The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
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350K in unit sales (that's coming from Tucker, and it's about the same number he's been stating since 2006) equals about 4.2 million dollars in sales. Now, if you can believe Tucker's numbers, which I don't, then his book sales are rather paltry.
This film will tank. It might get some, but not a lot of distribution. Nothing major, and since it's a wannabe main stream film, it's not going to be shown in the "indy" film theaters due to content.
So basically what you have then is a film that won't make it's money back in a theater. Big theater chains won't show it due to lack of recognizable talent for a mainstream audience.
My guess is that unless it's extremely good and can pick up a mainstream audience (like Super Troopers), it will go largely unnoticed and MAYBE be shown in 5-10 theaters to satisfy the SAG rules in order to print a certain number of DVDs.
His fans will buy the DVD version of the movie, but he won't see much of that money since it's going to go to pay back Darko's lost 5-6 million. It will get PPV, but with the lack of name talent and overall lack of regular press will doom it to lackluster PPV sales.
Also, DVD boxes for the movie contain almost nobody the public knows. That will lower the amount that distributors and venues will want to have, which will in turn lower the amount of DVD sales the film gets. Let's say the film had an actor like Michael Pitt or Ryan Gosling, their names mean a certain number of DVD's will be printed regardless of what the film is about or whatever. However, since those actors aren't in the film, and Tucker couldn't get anybody else because of what have you, there will be far less DVD's printed. That is how the distribution game is played, and Tucker is coming to the game with a pair of 2's (so to speak).
Overall, I think IHTSBIH will end up making about 4 million dollars overall if he's very lucky. He's hedging everything on the quality of his script and his own view of him as a celebrity to bring about ticket sales. Judging by what I read from his early version of the script, the one that was leaked and was absolutely awful, the same one he was saying was one of the best scripts ever (exactly what he's saying now), he's totally fucked.
He's going to blame everybody, from agents and managers, to the director, to Darko, to the Hollywood system. In the end, he will be nothing more then a rich man's Troy Duffy. Good riddance.
Think About Tucker Guy:
You strike me as an intelligent, witty, and worldly man, and I would therefore like to know your opinion on two topics. First: politics. McCain vs. Obama, vice presidents, what's the deal with Hillary, etc. Second: what country would you recommend to one who is joining the Peacecorp? Thanks dude.
^^^ Well, I'm no expert with regards to politics by any stretch of the imagination. Support for McCain or Obama would have to stem from some really personal and hard felt beliefs. Personally I plan to vote Obama for a number of reasons, Obama has said he will keep tax cuts in place for everyone except those making over $250,000. He has mentioned several times his desire for middle-class tax relief. I have a hard time understanding McCains two-rate income tax code system. Obama's plan for Social Security includes higher payroll taxes for high income workers, which I support. Obama is pro-life, most of mccains voting record has been anti-choice. Without going into this issue extensively I'll simply say that I am with Obama on this one. I also agree with Obama on the issue of gay marraige. I like the idea of our appointed representatives having open dialogues with other world leaders. Diplomacy is never a bad thing and I don't think it indicates weakness to communicate with other major players on the world stage whether they be dictators or not. I like Obama's approach to foreign policy and feel that Mccain will perpetuate Bush's legacy of silence to our enemies and preemptive strikes. Look, when it comes to politics I'm a neophyte. I recommend checking out www.select2008.com
Joining the Peacecorp?! Nice! Well I had a friend that went to kazakhstan and was miserable there. Personally I'm a little biased but of the places you can go in the world I would avoid places that are overtly dangerous. Peacecorp isn't necessarily about being comfortable but why put yourself in harms way if you don't have to. I'm a little biased towards central america because I've spent a lot of time there and I love it there. You want a recommendation? Go to Panama, a country with unbelieveable diversity, really friendly people, unbelievably great food, and lots of poor that could really use your help. While there, be sure to eat some carimanolas and lots and lots of seafood. You could see the canal and swim in both oceans. Panama City looks like Miami with tall skyscrapers and an unbelieveable nightlife but I would venture to guess most of your time won't be spent in the cities, but in the country, where most of the people live in small villages. I still buy and eat Yuca and platanos for breakfast and I haven't been there in a few years.
