The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
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Someone who is authenticated to post on IMDB needs to go there and let tank22 know that there are two versions leaked. The version 7 that he is whining about being old isn't the one that light reviewed. The newer leak, which obviously looks more in-line with the movie by comparing characters in the script with characters associated on IMDB is the one light reviewed. Tank22 is fuming out of his ears that THIS ISN'T THE SHOOTING SCRIPT, IT'S OLD, TUCKER SAID SO HIMSELF, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Someone go correct him.
Or tank22, if you read this ... THE SCRIPT REVIEWED BY LIGHT IS A NEWER LEAK, NOT THE ONE THAT TUCKER BLOGGED ABOUT. TUCKER DID NOT MENTION THIS SCRIPT BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT IS THE ONE THAT THEY SPEC'D FOR THE MOVIE!
Man, I can't wait until September 15th! Those IHTSBIH blog updates are gonna be AWESOME!
^^^^Im counting down the days now.
Tucker's WAY too self-involved to not know how his recent silence looks to the observers. I guarantee you guys he's working on distribution or some other 'big' thing, and he's going to 'drop the bomb' and 'prove all the haters wrong' in the next few days. Y'all are buying right into it, too.
That's right, all aboard the douce train! Last one on is a hater!
^^^ yeah!!! Hes working on something super big! its going to rock bigtime. I bet his movie grosses over 100518 million dollars!!!!
First off, they're not even into the edit yet. 2nd, the distribution isn't going to go through Tucker.
In fact, from what I understand, Darko has taken the ball out of Tucker's hands. They'll allow him into the edit, but the first time he's out of line or unprofessional he's booted, no second chances.
Darko is taking over the film from here on out, and Tucker's involvement is going to be minimal at best. Anything he tells you otherwise is total bullshit.
^^^Interesting. What is your source?
Slingblade = Aaron Kellerman
Jojo = Kamau Coar
Ruca = Stefanie Polacheck
If this movie never sees the light of day (bigger projects have been dumped at a later date), will Otto come back into the public eye at all?
Kamau Coar, eh? With the initials K.C., that explains why his nickname is Jojo. Jeez, I hope I'm not dating myself. Anybody else remember KC and Jojo? Anyway, Google turns up a lot of info on ol' Kamau.
We must make their lives miserable so Tucker knows that everything he does is evil.
ere's where JoJo works I think.
www.uhlaw.com/kacoar
You could always just email his boss and let him know how jojo spends his time.
First - who the fuck is Ruca?
Second - who the fuck cares about any of these people?
I thought this "blog" was about hating Tucker. Seriously, you people need to get lives.
This blog is just a portal to the entire bullshit Rudias universe. No one is off limits.
Jojo is a decnt guy. He got banned or heavily edited on RMMB for opnely calling Tucker on his B.S.
Unlike Tucker and Nils, Jojo had the skills to actully pass the bar and get a real job.
Ruca is a chick from Tucker's board. She's a decent girl. The poster is probably just a fucktard from the board who she turned down and would like to see her suffer. That's the kind of crazies they have over there.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Kamau_Coar/576025793
Say hi to Slingblade (Duke Law):
http://members.calbar.ca.gov/search/member_detail.aspx?x=216161
You can also find out what his profession is now, pretty easily.
Will not say though.
"Administrative Actions
9/16/2005 Suspended, failed to pay Bar membr. fees Not Eligible To Practice Law "
Do any of Tucker's Law School friends EVEN practice law?
Why waste the money and the time. At this point Tucker couldn't be a lawyer if he had to with all the ethical violations, etc.
http://davepics.com/Album/2006/02-09.LindyGras/tn/dsc03291.jpg.html
slingblade?
Where does Slingblade practice? I thought it was Arizona, but there's no record of him there.
There's an FBI agent named Aaron Kellerman in Arizona.
http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=44531
Hey, remember when Bunny posted that big list of complaints about Tucker, and one of them mentioned that she took care of him when he was in the hospital? Does anyone know what he was in the hospital for? That isn't the same as the appendix story, cause this happened much more recently.
^^^Herpes... gotta be...
^^^Perhaps he pissed off the wrong person and got his ass beaten. He's had it coming to him for a while.
He still has it coming. Why do you think he throws money at MMA people to hang out with him.
Any MMA people on here? MMA people dislike Tucker too, after all.
wait, i thought slingblade was a nigger?
^^^No, Jojo's the nigger. Sling blade's the dumba$$.
the fbi agent in arizona is slingblade. tucker posted awhile back about him getting "some super-high speed top-secret government job". it's so unlike him to exaggerate something like that.
Really? We're using "nigger" to describe people? This place has gone to shit.
The N-word is bad.
So is it the 15th yet?
That's when Tucker said he was gonna start posting again. I think, maybe, someone got the news that thier "Revolution" was going straight to video. I could be wrong.
His message board (that use to be one of the best) is now full of 15 year olds, damn shame really it was so fun to read threads there 3 years ago. Now its full of losers. Go read the "Attempted comedy" thread. It is proof that his average reader is like 12.
Don't use the n-word or any lame shit here. It's not cool and goes against the battle.
Sorry JOJO. T's plants are trying to divide and conquer or whatever they say.
Sorry, sorry.... Jojo's the nigga. B dat betta, yizzo?
Is it the 15th yet? You know the day Otto was back from vacation and promised updates?
He must be living in an alternative universe where breaking promises really means keeping them. I guess when Darko tells you your movie is head srtaight into the bin of "Hot Realeses" at Blockbuster video and willbe filed behind "American pie-Band camp" it's hard to spin.
