The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 2601 – 2800 of 15917 Newer› Newest»Tucker Max must be extermiated, like Hitler tried to exterminate the hook-nosed kikes.
@ 6:39...
Will you cut the fucking anti-Semitic bullshit? Nobody wants you here. Just fucking leave.
I suggest you try one of the internet's fine "white nationalist" communities, such as the following:
www.stormfront.org
www.vnnforum.com
That last one should be right up your alley, as you can see from this quote,
"The low bred crazy Hasidic kikes are as inbred as sewer rats and love their shit."
Now get the fuck out of here.
This place is for ridiculing Tucker Max, not racist fucking bullshit (though TATguy would say that it's for thinking about Tucker).
BCwoods writes about his departure from Rudius Media
http://www.dunceuponatime.com/what-happened-with-rudius
BC Woods has a lot more class than anyone at Rudius could hope for.
Also - Tucker hated the Dark Knight, to the point where he Monday-morning quarterbacks decisions made by Nolan.
I've seen the movie twice and it's already in my top five. It's #1 on IMDB. It had the biggest opening weekend of all time. The IMAX screenings are sold out for the next week at the theater near me. I'm not saying that it's good because it's popular - I'd say it's the other way around - but for Tucker to trash it shows just how disconnected from reality and the general public he really is.
I mean...Dark Knight sucks, but IHTSBIH is going to revolutionize the industry? Really?
somebody please post bunny's sob story about tucker abandoning her.
Y'all just don't get it. It's all about honesty and story. Honesty and story. Honesty and story.Honesty and story. Story and honest and also story. Honesty and Story. Story. Honesty. Both.
Honesty and story AND....
Buying your own books at bulk rate to inflate sales...
Banning anyone who dares not to kiss ass...
Talking like a lispy date-raping frat boy...
Sitting around a room with a bunch of white lugheads listening to rap music while wearing flipflops...
Throwing all your friends under the bus when they point out the obvious...
Making a movie that has been made fifty times already.
Dad, can I have another car?
Tucker hasn't gotten any money from his dad since law school. He's built this vast empire all on his own.
Thanks for sharing the link to Kung Fu Mike's website. I never visit, as he's a bit dull. I read the "bakedpotato" story, and laughed at TheBunny calling everyone a hater. I just thought I'd leave the Rudius gang a note, which probably won't be published:
Oh Mike, you're such a fucking loser.
What energy trader is working 70 hours to 80 hours per week? What are you trading, oil cans? Dude, I worked on Wall Street, so unlike a stupid cunt like "TheBunny", I know your blog bullshit doesn't fly.
Congrats on the negative test though. Seriously, most of us have been there. You aren't ready to procreate, and even if you find a job again, you won't be much more than a self-absored sperm donor to the poor bastard. There are Family Planning clinics, even in a backward hellhole like Portsmouth. Just make an appointment, and get snipped.
^^^ Dude, you don't understand. Mike DID get a girl pregnant, and now they're getting married. Check his Myspace page, and look at the top friend. You'll see what I'm talking about.
That Michael Boulerice sure has led a fruitful, productive life, hasn't he? What an utter loser... no money, a worthless job, he's a failure as a writer, and now he has to get married to support the baby he made because he thought he was still a teenager, and could go around 'drinking and fornicating' without reaping the whirlwind. Too bad he doesn't have enough money to murder his unborn children, like Tucker does.
Bunny posted what?
An idiot says what?
The poor man is busy with a hundred creative decisions a day, while at the same time coming to terms with the fact that he won't be known as Tucker Max anymore. Give him a break.
Good call, anon at 7/22/2008 8:32 AM. I only read the story. Looks like he changed the name of the girl, and the outcome.
What a failure of a life. With his spotty (and grossly exaggerated) career record, I doubt he'll have much success at supporting a family, even if he commutes long-distance to Boston.
Things I've learned from the movie blog:
1. It's hot in the south.
2. Non-famous people have talent too.
3. Nils isn't entertaining.
^^^^
I'm gonna speculate that the "non-famous" person he raves about is playing his mom.
I agree that Nils isn't entertaining, but it is kind of funny that he has to shit twice before 11 in the morning. What a fat-ass.
Tucker Max is first and foremost a douchebag.
Here is how he made his money, his name, and his life--demeaning and belittling innocent bystanders:
http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_absinthe_donuts_story.phtml#280
"10:20: We station ourselves in the kitchen. A fat girl walks in. It's game time. "Well, say goodbye to all the leftovers."
10:21: Apparently, this fatty seems to think she can hang. The Medina Division made better tactical decisions:
Fatty "What did you say?"
Tucker "Can you not hear me? Are your ears fat too?"
Fatty [Look of astonishment, stares at my friends cracking up] "EXCUSE ME?"
Tucker "I'm sorry. Really I am. [I open the fridge] Would you like cheesecake or chocolate cake? Probably both, I'm guessing."
Fatty [Turns and leaves in utter astonishment]
Tucker "Hey Sara Lee, I was only kidding! COME BACK HERE--MY FRIEND LIKES TO GO HOGGIN. MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN! IT'S LIKE RIDING A MOPED!!"
Tucker has arrived."
http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_absinthe_donuts_story.phtml#280
[To the fat guy with greasy hair in the camo vest] "Look out everyone! It's the Pillsbury Commando! Hey Chunk, when was the last time you washed your hair? Does it give you more hit points to have that grease helmet? I hate to break the news, but +5 defense only counts in Dungeons and Dragons."
[To the ugly Asian girl] "Why you no rike me? You want me frip over? You no piss me off! ME FIND YOU IN POCKING ROT!! YOU NO TAKE MING ARIVE!!"
[To the small frail dork--I notice he has a lazy eye] "Dude--Look at me when I'm talking to you--BOTH EYES AT ONCE. Are you really this ugly or are you just playing? EVERYONE, BE CAREFUL, THIS GUY LURKS UNDER THE STAIRS AND TRIES TO LICK YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU PASS BY!"
from--http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_absinthe_donuts_story.phtml#280
And now the douchebag Tucker Max passes judgment on Hollywood:
http://www.ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/
I think this is emblematic of another systemic problem in Hollywood: Lack of basic respect for people.
http://www.ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/
Tucker--it is you who doesn't respect people.
Take your douchebaggery away from all the hardworking, upstanding folks in Hollywood, and the world will stand vastly improved.
You know what's funny? How basically everything's going awesome, and everyone's doing awesome, and everything's just coming together perfectly, and this movie's just going to be perfect.
I have read, in various places, about how the great artists of the ages had a common struggle: that the art they created was never 'good enough' for them, that it never fully captured what they saw and heard and read in their minds. "It doesn't sound like it does in my head!" Like the Socratic splinter in the mind, the world's true artists just can't seem to reach it...
..and as silly as it might sound, what it is, is unique access into the collective unconscious that all beautiful things flow into. It goes so much deeper than the ideas or visions of any one person... and, in a very real sense, the artistic vision that some seem blessed with, and the ideas that flow forth from it, are not the property of the artist - they belong to the collective spirit of humankind, and are only on loan to us.
Then again, how many of those visionaries were New York Times bestselling authors with a popular website? Tucker's going to change everything.
^^^ Shut up, Jung.
^^^Negative.
I'm glad think TUcker thinks everything is "coming together perfectly". Then when the film fails horribly he has nobody to blame other than his shitty script.
Ten bucks says Tucker's 'super-secret' cameo is as the assistant lawyer he cusses out in the beginning of the movie.
If that isn't it, it should be. See? I can be 'new-media funny' too.
It's Maddox, most likely.
Oh...and Nils is still fat.
Like really really fat.
Has Tucker ever apologized for his supreme douchebaggery?
He is 100000000x more the douchebag than anyone in hollywood.
That is why he got so many doors closed on him--douchebaggery doesn't fly anymore at the higher levels.
"I scoured our files and IMDB" to find a new actress.
Translation: I couldn't find the list of three people I hadn't yet pissed off by being a doucebag, so I hit Google with "unemployed desperate actress" + "never heard of Tucker Max" and VOILA! we have the next new media star.
Tucker'sattempt at rebranding himself will epic fail.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Tucker_Max
nice job editing yur own wiki tucker
So you guys I'm writing to say this is the Tipping Point, it will revolutionize the industry. Everything in this movie is going to be absolutely perfect, seriously. I can't tell you why, but it is. You think you know, but you don't. It's going to be awesome though, revolutionary. Because shit in hotel lobbies is revolutionary and funny.
REVOLUTIONARY
Aw, don't hate on The Bunny and KFM. And if you do, at least get the story straight-- KFM didn't knock anybody up, and the "baked potato" incident definitely wasn't the girl to whom someone linked a Myspace page.
I'm just curious what The Bunny posted about being left behind because that's the thing that lead me to this page...wondering WTF happened to some of the talent at Rudius that is conspicuously missing from the film.
^^^ You're wrong, lady. Mike got a girl pregnant and they're getting married.
The knock-up story was an April Fools' prank, nothing came of the "baked potato" incident, and the top friend engagement is a joke.
Now WTF did The Bunny write that was taken down?
Imagine if George Lucas had a blog--"today we worked and worked and worked and we need like three scenes to nail the movie and Mark Hamill obessed and contemplated about his role and boy did he nail it and this is going to be the biggest hit ever!!!"
Instead, Lucas & every other artist just went out and created art.
But Tucker is not an artist.
He is a boaster.
A pants-crapper.
