Thursday, August 31, 2006

Another Picture of Tucker Max Looking Like A Douchebag

Here's another picture of Tucker Max looking like a complete douchebag. It appears as though this picture was taken while he participating in a radio interview regarding his book. Tucker looks very wimpy and frail in this picture. Look at how narrow his shoulders appear to be relative to the size of his head.

Also, it appears as though he's falling asleep. Is it possible that even he gets tired of discussing his fabricated stories? I think Tucker needs a new gimmick, as his 15 minutes of fame are rapidly expiring.


Anonymous said...

Nobody in their right mind would deny that Tucker Max is indeed a douchebag, an asshole, an ugly guy, and a no-talent prick.

But you have to give the guy props for one thing - he's somehow convinced a number of self-hating sluts and no-life fucktards that he is indeed The Shit, and he's laughing all the way to the bank. Probably not $100k per year to the bank, but enough.

What's really sad isn't that Tucker Max is an "internet celebrity," but that there are enough people in the world who give the guy money to read his James Frey BS.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for bringing up the narrow shoulders. That's one of the reasons why his stories fly in the face of reason. I've known guys who have mouthed off, both in high school and college. The only guys who could get away with it (most of the time) were guys who had the muscle to back it up.

If you talk shit to a fat girl, there's a good chance that her boyfriend or hubby will take offense. Unlike a Tucker Max story, guys just don't stand there with their mouths agape as you flash your rapier wit. In real life, a guy will size you up... and if you're built like Tucker Max, they'll beat you senseless.

Anonymous said...

I once read the Tucker Max website, but stopped after Opie & Anthony revealed him to be the bullshitter that he is.

I saw him once at his Anthony DiMeo III party in Philadelphia. He's got a nasty beer-gut. His MySpace page says he's 6'2" and "athletic." He is neither.

Anonymous said...

I read some of his friends that know him in real life busting his balls about his height on his message board. They seemed to think he was barely 5'10", and maybe not even that. Although, in fairness to Tucker, most guys bullshit about their height. He's not alone in that.

He claimed he played varsity football, basketball and baseball on his website. I find that claim very hard to believe. Especially basketball, which is usually super-competitive and attracts the best athletes in any school. I'd like to hear something from someone who knew him in high school.

Anonymous said...

the second poster is spot-fucking-on. first off, tucker's comebacks suck sweaty asshole. they're lame as all hell. if people were slackjawed, it was in awe that anybody could think that was funny. second, there's no way he would come up with them on the spot. listen to the opie & anthony thing. he had absolutely nothing. he couldn't even rehash his lame stories properly. those guys destroyed him with their ability to think on their feet.

for the record, i think tucker has taken a few beatings (both verbal and physical) in his day, but mostly i think he's just full of shit. he was fairly congenial on the opie & anthony show. the only time he probably busts out the "asshole" persona is on his board or on that shit radio show he did.

Anonymous said...

You guys are hilarious! It is sad to see how much effort you have put in attempting to disprove Tucker Max and show how he is a flaming douchebag, how he couldn't possibly have done all these things and how there is now way he could sleep with that many women. Seriously, it seems more like you are more angry with yourself with what you didn't and aren't doing with your life than how much of a loser you are rather than proving how much some other guy you don't know is a loser.

Seriously, you guys have one picture of him w/ a fat chick and claim that is his girlfriend, even though he even owns up to sleeping w/ fat chicks from time to time, call him fat, make fun of his height and rips on him because he doesn't own property even though he is rich? You guys are retarded, when you are rich, you don't have to do what other people do with their money. I digress, I'm sure my words will fall on deaf ears, as I know trying to talk to you is like trying to convince someone that their political beliefs are wrong and you all will most likely 'make an example out of me' and rip on my spelling or some other massively creative thing that you can come up with.

With love,
A woman that thinks you are losers

Anonymous said...

Unless you're Tucker in drag, you wouldn't know how rich he is (he isn't, do the math stupid), what kind of girls he hooks up with (look at the photo evidence), or the fact that he's a wimp (look at the other photos), or that he's a coward (read the similar accounts of those who have challenged him), or that he's a slow-thinking dimwit in-person (listen to the Opie & Anthony interview, he's a tard).

Anonymous said...

HAHA, I guess blogging has taught you a lot about internet advertising. Well, if you look at the sheer amount of ads on Tucker's sight alone multiplied by how many hits a day he gets (his site has over 200 million total), plus his book sales, he's looking to be in pretty good financial shape. Also, you guys rip on his ultra loyal lackies and then doubt he could have sold that many books, what kind of backwards ass retarded common sense is that?

Also, you are basing all the girls he hooks up with from the one picture of fatty standing in the background. Look at the ones he has on his website, I imagine you wouldn't even have the balls to talk to a girl that good looking in public, non-the-less get her phone number. Anonymous said it above, he even admits to fucking fat chicks. So, what's your point?

I totally see why you guys buy Will Powers's story, b/c you are as big of losers as he is. I mean, look at some of his fucking pictures, the guy is posing with a sword! No further comment needed. Even his lesbian friend's story didn't match up with his story or Tucker's.

Why are you guys knocking him on his looks, are you gay, or jealous that he can be that ugly and still get more women than you? If you know anything about picking up chicks, it has little to do with how you look and more or less than how you hold yourself. Of course, you wouldn't get it, go take them out for an expensive dinner, Romeo.

The guy admits that he shits himself in a hotel lobby, throws up on an MTV producer, pisses in his bed after hooking up with a girl, passes out in a park and has dog shit on his head the next day, what is so fantastic about any of his stories? The man just writes them in a funny fashion, so great, he has to be a liar. He is a cocky bastard and gets away with the shit he pulls b/c of his attitude and he is relatively smart. Alright, Obie & Anthony got him so bad, I mean, everyone is acts calm and cool in a hostile environment, right?

I'm not a huge Tucker fan, but I relate w/ the guy b/c I've found alternative ways to make money and I sleep with a lot of women, and its fucking losers like you that are so damn annoying. Learn to bed some pussy and quit sweating the guys that are. Get a fucking life.

And if you try and rip on the time I'm posting, I'm in Asia.

Anonymous said...

