Friday, May 06, 2011

More Real-Life Tucker Max Childhood Stories

In 2009 I set up a new blog to discuss Tucker Max's lies when I was unable to locate the password for this blog. Unfortunately, that new blog newer took off. I will transfer some of the posts from that blog over here. The post shown below was originally posted on the other blog in October 2009:

Some comments concerning Tucker Max's childhood have been posted on this post. These were posted by anonymous posters, so I am unable to independently verify these accounts. If anyone has any additional information regarding these incidents, please leave a comment to this post.

Anonymous said...

Tucker grew up in Lexington KY. Attended elementary school, jr. high, and the first 3 years of high school there.

In 7th grade he drew swastikas on his hands in a attempt to piss off his social studies teacher (Mr. Esrael, who, as it turned out, wasn't even jewish) This was followed by his reading "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" and declaring that, despite what we might think based on his skin tone and blond hair, really, he's black.

Then he flunked out his junior year (in addition to a scandal involving cheating on the AP U.S. History Test) and ended up at a boarding school on his daddy’s dime, repeating that year and hiding his failure well enough to get into UC.

His psychotically delusional narcissism is DECADES old.

9/29/2009 6:36 AM



Anonymous said...

I played little league with Tucker in the 5th grade. He struck out pretty much everytime he went to bat.

10/03/2009 7:10 AM


Here are pictures of Mr. Esrael and a young Tucker Max. Someone posted a link to these photos in a comment to this post. These appear to have been scanned from a class or yearbook photo.

95 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sweet! Let the hate commence.

Anonymous said...

What an utter tit: reputation in tatters, fanbase non-existent, called out, ragged on, reduced to lame sports commentary on twitter and *still* sniffing aroung college campus vag despite now being old enough to have fathered said vag (and then some).

Still as long as he's out there, we will be too. TMMB is dead, and his butt-licky mods no longer have a monopoly on the truth.

Doooooche!

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Does anyone even give a shit about him anymore? Whatever relevance he once had seems to have faded away.

Anonymous said...

Is he relevant? Tough to say. Is he lying low because he needs to have everybody forget about the BS surrounding his movie debacle, or does nobody care anymore, which is why he is completely off the radar. He is certainly in decline from the 2006 book release to the present. AFF was marginally successful, but I am not sure that it will boost sales of the next book. With a '75 birth date, he will be 37 before any new project hits, and then touring the college towns becomes very creepy as the 20 plus age gap becomes more real. And then there is just the fact that poor hygiene and hard living is showing its effect. The last picture posted showed a middle aged-puffy faced guy with yellow crusty teeth. Is this what the 18 year olds are interested in today?
Oh, and Nils is pretty fat.

Anonymous said...

Tucker, do you think the film version of AFF will do better than the sequel to the Hangover? I am sure that anything the Hangover 2 does, you do better. Or maybe not.

Anonymous said...

He was mentioned on O&A the other day, but just in a "What was that douche's name again?" kinda way. He's still making appearances on college campuses (there's a couple listed on his shitty website), but whether he's booked to speak or just schilling his shitty failbook, who the fuck knows. Or cares.

Anonymous said...

So when is the movie version of Assholes Finish First coming out? How much better will it do than the sequel of The Hangover? Just wondering. Tucker? Anyone?

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Blogger was screwed up on May 12th and some comments were submitted but didn't get posted. I received email notifications of the following posts:



Is he relevant? Tough to say. Is he lying low because he needs to have everybody forget about the BS surrounding his movie debacle, or does nobody care anymore, which is why he is completely off the radar. He is certainly in decline from the 2006 book release to the present. AFF was marginally successful, but I am not sure that it will boost sales of the next book. With a '75 birth date, he will be 37 before any new project hits, and then touring the college towns becomes very creepy as the 20 plus age gap becomes more real. And then there is just the fact that poor hygiene and hard living is showing its effect. The last picture posted showed a middle aged-puffy faced guy with yellow crusty teeth. Is this what the 18 year olds are interested in today?
Oh, and Nils is pretty fat.



Hey Tucker, since we know you will be reading these comments, let me ask you this: is the movie version of Assholes Finish First going to be bigger than the sequel to The Hangover? If it is not, who will you blame?

Please reply below.

Anonymous said...

AFF isn't on the list anymore.

Uh oh:
http://www.nytimes.com/best-sellers-books/2011-05-22/hardcover-nonfiction/list.html

Anonymous said...