"Don't use the n-word or any lame shit here. It's not cool and goes against the battle. "
I don't know, Tucker (Otto) Max is a kike zionist yid (thanks, anti-semitic guy), so should we really exclude those who are against the bubble-lipped, blue-gummed ape darkies?
I kid, I kid, but seriously, cut it the fuck out with the racism.
There is only one way to surpass Tucker (Otto) Max in douchebaggery: by endorsing abhorrent things that even our favorite doucebag wouldn't touch wiht someone else's dick.
Tucker Max is A Fucking Doucebag.
^^^FUCK YOU, ya black ass NIGGER!! Now I'm not racist (generally), but I get really FUCKING pissed off when people try to tell me what I can and can't say. SO FUCK ALL YOU FUCKING BLACKASS CHIMPANZEE NIGGERS!!! Don't like this language? Go fuck yourselves, or learn to deal with it.
Has Tucker EVER met a deadline in his life? What's his problem with fulfilling commitments? Why say that he's going to be back on the 15th if he can't meet a deadline to save his life?
Was Tucker ever in the Army?
I have to say, I'm glad Tucker's not posting lately. The internet just feels so much less pretentious without him.
Fuck you guys, the revolution is coming, seriously. And we will enact our revenge on this board, it's coming just when you least expect it...
^^Crap! That sucks! I guess we better stop screwing around.
^^^Yeah, otherwise KungFu Mike is gonna come beat us up... only to get his ass kicked by a faux-superhero instead.
Tucker has lost interest in his own message board.
3:52 said
"^^^Yeah, otherwise KungFu Mike is gonna come beat us up... only to get his ass kicked by a faux-superhero instead."
No he won't! he'll do somthing "Original" like telling you to drink "Drano foaming pipe snake" or he'll say "Your Vapid" or mayby he'll pull out a classic like you+ "Sans" SOMETHING.
Is it the 15th yet? When is Otto gonna post?
Or a better question. When is "Jon" ( Silly little freak) gonna take a bath and wash the stink off himself?
What distribution phrasing will Tucker use to disguise the “straight to DVD” status for his movie?
1) “Theater of choice” – “We don’t limit people to huge rooms and set start times. With Theater of Choice a fan can own the movie outright and watch wherever they want. Not where some Hollywood suit tells them they have to.”
2) “Theatrical distribution directly to stores” – “Why force people to go to theaters when they can go hundreds of other places and buy a print of the film in digital format. This way a person can buy the smaller digitized theater print and then actually rent out a theater if they wanted and then show it themselves on a DVD projector for their friends for a small fee – a win for all involved”
3) “Home Theatrical Experience” – “The best way to get the largest theatrical releases would be to encourage consumers to convert their living rooms and/laptop into a simulated Movie Theater. We can make available the theatrical prints for these mini-theaters through digital compression onto mini silver discs – which consumer can keep forever.”
4) “Personal Pan Pizza Distribution method” – “Is there anything more confusing or antiquated than a freaking Multiplex? Why force someone to have to choose between 24 movies, when they can have just one delivered theatrically to their own doorsteps. No forced trailers, no expensive popcorn, none of JoJo and his friends talking loud behind you. A simple theatrical release that you can watch at your own pace.”
5) “Theatrical Shelves and Theatrical Bins” – “Looking for a theatrical release shouldn’t take hours of searching. IHTSBIH will most likely have its own section or at least its own row at most theatrical released DVD stores. Be sure to pick up a theatrical release of IHYSBIH today – or on netflix, but theatrically.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/28/102859322_654ca1a332.jpg?v=0
Nothing but HOTTIES!
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/28/102859322_654ca1a332.jpg?v=0
Nothing but HOTTIES!
EPIC FAIL
hey ryan holiday, remember the time someone on wikipedia totally pwned and outed you for editing tucker's article under your pseudonym called 'theregicider'? remember how once you got outed, wikipedia banned your stupid ass? you dont remember? oh, strange, because all that just happened just today. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Requests_for_checkuser/Case/TheRegicider good job getting exposed as a douchebag liar, and nice try by attempting to request that wikipedia delete all reference of this happening. too bad now every one knows that ryan holiday = theregicider = now banned from wikipedia . i hope no one tells gawker about this! keep it classy, tucker max's associates.
nigger please.
"I'm honestly not very comfortable discussing my personal life here (nor do I on my website other than my name), it makes me feel a little violated to see this extensive backlog of research that this user has done especially considering my edits have been in good faith and taken up tons of my personal time. Is there probably a bit of conflict on me editing that article, yeah. If you'd like me to stop, I definitely will." -ryan holiday, right before he gets permanently banned from wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Requests_for_checkuser/Case/TheRegicider
Classy way to go out after getting pwned - kicking and screaming like a little bitch. :(
gigi/the wookie/the girl who fisted artemis = Sarah Stephens
RCH feels uncomfortable discussing his personal life, how about when he lashed out and tried to out Violent Acres' personal life info on his website ? Ryan is such an inexperienced boy, and he's 22.
Ryan's running and crying on the Wikipedia page will soon be followed with lashing out, like the impotent little kid that he is.
McJeff is also a TMMB board member.
Does Ryan Holliday actually do any work? It seems his life is all about manipulation of open source sites like Wikipedia and writing a pretentious and dull blog.
I somehow doubt that his take over of the media will occur with those kinds of work habits.
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-california-general/168875-anyone-considering-ucr-over-another-uc-7.html
No wonder Ryan "theregicider" Holiday quit college, he was losing. Nice work, man. You showed them, now you're a college dropout.