A web 2.0 hyepster.
And that's why he isn't allowed to direct the movie with his name on it.
It's gonna suck so bad it'll be good.
BWHAHAHAHAHHAAA
Is Tucker on drugs? He's making an indie movie, right. Or is he working on some new space program. The cure for aids? His quotes are priceless. A healthy ego is one thing. He now seems like performance art or at least like he's acting like a douche on purpose.
Let's hope someone is saving all his insane predictions and delusional quotes. Comedy gold.
Yeah,
It's funny how Tucker believes what's going on during filming doesn't occur ON EVERY SINGLE MOVIE THAT'S MADE.
"Today craft service made us quesadillas, and no other film has ever had quesadillas before, so therefore this film is going to be awesome!!!"
"Matt was a little under the weather after chugging so much cock last night, so a PA got him aspirin and he felt better and really nailed an important scene where his character took a shit and said something obnoxious, this film is going to be so awesome!!!"
"Today the camera rolled, and like, no other camera does this. THis film is going to make a billion dollars and I'm going to march right into the agency that black balled me and say 'you suck, I'm awesome'"
And today we shot a scene about douchebaggery, and the douchebag playing me nailed it like nobody has ever before, and soon his name will be a household name and everyone shall look to us as the top brand of douche.
I'm at comic-con now, and it's awesome how all the cool players are here--kevin smith, zack snyder, judd apatow, frank miller--and they're all just laid back and cool and respectful of the fans and their audience, and humble.
which makes tucker's rebranding efforts even more hilarious.
tucker & big fat nils are not artists--they are legal-minded douchetard hacks--that is why the doors slammed shut on them.
You got to give the spoiled lispy agro-fag credit. He's parlayed a career out of lame ass stories about doing shots and picking up desperate young girls. What is so hard to believe about any of his stories? He's having buthssex and more sexth all the way to the bank.
yeah--tucker has to use cheap gimmicks to hype his books/films, like challenging vh1 hosts to a fight he'll never fight, and getting corporate amaerica to finance his midget escapades, where he demeans little people.
artists rely on their art.
tucker relies on douchebaggery.
now he and nils are putting their law degrees to use to try and convince you that art doesn't matter, and that from hereon out, douchebag lawyers and douchebaggery will rule hollywood supreme with a cadre of d-list actors, poop jokes, and more poop jokes, along with stories of scoring with drunk sorority girls, and poop jokes.
epic fail
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com?site0=ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com&y=r&z=3&h=300&w=470&c=1&u%5B%5D=ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com&x=2008-07-26T22%3A36%3A26.000Z&check=www.alexa.com&signature=xs7J0DJl8z1U5fSWSvFAwYseV6w%3D&range=6m&size=Medium
>>>now he and nils are putting their law degrees to use
Triple-Chin never got a law degree. He was only a paralegal. And Liar never passed the bar exam.
"I'm at comic-con now."
That...explains...so...much. Now we know who you guys are. Fwap fwap fwap, my boys, fwap fwap fwap.
Nils actually seems like a nice guy. Met him during their search for financing. I just wonder at which point he's going to snap and knock Tucker out.
Imagine being around a guy who spends every waking moment talking about himself? Of course it's funny for like three days.
I know for a fact that the director is already planning on a way to keep Tucker out of editing sessions. Let's just say that everyone is being polite.. for now.
I was just thinking about all of the great independent movies from the late 1980s and 1990s. Compare those to this piece of shit.
Tucker sucks sweaty, hairy man-ass.
bunny's post that got taken down was about her walking in on tucker and nils felching each other.
I was just thinking about all of the great independent movies from the late 1980s and 1990s. Compare those to this piece of shit.
Tucker sucks sweaty, hairy man-ass.
7/27/2008 11:03 AM
I don't know that its even about the quality of the movie anymore. I went into Borders (book and movie store) and was looking for Seven Samurai, directed by Kurosawa, and I found it, for $9.99. I looked at the other movie's prices and saw that they were selling Big Momma's House for $14.99. I could have afforded to buy it too but I'm not a big fan of tragedies.
I think Tucker will fail only if he fails in marketing. If his word-of-mouth and internet marketing strategies don't come to fruitiion he may suffer a loss and only until it goes to video and goes overseas and gets translated into spanish and every other mud language. I don't see it being a big problem for him to recoup his money once that happens. There are enough people in this world just sitting there with their mouths hanging open ready and waiting for someone to spoonfeed them shit. Tucker probably still has that silver spoon that he had in his mouth at birth around somewhere. That'll work just fine.
Hell, I'll bet half of ya'll see the movie. Personally I won't watch it at all unless its for free and even then I may refrain regardless of cost. I'm not into shit movies.
I do give Tucker props though. He's doing more with his time than a lot of people. He may be a douche, but at least he's an industrious and potentially famous douche.
p.s.
- Keep thinking about Tucker.
TAT
isn't it awesome how everything that tucker touches turns to douche?
before the start of the production, matt/jesse/whoever were just no-name, out-of-work actors for the most part.
but now, they are starting to look/act like tucker, on their way down towards oblivion:
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com
"I think Tucker will fail only if he fails in marketing. If his word-of-mouth and internet marketing strategies don't come to fruitiion he may suffer a loss and only until it goes to video and goes overseas and gets translated into spanish and every other mud language. I don't see it being a big problem for him to recoup his money once that happens. There are enough people in this world just sitting there with their mouths hanging open ready and waiting for someone to spoonfeed them shit. Tucker probably still has that silver spoon that he had in his mouth at birth around somewhere. That'll work just fine."
I dunno dude, he's up against a lot. He's basing his whole marketing plan on his Alexa traffic. He believes that everybody who comes to his site will want to pay 10+ dollars to see his movie. He's basing the fact that he has X number of "fans" who are on his message board as being a given for them to pay to see his film.
I'd say he has about 200 or so hardcore fans on RMMB. Those are definitely people who would pay to see his film. Problem is, he won't get massive national distribution. If Tucker thinks he has problems getting a cast, think about how difficult it will be for him to get his movie distributed. I think it will get distribution, but it will be at a lot of smaller, privately owned theaters. You will not be seeing this film at your local Cineplex, that's for sure. His best bet is to sell it to theaters around college campuses.
Also, it probably won't get foreign distribution. Smaller American comedies do not regularly get good foreign distribution, and add to the fact that the cast and director are kind of "no names" and you'll see that it won't get much play overseas.
Tucker is probably about two years too late with this movie. Nobody really cares about him other than college students.
It may make it's money back on DVD, but it's still an uphill climb. Unless the script is awesome, then he can forget about that as well, and as a lot of us read, his script sucked.
If Tucker is hellbent on making the brand of this ground breaking genre his name... What happens if it really does fail?
Can you recover from something like that? Can you recoup a name? Has this ever happened? With a successful turn around?
it seems that tucker is a douchebag.
why would i want to see a film about a douchebag?
One of the actors got drunk and threw up like 7 times. That's just like sooo cool.
If the movie goes the way Tucker predicts, will he be smart enough not to do the press junkets himself? On paper he's clearly funny at times, but having seen him interviewed and speak in person he really does come off as an asshole, but not in a cool way. I say let Matt and the cast do the PR and hide Tucker as much as possible because people will be let down when the meet the real article IMHO.
is it just me, or are tucker's posts getting douchier and douchier?
douchetard writes, "For example, Suki told me, on Saturday "I have worked on many movies, and this Matt...he is going places. That performance was...it was very special. I don't know many actors, even very famous ones, who could have done what he did. Remarkable." That's high high praise coming from a Bosnian."
What did he do? Fall out of a closet and break a video tape of tucker having anal during a clandestine taping? Is Matt going to do the OP and Anthony show for pub.?
Boy, is he ever going places--from TV to straight to DVD.
To 7/27/2008 10:15 AM:
I'm not at all surprised that Tucker has irritated the shit out of everyone involved in the production of IHTSBIH: The Movie.
Bob Gosse must be wondering why in the hell he ever hitched his proverbial wagon to that lying waste of flesh. I get the feeling that he'd take an Alan Smithee credit if he could get one.
I mean, Tucker's script was utter shit, his actors are mediocre at best, and his movie has been made a dozen times over, and to much better effect at that.
And I really feel for Matt Czuchry. That poor bastard made a career-ending move by becoming Tucker's simulacrum.
Tucker's little vanity project is seemingly going down the tubes before it's even completed.
How is Darko Entertainment (or whatever) feeling about their investment?
Is there anyone on set who DOESN'T hate Tucker by now?
Keeping Tucker the fuck away from the rest of the production is not only prudent, it's absolutely goddamned essential, I should think. His further involvement could only wreck an undoubtedly terrible film even more so.
I have a feeling that a whole lot of people are wondering why in the fuck they ever got mixed up with that doucebag... And I get the feeling that you're one of them.
P.S. TATguy, keep thinking about us.
tucker ought hope they serve douchebags in hell.
Y'all are going to eat your words if his movie does well.
What do you mean by "well?"
No matter how "well" the movie does or not, Tucker is what he is, defined by his actions throughout his life. No movie can change this, even if Gosse et al try to rescue the project via a massive rebranding/rewriting effort.
But can bob gosse reverse a cultural trend?
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/tuckermax.com?site0=tuckermax.com&y=r&z=3&h=300&w=470&c=1&u%5B%5D=tuckermax.com&x=2008-07-30T00%3A45%3A12.000Z&check=www.alexa.com&signature=7IrQyScJMOQPytwbbK%2FRvZMJ8Tg%3D&range=3m&size=Medium
With the declining economy, I think that subprime douchebaggery is on its way out.
