Wednesday, March 01, 2006

A Frightened Tucker Max Runs Away From A Fight

Apparently the infamous shithead Tucker Max was being a dick (as usual) when he visited the University of Pittsburg to sign copies of his "book." Supposedly a student named "Will Powers" (shown in the picture on the right) almost got in a fight - Max was being a little bitch and weakly pushed Powers in an effort to intimidate Powers. Powers shoved Max back, almost knocking him over and then challenged Max to a fight right then and there. Max, being the complete pussy he is, apparently ran away like a scared little pansy. I guess Max was afraid he was finally going to get the good ass-whipping he deserves.

Here's the story of the confrontation as posted by Powers on some website:

Well, I said I was gonna interview tucker, then go to boomerangs and write an article on what the guy is really like. I have to say, he's pretty much what he puts himself out there as, a huge asshole.

When you read the article, you'll note that tucker puts words in the mouth of tattoo girl like crazy. What doesnt make sense, is that tattoo girl posted this on tuckers forums. "You're just pissed that Tucker and I both got pussy last night and you didn't. Pitt didn't suck; that Will kid from last night made the entire tour."

This is my reply to what tucker max posted on his site. Take it for what its worth. Those of you who know me know my personality and the kind of things I say. If you choose to believe this as the real event or not, here was my experience with tucker max.

Highlights include tucker thanking [my site] for promoting him, failing to finish a shot and throwing half away, and tucker bitching out to me on mckee st when I tried to fight him. If anyone who reads this has ever met me. What do I do when people start shit with me? Back down? Have you ever known me to be anything other than the loud, cocky and outright prick that I am? No. Tucker ran into a house scared as he didnt wanna get bitched up. I highly suggest if you dont have a lot of time READ THE END

So this all started when matt emailed tucker hearing he was coming up for a book signing, matt never got around to the interview and so I called tucker on his cell to do a phone interview. Overall I'd say the guy was pretty cool. He was really appreciatve of the fact that [my site] had been promoting his visit, and told me to come to the signing and the bar to talk more if I wanted, so I did.

I showed up at the book signing and introduced myself, "Hi, tucker, I'm will, I"m the guy that did the phone interview. "Nice to meet you man! Thanks for the PR, here, take a seat." At this point, tucker motions for me to sit next to tatoo girl, while he signs matt's book. Matt couldnt be there as he was hospitalized as I explained. While I sat there, numerous members [of my site] came up, said "hey will" and then got their books signed. This was apparent to tucker I'm sure.

This is tuckers quote of that meeting, "Hey Tucker, I'm TheDouche, the guy who interviewed you for my miniscule website that I won't shut the fuck up about. Let me tell you about how important I am."

Sound like a guy who'd invite me to sit down and chill?

So anyways, during this time, about all we talked about was tucker, as you'd expect. I asked him a number of questions. During it, I Didnt understand a reference a kid made about a story that had been posted during the day. Tucker showed me the story on his wireless laptop. I showed him [my site], which he commented had "a real professional setup" "thats an awesome amount of people for a regional site" and "thanks for putting that up for me". I of course was like, "no problem at all". This is tuckers side of the story:

"Alright, those were not even close to his exact words, but that is pretty much what happened over the 45 minutes; this dude would not stop talking about himself and how much he meant to Pitt and its student body and how much he had helped promote me and blah, blah, blah. Whatever, I am kinda used to this so I just ignored him. "

Before he handed me the book, I got a phone call from my mom. Tucker was asking me a question about [my site], and I told him to hold on, my mom was on the phone. I held up finger showing him to wait, then told my mom what I was doing. This is tuckers side of the story:

Tucker "Hey man, what is your-" and he cut me off. The motherfucker had his phone in his hand and was about to dial someone, and literally held his finger up to me in a "wait a second" gesture.

"By no means am I insinuating that I am such a star that I take priority over everything; it was more the way he did it, as if to say "I'm so imporant, you have to wait for me." It was a display of assclownery the likes of which I have never seen before. Mike looked at me in stunned disbelief and said, "What the fuck is going on?" I should have known what was coming next, but not even I could predict what a tool he really was. "

So anyways, I leave the book signing and go to my SGB meeting, after the meeting, I go down to boomerangs to chill and drink with this prick so that I can bring this story to you. I was wearing my brown abercrombie jacket from 10th grade, a green turtleneck, and my bookbag, as I'd never gone home. Tucker starts talking about all these beer nonsense, and claims budwiser is 7% alcohol. This is wrong, its 5%, I correct him, he gets real pissy. At this point, a kid buys tucker a irish car bomb. Tucker tries to drink it, but only manages about half. In a panic, he throws the cup in a nearby trash can. I call him out on it,

"dude, you're tucker max, you cant just throw half that shit away, that guy bought it for you, thats rude". "Fuck you kid, I can do whatever I want, I"m tucker max."

