The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 5601 – 5800 of 15917 Newer› Newest»One of these days Tucker's fairy godmother will recover from her drinking binge and finally get around to delivering that sense of shame that she owes him, and Tucker will look out upon his mighty works and tremble in a symphony of disgrace and regret.
"I cannot tell if you are actually a fan and busting my balls just to screw with me."
Maybe I'm both.
"Let me get this straight, you are ripping on him for actually being on the bestseller list? "
He's not actually a "best seller", he's on the supplemental list, there's a huge difference. Chicken Soup For The Soul was also on the NYTimes Supplemental List.
"I can understand ripping on someone for writing a shitty and critically panned book, but the guy's book is doing great and has been doing great for the past 3 years. If you are going to rip on him, at least hate on him for something worth hating him for."
Okay, Tucker's book is both critically panned and a shitty piece of work. For somebody who is such a success, he sure does live under his means. Can one make the inference that perhaps he didn't get a good deal on his novel and is making much less than he's previously stated by the fact that he's still living like a kid out of college. Don't get me wrong, he's sold 700K worth of books, but he sure doesn't seem to have anything to show for it?
How's that? I even did it sans hate.
"That right there is the definition of envy. It certainly sounded like you were just coming up with reasons why being on the NY Times bestseller list is not a good thing rather than coming up with a valid point.""
Again, he wasn't on the NYTimes Best Seller list, he was on the supplemental list, which is something else in it's entirety. Do you have problems with reading comprehension? No, don't answer that, it's already painfully obvious.
Tucker Max is basically "Twilight" for frat boys.
calling a douchebag a douchebag does not mean you hate him nor envy him.
calling a douchebag a douchebag just means he's a douchebag.
what's wrong with that?
anyone who has sex with midgets and destroys careers of beauty queens and lies for publicity is douchey.
if they had true talent, they would use that for publicity instead of corporate supported douchetardation.
success is defined by having a total of zero fansites and one single blog of people speaking truth to viacom and calling out tucker the doucheg max for the fun of it.
think about it.
if tucker is the twilight for boys, where are all the fan sites?
tucker is the docuhebag for all ages and genders.
RE: Tucker
They should have never given that nigga money.
"if tucker is the twilight for boys, where are all the fan sites?"
Tucker really only has one fansite, that is run by himself where only he is the dominate voice and forces opinion towards his own.
I think what he meant by the Tucker/Twilight comparison is that Tucker attracts frat boys like Twilight attracts fat girls. Both are selling this fantasy version of reality where guys like Tucker (or vampires) exist. The only difference is that Twilight was actually on the NYTimes Best Seller list and made a ton of money for it's author (who does not live with roommates and probably owns her own car).
tucker reminds me of milli vanilli who won a grammy.
everyone has a dream, but many never accomplish it.
yes--many people never have sex with midgets for publicity and make fun of fat girls and asians. but viacom does not fund such people, and duke and u of c do not admit them as our culture declines.
tucker is calling us haterz.
we love honor, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love truth, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love beauty, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love kindness, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love literature, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love art, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love love, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love respect, courage, and duty, and tucker loves failing out of the army and trying to sleep with other good men's wives.
so what if he gets douchetribution?
he sold his soul long ago.
"In fairness to Andrew let's keep in mind that by his own admission he rode the Tucker fanboy wave for four years. Now, like a Scientologist leaving the cult and seeing the error of his ways for the first time he is trying to wipe the douche from his skin. It will take some time. Be strong Andrew. Walk away from the douche. Embrace a world without being redacted."
I'm conflicted here. I appreciate your concern, I do. Here's the problem with fanboys. They don't DO anything. I read Tucker's stuff and thought to myself, "There is no fucking way I'm letting that happen to me." I didn't need to go to three years of law school to figure out that arguing timelines and tort laws is not the way to spend anyones life, let along your own. One business law class was all it took. It was actually pretty valuable, too.
Business and Law have a funny relationship seeing as one naturally attempts to exclude the other by no fault of its own. When invectives exist to operate outside of the Laws constraints, businesses will do that. Typically successfully until someone slips and an entire financial institution comes crashing down under one big ponzi scheme.
Nevertheless, there is not enough bleach, steel wool, and lemon juice to acidify the stink away. A better question is, why do Scientologists join up in the first place?
"Less than 48 hours before you hipsters get your asses handed to you by Mr. Max. How does it feel?"
It's going to take someone with hands larger than a toddler's before anyone here feels anything.
"tucker is calling us haterz.
we love honor, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love truth, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love beauty, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love kindness, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love literature, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love art, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love love, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love respect, courage, and duty, and tucker loves failing out of the army and trying to sleep with other good men's wives.
so what if he gets douchetribution?
he sold his soul long ago."
Three words:
1.) Best
2.) post
3.) ever.
"How is he handing anyone their asses? I'm the guy who keeps saying the movie is probably going to happen. Tucker Max is a fool who's part of the breakdown of integrity in western culture. That's MY point. When he (or you) care to demonstrate that I'm wrong, I'll entertain the notion that he's fixing to do something other than taking his place in the pantheon of douchebags."
ditto. The movie will probably happen; probably be released through iTunes because no major distributor wants touch him without a full-body condom and a CDC Hazmat team present. Did you know that TheTucker is a sexually transmitted disease? I think it's listed in the DSM-V when it comes out. He had a whole new section dedicated just for him when backne scars kept showing up long after he kicked his roid habit and he hadn't been laid in months, a serious wet spell for all the horny women out there.
Symptoms include randomly trolling blogs calling out your name, constant fear and paranoia that hollywood is out to destroy your creative vision, that hollywood cares about your creative vision in the first place, and emotionless megalomania border lining on delusions of draconian dystopic control.
In the race for freedom I guess perception truly is reality. God knows he must love it in there, because no one has seen him come out since sushi pants.
"Anonymous Anonymous said...
"How stupid are us people?"
Best question EVAR! And it answers itself!
"Tucker Max is a fool who's part of the breakdown of integrity in western culture."
I've always thought that the very best part of this strange comment section phenomena, this exercise in time wasting neurosis, was the self-righteousness ploy that is used so elegantly to reassure oneself. While you take on obscure internet personalities in defense of all of Western Culture, I'll be laughing at the irony of that.
TAT
KTAT"
Wait a sec... did you fuck him?
"because my book sold enough books to be ranked up there with "Chicken Soup For The Soul" and the "Drew Barrymore Diet" on the NYTimes PAPERBACK list, all the time I will wonder why if I'm so popular that the book company doesn't have the foresight to print me in hard cover?"
If you've never read The Hardy Boys high, you don't know what you're missing out on. Orienteering is the keenest sport since Time-Attack Crocheting. Also, it's a lot cheaper to pay for fake content than spuriously constructed content.
"yes--many people never have sex with midgets for publicity and make fun of fat girls and asians. but viacom does not fund such people, and duke and u of c do not admit them as our culture declines."
Clearly, you have not read Unhooked. Not only will they continue to admit them, the Tucker's of the world will only get worse and more violently offensive.
John Jay, Alexander Hamilton, and James Madison all took on the anonymous name Publius to speak out against the tyranny of their day in the Federalist Papers.
So too must we remain anonymous, as Tucker can leverage billions of Viacom dollars to hire kungfu mike and silly little freak to wreak havage on our lives and homes while enforcing corporate Duke Lawyers/VIACOM's fiat rule, as the day is coming that we will all be forced to accept that video taping anal sex with a girl without telling her about it and losing the tape is art.
Speak out against this, and Tucker Max will send his legions of Duke laywer friends/MBAs and no-name actors such as jessica bradford and matt douchesky to antagonize and intimidate you who are so successful that they now hang out with kungfu mike while also having no jobs in hollywood.
All these years every action Tucker has performed has been in response to us.
Every movement of his tiny little hands, every bimbo whore he has posted a picture of, even his film was done not for the sake of art, but for his hatred of the truth tellers on this blog. And as VIACOM and Duke and U of C all hate the TRUTH, they funded him to the hilt. Tucker took the most secure job in today's world. Raging against truth, honor, and integrity; and substituting douchebaggery for art.
Duke, U of C, and Viacom created Tucker Max as their master corporate-state creation; to lie, and lie, and lie, and decieve, and lie, as he flapped his tiny, little, grotesque manhands.
AWESOME!!! TUCKER MAX IS POSTING ABOUT US!!!
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
Imagine if you were about announce the awesome distribution deal for your epic film. . . but instead of focusing on the film. . .you addressed those smart and bold enough to call you out, who actually run the largest site devoted to your work.
Imagine if, uinlike you, they did it for the fun of it, instead of working for Viacom and serving Donnie Darko Doucheo's line. Imagine it, they did it for Truth, while your anti-art (secret tapings of anal sex/douchebaggery) was made for money and to overcompensate for tiny-little hands and a frankenstein head. had i hooked up with a sub-par beuaty queen with such tiny little hands and frankensteinish head, i too would have been surprised, but i i wouldn't made a career out of the freak incidient for a freak with a frankensteinish head and tiny, little hands.
any ways--everyone who posted on this blog over the past couple years--ten minutes here and there while tucker's duke law associates spent fifteen-hour days architecting the TARP bailouts for
VIACOM and GOLDMAN SACHS--anyhone who posted here is to be commended.
for you have won.
for more important to tucker than his distribution is the truth you speak.
and as he gets some silly, little douchestribution deal, you get eternity, honor, and glory.
and deep down he knows it.
and that is why he speaks of you today.
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
"You need to understand this and expect it to happen to you before you get into the business, that way you will be prepared to deal with it when it comes. Here is how you handle the haterz: Ignore them."
Yes--the best way to ignore the truth-speakers is to salute and congratulate them in your blog for having become the center of your universe, displacing your crappy film.
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
WAHOOO!!!
THE END OF TUCKER'S/VIACOM'S EPIC REIGN OF DOUCHEBAGGERY HATH BEGUN!!!!
Victory to all the truth speakers here! Under VIACOM's command, Tucker must try to cut us down by calling us haterz, when we, in fact, love art, poetry, literature, culture, beauty, and truth!
Has tucker ever written a poem?
Think about that--our greatest literary star is incapable of poetry, as VIACOM wishes to erase every last vestige of poetry from this world, and has thus hire douchebag lawyers to displace artists, poets, and filmmakers.