Because you had more important things to do. Like editing Wikipedia pages. And writing a blog. What you learned from these activities will be much more worthwhile than a silly college degree.
4) “Personal Pan Pizza Distribution method” :
You mean when Pizza Hut runs that retarded promotion where they throw in a shit DVD (or choice of shit DVDs) when you get the promotional pizza of the month?
Is that the destiny of IHTSBIH?
Probably not, because I doubt that Pizza Hut wants to be associated with explosive liquishits, servile mexicans, plagiarism, and mocking little people.
Tucker's movie will be that bad: too shitty to function as a Pizza Hut token incentive.
Holiday's whiny attempts at getting the wiki callout page deleted, thereby covering the tracks of his inept douchery, is the most pitiful thing I've witnessed on the internet in a long time.
@9:05
That was absolutely hilarious.
Ha, ha, ha... ol' smug Ryan Holiday got told, I guess. In other news, everything he touches turns to gold, as evidence by faildogs.com's 38% drop in traffic over the last three months (according to Alexa).
ryan clark holiday, how does wikipedia's ass taste? first tucker's sleazy lawyer got banned from wikipedia last week for shenanigans, this week ryan holiday got banned for 2 years of shenanigans and secretly editing tucker's artical (violation of wikipedia rules), and next week ... ? pathetic.
Check out who it is:
http://www.maxsgrille.com/dennis.htm
It's Dennis Max, Max's Dad. Someone should do funny photoshop's of him.
Ha, ha, ha! Ryan got owned on Wikipedia, then begged them to do away with the records of the controversy! What a bizznotch!
lol
dumb ryan
Light,
When are you gonna update your blog? I'm looking foward to the 3rd A to Z installment. It's been about as long as it's been since Otto has posted on his site. HHMM maybe I'm on to something? Could light be Tucker? A "Fuck Tucker Max" blog designed to gainer attention from his many hater's, and help his revolution? Wasting your time looking at an anti site to keep you away from looking at his "Wiki" page?
Of course not Light can actually write. He can't be Otto.
Ryan getting outed and owned is fucking A+ internet fun what a dummy.
ryan clark holiday, learn to internet better, you fucking moron. here, in 2005, this mutant mongoloid posts under 'theregicider'(the same wikipedia name he used), and links to ryanclarkholiday.com on a band's website, and calls his own review 'off base' in order to seem like he's not linking his own blog http://veracitor.proboards1.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=print&thread=5
what a fucking idiot
wow ryan clark holiday, you are a fucking retard. you must have aids, you must. there is no way you could be this retarded without the aids virus destroying your brain. a normal human cannot be so incompetent. all hail theregicider aka ryanholiday, the biggest fuckup in the history of wikipedia
NICE GOING RYANNA!
TUCKER IS GONNA FIRE, OOPS I MEANT PROMOTE YOU FOR THAT.
CONGRATULATIONS.... RYANNA :)
I'm glad to see that Ryan could keep us entertained while otto gets his ass pounded.
Good work, Ryan! It was worth dropping out of college to become Tucker's butt plug, wasn't it?
Let's see how your "ereputation" helps you further your career as a blogger.
Tucker Max is a Doucebag.
Ryan Holiday worships Tucker Max.
Therefore, by the transitive property of doucebaggery, Ryan Holiday is a Doucebag.
Otto - going straight to DVD, never using his J.D. and probably ineligible to sit for a bar in any state.
Bunny - nothing really needs to be said here
Ryan - drop out of a 3rd rate school, lost any credibility he had, unlikely to start a media revolution anytime soon.
Nils - law school drop out, failing in hollywood thanks to attaching to otto
KFM - ass kicked by a pseudo-hero, forced to move back home to his mom's basement, penniless after failing in LA
Bob Gosse - only time will tell if his future can be saved
Anyone else starting to self-combust or already in flames?
Ryanna can stay under Tucker's umbrella
ella ellla ey ey ey under his umbrella
ella ella
Check this out:
http://www.amazon.com/Assholes-Finish-First-Tucker-Max/dp/1416938745/ref=sr_1_2/103-1817721-1906250?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187770400&sr=1-2
Apparently, the release date is now February 2010.
Does it really take THAT long to find a ghost-writer for Tucker? There's half-a-dozen guys on this board who could do a better Tucker than Tucker.
@9:00 am: HAHAHAHA! Homerun, sir. Literally laughing out loud.
I've been trying to get to the rest of the Interview transcripts. Some parts of the tapes are missing so it's hard to put in proper order.
I'll try to get some done in the next week.
Thtop guyth, theriouthly, thtop thith.
Tucker's obviously having big problems finding a distributer. Either he fails and he'll write about how the hollywood baddies screwed him, or he'll eventually find something and he'll write about his amazing triumph.
Did you guys see how I totally OWNED Wikipedia? By exposing the flaws in their screening system, I'm totally setting the stage for the new media revolution. The new media revolution doesn't include Wikipedia. Or Hulu.
Ryan Holiday is almost as big of a cunt as Sarah Palin.
Almost.
Dear Ryanna,
hahahahahahahahahaha. Also: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I rejoice at thy failure.
That is all.
The big mystery person here is Donika. We know that Nils is fat (and sycophantic), Ryan is a shape shifting patsy, and Erin is... special. Donicka girl is oddly quiet, in the way that someone who has a lot of skeletons in the closet would be. So who knows what?
^^^ Same person again, I mean because she;s clearly second in command if you look at the Rudius website.
fizzle
Can anyone here recommend a newer mod that isn't a complete cunt/sycophant? Mike Gill isn't going to work.
