The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 7401 – 7600 of 15918 Newer› Newest»"Then you're a step ahead of a ton of other people in this country, including nearly everyone in DC."
Thank you. Sorry for being kind of an asshole earlier. Just, this place has been hilarious lately, and I was scared of it returning to the dark days where ever post was an anti-Semitic/anti-Viacom/anti-Baylor rant.
Charlie Hoehn:
"My prediction remains the same: This movie will be big. Very big. And the mainstream press will not see it coming."
"I’m nearly 100% positive that this movie will have a MASSIVE opening."
I wonder if there's anyone working at Viacom named Baylor who has an aunt.
"Beer League was awful and word of mouth spread very fast. This doesn't seem to be the case with IHTSBIH."
Actually, that's not true. Beer League got a fairly neutral review in Variety in June, several months before the movie was released; some theaters were sold out the first night in Stern fan strongholds; and it had a real trailer attached to real movies. It was no worse or better than most underdog slobby loser sports movies, i.e. Bad News Bears, Dodgeball. And the cast certainly was better than Tucker's case.
But like Tucker's movie, it was a low budget version of a fairly familiar formula. Dodgeball is to Beer League like The Hangover is to:
I don't know what tucker's SAT scores were, but I would think he could finish this analogy.
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009 (He HAD to add 'easily,' hehehe)
As of 07-26: Domestic: $247,077,000 + Foreign: $98,500,000 = Worldwide: $345,577,000
Whoever keeps posting Fucker's comment about 'Beer in Hell' beating 'The Hangover'- easily- is awesome.
Over the course of the last two weeks, Fucker's backpeddled like Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk.
Tucker Max deconstructed:
This was Tucker's sort of kind of exclamation to the post by that dude who knows a lot about Hollywood and shit.
"OK, I am kinda drunk and way to tired to deal with this right now"
This is going to be the header on Tucker's tombstone.
"so I am going to push off my answer to Biscuits excellent post until tomorrow."
I love how Tucker has an obvious person who knows what they are talking about, and suddenly he kisses this dude's ass. He obviously can't ban the guy without getting made to look like a tool, but he also looks like a tool because the guy has spoken truth to him in a non-aggressive manner.
"I will say that given the assumptions he is making--the dude's analysis is spot on. 99.99% of the time,"
So basically, you knew that this guy is right 99.99% of the time, yet you took somebody elses money and went the 00.01% route? Oh wait, and you're breaking new ground that has been tried and failed before?
Dude, seriously, shut the fuck up, for your own sake. You're seriously going to get sued by your investors sometime very soon by showing that you and Darko basically sabotaged any chance to recoup their money because you wanted to be an "innovator".
"what he is writing is going to be right, and his analysis is quite literally a perfect recitation of the current textbook Hollywood thinking."
You mean the way of thinking that ACTUALLY TURNS A PROFIT? Say what you want about Paul Blart, but it was a piece of shit that turned a profit.
"But I am not working under those assumptions,"
You're actually not working under reality either.
"because I think the world has changed,"
It has Tucker, it's not 2006 anymore and you're not as popular or well thought of in 2009.
"Hollywood just hasn't caught up yet, and this movie is going to be the breakwater for change. "
IHTSBIH will "breakwater for change" much like a piece of shit splashing in a toilet bowl is a breakwater for change.
"I'll explain tomorrow at some point."
It won't be an explanation. It will be Tucker reading off his stupid manifesto against Hollywood and having another fake email make it's way into his post, thus verifying that Hollywood does indeed fear his art and what he's trying to do.
"Closing the thread until then, b/c anything anyone else says will be a waste of time"
Hey Tucker, perhaps you should just close up a thread BEFORE you post next time. You're just wasting more time.
The revolution is coming, just not to a theater near you.
-TDG
"Over the course of the last two weeks, Fucker's backpeddled like Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk."
He has been. But it's all part of his act.
He's trying to pretend he sees other views now by leavings Biscuits posts up. It's just an act.
Remember in Shrevport he did the say thing. Talked up the city, how nice everyone was. Then trashed it. This is his MO, when he needs things, he acts nice and normal.
^^^
Precisely. Tucker is now controlling the path of his failure. It wasn't due to his movie being bad, it was Hollywood, and Tucker being ahead of his time.
Even when it fails, it'll all be about Tucker following his convictions and being revolutionary. He did this earlier with the trailer, by "leaving out the best jokes". He was preparing everyone for a bad trailer. Every failure (according to Tucker) was done that way on purpose, as part of a master plan or bold revolutionary idea.
"I will say that given the assumptions he is making--the dude's analysis is spot on. 99.99% of the time,"
OK, here is the meeting of the Darko/Rudius Investors:
Tucker: Can you give a warm welcome to Mr. Bisquit, he is an expert with a 99.9% record of accuracy in predicting film distribution. He is going to give us some projections concerning our prospects for success under this Freestyle Distribution model that has been proposed. Can you give him a warm welcome;
Bisquit: Yeah, as I was telling Mr. Max, there is less than a 1/1000 chance of making any profit for the investors.
Nils: Hey Tucker, you need to call this guy out, he never said less than 1/1000 chance, he said .1% chance. Nothing about less than 1%
Bisquit: Thanks for the McGriddle. I’m sorry, Mr. Nils, is it? I thought you were the copy boy. Yes, that .1% chance accounts for the possibility that I might have a typo in one of my reports or misspeak. Actually in this case I think the odds are more like what Lloyd’s chances of nailing Mary in Dumb & Dumber. Like 1/1000000.
Tucker: Whew, so you are saying that we still do have a chance. I thought the whole situation was hopeless. So you think that we can do numbers like Dumb & Dumber, because I think that our poopie scene is even funnier.
Sean: No, Tucker, I think what Mr. Bisquit is telling us is that this film is going to be a “Tucker Max fail” in terms of a commercial success. I got that expression from the Carrot Creative folks, apparently it is tearing through Twitter as a substitute for Troy Duffy fail.
Tucker: no, you need to listen to Mr. Bisquit, he is saying no such thing. He’s not talking about our movie, just the other crap that Hollywood has been peddling for the past 50 years. Explain to them Bisqit how you’ve looked at all films over the past 50 years and none of them have done what we are trying to do in terms of distribution. He is really saying that we are the 1 in a Million that only comes along once in 50 years or so.
Bisquit: Actually, Tucker, as I was explaining to you, . . . lots of people have tried to do what you are planning to do, the most recent example being “Beer League,” but that they have all been unsuccessful in trying to do, which is self distribute an indie comedy with no festival presence or P & A. I thought maybe Porkys was an example, but then I looked closer and it was distributed by Fox on over 1100 screens which was a pretty major release for the time. Really, nobody has been successful using the identical model. I’m trying to explain that you guys are in a world of fuck, but you don’t seem to understand me.
Tucker: [laughing and fist bumping Nils] Yeah Baby, “world of fuck,” now we’re playing in my world. We can’t lose. Did I ever tell you about the midget I fucked.
Sean: [Leaves room cringing in terror]
"So you think that we can do numbers like Dumb & Dumber"
Hilarious!
FTSG, is this your triumphant return? Because your fans are getting antsy.
The Premiere Bust trip from hell
Aug 30--College Park, MD
4 hours
Aug 31--State College, PA
5 hours
Sep 1--Philadelphia, PA
6.5 hours
Sep 2--Boston, MA
4 hours
Sep 3--NYC
10 hours
Sep 4--Toronto, CA
Ouch, almost 30 hours of time on a bus driving through some very dense population areas. And those estimates are real time driving hours, not pie in the sky google map crap; and assuming no real dense traffic. It can take you 4 hours to even cross the NYC metro area 40 miles. This is a brutal bus trip. Sure, most graduates of Duke Law travel this way.
"Premiere Bust"
That a new stripper?
Seriously tho - yeah, this isn't going to be fun for him. He thinks it is, which makes it suitable punishment.
"Seriously tho - yeah, this isn't going to be fun for him. He thinks it is, which makes it suitable punishment."
It's going to be even less fun when he sees how an increasingly marginal Z-list celebrity is recieved.
I'm sure he'll have hook ups, cause there are just some skanks in this world. But his star isn't rising as it was in 2006.
I love how Tucker writes everything like he is some sort of knowledge gatekeeper for his fans and they hang on every word.
I guarantee that 75% of his increasingly marginal web traffic is silently mocking him...that is the only reason the great majority of people go to the site is to see if Tucker can top himself in terms of idiotic rants.
So Tucker's writing is increasingly becoming a monologue, mocked in the background by the silent majority.. Part of the reason he portrays such false confidence in the movie is that he is uber-confident in his ability to control the spin (he will exaggerate what happens during this tour at every turn, that is was sold out, that crazy shit happened, that people universally loved it, etc.), but this relies on the ridiculous assumption that he has credibility with a sizable readership, which he does with almost nobody.
In fact, if this movie was even halfway decent it would have gotten a lot more buzz by now, since a ton of people have seen it. Note that people are thanking him for showing it, but nobody is talking it up as a good product who isn't on the miniscule Rudius payroll.
12:01 that was a hall of fame post. Jim Rice has nothing on you here.
Why is it taking Tucker ALL DAY to draft a simple response to Biskits RMMB post?
Psst. You're not supposed to remember he promised that.
Because today is like every other Tucker day...
10:03 AM Wake up, watch talk shows for 34 minutes in bed
10:37 AM Work on man tits by eating two slices of stale pizza for breakfast
10:52 AM Watch internet porn for 42 minutes, culminating in masturbation
11:34 AM Remind himself of how stressed he is, bro, because he is, like, working 24 hours a day on this movie and shit
11:55 AM Shower, put on white t-shirt lying on floor and pair of blue nike shorts with elastic waistband (from his collection of 14 identical outfits)
12:23 PM Wonders if he should respond to Biscuit, spends 35 minutes instead reviewing IMDB forum and tucker max is a douchebag comments
12:56 PM Starts crying
1:12 PM Roommate Ryan Holiday enters room and tells him, "Stop moping, Tucker, and let's hit Wendy's for lunch"
1:18 PM Roommates pile into Chevy Malibu, where Tucker calls shotgun and pulls power trip on his unpaid assistants, one of whom is forced to drive
1:56 PM Makes 14th identical mexican joke of the day
2:56 PM Returns from lunch tired, discouraged that he was shot down by teenage girl who took Wendy's order, decides that he needs a nap...right after he checks out some internet porn for a few minutes
4:42 Has had fill of internet porn, finally masturbates and falls asleep
And he is napping right now...which is why we don't have an update. Someone call Nils to wake him up!
This story is as 100% true as all of Tucker's 100% true stories.
Very happy to finally introduce:
NILS PARKER IS A DOUCHEBAG!!!
nilsparkerisadouchebag.blogspot.com
Tune in, much more to follow....