Neither is IHTSBIH

http://www.nytimes.com/best-sellers-books/2011-05-22/paperback-nonfiction/list.html

Anonymous said...

What does Tugger do to make money now? He must be dead broke by now with few prospects.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Cockly for re-posting the comments that blogger ate.

BTW: Tucker has been sued by Duke Law School for unpaid tuition.

http://jezebel.com/5677326/tucker-max-sued-by-duke-law

A commenter to Jezebel notes that:

Oh right! I have the real answer to this one - Duke Law will give you Duke loans to get you through law school. He probably didn't pay back the Duke loan, but since you're still paying them off years later it didn't come to a lawsuit until now.

Anonymous said...

Even better than the lawsuit is that Tucker tried to ride the coattails of Tim Ferriss...he asked Tim if he wanted to co-write a book w/ Tucker. Ferriss shut him down pretty hard.

Anonymous said...

I'm shocked at that - Tim Ferriss is almost as big a self-promoting useless douchebag as Tucker. Of course Ferriss hasn't FAILed yet so he's smart to stay away from the radioactive Fucker Max.

Anonymous said...

@7:04 Tim is a self-promoter, but he knows to evolve to serve his audience. Funny thing is that Tucker helped Tim out a few years ago at SXSW and even though Tim still occasionally pays Tucker lip service, now that Tim has surpassed him, he knows well enough how toxic Tucker is.

Anonymous said...

Have you seen how ridiculously long and whitewashed Tugger's wikipedia entry is? I bet he edits that entry himself - he certainly has the free time to do so!

Anonymous said...

This blog was always hilarious and interesting when Tucker was actually doing stuff. Now that he's pretty much done for, there isn't much for people to pontificate on. At least cockly's back, though, to keep it from becoming a cesspool of spam and stuff.

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Is Nils Parker still fat? I have been going through the comments on the Facebook story post and saw quite a few comments about this.

Anonymous said...

^^^ He's even the fattest one of his friends.

Anonymous said...

is it just me or, does that pic of tucker as a kid just make you think of those obnoxious kids back in school who thought they knew everything, and who you just wanted to beat into the curb every day?

Anonymous said...

^^^That fucking face. So punchable.

Neither of his books are on this week's list either. :(

Anonymous said...

Is Nils fat?

I would say no. I mean look at the Nils blog. half of his posts are about making fun of fatties.

Surely he wouldn't be making fun of fatties using his own name if he were indeed fat?

Oh and:

http://www.nilsparker.com/the-education-of-current-life/#more-121

ends with "two be continued".

I guess Nils has been two busy the past two and half years working on the OC/DC (anything IHTSBIH does the OC/DC will do better) to finish the blog entry.

Anonymous said...

Nils may be fat, but Erin is winning the fattie race. When I fucked her she was just a bit pudgy in the middle. Now? Holy Wisconsin! Has got to be at least 2 bills.

I wonder if her sister's pussy still stinks?

IFTBAHS

Anonymous said...

Tucker Tweet:
@Sal3919 You go ahead spell every word perfectly, I'm going to be busy over here, selling millions of books

He's not selling millions of books, and if he is, shouldn't a writer care about spelling?

Anonymous said...

Duke lawsuit is for 4k? pocket change for someone with a job. well ok maybe not, but payable, at least.

Maybe they'll confiscate all further book income

Anonymous said...

How fat is Bunny? Someone should post a picture. Is she the same age as Tucker?

Anonymous said...

Last picture that I saw of Bunny was from Shreveport (whenever that was): overweight, greasy, lank-haired and dressed for doing laundry. She was out for dinner, funnily enough.

She doesn't post photos of herself on Twitter, which as a notoriously self-obsessed, validation-seeking kook should tell you all you need to know about how bad she must be looking nowadays.

Oh, and Nils is so fat, he's going to die comically young.

Anonymous said...

Neither of Tucker's books are on the bestseller's list again.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy soup.

Anonymous said...

Thizzle abizzle Tizzle!

Anonymous said...

Listen up, faggots! Tucker is going to have the greatest comeback ever when his 3rd book comes out. Just you wait and see. And the second movie will indeed beat The Hangover's take at the box office.

You better be prepared for it, muthafuckas.

Love,
Fat Nils (is there any other kind?)

Anonymous said...

sup boys does mccoymountain still chill in these parts

Anonymous said...

I still put that comment about Opie and Anthony show on his Wiki. I'll put it on everytime I remove it too. People have to know about that.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit, the blog is back!