Tucker addressing us directly is awesome!
"You cannot be all things to all people, and no matter how great you are, someone will hate you. Even if you are perfect--literally perfect, with no reason for anyone to do anything other than love you--some people will hate you simply because you ARE perfect. Such is envy; it is all about how the envious person sees themselves and ultimately has nothing to do with you."
Let me count the things I envy about Tucker Max:
1) tiny-little hands
2) freakish frankenstein head
3) he had to video tape anal sex in secret, make fun of fat girls and asians and innocent bystanders, and have sex with midgets for publicity to build his career.
4) he works 24/7 for viacom. even his duke law buds who spend 15-hour, soulless days stealing tax dollars/bailing out the rich get to go home at night.
5) he is the universe's biggest douchebag
6) his own cast and crew never hang out with him unless they are paid
7) his film has already flopped, as anything done without honor cannot exalt honor.
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
Worshippers? There are none.
This is teh only site out there devoted to Tucker's work which Tucker does not control.
Imagine a Tcuker fan club. Hahaha.
hahahhahahahahaa.
Little, freakish looking kids with tiny, little hands and gargantuous heads pretending they are Navy Seals as they play World of Warcraft.
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
Yes--there are no worshippers, there is no art, and the haterz are teh lovers of truth, beauty, honor, service, duty, art, poetry, and intergity.
Does VIACOM really think it can rule forever by hiring douchey lawyers to replace film with a fat, balding, douchebag's made up stories of literally driving into donut shops with no police reports ever being filed?
There is no greater proof that Tucker is a total douchebag by his use of the letter "Z" in the word "haters".
I understand that he was trying to be ironic, but the irony is that he's a douche doing douchey things but thinks he's being "ironic".
I'm waiting for him to start using "LOL" and emoticons. It wouldn't be ironic, it would just be par the course for his douchetasticness.
2nd: Is calling somebody a "HIPSTER" even an insult anywhere but the TMMB? Fuck, call me a hipster all you want, just don't call me a frat boy or a Tucker Max fan.
Gawker needs to read his last post, it's the douchiest thing I've ever read.
How come when major studios/stars/director release movies they don't begin by adressing the haterz?
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
Basically Viacom needed a volunteer. They needed a soulless douchebag to replace art with porn and poetry with secretive tapings of anal sex in which the tapes were lost.
The jhob would require that you serve Viacom's bottom -line 24/7 and provide a smokescreen for the massive tranfer of wealth under the TARP program.
Tucker Max interviewed for the job, and as his frankensteinish head and tiny-little hands surpassed the freakish fattishness of nils parker, he was given the lead role to bury culture in a dark hole.
But what viacom forgot about was the immortal power of the everlasting soul.
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
Not the order of importance:
1) Haterz (speakers of truth)
2) worshippers (tucker hates those who believe/worship his lies)
and dead last is making art.
3) making art
Every true artist ranks it the following way:
1) making art
2) fans
3) critics
That is because the truth and beuaty must naturally go first.
But as Tucker's anti-art is anti-truth and anti-beuaty, it are actually is critics (teh truth speakers and lovers of beauty) that he ranks first.
Second come those he has fooled by his lies, as they aren't ncessarily bad people, but only gullible.
Lastly comes his anti-art which is based on lies, deception, douche, secretive tapings of anal sex and lying stories about sex with midgets.
Blessed with the ability to not see the obvious, and backed by an enormous ego that hates truth, tucker cannot see himself; but yet, he cannot escape reality.
"VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT"
Called or not called, the god will be there. Bidden or unbidden, God is present.
Too bad Duke LAw & IU of C don't teach the classics no more.
why is it that every three days someone from his site needs to remind the world that 'they said he wouldn't have a book' and 'they said there wouldn't be a movie' we get it. we don't care.
being a drunk dick yelling at fat people in a mcdonalds is 'art'? making fun of strangers at sporting events? idolizing border guards for bashing in the heads of mexicans with flashlights? where exactly is this art?
I knew it all along.
Finally Tucker admits it.
All he does is think about us.
"why is it that every three days someone from his site needs to remind the world that 'they said he wouldn't have a book' and 'they said there wouldn't be a movie' we get it. we don't care."
that is tha VIACOM internship program. first they drench them with douche. then they cut their balls off. and then they send them here to hype tucker's anti-art.
this is a picture of tucker, surrounded by the VIACOM brass, enforcing the laws of his maage board where truth and beuaty are frobidden:
http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/2006_300/006300_Leon_Laderach_002.jpg
Damn, VIACOM Corporateguy, you really stepped it up. The crazy,I mean.
"VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT"
Aw, shit, motherfucking LATIN?!
Who knew you were such an educated motherfucker?
enim prodest homini si mundum universum lucretur animae vero suae detrimentum patiatur aut quam dabit homo commutationem pro anima sua
That's kind of funny that Tucker is getting branded as a rapist. I wonder what kind of boxoffice that this sort of word of mouth will lend to his film?
I Hope They Rape Frat Boys In Hell.
I need to trademark that line.
http://president.osu.edu/
E Gordon Gee loves and supports profiting off of
1) making fun of asians
2) making fun of fat girls
3) filming secret tapings of anal sex and losing the tape
Look at that little bow tie!
http://president.osu.edu/bio.php
He will be sitting in the fornt row of tucker's viacom-funded speech on doucheifying the world!
Here is a list of all the people who love and support profiting off of
1) making fun of asians
2) making fun of fat girls
3) filming secret tapings of anal sex and losing the tape
Administration
205 Bricker Hall, 190 North Oval Mall, Columbus, OH 43210
E. Gordon Gee
President
Contact
gordon.gee@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Dr. Herb Asher
Counselor to the President
Contact
asher.1@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Kate Wolford
Assistant to the President and Director of Operations
Contact
wolford.4@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Shelley Palmer
Office Administrative Associate
Contact
palmer.14@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Sondra Shook
Administrative Assistant to the President
Contact
shook.77@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Rebecca Crowell
Director of Scheduling and Special Projects
Contact
crowell.1@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Elisha Starkey
Office Assistant
Contact
starkey.57@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Jackie Hartzell
Fiscal/HR Officer
Contact
hartzell.2@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Tom Near
Courier
Contact
near.1@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Shea Bugala
Assistant Scheduler
Contact
bugala.1@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-3821
Commencement and Special Events
1050 Blankenship Hall, 901 Woody Hayes Drive, Columbus, OH 43210
Carol Ries
Director of Commencement and Special Events
Contact
ries.2@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-9051
Lynda M. Farrell
Associate Director
Contact
farrell.77@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-9051
Patrick J. Wadsworth
Manager of Events and Residence Operations
Contact
wadsworth.16@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-9051
Carol A. Rinehart
Office Associate
Contact
rinehart.84@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-9051
Editorial Projects
205 Bricker Hall, 190 North Oval Mall, Columbus, OH 43210
Amy Watson
Manager of Editorial Projects
Contact
watson.385@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Patricia Carro
Editorial Assistant
Contact
carro.1@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Rachel Carson
Editorial Assistant
Contact
carson.179@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
Susan A. Saxton
Editorial Assistant
Contact
saxton.6@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-2424
University Residence
Pizzuti House
80 N. Drexel, Bexley, OH 43209
Kristine Flaherty
Manager
Contact
flaherty.10@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-0433
Yvette McKinney
Assistant Residence Manager
Contact
mckinney.4@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-0433
Elizabeth Balvin
Assistant Residence Manager
Contact
balvin.3@osu.edu
phone: (614) 292-0433
Will you also laugh at the irony that, in order to mock those who read and post here, YOU have to read and post here?
5/06/2009 4:11 PM
Aw man, I've addressed this already. It's a completely played-out comeback. I'll review just one more time, for you. First off let me reiterate that I am, as one super clever poster once wrote, the "saddest sadsack". You defend all of Western Culture and all that is good and pure and art and beauty against a completely obscure internet personality and you do so with an intense vigor, and some of you have been here since the beginnning. IT's Been Years for some of you! I am just like you, except my obsession is you, and not Tucker. In fact my whole impetus when I first started posting was to get people to stop talking about Tucker. Now its more of a vested interest in watching people sap away time in their life and trade mental energies and thoughts for a relatively unknown fratboy. Oh your sweet tears. Which is why I am almost certainly the "saddest sadsack". So I guess if you want to whip out your scales of justice (you defender of all that is right and true!) then you could weigh your attention to Tucker over my attention to you and decide which is more pathetic. I wouldn't recommend it though, its a waste of time, time that could be spent Thinking About Tucker.
KTAT
Actually we are defending art and culture an dtruth and beauty against VIACOM, Duke, and u of c, and now Ohio State and Donnie Douchebag Darko.
what does KTAT mean?
KTAT is nils parker's pseudnym.
viacom pays him to post here--the largets site for criticizing tucker's work.
since tucker has no imagination, and since he can only write about the degraded places his penis goes, he provides a living barometer of the news of the day, but he is not a true artist.
why does nils parker hate on western culture so much? what's his story? most of the food he eats is western in nature.
i just called the osu president and asked him out.
his secretary put me through.
i love bow ties.
what does KTAT mean?
5/07/2009 12:14 PM
It means Keep Thinking About Tucker.
Keep Thinking About Tucker
Yes--during world war II it was
"keep thinking about mussolini"
"keep thinking about lenin"
"keep thinking about hitler."
tatguy--how much is viacom paying you to keep thinking about us?
or do you do it for free because it pleasures you?
tucker writes, "This is just life, yet no one really tells you this before you start. If you are brave enough to take a risk, you know you have a chance of failure, but you probably assume that any good person will wish you well. And most do. But some don't (and they are invariably the loudest). They are the types who are miserable with their own lives and unhappy with themselves, and instead of directing that energy inward to fix their own issues, they direct it outwards and hate on those who try to succeed where they have either failed or were too afraid to even try."
yes--those who speak out against the burgeoning government and corporate corruption are really just unhappy with their own lives.
instead of criticizing the wall street/corproate corruption, the death of the family, the growth of government and douchebaggery, they should really just fix their own problems.
so it is that tucker is working for the corporate-state, training you to be judgmentless eneuchs who will submit to the coming reign of terror and secretive anal sex tapings.
have you wondered why tucker has never once critized the moral decline or the massive corproate corruption?
it is because to him, like to the corporate-state he works for, evil is good and good is evil.