Are you a racist? Do you like making fun of blacks, mexicans and minorities? Do you hate fat people? We've got the site for you: nilsparkerisadouchebag.blogspot.com
Nils Pakrer, the author of the most racist, elitist piece of shit in years (also he hysterically makes fun of fat people which is incredible because he is the fatest fuck on the entire TMMB!) Please visit:
nilsparkerisadouchebag.blogspot.com
5:56, so it's not true at all? =(
Wow. Just when I think Tucker couldn't demonstrate that he has no fucking clue about the cinema business, he claims that "like 4 or 5 movies a year are successful".
What a fucking know nothing douchebag. Here are the movies from 2009 that have earned over $100 million (and keep in mind that there are still 5 more months to go, and the Christmas releases that will generate billions collectively):
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Up
Star Trek
The Hangover
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Monsters Vs. Aliens
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Fast and Furious
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Taken
The Proposal
Angels & Demons
Terminator Salvation
Watchmen
It's pretty damning that the above "A Day In The Life" segment, or the San Diego speech posted a few pages back, are funnier than anything Tucker has ever written or ever will write.
"1:18 PM Roommates pile into Chevy Malibu, where Tucker calls shotgun and pulls power trip on his unpaid assistants, one of whom is forced to drive"
My Gawd! It's a really sad, desperate version of Entourage.
Tucker's response to Biscuit's post from yesterday is pretty pathetic- basically, it's Tucker saying "yeah, but studios are still making money off old properties, and I believe our movie's different." He's so out far of his league in trying to run with Biscuits, it's like trying to watch a retard eat ribs. The way he kisses Biscuits' ass is hilariously pathetic, too, leading me to my next point: that Tucker is a huge douchebag.
I bet you his latest "plan" for the book is to make 'Assholes Finish First' about this tour.
Tucker's agent (oh...I forgot, he doesn't have one) has convinced him that there is in fact huge demand for reading about a bus tour involving a Z list celebrity, his faux intellectual assistant, manly manic/schizo ex-girlfriend, fat delusional sidekick and surrogate older brother with two earrings and no career plans.
After all, Tucker's immense fan base who don't visit other sites on the internet or other places in the non-internet would never get to learn about bus tour unless Tucker was learnin' them.
This wacky bunch of lovable underdogs will make any city "get their pussies ready" and millions of disciples can't wait to laugh along with them.
Instead of Tucker, why doesn't Rudius just employ a Teddy Ruxspin clone with Tucker's face on it to answer any questions. Tucker Ruxspin could alternately say the following in a lispy, effeminate voice when you pull the cord...
a) This movie is different, because I'm Tucker Max
b) Get in line behind all the other haterz I have already proved wrong
c) Did you invent a new literary genre?
d) And I'm not even the coolesth one out of all of my friendthz
I love how tucker always prefaces his posts with 'i've been busy, you know, making a movie and shit.'
uhhh... no, tucker, you (and by 'you', i mean 'other people') made the movie, like, a year ago. What you REALLY mean is 'i've been busy trying to figure out how the hell i'm going to spin this so I look like a genius.'
Tucker: ""Art" and "quality" aren't even words you used. "
Maybe because he doesn't like killing babies!!!
Tucker's agent (oh...I forgot, he doesn't have one) has convinced him that there is in fact huge demand for reading about a bus tour involving a Z list celebrity, his faux intellectual assistant, manly manic/schizo ex-girlfriend, fat delusional sidekick and surrogate older brother with two earrings and no career plans.
After all, Tucker's immense fan base who don't visit other sites on the internet or other places in the non-internet would never get to learn about bus tour unless Tucker was learnin' them.
This wacky bunch of lovable underdogs will make any city "get their pussies ready" and millions of disciples can't wait to laugh along with them.
This blog has moments of genius.
I hope Biscuits posts there again. Not just for the easy dismantling, but to see the RMMB posters compete for the dumbest response.
Is Biscuits a disgruntled Darko employee?
Ouch again. And Tucker has a degree in Business? From UoC?
You know the worst part. People here who have 0 movie experience at all, still know more about financial aspects than Tucker.
And he has been working "inside" this environment for over a year. But being Tucker, he hasn't used this experience to learn, develop talent, etc. Way to go you uber douchebag.
Two more entries from Biscuits...
"Which leads me to part 2 of my post, in regards to quality and "art" (I do admit that I hate that word and all its pretensions)."
---Biscuits, apparently a man after our own hearts.
Can you post them here? For all the banned people.
No, the problem with Tucker talking about Art is not that Art itself is a problem, it is that Tucker's use of it insults the very concept as well as every single beautiful and good thing that has ever been made that IS recognizeable as Art.
Most of what comes out of Hollywood is not Art either. Generally if you have to ask "But is it art?" the answer is 'no', regardless of what the person who made it is trying to sell you. That doesn't mean there's no such thing.
Biscuits, 4:09 AM, part 1 (I can't believe I'm doing all this work for those of you who've been FYB'd):
First, in response to mastert -- you're right, partly. I shouldn't have said the system "forced" Tucker outside of the box, I should have said "nudged" him outside the box. Which leads me to part 2 of my post, in regards to quality and "art" (I do admit that I hate that word and all its pretensions). I would like to say to Tucker, before I begin, that I'm enjoying this discussion and hope you take this post in the same vein as you've taken my others.
With that out of the way: just because I haven't actually seen your movie doesn't mean I "don't know anything at all" about it. I have read your script -- which is by no means the equivalent of seeing a finished product, but which helps give me an idea of at least the blueprint of what that product will be. Screenplays, though, are an intermediate artform -- directors have made bad movies from great scripts, and great movies from bad scripts. I also know some other details that contribute to my analysis, however -- I know that there is a reason you've marginalized your director's contributions to this movie on your blog, and I know that this reason is, unfortunately but objectively, a bad creative omen. I also see a cast list, right there on IMDB, filled with no-names -- probably a perfectly fine choice, creatively, and also absolutely no help whatsoever from a marketing standpoint. But at the end of the day, you're right, I haven't actually seen the movie itself -- although whether I like it or not is subjective and largely irrelevant. Regardless, I'm not judging your movie blindly and I don't "have a complete lack of exposure to the subject matter in question", like my man Richard Jefferson claims. Instead, I estimated a 10-12 million dollar ceiling as a result of your distribution limitations, but giving you the benefit of the doubt that the movie is indeed as great as you say it is. That's why I called it a ceiling. The Collector could potentially make up to 15 million this weekend as a ceiling -- I'd estimate around 6-9 million in reality, though. Sad, because with more marketing muscle the movie could probably do double that.
4:09 AM, Part 2:
If I was forced to make a prediction based on my actual estimated quality of your movie, I'd say yours could foreseeably make 4-6 million dollars total domestically (although I'd be able to make a much more accurate prediction if I knew how much your P&A really is, which you understandably don't want to specify -- but assuming it's a tiered deal where expansion is triggered by hitting a certain per-screen average, there's a strong possibility it will never get wide enough to break even a million dollars). I do agree that if your movie is in fact good, then you will be able to mobilize your base (those that have read and enjoyed your book and visited your website) and get a good portion of them to pay for and enjoy your movie -- and you'll be able to do that with a relatively limited traditional ad budget. As your military screenings and premiere tour indicate, you are very astutely aware of precisely who your base is. But I think, based on the material I've evaluated so far, you will have significant difficulty expanding beyond that base. Yours is doomed, I'm guessing, to be a one quadrant movie, and unless you can somehow market it beyond that quadrant, your box office is going to be concordantly limited. Of course, when the trailer is released it could blow me away and make me completely rethink my prediction, since that will be your single most important marketing tool -- and if that is indeed the case, I'll happily post about that here.
But these are all just numbers I'm throwing around for fun. Dreamteam's 2000 yard rookie RB example is absolutely spot-on -- although because no rookie's ever actually rushed for 2000 yards, 1500 yards is much more appropriate for this example. So from the perspective of any rookie running backs coming into the NFL on any given year, 1500 yards in a season is certainly achievable (regardless, believe it or not, of their shoe size). There's a precedent for it to happen, even if the odds are very long. And I bet there's a significant number of rookies every single year that believe they will be the ones who will beat the long odds, just like you think you're going to beat your own long odds now.
And if I take every one of their bets, then I'd be a rich man because of it. Scootah's wrong to think I'm approaching the "business of art" without "knowing anything about art" (those things aren't mutually exclusive) but he's right in the sense that since I'm evaluating the situation analytically, I'd be grinding out my wealth over a long period of time instead of betting it all on, say, Ricky Williams or Reggie Bush coming out of college and rushing for 1500 yards (which I would've lost in both cases, by the way). But I'd still be a rich man nonetheless. So even if you're a giant fan of Tucker's and think he's gonna be the Reggie Bush or Ricky Williams of Hollywood -- well... wanna bet?
5:47 AM-
Well, what I'm saying is that the quality of the movie is largely irrelevant as far as opening weekend grosses are concerned. However, this is why the premiere tour is smart -- if the movie really is good, Tucker is going to build anticipation for the movie without having to spend money to do so. In fact, he's going to make money while he promotes it. Charging a premium for these tickets is a questionable marketing strategy, to be honest -- both a sign of desperation and an understandable opportunity for a small indie movie to grab what it can while it can.
Tucker has a built in audience, however, and this is his advantage over other indie movies in similar situations. Those movies would be forced to screen in advance for free to build word of mouth -- Tucker is able to charge a premium, well, because he's able to. He won't be expanding his base at all, but hopefully his base will spread the word of mouth he'll need to help mitigate the limited resources he'll have as far as opening weekend P&A is concerned.
Now after opening weekend, quality is very important to WOM, of course -- but it's by no means the only factor. A movie still has to appeal to a significant percentage of the population enough to entice them to pay money to go see that movie. I kind of liked Crossing Over, for instance -- it came out earlier this year and starred Harrison Ford and Ashley Judd, among others. Not a perfect movie, by any means, but a well made one with some really good performances. However it's a movie that is essentially about border control and immigration. No one wants to see a movie about border control and immigration, even if it stars Han Solo. As such, the movie failed to expand beyond it's initial limited release and ultimately grossed under 500 thousand dollars.
And as far as other good movies rarely grossing only 4 million dollars -- come on, it happens all the time. Just so far this year, and only speaking for movies I've actually seen: The Brothers Bloom, Moon, Is Anybody There, Sugar, Anvil, The Girlfriend Experience, and Management have all failed to make more than 4 million... mainly because none of them ever were afforded the opportunity to expand into wide release. That isn't because their distributors were leaving money on the table, it's because none of their per-screen averages in limited release justified the cost of expansion.
The thing is, other than Management, which I'm gonna assume most of you have never heard of despite the fact that it was actually pretty good and it starred Jennifer Aniston -- Tucker's movie is actually more marketable and commercial than the rest of them by far.
