The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,918 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 6601 – 6800 of 15918 Newer› Newest»Part II:
“and we will probably post it either next week (hopefully) or the week after.”
Or the week after or the week after… You got a problem with that? Fuck you, BANNED!!!
“-Poster: The one sheet is almost done, at this point it is at the semantics stage, which is still important.”
Sean still won’t let me put a picture of my cock on the top with the words: “A Tucker Max Production of a Tucker Max Film” and said that my face should suffice instead.
“I think this will be done and ready to go by the time the trailer is.”
Tucker, I get it, your film blog is revolutionary in that it’s revolutionizing minutia and boredom.
“-The Premiere Tour: The Tour is basically locked and dates are being booked as we speak.”
Yeah, but didn’t you “basically” get distribution from “cough cough Fox cough”?
“We should have everything booked by Friday, and the minute we book the last stop, I will post the official tour schedule so people can start planning.”
Yeah, I’m totally planning on going to a show so I can knock out Tucker Max, thanks for posting the dates douchebag, be seein’ you… soon.
You know, that’s a thought, that we all go to his shows and videotaping ourselves knocking out Tucker Max. We could all put it on YouTube and make a “greatest hits” video. It would be like Jackass, and would make it on TV way before Tucker’s TV show would.
Also, I double dare somebody to act like a raging asshole at one of his shows during the actual movie. Yell stuff, throw stuff at the screen (like pickles, ya know, for a race). Just act how the fictional Tucker Max would act and ruin the experience for everybody.
Then when you’re being kicked out, you can yell to the crowd:
“FUCK YOU IF YOU CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!!!”
I’m sure Tucker would appreciate that.
“-Tickets: Tickets WON'T go on sale immediately though.”
You mean Ticketmaster is not part of the revolution?
“We will do two things before tickets go on sale; post the green band trailer on the internet,”
Cuz you ain’t seein’ it in theaters.
“and get the new site up.”
Wait dude, if your movie site is so revolutionary, then why did you hire the same guys WHO DO ALL OF FREESTYLE’S WEBSITES????
Bunny, I know, it stings.
“Speaking of the new site...”
Yes, do tell Nancyboy.
“-New site: Carrot Creative hit a fucking home run with the site.”
Again, if your movie site (the one where I get these inane posts) was so revolutionary, why is there a Part 2?
“I expected a lot, and they exceeded my very high expectations.”
They shit on his dick.
Part III:
“It is awesome. Wait until you see it--it is the coolest movie site I've ever seen,”
Didn’t he say that about his original site? Okay, I’m definitely going to his movie to punch him in the face. Tucker, I’ll be the dude who is trailed by a dude with a videocamera.
I do have to say, they better have a game on the site where you play a videogame Tucker. In the game you have to run around and shit on people or things. Like Fat Asian Girls, Hotel Lobbys, and The Truth.
“because not only is it really sleek, but it is also very functional and useful. “
Oh, now I understand the new site since his own site is almost completely useless (save for the shit Tucker writes, which, with our additions magically become comedy gold.)
“I don't know how long until that is up, but it won't be long--it'll be up before the trailer is up or the tickets go on sale.”
Most likely this will happen because TUCKER ISN’T INVOLVED IN ANY OF THE LOGISTICS.
“-Something I wanted to address. I have gotten this question in some form or another like 10 times:”
Seriously, I fired off 10 of these things myself and kept count.
(I smell another bullshit Tucker written email kids, do you?)
“Hey dude I know you're busy so I'll keep it short:”
Smells like Tucker…
“Basically I have a terrific amount of confidence in your movie.”
Sounds like Tucker…
“How could I_buy stock in it if that's at all possible?”
You forgot to write “Sarr” in there Tucker.
Holy shit, this dude is gone.
“I have no idea on how to work_any of that stuff but if you could point me in the right direction that_would be awesome.”
Don’t worry, Tucker will seriously point you in the right direction on this one.
“Keep up the awesome work--you really deserve everything_that's coming to you.”
I agree, Tucker deserves everything coming to him.
Yep, this is Tucker Max. In typical Tucker fashion, he ends the email with a real positive. Seriously Tucker, the jig is up. Stop the emails for your own sake.
Part V:
“Short answer, no, long answer, maybe.”
With Tucker Max, there never is an easy answer to an easy question.
“For numerous reasons, both legal and logistical, I can not and will not offer any sort of way for people to bet on it or anything like that.”
You’re so altruistic.
“Believe me, I would LOVE to be able to sell options on this movie or even better,”
You could you fucking dolt, you just would have had to offer your readers a PPM (an individual investment in the film). I’m sure if you would have let your readers invest in the movie you would have come up with 2-3 hundred dollars.
“make a book, but it's just not going to happen.”
Why not Tucker? Weren’t you the one who was saying you would bet on the movie if you could? That the movie was going to make over 100 million dollars (very conservative) and beat this summer’s top grossing comedy? That was you, wasn’t it dude? Why chicken out now? I’d take that bet, and so would most members of your board.
“As to stock or some sort of crowdsourcing--that's a good idea in theory, but in practice it is a mess of legal shit and a ton of work and if you are going to do that,”
Yeah, too bad nobody in your camp has a J.D. Oh wait!!!
“BUT--there are a few ways for you to bet on, or against, this movie:”
DUDE, you just said: “I can not and will not offer any sort of way for people to bet on it or anything like that.” Do you not even reread any of your own posts? Are you that intellectually dishonest or do you think people are just that dumb.
BTW: Tucker wrote that email to touch upon this point; to drive his fans to the website to get the stocks active so it drives up the popularity and puts it in their main queue.
That’s what he’s come to. Writing emails to himself to drive his post to a place where people can help gain his movie exposure.
Success doth spoil Tucker Max.
-Hollywood Stock Exchange: This is a play money market where you can treat movie grosses like commodities and buy and sell them.
-Cantor Exchange: This is like HSX, but with REAL money. You have to apply for an account, but if you get approved, you deposit real money and buy or sell real options contracts and make or lose real money. I checked this thing out in beta and it looks cool and I think I may apply for an account here, after checking out the prices they have for some of these movies, it is obvious there are suckers on this exchange and money to be made here. Our movie isn't listed yet for trade, but I assume will be soon.
-InTrade: This is more of a betting site than an options trading site, and you have to start and make markets, but I am pretty sure you can "bet" on the movie here as well.
PROJECT HIJINKS HOMEWORK: Here’s the deal, these sites work both ways, so buy low on Tucker Max stock at these sites and drive the value of his film down so it’s buried. Project Hijinks needs your support.
Part VI:
“I guess that's it for this update. This next two weeks will be hectic,”
hectic and satisfying, right Tucker (wink).
“but all the real marketing materials are going to start coming out soon,”
I love it how Tucker admits his movie blog was a failure and that’s why he was forced to HIRE OUT.
Bunny, you are officially obsolete. Thank you, come again.
“and instead of this just being some abstract project of mine, it's going to start being very real. I am excited.”
Oh, it’s very real alright, as is Project Hijinks. I too am excited.
Fini
-TDG
“it tells you what the movie is about without giving any plot twists away,”
Tucker, unless the ending of this film is of the character of you coming out and saying you as a writer are a total fraud and a liar, there are no plot twists.
There’s barely a plot for crissakes.
---------------------------------------
Classic
Also, I double dare somebody to act like a raging asshole at one of his shows during the actual movie. Yell stuff, throw stuff at the screen (like pickles, ya know, for a race). Just act how the fictional Tucker Max would act and ruin the experience for everybody.
Then when you’re being kicked out, you can yell to the crowd:
“FUCK YOU IF YOU CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!!!”
I'm in. Who's with me?
I'm in. Who's with me?
Count me in. I'm also not going to pay to get in and cause a scene at the front of the line.
TDG, you're amazing. You've breathed new life into this blog. Activity is at an all-time high.
Also, I'm in on acting a fool at one of Fucker's premieres. If we get in legal trouble, we can just tell them we're 'applying our understanding of the second level of meaning of IHTSBIH- being the person we want to be, not who society tells us to be.'
“How could I_buy stock in it if that's at all possible?”
He's descending into self-parody
He's genuinely talking about selling shares in his movie; what a fucking cum-stain.
I think Tucker is a MAJOR contributor to Fmylife.com. Do you think Tucker and James Frey are friends?
On the subject of Troy Duffy. Boondock Saints is one of my favorite movies. But I can totally see how Tucker can be compared to Troy Duffy.
Tucker has removed my City from his Tour Schedule. He is coming to a city that is a few hours drive for me. I'm debating seriously about if it's worth my time to really cause a stir.
“As to stock or some sort of crowdsourcing--that's a good idea in theory, but in practice it is a mess of legal shit and a ton of work and if you are going to do that,”
Yeah, too bad nobody in your camp has a J.D. Oh wait!!!
___________
I know right. If Tucker has a BS in Economics from Chicago University (only one of the best business schools in the world) and a Law Degree from Duke...he should know how to do this stuff?
Oh wait, he mentioned the secret phrase "ton of work" that right there would scare Tucker.
PROJECT HIJINKS HOMEWORK
-Also- you can post comments about the movie on the HSX page. Let's all go there, sell it low as being a piece of garbage and then say this movie will amount to shit covered toilet paper.
How come nobody jumped on this troll:
"I'm actually looking forward to this trailer. It will be the first real indicator outside of Tucker's own version of the truth.'
Because nobody ever made a good trailer for a crappy movie.
"He said it's will be ready soon which makes me think August."
Well, he said in May that he would be releasing the details of distribution in a few days, so I think soon in this case will be after the actual movie is released. You certainly won't se it in any theaters.
"Not sure if I agree with his theory that the best jokes need to be kept out of the trailer."
IOW, there were so few good jokes they had to use them for the trailer.
"The trailer is you commercial for the movie. Make it funny and seductive to the viewer. The Hangover showed tons of jokes and is heading for 300 million."
A trailer is only a commercial if it is shown in a commercial outlet like a coming attractions at the theater or on TV. And you need to have "tons of jokes" in order to save some of them for the film.
"I downloaded the Hangover and thought it was funny, but it was nothing more than Dude. where's my car in Vegas."
Why do Tucker and his mods have to keep bashing the hangover. My guess is that when Tucker walked into distributors and told everyone that his film was groundbreaking and novel, they all said, Dude, Todd is coming out with a film just like this which is going to be a big hit. You're movie is going to look like a cheap imitation, we are not interested. Otherwise, why all the hate from the Tucker camp over The Hangover?
"I think once we see the trailer for IHTSBIH it will be time for us all to take a side on this bet."
Sure because Freestyle Releasing Distribution doesn't say it all. Its all about the trailer now, huh. Then why didn't Tucker get it done within a few weeks of the movie. I just saw a trailer IN THE THEATER for M. Nights film coming out next summer that stopped shooting a week ago. If a trailer was so important, why hasn't he been hitting the net for months with his killer trailer?
"Curious what Tucker has in store for his college tour regarding publicity stunts, paid protestors, morning zoo shows, date rapes, arrests.. There has to be something up his sleeve.'
Because Tucker is so clever and innovative. What Tucker has in store for his college tour is the same as he had in store for his book tour. A few hundred Tucker frat fan boys, and Tucker saying lame and idiotic things, a few fat girls to laugh at and poke fun at. HAHAHA! I wonder how many college theaters actually booked this abortion. And no, Tucker is not taking his lisping effeminate voice on any radio shows unless he wants to get pommeled. I hope he learned his lesson from O & A.
Please Tucker trolls. We don't disguise the hate, so don't disguise your gushing man love with alleged neutral posts promoting Tucker.
To TDG -
Does the website company that is promoting Tucker's movie really do all of Freestyle's movies???
The following is taken from a transcription of the first segment of this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LffxaDxM06M&feature=channel_page
IHTSBIH - How is this movie "different"?
Bob Gosse - Deconstructed (and no, I am not The Deconstructionist Guy - but he did inspire me)
"Well, from a directorial standpoint"
(the standpoint of a director with horrible judgment in deciding with whom to work)
"this is the first time that I've had to work in a larger collaboration with the people who created the narrative,"
(by which I mean this is the first time that I have had to deal with a primadonna douchebag whilst simultaneously trying to make a film)
"y'know, the screenplay, uh, Nils and Tucker wrote it, and Tucker virtually lived a lot of this stuff"
(Well, Nils wrote it, and Tucker plagiarised all of the new 'jokes'. Oh and virtually is the only way that Tucker lived any of this stuff, because none of it actually happened in the real world)
"and so I thought it was important to make sure that uh, we were all brought into the process together,"
(Actually, I would have preferred to work without the constant interference of a raging fucktard douchebag. Fuck you, Darko, for cursing me with Tucker)
"in a collective way, which is something I've never had to do before. Um, because it was I who brought the material to the financiers in the past and put the casting together, and did it all,"
(This time, I still did all of the real work. Tucker's incessant meddling just complicated things, but allowed him to claim that he was an integral part of this production)
"and it was all, um, sort of my voice, and it'll still be my own voice, but it will be an informed voice,"
(An informed voice that knowingly proclaims, "Tucker Max is a Douchebag!")
"a voice that's coming out with some authority because of how closely I worked with the guys who were responsible for the book, the website, and the screenplay."
(Translation: I've seen up close and personal just how much of a liar and a douchebag Tucker is, and we captured those salient aspects of Tucker's personality perfectly in this film)
"So on that level it's a lot different, there's no...Surprisingly, there's no, with regard to Tucker, there's a surprising lack of ego at work"
(I'm lying here because I'm a professional. Tucker's ego could fill the Grand Canyon twice.)
"with regard to the collaboration which is something that I was initially a little anxious about,"
(I paid lip-service to Tucker, and told him that I really valued his input, then ignored his suggestions, because they were retarded, and did what I needed to do anyway.)
"but as we went through the casting process, the more we worked on the script and talked about things, the more I saw it was going to be good, it was going to be easy,"
(but as we went through the casting process, the more we worked on the script and talked about things, the more I realized that Tucker is a clueless tool, and then I told Darko that they could have either a competent director or a lying douchebag running the show, and they decided to placate me by keeping Tucker from fucking with the actual process of producing a film as much as possible. Then I saw it was going to be good, it was going to be easy)
"and as a result of the collaboration, I think we've elevated the material,"
(Our shit jokes are refined and nuanced. We've elevated the shit joke into high art.)
"hopefully that elevates the finished product as a movie."
(My directorial career is over, isn't it?)
Did Tucker mention how many people are going on tour with him yet? I know so far he said it will be Tucker, Nils, Bill Dawes, Silly Little Freak (Jon Tando), The Bunny, Ryan Holiday, Benson and Mark Ebner (second half of the tour)
That's eight people on one bus. Eight people using one small bathroom. Would you use the bathroom after Nils or Ebner purged their bowels of six pounds of steaming Dennys?
Tucker will obviously get the large bedroom in the back of the bus like Dane Cook did on Tourgasm. The rest of the guys will sleep in the small coffin beds along the hallway wall and on the couch.
Where are they stashing the 30,000 swag bags? Maybe Kung Fu Mike can follow them in a u-haul? I'm not being a jerk here. This is a serious logistical question. How do 8 grownups and 30,000 swag bags fit in a tourbus?
Dude, have you seen that picture on his site of the massive turd 'the bunny' did in his toilet one time?!
Apparently constant ass-poundings and schizophrenia meds makes people shit like elephants.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/2398564503/in/set-72157605834204363/
Fuck living on a bus with that.
This guy over at IMDB has this whole thing pegged--
" He was talking about Freestyle when he said DIY in his earlier post. That is what Freestyle is, a DIY distributor for independent movie makers. What happened is that a major, probably Fox bought the DVD rights and wasn't interested in a theatrical release. So he sold the DVD rights to Fox, probably for crappy terms, and they laughed, sure, you can keep the theatrical rights, but we are going to release this DVD in December so whatever you can do before then, get it done. And Fox, being Fox, isn't going to help promote the theatrical release because they don't make any money from it, and it might cannibalize DVD sales. Then the theatrical release essentially became orphaned. IOW, a distributor can't even say, well, we will probably lose some money at the theaters, but we will make it up in DVD sales (or PPV), and can still turn a profit. So everybody's prediction that this was a straight to DVD film was true. But Tucker, like a lot of other deluded film makers said, I am going to find a way to get this into the theaters anyway, which is where the sharks at Freestyle come in.
Freestyle says, "Tucker, we can get this movie into theaters, but here is the deal structure, which says Freestyle takes no risks, Tucker pays a specific fee per screen, Tucker pays for the prints, but there is really no scenario where anybody but Freestyle makes money." But Tucker has no choice because the majors have already shot him down, and he needs for it to go to theaters to feed his own ego.
