The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 7201 – 7400 of 15918 Newer› Newest»No, I'm not Tucker, but the real Tucker could answer those questions easily for reasons he and I both know.
Jesus christ...isn't there a Kennedy assassination to analyze somewhere?
@12:05, pot/kettle?
You're the one who came here to beat a dead horse.
If you know Tucker well enough to know those answers, you likely know him well enough to ask if he was here tonight.
Therefore, your post was a flaccid attempt to e-posture and call out the Tucker troll.
Guess what, no one here gives a crap. We don't Fuck You Banned here. We see crap, we move on.
Personally, I liked The Real Tucker Max. Good change of pace. Trainwrecks are more fun when they are interactive.
Ditto liking the tuckertroll. There's been more action here tonight than before and I like it.
Tucker's obviously now trying to garner attention by being a douchebag. In his silly little tard mind, we're making him notorious and likely to boost him into the limelight with everyone wanting to see what the fuss is about. This is his great "marketing strategy". With statements like "I invented a new genre" I need to believe he's being a douchebag on purpose. I need to believe it else I don't sleep at night.
I can't wait until Tucker's movie comes out!! It's going to Tucker Max Fail, and then Tucker will cry, and then I will laugh.
What the goddamn fucking hell are you shitheads talking about?
Oh yeah, now that you mention it... early designs of my waste disposal system (finally finished now, btw, should post sometimes the next days tbh) were killing off babies friggin reliably. Basically it was a room with the goal to have 3/7 water flowing over the floor at all times, with a deeeeeeep channel on one side. That channel had an atomsmasher on the lowest level.
Whenever the water went to maybe 5/7 tops on certain tiles, mothers dropped their babies and tried not to get washed down the channel. The babies, however, were washed down, along with the trash.
I SWEAR THAT WAS NOT THE DESIGN GOAL.
sooo, TM then; what a gaping twat.
one of the more repugnant things about him is his total hypocrisy. especially when it comes to free speech.
Dissent on his message board? That shit gets silenced so fast the stasi would be proud.
Someone tries to shut tugger up?
"Wha wha wha, don't try to muzzle me, bro!! wha"
douche.
You can't yet strangle people with the exposed guts, though I suppose that's now within reach.
I don't know TM but I thought there was a chance it's really him. The writing is similar and the ad-hom attacks are straight out of the TM playbook (see: Gawker, Script Reader, etc.). Also we know he's at the boiling point, given that longass rant he posted on his board a few days ago.
^^ No, you CAN strangle people with them. It's just that Tucker Max is a raging cocksucker, that's all.
Jesus christ...isn't there a Kennedy assassination to analyze somewhere?
This is the kind of shit I miss, back when TMMB was actually a fun workday diversion! Thanks.
"The Real Tucker Max" is a talented troll, but he doesn't have Tucker's voice, and doesn't share Tucker's inability to face criticism directly. That's why Tucker is a fuck up: He's an escapist. He's bright enough to fake it through the structure of school, but his inner-demons doom him once he was faced with an unstructured life after school. He lucked into a good situation with his website which paved the way for a moderately successful book. But once again he escaped structure and responsibility by not writing a script for Comedy Central, and half-assing his way through the script for Beer in Hell. He can't even sustain the discipline to write Assholes Finish First.
"Overall it seems well-paced if in fact it's a real account of the trailer."
It sounds just like I expected...which is painfully out of place.
Painful to watch even, like you are in the theater realizing how embarassing the film is and looking for a way out without other people noticing you.
"don't think any of you are smart, but I definitely thought you were more smart than you are showing tonight. I would re-post the emails I got but I know that would just be playing into your immature games."
I see your writing skills continue to amaze...I too think we are MORE SMART...
"I never said I'd beat The Hangover."
You know the definition of a Pathalogical liar Tuck?
Yes, you said this. You said, "Anything the Hangover over can do at box office, we can easily beat."
I was on the board when you posted it.
"I don't talk about the O & A incident because it was just overblown hype."
It was not overblow hype. I've seen people who are tearing up about to cry. The video is on Youtube. At 3:42-3:44 you can clearly see it.
And to avoid breaking down in tears in front of these guys. You storm out of the studio.
oh fuck off ans stop hijacking this blog with this fake fucking backtracking suddenly modest "tucker" persona. A fail is a fail and Tucker or not you can fuck off you podgy ugly fuck.
In a last ditch attempt to woo fans ere he headed to the street,
He exclaimed, "Go see the movie blow up, IHTSBIH is damned sweet."
_________
I thought that Poem was quite good.
"Look, I'm not here to defend my stories. Did you pay to read them? Were you entertained? That's where our relationship ends. That's where my responsibility to you, as a fan, ends. I'm not at your 24 hour service call.
The Real Tucker"
Apparently if one has the time to answer questions 24/7 online...they are available 24/7 instead of doing things like working on their career, taking writing classes to correct their awful grammar, learning from other screen writers, etc.
It's me. I'm more smartier.
"I don't care if anyone likes me or hates me."
This is the very antithesis of how you start your book. You care very much about being in the spotlight. Like all children do.
Which is why you can't understand how people who have normal lives are perfectly happy with those lives. They are, in fact, not envious of you in any way.
It does not change the fact that they despise you. I loathe you like the crude inbetween my toes.
Do they think about you all day? Um...no. They have familis, jobs, friends, and lives to get on with.
You think about this far more than they ever could. So yes, I think it's VERY important to you whether people hate you or like you.
"I've been honest about my history with the law and it has never involved any charges dealing with women."
You're aware that having someone choked out is a crime. Regardless of their permission to do so. And even though you weren't the person who did it, you arranged it.
That is only not the case when it is a risk of the victims profession, a recognized medical treatment is being performed, the result of a scientific experiment under recognized methods and criteria.
You'd think a lwayer would know that.
"The fact is that most people will never see this page or these comments. Your average viewer, nor any of my fans, are not going to search through thousands of rambling rants."
You mean unlike your implication that internet buzz can make a movie and standard P&A is no longer necessary?
"It's me. I'm more smartier."
I think I saw that line in his book. Right next to the beginning where he says it's become "GREAT" writing.
http://boxofficemojo.com/schedule/?view=bydate&release=theatrical&date=2009-10-16&p=.htm
Apparently Tucker is paying to "expand" on October 16th.
Everyother site I've seen says "limited" still on October 16th.
Coming soon .net, says limited. It's not on any Yahoo movies, or Fandango as being expanded on those dates.
"Personally, I liked The Real Tucker Max. Good change of pace. Trainwrecks are more fun when they are interactive."
I didn't think it was Tucker, but I'll agree it was somewhat entertaining.
And it's not as though anything we say here is going to make any difference in the ultimate response to his movie.
Am I me, or am I somebody else? I know I'm not Tucker, as spelling, grammar and syntax do not seem to be insurmountable hurdles. In continuance with the surreal nature of this blog, I will occasionally post here as the:
Not Fake Untucker Guy
^^^ Cool, man. You get a cool nickname:
N-FUG
Say it out loud. It's fun to say.
As the Not Fake Untucker Guy, I will now respond as Tucker should respond to get his sorry ass out this grave he's dug for himself. Fire away with your questions or comments, and I'll try my lazy assed Untucker best. Or worst... what's the opposite of Tucker again?
N-FUG
where's viacom / fiat / illuminati / federal reserve / ron paul guy?
He's quite funny in the bits of his ramblings where he manages to stay on topic about otto.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=27295
I see Benson is a propagandist's wet dream. The guy will believe anything.
Down at the Pentagon:
"Let's announce that Iranians use kittens for target practice on military ranges, because they believe paper targets cost too much money. Heh, heh... no I'm serious. Don't worry, Benson will post it as gospel. No, he doesn't understand the concept of dehumanizing your enemy before you attack them."
Benson is one of Tucker's 'assistants". The same one who quit in Shreveport.
I, too, am gay.
Fuck, that should read "a Tucker impersonator". Not gay. Didn't say that. Nobody can prove I said that.
Seriously, (or should i say Theriouthly)
When a forum is so dead that a mod (i.e. benson) has to post 80% of new topics in order to make it look like people still go there, then isn't it time to admit defeat and close the fucker down?
He's not even the coolest one of his friends.
"Apparently Tucker is paying to "expand" on October 16th.
Everyother site I've seen says "limited" still on October 16th.
Coming soon .net, says limited. It's not on any Yahoo movies, or Fandango as being expanded on those dates."
This was the same plan that Freestyle had for Beer League. Promise a wide expansion of an Adult R rated comedy smack in the middle of football season--death time for trying to attract 18-25 year old males, and then quietly take the film out of theaters after it bombed during its limited opening and start pressing the DVDs.
"Apparently Tucker is paying to "expand" on October 16th.
Everyother site I've seen says "limited" still on October 16th.
Coming soon .net, says limited. It's not on any Yahoo movies, or Fandango as being expanded on those dates."
This was the same plan that Freestyle had for Beer League. Promise a wide expansion of an Adult R rated comedy smack in the middle of football season--death time for trying to attract 18-25 year old males, and then quietly take the film out of theaters after it bombed during its limited opening and start pressing the DVDs.
Sorry if this is a double post, blogger is fucking up right now.
Anyway:
-Holy shit, that Benson character really does start almost every topic on the RMMB.
-I hope "CMY" is one of the trolls who posts here. If not, he is the dumbest person on the RMMB, which is really saying something.
-Whoever wrote that joke about terrorists and virgins in heaven (on the "Iran" thread linked above) stole it from a BJ Novak skit.
It's me. I'm da Benson in da OPs. And yeah, me generating all the activity is kinda stupid, but what can you do? SLF keeps saying he'll pick up the slack but doesn't.
Benson,
Ban CMY then we'll believe it's you.
Do eeet!
You know you wanna
I'm a great writer, and I've had lots and lots of success.
Ok, I banned CMY, but Tucker immediately unbanned him and told me I shouldn't ban the smart posters.
This has got ot be somebody fucking with Tucker, more from the genius that is CMY:
"I ask because right now there are no barriers between you and the public, nor do you (seemingly) have any need to supplement your exposure assuming all goes to plan. IF anything I can see the need for channeling all media inquiries to one source, but honestly.. allowing them any input on writing releases seems a little counter-intuitive to the process thus far.
Again, and I don't know what you have up your sleeve, but to me it seems like this is giving up a degree of control and IMHO one of the most toxic things about Hollywood is the PR firm. Do I need to explain anything past "Communications Degree"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGC
I think he means: I want you to like me as I try to act cool and show you I'm 'in the know'.
In all honesty, I'm asking about this because I think it's applicable to many different business strategies, not just film. I fielded calls for two years from firms that had to get X people into X place because of some bullshit reason or another, and I had to deal with the fallout if something didn't happen to their liking. It was all for the photo op and added nothing to the actual product (and you can take 'product' to mean any variation of the definitions used in Hollywood).
I don't ask bullshit questions, and I'm honestly curious about the motivation behind this as I simply didn't expect it. Maybe it's a live and learn situation, maybe I'm off my rocker and I'm only extrapolating from my own limited little window on the subject, but I've been part of the process and I'm curious about the reasoning behind it all. If there is something to learned from it, let's have it out.
I'm the guy who said he remembered this thread going up the first time but left when the Baylor debates got out of hand. Can I be known as "BAB" (Back After Baylor)?
Tucker's response to CMY is even more classic. You can't pay enough for entertainment like this:
Tucker:
"Come on man. You are smarter than this. Of course there are no barriers between me and the public, and of course things like Twitter and Facebook and the internet are going to make the promotion of this movie so much easier and more efficient, etc, etc--but you do realize that the majority of people still get their news from mainstream media sources, right? People like you and I are still in the minority."
Aren't we lucky that CMY and Tucker are still in the minority
^^^I'm surprised that Tucker would even REFER to himself as being in the minority, given how much he hates minorities.
I've actually had a change of heart about Tucker after last night's exchange on here.
I think it was pretty heroic of Tucker to come on here and defend himself in a mature, healthy manner, and to answer questions honestly to a group of us that has, for the most part, thrown some pretty baseless assumptions around.
I, for one, Tucker, apologize sincerely, and I hope you will forgive me.
