The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 6001 – 6200 of 15917 Newer› Newest»He never said he'd beat The Hangover???
FROM HIS BLOG: (Is he worried about The Hangover) "Not at all. Our movie is nothing like The Hangover except in the vaguest plot descriptions, and in the most important way--humor--its way way better. Like, not even comparable. The worst jokes in our movie kill the best in The Hangover, even ignoring the fact that pretty much all the best lines were in the trailer.
Plus, I am super excited to see that movie do well. It proves the market for our concept--that hard R movies without stars, about guys and drinking are viable--and anything that movie can do at the box office, we can beat. Easily. It's like watching someone fight your opponent first, and you get to see exactly what you are in for.
If there do end up being a lot of comparisons, it will go poorly, but not for us. The Hangover is probably one of the best comedies of the last ten years, but all that means is that comedy has sucked for ten years. The days of being able to pass off dogshit like The Hangover as great comedy end on September 25th. We are going to sweep in out of nowhere and shake up the comedy world. The bar will be raised."
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=20811&page=27
In case you missed it, here is the short quote.
"anything that movie can do at the box office, we can beat. Easily."
Anonymous at 11:30 AM
you just got P'WNED
Take a seat dumbass
He is so delusional to think that his kick ass road trip to Austin THAT NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED is going to be universally better than the Hangover. What a dumbass
a road trip to Vegas > a road trip to Austin
Old School > IHTSBIH
Zach Galifanakis > Matt Czucry
and so forth and so on etc.
the reason why its won't be good is because Tucker isn't a redeemable character.
In the script is has him sleeping with a wife and then he has a realization that he needs to be a better friend.
its like we are supposed to find him as a lovable person who is an ass to everyone. How is that going to touch a wide audience?
Sure some people may find it amusing, but I bet the majority will be disgusted by this movie.
He says the comedies of the last ten years have sucked. Really?
-Wedding crashers
-Any Judd Apatow movie
-Grandmas boy
I mean thats what I can name at the top of my head right now, this person is an idiot
So did Tucker ever end up throwing the first pitch at that little league game?
If you look at the FAQ on the his movie blog, it says that they finished making the movie of August '08
I'm no movie expert but does it really take this long to release a movie once it is made. Its going to be released well over a year since it was made
Wonder what the hold up was
1. Don't forget that the soundtrack has Paul Wall in it.
2. Hangover may have had Tyson, but IHTSBIH has some more famous MMA guys in it.
3. I love that this is still the comment section to post on.
4. Anyone know how much it costs to rent a bus to drive to 30 cities?
Also, I forgot that Otto invented movies about drinking and fornicating long before Animal House ever hit the theaters.
A 30 day tour? That sounds a big long for Otto. Last I knew anytime he put in a real days work he had to take a month off for vacation to recover.
Anyone have a guess what the iPhone app will do?
30 pre-programmed "witty" responses? such as "Hey Fatty" and "Me so solly"
So the 50 city tour has already shrunk to 30?
Did he think he was just going to pull into town and say "I'm Tucker Max, where is the nearest empty 800 seat theater?"
To plan one simple screening is difficult enough. But 30 from out of state?
Each theater in each city will require at least the following:
RENTAL $2500--$3500
PERCENTAGE OF CONCESSIONS GAURANTEES $$$
Possible "buy out" fees if previously scheduled films are bumped
On site Security (and No, Kung Fu Mike and Tando wearing wife-beaters does not count) They will need to hire professional bonded security
They will need to buy event insurance for each screening
Ad buys will need to be placed in local papers, radio, etc. (Sounds easy, but its not)
Many of these theaters may have Union agreement with projectionists that get paid a minimun of 6 hours pay at union rate even if the movie is 90 minutes
transportation costs (gas will hit 4 bucks again soon)
Tucker's hotel (yes, wildman rebel party animal Tucker is demanding hotel rooms when he has a tour bus already equiped with sleeping/shower facilities)
Again, he's assuming that all these venues have wide open schedules. These things are normally booked 3 months in advance at least. August is around the corner.
Tucker would be better off traveling with a portable circus tent with rows of plastic benches. Ryan Holiday can usher, Bunny on projector, blah blah
I really don't want to see the dude fail, I just wish he'd think before he opens his mouth.
Tucker mentioned in his trip to Vegas story that they left on a whim for Vegas at 8PM.
on the way there they stopped off for at an In'N Out burger joint. He loved the the food so much he had two burgers. He even had a picture of himself taken while he ate the second one. The picture on his site.
It really is a great picture. Especially all the sunshine in the background.. because it was night time he heh he
You people are so stupid my brain hurts from reading your dribble.
Tucker has kept his word every step of the way. You know why his site is popular? Because he's honest; and he doesn't hide behind anon blog postings. Man up and post your real names.
But you won't because you don't have the courage of your convictions. All you know is hate, hate, hate. Imagine if instead of hating something you tried to emulate it or even better, improve upon it?
When Tucker first read Dave Eggers book he openly admits he hated on it, but what he did next shows the strength of his character. He wrote his own book and got it published. It's now three years on the bestsellers list. Not bad, eh?
Now he made a movie about himself and it's about to blowup and change the way people view comedies,at least in the last ten years. Instead of enjoying his movie you are trying to destroy it; even wishing it to fail. How does this serve you? How does hating on a guy who did nothing to you but offer you funny stories improve your lives?
Will any of you have the courage to admit you were wrong after September 25th?
How the fuck is it going to change comedies. I have read the script there is NOTHING special about it.
In fact, I'm actually offended by it. The "redeemable" qualities that the characters have are so thrown together that the plot twists are so obvious.
And all it is is drinking and tucker being an ass. Its old. And there has been NO buzz about this movie except Tucker himself and the hate sites.
"Tucker has kept his word every step of the way. You know why his site is popular? Because he's honest; and he doesn't hide behind anon blog postings. Man up and post your real names."
Tucker's site is not popular. It's alexa ranking is way down from 2002, as secretive tapings of anal sex without telling the girl is sooooo 2002, as is destroying the reuptation of beauty queens.
Tucker has the billion-dollar viacom apparatus backing him as well as the corporate-state and federal reserve, as well as duke-trained lawyers. You would be a fool to use your own name while speaking out against his secretive tapings of anal sex during which he does not tell the girl he is filming her. His book is being used as a litmus test for hiring into the coprorate state, and right now they are setting up FEMA camps, and I have heard that the campus police will be patrolling the screenings and tazing anyone who does not laugh at tucker's epic douchebaggery, mean spiritedness towards midgets, and making fun of fat girls, asians, and minorities.
"But you won't because you don't have the courage of your convictions. All you know is hate, hate, hate. Imagine if instead of hating something you tried to emulate it or even better, improve upon it?"
All that tucker knows is hate, hate, hate. He hates classic, epic narrative; character and honor, truth and justice. All he can do is embellish on his own douchebaggery, which is what the Fed is funding as they dumb the nation down and destroy the family, so as to grow the power of teh elite banking cartel who counterfeits money.
This book will outsell all of tucker's put together:
http://www.amazon.com/End-Fed-Ron-Paul/dp/0446549193/
"When Tucker first read Dave Eggers book he openly admits he hated on it, but what he did next shows the strength of his character. He wrote his own book and got it published. It's now three years on the bestsellers list. Not bad, eh?"
Eggers and Tucker are two sides of the same postmodern, fiat coin (paper dollar). Neither can create a character greater than themselves such as Homer, Shakespeare, Heller, Dante, Melville, Salinger, Virgil, Dostoevsky, Chekov, Dickens, Geroge Lucas, and Hawthorne all did. Tucker's lack of integrity, talent, and artistic ability to create exalted wrks showing Aristotle's "way things ought to be," is his only asset. But when the American dollar loses its reserve currency status, due to Tucker et al.'s epic douchebaggery, hyping, lying, and arrogance, all of a sudden secretive tapings of anal sex filmed without the girls' consent aren't going to be so funny. Viacom's corporate-state reign of terror will finally be over.
And speaking of using real names, when employees of viacom post here, how come they don't use their real names? C'mon--you're back by billions of fiat dollars, and Tucker's book is on the bestseller list of a dying newspaper in a dying economy in a corrupted nation. What--are you beginning to doubt the fiat bluff? Don't you have a Harvard MBA where they teach you how to arrange Tucker's books on the front tables of Borders, to further the fiat decline, debauchery, and decadence?
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=borders+closing+stores&aq=f&oq=&aqi=g3
Oops, and now Borders is going under.
Everything Tucker touches turns to douche and dies.
Were it a level playing field, without the fiat viacom bankers backing him and assaulting morality so as to kill the family and grow the corproate state, he would not have a bestselling book, nor would society be declining.
http://www.amazon.com/Save-Males-Matter-Women-Should/dp/1400065798/
http://www.amazon.com/Save-Males-Matter-Women-Should/dp/1400065798/
http://www.amazon.com/Unprotected-Psychiatrist-Political-Correctness-Profession/dp/1595230254
http://www.amazon.com/Taken-into-Custody-Fatherhood-Marriage/dp/1581825943
http://chesterton.org/acs/quotes.htm
http://www.henrymakow.com/000376.html
http://www.savethemales.ca/130302.html
http://www.henrymakow.com/000561.html
http://www.amazon.com/Save-Males-Matter-Women-Should/dp/1400065798/
picture's of tucker's schwag bags:
http://narang.com/image/instructions/douche_bag_set.jpg
http://19.media.tumblr.com/n90tPt6KWadunuj2DQcPjdBv_250.jpg
http://thenrb.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/douche-bag.jpg
http://media.photobucket.com/image/douche%20bag/salesking/douchebag.jpg
that will really get all the fanboys in there!!!
yes--when tucker shares the names of all the people that darko and viacom wire fiat dolalrs to to further "douchebaggery, decline, and decadence," then we'll share our names.
please list them all here.
Anonymous at 5:16 is my hero.
yes--fucking finally.
viacom/the fed created both eggers and tucker max to kill the soul.
both eggers and max toe the corporate-state line which dictates taht one shall not create heroic characters with ideals worth fighting for, but only assclowns and douchebags inspired by reality tv.
the federal reserve, in taking over and bankrupting america, had to get rid of all real, moral men who would resist when all their taxes were taken in the TARP bailouts.
look at tucker, his friends, and his crew--clean-shaven women all with nary a soul between them all.
they are the reason america's currency is losing its reserve status, and soon, so very soon, real men and real litertaure will rise after tucker takes down the NYT, borders, and viacom, while actually believing he is creating art. hahah. ha.
"You people are so stupid my brain hurts from reading your dribble."
Funny, either you are Tucker or you just copied a direct quote of his from the message board. I understand you like Tucker, but don't bite his rhymes.
"Tucker has kept his word every step of the way."
Yeah dude, I'll believe that when he shows some evidence to prove he wrecked a Subway donut shop or some videotape with him puking on his shitty dick.
I'd take anything besides "Ask (insert appropriate sycophant name), he was totally there."
"You know why his site is popular? Because he's honest; and he doesn't hide behind anon blog postings. Man up and post your real names."
Tucker is honest like his work is revolutionary.
And being an ex-mod on his board, I can say with 100% certainty that he DOES hide behind fake aliases on his own board.
"But you won't because you don't have the courage of your convictions."
Perhaps I don't want some unhinged sycophant fanboy of Tucker's to harass me? That's not being a coward, that's just being smart.
"All you know is hate, hate, hate. Imagine if instead of hating something you tried to emulate it or even better, improve upon it?"
I don't hate Tucker, I think he's a tool. It's fun watching him paint himself into an ever shrinking corner because NOTHING HE EVER SAYS IS 100% TRUE.
Why would anybody want to emulate a fraud? Do you think there are writers out there who are trying to emulate James Frey?
"When Tucker first read Dave Eggers book he openly admits he hated on it, but what he did next shows the strength of his character. He wrote his own book and got it published. It's now three years on the bestsellers list. Not bad, eh?"
Considering that Tucker's book is on the NYTimes SUPPLEMENTAL best seller list for a couple of months a year over the last three years, I'd say that's a success.
I'd also say that since his book has been on the list for 3 years and he still has no money, his company has no paid employees and he has mismanaged his own brand to the point of futility, he's a failure.
"Now he made a movie about himself"
Well no, he had a movie made about his bullshit that he calls truth. Many of his stories that are in the movie aren't based on truth, such as the midget story which was total bullshit (there were mods there who claim it never happened the way Tucker claims in his 100% true stories, and that sex never occurred, and they far outnumber Tucker's lame "ask Nils, he was there."
His stories are 100% true like Star Wars is 100% true.
"and it's about to blowup and change the way people view comedies,at least in the last ten years."
Well something is about to blow up, most likely it will be his career.
"Instead of enjoying his movie you are trying to destroy it; even wishing it to fail."
Destroy it? Dude, it wasn't me who wrote that piece of shit script. Tucker destroyed it, not the people who call him on his bullshit.
But yes, I do wish it will fail, because if it does I expect the funniest things Tucker will ever write is posts about how it was everybody elses fault except his own.
"How does this serve you? How does hating on a guy who did nothing to you but offer you funny stories improve your lives?"
Dude, if you think a fake story about somebody getting their dick shat upon will improve your life, well then...
"Will any of you have the courage to admit you were wrong after September 25th?"
Why? As Tucker says, the site was made for his friends, and if you aren't one of them, you don't really matter. Since I don't really matter to him, then my opinion (as well as yours) don't count, so why bother?
Tell you what though, if Tucker's movie fails, how about you kill yourself?
You left off another expense from this list
"Each theater in each city will require at least the following:
RENTAL $2500--$3500
PERCENTAGE OF CONCESSIONS GAURANTEES $$$
Possible "buy out" fees if previously scheduled films are bumped
On site Security (and No, Kung Fu Mike and Tando wearing wife-beaters does not count) They will need to hire professional bonded security
They will need to buy event insurance for each screening
Ad buys will need to be placed in local papers, radio, etc. (Sounds easy, but its not)
Many of these theaters may have Union agreement with projectionists that get paid a minimun of 6 hours pay at union rate even if the movie is 90 minutes
transportation costs (gas will hit 4 bucks again soon)
Tucker's hotel (yes, wildman rebel party animal Tucker is demanding hotel rooms when he has a tour bus already equiped with sleeping/shower facilities)"
He needs to purchase, transport and distruibute 24,000 schwag bags. No room for mistakes or error there!
