The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 7001 – 7200 of 15918 Newer› Newest»If you are rooting for Tucker Max you are rooting for the wrong guy. He is not a nice person. You might as well be rooting for AIDS. Take a stand for decency and compassion.
Sarah Palin's a good person whose strengths and weaknesses on a national political stage can be rationally discussed, who has not in any way earned comparison to Tucker, and only ugly girls need to be feminists.
"...we got the finance deal of the centruy."
"...we are being mentioned as potential Oscar nominees."
"...we not only got distribution, we got an AMAZING deal. "
"...Their hatred is helping to create the situation they are most dreading: Me as massive star."
Actually, the funniest thing about Sarah Palin is that she has lived a totally feminist life - high-powered career woman, weaker second-string husband who is known for relatively frivolous things particularly when compared to her, daughter who's a single parent and whose boyfriend is pretty much trailer trash - and yet in spite of her being basically the exact thing feminists always claim to be for and wanting to empower, they rabidly hate her. It's really funny to watch.
She has also shit on tuckers dick, many many times.
She also eats aborted fetuses because she believes that they give her "sexual powers" and that "god told me to do it"
Oh please. Sarah Palin is NOT feminist in any way. She believes Noah had dinosaurs on the Ark, and that it's God's will that women are required to conceive children every month, and that childhood mortality is a good thing because it fills up heaven with innocent children. Sarah Palin is EVIL.
XOXO
- Cute Feminist
Um ... everybody, that previous post is NOT me. Anyway now I'm sorry I brought her up. Politics, religion, and the Great Pumpkin, right?
XOXO
- Cute Feminist
Hey Tucker,
Just thought I'd point out that this thread has had over 150 comments in the last 24 hours, whereas your popular message board has a scant 5 pages (less than 50) in the last 36 hours.
So I was thinking, since we're so popular perhaps you would see it fit to host us on a Rudius website? Seriously, we'd bring in more traffic that Bill Dawes, Jamie Kennedy and that little douchey guy who fucked TheBunny and has his own failed TV show about why he's such an undatable douchebag.
I know how you like "Out of the box" thinking and isn't this WAY out of the box? You hosting your own hate site? Guaranteed we get more traffic than your own site within 3 months.
GUARANTEED.
Think it over,
-TDG
Oh, what the fuck. If people are going to impersonate me and defend Sarah Palin, then I guess I just won't post anymore.
XOXO
- The Original Cute Feminist
Great idea, having Tucker host his own hate site!
Tucker, let me work on the details. I'll pay you like BC Woods, and then you can post on TMMB that you got finance deal of the century.
cn it b time 4 femipoasting naow?
i wnat 2 paly 2
"If people are going to impersonate me and defend Sarah Palin, then I guess I just won't post anymore."
There, there. It's all right. Just go ahead and have your little tantrum while the men get on with the Serious Business. After all, that's what this here is all about.
Serious.
Business.
oh
oh
me 2
me 2
i wnat 2 paly 2 at femipoasting?
XOXO
- Cute Feminist poaster
"Just thought I'd point out that this thread has had over 150 comments in the last 24 hours, whereas your popular message board has a scant 5 pages (less than 50) in the last 36 hours."
TDG,
If Tucker is going to host our hate site, how do we get validation points; and are we going to Fuck You Banned someone if the poster is too nice to Tucker?
And what will our standard come back be: You just like Tucker because he didn't fuck your girlfriend. Or, you must have a sad pathetic life if you don't have enough time to sit down in front of the computer all day playing World of Warcraft and posting hateful things about Tucker.
I'm in.
PM
I think this board may have already peaked. We'll know for sure when The Deconstructionator can ban people.
"I think this board may have already peaked. We'll know for sure when The Deconstructionator can ban people."
PEAKED!?!?!?!
FUCK YOU, BANNED!!!
-TDG
Tucker's fan boys are talking smack back at him. Here is a member since 2006 who dares question Dear Leader:
Quote:
"Originally Posted by Tucker Max View Post
When did I say a major studio was the only way to go"
enoevian
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 28
Validation Points: 43
Hey, check what came up when I clicked and copied on this poster's name from the message board:
"enoevian will be allowed to stay for a bit"
And here is the heretic's response:
I didn't say that you said it was the only way to go, but I did say that you said for this movie, it was the way to go. I got this from a post on your movie site:
"I am all about going around the system, but even I think using a large distributor for this movie makes the most sense, especially considering we have a commercially viable property that should be very marketable and attractive to viewers, and thus to theaters and distributors also."
And yeah, of course, people should be patient, but that is much easier said than done. Not knowing makes you want to know more than ever, especially when so much excitment has been build into the structure of the deal.
In addition, there seems to be a recent shift to why does everyone care, why does everyone think a major is so great. This fuels speculation which prompts your biggest fans to start bashing other fans for their supposed ingnorance. Is it ignorance, is it confusion or is it a combination?"
You are on thin ice there E. The mods are talking about you. And who dares challenge the Great OZ.
"Oh, what the fuck. If people are going to impersonate me and defend Sarah Palin, then I guess I just won't post anymore.
XOXO
- The Original Cute Feminist"
Fuck You, you can't ban yourself from the RMMB Hater's Thread. Neither you nor your multiple personalities and/or impersonators can stop posting. This is the parallel universe. If we get pissed off at you, we don't ban you, we make you post more hateful messages about Tucker. Now drop and give us three hateful posts. Hoo-Ah.
PM
People...stop impersonating Cute Feminist (I hope you haven't driven her away), and stop talking about politics. This place has been awesome the past few weeks, let's not destroy it!
Fake Story Guy, still waiting patiently!
"I'm in.
PM"
More importantly, why would anyone here want to boost that douche-fags traffic?
rmmb members only know what to think and type when otto tells them what to do; it'd be hard for them to suck his cock quite as enthusiastically on the 'TM is a douche' board
:-P
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote: Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGrind Originally Posted by TheGrind
Do you still think it will open bigger than Hangover if you open on ~800 screens? Do you still think it will open bigger than if you open on Hangover ~ 800 screens? I guess it could with strong word-of-mouth and a clever marketing scheme but it seems like it'd be hard to pull off. I guess it could with strong word-of-mouth and a clever marketing scheme but it seems like it'd be hard to pull off.
TUCKER SAYS;
Of course not!! Of course not! The Hangover opened on 3500 screens--even if we open on 1500 screens and sell out every show all weekend we couldn't beat their opening weekend. The Hangover opened on 3500 screens - even if we open on 1500 screens and show all sell out every weekend we could not beat their opening weekend. Completely impossible. Completely impossible. Literally not physically possible. Literally not physically possible. And I NEVER said it would open bigger than The Hangover. And I NEVER said it would open bigger than The Hangover. That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. They spent 40 MILLION dollars on P&A. They spent 40 MILLION dollars on P & A. That is a HUGE sum for a comedy. That is a HUGE sum for a comedy.
I have never said ONE FUCKING WORD about what our opening weekend will be, because we still don't know how many theaters we are opening on. I have never said ONE FUCKING WORD about what will be our opening weekend, because we still do not know how many theaters we are opening on. All I have ever talked about it total gross, and even that I have never made a specific prediction, because again, there are still too many factors in play right now. All I have ever talked about it all gross, and even that I have never made a specific prediction, because again, there are still too many factors in play right now. If you are going to fucking attribute shit to me, please get it right. If you are going to attribute fucking shit to me, please get it right.
once again,
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER box office as of 07/16/09
--- Domestic: $226,309,780 +
Foreign: $74,700,000
"They spent 40 MILLION dollars on P&A. They spent 40 MILLION dollars on P & A. That is a HUGE sum for a comedy. That is a HUGE sum for a comedy."
Um...no they didn't. Has Tucker ever honestly reviewed a movie budget? You're implying that the Advertising Budget was more than the entire production budget?
Remember, that movie cost very little to make. There's no name actors (so minimal actor salaries), hardly any CGI, and I'm sure Vegas gave them many breaks considering their (The Cities) budget problems.
"All I have ever talked about it all gross, and even that I have never made a specific prediction, because again, there are still too many factors in play right now."
You did say this..."Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
I saw you say it. I was on the board when you said it.
Domestic: $238,206,804
+ Foreign: $74,700,000
$312,906,804
So now Tucker is completely back tracking like we don't have his posts of what he actually said.
"I'll pop the champagne when the box office numbers start coming in on the opening Friday, and we are projecting at a 25 million dollar opening weekend." - Tucker Max, March 25, 2008 (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=20811&page=3)
"I have never said ONE FUCKING WORD about what our opening weekend will be..." - Tucker Max, July 21, 2009
Tucker, just because you didn't say it, doesn't mean you didn't SAY it (if you know what I mean, which you do. My God, you're like a little kid with your reliance on technicalities and wordplay to ever keep from looking bad. Fucking Idiot.
"I'll pop the champagne when the box office numbers start coming in on the opening Friday, and we are projecting at a 25 million dollar opening weekend." - Tucker Max, March 25, 2008 (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=20811&page=3)
"I have never said ONE FUCKING WORD about what our opening weekend will be..." - Tucker Max, July 21, 2009
BAHABHABAHABAHABHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
What a self-involved child.