In closing, I'd like to just ask you one question:
Where's the police report you fucking "revolutionary" iconic small-cocked pathological bag of egotistical lying shit?
The minute you come up with something resembling anything near "art," I'll shit a newborn kitten named Otto.
Tucker "is" in the minority...
of all the spoiled children who managed to manipulate their way through the system enough to get two degrees from universities branded as elite, he is in a small minority of those who used such consistently poor judgment afterwords that he managed to screw up dozens of opportunities that most would kill for.
Tucker could write the book on failure.
...if he managed to figure out how to express ideas at greater than a seventh grade level, that is.
~ FDG
While I will never pay a dime to support Tucker (and neither should you) because I want to prevent too many babies dying of AIDS based on his utterance of that certain three letter word, I do think that this movie could be entertaining for us "haterz" with more than half a brain for two reasons:
1) I can't think of a movie that has attempted to marry dialogue driven, pseudo-intellectualism with immature hijinks to the same extent. It won't work, but it will be interesting. Someday, the idea will be executed better and Tucker will take credit (to any of his Olive Garden co-workers who will listen). And in fairness to Tucker, I fully expect moments in this movie where it does work.
2) I can't think of a vanity film project this over the top, where a person actually convinced others to invest money in such a straight rendition of his pathos. The most interesting take on this movie (based on the script) is that it transforms a real life ordinary but delusional douchebag into a self-styled icon on film where the film consists of no character development, but rather only a series of foils to affirm the icon's coolness (and feed the douchebag's pathos in real life).
It's like a nerdy 10th grader named Ferris Buehler wrote the screenplay for Ferris Beuhler and pitched it as 100% true.
I don't know how many of you have seen "The Room" (if you live in LA, you have to see a midnight showing), but Tucker's project holds a similar fascination to me. In the case of The Room, Tommy Wiseau financed it himself, though.
I am surprised we don't see more comparisons between Tucker and Tommy Wiseau. Troy Duffy is just too easy!
~ FDG (in semi-defense...in a back-handed way...of Tucker's arrrr...can't bring myself to complete that sentence)
If a failure failed to properly write and market a book on failure, would that actually make him a success through example?
you know what I'm sayin'?
"It's like a nerdy 10th grader named Ferris Buehler wrote the screenplay for Ferris Beuhler and pitched it as 100% true."
Like it...laughing with appreciation.
Benson, do you get paid for starting all those threads? If yes, aren't you a little embarrassed that you do that as a job? If no, how/why the fuck do you spend so much time doing so???
Fuck you!
Banned!
Yeah I get paid. $1.37 so far, total, all in spare change. Hey, you take what work you can get in this economy. Though some of the pennies and dimes are the sort that've been totally munged by an ironworks factory or something. It's like they're random circular bits of metal cut from objects that totally aren't money. But Tucker keeps saying I should trust him, so I do.
Originally Posted by Tucker Max
"Now are you guys starting to understand what its like to deal with Hollywood? It's a bunch of people who know nothing, think they know everything, claim they can do anything, but get nothing done."
The paradox hurts my brain!
I think Tucker's wikipedia entry needs full disclosure during the movie tour.
Got that Otto?
Tucker's Manifesto...
"blah blah BLAH blah, we didn't get any theatrical distribution, blah BLah, but FOX offered straight to DVD, BlAH, but my ego DEMANDS theatrical release! So we got some chump to put money up to do it. Blah blah, which is OF COURSE what i wanted all along "It was ballsy and brilliant and I fucking loved it"
Tucker, you poor deluded fuckstain!
Tucker, do you prefer to toss Kung Fu Mike's salad before or after he fucks you in the ass?
Tucker's latest post tring to validate his failure is a thing of beauty. He's gone from "sure thing hit" to "heroic ballsy chance taker". Sorry mister bullshit salesman, I'm not buying.
Recently, I discovered something wonderful: mermaid bones. Mermaid skull totems, at base quality, are worth 500- which means that a masterful one would be worth 6000. When you're living next to a good-aligned ocean, mermaids are a renewable resource: the only problem is catching the darned things. Thus far, I've only recovered the corpses of beached mermaids who drowned on shore. So, here's the challenge: help me design an apparatus which will allow me to catch and slaughter mermaids in a fashion which guarantees recovery of the remains!
I disapprove of your actions most strongly.
But if your going to do it, I think you should consider breeding all the same. You don't need to wait for the young to reach adulthood before harvesting them. Heck, my kittens don't spend more then thirty seconds in this world before they're off to the crossbow bolt shop.
Moving water tends to move creatures inside of it. If you have a chasm, you can pour the water into it and strain out the mermaids.
Once you have them cage trapped, drop them in a spawning pool. Once you've given them time to get preggers, open them up to an area with cage traps (possibly that fills from the spawning pool to wash them in. wait for them to all be caught, drain, then install the traps to you can flood and re-release. To process the offspring, simply let them out.
Really, won't you just need a room with chained up mermaids that half full of water and a door leading to the airdrowning room for the babies? It doesn't really seem that hard. I might try mermaid farming.
The amount of malice in this thread is actually causing me some concern. I mean, chaining up mothers and forcing them to breed, just so we can drown their children to harvest their organs? Does this strike no one else as absolutely horrific?
You misspelled 'hilarious'
"I can still write many more best sellers and do many other things" -tucker max, jul '09
-2nd book: 2 years late, nowhere in sight.
-Book deal advance: taken back after otto's failure to meet agreed timetable.
-'military career': washed out of basic.
-Law school: dropped out
-1st and only legal job: fired.
-Dads restaurant: fired
-MMA / weightlifting career: stopped after 6 days training.
-Radio show: none offered.
-TV show: cancelled.
-rudius media empire: 2 out of a shit load of writers gained 1 book deal, based on strength of their own work, not RM.
-TM.com, RMMB: traffic falling steadily year on year, ad revenue in the gutter, no new stories in years.
-IHTSBIH: $6M+ spent, no real marketing, no real reviews, script rubbished before release, couldn't get real distribution, DIY opening on less than 450 screens on a bad opening week, with lots of varied competition, 2 mnths to release, no trailer, already has awful word of mouth.
-Hollywood: all doors shut to tugger after cuntish, childish behaviour.
So er, what's left for him to do after this?
Mr 'shit on dick' max's latest movie blog is a text book example of double think, double speak, bullshit and hypocrisy.
Thousands of words and not ONE mention of how many screens its coming out on, or how much they were spending on P&A.
This one's begging to be torn apart by TDG or someone over at IMDB.
The Invention Of Lying is coming out the same day. Jennifer's Body is coming out a week before. This movie has some stiff competition. Thats not to mention Surrogates (with Bruce Willis) also coming out on sep 25. If the movie doesn't have a good opening week it won't expand.
5:10 am
Not that I disagree with your conclusion - but he did graduate from Duke Law - he's just never passed any bar exam.
"The Invention Of Lying is coming out the same day. Jennifer's Body is coming out a week before. This movie has some stiff competition. Thats not to mention Surrogates (with Bruce Willis) also coming out on sep 25. If the movie doesn't have a good opening week it won't expand."
The proposed expanded date has even more competition around it.
October 16th they are going wide?
Shutter Island is coming out October 2 (Scorcese, Decaprio)
October 9 Couples Retreat (With Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau), The Informat! (Matt Damon, Directed by Steven Soderbergh)
October 16 The Road (Staring Viggo Mortensen, Robert Duvall, Charlize Theron, Guy Pearce), Where the Wild Things are (Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo, James Gandolfini, Forest Whitaker)
October 23 Amelia (Hilary Swank, Richard Gere, Ewan McGregor,)
Astro Boy (Freddie Highmore, Nicolas Cage, Kristen Bell, Nathan Lane, Bill Nighy, Eugene Levy, Donald Sutherland)
The Vampires Assistant (John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Orlando Jones, Salma Hayek)
How many Oscar Winners for Actors, Directors, Writers, do we have in there? I think about 20 at least...
And all these movies look more interesting to the Public. This is of course Oscar Race time, and all those movies will buy up the theaters regardless of how much money they make because Oscar directors, actors are given budgets to do so by the Studios.
the guy at 5:10 has a point, personally i wouldn't believe a single claim the tiny handed douche makes at this point without some documented evidence.
also coming out near/on the 25th are fame, love happens, coco before chanel, whiteout, and astro boy. so thats the whole family / chick-flick / date movie market section BIH won't be seeing either.
If he got Darko to invest millions just to get this on theater, I'd be shocked if he gets more than a tiny fraction of any profits. I don't know how all this works but if someone's putting up 100% of $10 mill, you don't exactly have a great bargaining position.
"If he got Darko to invest millions just to get this on theater, I'd be shocked if he gets more than a tiny fraction of any profits. I don't know how all this works but if someone's putting up 100% of $10 mill, you don't exactly have a great bargaining position."
As far as BO, I think he got everything on the back end. Meaning they make no money until the investors get their money back.
On the DVD, it appears Fox might distribute it (along with Freestyle), but they'll never give him all the DVD profits past a certain money marker. Fox wouldn't come in unless they were going to make money on ever single DVD sold forever.
If the movie cost around 10 million with P&A and Production, and they get a 50/50 split from theaters (average independent deal) they'd have to do 20 million BO before the investors get taken care of.
"also coming out near/on the 25th are fame, love happens, coco before chanel, whiteout, and astro boy. so thats the whole family / chick-flick / date movie market section BIH won't be seeing either."
I don't know, man.... when I think 'date movie', I think of a guy going to the bathroom in a hotel lobby. When I think 'family fun', I think of a guy telling a midget in a strip club: "I want to make a mess in your mouth." Now THAT'S art.
"As far as BO, I think he got everything on the back end. Meaning they make no money until the investors get their money back.
On the DVD, it appears Fox might distribute it (along with Freestyle), but they'll never give him all the DVD profits past a certain money marker. Fox wouldn't come in unless they were going to make money on ever single DVD sold forever.
If the movie cost around 10 million with P&A and Production, and they get a 50/50 split from theaters (average independent deal) they'd have to do 20 million BO before the investors get taken care of."
This is all correct. The unstated reason that Tucker is freaking the fuck out is that invested every penny that he had AND he borrowed against his future book royalties to come up with the $500k or so that he managed to pony up.
So when this fails not only will his career be over outside of running his private fiefdom of a website, he'll also be dead broke and will have to, as FDG said, work some low-level service sector job to pay the bills for the rest of his life.
I couldn't imagine a more fitting end for this lying douchebag.
Unless, of course, he were to contract testicular cancer and have to get his balls chopped off.
death via ball cancer may be a tad harsh. permanent impotence would be more poetically just.
on a different note, who wants to bet that at least one point of this whole vanity project, daddy douche Max Snr was conned/ sweet talked into coughing up several hundred thousand dollars in order to 'buy into a genre making revolution of art at ground level'
TO THE MAX BABY!
things tucker failed at:
rudius doucheblog cartel (epic fail)
literature
art
film
law
military
poetry
humanity
truth
beauty
things tucker succeeded at:
poopy stories about poop on p-p.
things tucker failed at:
rudius doucheblog cartel (epic fail)
literature
art
film
law
military
poetry
humanity
truth
beauty
things tucker succeeded at:
poopy stories about poop on p-p.
____________________
This is true TO THE MAX.
is another way of saying poopy stories about pooping on p-p.
What're you talking about? Rudius blogs are market leaders in every sector. They're hugely monetized and massively popular. Just look at how often they get updated! Or how much competition there is for high-quality ads from major companies on those sites! Or how many links from other blogs there are to pages all over Rudius! I mean, Tucker has been a huge success at just about everything he's ever tried. It's just silly to suggest otherwise.
Time to leave some encouraging comments about our favorite movie:
http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=44175
Let me just make a prediction:
When IHTSBIH fails miserably in limited release and Tucker is forced to abandon his dreams of wide distribution...
Expect at least a couple of references to Fight Club's mediocre box office vs. its DVD sales, and also a hackneyed comparison between IHTSBIH and Fight Club ("'I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell' sold more DVDs in its first hour on Amazon than Fight Club!!!!!111").
Tucker will probably bring up The Shawshank Redemption as well.
