Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Comment From A Longtime Tucker Max Fan

An anonymous poster has posted a comment about Tucker that really rings true. The following was submitted December 14, 2006 at 11:54 AM as a comment to the post "The Purpose of The Blog Is To Expose Tucker Max As A Douchebag":

I’ve been a member of the Tucker Max Message Board (TMMB) for almost 4 years. I first heard about Tucker and his site from an e-mail that was passed around. It was the “Miss Vermont Story” and got e-mailed around a lot a few months before he was on MTV and the site exploded. I have read every story posted on his old and new site and been a semi-frequent poster on the TMMB. Why? Quite frankly his stories made me laugh. Tucker tells a good story, or at least he used to, and it was an entertaining diversion from work or school. Mind you, he’s not a good writer in a technical sense, but his stories were funny and did a good job of conveying a hilarious mental image. I never assumed that the stories were 100% true, I assumed that they were embellished. Or, more precisely, the stories contained an essential kernel of truth surrounded by made-up/exaggerated elements of the story (a lot of the dialogue). I didn’t care, though, because I was just there to get a cheap laugh.

The more I thought about it, however, the more the fact that TM is basically lying in his stories began to bother me. His whole hook is that these stories are “true.” Anyone could just make this shit up and pass it off as fiction, it would get e-mailed around a few times and be forgotten. But Tucker presents it as true, that it actually happened to him, and it didn’t, he’s lying and that’s unacceptable. What gets Tucker his attention is people going “Man, I can’t believe that this actually happened to someone, that shit is so crazy!! I wish I were him.” In short, he was interesting because he represented something that many people wish they were but don’t really have the balls to be. Unfortunately, he wasn’t really that person, Tucker is more a persona than anything else.

Even still, this wouldn’t be that big a crime in my book if not for Tucker’s ever growing ego and arrogance. It was funny for a while, but now it has just gotten out of control. And this is reflected in the company he keeps. Like I said, I’ve been a member of the TMMB for a long time, long before most people knew about it. Back in the day, it was mainly Tucker and his friends from law school and friends of Tucker from real life. Almost all of these people were regular posters, something that kept Tucker grounded and provided a much-needed reality check, they weren’t afraid to call bullshit on his stuff or smack him down a bit. Basically, TMMB was just an online version of friends giving each other shit at a bar.

That changed after the MTV show and Miss Vermont lawsuit. All of a sudden, a bunch of people came out of the woodwork and began e-sucking Tucker’s cock (and a few did in real life too). The problem was, none of these people were in on the joke, they didn’t realize that the shit wasn’t all true. But in order to keep these new fans, Tucker couldn’t admit it wasn’t true, he had to maintain the fa├žade. And the more often he repeated the lie, the more he seems to believe in it. Slowly, almost everyone on the TMMB who knew Tucker in real life, pre-MTV, started to drift away. Most stopped posting, deleted their accounts and haven’t been heard of since. Part of this is a natural maturation process, what his friends thought was funny at 25 became less so at 30, and a little diversion no longer seemed important. But what I think is also is the case is that a number of people who knew Tucker knew the truth and started to get disgusted at what he was becoming. You can see this in the dwindling posts of guys like JoJo, PWJ, SlingBlade, SippyCup and others. Anyone who “knew” Tucker in real life found one excuse or another to stop posting. Tucker’s their friend and they would never call him out, but they seem to have gotten sick of what he was becoming. The bullshit is funny when everyone knows its exaggerated; when Tucker started acting like everything was gospel truth, it became more than they were willing to deal with.

This has, unfortunately, only made Tucker worse. Unencumbered by people who could call him out and keep him grounded, Tucker has just fed off the adulation of people on the board. The TMMB is now populated by a bunch of people that worship at the altar of Tucker and believe everything that he says. Anyone who raises a question, or expresses a view contrary to Tucker’s is immediately flamed and banned by those incapable of anything other than groupthink. Even worse are his new core clique, basically the Rudius Media people. All of them are dependent in one way or another on Tucker for their “fame” and livelihood. People like Bunny, Kung Fu Mike, Solyent Green, DRex (who, for my money, is the absolute worst person in the Tucker orbit and probably world), Mr Jake/Luke and others are so tied to Tucker that the cannot allow anyone to question him. Their existence is tied totally to maintaining the fiction of Tucker’s life; ask Tucker if a story is true, and either DRex or Luke will quickly swoop in to say that it absolutely is because they were there and/or know Tucker and that’s the way it is. But they HAVE to say this, they’ve hitched their wagon to Tucker and are just trying to live in some of his reflected “flame”. This is what has bothered me the most, all of Tucker’s “friends”, the people who appear in his newer stories, are people from the TMMB. They basically have no lives of their own and exist solely to be foils for Tucker. Surrounded by this group of yes men and women, Tucker no longer has a touchstone with reality and can tell any fiction that he wants. That’s why anyone who questions Tucker orthodoxy is immediately destroyed, too many people are now dependent on THE LIE to allow the truth to be exposed.

And that’s the real problem, Tucker know “believes” the lie that he has concocted for himself. And why shouldn’t he? Those people immediately around him reinforce his belief and never challenge him or do anything but fawn over his action while simultaneously punishing anyone who dissents. As a result, Tucker has just gotten worse and worse, he actually believes his own bullshit and thinks he is the vanguard of some new “movement” that will change entertainment and gender relationships. Whereas before a lot of his bravado was tongue-in-cheek and done more for effect, now Tucker really believes in his self-importance and needs constant reinforcement of it. You don’t need to know anymore other than he CONSTANTLY refers to himself as a best-selling author, and finds a way to bring it into EVERY conversation. Congrats, that’s an accomplishment. But why should I care?

All this being said, there is one bright spot to Tucker: the re-launch of PhilaLawyer. I highly recommend everyone read philawyer.net, that guy is an amazing writer and actually has something to say.

223 comments:

1 – 200 of 223   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

For those just tuning in, the total score so far:

1) Absinthe Doughnuts -- no police report, numerous timing and internal inconsistancies, especially regarding the "run" home.

2) Butt Sex -- no "video tape" produced, despite Tucker obviously being the kind of guy who would love having such a thing; internal inconsistancies regarding the amount of lubricant used and the fact that the friend "in the closet" was filming in apparently complete darkness. Tucker himself admits he has no idea how the (naked? shit- and vomit-covered?) girl got home.

3) Sushi Pants -- Florida journalist tries to locate the restaurant where it happened and was unable; nobody at local sushi restaurants remembers an event like the one pictured.

4) Austin Road Trip -- The hotel has no record of such an incident, and states that the guest would have been asked to leave immediately and the hotel sterilized.

5) Pepper-Spray Sex incident -- Internal inconsistancies, mainly in that a pepper spray canister would not go off simply by laying on it, especially if it was in a purse

6) Midget Story -- witnesses say that though Tucker Max was present at midget convention, and probably had sex with a midget, (jump the shark, anyone?) his conversation and actions were nothing like what described.

7) Opie and Anthony -- Tucker lacks convincing details or physical proof of his stories, as well as the alleged biting sarcasm or intellect that he say he has, as well as the "confidence" he claims as a master of the "game" -- Stammers and looks like he's about to cry when called out. (As well as looking in no way like the athlete he claims to be, and more like a pasty computer geek.) His constant claims about being "all about honesty" dispelled by the fact he bans all mentions of this incident from his message board.

7) Several people who know Tucker speak disparagingly of the "hot babes" he claims to bang constantly, stating that they are either overweight, underaged, or completely insane.

8) There are apparently some inconsistancies regarding what Tucker actually studied at Uiversity -- check out the "edit" page on his Wikipedia entry. In one story he claims Economics, in others, "Law, Letters, and Society."

9) Considerable internal evidence that Tucker Max is actually the author of the Hoo-Ah stories, which would mean they are also completely fabricated, a holster-sniffing fantasy from a military buff.

10) Tucker claims (in several stories) that he remember most of his stories with a voice recorder, but when asked about the details of this by a college journalist, denies doing so, becomes angry and hangs up.

But we know that plenty of his stories are true -- his relationship with Bunny (abusive), his sexual encounter with Jade (abusive), and well, let's see, an eyewitness account of him abusing some girls at a football game.

Oh and some nut got his name tattooed on her crotch. I bet that made her daddy real angry.

W.O.E. said...

The obvious one never talked about is the hockey game story. If Tucker fought a mascot during a Shoot 'N Score contest... could one witness/news report be found to confirm this happened? Who was playing? Which league? Which arena?

I have $500 here that says 5'10-1/2" Tucker "Stumpy" Max has no recollection of who, what, when or where the game was played.

tb4 said...