^^^ I meant to say that Obama is pro-choice, not pro-life. My bad.
Think About Tucker
Why are people posting about Obama and McCain on this website? Who gives a shit? This is an anti-Tucker Max haven. Aren't we supposed to post about Tucker's stupid movie and his man tits?
test
6/12/2008 2:19 PM is right. Lets get back to Thinking About Tucker and lets get back to it RIGHT NOW!
Is it me, or do Tucker's movie blog posts read like a 17 year old's fantasy version of what being a producer might be like? Bitching out asshole agents, getting personally involved with selecting hot strippers, even the movie budget.
$6 mill-yun dollars, that's like when Dr. Evil says his ransom will be $1 mill-yun dollars.
DRex's latest post seems to shed new light on how phenomenal this movie will be. It's not a road-trip movie, it's not even a TM movie. It's an hour of filler to make the best "Baby Got Back" video ever conceived. (except it'll be baby got boobs)
He should have skipped the movie and made a Girls Gone Wild video. He'd probably have gotten a better return on investment then.
Tucker's movie might be amusing, but I won't waste the money and trip to the movie theater (if it even comes out in theaters). I will, however, pirate that shit.
Tucker should have invested his six million in a documentary about aardvarks. That's where the real money is these days.
Yeah, aardvarks are hawt.
Was Matt Czuchry really cast as Tucker? 'Cause it's pretty well known that he's gay, gay, gay.
From the pen of a New York Times best-selling author:
"...everything I know about the actual mechanics of pre-production I know from what I hear been told or read. Which is why we have excellent and experienced people who do know how to do those things. And I guess this why movies are a collaborative art."
What a tard.
Happy Father's Day, Tucker! I hope you-
Oh, wait; I'm sorry, you had your child aborted. Your child is dead. My mistake.
^^^ HAHAHAHA!
^^^ Too bad Dennis Max didn't make the same choice 33 years ago.
^^^ That is unfair. Let's think about this: Tucker killed his child, because having a child would mean taking responsibility for another human life; it would mean growing up and thinking about having to live responsibly and selflessly. It would mean finally discovering a way to contribute to the world around him, and working to make a better life for his child.
It would also mean having to explain, at some point down the road, what daddy does for a living; why daddy ignores the consequences of his actions, and lives only to please himself, feed his ego, and make sure he's a point of attention wherever he goes.
Further, the only lessons Tucker would have to teach his child are:
- If you want to do something, do it; your immediate personal desires are sufficient justification for your actions;
- A 20-25-30-33-year-old man is sufficiently wise to responsibly reject the wisdom of the ages, which incorrectly teaches that social responsibility is more important than personal gratification, and that one is not equipped at those young ages to determine whether he will eventually regret his choices, no matter how harmless they seem at the time he makes them;
- Fame, money, and influence in an utterly soulless and self-destructive culture like Hollywood is a great accomplishment;
- When one is young, meaningless sex is often better than real relationship. The justification? It feels better, is more fun, is easier, and no responsibility is required (no, regular STD-testing and condom-carrying do not count as responsibility, and, no, it doesn't matter if both parties are consenting, because two people can both be wrong, if they're young, hormone-driven idiots)
Instead, Tucker is acting like a teenager and stroking his ego, while his dead child is feeding the maggots in a landfill somewhere.
We are the sum of our choices.
Tucker is a great man.
Actually, his behavior is more of that of a toddler's. That period was probably the happiest period of his youth, when his parents were still together and his mom was giving him undivided attention.
For us all, toddlerhood is when the whole world as we knew it was giving us center stage, there was no work but just play, we didn't even know of most social norms, said what we wanted, and played rowdy with our peers.
No wonder Tucker has a hard time believing real adults are working with him.
Happy Father's Day, Tucker! I hope you-
Oh, wait; I'm sorry, you had your child aborted. Your child is dead. My mistake.
