Monday, February 20, 2012

Tucker Max Claims to Have Retired!

Tucker Max has recently been reflecting upon his life and seems to be unsatisfied with what he sees. In a recent interview published on the Forbes website, he claims that he is giving up writing books in the "fratire" genre. Tucker Max claims that the choice is his, although given the poor sales of his most recent book, it is doubtful that there was a market for another book of exaggerated/outright lies regarding hook-ups that allegedly occurred years ago.

Tucker hilariously exaggerates his life yet again in the interview, claiming that his writing career made him "rich," which seems highly doubtful given that he supposedly doesn't own property and leeches off friends when he travels and eats at restaurants without paying the restaurant bill.

Tucker comes tantalizingly close to admitting that he is a complete douchebag, noting that his earlier writings are full of self-loathing. He also admits that he is currently receiving psychoanalysis treatments to deal with his mental/emotional issues. Although he grew up in privilege, he blames many of the problems in his life on his parents.

Tucker also recently announced his retirement on his website. He had a message for his critics (whom he refers to as "haters"), such as me and the people who comment on this blog. Tucker still has a difficult time understanding why people don't believe his stories and think that he is a liar/dick. Again, he laughably claims that his critics are simply jealous people who have emotional issues and are self-loathing! This is what he wrote about his critics:
Another thing I learned in ten years of going from no one to someone in a very public, confident way, something that might apply to you in your life: If someone that doesn’t know you and has never been impacted by your actions feels a strong emotion about you–especially if it’s hate–it has nothing to do with you. This applies to all haters everywhere; people who hate on someone they don’t know who hasn’t done anything to them or in any way affected them, then the hate is 100% about the haters internal, unresolved emotional issues. Usually some combination of status envy, identity threat and self-loathing. It has nothing to do with the object of their hatred–that’s just a proxy for them to focus their issues outward and avoid facing them internally.

If you’ve ever done something cool in your life, you know what I’m talking about–the person who talks the most shit about what you did is the one most threatened by your accomplishment, or most jealous by what you did, because it was something they wanted to do, but either didn’t have the ability to do it, or the courage to even try. That’s just life. In a way, it’s actually good to have haters–it means you’ve done something with your life.

...

Of course people can always be snarky, they can take jabs, they can make up things about me–but they have to do it standing on the outside, looking in at me and my millions of fans. I don’t need to answer them. I was right, they were wrong, and everything negative that’s said about me now has to come from that perspective and with this caveat: I won.
What’s Next For Fratire?

205 comments:

1 – 200 of 205   Newer›   Newest»
Raymond K. said...

Wow, dumb ass. I didn't take anything seriously after I read " given the poor sales of his most recent book." His most recent book just debuted at number 2 on the NY Times bestsellers list. Don't bother replying to this. No one reads this shit anyways. I just saw on StumbleUpon and had to point out how much of an idiot you are.

Anonymous said...

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Can't believe people are still sticking up for Tucker after all his tv show/movie/multimedia empire douchebaggery. And despite his claims of maturing, etc. he still repeats those lines about selling millions of books (to himself?) and "inventing a new literary genre" (drinking and getting up to stuff had NEVER been done before), so he can't have changed too much.

Anyway, is there any way to read that old superthread? That was great...can't seem to get past 200 comments on it now.

Spectator said...

I'm not a tucker max fanboy, in fact went from being a nominal fan to hating him, but I have to admit if he is being the least bit sincere in this article, he actually comes off as having matured immensely as a person. Honestly I am shocked and still pretty skeptical given his propensity for bullshitting, but seems like he has actually matured. As much as the guy has been the DoucheKing of the Universe for so long, gotta say good for him

Anonymous said...

That is pure, distilled, quintessential Tucker. He spends all of three seconds in some new field or path in life (pyschoanalysis) and immediately thinks he is the greatest expert on it in history such that he can perform diagnosis from afar. Tucker's own study of a subject rarely crosses from the "[Blank] for Dummies"-level, yet he never misses a chance to act like a learned expert.

Anonymous said...

Is Raymond K. an alter ego of Tucker Max, or is he simply one of the high school kids who believe that all of Tucker Max's stories are true?

notBIFF!!! said...

I find myself wanting to go through the 20K comment thread and sift out all the good stuff and put it somewhere for reference, to answer future stupidity like this

Anonymous said...

>>>His most recent book just debuted at number 2 on the NY Times bestsellers list.


Sales rank on Amazon - #181.

He's done.

Anonymous said...

Your previous post says that you aren't going to waste your time on using citations because it is unrealistic and because this other author does not on his website. And from clicking on your links from this specific story, they go back to another blog post or a forbes posting from their website. You have no credibility as a writer which makes your argument useless as well as this blog. Just because the author doesn't do it doesn't mean that you shouldn't have to. Your blog is meaningless and you have no factual information to back up your argument. You might want to reconsider your blogging or go back to school and learn the basics.

Anonymous said...

Bye Bye Tucker. 3rd week out & you barely made the NYT best-seller list. #2 to #14 in 3 weeks.

Hopefully this will be the end of Sir Douchebag once & for all.

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Your previous post says that you aren't going to waste your time on using citations because it is unrealistic and because this other author does not on his website. And from clicking on your links from this specific story, they go back to another blog post or a forbes posting from their website. You have no credibility as a writer which makes your argument useless as well as this blog. Just because the author doesn't do it doesn't mean that you shouldn't have to. Your blog is meaningless and you have no factual information to back up your argument. You might want to reconsider your blogging or go back to school and learn the basics.

Wow, what a rambling and incoherent post! You might want to sober up before posting a comment next time. I only blog here once in a while - I have only posted three new posts in the past five years. This is not the Associated Press of the New York Times - it is an entertainment blog. People post relevant comments that aren't selectively deleted if they reveal any information embarrassing to Tucker Max.

deer antler spray said...

Someone is guilty i supposed. That is my personal analogy of course.

Anonymous said...

Publisher: Blue Heeler Books (February 7, 2012)

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#357 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

#34 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor


Out approximately one month.

He's done.

el_alanzo said...

Why are you so focused on trying to destroy someone's life?

KungFu Mike said...

Fuck y'all, the revolution is coming. Just wait and see, haterzzz!!!

Anonymous said...

As of March 13, 2012:

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#458 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

#33 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor

Anonymous said...

el_alanzo, tugger didn't seem too concerned when he dragged that beauty queen's name through the mud. he deserves all of the criticism he receives.

Anonymous said...

KTAT

Anonymous said...

What Tucker said was true.

Anonymous said...

As a writer, he is very good and smart. He entertains - that's his goal and he has reached it!

Anonymous said...

Look, Cocksuck McQueefsmell. Your whiny little blog may have caught some attention back during TM's heydays, but now you just sound like some pussy with a chip on his shoulder. Did he steal a girl from you or insult you at a bar or something? Seriously though, as I was reading this, I naturally heard a shrill, high-pitched voice in my head.

His books have made him plenty of money whether he was bullshitting or not, as they were meant to entertain. Also, he's doing the smart thing by retiring since he knew his fame wouldn't last forever. That being said, go lose your virginity and find something better to do with your time than sit around on the Internet and bag on someone you've never even met.

Anonymous said...

^^^
"Your whiny little blog may have caught some attention back during TM's heydays, but now you just sound like some pussy with a chip on his shoulder."

Yeah, because you don't sound angry at ALL.

"Did he steal a girl from you or insult you at a bar or something? Seriously though, as I was reading this, I naturally heard a shrill, high-pitched voice in my head."

So, you're saying that your mental reading voice is shrill and high-pitched? You DID hear it 'naturally', after all.

"...go lose your virginity and find something better to do with your time than sit around on the Internet and bag on someone you've never even met."

Wait, I thought he stole Cockly's girl or insulted him at a bar. Now they've never met? Make up your mind.

Anonymous said...

"Yeah, because you don't sound angry at ALL."

I don't, actually. Thanks for your concern, though.

"So, you're saying that your mental reading voice is shrill and high-pitched? You DID hear it 'naturally', after all.

No, it's what I'd imagine him to sound like. You're probably much different, either.

"Wait, I thought he stole Cockly's girl or insulted him at a bar. Now they've never met? Make up your mind."