I actually think there's an element of truth in most of Max's stories. What annoys me is that

1. He plays them off like he's some uber-cool pimp, leaving out crucial details and putting himself in the most positive light possible.

2. Most of these stories aren't that outlandish, but they're old and outdated. With no new material, he just gets old and is riding something for far too long.

Anonymous said...

It's funny what Tucker doesn't mind being published and what he takes offense to. If a reporter says he's a bloated chubby frat boy with no game he gets pissed but when Bunny or Jade write about how he abused them he puts links to their blogs on his site. Makes me wonder how true Bunny and Jade's stories are. Not only do both of them dispel the rumor that he fucks "hot" girls but it serves as evidence that he's a sociopath who gets off on abusing unstable women.

Anonymous said...

go read tucker's attempt at comedy in the things you never wanna hear from your doctor thread on his board. it's downright cringe-worthy.

Anonymous said...

to reiterate, Bunny and Jade were adults, and whatever they went through was consensual. The fact that they wrote on the internet about their "victimization" speaks volumes about why they were involved with him in the first place.

Anonymous said...

Funny that Bunny called Max a sociopath yet continues to schill for him and defend him whenever the chance comes up. Jade's a bottom feeder. That's why she endured Max's abuse for a night. It was all about getting the link on his site.

Stammers and looks like he's about to cry when called out.

It was truly priceless to watch. You could see in his face that he knew he was screwed. Jim Norton pretending Tucker's headphones were broken was a riot.

Anonymous said...

i can't believe you guys do so much research on him.

Anonymous said...

The portion of the hockey game story where he attacks the mascot might be true. There is a NHL farm team in Chicago with a wolf as a mascot (Google it and you will see) and one of the fans of this team claims that the mascot was attacked on the ice once (again, Google it). Max might have BSed about a lot of the details of course.

Anonymous said...

It's a lie. I was at that game. Nothing happened.

Anonymous said...

I think the hockey story might be largely true. I think in the print version of the hockey story (in his book) Tucker actually has some photos of the fight. I don't have the book immediately available so I can't confirm it, but I seem to recall seeing photos in it. This doesn't mean that his stories aren't largely bullshit, only that this one is true on the important details.

Anonymous said...

Those photos are photoshopped.

You can't possibly tell me that his retarded friend (who was witness to the entire ordeal) didn't notice that TFag was ejected?

And also, I'm sure TFag had a cell phone....knowing how much of a pansy he is when he is singled out/by himself, you know he would have called his goons while he was there in the parking lot at the Allstate Arena to tell them how "TFag drunk he just got in Rosemont, IL!!!1one!!".

Check the Chicago newspapers and you will find NO mention of this incident in any article. The Wolves don't get that much press, so this incident would have made the news.

Sorry, the lies just keep coming from this aging guy.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12/20/2006 8:02 PM:

Just call up the Opie & Anthony show. They might still have the ripped out pages from the book and they can check out the pictures.

Anonymous said...

Please. That picture is tiny (probably less than one square inch) and in black and white. It's a picture of a blob in front of a hockey net. It could be of anything. Hardly proof.

If that picture "proves" anything, why isn't it in a higher resolution on his site?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous poster at 12/20/2006 5:53 AM, don't you know that NOT A ONE of your TEN POINTS matters? You are simply jealous of Tucker Max. That is all.

(btw this is sarcasm, although some of the Max Boyz probably believe this statement)

Anonymous said...

there's nothing worse than somebody who thinks they're hilarious but, in actuality, is totally devoid of wit i.e. tucker max. i blame his elitist upbringing. between university of chicago and duke law school tucker's never met somebody who's actually funny i.e. myself, and has been given the impression that he is some kind of comic genius.

Anonymous said...

This blog has no real info/rebuttals to his stories.

TuxSux said...

We don't have to give you your so-called "real ino." We're just here to talk about jagoffs, dick.

Anonymous said...

'real ino'? what is that?

Look dipshit, I just found this site and I've scoured it for the past 20 minutes or so. And I have yet to come across a legit rebuttal to any of his stories.

Tucker Max said...

Dear Gentlemen,

Please stop, my reputation has been injured so badly. I am very upset and now in a deep state of depression. If you say my stories aren't real again, I may cry a lot more.

Desperately,
Tucker M

Anonymous said...

''Please stop, my reputation has been injured so badly.''

The funny on this site. Damn. I don't remember a picture of the hockey game, I'll have to get my copy back off my friend.

And first poster, you list off many things, but you fail to give any links to support your arguement. That's as inconsistant as Tucker Max.

''6) Midget Story -- witnesses say that though Tucker Max was present at midget convention, and probably had sex with a midget, (jump the shark, anyone?) his conversation and actions were nothing like what described''

Where did you get this infomation? Make it available to us.

Also, about the Opie and Anthony point. He cut all mention to them to halt traffic to their website. That's fair enough, why would he want to help them out after they tried to play him like a fool.

Anonymous said...

"Also, about the Opie and Anthony point. He cut all mention to them to halt traffic to their website. That's fair enough, why would he want to help them out after they tried to play him like a fool."

Because Opie and Anthony really, really, need all the traffic they can get from Tucker. Oh, and they didn't try, they did play him like a fool.

Anonymous said...

And first poster, you list off many things, but you fail to give any links to support your arguement. That's as inconsistant as Tucker Max.

Look on the main page under the news and blog articles. There is a link there to the FL newspaper that called him out on the Sushi Pants story. There is a link to the Facebook entry of the UF girl who bitch-slapped him. If you've ever seen a pepper spray or mace cannister you would notice the safety which sits atop the trigger button. There are earlier blog entries listing the phone numbers of the Austin area hotels where he might have stayed and reports from persons who called to confirm the story, only to hear that the hotels' policies did not comport with the allegations in the story.

There is plenty of evidence available here.

bob levy said...

TM "cut all mention to" O&A's website to halt traffic to them?? Yeah right! He was fucking humiliated on air live! I seriously doubt he was thinking, "how can I make sure they don't get web traffic...?"

Trust me - he was WAY more concerned with deleting posts on his own message board, you dumbfuck.

The noticer said...

A sample transcript from the master storyteller:

"...Uhh alright this story uhhh this is a TRUE story uhh like you know I was uhh like twenty twenty-one and I was suh-suh-spending a summer in Florida when I was uhh in college and I uhhh met this one girl she was really hot and I never tried buttsex before and I really wanted to, so I kept trying to convince this girl and she was like "noooo I dont know" and so I finally convinced her I'm like look you know it's like she wanted to be a runway model thats what she was living in South Beach I was living in Florida at the time but I'm like you know it's what all the models do blah blah blah and I finally convinced her by convincing her that like it was the like the European way of having sex this is like the level of intelligence of this girl...."

Brilliant!

Tucker Max said...

Guys,

Seriously, I'm very sad now, please stop. I can hardly read the screen, my eyes are too blurry from all the tears.

With love,
Tucker M

Anonymous said...

Did he say he convinced her by convincing her? After using the word 'convince' twice already? Wow - he really is a good storyteller.

Anonymous said...

There's a new version of the transcript. This one is phonetical:

"...Uhh alright thith thtory uhhh thith ith a TRUE thtory uhh like you know I wath uhh like twenty twenty-one and I wath thuh-thuh-thpending a thummer in Florida when I wath uhh in college and I uhhh met thith one girl she wath really hot and I never tried buttthex before and I really wanted to, tho I kept trying to convinth thith girl and she wath like "noooo I dont know" and tho I finally convinthed her I'm like look you know it'th like she wanted to be a runway model thath what she wath living in Thouth Beach I wath living in Florida at the time but I'm like you know it'th what all the modelth do blah blah blah and I finally convinthed her by convinthing her that like it wath the like the European way of having thex thith ith like the level of intelligenthe of thith girl...."

Anonymous said...

The thing about Opie and Anthony that shows he deleted them from his webpage, not to keep them from getting traffic, but to protect his own reputation. He also deleted any mention of them on his wikipedia page. He did this for over a week, yet people kept putting it back on. He has finally stopped, but it is still only a sentence or two long.

Anonymous said...

Full text of commet regarding the Midget Incident


The Midget Story is actually true, although it didn't really go down like Max suggested. Two people I know were with him the night it went down, and when they read the story, they both were a bit surprised how he twisted it a bit. He did fuck a midget, but his dialogue on paper does not reflect his dialogue in real life.

Also, I heard a lot of his time in Milwaukee was spent attached to his computer and cell phone, talking to board people. Nice "don't let this become your life" image, tool.

Cue The Smoking Gun.