Only time will tell how the movie does, but, in the meantime, we need a betting pool. I want to make some money betting against you chumps.
I think the movie will do well, BUT I still think he's a jackass. The fun part is watching him react and re-write history so that no matter what happens it happens exactly the way he planned it AND what happens is the greatest thing that ever could have happened
Straight to video = "We beat the studios at their own game and cut out the over-rated and old-mentality thought of striking film prints"
Film goes to Sundance = "We beat out 15,000 films to make it into America's biggest and best film festival against all these giant studios pretending to be indie filmmakers."
Film rejected from Sundance = "We laughed at those pretentious assholes and their smary indie bullshit festival. Snow is for eskimos and losers."
Film only plays at colleges = "We went against out-dated logic and brough this film directlt to the core audience and they loved it, and spread word of mouth like bees spread pollen helping to make book sales and dvd sales go thru the roof."
Film makes 100,000,000 = "I knew that my story and my vision would be a huge hit because I never fail and I live life by my rules. I think that what I did and the way that I handled my story and my movie was 100% the right way. The Tucker Max brand has been secured and protected. I mean... um, like it's fuckin' weird. Here I am an asshole talking about drinking and butfth sects... but whatever. i'm Tucker Max and now the world knows it."
REPORTER: "Who is Nils?"
TUCKER: "Who?"
You get the picture. But I'm glad he's making his movie. it's fun watching it play out, either way.
Good luck Tucker (asswipe) ;)
Set the terms for the betting pool, fool. I want revenue numbers; you set the amount and the source. We also need to agree upon who will hold and surrender your cash. Frankly, I think you're full of shit.
I can't believe this. I come here to see people making fun of a douchebag with tiny hands, and find a lot of you are thinking this movie is going to do well?
Really?
If this movie does well, which it won't...I repeat, it won't, then it should inspire everyone of you to write a screenplay, because i know it will be monumentally better than Tucker's script and bigger than Nil's chin(s).
^^^Maybe you haven't noticed what passes for 'art' these days. Is it really that difficult to think that this kind of movie will be popular? America's going down in flames, and the co-pilot of the plane is the entertainment industry.
if only george lucas had had youtube and flickr during the filming of star wars.
that would have rocked and made the movie franchise so much more successful by generating web2.0 buzz.
"^^^Maybe you haven't noticed what passes for 'art' these days. Is it really that difficult to think that this kind of movie will be popular? America's going down in flames, and the co-pilot of the plane is the entertainment industry."
It's a fair point, and ironic how you say that the entertainment industry is going into the shitter two weeks after the release of The Dark Knight, which is not a shitty movie...but I'll indulge:
You're right, a lot of bad movies get made, but Tucker's movie isn't bad, it's awful. Have you read the script? I have. I have even read the newest version which isn't much better.
There's no doubt Tucker is making a movie, just like there's no doubt it will be awful. But before you respond to this, think about several things:
Has Tucker ever managed to create something original and funny?
Let's examine some things:
The Sushi Pants Story’s writing style is a blatant rip-off of another drunk story he didn’t write.
http://bettershorter.com/2003/08/
The entire concept of Rudius Media is a rip-off of Gorilla Mask’s Fat Penguin Media (It’s the network that houses WWTDD and Film Drunk.) The difference is that Fat Penguin Media is a success and its lowest trafficked site gets more than tuckermax.com. Ryan, the owner is a success and Rudius isn’t, and most likely won’t ever be because it’s just not that good.
Tucker isn’t funny. He isn’t witty or clever. You’ve seen him on youtube or in the interviews he doesn’t actually have to write out, his lisp is the funniest thing about him. He talks about his new media empire and how what we’re witnessing is just the beginning, meanwhile he’s incredibly vague about what the future is…but when we get there he’ll say he predicted it all along, meanwhile he was obscure at best.
Nils isn’t funny. I mean, he is painfully unfunny.
I am 95% convinced he manipulated the NYT bestseller’s list by buying his own books from certain stores (keep in mind his book is cheap and he gets royalties from them). This isn’t unheard of, JFK did it, and so did Hubbard.
So I ask you, really, at what point would you think that Tucker and Nils could do something funny enough to appeal to people who aren’t 16 or 25 year old virgins? There isn’t a doubt in my mind about how genuinely awful this movie is going to be, because ALL of his ideas have been done before and done better and more successfully.
^^^ I agree with all the points you made. When I wrote the post you responded to, I wasn't asserting that I foresee the same things for Tucker's empire that he sees for himself. He's an uninspired, self-important hack who got very lucky.
But WHY did he get lucky? Why did his book do so well? (I also suspect that he padded his NYT-list standing somehow, by buying books in bulk, or some such nonsense; the fact remains that it has been all over the list, which draws attention to him - and attention is what this is all about for him, anyhow) Why has he been able to secure funding for his movie? Why does he have a buzz in Hollywood, however faint it might be?
My thrust these last months has been this: it doesn't matter how well Tucker does; it doesn't matter if he tops the charts with this movie, and secures for himself a place among Hollywood's elite. My thrust is that his 'art' is still rubbish, his 'message' is still a lie, and he ultimately isn't doing anything to make the world a better place. Sales figures, popularity, and fame do nothing to change these truths.
In modern western culture, bullshit sells. That's all there is to it. That's why (good) indie music is better art than what's at the top of the Billboard charts. It's why (real) indie films are generally better than their studio counterparts. It's why the best literature is hard to find and isn't talked about, while the NYT bestseller list is top-heavy with derivative, unoriginal tripe. And in that environment, it's not hard to envision Tucker finding success, because he embodies all the things that are wrong with modern popular culture.
The issue isn't how successful he ends up making himself, in terms of financial security and notoriety. The issue is that, even if he 'gets to the top', he's still not creating anything ultimately meaningful or worthwhile. The landscape of history is littered with the names and 'achievements' of men who mistook fame and wealth for greatness. Unless he radically alters his course, he is destined to be, at best, another one of those innumerable inconsequential ciphers, destined to come and go and ultimately be forgotten.
Unfortunately for him, wealth and fame, if it comes, will be enough to convince him of his own greatness. That, my friend, is what makes Tucker deluded. The deeper he gets into the 'fame game', the less anyone on earth will ever be able to convince him that he's NOT great.
Tucker is a product of our fiat monetary system.
He is the soul of corporate-america and academia.
As the economy, the NY-times, academia, civility, the family, and truth decline, Tucker rises.
But Tucker & Nils are completely ignorant of all this, seeing one-foot in front of them. And thus they can't see around the next corner.
Tucker totally manipulated the system. Ask Luke Heidelberger, he's got boxes full of IHTSBIH in his nice new home in Jersey.
I'm really surprised Luke hasn't come forward and called bullshit on Tucker. He totally got fucked over by him. Why don't you think you see Mr. Jake on TMMB anymore.
Tucker's good job reference can't mean that much.
^^^^^^^^
I have heard the same thing, that Tucker bought a number of copies of his own book to get on the NYT Best Seller list and then sold those books back to places like B&N and Virgins.
It's going to really be funny when the "success" of all his book sales turns into a total FAIL at the box office.
^^^ Well-put.
Tucker envisions himself as...we... a visionary, because he believes it's his destiny to demonstrate that one can 'buck' the 'old system' and rise to a level of success in so doing.
What he doesn't understand is that he is a small part of a much larger 'machine' that is rebelling against the very system that gives people the power to rebel. The only reason these people and institutions have any power to act at all is because of the value-system they are trying to destroy. The values that made America great are the values that this 'machine' is trying, with all its fervor, to do away with: the family as the basic societal unit, the golden rule, the denial of personal gratification in the interest of contributing to the greater good - all of these things are completely antithetical to what the entertainment industry, the media monster, popular culture, and the 'new values' are engineered to bolster. They are literally devouring the hand that has fed them, and sadly, they won't realize it - and neither will those who 'buy' what they are 'selling'- until it's too late.
I remember Tucker writing a diatribe against postmodernism a few years ago, arguing that there is absolute truth. He doesn't know what he's talking about, really, but he's absolutely right in spite of himself, and whether he realizes it or not, he's going to have to trade those ideals in for a different set in order to find success with what he's chosen to do. Why? Because the only way Tucker's 'artistry' really works as art is if 'what feels good is right', if individual preference dictates real value, and if popular opinion determines legitimacy. Well... it isn't, it doesn't, and no amount of 'success' in the hollywood sense will ever change that. Unfortunately for Tucker, he's completely sold-out to his vision of personal destiny, but those of us who see through his garbage can take solace in the fact that, in the end, even though the villian seems to prosper and the least-worthy often seem to find the greatest success, truth is ALWAYS the final arbiter of history's winners and loser. In short, their glory is but for a season, and this, too, shall pass.
How many times a day do you guys think Tucker comes to read this blog?
Twice? Five times?
What happened to Luke Heidelberger? How did Tucker fuck him over?
Let's get one thing straight though: Tucker does have some measure of talent (such that it is). His problem is his attitude. The man is full of shit! He's incredibly insecure, which is why he's so careful in how he portrays himself. Eventually the mainstream media will get a hold of Tucker for a few laughs, cruxify him, and then his blog will degenerate into blatently delusional ravings. You read it here first, folks.