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
Not the order of importance:
1) Haterz (speakers of truth)
2) worshippers (tucker hates those who believe/worship his lies)
and dead last is making art.
3) making art
Every true artist ranks it the following way:
1) making art
2) fans
3) critics
That is because the truth and beuaty must naturally go first.
But as Tucker's anti-art is anti-truth and anti-beuaty, it are actually is critics (teh truth speakers and lovers of beauty) that he ranks first.
Second come those he has fooled by his lies, as they aren't ncessarily bad people, but only gullible.
Lastly comes his anti-art which is based on lies, deception, douche, secretive tapings of anal sex and lying stories about sex with midgets.
Blessed with the ability to not see the obvious, and backed by an enormous ego that hates truth, tucker cannot see himself; but yet, he cannot escape reality.
"VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT"
Called or not called, the god will be there. Bidden or unbidden, God is present.
Too bad Duke LAw & IU of C don't teach the classics no more.
tucker writes, "This is just life, yet no one really tells you this before you start. If you are brave enough to take a risk, you know you have a chance of failure, but you probably assume that any good person will wish you well. "
going to work for viacom is not a risk. tucker took the safest path.
to speak out against douchebaggery would have been a risk.
to speak out against corporate-sponsored anal sex tapings would have been a risk.
to speak out against depravity, meanness, douchebaggery, and assholerly would have been the risk.
because he had so soul nor vision, tucker choose the safest path, and viacom hired him to further their mission of the destruction of freedom and the soul.
You people sure seem hung up on anal sex. I suggest trying it before you knock it completely.
I'm sure a lot of TaMpAX's "friends" pretend to be Navy SEALs. It's a popular thing to do. I pretty much go out of my way to explain to people that, though I went in for the program, I never made it through, in fact quit, and only know anything about their culture because I worked with them for a year and made it a point to learn as much as I could. They're all really cool people, but some are understandably tense. It's a tough motherfucking job and I wouldn't for one second attempt claim that I know what their ACTUAL job is like. My friends in the Teams seem to dodge death everyday and never really complain about it, but that's probably because they get to blow shit up with government sponsorship.
When I first read the TaMpAX story where he and SlingBlade went out and did that I nearly threw up, and not for the reason you might think. In BUD/S, if the Instructors even catch a whisper of a rumor that you're claiming shit you shouldn't be, it's akin to throwing chum into sharky waters. If that's the shit people need to do to claim victory over deceitful whores, then by all means, go right ahead. Clearly, TaMpAX must be a winner at life.
tucker writes, "they are invariably the loudest). They are the types who are miserable with their own lives and unhappy with themselves, and instead of directing that energy inward to fix their own issues, they direct it outwards and hate on those who try to succeed where they have either failed or were too afraid to even try."
this is why tucker had to destroy the reputation of a beauty queen and make fun of asians and fat girls and rage against art and beauty and truth. he was too afraid to try to stand for honor, justice, art, truth, and beuaty; and so he brought everyone down and destroyed them. because he was afraid of vaginas, he had to film anal instead without telling the girl.
Who the fuck is Tucker kidding?
His "haterz" are basically any distribution company who has seen his piece of shit movie.
tucker writes, "they are invariably the loudest. They are the types who are miserable with their own lives and unhappy with themselves, and instead of directing that energy inward to fix their own issues, they direct it outwards and hate on those who try to succeed where they have either failed or were too afraid to even try."
tucker just described every single one of his message board sycophants who worship douche and hate art, life, and truth. because tucker brings everything down, rather than exalting, they worship him; as they are too afraid to try and better their lives.
tucker falls asleep at night thinking about us.
why is that?
"Anonymous Anonymous said...
tucker writes, "they are invariably the loudest). They are the types who are miserable with their own lives and unhappy with themselves, and instead of directing that energy inward to fix their own issues, they direct it outwards and hate on those who try to succeed where they have either failed or were too afraid to even try."
this is why tucker had to destroy the reputation of a beauty queen and make fun of asians and fat girls and rage against art and beauty and truth. he was too afraid to try to stand for honor, justice, art, truth, and beuaty; and so he brought everyone down and destroyed them. because he was afraid of vaginas, he had to film anal instead without telling the girl."
I know, right? He was too afraid to just outright ask to film having anal sex, so he had his friend do it for him? That's just kinda gay in my book.
"Hey, dude. Want to see my dick slam into this girl?"
Granted, I'm a much worse person than he is. When I secretly attempted to tape myself having sex with a girl I was at least courteous enough to blush when she found out, though she still ended up having sex with me. As a human being I'm not sure what's worse, having a girl run out or having a girl find out and not care.
tucker writes, "they are invariably the loudest). They are the types who are miserable with their own lives and unhappy with themselves, and instead of directing that energy inward to fix their own issues, they direct it outwards and hate on those who try to succeed where they have either failed or were too afraid to even try."
yes--when you fail out of the army and are too afraid to wirte a piece of exalted fiction or a novel, you can go work for the viacom haterz and pen hate-filled douchbaggery which hates on asians, fat girls, midgets, beuaty queens, art, artists, and scholarship.
I think it's funny that you care so much about his making fun of people. I mean, I'll rip on the guy like anyone else, but that might just be an example of the counter-point to your argument.
People will always mock other people.
I'm sure midgets have a million jokes about us gargantuans that we've never even heard of.
And asains? Do you know any asians? They have to be the most racist people on the planet. I mean, just going by the stats there's at least one billion slant eyes that hate banana noses with as equally an endearing passion as we all hate mimes.
I started this up if anyone is interested.
http://www.petitiononline.com/BFTI/petition.html
Andrew, you need to cool it. This is not the Tucker-free version of the TMMB.
I'm sorry. I mistakenly came here thinking people would actually give a shit. So much for the power of anonymous unity. If the owner of this blog wants my story, feel free to contact me. If not, well, this place is officially useless.
Tucker lost it long ago, and he is starting to admit it.
On the day he promised an ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT DISTRIBUTION, he leads with a post about US.
Hahahahahah. hahaha. Ha!
And he puts us first, where we have been in his mind since the dawn of his douchebaggery.
But he makes a mistake.
He calls us Haterz.
We do not hate Tucker. We laugh at tucker. We mock Tucker. We oppose the Viacom/Tucker/Duke/U of C crusdae against the sould, art, the spirit, and epic poetry and morality.
Tucker know we're right and that we thus have time on our side, and that is why he replaces his announcement concerning distribution with a shoutout to us. For he knows that truth isn't always measured by popularity and honor doesn't always come from financial success--in fact truth and honor are oft found far away from popularity and financial success--someting which viacom has hired corporate-lawyer/fanboys tucker max and nils to cover up.
Haterz, worshippers, and making art - May 6, 2009 12:25 PM
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/a_brief_history.html
Not the order of importance:
1) Haterz (speakers of truth)
2) worshippers (tucker hates those who believe/worship his lies)
and dead last is making art.
3) making art
Every true artist ranks it the following way:
1) making art
2) fans
3) critics
That is because the truth and beuaty must naturally go first.
But as Tucker's anti-art is anti-truth and anti-beuaty, it are actually is critics (teh truth speakers and lovers of beauty) that he ranks first.
Second come those he has fooled by his lies, as they aren't ncessarily bad people, but only gullible.
Lastly comes his anti-art which is based on lies, deception, douche, secretive tapings of anal sex and lying stories about sex with midgets.
Blessed with the ability to not see the obvious, and backed by an enormous ego that hates truth, tucker cannot see himself; but yet, he cannot escape reality.
"VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT"
Called or not called, the god will be there. Bidden or unbidden, God is present.
Too bad Duke LAw & IU of C don't teach the classics no more.
Ok, I have to ask this. What is the Tucker Max Viacom connection?
^^^I don't know, but Viacom Guy's posts are getting more awesome all the time. I wish he'd learn to type and spell, and I wish he wouldn't prattle on as often as he does, but he's on the money. Seriously.
WHERE'S THE DISTRIBUTION ANNOUCEMENT FUCKFRACE??? See, what Tucker used there was classic misdirection. By talking about "haterz" and worshippers and shit he distracts from the lack of a distro deal, while promising to have something in the near future. IT'S ALREADY BEEN A MONTH MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!
Tucker is lame, he just copied the Steve Ward persona and pretends he's always ahead of the curve.
His actually accomplishments are never enough.
YOU DID NOT INVENT A FUCKING LITERARY GENRE.
Until a librarian can point me to the "fratire" section in the Tucker T. Max wing of my local library, don't ever type that phrase ever again.
Fucking useless.
I am going to write a book about a fat obnoxious guy who insults fat girls, makes fun of asians, and gets drunk. I will call it "fattire," it will be a new literary genre.
"His actually accomplishments are never enough.
YOU DID NOT INVENT A FUCKING LITERARY GENRE.
Until a librarian can point me to the "fratire" section in the Tucker T. Max wing of my local library, don't ever type that phrase ever again.
Fucking useless."
No joke. What the hell is 'fratire'? It's not a real word, it doesn't tell you anything about the content... what Tucker does is some form of gonzo writing, or comedy memoir, but in order to 'invent' something, it has to be largely new in some way, which Tucker's stupid book isn't. Besides that, isn't Robert Hamburger's ninja book an example of 'fratire'? And didn't that book come out before Tucker's?
