The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 9801 – 10000 of 15918 Newer› Newest»Check out this picture of Nils. The dude has navel sweat! I've never seen that before!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/3882891259/in/set-72157622222511962/
Oh my god, that is disgusting.
Is that Keri Lynn next to him? If so, she looks pretty good.
I recommend all single American guys marry Ukrainian girls. Best women in the world! Blonde and thin and hot and love sex! No feminist bullshit!
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
TM = LIAR + DOUCHE!!!
Good catch McBeefwell, yet another mark against the tiny handed, fatty, fratty, rapey, lumpy armed, cock-master, AKA otto
nils is so fat that he can't travel to Japan or Norway without getting in the sights of a harpoon gun.
Wow, I went and read some of the comments on the first page of this thread. Some are strangely prophetic.
There's also this quote from Tucker himself:
"I don't even think I spend as much time thinking about myself as they do."
Oh my god...Tucker is TATguy...
"So, yeah. This will get exactly nowhere. It certainly won't be the equivalent of tying him down and torturing him into a confession, which may be what you prefer. It may even get you jeered by the audience as being just another silly protester. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but be prepared for that sort of result."
Bullshit. It would get high fives and shit from Tucker's audience, because Tucker most likely would stand up raise his hand and ask the crowd:
"Raise your hand if you've ever had sex that caused a person to commit suicide!!"
And the crowd would cheer.
---------------------------------------
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Speaking of Ukrainian girls...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=518XP8prwZo&feature=player_embedded
This is the most mesmerizing thing that I have ever seen. An extremely hot female Ukrainian artist draws images of the carnage of WWII with sand set to songs about the war.
She's not blonde, but she is thin and hot, and amazingly talented.
Yeah I saw that. That's the Ukrainian version of "You've Got Talent". I don't read Cyrillic but I think that was the winning performance.
Waitasec, that's not the one I saw. This is the one I meant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvXVkZysOrc
Looks like the same girl in each one.
As a lawyer who practices in the defamation area, the recent discussion about Tucker cracks me up. Tucker "proved" nothing in the case against Miss Vermont. She voluntarily dismissed the case after losing a preliminary injunction (which is really, really hard to win under these circumstances). This was round 1 of a 12 round fight, but most people can't afford to go longer because of the legal bills (well into six figures to go to trial), and so it was with Katy Johnson.
For the same reasons, Tucker won't sue Bostonist unless he is really fucking stupid.
1) He is broke and in no position to fight a two year litigation battle that will cost him 200K or so.
2) Assuming arguendo that he has a decent case based on the technical definition of libel (I didn't review the posting, but from what I read about it it appears pretty benign), a good chunk of defamation cases (app. 40%) in which a jury finds for the Plaintiff award no damages
3) Tucker would have the burden of establishing damages, and in this case any accusations of rape probably benefit Tucker financially or at least don't hurt him, and this appears to be a classic example of why most people shouldn't bring defamation lawsuits.
I could very well lose my job (I'm a speech/hearing pathologist in a poor Chicago school district).
intelligent, witty and a do-gooder?
:::swoon:::
i think i'm in love.
I've lived in Austin for a couple of years now (long, long, long after the Austin Story) and it never ceases to amaze that he's just not acknowledged in these parts.
One time, in the two + years I've lived here, has the morning DJ (Jason at 101X, for any locals) even mentioned his name. He is a joke here. No one has been discussing his upcoming movie preview at the University, let alone that it's free for all students.
Mr. Max has apparently forgotten that we are a football-driven large college town. Our students (and city in general) do not care about his hijinx or the hilarity it ensues.
i didn't hear much grumble about him when he was here for SXSW.
he's just insignificant in a town in which he professes to be otherwise.
"and this appears to be a classic example of why most people shouldn't bring defamation lawsuits."
Yeah, my conclusion is he just doesn't know because 1) he never passed the bar to become a practicing lawyer and 2) he's never been thru a full trial trying to sue someone else.
He's going to sue like he's going to get a fucking jet like his film is revolutionary like he got wide distribution like he's etc. etc. etc.
Tucker Max talks more shit and fails on following through more than anybody on the internet.
I hope he does sue and Tucker Max fails at that as well.
He's not going to sue. How? When asked a question by an audience member about what his own parents think of him, he responds with:
"They think I'm a rapist."
That's a public response in a public forum. Joke or not that's definitely going to be the forefront of the Bostonist's defense. HE SAID IT HIMSELF.
Jedi Master Max has but one thing to teach coddled apprentice Holiday...it's that (self-styled) precociousness doesn't age well.
So Tucker may have raped Ann Marie Silva, driving her to suicide?
Tinker will beat this and easily,,Domestic: $270,982,000 64.5%
+ Foreign: $149,200,000 35.5%
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
= Worldwide: $420,182,000
WAIT????
I he buying a jet or a Jetta?
"WAIT????
I he buying a jet or a Jetta?"
Makes no difference; he can't afford either.
Went to Toronto screening tonight. This screening seemed to be a disaster from start to finish. First off, it was at about 50-60% capacity. Nobody got swag bags because of whatever reason and Tucker seemed to be either hungover or just ambivilent to the entire show. The Q&A session had to be one of the lamest things I've ever witnessed. A bunch of asshats asking Tucker a lot of really lame questions.
The movie was okay, probably a little below average. As a fan I was pretty disappointed. My friend, who has never even heard of Tucker Max thought it was one of the worst films he's ever seen (I promised to reimburse him if he hated the film, so I'm out a few more dollars).
I guess it committed the cardinal sin of comedy films in that it just wasn't very funny. ALso, you could have cut 20 minutes out and you'd still have the same movie. In other words it had a lot of filler in there that not only was unfunny but didn't move the plot forward.
The music was abysmal. I have no idea who Paul Wall is, but his music didn't fit the movie at all.
Lastly the film is kind of racist, and I'm not just speaking about the Magic Johnson line. If you're a minority in this film, you are either in jail, mopping up shit or serving white people. I don't know if this was part of the script, but it felt a little weird in the end.
I give the film a 2 out of 5 stars. I'd post this on his message board, but why lose my hard earned rep points.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
And the hits just keep on coming.
I heard he and glen beck did something awful involving a little girl back in 1990.
They clearly must have done this, as there is no documented evidence to prove otherwise.
this just in: you guys need to get out of your parents basements and stop dissecting tucker max's life and story and bullshit movie.
i think tucker plays up the whole narcissist thing. i think he really does think a whole lot of himself and all that, but he writes stuff like 'revolutionary' and 'part of the american canon' and all that just to play it up and make people react. just my two cents.
gay anal fisting? on my internets?
TUCKER MAX IS A DOUCHEBAG!
1) I think that rape story was planted by someone from his camp.
2) Tucker is not a narcissist. Once he found that term, he latched on to it, and used it to explain the jack ass stuff he does (or stuff he doesn't "get.") This is not the behavior of a narcissist. This is the behavior of someone who has diagnosed themselves as something. (Or was diagnosed third hand by his ex-girlfriend's therapist.)
"Went to Toronto screening tonight. This screening seemed to be a disaster from start to finish. First off, it was at about 50-60% capacity"
But but but, tugger said every venue was sold out!!! LOL
I don't think this craptacular movie is even worth torrenting at this point.
Someone posted on his board about it. They tried to doll it up, but apparently it was an awful show.
@11:26 PM
You wont lose rep points, you'll probably gain them. Many have mentioned that they + rep anyone who calls Tugger out.
"OC/DC. What is that? It's an original script Nils and I have just finished. I am not going to talk about it, other than to say one thing:
I think its going to be the highest grossing comedy of all time.
I'm not kidding. There is no question in my mind that IHTSBIH is going to do great and launch Nils and I and my company. But everyone will think its just luck, that we'll just do the sequels and that'll be it, that we're one hit wonders. OC/DC is going to be our first movie that has nothing at all to do with anything on this site or Tucker Max related, and it is going to blow people away.
I'm not going to talk anymore about it, and don't ask. Just remember this post when it drops in 2 or 3 years and sets new records."
-Tucker Max
^^^
You mean it's going to gross even more than the $400M beer in hell is going to make?!
haha
otto obviously has sustained massive brain damage from low O2 levels, what with his head being constantly stuck in the fucking clouds.
"OC/DC is going to be our first movie that has nothing at all to do with anything on this site or Tucker Max related, and it is going to blow people away."