So what's he gonna do once it sells about 12 copies on dvd?
imo, he'll be reduced once again to buying his own movie and re-selling them on amazon, writing fake reviews (again) + maybe even signing copies!
"Time to leave some encouraging comments about our favorite movie:
http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=44175"
Wow...has all of 13 comments on the board over 8 months.
Sill "coming soon" under the trailer.
Also on the list of details...
A bunch of: Not Available
More explanation about theatrical distribution - July 23, 2009 09:12 AM (Deconstructed)
Here, we watch a retard attempt to tap dance with hilarious results.
“WARNING: This is a long and complicated post that deals only with one arcane business aspect of movies, something that is probably boring as shit to most of you. “
True dat T, but it’s only boring in REALITY. When you add your spin to it, the subject suddenly becomes alive.
“Feel free to skip it if you don't care about movie distribution--and I doubt many of you do. “
Fuck it people, Tucker barely cares about it, so why should you.
“You can definitely name your ten favorite movies, but you probably can't name the distributor for even one of them.”
The difference is that they were ABLE TO SEE THE MOVIE BECAUSE OF GOOD DISTRIBUTION. Whereas in your case….
“Good news is that the tour is locked and we announce the final schedule tomorrow (Friday):”
Friday afternoon at 4:00pm EST. No schedule as of yet. Good start Team Rudius.
“___Alright, it's been awhile since I put up a post that intricately explains a behind the scenes aspect of filmmaking”
You mean one of those inane posts where you realize that you know more about behind the scenes filmmaking than Tucker does. Fuck dude, you can learn more about filmmaking from watching the “SPECIAL FEATURES” section of a couple of DVD’s than you could from an entire book that Tucker writes on the subject.
“so I figured now was the perfect time to talk about more about distribution.”
Or suicide…
“Here is the basic introduction to distribution I wrote about a little under a year ago. I just went back and re-read that and kinda laughed, especially at the first paragraph. Yes, I admitted my ignorance, but if I had only known how little I really did know.”
Hahahaha, he admitted he was wrong. How much do you want to bet that even when he’s wrong, he’s still right?
“That being said, I actually got most of the basics right,”
Told you so. You owe me a beer.
“I just left out a lot of details--mostly things I didn't even think about or know enough to talk about--that would probably have helped someone who didn't understand the movie business.”
Meaning: himself.
“The next piece I wrote was what a distributor does and why you need one. Again, this is a pretty good piece in terms of explaining the basics, but again, it leaves out important details and doesn't explain many things it should have.”
That last sentence perfectly sums up Tucker’s entire literary career.
“This piece will try to build on those first two posts and fill in the blanks of the picture of distribution I have painted, and give you something of a more complete understanding of the process, and what our specific distribution strategy is:”
You notice that Tucker is always riffing on his “master plan”. That’s the “plan” that no matter what happens, it’s all coming together EXACTLY how he had it in his head. Like if in the middle of the plan, he gets knee surgery, HE FUCKING PLANNED THAT SHIT, but he’s only telling you now because…
“As with all things in movies, it boils down to money..”
In Tucker’s case, it certainly didn’t boil down to the quality of his script or project.
Part II:
“There are two basic costs in making a movie:
1. The negative cost: This is the cost to get from idea to a finished 35mm print. Script, actors, director, shooting, editing, music are all in this cost. This is the cost people usually talk about when discussing how much a movie "cost" to make. But it is not the only cost.
2. P&A cost: Prints and advertising. This is how much it costs to make all the 35mm prints and ship them to all the theaters you open in, plus the cost of all the marketing and advertising you do to promote the movie opening in theaters.”
When I was in high school, seniors were offered a chance to get REAL COLLEGE CREDIT by taking a college level English course taught by one of the high school teachers. Now, the class itself was as basic as you can make it for a “college level course”, but it was taught by a HS teacher who THOUGHT that now they had to act like a college professor and pretend that they were smart while teaching the most rudimentary English course available. In their eyes, they really were teaching something important whereas they were not.
That’s the same feeling I get whenever Tucker begins to instruct people about film making.
“This can be a huge cost, sometimes even more than the movie cost to make, and it's that second level of cost, the P&A cost, that basically decides which movies get theatrical release and which go straight to DVD.”
In a sane world the company would have just tried to go straight to DVD and recoup their money that way. In the world of Tucker Max it’s not his money anyhow, so fuck them if they can’t figure out it’s art.
“Why is this? Well, once the movie is greenlit and made, that is a sunk cost. The money has been spent and you can never get it back, but you do have a print of a movie, so the decision at the point is this: If we spend many more millions of dollars on P&A to put this in theaters, will we make that money back?”
What Tucker isn’t telling you, that if a large distributor… cough, cough FOX… buys your project, you not only recoup your money back, but you also make a PROFIT, and then FOX spends the P&A costs and no matter what the actual filmmakers leave with a nice profit and small back end and NO RISKS.. In Tucker’s world, his company has to take a huge risk and spends it’s actual P&A cost in the HOPE that people actually pay money to watch it in a theater.
“If yes, you spent it and get a theatrical release. If not, you go straight to DVD (because that cost is very low).
Now, this decision calculus differs GREATLY between a studio movie and an independent movie. I won't outline the decision process for studio movies,”
Because frankly, Tucker doesn’t understand the decision process.
“but it generally involves lots of things beyond just how good the movie is; contractual obligations to producers, relationships with stars and directors, and overseas potential. But I can explain the decision process that leads to studio release with an indie, because I just spent six fucking months going through it and we secured distribution at the end (which only like 3% of indie movies do):”
Operative sentence: “we secured distribution”
meaning WE FUCKING PAID FOR THE P&A COSTS AND HAD SOMEBODY MAKE SOME PHONE CALLS TO THE HANDFUL OF THEATERS WHO MIGHT ACTUALLY SHOW THIS MOVIE.
Tucker did “get” distribution like the dorky kid in high school who throws a kegger but sits alone in the corner while everybody else is having fun now has a lot of friends.
“The only barrier for most indies to get distribution is this: Will anyone pay for the P&A? 99% of the time with indie movies, the filmmaker or producer only raised enough money to make the movie, not enough to make AND distribute the movie. This is because it costs A LOT of P&A to distribute the movie--oftentimes more than it takes to make the movie, so a filmmaker will only raise enough to make the movie and then hope once its finished that its good enough to sell to a distributor.”
Ask him how many times this has been successful?
Part III:
“Take the Hangover as an example. Their negative cost was 25 million, which is very cheap for a studio movie (but very expensive for an indie). Their P&A cost was 40 million (and that was just to get to opening weekend, it doesn't count what was spent in advertising after it opened). That is a big raise in price.”
What Tucker isn’t telling you is that The Hangover had a very low advertising budget (like 8-10 million) to begin with, then when it was shown to be making money the studio increased that budget again and again and again.
“The most common and easiest way to find someone to pay for the P&A is to secure a big studio distribution partner. Someone like Fox or Sony or Paramount. Not only do all major studios have distribution arms, they pay for the P&A as well, it's all part of the standard distribution deal. They essentially buy the movie, they put up the money, and they have their own in-house distribution apparatus that handles everything you need to do to put the movie in theaters, and market it. And they make all the decisions from that point forward.”
Then they do stupid shit like “turn a profit”.
“Now, once you find a distribution partner, the question becomes: How much do you spend on P&A?”
How much do you think a studio distributor would spend on a shitty film with no name actors or director? If you answered ZERO, you’d be living in reality.
“The minimum to open a movie nationwide--so like 250-500 screens--is about 4-6 million. The more screens you want to open on, the more it costs, not only because each 35mm print is expensive, but because you have to do a media buy to go along with each territory you show the movie in. But, if you have an indie to sell to a major, then the more they spend on P&A, it means the more money they have to make back before you start to see profits. So a huge P&A can mean even a good box office doesn't get you any money.”
Or, in this case, how almost no P&A besides what the popularity of the 77000 most popular website will bring you.
“The conventional thinking in Hollywood is that the more you spend the better your movie will do, and that in order to open big, you have to spend a ton on advertising. That strategy works well for Transformers or Harry Potter, but that conventional wisdom is very often wrong; movies like Slumdog Millionaire and No Country For Old Men and Juno did much better with a limited opening and slower roll out.”
Conventional wisdom also says these are 3 Oscar winning films made by name talent, starring name talent and having the benefit of a studio marketing system that’s there to maximize profit. Whereas IHTSBIH has the collective minds of Darko and Tucker Max.
“There is not one right way to open a movie, and not one right to distribute a movie. It all depends.”
Yes, so if you have a really shitty movie with bad word of mouth who is paying to have their movie shown in theaters that has almost no P&A, it all depends on how little money the movie will make.
“This brings me to our movie. In the second piece I linked above, I wrote this:
"It's not getting distribution that will be hard for this movie--it will be getting the deal we want. That's always the hardest part."”
Did you ever see those episodes of Arrested Development that starred Charlize Theron. She starred as this woman who was really quirky, dressed kind of bizarre, but nobody questioned it because they thought she was some sort of free spirit? Then they found out that she was retarded.
Everytime I read Tucker’s old work I’m convinced he’s the Charlize Theron character.
“I had no idea how right I was going to be. We went through that whole process of selling an indie to a major studio for distribution, starting really with the distributor screening in March.”
In which we got NOBODY to give us an offer.
"After the screening, we had weeks of negotiations and additional mini-screenings for studio presidents and whatever,”
In which we got NOBODY to give us an offer.
Part IV:
After the screening, we had weeks of negotiations and additional mini-screenings for studio presidents and whatever,”
In which we got NOBODY to give us an offer.
“and ended up with about three real distribution offers from the big majors.”
Cough, cough BULLSHIT, cough.
Here’s my guess, the big bosses from the majors didn’t even come to the viewing, they sent their interns instead. I mean, wasn’t that what Tucker was bragging about in Europe?
“And to be honest, they were not at all what we were looking for”
You mean you weren’t looking for ZERO OFFERS?
“--they had very low upfront guarantees, low P&A commitments, and high distribution fees.They were trying to fuck us.”
If this is true, here’s what they offered Tucker: they’d buy back the movie at it’s cost (6 million dollars) and give them virtually no back end. Then they would say that it would most likely GO STRAIGHT TO DVD.
“You see, the type of deal you are offered can vary widely.”
Yes, you see, if the film is decent and has some sort of positive buzz, they most likely will garner a nice deal from the studio (like No Country For Old Men). If the film sucks, has a douchebag know-it-all attached as a decision maker, the film will get the deals Tucker got offered.
“A distributor can offer you 10 million upfront for the movie and make a 25 million P&A guarantee. That sounds great, except you have to remember that the studio has to make back that 35 million before you start to see profits, plus they take a distribution fee that comes off the top.”
Yes, except then the FILMMAKERS MADE A MOVIE THAT HAS ALREADY TURNED A NICE PROFIT BEFORE IT EVEN HITS THE THEATER.
Darko has to be one of the dumbest production companies known to man.
“A distribution fee is the money they take off the gross, before the profits are split. So that means if you get an "amazing" deal from a studio, say 5 million up front and a 20 million P&A, then you are already 25 million in the hole. If the studio takes a 25% distribution fee (very common), then you won't see one dollar until the movie does at least 60 million in box office.”
You mean besides the money you made when they BOUGHT YOUR FUCKING MOVIE.
“And this doesn't even include the negotiation over how profit are defined, which is absurdly complicated.”
Hey Tucker, how’s that law degree working out for you and shit?
“Studios are notorious about defining profits in such a way as to make it look like their movies make no money, so literally every piece of the deal is an intense negotiation--what the distributor fee is, when you get paid, what definition of profit you are entitled to, etc, etc. It is INSANELY complicated, and you can get fucked 100 different ways.”
Whereas Tucker has fucked himself in 1000 different ways without anybody’s interference.
“In our case, we were offered very small upfront guarantees, and though the P&A commitments were good, the distributors wanted insanely high distribution fees. Another problem was that because so many indie studios and majors even (Fox Atomic and New Line for instance) had folded in the past six months that there were very few buyers, and without a ton of buyers to bid against each other, and with ALL the studios feeling serious problems from the credit crunch, we were stuck trying to pick between crappy deals. Normally, we'd just have to take the best smelling piece of shit.”