You know what's funny as fuck? Remember when Tucker lambasted that reporter when asked a question. Tucker complained that the reporter didn't do their homework and should reread every single post and word Tucker wrote and then the reporter wouldn't ask such stupid questions.
Remember that shit?
TUCKER, FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE!!! YOU ARE MAKING THIS TOO EASY FOR US!!!
We already knew you were full of shit, but now you're lying where there is a clear and concise record of things you wrote about prior to saying you didn't write about it.
I'd be fucking scared of posting anything about the movie and what you did/didn't say because unlike that reporter, WE ARE reading everything you wrote prior and matching against what YOU ARE CLAIMING TODAY.
These are not the salad days for Tucker Max.
-TDG
Can anyone corroborate these claims of The Hangover having a $40 million advertising budget? Trying my best to be objective with Tucker's claims. Wikipedia links to a page which states the advertising budget was, indeed, $40 million.
That page then links to...Well...Nowhere?
The joys of the internet.
Tucker has a way of being unflinchingly cruel to those he thinks he can intimidate, TDG.
Tucker and the Rudius crew remind me of a special I saw once on the "Billionaire Boys Club", who were the failed, spoiled scion of wealthy folk in LA in the 1980's who used to put on Daddy's suits and "play business" until they lost a lot of money (and then a couple of them murdered a con man and a wealthy Arab, but we don't need to focus on that).
Except those guys were in their early 20's. The Rudius crew is a bunch of thirtysomethings who have collectively/individually neither ever accomplished anything socially redeeming nor made any real money; yet they sit around dreaming up pretentious, crazily unfeasible ideas like "Rudius Air", which gets validated by the echo chamber of idiocy that is Rudius.
They are lazy, unaccomplished failures who have convinced one another that they will change the world..until the facts and credit card bills get in the way.
They only get to play with Daddy Darko investor money once! Soon Tucker's salad days will return as he is fetching me a salad at Olive Garden.
~ FDG
"Can anyone corroborate these claims of The Hangover having a $40 million advertising budget? Trying my best to be objective with Tucker's claims. Wikipedia links to a page which states the advertising budget was, indeed, $40 million."
I was reading some of PMCs stuff, he seems to have some experience in or around the industry. It sounds like P&A budgets really do not come in that high.
The listed production budget of the whole movie (only one I found) was 35 million dollars. I just can't see how the P&A budget would be more than the cost of the film.
I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.
(and then a couple of them murdered a con man and a wealthy Arab, but we don't need to focus on that).
_______
Laughing again...
"I'll pop the champagne when the box office numbers start coming in on the opening Friday, and we are projecting at a 25 million dollar opening weekend." - Tucker Max, March 25, 2008 (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=20811&page=3)
"I have never said ONE FUCKING WORD about what our opening weekend will be..." - Tucker Max, July 21, 2009
BAHABHABAHABAHABHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
What a self-involved child.
_______________________________
Technically, Tucker didn't say what WOULD happen, he only said what COULD happen. He could easily get out of this one by saying that he was just using hyperbole to make a different point. Also, in his post about 'haterz', he said something about how he kept making big, bold claims just to spur on the 'haterz.' He could weasel out of this by saying that's all it was.
"I was reading some of PMCs stuff, he seems to have some experience in or around the industry. It sounds like P&A budgets really do not come in that high.
The listed production budget of the whole movie (only one I found) was 35 million dollars. I just can't see how the P&A budget would be more than the cost of the film.
I could be wrong, but I don't think I am."
How awful is Wikipedia though? A series of links that lead to nowhere? I can only assume that this is where Tucker got his information from, as I can't find it anywhere else.
"I'll pop the champagne when the box office numbers start coming in on the opening Friday, and we are projecting at a 25 million dollar opening weekend." - Tucker Max, March 25, 2008 (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=20811&page=3)
Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a newly inducted member into the pantheon of Tucker haters, (though I don't have an awesome nickname yet) but that quote seems to be taken out of context?
"He could weasel out of this by saying that's all it was."
The spin doctor is in!
I saw that too. All of the sudden he's saying he only made outrageous claims to spur haterz.
Yet, in reference to the Hangover, not only did he make an outlandish claim. He went so far as to break down his movie compared to there's, talked about it in length, about how Geoff had an offer for it and turned it down for his, about how this shows there is a market for drunk, male focused comedies, etc, etc.
Why go to all the trouble to analyze that and make a claim only to get haterz going?
He could easily get out of this one by saying that he was just using hyperbole to make a different point.
Just like his book; an anthology of lies designed to provoke the haterz.
Tucker, trust me. Your bullshit is funny on so many levels.
The myth of a million books:
So for some non-sensical reason, Tucker decided last year to equate his IHTSBIH to Twilight, a movie about teenage vampire love.
"That being said, I don't want to go too crazy with the comparison here, the Twilight series of books (there are four of them) has sold over 17 million copies worldwide. Just the first book in the series has sold like 2 million copies domestically, which is way, way more than the 500k copies my book has sold."
November 18, 2008 09:40 AM
So, presumably, he'd sold 500 000 copies of his book by November last year (Excluding probable Tucker puffery).
Now, in his response to the "haterz," Tucker has this to say:
“and coming up on a million copies sold, for example.”
Are Tucker and his fans so delusional that they believe his book, released in 2006, has gone from 500k to 1 million sold since November last year? That sales are actually accelerating drastically?
What Tucker isn't telling you on the Hangover P&A is that the 40 million dollars, while most likely true, wasn't blown before the movie started. Most likely it was about 10 million of P&A to get the word that the movie was out there. Once it became certain that it was going to be a hit they ended up giving it more P&A money, and once it was #1 at the box office for 2 straight summer weeks, the studio decided to go all in and blanket the nation with "the Number 1 movie" claims as it tried and succeeded in milking the film for every penny it could.
So the 40 million P&A, while most likely true, isn't what Tucker is making it out as being. They certainly didn't throw 40 million dollars at P&A BEFORE the movie was successful.
Has Tucker made one definitive statement that isn't a 1/2 truth on some level?
http://survey.otxresearch.com/SurveyEntry.aspx?e=7d8bf94c-66cd-4e3b-b3ce-08aec407c0e4&fsa=1
Did ANYBODY get a chance to see the trailer? Holy shit, I hope someone capped it. I HAVE TO SEE HOW AWFUL THIS FUCKING THING IS.
^^^
what was that link to?
and trailer? otto said it woudnt be out for a week or so, another lie?
The link the guy posted above my comment was to the survey, which was given out to people on the Facebook to see the trailer early. But apparently, anyone who clicked the link was able to get through to the trailer, but it doesn't appear to be working now.
Which is really fucking gay since I'd like to finally get an idea of how bad it is.
From IMDB board:
I saw the trailer via the link on FB.
of course, if you want spoilers, you could just read the script.
"Did ANYBODY get a chance to see the trailer? Holy shit, I hope someone capped it. I HAVE TO SEE HOW AWFUL THIS FUCKING THING IS."
I bet it will be funny. The script is not as bad as people said. Problem is this, the way Tucker is hyping the movie anything LESS than perfect and brilliant will be a letdown.
So, no one here has seen the trailer? WTF? Don't fail me now haterz.
There's no way that this trailer will be even 10% as funny as the fan-bois and the critics' responses to it.
Ever think that a fanboy or Tucker planted the survey just to see what's going on with the haterz?
Tracking stuff?? If it logs ip addresses he could compare those you are using to take the survey with ip addresses of your board posts.
Then, he knows which TMMB members are participating on the haterz boards.
If you think, for one minute, that's above him... then, you don't know him very well.
Who gives a shit about the trailer? Remember how awesome the Spider-Man 3 trailer looked? (At least to me...) And that movie seriously blew.
who gives a fuck? anyone can read his dying board, and if people get caught but want to post, they can just use a proxy address and a fresh forum account.
In case the whole trailer thing is a Tuckertrick, don't post anything about it if you haven't seen it with your own eyes. Not that any of the haterz would be dishonest... but we don't want to give him any ammo that has substance.
Answer to the above post:
No Tucker, we don't think you'll do that.
You're way too fucking stupid.
Well, you should give a fuck because Tucker uses information gathered on his message board against people in a very real and legitimate way.
Oops, I meant, childish, insane, and stalkerish way.
Within hours, he will have cyberstalked you to a point where he knows the last 9 lolcats your mom viewed this morning.
I, personally, don't give a shit. I'm just saying that there's a good reason some people might not want to get busted espousing shit.
There was a time when people shared very real thoughts and feelings and relationships on the TMMB. A lot of people ho ho hoed around and a lot of people cried on one another's shoulders and that's shit that still hasn't seen the full light of day.
I know for a fact some people don't want it to make it's way to the surface.
Just sayin'.
Lmao. Are you fucking kidding me? Get real.
What, are you actually scared of Tucker Max, a lisping, lying pussy little faggot who would cry like a little bitch even if a blind Girl Scout on crutches and covered with kittens physically confronted him?