I need to verify something that will appear harmless, but should be worth lots of laughs if it works.
Donika isn't bad, just very very sad. A lot of the people who support Tucker are doing it because they're convinced that at some point Tucker will share his success and help move their careers as well. Donika is exactly that way, she's probably friends with Tucker, but was so wrapped up in his success that she made really dumb mistakes. Mistakes like moving to NYC for your boss who doesn't pay you. That's how Tucker's minions are. It doesn't make them bad people, it makes them really sad people. Sadder than people like us who write about how sad they are because the only time we've invested was the time writing about how laughable those people are.
Honestly, instead of hating Tucker's friends, feel sad, because everyone of them are going to expect something from Tucker that Tucker doesn't seem talented enough to deliver.
Dumbass, I said NEWER mod. Donika's about the oldest mod on the board. I'm aiming for somebody that definitely wasn't around in 2004.
The reason I need the info isn't to insult the mod, it's to confirm something seemingly harmless that, if it works, will make Tucker look like (more of) a Douche.
I'm sad because the EPIC FAILURE is almost over. What other brags can he make to keep us entertained when they don't happen?
By all means make fun of Donika. Her life is just sad. I never said you couldn't make fun of sad, pathetic people.
What the hell kind of name is Donika, anyway? If I had a donkey, I would name it Donika.
^^^It's an Irish name that symbolizes sad and poor.
^
Yes, Donika is Celtic for "bringer of potato famines".
And her last name "Miller" is Greek for "millions." Which is short for Millions of dollars that she won't ever have.
Where did Tucker admit he spent many hours on this blog?
^I don't think he did, because I don't think he would. Poor Tucker, his little vanity movie project is about to Tucker Max Fail.
Update from Captain Asswagon: (9/23)
"Sorry everyone, I have been busy moving to a new place and getting back to my normal life and what not. No new posts until October 1st--I have a big speech I am doing in a few weeks (I'll link the video once its up), and a few other things I need to concentrate on.
Plus, to be honest, its nice to not have to update every day."
He's moving into a new Hollywood pad. Right now he's lifting boxes and moving furniture. I bet he demanded "the big room" and pissed off his roomies.
He's also buy writing a speech. A very big speech. Lispy, high-pitched and delusional, yet a speech nonetheless.
"No new posts until October 1st"
Translation: No new posts until two weeks from never.
He'll post again when Assholes Finish First comes out, December 2045.
Trust me, it'll take ol' Otto at LEAST that long to steal, um, I mean invent totaaly 100% true...
Strike that. Otto will have tons of crazy times by the time he's 70, times filled with liquishits, midgets, heroic levels of drunkenness, vomiting, improbable sushi joints, crashed-out windows in doughnut shops, and cladestinely-filmed, allegedly heterosexual anal sex.
Dude, all that stuff, like, totally happened, or will happen, because he's Tucker fucking Max.
He's like, totally revolutionary and shit, dontchaknow!
He is moving back in with Ryan Holiday aka TheRegicider, the banned pussy from wikipedia who safeguards articles such as the cockatiel, the roman empire, american apparel, and Tucker Max
The mods are absolutely horrid.
He's trying to act like everything's kosher in the world of Tuckster Mac. "Oh, yeah, guys, no, everything's cool, I've just been busy moving and shizznot. Yeah, I'm going to start posting again, I just have this speech, and, no, everything's still cool, etc. etc. etc."
If there was anything good or positive going on with the movie, you better believe Tuckster would be talking about it. The sudden silence and dearth of any kind of activity on his part (how long would it take to put up a 'we'll be back soon' post on the movie blog?) indicates that all is not going to plan. Maybe the people who said Darko's locked him out of the editing room are right; maybe they're having trouble getting distribution; maybe Tuck-Star got put in hit place by the money-people; maybe everyone realizes this silly movie ISN'T going to revolutionize Hollywood. Who knows? But something is clearly amiss.
What Tuck doesn't understand is that it's not about stirring up all kinds of excitement for the movie, or any of the other nonsense people get worked up over - it's about his constant bravado, and his consistent failure to realize his promises.
- He was ever-so-confident on his messageboard that he'd have the movie done within a year 'oh, yeah, we can go from financing to casting to shooting to post in less than a year, easy' (anyone remember that series of posts?);
- The book got pushed back, presumably to coincide with the movie's release, but the Amazon page for the book has a release date of 2010- a year after the movie's projected release date. This indicates something's wrong with the book situation, Tucker hasn't mentioned it in almost a year (he knows people are waiting to hear about it), and as always with this schmuck, his silence speaks volumes;
- He promised this revolutionary day-by-day walk through how a movie gets made, and although he did blog pretty consistently about it, we didn't get the all-access experience he promised - there were random interviews with assorted crewmembers, and entry-level discussions about some of the issues in making a movie, but it never materialized into this holistic, firsthand sort of complete immersion that he heralded it as. Over the last two weeks of filming, he repeatedly promised that he'd 'catch up' with videos, interviews, and topics he hadn't had time to post, yet those things never came;
- All the while, he kept on and kept on and kept on about how revolutionary this all was - now, in his only messageboard post in almost three weeks, he's trying very hard to make it sound like 'we're just getting back to normal around here - why are you all staring?' (notice how quickly his mods came to his defense, mocking anyone who would dare ask the question that's on everyone's mind over there: 'uh, what's going on with the movie?')
All of this underscores the real problem with this man; the thing that makes us mock him and dislike him, the thing that makes us call him a liar and a douchebag - you can't take his version of events as the truth, because his perspective is so skewed inward, he doesn't know how to SEE the truth in a situation.