6/15/2008 5:11 PM
Yep, dead children ARE funny! See you all in church.
Church?? Who goes to church anymore?
"Who goes to church anymore?"
Zionist kikes like Tucker Max?
Death to the ragheads! Long live Israel!!
Tucker Max is a great man.
"Long live Israel!!"
You're rooting for the continued survival of Zionist kikes like Tucker Max? Why ever for?
"Death to the ragheads!"
No argument there.
"Tucker Max is a great man."
Yes, if by 'great' you mean 'effeminate to the point of homosexual', then he is indeed great.
Tell me Max isn't Jewish... please tell me Max isn't Jewish.
Oy, even.
He's either a kraut or a kike:
http://www.ancestry.com/facts/Max-name-meaning.ashx
The Max name is also borne by Ashkenazic Jews, presumably as an adoption of the German surname.
*sigh* Antisemites are always seening "the Joos" everywhere. Don't forget to check under your bed and in your closet before you go to bed, fagtard.
Could we please keep this thing from devolving into a pointless anti-Israel/Zionism conspiracy thread? I'm not exactly Israel's biggest cheerleader but this discussion has no relevance here and using terms like "kike" are just beyond the bounds of acceptable discourse. There are plenty of places on the interwebs where you can go to rant against the Zionist conspiracy or hurl charges of "anti-Semitism" around to your deeply disturbed heart's content. This isn't one of them.
C'mon people! Let's keep the focus where it should be: Tucker's absolute douchebag-ism and the probable epic fail of his movie.
"using terms like "kike" are just beyond the bounds of acceptable discourse."
Would you prefer "Yid" instead?
Tucker's Biggest over-40 fan has an epic battle against sticks and twigs. But he breaks 100 boards a day, like seriously...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVlJeDmMUc4
I think it's preferred that you not hurl anti-Semetic slurs here period.
Think About Tucker.
That's all this place should be about...the dedication to Thinking about Tucker.
somebody should compile all of tucker's long, rambling, retarded treatises on life into one big collection for all those seeking the wisdom of a spoiled daddy's boy whose claim to fame is running a website frequented by 15 year-old virgins.
the guy's 31, has accomplished fuck-all, and yet feels the need to wax endlessly about the "secrets" of life and success that only he deigns to bestow upon the ignorant masses. could tucker max be any more of a blowhard? thank fuck he washed out of the army; the world would never stop hearing about that if he'd actually made it through.
Just as a reminder:
Tucker has small hands and man-tits.
I wonder if he prefers girls with small tits and man-hands.
That's all this place should be about...the dedication to Thinking about kike Zionists like Tucker.
The Juwes are the men that will not be blamed for nothing.
^^^ The Juwes? Do you mean Jubelo, jubela, jubelum? The men who killed the master Hiram Abiff? Or did you mean the "jews"?
Keep Thinking About Tucker.
You say "Zionist" like it's a bad thing. Long live Israel! Death to antisemites!
"Long live Israel! Death to antisemites!"
You know, if it weren't for anti-Semitism, Israel would never have been created.
So in a way, the Jewish people kind of owe the anti-Semites a debt of gratitude, which is pretty fucked up.
In any case, Tucker Max is still a Doucebag.
^ Amen to that, brother. Now come on, fellas, let's stop the fussing an' the feudin' and focus on what's important: mocking Tucker.
Seriously, man... does anyone read Tucker's movie blog? It's like, every other post basically says:
"This is real."
"That was when it hit me: we're really making a movie, here."
"It's not talk anymore; this is really happening."
"It was then that I realized, 'woah, there's really a movie being made here.'"
"Just then, it occurred to me that a film is being created, by us."
"The time for talk is over. There's a moving picture, it's being made, and I'm doing the making of said moving picture."
"If I didn't know it before, I know it now: the making of a movie is what's happening here."
"There's a film, it's being made, and I'm involved in the process of the making of the film I just mentioned."
"It's not talk anymore; a movie is what I'm making."