What's he going to do, crash a car through your donut shop?
Send you an email written by a military captain?
Make up a story about you?
Honestly, what the hell could Fucker Max do to anyone????
Find your address? Oooooh, scary.
Send you a mean email? Yikes.
You act like he'll infiltrate your fucking bank account or something.
If you're the guy that Tucker hacked his account, then you should've changed your password, that's your fault.
If you're Tucker, I'd just like to let you know you're a gigantic vagina.
Big laughs at "crash a car through your donut shop."
Winner.
Guys-
Let me just put a few things out there.
First, if the Deconstronctionator guy actually turned out to be Tucker, I would be very impressed. But that isn't the case, because Tucker is too arrogant to make fun of himself.
Second, lets keep in mind that no matter how good or how bad his movie is, Tucker will say exactly the same things about it. So if he says that it's the best movie ever, that's not exactly a lie, it's just Tucker following his marketing plan.
posted on imdb just now about the trailer,
"- The movie opens with a quick logo flashes of Darko Entertainment & Freestyle Releasing (no mention of Fox)
- There is a lot of the "I hope they serve beer in hell" type font with the certain words red or bolded throughout the clip. For instance, one of the written lines that comes up is "Based on TRUE stories" True is all caps, bolded and red. After that line, the word "Unfortunately" comes up.
- The music is pretty lound, club type music
- The first joke centers around a girl talking to a turtle and fake Tucker asking if the turtle is telling her to kill the fat girl at the bar. The girl is disgusted and walks away. Fake Tucker yells after her, What, she's fat & fat people don't count"
- The next scene centers around the 3 friends hanging out in a bar and plotting the bachelor party
- I guess Tucker is trying to talk them into changing plans and says, "You need this, I need this" Slingblade responds, I need this like I need Hep C.
- Then the clip shows the guy that is getting married talking to his wife about the trip. She asks who is going to watch out for him, He says Tucker will have my back. She makes a dubious face
Cut to them at the strip club, looks like a typical high end strip club. The majority of the trailer seems to be set in the strip club. Lots of shots, girls dancing, etc.
- In the strip club scene Slingblade starts talking to a girl and he says his name is Captain Kirk. She responds with, "Oh, a Star Trek fan, color me suprised".
- The guy getting married gets busted by his wife for being at the club when he answers his cell phone in the club just as the DJ is announcing a dancer
- The guy getting married gets kicked out of the club & busted for peeing in the street. When the cops come up, he says, "Don't mind me boys, just making a quiche here"
- Then some other random scenes and hijinx, at one point fake Tucker says, "You need to ask yourself, what would Tucker do"
- Eventually they are at the wedding, more shots and toasts, someone tackles someone in a moon bounce thing, Tucker is hooking up with a girl in an elevator and as they pass an old couple, he says to the old lady, "You're next Gertriude".
- One of the last scenes has Slingblade speed dating & when a girl asks what his porn name is, he says "Scott Peterson"
- There is also a midget stripper at the club
- At the end, the Paul Wall guy is rapping dressed up like a pimp and singing about money"
This dude has only ever posted about the trailer though, so dont know if its legit.
Anyway, sounds great, right guys?! guys?
Some guy has posted a pretty lengthy summary of the trailer over on IMDB. Last line:
"- At the end, the Paul Wall guy is rapping dressed up like a pimp and singing about money"
What, are you actually scared of Tucker Max, a lisping, lying pussy little faggot who would cry like a little bitch even if a blind Girl Scout on crutches and covered with kittens physically confronted him?
Thanks. Made me laugh.
Damn, beaten to it!
Wow, that sounds horrible. You guys were incredibly correct when you told me it was worse than I imagined.
-DLG
yeah, i have my suspicions about TDG too, and some of the other posters on here. could be tucker or his crew running disinformation or whatever. hes a great strategist, after all.
totally bro-ski, I heard he taught Genghis Khan, Alexander and Napoleon everything they know.
Is he going for shock value and outarge.
Advocating the killing of fat people? It does set the tone, which is good
The Scott Peterson line is a little creepy. He killed his pregnant wife on christmas eve and dropped her and the baby in a lake using homemade cement anchors.
Overall it seems well-paced if in fact it's a real account of the trailer.
Look, this is the REAL Tucker. It was all a big joke to me until I got an email from someone who read your pathetic attempt at an online community and noticed that some pretty severe allegations were being tossed around.
Saying my movie will fail is one thing but calling me a "stalker" is something entirely different. This has gotten out of hand. Do you losers think that I have time to re-wire my long-planned marketing campaign and roll-out just to trick you all into revealing your pathetic identities?
I don't think any of you are smart, but I definitely thought you were more smart than you are showing tonight. I would re-post the emails I got but I know that would just be playing into your immature games.
Point is, I have a movie coming out. Whether it is good (it is) or bad (it's not) is irrelevant. It's the fact that I MADE A MOVIE. How many of you have made any films? Ok, put your hands down if your movies were of your kids, your pets, or your fat ex girlfriend.
It's ok to be jealous of me. I get it. I have a good life. I have a successful career. I have talent. I have a sexuality that attracts people regardless of any action that should repel those same people. I am special.
You might be special too. I don't know and I don't care but you need to stop with the fabrications. You aren't hurting me. You are helping me. I'm just asking you use real points about the movie instead of listening to losers who we banned for being losers who are just so excited that they found another place to shit out words that they can't shut the hell up.
By the way, I made a movie, you didn't, fuck you.
Hi Tucker.
Nice summary of this site. Good luck with the movie.
Ever think of shaving your head and growing a goatee?
Trailer sounds funny.
Tucker, are you taking questions?
"The lad doth protest too much, methinks."
- The Queen B
Re: The REAL Tucker Max who posted @ 7/22/2009 7:29 PM
Awwwwww, you're "special!" Good for you. What a "special" guy! You deserve a great, big successful movie because you are so "special." I hope all your dreams come true!
i hope 7.29 is a troll, for tibors' sake.
Yes, I'm taking questions. Only for a minute, fuckwads, I got shit to do.
I don't know if you heard, but I have a movie coming out in September.
Proceed.
The Real Tucker
Slingblade says, "You mean Magic Johnson, a black guy with AIDS has it better than I do?".
That's going too far IMHO. Does JoJo think the black thing is funny? Doesn't Magic Johnson own a theater chain?
Tucker -- do you find ANY of the hater posts funny? I think some are great and hope you are proud of the emotions you've spawned.
Tucker: Do you believe that TDG is your arch-nemesis? Also, how EASILY do you think you'll beat The Hangover? Oh, and one more. How close were you to crying when Opie & Anthony verbally drop-kicked you on their show?
Thank you in advance.
Did you really steal Andy Ator's domains?
How big is the tour bus?
If he was actually here, i'd keep it simple and ask,
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Did The Bunny truly take it in the ass to gain some positive rep points on your message board?
What is your family's reaction to your career?
Anonymous said...
Tucker -- do you find ANY of the hater posts funny? I think some are great and hope you are proud of the emotions you've spawned.
I find it funny in the same way I find retards trying to eat ribs funny. It's amusing for a few minutes but then, it's just really sad. As for being proud, I take no credit for this level of stupidity. If nothing else, I've put myself out there to try and inspire others to challenge themselves intellectually. This board is not that sort of demonstration.
7/22/2009 7:59 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tucker: Do you believe that TDG is your arch-nemesis? Also, how EASILY do you think you'll beat The Hangover? Oh, and one more. How close were you to crying when Opie & Anthony verbally drop-kicked you on their show?
TDG is a pussy bitch whore who posts here to get his rocks off instead of manning up and talking to me on my board. He says he's there too but doesn't have the guts to step to me. I never said I'd beat The Hangover. If you notice, I've praised The Hangover and noted that it is one of the top ten comedies I've ever seen. It was an honor to have Geoff choose my movie over that project and me writing about that was misinterpreted by your board. I don't talk about the O & A incident because it was just overblown hype.
7/22/2009 8:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did you really steal Andy Ator's domains?
Yes.
7/22/2009 8:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
How big is the tour bus?
We haven't secured it yet. It might be 2-3 different buses. We will see how it works out financially. It will be full size, standard tour, nothing special.
7/22/2009 8:03 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
If he was actually here, i'd keep it simple and ask,
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
7/22/2009 8:05 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did The Bunny truly take it in the ass to gain some positive rep points on your message board?
7/22/2009 8:05 PM
Bunny doesn't give a shit about rep points and neither does anyone that matters on the board.
The Real Tucker
"I never said I'd beat The Hangover."
What about when you said something along the lines of ... "Anything The Hangover can do at the box office, we can beat. Easily."
Hrmph. Must be the eyes failing me.
Tucker,
How do you justify referring to your past antics as examples of how to be the person you want to be? Wouldn't you agree that if everyone did those things, the world would quickly devolve into a sort of 'might makes right' bedlam state? How are these actions and deeds worthy of celebration? Don't you think that, rather than helping people be the best they can be, perhaps what you're ACTUALLY doing is encouraging people to give into their baser, lesser impulses instead of learning how to restrain themselves for the good of society?