You mean you made a movie in a bad economy? I thought you knew all the angles Mr. Marketing Genius.
Part V:
“But there was another option, one that I had advocated very early on but was dismissed out of hand:”
Because Tucker’s option is shown to be a complete failure. However, that didn’t stop Tucker from getting his way.
“We raise our own P&A, cut out the distributor and their massive fees, and go straight to theaters ourselves. And thank god, the Darko guys eventually decided they liked this idea.”
They liked the idea when it was figured out that THERE WAS NO OTHER OPTION.
“Normally, this is not an option available to an indie, because most indies don't have any real commercial appeal, so no one wants to invest 15 or 10 or even 5 million dollars because they don't think they'll get their money back.”
And despite the “commercial appeal” of IHTSBIH, only one or two production companies wanted to invest 6 million dollars in it and now realize they won’t get their money back.
“But we are different--we have a broad commerical comedy”
“Broad” in Tucker’s world means 1) all 50 of his hardcore readers 2) anybody who “gets it”.
“that we could have sold to a studio at any point in the process,”
Yeah dude, and I just found that police report about a donut shop that had a car inside.
“and based on the quality and reaction to the movie, Darko was able to independently raise the P&A we needed to distribute the movie ourselves.”
Hahahahahahahahaha. Suckers!!!!
BTW: Here’s my theory. Tucker’s movie had virtually nobody in it. They did the movie on the cheap. My belief is that out of the 6 million dollars raised, they only spent about 4 million on the actual movie, with the rest set aside to pay for P&A. The movie simply could not have cost 6 million to make. Tucker and Nils didn’t make much (being non-union) for their script. Tucker probably had to waive a fee for his rights to get final approval on stuff. The “stars” aren’t big enough to warrant them making much up front. I doubt that Matt Czucry made 6 figures to STAR in the thing. Bob Gosse most likely didn’t get a full directing fee to helm this picture. They went to Shreveport because it’s cheaper to shoot their and they didn’t have to hire a full union crew. The locations weren’t all that expensive and they hired most of the crew locally.
Where did they spend 6 million?
Seriously, I’m not a film person or anything, but I’d bet that you could have gotten the same cast and crew and shot the thing for under 2 million and still had the same exact piece of shit movie.
However, if Tucker is telling the truth, here’s a scenerio for you to picture:
Can you imagine being one of Darko’s investors at this point? Hey, we invested 6 million, but since all the majors passed, they now have to pay an extra 2-4 million or else they lose the other 6 million.
If you were one of Darko’s investors, would you ever invest in another one of their films?
“This is a very risky strategy--if the movie bombs, the investors lose everything and we get literally no money.”
You also lose your career. Good luck with that next best seller.
Part VI:
“With a deal with a major, we at least get some guaranteed money upfront. Doing it this way, there is NO guarantee. Plus, a huge distributor like Warners has 20 movies a year to mitigate risk--Darko and Rudius don't have that luxury. We have to be right that this thing will do really well or we are in a world of fuck.”
Dude, you are in a world of fuck, both figuratively and literally.
“But the upside is huge--if the movie is even a mild hit, we make ALL the money.”
Except for the 10 million dollars you need to pay your investors back, plus perhaps another 20% added on the last 4 million because any investor would warrant that in order to lend funds to such a losing proposition.
“No distributor is sitting above us, taking half the money off the top that comes in (which is after the theaters take their 50% cut).”
You mean besides the 30% Freestyle is getting.
“On even a 40 million dollar box office with this movie, we are all swimming in money, whereas with a major distributor, we might have to hit 60 million before we start to see even pennies.”
However, on the likelihood we don’t make our budget back, we won’t even see a penny anyhow.
“Anytime I can bet on myself, I am down.”
I’d be down to if I had your record of payment on bets you’ve lost.
“It was ballsy and brilliant and I fucking loved it.”
It was also desperate and stupid, but I too fucking love it.
“And the best part: Because there was no studio who bought the movie from us, we control the distribution strategy AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, we control the marketing materials.”
Yeah, we’re about to MAX-IMIZE OUR PROFITS!!!
How’s that trailer coming along?
“This is why the trailer and the one sheet are exaclty what Nils and Sean and I want, instead of being some piece of shit an idiot studio suit picked out.”
Yeah, besides making money what do those guys know about art?
“Now, the actual process has been hard as fuck. We don't have a 2000 employee company like Lionsgate doing all the work.”
Of course you’ve actually seen a Lionsgate movie in a theater, but with Rudius…
Ben Corman, you have my infinite respect, because if this is a hit how much do you want to bet you get nothing for all your efforts?
“We have to bust our ass.”
I would love it if Darko gets their money from the mafia, and now Tucker had a sit down with some Goomba who could care less about the movie, but tells him in no uncertain terms that if the film doesn’t make back it’s budget, that Tucker would be casterated.
I mean, it would explain a lot.
“But we have help--it's not like and Nils and Jeff and Sean and I are sitting in a office calling theaters and booking our show. We hired Freestyle Releasing to handle that, which is a releasing company, not a distribution company.”
They’re the ones who are calling themselves a distribution company, but whatever, FUCK THEM, BANNED!!!
“The difference is when a major distributor pays for the P&A, they get to take huge fees and own the movie, whereas because Freestyle brings no money to the table”
I have to give Freestyle props, they’re really the only people who are going to make money on this piece of shit.
Part VIII:
“There is a whole OTHER aspect to distribution I haven't mentioned yet, for simplicity sake: Home entertainment. DVD, rental, cable, airplanes, pay per view, ITunes, etc.”
Which, by the time we’re out of theaters on September 28th, will most likely be headed up by the lawyers for Darko’s investors who will basically enforce some sort of clause in their contract that they must take over all distribution negotiations that may or may not take place because they have lost total faith in Darko making a correct decision.
“Basically, all the revenue a movie can generate aside from theatrical require a whole separate distribution company, and every studio not only has a theatrical distribution arm, they also have a home entertainment distribution arm, which are separate companies. For that, we teamed up with Fox.”
Fox is distributing your DVD? Here’s a guess, it’s probably a division of FOX where FOX doesn’t even make it on the box of the DVD. The same way how Dimension has Disney money, but you’d never know it was actually a Disney film.
That being said, Tucker isn’t going to make a fucking dime on DVD now. Why would you make a deal this early for distribution of the DVD when there clearly isn’t any known market for the film. Let’s say for example that Tucker was completely correct and the film makes 25 million opening weekend. This means that the film will warrant more DVD’s to be pressed, which means that they are under legal obligation to stay with the orignal contract they signed BEFORE THEY HAD LEVERAGE WITH THE SUCCESS OF THE MOVIE.
I also wonder if this is where they got the extra P&A budget from? In which case Tucker basically took everything and bet it on a single lottery ticket.
I have to give props to Tucker for that. When this fails, this is going to set the standard. The meme “Tucker Max Failed” will be born.
“This part of the distribution process is extremely important, mainly because its once the movie gets to home entertainment that most movies get into real profitability, and that is one of the reasons we went with a major (Fox is as big as they get). And again, because we are doing our own theatrical release, we got a better than normal deal from Fox--if they put no money up, they have to charge bottom basement fees.”
So basically Tucker is going to be selling these DVD’s off of his website for 30 dollars (50 if he signs it) in less than 3 months.
“That is six different companies intimately involved in distributing this movie. If you add in the company that is running the tour, the company that booked the tour, the company making all the merchandise, and the company designing the site, and the company doing the trailer and one-sheet, we are looking at eleven companies involved in the distribution of the movie. Exhausting, I know.”
And Tucker, well he’s on his message board 20 hours a day. Exhausting, I know.
“_The most important thing to take from all this is that this movie secured distribution, and comes out on September 25th. That's really all that 98% of fans care about--is it in theaters or not. We are.”
Projection: 100 theaters, less than 500K.
"T”he second thing to take is that our deal is an incredibly risky one, one that will pay off huge if the movie does well, and hurt us a lot if it fails. High risk, high reward. We are putting it all out there.”
Like I said, he’d have a better chance on betting on the lottery.
Part IX:
“And the third thing to take is that we went around the mainstream studio system to do this.”
Except we’re using a mainstream studio to distribute the DVD.
“If you care about independent film or helping artists own their work or just generally root for the underdog, you are looking at that philosophy embodied in reality, right in front of you.”
Tucker Max, hero to the underdog, unless they’re fat, ugly or don’t get it, then FUCK YOU, BANNED!!!
“We are not sitting around talking aimlessly about how we wish we could beat the system;”
Which is funny, because I doubt any studio executive is talking about an aimless writer who got beaten by the system.
“we are putting our money and reputations on the line and trying to do it.”
God, I’d hate to be in Darko’s shoes right now.
“And if we do...it could be great. For everyone.”
Tucker sounds like Barrack Obama when he’s talking about socialized medicine.
God, I can’t wait to see this crash and burn.
Fini
-TDG
"Again, this is a pretty good piece in terms of explaining the basics, but again, it leaves out important details and doesn't explain many things it should have.”
That last sentence perfectly sums up Tucker’s entire literary career.
ZING!!!!
"“--Darko raised the P&A separately--they simply do all the things a distributor does, like book theaters, make and ship prints, etc, etc, but only for a small flat fee.”
Actually, here’s a funny story. There once was a person named “TDG”, and they had a summer off. With all this free time TDG became bored and got involved in making fun of some douchebag clown. So when the douchebag clown would make statements about a “small flat fee” TDG would take it upon themselves to check the accuracy of this statement.
In this case it was simple for TDG to contact Freestyle about them picking up a fictional film that they TDG just made with his company: Total Bullshit Movie To Assertain Information Productions (or TBMTAIP, as I told Freestyle). They spoke with several people about getting a deal similar to IHTSBIH, and when pressed TDG found out that IHTSBIH got the same deal that Freestyle gives to all of the films they distribute.
By the way, if anybody from Freestyle reads this, the distributor showing of my fictional film on August 1st at the 4 Seasons is cancelled until further notice.
Fuck them if they can’t take a joke.
So there you have it, Tucker’s “big” deal at Freestyle is essentially the same as an Uwe Boll film. "
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Fucking OWNED!!!
Nice job again TDG.
"Conventional wisdom also says these are 3 Oscar winning films made by name talent, starring name talent and having the benefit of a studio marketing system that’s there to maximize profit. Whereas IHTSBIH has the collective minds of Darko and Tucker Max."
I can't get over how Tucker seems to think Juno is this film that came out of nowhere with no major actors...
Hmmmm Michael Cera (who was only in arrested development, which is critically acclaimed, and Superbad which made him a bigger star), Jennifer Gardner, yeah, I've never heard of her, Jason Bateman, etc, etc.
Yeah, I mean Danny Boyle...it's not like he's never made good movies, like 28 days, or Trainspotting, etc, etc.
Or No Country For Old Men...I mean who the F are these Coen Bros. guys, what would they know about making a movie.
TDG fucking nails it yet again. Someone post it on imdb so tugger can read it.
"On even a 40 million dollar box office with this movie"
Looking at his deal, there's almost no way they make enough to get back.
I hadn't considered, but besides getting the prints (which is an initial cost) they have to have Freestyle hold these theaters for a fee.
Meaning each theater has to make so much money to even stay in the theater.
With the theater taking 50%, and FreeStyle taking whatever their per theater fee is, this could be very difficult even if this is a mildly successful movie.
They will, in fact, have to make more than 20 million to get the money back. 20 million pays back Darko and the investors, but it doesn't pay the cost to FreeStyle to hold 450 theaters for them, which will be a weekly cost.
They might need something like 25 million BO, or even more. I just don't see a snowballs chance in hell of that happening.
Assuming Tucker isn't lying (which he is): If the movie is going to be as big as Tucker thinks it will be, he would have taken the deal from a major. If they could beat "The Hangover" EASILY like he claimed, they'd all see a ton of money regardless of how stingy the major was.
"By the way, if anybody from Freestyle reads this, the distributor showing of my fictional film on August 1st at the 4 Seasons is cancelled until further notice."