Didn't we hear this post 2 or 3 years ago about IHTSBIH the movie?
Considering you've pretty much been exiled from Hollywood by every major studio. No. I don't see any such thing happening. Or is the next rudius plan to run it's own studio and revolutionize the industry.
Ann Marie Sliva.
"-Nils is a huge baseball fan, and his team is the Oakland A’s. As a result, he has a pathological hatred for the Yankees"
WTF does that have to do with anything? Those are not 2 rival teams. Yankees and A's have nothing to do with each other.
Is Nils really this dumb? No wonder they can make leaps that boggle the mind.
"Nils: Hate. I will say again, I hate Jorge Posada’s retarded baby.
Tucker: You gotta say it ‘retah-dead,’ like with a Boston accent. Then it’s funny.
Nils: His baby had a unibrow at 18 months. That’s not a baby, it’s an alien. Fuck him, and Joe Torre, even though he left."
No one thinks you are funny. I'm sure you're going to say the audience thought it was hilarious. Must have been a bunch of BC kids and not Red Sox fans who have better insults than you two.
"Guy: Everyone needs to know that before this I had a wretched history of blow jobs. So…
Tucker: It takes a lot of practice to get good at it, doesn’t it buddy?
Nils: He’s got Peter Gammons’ teeth. That’s how he got his overbite."
No one in Boston likes this kind of humor. You are the kind of douchebags that get killed in Boston Bars.
You sound like older, unfunny, preppy fags. The kind of people Boston residents despise.
"Random guy in audience: That’s his favorite movie.
Tucker: Give this guy a beer pong kit! Hey, Prince of Persia, hurry up over here. Pretend you’re buying real estate. He’s a Persian Jew, so it’s funny. [Note: Prince of Persia is my nickname for one of the gophers working on tour, because he actually is Persian and Jewish.]"
So why would any of this dialogue be funny? The audience doesn't know about your gopher. Note to self: Tucker thinks that telling inside jokes out loud to audiences is funny.
"Tucker: I do not believe you had the balls to say that to a girl. You are not getting enough ass that you are turning pussy down. Don’t give him that! [As Prince of Persia tries to hand him a beer pong kit] Give him money so he can lose his virginity, because that’s the only way he’s getting ass.
Nils: There’s gotta be more, because when she shaves, the penis has to show, right?
Guy: No this girl ended up becoming the ex-girlfriend that I dated for four years.
Tucker: Hold on, you made her shave her bonsai tree and then dated her for four years… Is there a punch line or the punch line just your life?
Bill: Don’t make fun of him, he embroidered his Affliction shirt himself."
OH MAN. Who the Fuck is Bill Dawes trying to talk about a guy wearing an affliction T-shirt. Hello?! Beuller?
Bill, you are 50 years old and wear college message style T-shirts. What do you still count how many drinks you have? Oh wait, you hang out with Tucker, of course you do.
"-Guy starts telling some rambling story about how the Red Sox were on strike:
Nils: Wait, I know you’re Italian so you speak with your hands, but you need to keep the one with the mic in front of your face.
Tucker: We’ll give you three beer pong kits if you can talk without moving your hands.
[he says two words]
Tucker: Look, you’re moving your fingers, you’re cheating.
Guy: [Gets to the punchline] I went down to right field and banged her in the stands her a Red Sox game.
Nils: Who were they playing?
Guy: I don’t know, but Wes Chamberlain hit a homerun in the bottom of the ninth to win it. Couldn’t tell you who the opposition was.
Nils: I don’t believe you. I would have remembered the starting pitchers, the relief…
Guy: Hey buddy, I don’t know any of that shit, but I do know Johnny Pesky isn’t the only one with a pole in right field, I’ll tell you that much!
Tucker: AWESOME! WINNER!
Nils: Get this man a fucking beer pong kit, well played!"
Oh...I get it. Tucker and Nils only like other douchebags. Makes
total sense.
"-Guy tells story about how he shits and pukes at the same time:
Tucker: Are you fucking kidding me? Then you stabbed somebody, right? Did you break the toilet? Did your fucking spleen come out of your ass?"
Right.........Because your shit throwup story is the height of veracity.
"-A skinny white guy in a Public Enemy shirt stands up:
Tucker: A skinny white dude in a Public Enemy shirt."
Says the guy who listens to Paul Wall.
"-There were like 4 press interviews scheduled for after the movie. I am pretty sure that our pre-show and Q&A offended the press so much they left without interviewing us."
No. The press simply didn't come. They haven't come to any of your shows. There's not a single review of note anywhere.
"Oh well, you know I say: If they can’t take a joke, fuck’em."
Oh, right. Cause this worked so well when you told a studio exec she was a cunt. Say hello to the black list.
"-Oh yeah, there were some protesters there, but it was the saddest group of protesters I’ve ever seen (pics here)."
Unlike the Audience that came to see you?? Tucker really does hate his fans. You can tell from his writing. He talks about black cards, champagne, having the finest blah blah blah
And somehow it shocks him that his fans wear Public Enemy T-shirts.
“If Tucker hates women, why does he have so many female fans? Why is half of each screening women?”
Tucker Max, his book, quote:
"I know most of my fans are male..."
The reason the audience may be demographically proportionate is simply douche college students. Every douche frat college guy has a ridiculous and naive girl. Who thinks being a cum dumpster is cool and that having trains pulled on you just means your popular.
Are you really this stupid Tuck? Your audiences are 99% ages 18-24.
"Women" are not your fans. College hoes are your fans.
"I have this morning before doing 8 straight hours of junket interviews for NYC press, it’ll have to do."
Funny...I still haven't seen a single article out of any NY paper, journal, anywhere about your little visit.
Saw an IHTSBIH billboard today (North Avenue right by Maywood Park for those in the Chicagoland area). Unbelievably cheap, ghetto location and Czuchry looks like a complete dork. Pathetic.
hey tucker, how is your rapist lawsuit coming? been meeting with lawyers? gathering lots of evidence? oh yeah?
No.
hey tucker, how is OC/DE or whatever, your new movie coming along. you say we should wait 2 years until it comes out. what, no video production blog? no guerrilla internet marketing? we should just wait right, like all the other things you say will happen which dont. 2 years, huh? how about never in a million years?
http://www.boston.com/ae/celebrity/more_names/blog/2009/09/tucker_max_shes_just_not_that.html
"After Max riled up a crowd of college kids by showing the movie based on his debauchery, the professional lothario had one of his sidekicks call the local promoters of the flick to inquire about the Boston Globe reporter who was in the audience. Apparently, Max found her, um, desirable.
As it turns out, the woman in question was a former intern at the Globe, a Northeastern University student who happens to be 19 years old. For the record, Mr. Max, she's not interested (and way too young for you)."
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/05/movies/05tucker.html
http://www.philly.com/dailynews/columnists/dan_gross/20090903_Dan_Gross__Tucker_Max_coming_to_a_screen_near_you.html
"...says Max, who graduated from Duke Law School but never took the bar exam."
And this guy here is a complete and total douchebag:
http://www.centredaily.com/540/story/1487064.html
For the record, Tucker did get interviewed by the NYTimes, it came out on Friday. Didn't really say much about the movie and made Tucker look sort of like a douchebag without going over the top.
"Max, a muscular man with a lantern jaw and close-cropped blond hair, would get her a beer."
What? OK, he's 5'9 and almost 200 lbs...that body mass index indicates him to be quite out of shape.
(“I’m trying to get you drunk so you can’t consent to sex anymore,” Mr. Max told the women.)
Yes, and you're going to successfully sue someone for them accusing you of being a rapist. Moron. Admitting to it on record even jokingly gives defense lawyers all they need. So bring that litigation Max, if you can afford it.
There's some idiots over on IMDb, two new reviews.
1 has no other posts, the other hasn't posted in over a year and only has 3 total posts.
Tucker Fanboys, straight from the movie to where ever they can give a review.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Tucker_Max
Pretty funny.
They apparently put it in front of a few movies. But isn't it coming out the same weekend as Jennifer's Body? Or the weekend after, something like that.
"They apparently put it in front of a few movies. But isn't it coming out the same weekend as Jennifer's Body? Or the weekend after, something like that."
Weekend after. It's going up against Pandorum and Surrogates, but there's 2 other movies opening wide that weekend. There's 5 opening wide the weekend he expect to expand, 3 weeks later.
A fall release is the worst idea anyway, especially for his demographic which will be at football games every weekend.