By Anonymous, at 10/27/2006 11:45 AM

Anonymous said...

i can see why tucker would be on the internet most of the time...midget cocks couldn't come close to satisfying his worn anus, even if double penetration was performed.

Anonymous said...

OKay, the link to this site has suddenly vanished from wikipedia. We're being watched by the mighty TM mods.

Johnny said...

hi guys,

of course i do not know whether his stories are true or not, but for me they are entertaining and funny to read.

i was just wondering why some put so much effort in the quest of proving that his stories are not true.
does it really matter? as far as i know nobody is forced to read his stories or to post in his forums. for me, that is the good thing about internet stories: when they become annoying, you can just close your browser.

it appears to me that he is comfortable with his life and that many people like his stories. the attempt of some to defame him demonstrates that some might be jealous after all. at least it seems that some envy not his lifestyle, but his ability to entertain many people with his stories.

for me he is a "contemporary-fun-literature-artist" :-)

please excuse my poor english, but it is not my first language.


merry christmas and greetings from austria.
johnny

Anonymous said...

^your English is fine, you are just a moron because you don't even grasp the concept being talked about here.

This has ZERO to do with liking his stories. Hell, I liked them. Unfortunately, there is only so much I can take from a one-trick pony. I'm sure even tucker realizes that he can only ride out that gimmick for so long, too.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised that nobody has ever mentioned the picture of him on his site.

Look at him then and look at his appearance now. Yikes.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I have been a Tucker fan for several years and I just found this site from wikipedia.

He's hilarious! You people have far too much time on your hands. You are just jealous.

Losers.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute - you are here with us. It seems as though you have just as much time as we do.

Oh, and yeah, we're just jealous. That's it. Sheep.

Johnny said...

"you are just a moron because you don't even grasp the concept being talked about here."

wow, so much anger. poor guy :-(

Anonymous said...

you're quite calm yourself. i've heard hours of non-stop ass-pounding will do that to a person.

boris said...

Time for a new post.

I want to see what new TM junk is out there for us to rip on.

Hey Johnny - suck our collective cock.

el beast said...

The thing about Tucker Max's stories is that none of them are really that amazing. They really could happen to anyone, especially someone with a lot of confidence/arrogance/whatever. Anyone with a personality who's gone out drinking or partying with a few friends will have at least one story that can match Max's. The key thing is, he doesn't actually act like he does in his stories 24/7 like it might seem. Tucker Max is just a normal guy. Only stupid high-school/college kids deitize him, and only soulless geeks try to "call him out" because they're jealous he's about to blow up. There's nothing overly special about him, even if he is a very funny or charismatic person. There are thousands of people who are funnier and more charismatic than him. They're just not writing their shit down.

el beast said...

I forgot - to everyone who's bitching about the authenticity of Max's stories:

Stop. Who cares if some random guy on the Internet is lying or not? Just go live your life the way you want. You know, like Max is famous for doing. Because that's really all he's doing. Living life his way.

Oh, and scrolling down the page is saw someone call Max "elitist" for going to Chicago and Duke. What the fuck? Since when do you have to be in the top tier of society to go to a good college?

Anonymous said...

"About to blow up" is pretty speculative. Optioning his idea for a pilot to be made is no guarantee of success. The Rudius blogs run a bit thin, although Greene has some decent stuff and, like the post said, Philalawyer.net is phenomenal.

In the print world, the sales aren't exceedingly impressive, nothing resembling success has come from the television industry yet and online, Tucker's bread and butter, he lags considerably behind Drew Curtis, Fat Penguin Media and several others.

So, I think saying that people are jealous because "he's about to blow up," is a bit preemptive.

If he does blow up, I will be surprised, but not upset. The lily white complexion he sports is the result of years of hard work. Locked in a basement somewhere, he has carefully cultivated an image that has fanboys fooled. It may not have readers of this site fooled, but if he can fool the mainstream media, regardless of how short his reign as internet-celebrity-turned-mainstream-celebrity may be, my hat is off to him.

Anonymous said...

anybody who makes shit up and then passes it off as true is a piece of shit without exception. tucker is a talentless internet cretin who has managed to build a rabid following of loners and virgins. if you can't recognize that, it means you're stupid.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to mention my shock and horror about Comedy Central buying a pilot script from that tool Tucker Max.

I'm a hollywood writer. Specifically a writer of the half hour comedy genre. I've been in LA for a decade. I have multipile credits listed on IMDB.

So yeah, I'll admit there's a slight bit of professional jealousy, but more than that, I'm pissed because Tucker Max is NOT a comedy writer. He's a non-fiction writer -- and a piss poor one. He's certainly not an honest writer.

The fact that Gavin Palone and Jamie Tarses (two heavy hitters in the industry) would buy into his bullshit makes my stomach hurt. They're busy people and don't have the time to do the proper research, so I can forgive them a little bit. It still hurts. It's still a reminder of what sells in this town and how deals are made.

In the end, I GUARANTEE that Tucker Max will hand over a piece of garbage script, written by a non pro with no scriptwriting experience, who even admits he can't write fiction.

He will be completely rewritten by pros and yet he will get full credit. He would remain as co-executive producer and make shitloads of money (in the unlikely event that it gets picked up)

The thing is that Tarses and Palone won't hand it to Comedy Central until it's good. And that means that Tucker Max won't really be a part of it. But in his head, it will be HIS success. And just like the rest of his lies and embellishments, he can go to the bank based on persona, rather than reality.

I can take solace in the fact that he will cry himself to sleep that he's not going to star in this show because he's not any kind of "star". He can pretend he doesn't care, but the attention is what he craves. And he won't get any.

Anonymous said...

you should bring me out to hollywood as a writer. i'd almost certainly be an instant sensation.

Anonymous said...

This blog is hilarious. Sure, the truth may have been stretched in some stories but there is plenty of evidence to prove that many of his stories happened. You guys are the kind of people he continually laughs at on his site which provides the rest of us with great entertainment. Not to say that you are jealous of Tucker himself but you are jealous of the fact that nothing happens to you in your shitty little lives. I fully understand where the pent up frustration comes from with you all. I'm sorry that your lives have turned out the way they have. It's never too late to make a change

Anonymous said...

I think Cockly McBeefwell is Tucker Max.

Anonymous said...

i think Cocky McBeefwell is DRex

Anonymous said...

i think Cocky McBeefwell is KungFuMike

Anonymous said...

i think Cocky McBeefwell is Bunny

Anonymous said...

i think Cocky McBeefwell is the Trixie

Anonymous said...

i think Cocky McBeefwell is Soylent Green

Anonymous said...

Look how quickly those replies came in.

Good luck with the Comedy Central deal!

Anonymous said...

I think Cocky McBeefwell is Kurt Steinberg.

Anonymous said...

Now that we've figured out Cocky McBeever is Tucker, could someone explain to me how Robert Greene got mixed up in all of this?

nonnimoose said...

What you said:

Not to say that you are jealous of Tucker himself but you are jealous of the fact that nothing happens to you in your shitty little lives. I fully understand where the pent up frustration comes from with you all. I'm sorry that your lives have turned out the way they have.

What I heard:

Blahblahblahblahimretardedblahblahblahblahicarewaytoomuchwhatotherpeoplethinkaboutmeblahblahblah

Anonymous said...

i think Cocky McBeefwell is Maddox

Anonymous said...

This blog is getting boring. Either dig up new information on Tucker or give it up.

Anonymous said...

i heart boobies

Anonymous said...

cliff notes on tucker

http://blaggblogg.blogspot.com/2005/11/tucker-max-cliffs-notes.html

Anonymous said...

you guys are a bunch of homos

Anonymous said...

''This blog is getting boring. Either dig up new information on Tucker or give it up.''

I Second that.

I like Tucker Max, I'd go as far as saying he's my favourite internet writer.

To summarize - this blog, it's akin to trying to squeeze a dollar from a dime, when you ain't even got a fucking cent.

Anonymous said...

turn off your computer and don't turn it back on until you've kissed a human female fuckface.

Anonymous said...

"turn off your computer and don't turn it back on until you've kissed a human female fuckface."

How old are you?

Anonymous said...

what is a female fuckface? is there a male fuckface?

Anonymous said...

this blog use to be good. now it is dying.

Anonymous said...

what happened to cloud stoolchomper?

Anonymous said...

Huh? U mean constant incest, ass-rape, ass-fuck, ass-pound and racist responses and jokes, does not a good "discussion", make? Who knew?

And oh yeah, I thought the vast generalizations like: "if u like tm that means ure stoopid!! Lol!!!111" was pure fodder for intellectual debate and good discussion on the disparities of tm.

I would have never predicted this blog turning to complete shit. Never!