Any word on OC DC? I heard Nils and Tucker were going to work on this blockbuster hit, but that it might have taken a backseat to Tucker's kiss and tell about making that epic "Beer in Hell" movie. I'm sure Bob Gosse will never eat lunch in that town again, thanks to the power of the Tucker Max brand.

Anonymous said...

By the way, whatever the hell happened to that loser Kung Fu Mike? Last I heard he abandoned his failed writing career and was looking for minimum wage work in New Hampshire. Even Tucker cast him aside by not inviting him to tag along on the Fail Bus Tour.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm posts are getting deleted.

Anonymous said...

Poor Bob Gosse, he directed something even funnier than his Holocaust movie and yet Tucker gets all the credit.

Anonymous said...

Tucker wrote:


December 22, 2010

Well, I thought I understood how the Hollywood system worked. I was still arrogant enough that I thought truly understood the system. And you could think of it the same way as starting a company, like a first time entrepreneur saying I know how to do a startup. You may think you know, but you don't know until you've done it, right? I thought I knew how Hollywood worked. I thought I knew how the set would work, etc. So we picked our own director, and we ended up picking a director who essentially sold us in the room that he would act a certain way and do a certain set of things on the movie, but when it came time to do it did something totally different. And by the time we got to that point in the process, there was no way to unfuck the decision. And then because he didn't live up to what he said he would do, I instead of, what I should've done is said, "Okay, we are where we are. We can't change it. I need to figure out how to make the best situation possible out of this." What I did was the wrong thing. I got fucking pissed and I got angry and I didn't deal with those emotions. So instead they kind of came out in the way I acted towards him and towards a lot of other people, and it negatively . . . a movie set's a very sensitive, delicate artistic place and you can't act like that there. And I did because I was fucking pissed off because this guy had fucked me. And it negatively impacted the movie in a lot of ways, and I can't even watch the movie because I can see on screen in scenes where I know what's going on in the background and I know someone's fucking up a scene and I know it's at least partially my fault and it drives me nuts. It drives me nuts because I didn't have to act that way. Even with the bad decision, I could have just swallowed it in the short term and gotten the best product out and then dealt with the director later. I didn't. I was short sighted in that way.

Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for Tucker's long-awaited Hollywood kiss-and-tell, where he reveals the secrets behind heavy hitters like Bob Gosse and Freestyle Entertainment, and how they ruined his "art".

Cockly McBeefwell said...

"Hmmmm posts are getting deleted."

Blogger automatically designated several comments as spam and removed them from this page. I had to go into my account and mark them as not being spam. There is obviously a problem with Blogger's spam filter

Anonymous said...

This is seriously one of the best blogs I've ever read. It's not even because Tucker is such a colossal douche anymore (which he is), but it's because you all really just make me laugh.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Even though Tucker has dropped off the face of the earth, http://www.quotabletuckermax.com/ will be around forever. Nice to have this blog back

Anonymous said...

I shamefully admit to reading Tucker's latest book of lies and half-truths, but find it hilarious that the age in his stories just keeps getting younger and younger...if he was born in 1975, there's no way in HELL that he was 28 (as claimed in "Not Another Teen Hookup)in 2005.

Methinks ol' Tucker feels 40 closing in with a vengeance...suffer, bitch, suffer.

Anonymous said...

^Not to worry, I didn't pay for that garbage...merely downloaded it illegally ;-)

--female non-fan

Anonymous said...

"...if he was born in 1975, there's no way in HELL that he was 28 (as claimed in "Not Another Teen Hookup)in 2005."
Tucker's stories have always transcended time and space. He was using an early 80's video camera with self destructing cassette tapes in 2000 to film buttseth. Hotels like the Embassy Suites in the early 2000s apparently did not require credit cards to reserve rooms and prevent damages to toilets and common areas. There was no surveillance video, alarm, or police report in the late 90s. Tucker's world, where you could commit felonies, misdemeanors, and vandalism with impunity and without leaving any police, insurance, or business record, apparently continued well into the computer and video age. His world was a lot like the world of 1950s Porkies; and Diner and Animal House of the early 1960s. In other words, fiction.

Anonymous said...

He's entertaining. Let him be. All the hate-posting is rather pathetic.

Anonymous said...

>>>He's entertaining. Let him be. All the hate-posting is rather pathetic.


YAWN. You Tucker fan-bois really do need to drop that zero and get with a hero. Vanilla Ice needs fans, why not promote him?

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max has become completely irrelevant. He must realize by now that he cannot make a living off movies or books. Did he go out and get a job or does he still leech off his fan boys?