If you were anything but Tucker Max's buttplug, you'd know that Internet ad rates are piss poor, particularly for the market segment drawn to his site (boys, teen and slightly older).

Every time someone questions Tucker Max's truthfulness, an idiot like you tries to change the subject by claiming that everyone who raises the question is just jealous. What a moron.

Anonymous said...

I am jealous of Tucker Max; I have to admit, I wish my Dad ran a chain of restaurants and was willing to pay me a large sum of money for fuck-all work. That'd be awesome, no question about it.

Anonymous said...

You all really are pathetic. Bro, I pretty much DIRECTLY addressed the truthfulness of Tucker's stories. In fact, that was more than half of my rant, I also just added that you are a jealous, spineless bitch who couldn't pick up a woman to save your life.

Here, I'll give you two simple references to shut your stupid asses up about his revenue.

Here is a website on website traffic and revenue:

Here is Alexa, it counts how many hits a website gets, its web ranking, etc. Look up

So, says he had a reach of 96 million in the last three months. You figure out his ad rates from that above, plus he most likely is able to bargain for his own rates for his niche market. If you can do the numbers, he easily is pulling in over five figures a month and six figures a year on the website alone.

I hope you guys realize that you are pretty shit stupid for saying all this and not even doing two minutes of research. I can't wait for you to tell me how I'm Tucker's lapdog or some other real original fodder. I love you guys, you are so blinded by your spite that you make everyone else look smart without any effort. You're all clowns.

Anonymous said...

The vast majority of the anti-Tucker people are not jealous of Tucker Max. According to the logic of the pro-Tucker posters above, the only reason that someone would dislike anyone else must be because of jealousy. That's a pretty pathetic argument. Do you think that jews during WWII who hated Hitler were, in fact, jealous of Hitler?

And by the way, I have no doubt that Tucker Max has posted several comments on this website where he accuses critics of jealousy.

I, like most of the people posting comments here, think Tucker is a blowhard. Intelligent people see through his lies.

Anonymous said...

Tucker has scripts that artificially boost his traffic. I'm not the first person to make that accusation either. The guy gets links from Gorrilamask cause he sucks up to RP.

He wasn't doing his site when he was in college and law school. He's been living of Daddy for fucking years. He even admits this.

Regardless, I don't give a fuck. I hate Tucker because he's a talentless fuckhead. He's not funny at all. And he makes up shit for his stories. And he's an insecure dipshit. I could truly give a fuck if his Dad sends him checks every month; that's just the luck of the draw, good for him. I do hate him though. Every one of his professional failures makes me howl with laughter.

Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight, the man has scripts that boost his traffic (artifically), yet hoardes of stupid fans (your contradictions never cease), he lives off of Daddy, even though he has never admitted it, especially since he admitted himself that he got fired from his own parents restaurants and all the bloggers on are his groupies. You guys are completely full of shit. Several of these people used to do their own blogs (he doesn't even know the names of two of them) but have since moved there due to the high traffic of Tucker's websites.

The writer used to be at and had a huge following, I was one of them, and moved to, b/c get this, there was a larger potential of traffic/money. NO SHIT!?!?! Yeah, check there:

And retard above, if you fucking looked at the site I referenced, then you can officially stuff your foot in your mouth, unless you think he paid off to rank his website 7000th, list his viewership and show how long his site has been around. Or does he run fake scripts on there too?

The thing that gets me is that his stories aren't even that amazing, they are just funny. I just take it most of you live an extremely conservative life and think he is scum b/c he bangs a lot of chicks, treats them badly, etc. Instead of being 'not the first person to make this accusation' why don't you use something called evidence, or a brain. Its amazing how you guys have all this dirt on him w/ no legit sources or references.

Anonymous said...

I think that Tucker Max probably clears six figures, with the help of a book deal or two. What's the big deal? If that's rich, then you must live home with mom or dad. I know some fairly worthless middle managers doing about the same.

He's a liar, but he has to lie in order to keep the masturbating teens flocking to his site. It's a business decision. Max can't even retell one of his bullshit stories on the air without being exposed.

But it's a business. People rag on Max as being another liar like James Frey, but Frey made bank. I'd even guess a hell of a lot more than Max will make in his lifetime.

Just from a business perspective, that's why Tucker Max is going to have a hard time. He's out of juice, in that he's not funny. He has a couple of funny (bullshit) stories in his collection, but they happened years ago. He doesn't know where to go next. He reportedly fucked a midget recently, which is really jumping the shark. He's out of funny stories, and now he's resorting to desperate measures in order to keep his audience.

Anonymous said...

I think that Tucker Max probably clears six figures, with the help of a book deal or two. What's the big deal? If that's rich, then you must live home with mom or dad. I know some fairly worthless middle managers doing about the same.

He's a liar, but he has to lie in order to keep the masturbating teens flocking to his site. It's a business decision. Max can't even retell one of his bullshit stories on the air without being exposed.

But it's a business. People rag on Max as being another liar like James Frey, but Frey made bank. I'd even guess a hell of a lot more than Max will make in his lifetime.

Just from a business perspective, that's why Tucker Max is going to have a hard time. He's out of juice, in that he's not funny. He has a couple of funny (bullshit) stories in his collection, but they happened years ago. He doesn't know where to go next. He reportedly fucked a midget recently, which is really jumping the shark. He's out of funny stories, and now he's resorting to desperate measures in order to keep his audience.

Anonymous said...

Gotta love the Tucker Max sock puppets. The posts always start with "I'm an Internet millionaire" or "I'm a woman who thinks Tucker is cool".

Dude, your stories aren't just bullshit. They are Tucker Max Bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you 'know some fairly worthless middle managers' making six figures, wait, you aren't even making it? What an all-star, and you are ripping on dude for saying six figures is big? What do you make, seriously? His business decision??? Man, he is so dumb for living a 24/7 party off of his 'crazy unbelieveable' stories.

Also, to the next dud, nobody on here announced they were an internet millionaire, fucking dunce.

Anyway, back to kid who pretends to know 'fairly useless' people that make 6 figures a year. Where is the proof that he is making this up? Are you going to listen to the shock jokeys who are trying to please the crowd, the one kid who's lesbo friend doesn't even have a story that corresponds with his own or the picture from his 'nemisis' special ed superhero? Man, way to bust out the proof.