There is an easy answer to your question as to whether there is a remote possibility that people choose to go DIY (Freestyle) over the standard route; and Tucker noted it in his blog, "it is almost never successful." Experienced producers/directors can see a hit on their hands as well. If DIY is so great, why doesn't everybody do it? And the answer is because it is never successful. They make more money jumping into bed with the studios and their distributors than facing the cold harsh wilderness on their own and trying to get more points on a film that won't have any industry backing or promotion. The Yaris bucked the man with independent distribution, and basically started Freestyle's predecessor. They are bankrupt.
Yes, Tucker is that delusional. IF his stories are true, then Tucker is a sociopath. Are you wondering whether a sociopath will lie even in the face of contrary evidence? In the more likely event that he is just a pathological liar, well then he is incapable of even discerning the difference between truth and falsity. See there is no middle ground with Tucker. Read his stories. If he is capable of doing the things he says he has done, then how much of a stretch is it for him to lie about a movie project. It is always all about Tucker. When the reckoning comes, (like when he didn't get distribution) he will have another spin on it. When the film bombs at the box office, you will see Tucker spin it that he locked up this great DVD deal and that it was always his plan to take a dive at the box office because DVDs are where the money is at. And fan boys like you will be then posting ridiculous message board posts about what a genius he was to put his marketing efforts into DVDS. "
So Fox actually is doing the DVD release? And Tucker's "cough cough FOX" wasn't a total lie? I had gotten the impression they were completely uninvolved.
An entire DVD package costs anywhere from 20 to 30 CENTS to manufacture. The profit margin is huge. IHTSBIH is the perfect DVD movie. FOX will make millions and depending on the Deal, the finance people (Darko) stand to make all their money back.
A film print for theatrical release is between 2 to 3 THOUSAND.
Warner Brothers released The Hangover--a film IHTSBIH will easily beat--on 3,545 screens. That costs them close to $9,000,000 just for prints. Advertising alone was probably double that number.
The Hangover is two days away from crossing the $300,000,000 mark. It will cross the $100,000,000 mark in Foreign next week. That's because as Tucker explained "American comedies don't do well overseas."
So yeah, FOX took no risk in grabbing the DVD release.
IHTSBIH went straight to video as all distributors passed on the film because they would lose money.
Tucker feels very strongly that the film deserves a theatrical release so that's why they bought a distributor. Darko is PAYING a distributor to help them book theaters to show IHTSBIH. All other films get PAID by a distributor.
Is that clear?
can you prove hes a fake a liar? thats what really pisses me off i mean no one can prove hes telling the truth but at the same time can anybody prove hes lying? and if you can please tell me id like to know
Aside from Bunny's giant brown ropes, tucker doesn't flush. And don't forget the fat/drunk skank he's going to fucking daily. Chances are, more than a few will blow chunks.
Dear 2:34 PM.
Can you prove you're not an idiot?
Mace cans do not explode from having sex on them. It's NOT POSSIBLE. Ergo Tucker is a liar.
Q.E.D.
the 4:11pm post should become a meme.
E.G.:
A donut store owner would always file a police report if a motor vehicle was crashed into their store causing damage to the building and shattering the glass storefront. It's NOT POSSIBLE (that a police report of the event wouldn't exist). Ergo, Tucker is a liar.
Q.E.D.
Tucker claims that the video camera used to film buftsexth was an old VHS camera, which he described on Opie & Anthony as "the kind where you put the tape in" (not to be confused with video cameras where you leave the tape out)... so in order for the tape to have accidentally broken, it would have to have been accidentally ejected and accidentally physically removed from the camera. That's a lot of accidental work. To wit, Tucker is a gay liar.
QED
Just to further prove he's a liar on the donut shop story (like we really need to):
When the owner of the "donut shop" got to work the next day and found his shop smashed to shit, he would HAVE to call the police.
Why?
Because if he wants to file a claim with his insurance company to have his shop fixed (I'm guessing $20,000 minimum?), the first thing the insurance company would ask for is THE FUCKING POLICE REPORT.
Duh.
So not only would you have to be dumb enough to assume the shop owner didn't call the police, but on top of that, you'd have to be dumb enough to assume the shop owner came in the next day, shrugged his shoulders and said "Well, I guess I'll just pay for this out of my own pocket."
I work in the insurance biz so I know that shit works.
Tucker is the okra in my poo.
Upon reading the scriptreader`s comments I came across this gem:
`I don’t even think this film gets distributed. The script is that bad and doesn’t have enough of a cast to warrant distributors pressing DVD’s of a really bad movie with a bunch of no-names. At best Tucker goes college to college and gets it shown for students. It’s pretty much what Troy Duffy did, and Tucker is nothing more than a poor man’s Troy Duffy.`
Wow, this guy called it ONE YEAR AGO.
I think that what really makes Tucker's artwork stand out is its depth. When we read that he drank a lot of alcohol and had sex with a young woman, what we're REALLY reading is his own subtle exploration of the fragility of life as 'ding an sich' and man's ever-present struggle to control his perception and his peers. When we, along with Tucker, go to the bathroom in a hotel lobby, what we are really doing is all-at-once lamenting the intangible shackles of our own humanity, and celebrating the power each of us has to truly be human, even in the most sterile and unforgiving of environments.
Yes, friends, time will surely venerate Tucker Max's poignant, beautiful artistry to the lofty heights of such creators as Chaucer, Mozart, Caravaggio, and Paganini, and human society will truly be better for it.
Syke. Tucker Max is a liar and a douchebag. And a doucebag.
^^^^
I never thought about it that way. Tucker's quick wit to those unfortunate he meets on his journeys are actually benevolent words meant to awaken the True Mind as done by Zen masters of old.
We are truly seeing the dawn of an enlightened era.
"When the owner of the "donut shop" got to work the next day and found his shop smashed to shit, he would HAVE to call the police."
Well, not to mention the timing. He claims this happened around 5AM, when all donut shops are already staffed for the day.
Donut shops make all their money in the morning, as such they open early (around 6am, or even 5am in many cases) in order to have fresh donuts workers have been in there for hours already preparing supplies and other things.
I'm quite sure they would have been interested in a loud crash thru the front and finding a car inside the store.
i like donuts
GIEV DONUTS PLZ
Keep thinking about donuts!
TADguy
me donut
ME DONUT
Me -:>? donut
1. Think about donuts.
2. ??????????????????
3. Profit!!!
The Tucker Max business plan
Tucker Max fucks donuts and then brags about it.
Tucker loves to portray people who hate him as simply being envious of him and his lifestyle. You have to be a sad type of person who simply can't handle it that someone has "made it" , to hate tucker max. It eats you up that you aren't as famous as tucker max ! That's how sophisticated it is...we're envious of his success.
I was thinking about how hateful and envious I am that I berate all of those who are sucessful while I was clicking 100% on rotten tomatoes for the bruno movie (which I haven't even seen yet)today. You see , I'm a total fan boy of sasha cohen and wish him and his brand of smart , ascerbic , dark offensive humour to suceed and become a popular part of culture.
So I thought well ...you know...Sasha Cohen is a pretty sucesful guy. A cult tv show. Two highly grossing hollywood movies that sliced into popular culture in Ali-G and Borat. One could almost argue thatin comparisson Tucker Max with his little book of penhouse letters mixed with poop jokes is actually....how does one put it.....oh yes...a douchebag.
No, Tucker you cock munching brain dead fart muzzle. I could provide a massive list of actual , real celebrities whose work that I like, support that would never waste a second of my time wishing failure on them. It's something specifically, special about you I don't like and here's the kicker.
These real celebrities are short on self promotion and long on talent. You sir are so long on self adoration that you're head is permanently in your lap, and so short on talent I wouldn't even wipe my arse with you book in case I made it more full of shit.
And I don't hate you because you're an asshole....it takes one to know one....you're not an asshole. I could respect an asshole. You're a blowhard, softcock douchebag and have been since the first day you started calling yourself a artist and revolutionary. Fuck off with that gay shit.
"One could almost argue thatin comparisson Tucker Max with his little book of penhouse letters mixed with poop jokes"
As Tucker would say: Exactly. Except I would argue that it is a little book of poop jokes mixed in with some penthouse letters.
"Sep 19--TRAVEL/REST DAY
Sep 20--Tempe, AZ (ASU)
Sep 21--San Diego, CA
Sep 22--San Francisco, CA
Sep 23--Los Angeles, CA
Sep 24--Press Day in LA
Sep 25--Release
In one of the smartest decisions of the tour the gang will show the movie in San Diego on 9/21, then drive 8 hours up the coast to show the movie in San Francisco the next day before turning around and driving back down the coast 6 hours to return to Los Angeles.
This trip seems very well thought out and I'm sure it will be executed with professionalism and integrity."
Who planned this schedule? Seriously.
http://collegecandy.com/2009/06/09/tucker-max-is-the-bane-of-my-existence/
Tucker thinkgs we all hate him because we`re all secretly jealous of him. Well I am jealous of Zach Braff but I don`t hate him. Why can`t Tucker be more like Zach Braff? Seriously, Zach Braff is awesome.
"Sep 20--Tempe, AZ (ASU)
Sep 21--San Diego, CA
Sep 22--San Francisco, CA
Sep 23--Los Angeles, CA
Sep 24--Press Day in LA
Sep 25--Release
In one of the smartest decisions of the tour the gang will show the movie in San Diego on 9/21, then drive 8 hours up the coast to show the movie in San Francisco the next day before turning around and driving back down the coast 6 hours to return to Los Angeles."
You're forgetting that the trip from Tempe to SD can take 6 plus hours, at least 7 if the bus catches any traffic. So, he shows the movie until ten or 11 in AZ, they grab a bite or drink, then the bus leaves and he hits rush hour traffic in SD. SO, yes, the trip contemplates 21 hours of driving in 3 days under the best of conditions. And we are talking about the most congested metro areas in California, which are the most congested traffic conditions in the country where 3-4 hour backups are routine for 40 mile stretches. I assume that they will be traveling with the film print cans, so these theater owners are going to love them arriving just before the show with their cans, and they packing and taking them right after. Talk about Amateur hour.
Todd followed the same schedule promoting The Hangover!!
What if Nils mistakes the film canisters for PRINGLES canisters.
There are so many things that can go wrong at this point.
FYI, the bus will travel at night and arrive in each city by morning. Plenty of time for press, appearings, meet and greets. Nice try.
"FYI, the bus will travel at night and arrive in each city by morning. Plenty of time for press, appearings, meet and greets. Nice try."
I guess you are not using an ICC driver because this type of trip would clearly violate ICC regulations concerning driving and rest time for bus drivers in interstate commerece. I guess the geniuses in Tucker's brain trust never thought to check the federal regs. Is the driver going to falsify his log book? That would be too funny and crazy!
And given Tucker lost or damaged the video from the butseth story, how can he be assured that the same thing won't happen to the film canisters on the bus? And, I hope Tucker won't be driving, or none of the donut shops on the west coast will be safe. Given that the Embassy Suites chain is now owned and part of the Hilton Family of Hotels, how are you managing to book hotels since it strikes the ES, Hilton, Hampton, Doubletree and other related hotels off the list as well? I'm sure that they would have that ban in their reservation system. Will Tucker be shitting in any of the lobbies during the tour? Will Tucker be attending any sushi-lingerie parties as part of the bus tour? Are midgets staying at any of the locations on the tour? If Tucker has to travel through O'Hare or any other airports, will his past history of smuggling a starter's pistol through security affect his ability to travel?
Where can I meet this wild and crazy bus when it comes into its stops? What press will be appearing at Tucker's "meet & greets?
But I would check those motor regs Einstein, because you are going to need multiple drivers for this magical mystery tour.
TUCKER LOSES A FILM REEL HILARITY ENSUES
(After one of the film reels gets damaged and Tucker can't get a replacement reel in time, he tells a sold out San Diego crowd the following)
"Okay, check this shit out. The average film is spooled on like six separate film reels and shit. About twenty minutes each, give or take; I'm not a fucking projectionist. Well last night after leaving Arizona, which is a cool place but hot as shit, and those fucker don't party like you fuckers in SD!"
CHEERS FROM CROWD
"Anyways, last night the fifth reel of the film got destroyed. But here's the funny part. I FUCKING DESTROYED IT. Well, not me, but a motherfucking Tiger."
CROWD GOES NUTS
"Serious, this is true story. Last night we got to SD early, like 2:30am. The whole way here Nils, Dawes, Tando and I were doing shots of moonshine. Like 40 or 50 shots each. We're full-on buzzed and looking for some fun. Then I remember there's a Naval base down here in SD. Holy shit, I said 'I should call up a few Navy SEAL friends I know.' BAD. IDEA."
CROWD LAUGHS
"By 3:00am my SEAL buddies BroHawk, Mondo and Terror meet us in a parking lot. They didn't come empty handed. They brought a Howitzer machine gun. If you're not familiar with the power of a Howitzer let me explain. Ten seconds of rapid fire from a fucking Howitzer can turn an entire Iraqi Wedding party into two thousand pounds of ground beef and shit."
CROWD ERUPTS WITH EXPLOSIVE APPLAUSE, A FEW BOOS
"Calm the fuck down, they're Iraqis NOT humans"
GUYS IN TANK TOPS AND FLIP FLOPS ARE NOW ROLLING IN THE AISLES
"Fuck, I haven't even told you motherfuckers the best part of the story. Shit. so we spent the next hour drinking beers and shooting out every motherfucking street lamp in a two mile radius. The cops were called and we took off in the tour bus. Since I was fairly drunk I knew the best thing for me to do was, well, drive the mother fucking bus!"
CROWD JUMPS UP AND DOWN WITH HOOTS
"Problem is, I couldn't figure out how to work the fucking air conditioner. So now it's like 100 degrees in the tour bus and I'm doing like 80-90 mph. To where? Who the fuck knows? Anyways, since everyone is sweating and shit, people started taking off their shirts and shit. I look in the mirror and I catch my Navy SEAL buddy Terror's reflection. He is shirtless, sweating and cut like a motherfucker. Full on six pack, nice round pecks, shoulders to die for."
GIRLS IN THE CROWD SQEAL
"At this point I'm no longer looking at the road. I'm looking at Terror's fucking chest and thinking about running back there and sucking and licking his nipples. Damn, dude has a better body than me motherfucker."
CROWD GOES SILENT
"Shit. I don't have notes. Where the fuck was I again?"
GUY IN CROWD "YOU WERE ABOUT TO GO GAY"
"Gay? Motherfucker, I've pleased more pussy than Purina Cat Chow!"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH LAUGHTER
"So I'm driving the fucking bus down the road when I see a sign. A sign from God. It reads: SAN DIEGO ZOO. 'Guess where we’re going motherfuckers' I yelled to the boys. So a few minutes later we're in the zoo parking lot. Obviously it's closed. Closed to the public that is, but not Tucker Fucking Max!"
STANDING OVATION WITH TWO MINUTES OF APPLAUSE
(TO BE CONTINUED)
Justin Timberlake as Tucker Max? - April 10, 2008 11:33 AM (Deconstructed)
Where we find out that Tucker CAN be bullyed by bigger name celebrities and comes up with lame excuses as well.
“We had our first major disagreement among the producers and director last week.”
Tucker was pissed he couldn’t play himself.
“It started with this phone call:”
Bullshit motherfucker!! It all started at your abortion!!
“Director "Tucker, I have an idea, let me run this by you. Now, stay calm when I say it, and hear me out, because I know your first reaction will be negative.”
I know this because it’s a really good idea, which means Tucker will hate it.
Au contraire Mr. Gosse, you are about to be treated to the witty craftsmanship that is Tucker Max. He’s like a modern day Oscar Wilde (minus the homo stuff).
TM "Me blow up over nothing? Never."
Or not.
Dir "OK, one of my best friends just cast this guy in a movie, and has the highest praise for him. I am pretty sure we can get to him, but I want to see what you think about this before I even try: Justin Timberlake to play Tucker Max."
Okay, take this moment in stride. Justin Timberlake isn’t really a box office draw, but he couldn’t hurt. He hasn’t had that one standout role yet, but that doesn’t mean that young girls (and gay guys) won’t go out of their way to support him. In a 6 million dollar movie you need what you can get and it definitely would get him some extra DVD’s pressed in the event of a total disaster. So what does experienced producer and Duke graduate say?
TM "Nope. Nope. Never. End of conversation."
Remember, this is a collaborative effort.
“Dir "Now listen, hear me out..."