Top grossing movies can expect to make 15-20 million on a weekend and be #1, with a per screen average 3-8k depending.
The only way he can expand is if he can maintain a 3 week average above 10k a theater, they'll never let him otherwise.
Slumdog is a good example of that. It consistently made 15-30k per theater in the first 4 weeks, then expanded to 500 screens and averaged about 10-15k per theater, and then got to expand to 1500 after 4 weeks.
So why not sit on it until, idk, Spring Break or something? Investors getting antsy?
Even if all the posts aren't relevant to the blog, the fact remains that 10,000+ posts were made out of mockery for Tucker Max.
trolls fail
I like how the YouTube rating for his trailer is constantly dwindling, and that fact is being prominently displayed on the top center of his movie's webpage.
Where is this word of mouth I've been hearing so much about? The only info I've heard about this movie, I've had to seek out myself.
"So why not sit on it until, idk, Spring Break or something? Investors getting antsy?"
Frankly I don't know why they didn't release it earlier this year. It's been finished since last summer.
The only reason I can think of is they didn't want to compete with blockbusters and fall was the only chance they had to expand beyond the initial release # of screens.
From my perspective, block busters or not, you go gunho with a 1500-2000 screen release in May-August and take your chances.
This movie has 0 chance of the kind of expansion he forsees. It takes a really, really good movie to get expanded like he wants to without a studio and slow roll out.
From what I'm hearing, even some of Tuckers hardcore fans simply don't think the movie is that good. The don't hate it (cause that would be against fanboy code) but it's not what they were expecting.
Tuckers problem is his fan base will never grow beyond the 18-24 age range because he simply is not that funny and once people grow up they realize that.
They should have rolled out before "The Hangover"
Most people who are going to see this aren't fans, and I've heard the same thing over and over. "What is this, a cheap version of the hangover?"
I also keep seeing people say it will recoup on DVD sales. I'm just doubting it.
http://www.the-numbers.com/dvd/charts/annual/2009.php
Is there one single dvd on this list IHTSBIH would outsell?
I've put BO at 5 million and DVD at 10 million, meaning Darko doesn't recover its investment and Tucker is likely broke.
WHAT WOULD TUCKER MAX DO? (DECONSTRUCTED)
By Robert Antosy – For Lion Country
Tuesday September 03, 2009
In this episode: We find that Tucker Max needs to buy good reviews and Penn State’s journalism department is chucking out retards faster than the special olympics.
“Let me tell you first hand. Tucker Max: the author, womanizer, partier, storyteller,”
Why not add “Warrior, poet, lover, father, husband” into the mix? You’re doing a fucking review of a movie, not a review of an event. Jesus Fucking Christ Robert Antosy, how the fuck did you get into Penn State?
“and any other title you may give”
Cough… cough… DOUCHEBAG… cough… cough… FRAUD… cough… cough… LIAR… cough…
“for a man who wrote a New York Times best-selling book”
Dude, seriously, you’re writing this for a paper at a major university. It’s not a NYTimes best selling book, it made the SUPPLEMENTAL LIST. They don’t list PAPERBACK BOOKS ON THE REAL BEST SELLERS LIST. Do you have a fucking editor? You’re making your newspaper look bad. Check your facts dipshit.
“entitled I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, knows how to give a VIP treatment to an inspiring reporter.”
Wait? What?
Robert, who the hell are you “inspiring” you fucking dolt. It’s ASPIRING. Jesus, I went to a shitty state school in Illinois and didn’t major in journalism, yet I know the fucking difference between INSPIRING and ASPIRING.
By the way, your aspirations to be a journalist need a ton of fucking work pal. Have you ever heard of JOURNALISTIC ETHICS? That means you SHOULD NEVER TAKE VIP TREATMENT FROM THE SUBJECT YOU ARE ABOUT TO INTERVIEW BECAUSE IT WILL SKEW YOUR ARTICLE IN FAVOR OF YOUR SUBJECT SO YOUR ARTICLE MIGHT NOT INCLUDE SOME “FACTS” THAT YOU SHOULD BE REPORTING ABOUT BECAUSE YOU WERE GETTING “VIP” PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT AT THE TIME.
If one of Robert’s professors ends up reading my response, you should lose your jobs. Is this the best of your journalism students that you’re turning out?
Wait, my bad, horrible question, he’s interviewing Tucker Max on page 11 of a large university paper next to the horoscopes. I guess this is what you do with the dumbasses who “inspire” to be journalists in your classes.
“The State Theatre, 130 West College Ave., was the scene on Monday night for Max’s premiere of his new movie, based off the book named I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.”
Well, at least dumbass Robert Antosy got that part correct.
“Mobs of people”
MobS are a plural, meaning there were more than one huge crowd out there to see the film. From the pictures, it looked like “dozens” or maybe a couple hundred, like a MOB.
Jesus Fucking Christ, I’m not even in journalism and went to a much shittier school. Why is it that you cannot, CANNOT DO YOUR FUCKING JOB CORRECTLY? Do you not have a fucking editor?
“wrapped around the State Theatre and onto Frasier Street in hopes of seeing what Max had to offer on the big screen.”
Or to see if he was as big of a douchebag in person as he is in his “novel”
“I was lucky enough to interview Max after the screening.”
You mean you went to the Q&A session? How VIP of Tucker.
“Originally I thought this interview would be more of a sit-down, traditional conversation between the interviewer and interviewee. Who was I kidding? This, after all, is Tucker Max.”
You guys did your interview in a huge vat of douche? This is Tucker Max afterall.
“Tucker, a guy whose most memorable moment in life was when he had intercourse with a midget on the same night of his best friend’s bachelor party,”
Dude, seriously, you need to lose your job. Not only did the midget story NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE (which would be hard to disprove unless perhaps you knew people who were actually there. I don’t know those people either, but I know people who know them and at least 2 of them state clearly that he didn’t fuck a midget), but the entire bachelor party (do 3 people = a party?) WAS ONLY MADE UP FOR THE MOVIE. IT WASN'T EVEN PART OF THE BOOK!!!
I want to punch Robert Whateverhisnameis more than I want to punch Tucker Max.
“was about to open his tour bus for an interview with me and a few other reporters.”
That was only after he got finished fucking Devon the fat virgin.
“I couldn’t help but feel like this was VIP treatment.”
Tucker spares no expense in his VIP treatment of
journalists who don’t know what VIP treatment is.
“The interview was an experience in itself.”
That’s awesome Robert, did he shit on your dick or just treat you like shit and a dick?
“When I asked Max how his stories started becoming popular, he bluntly leaned forward and said, “You know what the internet is, right? Once you put something up on the internet and people like it, they tell their friends. There’s nothing stronger than word of mouth.””
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Tucker Max shoots and sco… doesn’t even hit net.
Yeah Tucker, I have heard of word of mouth, have you ever heard of your name next to the word RAPIST? Because most anybody who reads a major newspaper certainly are reading the words: TUCKER MAX near the word RAPIST.
I'm sure that will drive up your box office. Nice branding btw.
To Tucker there’s nothing strong than foot in mouth.
“Although Max said he is comparable to Superman”
In that they are both literary constructs.
“in the fact that no one well-known in the entertainment business could portray him on screen,”
Because anybody well-known has long since passed on his shitty script which is why they settled for Matt "Giant Spiders... AHHHH!!!" Whocry.
“he still showed a lighter side to his demeanor regarding how difficult it was to make this film.”
Yeah, write a bunch of fake stories of your false exploits, then sell the books to retards and then get somebody with little experience with success in Hollywood to spend a lot of money that they’ll never make back.
That’s fucking HARD.
“It was so hard that if you would have told me before we started what this would be like, I might not have done it.”
How about if before you started we told you how fucking shitty your shitty script was? Could you save me some time Tucker Max, you selfish bastard.
“The book, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, sold over 70,000 copies in its first year. Although it was an amazing feat for Max,”
Yeah, but not as amazing as telling everybody he’s sold a million books when he hasn’t even broken 500K in unit sales yet.
“he is still prouder of his movie.”
I think I’d be proud of a con game like Tucker is as well.
“Lots of people have written great books but very few people have made great movies.”
And Tucker has done neither.
“A movie is the highest regarded art form.”
A baby just died of AIDS.
“It’s the hardest to get right and I feel like we got it right.”