Also, why are you so damned gay?
Have you ever actually seen a retarded person eating ribs? I got to know.
"7/22/2009 8:01 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did you really steal Andy Ator's domains?
Yes."
HAHAHAHAH
Andy go pwned and the guy admits it.
Tucker,
How do you justify referring to your past antics as examples of how to be the person you want to be? Wouldn't you agree that if everyone did those things, the world would quickly devolve into a sort of 'might makes right' bedlam state? How are these actions and deeds worthy of celebration? Don't you think that, rather than helping people be the best they can be, perhaps what you're ACTUALLY doing is encouraging people to give into their baser, lesser impulses instead of learning how to restrain themselves for the good of society?
Also, why are you so damned gay?
Could that be any more pompous and self-serving? What's the point of the pseudo-intellectual ranting on an anonymous forum? Gas, that's all it is, gas.
7/22/2009 8:14 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Have you ever actually seen a retarded person eating ribs? I got to know.
Yes.
The Real Tucker
what are those lumps on your forearms?
What are you going to do when your 15mins of 'fame' are up?
why can you never be honest to yourself or anyone else?
were you abused as a child?
what model/make car do you drive?
Would you like to shit on my dick?
Tucker, do you acknowledge or deny that you are, in some ways, a broken human being?
If so, do you think you're making progress toward being a better, healthier person with each passing day? (this is relevant to the topic of your success because you boast that your 'work' improves peoples' lives). Please don't cop out of answering this question by writing something like 'everyone's broken, nobody's perfect, we all have issues', etc.
If not, how do you justify your many misdeeds, which seem to go beyond those of a young person simply being young and naive, and seem instead to be extreme measures for attention, validation, etc.?
Also, why are you so damned gay?
"If you notice, I've praised The Hangover and noted that it is one of the top ten comedies I've ever seen."
I thought you said that The Hangover is one of the best comedies in the last 10 years, but that it only means that comedies have sucked that much.
So which is it, Tucker? Top 10 ever seen? Or only good because everything else sucks?
Make up your fucking mind, will you.
How does it feel to have to pay for distribution with a shitty DIY?
Obvious question:
Why are you such a massive, cunting douchebag???
"Could that be any more pompous and self-serving? What's the point of the pseudo-intellectual ranting on an anonymous forum? Gas, that's all it is, gas."
So, were you going to answer the question, or just ad hominem your way around it? Here, I'll re-post it. Please answer the question this time:
How do you justify referring to your past antics as examples of how to be the person you want to be? Wouldn't you agree that if everyone did those things, the world would quickly devolve into a sort of 'might makes right' bedlam state? How are these actions and deeds worthy of celebration? Don't you think that, rather than helping people be the best they can be, perhaps what you're ACTUALLY doing is encouraging people to give into their baser, lesser impulses instead of learning how to restrain themselves for the good of society?
Did you have a meeting with Elie Samaha while shopping IHTSBIH?
Inspired by the summary of the trailer, whether real or fake, I had to throw a little something together...
'Twas the night before opening, when all through the bus
Tucker Max was bitching, and making a fuss;
The screenings were held but seats were not filled,
Despite the genius campaign; a film perfectly billed;
The fans had all promised to come out en mass,
After reading the fake book bio of his pastey ass;
So reality now looming, his mind went to work,
"Hey Nils, fake me an email you waterhead jerk."
He sat to blogging in anger, typing full force,
"It must be the haterz, it's their fault, of course",
He penned out a new blog, fabricating some wins,
"It's working as we planned, now the real fun begins."
"Just look at this letter, it came in today,"
"Dude, that movie was awesome, worth 3 times what we paid."
As he finished the sentence, a knock at the door,
He slid back the thin metal to see his fat whore.
She started to speak, "Let's go back to the bed.",
Tucker responded, "I fucked you already, get lost and drop dead."
Right past her he squeezed, hard pressing her rolls,
Laughing and asking, "were your parents bridge trolls?"
Past bus bunks he traveled, tapping tiny fingers to each face,
Get up, get moving, let's get the fuck out of this place.
More rapid than tweekers, each adult child got dressed,
Preparing carefully for an evening of making memories to repress;
"Now, Nils! now, Tando! now, Bunny and Mike!
Now stragglers, ass kissers, Bunny, you half dyke!
To the front of the bus! Go quick down the hall!
The club dj promised to soon spin some Paul Wall!"
So to the local dive bar, the posse did travel,
And with a mind full of tard rage, Tucker's behavior started to unravel.
The chatter was silenced by a sudden loud crash,
Tucker's group all went running in a quick coward's dash,
Standing by the place where the barstools did land,
Patrons saw bright blood flowing past Tucker's small hands.
When out of the crowd walked a man, so tall and so fly,
A random fella yelled out, "hey, it's The Deconstructor Guy."
He was dressed all in black from his tee to his flops,
"Go ahead Tucker, I dare you, call the damn cops;"
A prophecy fulfilled, he had broken Tucker's nose,
"You deserve that you asshole, this is the life you chose."
Tucker's eyes filled with tears, his heart filled with sad,
To his shock and amazement, TDG was his dad!
His droll little mouth was drawn down like a bow,
And the fat of his chin was red from blood flow;
The pain in his nose was dwarfed by the pain in his heart,
In that brief moment, Tucker remembered his art;
He started to smile through the tears and the blood,
And all of these emotions came out in a flood.
"Dad, I see you, you're here, you must really care,
It's ok that you hit me, I'm not mad, I swear;"
"Will you see my new movie? Wide release, 20 screens,
I promise, you'll love it, and be proud of me."
His dad kept on walking, not even turning his head,
"Son, there's no way in hell I'll be there, I'd rather be dead,"
The door closed behind him, the fans turned toward Tucker,
"I don't need you anyway, you limp dicked motherfucker;"
He turn to his busmates, "let's go back and get some rest,"
Inside he was now broken, his machismo put to the test.
In a last ditch attempt to woo fans ere he headed to the street,
He exclaimed, "Go see the movie blow up, IHTSBIH is damned sweet."
Can you see why fanz turned haterz might be letdown by the Freestyle deal?
ANY truth at all to Rudius Air, Rifle ranges, and food chains as was posted/pasted here?
what are those lumps on your forearms?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What are you going to do when your 15mins of 'fame' are up?
I don't believe in 15 minutes. I have a career and I don't foresee a career change any time soon.
why can you never be honest to yourself or anyone else?
I'm being honest with you right now.
were you abused as a child?
I've already said all I'm going to say about my childhood.
what model/make car do you drive?
Shut up.
Would you like to shit on my dick?
Fag.
7/22/2009 8:22 PM
what are those lumps on your forearms?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What are you going to do when your 15mins of 'fame' are up?
I don't believe in 15 minutes. I have a career and I don't foresee a career change any time soon.
why can you never be honest to yourself or anyone else?
I'm being honest with you right now.
were you abused as a child?
I've already said all I'm going to say about my childhood.
what model/make car do you drive?
Shut up.
Would you like to shit on my dick?
Fag.
7/22/2009 8:22 PM
The Real Tucker
Why do you refer to obvious fiction (badly written at that) as if it's the truth? Don't say otherwise, your stories have been proven as bullshit time and time again.
Also, why are you such a stupid jock faggot?
to whoever wrote that poem, i love it.
tugger really is 'the boy named sue'
hahaha
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Can you see why fanz turned haterz might be letdown by the Freestyle deal?
7/22/2009 8:26 PM
I don't understand why anyone would be let down by the deal. I dont' know how many times I have to explain to everyone that this distribution deal is great. That shouldn't matter anyway. YOU HAVE NO INVESTMENT IN THE MOVIE OTHER THAN WHAT YOU PAY TO SEE THE FILM AND THAT WON'T CHANGE BASED ON THIS DEAL. I can't make it any more clear than that and frankly, I'm tired of wasting time trying to explain it to you idiots.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ANY truth at all to Rudius Air, Rifle ranges, and food chains as was posted/pasted here?
7/22/2009 8:27 PM
There is a lot of misinformation out there. I don't want to pick through it now. I'm here to talk about the movie.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Can you see why fanz turned haterz might be letdown by the Freestyle deal?
7/22/2009 8:26 PM
I don't understand why anyone would be let down by the deal. I dont' know how many times I have to explain to everyone that this distribution deal is great. That shouldn't matter anyway. YOU HAVE NO INVESTMENT IN THE MOVIE OTHER THAN WHAT YOU PAY TO SEE THE FILM AND THAT WON'T CHANGE BASED ON THIS DEAL. I can't make it any more clear than that and frankly, I'm tired of wasting time trying to explain it to you idiots.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ANY truth at all to Rudius Air, Rifle ranges, and food chains as was posted/pasted here?
7/22/2009 8:27 PM
There is a lot of misinformation out there. I don't want to pick through it now. I'm here to talk about the movie.
The Real Tucker
Tucker, do you acknowledge or deny that you are, in some ways, a broken human being?