TheDirector went on to list all sorts of reasons we should consider Justin Timberlake; he is an underrated actor, he gets comedy, he is a huge PR draw, he is a cool guy in real life that would get along with me, etc, etc. I listened, and then said one thing:”
I’m sure Bob could only get the script into Justin’s hands. But even that is a big deal. People want to WORK WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. They could have gotten 2 bigger names to surround JT with and probably wouldn’t have to had to pay them their full rate. Even so, this is a pretty shrewd move by Bob Gosse and anybody with half a mind would at least see this through, even if it’s to be used later as LEVERAGE TO GET AN EVEN BIGGER NAME THEN JT.
Part II:
“Tucker "Let's assume everything you said is true--he's a great actor, he could nail the part, he would be available, he would want to do it, etc--even if all that is true, you forgot to add the crucial thing: He's the biggest pop star in the world. No matter what he does in that role, he will never be Tucker Max, because he is already Justin Timberlake. He'll always be Justin Timberlake. “
Here’s what I think. If this story is true, then Tucker probably realized that Justin Timberlake is WAY TOO BIG to work with. You see, it’s “The Tucker Max Show” here, and he couldn’t have somebody with a much higher Q rating then he has (which is very low). Also, Justin Timberlake doesn’t need Tucker, and Tucker knows this. If Tucker started some bullshit on set and JT told him to shut the fuck up, Tucker would be left nowhere.
“We need an actor that will become Tucker Max. That will occupy this role and become who the public sees as 'Tucker Max' and for the rest of his life be known as Tucker Max. That role is so big and so defining and so new, we have to have a nobody--someone without any baggage from any other roles--come in and make it his own and become Tucker Max. Justin Timberlake can't do that because he will never be anything but Justin Timberlake."”
Yeah, I’m totally going to sucker punch Tucker at one of his movies. I have to at this point, and I’m sure if the cops and lawyers read this last paragraph from Tucker I not only would walk off scot-free, but I’d get some sort of blurb in the newspaper about how awesome I am.
What’s so new about Tucker Max, the movie role? Nothing really, it’s like you just took Steff from Pretty in Pink and wrote a movie with him as the star, except that in the end Molly Ringwald kills herself because of his constant teasing and he gets a bro hug at the end. That’s exactly who Tucker Max is, if this role is new it’s that most of the time guys like Tucker are the antagonist, even though in this film he’s still basically the antagonist. There’s nothing new or original about this role, and my bet is that even if the movie does reasonably well, Matt Czuchry will not be around for Part 2.
“We went back and forth for another ten minutes, but TheDirector got it pretty quickly and understood my point. It took at least another hour to explain it to TheProducer, and she still could not understand why we wouldn't want someone as big as him in the role. I couldn't understand why she didn't understand why Justin Timberlake was the single WORST pick to play Tucker. As smart as she is, sometimes she just can't shake the bad studio habits and thought processes. But it's OK, because in the end I make the calls, and I told TheDirector to not go out to JT.”
Yep, this movie was destined to fail. I don’t even blame Tucker for this, I blame Darko. Did they not see this coming? Darko has to be some of the most spineless fucks in the movie business.
I’d love to have been on that conversation with their investors:
Investor: So who are we going to cast in the movie? I heard that Justin Timberlake might be interested. That's great, it should guarantee our foreign markets being bought out before the cameras even roll.
Darko: Um, well, we decided to go in a different direction.
Investor: Oh, you mean you got a BIGGER name?
Darko: Not quite, the writer wants somebody people haven’t really seen before in a lead role to build around.
Investor: Say what?
Darko: Tucker decided to not even get the script to Justin…
Investor: No you loathsome fuck, it was a rhetorical question. Couldn’t you override his decision.
Darko: Unfortunately no, he’s got casting approval.
Investor: So you gave a guy with no prior experience in film the final casting approval with my 5 million dollars?
Darko: Well, it’s not…
Investor: IT WAS ANOTHER RHETORICAL QUESTION YOU CUM DUMPSTER!!!!
Part III:
“This is PERFECT example of why I did this movie as an indie”
Hey Tucker, you want a perfect example of why you did this as an indie?
It’s the sound of a phone being hung up on the other end. Nobody would work with you, not the agencies, not the management, not the studios. Nobody. This was your only shot.
“because this is how movies get ruined.”
Movies get ruined for a lot of reasons, in this case I’d say the reason is Tucker Max.
“A great script starts down the development path, and some executive gets a hair up their ass about some stupid idea, and all of a sudden Justin Timberlake is attached to play Tucker Max, and the whole fucking thing becomes a disaster.”
Hahahaha, Tucker, that’s the closest you got for this movie to be attached to a studio, by a hypothetical, because in reality…
“If we were at a studio right now, and this decision was made over my objections...I would kill a motherfucker. “
Shut up you small-handed pussy. You wouldn’t do shit except maybe have somebody else choke out an assistant because you’re afraid to take a punch. The tough guy routine means shit.
Here, I'll call you on it. Your script sucks, you're a fucking hack and I think you're a pussy. I'll say as much at one of your shows. You have nothing but fans around you and I bet you don't do jack shit. I'll even spit in your face, just so you don't have to lie and say you didn't throw the first punch.
You'll back down, I guarantee it. So cut the tough guy act you fucking pussy.
“I am not kidding. I have an anger problem,”
You also have talent problems.
That coupled with the fact that you’re a total pussy means you need to be in your bubble.
“and some fucking shortsighted suit who has no creative sense ruining my movie and shitting all over my name and my life because he wants to cover his ass to his boss by casting a big name despite the fact that he's completely wrong for the role--that's a stabbing. I can deal with a situation where I fuck up. I can't live with someone else ruining my work.”
Dude, do yourself a favor then and stab yourself. Be a man of your word for once, because only you ruined your own work.
-TDG
I call bullshit. By name dropping Justin Timberlake, Tucker had two motives:
1) "See how big we are? We just turned down Justin Timberlake." It's crap like that that make the Tucker fan boys believe that they are getting in on the ground floor of something huge.
2) "Don't expect a name actor, because no one well-known can play Tucker Max." In other words, he's lowering the expectations as no major star is bother auditioning.
Think about it: Justin Timberlake is no less faggy than Matt Czuchry, who looks wimpy and effeminate. Therefore, go with the name that will draw crowds. Who does Tucker think he's fooling?
^^^^^^^^^^^
It also masks the fact that no agency would let their client even read Tucker's script.
Somewhere in Hollywood, Jamie Tarses sleeps well with the head of Tucker's career sitting in her closet.
This whole sordid mess makes me feel bad for the Tucker fanboys. As more facts are revealed about Tucker, his existence seems more and more pathetic. Sure, he's making money from his "empire" but he's clearly not rich and is in no danger of becoming rich anytime soon. Sure, he's getting laid and has had many past sexcapades, but it doesn't seem to have helped him become less of a douchebag or brought him any lasting happiness. Sure, he's produced a film that will be released to theaters very soon, but it should be obvious by now that "IHTSBIH: The Movie" is basically a vanity project that Tucker has to leverage any way he can in order to make money off of it. I used to hate Tucker, but now I regard him with morbid curiosity. I cannot even muster up the energy to hate such a small, self-deluded person.
But the fanboys...the fanboys are pitiable. How can they revere such a pathetic, pompous ass? It must take great willpower to ignore all evidence to the contrary, rejecting even your own common sense, and cast your lot with a red-assed baboon like T.Max.
It's gotten to the point where I'm actually excited to see the movie (via BitTorrent, of course). I'm not expecting high art, mind you. But after all the talk of deep meaning and hijinx and Matt Whocry vs. Jessica Bradford, I need to see the real thing to have some closure. At least until the box office returns are tallied and Tucker has to explain why he succeeded even though his movie lost money.
Yo, I found yo faggotass "blog". WTF assholes, I'm here, so now whatchyagonna do.
Any of you faggos take a swing at Tucker, I'm gonna git his back and blow you with my glock, got dat bitch!!! LOL, you know wha, I mite do it aywayz.
Haterz drool, Tucker ruls!!!
guy above
Yeah. All of Tucker's fans carry glocks. They are very a very tough crowd. Very tough.
"I'm gonna git his back and blow you"
Okay, I'm definitely not going to hit Tucker now. I draw the line at getting raped.
-TDG
TDG,
Great fucking job bro. That shit is funny as fuck.
Yo Tucker fan, you da man! You TMMB gangas da shit, packing glocks, and traveling in a posse by bus.
^^^ Dude, you'd best not fuck around. Tucker's homies will totally fuck you up. That's the sign of a true artist.
I remember reading about how Leo Tolstoy's fans would show up on his bus tour, and beat the hell out of anyone who dared challenge the greatness of Anna Kerenina.
My aesthetics professor in college told me that whenever Charles Dickens went to the bathroom in a hotel lobby, his posse beat the ever-loving shit out of the hotel manager for putting Dickens on the 'do not accommodate' list.
Once, D.H. Lawrence crashed a horse-driven carriage into a truffles shop, and his messageboard crew totally harassed anyone who questioned it on his Wikipedia page back in 1922.
And, of course, there is the infamous incident of one of George Bernard Shaw's most loyal fans threatening naysayers with a black-powder rifle on the internet in 1905.
You see, Tucker is every bit the artist and visionary these men were, and that's why his articulate, rational fans want to kill you with a Glock.
5:13PM:
KUNG FU MIKE? IS THAT YOU?
Remember, people, we've seen Tucker's homies rumble with Cloud Starchaser already! Omigod, just the memory of it is almost too much. The blood! The mayhem! The chaos! NOBODY wants to risk that agan. I mean, there might've actually been BRUISES! And the damage to the surrounding landscape! I must congratulate the Tuckerposse on setting the ambush amongst a scenic scaffolding, which provided much dramatic impact as the hurled bodies knocked down various supports, eventually causing the whole thing to come crashing down. Well, ok, not quite. But you could IMAGINE that it WOULD have happened that way. If anything beyond "push like a girl" had happened. It was scary! NO NO MEESTER TUCKERPOSSE GUY DON'T HURT NOBODYS!
"Tuckerposse"
you misspelled "Tuckerpussy"
hope this helps
"Yo, I found yo faggotass "blog". WTF assholes, I'm here, so now whatchyagonna do.
Any of you faggos take a swing at Tucker, I'm gonna git his back and blow you with my glock, got dat bitch!!! LOL, you know wha, I mite do it aywayz.
Haterz drool, Tucker ruls!!!"
Ladies and Gentleman, put your hands together for PAUL WALL!!
He raps and shit.
Any tugger fanboi tries to pull a piece on me, I'll stick it up their ass and pull the trigger till it goes 'click'.
HEY, TUCKER GANGSTA-BITCH:
Where you at mothafucka? Name the time and place, and when I get done knockin the teeth outcho mouf, I will make you eat your own shit motherfucker.
"I’m sure Bob could only get the script into Justin’s hands. But even that is a big deal. People want to WORK WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. They could have gotten 2 bigger names to surround JT with and probably wouldn’t have to had to pay them their full rate. Even so, this is a pretty shrewd move by Bob Gosse and anybody with half a mind would at least see this through, even if it’s to be used later as LEVERAGE TO GET AN EVEN BIGGER NAME THEN JT."
In fairness to JT, I thought he has done a good job in the roles he's had. He hasn't had a break out one yet, but he's only 28.
Heath made his when he was 26 or so in Brokeback. But we always knew he had great talent.
JT obviously has talent (singing, acting, writing, etc) otherwise he wouldn't be able to stand on his own.
He would have been a freaking steal in that role, and if you've seen JT on SNL you know he can be funny off the cuff. I actually think he would have made a very believable Tucker Max (and even make the obviously fake stories ring true)
___________
Darko: Well, it’s not…
Investor: IT WAS ANOTHER RHETORICAL QUESTION YOU CUM DUMPSTER!!!!
Hahahaahaah, can't stop laughing.
Here is an excerpt from a letter Mark Lipsky wrote to the AMPAS President.
Mr. Sid Ganis
President
Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences
Dear Mr. Ganis,
As you know, your brethren in the independent film branch of our industry have been facing increasing challenges over the past several years. Without going into my own personal theories about how we got here, the bottom line is that we’re experiencing an extreme contraction on the exhibition front today – most particularly for truly independent films from emerging filmmakers. While it’s still feasible to secure screens for such films, it’s no longer possible to hold them longer than a week or perhaps two. Even with excellent reviews, these films come and go so quickly that most filmgoers have little or no chance to catch up to them. The concept of a film ‘finding’ it audience, of building word-of-mouth over time, is nearly extinct in the traditional theatrical environment.
Ouch!
Here is the actual conversation concerning JT:
Producer: Hey, JT had a bit part in Southland Tales; and got some good reviews for his work in Alpha Dog. He realizes he is still learning the whole acting business and his ego does not keep him from getting involved in an indie or working on something that might show potential. In any event, our experience with him was that he is a real pro; and will do anything he is asked to do. I’m thinking we should ask him to take a look at the script and see if we can get him on board, maybe he could even play you. He is a big fan of Donnie Darko and probably will at least look at the script and give it some consideration. Every time he has been on SNL, he has killed and gotten great ratings.
Tucker: No, you watch. We are going to get some very big A-listers that are interested in playing me. I am not going to look at some bubble gum singer
Producer: Tucker, you’ve got to keep an open mind. Look at Will Smith, he went from being the bubble gum friendly Fresh Prince to one of the biggest A-listers around. If JT would be interested, we could really get a guy who is up and coming, bring in a broader audience, and his role in Alpha Dog was very edgy and really outside his whole pop star persona. And frankly, Tucker, we’ve shopped this script to all the big agencies and haven’t even gotten calls back from C-listers, no less A-listers. We’re probably going to have to go after a bubblegum Fox or WB fading teen soap star anyway, like a Dawson’s Creek, Gilmore Girls, that whole group of actors.
Tucker: Listen. I had naysayers tell me that my book would have no audience. The fact that I was marginally successful in that field should tell you that my instincts are always perfect. Brad Pitt or some A-lister will be knocking our doors down.
Producer: Listen, when we cast Jake and Maggie in Darko, we knew that they had potential. We’ve actually done pretty well picking out up and comers, and have a pretty good track record here. Maggie was in the biggest film of the year; and Jacke’s quote is now $5 Million plus. Books are one thing, but remember, you had less success in radio and TV because you didn’t listen to what the pros were telling me. When we got involved, you told me that you’ve learned a bit and wouldn’t act like a tool and alienate everybody. JT has been making money in this business since he was 8. Of all the bubblegum kiddie stars to come out of Orlando; only Justin and Christina haven’t imploded. Justin has real talent; and will make the crossover. Look at Marky Mark for chrisake.
Tucker: Listen. Nils and me both agree that we need to hold out for an A-lister. Send an autographed copy of my book to the various agencies; and I am telling you they will come calling.
JT part 2
(6 Mos Later)
Producer: Sorry Tucker, the best we can do is Matt and Jesse. Really, nobody who has read this script is even halfway interested. Nobody can figure out how to make these characters real or likable. This is the best we can do.
Tucker: Dude, you told me JT was interested. The biggest pop star around. How come you couldn’t even get a C-lister.
Producer: No, Tucker. I told you that we had a prior relationship with JT and that he might take a look at the script for us, more as a favor. We never said he would do it. Even though you said no, we did show it to him, and he said: “you’ve got to be kidding me, who wrote this crap.” Then he said that Lorne Michaels is keeping him in mind for some comedy projects, and that he was already committed. I’m thinking that you pissing all over Jamie didn’t help you out either in terms of getting the word out that you were cool to work with.
Tucker: Ah, . . . Fuck that c---. I never would have had JT in my film anyway. Me and Nils just figured, he would be fun to have around to fuck with.
Producer: Listen. We’ve worked with Justin. He’s a pretty fit guy; and has been taking cheap shots since his N’Sync days. You’d be messing with a lot more than either you or Nils could handle. Both physically and talent wise. Justin would have his foot upside your head even before you moved your gimpy leg. Really, Lorne Michaels has had him on SNL at least 6 times. How many times have either you or Nils done SNL, Mad TV, or even a public access comedy show? I told you when you started this project. You’ve got two ears and one mouth. Start listening and talking in the same proportion- 2 to 1; got it. We’ve made at least one film that people still want to see; and there are a lot of people who’ve put money up hoping we can do it again. You need to shut the fuck up sometimes; and just listen; or we are going to end up with a product that we will have to pay other people to put in a theater. Got it Tucker. The goal is to have other people pay us to show this film. Otherwise, we will be paying Freestyle to distribute it in their independents and second runs.