"Dude, if you think a fake story about somebody getting their dick shat upon will improve your life, well then..."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OWNED.
instead of making 28,000 schwag bags and renting clunky college theaters with inferior sound/projection, why not just do a normal release in real movie theaters?
it worked for hangover and batman...
yes--why not make money instead of lose it?
yes--why not
1) write a real script
2) hire a real director
3) cast real actors
4) show the movie in real theaters with real sound systems
????
what was tucker thinking?
Can you imagine what the IHTSBIH War room is like these days?
I picture Tucker pacing the floor like an angry college basketball coach surrounded by white boards that have tons of lists and lots of crossed out names.
They know they're in over their heads, but like that episode of the Twilight Zone called 'It's a Good Life' where a six-year boy monitors the thoughts of everyone in his town, sending people who don't like him 'away to the cornfield.' If someone would have just had the courage to whack the kid with a crowbar, they'd all be free from his childish brutality. But no one does anything and they are left in a really shitty situation.
I imagine Tucker holding many speakerphone conference calls. Many with novelty vendors for the gift bags.
"How much for 30,000 rape whistles with the words I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell embossed on them?"
VENDOR: "Well, we've never had a request so vile, stupid and ill-advised.. let me check, hold please."
"I don't have all day."
VENDOR: "I can get them from China for a dime a pop or three thousand dollars."
"I know how to spell, I went to Duke Law?"
VENDOR: "Duke, I had a cousin that went to Duke. He's in jail for arson now. What firm do you work for?"
"Rudius Media"
VENDOR: "What the hell? Who the fuck is that?"
"Listen, let's just focus on the rape whistles."
VENDOR: "So you want them?"
"100% - can you overnight them to Los Angeles?
VENDOR: "Overnight? Are you a dunce? First they need to be manufactured, painted and smuggled from a slavecamp in Asia."
"So.. next week?"
VENDOR: "December"
"uuuuhhhggghghghghghghghg"
Tucker runs over and crosses out "rape whistles"
Tucker can't go by the strength of his script because there is no strength to it. It's hackneyed, badly written, has no character development and most importantly, it's not funny.
If anything it exposes him as nothing more then a hack who can't even get his own material right. A one-hit blunder who accidently stumbled onto his chosen profession and built himself up into being somebody he wasn't.
The Internet + Unstable Personality + Slight Fame = Train Wreck
rape whistels
HAHAHAHAHA fuckin hilarious, dude
Reporter: Hey Todd Phillips, have you heard what Tucker Max said about your movie The Hangover?
Todd Phillips: Who the fuck is Tucker Max?
http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4388002
Out of the 109 entries, I'd say about 50% don't know who he is, 45% know who he is and think his stories are bullshit and 5% posted just because they post a lot on everything in Fark.
^^^^
Sorry for the long post. I wasn't ranting about Viacom, or the federal reserve, or fiat dollars.
I'm just a fan of serialized stories, and the ongoing saga of Tucker's movie has got me hooked pretty bad, and there's no one in my real life who could even give half a shit about it.
6/16/2009 8:05 PM
You had me at: "This is why I keep reading this site."
You also have to remember, unlike his book, his film will be reviewed, and he has virtually no control over that. Wonder if any reporter will ask him if his stories are true, and if so, will he be able to hang up.
He's a snake oil salesman at this point.
"I know how to spell, I went to Duke Law?"
VENDOR: "Duke, I had a cousin that went to Duke. He's in jail for arson now. What firm do you work for?"
"Rudius Media"
VENDOR: "What the hell? Who the fuck is that?"
"Listen, let's just focus on the rape whistles."
hahaha favorite part. I bet thats how its been
And I love how there is not one scene we have seen from the movie and its been done since last August
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goix7jFXD9Q
this clip has gotten more views than tucker's trailer.
6/16/2009 2:20 PM
"3. I love that this is still the comment section to post on."
Often imitated, never duplicated.
His production blog is pretty cool. He did pretty much lay it all out for the world to see.
The only missing chunk is what the hell happened between him and the director?
Most films would have the director at least heavily involved in post production and prerelease press. Bob Gosse hasn't said a word.
Tucker pretends he doesn't exist.
He did fianlly break the silence and posted this last week regarding Bob's directing style and tone on the BIH set:
"Nils and I had this discussion with Bob Gosse AT LEAST 45 times on the movie set, and I think I personally said the words "no, that's too hijinksy" about 100 times a day."
Doesn't sound like fun.
Tucker, can you give us some dirt of the Bob feud?
does viacom pay people to hate on us?
it's hard to imagine people hating on us for free.
who has that much time?
yeah--wht ever did happen to bob gosse?
and matt czurchy?
and jessica bradford?
and that other neandrathal looking dude?
maybe they aren't even in the movie?
wouldn't that be hilarious if tucker plays every single role, while directing?
it would have saved money and also resulted in a better movie.
"there's no one in my real life who could even give half a shit about it."
Oh man, this describes my situation perfectly. I talked to my co-workers and all of my friends about how Tucker Max is a douchebag and that his movie is going to be awful, but all anybody ever does is ask me "who is Tucker Max?" Then when I try to explain he is a 30-something internet pseudo-celebrity trading on his past abusive exploits their eyes glaze over and they stop paying attention to me.
Bob Gosse had a long career before IHTSBIH and he'll have a long career afterward.
The same can't be said about Tucker Max.
On Feb 11, 2008 9:43 PM, Mr. X wrote:
You'll probably dismiss this out of hand as well, but
I'm certainly not going to let you have the last word just because your lackeys have convinced you that everything that erupts from that puckering maw on the front of your face is spun fucking gold.
I don't give a fuck who you are, or where you came from, or who you've fucked...you're wrong about this.
You said I sound like the people that told you only your fans would read your book. I never said that.
I said, over and fucking over, that a website isn't going to drive -more- people to your movie than would already go. No online marketing campaign (including the one you haven't heard of, which invented viral marketing for film online) has made a significant difference in box office. That's a fact, as different as I wish it was.
You said yourself when your book came out more people discovered you. How the fuck did that happen? Did you make a website to promote the book? That would have been brilliant, according to you. No, you were on TV a million times, you did radio tours, and you promoted your book. A website is one tiny piece of all that, and most PR firms will tell you that you could light the website on fucking fire as long as you're on TV.
If you can't separate what I'm trying to tell you (and, in the long run, help) from a personal attack, your man-child bit is less of an act than I thought.
Mr. X
PS- I'll make my prediction now: If your movie gets made for say 8-12 million with mid-level names, is well-promoted and you get into more than 1200 theaters or so, you'll open in the 8-10 range, and finish with about 30 million.
Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:53:34 -0800
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
Movie budget is 6 million. There are two leads (Tucker and Aaron) and they will be played by nobodies. The two main supporting roles will probably by nobodies as well, though we may get mid level names. I am guessing we open at 20-25 million, and North American gross will end up slightly over 100 million total. About the same as Juno, give or take.
What do you want to bet? Name it, but make it worth my while. I don't play around with piddly shit.
And beyond that, you are COMPLETELY missing the point of the movie website, and what I am going to accomplish by it. It's comical really. You even make my point for me in your email, yet you don't see it.
I love people like you. It's because of people like you that I am going to totally disrupt the entertainment business. You people--pretty much everyone in the entertainment business--have no ability to see anything other than what already exists. It's awesome. So much opportunity out there because of you people.
On Feb 11, 2008 10:48 PM, Mr. X wrote:
I'll think on the bet for a day, I agree it should be good. As for the other, what am I missing? I -worked on- the first big viral ad campaign for a movie.
http://www.marketleap.com/report/ml_report_23.htm
Certain mechanisms in this industry don't change for a reason. Hollywood still won't admit it can't market past opening weekend for example...word of mouth is still the most powerful tool, after 80 years. As far as "people like me"...that's sort of laughable, I agree. So what's your master plan? My first question was how a website will expand your base audience for a movie, and you never answered it. One of your goons said I was thinking short term. Past the 70/30 split in the theater then their cut of the DVD's, a studio doesn't really care what happens with your movie, there isn't anything after the money is made. I wasn't allowed to respond to Bunny's assertion that SNAKES ON A PLANE was made by the internet. That movie is the Golden Goose of my whole argument...it TANKED next to what they anticipated based on teh interwebs "buzz". And as far as vision goes, my projects may or may not get made but I get every meeting based on originality of concept. I guess my last question is this; If you have a Master Plan for the greatest and most clever movie website integration that the world has ever seen...why are you asking your forum nerds what should be on it?
Mr. X
Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2008 22:58:46 -0800
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
You like making assumptions, don't you? Who said this was a studio movie? Who said I wanted the website to bring people to the movie? Who said I am asking my goons what should be on it, especially when I already know whats going to be on it? Once again, you are thinking only in terms of what has been done, and not what can be done. Just come up with something worth betting. Though, ultimately, it won't matter. The only bet that matters is the movie itself, and how well it does. I am already betting my entire career on it. It'll either succeed wildly, and you and the Hollywood establishment people like you will do exactly what the publishing people have done--try to copy me--or it'll fail badly and my ideas will be proven wrong and everyone will ignore me.
On Tue, Feb 12, 2008 at 11:34 AM, Mr. X
wrote:
The bet:
I've come up with a couple things.
First, the loser is the other person's personal assistant for two weeks. Laundry, schedule, messages, hell, even groceries. It may seem pedestrian, but I'm -certain- it would kill either one of us to be running errands like that. Or if you'd rather it be an item, I'm guessing I can't compete with your money. I do have a sealed bottle of Schenley OFC bottled in 1955 that my grandfather won from Waylon Jennings in a pool game. While I don't think it's worth more than $50, it means a lot to me. That would be considerable risk on my part.
What are the cut-offs? My estimate was opening at 8-10 and finishing with about 30, and you say 20-25 opening weekend and finish at around 100. Is the victor only "correct" at plus or minus 20 percent of his original prediction?
Mr. X
Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2008 13:00:38 -0800
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
I already have a personal assistant. And I may hate you in person, the last thing I want is you fucking with my shit. A good idea, but not feasible.
I agree about it not being a money based thing--there's no point to that.
On Feb 18, 2008 9:54 PM, Mr. X wrote:
The loser buys a billboard on Sunset of the winner's design. It runs for a month.
Mr. X
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2008 21:56:32 -0800
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
Dude--do you know how much those cost? Between 250 and 500k.
On Feb 18, 2008 10:44 PM, Mr. X wrote:
Sunset may be a bad choice. I would have guessed 5%-8% of that, although I know the guy that made THE ROOM is able to afford one on Highland near Sunset for months on end.
If we can find a good location for 10 grand or so, what do you think about the idea?
Mr. X
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2008 22:47:56 -0800
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
If you can afford it, I am in.
On Feb 18, 2008 11:06 PM, Mr. X wrote:
It would hurt, but it wouldn't ruin me. Are the numbers I mentioned below the targets? Within plus or minus 20 percent, or it's a no-win. Additionally, we're only talking about first-run gross domestic box office, not second run or international, is that correct?
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2008 23:07:13 -0800
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
Both sound good to me.
On Mon, Jul 7, 2008 at 3:15 PM, Mr. X wrote:
Hey,
I hope the shoot is going well.
How's securing distribution going?
Mr. X
Date: Mon, 7 Jul 2008 15:25:11 -0500
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
They're lined up. It's just a matter of who will give us the deal we want.
On Thu, Jul 31, 2008 at 1:10 AM, Mr. X wrote:
Hey,
I'm asking this is all seriousness and I'm not trying to challenge you but I've got to know;
Why did you say somebody offered you a eight figure deal for the script and rights?
That's double the largest -real- offer for a script, well...ever. I know the goons don't know any better but anyone that's in a tracking group, or even a
reader knows that's a fairytale.
After all our back and forth, I still want your movie to do well... but eight figures? You might as well tell me your dad can bench-press a horse.
Anyway, a former co-worker of mine just read IHTSBIH and she said it was funny. She thinks if you do mad press the week prior to release, and come
out maybe in the fall as an option to all the slasher flicks during Halloween, you could open at 6 or 7 million.
Wishing you better distribution that SOUTHLAND TALES,
Mr. X
Date: Thu, 31 Jul 2008 06:45:44 -0500
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
Do you know what an overall deal is? I had pretty serious discussions with a studio to sell this script, and pen all three sequels, and get an overall deal, and the numbers thrown out were in the eight figures.
Your friend is an idiot. Like everyone else in Hollywood.
On Tue, Aug 5, 2008 at 1:55 PM, Mr. X wrote:
No Tucker, I have -no- idea what an overall deal it.
But I do know what gap financing and soft money rebates are. I'm sure they're terms you're very familiar with yourself these days.
Oh, and somebody sent me this;
Even Tucker Max disavowed the $10,000,000+ for his script. Here's what he wrote:
Originally Posted by The_OJ_Simpsons
Eight figures? Were both of your souls included in the deal?
Tucker Max replies:
It would take 10,000 words to do the full history. Let me sum it up quickly:
-We had several hard seven figure offers that we could have taken. Low seven figures, but still enoughto make both Nils and I millionaires.
-There were other offers tossed off about other things that reached into the eight figures, but it waspretty much Hollywood bullshit. Not real, "hard" offers. If you know Hollywood, you can guess what itwould take to get into eight figure offers, and what they really mean.
When they ban you from post, you can blame a 40-theater release on them, so you can still be the smartest guy in the history of ever to teach Hollywood a big lesson.
SOUTHLAND TALES is starting to look ambitious....
Mr. X
Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2008 13:57:55 -0500
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Movie Website
It must really suck to watch me succeed where you've failed.
You know whats funny is that if you put the immense emotional effort
you've dedicated to me into something productive for youself, you
might not be such a failure.
From: Mr. X@hotmail.com
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Subject: RE: Movie Website
Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2008 21:17:23 +0000
:)
You've made me so happy, I could just cry.
Dude, you could live a thousand years and fuck a thousand supermodels, or die tomorrow. I don't care which.
I don't brag about my shit until it's -done-. We've got projects in the pipe. Maybe one will go, maybe it won't. I'm not breaking out the party hats and giving myself a blowjob until the thing is distributed or sold because, unlike you, this isn't my first rodeo.
There's no denying there are plenty of morons running around town, but I get the impression you think -everyone- is stupid, incompetent, etc. etc. That's simply not the case.
For Christ's sake, if every person is a complete spaz, how is your movie getting shot? Isn't the DP a clueless fuckhound? How are you going to single-handedly market the movie since the Hollywood machine couldn't market ice in the desert?
In other words, if every single person involved with this product is an ignorant ball of fuck except you, how could it possibly succeed?