"I'm a maladjusted narcissist who actually thinks that making a movie is, in itself, a landmark accomplishment. It never occurred to me that many others are capable, but would rather do something meaningful instead. Why? Because, as a narcissist (a self-admitting one, at that - because acknowledging it excuses it!), attention from others is the most important thing to me; therefore, I conclude that it is objectively the most important thing to which anyone can aspire."
Uh... I may have taken a few liberties with that last one.
Tucker, dude, we get it. You're really, really excited to be making your retarded movie. Your ego is busting at the seams. Hundreds of movies get made each year. Making a movie is not an epic accomplishment. Don't you wish everyone was as in-awe of you as YOU are?
I cannot wait to pirate the movie.
I didn't think there would be any pirates in his movie. Though I could see him having an affinity for semi-clad dirty men who haven't had a woman while at sea for too long.
Tucker, dude, we get it. You're really, really excited to be making your retarded movie. Your ego is busting at the seams. Hundreds of movies get made each year. Making a movie is not an epic accomplishment. Don't you wish everyone was as in-awe of you as YOU are?
6/19/2008 2:23 AM
Wow. I was just thinking the same thing as I was sitting here in my cubicle. Deep down though I felt the deep pangs of jealousy that come along with a life in which I've had no major accomplishments. If only I had a girlfriend, or at least had frequent sex. Being overweight definitely doesn't help the situation. I'm not sure what I'm getting at here but I know I hate that bastard Tucker Max, and for now, thats good enough for me. Oh, and I love you guys...
yeah, because only tucker max fans are cool enough to get girls. stupid fuck.
once you get a job and move out of your parent's basement you'll realize that anybody with a clue rightfully despises tucker because he's so obviously full of shit on every level.
^^^ 6/19/2008 12:21 PM is right. Not only are Anti-Tucker Max people getting lots of girls. They also enjoy talking at length about Tucker Max on on obscure comment boards for months on end. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
Out of everybody who has ever left a comment on this blog, the think about tucker guy has got to be the weirdest, the creepiest, and the most pathetic.
^^^ Think About the Think About Tucker Guy.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I like the Think About Tucker Guy. He's the one that gives this place flavor. He provides the necessary tension to make it interesting. Without him, this board would be like the Superman comics without Lex Luthor.
^^^ I've always thought of this board as one of those islands in the Pacific where Japanese soldiers didn't know the war was over. This campaign of hate has gone on longer than even well-versed and highly equipped haters could ever imagine. Which is why it has devolved into some strange phenomenom resembling a mass psychosis. But I digress only because I've gone there so many times only to hear the inevitable, "But what about you?" retort, as if my personal insanity somehow balances yours out.
At first I urged you to seek help but now I enjoy it too much. I now realize that any personal detriment you may experience as a result of your er um, interest, is of little concern to me and in my wierd, creepy, and arguably pathetic little behavioral inspired forays onto your strange little island.
Tucker has gone on and on about it being really real because a. one of his lines of bullshit has really started to come to be, and b. he has a real job for the first time in a long while.
That second revelation must really be an eye opener. Holy shit. He's getting a salary, and he has responsibilities, and he's around other people actually doing jobs. It's incredible.
Tucker, we get it: It takes a lot of people to make something big happen. Try working in any corporate setting. You'll find out when so many people are trying to get the same thing done, they think they can slack off and pass the blame to someone else. Oh yeah, Tucker has never had a real job.
Think About Tucker Guy: I disagree, friend. Famous people are hated their whole lives by haterz. Tucker Max is invariably gaining fame, even if it's only through mention in "the trades." It is reasonable to expect that the number of Tucker Max haterz will eventually increase, as more people become aware of his douchebagery. Therefore, the posters on this board are ahead of their time; really, we are the visionaries.
^^^ You make a fine point. I can almost hear James Lipton doing a "Profile of Visionary Haters" documentary of some sort, in his lilting annoying ass voice.
Found Mark Ebner. He's on TruTv now.
Think About Tucker Guy doesn't know what "lilting" means.