No, retard. It's called a rhetorical question, as it warranted no real answer. Maybe pull your head out of your ass (or Cockly's) long enough to look up what that means.

Anonymous said...

*not much different

DA BIFFSTER said...

http://hotair.com/headlines/archives/2012/04/05/why-wont-planned-parenthood-take-500000-from-tucker-max/

I just have one question. Where the hell did he get 500K from?

Anonymous said...

DA BIFFSTER: he didn't.

"I have a huge tax burden this year. I can reduce it [by writing a large check] to charity" is something you might say to SOUND rich and impress people.

But to experienced tax planners, it just makes you sound clueless. I won't bore you with the details.

Anonymous said...

Suck a dick

Anonymous said...

He didn't need a $500k write-off. It was a complete publicity stunt. There was no way Planned Parenthood would take the donation, so he bluffed.


Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,051 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

#75 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor


GAME OVER, MAN.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA, you fucks have nothing better to do than bitch about Tucker Max? You just gave yourselves the ultimate insult

Mike said...

http://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/tucker-max-net-worth/

im guessing he has more money then anyone posting in here and has probably published more books look at the title of the blog whoever created this cite is obviously insecure and jealous

Anonymous said...

Do you seriously believe that he is worth $5 million? There is simply no way that he has that kind of money and you must have a learning disability if you really believe that. I'd be surprised if he is worth $50,000.

Anonymous said...

Check this out, not as funny as Tucker Max stories, but all genuine!

http://diaryofalad.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Mike @ 5/03/2012 6:02 PM:

Don't feel so bad about Cockly, the author of this blog. I doubt he is jealous.

If you are bored then I am sure that Tucker will show you the video of his buttTHex. He does indeed have the video. Just be prepared because Nils is the catcher, not some "runway model."

Anonymous said...

this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, mcbeefsmoker

Anonymous said...

If you detest Tucker Max so much why do you devote so much of your time to him?

Anonymous said...

http://www.reddit.com/r/bookexchange/comments/tw7ml/send_assholes_finish_first_by_tucker_max_want_an/c4r21p8

Pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

GO HILARITY ENSUES!!!

Hardcover: 448 pages
Publisher: Blue Heeler Books (February 7, 2012)

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,384 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)


He is a 2,384th best-selling author!

Anonymous said...

1. This entire blog/rant/comment section is completely contradictory to every point you are trying to make. He is apparently a douche that doesnt deserve money or fame however you dedicate a site bashing on him, thus only adding to his brand. Any publicity is good publicity, morons. I can never confirm if Tucker's stories are true (you can't confirm they are fake), but his self-awareness and honesty are what attracts readers. He makes guest appearances, speeches, movies, and best selling books - it has safe to say Tucker Max has dominated life as we know it, after all, he is 4,000,000,000 times more known than you.

2. That being said, just to add to pissing ya'll off I leave you with my own stories. They are all 100% honest and true, nothing is fabricated. Enjoy.

http://steveknowsbest.tumblr.com/

Anonymous said...

Wow Steve (Anon 6/03/2012 8:58 AM), you are almost as cool as Tucker! I'll even say you're cooler than Tim Ferris.

We feel so honored that you chose to stop by.

And yes we believe your lies are true.

Anonymous said...

http://www.itsuptoyou.net/

Tucker Max and Nils "Butterbeast" Parker's latest and greatest effort.

Anonymous said...

TUCKER MAX IS AWESOME!!! AT LEAST HE'S DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH HIS EXPERIENCES/LIFE, REGARDLESS IF IT'S BAD OR GOOD. IT'S FUNNY!!! ALL YOU GUYS ARE MAD JUST BECAUSE HE FUCKED YOUR SISTERS/GIRLFRIENDS.

TUCKER MAX!!!
TUCKER MAX!!!
TUCKER MAX!!!

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE A JACKASS!!

AT LEAST TUCKER MAX HAS BEEN ON THE NYT BEST SELLER LIST. #1 FOR FOUR CONSECUTIVE YEARS. AND HE'S NOT AN IDIOT, HE ACTUALLY GRADUATED FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO, WITH HONORS. I BET YOU'RE A DROP OUT/LOSER WHO STILL LIVES AT HOME WITH MOMMY AND DADDY. PATHETHIC.

-TUCKER MAX FAN

Anonymous said...

FUCK YOUR PERSONAL ANALOGY!!!

-TUCKER MAX FAN

Anonymous said...

"http://www.itsuptoyou.net/

Tucker Max and Nils "Butterbeast" Parker's latest and greatest effort."

OK so this site is real, and does appear to be the work of TM and NP. However, searching google for "Itsuptoyou.net" returns results instead for itsuptoyou.org, a child abuse prevention web site. Even when you refine the search, the only outside links to the site are ones that are mistaking it for the child abuse site.

Terrible.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Tucker Max Fan, you certainly showed us!

I guess if I want to spend $7m to produce a crappy movie - and another $4m to market it - all for a paltry $1.5 in revenue then I had better hurry up and apply to Duke Law.

Anonymous said...

Is Nils still fat?

Anonymous said...

>>Is Nils still fat?

He is...although he burned off 200 calories last night when he rammed Tucker Max Fan up the ass.

Anonymous said...

Tucker's MIA on the NYT Best Seller list for the last couple of months. It looks like the future of the franchise hangs on the fate of Tucker Airways, Beer in Hell Bar & Grills, and the ever popular Tucker Max Shooting and Archery Ranges.

And of course the sale of fake absinthe ads from the Tucker Max Message Board and Rudius Media should fund his future acquisitions, like any other famous media baron.



-Grant Graham

Anonymous said...

I uncovered an easily provable lie in Tucker Max's "The Foxfield Weekend" story.

He claims he was name dropping his cousing, Adrienne Egge (yes he gives her real name) to get into parties and that people knew her because she rows crew. This story was claimed to have occured in the year 2000.

Turns out there is an Adrienne Egge who rowed crew for UVA...but she was born in 1986. Are we to believe that Tucker's cousing was a 14 year old college student athelete?
http://www.virginiasports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=17800&ATCLID=1133352

The entire story is now in question.

Anonymous said...

Keep Thinking About Tucker.

KTAT

Anonymous said...

Anon 7/10/2012 5:15 AM,

Nice find


>>>>The entire story is now in question.

Of course, one can say that about every single one of his stories!

Anonymous said...

Is he broke? He must have run out of money by now.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone see this article on the Forbes website about Tucker Max's assistant or former assistant Ryan Holiday? In this article Holiday admits to lying to various news reporters or in articles just to get attention:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/davidthier/2012/07/18/how-this-guy-lied-his-way-into-msnbc-abc-news-the-new-york-times-and-more/

I wonder whether he will come clean and admit that Tucker Max's stories are 95% lies?

Wasn't Holiday the one who would monitor Tucker Max's wikipedia entry to delete all of the negative information?

Anonymous said...

Funny that Ryan Holiday generates more news (relatively speaking) than Tucker. I'm not sure, but I think Tucker's last stab at staying relevant (and making money) was his fake celeb personas on tweeter. That venture didn't just fail, it Tucker Max failed.



-Grant

Anonymous said...

>>>Wasn't Holiday the one who would monitor Tucker Max's wikipedia entry to delete all of the negative information?


Yes, he was.

He was also Tucker's fluffer.

Anonymous said...

We're closing in on another school year which is coincidentally Tucker's Last Stand. His crappy books have been exorcised from the NY Times Best Sellers supplemental lists for months; in fact I suspect that his last books (AFF and whatever) cannibalized sales from IHTSBIH, which put IHTSBIN in a death spiral. That explains why I haven't even seen IHTSBIN at airports. Now Tucker's fate rests in the hands of dweeb freshmen, and the willingness of college bookstores to carry IHTSBIH.

Knowing Tucker he visits this blog. My advice to you Tucker is to lampoon your character, though it is probably too late for anyone to care. Either have a relationship with a tranny or better, dress up as a tranny and tell everyone that IHTSBIH was a fabrication. Hell, you got the lisp and the classic overcompensating body language and demeanor, everyone will believe you. Tell Ryan Holiday you aren't really straight and have him set you up on a multi-campus speaking tour. Given the passage of time since Duke Law and your piss poor work ethic you'll never pass any state bar... I would say go for broke but you're already there.