If you ignore the whole email, riddle me that last one Tucker Max.
Mr. X
On Wed, Dec 10, 2008 at 12:20 PM, Mr. X
Mr. X@hotmail.com wrote:
Hey there,
I've heard your screenings are going fantastic. Congrats on that.
Has anything during the distribution process made you re-think your projection?
"I am guessing we open at 20-25 million, and North American gross will end up slightly over 100 million total. About the same as Juno, give or take."
By the way, our movie was announced in Variety a couple weeks ago. Nothing big, about ten sentences. We should be shooting in Feb, if everything continues to go well.
-
Mr. X
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 2008 12:22:50 -0800
From: tuckermax@gmail.com
To: Mr. X@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: projections
We're going to do way more. It may not open more, but it will do more
in the end. Big numbers, I think. We'll see.
From: Mr. X@hotmail.com
To: tuckermax@gmail.com
Subject: RE: projections
Date: Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:27:48 +0000
Hey there,
I went back and checked the original parameters of our wager. You need to open at 20-25 million in order to win.
Since you're opening on 450 screens, that's a per-screen average of over $45,000/screen.
Not that it's impossible, but it's three and four times higher than wildly successful movies in limited release.
Again, I -still- think you're going to be really rich when this is all said and done, just not the numbers we bet on.
Also,...people are telling me you said Fox is your distributor? I haven't looked, but why would you say that? Freestyle is already all over the trades...?
Anywho, best of luck on your bus tour. Excellent William Castle trick.
[He did not reply to this....(and I know he doesn't know who William Castle is....)]
Mr. X
^^^^^^
Rosemary's Baby. Couldn't direct it, so he was lurking in a scene or two.
Nice reference Mr. Miller.
After all our back and forth, I still want your movie to do well... but eight figures? You might as well tell me your dad can bench-press a horse.
"That's gold Jerry, gold!"
"You might as well tell me your dad can bench-press a horse."
Shit, you just ruined Chapter 13 of Assholes Finish First.
thats good stuff Mr. X
who are you?
If you cant say then fine.
But thats really funny, he deserves to be knocked down a peg
Mr. X,
With all the production/distribution partners Tucker/Rudius now has, won't it take like about 25 million dollars before he even sees a penny on the back end?
After the theatrical split, Darko is still going to need to make back the 6 million it took to make the movie, so that means it's going to have to make 12-15 million just to pay them back. Add Freestyle to the mix and guess what? That number just doubled (not to mention if Freestyle advertises the movie, which means the number will be higher.
Unless he thinks he's going to pocket all the cash he makes on his bus tour, but I doubt it. He's not dealing with his goons, he's dealing with business people who are going to need to protect their investment.
Really, when it comes down to it, other than writer and producer fees (which are budgeted), Tucker Max won't make another penny from this movie.
On top of it, even if the film does break even, do you think Hollywood will ever come knocking on his door again?
The Mr. X - Tucker email exchanges are pure gold. I am certain Mr. X will win the bet and I am also certain that Tucker will renege on the bet.
I'm glad that my blog is back up. I still don't know why Google took it down for a week.
After Tucker's movie comes out and fails miserably, maybe we'll push the comments on this post north of 10,000?
I check this blog everyday, even in class on my laptop.
People must think I'm crazy because there are so many funny people on here that crack me up during class.
Its funny cause Tucker thinks that all the college guys love him, but he's such a douche
So that's twice this blog has almost been killed, how many lives has it got left?
That Mr X exchange was perfect.
This Mr. X thing completely unmasks yet another half truth from Tucker. There was no 8 figure deal for his "script". What they wanted was the rights to his franchise. That's an entirely different animal.
Nothing this guy says is true. One of the reasons I left his site was because he's so undeniably full of shit regarding everything he does that I couldn't stand it anymore. Everything he's said about this film has been some sort of half truth to an out and out lie.
Take for instance the fact that he stated he had an "Oscar Winning Director" who wanted to helm IHTSBIH. Now, the way he presented it, he meant an A-List Hollywood director, but in reality it was a guy who won the Oscar on the strength of directing a documentary on the Holocaust. This wasn't mentioned until much later.
Now he could have just said that he has an offer from a guy who directs documentaries about the Holocaust and happened to win an Oscar for his outstanding work. But he led with the "Oscar Winning Director" while omitting everything else about the guy.
Then the 8 figure script deal was the thing that capped it off for me. I doubt it even happened like the way Tucker is saying in the email because facts are, Fox-Searchlight is not in the business of buying franchises, added to the fact that Tucker has limited monetary success from his work. Who in their right mind would spend 10 million + dollars for a "script" that has sold less than a million units.
He's a liar, and that's why I don't like him. I feel like I've been conned long enough.
I'm so glad to find this, I've been playing catch up on the previous posts, and wow some of you people are fucking hilarious
You know that Tucker knows about this, he has to.
This many posts on how he's a douche....gold
I wonder how it is that the main blog got deleted, but the comment section remained intact. And now the blog section is back. It doesn't make any sense.
::shrugs::
Who is Cloud Starchaser?
An entire thread on the Rudius Media Message Board (aahaha I can't believe he changed the name to that) is now devoted to members talking about what great and accomplished liars they are.
Birds of a feather and all that shit.
This is so fucking awesome:
Tucker: What do you want to bet? Name it, but make it worth my while. I don't play around with piddly shit.
....
Tucker: Dude--do you know how much those cost? Between 250 and 500k.
^^^^ hahahaha good eye hahahaha
I disagree with Mr. X about a website not adding value to a project.
The Blair Witch Project
Nobody has been able to copy how they used to internet since, and that film is now 10 years old.
who is a better rudius employee?
1) the bunny
2) nils parker
3) bob gosse
4) kungfu mike
5) jessica bradford
nils costs the most in terms of bags of dorritos, and bunny has to be dealt with after losing her soul to too much anal, and bob gosse is too high-jinxy. jessica bradfrod and kungfu mike are too lady-like and cloud starchaser would kick both their asses together.
so who is the best employee?
and sorry ryan holliday, for leaving you off the list, but you've got to earn it dude.
apparantly his military screening went well
Of course, he doesn't have the video footage cause he "accidently" left at the srgt's house.
Can he do anything 100%? what a fucktard
^ No no no, you don't understand. The video camera fell down and the tape broke. It's one of those old-fashioned vhs camcorders, and the army guys didn't realize that you can repair the tapes, so they threw it away.
anyone in the military here that saw the screening?
No offense to the military people but they would give the Charlie Daniels Band a 15 minute standing ovation after hearing them fart. Military people are starved for entertainmnet of any kind. Why do you think they jump on grenades? You have to be cut from a certain fabric to believe that Saddam Hussein was connected to 9/11
I know Tucker joined the military and was discharged, so its real important for him to feel like he's in the marines, even tho he isn't. Bunny joined the Navy and was discharged for drug use. Nils was in the National Guard, whatever that means.
Not sure how charging military personel $30 to see a movie is very patriotic. It seems like Tucker is trying to kill his only potential box office by shwoing the movie to the only people who are going to want to see it. How his brain works is staggering. That's probably why he's living in an apartment in Loas Angeles with Ryan Holiday.
Why does he think a movie about people at a bachelor party is so unique? Why does he keep giving the same poorly written speech to 20 year old kids? Why does his voice get higher when he gets excited? Why wouldn't he and JoJo shake hands with the teams that defeated them?
We should have a drinking game. Seeing as Tucker will be posting footage of his extremely interesting Q&A sessions with kids,lets see how many times he says "are you a dude or a chick?" or "I don't come down to where you work and slap the dicks out of your mouth"
Hey did anyone checkout the pictures of Tucker throwing out the pitch at the baseball game? He brought the wooden-faced Indian girl and Nils with him. There might have been 6 people in the stands. Nothing like A-LIST celebrity.
I'm bored with TM at this point. Just release the movie already
I think what's truly funny about Tucker is the fact that he didn't want "hijinx" in his movie. It's funny for one reason, and one reason alone:
DID HE READ HIS OWN FUCKING BOOK!?!?!?!?!
The entire book is hijinx. It's what worked!!! There was no clear narrative structure and was really a series of "wacky" stories with no beginning or end.
The Shitty Austin Story: Man craps in hotel lobby after blah blah blah (hijinx).
The Anal Sex Story: Dudes plot to videotape a woman during sodomy. (hijinx).
In fact, there's maybe one story in the entire book that wouldn't be considered "hijinx".
Also, his entire script is HIJINX. What do you call when the main character is on a quest to fuck a midget and crippled people? It's fucking hijinx, that's what.
His entire persona is based upon his make believe character (himself) doing loud and boisterous stuff in an effort to have unrestrained fun.
I'm really convinced that not only does Tucker lie about his work, he also isn't nearly the intellectual that he portrays himself to be, because at least an intellectual would know what "hijinx" fucking meant.
I'd love for somebody to hit Tucker with the question:
"What themes did you use for your script?"
He'd most likely say something like: "Bro, it's about drinking and fucking!!!"
"What themes did you use for your script?"
He'd most likely say something like: "Bro, it's about drinking and fucking!!!"
Those are the themes, and that is fine. What is odd is the fact that he can't accept them. He wants to pretend that it's something much bigger, some pre-planned almost spiritual way of life.
He is the Joel Osteen for hyper-active angry jock retards. "What would Tucker do?" He'd do what he always does. Take the easy out and blame someone else.
It's offensive and sad how tucker uses the us military to promote his work.
The federal reserve prints the dollars that fund the fiat empire, and while tucker's duke law friends work at the printing presses, they send tucker to share his embellished stories of secretive tapings of anal sex without getting the girls' consent and making fun of asians and fat girls. The federal reserve, via viacom/darko, funds a film dedicated to pornifying the world so that all may fall under the fed's debt-based monetary system, and so that marriage and traditional families might be destroyed all over the world, while our best men and women in uniform die for tucker's porn and secretive tapings of anal sex.
Ron Paul was the #1 most supported candidate by the military, as he wants to bring them home. Tucker Max and his friends want them to die on foreign shores in foreign wars, while furthering the desecration of the culture, constitution, and currency; and teh growing power of the corporate-viacom-state.
http://www.savethemales.ca/260602.html
http://www.apfn.org/apfn/reserve.htm
http://www.savethemales.ca/000166.html
What does everyone think about our best and brightest losing life and limb while tucker et al. cum in other men's wives? How do Jessie/Nils/Matt live with themselves?
`The banking cartel has repalced Emerson with Tucker Max:
http://www.savethemales.ca/000691.html
^^^^ this is so true!
http://www.savethemales.ca/000561.html
"Illuminism is the Luciferian doctrine of Freemasonry. (Communism is another product of Illuminism. All leading Communists were Freemasons.) The mortar board that university graduates wear is a symbol of Freemasonry. Black gowns symbolize the occult. Arts students are unwittingly and gradually being inducted into a Luciferian/Communist cult."
Yes--that is why Darko/Viacom are funding the Tucker Max tour, to spread a Luciferian/Communist cult.
Instead of God, the students must learn to worship the finest creation of duke and u of c--a man-bitch with tiny, little hands, narrow shoulders, lisp, and a big frankenstein head and even vaster ego.
And as Tucker couldn't hack it in the military, they have to send those far greater than tucker to die for:
The Illuminati is bound by a devotion to Lucifer, the rebellious angel who defied God and said man will define reality. He is called "the bringer of light." Now do you understand the "Enlightenment"? The super rich want to be God and reshape reality to fit their interests. To do this, they need to sever our links with Reality, i.e. God (absolute truth, love and justice.)
Their means are unlimited, so are their ambitions. Here are some relevant statements from Protocol 16.
"In order to effect the destruction of all collective forces except ours we shall emasculate the first stage of collectivism, the universities, by re-educating them in a new direction."
"We must introduce into their education all those principles which have so brilliantly broken up their order."
"Do not suppose for a moment that these statements are empty words: think carefully of the successes we arranged for Darwinism, Marxism, Nietzsche-ism.... it should be plain to see what a disintegrating importance these directives have had upon the minds of the goyim. " (Protocol 2)
"We shall erase from the memory of men all facts of previous centuries which are undesirable to us..."
We shall turn them into "unthinking submissive brutes waiting for things to be presented before their eyes in order to form an idea of them..."
Let me remind you of a passage from a 1930's Communist manual on brainwashing. "In the United States we have been able to alter the works of William James, and others, ...and to place the tenets of Karl Marx, Pavlov, Lamarck, and the data of Dialectic Materialism into the textbooks of psychology, to such a degree that anyone thoroughly studying psychology becomes at once a candidate to accept the reasonableness of Communism."
"As every chair of psychology in the United States is occupied by persons in our connection, the consistent employment of such texts is guaranteed... Educating broadly the educated strata of the populace into the tenets of Communism is thus rendered relatively easy." (II, Ch. 11)
BOW DOWN BEFORE "GREAT MEN"
Students encounter "The Cult of Great Men" the pantheon of modern pretenders who have usurped God's place.
Their every utterance is treated as Holy Writ. Scholarly articles are devoted to words that later turn out to be typos. In a graduate seminar, I witnessed a student read a list of filthy obscenities that had been censored from William Faulkner's novel "Sanctuary." After each expletive, the other students gasped with horror as though a religious artefact had been desecrated.
Professors are the overpaid priests of this secular cult. They have a vested interest in maintaining its shibboleths. They initiate students into a lifelong habit of mental servility. All knowledge comes from Great Men. Students can only aspire to analyse their meaning. A professor once told me I had failed because "only great men can say things like that."
The students' state-of-mind becomes passive and disoriented. He struggles to reconcile contradictory world-views.
One day I had an awakening. Don't these "great men" live in the same world? "
--http://www.savethemales.ca/000561.html
I always wondered why Tucker Max received millions fro promoting anal sex and secretive tapings of anal sex and profiting off of anal.
http://www.savethemales.ca/000808.html
"The bankers are responsible for social engineering programs such as the (homo) sexual revolution, feminism and multiculturalism, which undermine family and social cohesion. This fundamental antagonism also supports a vast criminal underworld actually run by the elites."
--http://www.savethemales.ca/000808.html
Now it all makes sense why Viacom is doing this!
"Success today is based on a person's willingness to become an accomplice, witting or unwitting, to the banker fraud. Even rich entrepreneurs are dependent on credit and are unwilling to support genuine change.
As a result of the bankers' scam, Western society and culture are based on a fraud. We do not have genuine democracy or equal access to the mass media or open and truthful education. Western society is a fraud, run by cowards who know they're frauds."