^^ You're right, I just looked it up and it didn't mean what I thought it did. You have officially pwned me on the internets.
'Lilting' can be used to describe a guy's voice... what's the fuss, son?
^^^ Yeah. But I said "lilting annoying" and every definition I've read since describes lilting as "pleasant". So it can't be lilting AND annoying, which was where I erred.
Think About Tucker guy, you so crazy!
Think About Brett Meisner.
Brett Meisner must be the ONLY person in the world who is a bigger douchebag than Tucker. Did you see how badly he was slobbing Tucker's knob on the IMDB.com message board? I also like how Meisner inadvertently knocks-down Tucker when he says that he didn't see Tucker pick up any girls while they were hanging out.
Meisner is a wanna-be hanger-on with no life. He should give up trying to be a "star" and do something productive like clean toilets.
So you guys think that Tucker's movie will be as succesful as The Onion Movie?
What, you didn't know one existed? Funny, neither did most people. Look it up on Wikipedia though. . . .
Or the film version of Elizabeth Wurtzel's PROZAC NATION.
A similarly self-absorbed and dislikable person whose substance abuse and sexual misadventures did not translate at all well onto the big screen.
Do ya'll think we'll even see trailers on tv for the movie?
2499
2500!!!! What an achievement.
2500!!!! What an-
Oh... oh, crap. I'm too late.
I have digital cable with less than 300 channels. I tried to watch this movie called Dr. Chopper, and I'm sure it is worse than Tucker's movie will turn out. So, I'm sure his could play on some of the movie channels. But I doubt it will have trailers on TV, let alone have a wide theater release. The internet will be the marketing platform. If they're lucky they'll get the movie released at small theaters in certain cities.
Tucker will just end up posting a torrent for I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, and then ask for donations.
He's writing a song with Paul Wall. At least we know that his taste in literature, music, and film is consistent.
If it does half as well as "Road Trip" ($119M), or even half as well as "College Road Trip" ($46M) then Tucker will still be banking huge. I wouldn't think it stands a chance but as H.L. Mencken once said, "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."
Of course Tucker thinks this new song is awesome, he co-wrote it! I bet all the people he hired to work on the movie with him are laughing at his blog as much as we are. I suspect they only hopped on board for this movie to take his money.
Tucker's problem from a strictly business point of view is that his brand of humor is far too juvenile. If you look at similar "road trip" movies (I prefer Eurotrip myself) you'll find less scatology and more wit. And no, Slingblade saying things like "I would rather fellate a hot curling iron than listen to another second of your whore prattle" does not count as wit.
the tucker/maddox/drex radio show is now up on youtube if anybody hasn't heard that failed venture yet. goddamn nils is fat.
God, Tucker is such a douche. Does anybody find it funny how he acts black in front of Paul Wall in that video? And does anybdy find it funnier how his joke was anything but funny?
And fuck, Nils is huge, I love how the comments on youtube are like, "Well it's all muscle, look how the shirt is hugging his body! It's all muscle!"
Then that girl in the news couldn't get out of her house because she was too muscular I guess.
So fucking fat. I can't believe it. Whale huge.
FREE NILLY!
God, Tucker is such a douche. Does anybody find it funny how he acts black in front of Paul Wall in that video? And does anybody find it funnier how his joke was anything but funny?
And fuck, Nils is huge, I love how the comments on youtube are like, "Well it's all muscle, look how the shirt is hugging his body! It's all muscle!"
Then that girl in the news couldn't get out of her house because she was too muscular I guess.
So fucking fat. I can't believe it. Whale huge.
FREE NILLY!
^^^ Wow.
Read this post a few times to really get a feel for it. Then reflect. Then maybe go get some sun or something...or a fountain drink...whatever.
Drunkrex has the kind of face that's just asking for a brick.
Not to be confused with Tucker's face, which is merely asking for a fist. Or a cock.
^^^ I'll bet it was some deep inner compulsion that made you add "or a cock" to your comment. Angry homoeroticism...not just for grandpa anymore.