I don't know who this guy is, but it seems pretty clear that he knows Tucker personally:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/nest/113316909?p=1
A story, huh?
Here's one for you:
Once upon a time, there was an utterly unremarkable douchebag named Tucker Max who grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. He was unable to pass a bar exam and become a properly-licensed attorney, and so he decided to find some other way to become a drain on society.
Finally, he hit upon a brilliant scheme to avoid becoming a responsible hard-working adult: make up a bunch of mildly amusing stories that featured scatology, inebriation, and promiscuity, and pass them off as true accounts of his exploits.
At first, everything went swimmingly. The douchebag found a ready-made audience of teenagers, frat boys, and similarly intellectually-deficient types who hung on his every word because they had neither the acumen or inclination to question the veracity of his outlandish tales. And he saw that it was good...
As time went by, the douchebag garnered more and more notoriety, and began to attract the attention of various media outlets. Now normally, this would be a good thing. But in Tucker's case, scrutiny is not his friend, so after a series of embarrassing incidents, such as getting clowned on a radio show for his obvious fabrications, lisping the immortal phrase "I'm not even the cooletht one of my freindth" on Fox News, and participating in a miserable failure of a radio endeavour of his own, the douchebag decided that exposure in uncontrolled environments was hindering his ability to keep his mongolioid fans oblivious as to the fictional nature of his "true" stories.
Now most talented people welcome exposure in third-party media. Tucker, being possessed of precisely as much talent as a tuber of some sort, shunned this expanded coverage, retreated to his website, and began to attempt to ply his douchbaggery in the hills of Hollywood.
He soon found that successful people recognize a charlatan from a mile away, having run across numerous such types in their rise to the top, and that serious individuals working in the entertainment industry can't stand a self-aggrandizing idiot with no discernable talent. Yet even this potentialy career-ending setback did not discourage our douchebag protagonist. He managed to woo some executives at Comedy Central with his fabrications, and for a time, it was good.
But then Tucker went a little too far, and insisted that he knew better as to what the American television viewer prefers than people who had been working in the television industry for decades. After all, who the hell were THEY to question his vision? He was Tucker Max, New York Times Best Selling Author, and nobody was going to tell him where to go or what to do with his material, goddamnit, and those idiot TV executives could go to hell if they didn't understand how revolutionary and groundbreaking his material was.
So, in a ritual that has been repeated since time immemorial (OK, since the early 1900s, to be fair) Tucker quickly learned what an intelligent person would have surmised all along: DO NOT PISS HOLLYWOOD OFF. He soon found that all of the doors to Hollywood fame and fortune the were previously so accessable had been slammed shut, and permanently. He rapidly learned that "blacklist" is not just an historical relic to be utilized when discussing the McCarthy era. But this did not concern the douchebag, no, demonstrating the tenacity of a rabid pit bull, he persevered, and eventually found some gullible idiots, fringe players, really, who were willing to take a gamble on his confabulations.
And so he unceremoniously discarded everyone and anyone who helped him get to that point, packed up, went to Shreveport, and started to make a movie. But then a funny thing happened... His antics were just as off-putting to people who had actually worked in the film industry as they were to anyone else. In short order, he alienated everyone involved with the production of "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", to the point that the director and financiers are hellbent on keeping him as far away from the post-production process as possible.
I'll let the epilogue write itself. I'm sure that nothing that *I* could fabricate could begin to approach the epic grandeur of Tucker's impending failure. I thought that the Comedy Central thing would have killed this douchebag's career, but the inevitable failure of IHTSBIH: The Movie will be his ultimate undoing. Tucker will retreat (again) to his mongoloid fanboys, play the website out for all that it's worth, and get a real job out of necessity when he hits 40, 45 tops.
imagine if douchebag law students ran hollywood...
I love that he's now embracing the narcissist label, like it's a good thing.
Also, I'm thinking that Bunny might be on the verge of being done with him. I stopped feeling sorry for her a long time ago. She knows what she's doing. She keeps setting herself up for it.
"http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/nest/113316909?p=1"
Whomever write this is definitely in the know about what Tucker is up to.
A critique of IHTSBIH by The Script Reader:
http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thescriptreader/2008/07/29/the-tucker-max-movie-idiots-delight/
^HAHAHAHAH
Hey Tucker, is this the "tipping point" you were speaking of?
Holy crap - what a find. How long until Tuckster does damage control for this, like he did when the script leaked?
"Dude, that was, like, version 7.2 of the script, dude. Like, we're on version 9.4, dude, and it's, like, totally different."
Thanks for posting this, anonymous!
You wanna see Tucker's damage control? Read the first comment on that site:
"James K on July 29th, 2008 3:54 pm
I disagree. This was one of the most intelligent scripts I’ve ever read, which I felt was surprising considering the subject matter. Normally, you have to imagine that ‘this will be funny on screen’ and give the jokes that sort of cushion. Like the book, the words on the page actually contain humor and make you laugh - no imagination, no situational comedy, and so on (although that’s there, it’s extra).
And who do you know anyway? Getting a script when the movie is half-way through production is nothing to brag about."
Sounds like Ryan Holiday.
Tucker plans to get his "comeuppance" with The Script Reader when his piece of shit movie comes out--which it won't.
Tucker and his small gang of moderators delete about 30% of the posts on his message board. It's a nice way to keep the place in step with the main goal: Tucker Max is in control. But it seems he believes what he reads there and forgets that any disenting voice is silenced the moments they post, so he never sees or hears the truth.
It was very sad to read how he attacked his friend jojo on his message boards for pointing out the truth about Tucker. Of course Tucker deleted the exchange between them minutes later. Why? Because it's all about Honesty.
I can only imagine the people on his film set who see him walking around in flip flops holding a football like a nine year old boy would love nothing more than to knock him out.
Tucker believes he represents a silent majority of people who are interested in the subjects he explores, the lifestyles he represents, etc. That's his rationale for why his book has done well, why so many people in Hollywood are buzzing about him now, etc. etc. And, as he has said himself, he thinks he's like the 'underdog', where all the odds seem to be against him, yet he succeeds anyhow. That ethereal dynamic, he believes, is what's going to make this movie epically successful, and launch his career.
That, and the fact that he (and his hanger's on) has rationalized his success into somehow tapping a larger, more profound truth than just some guy telling drunk stories: this 'do what you want and be honest' thing.
A critique of IHTSBIH by The Script Reader:
http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thescriptreader/2008/07/29/the-tucker-ma
"Tucker plans to get his "comeuppance" with The Script Reader when his piece of shit movie comes out--which it won't."
Seriously?
somebody needs to post either the jojo-tucker exchange or bunny's post asap.
And what happened to mrjake? Let's hear about all the friends Tucker has burned.
Here's the OLD script again, for anyone who hasn't seen it:
http://rapidshare.com/files/104350531/script.doc.html
"Did you just not care about graduating
with Order of the Queef?
"
AHAHAHA YOU GUYS GET IT?! BECAUSE THE LACKEY ISNT AS SMART AS TUCKER AND WOULDN'T KNOW IT WAS COIF!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH LORD!
This is the best screenplay ever.
This is like watching a car accident in slow motion--you see the disaster coming but there is nothing you can do to stop it.
So they've changed the script to take out the awkward & unbelieveable FU scene in at the start to substitute a scene where they can show some T&A; really, really revolutionary.
And then Tucker added the midget scene b/c who doesn't like midgets? Aren't they funny!
Unless Tucker & Nils suddenly became funny overnight, it is possible that the script actually got worse.
Darko has two movies in production right now--one with Vin Rhames & a 2-3 other known actors, and IHTSBIH: which do you think will actually get some distribution & play in theaters?
TATguy, I'm thinking about Tucker.
But then again, so are you.
Think about us thinking about Tucker, and in return I promise to think about you thinking about us thinking about Tudker.
A critique of IHTSBIH by The Script Reader:
http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thescriptreader/2008/07/29/the-tucker-ma
Here's the OLD script again, for anyone who hasn't seen it:
http://rapidshare.com/files/104350531/script.doc.html
TATguy, I'm thinking about Tucker.
But then again, so are you.
Think about us thinking about Tucker, and in return I promise to think about you thinking about us thinking about Tudker.
8/01/2008 12:10 PM
I assure you I am not thinking about Tucker. In fact all of the obscure names and facts ya'll bring up in here are entirely unknown to me. I am thinking about ya'll though, I guess, since I still post here occasionally and check here at least once a day during work. I don't accept your deal though. You offered to think about me if I think about you. I will think about you, but in return I want you to think about Tucker.
TAT
ooh... so the opening scene is now tucker fucking a girl so loudly that the cops are called? That sounds an awful lot like a story a frat brother told him during the IHTSBIH tour. I guess when half your life is fiction, it's hard to remember what parts you invented and which parts you just stole outright.
Coming soon - the missing Bunny blog post!
"Five years, think about that..."
post that shit nigga
Five Years New window
Date: Thursday, 17 Jul 2008 17:01
Think about that...five years. Long time, aint it? Think of all the things you could accomplish if you kept your head in one place for five whole years, focused all your energy toward one goal, really made your life about this one accomplishment.