You know the sad thing is I don't really give a shit about defending tucker's reputation, I think its amazing how you are so diluted in hate that you will hand out handjobs to each other over the stupidest insult you can find. Man *high five* Tucker does have small shoulers, he must be a wuss. Go back to your corner, douchebag. Oh by the way, your fearless leader couldn't even spell douchebag right for his website name:

Seriously, if you've ever lived, his stories aren't even unbelieveable, just well written, but I guess you'd have to have had sex with more than one woman to realize that.

Its amazing how a keyboard and an internet connection give you bitches balls. Go daisy chain each other over Max's small shoulders.

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Anonymous 9/11/2006 9:05 AM has to be Tucker himself. Thanks for dropping by buddy.

I agree with the other poster who mentioned that there are some "fairly worthless people" making 6 figures per year. Pratically anyone with a JD or MBA from a halfway decent school makes that kind of cash. Many of them are nothing more than "yes men" or grunts. Look at the average income of workers in Silicon Valley - it's around 6 figures.

You also wrote "Seriously, if you've ever lived, his stories aren't even unbelieveable, just well written, but I guess you'd have to have had sex with more than one woman to realize that."

You have blinders on to the world if you really believe what you wrote. Tucker Max's stories are neither believable nor well written. His stories are dog shit fabrications full of holes. You obviously lived a sheltered life and can't see through the b.s. Idiots like you make him think that he serves some purpose in life other than getting black-out drunk and leeching off his wealthy father.

You apparently beleive his butt-sex story that he was doing some girl in the ass while his friend videotaped it in the closet, even though he doesn't have this tape? What about the story where he drove throught he window of a donut shop while drunk and managed to get off scot-free without getting arrested or any police reports being filed? If you believe those stories, you must be the biggest moron on the face of the earth.

You also wrote "You know the sad thing is I don't really give a shit about defending tucker's reputation, I think its amazing how you are so diluted in hate that you will hand out handjobs to each other over the stupidest insult you can find. " Hey, thanks for complaining about us writing stupid insults about Tucker and then doing the EXACT same thing yourself (about us). You're one hell of a persuasive writer. Your parents must be proud.

You are correct about one thing. I did misspell "doucebag" in the URL line when I signed up for this blog. However, "Douchebag" has always been correctly spelled at the top of this blog. You're the only one anal enough about this to complain in the nearly 9 months this blog has been up.

Anonymous said...

Cockly, first off, props on your site.

To the guy bragging on Tucker's traffic: fuck off. I'm sure he has some script that just reloads his site over and over. There are a million ways to do it. Do a cursory search for "fake Alexa" you stupid shit. He gets hits that way and by sucking off webmasters of more popular sites. He's not generating word-of-mouth or anything like that. So shut the fuck up until you get a clue.

And Tucker makes fuck all money. He claims on his MySpace to be making $250,000 a year, yet he does the following:

1. Lives with roommates
2. Skips out on checks at the Cracker Barrel
3. Puts Google toolbars and Amazon portals on his website and then begs his message board users to patronize them for $0.10 per
4. Gets rid of his car cause he doesn't wanna pay for parking

You'd think that somebody making that kind-of coin with NO DEPENDENTS might at least have his own place...oh, that's right, he's full of shit.

To summarize

1. Alexa rankings can easily be faked
2. People making 250k a year shouldn't live with roommates
3. People who defend Tucker Max are dopes

Anonymous said...

Nope, cockly, I'm not Tucker but it's good that every time you shit yourself from a comment you think its him. Are you just upset because he wouldn't sign your copy of his book?

I'm glad you could prove my point that you are a tool. cockly, how adventurous is your life? How many women have you slept with, seriously?

By the way cockly, I believe the opposite is true my friend. You say I must live a pretty sheltered life to beleive his bullshit? No, I've actually lived a life w/ a fair bit of debauchery and say that his stories, while amazing to some, are hardly a notch above the stories that fly between people that live a little.

To be fully honest, you seem like a pretty insecure guy. Pretty much all of you do. I really feel sorry for you guys that you try and gain your dignity back over the internet. If you guys want some help trying to date women, lose weight or just gain some self confidence outside of the internet back, I can get you some help.

Anonymous said...

The lady doth protest too much.

Hi Tucker.

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Hey anonymous shithead (9/11/2006 7:27 PM) (or could this be the real Tucker?), you're unbelievable with the insults. I'm so hurt! When are you going to have you HBO special? With your quick wit, I'm sure they'd love to give you your own comedy special.

Seriously though, your insults are pretty pathetic. "Are you just upset because he wouldn't sign your copy of his book?" Yes, that must be it. Actually, I wouldn't purchase his shitty excuse for a book. Did he sign yours? Maybe if you're really nice to him and kiss his ass just a little bit more he'll reward you by jerking off on your copy. Is that what you want?

"cockly, how adventurous is your life? How many women have you slept with, seriously?" Wow your questions really hurt so much. I'm sure that if you and Tucker were to join forces you'd both get laid every day with several different hot women. Just kidding. In reality, I'm sure you are a fucking loser just like Tucker. Could you even be a bigger loser than the grande Douchebag himself? You probably can't even get that 200 lb skanks that Tucker gets. Are you as frail and dumpy-looking as him?

"By the way cockly, I believe the opposite is true my friend. You say I must live a pretty sheltered life to believe his bullshit? No, I've actually lived a life w/ a fair bit of debauchery and say that his stories, while amazing to some, are hardly a notch above the stories that fly between people that live a little." I love it. You're going for the Tucker approach, namely "I'm cool and a stud because I say I am even though there’s not actual proof of my studliness.” You’re a real winner, aren’t you?

“If you guys want some help trying to date women, lose weight or just gain some self confidence outside of the internet back, I can get you some help.” I see. So everyone who thinks Tucker is a loser must be losers themselves? Is that what you really think? Keep drinking the Kool-Aid, buddy. I love it how Tucker and his followers honestly believe that someone who writes stories about himself and his alleged exploits on the Internet (with little or no corresponding facts to back up the stories) is a really cool guy, but anyone who calls “bullshit” and exposes that person as a liar must therefore be a loser. Great logic, Einstein! You’re a real brainiac. Let me know when you win your Nobel prize.