That is if the word “right” means the exact opposite of what it says in the dictionary. No wonder you got some rockdumb dipshit like Robert Whatever to write this article. Not only does he not know the difference between the words “inspire” and “aspire”, not only does he not know the difference between “right” and “wrong”, but he has an editor who doesn’t bother doing things like “checking facts” or “editing”.
“Max is a guy who will be forever known for”
being a douchebag.
“his abundant sexual encounters,”
being a douchebag who lies a lot.
“getting excessively drunk at the wrong times”
being a douchebag who lies a lot who has blown his big chance in Hollywood.
“and for comments such as, "Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out."”
being a douchebag who lies a lot, who has blown his big chance in Hollywood, who has been called a RAPIST in some very public places.
“But through all of his experiences, right or wrong,”
Lie or bigger lie.
“Tucker still has thousands of followers nationwide”
If you read his board, you can meet all 50 of those 1000.
“and a lot of people find humor in his witty comments, including me.”
Hey dude, you just disqualified yourself as a journalist. The second you state clearly that YOU ARE A FAN OF THAT PERSON, YOU ARE NO LONGER WRITING A OBJECTIVE ARTICLE.
To Penn State, how in your right mind can you print such drivel? This has become nothing more than an advertisement for the movie, whereas you, as a major university are letting some dipshit use your paper to print that advertisement? Your journalism department has to suck ass, you should be ashamed of yourself as educators to let such crap enter the student population.
This article is an embarrassment to any and all professors of journalism that your university pays a salary to.
Also, Tucker Max is a douchebag.
“Max admitted he didn’t do this for the glory that comes with being a legendary party animal.”
Did he admit to lying? Otherwise this article is bullshit.
“Dude, I didn’t do this to get laid, get drunk, or party. I was already doing that before I got famous. I did this because I love writing stories and making movies.”
You also love raping women, or so that’s what I heard.
Penn State, you suck, and Robert Antosy in 2 years when you realize you have no career as an inspiring journalist remember that I’ll have fries with that.
-TDG
Inspiring, aspiring.
Hahahahahahah
what a douche.
"“entitled I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, knows how to give a VIP treatment to an inspiring reporter.”
Wait? What?
Robert, who the hell are you “inspiring” you fucking dolt. It’s ASPIRING. Jesus, I went to a shitty state school in Illinois and didn’t major in journalism, yet I know the fucking difference between INSPIRING and ASPIRING.
By the way, your aspirations to be a journalist need a ton of fucking work pal. Have you ever heard of JOURNALISTIC ETHICS? That means you SHOULD NEVER TAKE VIP TREATMENT FROM THE SUBJECT YOU ARE ABOUT TO INTERVIEW BECAUSE IT WILL SKEW YOUR ARTICLE IN FAVOR OF YOUR SUBJECT SO YOUR ARTICLE MIGHT NOT INCLUDE SOME “FACTS” THAT YOU SHOULD BE REPORTING ABOUT BECAUSE YOU WERE GETTING “VIP” PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT AT THE TIME.
If one of Robert’s professors ends up reading my response, you should lose your jobs. Is this the best of your journalism students that you’re turning out?
Wait, my bad, horrible question, he’s interviewing Tucker Max on page 11 of a large university paper next to the horoscopes. I guess this is what you do with the dumbasses who “inspire” to be journalists in your classes."
____________________________________________
TDG, to paraphrase the last line of Inglorious Basterds:
"This might be your masterpiece."
“Tucker still has thousands of followers nationwide”
If you read his board, you can meet all 50 of those 1000.
_____________________________________
TDG, you continue to impress. That entire deconstruction was awesome.
“Originally I thought this interview would be more of a sit-down, traditional conversation between the interviewer and interviewee. Who was I kidding? This, after all, is Tucker Max.”
You guys did your interview in a huge vat of douche? This is Tucker Max afterall.
Holy shit mate, that was focking hysterical.
Somebody needs to register and post TDG's comment to this turdblossoms article. It's pretty much one of the best things TDG has ever written.
TDG,
I love you man!!!
"Somebody needs to register and post TDG's comment to this turdblossoms article. It's pretty much one of the best things TDG has ever written."
Done. I think you have to register to see the comments, but it's up there. I had to break into smaller sections (the comment section has a 1000-character limit), and I had to tone down the language (they also have a censorship feature on the comments), but otherwise, it's there, in all it's deconstructed glory.
Thanks, TDG- you're the man!
Holy shit, I'm famous!!!
To whomever, much thanks.
^^^ No prob, TDG. It's the least I can do for someone who aspires me like you do.
teah, deconstruct guy, youre an aspiration to all of us.
teah = yeah
I can see it without registering. But I'm guessing it'll get deleted very quickly.
Fuck yeah Niggers!!
TDG, please make a Blogger profile. The racist bullshit is getting old, and for all the great work you've done for the haters-cause, you don't deserve to have your good name associated with this racist crap.
"TDG, please make a Blogger profile."
Fuck you nigger
"The racist bullshit is getting old,"
This obviously means you are a fucking nigger lover
"and for all the great work you've done for the haters-cause, you don't deserve to have your good name associated with this racist crap."
If you don't like what I have to say about niggers, then you don't have to fucking listen you prick.
“A movie is the highest regarded art form.”
A baby just died of AIDS.
-----------------------------------
Now theres an AIDS joke that works haha.
Great job as always TDG
Thanks nigguh!
"TDG, please make a Blogger profile. The racist bullshit is getting old, and for all the great work you've done for the haters-cause, you don't deserve to have your good name associated with this racist crap."
With all due respect, why? It's obviously not me, and furthermore, it says less about them then it does about me.
Think about it for a moment, a Tucker fanboi wants to discredit me, not by what I say, but by faking being me (badly I might add) and saying some racist shit in the process.
My guess is it's Paul Wall.
"My guess is it's Paul Wall."
PWNED!!!!!!
My guess is it's Paul Wall.
---------------------------------
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
yea that fake TDG is an idiot.
It painfully obvious how pathetic these fan-bois are
oh and TUCKER MAX = RAPIST
TDG,
So basically you're saying that Tucker fans are racists who follow a lying rapist?
Bill Dawes is HUGE, just check out his wikipedia page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Dawes
Bill Dawes is in his very late 30's/early 40's and wears douchey t-shirts the dorky kid on your freshman dorm room floor used to wear all the time.
"Bill Dawes is HUGE, just check out his wikipedia page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Dawes
9/06/2009 10:29 PM"
___________________________________
That's pretty impressive, all right, but it's nothing compared to Nils Parker's:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nils_Parker
Because it's really in good taste to show IHTSBIH on 9/11, somehow the people at the UT Union approved this event.
I've already e-mailed the local station to see if they could get an 'unobjective' intern to head to the festivities. i'm also checking with a friend who works on campus to see if he can procure a ticket.
i feel like i need to see this train wreck myself.
What i still find odd is that *no one* is discussing the upcoming event here in town.
:::shrug:::
real artists (the local music scene)are far more important that tugger max.
I just wrote a song. Not sure why I'm posting it on this box of retard but here goes..
(chords are F, AM7, B Flat, C, SLOWLY LIKE David Gilmour. Then D minor to C a FEW TIMES and back to start. you either get it or don't)
Beautiful girls, they roam wild just like the fires.
It's a beautiful world, but even sometimes I grow tired.
So take it from me. The guy your never see... until you heart exspires...
I'm sure that those words.. rolled out like turds.. and weren't much so desired.
Think of the cost, and saving the things you lost. Except the ones you lost to fire.
Beautiful girls.. but I can't hold what I desire.
Later fuckers
I haven't been here since Bunny lost her GD mind all over the board. Someone catch me up, what's this rape shit about a chick named Ann and suicide?
More bullshit, or legit? 400 posts is a lot to work through and I'm fairly not feelin it today...
- former regular contributor to the fake tucker story collection
Shit, found the Ann Marie story. We had a suicide on the TMMB about a year ago I think... last summer. A board gal who was had met Tucker et al in real life. I know she had a sexual relationship with at least one, not sure if there were others.
The worst thing about Tucker is his inability to have any foresight into any fucking situation. He rambles on and on about how much of a visionary he is... but he's honestly as blind as a fucking dead hooker. He sees nothing beyond immediate needs/wants. He has no awareness of consequences.
He's just sick. That's why I took a time out after Bunny. I was half-convinced she was psychotically break apart all over the internet... with resulting potential suicides. This trainwreck needs a HAZMAT team to come clean it up. It's just not fun anymore. Depressing.