Laughing very loudly at the office right now...
And at the "Confederation of Failure"
"Confederation of Failure"
One of the funniest lines I've read on this blog. Well done.
Suck it Tucker.
"Confederation of Failure"
Fucking brilliant!
I would pay quite a bit of $$ to see Tucker Max fight Arthur Kade in a death match. Either way, humanity wins.
Two and a half years since the last post, and we still have no lives. What the fuck is wrong with us?
Oh well at least we're not Tucker! LOL!
"Oh well at least we're not Tucker! LOL!"
Very true, we're not about to bankrupt ourselves on a shitty vanity project!
In this case it was simple for TDG to contact Freestyle about them picking up a fictional film that they TDG just made with his company: Total Bullshit Movie To Assertain Information Productions (or TBMTAIP, as I told Freestyle). They spoke with several people about getting a deal similar to IHTSBIH, and when pressed TDG found out that IHTSBIH got the same deal that Freestyle gives to all of the films they distribute.
By the way, if anybody from Freestyle reads this, the distributor showing of my fictional film on August 1st at the 4 Seasons is cancelled until further notice.
Fuck them if they can’t take a joke.
Fucking brilliant, TDG! I sure hope you consider postgraduate work in either journalism or law.
"I would pay quite a bit of $$ to see Tucker Max fight Arthur Kade in a death match. Either way, humanity wins."
As much of a fag as Arthur Kade is, he's in pretty good shape. I say he kicks Tuckers Ass.
In this case...Arthur Kade vs. Tucker Max = Hilarity Ensues
"In this case it was simple for TDG to contact Freestyle about them picking up a fictional film that they TDG just made with his company: Total Bullshit Movie To Assertain Information Productions (or TBMTAIP, as I told Freestyle). They spoke with several people about getting a deal similar to IHTSBIH, and when pressed TDG found out that IHTSBIH got the same deal that Freestyle gives to all of the films they distribute.
By the way, if anybody from Freestyle reads this, the distributor showing of my fictional film on August 1st at the 4 Seasons is cancelled until further notice.
Fuck them if they can’t take a joke."
TDG,
You really need your own blog. It's fun as hell watching you in action, but I worry your brilliance will be forgotten as soon as the page turns.
Somebody ANYBODY, you need to print this shit in your own blog. This guy fucking with Tucker is taking it to a new level.
"Two and a half years since the last post"
Not entirely true:
http://tuckermaxisadouche.blogspot.com/2009/06/tucker-maxs-movie.html
It's not like updates from Cockly are really needed to keep this going, anyway. He provided the discussion forum and got it going. Everyone else has been filling in just fine since then.
I agree with the last poster that some of the brilliance from Fake Tucker Story Guy, TDG, and a few others needs to be archived properly for maximum enjoyment!
This is some of the funniest shit going on anywhere right now.
Bless you, Tucker, for being so dysfunctional that you brought out the best (and funniest) of the rest of us.
It's funny how at the time, Tucker said that all of there distribution offers were great. Now he admits that they were all shitty, and that they're doing it the do-it-yourself way.
You know how Tucker / his fans always say that at least Tucker's made a movie, what have all of his haterz done? Well, I'm fresh out of college, and one of my former classmates (he was 2 years ahead of me) has also made a movie. The guy is a bona fida douchebag, almost as arrogant as Tucker, but nowhere near as intelligent. Read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greyscale_(film).
The point: making a movie ain't that big of a deal.
what clubs are you going to 11:15? i only see "wannabe" actors when they're serving me food. at clubs i see disgusting armenian/persian douchebags.
oh and the jews. fuck jews.
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
"Look, I hope this movie does really well, but even doing projections about us making the same amount of money as that movie is--it's really actually offensive dude. The Hangover just BROKE THE RECORD FOR THE HIGHEST GROSSING COMEDY EVER! I mean, I still think out movie is better, and I still think out movie can do huge business, but come on man. By even saying that you are setting us up for really unrealistic bullshit."
Tucker Max, July 2009
Does anyone else have the urge to chain him to a chair, pry his eyes open with fish hooks and force him read back his own shit?
Just me, then?
What have all his "haterz" accomplished? Who cares? Fellow "haterz" (especially on the IMDB board), stop justifying yourselves to please Tucker's half-wit defenders or the imaginary eyes of Mr. Max himself (OK, so they're not imaginary, because as sure as Tucker is predictable in his narcissism, he does read this blog and IMDB...but he is too stupid to process any of the relevance of it to his plight as someone kamakazi-ing straight to Tucker Max Fail Land, so let's just pretend he is Helen Keller to it, to use one of his favorite retarded metaphorical touchstones.)
Tucker's "haterz" (and I hate that bastardization of the word...obviously) are very different from one another. We may be similar insofar as we dislike inauthentic people who try to sell us a pack of repeatedly exposed lies and insult our intelligence in the process (so... we are like most people in society) but that is where the similarity ends.
The often piercing validity of our criticism speaks for itself, and since we are basically posting anonymously on the internet, our successes and failures are mostly besides the point.
Just for my own fun, let me make a couple of observations about Tucker's "haterz hate" and how it exposes his own stupidity, so maybe you folks can stop talking about your own fancy degrees and stripper girlfriends and six figure jobs as doctors, engineers, etc.
Max repeatedly points out that everyone who "makes it" has critics. But what doesn't follow from that statement (despite his best efforts to sell this idea) is the presupposition that the more critics you have, the more you have succeeded.
As an entertainer (note that an exception might apply for politics), one doesn't attract the articulate and persistent critics that Tucker has without making some serious blunders. And these blunders are the equivalent of basic stupidity.
Tucker might be book-smart (and even that is a challenge-able assumption that relies on some of the truthiness he has repeatedly asserted that people mistake for honest discourse), but his personality defects have date-raped any potential for useful intelligence into submission, so that this potential now cowers subserviently in the recesses of his mind and acquiesces to Tucker's massive black hole of an ego.
How is Tucker stupid?
1) He lacks basic self-awareness.
2) He lacks the ability to learn from his mistakes.
3) He lacks basic media savvy (despite a gift for self-promotion that he showed early in life).
4) He is intellectually lazy.
5) He lacks the ability to learn from his mistakes.
Whoops...did I say that already?
I must be an idiot and a poseur. You are right Tucker, I am probably just envious of your track record as entrepreneur and visionary.
Actually, it's for emphasis, fuckwad. By the way, was it SLF or Ryan Holiday that wrote the last message about the armenians and jews?
Note: This post was a series of half-finished ideas, expressed via a respectful imitation of the trail blazed by genre-creating author Tucker Tibor Max.
I'll say it again: I would pay to see a documentary or read a book about this upcoming colossal failure. I mean, think about it: this is the story of Freestyle Releasing, a company of con-men whose only real success was the execrable Bottle Rocket, trying to figure out some way of using their Amway-like business model to hit the jackpot twice, and they find a loaded, narcissistic moron who has managed to amass a few million dollars. Owing to his incredible ego, they stave off bankruptcy and rid the world of him forever. It's like Snatch, only I would call it, "THE VILLAINS AND THE RETARD".
Obviously, it would have to begin with the disclaimer:
Everything you are about to read is 100% true.
Trust me.
What really got me on the Tucker hate wagon was him calling his National Lampoon movie art.
As an artist (a very self serving term I hate to use) whom busts his ass trying to actually make a quality product people may enjoy, it's like getting spat at it in the face.
In my case, yes, Tucker Hax hatred does come from jealousy. You know, you're doing your thing, then here comes Mr. Braindead Jock. Wouldn't even be so bad if he were in the least humble about it and not such a...douche.
The joke is on you, haterz. The book Tucker is actually working on right now is titled.
"From Big Bucks to Butthexths: The 100% True Story About How I Put My Own Spin On How To Win Friends and Influence People...By Doing The Opposite"
~ Jamie Tarses
1:20...plus all those babies died of AIDS, and Tucker doesn't even care. Heartless.
I agree, though. His use of the terms "art" and "artist" demonstrate Tucker at his most villainous.
1:24, it truly is fucking lame. Perhaps the comparison is a bit off, but it's like having a decent rapper such as Atmosphere (who I believe is actually doing quite well these days), then here comes Soulja Boy ranking in all the money. Obviously Tucker isn't that high up in the ranks, but getting a few million to make a movie with a shitty script is still an accomplishment (albeit an undeserved one).
It's unfortunate that I see asshole Hax's movie as pretty much 50/50 at this point. There is a slight possibility keg standing fratboys and Tucker Max followers spread enough word to their naive friends and family to see this shit flick.
I'd give the American people a bit more credit to NOT see such an awful movie, but I'd say most of the people who post here are fairly smart individuals which are a minority. Sure we can see this for what it is, but the people who'd flock to an Adam Sandler movie may not be able to.
Of course the likelihood of the film even being in their local theater is slim, and attempting to find one may prove to not even be worth the trouble, but you never know.
I suppose the anticipation of what happens is half the fun though, and the failure is just an added pleasure.
The guy is a bona fida douchebag, almost as arrogant as Tucker, but nowhere near as intelligent. Read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greyscale_(film).
The point: making a movie ain't that big of a deal.
-------------------
Tucker is intelligent ? In which universe are you living in ? The whole joke is that he's as witty as a sack of spanners. Any genuinly intelligent person would pick up on that in an instant.
Guy at 12:22 is correct, playing the 'real life' card is pointless on the internets and does nothing to reinforce an argument; a classic example being otto himself.
He makes outlandish, unsubstantiated claims and therefore shows the intellectual bankruptcy of his own opinions.
Even an honest tramp has more honor and dignity that a rich douchebag.
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
"Look, I hope this movie does really well, but even doing projections about us making the same amount of money as that movie is--it's really actually offensive dude. The Hangover just BROKE THE RECORD FOR THE HIGHEST GROSSING COMEDY EVER! I mean, I still think out movie is better, and I still think out movie can do huge business, but come on man. By even saying that you are setting us up for really unrealistic bullshit."
Tucker Max, July 2009
7/24/2009 9:39 PM
"You know how Tucker / his fans always say that at least Tucker's made a movie, what have all of his haterz done? Well, I'm fresh out of college, and one of my former classmates (he was 2 years ahead of me) has also made a movie. The guy is a bona fida douchebag, almost as arrogant as Tucker, but nowhere near as intelligent. Read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greyscale_(film)."
Nigga got Tim Russ?
Tuvok from Star Trek Voyager > Matt Whocry
aww man do we have to start ragging on the actors? I'm sure they were just happy to get in front of a camera. I bet the filming experience alone has them feeling violated and a little dead inside.
"By the way, was it SLF or Ryan Holiday that wrote the last message about the armenians and jews? "
That was probably Anti-Semite Guy. He hasn't been around here for at least a year, maybe longer.
He used to post rants about "Zionist Kikes" and other such nonsense.
I guess the recent awesomeness of this blog has drawn all of the old heads back into the fold.
Oh, and Tucker Max is a liar and a douchebag.
"I bet the filming experience alone has them feeling violated and a little dead inside."
Well, they were cinematically raped by a douchebag.
Here's to the failure of the cinematic abortion that accompanies said rape.
Holy Shit, you haven't yet been banned for that post. WTF?!
So let's examine a few aspects of the online strategy, since Tucker and his boys are the ones handling that side of things. Oh yeah, and Carrot Creative (who seem like they have their shit together, but are working for Tucker and around HIS scheduling).
I thought that Tucker's rabid fan base would start crawling out of the collective woodwork for this movie and a good indicator would be two places for a pulse of the internet:
Facebook - IHTSBIH has a 13000+ fans. Pretty good, right?
The Hangover - 1,711,815 fans
The Hangover Quotes - 40,805 fans
EASILY Tucker can beat that. EASILY. Except that there's nothing remotely interesting on the Facebook page and they don't even have the video production stuff made during the movie shoot. Its a pointless marketing page.
And that straw man argument made that the content alone will get people to see it? They DID make content and they're not linking it up with one of the most powerful word of mouth tools on the internet today. Its just run so badly its mindblowing. You can tell they have no clue what they're doing.