Anonymous said...

Funny thread, and I'm sure there is some truth on both sides. I don't get the Hate Tucker mentality--seriously, why waste the energy? Just b/c you got kicked off his message board for criticizing him? Get a life. Anyone with even a modicum of intelligence can see thru the bullshit, and early on Tucker himself admitted that there were certain embelishments to his stories. If you have spent anytime on his message board a few things quickly become obvious:
1. He is incredibly insecure--anyone crying out for attention as much as TM has some issues. Some of the inside stories I've heard directly (first-hand) really show what an insecure little boy he really is.
2. TM's followers are losers--have any of you actually looked at the pics of his band of merry makers + the quality of women that gravitate to him? The funniest part is going to be if he actually makes it--they will likely be the first to be ditched.
3. He is doing ok financially, but certainly not raking it in--I know a couple of his friends & he is pulling in about what he says he is. While $10-12k a month gross may impress the 15-22 demographic, at 30/31, with his education, it is somewhat laughable. Especially if you average out over the last five years or however long he has been at this. Still, LA is full of F/T writers who still wait tables to make ends meet so you have to give him props for making a go of it. That being said, if my business, after four years, was only grossing $10k a month I'd probably shoot myself. You also have to wonder if he really is netting decent bank why he lives with roomates, sleeps on people's couches when traveling, etc. I mean he is driving a friggin Hyundai around LA---does he have any self-respect? All of the above is fine right out of college, but at 30+???
4. His act is tired. Maybe to the 15-22 crowd he is fresh, but after the second or third TM story they all sound the same. There was absolutely nothing fresh about the new stories in his last book, and I'm sure his next will be more of the same. Has he missed his window? I don't know-I've never underestimated the American public's penchance for stupidity, and with 500+ channels on cable/satellite, I'm sure someone will give him a shot.
5. Rudius Media--check the Alexa ratings on the various blogs. Enough said.

Overall it has been very interesting, and somewhat entertaining to watch over the last couple of years--sort of like an internet version of the Truman Show or EdTv. Will he become big? Hard to say---his track record on producing fresh content is horrible. Even his fiction attempts (Hooh-Ah for example--what, you thought "Nick" was a real character--its Tucker's attempt to glorify his failed stint in the Army--trying to be in the SF--when he couldn't handle the physical & was able to get out of the rest of Army service on some type of medical discharge) reads exactly like his "real-life" stories. He is a bit too much like Howard Stern, endlessly self-promoting and any negative press is a feather in his cap. His deep-rooted insecurities and self-aggrandizing to prop himself up to his teenage fans is wearing thin. We'll see how it ends, but at least he is taking his shot.

Anonymous said...

To the above poster,

You seem to have a lot of dirt on Tucker. You oughta post it on the blog for the good of mankind.

I didn't know about the Army thing. Did he really enlist and then wash-out? Pathetic. Those Sadler stories seemed very fishy to me as well, although he claimed he basically rewrote what some guy sent him.

Anonymous said...

I don't get the Hate Tucker mentality--seriously, why waste the energy?

Pouring salt on a garden slug may be cruel, but it's a great way of dealing with a slimy pest.

Anonymous said...

I heard that Tucker Max makes so much money from his website that he's buying Apple Computer. I also heard that Jennifer Aniston was the girl in the butt-sex story and that she and Brad split because Tucker showed him the tape. Brad Pitt is going to get a double-whammy soon too because I heard that Angelina is going to dump Brad for Tucker.

If you don't believe these, it's simply because you are jealous of Tucker Max.

Anonymous said...

cockly should pull a tucker and delete all the negative comments because they're annoying or whatever horseshit excuse tucker uses.

Anonymous said...

I doubt Tucker makes that much from his web ads. Just look at who is advertising on his site. They are smaller companies that couldn't afford paying out 1000's a month to random sites like Tuckers (most of his audience aren't "buyers" I'm assuming). He gets Z List advertisers. I'm sure he makes some good money, but it won't be that long lasting, and here's why.

While I don't dispute that Tucker gets a lot of traffic to his site, it's based on his current exploits. His last couple of stories on his site have been lackluster and I believe he's running out of material. There has definitely been a lack of quality in his last 7-8 entries, and how many times can you tell the same story before people get bored? I'm one of those people who is bored by his work, although I think as a persona he is pretty funny, if only because he thinks he gets it and he doesn't.

The rest of his sites are pretty lame. Greene was a good pickup for Max, but even his blog entries can be laughable. Greene's articles on seduction were failures in that I can't take Greene seriously as a lothario. Bunny? Funny, engaging, but about as much so as that witty girl who sat behind you in creative writing class. She's not a professional, but I guess it's nice that Tucker takes her serious enough to give her work. DrunkRex is okay, not too interesting, which means his site is a failure. Hollywood Interupted is pretty good, but come on. The dude goes after Scientology? No offense, but that's like picking on a retarded kid, there's just so much there to work with that's been said and done before. But the dude is good enough to make it interesting. After these sites, it's a rapid amount of boring failures that come at you in succession. These are all hand picked "writers" by Tucker. My guess is that they're mostly friends of his who are riding his coattails, because they certainly wouldn't have anything without Max. In the end, he's not picking up business because of those sites, and that's got to hurt him.

His "success" isn't astronaumical. He states that he's sold about 61000 books. Doesn't matter how many times people go to his site, if he takes even a small hit on his next novel (a 15% decrease), it just doesn't look good on paper. His next book will be much like his first major publication, I can't imagine it outselling his first book.

Lastly, I think Tucker will fail because he treats his fans like shit and they won't be back for more. I've seen his message board, he rants about how his fans are stupid and how he dislikes them and likes to treat them like shit in real life and on his message board. How many more times will people accept that? Tucker is funny, but he thinks he's some sort of literary genius whereas he was just very lucky to find a niche at the right time.

He was at his peak around March, I think he's now on the decline. If his next book does better, good for him, I don't think it will, but you never know.

Anonymous said...

At least we can agree on one thing. Tucker Max pwned Anthony DiMeo III.

Anonymous said...