That conversation above if scary because it's pretty much what happened.
Why couldn't this guy just shut his mouth and get out of the way. People would have been rooting for Tucker and Nils.
all you anon Tucker bashers need to shut the fuck up. That or post with your real names. You accuse Tucker of acting like a celebrity while what he is really doing is the opposite.
Do you think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt would allow fans access to themselves the way Tucker has. The movie blog for BIH has been awesome. He's been sharing the entire process both good and bad with anyone who cares and all he gets in return is garbage from jealous idiots on blogs. f'yall.
If you assholes put one percent of the energy you use attacking Tucker into improving your own lives maybe you wouldn't be stuck at your current station in life. btw, I recently met Bob Gosse through a mutual friend. Guy wasn't exactly a down to earth charmer. You'd be suprised to find out that most celebrity, artists, film makers are stuckup ego heads. Sometimes that's what it takes to get a project made. If Tucker is guilty of anything it's that he guilty of wanting perfection and riding the world of idiots and posers.
Hey anonymous tucker fanboy. Why don't you post your real name? What's that...Tucker Max? I think we already knew that.
If you have nothing compelling to add to the conversation, go away.
^
You should be writing Tucker's fake soldier email, son. You've got that written hick vernacular down to perfection.
"all you anon tucker bashers need to shut the fuck up."
Hi tucker / tuckers goon / tucker fan-boi. Actually, posters here don't really NEED to do anything, why don't you try to make us "shut the fuck up" ?
"that or post with your real names."
Posted by... Anonymous, 7/16/2009
Q: Why did the Tucker cross the road?
A: IT WAS STAPLED TO THE CHICKEN
"Do you think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt would allow fans access to themselves the way Tucker has"
You mean, like: "Fuck you, banned"?
Yeah, actually, Tom Cruise and his $cientologist butt-buddies are pretty much like that too whenever anyone asks uncomfortable questions.
"maybe you wouldn't be stuck at your current station in life."
My current station in life is one I'm very happy with. I make a lot more money than I need doing easy and interesting work in a place I like.
"If Tucker is guilty of anything it's that he guilty of wanting perfection and riding the world of idiots and posers."
Until he starts with himself, he's a liar.
"Do you think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt would allow fans access to themselves the way Tucker has."
They give access to the fans thru public forums. The only people who have time to post online all day "giving their fans access" are the unsuccessful ones.
"If you assholes put one percent of the energy you use attacking Tucker into improving your own lives maybe you wouldn't be stuck at your current station in life."
Yeah, my life sucks so much. Oh my god, it's terrible.
Bashing on someone doesn't always imply jealousy. Actors rip other actors all the time, musicians, etc. I highly doubt they are doing anything other than giving their opinion.
"If Tucker is guilty of anything it's that he guilty of wanting perfection and riding the world of idiots and posers."
Really? I thought his goal was to show the world that you can all be "artists"
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.
"all you anon Tucker bashers need to shut the fuck up. "
Or else you'll blow us... with your glock?
"That or post with your real names."
Tell you what, just go check what email I signed up with on my TMMB board application (I'm still active and posting regularly), and you'll have my real name. Until then you can just call me TDG.
"You accuse Tucker of acting like a celebrity"
No, this is where you have it wrong, we accuse him of being a DOUCHEBAG. This is not Tuckermaxisacelebrity.com, that's actually his own site. This site just points out the inconsistencies of his stories while showing him to be the douchebag we all know and love.
"while what he is really doing is the opposite."
I agree, his diva antics have cost him any real lasting shot at fame.
"Do you think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt would allow fans access to themselves the way Tucker has."
If you were fucking Angelina Jolie, would you take the time to create a message board?
Thank you, you just answered your own question.
"The movie blog for BIH has been awesome. "
Dude, I totally agree, without his movie blog I wouldn't have a career.
"He's been sharing the entire process both good and bad"
Dude, he's sharing HIS side of events, both real and imagined. He's lied continually to you, his fans. That is no longer up for debate, too many of his stories have been debunked.
BTW, this is the last days of "the entire process". If Tucker's movie doesn't make it, his career is over. Even if his movie hits, he's going to face even stronger scrutiny of his bullshit stories which will most likely end his literary career as well.
"with anyone who cares and all he gets in return is garbage from jealous idiots on blogs."
Sir, I am anything but jealous. I cannot be jealous of a no talent hack like TUcker riding his one trick pony into the ground. He doesn't make nearly that much bank, lives with roommates and drives a shittier car then I own. Unlike him, I am employable, am in a happy relationship and don't have a group of people on-line who uncover my bullshit stories.
"If you assholes put one percent of the energy you use attacking Tucker into improving your own lives maybe you wouldn't be stuck at your current station in life. "
I'd say the same thing about Tucker. If he took 1% of the energy he takes to write another boring and inane group of lies that are there to fool dolts like yourself and used it to write something that actually is meaningful, maybe he wouldn't have to lie constantly and write letters to himself to make accolades that only exist in his mind.
Chew on that fanboy.
"btw, I recently met Bob Gosse through a mutual friend. Guy wasn't exactly a down to earth charmer."
He didn't shit on your dick?
"You'd be suprised to find out that most celebrity, artists, film makers are stuckup ego heads."
You'd be even more surprised to find out that Tucker is none of these things save for a stuckup ego.
"Sometimes that's what it takes to get a project made."
And sometimes you're Tucker Max, fraud and liar.
"If Tucker is guilty of anything it's that he guilty of wanting perfection"
When Tucker writes something without a major grammatical error, we can talk about perfection. In the meantime, nothing about him is perfection.
"and riding the world of idiots and posers."
Yes, TUcker is riding the world of idiots and posers ON HIS OWN MESSAGE BOARD. It's a small and shrinking place where he is the King of Who Could Care Less.
-TDG
""You accuse Tucker of acting like a celebrity"
No, this is where you have it wrong, we accuse him of being a DOUCHEBAG. This is not Tuckermaxisacelebrity.com, that's actually his own site. "
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
TUCKER LOSES A FILM REEL HILARITY ENSUES
(After one of the film reels gets damaged and Tucker can't get a replacement reel in time, he tells a sold out San Diego crowd the following)
Attn Hilarity Ensues guy: That was one of the funniest things since the tucker max lost interview. Dead on. I had tears in my eyes, it was perfect.
What happened to Kung Fu Mike? I saw video of a fight where Cloud Starchaser nearly beat Kung Fu Mike unconscious.
Kung Fu Mike followed Tucker's advice. He lived life out of the corporate grind and was a writer.
Of course reality set in and he had to take a corporate headhunter's gig to pay the rent, quit that job and ended up moving home to New Hampshire where you can now get him to clean up your yard for 25 bucks or a 6 pack.
But he's still living the dream....
"What happened to Kung Fu Mike? I saw video of a fight where Cloud Starchaser nearly beat Kung Fu Mike unconscious."
If anyone has that video, re upload it, it's been deleted from dailymotion.com
Hi,
I'm one of those idiots who worked for Tucker on his movie. I won't say what department, but it is considered "crew". I'd like to address some things about him not coming to Shreveport.
1) I've worked on 17 films in the last 2 years. I've worked for numerous producers, but this is the God's honest truth: Tucker was never really a producer. His role on the film was basically "creative", although he tended to try and get his fingers into everything. I've never once seen one person have less respect on a film set than Tucker Max. After a few days of having Tucker tell the crew how to do their jobs we had a long talk with Sean. We were told that we didn't have to listen to him because he was irrelevent on the set. This was the main producer of the movie telling us this, so we listened.
It drove Tucker even more nuts when he would tell the camera crew to do this or the hair/makeup crew to do something his way and we would just say "okay" and go about doing our jobs. If he ever started getting angry, we would tell him to talk to Sean. I don't think he ever got it as this lasted the whole entire film, but it was funny watching him get frustrated. He really thought he was the boss, and in reality he was the equal to some rich kid whose dad was paying people to play with him.
2) Tucker hit on a number of crew members, none of whom wanted anything to do with him. Mostly he fucked a few skanky locals, but that's about it. People are less impressed by a guy like Tucker Max when you've just had the cast and crew of W. in your town.
3) The cast and crew contacted the producers of the movie to see if it was possible to have a cast/crew showing of the movie. When emailed to Tucker, he said something along the lines of "yeah, pay 30 dollars each". Now, I have worked on many films, all of which have come back to Shreveport to show the cast and crew the film we all worked on. We didn't ask Tucker for him to come down with his freak show. We simply asked if we could get a copy of the movie to show to the people who helped make the film possible. That's when we saw the true Tucker Max for what he is: a mean spirited dick. A guy who acts all gracious when he has to, but the second he doesn't need to be nice, he becomes his natural self. If I were Sean, I'd be embarrassed. Sean and Darko will never be able to do another film in Louisiana (we're very tight down here), I'd say Tucker too, but come on, his script was easily one of the worst movies I've ever worked on (and I've done films with 'Part 5' in the title). We know we'll never see another Tucker Max movie.
4) During the actual filming, it was difficult to keep a straight face. First, the dialogue was TERRIBLE, and as nice as Matt, Jesse and Jeff were, they weren't going to make these bad lines sound good. There were times when even Bob Gosse would roll his eyes at some of the garbage lines that actors were forced to say. This infuriated Tucker even more and it ended up costing us time.
5) Tucker would go around the set and ask us questions like "isn't this the best movie you've ever worked on?" or "what's it like working for a genius?" A lot of the crew would just laugh it off, but by day 5 or 6 we realized that he was serious. Finally a couple of us would say stuff like "this is the most brilliant thing I've ever seen on film" and then would see their words on his stupid ass movie blog the next day. We would read it and laugh at Tucker behind his back.
Anyway, there's a lot more to it, but I just wanted to vent to a bunch of people who aren't his fans, because you can add the entire film community of Shreveport to your ranks as well as anybody who comes into contact with him.
Thanks for listening.
if you are going to ride a horse, soon you will be riding a horse.
if you are going to rid your house of pests, soon you will be ridding your house of pests.
so Anonymous Tucker fanboi implied Tucker wants to ride the idiots and poseurs of the world...which does not make sense.
Anonymous Tucker fanboi, you are a living pile of fail.
tucker max will rid the world of idiots and poseurs. In related news, the RMMB is shutting down.
7/16/2009 3:34 PM
Thanks for sharing. Basically duplicates what I heard through the industry grapevine.
"3) The cast and crew contacted the producers of the movie to see if it was possible to have a cast/crew showing of the movie. When emailed to Tucker, he said something along the lines of "yeah, pay 30 dollars each". Now, I have worked on many films, all of which have come back to Shreveport to show the cast and crew the film we all worked on. We didn't ask Tucker for him to come down with his freak show. We simply asked if we could get a copy of the movie to show to the people who helped make the film possible. That's when we saw the true Tucker Max for what he is: a mean spirited dick.
What a piece fo shit.
This speak volumes about who or what Tucker Max really is.
Best line: "We didn't ask Tucker for him to come down with his freak show."
All he had to do was arrange a simple screening for the people that helped him with his dream. Nice Karma points.
"[Tucker's] script was easily one of the worst movies I've ever worked on (and I've done films with 'Part 5' in the title)"
That's movie poster material, right there.
Hey all,
I also worked on the movie, I got the link to this site through a bunch of people who also worked on the film.
What was posted here doesn't even scratch the surface of how big an idiot that Tucker Max was. Whoever wrote that he wasn't respected was understating it. By the end of the movie there were people who were talking back to him (like our transportation captain, who greeted Tucker with "Hey fuckhead" every single morning).
For those of you new to this blog here is what Tucker said about the film crew from Shreveport;
"What a bunch of fucking whiny babies. We filmed the movie in Shreveport, and so for some reason many people from Shreveport think this entitles them to get something else from us--I guess the millions of dollars we spent in that city weren't enough, so they email Nils and I constantly about how we need to come back and premiere the movie. Like we fucking owe them something! Look people, I don't give a fuck about your city, just like you don't give a fuck about mine, and no one in Shreveport did anything so super for our film that anyone who worked on the production feels any pressing need to show our affection. We showed our affection by cutting you your check. Be happy someone from the civilized world even came to the city once. Not coming back, stop asking. [I hate to be harsh about this, but there is nothing I hate more than people who act entitled to shit that they should be appreciative for. Fuck that.] "
Back when Gawker was posting about Tucker's movie, I came across a link to this blog in the comments, and I've been reading it ever since. It has become one of my favorite amusements during my dreary days at the office. The sudden bursts of awesomeness that have been occurring with increasing frequency are amazing. Kudos to everyone involved. And to the two most recent posters who worked on the movie, please write more!
XOXO
- Cute Feminist
ugh. fucker hack is going to be in ATX tomorrow. Wonder if he's staying at the Embassy Suites.
Furthermore, I wonder if he realizes that we're a city that couldn't care less about him. One might say we loathe him.
7/16/2009 2:44 PM:
For the Cloud vs KFM fight, I have the .FLV saved (low-quality, but good enough). I've uploaded it (zipped up) to rapidshare:
http://rapidshare.com/files/256665827/cloud_starchaser.zip.html
and mediafire:
http://www.mediafire.com/?lu4wf0m1x95
(you can view it with VLC Media Player if you don't have a flash video viewer already)
If anyone wants to put it on youtube or anywhere else feel free.
For those of you relatively new to Tucker, the background of this is that Cloud Starchaser (real name Justin Massler) was a basically good kid who was rather nuts and off his meds, dressed up anime-style and went around claiming to be a professional hero and paying girls to hang out with him. Harmless fellow, and nice enough when on his meds. Anyway he got obsessed with the idea of getting Tucker to join his Heroic Destiny Squad and apply his Tuckerpowers to professional heroing. Tucker led him on for a while. Cloud perceived he was not being treated with full respect. Outcome, this video (in NYC I believe). Tucker & pals came back and filled a thread in his message board about how Kung Fu Mike had totally beaten Cloud up, left him beaten and bloodied, whimpering, begging for mercy, etc. etc. Well, anybody can watch the video and make up their own mind about 1) Tucker's truthfulness, 2) Mike's mastery of Kung Fu.
To the people that worked on the movie-
PLEASE PROVIDE MORE STORIES!!!
Detailed stories.
Now.
Thanks,
Mgmt.
TUCKER LOSES A FILM REEL HILARITY ENSUES PART II
(In part one Tucker was telling a sold out IHTSBIH crowd in San Diego about how the Rudius crew and his Navy Seal buddies were raising hell and accidentally destroyed a reel of the film. In his "true story" it's 3:00am and Tucker has just pulled the tour bus into the parking lot of the San Diego Zoo)
"So I pull the fucking bus into the zoo's parking lot. The bus has all these fucking gears and I'm just beating the shit out of the engine. Since we were Tucker Max drunk at that point I decided to park the bus across 15 handicap spots. Who the fuck brings retards to a zoo anyway? (mocks retard voice) 'I wannaz dee munkeee!!!!"
THE CROWD ROLLS WITH LAUGHTER
"Fuck. Note to self. San Diego is full of sick motherfuckers!"
THE CROWD CLAPS AND STOMPS FEET
"Hold on, you're going make me lose my place. Ok, right, so we're fucking in the parking lot of the San Diego zoo at 3am. We get off the bus to stretch our legs and I look over at Nils. He is in shock and pointing at something. Was he looking at a copy of USA today announcing Pizza Hut Chapter 11? Who the fuck knows. So I turn around to see what the fuck and there underneath the bus are a set of legs. Holy shit, I fucking ran over somebody. Not HIT someone. Not drove NEAR someone. But actually fucking DROVE OVER THEM WITH A 8000 POUND TOUR BUS!"
THE CROWD LAUGHS
"I went over and started kicking the legs and shit. Nothing. Finally Terror and Mondo went over and dragged the body our from under the bus by its feet. Holy shit. It's like a fifteen year old kid. I almost felt bad. He was toast."
THE CROWD SIGHS, AWWWWW
"Hold your awwwws you fucking pussies. The kid was Mexican!"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH RELIEF LAUGHTER
"Terror looked down at the body and says; swear to God, he says 'Looks like someone was trying to steal your axle, Max!' I fell to the ground laughing, tears rolling down my face. After a few minutes we tried to collect our thoughts. Being Green Berets and shit Terror, BroHawk and Mondo did the only natural thing they are trained to do in these situations. They took camera-phone pictures of themselves resting their nutsacks across the dead kid's forehead. It was a fucking Kodak moment."
THE CROWD BELLY LAUGHS
"You should see the photos. Fuck. I'll try to get them on the blog tomorrow or some shit. Terror has perfect fucking nuts, man, shit. Like two hardboiled eggs wrapped in fucking panty hose."