Anonymous said...

Huh? U mean constant incest, ass-rape, ass-fuck, ass-pound and racist responses and jokes, does not a good "discussion", make? Who knew?

And oh yeah, I thought the vast generalizations like: "if u like tm that means ure stoopid!! Lol!!!111" was pure fodder for intellectual debate and good discussion on the disparities of tm.

I would have never predicted this blog turning to complete shit. Never!

Anonymous said...

And... to further the debate.. R there ALIEN fuckfaces?

Anonymous said...

I don't know about alien fuckfaces.. But I do know one thing, I'm sure there are ASS-POUNDING INCESTUOUS fuckfaces!

Anonymous said...

Whatever, these guys are hardly worth bothering, they are almost as kooky as Scientologists.

Anonymous said...

"This blog is hilarious. Sure, the truth may have been stretched in some stories but there is plenty of evidence to prove that many of his stories happened. You guys are the kind of people he continually laughs at on his site which provides the rest of us with great entertainment. Not to say that you are jealous of Tucker himself but you are jealous of the fact that nothing happens to you in your shitty little lives. I fully understand where the pent up frustration comes from with you all. I'm sorry that your lives have turned out the way they have. It's never too late to make a change

By Anonymous, at 12/27/2006 1:14 PM "


max is lying his ass off and has been since day one. his stories are lame and the only reason anyone goes to his website anymore is to look at his message boards. the guy is a total tool and probably sits naked in front of his computer all evening typing up stories that are 98% made up.

Anonymous said...

Yes. He probably sits naked. In front of his computer. All day.

Wow, with astute "haters" like that, I couldn't ask for smarter companions.

Fuck, I hate max, but the fucking haters that post this fucking drivel are the real douchebags. Jesus christ, I thought there would be intelligent debate but fuck this shit. You guys are fucking tools, its unbelievable and mind blowing how you're completely blind to it.

Anonymous said...

you're also blind on account of your father shooting semen in your eye last night.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to mention my shock and horror about Comedy Central buying a pilot script from that tool Tucker Max.

I'm a hollywood writer. Specifically a writer of the half hour comedy genre. I've been in LA for a decade. I have multipile credits listed on IMDB.

So yeah, I'll admit there's a slight bit of professional jealousy, but more than that, I'm pissed because Tucker Max is NOT a comedy writer. He's a non-fiction writer -- and a piss poor one. He's certainly not an honest writer.

The fact that Gavin Palone and Jamie Tarses (two heavy hitters in the industry) would buy into his bullshit makes my stomach hurt. They're busy people and don't have the time to do the proper research, so I can forgive them a little bit. It still hurts. It's still a reminder of what sells in this town and how deals are made.

In the end, I GUARANTEE that Tucker Max will hand over a piece of garbage script, written by a non pro with no scriptwriting experience, who even admits he can't write fiction.

He will be completely rewritten by pros and yet he will get full credit. He would remain as co-executive producer and make shitloads of money (in the unlikely event that it gets picked up)

The thing is that Tarses and Palone won't hand it to Comedy Central until it's good. And that means that Tucker Max won't really be a part of it. But in his head, it will be HIS success. And just like the rest of his lies and embellishments, he can go to the bank based on persona, rather than reality.

I can take solace in the fact that he will cry himself to sleep that he's not going to star in this show because he's not any kind of "star". He can pretend he doesn't care, but the attention is what he craves. And he won't get any.



You're a professional writer? You are either full of shit, or attended the Tucker Max School of Writing.

Anonymous said...

i should mention that normally your mother will eat the leftover sperm, but she had already swallowed your brother and uncle's loads earlier.

Anonymous said...

that was addressed to the other poster btw.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ MAX IS GAY HE'S FLABBY WHITE SITS IN FRON T OF COMPTER ALL DAY AND TYPES PORNO HAHAL OLOLOL HE PROBABY HAS SEX WITH GOAPHE AND NO WOMEN CUZ HE SUX AHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLPWN!!!111

Anonymous said...

i think you just described your brother. it's true that he does suck - on your father's cock.

that's the knock-out blow folks.

Anonymous said...

Again,

"i think you just described your brother. it's true that he does suck - on your father's cock.

that's the knock-out blow folks."

You really ought to stop trying to 'pwn' people on the internet... and how old are you? Gay/incest jokes were pretty much out by the time everyone got laid... when they were 15.

Anonymous said...

"you should bring me out to hollywood as a writer. i'd almost certainly be an instant sensation."

Listen, 'bro', like you hacks here, if you are 'as good or better than Max', then put in the work. If you can destroy his rep, then put in the work. In the meantime, all you have running is this pathetic blog that 'exposes' him. Fuck, I don't even like Max and I have to say this is a PATHETIC website.

Instead of claiming to 'prove Max is a douchebag' you should just rename this the 'Bitch about Tucker Max like an immature child' page. You see Cockly, with evidence, you have to have this thing called proof... funny how that works out.

Magically, when someone shoots holes in your theories, you backtrack from disproving him to 'expressing disdain'. Classic.

Anonymous said...

Did you just use the word 'rep?'

Max-lover.

porky said...

Uhh alright this story uhhh this is a TRUE story uhh like you know I was uhh like twenty twenty-one and I was suh-suh-spending a summer in Florida when I was uhh in college and I uhhh met this one girl she was really hot and I never tried buttsex before and I really wanted to, so I kept trying to convince this girl and she was like "noooo I dont know" and so I finally convinced her I'm like look you know it's like she wanted to be a runway model thats what she was living in South Beach I was living in Florida at the time but I'm like you know it's what all the models do blah blah blah and I finally convinced her by convincing her that like it was the like the European way of having sex this is like the level of intelligence of this girl.

Anonymous said...

It's about time SOMEONE here has an intelligent rebuttal. Please, don't ruin the streak.

Anonymous said...

I HAVE in fact actually fucked Tucker Max. Let me say this, it was a fucking disapointment. And YES, I do have proof that would shatter his fragile ego.

I just have to figure out how to present it now.

Anonymous said...

DO IT!!!

Anonymous said...

11:20 AM, are you a guy or a girl? we need to hear your story.

Anonymous said...

the tucker max people are now trying to troll some board full of ugly people. for a start, it's the easiest game possible. in spite of that, they are consisently unfunny to the point where i feel embarassed. not to mention, most of the max people are ugly themselves.

just goes to show how great i am. those board members come here trying to start shit, and i send them home crying to mommy. trolling some board full of heinously ugly people is insulting to my abilities, but these fuckheads can't even do a marginal job. fucking shut-ins.

DrunkRex said...

Anon 12/29/2006 11:20 AM:

We all know that you are KungFuMike. Are you finally going to put the vid of us DPing Tucker on YouTube?

Anonymous said...

"the tucker max people are now trying to troll some board full of ugly people. for a start, it's the easiest game possible. in spite of that, they are consisently unfunny to the point where i feel embarassed. not to mention, most of the max people are ugly themselves.

just goes to show how great i am. those board members come here trying to start shit, and i send them home crying to mommy. trolling some board full of heinously ugly people is insulting to my abilities, but these fuckheads can't even do a marginal job. fucking shut-ins."

It is amazing that you:

a) are judging the looks of a people on a board

b) feel proud of yourself for insulting them and you

c)'send them home crying to mommy'...

you are truly a hero, congratulations of your attainment of biggest geek in the world.

Anonymous said...

what is your point, exactly?

Anonymous said...

12/20/2006 12:20 PM,
You're spot-on in your analysis. That thread "Hanging Curve, Right Down the Middle" is kind of emblematic of what the TMMB has become, and a concise explanation of why I've become increasingly disenchanted with the board and Tucker in general. That topic is just low-hanging fruit, and everyone is clamoring to be just like Tucker in their response; but it just isn't funny. Used to be on the TMMB, the targets of ridicule were deserving of it: people who took themselves too seriously and/or were delusional in what they put forward online. A TMMB thread blasting these people was entertaining largely because the people targeted needed to be brought down a peg or too. But mocking people that have done no wrong and have not been obtrusive is just mean. And that, ultimately, is Tucker's worst flaw, just being cruel for its own sake. Coupled with his massive sense of accomplishment (when, in actuality he's still a long way from true success), has made Tucker ubearable and nothing but a self-congratulating prick. Ironically, Tucker has become the very type of person he purports to hate the most.

11:20 AM,
Where's your proof? Are you Crash? Do you have a tattoo memorializing the event? So many questions.

Oh, and I am the person who wrote the confessional that is the main body of this comment stream. Again, I have no way to prove it, but I am (and I am not PhilaLawyer, but I still recommend you read his stuff).

el beast said...