Twitter - random search for Tucker Max brings up people talking about his book and at a slow click at that. No buzz whatsoever. Oh, and people completely ripped on the audio version of this book, which I didn't know existed. Yes, Tucker narrated it himself.
Horrible brand management, no buzz outside a small core, no real distribution, no iPhone app, nothing. I just don't see how having NOTHING two weeks before a huge tour is supposed to be revolutionary. Tucker Max Fail.
Oh, and idiot. When you keep talking about how no one's done what you're doing before I have four words for you: Broken Lizard - Puddle Cruiser. Do your research, you liar and douchebag.
- NO LOGO
If haterz are a sign you've made it, would Tucker agree that that John Page fellow or whatever his name was had made it when all 30 of his message board users devoted a thread to hating him?
haha, he got a load of 'rep' for it too. although the douche just ignores all the points he makes, as usual.
He has responded with a big ass blah piece that I'm not going to recreate here but the gist is familiar. He still claims to be doing something so unusual and unique regarding distribution.
The thing is, and i don't think it yet registers in his tiny little pea brain, that even if he is doing something unusual it's not by design! At least not by his design anyway. He cannot process the reality that NO ONE wanted to distribute his steaming turd and the most any legitimate company was interested in was snapping up the DVD for some easy Christmas profits!
Part of Tucker's response to Biscuits:
"I am glad you wrote that, because some of the people around here were making it seem like success was inevitable. Fuck that."
Are you kidding me???
Also, there's another post up after his by "Landslide." It's great.
FUCK it got deleted!!! I'm sorry, I didn't copy/paste in time.
Landslide, if you come here, please repost your thoughts. It was essentially, the comparisons you draw e.g. Juno are illegitimate, there's no buzz for your movie, it's made by amateurs, no marketing, etc. It was great.
Does anyone else remember Tucker saying he and Nils had written a script that he thought would become the highest-grossing comedy of all time.
why do you all still have such a hard on for this guy and his book/movie/cock?
go back to eating cheetos and drinking mountain dew already.
I remember the post about how the script he and Nils are working on after IHTSBIH will make more money than any comedy ever (if that includes Shrek 2, then we're talking $500 million).
See, this is the problem: he drops remarks like that ALL THE TIME then plays innocent little lamb when a surfeit of idiots take him seriously, wondering "when did I ever convey to anyone that this would be easy"? In other words:
(a) TM is monumentally confident that his movie will gross 100 million and (b) TM thinks it the odds against his movie making its money back are incredibly long.
The only way to truthfully combine attitudes (a) and (b) is if you compartmentalize, or are insane, or have a terrible grasp of probability, or (and here is TM's view) think that if a movie is good enough then it almost certainly succeed. But there is a morgue full of decent to good movies that never made very much box office at all.
Re: Mr. Hands,
That's a good question, the best question one could ask about this phenomenon. Truthfully, I not *certain* why I care even a smidgeon about his movie's success or failure. That said, I suspect it has to do with seeing the mind of a pathological liar/narcissist work. People are fascinated by abnormal psychology, and here is a grand instance of it splashed across pages and pages of 'net. Most important, though, is that both TM and the haterz update regularly. You can't overestimate how important that is to a group of people who check to see what's going on with the Internet every 6 hours or so.
Larry Summers is jewish. Ben Bernanke is jewish. Alan Greenspan is jewish. Hank Paulson is jewish. Robert Rubin is jewish. Robert Reich is jewish. Rahm Emmanuel is jewish. There's multitudes more of jewish undersecretaries and assistant deputies and this and that and the other all throughout the Federal Reserve and the Treasury department in particular (that's where the money and power is) and just about everywhere else in the government - the proportion of jewish people in government is way higher than in the population at large. The people who made all the decisions that got the country to massively indebt itself and throw open the doors to third-world immigration (importing poverty and stone age thinking) and drive us straight into this latest depression and generally acted like tripping gorillas at the controls of a bulldozer in a children's playground are, by and large, jewish. Jews have always been big supporters of gun control, and then once it's implemented, are big supporters of schemes to rebuild society according to nice-sounding theories, like what the jews who made up a majority of the controlling elite of the Bolsheviks did to Russia. Jews are also big supporters of everyone else having interracial sex and telling them it's racist not to, and then are very particular about only marrying other jews and if criticized for being hypocrites scream about horrible anti-semites. Jews are very, very good at hypocrisy.
Jews like to talk about how they got kicked out of every country in Europe at one time or another. It's not crazy to wonder if that was not an accident.
tucker max is not jewish,
he is however a massive douchebag and a liar
"Jews like to talk about how they got kicked out of every country in Europe at one time or another. It's not crazy to wonder if that was not an accident."
Considering one can easily Find that Hank Paulson was raised in a Christian Church...and that "Paulson" name just screams Jewish. Like Smith, or Baker, or...
Maybe you should focus on the fact that these are mainly wealthy, white, American, men who some have a conflict of interest (i.e. Hand Paulson was the CEO of Goldman Sachs before he was Sec. of the Treasury...maybe he has a conflict of interest in 2008 as he handled the banking crisis, since almost 100% of his 700 million dollars is tied to Goldman Sachs)
It's a symptom of Americanism more than anything else.
Also considering Volker (a Lutheran) is the one who instituted the current level of interference the Federal Reserve displays (and was necessary in the 70s to defeat inflation, you remember when the prime rate was 21.5%, as opposed to the 0.00-0.25% rate it is now) and he was the oversight of the beginning of easy credit until 1987 when Greenspan simply followed his outline of what to do.
But then again...if you actually "know" something about the financial system the true conspiracy is simply the collaboration of government, corporations, and the financial arm. Which is overwhelmingly controlled by rich, white, European descended men.
______________
Back on topic...I know more about finance off the top of my dick than Tucker ever learned at UoC.
Just ignore the troll, jeez. Now he's going to come back trying to answer your rebuttal. Good going.
To PMC,
Here are the numbers you're looking for regarding Tucker's "million books sold" claim.
ISBN 0806531061: I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell:
Units Sold To Date: 439,496
That was run as of yesterday afternoon.
That's the official Bookscan number a friend of mine got (literary agent). Just thought you should know that in another 3-4 years, Tucker might seriously be getting his millionth book sold, especially when it's on sale for 1/2 price at Borders, Barnes and Noble and other book outlets.
The Tucker Max revolution is coming, it's just slightly faster than erosion.
On Haterz
I am going to digress from the group a bit here: I've been an occasional poster here (penned the Tucker World Tour announcement months b4 he announced his world tour), as well as having a personal history with some of TM's ex-closest friends (and penned most of the revelations re Hooh Ah & some other inside stuff). I don't consider myself a hater---I actually find this entire trainwreck rather fascinating to watch, and check in probably once per day to see whats new (though at 100+ posts per day I rarely read everything anymore). That being said, despite TM being a raging douchebag, and a world class fucktard (and about as self-aware as a concrete block), the actual admission that they are up against extremely long odds is rather revelatory for him, though whether it is from a dawning self-awareness, or more of his continual insecurities that demand people pay him respect, I'm not sure---I would bet on the later.
Personally, what I've never liked about Tucker was his incessant bragging, despite really having accomplished very little in real life. His endless self-promotion is douche personified---look at Arthur Kade for proof of that. TM is just a slightly less guido/slightly more successful version of AK----not an award you want to build a career on. When I first read TM's stories on the net, I was amused for the first 1-2, but they quickly became repetitive, and I identified TM as "that guy": the guy you meet your first day in college, and are inclined to really like, however within 2-4-24-48 hours can't stand and wish would go away, forever. That this persona & similar identification/reaction with TM has transferred over the net, so that there are a core group that viscerally despise him, and wish for his ruin, has made for great entertainment.
Do I wish that TM would fail? Maybe. I've invested in a few indie films in the last 10 years, including a couple that have used Freestyle for their distribution, and they almost never generate any sort of ROI. Despite that, b/c of the genre & TM's core group of fans, I almost reached out to him to discuss assisting with their financing of IHTSBIH---I thought it a bet probably worth taking a small position on (I ended up doing nothing, as I just didn't want to deal with him). Is there a chance that IHTSBIH is good enough/different enough so that it may become a huge hit, or at least marginally profitable ($25m++ in domestic gross)? Sure there is, and that could possibly help other indie films to attract real distribution/attention in turn, which would be a good thing for other struggling/up & coming indie film makers. However b/c Tucker is Tucker, he makes it incredibly hard to wish him success on any level, even if by doing so it eventually benefits others.
Would IHTSBIH failing bring TM into reality (modestly successful book that generates a decent living, but few outside avenues available to him for real mainstream success & a piss-poor track record of producing anything besides a one hit wonder)? Maybe. Do I care enough about TM to put forth the effort, one way or another, to assist in success or failure? No.
TM & his minions can rail about the haterz, but really they are a by-product of Tucker's own creation. What TM doesn't realize, is that truly successful people are rarely hated. The exceptions that TM (wishfully) self-identifies with (Eminem for example), are so incredibly rare, and are usually actual creative artists.
Unfortunately for TM, he is neither an artist, nor is he all that creative. Being as bright as a box of hammers doesn't help his cause either.
No matter what happens in 2 months when the film comes out, the last year has been very amusing, and the next 60-90 days promise all sorts of shits & grins. If thats hating, so be it.
Since everyone is chosing monikers, I'll go by IFTBAHSATFR, or IFTB for short.
Interesting:
TM: "So on 100 million gross for this movie--something that I truly believe we can do, but it will take some luck to get and would make this movie a HUGE hit--the numbers would break down like this (assuming a 6 mil P&A for simplicitys sake):
(100 x .5) - ((6 x 1.2) + (6 x 1.2) - 2 mil misc) = $33.6 million to gets distributed to the people with backend points
But remember--that is ONLY theatrical. A movie that does 100 million in theaters can usually count on somewhere between 300 and 500 million in gross sales across all other revenue streams."
So if TM really did raise $6m for P&A, and if the investors get their $$ back first, than he has a $16.4m nut to crack before he sees a dime via domestic B.O. gross, which means that they need $30-35m before TM/Nils get paid via points.
I don't particularly care for TM, but thats a pretty ballsy bet to make.
More from TM: "American comedies almost never play foreign. We sold our foreign domestic rights already, I can do a post about that later. I think I am going to have to, the goddamn amount of questions I get about it. I would pay you people if you stop asking about it--I DON'T KNOW!! I have zero information about foreign release, because no one knows, because it will be after US distribution and will be based solely on how it plays in the US."
Possibility that they raised the P&A partially via foreign sales?
Great post, IFTB. Haterz is really just Tucker shorthand for anyone who doesn't "get it" (ie. Tuckerspeak for someone failing to worship him uncritically).
If ballsy means so stupid that he is unwilling to make a more reasonable bet on his stake in this movie that might at least allow for a glimmer of hope that he might extend his 15 minutes of "internet" fame...then yes, Tucker is ballsy.
Pretty soon, he'll be telling that to the fellow waitstaff at Olive Garden.
~ A non-hating hater(zzz)
Possibility that they raised the P&A partially via foreign sales?
Not too possible. Nobody involved with the movie, save Richard Kelly from Darko means anything to foreign markets, so they couldn't have raised too much money back. Plus, I don't think they could do that legally, as their investors would need to get paid back first before they even raise a dime of P&A money.
However, I really do believe that they raised their P&A money via selling the DVD rights to FOX.
Darko seriously has either no balls or no brains. Like TDG said, I'd hate to be their CFO right now having to explain their distribution strategy to the actual people signing the checks.
I can understand why Tucker doesn't care, it's not his 6 million dollars anyhow. What I don't understand is why Darko hasn't said: "you know what, we're going to take what's under curtain #1 and be done with it, and Tucker, when it's your 6 million dollars you are free to gamble it however you want.
Darko productions will be closing up shop sometime in 2010-11. Mark my words. Richard Kelly has shown he can't make a decent movie that will connect with audiences and his company has made some abysmal decisions which is going to scare every single one of their investors off the board.
Which brings up the question: Is there anybody or anything who has come into contact with Tucker Max that hasn't come out worse after the meeting?
Darko is pretty close to bankruptcy, and so is Tucker.