Now, what if it wasn't your goal? And what if you did all that work for someone else? And say you got to the end of that five year time period, and you were totally exhausted, mentally spent, hundreds upon hundreds of hours taken from you, and it still was not enough. Never enough. You didn't get the big diet coke. You didn't get the right ice. You were around when someone contridicted. You didn't do the laundry correctly. You dared to speak when washing poop off a dog that doesn't belong to you, that you are not responsible for. You dared to exist. You dared to think that a movie project that would unequivocally NOT EXIST were it not for your endless, tireless, ceaseless efforts, would be a fun thing to watch come to fruition. You dared to expect a "Thanks for all your hard work." You dared to expect any damn thing.
That's me. I'm pathetic. Who feels sooooooorrrry for me? Do you feel bad for me? Why? I did it to my damn self. Dumbass. Time to walk.
I need a hug so bad I could puke.
well that's odd.
that post was written *after* it was pulled down.
From his blog:
"But he is playing me, so he not only has to act, he has to become someone he has very little in common with in his personal experience. And beyond that, he has to play a character that has never really been before in modern cinema."
What is this character he is talking about? Has anyone here actually read the script?
Basically, the character is a rough sex loving Ferris Bueller. So yes, the character has been done before.
Anybody know where to find the Kung Fu Mike/Cloud Starchaser fight video?
Bunny's blog:
http://reader.feedshow.com/show_items-feed=535c41cba442dd9c435df585314bd962
Sorry, that didn't work.
HREF="http://reader.feedshow.com/show_items-feed=535c41cba442dd9c435df585314bd962">Here it is.
Okay, so... my HTML skillz aren't hawt.
HREF="http://reader.feedshow.com/show_items-feed=535c41cba442dd9c435df585314bd962">Maybe This will work
*sigh*... o...kay...
Type this:
http://reader.feedshow.com/
Then this:
show_items-feed=535c41cba442dd9c435df585314bd962
Oh, Bunny.
You should realize by now that nothing you put on the internet is gone forever. Nothing.
"And beyond that, he has to play a character that has never really been before in modern cinema."
Jesus christ, it's like he gets more delusional by the day.
I can't wait for the excuses to start. "The distributors fucked us on this movie, but it's impressive that despite that we still almost made our money back. For the next movie, we've signed up with an awesome studio that shares our vision."
bunny is pretty much your typical abusive-boyfriend-loving, molested-as-a-child, fucked in the head psycho. she'll back with tucker when the film flops and he's back to being broke and sucking dick for spare change.
I think it's funny how everyone who lets Tucker touch them turns into a douchebag.
This is why you see smart, successful Hollywood players staying the hell away, slamming doors, and not taking his calls.
Tucker almost brought viacom down, and he still might.
I love the conversation on The Script Reader's blog-
“Scott on August 2nd, 2008 12:12 am
….something that was mentioned more than once caught my eye. Marc, you and someone else mentioned steps being taken to lock Tucker out of the post production process.
Would you elaborate? I’m interested, and honestly skeptical, because it seems like you don’t get along with anyone who might be able to provide that information. I’m interested to know how one comes by that kind of inside info, without connection to the film.”
Sure Scott,
It’s all a game of “perhaps” on the internet, and I can understand you being skeptical, this is the internet afterall. I won’t reveal my sources, but Hollywood is a very small town. It’s sort of like high school, only for adults, and things have a way of getting back to people.
Perhaps I know somebody in the know on the set.
Perhaps that person is somebody in the production company who is making the film.
Perhaps this person from that production company thought it was a HUGE mistake to make this film and thought Tucker was full of shit from the beginning and his “art” doesn’t fit in with THEIR brand image.
Perhaps that during preproduction it became clear that dealing with Tucker was a job in itself, that the guy who has no idea what he’s doing believes he is calling all the shots.
Perhaps that production company saw what Tucker was writing, and how he was taking credit for things he shouldn’t be (like raising 6 million dollars by himself, which is a flat out lie).
Perhaps that company realizes that Tucker’s “vision” is going to hurt the film overall, that he’s overbearing, doesn’t get along with talent or the director, and that him being in the edit would 1) be a huge pain in the ass 2) costly in both time and money.
Perhaps those guys in that production company have told a few people in Hollywood (did I mention that Hollywood is like high school?).
Perhaps those people are now telling that production company “I told you so”. Perhaps they realize that the only thing Tucker is really doing is getting in the way of the real professionals on the movie.
Perhaps they are now telling those in Hollywood that they couldn’t stand to spend 4-5 months stuck in an edit room with somebody who is a pain in the ass, doesn’t know what he’s doing and is overly demanding.
Perhaps since the production company raised the money for the movie, they have control over who does and doesn’t get into the edit.
Perhaps they have their lawyers looking for ways to get him out of the edit so they can come up with a viable film from Tucker’s awful script without his input.
Anyway, regardless of what you think of this story, there are already major problems going on with the movie.
Vincenzo on August 2nd, 2008 10:57 am
"here’s what I know:
Tucker has attempted to grab the reins of the film, and “take charge of his creative vision” and has gotten in Bob Gosse’s way so much that Bob almost wants to take a modern-day Alan Smithee credit (the name Alan Smithee is no longer used… now psuedonyms are assigned on a case by case basis) so that when this trainwreck of a film is roundly derided, it won’t end Gosse’s career.
The only things that are possibly preventing him from doing so are the performance of Matt Czuchry, who by all accounts is doing a wonderful job, and the fact that thanks to IMDB, an alternate credit doesn’t mean what it used to, because anyone can find out about your involvement in a project at any time through Google cache even if IMDB scrubs their site.
Tucker is doing things like giving the actors instructions for blocking that expose alternate cameras, complaining that “this scene needs to happen like this, because that’s the way that it really happened” as if A: it matters and B: as if any of this bullshit happened in the first place. Not to mention that everyone on set is getting a little (read: a lot) sick of Tucker Max’s bragging about his fictional exploits during each and every shooting break.
Oh, and Keri Pratt can’t stand Tucker. If she didn’t need the work, she would have quit this project, though I think she’s done shooting her scenes by now. I think she started to hate him when he clumsily hit on her. Tucker insulted her intelligence by insinuating that since she was a beauty queen, she must be dumb, because after all, he dated a beauty queen once, and they’re all the same. Fortunatley for Tucker, by all accounts she’s such a sweet person that she would never tell him straight out that she hates him… Maybe it’s unfortunate, though, because getting cut down a few pegs would probably do wonders for his extreme ego issues."
Also from that thread:
" 93. thescriptreader on August 3rd, 2008 7:52 am
this argument is going great without me by now, but in the interest of full disclosure, since i’m the one who gets sent the ip addresses of all the comments, i just wanted to put in that one camp in this argument tends to list real email addresses (which only i see), often from reputable film companies or studios, and to post their credible information consistently under whatever name they’ve chosen to use on this site, from a consistent, unique IP address. the other camp of arguers tends to post several comments in a row under different names, but all from the same IP address/computer. Only had time to go back 30 comments when i noticed this was happening so can’t speak for the entire thread, but two guesses as to which camp does which. hint: gina, anon and suckermax lies all appear to be the same person."
Hahahaha BUSTED!
I noticed how "Gene" aka Gina suddenly dropped out of the thread when asked the names of the Key Grip, DP, and Prop Master. I'm not sure if that was Tucker or Ryan, as I wouldn't expect Tucker to have the EQ to remember the names of the key production staff.
I enjoyed this revealing Gina post as well: And since I’m surrounded by fancy “Hollywood Insiders”–oh goody!–can anybody tell me why 98 percent of your films fucking blow, and my wallet feels anally raped every time I go to see one of your piece of shit, derivative, clunky, trite, predictable products? That is definitely a man's voice, something that Tucker clearly doesn't understand, after having read his pathetic script.
The only question in my mind is whether Brett Meisner is deluded, or a comedy act. I would have said that he's the latter, but I couldn't help but notice that he's managed to stay within character for several years now. Could someone really be that dedicated to Internet performance art? It is pretty inspiring!
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21503&page=6
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/
showthread.php?t=21503&page=6
Looks like someone finally posted a link to the film industry bloggers site...let's see how long this lasts before Tucker deletes it...
"Brett Meisner" is an act. He is a made up character that a writer/actor in Hollywood came up with to make fun of the music industry. He is always on the wrong side of any argument on purpose.
His humor is very tongue-in-cheek, but when you think about it, he's a genius for going after Tucker Max.
"Looks like someone finally posted a link to the film industry bloggers site...let's see how long this lasts before Tucker deletes it..."
It's gone.
Gina so = Bunny; it sounds just like her. It's obvious Ryan is also posting.
Gawker also picked up on scriptreader's story:
http://gawker.com/5032804/the-kind-of-asshole-that-all-of-his-asshole-friends-love
You have to be approved to be a Gawker commenter, so no chance of Tucker/Bunny/Ryan/anyone other Rudius losers trying to convince us of Tucker's "genius".
I love this comment on Gawker:
"officegirl at 04:25 PM
I don't believe that there was frat in college who did not ban this guy from their parties by the time graduation rolled around....And not because he was banging anyone's hot girlfriend or making awesomely humorous simulatenously cruel jokes while loaded on Busch Light, but because he was constantly puking everywhere like the socially-alienated loser he apparently still is. Note: Being banned from a University of Chicago frat house for nuisance factor alone = a challenging level of lameness to achieve."
And then she clarifies:
officegirl at 04:36 PM
i not speaking hypothetically - i went to college with this dork. he was not a frat dude and was hated by them. and they were not cool either. that was my point.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=21503&page=6
Let's see how long it lasts THIS time.
It's gone again.
Finally the internet has caught on. It's hip to make fun of Tucker Max.