Yes--"Western society is a fraud, run by cowards who know they're frauds."
Hahaha haha.
Yes--"Western society is a fraud, run by Tucker Max/rudius/Donnie Dark Doucho who know they're frauds."
yes--duke and u of c train their students to grow the corporate-state and kill the soul and family.
the theory is is that if they can get tucker to slip his tiny cock into enough girls anuses, they will become unmarriagable, old spinsters and cat ladies, like bunny.
think about it--you are buying a girl dinner, and she tells you those lips were are eating the filet mignon you are paying for were wrapped around tucker's tiny cock.
would you marry her? would you hand her the $5,000 ring you had bought?
FUCK NO!
would you drink out of an open bottle of coke found in an alley? now, chances are, tucker's cock was never in that bottle of coke, but you would never, ever touch your lips to it.
imagine those lips kissing your children before sending them off to school, before she divorces you and takes all your worth/savings/home, as tucker's cock planted the seed of her soul's destruction.
the federal reserve/viacom/donnie darko understand this, and that is why they arrange to have tucker/the best and brightest flown around to promote secretive tapings of anal sex filmed without the girl's consent.
yes--just because she does not want to marry bunny and laugh at secretive tapings of anal sex is no reason to put her in a fema camp.
c'mon all you brosephs! give her a break! don't taze her bro!
What one must realize is that Tucker is the product of hate, hate, hate.
Think about all the tens of millions of babies aborted--the banking elite's hatred for the unborn.
Think about all the professors sent forth to kill the great books and replace the univeristies with corporations dedicated to dumbing down the students and replacing knowledge with the creation of studnet debt. Think about how much they hated Homer and Shakespeare--as much as Tucker hates them.
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/20090406_resist_or_become_serfs/
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/20090614_the_american_empire_is_bankrupt/
The American Empire Is Bankrupt
Posted on Jun 14, 2009
Wikimedia Commons
By Chris Hedges
This week marks the end of the dollar’s reign as the world’s reserve currency. It marks the start of a terrible period of economic and political decline in the United States. And it signals the last gasp of the American imperium. That’s over. It is not coming back. And what is to come will be very, very painful.
Barack Obama, and the criminal class on Wall Street (tucker Max's anal sexting brospehs), aided by a corporate media (tucker max's viacom) that continues to peddle fatuous gossip and trash talk (tucker max's anal capers) as news while we endure the greatest economic crisis in our history (whcih tucker max ignores as viacom flies him around), may have fooled us, but the rest of the world knows we are bankrupt. And these nations are damned if they are going to continue to prop up an inflated dollar and sustain the massive federal budget deficits, swollen to over $2 trillion, which fund America’s imperial expansion in Eurasia and our system of casino capitalism. They have us by the throat. They are about to squeeze.
There are meetings being held Monday and Tuesday in Yekaterinburg, Russia, (formerly Sverdlovsk) among Chinese President Hu Jintao, Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and other top officials of the six-nation Shanghai Cooperation Organization. The United States, which asked to attend, was denied admittance. Watch what happens there carefully. The gathering is, in the words of economist Michael Hudson, “the most important meeting of the 21st century so far.”
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/20090614_the_american_empire_is_bankrupt/
when you think about it--tucker conforms 100% to the satanic banking cartel's rules.
trained at duke and u of c, tucker is the biggest corproate conformist ever known, suiting up for viacom each and every day.
every day he proclaims the fed's agenda to the world:
anal sex is good (secretive tapings of it without the woman's consent are even better!)
abortion is good (as comic fodder for stories to bolster viacom's bottom line)
douchebaggery is good
empire and occupation are good, as they kill good, honorable men, leaving the lesser, satanic men to inseminate the women at university events showing anal sexting films in tax-funded theaters
Does anyone here know the name of the girl from the buttsexs story? And who was the guy in the closet with the night-vision camera? why don't they just come forward and clear this up.
^^^^^ How about the video of Tucker beating up the mascot?
In the age of YouTube, don't you think that the video would be up by now? It's not like minor league hockey teams get puke on the videotape chassis, thereby rendering it useless.
I'm sorry, I just don't buy the photos he puts on his site.
NOTE:
Tucker's book is on sale for 1/2 price at Borders right now.
I'm sure that will keep him on the Supplemental list a little longer.
http://deadspin.com/5297354/addendum-inc-matthew-berry-eric-wynalda-tucker-max
isn't it funny how every site tucker doesn't control says he sucks: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/140679318
"“If you live in any of these cities and know of a cool, independent theater that would be a good place for us to have the premiere in that city, email us here, and tell us.”
This is Tucker’s distribution plan? Here is the phone call:
Tucker: Hi, I am Tucker Max, and a colleague of mine emailed me and recommended your theater for a premiere of a film we are doing.
Theater Owner: What’s his name?
Tucker: Well, his internet name on the Rudius message board is “Rexasaurus Drunk ,” I don’t know his real name but he says your theater is really cool and we are going to need to use it on August 30 to show my film “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.”
Theater Owner: Well, my film buyer is the Crawford Agency, have your distributor contact them, but I have to tell you, we are booked through mid October. Who is your Distributor?
Tucker: Well, the Distributor is not important because we have distribution with a major distributor, this is kind of a separate thing that we are doing before the film actually premieres in theaters on September 25. This is an incredibly innovative thing we are doing to appeal to a college audience before the film actually opens wide in theaters.
above and below are from:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/140679318
Theater Owner: Oh, so this is a student film. We have a festival for student films in association with the college’s theater and film department that runs in April, why don’t you submit this film to the college and they will see if it can run as part of that festival.
Tucker: No, it isn’t a student film, it is a major Hollywood movie, that will be the next great thing.
Theater Owner: oh, what studio made it?
Tucker: Well, it is an independent film, but Darko and Rudius co-produced it. We didn’t want to go with a major because they would have interfered with our creative vision.
Theater Owner: Well, I don’t know anything about Rudius, but I would think that Darko needs to contact their distributor to arrange this. Darko. . . are you talking "Southland Tales". . . . Darko? What did that do" about 275 thousand? And I don’t remember their last films really appealing to the kind of crowd I get here. I must say that I have never heard of anything like this in 30 years in the business. I usually have my buyer deal directly with the Distributor or its agency.
Tucker: See that’s the point, it is so innovative that nobody has ever done it before. We are willing to give you 10% of the gate.
Theater Owner: Well, that’s nice, but we typically take 50% of the ticket sales for even major hollywood productions. And for a project like this, we would want a guaranteed fee of at least $6,500 and then 50% of the ticket sales.
Tucker: Well, how about just renting your theater?
Theater Owner: Well, my first date is the second week of October on a Monday night, and I can probably rent it out for about $9,000. If you were a non-profit, I could give it to you for $5, 500.
Tucker: No, that date’s no good. You don’t understand. I already have a built in audience of college kids who are going to come for miles to see this film.
Theater Owner: Well, college kids aren’t typically our crowd. If we are not running a mainstream film, we are usually running foreign fims or movies that appeal to film buffs.
Next week, for example, we are running “Rochelle Rochelle” I am not sure that “Beer League” is going to work with our audience on the other screen.
Tucker: No, its not “Beer League.” It’s the innovative film: “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.” Its about a group of cool college kids that go on a road trip to a strip club and then the bachelor party gets out of hand so the wedding has problems. . . .
Theater Owner: Well, that sounds a lot like that Hangover movie their running right now at the multiplex. That’s really not my audience. Nice talking to you and if your distributor wants to talk to my buyer, maybe we can run your movie sometime in 2010.
Tucker: Well our distributor is Freestyle and we didn't pay them a service fee to help us with this premiere, so maybe I can talk to your buyer directly
Theater Owner: Freestyle? I thought you said that you had a major distributor. Is this a joke? My buyer isn't really all that interested in talking to Freestyle after the debacle with their last animated film, Delgo, why would they want to talk to you?
Tucker: I think that if you go on the movie blog, you will see that there is a lot of buzz about this film. This is a totally new concept. An indie produced by unknowns, distributed by an unknown, and we are going to charge $30 a ticket to come see it a month before it is being released.
Theater Owner: There is an Elk lodge, up the street, I think that they may have a projector and screen you can use. " --from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/140679318
advantages of tucker max over hangover:
1) hangover uses real actors
2) hangover had a real director
3) hangover has a real soundtrack
4) hangover got real distribution
5) hangover was written by real screenwriters
6) hangover is funny
one of the funny things is that movies such as hangover/old school/road trip cast funny people--accomplished commedians.
tucker and nils cast bland pretty boys.
it is as if they ssaid, "yes! taht is what we wished we looked like!" one can see tucker and nils having orgasms as they high-five and get all excited about casting "hot men" with no depth and no funny.
this tips their hand. for truly, tucker sees himself as an unfunny, shallow soul who wishes he was better looking than he is.
this might be the first "comedy" to cast no commedians--just a bunch of bland pretty boys with no depth nor soul.
i'll take vince vaughan, luke wilson, and zach galifianakis any day.
if they ever had a chance to consider zach galifianakis, nils would have said--no! he is too fat! i am not that fat! let's cast someone thin and in shape to play me!
and tucker would look through the headshots, until he found the prettiest pretty boy to cast as himself i can just see him creaming about it, choosing the prettiest face to front his epic douchebaggery to the world.
http://www.millielewischarleston.com/CzuchryMatt.jpg
ha aha ha ah aha!
http://www.christopherreeve.org/atf/cf/%7B219882E9-DFFF-4CC0-95EE-3A62423C40EC%7D/TagsMatt_Czuchry.jpg
ha hahaa hahaha haha
http://l.yimg.com/l/tv/us/img/site/44/49/0000034449_20061020202716.jpg haha haha h aha !
http://www.tvfanatic.com/images/gallery/matt-czuchry.jpg
ha ha ha aha ha ah!
this is who nils should have cast as his character: http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2008/10/FAT%20VENOM.jpg
Tucker uses Propecia. He made Ben Corman carry it around for him so he could take it at the bars and Ben could chart when he needed to take it next. Don't believe me, go to the White Horse in Los Angeles sometime and guaranteed that Ben and Tucker will leave at around 9pm every night for 2-3 minutes while Ben gives him his hair loss remedy.
The funny part is, it's clearly not working, Tucker is going bald.
... :)
"So after running data and dealing with the realities of trying to book theaters on such a short notice the college tour is being trimmed back somewhat. We will most likely shoot for ten key cities. These will be cities outside of the target mainstream marketing that will be in place.
We will release those locations WHEN WE HAVE SIGNED OFF on them. So DO NOT ask.
After the screening at Fort Bragg it is clear that the movie is going to kill, especially with the military. Soldiers are awesome. We could open the movie at military bases alone and make enough money in two weeks for every backend participant to see significant cash.
Nils and I went to look at planes this week. Dan at BlueStar jets picked us up and gave us a tour of their company. Five star treatment all the way, even flying us in a new Beech Jet 400A which seats 8 people comfortably. Rudius Air is now a real possibility.
One of Dan's partner's at BlueStar actually played college ball under Bobby Knight. The fact that he was impressed by me was staggering in light of his achievements both academically and in college sports. He knew of me because his daughter is a fan of my book. This brings up another demographic that few of the ardent critics care to admit; my readership is pretty much split 50/50, male/female. That is a huge factor for the domestic box office. More about that later.
Just received the mission statement for specific digital strategy for the film from Carrot Creative head Mike Germano. This is going to be huge. Bigger than Blair Witch; more effective than Snakes on a Plane.
On September 25th the rules in Hollywood will be tossed aside as a new way of film distribution rolls out. And no one will see it coming."
^^^^^^
There's really nothing left to say now is there?
Tucker has officially killed comedy.
BTW: NOBODY from the movie is going on this huge tour of his. Not Bob Gosse, not Jesse Bradford, not Matt Czuchry, not the guy who had one line in the Wedding Crashers.
Okay, Tucker and BILL FUCKING DAWES are going to be there, but like I said, nobody.
How long until Tucker reinvents himself as Frank TJ Mackey? It's the natural progression for his "career".
"or a unique voice and very compelling stories (TuckerMax.com, TheBunnyBlog.com, DrunkRex.com)."
Wait? Bunny has a unique voice and very compelling stories? Her most read work is about how Tucker was such a dick to her, and she almost disowns that she ever wrote it. She's a trainwreck in real life, but there's nothing really unique or compelling about some nobody from upstate NY who not only destroyed her life, but now defends the person who led her on the path of destruction.
As far as Nils Parker goes, he's a less interesting version of Tucker. Good luck selling that 2nd script. Nice of you to ride the coattails of somebody driving off a cliff.
Tucker can't just write a book; he has to 'create a literary genre' and be 'one of the elite writers in America'. He can't just make a movie; he has to 'reinvent distribution' and such and so forth.
Everything he does just has to be so epic and grand; it's one of the classic traits of a painfully insecure person who has an underdeveloped self-identity; well, that and incessantly bragging about what a narcissist he is. Pathetic.
secretive tapings of anal sex without the girl's consent and making fun of fat girls and asians while lying about your height is definitely a new literary genre.
& self-douchestribution is definitely a new form of distribution.
You people are quoting soundbites that never came from Tucker's mouth. When will you all realize that he has already made it? He doesn't need to explain anything to any of you. His actions are what matters.
Top 10 college graduate
Law Degree from great school
Best-selling book three years++
Paid large to speak in public
Film hitting theaters this summer
Second book to follow 2010
You all call him lazy and stupid. Please read the list post above again. Then go take a long hard look in the mirror.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
The guy might be a jerk but he puts his ass on the line and his money where his mouth is. Why pray for a film to fail that 100 people (in addition to Tucker) put their tiem and effort into. Movies employ people and generate taxes. A 2011 release of 'Assholes Finish First' would be Godsend in a Obama economy IMHO.
If you hate Tucker Max I have a suggestion. Try to do better than him. If you you fall short of your goal at least you'll be 50 miles from the community-college-at-best myspace lifesyle you currently reside in.
^ you completely misunderstood the point. we hate Tucker because he's a douchebag. a movie making, law degree having douchebag is still a douchebag. you douchebag.
But how exactly is he a douche other than you being banned from his message boards?
Have you ever met him? NO
Do you have business dealings with him? HELL NO
what have you done for the troops in Iraq that defend your freedom? NADA
Bye, Bye..
"You people are quoting soundbites that never came from Tucker's mouth."
You're right... cough...cough...FOX...cough...