Fucking useless is right.
waah i am a disabled veteran ... ad nausem. waahh, BUD/S... ad nauseum.. poor me. pity me. fucking die you loser. call the fbi on tucker or catch the worst case of cancer available. you creep
back when i was in BUD/S... respect is earned, not given. I know navy seals, hard work, and having fortitude. but tucker violated my website!!! BUD/S never prepared me for that!! i mentioned BUD/s about 19 times so far and i am still a fucking gigantic faggot who is scared to go after the guy who stole your domains. you are a sub human. no wonder you followed tucker for 4 years. YOU ARE NO ALLY TO THIS BOARD, YOU LOSER
...ps... BUD/S
tucker is calling us haterz.
that is because he loves and respects us.
he detests nils and bunny--look what he did to her. and yet she still cowers and defends him. and the more she worships him, the more tucker detests and hates her, kicking her out of his life and movie.
but tucker loves and respects us. because we alone call him out. and that is what nobody ever did.
tucker grew up in a daddyless era where his postmodern professors worshipped him. he would wipe feces and cum on a piece of paper and his professors and the viacom brass would lick it and say "mmmmm-mmmm! tasty! good job tucker!" as they saw him as a lead soldier in the destruction of culture and the soul and at night they would gather together to drink his piss, cum, and feces, repackage it, and sell it on the front tabels of branes and noble.
and that is why tucker hates them and loves us.
because we call him out--a talent which he was not blessed with. nor was matt douchsky blessed with it. nor little girly-boi jessica bradford. and that is why tucker hates on them--hates them all to the point he cast them in his career-destroying movie. tucker hates the world and his soulless, fiat professors for never calling him out, for eating his cum and feces and the blakc liquid from secretive tapings of anal sex and begging for more and saying "mmmm, mmmm tasty!"
we love honor, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love truth, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love beauty, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love kindness, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love literature, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love art, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love love, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love respect, courage, and duty, and tucker loves failing out of the army and trying to sleep with other good men's wives.
so what if he gets douchetribution?
he sold his soul long ago.
ATTN TUCKER FANS IN OHIO
Monday, May 11th, Ohio State University, 7:30pm
Meet Tucker Max as he tells his story.
PLUS: A special screening of his new film "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell"The "Tucker Max Story" is sponsored by the Ohio Union Activities Board and takes places at 7:30 p.m. Monday in Hitchcock Hall room 131. No tickets are necessary, but a valid Buck I.D. is required.
I think that I am going to wait to see the movie in the theater as Tucker got an awesome distribution deal.
The deal is letting people in for free with OSU ids, as that will bring in millions.
Cool how after all his distribution deals fell through, tucker is now desperately trying other means of building buzz for his movie, other than posting youtube reviews delivered by all the people who he paid to work on the movie/hang out with him:
http://cleveland.indymedia.org/comment.php?top_id=38364
now it makes sense.
tucker got no distribution and he has to blame it on someone other than himself for:
1) penning a sucky script
2) hiring a sucky director with no track record
3) hiring pretty girly-bois to play him and his friends
this is the hilarious part. tucker was in chagre of gasting so he actually thinks that he and his friends must look/act/talk like girls.
who wants to watch two hours of girly-bois with a paul wall soundtrack?
my name is tucker max
i have sold millions of books
i am a producer, entrepreneur, and entertainer.
i invented a new literary genre.
i do things my own way.
and my favorite site on the web is http://tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com
lol x2 @ viacom guy, always adding a viacom conspiracy into the mix. id like to know what kind of meds hes on! and lol @ the BUD/S whiner. you should go back to tucker's board. you are a failpuss
Haters suck. What do you have against fun, popularity and goodtimes?
Tucker's being paid 15K to speak to a sold out crowd at one of the largest univeristies in the world on Monday. I'm sure there will be plenty of alcohol and free pussy for him to indulge in afterwards. I'll be there with a dozen friends and we will all be Tucker Max drunk 4sure.
Who cares if his storys r true dicks. Max is wiping his ass with hundred dollar bills and your all lame and a hating.
^^^ And that's what it's all about, isn't it, champ? Money, popularity, alcohol and pussy.
You are everything that is wrong with this country and this world.
^^^^
Ditto to that. Once you pass the age of 30, the indulgences that once made you popular now make you look like a douche.
"Haters suck. What do you have against fun, popularity and goodtimes?"
Yes--why did Tucker destroy the repurtation of a popular beauty queen? Why did he hate on her? why does he hate on asians and fat girls at parties? What does he have against good times and popular beauty queens?"
"Tucker's being paid 15K to speak to a sold out crowd at one of the largest univeristies in the world on Monday. I'm sure there will be plenty of alcohol and free pussy for him to indulge in afterwards. I'll be there with a dozen friends and we will all be Tucker Max drunk 4sure."
Tucker is being paid 15K in fiat dollars, dripping in douche. Those dollars come from epic, vast student debt. They are worthless, just like the anti-literature they buy.
And the crowd isn't "sold-out" as tickets are free.
"Who cares if his storys r true dicks. Max is wiping his ass with hundred dollar bills and your all lame and a hating."
Tucker cares more than anyone that everyone cares his stories are true. We don't give a fuck. It are tucker cock-suckers such as yourself that are so important to tucker, as you care, defending the creepy, talentless douchebag agaisnt truth.
tucker & his douchey fanboyz r calling us haterz.
can you imagine listening to him speak at OSU, surrounded by a bunch of brosephs?
that is because he loves and respects us.
he detests nils and bunny--look what he did to her. and yet she still cowers and defends him. and the more she worships him, the more tucker detests and hates her, kicking her out of his life and movie.
but tucker loves and respects us. because we alone call him out. and that is what nobody ever did.
tucker grew up in a daddyless era where his postmodern professors worshipped him. he would wipe feces and cum on a piece of paper and his professors and the viacom brass would lick it and say "mmmmm-mmmm! tasty! good job tucker!" as they saw him as a lead soldier in the destruction of culture and the soul and at night they would gather together to drink his piss, cum, and feces, repackage it, and sell it on the front tabels of branes and noble.
and that is why tucker hates them and loves us.
because we call him out--a talent which he was not blessed with. nor was matt douchsky blessed with it. nor little girly-boi jessica bradford. and that is why tucker hates on them--hates them all to the point he cast them in his career-destroying movie. tucker hates the world and his soulless, fiat professors for never calling him out, for eating his cum and feces and the blakc liquid from secretive tapings of anal sex and begging for more and saying "mmmm, mmmm tasty!"
we love honor, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love truth, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love beauty, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love kindness, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love literature, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love art, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love love, so tucker thinks we hate him.
we love respect, courage, and duty, and tucker loves failing out of the army and trying to sleep with other good men's wives.
so what if he gets douchetribution?
he sold his soul long ago.
http://uweekly.com/newsmag/04-29-2009/11026
the college kids are starting to call out the middle-aged, lying, creepy freakoid with a giant head and tiny, little hands.
Tucker Max: A million little pieces of shit
[21 Comment(s)]
By Michael Amann
Tucker Max has a movie coming out this year, based on his book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Going only on the film's concept, it just might be the worst movie ever made. The only way the movie could have possibly been worse is if the famed blogger played himself (the stuttering, soft-spoken Max has all the charisma and showmanship one should expect from a celebrity born of the Internet). But seriously: a dramatization of a book consisting of articles already available on a website? How dumb are Tucker Max fans, anyway?
we love honor
we love truth
we love beauty
we love kindness
we love literature
we love art
we love love
we love respect, courage, and duty
5/11/2009 7:08 AM
Holy jumpin jeebus christos! Damn buddy I got a friggin tear in my eye. You're right I AM good! Damn I hadn't thought of it before but I really AM fantastic! Expecially when compared to that Tucker Max! All I need is someone like him to juxtapose my self against and KAZAAM! I'm righteous baby!!
Holy jumpin jeebus christos! Damn buddy I got a friggin tear in my eye. You're right I AM good! Damn I hadn't thought of it before but I really AM fantastic! Expecially when compared to that Tucker Max! All I need is someone like him to juxtapose my self against and VIACOM! I'm righteous baby!!
did he mention that he's a professional douchebag with no douchetribution?
tucker has begun posting here because we get more traffic than his site.
THIS IS AWESOME!!!
THE VIACOM POLICE STATE HAS BEGUN!!
Campus Security is now protecting Tucker's douchebaggery!
http://media.www.thelantern.com/media/storage/paper333/news/2009/05/12/Campus/Dozens.Of.Students.Protest.Tucker.Max-3740222.shtml
Snarkies!!!!!
Did he stage this or what?
http://www.thelantern.com/media/paper333/stills/g5d1z2u6.jpg
"Max said this was the first time he had protesters at an event, making it "a big day in [his] life."
"There's a lot more women in the audience than protesters, right?" Max said. "That says a lot more than I can say. Why would this bother me? What is there to be bothered about?"
Max is known for his crude humor on his blog and in his book "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell."
"If you read his work, it's almost entirely based on sexually degrading material on women," said Stephanie Diebold, a member of Womyn and Allies Rising in Resistance. "His work is really promoting a rape culture. He thinks he writes about them in this funny manner, but I think it's really wrong of the school to fund this guy to come to the university with student activity fee money, when he writes stuff that glorifies sexual assault."
Many protesters at the event held up signs with quotes from Max's Website, tuckermax.com. The excerpts included: "Really - consider my thought process. I was going to f--- her in the butt and film it without her consent."
The protesters chanted, "Shut it down, no rapists in our town" continuously outside the event. As the protesters yelled, blew whistles and clapped, officers from OSU Police arrived to oversee the protest. Other bystanders booed, laughed and took videos of the protest on cell phones.
"
Tucker is in heaven right now. Wonder if they serve beer there.
Tucker's totally in heaven, I mean the Lantern of OSU is a much bigger publication than even the entire FOX corporate conglomorate (who didn't have the foresight to send a reporter to cover this huge story).
He's so bad he should be in detention.
Shouldn't this be the biggest sign that you're a giant douchebag?
"I got fired. By my own father. From the FAMILY BUSINESS."
Of course not, he was played by the amazing cunning of waiters and busboys in office politics.
instead of distribution for his film aimed at college students, tucker got called out by the college-aged crowd.
there is a growing rebellion against VIACOM-funded and campus-administtrator enforced douchebaggery which is paving the way for the corproater-state police bu7ttsex duke lawyer tyranny.
http://uweekly.com/newsmag/04-29-2009/11026
Michael Amann Says ...
Tucker Max: A million little pieces of shit
[22 Comment(s)]
By Michael Amann
Tucker Max has a movie coming out this year, based on his book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Going only on the film's concept, it just might be the worst movie ever made. The only way the movie could have possibly been worse is if the famed blogger played himself (the stuttering, soft-spoken Max has all the charisma and showmanship one should expect from a celebrity born of the Internet). But seriously: a dramatization of a book consisting of articles already available on a website? How dumb are Tucker Max fans, anyway?
--http://uweekly.com/newsmag/04-29-2009/11026
there is a growing rebellion against VIACOM-funded and campus-administtrator enforced douchebaggery which is paving the way for the corproater-state police bu7ttsex duke lawyer tyranny.I'm going to have to put that on a t-shirt.