It's a good gamble. Your only alternative is to ask daddy to take you back as a bus boy or something.



-Grant

Anonymous said...

After reading Tucker Max's Hilarity Ensues, I'm left to conclude that he threw Katy Johnson (Miss Vermont) under the bus to spite her mother. In the spirit of fairness, here are some details about Tucker Max's friends who feature in his book. The following names were culled in a cursory internet search.

pwj: his real name is Sean Trende. He's a former lawyer and is now a senior elections analyst at realclearpolitics.com

Hate: his real name is Corey Rosensteel. He is a traffic attorney in North Carolina.

SlingBlade: his real name is Aaron Kellerman. He is now a FBI Special Agent.

Anonymous said...

What ever happened to those movie notes Tucker and Nils were going to release, explaining each scene? I watched the damn movie (late night on cable) and it escapes me on how any of that insipid shit needed a deeper explanation.

Anonymous said...

I love how Tucker claims this association with Obama based upon a few pick up basketball games that he might have played in a gym 15 years ago. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tucker-max/obama-basketball_b_1783260.html. The story is such obvious BS that I can't believe HP printed it. here are some of the gems:
"First thing: He's a solid basketball player, one of the best professors who played with us. He's not great, but he isn't just out there for show. He can play a little." WTF. What does that mean? Obama played on a very successful HS team in Hawaii. In most situations, if you make your HS basketball team, you are better than 99% of the pick up players. As far as I know, Tucker did not make his HS basketball team; he has always been just a guy that played some pick up ball. But here he is describing how he shut down Obama: "That wasn't Barack. He would beat you if given space, but if you played even half decent defense on him, you could take him out of the game." Again, as a High School basketball player, Obama had experience with good defenses. His HS team won the state champs and was considered very good. In my opinion, Tucker never played basketball with Barack Obama. It's just another one of those stories that Tucker has told so long that he actually believes it.

Dave in Bangkok said...

Nope. This guys is still a douche. I recently had contact with him. He's a cunt.

Anonymous said...

Obama is a legit 6'1" with a long wingspan... Tucker is under 5'10", has no back pocket and has alligator arms to boot. Like any other Tucker Max story, it doesn't pass the smell test.

Anonymous said...

I think Tucker's basketball stories are about as legit as Paul Ryan's marathon running. But Tucker's real rival is kip Litton. http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/08/06/120806fa_fact_singer

Tucker and Ryan are no different than Kip. But the question still goes unanswered: What is it with this particular breed of white upper middle class d-bag that they need to gratuitously embellish their stories and accomplishments. And more importantly, what is about them that they don't think that the rest of the world sees their BS.

Anonymous said...

Anon - keep the politics out of this. I could point to a number of sources, including liberal journalists, who state that Obama's memoir has a ton of fabrications.

I don't come here to hear about politics. I come here to laugh at Tucker Max.

Anonymous said...

Nils is fat

Anonymous said...

"I don't come here to hear about politics. I come here to laugh at Tucker Max."

I am glad that Tucker-mocking bridges partisan divides. In shouting "where's the butteth video," both red and blue staters can seek common ground. There are no democrats or republicans when it comes to questioning where the police report is for the donut shop incident.

And it is hard not to find any politician that lets the facts get in the way of a good story (Hillary and Obama included), but lying about a transparent and easily verifiable thing takes a true maestro. In that regard, Tucker's claim to be Barack's favorite pick up basketball buddy at U of C is the perfect BS story.A simple google search does not reveal the BS. Paul Ryan's story fails the same test because it is so demonstrably false. It's like when Tucker claimed that a "major" studio bought his film and that it was getting wide distribution. When DIY Freestyle was the distributor and opened it in limited theaters, it was demonstrably false. Hence the destruction of Tucker's message board and film blog archives.

Again, it is not political. But upper middle class douches seem to fall into this habit of spouting complete BS that can revealed with a simple internet search. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," needs a cum stained blue dress to debunk. Accordingly, its a savvy BS statement to make. "We have a distributor and it's a major. I'm not allowed to say anything until the trades make the official announcement," is debunked as soon as Freestyle is announced as the distributor.

"IHTSBIH will be released into thousands of theater just like any other Hollywood movie." is debunked when it didn't open wide. I ran a 2:50 something marathon when you ran 4 hours is rich entitled white guy material.

Andy T said...

I stumbled across this shit too. I can't believe people exert this much energy trying to negate someone else. Blog about the lack of significance in your own lives. Maybe you'll wake up. Tucker Max has made alot of people laugh. Alot. What have you done? The thing is, you are too stupid to realise you are fuelling his fire. Bitches.

Anonymous said...

Andy, "I stumbled across this shit too." How do you "stumble upon" the comments to a TM is a douchebag blog? You were reading the NYT and they had a link to this blog? "I can't believe people exert this much energy trying to negate someone else"
How much energy do you think commenting on a blog requires? It requires no more energy to post something negative than it does to post a comment puzzling about the effort it takes to make a negative comment. "Tucker Max has made alot of people laugh" True. But most of us are laughing at him, not with him. Ever watch a BS artist spin a yarn and look over to one of your buddies and wink; and then you laugh your ass off at him later. That's most people's reaction. In fact, the whole purpose of this blog and comments is to laugh at Tucker. He is the joke.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tucker, you need a new project!

1) Your books haven't sniffed the NYT Best Sellers supplemental lists in many, many months.

2) Where's OC/DC?

3) How are "Beer in Hell" DVD sales?

4) What ever happened to Rudius Press?

5) What happened to your faux celebrity twitter advertising agency?


Come on Tucker, do something! Even "Ryan Holiday" has more more web hits than "Tucker Max" on Google.

Anonymous said...

tuckers writing the rocks biography

its comin out soon

suck on that hatters!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

>>>tuckers writing the rocks biography

Link please. Dwayne Johnson already published an auto-bio twelve years ago.


>>>suck on that hatters!!!!!!!!!!

To quote the Rock, please take Tucker's books, turn those son-of-a-bitches sideways, and shove them straight up your candy-ass.

P.S. - lern howw too rite

Anonymous said...

its called the rock raw

Anonymous said...

Wow, I have never seen so much insecure, pathetic, misplaced anger born out of emasculated insecurity. You must be 5'6" or born with a 4 inch skinny penis. Either way, seek help or seek happiness. But dont hate on Tucker for being happy and enlightened. Peace Napoleon III

Anonymous said...

>>>Peace Napoleon III

Blow it out your ass. The guy is a proven bullshitter. Go waste your money on his books - you can make it up by taking an extra shift at the 7/11.

Anonymous said...

KTAT

Anonymous said...

so when I was wheeling my trolley through the goodwill store, I ran over this book and looked at it as I got it out of the wheels. It was I hope they serve beer in hell. I sorta read through it. It said 'Now a major motion picture' so I had to google the guy- never heard of him and none of my friends had either- I have to ask, why is someone over the age of 16 behaving this way? I watched the movie trailer, everyone looks 30, is it like tv where 24,5, and 30 year olds play high school students? I just don't get it. I went to a good school and have never seen grown men behave this way. What the hell?

Anonymous said...

Holy shit KTAT-guy, you're still here?? It's been years, bro!

But seriously, I'm glad you still care.

Anonymous said...

neil is fat~

Anonymous said...

the reason u think he is fake is because your life is so boring u find these stories hard to believe. if u have a life, its easily believable, i ould write a book on my life about all the crazy situations ive been in that would be completely true and u still wouldnt believe it cuz u havent experienced things. u also clearly r ugly, jealous u cant get laid easy like him, and clearly dont have a life cuz u have dedicated so many blog entries obsessive over someone u have never met.YOU r the one that is pathetic and you make me sick.

Anonymous said...

Tucker writing a Dwayne Johnson biography? There is poetic justice! A fake wrestler extolling his non-existent virtues to a professional fake story writer.

Dodd said...

You may think that Tucker Max is a douchebag but seriously how pathetic are you that you would even spend a little amount of your time starting this blog. How insignificant is your life that you devote your time in trying to bring someone down because of their success? So what if you don't like his stories and think he's a dick? So what if his stories aren't the complete truth? You show me a movie or even a book that is based on true events and I will guarantee you that it is filled with falsities. You need to stop hating yourself, cancel this blog and get on with your life like a normal human being or the closest thing you would be to that. Also I would suggest you go see a therapist because you sound like you got a whole bag of issues you need to work out.