Notably, tucker didnt include this into his blog.

So the night goes on, and tatoo girl realizes I'm friends with a particularly hot lesbian, and asks me to bring her to boomerangs. I oblige, and she shows up. This doesnt please tucker very much, as earlier he'd been bragging about how he planned out a 3 some with tattoo girl and piss girl for later that night. Clearly tattoo girl wasnt going to add a "twice" onto her tattoo.

But enough of this sillyness, the hot lesbian arrived at this point, and henceforth, everything I say can be confirmed by her. The following parts of tuckers story are either totally made up, or heavily modified.

1. After I asked tucker about what he used to host his site, and he replied with "movable text" The topic of [my site] was never brought up again.

2. Tucker doesnt like being called tucky, tyler, travis, or "arent you 30 now old man?" In fact he doesnt like anyone who detracts from his star status.

3. I did call my seat as reserved, I said "fives" not "holdsies" and some motherfucker sat in it anyways.

4. I told tattoo girl that I was going the same direction as she was as she lives on mckee, but that I wasnt going back with them, just happened to be walking the same way. She agreed this was wise, as tucker and I had been throwing insults back and forth for the past hour.

5. My friend works at hemmingways, apparently tucker was so horrible to the people in the bar that came to meet him, they left and went there howling about it.

6. Gorrila guy, the dude who was supposedly thrown out after buying everyone shots, only bought tucker something, an irish car bomb, which tucker failed to finish, nice coverup tmax.

5. While walking down forbes, I passed tucker and his entourage. Tucker walks slow, he kind of has a chubby belly to be honest. AT this point he says to me, "dude, what the fuck do you think you're doing". I replied that I lived at the end of mckee st, and I'd be going the same way as them until then, and that I wasnt trying to stop tucker from fucking those girls.

At this point, I Want to quote his site, as its actually partially true here.

Tucker "Why are you following us you fucking dork? You're worse than herpes. Get the fuck out of here. Now."
TheDouche "Whatever, two of those three girls are my friends, I can go with them."
Tucker "They are? OK, Marsha, is he your friend?
Marsha "Uhh...I met him at a party once."
Tucker "Is he your friend?"
Marsha "Uhh....he is an acquaintance, I guess."
Tucker "You fucking loser, this girl won't even claim you as a friend. Go away you fucking leech, before I end you."
TheDouche "Whatever, they are my friends, I can stay if I want."
Tucker "Are you a fucking fag? Do you want to watch me fuck these girls, you fucking fag? Better yet, do you want to fuck me? What the fuck do you want?"

Tucker never said any of it, I did say that two of the girls were my friends. The lesbian is one of my best friends, the other girl I Really dont know that well, I just grouped her as a friend to be polite, I was hoping she would have an alternative to fucking this piece of slime. Oh, and tucker isnt as hard as he's quoted, he didnt say any of the last two lines, nor did I.

At this point, what happened is completely true, tucker dared me to stop the girls from fucking him, I took the bet, and in the long run, was only half successful. The lesbian and tattoo girl didnt fuck tucker, however, the big titted slutty girl did. I asked her "hun, please dont fuck this piece of slime, he just dared me that I couldnt convince you to not fuck him, you're a bet, I cant believe you'd want to do him." Her reply, "I"m sorry Will, I want to do this, I came out tonight with the intention of fucking tucker max, and I"m going to".

So here, tucker victorious, starts yelling, "I"m the king, you cant stop me" and other such statements, and we're pretty much in front of tattoo girls house on mckee now. Here is where it got interesting. Tucker turns around and faces me, insists that all night he has been secretly mocking me. Thing is, he wasnt, he mocked me to my face, and when I gave him shit back, he didnt handle it real well. Like I've stated before, anything that tarnishes the image of "tucker max" isnt something he's fond of. So anyways, this is what tucker claims happened at that moment.

"Tucler "Do you realize what a fucking tool you are? Do you not know that EVERYONE in the bar was mocking you the whole fucking time you were there?"
TheDouche "Whatever.".
Tucker "You don't believe me? TattooGirl, who was everyone in the bar making fun of?
TattooGirl "Him."
Tucker "Marsha, who is the biggest tool at Pitt?"
Marsha "Him."
TheDouche "You are a fucking loser. Go away."

We start walking into TattooGirl's place, when TheDouche starts wailing, "WHATEVER, JUST GO FUCK ALL OF THEM. GO FUCK TUCKER MAX."

Is this guy serious? I stormed over and got right in his face, "Turn around right now and leave before I hit you in the fucking mouth. NOW."

