The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1801 – 2000 of 15917 Newer› Newest»Holy shit, that script reads like an episode of Malcolm in the Middle, only with more swearing.
i don't want to read the whole thing...can someone summarize it?
Yeah, Tucker and his friends get really drunk with strippers, and all of Hollywood is revolutionized.
I read almost four pages.
Tucker, 24, noble, savvy and smart (Robin Hood-esque) deals with messy divorce clients by phone while trying to get hired by a law firm. Potential boss, grey haired, steely eyed and Andy Griffith-esque (yes, I'm making up words as I go), likes what he sees in Tucker. Boss's Lackey (called that in script... awesome, now I know his traits), "cock-blocks" in interview, so Tucker doesn't get the job. Boss leaves, Tucker gives Lackey the film-setting, character-defining "you're an ass-kisser" speech. Think of the indignant self-righteousness displayed where Pacino as he chewed out Spacey in Glengarry Glen Ross. Like that, but without style or depth.
For myth-making to work, it has to be better than real life, not worse.
That kinda sucks. A few guffaws, but overall not really funny. Maybe its in the delivery?
Certainly not revolutionary.
"Low seven figures" by a studio? Sure, Tucker.
this movie is going to suck. they tried way too hard to make slingblade funny. i can't wait to see how this plays out and hear tucker's excuses for failure.
That can't be real.
This script is even worse than I thought. It is really, really bad.
how the heck did Anonymous get this???
IT IS TERRIBLE. I got to page 50 and had to give up.
Slingblade is going to be AWFUL. Way too much dialogue - and it's shitty too.
tucker posted:
Script leaked...sort of
I knew this was going to happen at some point:
A version of the script has leaked. You may end up seeing it somewhere. I've seen it, and here's what you need to know:
It's not remotely close to the script we are using. That version of the script is Version 7. It was finished sometime in May of 2007. We are now on Version 12. That was finished in December/January of 2008. The changes from then to now aren't little. Version 9 was almost an entire plot and structure re-write. We did take a few individual scenes from Version 7, but that's it. Version 7 is quite literally not the movie at all, not even half of the movie.
If you see it and want to read it, it's up to you, but know that it is almost nothing like what we will end up shooting (it has major plot and story issues, which is why we did a complete re-write). But at the same time, there are also spoilers in there--its not completely different from the final script. If you read it, you'll go into the movie and know a few of the scenes and situations. I know I prefer to go in fresh, but some people don't care.
I love that of all things to leak, the old script leaked. And why now, as opposed to earlier? I haven't sent that version of the script out to anyone in months and months and months. This is so comically awesome on so many different levels. I can't wait until people start accusing me of posting it to drum up interest, just like Katy Johnson and I conspired to create her lawsuit against me and get all that press.
WOW
That script is a flying turd! It reads like one of those very bad 1980s comedies; the kind where you'd pick up a $1 movie from Blockbuster on a weeknight, and laugh at it rather than with it.
Only it is somehow worse.
I've never heard of a winning script being overhauled several times, with a complete transformation of the plot and underlying structure.
This script makes Tucker's short stories look like literary masterpieces. Now we know why his TV show never made it to the airwaves.
where the heck is Cockly McBeefwell? If ever there was occaision for having a new thread, the leaked script is it!
I just read the first page and can already tell that this script is pure crap. Why would a law student who is not yet a lawyer and therefore not a member of the Bar be representing clients in a divorce proceeding? Is that supposed to be funny?
Holy fucking shit.
This isn't just amateur, it's bad amateur.
Tucker would have been better off if he let somebody else take a shot at writing his script. This is really bad. Even a few rewrites (by the same people who wrote this piece of shit) probably couldn't save this script.
25 million opening weekend? If this film makes a million at the box office then I'd be really surprised.
I've read Tucker's new script. I had gotten it through Ryan Holliday, whom I've met out in Los Angeles while he was trying to impress me with the info of whom he works for.
There are some major differences. One of which is the professor character who gives the Tucker character the idea of sleeping with a midget. From what I understand from Ryan, they are trying to get Howard Stern to play the professor.
Jojo was correct in that the new script has Tucker saying all the good lines (the Slingblade lines).
That being said, it's not that much of a change compared to this script. It's more of a college road trip movie done very badly. It's very underwhelming and amateurish.
Ryan told me that the "Academy Award Winning Director" was actually this guy:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0002224/
Yes, that's right, he won an academy award for a documentary on the Holocaust. This was the guy whom Tucker was bragging about passing on.
Thanks for the info Ryan, sorry I never called you back.
This script is beyond amateurish---anytime a script/movie relies heavily on flashbacks as a tool to develop characters, it is a sign of a very, very weak writer/plotline.
That being said, if it is reworked, and if the director/actors can pull it off, this could be a hit, albeit more of a cult-following type movie than a mainstream, studio comedy.
I see why studios passed on it, especially if this is what TM started shopping around. It is rudimentary humour & with the flashbacks it basically a mess. Amateur hour.
It basically encompasses all the funniest anecdotes of TM's (published) antics ever, and avoids the sameness that plagues TM's stories. Some of the lines are very smart, and if it can be pulled together well it might work. The plotline/flashbacks are horrible though, and some of the scenes just don't translate well from the imaginatory antics of his story (especially the shit-scene in the hotel). Critics are going to hate it though, and like his books it is only going to appeal to a very small demographic: males 15-25. I don't see how it can be made w/o an R rating--which eliminates most of the teenage sect which is TM's current audience. Like most movies, unless it is almost flawlessly pulled off, it is going to quickly get the reputation that "his book is better".
I just don't see it appealing to much past his current fan base. It also appears that TM & Nils have shot their wad with this, and it isn't even that funny--what is left over for a sequel? If you read Tucker's book, there is absolutely nothing new here, and it just won't be hysterical in a film as the jokes are old.
I'm sure writing this was cathartic for TM, but the entire cellphone exchanges with his parents were annoying & tired.
One other thing--TM needs to quit referring to what he does as "his Art": potty humor and 3-4 amusing scenes are not art.
James Moll? Tucker is bragging about passing on James Moll in lieu of his "non-mainstream, unknown except in indie circles" director? James Moll is a director who has never done a comedy in his life & is basically known for serious documentaries?
This is typical of Tucker's bullshit--here is what likely happened: at lunch, The Producer (a straight-to-video very, very minor player in Hollywood) mentions that she heard that James Moll is available and mentions he has won an Oscar (hence would be a good name attachment to his project). Tucker gets all excited, but then finds out that the guy is completely wrong for his script (or completely uninterested). Hence, Tucker has "passed" on James Moll as a director, and can brag that his script is so good that they don't need an Oscar winning director to make the project work.
bad script
no name director
no A list actors
underfunded
no distribution deal
$25m opening?
Tucker, just keep yelling down those voices in your head which are constantly reminding you that "you suck".
Let’s pull this apart a bit:
"I knew this was going to happen at some point:
A version of the script has leaked. You may end up seeing it somewhere. I've seen it, and here's what you need to know:..."
He read it here. That tells us that he checks this blog daily, and early. It also tells us that he saw a need to do quick damage control.
"It's not remotely close to the script we are using. That version of the script is Version 7. It was finished sometime in May of 2007. We are now on Version 12. That was finished in December/January of 2008."
He’d been hinting at closing the CC deal and having begun a movie deal since the Summer; that means that the script upon which he began building this deal had to be very similar to version 7 (if not the exact same script), so this script tells us quite a bit about what he was trying to lure investors with. Further, he’s been saying, for at least a year, that ‘the script is finished, and it’s awesome.’ That means that, even if the final script is significantly different, this version is ‘awesome’ in his eyes and DRex’s. Even if the events in the final are different in places, it’s safe to assume this script is representative of the quality of the final one.
"The changes from then to now aren't little. Version 9 was almost an entire plot and structure re-write. We did take a few individual scenes from Version 7, but that's it. Version 7 is quite literally not the movie at all, not even half of the movie."
Why overhaul an ‘awesome’ script? Either version 7 wasn’t ‘awesome’ enough, or this statement is not entirely honest.
"If you see it and want to read it, it's up to you, but know that it is almost nothing like what we will end up shooting (it has major plot and story issues, which is why we did a complete re-write). But at the same time, there are also spoilers in there--its not completely different from the final script. If you read it, you'll go into the movie and know a few of the scenes and situations. I know I prefer to go in fresh, but some people don't care."
He wrote this to reiterate how little it matters that the script was leaked.
So the version Tucker used to lure investors was all-at-once ‘awesome’ AND full of ‘major plot and story issues’? Tucker’s been bragging about his ‘awesome’ script since well before May 2007, the alleged date of version 7.
"I love that of all things to leak, the old script leaked. And why now, as opposed to earlier? I haven't sent that version of the script out to anyone in months and months and months. This is so comically awesome on so many different levels. I can't wait until people start accusing me of posting it to drum up interest, just like Katy Johnson and I conspired to create her lawsuit against me and get all that press."
Once again, a reminder that this is 'the old script', and that it doesn't matter. Yet, the need for this post right away.
Why is this ‘comically awesome’? It isn’t, in Tucker’s eyes, and this post is little more than an attempt to do damage control by posturing as though it doesn’t reveal anything and doesn’t matter.
And Hollywood is ALWAYS trying to do movies like this, and haven't been able to for years.
Yeah and Road Trip, Euro Trip, Knocked Up, Old School, Van Wilder, Wedding Crashers, and Beer Fest were all complete bombs and wholly unsuccessful.
ps. The script was taken down from the site it was hosted on, if someone wants to reup it.
The script is still up. I just checked the link. However, I downloaded it, so if anyone wants it, post a request here or something.
Please put a new link of the script up!
I downloaded a copy, because I knew he'd take it down. Did anyone else download it?