Anonymous said...

KTAT

Anonymous said...

WCIAM?

Anonymous said...

Thizzle abizzle Tizzle.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy soup.

Anonymous said...

Marry a Ukranian girl! Blonde and hot! No feminist bullshit!

Anonymous said...

He is only entertaining if the story are true.

Which they aren't.

Well the stories about him are entertaining but not in the way intended:
"the video cassette broke"
"there's no police report despite driving through a window"
"I beat up a minor league hockey team's mascot and didn't get thrown out of the arena, much less arrested"
"Anything the Hangover does we can do better"

All of those statements are entertaining but only in that Tucker expects us to believe them.

TheDeconstructionistGuy said...

He's laying low due to getting hair plugs.

Anonymous said...

^^^ I don't think he's getting hair plugs. Don't hair plugs cost money?

Anonymous said...

^^^ I don't think he's getting hair plugs. Don't hair plugs cost money?


The poster was incorrect.

He is lying low because he is getting BUTT PLUGS. The tiny Nils model.

Anonymous said...

^^^ Nice job. I'm not sure 'tiny' and 'Nils' have ever been used in the same sentence before.

Anonymous said...

>>>Nice job. I'm not sure 'tiny' and 'Nils' have ever been used in the same sentence before.


What about the night when he first met his wife? I'm sure she said "Nils, you are so tiny" when his size 60 trousers came off.

Anonymous said...

Just you wait motherfuckers. We are saving all your IP addresses and Tucker Max will bring the thunder down on all you pussies. You think you are safe but you aren't. The revolution is coming!!!

-KungFu Mike

Anonymous said...

Just you wait motherfuckers. We are saving all your IP addresses and Tucker Max will bring the thunder down on all you pussies. You think you are safe but you aren't. The revolution is coming!!!

- sent by KungFu Mike from the employee lounge at Burger King

Anonymous said...

http://www.memoirsofamanwhore.ca/

Anonymous said...

SO... what do you think of this guy? No-Shame Bob?http://memoirsofamanwhore.ca/

Anonymous said...

>>>what do you think of this guy? No-Shame Bob? http://memoirsofamanwhore.ca/



He is as full of shit as Tucker.

Anonymous said...

Young Tucker had a really big head.

English Teacher X said...

So it was never really clear -- was it Cloud Starchaser who got this blog going? Is that your, Cloud? Did they let you out of jail for stalking Ivanka Trump?

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I just got done watching the latest cut of OC/DC. Nils and Tucker totally nailed it out of the park with this one! I'm predicting a $25 million opening weekend and finishing up at $275 million. That isn't even counting the huge receipts this movie will rack up in the foreign markets.

Also, I can't get enough of the Bunny book. So many great stories from such an insightful and well balanced woman ^_^

Oh and Nils isn't even corpulent in the slightest.

Anonymous said...

I heard somewhere that Tucker Mac is a douchebag and a liar. Confirm/deny?

Anonymous said...

KTAT

Anonymous said...

>>>>
I heard somewhere that Tucker Mac is a douchebag and a liar. Confirm/deny?
>>>>


CONFIRMED.

I just realized that his book came out a year ago. Nothing from the guy at all. Game over, man.

Anonymous said...

i once saw IHTSBIH at a best buy or some store like that, and i hid the copy behind another movie so no one would purchase it. that was dumb because no one was going to buy it anyway.

-ryan holliday's intern

Anonymous said...

http://thepiratebay.org/search/i%20hope%20they%20serve%20beer%20in%20hell/0/7/200

Anonymous said...

I know this asshole's career is dead, but Tucker is tweeting up a storm about the horrible incident at Penn State.

This low life stinking pile of monkey crap is acting like a moral bastion against child rape . . . wait, didn't he admit that he sodomized a woman while a video camera was going WITHOUT INFORMING HER???

That guy needs to flatline just like his career so that we can breathe his air. It's all for the children!

Anonymous said...

listen, i had a bad experience at Rudius Media's Crossbow Range. I was there with my buddies shooting crossbows and to be completely honest, the lines were so long to get in on the crossbow action that we ended up waiting 3 hours just to get 20 minutes on the Rudius Tactical Range. This is no way to treat loyal customers, Tucker.

I guess the only good thing is that on the way out, the employee offered me a discounted OC/DC DVD for my trouble. Thanks buddy, but next time offer me an autographed I hope they serve beer in hell, and then we're talkin!

Anonymous said...

Holy Shit!!