Genre-wise, the movie is probably better compared to Kevin Smith's early stuff. Clerks and Mallrats both made under 3 million. Chasing Amy, arguably his best movie, made 12 million. I'll step out on a limb and assume IHTSBIH is somewhere between Mallrats and Chasing Amy, quality wise. Ultimately where it ends up on the spectrum depends very much on word of mouth, and the movie's ability to expand its market reach accordingly.
The fanboy responses are just so sad and pathetic- they're tripping over each other to make the same arguments:
"The world has changed!!!!"
"You're assuming the movie sucks- everyone who's seen it has said that it's awesome!"
"TWITTER EFFECT!!!!!!!!"
When Biscuits has explicitly said, "Well, what I'm saying is that the quality of the movie is largely irrelevant as far as opening weekend grosses are concerned."
" I know that there is a reason you've marginalized your director's contributions to this movie on your blog, and I know that this reason is, unfortunately but objectively, a bad creative omen."
What's he getting at here? Something specific about Gosse and Otto not getting along, or just a general observation?
BTW thanks for the repost. I'm not FYB but my employer doesn't allow browsing places like RMMB.
my favourite response to biscuits posts was someone say that he's
'way wrong because, like, twitter has totally changed the world. and shit.'
haha, what a fuckwit.
I never knew "Biscuits" could be spelled so many different ways.
"No one wants to see a movie about border control and immigration, even if it stars Han Solo."
Great line.
"I'll step out on a limb and assume IHTSBIH is somewhere between Mallrats and Chasing Amy'
Really? Mallrats is in my top 10 or 20 all time favorite movies.
Are we talking "quality" as in budget, or quality as in story, acting, etc, etc.
I mean you had Shanon Daughrtey, Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, all of which went on to be fairly big stars.
The movie IMO is hilarious from start to finish. Maybe that's just me. I'm highly doubting I would find Tuckers film nearly as funny on any level.
"Same with the book. No one thought my book would sell even 10,000 copies, not even my publisher. This week, my 1 millionth copy went into print. I'm so used to people not understanding beforehand and only getting it years later, I don't even know what the other way is like."
Tucker,
Let's see the bookscan numbers. There have been multiple posters estimating numbers from 400-500k and one who claims to have seen a recent bookscan figure of 439k. You have poopie pictures on your website as alleged proof. Why don't you have your publisher scan and post the bookscan numbers substantiating this 1 million dollar claim?
Exactly
"This week, my 1 millionth copy went into print."
HE DIDN'T SAY SOLD!
He said print. It's in a warehouse somehwere with a few hundred thousand more.
Tucker probably took whatever cash was left over from using his "record-setting distribution deal" money to fund an "industry revolutionizing" P&A campaign and purchased 570,000+ new copies of his book! Now he can sign them and sell them for PROFIT!
This is what Tucker Max does, because Tucker Max is a
SUCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Doucebag's "reply":
You know I'm down; my chips are already on the table. But not to bet on being Reggie Bush or Ricky Williams. I hate Armenian women and I don't smoke pot.
It doesn't offend or upset me at all that you think the movie doesn't have the potential to move beyond one quadrant. Even if you had seen it and you thought that, it still wouldn't upset me. Not everyone will understand until it's all over. Same with the book. No one thought my book would sell even 10,000 copies, not even my publisher. This week, my 1 millionth copy went into print. I'm so used to people not understanding beforehand and only getting it years later, I don't even know what the other way is like.
So, needless to say, I'm betting on myself. Quite literally betting millions on it.
There isn't really much else for me to say. He laid out his position very eloquently. I laid mine out. We could squabble over details for hundreds of posts (he is still wrong about studio profit, etc, etc), but none of it would change the core message: Our world views are diametrically opposed. Mine is about is risk and art and freedom; his is about safety and and product and security. We literally look at the facts from completely different positions.
The funny thing is, regardless of what happens on this movie, it doesn't necessarily "prove" one worldview or the other. If I am right, it doesn't mean its wrong to try to avoid risk. And if he is right, it doesn't mean it's wrong to try to beat an unjust system. Like I say over and over again, it's really about who you want to be as a person, and what kind of life you want to lead.
I think that Biscuit took some of my posts to imply that people like him--working writers who take the standard Hollywood deal--are somehow bad or wrong. I never meant to convey that message. I do think the way Hollywood treats artists is shameful, and I would never allow that to happen to me, but nonetheless, I don't blame the victim. I blame the system, and it is the system I want to beat, not other screenwriters. That makes no sense. Nothing would make me happier than if Nils and I pull this off, and we can help other writers do the EXACT same thing.
And regardless of whether we succeed or not, someone is going to do what Nils and I tried again, and someone will do succeed, and it will change everything for the better.
But I don't think it'll come to that. I think we got it.
Anyway, thank you Biscuit for your posts, you have done a better job than I ever could showing my fans what the typical Hollywood mindset is like, why it is that way, and exactly why the odds are so heavily stacked against us. Seriously, I owe you one for that, because now I think they truly understand what we are doing, why it is so risky, and how amazing it will be if we do pull it off. I've been talking about a revolution for five years. I think until you showed up, many people didn't get what I was talking about.
He's just so obnoxiously dishonest. He knows he's in over his head regarding the studio profit thing, so he'll just assert that he's right, knowing that his dumbass fans will believe him. He says that Biscuits' points prove he's starting is a revolution, when Biscuits said repeatedly that there's nothing special about it.
I also love the implication that Biscuits simply can't understand Tucker's "mindset" or whatever. Hey idiot, he understands it fine, and explained very eloquently why it's dumb.
Tucker has many innovative business ideas, for things like shooting ranges, and airlines that specialize in transporting indie movie producers. The old business models rely on profit, or even revenues. Tucker relies on the methane gas rising from his bullshit.
Hey that might actually work. With the price of oil going up, the airlines are going to be going out of business; we might see gasbag airships become popular again. Tie Tucker to a basket and cruise across the Atlantic in style!
Tucker spent all night on that crappy reply to Biscuit? Tucker's a sneak and a coward, using a backhanded compliment to put down Biscuit's use of business logic and experience. Tucker's just striking at the system, now that his vanity project has been abandoned by everyone, spanning from those connected with the movie to the industry as a whole.
Good luck Tucker. In two weeks your tour begins... and yet there is absolutely no buzz surrounding your "art". Not an auspicious start, is it Tucker?
So, Tucker, at what point are you going to realize that most of your dwindling but remaining traffic is not comprised of fans?
Just because you censor the mockery on your board doesn't mean that the silent mockery in the background isn't expanding faster than your vacuous part of the place between your ears.
Risk and art and freedom are general concepts that everyone will agree to like, and yet they have no relevance to anything that you say or do. I am sure that you have five fanboys that say different, but you can't making a living on them.
No doubt Biscuits (whose criticism was gentle and overly tactful, as it has to be with someone who is as insecure at Tucker) is rolling his eyes right now.
"Tucker relies on the methane gas rising from his bullshit."
As a former designer on gas engine projects, I found that comment very funny.
Tucker looks ridiculous. He got called out and completely dismantled. And then he tries to act all humble and appreciative.
The Rudius think tank came up with a brilliant idea yesterday. They are going to purchase a bunch of yellow jumpsuits and cheap blue scooters and establish an LA landscaping company called the "LAwn Wranglers".
The "coolesth" part is that they will each get to put their TMMB nickname as a patch on their right sleeve.
Tucker has agreed to front the money with his remaining credit capacity and the 63 cents he gets for each paperback that he sells of IHTSBIH, although he will charge Nils, Ryan, Tando and the rest $30 per patch.
The new spin is also starting- it wasn't about the money, etc. So much for Tucker being willing to bet Gawker that he could beat any number, wanting a private plane, etc.
It was never about the money.
It's always been about the art.
Money isn't even second on the list of motivation.
^^^ Well, at least Tucker's consistent. There isn't any money OR any art to be found anywhere in his 'work.'
Again with the spin. Tucker ought to look into an endorsement deal with Whirlpool for his own line of signature model washing machines. "The spin is so good you won't even need to buy a dryer!"
Eight months ago it was all about having "F-you money" and "private jets." Now, Tucker is carefully laying the groundwork to establish his place as a martyr when the movie fails. In response to Biscuit's posts, Tucker portrays himself as a hardscrabble outsider standing up against the Evil Empire on behalf of the little guy. Real compelling stuff. When his movie tanks, rather than admit he made bad tactical mistakes that doomed his movie to failure he'll post about being a hero who fought Hollywood for the good of mankind and art but got screwed by a corrupt system. He'll remind us all that he was never motivated by money and berate fans for even hinting that he at one time put financial success above his love of art.
One last thing....why the hate on Nils Parker? Maybe I haven't seen everything he's posted but I can't recall seeing anything where Nils acted like a blowhard. For me, at least, Nils is still an underdog who I'd like to see succeed.
Don't get me wrong...I love me some Tucker hate. But it's precisely because he's such a blowhard that I love to hate. Tucker's posts show him to be a loud mouthed, know-it-all prick who blew what was a pretty substantial accomplishment (writing, getting $6Mil in financing for, and making a movie) way out of proportion. I still find it quite amazing that he actually posted such blatant lies and half-truths and expected people to swallow it all without question.
^^^ Great analysis. The only thing I take issue with is this:
"One last thing....why the hate on Nils Parker? Maybe I haven't seen everything he's posted but I can't recall seeing anything where Nils acted like a blowhard. For me, at least, Nils is still an underdog who I'd like to see succeed."
I can't speak for everyone, of course, but my reasons for wanting to see the guy fail have to do with his decisions. Whether he actually thinks what they're doing is important and artistic, or whether he's just looking to bum a lift on what he thinks will be a free ride, or whatever, he's part of the problem because he's helping to advance this whole trainwreck.
Also, as others have alluded to, he's sort of weird and creepy in a stalker sort of way. He basically latched on to Tucker several years ago and it's just kind of odd.
@ 7/28/2009 3:28 PM
I get your point. I also suspect he regrets hitching his cart to a train that's about to go off the rails. My guess is Nils, Sean, and everyone else involved with the movie read what Tucker writes, read the responses on the hater blogs and IMDB, and just cringe. It must suck to see something you worked hard to see succeed get shit on because your business partner is such an uncontrollable idiot. I'd bet Nils is looking for an exit strategy and would jump at another opportunity in the business that doesn't involve Tucker.
If I were a writer, which I'm not, but if I were, I'd be delighted to get screwed out of every cent I make on my first film if it guaranteed a huge box office success in return.
I'll happily cash the big advance checks for movies 2, 3, 4, etc.
I guess Tucker doesn't think he has a number 2 in him. Please write your own punchline.
I would love to see Tucker explain to his investors that it wasn't about the money.
Actually, perhaps FTSG can use that plotline for his next installment?
I can't wait to see one of Darko's investors sue Darko and Tucker. They'd have a great case that the people in charge were negligent with the product they investing into and thus pissed away any chance for them to recoup their money on what Tucker said is a 00.01% chance.