The link is still up; I just checked.
It is revolutionary. Before Tucker's IHTSBH, comedy had to be funny.
Tucker is obviously quite pissed. Now that his fan boys see the jokes, they won't bother buying the DVD.
12:31 PM, the link's dead. I thought it was still working ,too, but I cleared my browser's cache, and when I tried again, it didn't work.
I wonder if I could get some money for this script now.... hmmm...
The problem isn't that the script is bad (though it is), it's that it is just so banal. The whole thing is cliche-ridden and is nothing more than taking the best lines from his book and throwing them all into the script. Plus, so many of the characters are just gratuitous and serve no other purpose than to be a way to get cameos in (glad to see Paul Wall will get a chance to do some acting). One or two cameos can really add something to a movie, make you go "WOW! That's ___, how'd they get him." But in this script, it's clear that its just used to cover up a glaring lack of plot development and logic. It really reads like a 12 year-old's wet dream about how it would be "totally sweet" to get all these famous people in his movie.
If the poster above is right, and this is an early version and the current working version is very similar but with Tucker getting all of SlingBlade's best lines, then it will be an even bigger disaster. One of the few charms of the script was the Aaron character, one who remains impervious to Tucker's braggadocio and bluster, who manages to cut him down a few pegs with his verbal sparring. In short, a foil for Tucker to keep him grounded. I guess Tucker really can't stand anyone stealing ANY of this thunder and has to make everyone merely a prop-piece for his "brilliance", NO ONE can be anywhere as important as Tucker!!!
I HOPE that this was an early version of the script because if it isn't, then Tucker's grasp on reality is so tenuous that mocking him will no longer be fun, just sad and pathetic like beating up a handicapped kid.
i, too, downloaded the script. if anyone wants it, ill try to get it back up on that file hosting site later (tonight or tomorrow) with a link here. i might upload it to a number of file hosting sites with multiple links in order to keep it accessible longer.
I have a dummy email address, barrybater2002@yahoo.com. If anyone wants the script, email me.
The script is not copywrited, at least not that version. That is, unless Tucker the lawyer, was so stupid as to not list it on the script as part of his master plan.
So you could totally put it up at some site like megaupload or whatever for all to download.
Somebody should get in touch with a movie site like filmdrunk.com and give him the script and a link to his website. That guy or the wwtdd guy would destroy Tucker.
^I will explore those options.
Tuck's latest post:
" Originally Posted by cheesedinverts:
I have several questions about the recent script leak:
1) Do we know who is responsible for this?
2) Will they be punished? If so, severely?
Tucker's reply:
1. We? So you are part of the production team now?
2. No, I am not pissed at all. Not in the least. If anything, this helps. Though, if a script HAD to leak I kinda wish it was the current one, its a lot better than Version 7. Oh well, either way its not a big deal at all."
I enjoy the way Tucker keeps on repeating that 'it's not a big deal at all.' I guess he thinks if one says something enough times, it'll become true. Like 'I'm a good writer', 'my stories are true', 'This movie will change Hollywood', etc.
Hey, Tucker, if you want the 'real' script to leak, why not leak it? You're so full of it.
By the way, "no, I'm not pissed" isn't really an answer to the question, "will they be punished?"
now somebody needs to leak Assholes Finish First, so we can get more laughs and make fun of it.
http://assholesfinishfirst.tuckermax.com/
Well someone had to alert fileden to remove the script. That sure wasn't one of his fans, nor was it one of his detractors. That leaves us with Tucker.
So much for the false bravado.
Under the Berne convention (which applies in the US), anything you write is copyrighted (not that it really matters).
Don't forget about eMule, Bittorrent, etc.
haha on amazon.com's assholes finish first page, it says "Help others find this product - tag it for Amazon search
Too Many Scrills suggested this product show on searches for "james frey-ish". What do you suggest?"
All I know is... I'd hate to be in Ryan "Loose Lips" Holliday's shoes right now.
Either someone on Tucker's team was careless, or someone pretending to be a friend is trying to sabotage his efforts.
Ryan would be an excellent candidate.
Wow, that was a real piece of work.
Unintentionally Tucker has become exactly what he hated. A fraud.
This blog peels away the bullshit that surrounds him. In one day he's been shown to A) been lying about the quality of his script. Remember, he was the one telling people how supremely awesome his script was. Now he's completely disavowing the same draft. B) his Academy Award Winning director isn't exactly a feature film guy.
I wonder who his "hot director in indy(sic) film circles" is going to be?
"I can't wait until people start accusing me of posting it to drum up interest, just like Katy Johnson and I conspired to create her lawsuit against me and get all that press."
You over-finessed, tucker. It's obvious that you posted the script just to drum up interest - your denial proves it. How does it feel, knowing that everyone sees right through your childish games?
Give him a break. Begging THR to publish news about you doesn't work.
The KFeds, Rick Soloman's, etc usually do it with a homemade porn tape. I guess he hasn't fucked anybody famous yet.
Tucker has an admitted history of lying for personal gain. He described making message board posts from fake names in his charity auction story, he's openly admitted to cheating in his betting pools, and he's admitted to spamming sites from fake names to promote his book. A year from now he'll be bragging about how he leaked the script himself.
The guy is really fucking crazy. Scary even. Some poster said he hits Bunny.
No. Just because I'm not upset doesn't mean I want people to read it before the movie comes out. I want people to go into the movie fresh and without any sort of "corruption" from other sources. Even if you LOVE the script, reading it before you see the movie will ruin the movie for you. None of the jokes will be fresh or new.
Uh, maybe that's because NONE of the jokes ARE NEW? Seriously, this isn't so much a script as a hodgepodge of the best lines and scenes from a few of his stories with a touching change of heart for SlingBlade. There is NOTHING new in this script; if you have read any of Tucker's stories, I can assure you that you have read the script.
It took Tucker a year plus to "write" this? I'm pretty sure cutting and pasting takes a lot less time.
Holy shit. Tucker should have renamed that movie "Threat Level: Midnight" and renamed the main character "Agent Michael Scarn. It read horribly.
This is the worst vanity project ever. It's so bad it might actually become a cult classic.
the "the new script is sooooo much better" excuse is beyond lame. tucker's just trying to deflect the criticisms all but his most diehard fans will naturally have for this colossal pile of shit that he has deemed his masterpiece. it's not like tucker or drex suddenly learned how to be funny, so really, how much better could it be?
i don't think he leaked it himself, nor do i think ryan "first to drink the kool aid" holliday did. more likely it was somebody in hollywood who just doesn't like tucker, or one of the 10,000,000 or so former friends who now hate his guts. the thing about the holocaust director i had already figured out; tucker loves to spin things, and you just knew there was going to be some major catch.
tucker, since i know you're reading this, you're not funny, you've surrounded yourself with talentless, delusional yes-men, your movie will suck (if indeed it ever gets made) and your pathetic career is on its last legs. kindly fuck off.
Once this script really makes the rounds, people will create home movies based on it and post them to youtube. I doubt there will be much interest in seeing the real film in theaters after that.
I don't doubt for a second that a cocky guy like Ryan Holliday dropped the name of the director in order to impress somebody. He's the cockier version of Tucker, only a less experienced shit talker with a far smaller record of success.
I'm guessing he tried to pick up some Tucker fangirl, and he told her some things about the "inner circle" and what Tucker was doing in an effort to impress. Remember, Ryan is the guy who says you must go into a meeting (whatever that means) with something in your hand to offer. What does Ryan have to offer other than inside knowledge? Nothing. His last achievement was graduating high school, oh and spilling the beans about Tucker's business.
I'm really hoping he's done this a number of times. I totally want this site to get the information on who is directing the feature film next.
more bullshitty bullshit from his blog:
I know your producer called Deb on Friday and was gracious enough to give me until Monday, but Friday night one of the jobs that had talked to me last month about their project pulled the trigger and I'm afraid I'll have to do it. It's a project with [Huge A-List actor] and [big director] who I've worked with before. Let me assure you this decision has nothing to do with money or any of that nonsense, I would have done it for what ever you had to work with you again, it's really just timing.
I can't tell you how torn I was because not only was I really looking forward to not only working with you again, but I think your movie is really funny and quite frankly gonna make a shit load of money. I got the same feeling when I read "Wedding Crashers" which I had to turn down as it was happening during [another movie he did].
Sure this is a 'real' letter. People 'in the biz' always write this poorly.
Tucker leak it and is going to use it as an excuse for everything he has claimed. He'll say THR won't do an article because the script has leaked. So and so won't sign on, because the script leak. Then the grand daddy of them all. I'm scraping the movie because the script leaked but keep reading the site because Drex and I are working on a new and better script. People magazine wants to document our progress. This is going to be huge and revolutionize the way movies are made....ect.
What happens when Tucker is caught in a lie? He lies some more:
Perhaps. See, I hurt it working out. I left it alone and I honestly thought it was healing and was going to be fine, then I re-hurt it fucking. It was after the fucking that I PMed plainsheet and went through everything and he told me it was probably torn, and now I find out it is. So how did I tear it? I don't know, but I do know I was able to workout some after I hurt it initially, but after the sex re-injury, it was done. So, take your pick as to the "real" cause.
This is why I was walking around at the Duke speech, which was a week after I hurt my knee initially, and had to sit on a stool at the Northeastern speech, four days after re-hurting it fucking.
When you can't keep track of your lies, it might be an indicator that you are full of shit.
I'm confused. Where's/what's the lie?
That letter is bullshit. They don't even have a shooting schedule yet. They aren't even in real pre-production yet. Why would they try and book an actor when they haven't even raised the money yet? They don't even have 1/6th of the budget yet.
You know, it's one thing for him to lie, but really, he's lying to himself now. This is like watchijng somebody who's taken a handful of crazy pills.