If so, do you think you're making progress toward being a better, healthier person with each passing day? (this is relevant to the topic of your success because you boast that your 'work' improves peoples' lives). Please don't cop out of answering this question by writing something like 'everyone's broken, nobody's perfect, we all have issues', etc.
If not, how do you justify your many misdeeds, which seem to go beyond those of a young person simply being young and naive, and seem instead to be extreme measures for attention, validation, etc.?
How do you justify referring to your past antics as examples of how to be the person you want to be? Wouldn't you agree that if everyone did those things, the world would quickly devolve into a sort of 'might makes right' bedlam state? How are these actions and deeds worthy of celebration? Don't you think that, rather than helping people be the best they can be, perhaps what you're ACTUALLY doing is encouraging people to give into their baser, lesser impulses instead of learning how to restrain themselves for the good of society?
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why do you refer to obvious fiction (badly written at that) as if it's the truth? Don't say otherwise, your stories have been proven as bullshit time and time again.
Also, why are you such a stupid jock faggot?
7/22/2009 8:33 PM
Look, I'm not here to defend my stories. Did you pay to read them? Were you entertained? That's where our relationship ends. That's where my responsibility to you, as a fan, ends. I'm not at your 24 hour service call.
The Real Tucker
Is it hard to accept the fact that you lobbied for a major distributor and got stuck with Freestyle?
Likewise, what is your favorite joke in the movie? Would it be "DON'T TAZE ME BRO!!!" or "Don't mess with Texas? FUCK THATTTTT DON'T MESS WITH TUCKER MAX!#@@@!"
Both really seem iconic, legendary, and never done before. No screenwriter could ever think of that shit. Revolutionary to the Max.
Why do you refer to your movie as art when it is in actuality no different from every fucking National Lampoon movie? You're catering a film to frat boys.
I think your film, however, will be considered "outsider art". You know, a slack jawed knuckle dragging moron takes his hand at screenwriting, I mean, that's pretty cool right? It'll be good in that "I can't believe a retard made it" sort of way. You're the Hasil Adkins of film, baby!
What's so fucking revolutionary about ANYTHING you're doing with your shit film? You're not doing anything different, you won't even be a footnote in film history.
Eat shit.
Tucker, I think it's you. Cool move. Stop in once a week. This is better than WWF.
Once I see the trailer I will make up my mind.
Don't you understand? It is such a paradigm busting revolutionary deal that it is the exact same distribution pattern that every other DIY disasterpiece Freestyle released got. Unless of course a film like Nobel Son brought the major studio system to its knees last year and no one noticed.
there's even a small chance that 'the real tucker' really is him; he hasn't answered a single fucking question honestly or in a straight forward manner.
here goes nothing,
why were you kicked off the film set and out of the editing suite ??
come on, be honest for once in ur life
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Is it hard to accept the fact that you lobbied for a major distributor and got stuck with Freestyle?
Likewise, what is your favorite joke in the movie? Would it be "DON'T TAZE ME BRO!!!" or "Don't mess with Texas? FUCK THATTTTT DON'T MESS WITH TUCKER MAX!#@@@!"
Both really seem iconic, legendary, and never done before. No screenwriter could ever think of that shit. Revolutionary to the Max.
7/22/2009 8:38 PM
I like "revolutionary to the max." Mind if I use it? Also, I've already said I'm not releasing the best jokes of the film. I want everyone to be surprised not like the other shit movies that give away the best jokes in the trailer. Are you idiots illiterate? I've side this 100 times.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why do you refer to your movie as art when it is in actuality no different from every fucking National Lampoon movie? You're catering a film to frat boys.
I think your film, however, will be considered "outsider art". You know, a slack jawed knuckle dragging moron takes his hand at screenwriting, I mean, that's pretty cool right? It'll be good in that "I can't believe a retard made it" sort of way. You're the Hasil Adkins of film, baby!
What's so fucking revolutionary about ANYTHING you're doing with your shit film? You're not doing anything different, you won't even be a footnote in film history.
Eat shit.
7/22/2009 8:39 PM
No thanks, I prefer non-digested food. My art is everything I do; not just the movie. I have a lot going on even if I don't let every idiot messageboard visitor in on the details of my life.
The Real Tucker
Tucker, when you fucked the midget, were your hands the same size as hers?
What about Elie Samaha?
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tucker, I think it's you. Cool move. Stop in once a week. This is better than WWF.
Once I see the trailer I will make up my mind.
7/22/2009 8:41 PM
See, that's all am I asking. I don't care if anyone likes me or hates me. Even though this movie is about me, it's not about ME, this is bigger than me. A lot of you keep calling me narcisstic but you are the ones who are focused on me 24-7. I blog about the movie, not about all of the boring details of my life.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't you understand? It is such a paradigm busting revolutionary deal that it is the exact same distribution pattern that every other DIY disasterpiece Freestyle released got. Unless of course a film like Nobel Son brought the major studio system to its knees last year and no one noticed.
7/22/2009 8:41 PM
Look, I don't expect you to understand if you haven't gone through the process. This was best for us. Maybe not best for everyone, but this was best for me and it's exactly what I had in mind all along. I feel lucky to have things work out this way. You'll see in the end that this was the right choice. I don't measure success in the same way the people on this board are trying to measure it. I measure success in that I have a movie, made about me, based on a book that I wrote and that's a big deal regardless of total box office.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tucker, I think it's you. Cool move. Stop in once a week. This is better than WWF.
Once I see the trailer I will make up my mind.
7/22/2009 8:41 PM
See, that's all am I asking. I don't care if anyone likes me or hates me. Even though this movie is about me, it's not about ME, this is bigger than me. A lot of you keep calling me narcisstic but you are the ones who are focused on me 24-7. I blog about the movie, not about all of the boring details of my life.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't you understand? It is such a paradigm busting revolutionary deal that it is the exact same distribution pattern that every other DIY disasterpiece Freestyle released got. Unless of course a film like Nobel Son brought the major studio system to its knees last year and no one noticed.
7/22/2009 8:41 PM
Look, I don't expect you to understand if you haven't gone through the process. This was best for us. Maybe not best for everyone, but this was best for me and it's exactly what I had in mind all along. I feel lucky to have things work out this way. You'll see in the end that this was the right choice. I don't measure success in the same way the people on this board are trying to measure it. I measure success in that I have a movie, made about me, based on a book that I wrote and that's a big deal regardless of total box office.
The Real Tucker
"I like "revolutionary to the max." Mind if I use it?"
Sure. Just make sure you properly cite the source. Specifically to Anonymous @ 8:38 PM or whenever the fuck I said it.
Oh, and I now want points on your film for its usage. I got my eye on a spiffy pair of socks.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
there's even a small chance that 'the real tucker' really is him; he hasn't answered a single fucking question honestly or in a straight forward manner.
I've answered every question. 30 minutes wasted answering stupid, repetitive questions.
here goes nothing,
why were you kicked off the film set and out of the editing suite ??
I don't know that "kicked off" is the right term. There were some creative differences but those happen during any artistic process. I don't feel that my experience was any different from any other film ever made. Christian Bale blew up at some of the crew and it made international news but it happens ALL the time. People with nothing better to do just waste time blowing things up when there's no substance to the mess.
come on, be honest for once in ur life
If you can't see just how honest I've been with everyone, that is your problem.
7/22/2009 8:41 PM
The Real Tucker
Tucker,
Did you really stalk Violent Acres after she said some unflattering (but rather hilarious) comments about you? Or did Ryan Holiday and that goon you hired do it of their own volition?
I'm giving Tucker 23,000 reps points for coming here and answering these questions. It's him.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
there's even a small chance that 'the real tucker' really is him; he hasn't answered a single fucking question honestly or in a straight forward manner.
I've answered every question. 30 minutes wasted answering stupid, repetitive questions.
here goes nothing,
why were you kicked off the film set and out of the editing suite ??
I don't know that "kicked off" is the right term. There were some creative differences but those happen during any artistic process. I don't feel that my experience was any different from any other film ever made. Christian Bale blew up at some of the crew and it made international news but it happens ALL the time. People with nothing better to do just waste time blowing things up when there's no substance to the mess.
come on, be honest for once in ur life
If you can't see just how honest I've been with everyone, that is your problem.
7/22/2009 8:41 PM
The Real Tucker
7/22/2009 8:50 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tucker,
Did you really stalk Violent Acres after she said some unflattering (but rather hilarious) comments about you? Or did Ryan Holiday and that goon you hired do it of their own volition?
7/22/2009 8:52 PM
Look, calling me a bad artist and calling me a criminal are two totally different things. I've been honest about my history with the law and it has never involved any charges dealing with women.
Draw your own conclusions.
The Real Tucker
Or 23,000 fail points the next time he goes back to his little board of sycophants and makes the very same outrageous claims that he now demurs from here.
Tucker, would you take a polygraph test regarding your stories? How great of a marketing thing would that be?
Tucker: Just for verification, would you care to post on your message board with the message "If God had a real name, it would be Tucker Max"?