"Instead of claiming to 'prove Max is a douchebag' you should just rename this the 'Bitch about Tucker Max like an immature child' page."

Yep. Max shouldn't be glorified as a god or looked down upon as scum. No matter his flaws, at least he doesn't just bitch like a spoiled brat when things don't go his way; first he bitches, then he regroups and drives on harder than ever. Which is why he is now at Comedy Central's doorsteps, has a bestselling book despite zero mainstream publicity, and runs a ring of websites including a blog of Robert fucking Greene.

And Philalawyer is indeed a much, much better writer than Max. I wouldn't be surprised if he turns out to be this generation's Hunter S. Thompson. Or his illegitimate child.

Christ, this site is like a car wreck. I can't stop coming back.

Anonymous said...

I for one find it absurb that anyone wouldn't hate Tucker Max....holy fuck..you must hold the world and society to extremely low standards if you don't....

It's nothing to do with his life style. Hanging out at bars and fucking easy women is hardly revolutionary, unique or interesting behaviour . No , you have to hate Tucker Max simply because he's an untalented nobody , who's sucess pisses in the face of genetics , good taste and intelligence .

That alone makes it interesting he has managed to achieve any sort of D grade fame by it self . He's short , podgy , stupid , ragingly insecure and obviously has very little to offer humanity . Let's face it , probably the only thing that was ever going to get this guy laid was getting famous , and he's just about done that , and probably something we'd all applaud if he only had the insight to realise his shortcomings and be humble in it .

rumpasaurus said...

"Max's pale, bloated face and flabby body were a far cry from the stud pictured on his Web site. He seemed shorter than his supposed 6 feet, smelled like a locker room and had a fleshy mole on his right nostril. Wearing baggy jeans, a gray tee and a black nylon, zip-front jacket, he looked like a convenience-mart cashier, sans the Redman chewing tobacco hat."

Gross.

Anonymous said...

he's so cool. when you're a stud like tucker max, you don't need to do things like wear nice clothes, stay in shape or be even remotely funny. yet he still bangs more hot chicks in an hour than most guys will in their entire lives. i love you tucker. can i suck your cock if i put a wig and heels on? before you point out that i have a man's face, keep in mind, you dated thebunny.

Nonnimoose said...

That thread "Hanging Curve, Right Down the Middle" is kind of emblematic of what the TMMB has become

Absolutely. I couldn't not comment on that thread, as one poster was fully admitting to reading TEEN VOGUE (a site for; well, pre-teens and teens and unless you're monitoring what your kid is doing, there is no reason for an adult to be on one of those sites) and thinking how easy it would be to rip on 12 year olds.

Honestly, I'm curious as to what the fallout (if any) is going to be. Tucker is apparently on vacation and away from his "beloved" board.

mandolin said...

Comment #100!!!

time for a new post

Anonymous said...

someone signed a negative rep comment on the TMMB with this website as their name so i figured i'd check it out. I've been reading this site for a few minutes, holy fuck you people r total losers.

Penance said...

Did you just use the letter ' r ' in place of an actual word?

Yes. You did.

Anonymous said...

tucker keep trying to delete this website from his wikipedia entry. i guess he doesn't appreciate the criticism. his followers say that this website doesn't meet wikipedia rules regarding neutrality and verifiability. it's odd because most of the tucker max entry is pro-tucker and none of tucker's claims are neutral or verifiable.

Anonymous said...

this website is cluttered. someone should set up a message board forum to discuss tucker max.

Anonymous said...

give it up cloud nobody cares anymore

Anonymous said...

1/01/2007 5:51 PM, you better go report that to the mods asap.

w.o.e. said...

heh......

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Tucker_Max

w.o.e. said...

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/
index.php/Tucker_Max

Anonymous said...

that's funny. i especially like the part about tucker stealing most of his content from internet celebrity Mack Tight.

tucker needs to finally credit Mack Tight as the source of his stories.

Anonymous said...

tucker's review of the book "the game":

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=5341

some pretty funny boasts in there. tucker is one corny fuck, there's no question about that.

Anonymous said...

tuckers a corny fuck
Tucker needs to do this
Tucker needs to credit mack tight
Tucker needs to bla blabla
Tucker needs to blaablabalabla
tucker needs to balabla fucking bla

I need to get a life.

Anonymous said...

says the tucker max fan. only the biggest virginal shut-ins are naive enough to believe his horseshit. get a clue dipshit.

Mack Tight fan said...

Tucker Max needs to stop stealing Mack Tight's material and get his own substance. How pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Regarind Tucker's "guide to picking up girls" etc ....why is everyone missing the obvious point that only a fucking real twat loser would read/write/need anything like this ?

Holy killer fuck... this Tucker guy is the world's biggest fucking tool ever , he better learn to laugh at himself soon , cause everyone else is .

the great storyteller said...

Uhh alright this story uhhh this is a TRUE story uhh like you know I was uhh like twenty twenty-one and I was suh-suh-spending a summer in Florida when I was uhh in college and I uhhh met this one girl she was really hot and I never tried buttsex before and I really wanted to, so I kept trying to convince this girl and she was like "noooo I dont know" and so I finally convinced her I'm like look you know it's like she wanted to be a runway model thats what she was living in South Beach I was living in Florida at the time but I'm like you know it's what all the models do blah blah blah and I finally convinced her by convincing her that like it was the like the European way of having sex this is like the level of intelligence of this girl.

Anonymous said...

tucker's pick-up guide was pretty shit. the chick who fucked him was probably under the impression that he'd get her a green card.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max this generations HST?

Are you fucking insane?

Hunter was one of the greatest writers of the 20th century.

Tucker Max's best work doesn't even hold a candle to the worst caricature driven shit Hunter sold for coke money.

Beyond all that, the multitudes of secondhand stories about Thompson, as well as the video footage of the man himself, are far more crazy and entertaining than any of the fiction Tucker has claimed to been involved in.

DrunkRex said...

You guys are bitching about Tucker's missing videotape from the butt-sex story?

Well, HERE IT IS. We've found the tape and were able to capture a few frames from it. If you want to see one of the stills, go here, but remember, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

http://www.stripclublist.com/postimages/345chili%20dog.jpg


PROOF POSITIVE TUCKER MAX IS 100% TRUTHFUL.

Anonymous said...

"... only the biggest virginal shut-ins..."

I cannot believe you are calling someone a virgin over the internet, to elevate your sense of self-superiority, just sad.

Anonymous said...

Nice try with the photo "DrunkRex".

I thought that Tucker's friend was in the closet videotaping the whole thing. That photo has a pretty amazing money shot for somebody taping in the closet.

Also, the ass on the receiver belongs to a fatty. The girl that Tucker describes is supposedly of supermodel quality.

At any rate, Tucker's stories are not 100% truthful if that photo really is of said event (which it is not).

Now, continue administering your blog that nobody reads and riding the dick of your master.

Anonymous said...

My "rep points" are now in the negative.

Yay!

dan's mom said...

Rep points? Those sound cool.

http://buttfox.blogspot.com/2007/01/marv-vs-max.html

Anonymous said...

Anon 1/06/2007 3:58 PM

I think that "Drunk Rex" guy was being sarcastic in his post.

Anonymous said...

this blog has been slow as shit lately. what happened?

Anonymous said...

Here you go, Tucker at 40:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRXK8u2qrxo

Anonymous said...

isn't he already in his mid 30s?

Anonymous said...

Anyone else notice how this blog seems to have run out of steam, the same thing everyone on here keeps predicting will happen to Tucker

Anonymous said...

your dad used to run out of steam while he was ass-fucking you, but your uncle's sperm gave him that much needed second wind.

mr butt fox said...

oh, no look who has returned:

it's dad/mom/uncle + suck/fuck/rubtug + ass/cock + sperm man, weaving his clever tales of forced/consensual sex that took place last night/yesterday/last year.

Great!

Anonymous said...

you can't deny it was a great line. put him right in his place.

Anonymous said...

That's clearly Tucker's poo-covered dick, especially seeing as the image has a watermark from STILEPROJECT.COM

let's not forget the actual story as it appears to the public, where tucker realised the girl shat on his dick, then immediately threw up on her IN THE DARK. Either Tucker is lying or you are full of shit. I'm wagering both.

Anonymous said...

fucking meathead.

Anonymous said...

You can make stupid incest jokes but what i said is true, this blog seems to be running out of material, or maybe the guy who writes it is tired of putting so much effort into hating someone.

Anonymous said...

actually, the link to this site was removed from wikipedia by a tucker max minion, hence a decline in traffic.

Anonymous said...