Anonymous said...

Why, has therapy worked for you Tucker?

Anonymous said...

Dodd - go back to rim jobbing the shit out of Tucker's asshole.

Anonymous said...

It wouldn't surprise me if tucker Max started this site. Bc that's what he does and I flipping. Love him for it

Anonymous said...

>Anonymous said...
>
> It wouldn't surprise me if tucker Max started this site. Bc that's what he does and I flipping. Love him for it
>
> 1/04/2013 3:16 PM


You're admitting that Tucker is packing your fudge because he allegedly started this site?

faggot

Anonymous said...


Next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesn't fail me as much as this particular one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read through, however I genuinely believed you'd have something useful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something you can fix if you were not too busy looking for attention.

Someone whoes better than tucker max said...

funny thing. i typed in tugger max and his website came up!
HAHAHAHA hileraty ensures!
This emothinal cripple was boasting on twitter about making a writer cry. What.a.douche.

Anonymous said...

It looks like Tugger finally hit the weights and lost his beer gut:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/8047589219/in/photostream/

Anonymous said...

The dude is vile and any sensible person knows the world would be a better place if he just died.

anonydouce said...

"Since I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell first came out and became the huge success and cultural touchstone that it has,"

says tucker on Feb 5 of this year
http://tuckermax.me/thoughts-on-the-total-frat-move-book/

also, i miss the old megathread where all the spam was from thinking people deliberately attempting to disrupt conversation, instead of meaningless bots

Anonymous said...

Can't believe anyone fell for the Tucker Max fraud; he created imaginary persona in which he was an alpha male, and tried to pass off a bunch of tired old urban legends many of us heard a decade prior. That part was obvious. The real fraud is many levels deeper, and easily verified at the below link.

He stole EVERYTHING from an actual talented author regaling a true story; a famous viral google groups story. He stole the author's writing style, subject matter, attitude, time stamp technique, ...even down to the overuse of the word AWESOME. The story came out 7 years before Beer in Hell urban legends was released.

Here's the original author's Story posted on Google groups in 1999(when Tucker was still in college).

http://groups.google.com/group/rec.sport.football.college/msg/cdbbb530d0bdccfa?&q=%22A+chronology+of+events+for+Saturday%22&pli=1

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max . . . THAT GUY LOVES THE COCK.

Anonymous said...

KTAT

yeah I'm still here. Every 6 months or so yall occur to me again. :)

Anonymous said...

Get your TUCKER MAX SUCKS shirts:

http://www.redbubble.com/explore/tucker+max

http://www.redbubble.com/explore/tucker+max


Get your TUCKER MAX SUCKS shirts:

http://www.redbubble.com/explore/tucker+max

http://www.redbubble.com/explore/tucker+max

Anonymous said...

i fucked the bunny again last month

Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for Tucker Max to write about waking up in a hotel bathtub filled with ice, with a note saying his kidneys were removed after a night of drunken debauchery.


GG

Anonymous said...

>>>I'm still waiting for Tucker Max to write about waking up in a hotel bathtub filled with ice, with a note saying his kidneys were removed after a night of drunken debauchery.


That sort-of happened. He woke up and found that his asshole was gaping from the Bunny's strap-on.

Anonymous said...

A PARTIAL LIST OF PEOPLE WHO ENJOY SOUP:

1.) Me

Anonymous said...

Anybody notice that Tucker's new blog does not include any section for comments? The whole movie flop experience has really destroyed the whole confident uber male persona. He used to have an aggressively moderated message board that deleted any comments that were remotely critical; and his message board minions would flood the comments of any other article that remotely criticized Tucker. But he at least acknowledged his critics. He also aggressively policed anything critical on his Wikipedia page. Once his movie came into production, he was first faced with the horror of independent comment boards that were not controlled by Tucker; and which could not be flooded by favorable comments from his message board butt buddies. As it became apparent to anyone with any brain that the film would be an epic flop, the comments gradually became 20-1-unfavorable to favorable. After his movie flopped, he promised more movies and projects that of course have never become a reality. He had to delete his whole message board because it contained all his ridiculous boasts about his own awesomeness and the likely success of his movie. If he continued to moderate all the negative comments out, he would basically have nothing. It seems now that he basically posts nothing anywhere that even invites comments. His blog is also a little surreal to the extent that it adopts this persona of some wealthy tech/internet savant who is on the cutting edge of new media. He talks about investing and changing whole industries. He throws out names and figures as though he is a big shot blogging only to educate his lessers. But through the whole blog is this reeking air of insecurity and defensiveness. And the lack of any comment section speaks volumes. He is afraid of any real criticism and comfortable completely encased in his little bubble. It's like the guy being escorted out of the VIP room all the time screaming, "Don't you know who I am?"

Anonymous said...

WTF?!?

His Hollywood projects have been cancelled? What about the epic comedy OC/DC? You're a liar! What's the matter with you, did Tucker sleep with your girlfriend or something?

Anonymous said...

nice novel bro no ones gonna read that shit

Anonymous said...

Eat a dick. He may be a douchebag, but at least he admitted it and made up for his previous mistakes in life. We all know he's fucked up, but he can change, and I know that better than anyone.

-Sincerely
SlingBlade

Anonymous said...

Hi, Aaron Kellerman of Arizona.

Anonymous said...

And lets not forget how fat Nils is...quite the chubb.

Tucker said...

SlingBlade, I want to suck ur cock!!!

Nils said...

Tucker, I want to suck your cock! Then, I'd like to eat a pound of donuts.

Ryan H. said...

Robert Greene, I'd like to be the smartest little boy in all the land.

Anonymous said...

this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try mcbeefsmoker.

Anonymous said...

Glad you're still here lurking, Aaron Kellerman. Still underachieving with that government job? University of Phoenix grads do better than you.

GG

Tucker said...

I want to rupture Aaron Kellerman's anus

Anonymous said...

Stop defending him Kellerman. You know damn well Tucker will be asking to move into your basement in another 10 years, and buggering your fat wife while you're at work.

Anonymous said...

Fucker was in a HUGE expose about his "investing" acumen:

http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2014/02/tucker-max-start-up-investor.html

Anonymous said...

That article is interesting. However, one really has to wonder whether Tucker lied to the reporter just like he lied about his exploits on his website.

Anonymous said...

Look at the comments to that article. The article mentions that Tucker invested in Yellowbird Hot Sauce. However, the first comment is from someone who claims to work for that company and says that Tucker Max has not invested in the company. So it may be yet another of Tucker's lies.

Anonymous said...

I am still waiting for the Tucker Max bankruptcy filing. For all of the unverifiable puffery for how successful he has been, that one million or so dollars of total earning from his books has likely dried up and unless daddy is paying his bills, I am not sure what is. He is sort of like Donald Trump, if The Donald was a bachelor pushing 40 living in an apartment in a college town with no apparent means of supporting himself and completely oblivious to the fact that nobody cares who he is except as a punchline.

Can you spot the obvious lies?
1) Tucker is "involved" with several more startups that he can't detail (of course).
2) Tucker "made a pretty good amount of money selling books" (that is consistently exaggerated by magnitudes)
3) Tucker talking about how much he knows about advertising (why isn't anybody else with credibility talking about this?)
4) Max began writing checks between $10 and $50K (that is Max-speak for $10K)
...and my favorite. "I'm not Marc Andreessen, but I am two or three levels below that" (random comparisons to successful people)

Life must be tough as an emotionally stunted man-child.

Where is TDG?

Anonymous said...

Tucker has pissed off another group of people

http://laidnyc.wordpress.com/2014/03/17/tucker-max-invents-the-manosphere/

Anonymous said...

I just watched part of Tucker's movie on youtube. Wow, the dialog is horrible! It's hard to believe he thought it would make hundreds of millions of dollars...

Anonymous said...

