? Stories about hanging out with no-name hollywood wannabes isn't funny (unless he's making fun of them, and you know he won't).
it'll be funny if there is a "Tucker has a liver transplant and gets treated for anal warts in the same hospital visit".
it'll also be funny if bunny forgets to take her pills and cuts off his nutsack. Or if an angry black dude walks in on him while he's fucking his girlfriend.
^ yes hilarious
What could it all mean?
Whizzle cizzle izzle azzle meazzle?
This is the same thing Homer Simpson does in the episode where he has to go back to college to take "Nuclear Physics 101"
When the nerds that are tutoring him ask what he plans to do when it comes time to put up or shut up (In the Simpsons episode it means Homer passing his exam,) Homer says.
Homer/Tucker:"During the exam, I'll hide under some coats and hope that somehow everything will work out."
That's what Tucker is doing.
HAHAHAHAHA...
Nothing says "I post of FS and have a limited life experience" more than a Simpsons reference. Holy shitballs, I can't even wrap my head around how pathetic and hilarious this statement is. It hurts my brain when I try to picture somebody using this argument in real life. Would you use such a priceless line at the pub?
"Oh yeah, well if you remember in Simpsons season three episode B Bart says don't have a cow, man. and that's what you're having right now." And then thinking "That was fucking awesome, I'm going to write about this on FS when I get home."
It's funny that of 28 FS shirts sold thus far, 22 of them have been in XL, and I would guess that 20 of those 22 are now soaked in dorito residue, sperm, and sweat. But, that doesn't mean they aren't a real hit with random people on the street who frown disapprovingly at them.
Ryan Holiday could single-handedly own the entire FS board in an intellectual battle. Tucker has over 50 000 prospective interns to choose from, and he picked the greatest genius.
Yes, it’s true. Ryan Holiday IS a genius, and one can tell because… of………his………………………accomplishments?
The above poster (an apologist of Holiday’s, which [it seems to me] is just as pathetic as knowing about cartoons) makes the same mistake as the Rudius homeboys make all the time: they visualize future aspirations and then act as though having such aspirations makes them somehow great. Many, many people in this great big world have great aspirations; results are the fodder for self-admiration, not aspirations. It’s fine to have goals, but these guys talk and act as though they’ve really done something great, and they haven’t.
And by the way, writing a New York Times bestseller is a great literary accomplishment only in the same way that recording a chart-topping album (like BackStreet Boys, NSync, Hanson, Creed, MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, etc., etc., etc.) is a great musical accomplishment. Bullcrap sells; is it any wonder Tucker’s book does?
Ryan Holiday could single-handedly own the entire FS board in an intellectual battle. Tucker has over 50 000 prospective interns to choose from, and he picked the greatest genius.
No, this is what's really funny. 50,000 prospective interns? Hahaahahaha. Ryan Holiday the greatest genius of all the great geniuses lined up to intern for Tucker? HAHAHAHA.
The second funniest thing about your post is you don't even know what an argument is. The guy you were quoting was using an analogy, not making an argument. But hey, I trust that you, that guy who doesn't know what an argument is, can recognize genius.
tucker's only a bestselling author because his tripe was somehow listed in the nonfiction category. That's like being a bestselling polka musician or winning an oscar for janitor (cleanest bathroom category).
He's 31, unemployed, and lives in a shitty apartment with 4 other people. I hope I never achieve that level of "success".
An apartment with 4 other people?
For fuck's sake. Can he not afford a place for himself?
Wait, don't answer that.
I don't really care.
What a douche.
9/25/2007 2:19 PM:
Hey Ryan! Nice of you to post here, next time why don't you use your real name? No need to be shy, after all you're the one person Tucker chose to be his intern. Such an honor is only bestowed on the most deserving of individuals, a true Colossus amongst us mere mortals. It is refreshing to have someone of such unprecedented genius posting here to show us the error of our ways. I feel enlightened and bettered by your mere presence.
Seriously dude, you suck. Your sense of accomplishment and superiority is completely unjustified. At least Tucker can claim a modicum of achievment; you sir, have done nothing in life but leech off of a d-level celebrity. While you would like to believe that you are ahead of the curve, you offer no insights or innovative thinking. And throwing up long passages from famous works of literature does not make you learned, it makes you pretentious.
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