Tucker > hatas
"I just got back to my hotel room. Seriously--you guys have no fucking idea. It was fucking BEDLAM. I mean....I cant even explain it. It was insane. It was one of the craziest nights of my life.
This is why I will always hire people to video tape shit from now on--the dude I hired got some AMAZING footage of these nutjobs. I mean, seriously--wait till you see the footage. You won't fucking believe it. It took 20 minutes to get all the rape whistle people out, the whole crowd turned against them and were freaking out on them, I had a PLATOON of lesbian cops protecting me, who by the way were cool as shit and tough as nails, and they had to drive me off in a secret police escort vehicle. And some girl flashed me as an apology for the protesters. So much funny I cant even begin to get into it.
Wait till you see the video. You are going to shit. I am a serious fucking celeb now. This was big time. People dont get this mad about someone who isn't hugely famous. For real---I have never been happier at a public event. There were 100 people outside chanitng shit about me--FOR THE WHOLE SPEECH. Like, two hours. It was insane. I felt like a rock star.
Ive been drinking btw, with fucking STYDIE of all people. I left him with some slag whores and the explicit instruction that they both fuck him. 100% he fucks it up.
And yes, the part about the movie was true. I was going to do a surprise premiere, you can ask Nils, we confirmed it, and the fucking protesters threw such a fit the administration told me to just give the speech.
I ended up showing the movie @ Stydies condo to like 15 girls and him, and I left, and I doubt he'l fuck any of them. Hello, ghostdface."
^^What a noble and virtuous man Tucker is.
You ever notice, when anyone's asked about Tucker, they all either say 'his stories are fuckin' hiLARious, bro' or 'he's a douchebag.'
You notice none of them ever say 'he taught me to chase my dream' or 'he's a brilliant artist'?
This is what most artists say regarding their art.
"I am a serious fucking celeb now. This was big time. People dont get this mad about someone who isn't hugely famous."
OK Tucker, we get it. You crave controversy to promote your film.
Where's that distribution deal? The OSU protest wasn't really noticed outside of Gawker.
tucker max - rapist, inspirational speaker... and delusional.
http://media.www.thelantern.com/media/storage/paper333/news/2009/05/13/Campus/Tucker.Max.Brings.Lessons.Controversy.To.Osu-3740618.shtml
"Max did have a back-up surprise for the audience. In gratitude of the audience "putting up with" the protesters, he revealed for the first time that his much-anticipated follow-up book will in fact be two separate books released simultaneously in early to mid-2010."
So, AFF, which was supposed to be released in September 2006, isn't going to be released at the same time as the movie, no, it's going to be pushed back ANOTHER year for some inexplicable reason.
But it's going to be TWO books of stolen and fabricated material, so there you fucking losers.
Who would have thought that it would take like five years to steal and invent 100% true, totally not made-up stories that actually happened to Tucker Max?
What's up with Tucker constantly sipping water and keeping one hand on his hip like a little girl? Say what you want about the protestors at his Ohio speech, his body language the whole time REEKS of nervousness and a lack of confidence.
The Ohio State protesters were going on about rape right? Which one of Tucker's stories features said rape?
If girls hit me, I hit them back, no sexism here.
Tucker if you're going to film your speech each time ar least hire a professional camera person and sound guy. I'm trying to hate on you but I can't hear you!!!
"What's up with Tucker constantly sipping water and keeping one hand on his hip like a little girl? Say what you want about the protestors at his Ohio speech, his body language the whole time REEKS of nervousness and a lack of confidence."
That's true. But the nervousness and lack of confidence came because he knew he was on-the-spot and witty as he supposedly is in his retarded stories. And he failed. Spectacularly.
Did you hear those jokes? 'Shouldn't they be taking back the night?' (drinks a bunch of water) 'They preach tolerance, but they're not being very tolerant.' (water) 'Are you a guy or a girl?' (how many times has he used THAT one?) (water)
It was rather pathetic. Whenever the camera was panning the audience, and Tucker was talking, he sounded as feminine as any of his protesters- maybe more so.
^^^ "on-the-spot and witty" SHOULD read "on-the-spot to be as clever and witty"
They weren't protesting you per se, Tucker. They were protesting the fact that OSU won't help with the medical bills for women because there's "no money" but they'll pay a useless ego like you to speak there.
Sorry.
WHERE'S THE DISTROBUTION MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! THAT'S RIGHT BITCH!!!!!!! YOU IS FUCKED!!!!
tucker is kinda douchey, when you think about it.
going from fox news and the nyt to the osu lantern is def. progress.
i guess tucker forgot about maxim, rolling stone, fhm, and playboy.
maybe playgirl?
Wow... that is certifiably retarded. After he says the 'slap the dick out of your mouth' thing, he looks all smug and proud of yourself. What an incredible accomplishment, Tuckster. You used a five-year-old joke. That's really something to be proud of. Where's this on-the-spot wit you're so famous for?
The "slap the dick out of your mouth" joke is at least 25 years old.
http://www.cracked.com/article_15258_5-funniest-mr-show-sketches.html
go to like 3:50
Do a simple google seach for "slap the dicks out of your mouth"
Tucker's fans think he just made that up.
"Look at all these people thinking they are making a difference. Like Tucker said, "Who the fuck supports rape?" Best insult of the night:
Protesting dude: some bullshit
Tucker: "Honestly, I don't come to your place of work and slap the dick out of your mouth."
What's next for Tucker:
"I'm rubber and you're glue, anything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."
Violent Acres had it right, Tucker is the least creative "writer" on the web. He's more of a creative black hole.
This was written on Light's blog as a comment under the newest post:
I am not a "hater" (yo!), but I did go to Duke Law with Tucker Max, and I think a representative tale of how the "charming" portion of his internet-fueled "persona" is a fraud was his behavior during law school softball games.
Tucker was captain of his team in the Duke Law softball league, and his propensity to cut corners to win combined with hilariously over the top poor sportsmanship made playing against him (not so much of) a pleasure. I'll spare too many details, but one example is that his team had these special bats made of graphite or ceramic or something which they wouldn’t let opponents use. If that wasn’t douchey enough, he would recruit the best players from other teams for big games, despite the fact that this was a blatant flouting of the spirit/rules of the league, which was, after all...a law school slow pitch softball league filled with ivy league caliber nerds.
My team faced his team in a playoff game during 2L year as underdogs of probably at least 20 runs. Predictably, the two ringers in the law school (who were technically on other teams) made an appearance for Team Tucker, an event which may have boosted the spread to 30. Yes, our team was the modern equivalent of the Bad News Bears – strictly recreational – and we featured a few guys who had probably never picked up a baseball bat before the season.
Of course, we won...thanks Tucker!
How did Tucker single handedly bring down a vastly superior team (his own)? Consistent with his narcissistic need to be the center of his universe, Tucker inserted himself at a prominent position in the field (shortstop) and batted himself third in the lineup. Unfortunately, for such a self-proclaimed alpha male, he is a really terrible athlete - bad enough to completely neutralize the small handful of superior athletes on his team. He must have mishandled about seven routine grounders in this game, and as you might guess, he also likes to throw the ball as hard as he can to first base, even though getting it in the vicinity of first base didn’t seem to be much of a priority. In case you are wondering, he also popped up into an out nearly every time at the plate.
Still, it took a lot of karmic justice to win this game; a few well placed bloop singles counterbalanced a few 400 foot flyouts by their two ringers...but those seven errors by the egomaniacal shortstop didn’t hurt.
However, the result of the game isn’t what’s interesting. The best part came when Tucker and “JoJo” refused to shake our hands after the victory. Way to buck social norms, Tuck! What a rebel...
Not only would he not shake hands, but the truly priceless moment I will never forget featured Tucker loudly consoling himself by repeatedly whining in his lispy, effeminate voice about the unfairness of our bingle-centric approach - this remains one of the few absurdly humorous moments in my dreary "elite" law school experience and was certainly funnier than any of the trash he pawns off as "literature" on males with no life experience and even less ability to think critically.
Few things are funnier than spoiled rich kids with unchecked egos who don’t get their way.
Anyway, I can’t say his team was much fun to play against, since they took the game so seriously and were constantly bickering at one another when shit went bad. Then again, I generally recommend avoiding athletic competition against lawyers (unless you like whimpering and excessive preoccupation with rules). I really don’t have any particular axe to grind against Tucker Max, although I remember him (as I am sure most people do) to be quite charmless and almost universally disrespected when not hiding behind an internet persona.
If you like this comment, feel free to re-post it as an anonymous but truthful article.
in the long run not even tucker can outrun the river of douche which flows in his wake.
What are those SCARS and BUMPS on the bottom of Tucker's forearms? Very distracting.
"BTW--Today we finally decided on who our distribution partner(s) will be. It's a major, and I think they will be a really good partner for the movie. Before the announcement is made we have to finish the negotiations, but that shouldn't take more than a day or two. I hope--and this is just my hope, not a promise--we'll make the announcement by Friday of this week"
Tucker says:
"I don't know--we've already pretty much agreed to terms, the only stuff left to negotiate is detail. This distributor (cough*Fox*cough) is pretty easy to deal with in this regard..."
Wonder how long he can keep this bluff going...
^^^ Twenty bucks says this was written by Tucker or one of his idiots.
Most of the 'there's no way Tucker's going to get distribution' posts on here are Tucker or one of his guys. He already has distribution, and he's just trying to drum up some 'I told you so' noise. That's revolutionary, yo.
^^^ That's right, you caught me redhanded, dipshit.
-Tucker
Guys, let me confess. I write some of the "there's no way Tucker's getting distribution" posts, but I am not a Tucker fan per se. I have noticed that Tucker gets pissed off when people doubt him, so I think it's funny to spread the doubt around. Do I think Tucker will actually read this shit? Probably not. But then again, he spends so much time talking about the "haterz" that he must get his intel somewhere. But that's not the point. The point is to demonstrate distrust and doubt of Tucker, because that is what he hates the most. Fuck with the fucker!
It's clear they got distribution. Anyone still chanting straight to DVD is just being a wiseguy.
I wonder what the record is for the most comments on a single blogger entry. This HAS to be near the top.