Tucker's new blog is so awesome I almost want to buy him a drink for all the hours of entertainment that it will bring everybody.
But since he's a NYTimes best selling author whose career is breaking in a huge way (to the point that he's turning down 7 figures for his truly awful script), he can buy his own drink.
Does anybody know where Tucker hangs out in Los Angeles?
Tucker Max isn't just going to fail; he's going to Tucker Max Fail.
Then he'll get Tucker Max Drunk and drive his Tucker Max Mobile off a bridge.
Don't you mean fly it off a bridge?
Yes, he will Tucker Max Fly it off a bridge. Of course, Tucker Max Fly = fall.
I read through most of the script after work. I now understand why Jojo accused Tucker of stealing Slingblade's lines. It is Tucker's movie, and the Tucker character is not interesting, sympathetic, or funny. Tucker has to promote Tucker; it is part ego and part brand.
Too bad Tucker can't look at his life with a degree of objectivity and wit. If he had the ability to laugh at himself and his delusional, net-bound world, he could have penned something memorable. But then, if Tucker had that objectivity, there wouldn't be a "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog, which is funnier than anything Tucker ever published.
Let’s pull this apart a bit:
"I knew this was going to happen at some point:
A version of the script has leaked. You may end up seeing it somewhere. I've seen it, and here's what you need to know:..."
He read it here. That tells us that he checks this blog daily, and early. It also tells us that he saw a need to do quick damage control.
^
Exactly. I've long suspected that Tucker hangs out on this site.
Tucker is now acknowledging that the script leak will kill movie sales. That is proves that the movie has not been restructured to the degree Max recently claimed.
You know what would be funny? If some overseas film maker actually thought they could make a buck doing IHTSBH. You could produce it in Hong Kong, where you could easily find white, English speaking actors, and you wouldn't have to worry about intellectual property rights.
The producer could distribute this over the Web on a PPV basis, or sell it on eBay. eBay wouldn't police the listing, as it wouldn't violate counterfeiting or copyright guidelines.
Wouldn't that be ironic? The revolution screws Tucker, because he wasn't fast or smart enough to deal with the new media.
The way to do it would be to do a reading of the script with friends, record the audio of it, and then put the audio version of Tucker's script on YouTube. Heck, add some flash animation and you can make the movie for no budget at all
There's nothing in this script that works on a comedic level. What was funny in his book doesn't work in his script. Part of this I attribute to inexperience, and part of it I attribute to the fact that his book was a collection of vignettes without a character that people would sympathize with.
Also, like people have said here before, his dialogue doesn't work in real world conversations. It doesn't just "not work", it "miserably fails".
Lastly, this is a vanity project of the highest order. Tucker's dad makes an appearance as a soon-to-be-divorced real estate mogul, whom, for some reason, has the paparazzi chasing him (because his dad is really rich and lives in Florida). It doesn't make sense. The entire first act is like some kid who writes his life the way he wants to see it. Somebody here made the great comparison that it's a lot like Michael Scott's script in the Office.
This is going to Tucker Max Fail.
Why film it in Hong Kong with white actors? It would be much easier to just do it right here with sock puppets. Maybe then release it out of Hong Kong to avoid any unnecessary copyright problems. This could come in with a lower budget than El Mariachi.
Awesome.
I'm guessing that this is an April Fool's joke by Mike.
It was definitely an April Fool's Day post by Mike, but this paragraph was staggeringly honest/accurate:
"I don't have a job, girlfriend, legitimate credit, decent car or anything resembling personal fiscal responsibility. I've spent the last four years of my life running away from myself; donning a starving artist's costume in an effort to rationalize my decision making process. I'm no writer. I'm no real man. Hell, I'm not even human. How can I accept the role of father like I am now? I've lived as a bottom feeder for long enough..."
Didn't Tucker post an April Fool's story about having sex with farm animals or something? It was terrible.
None of Tucker's "friends" stay around for long.
Soylent Green: No longer speaks with Tucker, banned from the board because he knew the Midget Story to being complete bullshit (he was there that night).
Luke Heidelberger: One DUI away from doing extended jail time. Was Tucker's roommate in NYC, was cut off last summer financially and had to find new work. No longer working for Rudius.
JLGolson: Also no longer working for Tucker.
KFM: Ran out of patience and money. Doesn't really speak with TM since he left LA. Thinks of his time with them as a "waste".
Donika: Well, she gives over her free time to copyedit Tucker's work. Now has a real job in NYC after Tucker cut her off (like Luke). She actually moved to NYC to work for Rudius only to see TM move to Los Angeles and tell her he can't pay her anymore.
Bunny: Erin still lives with Tucker, although her great "book" has missed so many deadlines that she no longer has a deal with the publisher. Works as a graphic designer to make money so she can keep up her alcoholism and self hatred. Comes off like a cult member and is getting heavy. Oddly enough, she's a better overall writer than Tucker.
Ryan Holliday: Drank Kool Aid, dropped out of college to take a full time gig with a great title "Head of PR for Rudius". Can't even get THR interested in Tucker's movie. Probably won't realize he's made a bad mistake for a year or two, but in the meantime will continue to publish a self-important and pretentious blog that will make sure he'll never get hired by anybody ever again.
The guys from his books: Nobody other than JoJo even talks to Tucker anymore, since he stole their stories and said they all happened to him. JoJo makes fun of him like crazy on the site and was wholly unimpressed with his newest screenplay. Asks openly "is this your revolution?"
Feel free to make any additions.
Drunkrex. Drunkrex will hug Tucker's nuts until the day he dies. Such a creepy relationship.
How do you know all of this? About the shrinking circle of friends, I mean.
Someone forgot Slarvey. Every post purged from the board.
Also, I'm picturing the casting session with the sock puppet format:
"I say we cast the Argyle as Slingblade. He nailed it!"
"Really? Because I thought Tube Sock brought far more depth and range to the character."
"No shit? What do we do?"
"I have no idea."
"I know, let's start a thread on the board and let popular opinion decide."
"But isn't that your complaint about the Hollywood system? That creative decisions are made by committee and the unqualified, killing the core of the art?"
"Fuck you. You're banned."
I'm not the 10:44 poster, but I know/have met a couple of TM's current/former "friends". The funny thing is that they all shit on him repeatedly behind his back, and mock his personal insecurities. That being said, the most damaged stay with him (Erin is probably the best/worst example of this) for different reasons despite their personal feelings for the guy.
TM, even though I don't know him personally (and don't want to), comes across as one of those guys who is fun at first, and the life of the party, but then quickly wears you down & becomes someone you want to avoid.
Some of the posters on this site are so possessed with their hatred for an individual who is so damaged at a deep emotional level that they themselves let themselves become a little deranged. The nutcase who continually ranted about Viacom, or the ones who seemingly had a homo-erotic fascination with him are case in point. Tucker's assertions that there are 5-10 Haterz out there who track his every move probably is true. However the # of people who have read his book and called BS 20 pages into it, or been on his message board & finally had enough & called him out for being such a raging douchebag, are much, much greater.
TM seems to model himself after Howard Stern, where the persona is all about self-promotion. However whereas Howard has talent, and an evolving shtick, Tucker & Drex really, really seem to lack any creative capacity beyond a very base level. That, more than any of Tucker's personal failings, is why his work is so derivative, and why his shelf life is way past his sell-by date. He is just too self-involved to realize it.
funny how maddox never updates his site but still gets so much more traffic compared to tuckermax.com
I have a copy of v12 of the script that has been leaked... anyone who wants a copy let me know and I will forward the pdf. moonshinestillmaker@gmail.com
^^^LOL...thanks for forwarding to me....hilarious reading for sure.
Just skimming v7 and v12 real quick....i don't see that much of a difference. Where did you get v12 from anyways?
Moonshinestillmaker, can you email a copy to barrybater2002@yahoo.com? Thanks in advance!
And to ahamminc@gmail.com? Thank you.
Hey, moonshinestillmaker, could you send a copy of the script to MojoXN@gmail.com?
And lest we forget, Tucker Max is a Douchebag.
Could I get a copy at aamnyc@gmail.com?
Please send one to sonykatamuru@yahoo.com
Any difference after a year and "major" rewrite?
It was definitely an April Fool's Day post by Mike
I knew it was a joke as soon as he said he was getting a job as a trader in NYC. Who the hell would hire the guy? If the story was true he'd be pulling minimum wage somewhere in NH to pay for the kid.
Could you send a copy to ricscript@gmail.com?
Thanks!
make sure to use bogus e-mails guys. tucker's been known to try and fuck with people for criticizing his worthless ass.
It was an April Fool's Day prank by KFM. But ultimately, the joke is on him because his life truly is that sad.
Can someone send a copy of the latest script to knusorpaic@farifluset.mailexpire.com, thanks!
The joke is on Kung Fu Mike. Tucker didn't ask him to collaborate on his script.
Nice to know where you stand, loser.
yeah i was thinking about that with the emails, but I don't even use that email anymore, i couldn't really care if it got spammed.
The April Fools Day prank was pretty transparent. There is no way KFM could ever land a job as a floor broker. They want guys with recent experience and drive. KFM doesn't have either.
Funny (read:sad) thing is he'd be much better off if he knocked up some NH skank and decided that h should get a real job to get his life together.
I dare somebody to email Version 12 of the script to TuckerMax@GMail.com.
Everyone is getting all in a lather at the chance to knock V12 of the script. Its April 1st you idiots.
And I'm sure Tucker is alternating between chuckles at how gullible you are, and sheer terror that it may not be an April Fools joke that his script may be out there for everyone to mock.
For supposedly only 5-10 TM Haterz, there seem to be more posts on this little blog than on TM's message board lately.
could someone e-mail the newest version to me? jscobes28@gmail.com
thanks!