So glad you're all still here! (well, occasionally at least)

I've had a look at Tibor's new 'post-fratire' blog, and it's exactly the same as his old anecdotey shit about fucking riddled women with Daddy issues: he's the Master, the reader is the apprentice, Tucker has all the info, he can barely stand your attention but will reluctantly lead you through the mire of because, y'know, it would have saved Tucker a ton of time if he hadn't had to figure it all out himself, and just because a guy's a self-proclaimed asshole doesn't mean he can't be a rough diamond who's charms are irresistable to all except fatties and haterz, right?

Still that gritted-teeth determaination to 'be somebody'; still spouting ridiculous sales figures for a played-out literary 'career' he retired (Amazon sales ranks don't lie); still the transparent need to be loved, or despised, just so long as he's recognised (look at me, Daddy!). Oh Tucker, please just fuck off you sad, silly little man.

- Former TMMB Poster

Anonymous said...

Ha Ha, that NYMag headline is a killer: "Notorious Frat Douche Tucker Max Is an Angel Investor Now". Great stuff, every time the words "Tucker" and "Max" appear together in a sentence, it seems they must now be accompanied by a variant on "douche" or "douchebag".

I think we have achieved something here folks, I really do.

Anonymous said...

It's hilarious that Tucker Max is know as a notorious frat "douche"!!! I have to believe that this website and the other anti-Max websites that popped up over the years have had some impact on his public perception

Anonymous said...

According to her twitter feed, the bunny is now living in... You guessed it... Austin, Texas. Holy cunting hell, way to ensure your continued status as 'doormat' for the rest of your fucking days!

Anonymous said...

according to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWzzzBtKZXA tucker may be lying about his height! can he be a douche AND a liar?

Anonymous said...

Can you post a link to her Twitter account? Could not find it.

Tucker is definitely less than 6' tall. I've seen him in real life.

Anonymous said...

https://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/american-apparels-perverted-mini-skirt-advert-shame-103200772.html

Intersting article on how shitty markeing is fucking American Apparel as a company: good job Ryan Holliday, you useless misogynist creep!

Anonymous said...

https://twitter.com/BunnyBlog

Anonymous said...

Anon 4/21/2014 5:56 AM -

Thank you. Erin is just as gross and fugly as ever. Pretty sad that she followed Fucker to Austin. She'll die alone with a lot of animals around.

Anon 4/21/2014 5:54 AM -

Fag Holliday might not have been in charge of that marketing effort but it sure looks to be something as stupid as what he would suggest. I've actually met MBA people who have STUDIED Holliday. Just goes to prove that education is not equal to smarts.

Anonymous said...

Aw, poor bun.

I don't hate her or wish her ill, more like she's one of those people who banged a tambourine for Jim Jones or took a sacred load from Vernon Howell: if she could get as far away as possible from that septic ape then she might have a chance. As it stands, she's doomed.

Anonymous said...

Oh christ.

According to his blog - remember when he would insist on being referred to as "a writer, not a blogger"? - Tugger and the Confectionary Assassin Nils Parker are writing the definitive guide to sex, dating and relationships for men.

We may need to re-activate the douchebag blog in earnest, or the future of the species will be in grave doubt.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Tucker Max Ultimate Guide To Dating, Sex and Relationships (pt.1):

Humiliating Last night Tucker blew me off. Again. I went insane. I cut off all my hair with kitchen scissors like Frida Khalo. Today I examined the fallout (actually quite cute and flippy. I am good at everything). I also thought, "Bunny... there is something terribly awry. Why are you so angry? Why have you become a bitter and horrible person since you met Tucker?" Today, while I'm working, Tucker is hovering over me asking me the same question. I have decided to make an itemized list of reasons why I might want to cut off all my hair like a rape victim. [Note: This is truly humiliating. If anyone were to make a medicine to cure low self-esteem, I'd take it in spades; I'd do the 10k walk for closet self-loathers, and wear the empty wine bottle lapel pin. I wish to God these FACTS were fabricated or embellished, but the awful truth is that they are not. I only hope this helps the other girls who don't like themselves]. What it is like to date Tucker Max. -You will get fried chicken for your birthday. Later that night when you both go to a bar, you will want a diet coke, but won't get one because that is one less beer that he can drink. -He will hang up on your favorite aunt, and be stunned when you get upset that he referred to your mother as "that fucking bitch" because she called you at a late hour. -He will scream at you because you don't like the instant coffee he bought you. -He will never kiss you, and barely fuck you, even if you beg him to for months. You are now the Virgin Mary. He will still try to coerce crazy whores into coming to Chicago to fuck him. He will kiss them because they are whores, and don't you know that you're only supposed to give good passionate sex to women that you don't know or give a shit about? I didn't know that either. -You will beg him to take a shower, which he will not do. But he will shave his face to have long make-out sessions with any random girl. -You will read every piece of writing he has ever done and be supportive of all his creative outlets. When you then ask him to read your own novel he will drop it after chapter one because it's a waste of his time. He's not good at editing. -You will give him the greatest head of his life on a regular basis. He will still suck in bed. -He will make sure you know that you aren't very hot, only sort of cute, and that your head is too big for the rest of your body. You also have unattractive dark circles under your eyes and your tits are too small. He will never compliment you. -You will be bi-sexual and okay with him sleeping with other women, but this will not be enough. He needs freedom. -If he is an insensitive asshole to you, it is only because you are selfish. You should understand that his parents sucked and now you have to pay for this. How this is logical, I'm not really sure. -When he has major surgery you will not leave his side. You will spend day night waiting on him hand and foot, making sure he is comfortable and well cared for. You will even wipe his ass when he takes a shit. Later he will tell you that it was all unnecessary. He didn't need or want you to be there. -When he is supposed to pick you up and take you to a party, he will get black-out drunk and fuck some girl instead of showing up. -He will tell you he loves you and wants to have children with you. When you then get pregnant, he will say that he has about two to four more years of drinking and whoring left to do, so a baby isn't in the cards. He will coerce you into an abortion by threatening to give away your dog if you try to have the child. Then he will be evasive so that you will be forced to dump him and he can get off scot-free. -When you get upset about this, he will tell you that you are over-emotional. When you try to explain how this hurts, he will ignore you till you find yourself screaming and breaking things.

Anonymous said...

(pt. 2):

He will explain these outbursts to his drinking buddies as so: "Yeah she's fucking crazy. She flips out on me like every third day." -When you go to stay with your parents (read: bawl day and night) for two weeks, he will fuck other women in your bed. The night you return he will try to go out with a whore he's just met and wonder why you're upset about that. He needs his freedom. -When you are at your parents, he won't take your calls. Instead he will spend his time e-mailing some whore. Later, he will not stop e-mailing this same whore, because all whores come before your feelings even if the whores are half as attractive and barely capable of forming cogent sentences. -When his ex-girlfriend dies and then comes back to life, you will nurse him through the depression. You will even be fine with her coming to stay at your own fucking apartment so that he can decide which of you he wants. This is so that you can be fair to both of them because you are a good person. unlike them. -Later on you will catch him telling this covert bitch who pretended to be nice to you that he is only keeping you around because you are willing to support him financially. They will laugh at you behind your back for being "over-emotional." Oh how silly you are! -When Tucker bounces back from his depression you will not be needed anymore. You will just hand over the keys to his car and not say a word when he drives it all over Chicagoland while black-out drunk. -When girls come to the apartment, he will become "Cooooool Tucker Max." He will dress and act differently. He will be an asshole to you. Why are you upset? Don't you know "this is the Tucker Max show?" This pathetic statement is his actual quote. -And finally (though I could write pages and pages of this horrible shit): When you've been stood up by the very first date you've planned in a year, you will call Tucker and ask to hang out with him. He will not come pick you up in YOUR OWN FUCKING CAR, because HE lost your license the night before and you won't be able to get into the club he's going to. When you ask if it 's possible to go anywhere else he will refuse because there are free drinks and whores in said club. Whores are very special. Much more special than the woman that did all the above things out of unconditional love FOR A FUCKING YEAR! posted by The Bunny at 4:22 PM




"Five Years New window

Date: Thursday, 17 Jul 2008 17:01

Think about that...five years. Long time, aint it? Think of all the things you could accomplish if you kept your head in one place for five whole years, focused all your energy toward one goal, really made your life about this one accomplishment.