I'm sure there were clauses in their PPM that stated clearly that they couldn't sue unless it's a case of obvious malfeasance, but wouldn't a case of a film who could have taken money up front instead taking a 00.01% chance (as per the PRODUCER'S OWN NUMBERS) to perhaps make more money sound like negligence to you?
-TDG
Tucker is an investor too. He doesn't see a dime from this in any way until very deep down the revenue stream.
As for Nils, why he is not as bad as Tucker (because nobody is), he suffers from the same delusional mindset and self-aggrandizing writing style (read some of his posts and the stuff he throws in there to make himself look cool - just like his hero).
He was just a schlub paralegal before this (a low level job), and given that he has benefited from the whole Tuckstravaganza at least in terms of exposure and yet is a talentless hack, he has invited the criticism that he receiving by staking his claim to a career that his talent can't validate.
Plus, he likes to make fun of people...but look at him! Fat + ugly + talentless + clueless + penchant for shitting on other people had better = thick skin (no double entendre intended)
Are the movie film crew people still around? Perhaps they could weigh in on what Nils is like.
I seem to recall back when the filming was going on somebody posted here about how Tucker was alienating everybody but Nils was managing to get along, network, learn on the job, make contacts, etc.
Which boils down to Nils not being as stupid as Tucker. Seriously, even given the crappy quality of the source material, or even the script itself, there's all sorts of things someone in Tucker's position could have done to take advantage of the situation and leverage it into future projects. Yes it would be a douchebag leveraging his own self-importance and grandiose lies, but at least he'd be doing it with style. Instead Tucker has systematically blown every chance and burnt every bridge.
I really really want to see the aftermath of this.
Check out 4ndyr3ch, the tucker max ball sucker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sFw5YIXSrU
he seriously keeps defending tucker like it's a life or death issue... or his father or something .. kind of sad really
nils eats his lack of talent
tucker mostly just denies his lack of talent,but he eats some of it too.
that's the difference.
^^^^
oh and apparently spelling your name with numbers is "cool' and not for the unhip crowd (people under 45 that aren't alcoholics). if you don't sp311 y0ur nam3 11ke th15, you are a "douchebag" and should be banned from life. apparently.
Fanboy tweets are going to convince people to drive way out of their way to see a movie they've never heard of.
Either that, or pay $30 to see a movie and some doucebags they've never heard of.
From the message board, Tucker answers ebm's post:
"Empirically, there just doesn't seem to be a valid way ex-ante to determine whether or not your method of producing this money would provide a solid ROI."
Yes dude--RIGHT NOW TODAY, there is no proven way. I'm saying I think it can be done, and I am in the process of trying to prove it. But gimme some fucking time man, I can't just fucking snap my fingers into a solution to how to accurately predict inherently unpredictable events. It's only one of the defining problems of humanity. I'm smart, but fucking a, I'm not theordore manswell over here.
------------------------------
That's right bitches, Tucker just needs some time, and then he'll figure out a way to predict inherently unpredictable events. He's smart, after all.
What a FUCKING MORON.
I'm here to fuck Tucker. Is this the right place?
I just hit my 30s with no job, living with my parents, and am hovering around 300lbs.
Tucker, email me baby.
Re Nils
I never liked him because he was a total blowhard back on the old boards. He made his name by stepping on the weak. He didn't even pick fair fights. Only ones a retarded puppy could win.
In the blink of an eye he went from random board bully to Tucker's best friend. It was during a period of time when Tucker had been living off everyone... Real life and board and I guess Nils filled a financial void that turned into friendship.
He is a shitty writer but he is definitely smarter than Tucker.
^^^
A shitty writer? But tucker said he was the best writer he knew (that's gotta leave a mark, eh Kung Fu Mike?).
Actually, that explains a lot.
Attn: 300 pound fattie:
Are you a fucking dude or a chick?
Either way, get you ass-pussy ready!
The spin that is being spun in these early stages is great.
It was never about the money?????? Except for the part where Tucker claimed that he and Nils were about to see serious FU money and also buy a 50 million dollar plane.
So shopping for the best deal meant shopping for the most money or the most creative control? Do they really feel that a movie where a guy gives another guy a bouncey castle at a wedding needs to be preserved properly for the sake of art and future civilizations? DO. NOT. TAZE. ME BRO.
Does Tucker have multiple personalities? Is like the Sybil of blogsphere?
How does he think that all of his fans emailing and twittering one another about his movie will help. They are already going to see it and if you're not already friends with someone who idolizes someone like Tucker you will not respect the opinion of someone who, well, idolizes someone like Tucker.
Tucker is not a good person. He's mean. He's dishonest. He's fake.
DO. NOT. TAZE. ME. BRO.
RE 'why the nils hate?'
nils and half the mods on that board (rmmb) are just nasty little shits who bask in the tiny amount of reflective glory of tugger, while sucking on his shitty-dick 24/7. pathetic really.
smurfs r gay
Soooooo,
comic con finished over 3 days ago. where's Ottos genre making-art piece-oscar tipped-$400M grossing movie trailer got to???
This is all part of his master strategy. It only looks like he promised anything, and it only seems like not delivering might be bad. You're too stupid to understand what he's doing. When he makes his final move it'll be the one masterstroke that totally changes the meaning of everything that went before and you'll be all "oh, wow, how could I not see that, Tucker is so brilliant" but in the meantime you're stupid and dumb and a fatso and a mexican nerd ugly girl.
man, i swear that youtube video of mine..
my youtube account is hooked up to my email and i get all the latest comments as they come in and it's always the one same old piece of shit "comeback" that Tucker defenders think they have on me:
"You bought his book - you gave him money so you're the idiot! Go ahead and burn it you wasted your money idiot"
My sister bought the book second-hand.
And it didn't even burn all the way through. I had to throw it into a ditch to get rid of it.
Our world views are diametrically opposed. Mine is about risk and art and freedom; his is about safety and and product and security.
No Tucker - yours is about delusion and lies. His is about realism and laughing in your face.
DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS
CROSSING THE STREAMS = TUCKER MAX FAIL!
Well, lemmings, you won. Hurry and go scurry away to your biologically pre determined suicides.
Tucker cracked. He has become so paranoid he barely functions. He thinks that l of his friends and colleagues have an equal chance of bring the anon bashes.
So, at a time when he needs us, he is pushing us away. He is afraid every poster on his board is someone the industry planted that he spends hours writing new posts.
I know you don't give a shit but tucker is a person. He is a sick person with an illness. Would you assholes stand and antagonize a crazy cat lady or the homeless guy that names the birds? If so, then you hypocrites are no better than how you describe as the reasons you hate tucker. Are you mentally ill too? Is that your excuse?
Congrats. You got what you wanted.
^^^ LMFAO, what? Explain this further, please.
haha, did one of tuggers 'friendz' just comapre him to a crazy cat lady?!
ryan holiday is getting nervous, he's worried that the douche-meister will start pimping him out to truck drivers in order to make enough money for his lube and jack in the box habits.
"Congrats. You got what you wanted."
I'm sorry, we're not gonna feel sorry for a guy he based his life on fucking people over.
Tucker is not crazy. I have two accounts on TMMB, and both are sleepers. One account is going to rip Tucker a new one as his tour is greeted by half-empty theaters. The other account (separate IP address) will ebulliently praise his piece of shit movie, and in the process discredit both Tucker and the movie.
If what the guy above wrote is true, then I feel really bad for Tucker. All the guy's ever tried to do is be a virtuous, conscientious member of society, and look at what you jerks are writing about him.
If I was the girl he puked on while tricking her into having sex on camera, I would feel good about myself each and every time he told that story.
If I was the girl whose car he crashed into a donut shop, I would feel like a valuable contributor to a great movement in art every time someone laughed about the mess that Tucker made, that I had to clean up and pay for.
If I was the cleaning lady who had to clean up after Tucker's 'accident', I would be honored to be a subject in one of the 21 century's greatest pieces of literature.
You see, there's a deeper message behind Tucker's beautiful, captivating stories, and that is that you should be the person you want to be, not he person someone else wants you to be. For Tucker, following his own advice led him to be a person who constantly made messes that other people had to clean up, and that's a powerful, moving message for all of us.
Shame on you all for picking on poor Tucker, who never, ever, ever, ever did anything to anyone.
Dang it... blogger's acting up... let's try this again, on the next page...
If what the guy above wrote is true, then I feel really bad for Tucker. All the guy's ever tried to do is be a virtuous, conscientious member of society, and look at what you jerks are writing about him.
If I was the girl he puked on while tricking her into having sex on camera, I would feel good about myself each and every time he told that story.
If I was the girl whose car he crashed into a donut shop, I would feel like a valuable contributor to a great movement in art every time someone laughed about the mess that Tucker made, that I had to clean up and pay for.
If I was the cleaning lady who had to clean up after Tucker's 'accident', I would be honored to be a subject in one of the 21 century's greatest pieces of literature.
You see, there's a deeper message behind Tucker's beautiful, captivating stories, and that is that you should be the person you want to be, not he person someone else wants you to be. For Tucker, following his own advice led him to be a person who constantly made messes that other people had to clean up, and that's a powerful, moving message for all of us.
Shame on you all for picking on poor Tucker, who never, ever, ever, ever did anything to anyone.
what did those 2 recently deleted comments say?
Am I first on the new page...on our way to 10,000 baby.
And then everybody started puking. The problem was that the trailer was filmed on one of those old style cameras from the mid-nineties, you know the ones where the film always got completely damaged from even the slightest impact. Tucker also doesn't remember the name of the guy who did the filming and hasn't seen him since. But the real problem was that when Tucker tried to park near the film expert who was going to see if he could salvage the film, there was no parking spots, and he was pretty loaded from the wrap up party, and he was driving this super model girl's car that he picked up at the party who was waiting for him up in her apartment because she wanted to have sex with him. Well, anyway this supermodel was actually part of a carnival and was dating this guy whose car was Gravedigger, like a monster truck from a nearby county fair, so tucker was actually trying to park Gravedigger in a regular parking spot.