The sad thing is, despite taking his funniest A material from all his stories and given total "artistic" freedom (read: 100% fiction, not just hugely embellished like the rest of his "art"), the movie will be less funny than the original story.
When is Tuckers next book "Douchebags Finish First" coming out?
Hahahahaha,
I tried to give a few sites like Perez Hilton the scoop on Tucker's script and douchebag website.
Perez wrote back to say that Tucker doesn't matter.
Best line of the film:
Tucker: Don't mess with Texas? Fuck that! Don't mess with Tucker Max!
i thought the best part was how he got kicked out of the strip club but came back the next day with made up papers saying he'd get them in trouble with the law if they didnt let him in. YEAH RIGHT. THIS MOVIE IS GONNA BLOW! 25 million? HAHAHAHA
2nd best line: Oh wow, she couldn't even pick a good white rapper, like Paul Wall?
Looks like a certain THR article has been cancelled:
You know what the funny part about that article is? You idiots wouldn't even know it was in queue if I hadn't told you, and now you're all up in arms because it's not out yet. I really can't even blame anyone but myself. Just goes to show--managing expectations is key.
It'll be out when it comes out. Don't annoy me again.
Sure it will, Tucker. Sure it will.
This script reads like it's one long 2nd act.
The script isn't funny. For 103 pages there are 8 flashbacks. There is a flashback on page 2. One flashback goes on for 3 pages all to get to one punchline that didn't work.
The Slingblade character is a poorly overwritten, every time he speaks he talks in monologues that do nothing. All the other characters are the same. The only difference between the female characters are that Tucker and his buddy treat a lot of them like shit and you know he likes them if they don't treat them like shit.
The whole idea is that they are going out for a bachelor party because it's the last weekend a famous strip club is going to be open. Then, because the boys (all 3 of them, for the most awesome bachelor party ever) end up going and causing trouble. Nothing really happens, it's the dullest night out ever, and they get booted out or whatever. Then, they go back there, and Tucker says to the general manager how the strip club is violating many laws and that if they aren't comped that Tucker is going to have the club closed down.
Yes, you heard that right, Tucker was going to close down a strip club that was closing anyhow.
Then Slingblade hooks up with a stripper who plays videogames and talks shit. blah blah blah...
It's badly written. It's so badly written that unless he wrote a totally new script and learned how to be funny it's a doomed project. I can't see how any film actor will ever want to work on this. The characters are boring and one dimensional. The dialogue is overwritten. The plot is nonexistant. Worst of all, it's boring. Their "awesome bachelor party" is fucking boring. No wonder Tucker could only get 3 characters to go on the bachelor party, because they already knew it would suck. Nothing happens. Even Tucker's hook up with a big titted married woman doesn't work.
If I were the manager of the "indy director" taht Tucker has, I'd seriously rethink this project for their client. It's a lose-lose situation because it's a bad script with a client who has a history of failure. There's no way he's getting 6 million for this. At best it's a film that could be done for 350K, so he has that working for him, but still, it's an awful project. Please save your client the embarrassment of working on this film. Let Tucker direct it, fuck, let him play himself, just get your client off this film.
Think sock puppets.
guys, please keep the lines from the script coming. i'm dying over here.
JEFF
I can’t believe you cold-cocked that guy.
TUCKER
What was I supposed to do!?
JEFF
I don’t know, but almost anything would have been better than knocking him out. I think you put him in the hospital.
TUCKER: I'm a fucking idiot.
AARON: Yeah, you are. Please take me out of your movie.
LIFE: You lose at me!
Lackey extends his hand as well. Tucker doesn’t accept it.
TUCKER
Fuck you.
LACKEY
Nice manners. I’d work on that if I were you.
TUCKER
If I were you, I would pry my face out of my boss’s asshole, wipe the shit out of my eyes and take a look at what a failure at life I was.
Waiter arrives with the bill, and Tucker throws it at Lackey.
TUCKER (CONT'D)
Now pay the bill, bitch.
Tucker slams back the rest of his wine and leaves.
Tucker has Jeff and the girls rounded up for another shot.
TUCKER
I think a toast is in order for the bride to be and all her beautiful friends. And the designated cock-blocker too.
He raises his glass.
TUCKER (CONT’D)
Here's to the people we've met, and to the people we've fucked, And to those amongst us who've had no such luck.
Here's to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup,
Here's to pokin' her in the ass, so she won't get knocked up.
Here's to all of you, and here's to me,
Together as friends we'll always be,
But if we should ever disagree,
Then FUCK ALL OF YOU, HERE'S TO ME!
Oooh, my turn:
TUCKER
C’mon, now. I’m young, rich, hot and smart--it doesn’t get any better than me.
He should mention that he's a New York Times best-selling author, too.
INT. TUCKER’S APARTMENT - DREAM SCENE
Aaron is dressed like a ninja, with a McGriddle in one hand. He sneaks up on Tucker and, in one fluid motion, whips the wrapper off the McGriddle, crams it in Tucker’s mouth, places the wrapper around his penis and humps Tucker from behind before punching him violently at the base of his skull.
AARON
If you ever speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally come to your home and force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt with the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nugget explodes.
I'm almost hoping this piece of shit gets in the can - it will easily pass "Roadhouse" as the best bad movie ever made!
I had to go back and check - that weird, homoerotic McGriddle-inspired rape fantasy actually IS in the script. Wow.
The whole McGriddle thing should be taken out.
It's based on a post slingblade wrote years ago on the old message board. It might have been funny at the time, on a message board, but as movie dialouge it's clunky and verbose.
Most of the dialogue should be taken out, as well as the story. It's one huge vanity project.
man, this thing is even worse than i expected, and as a certified hater that's saying something.
all shock humor, and bad shock humor at that because it's long-winded, self-serving and derivative. do the tucker fans (and tucker himself) really read this thing and think it sounds like something that's going to be a hit?
i wasn't surprised to see the dallas mavericks included (when they returned to the strip club the 2nd time). it's pretty obvious tucker wants to fellate mark cuban.
AARON
That piano player is blind.
They spot a sign that says “Make Your Song Request.” They bolt up to the Request Box, handing one suggestion after another to the Blind Piano Player.
BLIND PIANO PLAYER
Hey idiots! Stop giving me written song requests. I’m blind. I can’t read them! The other piano player takes the pile. He stops the music and leans into his microphone.
SIGHTED PIANO PLAYER
Well, I would love to play these songs, but I don't know any of them. Let's see if you know them, Phil.
There's “You get cheated on because you can't see it coming.” How about “You masturbated too much as a child”? My personal favorite “I bet you fuck ugly girls because you can't see their faces.” Phil, you know any of those ditties? Cuz, I’m stumped.
While the crowd in the bar sits aghast, the Blind Piano Player laughs his ass off right along with the guys.
^
I'm so glad Tucker included the stage direction, "While the crowd in the bar sits aghast, the Blind Piano Player laughs his ass off right along with the guys." If it wasn't for that explanation, I wouldn't have known it was funny.
Is it me, or is all the dialogue overwritten? Especially SlingAaron. Every single sentence he says is longwinded and boring. Contentwise, it's about a 50 page script (plot, story) with another 50 pages of overwritten dialogue, most of which does little to move the story along.
None of the subplots have anything to do with one another. Tucker's goal is muddled, as is the themes of the story. Tucker might think that sounds like some "film school bullshit", but it's true. There really isn't a story. Tucker has a problem with his dad, decides to be Tucker and grab some friends to go to a strip club far away. The "road trip" part of the film is like 2 pages long. Counter this with the 4 pages of dialogue he does in bad flashback scenes.
This is poorly written. Tucker owns up to it on his board by saying he never knew how to write a screenplay before this script, and honestly, he didn't know how to write a screenplay AFTER he wrote version 7. It's a paper thin plot coupled by bad dialogue coupled by Tucker's overwhelming ego which makes most of his dialogue sound like cheese. There's nothing likable about his character. There's nothing likable about his friends. Every single character is a bad cliche' or stereotype, all the jokes are overwritten. He tries too many visual devices that just don't work well, and then he overuses those devices to a fault (how many split screens do you really need?).
It's far worse then you'd think.
"TUCKER
C’mon, now. I’m young, rich, hot and smart--it doesn’t get any better than me. "
dialogue courtesy of ryan holliday.
Can somebody who has a copy of this script please send it to me at rgb4432@yahoo.com? Thanks in advance.
TUCKER
I don’t know how you eat McGriddles. They look disgusting.
AARON
I can only assume from your cavalier attitude that you have yet to partake of the wonderment that is the McGriddle. Let me enlighten you.
CUT TO:
INT. MCDONALDS TASTER KITCHEN
People in white lab coats are putting chemicals on processed breakfast foods. Everything is painted red and yellow.
AARON (V.O.)
What happens is the One True God grows McGriddles on trees in the Elysian Fields with a heretofore unused incantation.
CUT TO:
INT./EXT. SEMI TRUCK ON LOADING DOCK
Giant pallets are being loaded onto a McDonalds semi-truck. The boxes say “McGriddle Parts”. The semi-truck drives off.
AARON (V.O.)
He then proceeds to magic them down toyour local eatery.
CUT TO:
INT. MCDONALDS RESTAURANT KITCHEN
A wretched looking McDonalds employee hastily slaps a wrapper on a McGriddle and fires it down the metal holding chute.
AARON (V.O.)
Where whatever societal reject McDonalds has rescued off the dole that week gently wraps them in cellophane and passes them along to you, the fortunate consumer.
CUT TO:
INT. MCDONALDS - CONTINUOUS
AARON
You proceed to ingest this finery in the vain hope that your obviously overmatched taste buds can somehow grasp the delectable intricacies that face them.