"When will you all realize that he has already made it?"
Depends on your definition of "made it". Sure he's had success, but so what? Success doesn't make him any less of a douchebag.
"He doesn't need to explain anything to any of you. His actions are what matters."
EXACTLY!!! If you'll notice, Tucker says a lot of stuff that never ever comes to pass. There's a large laundry list of things Tucker has mentioned that never seem to come true:
Getting a huge distributor.
Getting an 8 figure deal for his script (lie).
His book coming out in 2007, (don't forget to preorder!!)
Bunny's book.
His 50 city movie tour (now down to 10 cities).
and so on and on and on...
"Top 10 college graduate"
Right, with a degree in Economics... oh wait.
"Law Degree from great school"
No doubt, how's that working out for him?
"Best-selling book three years++"
Which still hasn't sold 1 million units and on the SUPPLEMENTAL NYTimes list.
"Paid large to speak in public"
It's not "large", it's a fairly low rate compared to others (James Frey still gets 25K per speaking engagement).
"Film hitting theaters this summer"
I'm assuming you don't understand that it's being released in the Fall.
Also, it's more like it's hitting A THEATER. The 450 number Tucker discussed hasn't been confirmed.
"Second book to follow 2010"
See above.
"You all call him lazy and stupid."
No, we call him a DOUCHEBAG, because that's what he is, a douchebag.
www.tuckermaxislazyandstupid.com is another site.
"Please read the list post above again. Then go take a long hard look in the mirror."
Okay, give me a moment.
Yep, Tucker Max is still a liar and a douchebag.
"Yeah.
That's what I thought."
I know, it's fairly easy when you get a moment to stare at yourself and realize that I might not have Tucker's pedigree, but at least I'm not a lying douchebag.
Glad you thought that too.
"Please read the list post above again. Then go take a long hard look in the mirror."
Okay, give me a moment.
Yep, Tucker Max is still a liar and a douchebag.
"Yeah.
That's what I thought."
I know, it's fairly easy when you get a moment to stare at yourself and realize that I might not have Tucker's pedigree, but at least I'm not a lying douchebag.
Glad you thought that too.
"The guy might be a jerk but he puts his ass on the line and his money where his mouth is."
Yeah dude, he totally put his ass on the line, and if you haven't notice, he's about to lose it.
BTW: What money? Tucker doesn't have any money. He has no paid employees, he lives in a shitty part of LA with roommates, all this at the age of 34 (possibly older).
"Why pray for a film to fail that 100 people (in addition to Tucker) put their tiem and effort into."
Dude, I'm an aetheist as well as a realist.
Also, those 100 people who worked on the film HAVE NO EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT IN THE PROJECT ONCE IT'S OVER. It's just another job, one of many for the majority of pros on the film. Guess what?
They thought Tucker was a douchebag too. Notice that NONE of the above the line talent is showing up to his bus trip?
"Movies employ people and generate taxes."
So do prisons, except their tapes don't seem to get lost during butthects.
" A 2011 release of 'Assholes Finish First' would be Godsend in a Obama economy IMHO."
You're reaching.
Also dude, in your opinion you hold a douchebag in high regard. That means nobody here respects your opinion.
Just sayin'.
"If you hate Tucker Max I have a suggestion. Try to do better than him."
If I am breathing, I am doing better than Tucker Max. I don't have to make up a bunch of stories and call them "100% true" and try and play like I'm somebody I'm not.
Also, again you missed the point, we don't hate Tucker, we just think he's a dripping bag of festering douche.
"If you you fall short of your goal at least you'll be 50 miles from the community-college-at-best myspace lifesyle you currently reside in."
Huh?
Seriously, if you're going to come in here and insult, then at least you should crib some KFM lines or something, that was just weak.
Plus, MySpace is soooooo 2006, much like Tucker Max (who has a very popular MySpace whose friends included a date rapist and the fat girl who carved a backwards B on her cheek).
"You all call him lazy and stupid."
No, we call him a DOUCHEBAG, because that's what he is, a douchebag.
www.tuckermaxislazyandstupid.com is another site.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
You fucking pussies. All you douchebag lovers, HIV-carriers, bro-mies and pedos just don't fucking get it. Tucker Max is on the verge of failing. He's going to Tucker Max Fail it for the win, only he's actually going to lose. Wait and see motherfuckers, wait and see.
"But how exactly is he a douche other than you being banned from his message boards?"
I'm still posting on TMMB.. er, sorry RMMB regularly.
"Have you ever met him? NO"
Wrong, I have met him. Fairly nice guy, not at all like the persona he invented to sell snake oil...er..books.
"Do you have business dealings with him? HELL NO"
That's actually a blessing. He's a failure as an entrepeneur and his "empire" is a dated book, a shitty movie with shitty distribution and a couple of random websites that make virtually no money.
"what have you done for the troops in Iraq that defend your freedom? NADA"
I voted for Barak Obama, that's what.
But at least I'm not going to charge our hardworking troops 30 BUCKS TO WATCH A SHITTY MOVIE. How is that helping the troops? I'd consider him an enemy of the state for trying to pull that off.
And nigga, puh-leez. Tucker is about as altruistic as he is honest. Tucker is already viewing our military as nothing more than dollar signs. He has to go to people who are STARVING for entertainment to try and peddle his shitty movie.
"Bye, Bye.."
Wait, I'm not done mocking you!!!!
"Do you have business dealings with him? HELL NO"
Neither does most all of Hollywood, the same place he's trying to reinvent.
Plus, who would want to do business with Tucker Max? Other than sell him booze, I can't imagine any way to make money from him or his "art". Shame of the matter is that neither does Tucker. Never has one man ever killed his career quicker than Tucker Max. He's made far more enemies than he has friends and he's not trusted by anybody.
Darko has to be the biggest bunch of rubes out there. Yes, he has a sort of best selling book, but did they actually read his script and meet him before they shelled out 6 million dollars to make his shitty film?
Darko will be out of business by the end of 2010, bank on it. Everything and everybody who Tucker touches ends up leaving worse off then before they had a beer with him.
Propecia side effects include:
* Man Tits
* Erectile Dysfunction
That's our tugger!
If tucker truly wanted to help the troops, he would suit up in uniform and risk his life.
But instead, like his VIACOM buddies, he sits back while others die, desecrating our freedom of speech with stories of secretive tapings of anal sex during which he loses the tape. He also must use the first amendment to destory the life and reputation of beauty queens. Take these elements away, and he would have known no success.
Tucker is too much of a coward to fight for freedom. Instead he flies around demeaning midgest and having sex with them for publicity, as VIACOM commands him to.
In no way does this serve our troops. Bringing them back home would serve our troops.
Yes--someo9ne said it earlier--the Federal Reserve created Tucker Max and sent him forth to desecrate our culture, currency, and country.
As they print the money, they fund both sides of the war, sending our best and bravest to die on foreign shores, while wiring a few pennies to Tucker Max et al. to desecrate teh sacred at home, by poking their tiny cocks into as many girls anuses as possible, and filming it, without the girl's consent. That is how Viacom makes money while killing the culture.
haha--being jealous of tucker max's success is like being jealous of milli vanilli's success. both are sooooo 1992/2002.
Tucker teh douchebag says his movie will beat Hangover at the boxoffice.
Tucker's thoughts on Hangover movie, from his site.
"Our movie is nothing like The Hangover except in the vaguest plot descriptions, and in the most important way--humor--its way way better. Like, not even comparable. The worst jokes in our movie kill the best in The Hangover, even ignoring the fact that pretty much all the best lines were in the trailer.
Plus, I am super excited to see that movie do well. It proves the market for our concept--that hard R movies without stars, about guys and drinking are viable--and anything that movie can do at the box office, we can beat. Easily. It's like watching someone fight your opponent first, and you get to see exactly what you are in for.
If there do end up being a lot of comparisons, it will go poorly, but not for us. The Hangover is probably one of the best comedies of the last ten years, but all that means is that comedy has sucked for ten years. The days of being able to pass off dogshit like The Hangover as great comedy end on September 25th. We are going to sweep in out of nowhere and shake up the comedy world. The bar will be raised.
And if you doubt me, that's cool. Stand in line behind all the other the doubters--the ones who said I couldn't be a writer, or my website couldn't be a book, or my book wouldn't be a best seller, or I couldn't write a movie, or I couldn't get that movie made, or I couldn't get the movie distributed, etc, etc, etc. They have been wrong every time in the past, and they will be wrong this time."
FROM HIS BLOG: (Is he worried about The Hangover) "Not at all. Our movie is nothing like The Hangover except in the vaguest plot descriptions, and in the most important way--humor--its way way better. Like, not even comparable. The worst jokes in our movie kill the best in The Hangover, even ignoring the fact that pretty much all the best lines were in the trailer.
Plus, I am super excited to see that movie do well. It proves the market for our concept--that hard R movies without stars, about guys and drinking are viable--and anything that movie can do at the box office, we can beat. Easily. It's like watching someone fight your opponent first, and you get to see exactly what you are in for.
If there do end up being a lot of comparisons, it will go poorly, but not for us. The Hangover is probably one of the best comedies of the last ten years, but all that means is that comedy has sucked for ten years. The days of being able to pass off dogshit like The Hangover as great comedy end on September 25th. We are going to sweep in out of nowhere and shake up the comedy world. The bar will be raised."
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=20811&page=27
In case you missed it, here is the short quote.
"anything that movie can do at the box office, we can beat. Easily."
The guy who doesn't get why Tucker is a douche also probably doesn't get why people are made at Bernie Madoff and why people don't like the "Church of $cientology"
Either that, or he lives in the real world rather than some sort of self-righteous fantasy land where everyone loves the smell of their own farts.
"Not at all. Our movie is nothing like The Hangover"
You mean successful, funny, well liked and mass distributed? Tucker, you speak the truth!!!!
"except in the vaguest plot descriptions,"
Well, Vegas is involved, and they actually filmed IN VEGAS.
"and in the most important way--humor--its way way better."
Yes Tucer, I agree, The Hangover is much funnier than IHTSBIH. BTW: Is grammar your enemy?
"Like, not even comparable."
No doubts there, I've read both scripts and there's a reason why the hangover got a well known comedy director and you got Bob Gosse. No comparison at all.
The worst jokes in our movie kill the best in The Hangover, even ignoring the fact that pretty much all the best lines were in the trailer.
You mean the "don't taze me bro!!!" line is better than a guy using a baby as his own air bag?
Surely you jest.
"Plus, I am super excited to see that movie do well. It proves the market for our concept"
There's a market for movies about dudes with overgrown egos on the internet?
"--that hard R movies without stars, about guys and drinking are viable"
That's funny Tucker, being that Bradley Cooper TURNED DOWN YOUR MOVIE!!!
Funny story, the script went to Cooper and Sean William Scott (who had worked with Darko on Southland Tales), and both of them said no.
I mean, it's not like more people know who Zach Galafanakiss, Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper are when compared to Tucker Max.
BTW: I would have loved to see Bradley Cooper say "Don't taze me bro!!!". His loss, truly.
"--and anything that movie can do at the box office, we can beat."
This needs to be a bet. My bet is that IHTSBIH doesn't do 1% of The Hangover's boxoffice. That's not a typo, I mean it. ONE PERCENT of the box office. I'm guessing The Hangover breaks around 250 to 300 million. You do the math, you won't win.
"Easily. It's like watching someone fight your opponent first, and you get to see exactly what you are in for."
Is that why you put Kung Fu Mike in mortal danger versus Cloud Starchaser? Holy shit, that's genius broham!!
"If there do end up being a lot of comparisons, it will go poorly, but not for us."
Well, I guess the only comparison is that they are both classified as comedys.
"The Hangover is probably one of the best comedies of the last ten years,"
I don't know about that, most successful, definitely, best...
"but all that means is that comedy has sucked for ten years."
I know, at one point I thought comedy sucked so much that I actually found your book hilarious. But then I read your script and I was proven wrong.
"The days of being able to pass off dogshit like The Hangover as great comedy end on September 25th."
The Hangover wasn't passed as "great comedy". It was put out there and found a HUGE niche. Unfortunately for you, everybody is going to think your film is just a rip off on The Hangover. Timing is key, and guess what? Your timing sucks.
"We are going to sweep in out of nowhere and shake up the comedy world. The bar will be raised."
Yes, the comedy world will be shaken up, and most people will be saying "how in the fuck did that movie even get made?"
By the way, much like your law career, you won't even make it to the bar.
calling the lying douchebag out:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board
tucker, trained at duke law to over compensate for his tiny hands, has not the honor to defend his epic douchebaggery and lies.
where did you guys hear that the screening schedule is down to 10 cities?
Doesn't say anywhere on his website.
http://addtocartmovie.com/2009/05/22/add-to-cart-movie-%E2%80%93-interview-with-blogger-author-movie-maker-tucker-max/
check out the documentary on tucker going bald & growing man tits due to that anti-baldness dug.
^^^ Nice link. I like the part where Tucker lies and claims that his bullshit stories were real - his reasoning is "I wouldn't lie to my friends." I like at 4:20 where he says that most other people tell lies, yet he is unique in that he tells the truth! He cannot even look at the camera while he tells that blatant lie.
Also, why does Tucker drone on about how great his website traffic is? Its Alexa ranking is down to 20,000 and dropping.
Does Tucker really take anti-baldness drugs?
Where does it say that his screening schedule is down to 10 cities?
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
TUCKER IS BALD?
"anything The Hangover can do at the box office, we can beat. Easily." JUNE, TUCKER MAX 2009
Tucker, here's some food for thought. keep your eye on the target, not the prize.
The Hangover: Domestic Total as of Jun. 21, 2009: $152,817,015
You can beat it Dude!
http://deadspin.com/5299789/why-twitter-is-more-fun-the-less-you-use-it
Matthew Berry. Like Daulerio and Drew, I received an angry email from Tucker Max this weekend, and man, if that's not a career capper, I can't imagine what is. I'm not sure why it's Daulerio's fault that the aging cretin outed ESPN fantasy expert Matthew Berry as a guy who had a "threesome set up with a porn star and some other girl, had them both IN HIS HOTEL ROOM, and blew it-didn't fuck either one!" but hey, the video he sent all of us was awfully clever anyway. Of course, acting as if Tucker Max has ever said a truthful word in his life is somewhat of a fallacy in the first place; one gets a sense that Berry and Max had a few beers, and next thing you knew, Max was writing pretend stories about threesomes with porn stars and Berry's all "Wha-wha-wha?" I'm sure this hasn't been a pleasant week for Berry, who seems like a nice, if somewhat frattish, fellow, but it's difficult to feel too sorry for him: If you hang out with Tucker Max, and then tell the world about it (at 5:40 in the morning!), you probably deserve whatever's coming your way. I like that Max felt obliged to point out it wasn't Bill Simmons, though. I'm sure Bill appreciates that.