And DiMeo would kick Cloud's ass.


Anonymous said...


Wow, Tucker has pwned a no-name PR director and a woman who took 29th place at Ms. America.

Anonymous said...

So since DiMeo could beat up Cloud, and since Cloud could beat up King Fag Mike, and since King Fag Mike could beat up Tucker, are you saying Cloud can beat up Tucker?

Maybe DiMeo should fight Tucker instead of suing him.

Anonymous said...

Please don't insult Tucker forget he knows how to set urban ambushes.

Anonymous said...

No, no, Cloud got beaten up by KingFag Mike. You have to have-

Clod Studchaser.

In order of appeal and beatings down.

Anonymous said...

Hey 2:29 PM, Tucker is a total pussy. What kind of urban ambush is he going to do? If he was going to commit some kind of ambush here, he would have done it already.

Face the facts. His act is tired and stale. He'll be back in Florida living off his dad in no time.

Anonymous said...

dear mr cockly mcbeefwell,
- didn't you try to get max to join your little league of super heroes?
- didn't you call max over 300+ times in one day?
- didn't you hang out outside his bar in the middle of December trying to get him to talk to you?

yay! bow down to cockly mcbeefwell! he pawnz max!

Anonymous said...

So I just finished reading a few posts on this blog, and I have to say, it rocks! Seriously, that Tucker dude is such a fucking pansy, lying sack of shit, and a complete tool. He's part of that retarted "Look at me, I drink beer and fuck girl, hyuck hyuck" kind of people, I can't believe people in this country actually admire him, or buy his "books." There's so much interesting stuff to read out there, so come on. And I'm not being a nerd here, but this stuff is just totally stupid, and I'm not even gonna comment on his 'followers' which are even more pathetic, minions to the biggest dumdshit America ever gave to the world. Anyway, cool site, keep it up. I'd love to see that lying asswipe exposed for what he really is on the net.

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Anonymous (9/15/2006 8:47 AM), you are wrong on all counts. I am not Cloud Starchaser. Cloud Starchaser is a nutcase himself. Cloud has a stupid name and seems to change his blog every few days. His whole "superhero" identity is also pretty dumb.

The only reason I mention him at all in my blog is because he stood up to Tucker Max and Tucker's wimpy friend Kungfu Mike (who clearly is not a kungfu expert). He also went out of his way to piss off Tucker, which also pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 6:53, take your sarcasm detector for a tune-up.

I just read some rant of Tucker's where he basically authorized his moderators to be douchebags. It's very smart of him to piss off his fans like that.

I'd love to meet some of those "mods" in real life. I mean, they're moderators on an internet message board, I think that pretty much says it all...

Anonymous said...

This is taken from Tucker's board. It is a good way of showing how he deals with his fans.

"Let me explain something to the whiney cunts who have been PMing me about their fucking signatures or whatever being changed:


I don't care. You shouldn't care either, but if you do, I don't want to hear about it. I don't care about your signatures, I don't care about your rep points, I don't care if a mod is leaving negative reps and signing them from one of your buddies, I don't care about any of that shit. If you take that shit seriously enough to PM me about it, you need to fucking check yourself.

Do you people think I have the time or the desire to deal with your petty problems? In case you are unclear about this: I don't. From this point forward, I am going to just immediately ban anyone who bothers me about these things.

If you think a mod is being unfair to you, PM that person. If it goes poorly for you, tough shit. Deal with it, create a new account with a new username, or just don't come back. Contrary to what you may believe, this place doesn't need you. I don't care how many rep points you have, or how good your posts are, you are easily replaceable.

The TMMB should be an entertaining place, a place for diversion, laughter, and maybe some intellectual discourse every now and then. That is all. If it becomes more than that to you, you need to go. Nothing that happens here with regards to signature and rep points matters at all, so I don't want to hear about it."

I love how Tucker thinks his message board is for "intellectual discourse". Maybe I missed it, is that mythic discourse in between "THe Famous Sushi Pants Story" and posts like these where Tucker berates the people who support him?

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to this blog for making it on Wikipedia underneath Tucker's entry.

Anonymous said...

It'll be deleted soon enough.

You may wonder why not one but TWO moderators from the Tucker Max board (Golson and Heidel) are constantly fucking around with Max's Wikipedia entry.

The answer is that, well, it's Tucker Max.

Anonymous said...

I think this site would serve itself well if it ever did some fact checking on some of Tucker's stories. O&A didn't believe Tucker because he couldn't provide proof. Then there's the question on whether or not Tucker's "Sushi Pants" story simply didn't match the geography of what he described. There are other stories that can easily be picked apart if someone wanted to take the time.

I think the only thing Tucker has going for him is his fans, if that is any indication on how he treats them, he'll be a drone in some corporate law office in less than 5 years time. Fans want escape from things like shitty abusive bosses, and dysfunctional families. Tucker gives them both in one not so neat package.

Anonymous said...

The A-B-C's of Tucker Max:

A is for ASSHOLE, which Tucker claims he is, although if somebody as small as Tucker ever talked shit to you like he does in his "famous stories" he'd be in a few more fights than he claims?

B is for BUNNY, Tucker's long suffering ex-girlfriend. B is also for BROKEN, which is what a female would have to be if she ever dated Tucker (and I like Bunny).

C is for COATTAILS: Which all of Tucker's friends are riding right now, and they will be the first people he forgets about "when he makes it big."

D is for DRUNK: Drunkeness is a good excuse to prove your almost totally fabricated stories to be true, because anybody would believe you if you said:

"I was too drunk to remember the specifics of the story although my story does get very specific."

E is for EVIL: Which one would have to be to make fun of things they can't help, like being crippled, retarded, what race, sex, etc.

F is for FESTERING ASS: Tucker's awesome company that takes mostly unpublishable writers and gives them the opportunity to show the world that they're horrible writers.

G is for GAY: Tucker's favorite insult is usually "what are you, gay?" Oscar Wylde on his best day didn't have that sort of wit.

H is for HOLLYWOOD: Tucker has a movie option!!! Tucker has a TV SHOW!!!! What's the over/under that Tucker fucks it all up on his lonesome when he pisses off the wrong person in Hollywood? I'll bet it's a lot higher than him actually posting what really happened (which we'll never find out, there just won't be a TV show and he'll tell his fans how crappy Hollywood is).