And since Tucker Max hasn't done anything new for months, assumedly racking his brains trying to come up with any funny ideas for his Comedy Central pilot, how can this blog dig up anything new on him?

Anybody who wants to hear stories much "funnier" than Tucker's should just go to any Alcoholic Anonymous meeting. As a recovering alcoholic, I've heard many different versions of all his stories before -- the only difference was that nobody thought they were funny. It makes me sick that people actually laugh about him abusing women and making a nuisance out of himself.

Anonymous said...

tucker couldn't write quality comedy if he lived to be 1000. the man is simply a talentless fraud.

Anonymous said...

i've heard many different versions of the butt sex story too - that's because it's a dopy urban legend with a poorly thought out, obvious plot twist. it appeals to weak minds like tucker's.

Anonymous said...

WHAT THE FUCK?!??! I WANT THE FINISH. Seriously, I am the boss of this company, post the rest, I want to see where this goes. It's awesome so far.

Posted by: Tucker Max at January 15, 2007 12:46 AM


I don't know who fucking wrote this, but you are an idiot. First off, considering I am the publisher of the site, I can tell you that this story fits the profile of the site...

Posted by: Tucker Max at January 12, 2007 10:40 AM

Lemme guess, Tucker, are you The Decider?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 1/17/2007 9:48 AM, what are you talking about? I don't understand your post. Did Tucker write a story that didn't fit in with the other stories on his website?

Did he really refer to his website as 'his company?'

Anonymous said...

Speaking of "his company," I LOVE how he decided on a really cool name: Rudius Media.

Neat. Rudius. Like rude-ius. Very clever. Yeah, uh-huh. That's brilliant, cuz TM fancies himself as rude and such. Great job, asshole!

Anonymous said...

rudius is a gladiator reference i think.

one thing that really bugs me about tucker is is his constant military jockriding. the guy's like a fucking 12 year old, which would be annoying on its own, but he also fancies himself some kind of expert on all military matters cause he read a few books for some class in college.

apparently he "would've joined the military, but my dad and girlfriend talked me out of it". horseshit. if you truly want to do something, you won't allow yourself to be talked out of it. this is about the lamest excuse anybody could come up with it. fuck you tucker, you fucking poser.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1/17/2007 6:33 PM

He probably couldn't get in because of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Don't forget that he admits that he probably had sex with a post-op tranny and he admits that he likes to make girls lick his asshole (which is just one small step away from lubing up for his fanboys).

Anonymous said...

If he had any balls at all, he could / would still join the military.

He let his girlfriend talk him out of it? His father? When has he ever "listened" to his father or any girl?

I'm sure that conversation was on tape, but it got de-magnetized.

Anonymous said...

it's a cop out you hear all the time from wannabe tough guys.

everybody is responsible for their own decisions in life. i'm sure tucker's dad wasn't thrilled that his son started a lame site that's an embarassment to the entire family, but that didn't seem to stop him. tucket let himself get talked out of it, to the extent that he was ever serious about enlisting in the first place.

Anonymous said...

to quote TM's friend on the TMMB:

"In the Right corner, weighing in just over 200 pounds of soft tissue with fleshy masses all over his forearms. Bringing to the ring virtually no fighting experience, other than what he has seen in an plethora of UFC videos and Kung Fu movies. His pride in his athletic ability as a high schooler should stand him through at least the first round.Ladies and gents, Tucker max."

Anonymous said...

tucker thinks he's hot shit cause he used to wash the basketball team's jockstraps in high school.

Anonymous said...

you guys are so angry, so angry. i can refer you to a good counselor... but seriously, you're sad, all of you.

Anonymous said...

if the commentors here are sad what does that make tucker? tucker starts stupid internet fights with other losers on his website and then deletes their accounts so they cannot respond. he also passes off lies as the truth. you should get him some therapy

Anonymous said...

the counselor you'd recommend would be worthless because she'd probably specialize in treating incest victims.

take that dipshit.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who buys into the oft-touted notion of the TMMB creating a more authentic individual should study the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Then they might ask themselves whether it's possible for Tucker Max to have even a fraction of the normal person's sense of self and authenticity.

I first heard about the TMMB when a friend linked me to a thread where, for giggles, TMMB posters had trolled a suicide forum round about Christmas time.

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=6526

You'd expect that kind of behaviour from dysfunctional trailer trash, but it's unusual to hear an allegedly intelligent and educated adult justifying why they would participate in that kind of group cruelty over the festive season.

The TMMB gives people the chance to hear allegedly intelligent and educated people rationalising their decision to be part of a group that enjoys inflicting juvenile cruelties and humiliation on anyone they view as weaker. I don't know people like that in real life. Or if I do, they conceal that side of themselves from me. The TMMB gives you the opportunity to hear the self justifications and rationalisations that underly ugly, anti-social behaviour, and that (for me anyway)is its main attraction.

Anonymous said...

actually, the real problem with the tucker max board is that it's comprised mostly of 12 year olds, asians and various other types of virgins who all feel obligated to post bullshit stories to make themselves look cooler. also, the fascist moderation ensures that everybody sucks a liberal amount of cock in each post or else they risk getting banned.

Anonymous said...

Here's a fine example of His Doucheness in action. Tucker angsts about being left off a "12 funniest people on the internet" list.

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=13379

"It always makes me laugh when internet nerds try to be arbiters of cool or funny." (where do you start with that one???)

"I am not even going to discuss the fact that neither Maddox, nor I...are on there. It's not even worth ranting about...They are clueless."

But minutes later, Tucker found he was unable to contain himself...

"This article was put up on Digg, and a huge percentage of the comments are about Maddox and I being left off:"

A cocksucker intervenes...

..".since you are now more of an author I could see you as one of "the top 12 funniest people in print."

Cocksucker presents his ass after being berated by his master...

"I was just looking for a reason they left you and maddox off, apparently that's not the reason. I can't think of any other possible reasons"

Anonymous said...

i know i sound like a broken record, but tucker has absolutely 0 comic skill to speak of. his idea of comedy is writing a lot of swear words in caps and lame, obvious insults totally devoid of irony.

Anonymous said...

"the real problem with the tucker max board is that it's comprised mostly of 12 year olds, asians and various other types of virgins"

wow, just wow. what are you? some racist redneck?

Anonymous said...

Haha, that thread is great. Tucker and his fans trying to comprehend the humor of Dinosaur Comics...

Anonymous said...

You fags read Dinosaur Comics? Goddamn. Faith in humanity falling.

Anonymous said...

"if the commentors here are sad what does that make tucker? tucker starts stupid internet fights with other losers on his website and then deletes their accounts so they cannot respond. he also passes off lies as the truth. you should get him some therapy."

Usually when ppl want to overcome a supposed enemy they see as scum, they try to OVERCOME their challenge. The sad part is a lot of you have sunk far below any level he has. Being just barely above the scum you hate isn't really much to achieve.

The classic part is how you all try and pass yourselves off as comedic critics, claim your sexual superiority (by calling people virgins ON THE INTERNET!), use a holier than thou attitude, call him a jackass (even though you make racist statements) and just end up becoming bigger scum than Tucker Max. Congrats, you won at something in your life, being the biggest loser.

Anonymous said...

i lost the 22 inch dildo i fuck your mother with last night when i stuck it in her ass. the bitch now owes me fifty dollars.

Anonymous said...

hahah DILDO MAN TO THE RESCUE!

Anonymous said...

that's right. i'm back to bring the pain, like what you feel when your father rams his massive, unlubed 12 inch cock into your worn anus.

Anonymous said...

Everyone's entitled to act as an arbiter or humor, because humor's a totally personal taste. Max has surrounded himself with a pack of minders and cheerleaders whose sole purpose seems to involve promoting him as some kind of comedy corporation and belittling anyone who doesn't laugh on command as "not getting it". What could be more humorless?

Pickles said...

Sweet Dildo man is back!

The following is an actual post from the TMMB. For real.

"After waking up from last night's rip-roaring drunk to a throbbing head (damn, who stuck that cinder block into my eye?) and a bladder full of more piss than the floor of a 24 Hour Fitness shower, the first thoughts I had were 1) I need another fuckin' beer, but I'm out and I can't buy any yet, and 2) I'm still drunk from last night. I wonder who else is reading TMMB board RIGHT NOW in the same condition as I?

Last nite was a good one; one of our computers at work is all fucked up, so I started working on the issue after about 4 beers. One thing is for sure; there is nothing like some serious alcohol pounding to motivate you to debug C code. After cervaza numero diez (beer number ten to you non-Spanish-speaking fuckers), I was walking on a serious slant, but I'll tell you one thing; my ability to program kernel variables while inebriated out of me gourd apparently kicks some major ass. I blacked out somewhere around beer 12 so I don't really remember everything, but judging from the code I wrote last nite, I could probably bend Bill Gates himself over the bunk over in cell block A and make him my high-heeled prison bitch.