THAT'S the key to understanding Tucker. I have no doubt that he's been telling the same stories the same way for so long, he really believes they're true. In the same way, he really believes his own self-made press. But nobody who doesn't have a personal interest in also believing that nonsense (i.e. the Rudius people, who want him to succeed so they can be on a winning team) believes it.
Tucker, writing a book is hard work (I guess... I'm not sure if writing YOUR book would be hard work, but whatever). People understand that. But don't TELL people 'oh, man, this is coming on such-and-such a day, and it's just going to change everything' unless it's already on it's way.
Making a movie is hard work, and usually, moviemakers don't know HOW their movie is going to do; people understand that. But don't SAY 'oh, yeah, this movie is going to be such-and-such' until it's in the can.
Running a blog about a movie is hard work (I guess). People can understand that. But when you say 'oh, yeah, we're coming back on the 15th with a vengeance, and this-and-that', then don't post anything for a week and half after the 15th has come and gone, what do you think that makes you look like? When you say, 'yeah, we're going to get to all this video and interviews and extra content and this-and-that' and then none of it appears, how do you think that makes you look?
It makes you look untrustworthy; unreliable. Not dishonest, exactly... it's more like the fat guy who says 'yeah, this week I'm going on a diet for sure', even though he's been fat for years. He probably really means it when he says it, but you know he's not going to deliver, because he never has. You probably really intended to do this-and-that-and-whatever, but your track record of failure is long and illustrious.
If you wouldn't run your fool mouth all the time and act like you're God's gift to moviemaking/writing/women/partying/the 18-to-35 male demographic/whatever, maybe you wouldn't catch so much heat. Yeah, I know, I know, you're a narcissist, other people's thoughts don't register on your radar, this and that and on and on and on... but what you don't get is that the world will only put up with someone who's in it for himself for so long. Your movie might get distributed; maybe you'll get your silly book published; but the larger issues remain, and until you grow up and learn to be a REAL man, you'll remain a real funny joke, and a footnote in the big book of people who actually matter.
Which comes out first, Assholes Finish First or Chinese Democracy?
Oh that's an easy one, Chinese Democracy. Even if Axl Rose died in a boating accident tomorrow, Chinese Democracy would still come out first.
As a regular poster, I can think of other incidents when Tucker boasted something that never happened. Some of these are minor but it just proves how idiotic he really is.
He promised he'd get Hotwheelz laid (nope)
He declared he'd get super ripped for his movie for his cameo (mantits ahoy)
He predicted hulu.com would be an epic fail (hell no)
He predicted the fall of Apple due to poor marketing of the iphone (I have mine right next to me)
He bought into the whole Web 2.0 Bubblegeneration shit. Umair isn't an idiot and I'm not dissing him, but he's a blip. Tucker went on and on about how revolutionary all this was, but it really isn't.
He delayed AFF repeatedly (we all know this one)
Festering Ass? It's festered beyond repair. He once promised he'd start writing by ONE YEAR AGO!!!
Basically every now and then he'll boast "This is going to happen this way, you guys can trust me because I'm Tucker Max." And I honestly don't think he's once delivered. It's become beyond a joke. It's become...pathetic.
Hey guys, take it easy ok. Frankly I'm a little disturbed how you guys pick apart everything I have said or done. It's disturbing and I'd like this board taken down ok.
I'm just some typical insecure kid who went to the lowest ranking UC because frankly, I'm not that bright although I like to pretend I am. That's why I repeatedly pestered my idol, Tucker Max, sending him multiple emails until he got so impressed HE MOVED IN WITH ME. He then gave me a job in his publishing empire, Rudius Media.
Yeah, it was pretty cool for awhile. I fantasized that we we were all part of some Machiavellian hierarchy, with Tucker at the top and me as his closest advisor...Talleyrand or something, I dunno. Actually, it was more like I was the apprentice to the Sith Lord...it was pretty cool. Kungfu Mike was the muscle, Bunny was the old hag, and everything was gravy. Oh, and we had Robert Greene's blessing too, you know who that is? He wrote such an awesome book it's quoted by rappers and serial killers everywhere, that's how cool he is. He doesn't return our calls anymore but he's probably busy writing his newest book, "101 ways floss your teeth."
Anyway, Tucker gave me a website and I immediately transformed it into a roundtable discussion where all limits were off. We discussed politics, history, philosophy, and literature and it was uber-intellectual, my own little erudite zone. Only I basically sat around making grandiose claims and posting a link whenever some miniscule website mentioned my own miniscule website, as if we were all forming these intense connections that would someday grow into a revolution that will topple the corrupt empire. Old replaced by the young, yadda yadda bullshit.
Meanwhile I landed a typical job that I made out to be some kind of looking glass directly tapping into the innerworkings of Hollywood. Truth is, the job has its problems and it isn't propelling me to greatness like I once predicted it would. Things slow me down and it's all very frustrating, because I'm not nearly as smart as I thought i was...did I mention I'm a college dropout?
So basically, I'm as transparent as glass and still insecure, and I don't really know what to do with my life but I do have a website that gets a bit of traffic and so I'll continue to post nonsense and wait for my day to come. Cause you know, I'm the apprentice, not yet the master. But one day I'll rule over all you fuckheads. Or valet your car, not sure yet.
In the meantime, go easy on me, okay?
on top of all that, ryan is a pretty ugly little runt when you think about it. there's really not a good-looking person in the entire rudius empire.
What, you don't like my three chins?
Anyone up for a pizza?