WCIAM?
^ You know, I hesitated putting the cock part down specifically because of the homoerotic connotation. But in the end, I decided that Tucker's shit-eating facial expression deserved it. If it was out of line, I appologize.
What does WCIAM mean?
Think About Tucker Guy, you deserve your own nickname. Henceforth, you shall be known as Tatguy.
I think Taintguy would be better.
I think Taintguy would be worse. Tatguy, it is.
Who was the douche from this board that went to Tucker's site and told him he was funny?
wow, you fucking loosers are still commenting on this blog? get a life, we all know tucker's 15 min of fame are over, he's a douche, nils is fat, the movie has missed it's window, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
get out of the basement guys, it's summertime!
"wow, you fucking loosers are still commenting on this blog? get a life, we all know tucker's 15 min of fame are over, he's a douche, nils is fat, the movie has missed it's window, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
True, however, his new blog is the funniest thing Tucker has ever written. Of course it's completely unintentional because he's basically proving to everybody what a douchebag he is.
I thought the post where he quotes one of his own posters telling him how awesome he is was FUCKING PRICELESS. Yes Dr. Frylock, we understand you want to get in good with Tucker, but at least next time you should let him buy you flowers beforehand. It's unintentionally funny because... WHO THE FUCK CARES. Yes, a guy with over 1000 posts over a two year period likes your work... Wow Tucker, maybe you should learn how to take a day off and not write. Having that post made you sound desperate for approval. I'd say that somebody who frequents your board shows that they ALREADY APPROVE...
It's funny how he's keeping his casting super secret, because everybody is going to know it's a 2nd rate film once they see the cast and will write the project off. Nobody is going to care whether or not Maddox is in the movie, and nobody is going to care that Jimbo Wales or whomever is in the movie. Internet celebrities don't matter. They don't, they're not celebrities.
Anyway, the window of "who cares" about TM has just about officially closed. What Tucker isn't saying is how he can keep his whole message board interested in the making of the film through the tedium of editing and post. His film, in a perfect situation, won't be seen until at least this time next year (if at all). People would be more apt to pay attention if he had some names attached, but who gives a shit about Matt "I was great in 8 Legged Freaks" Czuchry. Everybody in Hollywood knew you couldn't cast your film with anybody belonging to one of the big 5 agencys because you were blackballed.
Tatguy, what do YOU think?
i like following the "progress" of tucker's movie because there is nothing more satisfying on this earth than seeing jerk-offs get what's coming to them. when i hope they serve beer in hell collapses into a fucking heap and tucker is emotionally and financially ruined i'll be laughing my ass off.
i think the fact the entire production team couldn't come up with a good name for a fake beer tells you all you need to know about the creative wattage of that group.
^^Well, as I've said before I'm no Tucker stan. I read the book, thought it was funny, figured most of it was made up but for some reason that didn't inspire the rage in me that it does for many of you. People that are narcissistic don't really make me angry. Douchebags don't make me angry either. I also can't really garner years worth of LOLZ over them either. Maybe its because I'm pretty happy with myself.
As for the guy who wrote this, "get a life, we all know tucker's 15 min of fame are over, he's a douche, nils is fat, the movie has missed it's window, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
I take issue with three words here, "we all know". These words really summarize a recurring theme here. People on this board, when faced with questions on finance are all suddenly economics experts. You've got a question about the movie business? Well we've got at least 10 people that are "in the biz" right here on this board.
In reality though, we all don't know shit. Its healthy to question what you think you know. Knowing that you don't know is wisdom. These fucktards who talk like seasoned vets of whatever game is afoot should be drawn and quartered. They are the real douchebags.
Do I know that Tuckers 15 minutes are up? No. My opinion is that it all depends on this movie. And since I am not close to Tucker, nor "in the biz" my opinion doesn't mean shit.
Do I know that Tucker is a douche? No. I only know the image he projects. That image is of a jerk, an asshole. I don't know enough about him to label him personally.