Tucker's message board is back up. There's no link to it on his site and no posts on it yet. Could it be he's firing up the douche machine on last time:

http://www.tuckermax.com/board/

Anonymous said...

OMG! That board link is great! I cannot believe the level of intellectualism on the new Rudius/Max/KungFuMike boards!

HE'S BACK BABY!

Anonymous said...

So what is Tucker up to these days anyway?

Does he have a job, or what?

J-C During said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/01/21/tucker-max-infamous-bro-lit-writer-grows-up/

Anonymous said...

whens rudius air coming

Anonymous said...

i cant wait to check out tuckys new book tomorrow

what tier giveaway did u guys get

Anonymous said...

www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A1F0Y1WVUOFJBH/ref=cm_cr_dp_auth_rev?ie=UTF8&sort_by=MostRecentReview

Fake reviews are up for pub day. Someone find a torrent of this shit, because I just don't have the space for 1000 copies.

Anonymous said...

"I didn’t realize this when I was writing it, but I think if you read between the lines a little bit, in between all the bravado, you can see a lot of self-loathing."

Gee, ya think? Now he's gonna be some self-reflecting douche? What a douche-bag!!

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised he's even having articles written about him. Aside from the occasional comment written on him here and at the Tucker Max Lies blog, nobody is talking about this never-been loser. He's completely irrelevant by any measure.

Anonymous said...

"I am now retired from writing anymore[sic] stories about drinking, partying, fucking, and hooking up." - Tucker Max

http://www.tuckermax.com/other/retirement/

Espana said...

Tucker Max is a man that loves to go out on any night, get drunk, and have sex with women. No matter where he had his beer or slept with his women, they were going to end up in his book somehow, whether they liked it or not.
First, I must say that it is hard to believe people actually go behind their morals and what they believe to now believe in Tucker Max. From reading this book men are the ones that would enjoy it, the stories told are stories that only men would appeal to. I thought the book was very good because it had so much humor in it that I couldn't stop laughing, his stories are provocative and some even gross. I like how the book is thoroughly reprehensible and makes you feel like you are in the story when it is happening. Tucker Max gives you such a good picture of what is happening the entire time so you know every detail of every second. Although it may seem that reading about this guy's sex life is ridiculous, it was impossible not to want to just keep going to finish the book in one day.

Anonymous said...

I read IHTSBIH soon after it came out, and found it hilarious. In fact, I turned my boyfriend onto Max's work, and we shared many laughs over Assholes Finish First. For some obscure reason, I googled "Tucker Max" and read his January interview and was pleasantly surprised, thinking, ok, good! He's too old for this shit! ...then I read his tweets. Wtf?! Talk about a contradiction- he seems exactly the fucking same. Good luck finding a woman, dude.


Oh, and finally saw one of his interviews- gnarly voice, totally not what I expected. Ewww. I'll pass.

Anonymous said...

I'd probably hate successful writers too, if all i did with my life was write a shitty, made-up, hate blog...

Anonymous said...

The amount of bitter basement dwelling mouth breathers in these comments is unreal.

The means are moot.

The reality is that he likely made more money in his worst year over the last decade then most of you folks with your twilight fan fiction in your lives.

Now you can start telling me that you are all millionaires and that I am an asshole.

Go.

Anonymous said...

^ How much money could he possibly have made during the past decade? He is a compulsive liar, so he'll never tell the truth anyway. Remember when he used to claim that he made $10,000 or more just off ads, yet he shut down his forum a year or two later because he was losing money on the bandwidth. Most of what he writes seems like blatant lies.

Anonymous said...

Anon 10/15/2013 12:51 PM:

Yes, you ARE an asshole. Ask Fucker how much money he invested in that dumb flying car company that's not going to go anywhere.

Mr. Esrael said...

Tucker is a homo

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah said...

Mr. Esrael, when I see comments like this where people talk negative about other people, it just makes me more sad for you guys because obviously you harbor hurt and hatred, but all I can encourage you to do is not let it consume you. This is not the Tucker I see and while we are all entitled to an opinion, my encouragement for you would be to ask if what has made you dislike Tucker worth the harboring of hatred in your own heart? I only ask because hate can consume an individual to where more damage is done to the person who hates and I don't want that for you - you're better than that.

We have a choice on how we deal with things that happen - to view it as positive and negative - if you choose negative, it can make you negative and you, my friend, are better than that!

Mr. Esrael said...

Tucker was always trying to grab my junk back when I was his teacher. He really wanted to suck me off