He is osing his hair. His hair is cut to disguise a slightly receding hairline, but his oncoming baldness is definitely showing in the back.
"-Suki (the DP) took the movie to the colorist last week; he is the guy who makes sure all the colors are balanced correctly and look right in the final product. This guy has seen probably 10,000 movies in his life. He watches movies all day. It's literally his job. Well, he couldn't do his job on our movie. Why? He was laughing too hard. He was literally in such fits of laughter, he couldn't concentrate or focus, so he gave up trying to pay attention to his job and just watched it all the way through, as a fan."
This is totally bullshit since colorists never work with a cut that has sound.
Unless of course he was laughing at the zany hijinx?
Did anybody notice that Ryan Holliday is no longer part of FailDogs?
Ryan Holiday is a loser, no two ways about it. He & Tucker share the same desperate insecurity disease---I mean the guy is a PR man for American Apparel (not exactly an A list client) & yet his blog is one of the most sanctimonious "LOOK AT ME" self fellating sites on the net.
What a tool.
http://gawker.com/5140096/american-apparels-internal-bankrupt-emails
The best is Ryan's pathetic little whine at the end. I think its a pretty safe bet that Ryan received wedgies on a daily basis in high school.
Fail Dogs is a humor website that was purchased by blogger Ryan Holiday in May 2008 for $45,000.
Holiday sold the site to I Can Has Cheezburger? in May 2009 for $8,000.
Move over Donald Trump!
$45,000?!?!?!
Fail, dawg
I have to say thank you to Tucker Max.
Without him I would never have heard of a book called A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
Tucker said that book prompted him to publish his own book IHTSBIH. Why? Becaused Tucker "could do better" than A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
I read IHTSBIH and had a few genuine laughs. Great title. Clever concept.
The problem with IHTSBIH is that it just felt incomplete. No structure. In fact, it felt like I was reading a collection of emails and blog postings. The characters didn't evolve and the hijinks contained in IHTSBIH were somewhat juvenile and repetitive.
Jokes were repeated. Timelines didn't add up. Logic was thrown out the window.
My question--Is Tucker Max comparing his book to A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius?
Sure they were both made of paper and sold in stores, but that's where the comparison ends.
I don't know how many copies of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius were sold because unlike Tucker Max the author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius was too busy writing other books and running a legit business to boast about sales every seven-and-a-half minutes.
If 'lack of control' is ever to become a currency, Tucker Max will be a billionaire in September, 2009.
"where did you guys hear that the screening schedule is down to 10 cities?
Doesn't say anywhere on his website.
6/22/2009 12:20 PM"
It's not anywhere on his web site because he didn't say it. Whoever posted that message did a good job though, it sounded real enough to me. If you check the movie blog now, he's actually talking about expanding the tour.
I really want to see how this plays out, because it makes no goddamn sense that he could throw this tour together at the last minute. So either it's something he's been planning for a while, or it's not going to happen. I'll put money on the latter.
Adlibs:
Tucker Max is the (Name Here) of (noun).
Tucker Max is the Ryan Leaf of literature.
Tucker Max is not only a member of the hair club for douchebags, he is the president.
My name is Tucker Max, and I don't want to sell books, I just love being a douchebag.
Tucker Max is the Ryan Holiday of success?
Tucker Max is the Paul Wall of hiphop.
I see they're using Katy Johnson's face with material released to the press. I'm sure with her permission and appropriate fees paid out...
https://www.boxoffice.com/thenews/2009/05/beer_in_hell_lands_release_dat
While Tucker admits that both the law and business worlds proved too discomfiting for his style, he proudly noted that he has found his niche here in the film and entertainment industry. He also made it clear that I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is just a jumping off point for him.
“This movie, it’s going to be huge,” Max said. “I think it’s going to top $40 million, even $70 million. If everything falls into place…”
At that point, Max’s voice trailed off and he looked into the distance, an impish grin once again spreading across his face.
http://articles.top501.nu/2008/09/07/top501-world-tucker-max/
"I could care less if Tucker can hang out with me, nobody ever asked him to bow down and do anything. We read his script, we looked at his project, and passed on it and gave him some good advice on what we thought was a good way to make his project better. Tucker talks about listening to successful people, but in a way, he really didn’t. He rewrote the film a little bit, and came up with something that wasn’t much better than the first script I saw. Next time try to be more succinct: “I fuck, therefore I am”. "
Lenny Dykstra is the Tucker Max of financial advice.
This guy is like Nostradamus:
http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thescriptreader/2008/07/29/the-tucker-max-movie-%20idiots-delight/
Marc on August 1st, 2008 8:41 pm
“
“Regardless of everyone’s opinion on the quality of the script, if/when the finished movie is picked up and marketed by a major studio. it will be successful.”
Well, the general consensus around Hollywood is that the script is horrific. I am of that school having read both versions of the script. The only people who are really saying that it’s a great script are Tucker, his sycophants and people who are being paid to work on his movie. I’m assuming you are a fan of his, which is why you are here.
This film has no chance of getting picked up by a major studio. You’ve heard it here first. This film has absolutely zero chance of getting major distribution. Tucker blew it in Hollywood and nobody wants to work with him on any level. To those in Hollywood, Tucker is the new Troy Duffy, except Duffy actually wrote an entertaining and competent script.
He’ll be lucky if some company like National Lampoon buys the film back to get it straight to DVD. Other than that there is no chance of this movie getting a major studio behind this picture. What I think might happen to him is that he will go out and bang on people’s doors at smaller individually owned theaters located near major colleges."
This guy totally predicted just about everything regarding distribution of IHTSBIH.
It is odd that no one in Tucker's camp or fanbase calls him out on "IT'S MAJOR!" when it just NOT a major in any way shape or form.
Freestyleis the distributor you go to when you are contractually obligated to do a theatricla release.
Its like he said "Brad Pitt will play me!" and then he casts Larry Hanks, third cousin of Tom, but he doesn't act as if it's not Brad Pitt.
Schwag bag contents.
1. Procipea
2. Douche
3. Tshirts reading "anything hangover does we can beat.. EASILY!" --tucker max
4. Rogaine
5. Astroglide
6. Duke law catalogue
7. .......????????
8.......,???????
Please help tucker out with your suggestions. Paul wall action figures with grills?
I double dare somebody to go to one of his screenings with a faux "WWTD" (What Would Tucker Do) t-shirt, only on the back it says:
"Lie About It"
VHS tapes broken beyond repair from vomit to lend credibility to his stories.
I still like the idea of 30,000 IHTSBIH date rape whistles.
A Rubber Vagina that's been molded from The Bunny. Fully lifelike in look and feel, also can be used as a suitcase.
http://www.examiner.com/x-14702-Boston-Books-Examiner~y2009m6d20-5-popular-book-titles-I-missed-the-boat-on
Everywhere I go, I hear about popular fiction that I absolutely have to read. Generally, when I take others' advice, I tend to agree, at least partially, with the rave reviews. However, there are times when I seem to be missing something, because I just do not get the draw. So, here are the five books that simply do nothing for me, despite the fanaticism with which they were recommended.
4. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max: Honestly, I do not have the slightest idea what is so intriguing about a guy who is one of the biggest scumbags to ever live. Let's see: He gets drunk, is pretty much abusive to women, and thinks it is funny to make everyone in his life look like an idiot. I think I will pass.
"4. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max: Honestly, I do not have the slightest idea what is so intriguing about a guy who is one of the biggest scumbags to ever live. "
And there you have it, the word to use for Tucker when speaking about his business dealings:
SCUMBAG
A douchebag is a guy who believes he is cool when in fact he is not, and socially I believe Tucker to be a douchebag.
In his business dealings however, he's a scumbag. A scumbag is the type of person who, as a boss has another employee choke another employee while videotaping the episode and putting it on the net to embarrass the choked out employee further.
A Rubber Vagina that's been molded from The Bunny. Fully lifelike in look and feel, also can be used as a suitcase.
6/24/2009 11:15 PM
Hilarious
As I've repeatedly stated: this blog/comment section is 10x funnier than anything to come from any Tucker Max site in YEARS.
THIS JUST IN!!!!
Michael Jackson has not died.
Also, Tucker Max's movie gets picked up by FOX.
There is no justice in the world, when Michael Jackson dies yet Tucker Max lives.
Lors Constantin dit ces propres paroles :
" J'ai renversé le culte des idoles ;
Sur les débris de leurs temples fumants,
Au Dieu du ciel j'ai prodigué l'encens :
Mais tous mes soins pour sa grandeur suprême
N'eurent jamais d'autre objet que moi-même ;
Les saints autels n'étaient à mes regards
Qu'un marchepied du trône de Césars.
L'ambition, les fureurs, les délices,
Étaient mes dieux, avaient mes sacrifices.
L'or des chrétiens, leurs intrigues, leur sang,
Ont cimenté ma fortune et mon rang.
Pour conserver cette grandeur si chère,
J'ai massacré mon malheureux beau-père.
Dans les plaisirs et dans le sang plongé,
Faible et barbare, en ma fureur jalouse,
Ivre d'amour, et de soupçons rongé,
Je fis périr mon fils et mon épouse.
O Grisbourdon, ne sois plus étonné
Si comme toi Constantin est damné ! "
I dont speak spanish (sarcasm)
Costa Rican girls tend to have big boobs for some reason.
^^^ This is an excellent point, and I think it bears repeating that I enjoy soup.
"Geoff Stults, one of the three leads in our movie, was also offered the role of the groom in The Hangover. He had both that offer and our movie's offer at the same time...and he turned down more money for The Hangover to do I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. There was a reason for that."
I guess that reason is that Geoff Stults is a moron, and is now kicking his own ass all around the block for being a dum-dum.
@3:50: You're assuming Tucker is telling the truth.
"Geoff Stults, one of the three leads in our movie, was also offered the role of the groom in The Hangover. He had both that offer and our movie's offer at the same time...and he turned down more money for The Hangover to do I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. There was a reason for that."
There are three possibilities for this:
1) His role in IHTSBIH is more of a feature role (#3 on the cast list). More lines, a better chance to stick out, etc. The role in the Hangover was small, not a lot of screen time, and basically you could get anybody to do that role and it would still be the same film.
2) Geoff Stults decided that working with an A-List comedy director wasn't for him.
3) Tucker is lying through his teeth about him actually landing the role.
BTW: Tucker is lying, since most actors don't really talk about other projects they're considering for just this reason. This gets back to the wrong people and Geoff won't even be able to read for Todd Phillips (or any of Todd's people, or the production companies involved or even the studio EVER AGAIN). You just don't badmouth another production publicly or claim you got a role but turned it down because of whatever, especially when that production has some actual Hollywood players working in it.
Stults has been around long enough to know this, so unless he's a complete idiot (possible) this story isn't true.
Whoever said Tucker was lying about the colorist not being able to do his job because of the overwhelming hilarity of the movie he was watching was also telling the truth. Colorists never get a cut with sound. There's no point to it, also, they never get scenes that are already cut together. Tucker is lying yet again.
I've been following this film since last April, and frankly NOTHING this idiot has said about the movie is true. Does he really have fans?
"Geoff Stults, one of the three leads in our movie, was also offered the role of the groom in The Hangover. He had both that offer and our movie's offer at the same time...and he turned down more money for The Hangover to do I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. There was a reason for that."
Total bullshit. Justin Bartha (who actually got the role) is very good friends with Todd Phillips. Not only that, but the whole thing was packaged through their agency (of which ALL of the leads are part of). Since Geoff Stults is part of "The Collective" and not part of one of the big 5 agencies, he was never in the running.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Also forgot to mention that The Hangover WRAPPED UP FILMING IN MAY OF 2008, which would have allowed Stults BE IN BOTH MOVIES SINCE IHTSBIH DIDN'T START FILMING UNTIL LAST SUMMER.
Once again,
Tucker lied,
People cried.
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR OTTO BUFTSEKS MAX
^^^ No no no, it goes:
TUCKER LIED!
BUNNY CRIED!
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4084962
Has anybody read this article yet? It's like Dykstra is channelling Tucker Max.
"When Carolyn Cain answered a Craigslist classified for a corporate flight attendant, she had no idea her future boss would be Dykstra. But she got acquainted with "Nails" quickly. Cain told ESPN.com that on her first trip with him in late March -- a flight from Southern California to Cleveland, with a stop in Cincinnati -- Dykstra persuaded her to use her credit card to pay for part of the cost to charter the private jet. She was fired in Cleveland, though, when she refused to let her card be tapped to cover some of the $277,000 owed on his own Gulfstream jet, which is still being held there by an aviation firm that upgraded and serviced the plane.
Cain filed suit in Ventura County small claims court on April 10, seeking the $13,000 in credit card charges and wages she says she is owed.
[+] Enlarge
AP Photo/Frank Franklin II
Dykstra's magazine, The Players Club, apparently hasn't become a profit center.
"We originally landed in Cincinnati, and after being stuck there and sleep-deprived, he [persuaded] me into using my credit card to charter a flight for $10,600 to Cleveland to get his plane," Cain said. "He then wanted me to give him more money to go towards the $227,000 he owed the guys to get his plane. He was like, 'We'll put $30,000 on this card.' I was like, 'Wow, wait a second.' He knew that I had money, because of previous conversations we had. He was like, 'This is a really good deal. You're going to put up the money, and you'll make like $80,000 in a week for doing nothing, because I'm going to give you the money back.'
"He was pressuring me to do it. At the time, I was so sleep-deprived and just wanted to get the hell out of there that I was actually considering it. And I said, 'You know what? Let me get some sleep. I need to think about this. It is making me uncomfortable.' I called Lenny up later and said, 'Yeah, I'm not going to give you any more money. I'm not comfortable with this.' And he just flipped.
"He said, 'What are you trying to do to me here? You're trying to make a fool of me. It is already a done deal. I've already told everybody that I got the money. They already got pilots coming, and we're flying out of here.' He goes, 'I can't have people like you working for me. You're unstable. You can't make a decision, and you're crazy.'"
This almost sounds like a Tucker Max "100% True" story, almost like the Brandon Woods story. Somebody calls into question Dykstra/Tucker, and suddenly they try and turn the tables on them.