CUT TO:
INT. MCDONALDS KITCHEN
A dirty fry cook pours some watery, yellow mixture into a mold and tosses it in a microwave. He pulls a couple strips of something from a box labeled “Fa-con” and slaps a slice of pale, waxy “cheese” on top of it.
AARON (V.O.)
Is that egg? Why yes it is, and bacon too. But wait--they didn't add...yes they did, they did indeed. They added cheese. The fry cook dunks an english muffin into a giant open tub of maple syrup. He pulls the english muffin out and accidentally drops it on the floor. He quickly brushes off the larger debris from the floor, and slaps the egg, cheese, and fa-cony concoction between the two sides of the english muffin.
AARON (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And then, then my friend, they wrapped it in a sumptuous pancake bun! As your taste buds try to process that amazing piece of information...
CUT TO:
INT. MCDONALDS - CONTINUOUS
Aaron takes a large orgasmic bite from a sandwich that looks like it was smushed into a ball and dropped into a lint trap. Aaron talks with his mouth full.
AARON
It hits them. The syrup nugget. The motherfucking syrup nugget!!! It announces itself with a burst of confectionery grandiosity the likes of which your palate has never seen.
I think he tried to use too many 'big' words to make himself sound like an intellectual, but it doesn't fit with the other 'words he tries to use. For example, to describe the Lackey he said he lets out a douchy gaffaws. Seriously, how can you pair those two words together. And who actually uses the word 'cockoldry' in everyday conversation?
Overwritten, contrived, and tortured.
Too bad Ed Wood isn't available to direct this magnum opus that the One True God grows on trees in the Elysian Fields with a heretofore unused incantation.
And there's no way McDonalds would let them use their name in any way for a scene when a man gets sodomized with a wrapper from their product.
Too bad there is zero chance McDonalds is going to want their name or food associated with this film.
Does Tucker believe that McDonalds is going to want to pay him to place their product into his film?
"Does Tucker believe that McDonalds is going to want to pay him to place their product into his film?"
Are you kidding? Aside from selling foreign distribution rights, this will be his chief way of raising cash.
Here's a link for the script for Tucker's vanity project:
http://rapidshare.com/files/104350531/script.doc.html
Jesus Christ, I knew it would be bad, but JESUS CHRIST, it's beyond awful.
Tucker, I'd say "Don't quit your day job", but then, you don't have one.
If his oratory is as terrible as his writing, then it's no wonder that this loser isn't practicing law.
This movie's title might as well be "Epic Fail", because that is its inevitable future, if it ever gets made in the first place, which is of course highly doubtful.
It's 14:59, Tucker. Your 15 minutes are almost up.
DrunkRex, on the script:
"The script? The script is tight. It's tied up and locked down. It has drama where it needs drama, humor where it needs humor, etc."
Hahahaha. I have got to get my hands on this magical new version of the script.
Also - he wrote this in response to a question about whether the Tucker character would be carrying around a tape-recorder, as Tucker purports to do in real life. I never really gave it much thought before, but what kind of a zero goes out to the bar and carries a tape recorder with them all night? Definitely not the kind of one who gets laid.
The script MUST be emailed to:
- Anthony DiMeo III
- Katy Johnson
- Opie & Anthony
- "TheDouche," that kid at U-Pittsburgh who Tucker made look like a jerk and whose narrative of the events completely contradicted Tucker's
- Cloud
Let them see how much of a douche Tucker is.
the script just confirms my theory on tucker. here we have a guy who's not really funny at all; not just lacking presence, timing and whatnot, but has a fairly mediocre brain that is capable of only cheap, basic irony. like all unfunny people, he overcompensates for this by drawing things out and masking his lack of punchline with a lot of unnecessary details and long, drawn-out vignettes that, in addition to being completely extraneous to whatever point he's trying to make, are totally devoid of humor.
most people aren't funny, but they don't try to be. tucker's the guy that's always cracking jokes, but none of them are any good. then he arrives at the university of chicago; here he meets a bunch of people just as unfunny as he is, and not just unfunny, but extremely sheltered as well. in their bookish, awkward, socially retarded world, a guy who swears a lot, tells a lot of sex jokes and uses big words that were in last night's reading is hilarious. tucker concludes that because they're laughing, and they're smart people, he must be funny. duke only reinforces this. and then by virtue of his total lack of drive, ambition or work ethic (thanks to being a spoiled, indulged only child), he decides to become a comedy writer.
tucker's the guy who was the best basketball player in bumfuck, nowhere, so he decides to walk on to the team at state u., where he proceeds to get his ass kicked. just a guy who craves validation, and isn't self-aware enough to question the authority of the person giving it.
Anonymous at 1:17PM, get me the addresses and I'll send it to them.
INT. TUCKER’S CAR - LOWER GREENVILLE, DALLAS - DAY
They drive through the bar-lined streets of Lower Greenville.
Groups of gorgeous women in slutty clothes clog the
sidewalks. Tucker rolls up the windows and child locks them.
JEFF
Who farted?
TUCKER
I don’t sm--
AARON
Oh my God!
Tucker bursts into hysterics as both Aaron and Jeff futilely
hit the down buttons on their windows.
AARON (CONT’D)
What is wrong with you? It smells like
you got buttfucked by a garbage truck.
TUCKER
It’s your fault. McDonalds was your idea.
AARON
DO NOT DISPARAGE THE MCGRIDDLE!
JEFF
Open the fucking window!
TUCKER
That’s sixteen hours of fried foods
you’re smelling right there.
^
That's great art.
Send it to the other "writers" at Rudius. This isn't a wakeup call; it's a call to abandon ship.
Tucker was obviously trying to bastardize Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. The journey itself was the adventure, and not so much the destination. Tucker's movie fails, as it lacks the character development, suspense, and humor of Harold & Kumar.
Tucker would best extricate himself from the rewrite. His character isn't likeable, and I don't mean that from the "intentional asshole" persona that he tries to project. He comes across as stunted and affected, rather than as a fun-loving alpha male who could credibly lead a gang on an adventure. The Slingblade character has some of the most overworked lines in the plot, making the work amateurish. The third character is so forgettable and devoid of personality, I cannot even remember his name. Last, as someone astutely pointed out, the premise is absurd: Tucker threatens to close down a strip club that is closing down anyway, and yet somehow the club management is beholden to Tucker's wit and intellect and treat his crew to a free night of debauchery.
I also love how he's so frustrated with his parents he goes on a road trip and ... spends most of the time on the phone with his parents.
Tucker: I know you want to build the "brand" but you're dead weight. Aaron learns to love again, that other guy learned to not be pussy whipped by his wife (I think, he's boring and forgettable), but you... you're just a rich douchebag.
Where's the adversity, the conflict, or the growth? Oh, yeah, your dad and his second wife are getting divorced. News flash: You're 24 and no one cares.
You need a hook. Like deciding to abandon your law career to be a writer. Or hooking up with a tranny and coming out of the closet.
"You need a hook. Like deciding to abandon your law career to be a writer. Or hooking up with a tranny and coming out of the closet.
4/02/2008 4:30 PM"
No doubt. There's definitely a thread that his book already has that this script doesn't even touch on. The theme is right in front of his face for the entire book, yet Tucker turns his book into an ineffective D level comedy.
My thoughts are this. He didn't use a lot of the source material in the script, so he's saving a lot for later. When this film tanks, he'll chalk it down to a learning experience that was beyond his control, and that he's already hard at work on the 2nd IHTSBIH script. He'll claim he's learned from his mistakes, and this one film is going to be a lot bigger and better and include a lot more from the book that he thought should have been added (no doubt blaming it on Nils).
So the "Real" Tucker Max movie should be out by the time Tucker is 37. He'll probably direct it himself, and hopefully he'll have not gone bald by then, because most likely he should play himself as well.
No, scratch that, Tucker can't even play himself anymore.
So does anyone actually have the latest version of the script?
I doubt that Tucker's claims that "version 7 [ed: the one found on this blog] was written before major overhauls" is true in the least, but if there's going to be a script leaked out to sites that more than 20 or 30 people read, it'd be better if it's the version Tucker claims is so great.
The original scripts for Back to the Future and Good Will Hunting, just to name two, were terrible. Not as bad as "version 7" of IHTSBIH, but still, they barely resembled the final product.
"The original scripts for Back to the Future and Good Will Hunting, just to name two, were terrible. Not as bad as "version 7" of IHTSBIH, but still, they barely resembled the final product.
4/02/2008 5:38 PM"
True, of course the difference being that those scripts were rewritten by professional script doctors a number of times before they came up with the final product. IHTSBIH was rewritten by the same person who wrote V.7.
Did that writer suddenly find a sense of humor? Did he suddenly grasp the "how to" part of writing a script? Remember, it was Tucker and DRex themselves who were touting this piece of shit as "awesome" "tight" "smart" and "funny". That's the same song and dance he's been giving everybody since his TV show fell through.
As an "artist", Tucker is on his last leg. If this fails, it's going to Tucker Max Fail.
The funny thing is Tucker opened that thread on his board for people to ask questions about the whole film gig, and he gets pissier and pissier with each question regarding THR.
Hell, he gets pissier and pissier with each question asked.
Apparently his fanboys are all stupid assholes and how dare they ask him (or Drex for that matter) anything.
He's such a bitch.
Tucker, on who's involved with the movie:
Right now, four producers, a production lawyer, a casting director and his assistant, a finance guy (two actually), a director, a line producer, and one of my assistants.
I have no clue how many people will work on this once its finished.
Any guesses on who they are?
Producer 1: Tucker
Producer 2: Nils (DRex)
Producer 3: Erin (Bunny)
Producer 4: ????
Production Lawyer: Two-bit hack who wishes he'd followed Tucker's path instead of sticking with his law school degree.
Casting Director: Someone who's worked as an assistant to an A-List casting director and is trying to break into the industry on his/her own.