THE CROWD MURMURS
"What? I'm a stickler for detail and shit."
MORE LAUGHTER
"So now here we are. Drunk and at the zoo. I want to go fuck with some animals but we have a fucking wetback body we need to deal with. I forced Tando and Ryan Holiday to bring it inside the tour bus. Terror and Mondo propped the fucking body in a chair and rigged its jaw with string and tape so that as they watched ESPN playbacks on TIVO they could make the dead Tonk mouth the words. Like I said, I'm not even the coolest one of my friendses."
GUY IN CROWD YELLS "I FUCKING HOPE SO"
"Excuse me; are you a fucking dude or a chick?"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH LAUGHS. TWO PARAMEDICS WHEEL IN A STRETCHER JUST IN CASE
"I decided I had enough ESPN and set out for the zoo. As I made my way to the zoo gates I was approached by a security guard. Only it wasn't a security guard, it was a hot chick. She was in her forties with a nice round ass and big tits. She had tears in her eyes. 'Are you like fucking okay and shit?' I said to her. She said 'no.' From her accent and skin color I could tell she was Mexican. I had two obvious choices. Do I fuck her in the pussy of the ass?"
THE CROWD CHANTS "ASS ASS ASS ASS"
"Calm down you SD motherfuckers. Last chick I fucked in the ass was Bob Gosse. ..ahh---oooohhh.."
(Tucker does an Andrew Dice Clay rim shot "ah-ooohhh" but it's so high-pitched that is sounds more like an eleven year old girl's reaction to seeing a spider)
"Then she said the magic words. 'Can you help me find my son?' "
(TO BE CONTINUED)
I've known about this site for forever (I even remember when this legendary post was put up way back in March 2007), but I've never commented before. I disappeared during the dark days of the Baylor debate, but I came back when production started and Tucker started getting more and more delusional.
I have to agree that the humor in this megathread has been awesome lately. TDG and the rest of you, keep up the good work. Movie crew people, welcome aboard, keep sharing your great stories. Finally, if you're not reading pmcdonnell-4's posts on IMDB, you should start. He's hilarious, and knows what he's talking about when it comes to "douchestribution" and all that.
Project Hijinks: Homework
Cloud Starchaser was for all intents a performance art piece that Tucker wasn't smart enough to see through. I find it funny that Mike Soloway (TheGC on RMMB) was in the altercation, as if Kung Pow Mike couldn't have handled it on his own. If you watch the video, he's the meathead who threatens to sue somebody videotaping him, then grabs Cloud, allowing Mike to get in a sucker punch.
Can anybody get the information on Mike Soloway, like what firm he works for, etc.
I'm just wondering if they know their attorney, who is most likely billing hours, is playing on a message board for hours on end?
I'd also wonder what the Bar Association would say if this video got into their hands?
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER box office as of 07/16/09 ---
Domestic: $226,309,780
+ Foreign: $74,700,000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
= Worldwide: $301,009,780
"American comedies do not do well overseas. Ever. Overseas distribution is not important to us at all." Tucker Max, June 2009
Was pmcdonald the same guy as Marc on the ScriptReader board? Marc was the guy who looks like a prophet due to his almost precise predictions over a year ago.
I wish somebody would save some of these posts on a different website. Between TDG, TheStoryGuy and a few others this place has become a must read for me.
Q: Where does Tucker Max go potty?
A: IN HIS PANTS
♫
im jes' poastin' along
and a-singin' my song ♪
poastin' in a tucker wonderland
♫
What happened to Otto's interns, anyway? I remember their blogs had been found - Greg and some other guy. Does anyone still have the links to those?
How did Tucker's multiple assistants land such a high profile gig as Rudius Media?
Being the bitch to Tucker's butch.
Well, actually, Tucker had to get someone else to fill in for him as butch. Like whatsisface who did the choking. Tucker probably has him fuck the fat girls too while Tucker watches and lisps to himself about how it's actually him doing it.
Tucker Max hates Shreveport. And the people from Shreveport just sit back and take it?
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER box office as of 07/16/09 ---
Domestic: $226,309,780
+ Foreign: $74,700,000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
= Worldwide: $301,009,780
"American comedies do not do well overseas. Ever. Overseas distribution is not important to us at all." Tucker Max, June 2009
Tucker Max hates Shreveport. And the people from Shreveport just sit back and take it?
Yup. Tucker pwnd Shreveport.
Can we break 10,000 before the release?
Yup
"Anything The Hangover can do at the box office we can beat. Easily." Tucker Max, June 2009
THE HANGOVER box office as of 07/16/09 ---
Domestic: $226,309,780
+ Foreign: $74,700,000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
= Worldwide: $301,009,780
"American comedies do not do well overseas. Ever. Overseas distribution is not important to us at all." Tucker Max, June 2009
"We have a distributor and it's a major. I'm not allowed to say anything until the trades make the official announcement."
"IHTSBIH will be released into thousands of theater just like any other Hollywood movie."
Actual quotes from Tucker Max
quoterpoaster strikes again~!
An entire DVD package costs anywhere from 20 to 30 CENTS to manufacture. The profit margin is huge. IHTSBIH is the perfect DVD movie. FOX will make millions and depending on the Deal, the finance people (Darko) stand to make all their money back.
A film print for theatrical release is between 2 to 3 THOUSAND.
Warner Brothers released The Hangover--a film IHTSBIH will easily beat--on 3,545 screens. That costs them close to $9,000,000 just for prints. Advertising alone was probably double that number.
The Hangover is two days away from crossing the $300,000,000 mark. It will cross the $100,000,000 mark in Foreign next week. That's because as Tucker explained "American comedies don't do well overseas."
So yeah, FOX took no risk in grabbing the DVD release.
IHTSBIH went straight to video as all distributors passed on the film because they would lose money.
Tucker feels very strongly that the film deserves a theatrical release so that's why they bought a distributor. Darko is PAYING a distributor to help them book theaters to show IHTSBIH. All other films get PAID by a distributor.
Is that clear?
What's funnier. Tucker's emails to himself or Ryan Holiday getting busted for editing Tucker's wiki page 'round the clock?
Who is Tucker Max? Read.
Hi,
I'm one of those idiots who worked for Tucker on his movie. I won't say what department, but it is considered "crew". I'd like to address some things about him not coming to Shreveport.
1) I've worked on 17 films in the last 2 years. I've worked for numerous producers, but this is the God's honest truth: Tucker was never really a producer. His role on the film was basically "creative", although he tended to try and get his fingers into everything. I've never once seen one person have less respect on a film set than Tucker Max. After a few days of having Tucker tell the crew how to do their jobs we had a long talk with Sean. We were told that we didn't have to listen to him because he was irrelevent on the set. This was the main producer of the movie telling us this, so we listened.
It drove Tucker even more nuts when he would tell the camera crew to do this or the hair/makeup crew to do something his way and we would just say "okay" and go about doing our jobs. If he ever started getting angry, we would tell him to talk to Sean. I don't think he ever got it as this lasted the whole entire film, but it was funny watching him get frustrated. He really thought he was the boss, and in reality he was the equal to some rich kid whose dad was paying people to play with him.
2) Tucker hit on a number of crew members, none of whom wanted anything to do with him. Mostly he fucked a few skanky locals, but that's about it. People are less impressed by a guy like Tucker Max when you've just had the cast and crew of W. in your town.
3) The cast and crew contacted the producers of the movie to see if it was possible to have a cast/crew showing of the movie. When emailed to Tucker, he said something along the lines of "yeah, pay 30 dollars each". Now, I have worked on many films, all of which have come back to Shreveport to show the cast and crew the film we all worked on. We didn't ask Tucker for him to come down with his freak show. We simply asked if we could get a copy of the movie to show to the people who helped make the film possible. That's when we saw the true Tucker Max for what he is: a mean spirited dick. A guy who acts all gracious when he has to, but the second he doesn't need to be nice, he becomes his natural self. If I were Sean, I'd be embarrassed. Sean and Darko will never be able to do another film in Louisiana (we're very tight down here), I'd say Tucker too, but come on, his script was easily one of the worst movies I've ever worked on (and I've done films with 'Part 5' in the title). We know we'll never see another Tucker Max movie.
4) During the actual filming, it was difficult to keep a straight face. First, the dialogue was TERRIBLE, and as nice as Matt, Jesse and Jeff were, they weren't going to make these bad lines sound good. There were times when even Bob Gosse would roll his eyes at some of the garbage lines that actors were forced to say. This infuriated Tucker even more and it ended up costing us time.
5) Tucker would go around the set and ask us questions like "isn't this the best movie you've ever worked on?" or "what's it like working for a genius?" A lot of the crew would just laugh it off, but by day 5 or 6 we realized that he was serious. Finally a couple of us would say stuff like "this is the most brilliant thing I've ever seen on film" and then would see their words on his stupid ass movie blog the next day. We would read it and laugh at Tucker behind his back.
Anyway, there's a lot more to it, but I just wanted to vent to a bunch of people who aren't his fans, because you can add the entire film community of Shreveport to your ranks as well as anybody who comes into contact with him.
Thanks for listening.
"Was pmcdonald the same guy as Marc on the ScriptReader board? Marc was the guy who looks like a prophet due to his almost precise predictions over a year ago."
No. But I can say that Marc seemed closer to the actual film itself than me. My relationships are to particular producers in the industry (film and other entertainment media) that have a clue. Most of them are involved in the business end rather than the real creative side--although they can act like they made the movie.
The business side is even more open. Every film project involves lots of agreements, which have to be made on multiple levels with lawyers and agents reviewing them, often enclosing other agreements as exhibits; then other deals are worked out for the business aspects of any media production, including distribution. Keep in mind, these projects involve financing, so bankers, investors, and their lawyers see documents; insurance, so agents and insurers see documents; then they get shopped around to various studios and other business folks; Then these producers business people, and their lawyers, have neighbors and other social contacts. And like any business folks when people get together, they talk shop. Some of the stuff discussed by business people concerning the creative process can be scandalous gossip and nonsense. We see documents, we don't hang out with Brad and Angelina. But sometimes you keep hearing the same story from multiple people who are intimately involved in the process citing multiple sources. You tend to place more credence in that type of story because it usually turns out to be true.
And there are certain things that are relatively static. For example, most business agreements involving distribution are fairly routine and there is not much room that either party has to negotiate. People didn't reinvent the wheel when Tucker/Darko came around to shop their film for distribution, there are forms that are used over and over. There are only so many distribution outlets so it is pretty well known who is talking to whom and whether they are interested in a project. And these deals in turn attach other agreements as exhibits or get sent around to firms with attachments. Although you don't always understand the creative process from these agreements, i.e. you can't tell whether the product is very good, they do tell the business story and you do see who is part of the process. And the story is pretty standard until you are talking about a half dozen folks who can dictate what they want, and Tucker is not among them--and even then, there deals are pretty standard for them.
When people talk about how business is done and what type of deal someone got, and the usual form for such a deal, it usually has a very high degree or reliability--because the information is first hand and based upon written documents. For example, a theater exhibitor does not have a different contract for every film he shows; nor do distributors for every film they distribute. There are SMALL details that change, but not much does change on the distribution side. Believe me, if you want to find a Freestyle contract in circulation around town, it is not hard to find and --unless you see snow in LA, Tucker's isn't any different than anybody else's Freestyle deal. IOW, there was nothing new or groundbreaking about his deal.
Finally, most of the generic stuff you read on the internet about how Distribution deals work is very accurate; for the reasons discussed above. None of it is secret, the industry has few players, and the deals are fairly standard. They didn't invest hundreds of thousands in legal fees over the years to refine these documents simply to discard them when Tucker comes along.
teh quoaterpoaster gathers teh best of teh best of teh TUCKERMAXDOUCEBAGBLOG and he POASTS so taht tehse genious wrks of hurfdurf may never be forgotten
all hail quoaterpoaster~
pmcdonald,
That's what I don't understand. It's not like Freestyle needs him as much as he needs Freestyle. He's not getting favored nation status because he's a NYTimes Best Seller (sup list). There was no bidding war on his project, it was viewed on it's own merits, which is why the film is paying Freestyle to distribute it.
He's saying how great of a backend deal he's getting, but that's bullshit too, as no reputable distributor is going to make an offer to the film without first seeing how it does in the box office.
What I'm saying is that he's lying again, but doing so on a level that he can't get caught, since nobody is going to report on a DVD deal on a film nobody cares about. It's how he creates a cloud of mystery around his persona and why we're here calling him a fucking liar. He's not going to get that kind of backend deal, he's not selling out foreign markets in Cannes and he's lying about basically everything behind the scenes.
Do you know how I know Tucker's movie is going to be horrible? Because he's telling me how great the film is.
-TDG
"That's what I don't understand. It's not like Freestyle needs him as much as he needs Freestyle. He's not getting favored nation status because he's a NYTimes Best Seller (sup list). There was no bidding war on his project, it was viewed on it's own merits, which is why the film is paying Freestyle to distribute it.'
TDG,
The fact that Tucker is a POS doesn't disqualify Freestyle from being a POS business model. Freestyle is Amway. Like Amway, Freestyle acts like it is some sort of money making opportunity that is going to help set people up for business, and they will earn a profit. But it is not. Amway retails expensive products to suckers who it calls distributors rather than customers who pay too much. Freestyle charges a very expensive fee to suckers who want to show their film in a theater. It's not a distributor in any real sense, any more than Amway is a wholesaler.
Or, another example would be a "modeling agency" where you front all the costs of a portfolio and pay them to train you to be a model. OK, Ford Modeling agency does not make their models pay them for photos and modeling lessons--they get work for their models and take a commission. One is a photography studio using false pretenses to get suckers to pay a fee, the other is a modeling agency. Everybody with half a brain knows the difference. Then the modeling agency charges another fee to include the "model" in their glossy magazine that they are going to send out to other magazines.
Freestyle needs unsuspecting suckers like Tucker whose own vanity does not allow then to simply say, "thank you Fox for giving me this crappy DVD deal that is going to let some of the investors make some of their money back.' Instead, Freestyle says, let me tell you about this great new way of "distributing" your movie. Instead of, we will pay you x to lease or purchase the rights to show your movie in theaters, you will pay us, . . . get it. Instead of us paying you, you will pay us. . .isn't that a great deal?
So Tucker needs Freestyle and Freestyle needs Tucker and those like him. Tucker is the 16 year old girl walking around with the portfolio he bought from "Bob's Modeling Agency" at the mall and waving the glossy magazine called "Bob's Models" that he paid a fee to be included in. He is the 43 year old Yenta housewife with the Amway products telling everybody she is a business executive of her own company.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
So true, nobody NEEDS Tucker's bad movie whereas Tucker NEEDS a distributor.
-There is no box office, which is a measure to which gauges the amount of DVD's printed.
- No big name attached which also affects the # of DVD copies printed.
- No bidding war and a bad distribution deal/model.
There is no DVD deal yet, and even if there was, all those factors against it would make certain that he didn't get a great deal on the DVD/PPV backend.
Pmcdonnell,
What I was saying is this: If it's FOX distributing his DVD, then he's not going to get a good deal, as Freestyle/Tucker needs FOX more than FOX needs them. THerefore FOX (who is notoriously cheap when it comes to these things) wouldn't give them the backend that Tucker is now touting, because they are FOX. He needs them, they don't need him.
FOX will not give a film like IHTSBIH a deal that doesn't benefit them way more then it does the filmmakers. If FOX is the distributor (which I don't really believe), then it's almost assured that Tucker won't see another penny from this movie.
TDG,
"THerefore FOX (who is notoriously cheap when it comes to these things) wouldn't give them the backend that Tucker is now touting, because they are FOX."
Its simpler. As George Thurogood said about his landlady:
"I tell the landlady I got a job, I'm gonna pay the rent
She said "Yeah?" I said "Oh yeah"
And then she was so nice,
loh' she was lovy-dovy
So I go in my room, pack up my things and I go,
I slip on out the back door and down the streets I go
She a-hollerin' about the front rent, she'll be lucky to get any back rent,
she ain't gonna get none of it "
OK, so THERE IS NO BACK END ON A FREESTYLE DEAL, whether its with Fox or anybody else. Tucker be hollerin about the "back end," but there isn't any real front end on these deals. There is no profit potential on this deal. They are at least 6 million in the hole on production, and at least 2Million on the vanity theatrical release, with no P & A.