I hope you're happy you guys started the trend.
Hahahahahaha,
Somebody linked the Gawker story (which doesn't contain any spoilers about the movie) on RMMB and it was taken down by Tucker himself (who is really busy making his movie btw).
His reason for taking the link to the Gawker story down: NO SPOILERS.
Fucking douchebag.
Can you blame him? I mean, when people that knew him in college or law school say he's a douchebag and full of shit, it kind of spoils it for all the vicarious virgins.
Yeah dude,
It would spoil the fun if his readers found out that Tucker is making a shit film.
Tis is why Tucker is a douchebag. He preaches about being honest with yourself, yet is dishonest about his own work. If his film is that good, then any and all criticism (good and bad) would make it on his site. For years he has insulated himself from that sort of stuff, and now he's got to realize people are no longer laughing with him.
WHat I think he's going to do is exactly what he did with Amazon. Have him and his friends give GREAT LIFE=ALTERING REVIEWS about the movie on places like IMDB.
I really believe he's too fargone by now to even see how full of shit he is.
Its funny, Tucker says on the first post of the "Reviews thread"
Qoute TM "As we continue to build out the site for the movie, one of the things we will do is link every review or discussion of the movie we can find online. Good or bad, it doesn't matter what people say, as long as they talk about the movie, we will link it (and of course, I don't give a shit if the writer is a notable film critic or just some dude with a blogspot site, we will link you, everyone knows the critic is dead anyway).
------------------------------------
Yet another straight up lie!
The other thing I like is how many times TM has said that everything about his movie is so "New, Revolutionary, and never been done before" but if you look at (Watch) his latest blog post about "Filming in a car" His Keygrip that set up the rig says about 5 times. "This is being done the SAME as EVERY car scene you've seen in EVERY MOVIE ever made"
I guess the revolution has begun!
4:54 P.M.
"Finally the internet has caught on. It's hip to make fun of Tucker Max.
I hope you're happy you guys started the trend."
Yeah, all day I've been laughing my ASS off at the gawker comments, and on The Script Reader's page, especially at the guys with the behind-the-scenes info saying that all of Hollywood thinks that Tucker Max is a douce, and that the production crew can't stand him.
It's like I've been vindicated for my long-held belief that this lying fuckwit would one day get what was coming to him. For nearly two years I've been coming to this blog... I hated Tucker before it became cool.
TATguy, there sure are a lot of people "thinking about Tucker" now, aren't there?
Cockly McBeefwell, wherever you are, I'd just like to thank you for starting this blog. You once said, "The Purpose of The Blog Is To Expose Tucker Max As A Douchebag...Sooner or later your hero will be exposed to his Internet followers as a liar and a douchebag (if he hasn't already).
The true believers in Tucker's bullshit will never admit that he's full of shit but the majority of the internet now knows that Tucker Max is indeed a liar and a doucebag (as we spell it here up in this piece).
Mission accomplished.
Viva la doucebag-blog!
Tucker's film is revolutionary in that no douchebag this big has ever made a film before.
That's saying a lot.
Viva le douchebag blog
Viva nosotros, por la exposicion de la "doucebag" que se llama "Tucker Max".
In English:
"Long Live We, For Our Exposition Of The Doucebag Who Calls Himself Tucker Max."
We did it, people. We did it. Our years of perseverence in hating this faggot (no offense intended, my gay friends) have finally borne fruit.
Tucker Max is a Doucebag. And finally, everyone knows it.
My brothers and sister, WE DID IT!
Sister"S", but you get the idea... Unlike Tucker, some of us DO drink every day.
Yol Bolsun, brothers and Sisters.
Yol Bolsun.
(Look it up)
BUFthSEXth
Petteded a dog
worft radioss showsf evah
dads restsaurantsssfth
Bunny likes abufisives
my dogss are dumf
There's nothing wrong with Tucker that a solid, old-fashioned beating wouldn't fix. After one simple blanket party, Tucker would be a beautiful human being.
That's way too much work, and more than the guy is worth.
Honestly, I want you to consider that idea.
You're implying that this is the only time his movie is going to bashed. I promise you. I promise to GOD it is going to be hysterical, but in the worst ways possible.
It isn't necessary. Trust me.
Oh, God, even better. Gawker on the script. You've gotta see this:
http://gawker.com/5033233/tucker-maxs-movie-script-embarrassing-bro
"Yesterday we put out a call for the viciously panned script of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, the upcoming film written by I-totally-fucked-that-chick blogger Tucker Max. We immediately received about a dozen copies of the script, which is apparently being forwarded around Hollywood like a list of bad lawyer jokes. I also could have said "like herpes," and I could also follow up by joking that the script is about as funny as a bad lawyer with herpes, haha. Friends, it opens with Tucker Max fucking a deaf girl and screaming "DON'T TAZE ME, BRO!." It is that bad. After the jump, three of the most terrible moments from the film's first half. Jesus, bro:"
It gets better from there.
It's 14:59, Tucker. You fucked up bad this time, you lying waste of flesh.
tucker just said that the lowest form of life in hollywood is a script reader.
actually, it's a duke law douchebag who lies and hypes and twists and contorts, while jeremy ruby strauss profits from it.
I'll be honest....the segments that Gawker posted are way better than anything from the original leaked script. Not that that says much, but still.
TATguy, there sure are a lot of people "thinking about Tucker" now, aren't there?
Finally!
Keep Thinking About Tucker!
Did "Tucker" and "Nils" make fun of a guy named "Logan"???
Calm. Eddie. Gold.
Tucker fans are getting eviscerated on the script reader blog.
This is great.
I don't think I've ever laughed out loud at anything this much in one day in my 26 years.
Tucker's script is getting ripped on practically universally, and more and more websites are picking it up. Tomorrow it will be another one. Another one or two the day after...
The doucebag can't hope to contain this. The word is rapidly spreading that his script might result in a film that is a serious contender for the worst film ever.
It'll sweep the '09 Razzies, I can guarantee you that.
-Tucker Max Fail
-adverb
To fail in a spectacular fashion, to fail epically, to fail in a seemingly unimaginable way
Don't y'all see what's happening here? This isn't a victory for the anti-Tucker people...
...Tucker's getting press, and that's all he cares about.
Y'all have a lot to learn.
Y'all got a point. Y'all remember how the Opie & Anthony debacle really helped Tucker. Y'all... oh wait.
@ 2:28 P.M.
Contrary to that old canard "There's no such thing as bad publicity" there is in fact such a thing as bad publicity.
Right now, Tucker Max is getting some extremely bad, potentially carrer-ending publicity.
Couldn't have happened to a nicer doucebag.
It's not career ending, just funny as fuck.
In the end, it's just Gawker's opinion and some screenplay critic. It's too early to see where this goes, but this is going to be a lot more entertaining than his actual movie.
in the end it's just a douchebag named tucker and another fat douchebag named nils.
it's easy to see where this is going.
tucker's movie is about as revolutionary as the guys from Blur Of Insanity were ..... in 1999.... and went straight to dvd.
(for real, check it out www.blurofinsanity.com and no I'm not plugging their site for any other reason but to show you that he's just another flash in the pan like they were)
Remember king midas?
Well Tucker is like him, except everyting he touches turns to douche, like the careers of matt churchskii and bob.
GILMORE GIRLS WEIGH IN--the following is from:
http://www.gilmoregirlsnews.com/2008/07/20/matt-czuchry-talks-ihtsbih/
Is anyone else at all wondering why on earth Matt would associate himself with a guy like Tucker Max? If you read this link (http://www.penguinblogs.ca/davidson/archives/00000079.html) it gives you some of the gory details of the kind of things Tucker Max is, and he’s a broken, broken person who has wandered about hurting others and capitalized on it.
I get that Tucker has a human side (I’d bet that he was either completely ignored or overindulged in all the wrong ways in his upbringing), and at best, I guess Matt can see that and is willing to work with that. But for someone who is often referred to as a kind and decent person (like Matt is) I don’t get the decision to team up with Tucker Max.
It just doesn’t seem like a good move. It certainly makes me question his judgement. Maybe he was desperate for work, but tying yourself so intimately to someone who’s a complete misanthrope, and exceptionally proud of his useless lifestyle, just doesn’t seem like a good move.
It seems like Matt fans are all like: “Great! Matt’s the lead in the movie.” But is anyone else out there like: “why on earth is he doing this movie?”
http://www.gilmoregirlsnews.com/2008/07/20/matt-czuchry-talks-ihtsbih/
Well, he's a c-list out of work actor on his way out of town anyway...
Hey,
Everybody here is talking about the movie! If Mc Beefwell came back and made just one more new post (Please Cocky where are you) about the movie it would qualify for the "Discussion, reviews, blah, blah" thread on Tuckers blog.
Call it "The tucker Max movie post" Thats all. Tucker says he doesn't care if your just a blogger he'll post it. Please Coclky, one more post.
Oh yeah,
Q:What has more Chins then a Chinese telephone book?
A: Nils
Q: What has more Rolls then a bakery?
A: (Again) Nils.
This ones weak,
Q: What's the same as as a big, fat, huge, douchebag, looking elephant?
A: Nils
Awesome!!
http://gawker.com/5033601/tucker-max-seeks-large+titted-woman-who-is-turned-on-by-being-an-object
"Will be in scene with Matt Czuchry, Jesse Bradford, and Geoff Stults, so actresses must be good enough to hold their own onscreen with them."