Of course it's nothing like a Tucker Max story, because Tucker has no money, but still.
Lenny Dykstra has Tucker Max FAILED.
^^^^^^
We should make a list of people in real life who have "Tucker Max Failed"
It almost deserves it's own website.
What kinda moron lets their boss charge up 10K on their personal credit card?
Oh, and
"CNBC personality Jim "Mad Money" Cramer hypes [Dkystra] as a stock guru."
Cramer continues to swing and miss.
Cramer is an idiot, much like Max. Maybe they should work on somerhing together. After all, Tucker's really, really creative and talented, which is precisely why he's churned out so much of his world-famous 'art' in the last four years (hint: he's still riding the fumes of his moderately successful book- you know, the one that was published almost four years ago).
Tucker and Haters,
You guys are aware that this film will come and go drawing about as much attention as a mosquito fart in the jungle right?
You are both part of a cultish fad. Outside of a few retarded college kids who can't make up their minds and retarded hicks dumb enough to join the military no one knows who Tucker Max is. Why is that? The answer is very simple.
"The future is here, its just unevenly distributed"
This entire post basically sums up where Tucker is on the project: "In other words, whoops, we're fucked"
I LOVE how Tucker is beginning to hedge his bets (ROI return as an indicator of success vs box office #s, "we may be right & still lose", "one battle in a larger war", "if not, no big deal..."): you think that maybe therapy is helping reality sink in?
Holy shit this is drawn out.
"There are a ton of updates about the trailer, the poster, a movie-edition of the book, the tour and everything else, but I am going to post those tomorrow."
Or maybe Wednesday, or maybe next week or maybe next month. You know what? Fuck you, I'm too cool to post anything, so pay your 30 dollars and shut the fuck up.
"This post isn't really about this movie,"
Um dude, almost none of your posts are about this movie, it's about you and it's boring.
"so if that's all you care about, that's cool, but stop reading, because today I want to talk about something different, something that probably won't interest you:"
You've been interesting us with your other inane posts?
"With this movie, and even with this blog, there are two different things going on simultaneously. "
Yes, you lying and those lies going through your teeth.
"The first and most obvious is that we are making a movie and promoting its release. And with that, the only thing that really matters is the movie itself,"
Thanks for realizing that you don't matter.
"and whether or not the movie is enjoyable to the people who watch it."
Have you read your own script? This very blog is more entertaining then your movie.
"And make no mistake, that issue--making a great movie--is always at the forefront of our minds."
On the forefront, except for when we actually wrote the script and made the movie, BUT every waking moment between then...
"But for me personally, this whole undertaking has never been about one movie. Nothing I did on this movie--from the script, to the financing, to the casting, to the production, to the marketing--was done with one movie in mind."
Yeah, Tucker Max is supposed to be a franchise based upon one thin book. James Bond beware.
"For over five years I have looked at this movie"
That's odd, since you only started thinking about the movies after you blew your big TV show.
"as the first major battle in the grand campaign to change the entertainment business."
Yawn.
"From day one, I have had a plan in my head about where I wanted to take this and how I wanted to get there."
And from Day 2 on I've done nothing but fuck up things.
"Look at how Nils and I made this movie, the process we followed. We examined the "normal" Hollywood way of making a movie, found it to be stifling to creativity and utterly evil in how it treats artists, and consciously rejected it."
Or, nobody in Hollywood wanted to work with you, so you pretend that what you're doing is a path nobody has taken, even though pretty much all indie films take a similar path.
"Instead, we took another path:"
You've read my mind.
"The world of art and entertainment is changing in front of our eyes. The shift in power from the middleman to the creator--in all fields of commerce actually, not just art--has begun, and the 21st century will be defined by this movement."
And I won't be a part of that, because I'll be running a restaurant in Florida as this shift finally takes place.
"Putting value back in the hands of the creators, after a century of robbing them, that is what the 21st century will be about, and we are witnessing the shift right now."
Of course I can't be robbed because I'm broke, live with roommates in a shitty section of LA, but fuck them, I'm a real creator of a movement that even I don't know how to describe.
"This may sound kooky to you, and if it does, that's fine."
Somebody give him negative rep for using the word "kooky". You know you want to.
"This post wasn't meant for you."
Well that takes away about 12 of your 30 regular readers of your blog then.
"It was meant for all those people out there who want to create, who want to do something excellent create value and make something that creates a better world in some way."
How I'm making the world a better place is beyond my capacity to describe, but trust me...
"I am telling you, right now, it can be done."
Just not by you.
"For maybe the first time in history, the creator is free to be who they want to be,"
In this case, the creator is free to be a malcontented fraud and abject liar with a dwindling fan base.
"to create what they want to create, and to not have to answer to the interests or demands of the powerful, or of anyone but themselves."
Um, art history 101, that's how art has always been. And please don't lecture us on art, you listen to Paul Wall.
"Now, make no mistake--everything has a cost. "
In my case, the cost has been my career.
"Life is a tradeoff. It is not easy to be an artist or a creator."
Unless you embellish the fuck out of a bunch of stories that never happened to you in the first place. Then it's a fucking cakewalk.
But look around. It can be done. You can do it, and you don't have to sell your soul or corrupt your self to do it. And every day it gets easier. If this movie succeeds the way I think it will, it will be one more brick off the wall. If not, no big deal, some other movie will come along and take that brick down.
But the wall is falling. One brick at a time, we are moving to a better system and a better world. Understand it, embrace it and reap the rewards...or be like the 20th century studio system, and watch yourself be slowly left behind.
Look at these movies, supposedly the ten most profitable movies ever, in terms of ROI ratio."
Oh nice, you dropped a Hollywood term (ROI ratio) like you actually knew what it meant.
"Do you notice the theme? Each one was revolutionary in its time, each one was a whole new take on some aspect of movie-making, each one was original and raw and authentic and each one was done...outside the system."
And then there's IHTSBIH which has none of those factors.
"Or take this article, again from today, about how fucked up the old star system is and how audiences are craving originality and meaning."
Then take my movie, which contains no stars, nor any originality or meaning.
"The curtain has been pulled back, and people aren't accepting mindless corporate bullshit anymore. They want value."
Transformers: 201 million this weekend. Guess you pulled back the wrong curtain.
"The world of art and entertainment is changing in front of our eyes. The shift in power from the middleman to the creator--in all fields of commerce actually, not just art--has begun, and the 21st century will be defined by this movement."
And I won't be a part of that, because I'll be running a restaurant in Florida as this shift finally takes place.
"Putting value back in the hands of the creators, after a century of robbing them, that is what the 21st century will be about, and we are witnessing the shift right now."
Of course I can't be robbed because I'm broke, live with roommates in a shitty section of LA, but fuck them, I'm a real creator of a movement that even I don't know how to describe.
"We wrote a different way"
Yes, completely incompetent from the structure to the dialogue. Most people don't try to write this way, but me and Nils decided that we need to be different because my stories are bullshit anyway.
"--not worrying about what would sell or what we were "supposed" to do, instead focusing on nothing other than what made the best movie."
If you weren't worried about what would sell, then why are you touting the movie to be a major hit as well as predicting the box office?
"We financed it the right way--turning down upfront money and guaranteed "success" so we could do the movie with a company who would respect our artistic vision and give us creative control."
Well, I guess you financed it the right way in that you blew whatever cash you had on hand to spend on a casting agent to get you Matt Whocry.
BTW: Everytime Tucker says "art" a baby dies of AIDS.
"We made it the right way"
Except in execution.
"--by hiring people who got our vision and wanted to do it the right way, not the "Hollywood" way."
Except for the fact that everybody involved in the movie is a Hollywood person.
Oh, and Hollywood passed on your project.
"And we are marketing it the right way"
By getting anybody who would read your piece of shit script to say it sucked.
"--by engaging fans in the process"
When I say "fans" I mean the 50 of you who are still here and are able to legally see an R rated movie.
,"being completely honest with them,"
Except when you're talking about the movie or posting anything about it.
"and always treating them the way we would want to be treated,"
Here's a good quote: "I treat everybody the same. Like shit." - Tucker Max
"instead of shilling and lying to them at every turn."
Which everybody would have noticed if you hadn't said a word or posted anything for the past year.
"We may be right and win this battle, and it may launch us towards winning the whole war."
Or we may fail horribly and I'll have the rest of my life to stew in my own hatred of myself as I read my own words back years later and realize what a fool I was.
"We may be wrong, and lose this battle (or worse, we may be right and still lose)."
God, you sound like fucking Donald Rumsfield.
" I have no idea what the next 88 days will bring, or how this movie's success will end up."
Really dipshit? How about that 25 million opening weekend you've predicted for fucking MONTHS!? You are truly a fucking douchebag.
"But, in the end, this is just one battle. The war is going on, all over the world, all around us at all times."
Except instead of risking my neck and actually fighting a war, I chose to drink and write an abysmal script that showed me to be a total fraud and hack as well as an abject liar.
"No matter what I do or what this movie does, it is only one small battle in a much larger conflict. "
Meaning we didn't get the 450 theater opening and are getting maybe 12 theaters in places like Buffalo and Wichita.
By the way dude, if you don't win this battle, the war for you is over. Good luck using those vaunted degrees to get you work.
"The world is changing all around us in fundamental ways"
Yes, three years ago everybody thought you were cool, then you showed who you really were and everybody thinks you're a lying douchebag with delusions of grandeur.
"and for the first time in over a hundred years, the opportunity is there for the artist to free themselves from the tyranny of the 20th century corporate system, "
Except when we need distribution, then we'll go right to the corporate system only to watch them say my art isn't really art and it's inept.
"and to unleash their creativity, unbounded by anyone or anything else."
Also unbound of viewers.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Whoever just deconstructed Tucker's last post, thank you, that made my day.
Seriously, when was the last time anything that TM (or anything posted by his fanboys) posted on his site anywhere near as funny as the shit posted here?
Aside from a few of the comments on ultra-douche Arthur Kade's site, and of course the comments section of hotchickswithdouchebags, some of the funniest riffs on douchebaggery available on the net are right here.
Prediction: When the shitty reviews start rolling in, Tugger will mention how Transformers made $400 million despite bad reviews, proving that IHTSBIH is a success of some sort.
On second thought, will this get any real reviews, aside from a handful of blogs and some college papers?
"The curtain has been pulled back, and people aren't accepting mindless corporate bullshit anymore. They want value."
Transformers: 201 million this weekend. Guess you pulled back the wrong curtain.
Whomever wrote this is a genius.
I can see why Tucker stayed out of a career in law. He just got pwned.
"But look around. It can be done."
Just not by me, and I'm your hero.
"You can do it"
Thank you Rob Schneider.
"and you don't have to sell your soul or corrupt your self to do it."
All you have to do is lie about a bunch of stories and make yourself a virtual pariah in the path you've chosen. Worked for me, and I'm Tucker Max.
"And every day it gets easier."
I know, I mean look who got 6 million dollars to make a film based on one of the worst scripts ever written. You think that takes talent?
"If this movie succeeds the way I think it will, it will be one more brick off the wall."
Thank you Roger Waters.
You're already on record stating how much more money you're going to make than one of the top movies of this year. Sorry dude, you said it, not me., and don't think anybody's forgotten.
" If not, no big deal, some other movie will come along and take that brick down."
Well, it's no big deal for me, I'm going to download it illegally anyhow. For you, it's your career. If this film is not successful, either critically and/or financially, your career in Hollywood is over. Nobody will ever want to bankroll another one of your failures, not with your track record and record of being a total douchebag to work with/for.
"But the wall is falling."
Thank you Chicken Little.
"One brick at a time, we are moving to a better system and a better world."
I agree, once you become completely marginalized and your fans leave en masse (which has already happened) this will be a better world.
"Understand it, embrace it and reap the rewards."
Jesus Christ, I wish I could punch you in the face for writing those words.
"..or be like the 20th century studio system, and watch yourself be slowly left behind."
Or be like me and not realize the fight was over the second I started giving out my script.
^^^ Oh, my Lord- just to echo the other comments, the guy who deconstructed Tucker's latest post just MURDERED him. To whoever that was: thank you.
Tucker, we all know you read this blog, dude. I don't see how you have any choice but to respond to this total dismantling of your latest post. Come on, man- it's just embarrassing for you to let this guy so completely own you like this. Acknowledge this blog, and respond to what's been written here.
"BTW: Everytime Tucker says "art" a baby dies of AIDS."
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
I'm frustrated too... - April 8, 2009 07:12 PM
"I am sorry the announcement is taking so long."
Better damn well be sorry. Who the fuck do you think you are? The creator of a new business model that will crash the Hollywood system in your overall vision and creativity?
Oh wait, I guess you do think that...
"I promise there is a very good reason for this"
Cough... Cough...Laziness... Cough....
"and once we do tell you exactly what's going on it'll all make sense."
Except looking back now, it doesn't because nothing you are about to say came to fruition.
Suck on that Duke Boy!!!
"The deal we are putting together is really cool"
That's totally bitchin brah!! Let's like...talk legal and shit...
"but unfortunately 'really cool' also means there are lots of things that lots of different people have to agree on"
and unfortunately for me, none of them thinks my script is "really cool', or even "remotely competent".
They do however all agree on the fact that I'm a douchebag, but fuck them, I'll own them when this is big anyhow.
"numerous parts to put together, and a TON of paperwork to do. This takes time."
Well, it will take a ton of paperwork, none of which will be done by me or Nils.
"Please understand that, for reasons that should be obvious, we just can't publicly talk about deals while they are being negotiated."
Dude, no offense, but not enough people actually read your inane blog for it to be considered "public", so feel free to talk about it below anyhow...
"What's funny was that when I laid out the schedule for this announcement, I tried to way overextend the time I thought it would take so as to give us tons of leeway if something like this happened."
Something like what happened? That nobody was interested in your movie because it sucked, but what sucked even worse was having to be in business with a douchebag like you? Is that what you're talking about?
?Well, we have already missed the longest possible date I thought it would take to get to the announcement."
God, you're such a douchebag.
"I know, I know."
Glad you concur doctor.
"Here is what I can tell you:"
Except you just said you couldn't tell us less than 2 paragraphs ago. Focus Tucker, focus.
"-The release date is not set, but it's almost certainly going to be either in September, or possibly October of this year (2009). So like six months, give or take."
This might be the truest statement he's made on his entire blog.
"-Yes, it's going to be a major release on thousands of screens all over America; essentially indistinguishable from any other major studio release in that regard."