In this piece, Freestyle/Tucker are George, and the investors/Darko are the landlady. But unlike the landlady, who couldn't garnish George's wages for the money owed, there is 8 Million that will come out of any DVD sales, and Fox is going to want at least half of the revenues from DVD sales, Freestyle will take a piece as well which means combined theatrical release and DVD sales will have to be almost 20 Million before there is any back end-- on a project where none of the people with any money are putting up more money for P & A. So what has Tucker given anybody for any back end after the first 20 Million is collected--which is never going to happen anyway? But Tucker probably has some sort of net profit deal with some points of net profit and Darko/Freestyle/and now Fox control the books. They could give him 100% of net profits and Tucker will never see a dime.
In a Freestyle/Fox deal--unlike a deal where Fox does a deal directly, Fox does not do P & A. Money does not just rain down from heaven.
Really, I would make more money buying a piece of the landlady's debt than Tucker will see off of any deal he as with Freestyle. There is no such thing as back end on a freestyle deal.
PM
my favorite part of kung fu mike's name is the party that implies he knows kung fu, and then the video of him being beat up by a skinny jewish kid who thinks he's a superhero
Here's how the deal goes:
Tucker: I want a sweet deal on the back-end.
Distributor: Ok, you can have 100% of anything past $25,000,000.00 that your movie makes. We take our cost from the first $25,000,000.00.
Tucker: SWEET!!! Nobody has ever gotten a deal like this before.
"Tucker: I want a sweet deal on the back-end.
Distributor: Ok, you can have 100% of anything past $25,000,000.00 that your movie makes. We take our cost from the first $25,000,000.00.
Tucker: SWEET!!! Nobody has ever gotten a deal like this before."
Actually, it was more like this:
Distributor: I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!
Tucker: No way!
Distributor: I'll give you three to one odds.
Tucker: No.
Distributor: Five to one.
Tucker: No.
Distributor: Ten to one?
Tucker: You're on!
Distributor: I'm gonna get ya!
Tucker: Nuh uh!
Distributor: I don't know how, but I'm gonna get ya.
Tucker and Freestyle. Substitute the odds for points. Neither has 20 bucks, neither will pay a bet if he lost, and points or no points--THERE IS SIMPLY NO BACK END TO ZERO PROFIT.
One of his close friends and a mod on the board told me that his distribution deal is pretty shitty and that the movie won't do as good as they had originally hoped.
The real story is the transformation of Tucker as person and persona.
^^^^^
Really? The movie won't break 200-million like he originally hoped? I don't believe it.
^^^ Tucker's an idiot. He's counting on his silly RV tour to stir up a bunch of controversy, thus drawing attention to the movie. Nobody's still talking about the OSU protesters except him. Doesn't he understand that controversy sells only when there's something at least marginally worthwhile BEHIND the controversy? His 'art' has no lasting value of any kind. He's SUCH a douchebag.
My understanding for a normal film is that (for the first couple weeks) the distributor gets 95% of the ticket sales, the theatre gets 5% (with a $5k or so nut).
For an indy [sic] movie, I assume the terms are much more favorable for the theatre (50/50?) and even if freestyle is being paid to distribute it, I assume they'll still take a cut of any money coming back.
Anyone have more info on indie film distribution rates?
Wonder how that sequel is coming along.
"Really? The movie won't break 200-million like he originally hoped? I don't believe it."
Dude, it's a Tucker Max movie. TUCKER MAX. He doesn't have enough dicks to handle all the pussy that's thrown at him. It'll do orgasmically well BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT TUCKER MAX DOES.
Tucker Max, Tucker Max, TUCKER MAX!
I'd actually pay to see a critical documentary of Tucker Max.
Originally Posted by Tucker Max
And we are marketing it the right way--by engaging fans in the process, being completely honest with them, and always treating them the way we would want to be treated, instead of shilling and lying to them at every turn.
And I can promise you that no one has ever gotten the backend deal that we got. Ever. You'll see this play out over the next few years if things go right, but what we will be capable of doing, no one has ever done. The old structure of the system prevented it. You probably can't see it because either you don't understand the studio system, or you understand it so much you can't see beyond it.
Have any of you noticed that if you do a very quick Google search of "Tucker Max" or even tucker max nearly nothing comes up?
Not regular Google, but news and blog searches. Those are where the "buzz" would come from, unless its on social networking stuff.
Really, nothing is fucking there except a few little read blogs. Where the hell is the buzz he's looking to profit from?
In all honesty, I just want the movie to come out "officially" so we can just bury this whole saga and move on. Lord, its getting sad in what Tucker is doing.
Who's Tucker Max?
i just talked to my sensei and he says that kung fu mike had to allow cloud starchaser to kick his ass because he forgot to register his kung fu at the police station as a deadly weapon. see, if he used his kung fu, he would be committing assault with a deadly weapon with the intent to murder. it's a legal issue. his kung fu is just that good, it's just the law got in the way. technicalities also ruined his ninjitsu defense. he also is known as ninjitsu mike in south america.
the reason kung fu mike's writing is terrible is also related. he forgot to register his writing as a deadly weapon at the police station, so he's forced to write in a hackneyed, boring fashion that no one cares about. he doesn't want to go to jail for writing too well and ending up with dead black people everywhere. his writing is just that good. illegally good.
I'm tucker thucken' max, I don't have enough pussies for all the dicks that are thrown at me,
I'm Thucker Fax
I'm Mucker Tax
I'm Otto Max
I'm Macker Tux
I'm Nutter Sacks
I'm Exam Truck
MULTIDICK POWERS, ACTIVATE!
I wonder which story angle Tucker's PR people are pitching to the major news outlets; 'Gilmore Girls star goes to Hell' or will the articles and interviews focus on the real life Tucker ala 'Lock up your daughters...Meet the real life Tucker Max'.
Haven't seen any press or articles in Entertainment Weekly, People, whatnot. I guess they're saving it all for a 30 day rush leading up to release? At the very least one would expect them to be doing heavy outreach to local news media in the last five markets of Hell Bus tour. That would be an easy sell an interesting story. If the rest of the marketing plans are as clever as the Hell Bus, I'd say Tucker has a great chance of seeing hefty domestic box office.
I agree. Tuckers book has probably sold a million copies by now right? So that factor alone means he'll at very least have a million people coming out on opening weekend. Can't imagine any one who isn't fan not treading over hell and high water to see this movie. If that million fanbase each bring one friend, highly possible, that means two million people. figure $10 a pop and Dr. Max and Dr. Parker see twenty mill opening weekend. And he stated way before that twenty million was the magic bullet for them to see real cash in their pockets.
"Gilmore Girls star goes to Hell"
FUCK YOU, BANNED!!!
Anonymous 1:14, you're forgetting that most of the people who read the book steal it or borrow it from a friend. So probably 3-5 million people have read it. Moreover, the kind of people who read it are very popular, so they'll probably bring _two_ friends. Again, they'll probably all tread over hell and high water to see it at one of the 50 theaters it gets released in, so the opening weekend will be something like: 9-15 million * $10 a pop = $90-150 million! On 50 screens, at that! That calculates to $1.8 million-$3 million a screen! Wowzers!
Wait, there's a problem: all those screens would be sold out way before they could do $1.8-$3 million per screen. Solution? Football-field-sized screens.
Tucker said he would revolutionize this industry, and he was right.
"Tucker's PR people"
I doubt Tucker has any input into the PR beyond his flailing about on his blog and message board. Darko probably handles the magazine stuff and other outreach, and has decided not to waste any money on an effort where the likely return wouldn't justify the expense. Tucker meanwhile acts like he thinks he's got a lot of say in the PR and talks up his role but in practice it's still the spoiled kid being told whatever to keep him out of everyone's hair.
Somebody has been drinking too much douche.
Harry potter and the half blood prince had a $100 million opening weekend on 4,325 theaters. The book sold 65 million copies.
Tugger's book sold ~800,000 copies (call it a million to keep the math simple) and will open at 300-400 theaters (if that)
Extrapolating from those numbers, you're looking at a best case 2 million opening weekend.
If you've read a harry potter book (or even if you haven't), you probably know there's a new harry potter movie out. They have an advertising budget. Newspapers, magazine, and tv have articles on it.
The only people who are aware of tugger's movie are on his message board. That's his audience.
Um.... they were being sarcastic.
From a fellow Duke Law Grad (Part 1)
I was in Tucker's class at Duke Law School, where he was almost universally despised. He lacks actual charisma or physical presence (as many of you have pointed out), but in law school he made up for this with a gift for self-promotion. He clearly had a knack even then for taking "true-ish" tall tales and spinning them into something that captured people’s interest. People who didn't know him would hear stories about him and be fascinated, only to be consistently disappointed upon meeting him (I witnessed this phenomenon a few times).
At the time, I thought there was a Tucker Max in every law school (law school is certainly a breeding ground for over-the-top insecurity and immaturity). Little did I know his life would evolve into a more fascinating version of the movie Overnight...and I just hope that someone is filming this.
Here is my take on his popularity, why the journey is nearly over, and why he is a compelling train wreck, if hardly a charismatic asshole. (to be continued)
From a fellow Duke Law Grad (Part 2)
To preface, let’s face it...Tucker has no writing talent. He is not even a mediocre writer, much less a good one. The initial mileage from his "internet persona" came despite his lack of talent, due to a lucky confluence of circumstances. His relentless self-promotion worked because information on the internet wasn’t so ubiquitous that people could easily attempt to verify the entertaining but clearly made up parts in his stories. Tucker makes his living by embedding interesting but untrue facts (along with many extraneous but untrue facts that support the hypothesis that "Tucker is awesome") into otherwise mundane life circumstances and shitting it out onto paper as the truth – targeting the scatology toward young and unsophisticated people.
His tactics work on a very limited segment of the population (let's call it the 80-20 segment, because you must either have an IQ below 80 or an age below 20 to get anything out of him desecrating the memory of Hunter Thompson), but it is easy to see how his stories could have wider appeal if you kinda, sorta believed that they really happened, which works when nobody is attempting to verify them. His stories offered wish fulfillment for people without enough life experience to know better.
Once his fame reached D list level, Tucker should have been able to capitalize on his persona enough so that he it became a self-fulfilling prophecy (to point out the obvious, D list fame creates opportunity for the antics he loves to write about).
Basically, success was handed to Tucker on a silver platter. All he had to do was show a little self-awareness and humility and get out of the way and he would have become fairly wealthy and fairly famous, even if most of the country grits their teeth at what Tucker is now referring to as "art" (on a side note, someone - possibly on here –wrote that every time Tucker utters the word art, a baby dies of AIDS. I think that is absolutely hilarious).
But then it got interesting.
That kernel of initial success drove him to display an enhanced version of the immaturity and lack of empathy that has led to almost everyone he has ever met to dislike him. In the process, he started to kick the teeth out of gift horses in a way that would make Troy Duffy blush. Some of his tactics (see the Justin Timberlake example) are directly if unintentionally plagiarized from the "Overnight" playbook.
Unfortunately, since he managed to alienate anyone who matters in the entertainment industry (including most of his first wave of fans) before acquiring a critical mass of fame or money (if you think he has earned any real money doing this, you haven’t earned any yourself!) and has no real talent to fall back on, this guy is probably about two years away from the indignities of a low level service job unless Daddy steps in.
Even better, because most reasonably intelligent people don’t put up with his transparent method of self-promotion (especially without any counterbalancing talent), and his tendencies to lie pathologically have been unmasked, Tucker has attracted some motivated and talented critics armed with an endless supply of ammunition, who are accelerating his path to inevitable failure.
As the ship sinks, it's really interesting to see Tucker desperately amp up his crude tactics designed to persuade simpletons to worship him despite the fact that he sees fans as mere inconveniences to exploit on his hopeful path to C list fame (I mean, what is charging $30 a pop for his little tour if not exploitative?) But it isn’t working, and his desperation and inevitable failure to achieve fame, money or respect are likely to result in a lot of entertainment as the failure spiral unwinds.
Deconstructor, PMcDonnell and the rest, please keep it up! And please, somebody goad this guy into a fist fight. Tucker has invited all of the indignities he has coming to him.
^^^ And THIS is why this blog rules. Fellow Duke Grad (FDG, since everyone else on here gets a nickname), thank you. One of the best posts ever.
Tucker, I hope you're listening. Shithead.
Fellow Duke Grad:
There is indeed one Tucker Max at every law school. There was at mine (small school, Shenendoah Valley, north of Roanoke for those wo know which one I'm referring to) and at every othe school that my friends attended. The only difference was that Tucker was able to exploit the relative infancy of the internet and grab a small modicum of fame by sharing what is the ubiquitous law school phenomenon: the greatly exaggerated stories of debauchery and sexual conquest. You are dead on with your analysis and how Tucker, in his seemingly instiable need to prove himself to inattentive parents has thrown away any meaningful chance to take advantage if his modicum of "celebrity" and "success".
Dude, trust me. Fuck you haterzz, you only fuel my fame and popularity. As Eminem and Genghis Kahn both famously quoted, `I love being hated, it`s great, it let`s me know that I made it.` And trust me dude, I`ve made it. I have had protestors who claim I am a rapey, fratty asshole and that PROVES I`m a celebrity. I am wayyy past the tipping point. The die has cast. Alea Jacta Est. I`ve crossed the Rubicon. Seriously dude, don`t you understand? I read Fight Club and it changed my life. Why slave away for a shitty, corporate job when you can push the boundaries and live life to the the fullest? It`s revolutionary! But my words aren`t effective just on their own. Check out this email I got. Trust me, it`s awesome.
`Dude, trust me. Fuck the haterzzz. I watched the movie at a private screening and laughed my ass off so hard that I choked to death on my own tongue. I understand that movie-making is very hectic and you are very busy but I just want you to know that Michelle and the kids and I fully support you and everything you do. You are pushing the boundaries and being revolutionary and best of all, you are representing the United States of America. Keep at it dude, we are all big fans. Peace, nigga.
Barack Obama`
Seriously, who can make this shit up? Is this my life? I have a ton of respect for President Obama and you should too. He obviously `gets it` in a way that the haters and pussies never will. By the way, that`s something I want to bring up. I was originally going to write a long rant about haters and how they just want to squash your art but then I realized that you are all fat nerds who sit at home masturbating with cottage cheese, bitter and hateful at me because you never accomplished a single thing in your life while meanwhile, I don`t have enough dicks for all the pussy thrown at me.
But I won`t say another word. I`ll just let my reputation prove my point. When have I ever let you down with something I have said? Everything I predict always comes true. Trust me. Just like when I promised a major distributor, or when I promised a show on Comedy Central, or when I said Assholes Finish First will come out in 2007, I mean 2008, I mean 2009, I mean 2010, or when I promised I`d get super ripped for a cameo in the move, or when I promised HotWheelz he`d get laid on my watch, or when I predicted that the Iphone/Hulu/Twitter would completely fail, or when I predicted that movies will completely change the way they are distributed by 2010, or when I promised Bunny I`d marry her after her abortion, or when I predicted that Nils would lose 25 pounds, or when I predicted that my episode on MTV would be amazing, or when I claimed my appearance on Opie and Anthony would rock the nation, or when I promised a special edition of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, or when I promised I`d have a forward in Paul Wall`s book, or hwne I promised Donika she`d get a book deal, or when I predicted that Rudius Media would be selling stock by 2008, or when I predicted how awesome and amazing I`d really be just right about now. Because seriously dude, with my track record, what`s the odds that I will let you down?
Footnote: Obviously I`ve been familiar with Tucker Max for many years now and I will just say this. I am a very old regular with over 1000 rep points (for whatever that is worth) who is completely and utterly sick of his bullshit. Myself and others on his board (including at least one mod) can`t wait for this shit to collapse just to see what will happen and how Tucker will react. That is probably the main reason we are all sticking around right now.
"Footnote: Obviously I`ve been familiar with Tucker Max for many years now and I will just say this. I am a very old regular with over 1000 rep points (for whatever that is worth) "
I don't know who you are, but you are not alone on the RMMB (I'm well over 1000 rep points myself)
-TDG
"I am a very old regular with over 1000 rep points (for whatever that is worth) who is completely and utterly sick of his bullshit."
Ditto
Are rep points those things that make your penis bigger and validate your worth as a human being? Or are they those other things that are truly meaningless symbols of the inane bullshit that permeates the current RMMB? I confuse the two sometimes.
-KTATHACM
hey wtf http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com/ aka this thread's parent is back and accessible again
ZOMBIE BLOG NEEDS BRAAAAINS
but alas, it can only find Tucker
"I agree. Tuckers book has probably sold a million copies by now right? So that factor alone means he'll at very least have a million people coming out on opening weekend. Can't imagine any one who isn't fan not treading over hell and high water to see this movie. If that million fanbase each bring one friend, highly possible, that means two million people. figure $10 a pop and Dr. Max and Dr. Parker see twenty mill opening weekend. And he stated way before that twenty million was the magic bullet for them to see real cash in their pockets."