And he was pretty loaded so Gravedigger jumped the curb and he ended up parking INSIDE a donut shop and breaking tables and everything. So Tucker jumped out of Gravedigger to check to see whether there were any donuts, but then he remembered to wipe Gravedigger of all his prints, and he ran away leaving the damaged trailer film inside Gravedigger, which was parked inside the donut shop. But that's not even the best part because the supermodel was actually a SUPERMODEL MIDGET. So, Tucker is running away from a monster truck that he borrowed from a midget that he parked inside a donut shop (well, not really a donut shop, but he's going to call this story the "Monster Midget Donut -Hilarity Ensuing" it was some other shop where the owner doesn't have insurance or doesn't call the cops when a monster truck parks inside his store)and he left the film trailer, and actually the only original print of his new book A-holes Finish First, which is why that book hasn't been released on time either, inside Gravedigger. So as he is running away, he bumps into a minor league mascot who was walking with a fat Asian chick ("FAC")-- and he was carrying a voice recorder so he has this actual conversation on tape, and the mascot was giving FAC some trouble and she was crying and saying "what you no rike me." So Tucker had to stop and laugh because its always funny when a FAC gets some business. But then Tucker realized that the Mascot was actually a drunk mexican guy so Tucker asked him to blow into a breathalyzer, but the Mexican guy had been eating beans and rice and his breath was so bad that it caused Tucker to spontaneously crap his pants and the closest place was an Embassy Suites. Well, Tucker having received a lifetime ban was understandably reluctant to go into the lobby, but he couldn't help himself. Well after he ran past the manager, it was the same manager from the other Embassy Suites who recognized him, and he called the cops. But Tucker was already defecating inside the lobby when the cops came so Tucker said: "Don't Tase Me Bro." And everybody thought he was so funny and witty, that they just let him go without filing a police report.
So that's why there is no trailer.
"what did those 2 recently deleted comments say?"
The same as the one that actually stayed. Blogger was giving me mad grief for some reason.
Sorry, the post above was from the IMDB board where someone asked "where is the trailer' In response the poster said that the trailer camera got knocked over and damaged the film.
Then the full story of how Tucker lost the trailer is explained
"Tucker cracked. He has become so paranoid he barely functions. He thinks that l of his friends and colleagues have an equal chance of bring the anon bashes."
He is not paranoid. There are a number of industry people that Tucker pissed off who are posting anonymously here, the RMMB, and on IMDB. And there are a few folks that Tucker thinks are loyal to him that are posting gushing love fests on RMMB and then brutal bashes here. He is too stupid to see their flattery and that they are really mocking him behind his back. You should see some of the emails going on back and forth among the mods. And the industry folks Tucker angered are not small players. He certainly hasn't placated them on his blog. Really bridges have been burned. There is one industry guy who is using his son's and a few summer interns Rudius accounts to prod Tucker into making incredible claims on his blog which everybody knows are untrue. It has confirmed what they already thought of him, which is that he is a BS artist.
"You should see some of the emails going on back and forth among the mods. And the industry folks Tucker angered are not small players. He certainly hasn't placated them on his blog. Really bridges have been burned. There is one industry guy who is using his son's and a few summer interns Rudius accounts to prod Tucker into making incredible claims on his blog which everybody knows are untrue. It has confirmed what they already thought of him, which is that he is a BS artist."
I almost feel bad for him. Some of this stuff going around among people close to Tucker is brutal--talk about rats leaving a ship. I wonder how many of them can keep it up during the premiere tour.
"Some of this stuff going around among people close to Tucker is brutal--talk about rats leaving a ship"
care to share?
"care to share?"
Not really, it's pretty sad actually. At one point, Tucker had a few decent guys in his crowd who knew that he was just making a good story a bit better, but the guys that really jumped with him into this movie mogul stuff really believed him and bought his spin. Since the details of the real distribution deal have been leaking out, and they realize that they are unlikely to see anything real from helping Tucker promote this stuff, they are pretty bitter. Many of them even believed the whole turned down big money stuff, which makes the latest news harder to swallow. Honestly, I think that they should man up and tell him that they are off the bus. This two face stuff is too harsh even for Tucker. But I'm not going to out them. If this is the way that they roll, then its not my job to narc on anyone. Anything I would share could be traced back to the source. Believe me, its a pretty small group right now.
As one of those close to tucker in the earliest days, I have no sympathy for "mods jumping ship." you are all pathetic leeches with no lives who wanted to live vicariously through an e list celeb.
You were cruel sheep who bought bullshit because you had no spine of your own. It was the lot of you asswipes that fed tucker's ego until it was an unmanagable beast.
You come here now and try to be cyber prom kings by throwing an injured opossum under the bus but trust me, no ome gives a shit what you think.
Oooooh you are mocking tucker behind his back. Good for you. That makes you a stand up human being.
You are still the same wastes of life who ruined h intelligent vibe of the board except now, instead of blindfanboy lust you are stricken with prepubescent twofaceness.
Get bent losers.
Fuckyoubanned.
Ps not a parody, a serious note from someone who is sick of the double standard. Notice the industry people don't keep name dropping to make their point but thr supposed innercircle do nothing but spout rhetoric. Fuck off.
Fuck you, you duplicitous loser. You go tell Capt. Numbnuts that he's a fucking liar, and that his movie sucks bigger dick than a bitch doing donkey porn. Why don't you man up and tell Tucker that he's wasting whatever money and reputation he has left on this pathetic bus tour. You know damn well that this is not going to end well. If he's really your friend, then you fucking stand up and tell him like a man.
^ Dude, it's not nice to call Bunny a man.
Fuck it, I'll do it.
One of them is Bart (aka Proser), a Tucker protege' from Houston. He's been sending me stuff for a while now about how he thinks Tucker is a fraud and a douche.
Hey Bart, fuck you, you're a douchewad too. Bet you wish you stuck it out in law.
Well, now you won't get those emails anymore, because Proser will be FYB'd.
Unless this is some scheme to get back at him for pissing you off in some way, in which case...genius.
To the dickhead who wants us to feel bad for Tucker- fuck you, nobody made him be an asshole to innocent people, or lie incessantly in his stories, or hype his movie in the most absurd ways. All we did was call him on his bullshit. If what you said is true, he's brought everything upon himself.
This fight actually isn't about tucker. It is about the people who were pathetic enough to ride his coattails and then jump ship; bitching all the way out the door. Worst still.... You don't even do it like men. Then, you have the audacity to tell me to tell Tucker something???
Tucker has issues but a few of you people are lower than him because you use him and then trash him behind his back.
You want to talk about laughter? How many times do you idiots think tucker et al were laughing at you? He convinced your dumbasses to work for free. Mos of you...and you know who you are.... Begged him to be a part of this nonsense. You are followers whose direction changes with the trend. The only reason you are hating now is because that is the cool thing to do.
At least tucker is the same asshole regardless of the opioniins of others. Same with some other haters.... Guess what "mods" we hate your lame asses as much as we hate tucker. You are weak. Get a life.
Tucker has a long history with donuts, at least we know that is true just by looking at his midsection.
If people want to mock Tucker behind his back, that's just fine by me. Just make it as funny as it has been 'round these parts.
I would love some more anonymous personal details of Tucker's descent into madness.
By the way, when did Tucker function at a level above "barely functioning"? When he was on the five year high school plan thanks to a daddy rescue attempt to get him into college? When he took the easiest major at the University of Chicago? When he started talking over seasoned lawyers at Fenwick at meetings where he was supposed to just sit there and be a good little intern? When he ripped off an internet flotsam U Florida email about a football game and other urban legends and turned them into a bathroom book?
This guy has been a diseased loser his whole life.
Talk to Tucker, bitch.
Yes, there is "generation" of mods who are exactly what you describe. Kissing his ass and then talking to one another about his fails. They don't speak for all mods.
There are five of us who have been since day one. We are honest with Tucker and have been all along. We warned him each time we noticed a longtime poster stopped showing up. Not just stopped posting...the best people just stopped coming.
We even warned tucker against some of you. This last group of mods...last few groups actually...they just posture and pose and they were less interesting and intelligent than those banned.
Anyway I just wanted to defend the older mods. We miss the good ole days too.
To any of you idiots who think you are as revolutionary as Max with your email groups multiple account ids or whatever... Please know that you are nothing more than a different class of loser. If you hate him, do what we did... Walk away and move on with your life.
Oh wait... You don't have lives to move on to because you made a messageforum your life.
Fail.
Yes, there is "generation" of mods who are exactly what you describe. Kissing his ass and then talking to one another about his fails. They don't speak for all mods.
There are five of us who have been since day one. We are honest with Tucker and have been all along. We warned him each time we noticed a longtime poster stopped showing up. Not just stopped posting...the best people just stopped coming.
We even warned tucker against some of you. This last group of mods...last few groups actually...they just posture and pose and they were less interesting and intelligent than those banned.
Anyway I just wanted to defend the older mods. We miss the good ole days too.
To any of you idiots who think you are as revolutionary as Max with your email groups multiple account ids or whatever... Please know that you are nothing more than a different class of loser. If you hate him, do what we did... Walk away and move on with your life.
Oh wait... You don't have lives to move on to because you made a messageforum your life.
Fail.
This is the funny-stupidest series of posts since the Sarah Palin/Cute Feminist stuff.
XOXO
- Cute Alien Princess
Can we get clear teams here? I'm so confused. Mod v. mod. Hater v. hater. Shit's getting real!!!
The rest of us (who were never part of the TMMB, and have known he's a douche since day 1) don't give a shit.
I'm glad you stuck around, CAP.
@3:45
Exactly. Plenty of humor.
I demand more tucker poetry and ftsg submissions.
If I wanted to watch idiot internet addicts bitch, I'd still be visiting tucker's site.
There is another breed of person here too.
What about those that thought the book was pretty funny. Then they started reading about the movie with interest, thinking that this might actually be good. Then they watched as Tucker's ego swallowed it whole as it grew to epic proportions and the lies just kept getting bolder and more desperate.
I'm here for the train wreck, to see some self confessed asshole get his comeuppance. I have a RMMB message board account because i occasionally read on the boards, i have never posted. These days i use it to rep folks who call Tucker out.
Some may claim that the haters are just a handful of disgruntled fans/mods, I'm sure that's what Tucker tells himself, but i bet the vast majority are just like me.
We were once potential ticket buyers.
@3:45
Exactly. Plenty of humor.
I demand more tucker poetry and ftsg submissions.
If I wanted to watch idiot internet addicts bitch, I'd still be visiting tucker's site.
Are we taking a comments section census? If so I'm neither mod nor bookfan. I posted on the old boards & only found this after getting an email from another old poster. I just think it is interesting to see how the story ends. It does seem some of the people posting here are as annoying of Tucker. It reminds me why I stopped visiting the messageboard. If the funny was more frequent, the ironic idiocy would be easier to stomach.
Also, what's up with double posts? Why is blogger freezing up?
Tucker attempts to create entertainment at the expense of others.
We create entertainment at the expense of Tucker.
Karma is a bitch.
It really is that simple. As a frequent poster and very successful person, I find the "you have no life" line of reasoning to be the most insane putdown anyone can attempt.
Really, stop it, because it does nothing to discredit those on this forum. Are you going to tell us our Moms are whores next?
I have a life. Not that it matters, because this forum is really fucking fun(ny), and few people deserve to be the butt(sexth) of jokes more than Tucker Max.
Would it be trite to point out that there are multiple posts a day here funnier than anything the entire TMMB crew ever wrote, thought or grunted?
Just for the record, Cute Alien Princess is not the Original Cute Feminist. I am the Original Cute Feminist. And I'm still sulking about the impostors who stole my very original XOXO signature.
XOXO
- Original Cute Feminist
When anonymous haters steal other anonymous haters' signatures, the terrorists win.