No offense to TDG, etc, you guys have been great, but damn... Tucker's skeletons just aren't amusing anymore as much as they are disgusting.
"Bill Dawes is in his very late 30's/early 40's and wears douchey t-shirts the dorky kid on your freshman dorm room floor used to wear all the time."
Man, he looks like a chili pepper that's been in the sun too long. He has to be at least 50.
Yes folks, that's right, Tucker is, in fact, a feminist:
http://www.thelocal.se/21842/20090902/
"Swedish father Ragnar Bengtsson, 26, has entered into an experiment that he hopes will help him breastfeed his future children.
On Tuesday, the Stockholm family man began stimulating his breasts with a pump in a bid to produce milk."
Check out the photo at the top of the article. But not just before lunch.
"Sigbritt Werner, professor of endocrinology at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm, told The Local that it could be possible for Bengtsson to produce "a drop or two" after three or four months. ... Men often have trouble finding things. And if the mother is out, the child is screaming and they can't find the pacifier I'm sure there are a lot of men who give their baby their breasts."
Oh, you are, are you, you cute little woman playing at being all professor-like and thinkable?
WOMAN, KNOW YOUR LIMITS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjxY9rZwNGU
"Bill Dawes is HUGE, just check out his wikipedia page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Dawes
9/06/2009 10:29 PM"
___________________________________
That's pretty impressive, all right, but it's nothing compared to Nils Parker's:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nils_Parker
Both of those long, detailed, meticulously researched pieces pale in comparison to this one:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tucker_Max's_Private_Jet
^^^ Dude, you're so right- but even THAT wikipedia entry is paltry in comparison to THIS one:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Successful_Careers_Of_Rudius_Media_Employees
this is soo they guy they should have gotten to play tucker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6r4KT8-VX0
it's a profound question tucker/nils never asked:
"are we human? or are we douchebags?"
and now they've got epic fail on their hands:
"wave goodbye--wish me well--you've got to let me go."
is not this video better than tucker's film fail? they probably had about the same budget, but the music video has better direction/acting/singing/response.
five stars it got! compared to tucker's paltry 3.5 stars.
over 12,000,000 views! contrast this to tucker's silly, little, pretencious, precious, timid, soulless, fart-art, film-fail trailer.
tucker bob gosse should have studied what made the video such a smashing success without any stars nor donnie darko backing it with $12,000,000.
contrast the epic cinematography to tucker's film-school-fail lighting.
contrast the epic, soaring music to paul wall's doucherap. (douchewrap)
a final dance number with the cast, tucker, and nils dancing to this song and lipsyncing could have saved the film.
"are we human? or are we tuckers?"
that's so much better than "i am baking a quiche." huh? wtf?
my sign is vital.
my douche is cold.
and i'm on my knees wiating for the answer.
tucker fanboys....
you've got to let us know.
"are you human? or are you douchebags?"
Go away, mccoymountain. You are a total weirdo.
"are we human? or are we douchebags?"
my signs are vital
my hands are small.
i like it!
TM = VIACOM'S BITCH
All people supporting Tucker are actually Tucker's fake accounts. All anonymous supporters are Tucker or Ryan Holiday.
Oh boy oh boy can I be Ryan Holiday too?
ARE YOU HUMAN OR ARE YOU JYOO?????
"my signs are vital
my hands are small"
my tits are bouncy
me love you all
Wait, you guys are hoping this Tucker guy's x girlfriend who you don't know kills herself?
...but your totally upset this Ann Marie chick killed herself. So this Bunny chick, what she really needs to do to make you happy is kill herself. You people are worse than Tucker Max.
...Tucker Max is a sociopath, whereas you guys are flat out fuckin' psycho.
"...Tucker Max is a sociopath, whereas you guys are flat out fuckin' psycho."
don't shoot the messenger.
it's tucker who films anal sex without the girl's consent/knowledge.
don't confuse us with douchebag!
Wait, so you want this one chick that you hate for helping to kill this other chick that you didn't hate who fucked a guy that you've never heard of because he fucked this other chick that you don't hate because she fucked this guy and you want who to die, now, exactly?
I like dead people.
They're friendly.
One of them is walking into my room behind me right now.
"don't confuse us with douchebag!"
Your not douchebags for wanting some chick who dates a guy you hate to kill herself? That makes you a worldclass douche. That makes you as douchey as any douche ever.
Look she sounds messed up and not to bright, but to go "Oh, I was hoping she'd kill herself?"
Wonder why you hate this sociopath? Uh cuz he reminds you of yourself? Wishing some chick would kill herself.
Yeah, that's douchey, but you want to know what's douchier, the guy who did this to a girl:
-He will tell you he loves you and wants to have children with you. When you then get pregnant, he will say that he has about two to four more years of drinking and whoring left to do, so a baby isn’t in the cards. He will coerce you into an abortion by threatening to give away your dog if you try to have the child. Then he will be evasive so that you will be forced to dump him and he can get off scot-free.
-When you get upset about this, he will tell you that you are over-emotional. When you try to explain how this hurts, he will ignore you till you find yourself screaming and breaking things. He will explain these outbursts to his drinking buddies as so: “Yeah she’s fucking crazy. She flips out on me like every third day.”
Yeah, we say some mean things, but we don't actually DO THEM. On the other hand, forcing your girlfriend to have an abortion or else you're going to give away her dog...
I really enjoy Tucker fanboi's faux outrage. Maybe they can fake being a member of this board and say some racist shit again... Oh wait.
here's wishin SOME poasters would kill demselves
This just might be the greatest thread ever created on IMDB.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/flat/146993728?p=1
Youll never hear me defend that douche. Try and defend hoping some chick he dated dies. What the hell is wrong with you people?
You! You're the JEW aren't you! I can see it in your vowels!
"greatest thread ever created on IMDB"
Yeah, definitely has potential.
But remember, Tucker was asking the crew on the set how proud they were about working on the best movie ever.
Of course! I'm Ryan Holidouche or the lawyer or Bunny! Why can't anybody point out insanity here without being called Ryann Holiday? You sit around and hope some chick breaks down and killsherself, well your insane.
You ever met a psychopath? Let alone one as smart as TM? I fucking pity that poor girl. She probably lives in terror shell end up in a fucking ditch if she doesnt pretend T Max is amazing.
How stupid are you to assume that one person wishing someone offs herself means we all do it?
Some of us are just here to make fun of Tucker. Dumbshit.
http://www.kansascity.com/entertainment/movies/story/1407530.html
"The comedy, based on his somewhat true novel..."
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
"Your not douchebags"
First off, it's you're. And secondly, one person here said something. Likely a Tucker troll. So where do you get including all of this in this?
http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Red-Band-Rant-Fall-Movies-Guaranteed-To-Be-Terrible-14658.html
"Red Band Rant: Fall Movies Guaranteed To Be Terrible
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell: Some of the more Puritan among us have accused Tucker Max of indecency, blasphemy, even glamorizing rape, but honestly, he's just a toolbox who's still too immature to realize tallying human interactions as conquests or notches on the belt will never lead to long-term happiness. I've thrown up on myself from drinking, snorted lines of cocaine off Jennifer Lopez CDs, and won money on various sex act proposition bets. I get it, I just don't get why it makes him cool or worth nine dollars."
Amen. I think YG would agree.
Damn, Keri Lynn Pratt, how much did Otto pay you to whore yourself out like this?
http://www.technicianonline.com/news/q-a-with-keri-lynn-pratt-1.1822513
"Technician: What message would you like to send to the Women's Center?
Keri Lynn Pratt: I think that rape is a very serious issue that I don't take lightly. I think that sexism is a very serious issue that I don't take lightly. I think this movie and Tucker Max is not a representation of those things. He is writing about it and I think more importantly than going after him, they need to teach girls to make the right decisions.
That doesn't mean throwing yourself and flaunting yourself and acting like whores."
http://www.foxbusiness.com/story/markets/economy/jobless-americans-turning-free-work/
"Charlie Hoehn knows firsthand just how tough the job market is. After graduating from Colorado State University with a degree in marketing in the spring of 2008, he received nothing but rejection letters for months until he changed his strategy.
“The market is so competitive. I was getting turned down because I was competing with 35-year-olds who were just laid off and willing to take a cut in pay,” said Hoehn.
Hoehn found some luck after offering his services pro bono to best-selling authors he really wanted to form a marketing partnership with.