Now, what if it wasn't your goal? And what if you did all that work for someone else? And say you got to the end of that five year time period, and you were totally exhausted, mentally spent, hundreds upon hundreds of hours taken from you, and it still was not enough. Never enough. You didn't get the big diet coke. You didn't get the right ice. You were around when someone contridicted. You didn't do the laundry correctly. You dared to speak when washing poop off a dog that doesn't belong to you, that you are not responsible for. You dared to exist. You dared to think that a movie project that would unequivocally NOT EXIST were it not for your endless, tireless, ceaseless efforts, would be a fun thing to watch come to fruition. You dared to expect a "Thanks for all your hard work." You dared to expect any damn thing.

That's me. I'm pathetic. Who feels sooooooorrrry for me? Do you feel bad for me? Why? I did it to my damn self. Dumbass. Time to walk.

I need a hug so bad I could puke."

Anonymous said...

Ryan Holiday "Ryan Holiday" was = TheRegicider on wikipedia, until he got banned and then did an epic /rage quit. now he edits his own articles to promote himself under various names and IPs, all which go back to UCI (university of california, irvine) and ryan and his obvious interests. Watch out for anyone who vaguely insults Ryan Holiday but then compliments him, because that is ryan holiday! You can't trick us by spelling your name wrong, Ryan. You were caught and banned and you suck at life. jk, I think you are ok at some things but can improve. I am doing high school paper on you right now. Everyone is doing their homework about you. you really made it, ryan holiday day. you are a not a misogynist you are a topic of academic interest, theregicider!

Anonymous said...

Hey, remember this story?

hey,
so i fucked him and, well, i have mixed feelings about the whole thing. first of all, he is not very attractive. he has a gut and man boobs almost. u know how i like my men, so he was a HUGE let down in that department. plus his dick was average size at best (maybe 6 inches and not very thick).

so i meet him at a bar, actually at my favorite bar, and he was there with two other guys, both of which were much more attractive than him (i should have taken up the offer to fuck his friend). His friends seems pretty normal. He wasn’t impressive in person. He wasn’t really a smooth talker, like I would have thought for him to be. He was wearing basketball shorts and he kept pulling his dick out of them and kept putting my hand on it. There were people around who could see his dick, so I wasn’t really too into that. Then he tried to pull out my tits at the bar. He put his hand down my shirt, so not smooth. So we didn’t stay out, he finishd his meal and we all left. His two friends went out, and we went back to my place. He took a shower then when he got out, he just shoved me down on the bed. We kissed a little. Not much though. He told me to take off my clothes and I did. I sucked him for a little, but I wasn’t really into sucking his dick for obvious reasons. He was VERY rough with me. Almost not in a good way. I don’t remember what exactly I did, but I was, well being myself, testing him, trying to stuggle away from his grasp. He bit my hand and he really kinda fucked it up. He broke the skin and I have a big mark and teeth indents in my hand. It hurts like a mother fucker. Then he bit my nose and broke the skin again. I have a visible bite mark on my nose…Same story with my ear. I have bruises all over my body. We fucked like 5 times or so. He came each time. He didn’t let me ride him, said he didn’t like it. I enjoyed getting op top of him and leaning forward so my tits were hanging on his face and I was almost kinda like giving him a little lap dance, but not fucking him because he had just came and was limp. The fun part was the wrestle. He kept trying to pin me down and I kept strruggling to get free and hurt him. He was much bigger then me, so I didn’t win. At one point he bent over and I smacked his ass really hard. I think he pulled my hair and told me not to do it again. But then the moment came when he bent over again and I slapped his ass harder. He grabbed my head and twisted my neck and shoved my face into the bed a kept twisting my head and neck. I did not like this. It was very violent. I have a bad neck and it fucking hurt. After he did this I kinda backed away. He could tell I was upset. And he curled up next to me.

So the first fuck, he pulled out and came all over my face and tits. Lots. The next few times he didn’t pull out and just came in the condom. I told him I like and hand around my neck, and he was really into that. I could tell by the look in his eye when he was fucking me. And he squeezed tight and the more he could hear me gasping for air, the harder he squeezed. The last fuck he came on me again. The sex was ok. He liked to mix it up, kinda teasing me then pounding hard. He liked to be on top, he fucked me doggy once. Overall, he didn’t fuck the bitch out of me. He didn’t fuck me hard enough. He only cared about himself. I know I know. I knew he would be like that.

Anonymous said...

Part 2:
So he also tried to analyse me almost. He asked how many guys I have been with, I told him I stopped counting. Then he asked what the number was when I stopped and I said 25, and that was a year and half ago. Then he asked about having bfs and getting married and I told him that I don’t do well with bfs and I don’t think I want to get married. I have commitement issues. Then he told me that I had emotianal attachement issues, by the fact that I don’t really become emotionaly attached to too many people, and if I do, its short lived. I guess that is true. He said I am a whore. I told him I don’t get paid but he said I was still a whore anyway. I don’t know about him. I liked the roughness to a point. I defeinaly like wrestling and stuggleing with a guy, I just don’t think he should have the confidence or arrogance that he has. There is NOTHING special about him. I think I was disapointed more because he didn’t have anything really to say. It was also weird because I think he was the first guy I have been with that didn’t say I was hot or beautiful or sexy. I know I am all those things, guess I am just used to people telling me. The other weird thing was the fact that he wanted to cuddle. He wanted his arms around me or mine around his for most of the night. After we fucked one time, I was just laying on my back not really next to him. I think this surprised him. He asked me if I liked to cuddle. Then he refered back to my emotial attachement issues. He wanted and needed attention and affection from me. He has some serious mommy issues. Hehe.

The funny thing happened before we first started fucking. I told him not to put his thing near my with out a condom, and he told me to get one. When I was at the clinic last week I picked up a few condoms (they are only 25 cents at planned parenthood). Some were normal size, some where magnum. I picked out a magnum condom and said that he probaby wouldn’t be needing this one. I am such a bitch huh.

The funny thing is that even though my entire body is sore in one way or another, my pussy doesnt hurt a bit. usualy after a guy fucks me 5 times in one night, i would be very sore for at least the next day... but with him... nothing.

He beat the shit out of me. i think i remember why now.. he has this disease that doesnt allow you to store fat properly on your body. so he had these wierd lumps all over his body. this guy i dated in college had the same problem... i called him lumpy.. not to his face, but i started calling tucker lumpy... he didnt like it.


Well check out Tucky's forearm in this picture:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/2677266680/sizes/l/in/photostream/

The miserable old fuck’s got some weird Ben Grimm shit goin’ on, no wonder he has to make up for having no self-esteem by raining on fat chicks and fucking skanks.

Anonymous said...

i think tucker mac is a pretty cool guy, eh poops and had bufftheths and doesn’t afraid of anything.

Anonymous said...

The Tucker Max Ultimate Guide To Dating, Sex and Relationships (pt.3):

"People started doing keg stands, which led to perhaps the defining moment of the trip. This one girl, who was ugly and a bitch (thus, didn't have basic human rights) started doing one. Don't ask me why I did this, because I have no idea why, but when she was upside down, legs spread apart, I punched her right in the vagina. This caused her to violently spit up the beer she was trying to consume, and fall backwards into the two people holding her up, all of them splashing to the mud."

Anonymous said...

I am SO looking forward to OC/DC coming out, rumored to be "the highest grossing comedy of all time."

In fact, it should be out already now, shouldn't it? I know that however much we prayed to Jeebus that another bustour wasn't gonna happen, but Tuckle did say something like, ooo, "I'm not going to talk anymore about it, and don't ask. Just remember this post when it drops in 2 or 3 years and sets new records" in 2009.


Anonymous said...

The Tucker Max Ultimate Guide To Dating, Sex and Relationships (pt.4):

Because Tucker is feral, he lacks certain manners. Table manners, primarily.

I suppose this is because his Mom was a flight attendant, and thus never home when he was growing up, never there to teach him how to use things like forks, knives and napkins. It could be because she kicked him out of the house at 16, and he was forced off to boarding school, where he ripped up scraps with the other little wolves, sporting a wild crudeness that grew into totally disgusting table behavior. Whatever the cause, he eats like a fucking animal.