XOXO
- Original Cute Feminist
Ok fine but what is the purpose of mentioning that you are a mod?
Does it make someone funnier? Does it make their digs more piercing?
No. It is just the same vein of self flattery tucker uses on his board. I'd ne humiliated to have been a mod not brag about how I am but I'm cool so I mock him via email.
Those people can't possibly have time for a life in between those shenanigans.
speaking as a critic of all douchebags, all the mods can go and choke on a dick unless they have something interesting to divulge.
Why is blogger freezing up?
Haven't you heard? The entire internet is on the verge of collapse due to anticipation for the impending release of the IHTSBIH trailer.
@4:13
I disagree. From 03 to 05, the tmmb was hilarious and far less douchery per post than here and/or the rmmb.
I think that it "is" funnier to know for sure that Tucker insiders are mocking him here and on his own site.
Why the attack on his mods? Don't answer that, just keep the focus on good anti-Tucker humour.
@4:30, you just won the internet. That was funny.
More of that.... Less douchebag tears.
This seems obvious to me, but, if people want to post here with a particular identity without obsessing over impersonations (which are, honestly, hilarious - whoever did the one at 4:23, my hat's off to you), blogger DOES have several different options built in for that purpose. If nothing else, create a gmail account with whatever imaginary first and last name you want to appear and use that.
Question:
At what point did the Tucker Max experience stop working for you?
Or: When did Tucker cease to be funny?
Has anybody seen that South Park episode entitled Fish Sticks? Cartman's storyline in that episode is very reminiscent of Tucker Max.
I think Tucker truly believes his stories to be true, and to be the wise cracking bad boy Jock he constructed in his head.
It's almost as if he'd never be able to integrate with modern society, believing himself to be as previously mentioned, and trying desperately hard to maintain that faux image.
If he ever has kids/grand children, I would feel truly sorry for them having to hear stories of Tucker sticking his wiener in a girls butthole, loud drunken behavior, and so on. Must of us grow up hearing stories of tours in Vietnam, etc. Something that can at least be seen as admirable.
I await the day one of the weak Tucker (supposedly) walks on smashes a glass bottle on his face, or stabs him in the junk with a razorblade. Either would be pretty cool.
@4:33
I don't want to start shit and I'm not a mod hater but I disagree with you. I think that it is childish as hell to try and run sad game on Tucker.
The funny isn't the manufactured and manipulated bullshit. The funny is the natural disaster that happens within Tucker. All of the people thinking it is cute or amusing to help it along are just in it for reasons just as pathetic as tucker's excuses.
Plenty of us are insiders but we are here to observe and make funny. No sense in sinking to his level when
@ 4:40PM
Tucker has NEVER been funny. He has had some funny friends that said and did some VERY funny things but Tucker has never done or said anything funny. He just happened to write, poorly, about what others did.
I am also willing to put money on the fact that the best lines from this trip he calls a movie were not even in his script. They ere ad libs from the set added when they could get Tucker to fuck off for a few moments.
"Tucker attempts to create entertainment at the expense of others.
We create entertainment at the expense of Tucker."
This is a superb hater manifesto, in my opinion.
XOXO
-OCF
P.S. Rollory, you have a point, but I'm afraid that would detract from the enticingly guerrilla nature of this blog.
Tucker's twitter reminds me a lot of Carlos Mencia's. For example:
"Her: "I'm descended from African royalty." Me: "We should hook up then bc Coming to America is my favorite movie." Ftw!"
I don't understand you people. You say that none of his stories are true BUT you say he deserve to fail because of what he did to the people in his stories. These are PEOPLE YOU CLAIM DO NOT EXIST. According to you the movie will fail because he videotaped a sexual encounter without the woman's consent; he will fail because of the way he treated a donut shop owners property?
So which is it? Does karma come from things that don't exist? Your logic is so flawed it makes me laugh.
"I don't understand you people. You say that none of his stories are true BUT you say he deserve to fail because of what he did to the people in his stories. These are PEOPLE YOU CLAIM DO NOT EXIST. According to you the movie will fail because he videotaped a sexual encounter without the woman's consent; he will fail because of the way he treated a donut shop owners property?
So which is it? Does karma come from things that don't exist? Your logic is so flawed it makes me laugh."
I do realize that you're a member of Tucker's board and you're most likely borderline retarded, so please come back soon and bring some more of your mental retardations with you.
-TDG
We don't need to believe his stories to know he's an asshole. See Shreveport and BCWoods ("I'll leave you as the nobody that you were" or whatever it was) as 2 examples right off the top of my fucking head.
Checkmate, dumbass.
P.S. There are dozens of reasons why Tucker's projects fail. Karma is at the bottom of the list. An inability to work with others and general incompetence are at the top.
@6:14 is actually Tucker right before a good cry (followed by a cathartic internet porn masturbation session)
Some of his antics were totally made up, some were just stolen beefed up variations of early internet memes or other urban legends, but some were tru...ish...esque version of his interactions with real people who he has exploited.
These people exist. Katie Johnson exists, and so do many other people I have personally witnessed Tucker berate and attempt to mock or otherwise exploit for his own benefit.
Karma is not your bitch, Otto.
^^^ Anonymous @7/29/2009 6:14 PM:
There are three possible scenarios:
Scenario A: Tucker made up stories out of whole cloth, and is attempting to capitalize on them under the guise that they're true. This makes him a liar and a thief (and, of course, a douchebag);
Scenario B: He treated undeserving people like props for his antics, demonstrating sociopathic behavior indicative of deep psychological problems;
Scenario C (the most likely of the three): He was indeed sociopathic in his dealings with those he deemed his social inferiors, then 'fudged' the truth about those episodes to ratchet up the humor value. Now he's attempting to capitalize on his embellishments, AND he's a psycho.
In which of these three scenarios does Tucker NOT deserve to be derided and belittled at every turn?
Now, let me turn your arrogance back on you: can you present a scenario in which Tucker is actually a good, virtuous man of integrity, given what you know of him? I submit that you cannot.
See fuckwads, playing your little reindeer games does nothing but legitimize comment like the last one. If we stuck to mockery and observational humor, Tucker and his posse would have no room to criticize us. Many haterz are only here because it is more active than the boards. With you, you brought your stupidity and immaturity. Those are the things that made the rest of us leave long ago. Don't you see that you are the worst part of this because you are intolerable? Tucker has always been a narcissistic lying delusional shithead but that is why we liked him... To watch him flail about life. All of you little tools who can't decide if you want to suck his dick or pee on his mother are the only variable. For fuck's sake just shut the hell up. You are pathetic and I don't find you at all interesting. Get out of the way and led Tucker collapse. No one cares what you do or did to provoke or antagonize. Grow up.
^Someone wanna translate?
is bunny still in rehab? i need to hear that story. she looks like a dude
"See fuckwads,"
Fuckwads? Whoa.
"playing your little reindeer games does nothing but legitimize comment like the last one."
Bunny, are you out of rehab and already off the wagon?
"If we stuck to mockery and observational humor, Tucker and his posse would have no room to criticize us."
Seriously, Tucker and his Confederacy of Failure can criticize me or us ALL THEY WANT. It won't make a difference to me, he's still a lying douchebag to the majority of people who contribute to this blog as well as any thinking person.
Who the fuck cares whether or not a bunch of emotional cripples want to criticize my work on here? I'll just tell some bullshit story about fucking a girl up the ass while her roommate took a shit and they'll be mesmerized and forget all about it.
"Many haterz are only here because it is more active than the boards."
Wait, are you saying that this COMMENT SECTION is more active than RMMB?
"With you, you brought your stupidity and immaturity. Those are the things that made the rest of us leave long ago."
Bunny, who are you talking to? Deep breath girlfriend, deep breath.
"Don't you see that you are the worst part of this because you are intolerable? "
You mean as opposed to being tolerable like Tucker, who lies and is a scumbag to most of the members of his board?
"Tucker has always been a narcissistic lying delusional shithead but that is why we liked him... "
This is definitely a drunk TheBunny fresh out of Sodomy/Rehab. It makes about as much sense as her blog.
I actually liked Tucker because he was definitely going to crash and burn while hilarity ensues.
"To watch him flail about life."
Oh, you got that too.
"All of you little tools who can't decide if you want to suck his dick"
Yes, somewhere in my deconstruction of Tucker's work, you can read into the code that I've written that clearly says I want to polish his knob.
Dammit Bunny!!! You blew it for me!!! (pun intended).
"or pee on his mother are the only variable."
I'm sorry, do I look like Mr. Dennis Max?
"For fuck's sake just shut the hell up."
LEAVE TUCKER ALONE!!!!!! (sob)
"You are pathetic and I don't find you at all interesting. "
Then by all means, please do go back to RMMB to somebody you find interesting.
"Get out of the way and led Tucker collapse."
Bunny, is tonight a White Zin or Tequila chaser night at rehab?
"No one cares what you do or did to provoke or antagonize. Grow up."
Bunny, I'll grow up when you sober up.
-TDG
"or pee on his mother are the only variable."
I'm sorry, do I look like Mr. Dennis Max?
-------------
Niiiiicccceeeeee!!!!
I'm not TheBunny and I wasn't talking to you TDG. I'm getting tired of checking in hoping for funny and seeing nothing but "hee hee, I'm gonna taunt Tucker on his board, hee hee."
It is old and it is not entertaining. More funny less douchey.
PS why assume I meant you TDG? Sensitive much? You are one of the funny ones assshart... Take your offended panties off and save them for the quarterlife crisis board.
I'm not TheBunny and I wasn't talking to you TDG. I'm getting tired of checking in hoping for funny and seeing nothing but "hee hee, I'm gonna taunt Tucker on his board, hee hee."
It is old and it is not entertaining. More funny less douchey.
PS why assume I meant you TDG? Sensitive much? You are one of the funny ones assshart... Take your offended panties off and save them for the quarterlife crisis board.
"Now, let me turn your arrogance back on you: can you present a scenario in which Tucker is actually a good, virtuous man of integrity, given what you know of him? I submit that you cannot."
Hmmm..
Sending gifts and supplies to our Armed Forces fighting overseas?
Screening his movie for free at Military bases?
Helping young writers find their voices and create an avenue for them to become commercially profitable?
Helping to employ a hundred or so people through the production of his movie?
Making millions of people laugh for free?
Inspiring people good or bad to become the person that want to be and not the person society say they need to be?
Hotwheelz and the other people Tucer has become a big brother to?
Shall i go on?
I still have no idea who or what @6:28 was criticizing, but given that (he/she/she who looks like a he) has been properly disposed of, can someone please provide some anecdotes of Tucker's paranoia?
We need to kill time before the trailer kills all hope of Tucker Max Fail avoidance.