This is Ryan Holiday. Please censor all the messages about me. This whole situation is making me uncomfortable and I would ask that google just deletes all references to me. I did, after all, attend UC Riverside, a top 200 university, for at least 2 years, so it is not as if I'm completely unaware of the internet's wicked intentions. Don't make me call a lawyer.
You have to admire Tucker's work ethic. Write a book, pat yourself on the back incessantly for going on two years now. Do a six-week movie shoot, take a month off 'work.'
Go get 'em.
Tuckernuts is fucked.
http://www.maxsgrille.com/images/specials-dress.gif
Daddy Max needs someone to spell check for him.
For kicks, let's go through the IHTSBIH section over on the RM messageboard and post some of the shit Tucker claimed would happen that have ALREADY fallen the fuck apart.
Here's one of his famous "I'm going to revolutionize this shit" promises that is already complete FAIL:
"*The big idea: From The Idea to The Screen: How to make a movie
This is the big thing I think will not only differentiate this movie site from others, but will drive a ton of traffic. We are going to have a distinct section that basically tracks exactly how to go from an idea to a theatrical release. There are books and shit about this, but I am quite literally in the middle of doing this, and I can't find a resource on this that covers the whole process in the new media environment.
So I am going to create a new media guide on how to create a feature. I'll have a section with a step-by-step guide to the process, some of it text but much of it done with video."
NOPE! TUCKER MAX is FAIL!
This one is more just for record-keeping sake. First, does Tucker and his crew really think this ring tone idea is "one of the better ideas?" I'd hate to see some of the worse ones:
"One of the better ideas is giving away ringtones of funny lines from the movie. We are definitely going to do this, but since we are keeping the script a secret until the movie comes out, I can't tell you guys what lines we are going to be using." -TM on RM board
This pretty much proves that Tucker didn't leak the script, as he claimed he did (pay particular attention to the last line of the quote below). This fucker is so dumb. If he had any sense, he'd go back and delete everything on that messageboard. It makes it too easy to catch him in his lies:
"I love that of all things to leak, the old script leaked. And why now, as opposed to earlier? I haven't sent that version of the script out to anyone in months and months and months. This is so comically awesome on so many different levels. I can't wait until people start accusing me of posting it to drum up interest, just like Katy Johnson and I conspired to create her lawsuit against me and get all that press."
What do you mean you'll sue me if I include the McGriddle sequence. You're just a fucking red headed dumbass in oversize shoes, I'm Tucker Max!
C'mon Gap, the sequence shows how resilient and manly your pink boxer shorts are. They've been shit on by Tucker Max!
http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=23205
Suggests that UC Law dropped 4 ranking points for accepting Otto.
Even douchy law school tards think Otto is overly douchy.
http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=293283&mc=65&forum_id=2#4228269
so tucker couldn't even get a recommendation to sit for the bar exam?
i knew there was something up with that; either he took the thing and failed it, or he was ineligible to take in the first place. there's no way he just "decided not to take it". what a loser.
Violent Acres posted about the Ryan Holiday wiki Scandal! Who wants to reddit it up to the main page to really rub the humiliation in?
http://www.violentacres.com/archives/386/ryan-holiday-is-a-really-private-person
Nice post by VA. Tucker probably hasn't come back from his vacation since we all have now turned our attention to Ryan. In Ryan's most recent post on his site he links to wikipedia's "ignore all rules". Is that supposed to pass as justification for his idiocy? I also like the part in his wikipedia user talk page for ryanholiday. In regards to Mark Ebner's page, a user said "Just sticking a "protected" tag on a page doesn't make it protected. You have to be an admin to protect a page."
Nice try Ryan!
whoever notified VA, i salute you. and to the VA writer, that was extremely well written. congrats. we should all coordinate our efforts. i suggest everyone here sign up for wikipedia and learn the proper protocols of how to edit correctly without violating their policies. it takes some time to figure out their goofy faggy rules, but you will quickly learn that only passive aggressive behavior is effective. once you master passive aggressive attacks, you will be able to slowly manipulate the articles as you wish and get other retard editors banned, like ryan holiday . it's a tedious waste of time, most definitely, but totally worth it to make douchebag tucker max feel bad.
That's pretty funny... Ryan, you're a big, fat (scratch that: skinny, scrawny, underweight) hypocrite.
"Criticize MY blog about driving, will you? I'll just expose your real identity for all the world to - what? you found my blog? THAT'S E-STALKING!! STOP IT!"
My favorite part of the Violent Acres piece thus far is the comment that Ryan has 'a Princeton attitude with US Riverside dropout credentials.' hahahahahaha
In other news, I wonder if Jojo (Kamau Coar) and Slingblade (Aaron Kellerman) are mad at Tucker for having their identities exposed? Who'd have thought that when a person acts like a jackass, there are consequences?
^^^ UC Riverside, even.
I love VA...she's just awesome.
Too bad Gawker probably won't call otto a douche anymore. They'd have fun with all of this.
^^^True dat, holmes. Tucker is SO last month.
ryan is such a faggot. if i were his father i'd disown his ass for sure. the fucking meathead dropped out of college to be an assistant to a guy whose biggest claim to fame is being an "internet celebrity" (oh, and making the new york times non-fiction paperback extended list).
what a douche. i don't know which would make me laugh harder, tucker's career collapsing in a heap and ryan being completely fucked, or tucker getting huge and abandoning ryan like he does everybody else, and ryan being completely fucked. just as long as holliday is forced to do gay porn to play the electric bill i'll be a happy man (no lame jokes please).
^^^Like, who's going to want to see him in gay porn? Have you seen his picture? Kiddie porn, maybe, but he'd STILL end up playing the insecure, freaky-looking one that none of the sick, twisted adults has sex with. He'd be like the anti-porn star.