I have some experience on the business side of filmmaking and it's been laughable to watch even many of Tucker's critics overestimate his chances of seeing a dime here.
Tucker and others who have made this point are right that you get financially fucked every which way if you don't have leverage from a track record in the industry (Tucker doesn't) or savvy that comes from experience and the ability to learn from that experience (Tucker has neither), and you especially get fucked when your ego blinds you to economic realities so that you pour in good money after bad, which is what Tucker is doing (at the same time his fan base is dwindling and has no chance at recovering). Even when you have all those things that Tucker lacks, you lose money on most projects not controlled by the majors.
There are a lot of successful talentless hacks in entertainment (e.g. Dane Cook) because - let's face it - life isn't fair. But Tucker will never be among them. This film has already been written off by dozens of people in the industry whose opinions matter. In fact, everyone who matters has written Tucker off.
I don't necessarily want Tucker to fail, but I see failure as almost inevitable.
Of course, I also see "Tucker spin" that the movie was a success to be inevitable, as well as inevitably swallowed whole by Tucker's few remaining fans. Because Tucker will always have a voice on the internet (where nobody can stop you from spouting your opinions, even if few care), watching the spin will be fun.
I fucked the Trixie for a while one summer back when I used to live in Chicago. She likes it in the poop chute.
Whatever happened to the Bunny? Did she really go to rehab?
Also, I amazes me that people are buying this book. Just go fucking download the torrent, it's everywhere.
Trixie & Bunny share similar bedroom proclivities, but I don't believe the Trixie is openly bi.
I just saw "World's Greatest Dad" by Darko films on PPV.
It was fucking great. Bobcat Goldthwait directed a fantastic fucked up movie.
The movie however will make no money, as it has no P&A and is being released on PPV the same day as it's theatrical release. It could however have some legs, gain some positive reviews and word of mouth and make some money.
50 bucks says Tucker's movie is released on PPV same day as it's theatrical?
I'm not one to sing Darko's praises, but this film is pretty fucking good and I highly recommend it. I might hate Tucker, but I do love good cinema, so props to Darko for producing this hidden gem.
-TDG (new deconstruction tomorrow)
When I read the blog post where Tucker Max told the city of Toronto go "get your pussies ready" I heard one of those comical record scratches in my head and thought "oh no he did not!"
"But remember--that is ONLY theatrical. A movie that does 100 million in theaters can usually count on somewhere between 300 and 500 million in gross sales across all other revenue streams."
Could you be more wrong? I mean at every turn.
Let's take "Taken" which I thought was a good movie.
The Domestic Gross was 145 million, http://www.the-numbers.com/movies/2009/TAKEN.php
The DVD sales after 9 weeks are...http://www.the-numbers.com/dvd/charts/weekly/thisweek.php
58 million, but notice this week. The sales in the 9th week were 600k, that is not in units, that is in $$$
You see most, 100 millions don't make equal on the backend. Because 100 million movies are generally not genre pieces, Oscar pieces, etc, they are movies that hit the mark, but weren't buzzworthy.
You have too hit 200 million to ensure a higher backend, a mega hit, that may sale twice in DVD sales, toys, posters, whatevers.
His assumption that a 100 million movies, will do 3 to 5 times in aftermarket business is hilarious, and absurd.
BTW,
Fucktard, look what Transformers did. In US domestic, 319 million, in US DVD sales 289 million.
DVDs are an additional Revenue stream, but it is rare to make double, or 3 times what you did in BO
How Darko ever trusted this fuckstick is beyond me.
So the other day I was fucking Tucker in the ass and he craned his neck around and looked at me pleadingly with those big ol' Bambi eyes and asked "Do you think da movie will do okayyy?" And I just laughed and continued pounding him until he screamed like a bitch and pooped all over my dick.
^^^
Geigs, is that you?
More from TM: "American comedies almost never play foreign. We sold our foreign domestic rights already, I can do a post about that later. I think I am going to have to, the goddamn amount of questions I get about it. I would pay you people if you stop asking about it--I DON'T KNOW!! I have zero information about foreign release, because no one knows, because it will be after US distribution and will be based solely on how it plays in the US."
Possibility that they raised the P&A partially via foreign sales?
-------------------
Really ? I'm "foriegn" and every single american comedy gets played here. Hugely popular. Even the worst and dumbest American comedies will get played here. The fact that the movie was not picked up for foriegn districution speaks loads about it.
When I read the blog post where Tucker Max told the city of Toronto go "get your pussies ready" I heard one of those comical record scratches in my head and thought "oh no he did not!"
--------------------
Hi, I'm Tucker Max. Artist and revolutionary and upcoming film producer. I write very earnestly each day about the very serious and hard work and dedication of film producing. I'm such a motivated and remarkable stategist.
On no wait, now I'm raging sex machine, alchoholic. Get your pussies ready.
???????
Tucker's fucked his own persona with this douchey movie blog. Does anyone really believe he's some crazy party guy after reading that crap ?
everytime tucker posts about this car crash in progress, i get an image of him doing chest bumps with troy duffy.
Tucker is intelligent ? In which universe are you living in ? The whole joke is that he's as witty as a sack of spanners. Any genuinly intelligent person would pick up on that in an instant.
---------------
You misunderstand. The phrase "nowhere near as intelligent" doesn't suggest that Tucker has high intelligence, it suggests that the other dude is much dumber than Tucker. Intelligence doesn't equal witty, either. But then again, any "genuinly" intelligent person would know that.
" i get an image of him doing chest bumps with troy duffy."
Would be funnier if you see him doing chest dumps with troy duffy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucker Max View Post
Ok, that line of reason makes sense, sort of, but answer me this. I have asked this same question to lots and lots of big important people in Hollywood, and always get blank stares back:
If the only way to make money is getting it upfront, and there is no money at the bottom of the waterfall--then why is it that's where all the studios are sitting...making all the money?
Well first of all, it's a fallacy to assume that studios are sitting there at the bottom of the waterfall making money hand over fist. Every studio in town, year in year out, operates with a single digit profit margin. Considering how expensive movies are to make, from an ROI standpoint the movie business just isn't a very worthwhile investment -- this is why the mid-decade hedge fund boom has largely dried up. Here is a good article pretty much summing it up:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...emovies20.html
Secondly, we're talking specifically about domestic theatrical distribution here. Production and P&A costs have risen so much that movies just do not make money theatrically anymore. Approximately ninety movies have been released so far this calendar year. Four of them have made it into the black. Four out of ninety: The Hangover, Paul Blart, Taken, and Madea Goes To Jail (now if you want to talk about a truly groundbreaking talent deal, lets talk about Tyler Perry's distrib deal with Lions Gate). But to already have four this early -- its been a very good year, actually. Last year there were only about four total.
This is because domestic theatrical has evolved into a classic loss leader. Studios routinely put themselves deep into red ink on virtually every movie they release in the hopes that the large exposure from theatrical will allow them to recoup their investment with ancillary revenue streams. You pointed this out earlier -- it's impossible to deduce any specific formula for this because there are far too many variables, but it's not unreasonable to assume that a movie is capable of making 3-5 times its domestic theatrical gross in secondary and ancillary revenues.
This is why even though you failed to sell your movie to a domestic distributor and allow your initial investors to make their money back, it's still not a lost cause FOR THEM yet -- since they have the privilege of recouping first dollar across all platforms, they still have a chance to see some returns.
Your P&A investors are in a different boat entirely. I'm guessing you've raised 4-7 million dollars for P&A -- now I don't know the specifics of your deals, obviously, but unless your P&A investors are leapfrogging and have a piece of first dollar, they have virtually no hope of getting any significant return on investment, just as you have virtually no hope of seeing any money as a profit participant (in regards to domestic box office). Paradoxically, the larger your P&A budget the greater the chance all your investors (but particularly your initial ones) have to recoup their investment -- but at this point in the game, everyone has to be first and foremost thinking about minimizing losses.
For better or for worse, based on the situation you've been backed into, Beer League is indeed your best precedent setter. It's a similarly distributed, similarly budgeted movie targeting a similar demo and as a result, it's reasonable to expect your movie to open to a very similar per screen average. Now without having seen either movie I can't speculate on quality, so word-of-mouth is impossible to predict -- but giving you the extreme benefit of the doubt and assuming your movie will indeed expand theatrically after a decent opening weekend per-screen (or assuming you open wide at 1000+ theaters -- not likely as I'm also assuming your P&A budget is at the lower end of my 4-7 million dollar estimate) then I'd put your domestic theatrical gross ceiling at about 10-12 million -- far exceeding Beer League's 500K, but barely enough to earn your production budget back. Is it possible for your movie to become a true word of mouth hit, a la My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and crash through that ceiling? Well -- anything's possible, I guess. But other than Greek Wedding, you have to go back fifteen years to Four Weddings And A Funeral to find a movie that accomplished what you need to accomplish to see any financial windfall theatrically.
You gambled on yourself and that's fine -- impressive even. But without a major distributor backing you, right now you basically need a hail mary pass to win the game... and even with the best of quarterbacks, hail mary passes almost never succeed. It's true that I am not privy to all the details, but as an impartial observer who watches a lot of football, I can tell you that at this point in the game, in almost every way possible -- you've already lost. You just don't know it yet because you're on the team and you're out there on the field and you believe in yourself and you refuse to concede defeat until that last whistle blows. But it will blow, because this is Hollywood, and it's what we do.
And that, ultimately, is why the rest of us always takes the money upfront.
I've been looking for freedom
Since I left my hometown
I've been looking for freedom
Still it can't be found
Damn Biscuits, you are fucking brutal.
Also, with just 2 comments, both outlining Tucker's doom, you already have 77 rep points.
Why has this Biscuits guy not gotten banned yet? He's posting the TRUTH on Tucker's message board. Since when is that legal?
At this point, does anyone else think maybe the people over at IMDB should back off a little bit? Tucker's already f'd in the A, and a lot of other people are going down with him. I'm kind of feeling bad for his non-doucebag partners (if any exist).
Biscuits is probably Sean.
My guess Tucker is letting Biscuit speak because it gives him damage control if/when the movie flops. He now has some substance on his board to explain away his failure. i.e. "I threw in all the chips."
For those who think Tucker is "smart", read about his high school experience: http://74.125.155.132/search?q=cache:XUlRgBsDbkAJ:messageboard.tuckermax.com/archive/index.php/t-1383.html+%22blair+academy%22+tucker+max&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
Once you filter out the usual self-aggrandizement and lack of humility, and then you filter out his strong tendency to embed many lies to make him seem cooler, which is consistent with everything he writes (here: his athletic ability, which I know is seriously lacking, him getting laid, what the teachers said about him, his SATs, etc.), this is what is left:
1) His grades after three years of high school were too poor even to get into a decent state school
2) Because Daddy Max was wealthy, Tucker was afforded the privilege of a small prep school for two additional years (yup...that elusive five year high school plan) where his family paid full rate to a school that now costs more than 40K a year (READ: Blair Academy is a place where rich fuckups are sent so that they can be placed at elite colleges in exchange for paying full tuition... regardless of ability)
3) He admits his was the product of an emotionally unstable family environment...shocker!
I feel sorry for any kid who is sufficiently naive to take Max's advice. Nobody is going to take him seriously and fail to regret it later.
Seriously Tucker, can you please get out of the advice business? Biscuits exposed him for the millionth time as someone who doesn't know anything about anything yet spouts off constantly and operates under the delusion that there are people out there soaking in every word.
You wrote a bathroom book, for chrissakes!!! And not just any bathroom book, one based on lies and sold it as non-fiction.
Have another biscuit!
"Approximately ninety movies have been released so far this calendar year. Four of them have made it into the black. Four out of ninety: The Hangover, Paul Blart, Taken, and Madea Goes To Jail (now if you want to talk about a truly groundbreaking talent deal, lets talk about Tyler Perry's distrib deal with Lions Gate)."
First, how is Transformers II not in the black? (Domestic: $379,090,000 / + Foreign: $406,071,945 = Worldwide: $785,161,945)
Also, I think the Tyler Perry angle is closer to how Tucker hopes this plays out for him and his brand, and it just might.