Even at the finest restaurants, there is no use of a napkin. More often than not, there is no use of table implements, forks, knives, etc. He eats sushi at Nobu in front of Morimoto with his fingers. He eats ribs like a caveman at Carson's, diving in, wolfing the platter down in a manner which leaves sauce mittens on his hands to nearly the wrist mark. You are appalled and say, "Do you want to borrow my napkin?" though you don't want to give it to him for fear of him returning it when finished. And with a great smile of barbeque sauce on his cheeks and chin like clown makeup, he says, "Nah, I'll clean up when I'm done." Luckily, he finishes his food in under two minutes like my Heeler. He excuses himself with the sauce mittens and clown face, and while he's in the loo washing up, the people around you look in your direction with empathy, for you are out on a date with a retarded boy. Awww...

(TheBunny)

Anonymous said...

Remember how "The Hangover" flopped and didn't have any sequels, and "I hope they serve Beer in Hell" was the highest grossing, most groundbreaking comedy of all time? Now excuse me, I'm off to the Rudius crossbow range...

Anonymous said...

AARON WALTON IS A FUCKING STUPID FAGGOT!!!!!!!!!!! (TRUE!!!!!)

Anonymous said...

Suck my fucking dick Kelvin Rigon, you fucking queer.

Anonymous said...

Do NOT email him about this people! More later.

Anonymous said...

I watched "Dallas Buyers' Club" the other day; it did not star Nils Parker.

What I'm trying to say is, even if he had AIDS Nils would still be fat.

Anonymous said...

KELLYNUTS IS A STUPID FUCKWIT!!!

Anonymous said...

Jajaja! Kelvin, you're a douchebag. Go suck Tucker Max's dick. HEEEYOAR!!

Anonymous said...

Fool, you're on crack.

Anonymous said...

Ahahaha KELLYNUTS GO FUCK YOURSELF MORON!

Anonymous said...

Yo, Wesley's a fucking dumbass.

Don't trust him, yo.

Anonymous said...

Michael Wright is a clueless dickhead, it's been universally acknowledged.

Kelvin Rigon said...

yea, Tucker's a raging asshole and is more than a fucking douchebag as he thinks getting drunk excessively and hooking up with random women has soared him up the ropes to fame.

Some might call him a legend. Me? I call him a fucking poser.

Anonymous said...

fuck this stupid blog entry and fuck kung-fu mike!

KELLYNUTS IS A DUMBASS FAGGOT!!! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Fuck off, Tucker.

Also, fuck off Bernard Wong you fucking ugly shit-stain.

The same goes for Allen Clark.

Ros Walton said...

Clueless shitbag is clueless.

#AaronWaltonIsADickhead

Anonymous said...

Kelvin, you worthless retard, go suck on your dad's cock you stupid ugly chimp!

Sincerely,

A Kelvin Rigon hater

Anonymous said...

http://splooshworld.com/tucker-max-is-a-liar/

Anonymous said...

KELLYNUTS for 'Retard of the Year' plz.

Anonymous said...

GDMS is a fucking crybaby, stop supporting people whom you don't fucking know, you stupid knob.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tucker

Anonymous said...

MARK CHARTERIS = ABSOLUTE FUCKTARD!!

Anonymous said...

Joe Pendleton = A REAL STUPIDHEAD!

Anonymous said...

Lou Jenkins has got to go.

Anonymous said...

Sally Williams is a whore

Anonymous said...

nils parker is working on a new movie, totally unrelated to tucker max. it's about a morbidly obese man named nils who runs a crossbow range that you can pay for by the hour while flying on one of his own private rental jets (there is a fleet of these rental jets operated by nils's company - more on this later). the thing is, nils parker also came up with original ideas to create restaurants and bars and so on - don't email me about this, people. but his crossbow range experience located on his rental private jet experience one day experiences the experience of a lifetime. here comes the movie - fade in.
Ian Ziering, after starring in the hangover prequel (to be released), challenges nils parker and his internet friend max tucker to a crossbow competition. max tucker eagerly accepts the challenge because Ian stole his tucker's girlfriend and married her (this is based on the fact that ian ziering married tucker max's girlfriend and tucker is really bitter about that) - and tucker's mom is a stewardess/waitress who works on airplanes and he hates her. more on this later. tucker's mom is unrelated, but he has animosity towards his mom, ian ziering, and airplanes, and they all will pay. and fat nils only looks fat, but you wouldn't say that to his face because he played elementary school football and was an athlete and wasn't fat 30 years ago. swear to god.

The antagonist in the movie is tucker's small hands. see, tucker's hands are too small to operate a crossbow, especially while traveling at mach 10 with tucker's Navy Seal/Special Forces buddies, who are protecting him while learning from him at the same time. so tucker has to forfeit his crossbow competition to Ian and max loses the girl... so you think. however, tucker will have the last laugh because everything went according to max and nils parker's plan, which all this 'failure' was part of, you stupid people... for real. you will see .... the movie will be filmed in 3d by director james cameron or maybe someone else. and trust me, it will be bigger than the hangover times 1000, if it's not sabotaged by an outside party that only wants to ruin real art but they can't recognize it's good, even if max tucker's stewardess whore horrible mother and awful father never taught him ... oh wait, back to the movie. it will be really good. more on this later. nils is the brain, tucker is the brawn, ian ziering is the enemy, and there will be a cameo by screech from saved by the bell, where he also steals tucker's girlfriend, and tucker blames his mom and dad

Anonymous said...

With a $40m P&A budget, an Oscar-nominated director, a sleeper-nom for Best Adapted Screenplay and plenty of hot, hot doody then I think this has the poterntial to be a massive success.

Sorry, wrong word: *fail*, I meant "massive fail".

Do not email me about this people. More later

Anonymous said...

What about soup? Does anyone enjoy it?

Anonymous said...

Does a pureed chocolate fudgecake count as soup? Becuase if so, then Nils enjoys soup numerous times a day.

What I'm saying is that the last time Nils saw his penis was in the changing room mirror at Gymboree.

Anonymous said...

When Ian Ziering Steals Your Girlfriend, Shut Down Your Message Board - an article Written by Ryan Holiday (aka TheRegicider, et al.)

Tucker,

Ian Ziering stole your girlfriend. Shut down your message board, Tucker.


(dictated by Ryan Holiday's Intern)

Signed and Dated,

Signed: Ryan Holiday

Dated: the day tucker max shut down his message board

Anonymous said...

From: Nils Porker (Nils Parker)
To: Tucker Max

Subject: Sorry

Dear Tucker,

Its' I, Nils Parker, the grammar king of the world. (LOL and other jokes but that was serious). I am sorry that no one got our jokes in our hilarious movie, but now that I'm getting a divorce and my wife regrets meeting me on your message board, I wonder if you could right me a letter of recomedation to teach english to black people (and maybe white people too, IDK). I think that my writing abilities speaks for itselves. It is hard to not be funny when I write, no pun intended... get it? HA ha. No one gets that joke! Anyway, I am writing you from a buffet. They are refueling the nacho cheeses and taking forever (i will give negative reviews on yelp!). after I score a touchdown on all these foods that I paid for, I was wondering if we could start over and make another movie? We really did good last time. I convinced lots of family/friends that i was successful, until that ran out. Let us do that again, and this time we won't listen to 'experts' or 'your dad'. Let's show these niggers who is masta (get it? slavery joke).

Signed,

Nils

PS tell everyone i am still in good shape. i dont want them to know that i slipped a bit with my diet and i'm now obese. LET NO 1 NO THAT IM FAT (EVEN THO ITS MOSTLY MUSCLE BUT STILL)

NILS

(PPS)
(MY WIFE NEEDS A NEW PASSWORD 4 YOUR MESSAGE BOARD. SHE SAYS SHE ONLY FUKKS ADMINISTRATORS AND SINCE I AM NOT THERE, I AM NOT ADMINISTRATOR. SHE IS TALKING THAT LOGICAL COLLEGE TALK TO ME AND I JUST NEG HER CAUSE WHO CARES. ARE NEW MOVIE WILL SHOW THAT CUNT WHO IS BOSS. LOL FAG GIRL)

(This message has been sent from the Los Angeles Public Library - Public Computer #2592)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update. I am looking forward to Tucker's next movie blog. I'm sure he'll discuss the mysteries of the steadicam, and perhaps have someone beat up an intern on his behalf (curse those tiny fists).

The movie was originally entitled OC/DC, but since the film is autobiographical it will be renamed AD/HD after Tucker's inability to pass a state bar exam.