Casting Director's assistant: A Ryan Holiday type who's picked the wrong mentor.
Director: A complete nobody. His "indie" credit is probably a few half-assed student films and/or wedding videos.
Line producer: Recent film-school graduate, barely, if ever worked in the industry before nobody.
Finance guy (actually two): Tucker's Dad. (And mom.)
One of [Tucker's] assistants: Ryan Holiday.
If someone were to write an honest account of the way Rudius operates, maybe in the same way that Strauss wrote about the PUA community, it would be a legitimate NYT best-seller, and might actually be a movie I'd want to see.
"If someone were to write an honest account of the way Rudius operates, maybe in the same way that Strauss wrote about the PUA community, it would be a legitimate NYT best-seller, and might actually be a movie I'd want to see."
I am with you on that one. Tucker's car wreck for a life is interesting enough in a Troy Duffy sort of way, that I'd want to see THAT story on screen rather than this script, which is Tucker's version of wish fulfilment (or maybe that's his new blog). Either way, this script was a 3rd rate comedy.
Tucker's whole mystique has been thinned out over the last two years. Now it's the quality of his writing which is coming into question. If Tucker had any sort of skill as a producer, he'd be honest with himself and search out a new writer to adapt his work into a screenplay. Somebody got it right before, he works with a number of themes in his book and none of them come out in his script. His script is the sellout of his own work, and that's a shame.
"Producing an indie movie is like herding squirrels with a firehose while playing three dimensional chess at the same time.
Just today I dealt with at least thirty different problems, across all areas and requiring all my skill sets--analytical, financial, creative, logistical, management, physical, bureaucratic. Over the course of the day I was ecstatic, depressed, yelping with joy, near tears, despondent, happy, concerned, cautiously optimistic, confused, strategic, bored, scared, aggressive...I lost track of all the emotions I felt so many.
And what did we accomplish? A single day closer to the finish.
Part of the problem is that I am learning a very complicated job on the fly, so something that would take an experienced producer X amount of time, generally takes me at least 2X amount of time. And that's assuming I get it right the first time.
I have a bunch of new posts I wanted to write about various aspects of the process (what a casting director does, what we are looking for in the actors, a reading list to learn about Hollywood), but it is 8pm, and I think I may just go to sleep. It's been one of those days. I'll post them over the next few days."
Herding squirrels with a firehose and playing 3D chess? Oh Tucker Max, you truly possess the wit of a homeless man's Dennis Miller
translation: the director backed out, my foreign distributors are offering me pennies on the dollar, the secretaries of the agents of the top-50 actors on my list told me to get fucked, the online absinthe company demanded a reduced rate on my website due to my lack of traffic, and i can't stop reading a blog where people much smarter and savvier than myself continue to hand me my ass on an hourly basis.
I doubt that tucker actually reads this blog, but I bet that Bunny does. And we need to lay off the Bunny; she's a sweet and caring soul, and we should wish her all the best. She's also a pretty good writer.
Tucker reads the blog, dude. Daily. The script post was put up in the middle of the night, and Tucker had a post up about it by, like, 9AM.
To 9:28:
Hey Bunny. I know it's you.
Why do you still hang out with Tucker? He has NPD. You know this, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself. You ARE a good person, and Tucker is just dragging you down.
Codependency is a bitch, isn't it? Check into a hospital. There's no shame in that.
i feel bad for bunny. like you said, she's not a bad person, but obviously messed up; i don't know which uncle molested her how many times, but she's clearly got huge issues with men, sex and life in general. i honestly feel like if soembody had gotten to her in her early/mid 20s there might have been a chance of a normal life, but tucker clearly pushed this chick past the point of no return.
the really scary thing? these two are gonna have some kids together. bank on it.
Um actually, according to Bunny, they already had a kid (aborted). And I for one, don't feel sorry for Bunny. She's smart enough to know what she's gotten herself into and been in it long enough to have all illusions shattered so only the truth remains about what it means to be attached to TM. She's a good writer only in the sense that she is a better writer than Tucker, which is the Special Olympic hurdle of literature. Bunny decided to hitch her wagon to Tucker's for one or more of a myriad of reasons. This was a conscious decision on her part, and one she constantly reaffirms. If she (or any of the Rudius d-bags) wanted out, she could do so. Her continued presence is her choice, so the repercussions of that decision are hers as well.
Do I pity her? Sure. Do I sympathize? Absolutely not. You are the choices you make.
i know about the abortion. i'm talking 5, 10 years from now when tucker and bunny finally realize they were "meant" for each other and decide it's time to tie the knot (tucker will remind us ad nauseum that they were married by a justice of the peace, that he didn't buy her a diamond, that they honeymooned in fayetteville because the wildcats were playing there that week and that the best part of the whole thing was when they had sex, she made him a sandwich and they watched sportscenter together) and crank out a couple kids.
she's been involved with tucker long before the website and all that crap, and if she reallly cared about her career she'd finish her book one of these decades. bunny's no different than the white-trash skank with the curlers and ratty bathrobe begging the cops not to take joe bob away even though he gave her a shiner. co-dependent, emotionally wrecked, unstable whackjob.
You were a little hard on the Bunny. She's gonna read what you wrote, and she's not as thick-skinned as tucker and the rest of the doucebag brigade. Let us not judge others guilty by association. The Bunny is a victim, yes. But she is trying to help herself, and she is honest with herself and with others.
Bunny doesn't deserve sympathy. She isn't emotionally incapacitated to the point where she is incapable of rational judgment. None of the criticisms of Tucker, both personal and professional, are new insights to her. At this point, her clinging to Tucker gives Bunny the illusion that she is a budding professional writer. It's a self-esteem issue.
And no, Tucker won't ever marry Bunny. He might knock her up again someday, but even then he'll brag afterward that he doesn't spend time or a cent on her or the child.
I think Bunny adores the victim role.
Tucker has this unique ability to write extremely long paragraphs without making any valid points.
The fact is, Tucker, you already lose. You’ve addressed it, you lose. You know it’s getting under your skin. Your defense is to write about how it doesn’t bother you in hopes of it bothering us. You lost, again. We may be nerds for discussing your life (or lack thereof) but you’re the one defending it to a bunch of nerds you claim you don’t care about.
And that’s fine. I’m cool with it, but fucking admit to it. Stop pussyfooting around every single flaw you have in hopes that people will buy into it. People are onto you, man. They know you’re full of shit. Nobody said those stories couldn’t happen. They’re saying they didn’t happen to you, and until you prove they did, people have every reason to be skeptical. Your most famous stories have huge holes in them, and instead of confronting it, you run away and passive-aggressively vent through your silly website.
We know about the circle jerk fest that goes on over there. You really think that I’m going to believe what PWJ says over you? How do I even know a PWJ really exists? Because you say so? Ok, but that brings us right back to where we started. The truth is, all we have to go buy are actual hard facts of what would happen and what should’ve happened. No police report? No video tape? No sushi place that verifies your story? Actual witnesses questioning whether or not you fucked a midget? Tell us the real name of the hotel you’ve been blacklisted from. If your goal isn’t to prove that these things have happened to you, then you have no right to bitch at us for questioning their authenticity.
What happened to the THR piece? What happened with the Opie & Anthony fall out? Why are you covering that up like it was Tiananmen Square? Why are you promising things and always making up excuses? Why is everything you do revolutionary when you haven’t actually done anything yet? Why was your script overhyped as much as it was and turned out to be one of the worst things I’ve ever read? I don’t get it, these questions should be so easy to answer if you were being honest. Why is it so tough for you?
Cuz he a bitch.
Without wanting to reveal too much here, I can say that I know from a very good source over at Freak Safari (in other words, I'm a mod over there you fucking tucker lovers) that IamRob is working on a hilarious parody of the Tucker Max movie script.
When Tucker says that his shit is funny, just wait until your read this. All along F.S. has kept quiet, but with some inside info provided by BCWoods, and IamRob's "secret" mod buddy who spills on everything happening behind the scenes over at RMMB, F.S. has got Tucker NAILED.
Let's just say that some people really do have Hollywood connections. And what's better than releasing a stupid movie about getting drunk? Releasing a big time HOLLYWOOD budget movie as a parody of the worst movie of all time.
Tucker's had this coming for so long. Even if he reads this, and by letting him know straight up, he still wont get it. His biggest mistake was letting go of all the F.S. members, who, if you check back, were the funniest by far on that board. Tucker's site has tanked pretty much from the very day of the F.S. coup, and that's why F.S. and BC are killing Tucker and all of his sites in the alexa ratings.
All these Freak Safari postings are fake.
I'm not sure why they're posted here, but, then again, I'm not sure why that dude obsessed with Viacom kept leaving comments.
Besides, Freak Safari's Alexa rating is a joke. I don't think they have any interest in overtaking Rudius or taking down Tucker Max.
^please don't let me down
I agree, I'm not really a fan of either. I'm just here to enjoy the ongoing abortion known as Tucker Max.
The problem with tuckers script is that is basically an episode of scrubs, only with more swearing and more nudity. slingblade is basically dr. cox. The sightgags and flashbacks may work for a primetime tv show, but a successful movie must be a bit more stylish than that. I just wanna know what tucker's gonna do when he finally fails.
I think everybody here is missing the point. This script is Tucker's way of trying to patch things with his father.
Tucker Max is to literature and cinema what Vanilla Ice was to rap music.
To an extent that's true, but Tucker will never be half as famous as Vanilla Ice was.
Lol, tucker max kept calling and texting an actor he wanted for the lead role. The actor's agent had to ask him to stop!