I is for INTELLECTUAL: Tucker claims to be really smart. Tucker claims all his stories are true. Tucker must think everybody are as dumb as his fans.

J is for JUVENILES: How many times do you think Tucker has committed statutory rape?

K is for KUNG-FU MIKE: Tucker's intern. I wonder what it's like to be called a "poor man's version" of a "never was" like Tucker? Doesn't really know Kung Fu and as much as he tries, will never be Tucker either, which might be a good thing.

L is for LOVE, which Tucker will never find because he hates himself.

M is for MONEY: Tucker claims to be making a lot of it, at least 150-250K a year. Wow, that's great,. Of course like somebody above said before, compare that to what most 30 year old lawyers with JD's from Duke are making and it's far less impressive (it's actually below average).

N is for NERVOUS: What Tucker looked like when Opie and Anthony called "Bullshit" on his stories on live radio. Could be the start of something.

O is for OPIE AND ANTHONY: Tucker was bragging about being on the O&A Show all over his site. Know how many references there are to that show on Tucker's website after he bombed horribly? Zero.

P is for PUSSY: Tucker gets a lot of it. In a fight, this is exactly what he would become.

Q is for QUAALUDE: Reading Tuckers newest stories has the exact same effect as a fistful of these strong depressants.

R is for RUDIUS MEDIA: "The Roman legionnaires and gladiators used wooden swords in order to practice. One Roman term that it is known by is the Rudius. " Wait, Tucker is naming his new company after Gladiators and he has the gaul to call other people "fags"?

S is for SLARVEY: Tucker's lawyer (now known as JewPac). Such a success that he writes TMMB to see if anybody can help him find an apartment. Another in a long line of failures lining up to be with a real "celebrity" like Tucker.

T is TUCKER MAX: The man. No matter what, he's got one over on you. If you make more money, he's slept with more women, he wins. If you sleep with more women he has a better education. If you have a better education he makes more money. I love elliptical arguements about things I never think about.

U is for UNADULTERATED BULLSHIT: The cracks are begining to show regarding the truthiness of his stories.

V is for VENDETTA: Great movie, just thought I'd give it props (You try and find something that works with V)

W is for WINNERS: Tucker is the biggest winner on the planet just by sheer will, just ask him. A winner who makes boatloads of case and still has the time to be 30 and live with a couple of roommates.

X is for (see V)

Y is for YOUNG: Which most of Tucker's readers are, too young to see him for what he is, a worldclass bullshit artist with an abusive streak towards them.

Z is for (see V and X)

Anonymous said...

you're right about slarvey. That fat ass went to a 3rd tier law school and works at a crappy firm in New York City.

Anonymous said...

I see Tucker has taken up jiu-jitsu now? If that's true, why did he get thrown out of that bar like a bitch, and why didn't he do an armbar or something instead of sucker-punching the guy?

Anonymous said...

Why is Slarvery Tucker's lawyer? Why doesn't he use one of his classmates from Duke?

Anonymous said...

Tucker's Duke law school classmates probably think he's a shithead. I would bet that he has maybe 2 or 3 friends from law school at the most. Slarvery probably works for Tucker for free. I doubt Tucker could afford a real lawyer.

Anonymous said...

damn yall some haters

Anonymous said...


Why do you guys hate him? I mean, I have never seen so much wanton hatred for one person in my life. Do any of you know him or something? You guys are acting pretty immature and whiny about a guy who admits he is almost all the things you say he is, an asshole and boozehound. Then you go on to say he has loads of dumb fans that support him, but thousands of programs to run counter scripts to boost his numbers. If nobody knows who he is (b/c he is just boosting himself as you guys claim), why do you keep giving him press. Haven't you ever heard the term, there is no such thing as bad press. Plus, you guys are so one sided, heavy handed and without much evidence that you end up having the Farenheit 911 effect. Those that were with you are reaffirmed in their faith, those that were on the fence or weren't are completely turned away from you. Either way, as much hate as you guys have for this guy you don't even know, I think this phrase applies "Those who don't mind their own business don't have enough business to mind."

The funny thing is you are probably going to say, Hi Tucker, I'm a fanboy or some other ridiculous "pwn", I hope you guys can grow up some day and realize how stupid it is to waste time hating someone you don't even know.

Anonymous said...

The guy above is right, you guys have way too much time on your hands to be hating on this guy so much.

Anonymous said...

9/17/2006 9:01 PM said:

"Plus, you guys are so one sided, heavy handed and without much evidence that you end up having the Farenheit 911 effect. Those that were with you are reaffirmed in their faith, those that were on the fence or weren't are completely turned away from you. Either way, as much hate as you guys have for this guy you don't even know, I think this phrase applies "Those who don't mind their own business don't have enough business to mind.""

I see. And Tucker is Cool Hand Max. Funny how Tucker almost no evidence to back up 95% of his stories, YET you are defending him and then saying his critics are guilty of the same thing. Yes, I am calling you a hypocrite. Ask Tucker on the TMMB for evidence on any of his stories, and do you know what will happen? He'll ban you. He's in a closed circuit environment and runs his site like Big Brother. Tucker speaks about being so accepting of criticism, yet when anybody says anything out of the norm they are banned. ANybody outside the board criticizes him, Tucker says that "they just don't get it." I think Tucker doesn't get it. Not everybody is going to like his work, and his pushing back makes him come off like a thin skinned, amateurish buffoon.

I don't know Tucker, but I don't hate him. I think he's funny, but he also writes himself out as an awful person. It's endearing that when people don't like his work, he takes offense to that with a predictable barb at their 1) looks 2) success 3) intellect 4) etc. The fact that he gives the cavaet that he's an "asshole" is not a warning and does not forgive him for any past, present or future incidents where he treats people like shit.

I think he's a liar and an emotional cripple, and everything he writes proves what I just said to be true. This site just points out a lot of things regarding his character, his "success" and "celebrity", all of which are going to be fleeting soon.