Do I know Nils is fat? I have no idea who Nils is, nor do I care. Even if he is...does everyone have to be a badass hardbody for you guys? Wait a minute, I forgot the "inclinations" of the group I'm talking to.
Do I know the movie has missed its window? No but I do know they have a large amount of above-the-line expenses related to some scenes involving back projection and the use of a clap-loader. I'm sure the auteur will get together with someone on that and take a look at the breakdown script. Once they get a feel for their mise-en-scene everything else will fall into place.
Just kidding. I don't know what any of that means. Oh but did the movie miss its window? Maybe, but it will come around again.
TAT
Can I go back to thinking about tucker rather than thinking about how unhealthy it is to think about tucker?
Maybe instead you should think about taint. Hot sweaty taint, with little balls of dead skin lodged up in the folds where the legs meet the body. You, know, where little black balls are caught in the hair and you can't tell if they're shit, or just where the cotton from the fabric of the boxer shorts pilled up and and got stuck.
Hot, sweaty, smelly taint on an unbearably humid 99 degree day in Shreveport. You want to stick your nose in it and rub it around, smelling the musky yet acrid aroma of sweat, shit, and genital sebum combined with the ever so faint smell of used vagina. You can feel the moisture running down onto the bridge of your nose and you stick your tongue out to catch it, hoping to savor its salty goodness.
"Hot, sweaty, smelly taint on an unbearably humid 99 degree day in Shreveport."
OK, that's thinking about Tucker a little too much... A LOT too much.
Reading that taint comment literally nauseated me a bit.
Tatguy, that wasn't you who wrote that gross 'taint' post, was it?
Tatguy, come on man. Tucker being a douche aside, Nils IS fat.
...really really fat.
God no I didn't write that filth. I wrote the comment about being nauseated by it though.
TAT
That's a relief; I thought that little diatribe to be a bit beneath you. What you need to do is make sure you sign all your posts. Just to set the process in motion, I'm going to begin doing the same. I posted several thoughtful, amazing posts as "The Truth About Tucker," so I'm going to begin signing all my future posts as "Truth". It's going to be awesome. Together, maybe we can make this place legit, yo.
Truth
^^^
You really want a board that points out that a washed up douche bag is yesterday's news to be seen as legitimate?
I vote you off the island.
Legitimate?? No fucking way. This place has to be destroyed. Thats the point! A while back some guy in here read one of my posts and wrote a comment where he basically conceded and said, "Yeah, you know what? Think about Tucker all the time is a strange waste of time. Thanks." And hopefully he hasn't been back. Pointing out the prevalent theme relating to angry homo sex and the analyzing of Tuckers body parts and their frequent mention here, scared off a good deal more commenters. The point of saying "Think About Tucker" is trying to get people to stop doing so! No more cosmic energy for Tucker! No more unintended publicity!
TAT
From now on, I'm going to think about the "Think About Tucker" guy.
"No more cosmic energy for Tucker!"
TAT guy, did you become a hippie all of a sudden?
"No more unintended publicity!"
Well, they say that there's no such thing as bad publicity, but in this case, I'm fairly certain that that axiom doesn't apply. Just ask James Frey if there is such a thing as bad publicity...
Ok which one of you posted on Tuckers site under the name "abcd1234" nice post, suprised that it was (or hasn't been yet) deleted. Here it is incase it gets the axe.
"Your production blog is really interesting on the whole, but I just can't read it anymore.
The way every fifth post is some egotistical jerk off session about how clever you are, and how great the movie is going to be, and how no one believes in you, but you'll show them has become too off putting to me.
That's great if that's who Tucker is, and what else did I expect?, but it's still gotten old. If the movie is so good and you'll get to rub it in the faces of everyone who doubted you, then just shut up and make the thing and prove everyone wrong, don't talk about it constantly."
"abcd1234" Has only 1 post there and 14 of those rep point thingies, funny.