He would tell them: “If you like what I’ve done, let’s talk about the potential to do more work in the future and receive compensation. If not, no hard feelings for me and no money lost for you.”
Hoehn, who recently wrote an e-book on working for free, parlayed these volunteer relationships into steady work. He helped Ramit Sethi come up with a marketing plan for his New York Times (NYT: 7.13, 0, 0%) best-selling book I Will Teach You to Be Rich and is currently traveling around the country promoting “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” a movie based on a Tucker Max book."
So Charlie Hoehn is working for free. Shit, at least BC Woods got a whopping $164 per annum for his contributions.
What is it about Tucker that makes talentless needy douchebags like Ryan Holiday and Charlie Hoehn gravitate toward him?
http://www.californiagoldenblogs.com/2009/8/29/1005352/arizona-state-roundtable
"But maybe we should just stick to talking about the football team and other related things. I'm sure if our readers want to read frustrated single males prattling endlessly about women they'd never have a chance with in real life, they can read Arthur Kade or Tucker Max."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
http://www.sfbg.com/entry.php?entry_id=9055&volume_id=398&issue_id=446&volume_num=43&issue_num=48
"Sept. 25: Proud, profiteering misogynist Tucker Max — a figurehead in the "fratire" literary movement — cowrote the script for I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, based on his book (in turn, based on his blog), which kinda looks like a crasser spin on The Hangover."
"it's tucker who films anal sex without the girl's consent/knowledge."
Yea I'm sure a consential assfucking is the same thing as dying you moron.
He told Bunny he would give her dog away if she didn't get an abortion? Jesus.
Just went and saw Mike Judge's new film "Extract", (which is horrible by the way), and guess who shows up in the trailers before the movie?
IHTSBIH.
The silence in the theater was fucking deafening throughout the whole thing.
Must have been an isolated incident. I tried to boo during the trailer to stop everyone from laughing but someone told me to shut the fuck up.
I bet it was Tucker.
http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=marnie+tyler&init=quick#/profile.php?id=568921504&ref=search&sid=1910324.3602916521..1
TheTrixie's Facebook profile:
Marnie Tyler.
Quite an ugly slut, no?
from Bunny's more recent post (she redacted a chunk of it before I could post and ultimately took the whole thing down...this was what was left in the google cache):
I believe I have been neglectful in my duties as head cutter. I am sorry. I love you all--so much more than I love people in the real world, for you actually return favor--and I promise I've only neglected my duties as head cutter because I've been busy trying to get better. That's good, no?
So this brings me to my most recent frustration.
[FRUSTRATION REDACTED, BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING RETARDED TO TALK ABOUT WHO SELLS DRUGS AND WHO DOESN'T AND I AM NOT RETARDED].
So on top of everything else, she's a cutter? She's not a little whacky, she's downright 'lock-me-up-please' crazy.
Her redacted rambling was about how she can always find the cocaine dealers, no matter where she's lived.
Shit, at one point in my life I was knee deep in the stuff and wouldn't have known where to look for it if my life depended on it.
geebus, girl, get your shit together. You're 33 (34?), look like you're 44 and could wind up dead 'cause you act like your 24 and incvincible.
I just don't see the problem with expressing a favorable inclination towards seeing this person's vital signs terminate.
It's going to happen regardless, the way she is using her life. It's like the puppy in the well: eventually you start dropping rocks in to try to one-shot it because you can't stand watching it be in pain any longer.
Well, aside from the disturbing puppy killer before me, I haven't seen anyone who wants bunny to suicide. In fact, almost all if us stopped talking about her completely even before her last meltdown because it is obvious she is very sick.
Actually, I do think most of the posts bringing up bunny are by bunny. That is a pretty typical pathological behavior in people with her personality disorder.
They want desperately to feel normal but they have a limited range of emotional ability. They share one emotional experience fully with all people... Suffering. So they do what they can to create painful stimuli that will elicit this common emotion.
Many song lyrics play off the same concept.... Hurting just to feel alive. Bunny needs people to be verbally abusive to feel any kind of normalcy.
I hope she gets better. It is hard. She needs to make a clean break and go back to a life defined by her... Not by her relationship with Tucker. It prob won't happen though... Walkin away is hard I know from experience.
Pull it together Erin. You are better than this and you know it.
Charlie Hoehn reminds me of a less successful version of the
'you gotta squeeze every penny'
cheap-skate guy from that episode of the Simpsons.
"see this suit? i got it cheap cos Roy Cone died in it"
"the yacht? got it cheap cos it smells of cat pee"
"the beautiful women i'm with? they used to be MEN"
"I'm going through your trash cos' you fat-cats didn't eat all of your plankton; now it's mine!"
"you gotta squeeze EVERY penny"
Come to think of it, cheap-skate guy is way more successful than Charlie Hoehn because at least he gets some form of renumeration; hoehn gets fuck all (like the idiot he is).
It seems trust fund babies are attracted to each other,
Oh c'mon, don't tell me you've never seen/heard the puppy in a well story? It's DESIGNED to be disturbing and sad and hopeless. It's bad-emotion porn. That's why it uses a cute l'il puppy.
Now, me, I prefer my puppies in a blender. Fresh stew! Yum!
Miz Erin is about as permanently damaged at this point as the puppy. She's not the only one, there's a whole lot of other people falling through the widening cracks of this dying society. There's nothing to be done about it. Getting unutterably worked up about any one particular individual tragedy is just pointless. People who will not save themselves cannot be saved. She's demonstrated often enough, she has no interest in saving herself.
That Bob Gosse character has put in a reappearance on IMDB...
Betcha someone hacked his account
^^^
Or Bob Gosse is hoping his account and all previous posts will be erased by the IMDd board administrator.
He had his ass handed to him in an earlier thread or two. He might want to see if can have his entire history erased.
He might want to see if can have his entire history erased.
------------------
Crikey, never thought of that. Devious!
Bunny needs to find Jesus or something.
Maybe she got a job cutting heads of lettuce, thus "head cutter"?
^^^lawls
Did Bunny seriously wipe Tucker's ass when he had surgery? Good lord woman.
You think bunny would ever call TM a psychopath? Sure...
@7:45, she's probably excessively familiar with his ass already and thought nothing of it.
It IS the sort of thing a woman deeply in love does. Usually applied to worthier subjects, such as wounded war heroes.
"I can still write many more best sellers and do many other things" -tucker max, jul '09
Time's running out before you'll have to show what exactly you CAN do, big boy.
Here's my guess at what we can expect in terms of timelines. For a couple weeks after the 25th, Tucker talks up the movie. Then he trails off, maybe tossing in the occasional oblique reference to "contract issues" and "administrative headaches" and "business disputes that are out of my hands" about why the movie isn't all over the place. That'll last another couple weeks. Then he sort of stops mentioning it at all, except in terms of it being yet another great yet vague past success. At this point he's talking up all sorts of wonderful projects he just can't tell us about in detail, including this OC/DC thingy. That'll last a couple months, maybe six. How long he keeps up the pretense depends on how long before his cash runs out and he can't pay any of his bills anymore.
bob gosse in da house!!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board
My prediction: Within a year, Tucker will start cramming, and quietly sit for the California Bar Exam. Unlike most candidates, he'll have all the time in the world to cram. He has the brains to pass, though I'm sure poor work habits and the length of time since graduation will make it a challenge. As Tucker carefully cultivates his image, we won't likely hear about the exam until he passes (if ever). He'll then concoct some excuse about entering a new phase of his life, complete with a blog entry about finding a third-rate law firm that let's him be "Tucker Max".
griffinwrites.com has the seattle entry on there
Man this is the most unintentional gold mine
first this griffin guy is a complete douche and of course he relates being a douche as an art form
holy shit!
it really is bob gosse coming apart at the seams!
bob gosse in da house!!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board
how come tucker never mentions him?
did they have a falling out?
over what?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/147028475
COOL STORIES, BRO
KILL YOURSELF BUNNY, WE WILL ALL LAUGH
Well, _I_ will.
I mean, the Megan Meier suicide, that was hilarious. Wish I'd thought of that.
People who kill themselves are expressing the ultimate in self-criticism. And who are we to say they're wrong? Best to take it in the spirit offered, of improving the world, and if a bit of laughter is included, so much the better!
I LAFF AT DEAD BUNNIEZ
- BIFF!!!
Let's raise the bar, ladies, gentlemen, and Bunny. Let's shoot for 12,500 comments by 25 September.