"This is why even though you failed to sell your movie to a domestic distributor and allow your initial investors to make their money back, it's still not a lost cause FOR THEM yet -- since they have the privilege of recouping first dollar across all platforms, they still have a chance to see some returns."
That's probably why Tucker and Nils PASSED on studio offers. Ownership. They now can see first dollar participation on the movie and the secondary markets. Word of the streets is that the FOX deal is awesome with a highly incentivised sliding scale based on units sold.
"Beer League is indeed your best precedent setter. It's a similarly distributed, similarly budgeted movie targeting a similar demo and as a result, it's reasonable to expect your movie to open to a very similar per screen average. Now without having seen either movie I can't speculate on quality, so word-of-mouth is impossible to predict."
Beer League was awful and word of mouth spread very fast. This doesn't seem to be the case with IHTSBIH. Early buzz from people who have ACTUALLY viewed the movie confirms this.
"But other than Greek Wedding, you have to go back fifteen years to Four Weddings And A Funeral to find a movie that accomplished what you need to accomplish to see any financial windfall theatrically."
So.. you're saying it's happened before, and SEVERAL TIMES?
"You gambled on yourself and that's fine -- impressive even. But without a major distributor backing you, right now you basically need a hail mary pass to win the game... and even with the best of quarterbacks, hail mary passes almost never succeed."
And sometimes they DO. Let's wait 'till September and see what happens. Everthing up until that moment is just nonsense and ill-informed speculation.
8:17 PM: If you're a Tucker fan, as you seem to be, why didn't you respond to "Biscuits" on Tucker's board? Afraid you'd get verbally bitch-slapped?
7/26/2009 8:25 PM..
I'm not a fanboi. I just think the movie has a real shot at being something special.
I could make a case as equally as 'smart' as Bisquik, but why bother.
Go do it then. Directly respond to him. Don't do it on something he may not read.
I'm pretty sure 8:17 is Tucker. Or at least a mod towing the company line; he's been pressing the "Let's wait 'till September and see what happens" line a lot lately.
"First, how is Transformers II not in the black? (Domestic: $379,090,000 / + Foreign: $406,071,945 = Worldwide: $785,161,945)"
I'm pretty sure he was analyzing domestic take only to recoup your production budget. As Tucker has no foreign box office release.
Assuming the Studio gets an approximate 75/25 deal, that means 284 million, my suspicion is Transformers II likely cost around 250 million production, depending on what they have sunken into P&A after the release (which given the massive success I'm sure they have thrown millions upon millions in addition to pre-release P&A)
At least, Box Office Mojo puts production at 250 million, so in terms of the correct comparison, movies rarely make bank of domestic movie sales alone. Even transformers hasn't made back costs based on the domestic alone.
In transformers case, they have video games, DVDs, Toys, The HBO sell, the TV sell, Posters, and on down the line.
"That's probably why Tucker and Nils PASSED on studio offers. Ownership. They now can see first dollar participation on the movie and the secondary markets. Word of the streets is that the FOX deal is awesome with a highly incentivised sliding scale based on units sold."
No. They don't get dollar one until the original production budget is paid off.
This is like a bond. When a company defaults, it's the people who actually own bonds who get repaid, not the owners, not the stockholders.
Which will come out of DVD sales if the BO doesn't pay them back. Which considering Freestyles 30% fee, and the theaters 50% fee, they have almost no shot to repay 6-10 million unless they gross 20, or ever 25 million BO.
I doubt they got that good of a deal because as has been pointed out. They already have set it in stone, meaning the Studio (FOX) is taking the risk of their being a limited market. Which means, they probably want a large % to make sure they get paid regardless of how it does.
Ideally, you would want to make your deal when you have leverage (i.e. BO does well and now you can dictate terms to Fox) But as it is, Fox probably broke it off in them.
I may agree with TDG, Fox might have given them a cash deal and that's how they raised the funds for P&A. That means they (Tucker) may have given up a lot of royalties, etc to get that deal.
"Beer League was awful and word of mouth spread very fast. This doesn't seem to be the case with IHTSBIH. Early buzz from people who have ACTUALLY viewed the movie confirms this."
Who is that? There's no buzz about this.
I heard about "The Hurt Locker" weeks before the release because there was Buzz that it was a very good movie that wouldn't be released on all that many screens.
"So.. you're saying it's happened before, and SEVERAL TIMES?"
How is two times several? A couple = 2, Several = 7, 8. So no, it hasn't happened several times.
"ill-informed speculation."
It seems like most of it has become very well informed speculation. From people who seem to have way more experience than Tucker.
That was one of Landslide's points before he got FYB'd- indies usually have to go the film festival route to create buzz. They didn't. (I mean, unless you count "Cannes"...)
Biscuits, any intentions of responding to the post "TrembleTheDevil*" just spent half an hour (seriously, look at the original posting time and then the editing time) writing? Because I, someone with no Hollywood knowledge or experience, can see how stupid it is. I mean, how exactly did "Paul Blart" utilize all the new media?
*Also love this douche linking to his own blog.
" (I mean, unless you count "Cannes"...)"
Post of the month!
"First, how is Transformers II not in the black?"
Transformers has made a profit. The studios juggle the books to get it in the red. This is a common practice and it is very much legal. Basically, anyone who takes points on the Net Gross is fucked.
Lord of the Rings amassed huge financial earnings yet the people who took points are still waiting for money their never gonna see.
The guy on the blog was speaking only in terms of domestic distribution (the only place IHTSBIH will actually get a appreciable release), which is completely autonomous from the international gross. Transformers 2 is only going to hit black when you factor in the additional foreign earnings. If you're only counting domestic revenue then Transformers is still bleeding red like a stuck pig(200m to produce + 150m P&A, according to the LA TIMES= total negative cost 350m, vs. about 208 in "rental" revenue give or take 10 million.)
I have Transformers 1 at 319 million domestic BO, US DVD sales 289 million.
Production Budget was 150 million (conservatively). P&A probably in that range.
I think the point is, getting back on Domestic only is really, really hard to do. Especially for a movie with limited revenue streams. As opposed to Transformers that has tons of revenue streams outside of BO/DVD.
Two additional points to add to the recent threads.
First, the Fox DVD deal is not an independent deal from Freestyle. Google freestyle and read enough articles and you will see that Freestyle has a deal with Fox to distribute their DVDs. It is not a Fox direct deal. It is basically just another dimension to DIY distribution. Someone pays the fees to create the digital print, promotional packaging, and a first run of DVDs; then a fee is paid to Fox for distribution so both Freestyle and Fox take a cut and there is a small back side potential. There is no front end money.
Second, I can't speak for the Transformers, but next year's Airbender has P&A budget more than twice what pre-production costs were. This is pretty common in the industry now. As a general rule, very few movies make their costs back in domestic theatrical release.
Other than that, this is becoming the world's largest wedgey ever inflicted on a douchebag. Really, the quality of comments on this anti site are so much better than anything Tucker has written on his blog.
I mean exposing the 430,000 book sales to his 1 Million claim was beautiful as was the 30% on top of his Freestyle deal. It's just too funny.
By Tucker's math, we are coming up to 100,000 posts on this web site.
PM
"Beer League was awful and word of mouth spread very fast. This doesn't seem to be the case with IHTSBIH."
Hi Tucker!
"When a company defaults, it's the people who actually own bonds who get repaid, not the owners, not the stockholders."
Unless you're GM or Chrysler and Obama is best buds with the union stockholders, in which case fuck the bondholders.
"Unless you're GM or Chrysler and Obama is best buds with the union stockholders, in which case fuck the bondholders."
Considering the stock is near worthless, they're still shafted.
On the plus side, the Union had to take huge concessions in the Bankruptcy. So they should emerge more competitive.
The over riding concern being, a natural bankruptcy would have got bondholders paid, but cost the economy probably another 500k-1million jobs, which is a continual drain on GDP, tax revenues, etc.
I think that outweighs 30-50 billion in expenses to subsidize a short bankruptcy.
I'd be more concerned about the 180 billion we tossed AIGs way. Which was all lost based on wall streets thinking that free markets free from regulation will somehow be best for all.
Yet Morons like Ken Lewis at BoA are still CEO despite the fact that they believe they need 15 million to update their new office.
If any company actually functioned like it was owned by the public (which is how stock is supposed to work), idiots would be voted out for not performing.
_____________
Back on topic.
I'm sure there are many investors into this who are on the lower earning rungs. Especially given Darkos small size. I'm sure they will also be shafted in favor of repaying the big guys first in this failure.
In this case, thank god, it won't include Tucker. Who will get shafted if they come up short.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5oVzbwYWpg
"First, the Fox DVD deal is not an independent deal from Freestyle. Google freestyle and read enough articles and you will see that Freestyle has a deal with Fox to distribute their DVDs. It is not a Fox direct deal. It is basically just another dimension to DIY distribution. Someone pays the fees to create the digital print, promotional packaging, and a first run of DVDs; then a fee is paid to Fox for distribution so both Freestyle and Fox take a cut and there is a small back side potential. There is no front end money."
Just for accuracy. Freestyle appears to have picked up the assets of the Yari Distribution Group which distributed through Fox; and is now in bankruptcy. Before Yari, Freestyle used Universal Music and Lionsgate, but these DIY video deals are also fairly common. There does not appear to be any press release or indication about "fox" having done a direct deal with Tucker as opposed to just Freestyle partnering with Fox for the DVD release. Either way, there is nothing earth-shattering about the Fox name, nor does it add credibility to this trainwreck.
"The over riding concern being, a natural bankruptcy would have got bondholders paid, but cost the economy probably another 500k-1million jobs, which is a continual drain on GDP, tax revenues, etc."
It's not continual. It's a sudden (and admittedly drasic) cut and loss of jobs (extending far beyond the auto industry), after which people pick up the pieces and start over. They CAN start over. Our great-grandparents started from less. The only reason people now don't want to is they're spoiled - don't want to lose what they have - but what they have is built on debts that can't be paid and promises that can't be kept.
Continual is what we have now: ongoing obligations and debt payments that have not been defaulted but are being backstopped by the American taxpayer with absolutely no prospect of being able to work off the debt anytime in the forseeable future. GM is a retirement plan that also builds cars as a side project. The unions are retaining their paychecks essentially by taking money from other more productive sectors of the American economy with the government as intermediary. That cannot continue, no matter who wants it to, no matter the ethical or moral merits involved. The longer the auto industry's default on its debts is put off, the worse the eventual impact will be.
And actually it's not just the auto industry. Citibank and AIG and Bank of America are in similar situations: they're insolvent but don't want to admit it, and too many powerful people have financial interests in them to allow bankruptcies. As is the country itself: the national debt is never going to get paid off, everybody knows it, nobody wants to admit it, and in the meantime we keep running up bigger and bigger deficits, increasing that same debt, increasing the interest payments on it, requiring more bigger deficits to compensate, until the whole thing collapses because the Chinese have no money left to loan us.
None of this stuff can continue. The longer the eventual resolution gets pushed off, the worse it's going to hurt. Sort of like Tucker facing facts about his artistic career. (HA! ON-TOPIC!)
"HA! ON-TOPIC!"
No, it's not. You idiots have a million places to talk about that stuff if you absolutely need to.
You just keep thinking that, sunshine. Two years from now you're going to look back on this and kick yourself for not paying more attention to it.
Yes, I'm going to kick myself for not taking financial advice from the TMDB.
P.S. (and I realize I'm being hypocritical here by talking about it)- you haven't exactly said anything insightful yet.
"...but I now know without any doubt in my mind that this is going to not just work, but be big. I have always been intuitive about my writing and my art. I don't know why or how things work, but I do know WHEN they work (or don't work), and I am telling you with all the authority and belief I can muster: This works."
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/this_is_going_t_2.html
"I'm telling you people: You don't know how big this movie is going to be. Most people are doubting it, and that's fine, but even the ones who think they believe in me, don't really know. Assuming we get the filming right--and as always, that's a big 'if'--the ground work is set for this to be huge."
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/this_is_going_t_3.html
"you haven't exactly said anything insightful yet."
Then you're a step ahead of a ton of other people in this country, including nearly everyone in DC.
I wonder what Charlie Hoehn thinks about all this.
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