It's only fair to verify we are speaking with the master of the hottest new comedy.
Or you could say "That Anonymous guy is a real fucking idiot" since you like to use that word so much.
Look, calling me a bad artist and calling me a criminal are two totally different things. I've been honest about my history with the law and it has never involved any charges dealing with women.
Tucker, I didn't aske if you were charged criminally. I asked if you hired someone to stalk her. If I were to draw my own conclusions, I would call you a thin skinned bully who tried to intimidate someone into silence after they skewered you on their blog. But I thought I'd give you the benefit of the doubt and just ask you honestly if you did it. So, did you hire someone to stalk her or not?
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tucker: Just for verification, would you care to post on your message board with the message "If God had a real name, it would be Tucker Max"?
It's only fair to verify we are speaking with the master of the hottest new comedy.
Or you could say "That Anonymous guy is a real fucking idiot" since you like to use that word so much.
7/22/2009 8:58 PM
Now, there's the real Tucker. Hi Tucker. Welcome, did you like my poem? I was afraid it was too cruel. I don't like to bring your family into it. I've even defended that before but in this instance, it was critical to the narrative of the story. I'd appreciate your critique.
Maybe you could email it to Zuckerman?
You know, if it actually is Tucker, props to him. I didn't expect it to ever happen and he seems like much less of a doucebag over here than on the RMMB.
" I measure success in that I have a movie, made about me, based on a book that I wrote and that's a big deal regardless of total box office."
You're right. That is pretty cool. Congratulations on that. But why isn't this your usual attitude? Why do you have to say stuff like revolutionary or paradigm-changing or whatnot? If it is, and you end up on top of the world, talk then. But bragging about things you've yet to accomplish does nothing but turn people off. (Again, it has nothing to do with jealousy or dick envy or anything. I honestly would not trade my life for yours. Not to knock your life, but I like the choices I've made and the path I'm on.)
Tucker: Just for verification, would you care to post on your message board with the message "If God had a real name, it would be Tucker Max"?
It's only fair to verify we are speaking with the master of the hottest new comedy.
Or you could say "That Anonymous guy is a real fucking idiot" since you like to use that word so much.
7/22/2009 8:58 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Look, calling me a bad artist and calling me a criminal are two totally different things. I've been honest about my history with the law and it has never involved any charges dealing with women.
Tucker, I didn't aske if you were charged criminally. I asked if you hired someone to stalk her. If I were to draw my own conclusions, I would call you a thin skinned bully who tried to intimidate someone into silence after they skewered you on their blog. But I thought I'd give you the benefit of the doubt and just ask you honestly if you did it. So, did you hire someone to stalk her or not?
7/22/2009 9:00 PM
Why answer if either way I lose?
I say she's unstable, you call me a liar and say I'm making excuses. I say she made it all up for attention and more blog hits, you say I'm a bully who can't admit to my mistakes.
It doesn't matter what happened because you aren't any of the asshole females (many before my site existed) who came into my life and went straight insane.
I have dated some nutcases; who hasn't?
Tucker: Just for verification, would you care to post on your message board with the message "If God had a real name, it would be Tucker Max"?
It's only fair to verify we are speaking with the master of the hottest new comedy.
Or you could say "That Anonymous guy is a real fucking idiot" since you like to use that word so much.
7/22/2009 8:58 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Look, calling me a bad artist and calling me a criminal are two totally different things. I've been honest about my history with the law and it has never involved any charges dealing with women.
Tucker, I didn't aske if you were charged criminally. I asked if you hired someone to stalk her. If I were to draw my own conclusions, I would call you a thin skinned bully who tried to intimidate someone into silence after they skewered you on their blog. But I thought I'd give you the benefit of the doubt and just ask you honestly if you did it. So, did you hire someone to stalk her or not?
7/22/2009 9:00 PM
Why answer if either way I lose?
I say she's unstable, you call me a liar and say I'm making excuses. I say she made it all up for attention and more blog hits, you say I'm a bully who can't admit to my mistakes.
It doesn't matter what happened because you aren't any of the asshole females (many before my site existed) who came into my life and went straight insane.
I have dated some nutcases; who hasn't?
The Real Tucker
Elie Samaha?
I say she made it all up for attention and more blog hits, you say I'm a bully who can't admit to my mistakes.
Uhhhh, I never saw her write a single word about you hiring someone to stalk her. But I DID see someone who was stalking her claim that you hired him to do it because you couldn't stand the fact that she called you out. Also, he said that before she started making fun of you, you and Donika were trying to talk her into writing for Rudius. Is that true as well?
Anonymous Anonymous said...
You know, if it actually is Tucker, props to him. I didn't expect it to ever happen and he seems like much less of a doucebag over here than on the RMMB.
" I measure success in that I have a movie, made about me, based on a book that I wrote and that's a big deal regardless of total box office."
You're right. That is pretty cool. Congratulations on that. But why isn't this your usual attitude? Why do you have to say stuff like revolutionary or paradigm-changing or whatnot? If it is, and you end up on top of the world, talk then. But bragging about things you've yet to accomplish does nothing but turn people off. (Again, it has nothing to do with jealousy or dick envy or anything. I honestly would not trade my life for yours. Not to knock your life, but I like the choices I've made and the path I'm on.)
7/22/2009 9:03 PM
Why do boxing promoters hype events? Why does Lindsay Lohan show her vag? Attention is attention.
Plus, that's another thing you guys don't get about this business. You think I talk things up but that is how the entire community talks.
Have you ever heard a project leader say anything but amazing things about their film? No, and you won't either. Even the worst piece of shit ever (my movie is NOT this) is hyped.
I believe in what I do and I want others to believe too, not because it's money in my pockets, but because I feel like if I enjoyed it, they might enjoy it too.
The Real Tucker
Well, isn't Lindsay Lohan now reduced to doing made-for-TV movies? Is that your endgame?
I might be wrong- I admit that I do not know much about the entertainment industry- but I just can't see James Cameron or Leonardo DiCaprio going on and on the way you have.
Tucker,
How do you define 'greatness'? I think this is relevant because you seem to think your 'work', including your movie, is objectively great.
PS I second the request- if you're the real Tucker, post something like "God haterz suck" on your own board.
So, by virtue of admitting you're a glorified hype man (albeit, one that is full of more shit than your typical hype man), will you continue to beat the line about creating real "honest lines of communications" with your fans? How about overcharging them for a ridiculous screening of a shitty indie film?
Tucker: Since you're trying to be honest, how true were the Gawker stories? Especially the screenplay snippets. Were they really fake as you claimed?
I agree with the other guy too. Please post something on your board to verify you're the real Tucker.
what about the Shreveport situation? You came across as a two-faced ass.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Well, isn't Lindsay Lohan now reduced to doing made-for-TV movies? Is that your endgame?
I don't see any shame in making a made-for-tv movie. It's working. I wanted to be on television first and I would consider myself lucky to get that opportunity again. I fully anticipate trying to work on the tv deal within a few years.
I might be wrong- I admit that I do not know much about the entertainment industry- but I just can't see James Cameron or Leonardo DiCaprio going on and on the way you have.
They are not cut from the same cloth. Every artist is different. I started out based on my life as art. I continue in that way. If Leo's entire career depended on his character in Titanic, he'd be running around with naked sketches of Bar to hand to agents in character.
7/22/2009 9:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tucker,
How do you define 'greatness'? I think this is relevant because you seem to think your 'work', including your movie, is objectively great.
7/22/2009 9:13 PM
Greatness is having the confidence to follow your own vision.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Well, isn't Lindsay Lohan now reduced to doing made-for-TV movies? Is that your endgame?
I don't see any shame in making a made-for-tv movie. It's working. I wanted to be on television first and I would consider myself lucky to get that opportunity again. I fully anticipate trying to work on the tv deal within a few years.
I might be wrong- I admit that I do not know much about the entertainment industry- but I just can't see James Cameron or Leonardo DiCaprio going on and on the way you have.
They are not cut from the same cloth. Every artist is different. I started out based on my life as art. I continue in that way. If Leo's entire career depended on his character in Titanic, he'd be running around with naked sketches of Bar to hand to agents in character.
7/22/2009 9:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tucker,
How do you define 'greatness'? I think this is relevant because you seem to think your 'work', including your movie, is objectively great.
7/22/2009 9:13 PM
Greatness is having the confidence to follow your own vision.
The Real Tucker
It isn't the real Tucker. If it was he wouldn't be inviting people to come to his board and ask the hard questions. Otherwise he might have to come clean about his constant overpromising and downright delusional claims. The real Tuck doesn't want that one bit.
The Real Tucker = Sean, or someone intelligent being paid by Sean
Tucker:
If you actually thought that your movie sucked, would you say so, or would you promote it anyway? Why would you expect anybody to believe anything you say when you have a history of spinning things to get your own way? Not saying that's bad, but if we can't separate Tucker the honest guy from Tucker the spin doctor, we just have to assume that you're always playing the role of spin doctor.
Did you really go around asking crew members things like, "What's it like working for a genius?"?