I need to finish up a couple of files this morning, so I started looking for my motivation in the fridge. Of course, I finished up all the booze last nite. Even my usual hidden stash of Jack is gone, so at the moment I'm just fucked.

More liquid motivation lives just right up the street but until 11:00am is unavailable (fuckin' hayseed southern states won't sell alcohol until 11am Mon-Sat, and until noon on Sunday. I really need to move to Vegas). So in the meantime, I guess I need to kill some time.

As such, to all of my fairly intelligent online degenerate acquaintainces...I'll ask the question:

Who's reading this post, and you are either stil drunk or hung from last night over right now?"

Anonymous said...

racism? check.
incest? check.
idiocy? check.
bitching and moaning? check.
throwing out the "you're a VIRGIN!" as though it's some end-all insult? check.

yup. you guys are a bunch of fuckin rednecks.

Anonymous said...

"racism? check.
incest? check.
idiocy? check.
bitching and moaning? check"

I'm guessing from the fresh, original style of your post that you might be a poster on the TMMB.

Your criticisms of bigotry are justified given some of the comments on this board (assuming they weren't posted by TMMB posters). They're also a bit ironic. A very hefty chunk of that board is devoted to encouraging misogyny and xenophobia. Or have you been brainwashed into the belief that because the odd woman or foreigner posts on it, this must mean it isn't really a pile of malignantly bigoted shit?

Anonymous said...

Tucker's reaction to being left out of the 12 funniest people on the Internet article is absolutely hysterical.

I like how he dismissed 'Vallyway' as being 'clueless' because 'they're not in the entertainment business.' Especailly considering that Vallywag beats Tucker in alexa ratings and is more popular than his site, traffic wise.

I also like how Violent acres, a website who bashed Tucker, made number 2 on the Vallywag list. You know that burns his ass, but he's got to play it off like he doesn't know it's happening.

Anonymous said...

Some journalist did a perfectly harmless (if a bit uninspired) promotional piece on Tucker Max, and he started up a thread about it entitled:

"Another in a long line of examples of MSM stupidity"

A few posters responded to this with a gentle "don't fuck with the press for no reason" hints.

I'm not here to bash anyone who likes the guy. A lot of those posters come across as pretty decent and intelligent people, but I just don't understand why they're spending time trying to advising someone who seems to responds to other people's favors by throwing diva fits and spitting out abuse.

What's going on with this guy and his cult following? I freely confess to being one of the people who just doesn't get it.

Anonymous said...

it's simple really; he appeals to losers who wish they were him and are naive enough to actually believe his horseshit. they go out and do his bidding so as to feel like they are part of a group, as they lack any real life friends or acquaintances.

and to those criticizing me for being bigoted, go fuck yourselves. you're tucker max fans. fucking hypocrites.

Anonymous said...

Has tucker max written anything new about his sitcom pilot? If he's really writing about his everyday activities, i guess that the pilot episode will have him IMing drunkasaurus rex and kungfu mike while he's dressed in his pajamas after waking up with a hangover. i can't imagine that will be a successful pilot.

Anonymous said...

"Everyone's entitled to act as an arbiter or humor, because humor's a totally personal taste. Max has surrounded himself with a pack of minders and cheerleaders whose sole purpose seems to involve promoting him as some kind of comedy corporation and belittling anyone who doesn't laugh on command as "not getting it". What could be more humorless?"

That, in a paragraph, is the best summation and explanation of Tucker I've read yet. It's really ironic that Tucker has become exactly what he purports to hate most about the entertainment industry: mindless sucks-up constantly stoking the ego of the person in charge. Tucker no longer identifies with anyone who could give him honest feedback and instead only has a pack of cronies to tell him "you're the best, man, all those other people are just too dumb to 'get' you. You'll show them!"

Meanwhile, no one notices that the impending media "revolution" that Tucker announced shortly after the MTV show 3 years ago is still on hold. Any word on when that's coming there big guy?

Anonymous said...

i heard tucker looked like a dipshit in the mtv thing and the girl pretty much laughed in his face. any truth to that?

Anonymous said...

1/21/2007 9:20 AM,

the fuck are you talking about.

do you losers ever take anything objectively without reading your stupid bullshit into it?

Anonymous said...

tucker claimed he used to throw the word nigga around when he used to play basketball "with the brothers" (i believe those were his exact words).

he looks down on anybody who didn't go to a hyper-expensive private school (and for the record, the university of chicago would've been accepting nearly 70% of applicants when tucker got in, so it's actually not that impressive).

he's an obvious mysoginist (this one isn't really even up for debate).

that was for all you gooks and fags who accuse me of being a bigot. you cunts.

Anonymous said...

"that was for all you gooks and fags who accuse me of being a bigot. you cunts."

dont you mean.. gooks, fags, and VIRGINS? LOLLERCOPTERZ!!
PWNED HAHAHAH

here comes the DIDLO TRAIN!

Anonymous said...

The Chicago Tribune ran a story on TM on 1/21/07 and he posted it on his board all pissed off that the facts weren't all good. So even thought he's in the paper, he's still angry.

Anonymous said...

I'm an acquaintance of Max and I happen to know this board drives him batshit. His fragile ego cannot handle ANY sort of criticism and he really thinks he is a genius/god who is going to do great things in his life. Notice how he flipped out over that article mentioned in the last post - he's really like that. The article was overall very positive and informative, but Max froths at the mouth at the slightest imagined infraction.

Now this board: It straight up calls out Max on all his bullshit. The reason for his recent inactivity? Sure he's "busy" with all his projects, but he's tiptoeing about because he's afraid of giving us more material to smash him. Unfortunately this board has died down lately but that reflects how he hasn't done shit in weeks. I'm sure the second he pops up in the public eye again there will be plenty to say about him, and the funniest fact is, he knows this too.

w.o.e. said...

Is there anyway Tucker could buyout every domain and site in the world, and get those minions of his editing away at blogs like this one? I only ask because I know he would actually try it if he had the means.

By the way, that thing about Tucker missing the cut for being one of the 12 funniest people on the internet? He isn't the 12th funniest person on his own board. I love how he continously tries to hitch his "funny rep" to Maddox, as if they're cut from the same cloth. Maddox had this bit where he hypothesized that a 2"x4" could have done a better acting job than Keanu Reeve in the Matrix movies. I'll expand that theory, proposing that the same 2"x4" would be funnier than Max on his own board (pun intended).

(See how I ended that in such a cute way? Feel free to crib that Tucker if you feel it could help you out.)

Anonymous said...

Wasn't there a thread a few months ago on the TMMB where he mentioned that he enjoyed criticism? He probably just wrote that to make other people think that criticism does not bother him.

Anonymous said...

the "infractions" in the tribune article are 99% of the time a reporter just omitting some fact that would make max look good. "oh, she forgot to mention that i graduated with honors from the university of chicago". she also forgot to mention that you made the second-to-last spot on the new york times EXTENDED list for a grand total of two weeks you self-promoting douchebag.

it's pretty sad that maddox allows himself to be used by the likes of max. he must be pretty insecure.

Anonymous said...

...And the way he bitched about the reporter not updating his relationship status since the time of the original interview. As if she gave a shit after the piece was written and filed.

Anonymous said...

"Has tucker max written anything new about his sitcom pilot? "

Influenced by In the Company of Men, Bitter Moon and I Love Lucy, this promising new series has the working title "Fuck America if it can't take a joke. Like it's my fucking problem if you're too moronic to get it. Go back to your re-runs of Friends, Roseanne The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and your vapid whore lives. I've been meaning to catch up on some reading anyway."

Canned laughter will be led by Drunkasaurusrex

Anonymous said...

Maddox tolerates Max because there is no point in dissing him, and Max gives him publicity. That being said, I get the idea that Maddox too believes that Max is a huge douchebag.

Anonymous said...

Maddox tolerates Max because there is no point in dissing him, and Max gives him publicity. That being said, I get the idea that Maddox too believes that Max is a huge douchebag.

I get the same feeling. I also think that Tucker knows that Maddox thinks he's full of shit. In a way, I think Tucker fears Maddox.

Anonymous said...

probably, but i don't think tucker is doing maddox any favors by giving him a link. maddox actually has some notoriety. tucker is barely notable even amongst geeky internet addicts, let alone the general populace.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't find any threads about eh Chicago Tribune article. Did he realize he was being childish and delete the threads?

Anonymous said...