Anonymous said...

to: 9/17/2006 9:01 PM

we hate him because he hurt out feewings!!! he isn't kind to his fans!! he should be nicee and friendly so more people will love him, but he is a meany meany poopoohead and that's why we hate him!! go to hell u meanie! ure probably tucker! hi tucker!! be nicer and maybe we wont hate you so much!!

Michael said...

Hey Cloud, I hope you choke on your eyeballs or some shit, you cartoon dressing fuckstick.

Don't make me come kick your ass, you pantomime horse retard.

Anonymous said...

we also hate him becuase he has small shoulders and a big head! ahhahahHAHHAH! tucker max has SMALL SHOULDERS!! COMPARED TO OUR BROAD AND MANLY SHOULDERS!! HAHAHAH WHAT A LOSER!!


yeah! Tucker Max HATERZZ UNITE!

Anonymous said...

whoah... i stumbled on this blog by accident and i have no idea who this tucker max guy is,

but damn, you guys sound like a bunch of geeky losers in high school or something.

why expend this much energy on hating someone? damn i wanna know what he did to y'all

Anonymous said...

This blog is hilarious. Kepp it up, guys!

Anonymous said...

First off, fuck off with your "Dude, he like calls himself an asshole". Give me a break. He means that in some alpha male frat boy way. It's supposed to be complenetary of him. Read between the lines you stupid fucks.

Second off, why do you give a fuck who we choose to hate? I'm sure you all have people you despise, be they politicians, entertainers or whoever else. Tucker Max is the epitome of everything I loathe in a person; a spoiled, stuck-up, insecure fuck-up with a lot of talk and little to back it up. Big hat, no cattle. Guys like this, in real life, get called on their shit and are made to shut the fuck up unless they have a particularly dominating physical presence, which Tucker most certainly does not. He's a fucking keyboard jockey. Oh yeah, and he makes up his fucking stories. He's fucking slime period. At the end of the day, though, I still love to hate Tucker, and I look forward to his entire "empire" crashing and burning. I'll be right there to piss on the ashes.

Hate makes the world go 'round baby.

Anonymous said...

hahah damn, yall are some haters for real.

Anonymous said...

"Guys like this, in real life, get called on their shit and are made to shut the fuck up"

...says the guy who's writing anonymously on a blog created by some psycho pseudo wanna-be comic book hero who calls max 300+ times a day.


Anonymous said...

tucker max HATERZ UNITE!!

Anonymous said...

Hate makes the world go 'round baby.

PASS ME some'o dat haterade baby, diz be gOOOOOD shyeeet!

down with fucker MAX YO!!!111

1337 !

tucker's narrow shoulders said...

i suck ass

Anonymous said...




tucker's small shoulders said...

Why can't I be broad like yours??
Woe is me. : (

Anonymous said...


Seriously guys, we should form a anti-tucker max club or something. Like really make it official, and that should be our slogan:

"Hate Makes the World Go Round Baby"

and whoever says they love tucker max, we just punch that fucker in the face and as they are on the ground, we say: "HATE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND BABY!"

although I am debating whether we should say that before or after the punch. What do you guys think?

Anonymous said...

See, who says it isn't easy to make a buck? Max has got a whole army of fuckheads on here defending him. It's especially funny because he'd probably ban them in a heartbeat for forgetting to tongue the asshole of one of his mods.

One more time, for the kids stupid enough to believe Tucker's stories:

-They're not real
-He's a rick kid douche
-He's fond of sucker-punching people

This is all verifiable.

Now fuck off.

Anonymous said...

If its all 100% verifiable, then verify it, show us some proof, not some thin one sided stories from a kid with a lesbo friend, an anonymous story from someone who saw him in flatiron or some story from anonymous who says he has first hand info. Do it, up the antie, prove Tucker Max wrong. None of this half asses hating, we want full 100% knock us on our asses proof and we'll be right behind you. Make me laugh while you're at it, monkey. Oh wait, you already are.

Anonymous said...

god yeah seriously you stupid kids, tucker max is a ricK kid doof who sucker punches other kids and is a liar all in one narrow-shouldered cowardly package.

stupid kids.

hate makes the world go round yo,
check it.


Anonymous said...




Anonymous said...

"In real life, a guy will size you up... and if you're built like Tucker Max, they'll beat you senseless."

Good call internet tough guy, sounds like 'real life' has eluded you for a while.

I hate Tucker Max because he stole my lunch money, this is verifiable.

Anonymous said...

tucker max hurt my feelings :(
this is verifiable.
and is da reason, i HATE him! he is MEAN!!!!

i hate him sooooo much, he makes me sooooo angry cuz hes just a big fattyfat liar!!!! he is a LIAR!!!!! and i HATE HIM FOR IT!!

people should be HONEST AND LOVING! not MEAN AND LYING!!!

stupid tucker max!!!
i HATE him so so soooooo much!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey guys, let's take down a C-list star and then we'll be known worldwide! We HATE Tucker Max, Whooopeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Anonymous said...

If I pwn Tucker Max do I get to meet Cockly? Where is Miss Beefwell? Can you come out and play? Please hurl some more of your supersmart insults! We hate Tucker, give us vengence! He said my shoulders were smaller than his!

Anonymous said...

"Nobody in their right mind would deny that Tucker Max is indeed a douchebag, an asshole, an ugly guy, and a no-talent prick."

You guys are too, but at least he's making money off of it.

Anonymous said...

tucker max has the SMALLEST shoulders in ALL THE LAND! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!

stupid small shouldereD fooL!

his name should be Tucker "Small Shoulders" Max!

Hey guys guys, when we form our "we hate tucker max club", we should nickname "Small Shoulders", so NO ONE will know what we are talking about!


hate makes the world go round yo' check it bitch.

Peace out.

Anonymous said...

Hey Cockly, do you take it in the ass on the first date? What's your phone number?

Anonymous said...

I hate Tucker, I hate Tucker, I wanna meet Cockly. Cockly, we want a speech! Show us how superior you are, lead us in the overthrowing of Tucker! He is a meany head poo poo face because he just is! He also lies about his height and has little shoulders, what a LIAR!!! Bring him down!

I'm the real Tucker Max, bring me down! Bring me down!

Anonymous said...


hate makes the world go round baby! ; )

(^am I using our new slogan right?)