Who, besides "The Bunny," has mentioned the script as an Oscar contender? Is there any way this person can corroborate the claim?
The Real Tucker = Sean, or someone intelligent being paid by Sean
7/22/2009 9:18 PM
My thoughts exactly.
Tucker. Regarding your choice to do TV again, it begs the question: did you really call Jamie Tarses a cunt? If no, what's the real story behind the falling out of your TV deal?
Still curious why he won't address Elie Samaha. That is the magic bullet here. ;)
hmm, the attention whores tucker and lindsay; now theres an apt comparison if ever i saw one
Someone on a random message board (I think the LA times Oscar site) mentioned it in his signature. Tucker construed this a legit mention and somehow extrapolated that this anonymous poster was an "insider".
Tucker, I think your work is garbage (true or not), and that your success is the product of a western culture that is perilously close to destroying itself, which is why nonsense like your is celebrated. Having written that (and knowing that you don't care what I think about you anyways), some of your answers have been good and reasonable and even helpful. I give you props for coming here- if it's really you.
To that end, I ask you once again to post something on your messageboard confirming your appearance here. If it's NOT Tucker, then will the real Tucker please post something? (we know you read the blog) At least we'd know either way.
Thanks in advance!
I doubt Sean gives a fuck. Like Tucker said, 99.99999% of people who hear about the movie will never come here.
Tucker, your posts here are pretty intelligent, and you seem to enjoy hanging out here more than on your own board. Am I right?
These are coming too quickly to respond. I might have to check back in tomorrow. The format of these comments make it hard to catch up to everyone.
1. Gawker - their job is to make revenue based on gossip. They are a glorified, elitist TMZ. Out of date information, assumptions, and pure fallacy is the bread and butter of Gawker's posts concerning me.
2. I don't post anywhere on command. Who the hell do you people think you are to me? You are owed nothing. I'll post where and when I want to post. I have nothing to prove. I'm here to clarify not to subject myself to a set of your standards for passing.
3. Shreveport- contrary to what you believe, I don't post every email I get on my blog. Far from it. In fact, there were many emails from that area that were less than complimentary and what I wrote in my blog was true based on the responses I had received at that time.
The Real Tucker
I think i would actually respect Tucker less if this was the "real" McCoy. Imagine, lying through your teeth and posturing for an entire year, then dragging your tail between your legs when finally called to the carpet. Bush league.
"You are owed nothing. "
Come on man, it's not a demand or anything, post whatever the fuck you want as long as it's here first. Otherwise, we're all wasting our time, you (if you're an impostor) most of all.
While Gawker may be a glorified TMZesque tabloid, they still posted the real excerpts of the script. Their intellectual dishonesty doesn't make the screenplay any less odious.
I don't want to believe this is the real Tucker. I really don't. If it's him, I'm shocked by his level of obvious desperation.
Eh. He doesn't even have the common decency to verify that it's really him. Of course when we ask him to, he replies: "I'M NOT YOUR BITCH, FUCK YOU! BANNED!"
No, Tucker. Fuck you.
"These are coming too quickly to respond. I might have to check back in tomorrow. The format of these comments make it hard to catch up to everyone."
Based on this, I don't think it's him. This sentence is far too servile. I would believe it was Tucker if it were written thusly:
"I don't have enough dicks for alll the questions and shit you're throwing at me. Like, maybe if you dipshits are lucky, I'll come the fuck back next time I'm shithoused and shit. This format fucking sucks and is in need of a fucking revolution. Trust me."
Who would win in a fight; Charlie Hoehn or Ryan Holiday?
Who would win at Checkers; Jon Tando or Ben Corman?
Who would win in a drinking game; Nils Parker or Tucker Max?
I also like how "Tucker" wouldn't honestly answer the Gawker question. The person didn't ask how the fuck they operate. The person asked if what they posted about you was true. i.e. The script. "Yes" or "No" would suffice.
Apparently Boxofficemojo has IHTSBIH listed as expanding to Freestyle's version of wide on October the 16th (about 1800-2000 screens).
Yeah I agree, this "real tucker" is blatantly either a troll or a shitty, desperate, clumsy PR stunt.
No proof, No identification, No answers, just more of the usual bullshitting.
By the way, everyone here should post on imdb and let everyone know how awful the IHTSBIH trailer / movie is.
I want to see the trailer. Someone on IMDB said something about answering demo questions correctly?
Some fanboy come forward with the knowledge of how to view it.
Don't hold out on us. Why would Tucker want us to see it?
Tucker, if you are still here, why not share it with us?
The Real Tucker = Troll, trust me.
Trust me.
Tucker, did you really dine and dash at a Cracker Barrel or something?
Are you proud of that?
Andy Kaufman is dead. He's the only entertainer ever intelligent enough, willing enough (and able) to put on an act for years just to get a laugh at the expense of his audience.
With that in mind, nice to see they hired a lackey to come here and impersonate Tucker. At least some of BIH's PR budget is going towards putting out fires, and is not all being wasted at the track.
"With that in mind, nice to see they hired a lackey to come here and impersonate Tucker. At least some of BIH's PR budget is going towards putting out fires, and is not all being wasted at the track"
It failed.
What do you think of Baylor Law?
Viacom?
Tucker Max Fail.
Let's see if he cops the "Revolutionary to the Max" line. That'd be a good indicator it was him.
Tucker
I want you to admit that you write all your own fan mail and post it on your own board as if someone actually sent it to you.
And, um, don't give the wrong answer on this one. Your credibility is at stake.
This is beautiful. Burn an effigy.
-TDG
"Ever think that a fanboy or Tucker planted the survey just to see what's going on with the haterz?
Tracking stuff?? If it logs ip addresses he could compare those you are using to take the survey with ip addresses of your board posts.
Then, he knows which TMMB members are participating on the haterz boards."
Yeah, that's ingenious. I'm the TDG and I just logged into my RMMB address after I logged into that link. Fuck, I even posted in the last 6-12 hours.
Stop being paranoid and realize Tucker doesn't have that technical expertise. At least not since Luke left Rudius.
-TDG
What is beautiful TDG?
Also, Luke is back. He just left after the falling out and for personal reasons, stayed away for a bit.
Why is everyone forgetting the most pathetic people involved? The morons that love this idiot.
Bob Gosse: Still too Hijinxy.
Bunny: Busy being anal raped in rehab.
Nils: Groupie fanboy from the messageboard that had to beg for sex from girls PUBLICLY on the TMMB messageboard! Remember that one fatboy? One will be in my bed, one in tucker's? The desperate begging for vacation companions? We do.
It's all coming out now losers, quick, start editing!
This got lost in the Tucker emails. Who wrote this? TDG? Fake Story Tucker? It's good. Take credit.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Inspired by the summary of the trailer, whether real or fake, I had to throw a little something together...
'Twas the night before opening, when all through the bus
Tucker Max was bitching, and making a fuss;
The screenings were held but seats were not filled,
Despite the genius campaign; a film perfectly billed;
The fans had all promised to come out en mass,
After reading the fake book bio of his pastey ass;
So reality now looming, his mind went to work,
"Hey Nils, fake me an email you waterhead jerk."
He sat to blogging in anger, typing full force,
"It must be the haterz, it's their fault, of course",
He penned out a new blog, fabricating some wins,
"It's working as we planned, now the real fun begins."
"Just look at this letter, it came in today,"
"Dude, that movie was awesome, worth 3 times what we paid."
As he finished the sentence, a knock at the door,
He slid back the thin metal to see his fat whore.
She started to speak, "Let's go back to the bed.",
Tucker responded, "I fucked you already, get lost and drop dead."
Right past her he squeezed, hard pressing her rolls,
Laughing and asking, "were your parents bridge trolls?"
Past bus bunks he traveled, tapping tiny fingers to each face,
Get up, get moving, let's get the fuck out of this place.
More rapid than tweekers, each adult child got dressed,
Preparing carefully for an evening of making memories to repress;
"Now, Nils! now, Tando! now, Bunny and Mike!
Now stragglers, ass kissers, Bunny, you half dyke!
To the front of the bus! Go quick down the hall!
The club dj promised to soon spin some Paul Wall!"
So to the local dive bar, the posse did travel,
And with a mind full of tard rage, Tucker's behavior started to unravel.
The chatter was silenced by a sudden loud crash,
Tucker's group all went running in a quick coward's dash,
Standing by the place where the barstools did land,
Patrons saw bright blood flowing past Tucker's small hands.
When out of the crowd walked a man, so tall and so fly,
A random fella yelled out, "hey, it's The Deconstructor Guy."
He was dressed all in black from his tee to his flops,
"Go ahead Tucker, I dare you, call the damn cops;"
A prophecy fulfilled, he had broken Tucker's nose,
"You deserve that you asshole, this is the life you chose."
Tucker's eyes filled with tears, his heart filled with sad,
To his shock and amazement, TDG was his dad!
His droll little mouth was drawn down like a bow,
And the fat of his chin was red from blood flow;
The pain in his nose was dwarfed by the pain in his heart,
In that brief moment, Tucker remembered his art;
He started to smile through the tears and the blood,
And all of these emotions came out in a flood.