Hey guys, this is Ryan Holiday. I just wanted to clear something up. I made multiple wikipedia accounts so I could secretly edit Tucker's article to whitewash it of any controversy, such as definitely keeping out any reference to his appearance on Opie and Anthony. But did you idiots hear what i said? I said *SECRET* account. That means exposing my identity is CONTRARY to what I wanted. Not cool, internet. Not cool. See, I am Tucker's #1 fan and #1 assistant, even though he doesn't technically pay me. Actually, no one really gets paid. But we get satisfaction of knowing we are part of something big, really big. And revolutionary. Money will never buy that. Tucker has a movie, what have you guys done with your lives? Tucker went to Duke University, what school did you go to? Probably not even UC Riverside. Losers!
*die of aids, ryan. please and seriously*
I'm convinced that people like Ryan don't have dads. Or, they have 2 dads.
^^^Or, their dads are insufferable pricks with deep,severe insecurity complexes that result in their children thinking they're somehow different from everyone else.
^^^Or, their dads are insufferable pricks with deep,severe insecurity complexes that result in their children thinking they're somehow different from everyone else.
^^^
My comment didn't get posted right away so I have to try again.
hahahaha FAG
^^^ I left a duplicate window open, and when I left this page, it automatically re-posted the comment.
Hahahahaha RYAN
I guess Ryan is tired of being a douchebag, and is seeing a therapist. Hopefully he refers Erin Tyler.
^^ http://ryanholiday.net/
^^^ What he doesn't tell you is that Tucker is the therapist.
the entire rudius family should take a cue from holliday on this one. maybe they can get a group discount.
holy fuck is Ryan ever an asshole.
His latest post on therapy continues to prove that he truly does think he's better than everyone else.
He needs a shrink, good meds, and a swift kick in the ass.
I won't be surprised when:
a. his therapist suggests he see a shrink to start medication management because he's delusional
b. he has a huge fucking breakdown for the world to see.
He doesn't need therapy. He needs to admit that working for/living with Tucker was a big fucking mistake and he needs to get the fuck outta there and change his life.
I can't beleive I bought into all the crap that tucker and his tools were spewing. Now that I've gotten a look at the man behind the curtain it all seems so damn obvious.
Any kind of half-assed scrutiny seems to rattle Tucker and reveal the holes in his facade.
The fame he seeks will only bring closer examination of his lies. How did he expect to maintain this illusion by exposing himself to more people?
He claims to value honesty above all else, going off on huge rants against people who are caught lying when he is just as big a fraud.
I can't get over the Bunny posts that I've seen, showing that Tucker is an even bigger asshole than he ever let on. And the way all her very candid posts have been removed shortly after being posted is revealing too.
His message board is ruled with an iron fist, and his pathetic attempts to control information on wikipedia have now been hilariously exposed.
Tucker knows he is a complete douchebag. He has to bust his ass making sure no one sees him for who he truly is. What a way to go through life. fucking hypocrite
What was the gist of the Bunny posts?
one of the bunny posts:
http://gawker.com/5034217/what-it-is-like-to-date-tucker-max
Well we all know about that one, you made it sound like there were more recent ones. That one's from a while ago.
There is a newer one, it was posted in this thread a while ago.
http://reader.feedshow.com/show_items-feed=535c41cba442dd9c435df585314bd962 there's your newest bunny post
I had sex with Tucker Max and he came in 2 minutes...very boring.
^^^ Wow, dude. When did that happen, bro?
oh bunny....
poor guy.
Almost two months and no new posts.
Is da poor widdle Bunny's feewings hurt? Doesn't it suck when people you don't know try to make you feel worthless, you hypocritical cunt?
Here's another theory, no Tucker presence on the internet, plus all sorts of tasty womens on the movie set, plus Bunny being pissed, sounds like Tucker's got a new lay.
^^^^How is Bunny a hypocritical cunt? I always pictured her as the poor abused cinderella-type character, being forced to masturbate and suck cock by big bad tucker. Cloud Starchaser would totally smack Tucker up.
I fucked Tucker in the ass and he came in like 2 minutes. Fucking fag.
11:48 AM
There are tons of things I could point out, but look at it this way:
Have you ever met someone who referred to themselves as nice every three seconds and was actually, genuinely nice?
Bunny is "nice" like Sweet and Low is "sugar". It looks the same, it sort of tastes the same but in the end it gives you a bad aftertaste.
Erin is basically a cult member, she is totally tied up to Tucker and has completely lost her own personality into his bizarro world. I'm sure somewhere along the line she was sincere and honest, but right now she's gone Koresh on the world and it's not going to change.
Notice, she would write stuff about the real Tucker and how awful he treated her (for the record, Erin SHOULD have gotten a producer's position on his film but didn't fight for her whatsoever), yet when it comes down to it she was back on the board DEFENDING TUCKER ONE DAY LATER.
That's not what a normal person does, if she had any dignity left she wouldn't have travelled down to LA nor would she have defended Tucker ever again.
Like I said, she's "nice", but behind the smiles and her being cordial she's a very angry woman with little prospects left in her life if she leaves Tucker.
"Bunny is "nice" like Sweet and Low is "sugar". It looks the same, it sort of tastes the same but in the end it gives you a bad aftertaste."
And gives you cancer in high doses. I am going to prove to the world that the Bunny is a carcinogen and should be buried underground with all the other nuclear waste in the Nevada desert.
Tucker Max should rename his movie "I Hope They Serve Doucebags in Hell."