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/
showthread.php?t=13390

Anonymous said...

http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/
showthread.php?t=13390

Anonymous said...

I'd like to say that I can't believe that Tucker is so upset about the Chicago Tribune story, but sadly I expect nothing less from him anymore. Here he is, getting worked up and going on a rant against the "mainstream media" and how he is constantly misrepresented and how the MSM doesn't "get" him because they're so out-of-touch and insular. First, there is no more over-used blogosphere/internet cliche than "the MSM doesn't understand us and will be rendered obsolete by the coming revolution". The fact that Max employs it about every other day illustrates the intellectual bankruptcy of most of his work and thoughts, it ain't exactly cutting edge to be the 1 billionth person to bash the MSM and predict its imminent demise. Worse, Tucker knows better than to really think the end of "mainstream" journalism is coming, he NEEDS the MSM, its the only way he gets his validation. That's why his boast of being a "NY Times best-selling author" carries cache', it is a sign of having "made it". It is intellectual dishonesty at its worst when Tucker attacks the MSM for being out of touch while simultaneously bragging of your coverage in the press. You can't have it both ways.

I also think this is a sign of a real problem that Tucker is going to face if he does succeed in any way. Tucker has a incredible need to control ANY information that is put into the public realm about him. The Tribune article is instructive in that Tucker takes a generally positive article that is meant as little more than fluff for the entertainment section of the Sunday edition and nit-picks over every little detail he feels is wrong. He has this obsession with completely controlling his public image, and anytime a writer does not toe the party line, he immediately sets out and attacks him/her. This can also be seen in the heavy-handed moderation employed on the TMMB, no criticism of Tucker, no matter how slight, can go unchallenged. Not that Tucker or his mods really confront or refute anyone's points, they simply ignore the argument and engage in ad hominem attacks, dismiss the criticism as being moronic and/or focus solely on a side issue, thus distracting everyone from the main thrust of the criticism. Its effective, most posters on the TMMB don't have Tucker's rhetorical skills and fall into his trap of getting bogged down in tangential issues, but it won't work in the "real world". If this is how he deals with innocuous comments in a throw-away newspaper article, there is no way he'll be able to stand up to the kind of scrutiny that he face if he does succeed in getting his show on tv. When your entire claim to fame is telling outrageous but "true" stories, people are going to start examining how accurate those tales are. Tucker has shown that he can't tolerate even the mildest of non-criticism, he's only going to end up burning bridges everywhere if he can't sit back and let it go once in a while.

Anonymous said...

Previously posted:

"I HAVE in fact actually fucked Tucker Max. Let me say this, it was a fucking disapointment. And YES, I do have proof that would shatter his fragile ego.

I just have to figure out how to present it now."

12/29/2006 11:20 AM

Where the hell is this person and why was no proof ever presented? At least give us a follow-up! D-Rex, at least tell us why it was so disappointing. The people want to know!

Anonymous said...

Anyone noticed the changes Tucker's Wikipedia article keeps going through?

He managed to get the reference to this blog deleted -- and it looks like he made an attempt to condense and delete the stuff he's "proud" of -- Katy whatever, and the lawsuit against him by the other guy in Philadelphia -- so he could justify having the part about his Opie and Anthony appearance taken off, too. But. . . god bless Wikipedia. It lingers on, like an incurable case of cancer. It's the information age, Tucker -- no more dirty secrets, I'm afraid.

I agree the Maddox seems to dislike Tucker, or at least isn't that impressed with him -- he clearly wasn't feeling terribly comfortable on their little radio show. Isn't Tucker just the kind of rich-kid jock asshole Maddox claims to hate?

Anonymous said...

"i was just wondering why some put so much effort in the quest of proving that his stories are not true.
does it really matter? as far as i know nobody is forced to read his stories or to post in his forums. for me, that is the good thing about internet stories: when they become annoying, you can just close your browser."

The problem I see is that teenagers idolize him and want to imitate him. Just like kids think they can fly once they have a Superman costume, spoiled only-childs (<- for example) will make fun of deprived or disabled people. I've seen enough such teenagers who believe the world turns around them and who make fun of others that they don't like, just because they feel like it, without questioning why that person they dislike is acting or looking their way. It gives teenagers the impression that a survival of the fittest-strategy is the only way to live and puts social interaction and understanding aside.

Anonymous said...

From the Chicgo Tribune article:

Even though he's now in a monogamous relationship, he will continue to chronicle the beers he drank and the hook-ups that ensued. "I lived the life for 10 years," Max said, "so I have a ton of stories I haven't told yet."

Sweet. More stories. I'm sure the word "ensue" will be used a ton as well. Great. 14 minutes and ticking.

Anonymous said...

the opie and anthony reference has been deleted from wikipedia again. i'm glad this website tells the truth and tucker cannot whitewash anything here. this website needs some new posts.

Anonymous said...

"The problem I see is that teenagers idolize him and want to imitate him. Just like kids think they can fly once they have a Superman costume, spoiled only-childs (<- for example) will make fun of deprived or disabled people. I've seen enough such teenagers who believe the world turns around them and who make fun of others that they don't like, just because they feel like it, without questioning why that person they dislike is acting or looking their way. It gives teenagers the impression that a survival of the fittest-strategy is the only way to live and puts social interaction and understanding aside."

I understand your plight. Personally, before I knew much about Max, I thought some of his stuff was funny, albeit very American Pie one time, disgusting humor funny. Then, I read some of his boards and more of his stories, the dude is an 18 year old 'preppy toughguy'... but 30.

It's sad really, b/c the kids that follow him are like Scientologists and guys in relationships w/ shitty girlfriends that take advantage of them all the time. You can't convince any of these ppl that the situation they are in is horrible, even if they are being taken advantage of, suffering or just straight up abused. Max treats people on his boards like SHIT. Somehow, they've been convinced its the best thing for them, and unless you have ridiculously sound proof and can cajole them out of their way of thinking, by making them think about what their doing, its not going to happen. When someone's got the "pussy blinders" on for the shitty gf, Max or whatever, good luck, they're usually pretty much a lost cause.

Man, if you want more proof of how ridiculously annoying some kids like that are, go onto Xbox live. There are ten year olds on there acting like jackasses b/c they think they can and they have the anonymity of the internet. I mean, if you are really trying to convince them, rather than calling them Tucker's ass clowns or tell them how they bang their moms, good on you. But I truly think a lot of the youth in the internet age are a lost cause, because anonymity brings out the 'Tucker Max' (read toughguy on the internet that doesn't exist in reality) in a lot of people.

Basically, people just want to be part of something, and Tucker is their 'great leader.' He's like the Mao Zedong of the internet, w/ all these people telling him how great he is, how ppl want to be like him, etc. He says he invites criticism, but I don't see a criticism column on his board. I guess he couldn't take a note from the great 'heterosexual' Tom Cruise, the more you fight it, the more ppl can't stand you.

Anonymous said...

I read the boards regularly and I have to say, the Freak Safari forum is much more refreshing. For those of you who don't know, it's a board of ex-Tucker posters who revel in the sort of twisted, misanthropic humor that is in the TMMB but without the necessary obsequious behavior required if you want to post. Basically, it shares the vibe without sucking Tucker's dick. Tucker's board has degenerated to the point where Tucker posts something "Look at this and how it lauds/insults me" and then is followed by the hounds who go "YES YES YOU'RE SO RIGHT LET ME LAP UP ANY SEMEN THAT DRIPS FROM YOUR DICK!!!" Some other topics continue to be funny on the TMMB but they are the ones Tucker stays out of or has nothing to do with. Basically, he spoils his own board.

Anonymous said...

"I read the boards regularly and I have to say, the Freak Safari forum is much more refreshing."

I took a look at it. It just seems to be a place where the members of the TMMB can hang out with the online buddies they've made, without the necessity for any wit or intelligent discourse.

Anonymous said...

After some reading here, I'm still more shocked by the fervor put into pulling Tucker Max down than anything else that've been brought forth about his 'shocking douchebag' ways.

Anonymous said...

since Cockly McBeefwell won't make another post, I'll promise another translation of a TM video/audio clip tomorrow. It will be fun.

FOCUS: What is YOUR favorite TM quote?

Anonymous said...

1/23/2007 3:47 PM, very good, you've made an obvious point that's been reiterated well over a thousand times on this site. yes, these posts we write, that take (at most) 5 minutes a piece, are really quite the undertaking.

now go spam youtube like all the other groupies.

Anonymous said...

i put the cock in cockly mcbeefweel.

Anonymous said...

If you guys keep bitching about this site being removed from Wiki entry, why don't you just add it??

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 223   Newer› Newest»