"Dad, I see you, you're here, you must really care,
It's ok that you hit me, I'm not mad, I swear;"
"Will you see my new movie? Wide release, 20 screens,
I promise, you'll love it, and be proud of me."
His dad kept on walking, not even turning his head,
"Son, there's no way in hell I'll be there, I'd rather be dead,"
The door closed behind him, the fans turned toward Tucker,
"I don't need you anyway, you limp dicked motherfucker;"
He turn to his busmates, "let's go back and get some rest,"
Inside he was now broken, his machismo put to the test.
In a last ditch attempt to woo fans ere he headed to the street,
He exclaimed, "Go see the movie blow up, IHTSBIH is damned sweet."
7/22/2009 8:26 PM
NILS PARKER IS A DOUCHEBAG Coming soon. and don't worry, we'll be sending hard copies to your parents and in-laws you fat fucking loser.
"First, if the Deconstronctionator guy actually turned out to be Tucker, I would be very impressed. But that isn't the case, because Tucker is too arrogant to make fun of himself."
Dude, seriously do you think Tucker is as witty and honest about his own work as I am?
If I were a Tucker fan I'd automatically say "I'm not a Tucker fan". Did you hear that from me? No. Wanna know why? Because Tucker fans are fucking retards who don't recognize the obvious. THAT IS WHY THEY ARE TUCKER FANS.
Jon Tando, case in point.
Nuff said. Stop running interference for these motherfucking douchebags.
-TDG
"This got lost in the Tucker emails. Who wrote this? TDG? Fake Story Tucker? It's good. Take credit."
Sorry dude, it's not me, I'd take credit for what I've actually written. I also give Tucker credit for writing the complete bullshit responses we've come accustomed to.
Thank you though for your thoughts.
-TDG
Update: Still no distribution deal.
and Neils is still fat as fuck.
Summary of tonight's events:
- Was it the real Tucker?
- That poem was funny as heck
- TDG is still the man, and I, for one, believe him when he says he's legit
- Tucker Max is still a liar and a douchebag
As far as the TDG and FTSG (Fake Tucker Story Guy) goes, he's much better of a writer as I am. I am but a simple wise ass, while he is witty, funny and copies Tucker's voice with almost no difference. Tell me, what's funnier, Tucker Max's last story or anything that the FTSG has written?
Guaranteed it's FTSG. He should be getting the book deals.
He's also a much better writer than Tucker is, while simutaneously writing BETTER WORK THAN TUCKER HAS WRITTEN SINCE 2004 IN TUCKER'S OWN VOICE.
Think about that for a moment. A guy who is taking 5 minutes out of his/her day to write in Tucker's "voice" is writing better and funnier work than a "NY Times Best Seller".
Fucking major props to FTSG from TDG. You win. Hands down. Your work is not only better than my own, it's funnier and is far more subtle than anything I or Tucker could imagine. Thank you for your work, it's pretty much the best thing on the internet imho.
I don't do this because of any accolades. I do it as a public service. I'm not sure of your motivations, but what I am sure of is the results.
-TDG
Props to TDG for being a standup guy. That last post was cool as hell.
^^^^^^^
Yeah, no doubt there, but also props to FTSG for his work. TDG is right, it's way funnier than anything Tucker Max has put out in years.
Great work TDG!
Ok everyone, start preparing your stories for NILS PARKER IS A DOUCHEBAG.
and none of the obvious, we all know he is a fat pathetic groupie tucker fanboy.
^^^^
Do you thing Nils Parker's parents and in-laws aren't already aware he is a fat fucking douchebag? That sounds like a massive waste of time to me.
TDG:
I previously wrote that I would be impressed if you were Tucker. Don't misunderstand me, I don't think Tuck is talanted enough to write what you write, or would take the time to post on here. That's why I said I would be impressed if that were the case. But I know that it's not.
Tell me, what's funnier, Tucker Max's last story or anything that the FTSG has written?
Guaranteed it's FTSG. He should be getting the book deals.
He's also a much better writer than Tucker is, while simutaneously writing BETTER WORK THAN TUCKER HAS WRITTEN SINCE 2004 IN TUCKER'S OWN VOICE.
Think about that for a moment. A guy who is taking 5 minutes out of his/her day to write in Tucker's "voice" is writing better and funnier work than a "NY Times Best Seller".
Fucking major props to FTSG from TDG.
-------------------------------------
Seriously, major props to FTSG. Easily the funniest shit on the net in a while.
I'm pretty sure it's Nils and Tucker trying to get us to write about Nils. No one else really cares.
"I previously wrote that I would be impressed if you were Tucker. Don't misunderstand me, "
I know dude, don't sweat it, it's all good.
-TDG
Ditto the props to FTSG and TDG for inspiring the poem. I wrote it and I'm neither of those people.
I'm just a chick with a headache who was playing around here until the throbbing ceased to throb.
Thanks for making that possible. This has been quite the entertaining set of exchanges tonight.
Ok, I've had it! This is Nils Parker's mom and he is a very nice boy! He has a thyroid problem and an addiction to cookies. LEAVE HIM ALONE!
I really don't give a fuck a bout you one way or another. I didn't find this comment section until a week or so ago. And the people who post here aren't losers either, so you should really stop that accusation. Internets is the favorable pastime for the majority of people nowadays. No different in getting your kicks here, your messageboard, or some shitty website with flash animations.
Anyway, what drawn me here was after looking at your movie blog. You seem like a MAJOR prick. Sure it's your persona, but reading your messageboard you couldn't be anymore arrogant and rude to the people who are (for some reason) big fans of your work. There's a difference in hyping your product and continuously repeating you're a movie maker and NY times best seller all while degrading the people actually interested in you. I mean, get real.
In my opinion the hatred for who is Tucker Max doesn't stem from jealousy or anything of the like, it stems because you're a fucking asshole. People love to support those who are humble, honest, and nice (obviously your "fame" came from the opposite of such, but you can at least be nice to your community of fanboys). On the flipside, we want to see stuck up asshole get their comeuppance and ultimately get joy from their inevitable failure.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ok, I've had it! This is Nils Parker's mom and he is a very nice boy! He has a thyroid problem and an addiction to cookies. LEAVE HIM ALONE!
7/22/2009 11:16 PM
Love it. Cookies. Classic.
^
Don't be mad at us Nil's MOM! You brought that fat no talent hanger-on into the world!
PS. You're fat too. and ugly.
Hmmm, 11:17, this isn't like Penthouse Letters to big TM or anything but we appreciate your frustrations.
We don't even know that Tucker reads here, for sure, so maybe your efforts would be better suited on the IMDB boards. We are fairly sure he reads that site.
Easy tiger, easy.
The Nils stuff smells of a Wahoo. I'm telling you. It's just a pathetic attempt at misdirection. You see it all the time in Tucker's sad, pathetic monologues.
11:21 I posted here a bit earlier and was under the impression the ask the real (fake) tucker max thing was still going on.
11:33, I was just giving you hell, things are a little slow here now
I'm pretty sure that was a troll, someone just riling up the board, maybe even a hater just trying to provoke Tucker
I don't see Tucker maintaining his articulation of ideas through multiple conversations!
11:22 Do not be concerned,
NILS PARKER IS A DOUCHEBAG is spinning off into its own blog so do not fret the distraction. Love the conspiracy theory though!
PSA: NILS PARKER IS A DOUCHEBAG Coming soon.
11:33, I was just giving you hell, things are a little slow here now
I'm pretty sure that was a troll, someone just riling up the board, maybe even a hater just trying to provoke Tucker
I don't see Tucker maintaining his articulation of ideas through multiple conversations!
7/22/2009 11:41 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
11:22 Do not be concerned,
NILS PARKER IS A DOUCHEBAG is spinning off into its own blog so do not fret the distraction. Love the conspiracy theory though!
PSA: NILS PARKER IS A DOUCHEBAG Coming soon.
7/22/2009 11:44 PM
Honeymoon over already new wifey?
There are people here who know Tucker, and those people (along with anyone who has read even a few of his rants) can see that that "The Real Tucker Max" is an obvious troll who doesn't think like Tucker, much less write like him, e.g. Tucker doesn't confront his legitimate critics (note the scriptreader "failed writer" commentary earlier).
However, if you are "the real" Tucker, answer the following questions (which the real Tucker could recite from memory easily - I will then verify).
1) What were your grades in Contracts and Torts?
2) What is the last letter of the last name of your friend who sent out a law-school wide email accusing enemies when he got a flat tire.
3) What are the initials of your shortest law school friend?
4) What is the first name of the 1L you briefly dated when you were a 2L, until she learned who The Real Tucker Max was and quickly retracted her interest.
Otherwise, let's stop this foolishness and get back to the good humor. And shame on anybody on this board who was duped...need a bridge?
^
Do not talk about me like that, I am Nil's wife and I AM FAST FRIENDS WITH KELLY LYNN PRATT. What are you? Some loser on a messageboard?
@11:55, are you Tucker?
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