I wonder what the record is for the most comments on a single blogger entry devoted to an epic douchebag. This HAS to be near the top.
Tucker Max is a liar and a douchebag.
And a Huge Faggot.
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
this is a repeat story and totally made up. nice try, Mcbeefsmoker.
douchestribution!
The Ohio State speech was one of the worst speeches ever. Guy needs to stop every two sentences and read from notes? You can't even remember your own life? I could not hear or understand what you were saying. You are a terrible public speak. Just awful. Stick to writing because you seem to be good at that.
http://gawker.com/5250986/womyn-vs-tucker-max-in-battle-of-annoyances
sup TMDB.
im back, yall can start the party up again
crank up the tunes, pop open some cold ones, bring in the chicks
let's have us a paaaahhtaayy
with soup
and poasting
so i just read the osu speech
that's actually a pretty good speech
there's bits of it that aren't exactly true, like how he's this great success now
but it's still a pretty good speech, and the message of wanting to live life, that's a good one
i lost all my punctuation marks
if anyone finds em please let me know
this is a poast
it is adorned with spikes of kitten leather
i was at my dad's house, playing the OSU debacle on his computer, when he started asking me who this douchebag was:
"Max's Grill, dad?"
"Never heard of it"
"In Boca, dad? Really?"
"Nope"
what i should probably tell you is that my father is very well known in s. florida. for him to not even know Max's Grill is kind of odd. I figured he would have known Mr. Max. I guess Tucker's daddy is also a legend in his own mind.
anydouche, pops wanted to know why on earth anyone would put a dollar into Tucker's pocket considering he's a rapey douchebag who's no better than James Frey when it comes to telling the truth in print. In fact, dad was downright morally offended. Couldn't understand why OSU would allow Fucker to speak at all.
He also brought up something interesting about the Absinthe Donuts story:
we all lived in S. Florida at that time. the story of someone driving thru/into a donut shop and walking away would have been splashed all over the news. Like, everywhere.
That there were no witnesses makes it convenient in order to not have a police report, so of course that's the way the story pans out.
Same with the ATX embassy suites story. I don't often hear his name on the radio (in Austin), but when one of the morning DJs mentions Tucker Max, it's always derogatory.
blockbuster will be distributing the movie!
in the 99 cent bargain bin!
It should be distributed via Fox News. Like Tucker, they have an affinity for manufacturing lies.
Max's Grille in Mizner Park is known as being an upscale TGIFridays that caters to cheeseballs who don't know good food.
Getting protested at osu beats getting distribution.
Best website ever: http://assholesfinishfirst.tuckermax.com/
The various levels of hilarity in "Coming Fall 2008" are legion.
Douchebag doesn't mention the $300k advance much anymore---guess he had to give it back. Thats what happens when you miss deadlines, repeatedly.
I also think it funny that Tucker's minions reliably post the "this is a repeat story ...." almost everytime a new page of comments flips on this website. And Tucker claims not to care what the haterz do.
I thought the the donut story "happened" in chicago.
But, yeah, he has claimed his father as a big shot restaurant guy a few times.
the absinthe donuts story could have 'happened' anywhere since it didn't actually 'happen', yanno? it still would have been newsworthy, and that would have validated his story.
His--ahem--stories that teach the life lesson to go out and buck conventionality and do what it is that you want to do.
I'm sorry, but it's beyond laughable that he thinks he's not just a role model but that he created fratire.
The protesters at OSU were beautiful--perhaps not physically, but that they stood up to that douchebag repeatedly? let's hope that other schools will follow suit ("I was going to surprise them with an impromptu screening of my movie, but they ruined it" :::footstomp::: :::pout:::...whatever drivel he's spouting about it) and he'll slowly lose his place in this world as a college speaker.
and really, where do you go once that's over? He should start checking in with the former members of the Real World casts...they were groundbreaking 'celebrities' at one point too.
His latest "idea" to go around doing a "screening" tour of 30 venues screams of desperation. He clearly hasn't gotten a good distrubution deal and is tryi to cash in on his tiny campus crowd. He tries to pretend it's a "revolutionary" marketing idea, but truth is no proper distribution deal would ever allow him to do this.
Master stroke in pre seling the tickets. No one is going to want to watch it once the fist campus reviews and spoilers come through. Hilarious how he tries to put a positive spin on the fact he is BEING FORCED togo this route to try and re-coup lost earnings.
star wars and star trek both went on college tours after they didnt get good distribution deals.
not!
i love it
they are charging their fans 30 bucks to pay back donnie doucho his 6,000,000
hahahahahhaahha
they will have to charge their fans 3,000 bucks a piece to come close.
"WWTD bracelets"
"I'd rather focus on maximizing the value of the fans experience"
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/announcing_the.html
"Maximizing the value of the viewer's experience is what art is all about." ~ Claude Monet
"Now, amidst the smoke and noise and confusion, when the cowards run and pagans steal to preserve their bread; now, when there is no law nor master nor lord to deliver us from the panic and chaos, I ask myself: what would Tucker do?"
Come now people. Any of you think he'd be doing this tour that is effectively going to expose the film to thousands of people ...BEFORE the actual release ? Fine..that sounds a great idea if you DON'T HAVE DISTRIBUTION" ...but if you did have a decent deal...how the hell would you expect them to allow this ?
At the very best case scenario the distributers hold very little hope for the film and agree to allow this to make SOME revenue. How the hell else would they allow this is they thought the movie would be a box office success ? Why would they possibly allow the movie to be pre-exposed in this way if they held any hopes of it to be a big hit ?
No , no , no....for the first time I almost feel sorry for Tucker.
Almost.
This is NOT A JOKE
"OK, for all intents and purposes, the distribution deal is done, and today we picked a tentative date for the release (yes, it's still slated for a fall release). Much to my immense frustration, I am not allowed to talk about either until later this week or early next week, but I can make one announcement that I have been saving, and I am very excited for:
Instead of just doing one boring premiere in LA like every movie does, we are going to do 30+ premieres, in different cities all around the country, one each day leading up to the opening weekend.
I am not kidding at all. Nils and I are getting on a tour bus, we'll start at one end of the country, and finish at the other, stopping at like 30+ cities and schools along the way, giving a special screening each place. And not just some boring screening and that's it--we are going to have cool schwag bags, do a panel Q&A after each show, stick around and sign whatever and get pictures with people, and even have afterparties in some cities--it'll be just like a real premiere, except without the lame ass red carpet."
Well I called it with the "Tucker Max World Tour" that headlined the previous comments page. That must have killed him that his gameplan is so obvious that anyone with half a brain can see right thru him months in advance. He is so boringly predictable.
The funny on his latest BS is off the chart: "This movie was spawned by a book that started outside the mainstream, that touched on a huge aspect of people's lives that no other writing really touched on and did it in a way that respected the reader, and I think the movie has carried that mentality on. I know this may not matter much to some people, but I have always loved most those pieces of art that I not only related to, but that I felt like understood me and respected me as a viewer. I know that was the intent Nils and I had when we made this movie; to make a movie that would not patronize people or talk down to them or pander to them. Instead, one that really got at the essence of what it was like to be young and have fun, a movie that inspired people with its authenticity and originality. And of course, is really fucking funny."
Dude, quit calling it art. You are the furthest fucking thing from an artist. You are a hack, and an obvious one at that. Watching you try and put into play your pseudo Machevellian marketing gameplan is beyond amusing; its like watching my 3 year old play with building blocks.
No major would give this sort of control back to a nobody like Tucker. Except maybe Fox Searchlight. Of course in their pantheon of great movies such as The Wrestler & Slumdog Millionaire, IHTSBIH is going to fit right in. I hope it is FS---the comparisons between IHTSBIH & Juno are going to be quite amusing to watch Herr Douche try & dismiss.
For those of you still trying to figure out the ABC's of Herr Douche, this post fits his modus operandi to a T:
"EDIT: Some people have expressed astonishment that we would only charge $20-30, and not more like $50. We though about that, but I feel like $40 to $50 is a bit much, especially in this economy. And since so many of the people going to these will be college students and military personnel, they have the least disposable income.
Plus, though I am certain we could charge more, why squeeze every penny out of your fans? I'd rather charge $30 and have you guys leave feeling like you got a bargain, then charge $50 and have you leave feeling like you wish it had cost a little less."
Basically come up with a stupid idea. Tag it as REVOLUTIONARY. Then put it out there with the immediate apology/edit/explanation that they are of course doing this for the fans/furtherance of the art/bringing down the Man/going against the Hollywood Machine. Then talk up your stupid idea or self-promotion by appearing to be taking the position for the betterment of the art/fans/whatever. Jesus this guy is a raging & predictable fucktard.
This has disaster written all over it. Firstly, expecting TM to execute anything like a 30 day or even 30 stop tour is next to impossible---he is the king of procrastination & the very definition of an 80 percenter (meaning he is good at 80% of what needs to be done). I would put the over/under on cancellations at 5. Of course these won't be Tucker's fault. And of course they won't be canceled b/c simply nobody cares/not enough tickets sold. They, like most of Tucker's other fails, will be conveniently brushed under the carpet, never to be mentioned again.
The more I think about this the stupider the idea sounds. I'm quite a few years out of college, but given that IHTSBIH is a fall release, you are talking about a Sept/Oct type tour: why would any student take time & spend $$ to see a low budget movie & get a t-shirt? How much of a self-delusional douchebag are you that you think asking questions about a movie to a 35 y.o. is going to be fun & would be what college kids want to spend their time & $$ on?
At what point does a college student stand up after the movie and simply ask the question "aren't you a little old to still be trying to hang-out with college students?"
I mean seriously, some of these kids have dad's Tucker's age.
"I even thought about having a special section upfront that pays more and gets better seats, etc, but fuck that--I think its better to reward the fans who will sit in line for days to get the best seats, then reward the people who will pay the most. We are in this for the long haul, not the short play."
Dude, if you wait in line to pay $30 to see Tucker's lame movie, you are the biggest douchebag on the planet.
That Tucker thinks there are "fans who will sit in line for days to get the best seats" just to see him & Fat Boy up close, he is seriously, seriously delusional.
I'll give Tucker this: he is providing me with endless amusement. The funnies just keep coming.
Originally posted on April 14---how predictable is Tucker?