Anonymous said...

to 9/18/2006 10:05 PM:

You're using it right, but remember when you use it in real life, you have to make the peace sign right after it with your two fingers as you're saying "Peace Out".

That's the rule.

If you don't do that, it means you love tucker max.

Anonymous said...

This blog is so funny. All of the talk about Tucker Max's narrow shoulders, huge bulbous head, and b.s. stories is really quite comical! I like the fact that comments don't appear to be quickly deleted like they are at Max's home page.

Anonymous said...

Good call, are you Cockly's right nut or left nut?

Its good to follow Cockly, I hear he is a great man. Some say he was born in a mental instituation and has facial reconstructive surgery every there years. Cockly Beefwell is a great man, he will take down Tucker Max and correct the universe.

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Hey anonymous bashers, unlike many of yout, I don't jerk off to any of Tucker Max's fictonal stories. I just happen to think that he is an incredible douchebag who needs to be exposed as what he truly is.

Anonymous said...

Cockly, you are a warrior for the pure, unadultered christian pure, please cleanse us of Tucker's evil deeds. You are so powerful and wise in your ways, take him down! TAKE HIM DOWN!!! Let us pray to Cockly!

Anonymous said...

to all the guys who don't have their tongues shoved up tucker's ass, i should probably warn you that many of the above posts are supposed to be sarcastic. just in case it went over your heads. its pretty funny stuff you know.

somebody wanted proof of debunking one of max's stories: go read the miami new times article you stupid, ditzy fuckhead.

fuck max and fuck anybody who believes you can ram your car through a storefront window and there'll never be a police report.

Anonymous said...

There is no sarcasm here.

I hate him.

I hate him so much I cry myself to sleep at night sucking my thumb.

And then the hate drives me onto this blog this bastion of intelligence and integrity, this diamond in the rought, where the hate guides my fingers to type:

Hate Makes The WOrld Go Round, Baby ; )



Anonymous said...

you should consider a career in comedy writing. no really, you're stuff is brilliant.

you may have to pare down the jerking off to 4 times a day though.

Chrysalid said...

Wow, that is some biting, perceptive criticism. Take a bad picture of someone (obviously you've never had one) and then ridicule the way he looks, which somehow proves that he is bad and you are good. Oh ya, and after that you try to show how cheap he is by quoting his friend whom he has already quoted in his actual book. I'm assuming you're one of the vapid whores he once fucked?

If you're going to follow someone's every move, I guarantee you will find something to criticze every step of the way. The only problem is, you're trying to prove to people something that Tucker Max has never denied: That he is an asshole, who worships himself, drinks copiously, and has sex with women who are willing.

If you want anyone to take you seriously, write something more comprehensive and back it up and let him defend himself. This blog-a-day on what ugly shirt he wears in public only shows you to be petty and immature.

At least Tucker Max is getting paid for his.

Anonymous said...

comparing tucker max to hitler..yes that's very mature and reasonable.

Anonymous said...

forreal. you guys are the most immature shitheads i know. every time a person blinks in a picture "oh they must be falling asleep mid-sentence" "see tuckers soo lame" you guys are the faggiest homo's i've ever heard of. i hope you die.

brent said...

ya'll make me laugh.
If it seriously bothered you that much that this guy is a douchebag - then you are indeeed sad company.
So what if he exxaggerates - he also uses lines over and over,
but who here can raise their hand and say that they are making as much money, doing as little work?
I applaude him, If I could do the same - I waould love the "is a douchebag - blog".
it shows I'm making a wake where I've been!!!!

Anonymous said...

He looks fine. As for looking like he's "falling asleep," he could just be in mid-blink. I have plenty of pictures of myself looking like that taken while completely awake and sober.

Tucker Max is a disgusting pig, no question there. But to post pictures and pick at his physical appearance (particularly something that could just as easily be chalked up to bad timing) makes you as bad as he is.

Anonymous said...

Needs a new gimmick? Thats the funniest shit I've ever heard. This guy has had a book on the NYT best sellers list for 3 years, and now he has a movie out. Fuck your lives.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry but maybe i am missing something here. you think the dude is a douchebag but yet you have an entire blog dedicated to him? something is awry. who the fuck cares if some if not all of his stories have been manipulated to make him seem cooler,funnier, or more awesome than he actually is. HE IS A WRITER. this is what he does. do you get on other writers cases for making shit up or being douches? if so let me see that blog. if anything you're giving Mr. Max exactly what he wants, attention. I do not know the guy personally but I am guessing he is smart enough to realize that negative attention is better than no attention. if you really have the intent of driving people away from him then keep his name out of your mouth. it's like you have no idea that by saying he is a douchebag or an asshole you're doing the advertising for him. you are an idiot.

borisswort said...

Well, I know I've come to this party a bit late, but I'm AMAZED at the amount of people (ooh, I'm sorry, Haters) that have to post anonymously. What, you don't have the balls to post on a really, really niche blog like this with your real names? Wow. I think Tucker Max is funny. No, he's not the best writer of our generation (by far), but he hasn't done ANYTHING I didn't see go on in college. I think it's hysterical the amount of useless, ridiculous criticizing that went on for a few minutes on this retard blog. Yes, I'm calling you out, Cockly McBeefwell, because you MISSPELLED a word in your fucking URL!!!!


God, how FUCKING stupid can you be????

Hey, look, I'm not ANONYMOUS

Mike said...

The fact that any of you losers even spend this much of your lives talking about one single human being is beyond mind blowing. It's funny that one person can make you this fucking MAD that you feel the need to spend countless hours of your lives talking about him. Regardless of who Tucker Max is and what he has done, he is automatically better than anyone who feels the need to focus their lives on attacking him because he doesn't give two shits about any of the people saying it.

Anonymous said...

Wow, grasping at more straws, are we? While I'm sure you look so much better than he does, I don't understand what his physical appearance has anything to do with what kind of person he is. Also, did you ever think maybe his facial expression has to do with him being caught off-guard in a photo seeing as how he wasn't even looking directly at the camera?

Face it, bro: This entire blog and the countless hours you've spent trying to stymie this guy's reputation were completely futile. With all that that time you have wasted, you could have gotten a gym membership, found a good job somewhere, and maybe had sex with someone other than your hand.