Sure, if you think 'essentially' means the exact opposite of how you use it, then this is another true statement.
By the way Tucker, when you wonder how people dislike you and think you're dishonest, go back and read statements like these, I'm sure something will click in that Propecia enhanced skull of yours.
"-Once the deal is FINALLY papered, I will tell you what it basically is, why it took so long, why we are all excited about it, and the other plans we have for the movie."
Or, I won't tell any of you shit, and I'll just make an announcement that will make my above proclamation null and void.
"Believe me, NO ONE is more frustrated and anxious about this than me."
No, I believe the people who actually invested 6 million dollars into your film are FAR MORE frustrated and anxious.
"But sometimes, there's nothing you can do but sit on the sideline and wait it out."
Which is basically the place Darko has legally placed me, on the sidelines.
"Even I am in a holding pattern now; I have basically no role"
Did you ever believe you had a role other than "That guy"?
Sean and the people with experience in making these deals are handling everything. Not my specialty, but part of the game.
Good God, if Sean was the guy who thought your script was good enough to warrant an investment of 6 million bucks, and now you have full faith in him getting you a deal? You call that experience? I call that a deal breaker, which is probably why everybody pretty much passed on his last 3 films
"[No comments on this post, there is nothing to talk about until the announcement]"
Which will come in June, and not really spoken about, and not be 1/8th the amount of theaters I have predicted above, but fuck you all, you don't mess with Texas or Tucker Max.
Remember kids, everytime Tucker refers to
himself as an artist, a baby dies of AIDS.
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM"
"Over the past year, this blog has gotten a lot of attention from people who are already fans of me or Matt or Jesse"
When I say a lot, I mean "you" the guy who is reading this and maybe John Tando.
Wait, Matt Czuchry has fans? Overweight fag hags and The Bunny don't count.
"or are for some other reason interested in the movie,"
The other reason being a morbid curiosity in watching you crash and burn. Well done too btw.
and that was the primary point of the blog; to inform and include those people in the movie making process.
"There is a second group of people that, especially over the past six months, have become avid readers:"
Mostly it's a group of dyslexics who don't understand anything anyhow, but what the fuck do you know.... NILS GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE!!!!
"Young aspiring filmmakers, writers, producers and other entertainers"
As well as senators, prime ministers, giants in capitalism and God.
Of course I can't list any of them because they only exist in my head along with the majority of stories.
"I know this because I get the emails from them all day"
I know this because I write them myself, but what do you know, I'm TUCKER MAX!!! I'm creating lives here people.
"either thanking me for putting the blog up, or asking me for advice, or telling me about how the blog has helped them either in their careers or for the really young ones, in their classes."
No offense, but if you're in school and you use this blog to help you in your classes, have fun getting coffee for the rest of your career.
"This is great, and I am very happy that the experiences Nils and I have shared in this process have helped so many other people."
Mostly we've helped ourselves, and Nils has helped himself to a lot of donuts from the fridge.
"To that end--giving insight into the process of making a movie--I want to talk about something that never gets taught in any class, that never gets discussed on any panel, never gets written up in an trade magazine: How to deal with envy."
Because most people in here can relate to dealing with envy. Like this morning I got on line in the post office, and I wanted to look at a bunch of different stamps, and I heard a bunch of people huff and sigh behind me because I was taking up so much time. How do I deal with such haterz Tucker? How!?!
"If you are reading this blog and you have aspirations of working at any level in the entertainment business,"
then you realize that this entire endeavor is a "What NOT To Do" guide for people trying to "make it".
"let me prepare you for what is ahead:"
Let me show you exactly how to blow a fledgling career by being a malcontent and a fraud.
"A lot of people are going to tell you that you can't do it. "
Except for Rob Schneider, because "YOU CAN DO IT" in his eyes.
"In some cases, there will be more people telling you that you can't than those thinking you can. "
"And worst of all, some of the people rooting against you will be close you; friends, family, loved ones, etc."
Tucker is crying while he's wring this btw.
Mr. Dennis Max, call your son and finally tell him you love him. We know you don't mean it, but at least it might shut him up for a few days.
Listen Dipshits, anything Transformers can do opening weekend IHTSBIH will TRIPLE!!!!
Just like in Transformers, IHTSBIH shows that you don't have to be a robotic drone (like all those Hollywood types) but you can change yourself into a force to be reckoned with. It's basically the same story as IHTSBIH, but my movie is WAY funnier. The jokes are tighter and my movie has BOOBS and SHIT JOKES. Those robots don't have tits. Even though I only have 10 campuses lined up and 30 screens for opening weekend, my box office number will kill.
"But if you have a little talent and a lot of determination and put in the work, you'll make it. "
Just look at me, I have no talent and I'm lazy, but I'm determined to make one of the worst films ever made. I've totally made it!!!
Fuck you if you don't return my calls Hollywood, I've Made it goddammit, and if you don't believe me ask Bunny or Nils.
"And once you do actually do it, whatever "it" is, some people will hate you for it."
I totally hate Tucker for being a failure.
Wait, that's not his "it"?
"No matter what, someone is going to try to put you down or tell you that what did sucked, or that it's not good because of [insert spurious logic here]."
Especially if it's true, like in the case of the script for IHTSBIH. That's not spurious logic, that's gospel.
"I started six years ago with nothing but a blank screen, and I am now a best selling author, inventor of a new literary genre, movie producer and entrepreneur, and people still tell me shit like that."
Yet outside of my message board nobody considers me any of these things. However, with statements like the above at least everybody can concur that I'm a douchebag.
"This is just life, yet no one really tells you this before you start. If you are brave enough to take a risk, you know you have a chance of failure, but you probably assume that any good person will wish you well."
If you're brave enough and have enough of daddy's money to fall back on and enough people buy into the lie, then YOU CAN DO IT!!
Thank you Rob Schneider.
"And most do. But some don't (and they are invariably the loudest). They are the types who are miserable with their own lives and unhappy with themselves, and instead of directing that energy inward to fix their own issues, they direct it outwards and hate on those who try to succeed where they have either failed or were too afraid to even try."
Sort of like me and my adventures in Hollywood. I hate it because I blew my chance in epic fashion. I am invariably the loudest hater of Hollywood around, and I'm trying to work around my own personal flaws... WAIT! I'm Tucker Max, I have no flaws. Fuck you Hollywood for making me think I had them.
"You need to understand this and expect it to happen to you before you get into the business, that way you will be prepared to deal with it when it comes."
Deal with it by becoming the laughing stock of the industry where your own sweeping statements never seem to come true.
"Here is how you handle the haterz:
Ignore them."
Ignore them by creating anoynomous accounts on sites where the "haterz" hang out (like IMDB) and pretend you're "not really a fan" but then defend Tucker to the Nth degree. Also remember to write in your own style so nobody notices it's you.
"You cannot be all things to all people, and no matter how great you are, someone will hate you."
Or in Tucker's case, hate him because he's a lying douchebag with a big mouth. Wow, he's almost all things to me, but like, in a negative way.
"Even if you are perfect--literally perfect, with no reason for anyone to do anything other than love you--some people will hate you simply because you ARE perfect. Such is envy; it is all about how the envious person sees themselves and ultimately has nothing to do with you."
That sound you hear is me laughing from miles away.
"Furthermore, you WILL do it wrong at first."
Or, in Tucker's case, you WILL do it wrong first, second, third, fourth, etc etc etc.
"It's not easy to bust your ass and work hard on something that you love,"
Just ask Nils, he did most of the hard work on the script and film while Tucker made posts like these.
"only to have some douchebag troll hate on you for it."
Or hate you because you're a douchebag troll like Tucker.
"That causes an almost involuntary emotional reaction the first time you deal with it. The key is not to ignore the emotion, but to consider the source, and realize that you have no reason to care what a person who hates their own life thinks about yours."
You know, I often wonder what Hell looks like. I wonder if it's like in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, where we relive a part of our lives that's both horribly frightening and or embarrassing. In Tucker's case, this part of his life has to look a lot like Hell. It's like a constant loop of failure and self loathing masked by false bravado that is transparently obvious.
Thougtss like these makes me sleep great at night.
"Yes, feedback does matter, and yes, constructive criticism is necessary to improve"
Unless it's negative criticism, then just delete delete delete and ban ban ban.
"and yes, fans do matter"
Especially if they want to do a date application or buy my book wholesale.
"I'm telling you that all fans don't matter the same."
The more people kiss his ass, the more they matter.
Simple logic.
"There is another side to this also, a sort of corollary: You have to ignore the gushing worshippers too."
Which I normally do, but only after they pay 30 bucks to see my shitty movie and get a t-shirt.
"The people who think you are a god and walk on water and can do no wrong and should be lord emperor of all creation--and I get way more of those emails and comments than from haterz, like 20-1--those people are just as toxic to you and your work. "
Wow, Tucker just described his entire message board.
But why?
"Here's why:"
Whew, thank you Tucker Max. Explain away.
"Neither the haterz nor the worshippers really care about you or what you do. They are simply using you as a proxy to fill some sort of hole in their soul. "
Sort of like how Tucker has filled his soul with lies, or Nils fills his stomach with Krispy Kreme Donuts or Bunny fills her anus with cock.
It's just a proxy for something else, and in their cases it's self loathing.
"The haterz use you as a dumping ground for their self-loathing;"
Or, maybe I just like making fun of a loud mouth who knows nothing and doesn't yet understand that.
" the worshippers use you as a idol upon which to derive some sense of self from."
Again, this explains almost every person left on TMMB.
"Listen to the haterz and you'll obsess over whats wrong with you or start to believe you are wrong;"
Especially if you are continually proven wrong.
"listen to the worshippers and you'll start to believe you are invincible, that you can do no wrong and that if you do it, that's enough for it to be right. "
Which is the reality that Tucker derives his entire career from.
"If you want to work in the entertainment business, the point should be to make great art."
Tucker is to art what a child molester is to sex.
"Every job that doesn't have "executive" in the title is ultimately about art, and art is not about hate or worship,"
Unless it's the art on the Sistine Chapel, but what did Da VInci know, he's no Tucker Max.
"it's about expression and appreciation."
Or in my case, selling books.
"Some art talks to lots of people, other art doesn't, and if you want to be in the business of art then you need to focus on creating art that talks to a lot of people."
All 50 of you who still come to TMMB know what I'm talking about.
"But the people at the margins--those who harbor extreme hate or extreme worship--should be ignored at all costs, because they are not only a minority, they are toxic and dysfunctional and listening to either of them about anything is the easiest way to ruin yourself."
Or you could just listen to people who've worked around Tucker and they can tell you how to ruin yourself.
"This may sound obvious, but I know a lot of people in this business, and not one of them dealt with this issue well at the beginning, and many were ultimately crippled by it."
Many have retreated to their website and refuse to do any interviews because the press will have a field day disproving their bullshit stories.
Oh wait....
"I think this is probably something you have to go through before you can understand it--like how Fight Club doesn't make sense until you've had an awful job--but if you are getting started or thinking of getting started in an artistic career, remember this advice. It will serve you well."
What advice? It was a series of definitive statements that you've just use to affirm yourself as an artist while making sure that everybody else reading this who is neutral towards you now knows you are a douchebag.
Kids, if you want to make it in Hollywood, read all the advice Tucker has to give and do the complete opposite.
"Tucker is to art what a child molester is to sex." hahaha ha ha ah aha
tucker is to art what ryan holliday is to success
"If you check the movie blog now, he's actually talking about expanding the tour."
Officially it was cut from 50 dates to 35. And that's on his site.
"Aside from a few of the comments on ultra-douche Arthur Kade's site, and of course the comments section of hotchickswithdouchebags, some of the funniest riffs on douchebaggery available on the net are right here."
Man, the stuff that gets posted on Arthur Kades site is downright brutal.
One of the funniest (to me anyway) "I think Jesus would throw the first stone."
However, Arthur Kade may be some kind of scam. And if it's not...that dude needs serious help.
To whoever deconstructed Tuckers posts...that is brilliant.
Easily funnier than anything Tucker has ever written. And also one of the funniest B**** slaps to Tucker I have ever seen...
Shouldn't've mentioned Transformers to him. "Coming soon: ROBOT BOOBS AND SHITTING, an art film from Otto Max."
oh snap
Re: Proof that Tucker is insignificant!
by danielrand 7 minutes ago (Tue Jun 30 2009 10:02:59)
UPDATED Tue Jun 30 2009 10:10:03
"You think I'm Tucker?"
No, but I do find it odd that since you've been on IMDB since November you've only commented in this film's section.
My guess is that you're probably a TMMB board member trying desperately to do some positive propaganda for the movie. Hey, maybe Tucker will have a drink with you (once you pay 30 dollars to see his movie).
"Do you really not see how crazy you are?"
Do you really see how transparent you are?
"Is there a single legitimate source you have to back your inane claims?"
Um, dude, Tucker Max is not a legit source to back his claims. Sorry, too many lies.
"Because Tucker's law school friends visited the set and verified his stories."
Well, sort of. I mean I could go to my friends and ask them to say I'm a race car driver, and like magic I'm suddenly a race car driver.
"Or maybe they were fakes that Tucker (or I considering I am Tucker according to you) hired to lie,"
Come on dude, Tucker doesn't have money to hire anybody. You're projecting.
"or maybe the whole movie set is playing along."
Or maybe the whole movie set thought he was a douchebag who doesn't answer his calls anymore now that the picture is wrapped.
"The best you have to back your craziness is anonymous posts on blogs. Now that screams credibility!"
And the best Tucker has to back up himself is some anonymous sycophant (unpaid too) who only posts on this one movie. Now that screams of desperation.
I doubt the movie gets a lot of major reviews if its going to open as a small indie film on 450 screens. Odds are more likely that rotten tomatoes will have some viewer comments and of course there will be the word of mouth that might entice newspapers to look at the film. Gawker I'm sure will say something negative.
These days, it seems Tucker is finally unable to completely control all the negative press, despite the heavy moderation of Amazon and Wikipedia.
Aside from this blog, there wasn't a lot of undeletable negative press. Then Gawker jumped on board as did that script reviewer.
Eventually this movie will be released and the public can make up their own mind instead of hearing how awesome it is from the creator for the last year. This is when the floodgates will open.
"Anything the Hangover can do at the Box Office we can BEAT. EASILY" (Tucker Max, june 2009)
THE HANGOVER
Domestic: $183,054,267 85.8%
+ Foreign: $30,300,000 14.2%
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
= Worldwide: $213,354,267
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