My spies within Tucker's Empire braved certain death & dismemberment, or at least a serious Wahooing, to bring out a copy of the ULTRA TOP SECRET preview of Tucker's ANNOUNCEMENT (capitalized since this is likely the most important occurrence to mankind since the discovery of fire):
When I started down this artistic & creative path I only had my vision, dedication & work ethic on which to rely. Nobody works like I do---I'm the fucking energizer bunny of movie production. Nobody in the MSM gave me any credit. It was all me, me, me, me. That is fine--I prefer it that way. I Don't Need Anyone Else. Being a narcissist, as well as a UofC & Duke Law graduate, I am used to doing things my way.
Anyway, as I was saying, my vision was so grandeous that the mere mortals of Hollywood & the sycophants in the Industry just didn't get it. However, being a NY Times Best Selling Author (#3 this week---over 800k copies sold this past three years--Look At Me!!), I quickly realized that I didn't need them. I don't need anyone. I would simply do it myself. TV was simply too small a medium for my talents (Hey Jamie, why don't you go fuck yourself some more you cunt), so I told all those Sony & Comedy Central suits to fuck off. Ha! I showed them. That only cost me three more years living with the likes of Ryan Holiday---a small price to pay for my artistic freedom!
Anyway, being a fucking creative genius as well as a genre creating genius (here is the NY Times article in which they coined me King of Fratire...not that I care about such things) I quickly penned what may be an Oscar winning screenplay, and of course word got out about its brilliance & I was soon inundated with serious Fuck You money from EVERY major studio. Which ones? I've forgotten & the videotape got corrupted.
Anyway, I thought about doing a one man production & adaption of my NY Times Best Selling book & simply changing all the entertainment paradigms that exist in this simple universe, but rather than spring my cosmic plan all at once I decided to let some other boot sniffers tag along. Nils---quit eating all the goddamn Krispy Kremes!
Anyway....being Tucker Max, I turned down several Oscar winning directors, 12 figure offers for the screenplay, as well as a lucrative modeling/acting/speaking career (400 students at UCLA---go fuck yourself Trump!) just so I could produce my soon to be $200 million gross (domestic only---I of course can't be bothered explaining the entire deal to anyone, as it is simply to revolutionary for all of you mortals to grasp) thru Darko Productions. YES--that Darko---they are sort-of Revolutionary too! And Bob Gosse---he is SOO fucking revolutionary that every movie/project that he has been associated with has failed: nobody gets me the way he does (except Bunny....now go get me a beer & lose some weight).
Part II:
Anyway, the distribution deal is done & once again its goddamn fucking revolutionary. You see, I have been SO successful to this stage by doing things MY way. We had literally hundreds of offers from ALL THE MAJOR distributors after we screened the movie to them (again, my revolutionary idea). But of course my artistic vision is such, and the dollars that they were offering (9-12 figures---simply not enough for me to sell out my creative soul & buy into the machinations of Hollywood) weren't enough---what I have produced is quite simply THE GREATEST MOVIE COMEDY EVER PRODUCED. As such, I am the only one who can make sure it gets the audience that it deserves. As such, I am pleased to announce that IHTSBIH is going to be the first self-distributed movie to ever earn $1 Billion Dollars (hold for applause & adulation).
Yes, you heard me right. Here is the plan---try not to get hit by the fucking lighting bolt that accompanies such daring: me & Kung Fu Mike are going to rent a BIG motor home. Of course I'm not going to put a security deposit down on it--I'm too fucking brilliant to worry about such details. We are going to drive cross country, showing the movie ONLY to select fans: we are starting at the Des Moines Rotary Club & finishing much, much later in Gainesville at Tubbies Tavern. Yes, we'll be using our fan's basements, garages, frat lounges, and the occasional community center to screen the movie--we are bringing my ART straight to the people, and of course get to keep 3.8% of the revenue, after paying Darko, attornies, agents, gas, and the motor home rental fee. Of course I'll also be signing copies of my NY Times bestselling book along the way for an extra $5.00 per copy. Once our two-three year repayment project is done, and I have paid all the investors back, and assuming the rest of my hair hasn't fallen out, the buzz on the street will be such (of course since by then there will be a whole new crop of college kids we may need to extend the tour) that the movie studios will of course give me the $1 billion dollars that my movie demands.
I of course will always be available for my fans via the messageboard---can't be too far away from there else Silly Little Freak may actually wakeup & realize that living in his parent's garage & "working" as a moderator aren't exactly resume builders for life---so I'll be reporting on all of the AWESOME & HILARIOUS activities that occur on the RV---just like we did with the last book tour. By 2013 we should actually have the movie in theaters, and then it will be time to unleash the real monster that all of you have been waiting for: Assholes Finish First. That of course is destined to be the biggest selling book of all time.
The distributor is in fact FOX Searchlight. They are a good company and a perfect match for this film.
http://www.imdb.com/company/co0028932/
Keep in mind that this is the same company that handled Juno, Napoleon Dynamite, One Hour Photo and Super Troopers. They know how to rollout a small film and give it legs.
I don't really even like Tucker or his site but I must say the marketing plans sound awesome. In fact, it looks like he's going from Tucker Max drunk to Tucker Max rich by Christmas.
Um,
Fox Searchlight?
Okay, think to yourself for a second. Fox Searchlight doesn't really make films, they purchase them after they are made and shown at festivals. That's how Super Troopers and Napoleon Dynamite were bought.
2nd, they buy EXCLUSIVE RIGHTS TO DISTRIBUTION. Do you believe for a moment that they are going to let Tucker and Nils go out and show the movie at 30 venues BEFORE THEY GET THEIR SHARE OF THE PIE? There is no way that the scenerio of Tucker going around the country on a bus tour with his shitty movie when they are sitting on a distribution deal with a major media outlet will ever take place.
3rd: Unlike the other films that you mentioned that were distributed by Fox Searchlight, they had a LOT more going for them than just a shitty book that happened to sell (less than a million copies btw).
4th: I agree, if you pay 30 bucks to watch Tucker's shitty movie (wow, with a t-shirt too!?!?), then you are a douchebag.
Tucker didn't get distribution, plain and simple.
/\ Guy above me /\
Tucker film is being distributed via Fox Searchlight. That is a done deal.
FS signed off on the marketing plan for one main reason. They got to approve the merchandise or swag bag materials. The tee-shirts, beer openers, What Would Tucker Do wristbands are all marketing materials.
In essence, Tucker's fans will pay the filmmakers for the right to advertise the movie for them. The costs of the tour bus, theater rentals and travel expenses will easily be covered by the $400,000-500,000 raised.
How did we come up with that number? Most theaters seat between 400 to 600 people. Using the average of 500 paying people at $30 a pop is $15,000 per screening. 30 cities times 15 grand bring a very conservative $450,000
Some of the military screenings will be free. And at least 3 of the screening will be in theaters seating well over 1,000 people
I thought Tucker & his minions didn't care what was said on the haterz board?
Guess thats why it took you 3.6 seconds to respond to the idiotic "he didn't get distribution" post.
Look, nobody is realistically arguing that TM didn't get distribution or accomplish something simply by getting his book published/NYT Best Sellers list/movie made/etc; its just that the guy is such a raging fucktard who simply epitomizes the essence of douchebag that we must mock him.
Anyone who takes himself that seriously, or thinks of himself in such grandious terms, deserves to be knocked down a peg or 10.
He is like a low-budget, unoriginal Howard Stern---always self promoting & making outrageous arguments/statements/assertions only to fall well short when it comes time to actually produce.
His movie may actually be funny, but TM's insistence that it is some form of higher art is simply laughable. Anyone who relies on a collection of losers & damaged personalities to prop themselves up in their own little universe deserves to be mocked. And that is what most of us (sans the Viacom idiot) enjoy about this site.
That and on a weekly basis it is usually good for 2-3 laughs. Its been years since something original & funny was on the TM messageboard.
Fox Searchlight? They don't mention his film on their site.
bill o'reilly and sean hannity will be hosting events at the fox theaters.
Fox Searchlight a major?
In what universe? Certainly not in reality-land, where Tucker fears to tread.
"This movie was spawned by a book that started outside the mainstream, that touched on a huge aspect of people's lives that no other writing really touched on and did it in a way that respected the reader, and I think the movie has carried that mentality on. I know this may not matter much to some people, but I have always loved most those pieces of art that I not only related to, but that I felt like understood me and respected me as a viewer."
What do you think his friends say when they read this stuff.
He is still talking about his internet stories right?
Art? Classic.
Tucker creates beautiful, timeless, powerful art, and he is the voice of a generation.
Future generations of English literature students will study Max alongside Tennyson, Chaucer, Joyce and DuBois.
There's something you guys need to know... it's something I have to tell as many people as I can, and I hope you'll understand.
I
ENJOY
SOUP.
Thizzle abizzle tizzle.
Just to recap a bit here.
According to Tucker and in his own words IHTSBIH will bring the following
* several hundred million dollars (u.s. theatrical B.O. alone)
* possible Oscar (screenplay)
* the three lead actors will soon be household names (ie: Paris Hilton, Brad Pitt, names your parents would recognize)
* a franchise like Back to the Future or Spiderman
* an onscreen character no one in hollywood has ever seen or created (they tried but never got it right)
* people will be quoting lines from the movie in bars ('don't taze me bro!')
* THE END OF THE STUDIO SYSTEM IN HOLLYWOOD ("One little film will change everything" TM)
I have no doubts.
Never let them see you coming ;)
5/19/2009 3:02 PM
LOL, you sir, are an idiot.
5/19/2009 6:02 PM
Fucking dumbass.
Fox Searchlight is sort of a major, it's the "indie" film wing of 20th Century Fox, meaning it's like what Miramax was to Disney, only with a lot less control.
Their record is mixed at best. Sure they produce Danny Boyle's movies, but they also bought a lot of crap that went straight to video.
Tucker's plan isn't ingenious, it's not even original. Jon Waters has been distributing his movies like this for years (okay, maybe not as fratboyish, but it's the same marketing plan).
imagine little perfume-sized bottles of douche in all the slag (douche)bags.
tucker max douche(TM)
now that would be worth $30!
"we are going to have cool schwag bags"
...
...
... whyyyyyyyy?
What would be in such bags? Used condoms?