^^^ Nice burn, dude. Really.
Someone hired a Florida private investigator to dig up dirt on Gawker's Hamilton Nolan, the guy who wrote the majority of the posts tearing Tucker apart.
How much you want to bet Tucker or Pappa Max are behind this?
http://gawker.com/5056258/who-hired-this-private-eye-to-investigate-me
Why would you think that...?
Doubt it's Tucker. He's too low rent to afford an investigator. You must be confusing him with someone who actually has a disposable income.
Why isn't Fuckernuts posting anything?? I want to know about how his movie project is failing!
tucker probably used part of his $5,000 payday for his movie to fund this operation. you know that douchebag didn't get paid any more than that, and i wouldnt be surprised if he were the type of frivolous loser to use his limited budget to hire a private investigator to harass someone
^^^Wouldn't it be easier to send Michael Boulerice to pull his hair instead?
Or Aaron Kellerman, the FBI guy in Arizona, to put the screws to him?
Or Kamau Coar, the lawyer in Chicago, to intimidate him legally?
tucker tucker tucker tucker tucker fucker tucker
@ 9:33
Mike doesn't have bus money to get across town, let alone across country.
Aaron is an independent being, not emotionally stapled to Tucker as per the regular gang of suspects. He's shoot Tucker in the foot for even asking for something like this, and Tucker knows it.
Kamau would be more interested in representing the Gawker guy than go after him with "Tucker-esque" nancy boy intimidation tactics.
In about a month, Tucker will be back to business as usual writing his book, and all references to the movie will be deleted from his website and message board. Anybody who asks about it will be banned.
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117988990.html?categoryid=13&cs=1&query=tucker+max
Darko hasn't lost the respect (and ability to pay) Robin Williams.
"Darko hasn't lost the respect (and ability to pay) Robin Williams."
Wow. Darko is hiring Robin Williams and Bobcat Goldwaith to make a highly-unmarketable dark indie flick?
That totally validates everything Tucker has ever said.
I hope Tucker isn't posting because he killed himself.
Robin Williams must be desperate for work, blame the economy! What a terrible plot. Who in their right mind would fund these terrible movies? If you're going to invest in a movie, do you spend any time looking into the characters you'll be dealing with? I disagree with Tucker's post saying if the movie fails it will be all his fault. Especially the "if" part, because it will fail.
Tucker is never even gonna get distribution. Perhaps he will burn DVDs and sell them himself.
Tucker Max should be waterboarded. It would be funny to see the the so-called alpha male cry like the little bitch he is.
Wow. Look at drunkasaurusrex's current avatar. Did an admin give that to him?
no, his avatar is from thesmokinggun.com's most recent mugshot roundup.
or...not mugshot roundup, but it's on there.
haha, you thought some mod gave it to him because he's fat! makes sense.
tucker doesnt need to be waterboarded to make him cry. he probably cries when he has a stomach ache or someone calls him untalented. you know it's true cause you'd get banned from his message board for saying those things
Maybe Tucker is absent because he's drying out in a rehab facility.
Maybe otto is making up fake police reports and newspaper articles.
Isn't it some type of fraud to use your "nonfiction" credentials to get listed on the NYT list? Especially since he uses the best selling author angle to get people to invest in his movie.
My god, I go away for a few months and I come back and its still happening. I'm wondering if this disorder has started affecting any of personal lives yet? How many hours a week do you give to Tucker? Don't answer that. Answer it to yourself.
^^^
But you do keep coming back.
This random insult against people who hate tucker has been brought to you by Ryan Holiday. If you attack tucker, you are a loser with no life! Don't answer that, just accept it.
YAY! Otto was so tired from working six weeks, he had to recuperate for a month. Let the hilarity continue!!!!!!
hey d-bag tucker, i looked at the myspace profile of your dog (uhh?) and i saw this picture of you http://a133.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/65/l_e105790493f3b7d60e0ee54293e64eec.jpg
i have to say, you did a very good job photoshopping your bicep so it looks completely unnatural. good work. you are officially the biggest toolbag on the planet.
wow, it doesnt even match up with his forearm or his chest. what was that retard thinking?
See Tucker Max. Max, Tucker, Max. See Tucker fail. Fail, Tucker, fail!
ayo he's back at last:
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/vacation_over_b.html
"
-As should be expected, Gawker chickened out on the bet. Watching Gawker melt down was really funny and almost worth the whole thing by itself. When you can get your enemy to completely lose composure like that, you've won. "
ROFL
LMAO, a website that poked fun of Tucker has the honor of being his "enemy." Hey, guess what everybody, we are all Tucker's enemies!!
This cat is truly out of his mind. What a jackball. He needs to just go away.
As usual, Tucker spins everything so that Tucker's the man on top.
I wonder if he's ever made a mistake or lost a battle?
^Only in the past. In the present, Tucker is always winning.
I wonder how old Tucker really is. Someone did a peoplefinder search on him a page or two back, and got ridiculed for the effort. I wondered about the accuracy of peoplefinders, so I did a few queries for the hell of it on family and friends.
I am impressed. It was much more accurate than I would have guessed. If peoplefinders is correct for Tucker (and it probably is, as it identifies his various cities), then Tucker is three years older than he claims. I checked out other identity sites, and though I'm not ruling out a common source, all the sites agree that Tucker is 36.
Significance? I think Tucker doesn't want his teen following to know he's really 36. The teens will realize that Tucker is closer to their father's age, and that association would be deadly for his carefully cultivated image.
Gawker melted down? One writer insulted him and then no one talked about him.
Jesus.
Holy shit he IS 36!
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