Isn't it funny how Czuchry, Bradford, and Stults were once c-list actors you never heard about nor cared about, but now they're starting to look like washed-up, aging douchebags?
I mean they're not even as good as orlando bloom and frodo and toby mcguire.
Tucker's movie might of had a chance with orlando, frodo, and spiderman; but not with the current cast of c-list douchebags, who will at best do ok in bringing out tucker's unmanly ways.
I love how Tucker's new tactic is to imply that the script leaks and bad blog reviews are all part of his master plan, a brilliant guerilla advertising campaign. Um, yeah, sure it is. That's why, when the old version of the script leaked months ago, Tucker first claimed it wasn't real then that it was on old, outdated version and the version they were using was so much better. Is it possible that this is the most brilliant advertising ever? Yes. Is it probable? Not at all.
Actually, I hope the version on Gawker and the Script Reader blog IS a fake. The excerpts are so amazingly awful that I really fear for Tucker's sanity (and those of his financial backers) if they thought what was written was a hilarious/groundbreaking script. No one can be that out-of-touch with reality, right?
Tucker is getting crazier to the point where it's almost sad. I love it.
He planned all this out? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
It's funny because he openly admits he would've have given the filmblogger the time of day if Gawker hadn't picked up on it.
Unless that's just another facet of the tangled genius web that is Tucker's plan!
^^^^
Bah, "wouldn't have"
Douchebag writes, "I have to admit, I love this scenario so much--it is 8-14 months away from the movie being released, and everyone is talking about it. This is so awesome. That's the best part of being controversial--you can spend a tenth of what something vanilla has to spend, and get the same results. God bless everyone who hates me, they draw more attention to me than I do to myself."
We don't hate Tucker--we're simply pointing out that he is a douchebag.
It's Tucker who hates us and the truth.
That's why he spends so much time and money banning us and the truth from his message board.
So whta is Tucker makes a couple bucks and has sex with a couple whores. It will never make up for the supreme hate he feels for us, the truth, and God.
and Marine's wives!
I don't see how he's controversial. Like, 99% of the internet says his screenplay is awful. How is that controversial?
Now on Gawker they have a line from the script with proof that he plagarized a line from Overheard in New York.
"Now on Gawker they have a line from the script with proof that he plagarized a line from Overheard in New York."
PROVE IT
http://gawker.com/5033788/expression-creep
wait a minute...
I don't want to read that abortion again (it was so boring I skimmed through a lot of it the first time...), but I thought Jade (Jada much?) was one of the top 2 or 3 girls... Did he massively rewrite it, or did another actress drop out?
more words of wisdom from http://www.vanityspy.com/2008/08/eva-herzigova-makes-me-want-to-got-to-italy/
"The confidence that is exuded from the Tucker Max character in his terrible book is merely a fantasy to thre real Tucker Max. He’s not good looking enough, smart enough or charismatic enough to live the pretend life of which he writes. If you read something here - it happened as it was written. Or, at the very least, it’s as close to fact as possible when dealing with my hazy memory. Tucker Max is a douche and his script sucks. I’ll post it here for you to download soon. Trust me, you will be in total agreement."
Hahahahaha,
First off, how the fuck is Tucker even have the time to write on his message board if he's busy producing the film? He's updating every 5 minutes. Best guess is that the adults finally told him to get the fuck out of their way so they can do real work.
Also, Tucker is now hinting that the Scriptreader is a plant, and that he totally leaked the script out so people would read it, hate it, and it would give him bad press, and it would mean his film would become more popular.
Sure, it might have put him on the map on Gawker, but seriously, does he think ANY of their readers are going to read it now?
Does he not understand the difference between GOOD and BAD press, and how the leaked script has people laughing AT HIM not WITH HIM?
THis is all part of his master plan, just like his script is "revolutionary".
Gawker really needs to start printing excepts from TMMB of what he's saying, it's comedy gold.
It's damage control by Tucker. He isn't that clever. The nervousness and volume of his recent posts speak for themselves.
I suppose he stole all his lines from other movies, books, and people to give him bad press and make it popular. Also, he didn't write a good script because then people wouldn't hate it and give him bad press.
The guy playing Tucker is Matt Cuzychry or however the fuck you spell his name.
The joke that is going around is that he is literally one of the biggest homos in Hollywood. How incredibly fitting. -- Gawker Comment
---
All five of us--me, Nils, Geoff, Jesse and Matt--are about the same age, about the same intelligence, all straight, all former athletes, and all love to have fun. -- Tucker
Notice how he mentions they're all straight. Yet ragged on this douchebag for mentioning that he's not gay. I guess Matt's straight like Tucker and Nils are athletes.
^^^
In Nils case, I'm not sure that being a grand champion in pie-eating contests makes one an "athlete".
Because, you know, he's fat.
Like really really really fucking fat.
I was in the Wilmington, DE train station (and yes, I realize how pathetic that statement is) this past weekend waiting for a train. Stopped by the bookstore there and, lo and behold, next to the copies of trashy romance novels featuring pictures of Fabio and other shirtless dudes, was Tucker's book. At first I was a bit puzzled, "here? really? Why would it be in a dump like this?" but then it hit me, the one place you are guaranteed to find Tucker's book is at bookstores in airports/train stations. Every such store I've been in the past year or so has it, and judging from other comments around here, it's a pretty common sight at others (to the extent that Tucker will even lie about how prominently it's placed). Quite simply, it's selling the fuck out of airport bookstores!
I believe therein lies the explanation for why Tucker's book has been on the NY Times Best Seller list for so long. First, all the usual caveats. It's the Extended List not the main list. And even here, Tucker lies, despite a release date of January 2006 (or just over 2.5 years ago), Tucker claims it has been on the list for "3 years". Even this rounding error masks a larger lie, it has only been on the list 43 weeks, or roughly 1/3 of the time it's been in print (a little less actually). But the important thing is that I finally realized why it is selling the way it does: captive audiences.
People about to board a plane (or train) are literally staring down multiple hours of being confined to one spot with very limited entertainment/diversion opportunities. When you've got three hours to kill on a flight, you want to pick up something to get you through it, a light read and mild diversion. IHTSBIH is an impulse buy to feed the need for a distraction, ANY DISTRACTION, while you're in the air: it's mindless, requires no mental straining and can be discarded when done. In short, it's the perfect answer for someone who has time on their hands and nowhere they can go.
What works for the book, however, will be the reason the movie flops. At the end of the day, the attractiveness of the movie project, from an investment point of view, is premised on the belief that the book sales indicate some number of guaranteed viewers, thus box office $$, of the movie. The flaw is that no one is forced to go to the movie theater and watch a move. While you might buy the book to pass the time on a long flight, very few people are going to give up 2 hours of their day to sit through something that is at best, mildly amusing.
The sheer fact that they are trying to spin this as if they had orchestrated it is so entertaining and shows a clear sign that TM and his circle of trust fund cry babies are running scared.
How can things go this badly this quickly?
Tucker is offically on the downward spiral. Kind of sad.
^
What is entertaining is that the defense was indeed orchestrated. It is no coincidence that they all leap at once into each and every farfetched defense ("Oh, it's an old script", "Oh, it's a fake script", and "Oh, the scriptwriter is a Tucker Max plant").
I like the comments to this Gawker article:
http://gawker.com/5032804/the-kind-of-asshole-that-all-of-his-asshole-friends-love
This comment made me laugh:
"seancasio at 02:35 PM on 08/04/08
I wonder if Tucker Max is gonna blog about the time I had gut-shifting sex with him. I'm a dude, by the way.."
Tucker Max = enron & worldcom douchebaggery
Tucker Max = fannie mae & freddie mac douchebaggery
Tucker Max = lawerly douchebaggery
you think matt czursky would have noticed this before selling his soul to the legal foundation for douchebaggery....
oh well. . . he's no orlando bloom and never will be now . . .
http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/economist/98587
"The tragedy of the Bush presidency is twofold. First, we've dug ourselves into a huge fiscal hole with essentially nothing to show for it but IOUs to the rest of the world. That's not conservative, and it's not a big-government liberal either. I'm not even sure we have a word for it."
We do have a word for it.
Tucker Max.
"Rapey Fratty" Tucker Max
http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2008/08/tucker-max-responds.php
Uh oh. What if the movie comes out and its a completely different script? What if this script IS fake? What if everybody is making fun of it and laughing about it, and then they go to see the movie just to see how bad it is, and walk out loving it? What if the marekting of this film really did have a touch of brilliance to it? I shudder at the thought.
^^^^^^^^^
What if Iraq had WMD?
tucker max's dreadful appearance on the opie and anthony show is nowhere to be referenced or metioned on tuckers site. why? because they outed and caught him in his lies. pathological liars like him can only go for so long under the radar, but now hes being exposed. check out the gawker link that shows how he plagiarized '30k millionaire' and the joke about becoming the king of england. he manages to plagiarize jokes and make them unfunny. that is revolutionary! look for tucker's fans to post now and say 'while i dont agree with tucker, he is brilliant and a nytimes best seller!' they coordinate on his message board to counter these negative reviews.
Posted by: cigarlove on August 6, 2008 2:35 PM
Posted as a comment on the RadarOnline article about Tucker. This guy almost certainly posts here. I recognize the characteristic psychosis, being overly emotional and seemingly obsessed with another mans lies, angrily railing against the idea that any of this is "revolutionary", thinking that there is some kind of coordinated effort by others to thwart him and his very important negative reviews, thinking that Tucker Max himself reads his comments personally everyday. You know, the usual stuff. So which one of you loons posted this on Radar?