And, waitwaitwait. He's charging $30? To see a movie? I mean, leave the fact that it's THIS movie aside for a minute. Twenty to see a movie? I admit I do not go see many movies but I can't think of the last time the cost was NOT $10 or less.
And then, stop leaving aside the fact that it's THIS movie.
" How much of a self-delusional douchebag are you that you think asking questions about a movie to a 35 y.o. is going to be fun"
That's not how he thinks. The world revolves around him. He cannot imagine people NOT wanting to ask questions about it and hanging on his every word as he answers.
"The costs of the tour bus, theater rentals and travel expenses will easily be covered by the $400,000-500,000 raised.
How did we come up with that number? Most theaters seat between 400 to 600 people. Using the average of 500 paying people at $30 a pop is $15,000 per screening. 30 cities times 15 grand bring a very conservative $450,000"
You are absolutely fucking nuts, mate.
This movie is NOT going to fill theaters every time. 2 or 3 of the first 5, maybe. After that, no. Particularly not at $30 per person. That is not a "very conservative" estimate, that's pie-in-the-sky thinking.
^^^^^^^^^^^
I totally agree with you. This movie tour thing has the potential to be the Spinal Tap tour for douchey doughy hack writers.
Why doesn't Tugger make up any new stories and add them to his website? I heard that he used to read the stories that were posted on Mack Tight's website and would rip them off. When Mack Tight stopped adding new material, so did Tugger. Coincidence? I think not.
Besides--what other way is there to act? How does it make sense to fuck your fans? Or to disrespect them by producing shitty material? Or to cheat them out of money, or to put price in front of value? How does that make any sense? Just on a fundamental human level, how can you wake up in the morning and look yourself in the mirror knowing that you haven't done everything you can, knowing that you could be treating them better, but instead said 'fuck it' and screwed them anyway? How do you face yourself when you KNOW you've betrayed the people who support you?I wonder when Tucker's going to apply his newfound humanitarian philosophy to the posters on his board? Might be easier to do now that only mods, crickets and tumbleweeds remain.
I also notice he writes his sermons in the second person, as if we're all into this together. He shits on the people ahead of or behind his curve. The people at his stage of development are to get in line behind him, listen up, then follow. "Do as I say and not as I do" remains an empty reflection amongst mirrors everywhere, no matter how often or impassioned the "do as I say" is broadcast.
Tucker keeps saying that he will treat his fans as he wants to be treated.
If they are asiain he will make racist remarks and sell it to viacom.
If they are fat he will insult them and viacom will pay him.
If they trust him he will fuck them in the ass and film it without their consent, and viacom will reward him with cash advances.
And now fox is getting in on it?
My prediction: Five show cancelations? I'll say eight show cancelations, with most tickets distributed on campus for free.
It will look like KFed's failed music tour, with most of the tickets given away for free.
Most importantly - only so many hardcore Tucker fans are going to attend these screenings before you start get some more independent and neutral people in there who are going to provide a more unbiased review of the movie.
Granted there will only be a few because at $20-$30, it'll be a cold day in hell before the theater sells out to a bunch of people who have never heard of TM.
“For his May 11, 2009 speaking engagement at Ohio State, Tucker Max was paid $8,500, which included his travel expenses. This amount, which represents less than seven-tenths of one percent of OUAB’s annual budget, is one of the lowest speaker fees paid to a lecture performer by OUAB in the past few years."
Max could easily pull 40g's once a month speaking the college circut. Drop the hate and accept the fate.
The good Dr. Max has crossed the tipping point.
“For his May 11, 2009 speaking engagement at Ohio State, Tucker Max was paid $8,500, which included his travel expenses."
So why was he bragging up and down that he got fifteen thousand? Does he double everything he says, jeez.
I don't think Tucker even comprehends how much planning and organisation a 30-day 30-city tour would take.
Watch as it slowly becomes 20 cities, then 10... then just 5. Think of how much travelling it would take to hit up all 30 cities, getting the same crap questions at every screening, you would be an emotional and physical wreck by the end of it.
TAT
The 30 dollar fee is ridiculous.
Think about it for a moment. You are a college student, you have 30 dollars. Do you:
A) Go out and get drunk at a bar, perhaps hook up with a female (also drunk at bar).
B) Spend the money on things like... I dunno, rent and food?
C) Go to a "premiere" of a really bad movie and get a SWAG bag of crappy t-shirts with ripped off slogans). Perhaps even have a beer with the guy who wrote the book.
Did I mention that it's a bad economy, credit is getting harder to get (especially for college students) and that overall discretionary spending at college campuses are down 68% THIS YEAR? That means college kids are spending less money on things like music, fast food, getting drunk and overall entertainment.
And we haven't even bottomed out yet.
I liked The Tucker Max Movie Tour a lot more when it was called "This Is Spinal Tap".
"Max could easily pull 40g's once a month speaking the college circut."
you are a terrible, terrible poaster
Wait... so, Light, you are also Tatguy? Really??
"you are a terrible, terrible
poaster"
With an A, for the fucking win.
Wait... so, Light, you are also Tatguy? Really??
5/22/2009 1:18 AM
Fuck no he's not me. First off I'm straight. Also I would never spell "organization" with an "s" instead of a "z" as he did. We do, however, share a common goal, and thats to encourage you to continue incessantly thinking about and talking about Tucker Max.
TAT
The good Dr. Max has crossed the tipping point.
5/21/2009 9:17 PM
I'm offended by the "good Dr." reference as I've most often heard it used with regard to Hunter S. Thompson. And while I certainly support the decision of folks who live and breath to read about, think about and post about Tucker Max. I will not sit here and view even subtle references or comparisons to Hunter Thompson.
TAT
Tucker "bottoms out". That's the only explanation for his overcompensating "macho" persona, effeminate hands, and lisp.
Hunter S. Thompson was a piece of shit.
Next step for Tucker: romance novels.
Because watching him screw THAT up would be so much funnier than just about anything else.
i picture the tucker max fire department coming out to all the screenings.
their trucks will be filled with douche instead of water.
they will spray it on all the protestors as nils eats three bags of dorritos and tucker makes fun of fat girls and asians.
Bunny is in rehab.
Leave the Bunny the fuck alone. She has nothing to do with this blog.
Hate Tucker if you must. But his friends are not fair game by any means.
^I beg to differ. Technically Tucker doesn't have anything to do with this website. Everyone is fair game. This is the internet and the only thing we know for sure is that its not a big truck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cZC67wXUTs
Why is bunny in rehab¿
I thought tucker max was a positive, uplifting force.
Bunny often chose to support his douchebaggery and oppose us rather than calling out the viamax douchebaggery.
Had she joined us, had she spoken truth to the viamax power matrix, she would yet have asoul and not need torehab that which viamax sucked out of her in return for sucking off viamax.
Why was bunny so mean to us and so nice to viamax? Does she find tiny, little hands and douchebaggery worth one's soul?
Yes. Why did bunny shut us out in her hour of need? We were there for her, but she chose to suck off viamax.
Some people never believe the writing on the wall but only the aftertaste of viamax in their mouth.
Viginamax.
TAT is the saddest motherfucker.
Bunny is indeed in rehab. She says so on her stupid blog.
Poor bunny. Poor, poor bunny. She's such a sweetheart, yet all this shit keeps happening to her.
tucker max was created by the federal reserve to destroy the soul, and thus our yearning for truth, bueaty, and freedom and bunny was one of his early test victims. viamax awarded him with an advance for mutilating bunny's soul.
Bunny's daddy mutilated her soul before she met Tucker.
it's funny how bunny talks about cocks and fingers in her ass while also stating that she is now in rehab.
is there a direct correlation?
i think viacom can capitalize on this. the more fingers and cocks they put in people's asses, (by wiring cash to tucker for a college book tour on which he slips his tiny fingers/cock into girl while pulling on their hair to make up for them not feeling his tiny cock), the more women they can addict to rehab and pscho-therapeutic drugs, simultaneously undermining the family, destroying potential mothers, and bolstering the viamax bottom line.
this is what they teach at the u of c and duke, and it is also why bear and lehman brothers were destroyed and the united states was bankrupt; both spiritually and morally, by viamax.
Stop the earth from spinning. I got it!
Tucker, here is your chance to show the world. This is also one of the greatest marketing devices that your film or any film could ever have.
Besides, wouldn't it be great to put the haterz to rest once and for all?
THE TUCKER MAX LIE DETECTOR CHALLENGE
Imagine Tucker hooked up to a polygraph machine while a certified polygraph expert asks him about videotaping anal sex and lost tapes, donut shops, midget sex, fighting hockey mascots, sushi lingerie parties and many other events.
Check out this guys site. He has already agreed to do the test!
http://www.jacktrimarco.comAbout Jack: "Jack Trimarco, an internationally known, highly experienced and respected polygraph examiner with over twenty-five years of experience (includes 21 years with the FBI), and has conducted over 2,500 polygraph exams. Jack guarantees a professional polygraph examination following all proper standards for length of time, technique, question formulation, comparison question setting and all the other protocols required for a good polygraph exam."We could film the event for Broadcast (Internet, various new media, etc.) The whole event would be a promo for:
* The Tucker Max Brand
* I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (Movie and Book)
* Rudius MediaIf Tucker passes the test he wins and the reward is obvious.
If he fails the test Tucker must donate $10,000 to a charity.
No one loses here folks.
You up for it Mr. Max?
In case any of you are skeptical about the man who has agreed to do the polygraph test on Tucker Max.
A few high profile cases where Mr. Jack Trimarco consulted or served as the polygraph examiner:
* Oklahoma City Bombing
* “Unabomber” Investigation
* Campaign Contributions to the Democratic National Committee investigation
* Dr. Peter Lee Espionage Case
* Marquisha Candler Kidnap/Murder Case
* Assassination of DEA Agent Enrique Camarena in Mexico
* Dr. Wen Ho Lee Espionage Case
* Jewish Defense League ODEH Bombing Death
* 1993 World Trade Center Bombing
* Whitewater Investigation Jack's office is located in Beverly Hills. Less than 5 miles from Tucker's apartment.
5/21 1:55
"This is the internet and the only thing we know for sure is that its not a big truck."
beep beep im a truck
"This is tucker max and the only thing we know for sure is that I'm a big douchebag."
tucker is all douche and no bag (sack).
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