Without saying a word, utter defeat in his eyes, TheDouche turned and walked away. I won't even make a joke like "He went home and kicked his dog," because he's too much of a pussy to even do that. "

Thing is, thats not what happened at all. Tucker did claim the whole bar was mocking me, to tell you the truth, I wouldnt really be able to know that, though if they were, they did it pretty covertly. But I digress, at this point tucker pushed me. Seriously, pushed me. Maybe he was drunk I dunno, but I stepped up, and jacked him up in the chest as he'd just done to me, but not in a pussy fashion. Tucker almost fell, but to his credit did not. I stated "Lets go tucker, come on, lets go right now". And let me tell you, tucker did go, he went the other way, he basically ran off and flipped me the bird while shouting insults. He got inside tattoo girls house about as fast as he could have, and that was that. I walked the rest of the way down mckee st home.

If you dont believe the first part of the story, thats fine, but I"ll have the lesbian get on [my site] soon and she can confirm everything I said after her arrival as total fact.

What have we learned here? Tucker max is just like marylin manson, or any other shock rocker. An image that has to be kept up for the public. If you still want to read his stories, enjoy them, they are pretty funny, but remember, despite what he says, if real names arent used, tucker can lie all he wants, like he just did.



Anonymous said...

Have you posted a link to your board on the TMMB?

Cockly McBeefwell said...

No, I don't have a login over there. Feel free to post it over there. However, I'm sure that Max will immediately delete it becase it makes him look bad.

Anonymous said...

I don't see any mention of this at TMMB, did they delete all the threads already?

Cockly McBeefwell said...

Max mentioned this incident in his book tour blog.

The wise man said...

You are indeed a fag. Just by the way that you had to satify your insecurities by saying that people said "hi will" proves all Tucker said about you being a fucking tool. Go slit your wrist you bitch.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

will powers is the biggest joke ever

Anonymous said...

I would love to see this kid fight Tucker. I bet you could find a promoter that would book this. As much as Tucker is so gay for Fight Club he might go for it. I'd pay to see this kid whip TM's fat ass.

Anonymous said...

Why do people feel the need to hate Tucker Max? I understand with this guy, he had a direct confrontation with him that didn't go so well. But the introduction to the article is just by some random guy, and I see a million websites by people who've obviously never met him that absolutely hate his guts. Why? What did he do to hurt them?

brady said...


I want to congratulate you for writing the only intelligent Anti-tucker thing I have read on this site. Maybe you should run it. Good story.

Anonymous said...

The post from Will wasn't even slightly intelligent. For a blog that is known to criticize other writers, please learn to spell the city you are talking about.

Anonymous said...

Just a quick question. Does anyone give a shit about what you have to say? Just the fact that you feel the need to defend you self and start a massive blog shows you're a pathetic loser. Go suck one.

Anonymous said...

The fact that he admitted to trying to call a seat at a bar prooves he's a fucking idiot. And what guy makes fun of another guy for having a "chubby belly"? A gay one.

Anonymous said...

haha "Fives" Congratulations on being an utterly fucking pathetic figure.

DPalm66 said...

I have lots of friends who attend(ed) Pitt, and they all confirm that this kid is a douche of the highest site though...

longtermtourist said...

"Apparently the infamous shithead Tucker Max was being a dick (as usual) when he visited the University of Pittsburg"

I'm really not a Tucker fan, but you mock his writing ability, yes you do not know how to spell a major U.S. city. It's Pittsburgh, asshat.

matthew said...

when you have alot of money and alot of people know you and you have a reputation with the media to protect you dont get into fights with little faggot bitches that look light they just had a train run on them by his gay swim team buddies.

Anonymous said...

Powers was the biggest joke at Pitt to date. He basically wants to be Tucker Max. I can't tell you how many of my friends he tried (and failed) to hook up with. I don't really care for either guy, but to be fair, I heard from the parties involves that Tucker's story was true.

Anonymous said...

Tucker Max and his band of dick-sucking sycophants are all fags.

Anonymous said...

tucker max deserves an ass whooping, no matter who the person is delivering it. tucker and his geeky friends (see: ian and mike) are all internet tough guys that talk about how they are proffesional weight lifting MMA fighters on the internet (never in real life, because their shit would be called very fast) (yes somehow both), yet apparently Tucker was too much of a pussy to even finish basic training> what a joke.

Paul C. Williams said...

HAHA, you suck dick face. I think that you were too sad and tried to retaliate back at him with this suckass attempt. Sorry, you suck dickfore. I think, actually pretty sure that everything that was said is true. So.....FUCK YOU!

Anonymous said...

Kill yourself

Anonymous said...

Will Powers is a DoucheFag.

Anonymous said...

Who poses with a samurai sword?

Anonymous said...

How is there only one other comment on here about this guy posing shirtless with a samurai sword! What the hell?

Anonymous said...
haha im sorry but this seemed honestly made for someone like him and may very well be a glimpse into his future

Mike Fields said...

Yay, this was one of the best stories when I was at Pitt! Grad 2007