Remember, the challenge is to establish that Tucker is a good, virtuous man of integrity. Given that he's been accused of being either a liar or sociopath, it seems the only way to establish this is to show that the charges of lying and sociopathy are false. (E.g., if I do lots of nice things but also rape someone to death, then I'm not a good, virtuous man of integrity.)
Anyway, falsification of the charges was not even attempted. Instead, we got a list of putatively kind deeds. To wit:
"Sending gifts and supplies to our Armed Forces fighting overseas?"
This is indeed a nice thing, though the fact that Tucker publicizes it makes it lose a bit of its luster. Not all of it, though.
"Screening his movie for free at Military bases?"
Nice thing again, but once again Tucker used their responses to promote his movie. So it's not obvious that he did this from the goodness of his heart.
"Helping young writers find their voices and create an avenue for them to become commercially profitable?"
Who's become commercially profitable because of Tucker's ministrations? Has he actually helped anyone find their voice? These aren't rhetorical questions. I don't follow his writing advice section, so I don't know.
"Helping to employ a hundred or so people through the production of his movie?"
This is something of a reach, because this isn't even a nice thing. If I buy popcorn from a movie theater, that doesn't count as a good deed even though it helps keep that movie theater afloat. I'll admit, this has good consequences, but I'm not sure that it's a better use of the money than it otherwise would have been put to. (Tucker was an econ major, so he'd be sure to tell you of opportunity costs.)
"Making millions of people laugh for free?"
Assuming he has made millions of people laugh, many of them he hasn't made laugh for free (he did sell his book, after all). Moreover, his humor often has to do with making fun of people--which may not be a nice thing even if it provokes laughter. I'll admit, though, that making people laugh is a good consequence.
"Inspiring people good or bad to become the person that want to be and not the person society say they need to be?"
Inspiring bad people to become the person they want to be is a bad thing. And anyway, I'm not sure he's done all that much inspiring.
"Hotwheelz and the other people Tucer has become a big brother to?"
I don't know what you're talking about here, but being willing to be a big brother is a good thing.
Shall i go on?
"Hmmm.. "
"Sending gifts and supplies to our Armed Forces fighting overseas?"
Like...? How's that "Getting Hammered For The Troops" working out for those troops thesedays? That sort of went the way of Tucker's radio show. So altruistic of Tucker to drink for free so the troops could benefit until people stopped showing up to these events.
"Screening his movie for free at Military bases?"
Yes, and you can tell how much the troops love him by Tucker having to pen FAKE LETTERS OF PRAISE OF THE MOVIE THEY SAW FOR FREE.
"Helping young writers find their voices and create an avenue for them to become commercially profitable?"
I'm sure BC Woods would be on your side with that one.
"Helping to employ a hundred or so people through the production of his movie?"
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! That's like saying a porn movie is great for actresses wanting to hone their craft.
Seriously dude, stay down. Those people are GUNS FOR HIRE, meaning it was just a job. Please motherfucker, don't pretend that Tucker is altruistic when HE FUCKING DENIED THEM A CHANCE TO SEE THE MOVIE THEY WORKED ON AND INSULTED THEM ON HIS BLOG.
"Making millions of people laugh for free?"
True, about 100,000 are laughing with him...
"Inspiring people good or bad to become the person that want to be and not the person society say they need to be?"
How's that life philosophy working out for Tucker proteges Kung Fun Mike and TheBunny?
Please, Tucker isn't even the person he wants to be, let alone tries to be. Getting advice from Tucker Max on life situations is like losing your virginity to an AIDS patient.
"Hotwheelz and the other people Tucer has become a big brother to?"
Dude, Hotwheelz HATES Tucker. Notice he stopped posting on the board a while back? Do you think that's because he suddenly discovered his "big brother" was a fraud?
Tucker used Hotwheelz the same way the owners of the Mile End Row Sideshow used John Merrick.
"Shall i go on?"
Please do, I have plenty of time to dispell bullshit.
- TDG
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
TDG
Bloody brilliant work lad.
TDG is on a fucking ROLL!!!
@7/29/2009 7:02 PM-
"Sending gifts and supplies to our Armed Forces fighting overseas?"
That's a good cause. It does nothing to negate (allegedly) filming sex with a girl, without consent, or destroying other peoples' property and fleeing the scene, or being mean to people for no reason other than to cover for the gaping hole in his own psyche. You're taking a 'top-down' view- reminding yourself of Tucker's good points, to excuse him of his bad ones. I'm saying that just because Tucker does good deeds or whatever, that doesn't excuse his transgressions. Your way of seeing this is the way of a boy; my way is the way of a man.
"Screening his movie for free at Military bases?"
See above. This is a marketing tool for Tucker, not a goodwill gesture.
"Helping young writers find their voices and create an avenue for them to become commercially profitable?"
Tell me who he's helped. Seriously- I want to know. Please, show me what great writers cite Tucker Max as an influence. KungFu Mike? Just because someone bandies about claiming to have 'invented a new literary genre' (which he didn't), doesn't make him a good influence on any-damned-body. Talk to BC Woods about all Tucker's done to help aspiring young writers become commercially profitable.
"Helping to employ a hundred or so people through the production of his movie?"
Do you have any idea how many movies get made per year? All those guys would have work regardless of whether Tucker was ever born, and if you've read their comments, here and elsewhere, you know that none of them are exactly swooning over all Tucker's done for them. Maybe instead of praising him for giving people jobs, you should be thinking about what he's going to tell his investors if his movie fails to turn a profit. Do you have any idea how many care packages for overseas troops can be bought with six million dollars?
"Making millions of people laugh for free?"
Please; your points are getting ridiculously weak, and you're grasping at straws now.
"Inspiring people good or bad to become the person that want to be and not the person society say they need to be?"
Ahh... yes, it's a great work, to inspire someone without consideration of whether you're helping them be 'good' or 'bad'. See, this is exactly the problem with Tucker's target audience: they honestly believe that it doesn't matter if it's good or bad, so long as it's what you want to do. You know what, junior? Since we're all members of society, and beneficiaries of those who have gone before us, maybe we SHOULD spend more time letting society teach us how to be responsible to it, instead of shitting hotels and wrecking other peoples' cars and running out of restaurants without paying for our meals. I know, I know: that's old-fashioned and outmoded thinking. It makes more sense to belittle others for our own amusement and film people having sex without their consent. THAT'S the kind of world I want to live in.
"Hotwheelz and the other people Tucer has become a big brother to?"
Yeah, if I was Hotwheelz parents, I'd really want someone like Tucker taking my son under his wing, because if Hotwheelz could only aspire to accomplish what Tucker has- build a career on hurting others and avoiding responsibility for his actions- I'd be the proudest parent on Earth.
Is this really what you think of your neo-messiah? Oh, Lord... the future is in worse hands than I thought.
"Shall i go on?"
Yeah, sure.
So, TDG=hotwheelz?
Explains a lot.
"Tucker used Hotwheelz the same way the owners of the Mile End Row Sideshow used John Merrick."
I had to use Wikipedia to get the joke, but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
three different people have deconstructd the fanboy's latest attempt to defen tucker. fucking awesome.
fanboys, you're in for a world of hurt if you come 'round here expecting to defend fucker max. the deconstructor and barry got something for ya.
TDG,
I love this one:
"Getting advice from Tucker Max on life situations is like losing your virginity to an AIDS patient."
I know you usually don't preface your jokes, but this one is just genius.
Losing your virginity to an AIDS patient would make you feel like you're on top of the world for a little while but eventually it would lead to horrible things (AIDS). Much like listening to Tucker would make you feel like you're on top of the world until reality sets in.
I really enjoy your sense of humor TDG, thank you.
To the (former) mods who post on here:
The exact moment when I stopped being a Tucker fan was when I read the lovely barbie thread on the TMMB. A group of educated adults taunted and cyberbullied an uneducated, underaged slut. I developed a dislike for Tucker then. So, (former) mods, please do tell, what was the lovely barbie episode like from the other side of the looking glass?
In other words, what were you guys thinking?
As Rodney King said, "Can't we all just get along." This site is for all folks who think Tucker is a douchebag. You can hate him because you were disgusted by the first read; or discovered his true doucheness after a period of infatuation. And as for the double agent mods, I have a new term for what you're doing: "Shreveporting" or "Shreving." This is where you pretend you love somebody or something because you want something from them; and then dis them when they no longer serve your purpose. Tucker fully approves of Shreving. Shreve away my friends.
I mean, really, we sound like a group of Aetheists that are questioning the level of somebody's non-belief. There is no FYB here. We're here to help those who have lost their faith in our favorite douchebag as well as those who never had faith. FFolks like TGD are the best.
The true depth of the rats leaving is that weeks before Tucker's biggest "triumph," he can't even get fanboys to post on IMDB. I mean its not even 50/50 there even with Tucker's trolls posting gushing love. They are spending their time on here debating whether it's ok to tell tales out of school. Look back at the early days of the IMDB thread, there was an equal number of fanboys, now the silence is eerie on the only real mainstream marketing board there is.
Mods, get off this board and start defending your champion where it matters
Tucker's latest blog: The facist MPAA wont let us show our totally awesome, hilariously funny, kick ass trailer!
Translation: The trailer tested really bad, i mean it seriously sucks! We tried to lure you guys to buying tickets for this shit by stuffing as many naked hot chicks into the trailer as we could, but the MPAA folks shot us down! We are going to take another stab at salvaging this crap but don't be expecting to see it any time soon.
No, no, that's not possible. He said he'd release it during ComicCon. He PROMISED. ComicCon is over. Therefore, it's been released. It's just evil hater h4x0rz who are preventing anyone from seeing it.
I wrote one of the posts deconstructing Tucker's defender's defenses, but in fairness to Tucker his recent set of exchanges with Biscuit were pretty interesting, primarily because of Biscuit, but also because of Tucker's significantly more reasonable tone.
Maybe the MPAA had a quality issue.
Or better yet, maybe since Tucker is claiming that this film is "Based on a TRUE STORY" in his trailer, the MPAA asked for the videotape of the midget donut shop or whatever.
-TDAG
"Hate" is Corey Rosensteel
http://www.rflaw.net/charlotte_nc_attorney_profiles.shtml
Late to the party, but I had to comment, "Making millions of people laugh for free?"
$16.95 (per Amazon) isn't free. Nor is the $45 / month that Comcast is charging me and millions of others.
What is free is mocking Tucker Max, who is both a liar and a douchebag. Though admittedly, mocking him by myself without my fellow anti-Tuckerites here and at IMDB would be much less amusing. So I suppose that ultimately, this isn't free either. Though I consider my time and whatever proportion of money mocking Tucker well spent.
Digressions aside, it's less than two months out, and the trailer is nowhere to be found. This shit is going to Tucker Max Fail.
Tucker's original webpage, circa 2000: http://web.archive.org/web/20000229150126/http://tuckermax.tripod.com/
"Please, Tucker isn't even the person he wants to be, let alone tries to be. Getting advice from Tucker Max on life situations is like losing your virginity to an AIDS patient."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
So fucking true.