Oh man...TDG you got to get in on this. griffinwrites.com...
"Hi, this is John. I’m not feeling well. My blood-sugar level is really low. I’m going to stay home and eat some sandwiches. I’ll call you tomorrow before work and let you know how I feel."
Message from some Douchebag faking being sick.
Response from Griffin:
"I laughed for 20 minutes straight at the message, and played it for everyone at work. I mean, a) he wasn’t diabetic. b) why would he eat sandwiches for low blood sugar? C) Why sandwiches?And not just one sandwich? And how many sandwiches are we talking? d) Was he really going to stay in all night and eat sandwiches? e) Why would it take him 24 hours to figure out if he’ll be okay? f) What happens if his blood sugar still felt low? Would he double his sandwich intake the next night?"
Are you for real? Tell me you were at least high griffin.
"I laughed for 20 minutes straight at the message"
It makes sense now. All Tucker fans have no comedic brains at all. Everything is funny.
20 Minutes? You laughed for 20 minutes? No wonder Tucker despises his fans.
Let's see why it was funny:
"and played it for everyone at work."
So, you played it and no one laughed.
I know it sounds great in your head but it really has no value beyond you thinking it's funny.
"I mean, a) he wasn’t diabetic."
Fucking Histerical man! A guy called you, who isn't diabetic, but said his blood sugar was low! Oh man, where's that Oscar for best comedy!
"b) why would he eat sandwiches for low blood sugar?"
Zing! A guy who doesn't have diabetes is talking about eatin Sandwhiches. Hilarity ensues.
"C) Why sandwiches?And not just one sandwich? And how many sandwiches are we talking?"
Oh man. The multiple gag principal. Plural = humor, more is better. Just like clowns in a car.
"d) Was he really going to stay in all night and eat sandwiches?"
Jesus, I just collapsed a lung laughing so loud. I mean a story about a guy staying in and eating sandwhiches. Despite what you think, the never ending boring story is actually high brow humor.
"e) Why would it take him 24 hours to figure out if he’ll be okay?"
What's a matter with all of you. Fucking laugh at my humor! Don't you see? I guy who is not diabetic is staying in for 24 hours eating sandwhiches.
Apply rule 1, more is better. Sandwhiches. And now 24 hours of Sandwhiches.
"f) What happens if his blood sugar still felt low? Would he double his sandwich intake the next night?"
I'm crying this is so funny. I mean, I really can't hold back. If the guys fake diabetic situation doesn't improve in 24 hours what will he do!
_____________
Hey Griffin, let's assume the guy was diabetic.
Did you know it is recommended to "EAT A SANDWHICH" once you have gotten your blood sugar up? That diabetes flare ups can occur in 24 hours and subequently, go away the next day!
Mr. Griffin was laughing because it sounds like such a ridiculous conversation, but had you not known he wasn't diabetic, the line of reasoning is perfectly logical.
You would stay in, eat solid food, more than once if needed, and record if you are feeling better the next day.
What a complete doucheshit.
You thought something was funny because you don't know things factually...
This is like you laughing at someone who says: 48 contiguous states, and you laughing like a silly moron are like..."but it's 50 idiot!"
Indeed.
"griffinwrites.com has the seattle entry on there
Man this is the most unintentional gold mine
first this griffin guy is a complete douche and of course he relates being a douche as an art form"
Man, that shit is fucking ridiculously bad. It's hilarious.
His blogs are long too, he just goes on and on about nonsense thinking it's great.
THE BIFFSTER KNOWS UR WRONG
ITS 56, 58, NO ... 57 STATES!!!!!
- BIFF!!!
From Griffinwrites:
"It was like Hulk Hogan walking to the ring in the late 80’s."
So now, Hulk Hogan stepping out in front of 50,000 fans screaming his name is equivalent to 100-200 people chearing Tucker in a back alley theater in Seattle...
Where does Tucker find these people.
Or does he brainwash them into the same insane way his mind works.
Griffinwrites:
"Goosebumps ran up my arm. For the first time, I had real evidence that what we were doing was actually making a difference in people’s lives."
Well Fuck yeah man. That's why out of 1000s of people to see the movie now, Tuckers twitter account still only sees 12-20 posts a day directed at him.
People do not care. Even hardcore Tuck fans. They have lives. Apparently, Tucker does not.
"Yet, these people take substantial time out of their lives to spit vile hatred to people they don’t even know."
Have you seen your blog post you moron? It takes me 8 seconds to write a response. What did it take you 2 hours to write and proof this online BS?
griffinwrites: "As I stepped into the warm Seattle night air, I was not prepared for the insanity waiting for me outside. In fact, had I possessed a PhD in dealing with insanity, I would have been vastly under prepared."
oh, I get it... because a PhD in 'dealing with insanity' would seem to make someone really prepared for dealing with insanity, yet even such a credential wouldn't have been enough to prepare him for what he say. haha that's classic
griffinwrites: "As I stepped into the warm Seattle night air, I was not prepared for the insanity waiting for me outside. In fact, had I possessed a PhD in dealing with insanity, I would have been vastly under prepared."
oh, I get it... because a PhD in 'dealing with insanity' would seem to make someone really prepared for dealing with insanity, yet even such a credential wouldn't have been enough to prepare him for what he saw. haha that's classic
TDG has got to get in on this. It's just too pathetic.
I can't mess with Griffin, that kid is a genius with a PhD in dealing with insanity.
He got that degree from the same place Tucker and Nils Porker learned their craft of screenwriting.
Plus, whoever is deconstructing him is doing a bang up job already.
GRIFFIN'Z CANADANIAN AND CANADIA IZ A KOOL PLACE CUZ ITS NEAR SANTA CLAUS
LOL JUST KIDDING THERES NO SANTA
- BIFF!!!
Holy shit,
His whole diatribe on the diabetic guy sounds like one long badly done Jerry Seinfeld imitation.
"and why so many sandwiches? Hey, what about airline food. Is it just me...?"
"I made small talk with her until Jeff came up and fired me. “She’s too hot for you to talk to. I may re-hire you in the morning but for now you’re fired.” I said I understood and gave up my seat to go talk to our tour manager"
What a goddamn WIMP.
"I got up to dish out some trademark groin thrusts on the dance floor but had to stop before the females rioted from an over abundance of awesomeness."
Translation: I got laughed out of the building
I have access to the working copy of Tucker's next book. This is one of the stories from the book. I have to put it up in parts, due to Blogger's character limit, but I'll try to get it up as soon as possible. Here's part one:
_____________________________________
THE HALO HOOK UP
Occurred- Summer 1999
Written- August 2006
Sometime during the summer in between my L1 and L2 years at Duke, my father went to Europe for a few weeks and asked me if I wanted to stay in his house in Florida while he was gone. Let’s see: live in a palatial mansion a half-mile from the beach, with full access to my dad’s business account, and him 5,000 miles away, chasing French tail on the Riviera? Sign me the fuck up. Since the intelligence of the average south-Floridian hovers somewhere in between a retarded llama and an FSU grad, I decided it would be in my best interest to drag some of my Duke buddies down south with me, so we could bag sunshine-state-skanks and swim off our hangovers poolside together.
It took me about three seconds to convince PWJ and Goldenboy to get on board- PWJ was packing his bags before I could finish saying “free booze”, and since Goldenboy and his girlfriend had “decided to take some time off from one another” (translation: “since she found out I fucked my whore of a neighbor while she was at her parents’ over Memorial Day”), he was looking for anything to occupy his attention over the summer; unlimited free alcohol and an endless flow of braindead pussy would do the trick.
Now, think about this for a second: here was a golden opportunity to do nothing but drink and fornicate in a huge house near the beach for two weeks: every normal, healthy college-aged male’s Valhalla. Do you think Slingblade is in any way normal or healthy?
Slingblade: Fuck you, dude. Metroid Prime isn’t going beat itself, you know.
Me: Come on, dude. You can bring that shit with you. Besides, you haven’t left your apartment since finals ended two weeks ago.
Slingblade: That’s because there aren’t any whores in my apartment.
We finally convinced Slingblade to come by telling him that the biggest plasma TV in the whole house was in my dad’s bedroom, which he could have, and that even if he decided not to do anything but play video games the whole trip, living off free meals from my dad’s restaurant would be better than his normal diet of Wendy’s junior bacon cheeseburgers and Captain Crunch.
__________________________________
More to follow, as time permits.