BHABHABHABAHBAAHAHAHAHA, I hope this is sarcasm.
You're proposing he makes 45,000 dollars per theater it opens in. 20,000,000 divided by 450 theaters.
To give you an idea, the top movies open on around 4,500 screens. The ones making the 100 million weekend box office.
Which comes in around 22,000 dollars a theater. So you are proposing it will do better on a theater basis than Batman or Transformers...
I really hope this is sarcasm and you are not an honest Tucker fan. If so, I feel bad for the guy.
"My understanding for a normal film is that (for the first couple weeks) the distributor gets 95% of the ticket sales, the theatre gets 5% (with a $5k or so nut)."
This is true. It works out to be closer to 85% and the theater makes it up with those ridiculous concession prices that you are paying. And the theater makes more if the film is held over, i.e. on a sliding scale down to about 65%. But remember, theaters, as an entity, do virtually no P & A on a major studio film, it is all being done by the movie
For an indy [sic] movie, I assume the terms are much more favorable for the theatre (50/50?.'
It depends upon where it is being shown. In the 40s the studios lost a antitrust case which is why they had to sell all their theaters, and now it is theoretically supposed to be a free and open market with no price fixing going on. So, a multiplex has to be very careful that they are essentially not offering sweet heart deals on paper to the studios and screwing over independents that it could be construed to be a vertical monopoly. Independent exhibitors have no such concern. So the problem has more to do with the fact that multiplexes and big chains don't have any interest in a film that is not being supported by big P & A, because they don't help bring people to theaters. Historically, independents would show movies after their first run and the split would be 50/50. However, there is no real "second run" any more because films go to PPV or DVD so soon. But the holdover pricing of 50/50 for indepenent releases still prevails for these exhibitors because the independent films these theaters are showing are not really being supported by any big P & A; in fact the theaters themselves are often doing P & A to support the films they are showing. For old films, these theaters are paying a small fee, and basically pocketing 100% of the take. But it is fair to assume that an independent theater is going to want a 50/50 split to show a film that has no real P & A behind it. They may even want a better split.
"and even if freestyle is being paid to distribute it, I assume they'll still take a cut of any money coming back."
yes, if Freestyle is distributing it, they will take a fee, usually based upon the number of screens it is being shown and the markets where it is being shown. The challenge for Freestyle is first to get any of the chains to show any of their films; and again, if there is no P & A behind a film, a chain will have minimal interest. They have also been burned badly by freestyles' latest releases which have a very low per screen average. And this is where a theater may require a guaranteed minimum screen average, or they are just paying a fee to the theater, i.e. an old school rental
Anyone have more info on indie film distribution
I'm so psyched to see the trailer on July 4th. What a tribute to America it will be!!!
What the fuck is this place? A support group for RMMB members who hate Tucker?
Okay, I'm embarrassed to say, I'm one of those RMMB guys who have stayed around long enough to see the place degenerate into a cult of an invented internet personality. I'm around mostly for morbid curiosity nowdays. Have to be honest, this place is fucking funny. I mean like, holy shit, you guys are ruthless.
Thanks to the guy on RMMB who hipped me to this place. I was here a number of years ago to defend Tucker, now it's nice to know that I can come here and watch his demise from a far.
Should I stay on RMMB?
Let's not forget:
From Absinthe Donuts:
10:31: I turn to Rich and Eddie: "She'll never recover from that. She'll never be the same. I've completely ruined a human being. Years of expensive therapy and costly drugs can't reverse that kind of damage...yeah, I have an upper management role in Hell reserved for me." Rich looks at me and says into the voice recorder, "Damage assessment: Total." I got the joke the next day.
From an interview:
So I asked if he carries the tape recorder around with him and whips it out to record memorable things.
Max started shouting at me:
"I have a fucking memory. I remember the things that fucking happen to me. No, I don't sit at a table with a fucking tape recorder out. What kind of idiot do you think I am? Would you sit at a table with a guy that had a tape recorder out for six fucking hours?
Q.E.D.
He started remembering things after he puked on the tape recorder.
Seriously,
Nils is really really, really fuckin fat; orca fat.
Free Nilly!
Nilsbury-Doughboy!
Tugger Hack is also a delusional douchebag.
This upcoming trailer is like getting a snuff film in your in box, you know its going to be terrible to watch, but you are compelled to anyway.
TUCKER LOSES A FILM REEL HILARITY ENSUES PART I
(After one of the film reels gets damaged and Tucker can't get a replacement reel in time, he tells a sold out San Diego crowd the following)
"Okay, check this shit out. The average film is spooled on like six separate film reels and shit. About twenty minutes each, give or take; I'm not a fucking projectionist. Well last night after leaving Arizona, which is a cool place but hot as shit, and those fucker don't party like you fuckers in SD!"
CHEERS FROM CROWD
"Anyways, last night the fifth reel of the film got destroyed. But here's the funny part. I FUCKING DESTROYED IT. Well, not me, but a motherfucking Tiger."
CROWD GOES NUTS
"Serious, this is true story. Last night we got to SD early, like 2:30am. The whole way here Nils, Dawes, Tando and I were doing shots of moonshine. Like 40 or 50 shots each. We're full-on buzzed and looking for some fun. Then I remember there's a Naval base down here in SD. Holy shit, I said 'I should call up a few Navy SEAL friends I know.' BAD. IDEA."
CROWD LAUGHS
"By 3:00am my SEAL buddies BroHawk, Mondo and Terror meet us in a parking lot. They didn't come empty handed. They brought a Howitzer machine gun. If you're not familiar with the power of a Howitzer let me explain. Ten seconds of rapid fire from a fucking Howitzer can turn an entire Iraqi Wedding party into two thousand pounds of ground beef and shit."
CROWD ERUPTS WITH EXPLOSIVE APPLAUSE, A FEW BOOS
"Calm the fuck down, they're Iraqis NOT humans"
GUYS IN TANK TOPS AND FLIP FLOPS ARE NOW ROLLING IN THE AISLES
"Fuck, I haven't even told you motherfuckers the best part of the story. Shit. so we spent the next hour drinking beers and shooting out every motherfucking street lamp in a two mile radius. The cops were called and we took off in the tour bus. Since I was fairly drunk I knew the best thing for me to do was, well, drive the mother fucking bus!"
CROWD JUMPS UP AND DOWN WITH HOOTS
"Problem is, I couldn't figure out how to work the fucking air conditioner. So now it's like 100 degrees in the tour bus and I'm doing like 80-90 mph. To where? Who the fuck knows? Anyways, since everyone is sweating and shit, people started taking off their shirts and shit. I look in the mirror and I catch my Navy SEAL buddy Terror's reflection. He is shirtless, sweating and cut like a motherfucker. Full on six pack, nice round pecks, shoulders to die for."
GIRLS IN THE CROWD SQEAL
"At this point I'm no longer looking at the road. I'm looking at Terror's fucking chest and thinking about running back there and sucking and licking his nipples. Damn, dude has a better body than me motherfucker."
CROWD GOES SILENT
"Shit. I don't have notes. Where the fuck was I again?"
GUY IN CROWD "YOU WERE ABOUT TO GO GAY"
"Gay? Motherfucker, I've pleased more pussy than Purina Cat Chow!"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH LAUGHTER
"So I'm driving the fucking bus down the road when I see a sign. A sign from God. It reads: SAN DIEGO ZOO. 'Guess where we’re going motherfuckers' I yelled to the boys. So a few minutes later we're in the zoo parking lot. Obviously it's closed. Closed to the public that is, but not Tucker Fucking Max!"
STANDING OVATION WITH TWO MINUTES OF APPLAUSE
(TO BE CONTINUED)
TUCKER LOSES A FILM REEL HILARITY ENSUES PART II
(In part one Tucker was telling a sold out IHTSBIH crowd in San Diego about how the Rudius crew and his Navy Seal buddies were raising hell and accidentally destroyed a reel of the film. In his "true story" it's 3:00am and Tucker has just pulled the tour bus into the parking lot of the San Diego Zoo)
"So I pull the fucking bus into the zoo's parking lot. The bus has all these fucking gears and I'm just beating the shit out of the engine. Since we were Tucker Max drunk at that point I decided to park the bus across 15 handicap spots. Who the fuck brings retards to a zoo anyway? (mocks retard voice) 'I wannaz dee munkeee!!!!"
THE CROWD ROLLS WITH LAUGHTER
"Fuck. Note to self. San Diego is full of sick motherfuckers!"
THE CROWD CLAPS AND STOMPS FEET
"Hold on, you're going make me lose my place. Ok, right, so we're fucking in the parking lot of the San Diego zoo at 3am. We get off the bus to stretch our legs and I look over at Nils. He is in shock and pointing at something. Was he looking at a copy of USA today announcing Pizza Hut Chapter 11? Who the fuck knows. So I turn around to see what the fuck and there underneath the bus are a set of legs. Holy shit, I fucking ran over somebody. Not HIT someone. Not drove NEAR someone. But actually fucking DROVE OVER THEM WITH A 8000 POUND TOUR BUS!"
THE CROWD LAUGHS
"I went over and started kicking the legs and shit. Nothing. Finally Terror and Mondo went over and dragged the body our from under the bus by its feet. Holy shit. It's like a fifteen year old kid. I almost felt bad. He was toast."
THE CROWD SIGHS, AWWWWW
"Hold your awwwws you fucking pussies. The kid was Mexican!"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH RELIEF LAUGHTER
"Terror looked down at the body and says; swear to God, he says 'Looks like someone was trying to steal your axle, Max!' I fell to the ground laughing, tears rolling down my face. After a few minutes we tried to collect our thoughts. Being Green Berets and shit Terror, BroHawk and Mondo did the only natural thing they are trained to do in these situations. They took camera-phone pictures of themselves resting their nutsacks across the dead kid's forehead. It was a fucking Kodak moment."
THE CROWD BELLY LAUGHS
"You should see the photos. Fuck. I'll try to get them on the blog tomorrow or some shit. Terror has perfect fucking nuts, man, shit. Like two hardboiled eggs wrapped in fucking panty hose."
THE CROWD MURMURS
"What? I'm a stickler for detail and shit."
MORE LAUGHTER
"So now here we are. Drunk and at the zoo. I want to go fuck with some animals but we have a fucking wetback body we need to deal with. I forced Tando and Ryan Holiday to bring it inside the tour bus. Terror and Mondo propped the fucking body in a chair and rigged its jaw with string and tape so that as they watched ESPN playbacks on TIVO they could make the dead Tonk mouth the words. Like I said, I'm not even the coolest one of my friendses."
GUY IN CROWD YELLS "I FUCKING HOPE SO"
"Excuse me; are you a fucking dude or a chick?"
THE CROWD EXPLODES WITH LAUGHS. TWO PARAMEDICS WHEEL IN A STRETCHER JUST IN CASE
"I decided I had enough ESPN and set out for the zoo. As I made my way to the zoo gates I was approached by a security guard. Only it wasn't a security guard, it was a hot chick. She was in her forties with a nice round ass and big tits. She had tears in her eyes. 'Are you like fucking okay and shit?' I said to her. She said 'no.' From her accent and skin color I could tell she was Mexican. I had two obvious choices. Do I fuck her in the pussy of the ass?"
THE CROWD CHANTS "ASS ASS ASS ASS"
"Calm down you SD motherfuckers. Last chick I fucked in the ass was Bob Gosse. ..ahh---oooohhh.."
(Tucker does an Andrew Dice Clay rim shot "ah-ooohhh" but it's so high-pitched that is sounds more like an eleven year old girl's reaction to seeing a spider)
"Then she said the magic words. 'Can you help me find my son?' "
(TO BE CONTINUED)
I think Tucker's going to do really well at the box office. Sure it might start off small but people are going to watch this movie and go, "Wow, I totally relate to that" and "Wow, I should've made some choices to be more like Tucker when I was younger". Tucker's revolutionary in that his antics are a living deconstruction of the God-Wife paradigm our minds have been enmeshed in, or rather among, for the past however many hundreds of years - all someone needs to do is look at Tucker and they know, they just instinctively know on a gut level, like someone punched them, "That was all wrong. Now I know what's right." And so we will see lots of changing behavior after Tucker's movie comes out, starting at the college theaters where his tour will show them. (And on a tangent, isn't it just wonderful that he's doing the college towns first? The best and brightest minds of our future generations will be exposed to Tucker's message first and most intensely! They're the ones who will lead the revolution in moral divestiture! And physical divestiture, once all the free intercourse begins. I'm really excited about finally getting my share.) Anyway, I think Tucker himself is thinking a little too small when he talks about $200 million box office and so on. It won't be $200 million! It'll be billions! What nobody is realizing is that this is the start of a whole new philosophy, a whole new way of life, a whole new religion, a whole new application of uninhibited ejaculation upon this Planet Earth. Soon, friends and dudes! Soon, the day will come when Tucker can say, "Raise your hand if you've ever fucked a planet," and Tucker will be the one reaching far into the heavens! Yes, friends and dudes, the glories of the age of Tucker are indeed soon upon us! I'm really looking forward to it. Also I think the movie is going to be pretty funny. There wouldn't be this much discussion of it and nonstop naysaying by nabobs of negativity if people "in the know" weren't exactly sure of what was coming down the pipe and were totally terrified by it. "If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target", that's what the Air Force says, and Tucker is totally the best of the Air Force spirit, and of the wider military in general. The mental disturbances and overturnings engendered by this film and the revelations of the truths Tucker brings us will utterly overshadow everything Hollywood has ever done before and that's what Tucker's talking about whene he says he's revolutionizing the system but can't talk about it yet because really how can he talk about it when the state of things After will be so different from things Before that there's really no basis for comparison is there? Anyway, let's all get ready to enjoy the movie.
does anybody on this board have lexisnexis access?
if so, i think it'd be interesting to run a search through the "m-find" (for military personnel) engine for a "tucker tibor max," born 1975, branch of service: army.
a screenshot might be helpful too.
although i think those records end before 9/11, and tucker would've enlisted afterwards.
if anybody wants to fill out an sf-180, though, and scan the results, they'd be my personal hero.
http://www.archives.gov/research/order/standard-form-180.pdf
A few years ago, under his FAQs, Tucker noted that he keeps screwing up past/present tense in his stories, and asked readers to email him with corrections. Then, he changed it to say that the past/present tense switching was necessary for the stories. Now, he says nothing about it whatsoever. This is an allegory of Tucker's decent into unbridled arrogance and douchebaggery.
Re the kid who asked if they should stay on the board... Wtf kind of question is that dearheart? Stay if you can stomach it... If not, find other ways to amuse yourself.... The internet is wide and most of it has far fewer parts per million douche than tmmb
Ps if we are whippin out our rep point penises... Last time I was on the board participating (and for the majority of my time on the boards), I had the third most rep short of only bunny and some chick who got all of her pts by showing tits
I'm here after getting a link from a "first wave" fan... Who like me... Grew to despise the boards and eventually truly pity tucker over the last few years
Part II:
(On a side note, Fuck you MovieWeb guy, you're a fucking unethical douchebag for taking Tucker up on his "I'll explain what I'm doing here" conference PRIOR to you seeing his movie and reviewing it. Seriously dude, I don't read your movie reviews, but you are total bullshit for falling for that sort of bullshit. I swear to God, if this film gets some sort of I WAS WRONG, THIS FILM IS THE GREATEST EVER review, if you go from apathetic objective reporter to "I'M FUCKING SOLD" I will personally find you at some film convention and beat you into a stutter.)
And now on with our regularly scheduled program
-TDG
(by Jpeeeezy )
I noticed something about Jpeeeezy. Not only did he sign up to just make posts in Tucker's defense, but this was his first reply he ever made in a thread:
"I'm pretty much in the middle of the road with Tucker,"
Keep that in mind, I'll be getting back to it.
"Wasn't really a 5th grade joke. You were raving about the fact that you saw a penis, and I simply suggested that you were perhaps gay."
I have no idea what this means, but if you type this same sentence to a 12 year old in a chat room you're doing 5-7 of hard time.
"As a straight man, when I saw that scene, I was bothered"
Hot and bothered, right Nancyboy? (wink)
"For one, I just don't enjoy looking at penises."
Except my own, which I stare at in between hilariously luscious Tucker Max 100% true stories.
"And secondly, I thought it was unnecessary and cheap to show a penis for shock value to get some laughs."