I enjoy the way Tucker name-drops without name dropping. "This guy's really big", "this guy's an Oscar winner", "I slept with a girl who slept with an A-lister", "Paul Wall and I had gay sex at his palatial mansion in H-Town", etc. It really impresses me, because, as everyone knows, Hollywood is where all the substance and brains are. I can see why Tucker wants to be part of that scene.
the funny thing about paul wall as a namedrop is that he isn't really a name. i can name one song of his, which is one more than 99% of people.
Paul Wall is to music what Tucker Max is to literature.
Here's how Tucker met Paul. Tucker had no clue who Paul Wall was until Paul contacted Tucker through his site because Paul likes his stories. Tucker then instantly became a fan because "somebody famous likes me".
And that’s fine. I’m cool with it, but fucking admit to it. Stop pussyfooting around every single flaw you have in hopes that people will buy into it. People are onto you, man. They know you’re full of shit. Nobody said those stories couldn’t happen. They’re saying they didn’t happen to you, and until you prove they did, people have every reason to be skeptical. Your most famous stories have huge holes in them, and instead of confronting it, you run away and passive-aggressively vent through your silly website.
We know about the circle jerk fest that goes on over there. You really think that I’m going to believe what PWJ says over you? How do I even know a PWJ really exists? Because you say so? Ok, but that brings us right back to where we started. The truth is, all we have to go buy are actual hard facts of what would happen and what should’ve happened. No police report? No video tape? No sushi place that verifies your story? Actual witnesses questioning whether or not you fucked a midget? Tell us the real name of the hotel you’ve been blacklisted from. If your goal isn’t to prove that these things have happened to you, then you have no right to bitch at us for questioning their authenticity.
That pretty much sums up my disgust of Tucker. The stories could happen (within a degree) to someone, they just didn't happen to Tucker.
I played a sport in college, and was the member of a popular fraternity. As a result, I've listened to all sorts of stories and adventures, even lived a few. There are three types of story tellers:
1. Guys who got into fun-loving trouble, and scored with women, sometimes doing both.
2. Guys who experience something a bit out of the ordinary, and embellish to make them sound even better.
3. Guys who just bullshit. They'll make up a tale from scratch.
Tucker is in the third group. I am convinced that only one or two of his outlandish stories might be gross exaggerations with a kernel of truth at the center (Johnson, Fenwick & West), while the others obviously never happened. Like most of group #3, he forgets key details of his own supposedly true stories, and gets defensive all too easily when questioned.
I think Tucker fell victim to his own bullshit stories. I've seen friends lie to others about their lives, and in time believe their own bullshit. Tucker had one or two interesting experiences that he embellished a bit on the Internet, and then afterward was forced to fabricate an entire set of tales, to sustain his audience, and publish a book (try publishing a collection of two short stories).
He built the egotistical asshole persona as a means of self-promotion, but in time became a deluded victim of his own invention. In the end, the only people who believe the Tucker Max stories are Tucker, and his dwindling group of naive 14 to 20 year old guys.
Truthfully, Tucker's perfect for Hollywood. He's amoral, arrogant, self-important, and shallow. What better place for a person like that than Hollywood, where he can contribute to the decaying moral fiber of Western society?
Go get 'em, Tucker!
I like Tucker's bullshit story about a star's agent asking him not to call him anymore.
Tucker's persona is based upon these miraculous stories that are probably 1/4 truths. The reason he tells them is so everyone still believes that Tucker is soooo pursued by Hollywood because he's got a great project. As we've seen, it's a horrible project, I can't see any actor worth their weight to go crazy over this film.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - SIMULTANEOUS
Tucker bursts out of the elevator, looking around frantically. He sprints to the empty front desk. The clock behind the desk reads 4am. He hits the bell furiously for an obnoxiously long time until the sleeping clerk comes out.
TUCKER
Is there a bathroom down here?
FRONT DESK CLERK
Back corner of the lobby.
Tucker takes off. He turns the corner from the front desk and immediately realizes his mistake.
TUCKER
Which corner???
He spots a white door at one end of the lobby and quickly waddles to it as he holds his butt cheeks together. Tucker bursts through the door.
JANITOR
AAYYYYY!
It’s a janitor’s closet.
TUCKER
Where is the bathroom!?
JANITOR
Que? No, no hablo ingles!
TUCKER
WHAT?! Uh...uh...DONDE ESTA EL FUCKING BANO?!!!
JANITOR
(pointing across the lobby)
Alla! Alla!
Sixty yards across from the janitor's closet, a large "RESTROOM" sign hangs above a door.
Tucker breaks into a dead sprint. Twenty yards into the run his boxers start to sag. Thirty yards and his ass crack and legs get noticeably wet. Forty yards and his boxers have slid down to mid-thigh. Ten yards from the door and the brown, viscous liquid is all over him. Little specks hit the back of his head and ears as he runs.
As he bursts into the restroom, he’s completely shit himself.
He steps out of his pink boxers, shit puddle in the seat, and flings them blindly as he breaks into the first stall. He plops down on the seat and immediately slides off. His ass is covered in slimy, runny feces and spouts black, viscous human waste. Tucker flushes the full toilet and it overflows. He moves to the next stall until he finishes--exhausted, dehydrated, and tearing up from the exertion. There’s no toilet paper. Tucker takes off his shirt but discovers it’s covered in little specks of shit. The large vanity mirror has a thick black streak from the ceiling down to the countertop where his boxers are crumpled in a ball. Naked and covered in speckles of his own poop, Tucker opens the bathroom to the lobby.
TUCKER
Who else on this earth could be having a worse night than me?
Laid out before him is a trail of his own feces. It starts wide at his feet and gets smaller until it apexes at the clunky white shoes of the small Mexican janitor.
TUCKER
Sorry. I mean, uh, lo siento.
Tucker walks defeated toward the elevators. The Lady Janitor is sobbing hysterically. Through the glass of the elevator, Tucker can see why she’s crying. He sprayed shit over everything: the couches, the walls, the plants, everything.
TUCKER
God, I hope they serve beer in hell.
1998
1999
2000.....FUCK YEAH. Post #2000. I am fucking awesome.
Where is Script #12? Would somebody finally post that piece of shit on a file sharing site?
^tru dat, bra
The director we've attached is great, but he made his name doing indies in New York. In LA, he doesn't send the needle moving much.
It's that "I can't believe I'm still single" guy.
PS - Jaime Kennedy does not want to be in your movie. Please stop texting him daily.
Tucker begged Jamie Kennedy to play him in the film, but Jamie detected the stink of failure and refused.
The only people I have called shitheads so far are agents and executives. I would LOVE to not have to talk to or deal with either of their type again.
Oh, I'm pretty sure you won't have to deal with them ever again. When your movie inevitably tanks, you'll never be dealing with ANYONE in Hollywood again.
I think it's awesome Tucker is including the part of the book where he shits all over the place in the hotel.
Why?
Because he said his stories are 100% true. If so, and if his movie becomes a big hit, there are going to be reporters who are going to check against this claim that this actually occured.
If I remember correctly, the hotel Tucker listed said they have no record of this ever happening, not did they say it happened in any of their hotels that Tucker could have stayed in. When pressed the people checked for cleaning records during that time that would have verified the story. No records like that existed. The manager whom we spoke to, who had worked there for over a decade had never heard of such story.
But it's 100% true, just ask Tucker.
That's the beauty of it--the irony (real irony, not what Tucker thinks irony is). If Tucker ever gets even remotely famous, famous where anyone in Hollywood actually gives two shits about him, it's going to cause greater scrutiny to his stories and would only be a matter of time before people start calling bullshit.
I think it's awesome Tucker is including the part of the book where he shits all over the place in the hotel because it shows what an undignified piece of garbage he really is.
Tucker's new entry about casting directors is interesting, however, he's leaving out a huge facet. A great casting director will take a lot less money if they believe in a film. Tucker's guy wouldn't work with him within his budget, which means he's not doing it because of the script.
Tucker could seriously do this film for less than a million dollars and there would be no difference in quality. I always thought 6 million was a ridiculous budget for a film with no special effects, car chases, stunts, etc. A good actor, if the script is right, will do the film for almost nothing if/when the script is good. Scale plus 10% then a cut on the backend is the usual deal for such a movie. Tucker's budgeting out to pay more on the above the line costs, which means he's either 1) doing it the Hollywood way, 2) doesn't know what he's doing 3) isn't good enough to attract talent based on the merits of the script alone.
I can't see him getting anybody big for this film. Unless the next version is a 180 degree turn and suddenly has gotten funny and grown a plot, it's moot. That's why Tucker is actually paying people their full rate. He can only attract people because he's giving them the promise of money, not because there's the promise of doing an exceptional film.
There's a reason why his business plan is the part of his movie that's "revolutionary", even though most all indie film companies did exactly what Tucker is doing back since John Cassavettes was producing his own films. His script is horrible. It's horrible to the point that people around Hollywood have taken notice and are emailing his website around because he's a joke to them.
Oh, and lest we forget this brilliant expose of Tucker Max's bullshit:
http://www.penguinblogs.ca/davidson/archives/00000079.html
"...everyone else in Tucker’s world are mannequins, which he moves about and has speak and act in ways that suit his fictions.
Of course, the alleged video tape of the incident has been broken, or so Tucker claims in a post-script. More crucially, what about the lawsuit? If I was caught secretly taping a girl while we engaged in coitus, I would fully expect to receive a lawsuit from that girl’s lawyer the following afternoon. Tucker, amazingly, avoids this. Perhaps we can believe that the girl was too embarrassed to press charges—or lucky for Tucker that make-believe girls can’t press real-life criminal charges.
Let’s go on to “The Absinthe Donuts Story.”