Anonymous said...

How that kid who got choked out on set while Tucker filmed it - then posted the video on youtube and writing a long, gramatically poor message board post detailing his involvement - didn't sue Poopdick McLumpy for all he was worth is beyond me.

Admittedly after I Hope There's A Cure For AIDS tanked at the box office, all Tucker was worth probably constituted a drawer full of elasticated gymshorts and a crossbow steadily gathering dust.

Anon said...

Hey, Raymond! If there are any dumb asses here, they're you and other tucker Max ass kissers. How ironic that you called Cocky an idiot when you and Tucker Max are idiots. I'm glad that he made this blog against that damn satirist.

If you don't like this blog, then shut the hell up and get the fuck off of it.

And if you're reading this blogger, could you delete all the Tucker Max fanatics' posts? After all, this is Tucker Max-hating website. And it isn't for his blind cocksuckers.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't Tucker Max supposedly writing a book about The Rock? Whatever happened with that? Or was it just another lie...

Anonymous said...

Why does this idiot have such a long Wikipedia entry? Has he really done anything that notable?

Anonymous said...

tucker needs to address why he has lumpy weird fat under his skin because it's creepy and gross. someone please write an article about this condition so we can put it on wikipedia as a reliable source. i dont think it's right that he meets girls from the internet and they have to deal with his elephant man disease or whatever it's called. fetal alcohol syndrome? i dont know. i also dont think it's right that tucker max's mother, the ex wife from max's grille in boca raton, the stewardess/mom who neglected tucker as a child, is the brunt of his hatred for women - in my opinion! i think if he hates all women (allegedly) and wants to promote rape culture (supposedly), then he has the right to do so, i guess. but he shouldnt involve his mother just because, in my opinion, she abandoned him and didn't love him. that isn't fair for anyone. also erin tyler is disgusting and fat and old, nils parker is morbidly obese, and ryan holiday is allegedly banned from wikipedia for editing his own articles, even though he just creates new accounts and starts over. i wonder if ryan holiday, who went to ucdavis, ever feels like he will ever be ready to run tucker's new movie/promotion company (in the works. dont ask me about this people), or if ryan holiday is better suited for another career, like a senator, congressmen, or even president. you never know with dov charney's top volunteer. (ps, no one check ryan holiday's resume for factual inaccuracies. i dont want to know if he has (unknowingly!) exaggerated any of his experiences! i assume he is honest!

Anonymous said...

^^^ Tucker Max is pretty much done, and has been for the last five years at least: any residual attention he gets either from the media - i.e. the internet - or from random bar skanks is merely the 'aftershock effect' from a brief period of online notoriety prior to him being exposed as a hopeless Walter Mitty-type who had truly bought into his own lies and Alpha-Dog image. Instead, he is now known to be a lispy, lumpy bullshit machine and hype-artist with no personal skills, dubious personal hygiene and a poor grasp of what constitutes "good writing" (at least where he is known at all).

He will continue to fail, because that's what he does: hopelessly overreaching, and being continually dumped back down in his place.

Anonymous said...

Lumper Max seems to be a failed lawyer.
Lumpy Max seems to be a failed screenwriter.
Tucker Tibor Max seems to be a failed producer.
Lumpy Lumps Tibor Max seems to have failed in Hollywood.
Lumpy Tibor Max seems like a failure as a son.
Lumpicus Max seems like a failed writer.
Tucker Lumpy-skin Max seems like a failed cross-bow range operator
Tucker Lumper Max ... more on this later. don't email me about these vomit-inducing lumps on my skin, people.

Tuckers Lumps said...

Lumpy

Anonymous said...

"I'm not Marc Andreessen, but I am two or three levels below that"

Imagine if you were married and had to come home to this every night:

https://twitter.com/BunnyBlog/status/455938615097323521/photo/1

And every night you had to know that the douchebag on the far left used to shoot his load on your wife's face:

https://twitter.com/BunnyBlog/status/328371556772352001/photo/1

That's barely two or three levels better than getting raped in prison.

Anonymous said...

7/14/2014 5:08 PM -

I think Erin actually looks pretty good in that picture! Except for the booger up her nostril that is, she really should have fished that sucker out first.

Tucker does look like a total fuck tho.

Anonymous said...

Agreeing with Anon 7/20/2014 5:05 PM. She is bangable.

Bangable, that is, provided you can get out of her place within 15 minutes. Who will ever commit to a psycho who was Tucker's cum dumpster?

Anonymous said...

Why is there no more activity here?

That's right - it's because Tucker is now irrelevant. Not that he was very relevant before. Plus Nils is still a 300 lb pile of fat.

Anonymous said...

I miss the megathread.

Anonymous said...

What does he do now besides lie about being a private equity investor? Tucker must simply live off daddy's money...

Anonymous said...

Procreating, apparently:

http://tuckermax.me/yes-i-have-a-wife-and-son-and-yes-its-pretty-awesome/

Anonymous said...

His wife is rather beat. I thought that Fucker was a ladies' man???

Oh, that's right. All of his stories are bullshit.

Anonymous said...

I feel bad for him, his wife and his child. Tucker doesn't have the emotional stamina and selflessness required to succeed as either a husband or parent.

The fact that Tucker's parents could not sustain a successful marriage does not bode well, as our parents are our role models. While it is possible to break free of the way we are molded, it takes a certain strength of character that is sorely lacking in Tucker. While I hope it works out, it is ill-advised for anyone (much less Tucker) to have a baby right after tying the knot.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12/19/2014 7:49 AM

The marriage won't last. The chick can't be that crazy. She will leave his sorry ass.

Anonymous said...

How many men has Tucker had sex with?

Anonymous said...

hmmm

I am posting here.

Anonymous said...

>>>How many men has Tucker had sex with?

Nils and Tim Ferriss. Fucker was the bottom each time.

Anonymous said...

Damn . . . been almost three years since Cockly's last post. Tucker really is a has-been.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tucker, when is OC/DC going to be released?

Anonymous said...

keep thinkin bout tucka

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to post an update to let us know whether Nils is still fat

Anonymous said...

Nils is collaborating on the memoir of an obscure, morbidly obese comedian named Ralphie May. It's a great pairing: May isn't funny and Nils can't write.

Sexy:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9d/Ralphie_may.jpeg

KungFu Mike said...

I was just thinking about the time when Nils ate a dozen donuts from Dunkin Donuts and then crapped his pants. Tucker and I laughed about it for a few minutes until we jerked each other off. True story

Anonymous said...

Fucker claims he can lift the following in his piece of shit e-book about how to increase testosterone levels:

• Bench press: 255lbs
• Back squat: ~300lbs
• Deadlift: 405lbs

There is NO. FUCKING. WAY. that he can lift that much. He's claiming that he's 40 lbs away from the 1000 lb club. More of Fucker's bullshit.

Somebody torrented his e-book. It's not even worth its free price.

Anonymous said...

Tucker once again talking out of his ass:

"Tucker Max: Increasing Your Charisma, Finding The Perfect Mate, and How Learning to Cook Will Transform Your Life"


http://fatburningman.com/tucker-max-increasing-your-charisma-finding-the-perfect-mate-and-how-learning-to-cook-will-transform-your-life/

Be sure to read the comments.

Anonymous said...

Just you wait fuckers just you wait...Tucker is going to rise up like the phoenix and lay massive pipe on all you haterzzz...

-KungFu Mike

Anonymous said...

Oh wow this place is still around.

I wrote that idiot Ryan Holiday a forged email supposedly from a drunk Tucker Max with a list of assholes on the forum to ban since "I" was closing it in a week. The next day, he actually banned them all and a few more for good measure. Ryan, if you're still blaming Tucker for that, it's not his fault.

-Totally Not Matt Czuchry

Anonymous said...

Has Tucker ever had sex with Nils?

Anonymous said...

Tugjob now claims to have invested $1.2 million of his own money as an angel investor into 80 companies and that he earned a "guaranteed five times return on his direct investments"

http://www.inc.com/bartie-scott/why-tucker-max-quit-angel-investing-and-you-should-too.html

Anonymous said...

He's "quitting" angel investing because he didn't know what he was doing. Doubtful that he ponied up $1.2m.

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