I feel all warm and fuzzy inside because it was I who originally coined the phrase "Tucker Max Fail" over a year ago. Quite a community we've formed here, it will be a shame to part when the saga of Tucker Max finally fails with a whimper, not even a bang.
So are we outing people now?
Yeah, it's about that time
^ Oh, please don't out me, whatever you do, not that!!!
Pricks.
"There is no FYB here. We're here to help those who have lost their faith in our favorite douchebag as well as those who never had faith."
Amen! We don't need infighting, guys.
10:45, when Tucker's movie fails maybe we can all meet at a park somewhere and lock our penises together before saying goodbye? I'd like that. :)
I wrote one of the posts deconstructing Tucker's defender's defenses, but in fairness to Tucker his recent set of exchanges with Biscuit were pretty interesting, primarily because of Biscuit, but also because of Tucker's significantly more reasonable tone.
----------------
Don't be so easily fooled. He's been forced to take that tone because he realises his puffery has fallen flat. It speaks more of the extent to which things haven't worked for him, had things gone his way he'd be a raging douchebag about it all as always. The man is a study on what happens when you tempt fate once too often.
"Don't be so easily fooled. He's been forced to take that tone because he realises his puffery has fallen flat. It speaks more of the extent to which things haven't worked for him, had things gone his way he'd be a raging douchebag about it all as always. The man is a study on what happens when you tempt fate once too often."
So true. I guess you could credit Tucker for recognizing that he was out of his depths in trying to disagree with Biscuit outright, but all that does is demonstrate Tuck's duplicity and dishonesty. At the end of the day, the guy thinks he's smarter than almost everyone around him, and he's convinced that he's some sort of visionary who sees what others don't. That kind of hubris is just asking to be exposed.
ottos latter responses with biscuit consisted of;
"no brah, you like totally don't get what im saying" (he does)
"you're contradicting yourself broseph" (he didn't)
"but but, the black swan and shit"
Biscuit said (about tuckers film ambitions),
"And if you can build that Shangri La, then I would love to own a house there."
and the douchebag responds by...
Locking the fucking thread!
classic hilarity
"That makes you a stand up human being."
Are you serious? As opposed to Tucker who is the image of a stand up human being.
BUAHAUAHAUAUABAUBAUAUAHHAHAAH.
"You are still the same wastes of life who ruined h intelligent vibe of the board"
What? Who ruined that board? Tucker is the one who gave out orders to ban anyone disagreeing with anything he ever said.
"to ride his coattails and then jump ship; bitching all the way out the door"
I'm not siding with anyone. But my feeling is, Tucker fed them a line of bullshit, and they believed it. I fault them for that. But I don't blame them for being pissed when they found out he is an utter douchebag.
I'm sure the people he didn't pay, or lied to, or hired and stole their material and then fired them, were all on his coat tales.
Please grow the F up. It's like trying to blame the stock brokers at Bear Sterns who showed up one day and were unemployed. Yeah, it's their fault, not the douchebag CEO who runs shit.
"lower than him because you use him and then trash him behind his back."
This is your criteria? What kind of idiot are you?
Tucker has done that to hundreds of people. Heck, entire cities like Shrevport. When he needed something he had nothing but praises, when it was done he trashed them.
"At least tucker is the same asshole regardless of the opioniins of others."
Yeah, that's why he bitched out to Bisquit and bent over and said please fuck me in my pussy. Which is what he is now, a pussy.
"PS why assume I meant you TDG? Sensitive much?"
If you are only talking to the former "Mods" who recently starting posting, say so.
I for one have found plenty of the posts on here entertaining.
"Helping to employ a hundred or so people through the production of his movie?"
You mean from the same city he later said was a shithole? Or the people that he later did not pay?
Lily Burk, blond girl killed by a black man:
http://cbs2.com/local/Body.Downtown.Homicide.2.1102301.html
Amy Barnes, blond girl killed by a black man:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1202762/Boyfriend-Hollyoaks-actress-Amy-Leigh-Barnes-guilty-murder.html#ixzz0MbOOgWI3
According to the US Department of Justice, number of white women raped by black men in the USA in 2005: 37,000
According to the US Department of Justice, number of black women raped by white men in the USA in 2005: "Less than 10"
That averages out to 100 white women raped by a black man per day. Rape is the #1 women's rights issue. Why are the feminists silent about this?
Remember, blacks are murdering raping savages. They're not "just people like us"; about 15% of them are smart enough to pretend to be, the others sit in the ghetto or the jungle and jump on white pussy anytime they see it, willing or not. Don't let your sisters or daughters fool themselves about them.
7:08 post
Hello my racist friend,
Those are interesting 'facts' you have there, but what the heck does it have to do with tucker max being a liar and a douchebag?
Nothing! That's what!
"But yes. So theoretically speaking, if your movie somehow makes, say, 100 million at the box office and the studios start knocking on your door, begging for the next Tucker Max movie -- which you refuse to give to them unless they grant you ownership of the underlying IP -- which they will refuse to give you because they understand what would happen if they set that precedent -- which you would then tell them to go fuck themselves and use the profits from this movie to fully fund and DIY distribute the sequel, theatrically as well as across every other platform, using your leverage to negotiate the best possible profit percentage -- which you would then use those profits to build an artist friendly studio where content creators are allowed to maintain IP ownership to exploit however they see fit, giving them a larger (i.e. fairer) share of the profits -- which then attracts every single content creator of any talent or value, since your system is not only more profitable but also more autonomous -- then yes. That is absolutely a black swan event. And if you can build that Shangri La, then I would love to own a house there."
How does Tucker not see that Biscuits is totally mocking him? He strings a whole series of incredibly unlikely events, and basically points out how pie in the sky Tucker's story is, and Tucker says, "Yeah man, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Really, Tucker's next project should be investing in private manned space travel. Because when a rocket scientist explains all the logistical problems with financing private manned space flight, Tucker will think that it is simply encouragement.
This is a true Mary telling Lloyd that he has a 1/1,000,000 shot and Lloyd whooping for joy. Tucker has become Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber. I'm waiting for the mini bike to appear.
Music artists once believed that free and easy music distribution would free them from the big bad studios as well. Ask them what they think now?
"Remember, blacks are murdering raping savages. They're not "just people like us"; about 15% of them are smart enough to pretend to be, the others sit in the ghetto or the jungle and jump on white pussy anytime they see it, willing or not. Don't let your sisters or daughters fool themselves about them."
WTF? Let's keep this thread on Tucker hate, talk about Social Issues on Twitter.
@6:45, damned right I blame stock brokers too. It is called... And don't be scared by the strange words... Personal responsibility.
It is so much easier to blame bogeyman but how many of the world's atrocities were actually the result of just one person? I have no respect for those who only make convenient decisions past the age of legal adulthood.
All alcoholics don't crash cars or beat kids, all officials in a corrupt regime don't silently take orders to harm others while turning a blind eye, and all stock brokers weren't greedy pricks who knew their office's numbers didn't compute but chose to ride the paycheck tsunami without concern for consequences.
Likewise, just changing your mind and finally seeing tucker as a douche doesn't excuse years of self douchery. No pity from me. I agree with the other poster.
Don't get me wrong, tucker is a true narcissistic lump who tried to manipulate everyone BUT not everyone is weak enough to concede. Those who fall victim on repeated occasions are inherently weak. Tucker isn't a sociopath. He isn't a charmer with attractive body, spirit, and mind. Those who chose to be under the influence of his bullshit have their own set of issues.
Tucker, in isolation, is sick. Tucker, surrounded by blind fanbois, is gravely ill because they allow his extreme dysfunction to radiate through their actions. Fuckyoubanning, real life emulation, etc.
In short, this site is here to talk about tucker and that is all I will do from now on but I want it on the record that this anonymous hater agrees with last night's posts. From a psychological standpoint, those who make it openly known that they "shreve" (great term btw) are not doing so because tucker is a bad guy, they are doing so (and reporting it to us) because they get power, control, and recognition... If only in virtual measures.
^^^ Good points.
Also, I demand that "shreve" enter the tucker-hate lexicon, alongside such now-ubiquitous terms as "Otto", "Tucker Max Fail", "______ Guy" (used to name anyone who does anything memorable on this fine blog), and, of course, "buftsexth" (though there are about two dozen variations on this term, which makes it all the funnier).
"Ask them what they think now?"
- I know. Artists really thought, hey, here's a new model. Instead of the big Studios keeping a ton of our money, we can cheaply distribute online and keep all the profits for our creative work.
What happened was they both got fucked. Now artists are making less, and studios are making less because no one wants to pay. They just get free copies, download illegally, or use foreign mirror sites to buy them for pennies on the dollar.
I personally have always liked buying Albums. I'm in my mid-20s and have said that and some 18 year old kid asks me what an Album is.
There's no appreciation for the writing, music, the art work on the album cover, the lyrics, etc.
Bill Hicks view on people like Tucker Max.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDW_Hj2K0wo
TOTP!
Tucker explains his DVD deal:
"We took no advance on the future sales."
In other words, they didn't offer him anything for the DVD rights. Here's the deal. Fox will print some number of DVDs and give it no P & A. They will ship it to their wholesale outlets and keep track of sales. If there is any profit in excess of the distribution fee, wholesalers cut, and retailer's cut, Tucker might get something after the production and post production P& A costs are recouped. Let's review again folks, WHEN YOU HAVE A FINISHED PRODUCT, YOU WANT PEOPLE TO PAY YOU FOR IT.
"and thus not only is there no recoupment cost,'
IOW, there is no recoupment costs because Fox is not paying for anything so there is nothing to recoup. We have to use our own money again to finance the DVD deal. Review Again class:
OPM GOOD; YFM-BAD.
"we got the best possible definition of gross"
This is because Fox didn't buy DVD rights. They didn't want them. Fox is simply freestyle in this context. Pay us a fee and a percentage and we will distribute your DVD to our wholesalers. Period.
"When there is no risk for the distributor, you get a better deal."
There is no risk for the distributor because the producers are paying for distribution. HAHAHAHAHA. He didn't even get a DVD deal.
"Again, it was some money upfront"
Not likely.
"and less backend versus no upfront and more backend,'
This backend is as real as the backend that allegedly happened on the butheth tape.
"and we took the risker but potentially more profitable option,"
They didn't offer us anything so we had to do it DIY on DVD as well.
"and again, the deal is smart if the movie does well, not so much if it does poorly."
But if it is the only "deal" offered, it is really the only deal you can take.
March 2010,
Int: run down LA apartment, a fat man sits on a stained couch, phone in stubby hand,
tucker: yo, bank manager, i wanna like, totally file for bankruptcy and shit brah.
other end: sir, this is Dominoes pizza...
tucker: oh fuck, yeah i knew that dude. Since im here, you got any 2 for 1 deals on?
Don't Shreve me, bro!
-Tucker 7/30/09
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