Quick plot synopsis: Tucker and his special-forces buddies sit around getting drunk, then they go to a nice restaurant and get kicked out, then go to McDonald’s and have pickle races on the windows (just like that scene in Billy Madison. Note to Tucker: if you’re gonna rip off comedy bits, avoid stealing from hit movies). They end up at a party that is miraculously—some might even say unbelievably—peopled by the most wide-ranging bunch of social stereotypes assembled under one roof. Tucker roundly insults them all, tries to seduce a married woman, then later runs his car through the plate glass window of a donut shop.
Again, I don’t think there is a whiff of truth to this story. Exposing every fallacy would take too long. Let’s focus on a few, shall we?
1. Start with this set piece, when a fat girl wanders into the kitchen where Tucker and his friends are hanging out:
We station ourselves in the kitchen. A fat girl walks in. It’s game time. "Well, say goodbye to all the leftovers."
Apparently, this fatty seems to think she can hang. The Medina Division made better tactical decisions:
Fatty: "What did you say?"
Tucker: "Can you not hear me? Are your ears fat too?"
Fatty [Look of astonishment, stares at my friends cracking up] "EXCUSE ME?"
Tucker: "I’m sorry. Really I am. [I open the fridge] Would you like cheesecake or chocolate cake? Probably both, I’m guessing."
Fatty: [Turns and leaves in utter astonishment]
Tucker: "Hey Sara Lee, I was only kidding! COME BACK HERE--MY FRIEND LIKES TO GO HOGGIN. MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN! IT’S LIKE RIDING A MOPED!!"
It’s the same as the Astroglide story. Tucker poses the woman, makes her say and do what he wants her to do to make him come off like a modern-day Oscar Wilde (although not really, as his barbs are pretty fucking lame. More cushion for the pushin’? Like riding a moped? Those might be considered witty if overheard on the playground).
I love the EXCUSE ME? and then how she just leaves the kitchen. I’ve been in my fair share of verbal warfare, and as everyone with a brain knows, it NEVER happens that way. The only time it happens like that is in the climactic scene of a movie, where the office bully or the blowhard cop gets his comeuppance:
HERO: Yeah, that’s right, you heard me—things are gonna change around here, starting today!
BLOWHARD: Why, you...h-h-how dare you...
HERO: You shut your gob! You’re through talking; it’s my turn to take charge, and I’m going to!
BLOWHARD: mutter...harumph...
HERO: That’s right, and I love your wife and I’m gonna marry her! And I like your kids and they’re gonna be mine and there’s not a thing you can do about it!
BLOWHARD: Gulp!
So this is clearly what Tucker was thinking when he wrote his little scenes. Of course, the real world does not unfold like the movies. In real life, overweight women don’t allow themselves to be roundly insulted and then come off like a overwrought plantation belle, going, “Well, I NEVER!” before leaving the room. In real life the overweight girl kicks Tucker Max in his drunken idiotic nuts and drops the big elbow on his oversized melon-head.
That’s how it goes down in real life. But not in Tucker-land.
2. A small point regarding the spatial dimensions of the party house. Does anyone get a true sense of it’s physical dynamics? To me it’s Like some surrealist painting: Staircases going nowhere, people walking on ceilings, rooms jutting out into black space. It doesn’t seem like a house that could exist in real life.
3. Finally, Tucker elects to insult every guest at the party. Here are his insults:
[To the fat guy with greasy hair in the camo vest] "Look out everyone! It's the Pillsbury Commando! Hey Chunk, when was the last time you washed your hair? Does it give you more hit points to have that grease helmet? I hate to break the news, but +5 defense only counts in Dungeons and Dragons."
[To the ugly Asian girl] "Why you no rike me? You want me frip over? You no piss me off! ME FIND YOU IN POCKING ROT!! YOU NO TAKE MING ARIVE!!"
[To the small frail dork--I notice he has a lazy eye] "Dude--Look at me when I’m talking to you--BOTH EYES AT ONCE. Are you really this ugly or are you just playing? EVERYONE, BE CAREFUL, THIS GUY LURKS UNDER THE STAIRS AND TRIES TO LICK YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU PASS BY!"
[To the original fatty, pause for effect] "Why do you do this to yourself? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF? Look, I’m gonna give you some advice-leave the party, take the geek squad with you, go to Denny’s, order about 10 Grand Slam Breakfasts, and eat your pain away. Won’t be the first time will it?"
Is it just me, or does it seem insupportable that these social types could all be gathered under the same roof? And it’s a classy party, apparently, so what’s a greasy D&D dude in a camo vest doing there? I’ll tell you: so wacky Tucker can do his schtick.
I can’t see how I or anyone is supposed to empathize with him, either: these people he’s making fun of, nerds and dorks and little Asian gals and guys with lazy eyes—am I supposed to be in awe of him? Walk into a biker bar and talk shit, Tucker my man, and then maybe I’ll think you’ve got a passable set of stones. Otherwise you’re no more impressive than if you’d gone to the hospital lobotomy ward and insulted all the poor wrecks there."
Otherwise you’re no more impressive than if you’d gone to the hospital lobotomy ward and insulted all the poor wrecks there."
Also known as the rudius media message board.
^Seriously. Because it takes a fantastic wit to ridicule 18 year old cam whores, faux superheros with obvious mental problems, and other doucebags on the internet. Internet bullying: not just for tweens anymore!
The other gaping hole in the Absinthe Donuts Story is the lack of a police report. If a car crashes through the front of a donut shop, the shop owner or landlord would immediately file a police report. If they didn't, the insurer would insist, or they wouldn't collect a penny on their claim. It has been researched that no police report was ever filed for such an accident within the time frame Max specified.
Facts have a way of ruining Tucker's true stories.
is there really any doubt that tucker didn't say anything even remotely resembling the comments in his story? listen to him on opie & anthony; the guy's an awkward, stuttering, high-pitched geek. even on that horrible pilot he did (and by the way, when you can't get picked up by sirius you know you're truly garbage) he didn't say anything even close to as funny as the insults in his book, which were lame as fuck to begin with.
tucker's movie is gonna turn out looking something like this: http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/zombiestrippers/trailer/
To Anonymous, 6:33:
No FUCKING way that Tucker's movie will be anywhere near that good. That's not to say that "Zombie Strippers" is necessarily a work of art, or even a good film, but come on...
First of all, Tucker could NEVER get Jenna Jameson or Tito Ortiz, or anyone that likable or prominent for his vanity piece.
Second, Tucker Max is a douchebag.
Third, Tucker Max is a fucking loser with delusions of grandeur, who is going to crash and burn if he ever gets his pet project put to celluloid, and it's highly likely that he'll fuck up royally even if he doesn't bring his piece-of-shit straight-to-video trainwreck to fruition.
Tucker, one day, and that right soon, your name and visage will be synonymous with... EPIC FAIL.
Couldn't have happened to a nicer, prevaricating, duplicitous, disingenuous self-proclaimed "asshole"...
epic fail eh? someone on this comment section knows a little something about Anonymous.
we are legion.
Because only those in Anonymous ever catch wind of internet memes.
Holy crap! Tucker gave up his laptop to some fat loser during the writer's strike?
http://www.rockandrollbadboy.com/daily_dirt/writers_strike_update/
This can't be true. Can it?
"We have also continued to prowl around Hollywood coffeehouses looking for anyone who is violating the “pencils down” strike policy that calls for everyone to stop writing screenplays. If I catch you writing a script you either have to delete all files in front of me or you have to let us take your laptop and hold it until after the strike is over. I got 2 laptops on the day of the rally – one was from a New York Times best-selling author named Tucker Max. He has a website too – http://www.tuckermax.com -- He sold a TV pilot to Comedy Central last year, but was unable to afford the $1,500 registration fee to join the Writers Guild of America. Tucker failed to join the WGA and during that time Comedy Central decided to “pass” on his pilot. Long story short –Tucker Max got dropped like a hot potato. Anyways, he was apparently trying to write a screenplay about his own life and sell it as a feature film – but there were two major problems. 1) He was trying to write it during the WGA strike, and; 2) He was writing it in a restaurant that I happened to walk into on Tuesday. He refused to delete the files so I had no choice but to take the laptop from him. He actually started to cry as I walked away with his computer. I felt bad for him but rules are rules."
This story is bullshit, yet funny as hell.
Tucker's story that his TV show didn't get off the ground because he couldn't afford the 1500 bucks to join the WGA is also bullshit.
We went over this a few hundred posts ago. You need a certain number of screen writing credits before you can join the WGA; Tucker isn't eligible.
Anyhow, joining a union isn't really part of the revolution. And writing a funny script doesn't seem to be part of the revolution, either.
i think halo is a pretty cool guy. eh kills aleins and doesn't afraid of anything.
I find it weird that menacing, two fisted Tucker Max gave up his laptop so readily. You'd think at least he'd bare his rapier wit, especially to someone fat like the self-proclaimed "rock and roll bad guy". Look at his pic; can't you see the "real" Tucker Max making fun of his weight? Or is the real Tucker Max someone who cries easily when bullied?
Incidentally, I don't think the blogger is trying to couple Max's inability to enter the WGA with the Comedy Channel passing on Max's show; rather they were simultaneous events. When CC passed, Tucker probably didn't see the need to spend $1,500 to enter WGA (not that he could, but if you're begging with a bully to get your laptop back, you say anything for sympathy points).
Some of you people are ridiculously stupid & believe anything negative you read.
Look up parody in the dictionary.
Morons.
Dude, the 12:43 PM post is an obvious parody as well. You're throwing stones from a glass house.
I can see how it could go that way, but with the TM derangement syndrome some of these posters have, I rarely assume the best.
Hey, 9:50, as it turns out, 7:54 was right. I am anonymous.
7:54, remember:
We do not forgive. We do not forget.
We are legion.
WE ARE ANONYMOUS.
P.S. When, oh when, will TM rise to the level of douchebaggery that Scientology has, in order that we may destroy him? One can dream...
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