Part two:
_____________________________________
The plane flight down was pretty much the apotheosis of boredom (if you don’t count the airhead stewardess who thought the Duke mascot was a Tar Heel, or the old man who slept on my shoulder the whole trip down, whose left eye was watering so much I had to change shirts during our layover in Atlanta), but as soon as we got to the airport, I knew we weren’t going to make it back to Durham, ever. I had “Boinkers”, my dad’s accountant, pick us up at the airport. Now, Boinkers is in his early thirties, but he looks like he’s about fucking 18- but not the kind of 18 that makes you think “this kid probably draws on chest hair with a Sharpie”, but the kind of 18 where you think “I better watch this fucker or he’ll end up boinking my stepmom (which is where he got the nickname).”
I had bet Boinkers on the phone that I could get drunker than him by the time we all got to the airport, but with the caveat that neither of us could start drinking until my plane lifted off. Naturally, I cheated, and polished off a case of High Life before my plane left, but the way I figured it, Boinkers had the handicap: all I had access to from Durham to Atlanta were the child-size bottles of liquor they serve on the plane (who the fuck makes child-size servings of adult beverages, anyway?), though I was able to throw back five shots of Malibu at the airport bar during our layover.
So, I step off the plane, and I’m looking for Boinkers at the gate, when all of a sudden I hear a huge CRASH behind me- I spin around (not a good idea when you’ve already got a layover-buzz and jetlag) to see Slingblade beating the shit out of the conveyer belt at luggage pickup.
Slingblade: YOU CUM-GUZZLING MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Me: Dude, what the fuck? Did they lose your Game Genie or something?
Slingblade: FUCK YOU, DICKLICKER. I’VE ONLY BEEN IN FLORIDA FOR THREE MINUTES, AND I WANT TO DRINK WINDEX AND SLIT MY WRISTS WITH A DULL BUTTER KNIFE.
Apparently, this entire episode was brought on by the fact that Slingblade’s Xbox had been cracked during the flight. That’s what he gets for wrapping it in fucking bubble-wrap and sticking it in a duffle, instead of putting it in a box like a normal person- or, you know, leaving the video games at home, like a normal person. Personally, I’d pass on playing with a joystick during summer break, preferring instead to let some special-needs snatch play with MY joystick, instead, but that’s just me… and, you know, every other male under 25 in America.
___________________________________
More to follow as time permits.
"I think societal constructs control so much of how we act and what we say that it’s refreshing to see what we all boil down to when inhibitions are removed"
Ah, yes, refreshing, like a cool drink of Sparkle-Free! Or Brawno! KILLS THIRST DEAD!
Here's a hint, dumbass. When you strip away the societal constructs and inhibitions and all the rest of it, what you are left with is a violent, savage, stupid animal, good only for rutting and defecating in the jungle. If you find that "refreshing", you deserve exactly what you are going to get.
am I the only one that actually finds Griffin's writing good?
Keep that Tugger story coming, I love it!
cuttingconfessionsmovie is Andrew Ator.
I should be posting with my name as some of my deconstructs (in honor of TDG of course) are actually decent.
That was me above. I also did the first one on Tuckers "Feminisit Rapists" when he first posted about the protests.
I'm careful not to give away my vairous posts, because well, I'm trolling Tuckers board and I'd prefer to continue laughing at him on his own board.
"The only bright spot was explaining my intended business in the States to the tattooed customs agent with the Brooklyn accent. “And what movie are you screening?”
“It’s called I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.”
“What do you mean beer in hell? What’s this beer in hell?”
“The movie, it’s based of a popular book. Aimed at the college market primarily.”
“Who’s beer?”
“What?”
“Have a good flight sir.”
Yeah, that's the same reaction ALL OF AMERICA HAS.
"am I the only one that actually finds Griffin's writing good?"
The funny part is that his writing is very grammatically sound and it does show some potential.
But he's wasting it being a naive douche. He's probably very young and thinks Tucker is the end all.
I actually feel a little bad for this guy. It's obvious to me that Tucker and company are using him like a rented mule.
I highly doubt that any of the people he is mentioning have the intention of truly helping him become a writer.
Working for Tucker is probably like working in a giant ponzi pyramid scheme. Everything goes to the top and the ones at the very bottom get mercilessly shafted. It's their own fault for sure. But it's still hard to watch naive kids have their dreams shattered.
Whenever I read something from a Tucker "employee" about how great the movie is, it reminds me of that scene from Ed Wood when Sarah Jessica Parker yells at everybody at the wrap party:
"You people are insane! You're wasting your lives making shit! Nobody cares! These movies are terrible!"
"I was updating him on the day so far while trying to convert all the miles per hour road signs into kilometers per hour."
Why? You're a bright kid right? You are driving a rented, American van! The speedometer is in MPH!
Not hard. Plus, most American vehicles have the KPH right by the MPH on your speedometer. So if you are going to speed limit you could simply look the fuck down and know the KPH.
Jesus Christ this guy is a twat. I hate him already. Almost as much as Tucker. I want to punch him badly all of the sudden.
"For every city we premiere in, there are boxes and boxes of swag bags and t-shirts that need to get to the theater. I’m still shocked that we give it all away for only the $10 ticket price. It really is a great gesture to the fans. Thankfully, we weren’t selling the extra merchandise for the early dates, so there was a lot less to deal with."
I can't get enough. I'm already addicted to bashing this fucktwat.
Look at this statement.
"Thankfully, we weren't selling the extra merchandisse for the early dates."
Right after -- "It really is a great gesture to the fans."
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe this kids not as bright as he seemed. That's about the same as a Car shop giving you free windshield wipers and then turning around and raping you 300 for BS.
You just said, "We're selling the extra shit off top dollar, but it's a great gift to the fans."
I really can't stop, this is a gold mine. This is my new favorite web page to pick apart.
i'm 90 percent sure that they 'new tuck story' above is a fake, but to be honest, the guy nails tucker's 'style' so well, maybe it isn't.
"the guy nails tucker's 'style' so well, maybe it isn't."
It is a fake. It's hilarious because it is entirely possible it could be a new story from a new book.
^^^ how do you know its a fake?
OHH! BURN, BABY!
I don't know if Griffin is a good writer. His shit is way too long to read. The only thing that lengthy worth reading on the internet is a deconstruction courtesy one of you guys.
Because Otto hasn't written anything original in the psat decade.
"I don't know if Griffin is a good writer. His shit is way too long to read. The only thing that lengthy worth reading on the internet is a deconstruction courtesy one of you guys.
9/08/2009 3:14 PM"
No shit, dude. Why does griffin think anyone besides his mother is interested in every minute detail of his fucking day? TDG, you need to properly deconstruct this idiot, so I can anonymously cut-and-paste your deconstruction on griffin's page, like I did to that Penn State asshat.
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
lol
hahaha "tiny body parts". not even 10,403 posts in, and the obsession with tucker's body begins.
"No shit, dude. Why does griffin think anyone besides his mother is interested in every minute detail of his fucking day? TDG, you need to properly deconstruct this idiot, so I can anonymously cut-and-paste your deconstruction on griffin's page, like I did to that Penn State asshat"
There's just so much material it would be a pages long deconstruction. I mean, really read all of it. You keep thinking he can't possibly say something more ridiculous, then you read the next sentence.
This is too damn funny:
Google "Tucker Max" and look how high this page now ranks. Notably, look where it sits in relation to the offical webpage for his movie (hint - right above it!)
That's some dee-licious Tucker Max Fail for you on this fine Tuesday afternoon.
Eh? Doucebagblog is at the bottom of the third page, what's right above the movie link is Gawker's roundup. Which is not a bad thing to have above the movie, but I'm not seeing what you're pointing at.
REPEAT STORY!!!!!
TOTALLY MADE UP!!!!!
NICE TRY, MCBIFSMOKUR!!!!!
"am I the only one that actually finds Griffin's writing good?"
The funny part is that his writing is very grammatically sound and it does show some potential.
But he's wasting it being a naive douche. He's probably very young and thinks Tucker is the end all.
***************************
I thought this too until somewhere in his ramblings he revealed that he is 28 years old.
28. Years. Old.
I recommend all single American guys marry Ukrainian girls. Best women in the world! Blonde and thin and hot and love sex! No feminist bullshit!
28 years old or not, he still seems to be having fun.
I actually was happy he had a new update today, and not so I could trash it. I like reading his updates, much more so than Otto's.
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