Unless of course there's shit on the dick, then it's art.
Part III:
"They could have easily shown how 'brilliant of a comedic scene it was' or whatever stupid shyt you said by showing a towel drop and keeping the camera above his waste."
Jason Segel shit on the floor in that scene?
To quote annoying RMMB members.
Best. Scene. Ever.
(props to whomever dropped that on the IMDB boards)
He's not a homophobe like Rush Limbaugh isn't a racist.
"Jason Segel is an annoying tool as it is who I really don't like as an actor, and when they showed his "way smaller than PMCdonnel's penis, because his 'wife/life partner' says so""
Dude, for a guy who hates penises, you sure as fuck talk about them a lot.
By the way, somebody has to have him say "delicious" in the same post he says "penis".
"I was just annoyed and couldn't really take the rest of the movie seriously."
So a dick for less than a minute ruined the movie for you? Question, how are you going to deal with seeing a dick like Tucker for 83 minutes?
"And I'm not Tucker."
No, but you certainly aren't "I'm pretty much in the middle of the road with Tucker,". In fact, you're sort of a defender of his name, a Lancelot for his Camelot. In fact, it's a lot like Camelot, only with Guinevere taking it up the can in rehab.
"But he does pay me $1 per post where I say something positive about him or his movie. "
You need to talk to BC Woods about Tucker paying people.
"Keep going with your delusional conspiracy theories."
Okay, you're totally not gay.
Speaking of conspiracy theories, read above again, it'll blow your mind when I'm 100% correct.
Part IV:
"My conspiracy theories about you haters are:"
Here's my theory on you, douchebag. You are either on Tucker's board as a moderator or very close to the moderators. Also, your claim that you were just a moderate fan of Tucker's goes out the window with your next rant, so that in fact makes you a liar. Not even a paid liar, just a liar who is lying to cover for another liar. You are trying to debunk the people calling him on his bullshit, and when you really can't do this anymore you resort to a lot of very pointed accusations.
Let's go below and look at the evidence.
"1.) You were an avid messageboard member on his site, a moderator got tired of reading a stupid post after a stupid post by you, and you got banned."
Not just banned, but FUCK YOU, BANNED!!! I ridez in sTyLeZ.
So wait, I'm supposed to believe a "middle of the road" kind of guy, who just happened to join and give his opinion because he sort of heard about Tucker Max but would know about the social group dynamics of a small and somewhat uncomplicated politics of a small message board?
I believe this liar like I believe another liar drove a car into a donut shop in downtown Chicago.
""This was probably the most devastating day of your life, because you used to live and breath just to post on that board and read Tucker's newest stories"
Actually, I gave up on Tucker's newest stories since I joined in 2007. But you know what, THANK FUCKING GOD FOR THAT. His new stories, the midget one (didn't happen) and the lame April Fools joke were FUCKING HORRIBLE. Like, I sort of joined because his stories were funny, but he himself, with the false ego and bravado that goes along with it was awesome for me. I could post shit that would be making fun of him to his face, but he wouldn't get it because he's a douche and doesn't understand sarcasm and STILL GET A TON OF POSITIVE REP FOR IT.
If rep were money I'd be... 1000's of dollars richer.
Of course it's not, it's meaningless, and I don't take it seriously. However what is meaningful is getting positive rep while mocking the subject TO HIS FACE.
By the way, I haven't been banned yet, and I've posted a bunch this month.
"and it was all taken away from you in the blink of an eye. You now have as much hate for him as you initially had love for him. "
"Love for him", "penis". I don't know, say it a couple of times and I'm calling even odds that he's had his dick sucked by a dude.
TDG,
This was inspiring. Awesome job again!!
Deconstructor, the Fake Story Guy, and pcmcdonnell are just awesome... breathing new life into the art of Tucker-opposition. All you guys who've been posting here lately (except the idiot fanboys who tried to defend Tucker and were summarily decimated) are killing it. Keep it up.
Part V:
"2.) You were an avid messageboard member on his site, and you asked if you could become a moderator multiple times, all of which were met with a big fat no because you make 37 stupid posts per day, then they finally got fed up with you and banned you for being the tool that you are."
Okay, at this point, it's pretty obvious that this is a moderator. So basically it's safe to say that Tucker is in fact sending mods over here. Maybe they're taking it upon themselves, but people who are "working" for Tucker Max are definitely coming to IMDB to try and debunk the naysayers.
That or they might just be angry dudes who can't stand to see Tucker being made fun of and exposed for who he really is.
Most likely they are both. It fits the profile.
"3.) You sent your script to Tucker to read because you figured he's got Hollywood connections,"
Yeah dude, if I ever want to get that script to Bob Gosse or Puma Swede, I know who to call.
"and either got NO response at all or got an email back explaining to you that just because you watch a lot of movies does not mean you are qualified to write a script,"
But writing about getting your dick shit on inspires a generation.
Yeah, I'd hate to be a NYTimes Best Selling Author and find out that I'm unqualified to write a script. But do you want to know what I'd hate more?
If that script that I was completely unqualified to write ended up getting made into a really shitty movie.
"and proceeded to explain to you that your script was the worst thing he'd ever read. You were devastated because your real life, living HERO just punked you out and crushed your dream."
In the words of "The Incredibles":
he's monologuing.
Hahahahahaha. Dude, want to talk about crazy conspiracy theories. However, this just proves one thing:
Not only does it sound as if he knows the inner workings of RMMB, but he's in close enough personal contact with Tucker that he gets all the juicy details. This not only makes him full of shit, but he's not even masking the details. Tucker's plants are SO FUCKING OBVIOUS.
Epic failure.
But it does go to sort of prove that my crazy conspiracy theory listed in Part I was not all that off-base.
"4.) All of the above.
I GAURANTEE that one of these scenarios applies to more than one of the haters on this board."
Really chief? You're going to go out and misspell a word YOU CAPITALIZE. Dumbass.
How about this, NONE OF THE FUCKING ABOVE. Not in my case. I'll still be on the board tomorrow and the day after and continue to post, because unlike Tucker and his idiot followers, I can actually subtly mask my writing voice, and I'M NOT EVEN A WRITER.
I'm simply a guy who has nothing personally or emotionally invested in either the board or the film but loves to fuck with people who fuck with people. There are a lot of us on the board who write here regularly and keep email tabs on one another. Guess what, we all think Tucker is a huge douchebag, but what's hysterical is that you think we have any chance of making him unsuccessful while STILL GETTING POSITIVE REP.
I'm no shrink, but that has to sting.
Thank you for your time.
-TDG
"It's a beautiful thing to watch. I guess Tucker is now seeing the error of his ways of letting Luke and Goulson go and having the Bunny in rehab. The 80-100 hours a week those guys must have spent going to Amazon to post fake reviews had to increase sales by the dozens."
"It's a beautiful thing to watch. I guess Tucker is now seeing the error of his ways of letting Luke and Goulson go and having the Bunny in rehab. The 80-100 hours a week those guys must have spent going to Amazon to post fake reviews had to increase sales by the dozens."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"Wasn't really a 5th grade joke. You were raving about the fact that you saw a penis, and I simply suggested that you were perhaps gay."
I have no idea what this means, but if you type this same sentence to a 12 year old in a chat room you're doing 5-7 of hard time.
Dude,
I fell out of my chair with that one. I LOVE YOUR POSTS!!
Holy shit, that was a great rant.
""And I'm not Tucker."
No, but you certainly aren't "I'm pretty much in the middle of the road with Tucker,". In fact, you're sort of a defender of his name, a Lancelot for his Camelot. In fact, it's a lot like Camelot, only with Guinevere taking it up the can in rehab."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"Actually, I gave up on Tucker's newest stories since I joined in 2007. But you know what, THANK FUCKING GOD FOR THAT. His new stories, the midget one (didn't happen) and the lame April Fools joke were FUCKING HORRIBLE."
I know, right? I remember reading his April Fools story and thought how much it sucked. Now we all know why his new book is still unpublished.
TDG FUCKING OWNED THAT DOUCHE!!!!
Nice job detective.
"3.) You sent your script to Tucker to read because you figured he's got Hollywood connections,"
Yeah dude, if I ever want to get that script to Bob Gosse or Puma Swede, I know who to call.
___________________________________
Ha, ha, ha. Fuck, yeah. Get 'em, TDG. Classic.
I don't know him well enough to make a dx and that would be unethical anyway BUT I think we can rule out antisocial pd (sociopath, psychopath). He shows an inconsistency with his motivation plus I believe he does care what people think of him. I believe narcissistic pd would be a better fit.
PD (pers disorder) criteria are very similar constellations of symptoms with very similar outcomes. Every MD could give him a different dx and argue its value. I could potentially argue a case for borderline pd as well depending on specifics of how he reacts when he lose control of his emotions.
I'd also toss in a major depressive disorder or anxiety disorder. He disappears a lot and chances are it is more than typical licking his wounds. Poor hygiene, poor money management, scattered motivation, aubstance abuse, promiscuity, and genuine delusions of grandeur could indicate bipolar disorder instead of (or in addition to) mdd, npd, and or bpd.
Whatever it is... It is sad when an adult has such impairment in functioning that they end up alone. I hope he seeks assistance.
"Like, I sort of joined because his stories were funny, "
Ok, see, right there's the thing. They actually aren't that funny at all. Only maybe to discontented insecure mentally teenage retards. An adult reads those and is left with at best a vague sentiment of disgust and contempt for a guy who can be such a raging destructive jerk.
Where we are seeing Tucker ending up is the entirely logical endpoint for the person presented in his stories.
7/20/09 @ 4:33 AM, that's great analysis. Are you a professional psychiatrist/psychologist? Pretty insightful.
By the way, I'd just like to share that when I read about Tucker going to the bathroom in a hotel lobby, it makes me think that he's trying to teach me to be the person I want to be, not who 'the system' tells me to be. He's teaching this to me by showing me how HE does it- by going to the bathroom in public, crashing cars into buildings, then fleeing the scene for others to clean up his mess, and of COURSE, by filming sex without consent. These are the things I aspire to do- the things 'the system' tells me I CAN'T do- and I'm just so glad Tucker has gone before me to show me that I CAN live out my dreams, if I'll only make it a personal goal to have sex with a midget and anything else that moves.
Just think- if it weren't for visionaries like Tucker Max, we all might learn personal restraint and trust in 'the system' to guide us in the right direction, like it's done for humanity from time immemorial, instead of having the glorious freedom to defecate in public and violate the rights of others without fear of recourse. What kind of hellish world would THAT be?!
"I mean like, holy shit, you guys are ruthless."
Well, that's Tucker's mantra. So why not just give a little bit back.
TDG is hilarious. I'd love to see Tuckers reaction in a Q&A with TDG.
If anyone has seen the O&A interview (Oppie and Anthony radio show in 2006), at about 3:42-3:44 in the youtube video they call Tucker out. Tucker looks like he is about to Cry.
This supposed bad ass, who has said all these cruel insulting things to people in his life and he can't defend himself for 3 seconds?
I imagine TDG would rip him a new one.
"A few years ago, under his FAQs, Tucker noted that he keeps screwing up past/present tense in his stories, and asked readers to email him with corrections. Then, he changed it to say that the past/present tense switching was necessary for the stories. Now, he says nothing about it whatsoever. This is an allegory of Tucker's decent into unbridled arrogance and douchebaggery."
In a study of liars, we find that they cannot remember time correctly when lying.
This means they get many things wrong with time as the frame of reference, both in chronology and in point of fact.
i.e. from tuckers book...
He misses very consistently. Just for a few examples, and there are many.
A) Saying he is 23 in a story...when he is really 24? Maybe he just misremembered?
B) In 1998, saying it's the "21st century" -- Sure it is Tuck. No, you wrote it in the 21st, it happened in the 20th...of course if it wasn't complete BS it would be written correctly.
C) Talking about things like PS2s, or Ipods, etc in stories where they haven't even been released yet (i.e. stuff that supposedly happened in 1998, 1999)
This list is virtually endless.
It happens with his frame of reference in stories too. Particulat the "Absinthe Donuts" story. As many have pointed out, the time period (of say a donut shop in the early morning) to Tucker apparently sprinting at an Olympic record pace over 20 blocks.
Liars do this because they cannot correctly "remember" the timing of events because they simply never happened.
I bet there's going to be a thread on the RMMB mod board trying to out TDG. It'll be just like when Michael Corleone used his father's advice to catch Tessio!
Be careful dude, the genius mods are going to hunt you!!
Re mods outing... I think I already know tdg just based on his style. Likewise, this is my 4th post and I guarantee if they were written as one people would be able to out me.
For those of us who were playing since early 03, we saw and read a lot of posts. You get used to a person's tone and meter over time. That's why it is so easy to spot the emails tuck sends to himself on his blog. You can change spellings and grammar but it is more difficult to change structure unless you are an experienced and talented author.
Our voices are pretty much the same unless we are able to manipulate them in a way of speaking through a character. Make sense? Kind of like a good actor.... Writing is the same.
That being said.... I don't know that mods care about this board in that way. Why would they waste time when there are so many e dicks to suck and e asses to kick on the messageboards.
"Of course it's not, it's meaningless, and I don't take it seriously. However what is meaningful is getting positive rep while mocking the subject TO HIS FACE."
Having TDG here is great.
I'm waiting till we see some kind of post from Tucker on his board about who has betrayed him.
I'd love to see some kind of psychotic break down turning into a witch hunt!
"Who is TDG! I demand to know!" - "Fuck you, all banned!"
You know his goons, or even he reads these boards. I bet they have a full on investigation to discover the "traitor" amongst them...
BAUHAAUHAAUAHA.
I have two wishful outcomes.
1) Tucker Max becomes synonymous with Douchebag. I.e. "Man, that guy was a real Tucker Max."
2) The phrase "Tucker Max Fail" becomes an internet phrase to denote Epic Failure. "Yeah dude, I wouldn't do that. You don't want to Tucker Max Fail or anything."
Just some small wishes.
"Be careful dude, the genius mods are going to hunt you!!"
I was just posting the same thing. Your Godfather reference is a good comparison.
I was thinking RMMB wouldn't be nearly as cool though. More like the Salem Witch Trials.
"A witch! A witch! He's a witch!"
"I was thinking RMMB wouldn't be nearly as cool though."
Yeah, I was being sarcastic. No way those guys could be as badass as the Corleones. (No offense to our resident TMMB mods, you guys are great, keep sharing the great insider stories.)
"Why would they waste time when there are so many e dicks to suck and e asses to kick on the messageboards."
HAAHAHAHAAH. True, True.
However, I think they have wasted time on IMBD. Since that thread has become more active, we've seen profiles created only to come onto just that thread and defend Tucker.
Or try to get at the "haters" on the thread.
Since IMBD is in the top 50 US sites visited on a daily basis, I'm sure they are concerned about it.
If you type "I hope they serve beer in hell" it's the one major site everyone recognizes and most people go to in order to see actor lists of movies, movie reviews, threads, quotes, etc.
I go there a lot if I can't remember who was in what movie. But it leads right into looking at the stuff on the movies page, namely the threads.
And frankly, it's all negative attention right now. And not in that good "Paris Hilton, might make you C-list celebrity" way...
If you type in, "I hope they serve beer in hell" into google you get:
1. The Amazon link for the book.
2. The official "I hope they serve beer in hell" website.
3. The IMBD website.
I would imagine someone "discovering" Tuckers product, in terms of the movie is going to the IMBD website, because that's the most popular one there in regards to the movie.
As TDG pointed out, it looks as though the drones are coming over there to defend TM.
With regards to mods, why all of the slf (sillylittlefreak, jon) hate? He was the most tolerable along with dch, donika, and sharts. The real assholes, in my opinion, were the new ones... Gris, suapyg, and geigs. They are the main crowd that ran off the smart people from what I heard? Is there a story I'm missing here? I would post this in the tech help thread on rmmb but I doubt it would go over well.
"As TDG pointed out, it looks as though the drones are coming over there to defend TM."
And defending him poorly. Like the kid who tried to accuse me of being a fag because I liked Sarah Marshall's breakup scene. It juet led to softball after softball. Or the other tool that didn't realize that accusing us of schadenfreude, acknowledges that we are taking pleasure in tucker's impending failure. And the guys defending the "truthiness' of Tucker's stories are now just begging us to give him the benefit of the doubt.
PM.
Where are my updates from Tucker? It's about a month away and he still hasn't told us the theaters were the college tour is coming. No trailer-- despite being told it is the next great thing. You would think Tucker is doing this himself or something. I mean, this is the biggest movie ever.
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