"Uh oh. What if the movie comes out and its a completely different script? What if this script IS fake? What if everybody is making fun of it and laughing about it, and then they go to see the movie just to see how bad it is, and walk out loving it? What if the marekting of this film really did have a touch of brilliance to it? I shudder at the thought."
Nice try at damage control, fan boy.
The script is genuine, as was the earlier copy that circulated. The script isn't funny, but then neither is Tucker.
Oh! Oh! Me! Me! I did! I did! I'm da loon in da thread!
tucker's problem is that he's so full of himself, he'll want to be the "face" of this movie. i agree with whoever said he needs to stay out of the spotlight. of course, i'd rather he didn't so we can watch him fail. i hope to see something much better than the opie and anthony appearance on youtube soon.
when the new world order unveils, tucker will be the king.
only he will be kept behind a curtain, impregnating piggy-looking sorostitutes, as matt czursky raises his golden sceptre from the throne, saying "i am tucker max," as he plays with little children and their single mothers, alongside ben bernanke and karl rove.
do you think czursky reads this page for character studies?
how does one bring douchebaggery to life? must one be a douchebag? can one fake douchebaggery?
i mean al pacino and jack nicolson never played douchebags, but perhaps czursky is a far greater actor.
at any rate--whattup matt? how does it feel to trade a walk outside the wall, for a lead role in a cage, as a douchebag.
As long as they keep Tucker away from the actual PR side of this they'll have a fighting chance. As a person he's pretty weak and certainly not interesting.
His writing is fine, I guess. But to actually see or hear him speak is to be let down in a massive way.
He thinks he's 'in control' of this whole operation, yet the only thing he controls is the admin section of his message board.
He claims that the recent PR which called him and his script awful crap was orchestrated by him and was worth millions.
Millions?
A few blogs preaching to the same people; the ones that already hate you as a sport, and the six idiots that are so insecure that they do what you ay and spend hours creating fake accounts to respond.
Tucker, you have a movie to make, What are you doing even reading this post? Go film a lame joke already. Here's one" (to old man) "Get off my lawn!"
Worst thing you can do is surround yourself with liars.
Troy Duffy
He doesn't make jokes. He steals them.
^^^^^ that is awesome!!
transcript is awesome, can't wait for part 2.
Whoever wrote that needs to come forward. I posted it on Gawker. You seriously need the credit for it. It's fucking brilliant.
Now that would be a film I'd go see.
"People talk about herpes. It doesn’t mean they want them."
That line is funnier than Tucker's entire script.
When I started reading that thing, I rolled my eyes, but by the end, I was hooked. Post more, anonymous!
perusing this blog, it seems that when you criticize tucker max, you are going up against:
1) darko financiers
2) viacom
3) duke law school
4) the university of chicago
5) the federal reserve
6) the douchebag legal foundation
just who do you think you are, and what right to you have to question any of the above noble institutions that make america great?
don't you know that the united states constitution has been replaced with douchebaggery and little men who profit from 100% pure douche and "admire" matt czursky from afar?
Hey TAT Guy! Gawker now has 5 posts about our favorite douchebag. All this thinking about Tucker must be giving you major wood.
that interview is hilarious. I expect hilarity to ensue.
Imagine, if you will, a young man. He is a bit awkward and socially alienated, and naturally resentful of those who are neither awkward nor socially alienated. When girls reject him, they attempt to do so gently, saying things like, "You're a nice guy," or "I see you as a friend." He grows increasingly bitter and envious of those higher up on the social hierarchy, like the inexplicably popular fraternity types. "Nobody likes the nice guys like me, and everybody seems to love assholes," he tells himself pitifully. Finally, he makes a decision. A decision to become one of those popular assholes. But he won't just be any asshole. He'll be the biggest, most obnoxious asshole of them all.
And so he begins on his quest to become an alpha-male. He'll have to drink a lot, of course, and treat women as disrespectfully as possible. Oh, and he'll need to insult other people and make them feel bad about themselves. That's what those other alpha-assholes do, so he'll have to be even drunker, even more disrespectful and even more insulting. At first, his quest to become the ultimate asshole doesn't seem to be working. In fact, the other alphas are just irritated by his attempts to become one of them. That's when he realizes that he needs back up. So he begins to assemble a team of followers, other alphas with "thick necked athleticism," to support him in the event that he insults someone who might actually retaliate. He becomes increasingly fixated with members of the military - the ultimate alphas, in his mind.
To his glee, this persona that he has crafted begins to get the results that he's been hoping for. He invents or exaggerates stories of his outrageous behavior, and uses them as propaganda to support his invented persona. "I am an asshole!" he proclaims, over and over. "I am a narcissist!" This, despite the fact that no genuine asshole or narcissist would ever admit that to himself, much less publicize that fact. Other, lesser alpha-hopefuls latch on to his inspiring tales. He spreads the stories first through emails, then through a website, and eventually through books. He creates a message board to gather even more alpha-hopeful followers, an army of sycophants who will feed his needy but ever-expanding ego and rally against critics and nay-sayers. He'll show them. He'll show them all. All those assholes who looked down at him. They'll be sorry when he's a New York Times bestselling author! Or, maybe they won't notice, because real alpha-assholes tend not to read much, or care what The New York Times says. But when he's a Hollywood celebrity, with his own MOVIE about how awesome he is! Then everyone will know that he is the best, the biggest asshole, the most alpha of them all.
Fuck y'all, haven't you heard? Tucker Max is starting the revolution.
How is Tucker spinning the Gawker stories now? I'd go over to RMMB myself but I don't want to give him any more clicks that will lead to financing his next clusterfuck of a movie.
I think he's too busy taking pictures of his revolutionary brownie platters to care about what silly ole' Gawker has to say.
----- Tucker Max interview part 2 ----
Bunny cautiously approaches Tucker and hands him a new sandwich. When he raise his hand to grab it she flinches as if she’s about to be struck in the face. Tucker takes the sandwich.
Tucker: Relax, Bunny. Thanks for the sandwich.
Bunny: You’re not mad at me?
Tucker: No. Why would I be. You’re my fucking muse. Without you I’d be nowhere.
Bunny: You mean that?
Tucker: I mean… fuck yeah. And your writing is awesome.
Bunny: Tucker… I fucking love you, you big jerk.
Tucker: I know you do… Hey, any chance you could do my laundry? There like five loads in my room and I’m running out of grey shirts.
Bunny: Sure, babe. Can I use your car to get to the Laundromat?
Tucker: No.
(Bunny leaves to do Tucker’s laundry)
Reporter: Wow. That’s kind of a passive-aggressive relationship there?
Tucker: She’s a fucking wind-up toy. I could force her to donate a kidney to a fucking seal.
Reporter: So you don’t believe in karma?
Tucker: Dude, I can’t grow enough dicks to handle all the pussy that is thrown at me.
Reporter: You know you said that already, earlier? It makes no sense and is completely out of context.
Tucker: Then I’ll edit it later. I’m Tucker Max.
Reporter: But you can’t edit this. It’s not on your message board, it’s on the Internet.
Tucker: Then I’ll have you banned.
Reporter: Banned? From where?
Tucker: The fucking Internets and shit. I’m Tucker Max. I’m a best-selling author.
Reporter: Good point. Let’s talk about your book sales.
Tucker: New York Times bestseller for three years straight.
Reporter: Why are there 5,000 copies of your book in boxes against the wall in this apartment?
Tucker: Those are for like… fucking, autographs and shit.
Nils: I have 15,000 in a storage shed –
(Tucker throws one of his flip-flips at Nils like a Chinese throwing star)
Tucker: Shut your fucking mouth, Nils!
(Nils goes back to the kitchen and sucks down a three-foot funnel of Lucky Charms)
Reporter: Are you buying your own books in bulk to inflate sales?
Tucker: …um… I can’t grow enough dicks?
Reporter: I’ll admit that it’s a pretty shrewd marketing strategy.
Tucker: Like those “stories” that “appeared” at “Gawker”?
Reporter: No. Those were just people bagging on you. 100% out of your control.
Tucker: Can I ask YOU a question?
Reporter: Sure.
Tucker: Why are you doing this to me? I’m fucking Tucker Max.
Reporter: I’m trying to save you from yourself.
Tucker: But I’m awesome. I have money, chicks, books, bufthsects… And I don’t live life by anybody’s rules. How could you possibly fucking even think that you can help Tucker fucking max.
Reporter: I’ve asked someone to stop by. Stay seated, Tucker.
(The reporter gets up and goes to the door. A young man wearing overalls and no shirt walks in. He is disheveled with an unkempt beard.)
Tucker: I reckon the Hee-Haw mobile brokes down, Hoss! Guess it’s time for me to bend over and squeal likes a pig. Sue-eeeeeee.
Reporter: We get it. He’s wearing overall and has a beard.
Tucker: Sorry – sometime I just bust out in comedy without even fucking knowing it. And shit.
Reporter: Tucker, I’d like you to meet… Troy Duffy.
(Can these two men and their egos actually fit in the same room together? Stay tuned… )
---- END OF PART TWO ---
Had I been going to bed earlier every
night? Have I been sleeping later?
Has Tucker been in charge longer and
longer?
Anonymous, keep up the good work with the Tucker Max interviews.
That's some funny shit right there!
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