Tucker's biggest problem is his personality. He acts like some sort of two-bit local boss, clutching onto people who he thinks are "good to have his back." He's building his media empire, putting everybody in their places and dishing out helpings of humility to everyone around him. Nevermind that he can't take the least bit of criticism. Somebody better put Tucker back in his place. I think this looks like a job for you, Tatguy. You've had enough practice on the h8rz and dumbasses on this board... now it's on to the main event!
From the genius himself:
I just got the NY Times Best Seller list for next week. My book is #8, the highest it's ever been. It's in its 30th month in print.
At first glance, this seems rather impressive. The way Tucker phrases the sentence, one naturally assumes that his book has been on the NY Times best seller list for 30 months. However, a quick review of the best seller list will quickly reveal this is in fact bullshit. Now, Tucker isn't "lying" per se, he does not explicitly state that his book has been ranked that entire time; however, Tucker is always implying that his book has been ranked for (almost) the entirety of its in-print life. In fact, the book has appeared on the NY Times Paperback Nonfiction Best Seller List for 38 weeks. This is more than about half the books on the list, but far less than the others.
The fact is that his book has appeared on the best seller list for 38 out of the approximately 135 weeks its been in print (assuming 4.5 weeks per month). Rather impressive, but not quite the feat that Tucker likes to portray it as. In fact, it would seem that the book goes through periodic spikes of increased purchases, rather than any sustained popularity. My own theory on this, and I freely admit I have no empirical evidence for it, is that Tucker's appearance on the best seller list corresponds roughly to the beginning and end of college semesters/terms. In other words, there are spikes in purchases in late August/early September, December, early January and late April/early May, times when college students are in their campus bookstores buying textbooks and see Tucker's book and think "what the hell, I'm already dropping $500 on textbooks, what's another $10?" and pick up a copy. That's how I ended up with a copy. Granted, this doesn't completely explain his book sales, but I think it goes a long way towards explaining a majority of his sales.
In short, Tucker bragging about his book sales as proof of how "huge" his movie is going to be is specious logic, at best.
Feel free to check out the best seller list at the link below:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/books/bestseller/0706bestpapernonfiction.html
Isn't everyone who has a brain in Hollywood trying to WRAP UP production, or delaying production because of this little strike thing?
A while back some guy in here read one of my posts and wrote a comment where he basically conceded and said, "Yeah, you know what? Think about Tucker all the time is a strange waste of time. Thanks."
That was me, idiot. I knew you'd fall for it, too.
^^^ Fine work my friend. You've foiled my plan to keep you from thinking about Tucker and have continued to do so unbeknownst to me. You WIN this time, WINNER.
WCIAM?
TAT
Think About Tucker guy, are you thinking about Tucker?
Nope. I'm thinking about you, Thinking About Tucker.
TAT
I think the truth is that the guy who thinks about Tatguy needs his own nickname.
I suggest it be "TataBgguy."
Nicknames for everyone!
Truth
Taint that a bitch.
Well, there are several of us who think about Tatguy. I believe I was the first to announce to him, "I will no longer think about Tucker. Now I will think about YOU." There have been others with similar sentiments since. However, perhaps I shall henceforth sign my posts as "Tatguyfan".
Tatguyfan
Somehow, this blog got gayer.
Well, in the interest of ensuring that everyone who watches is watched in equal measure, I shall now assume the moniker "Tatguyfanwatcher."
This isn't getting ridiculous at ALL.
I'ma call myself "Bruce."
- Bruce
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/titties_for_the.html
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? I don't know what I find more egregious, Nils' horrible writing or his seeming belief that this impending straight-to-the-$5-DVD-bin at WalMart "movie" is an exercise in patriotism.
In other news, the cast was officially announced. No real surprises. Given the "names" on the list, you can almost guarantee a mid/late October release for the film (in whatever year they actually get it done) and for it to be out of theaters within two weeks.
How fucking weird is it that the first place the lead for Tucker's movie was listed was ON THIS SITE!?!?!?!
Somebody from Tucker's camp leaked the info on this site, one of his inner circle, and that's awesome.
Good for Matt Czuchry, I'm sure it will be his best work since... 8 Legged Freaks.
Wow, it looks like Tucker actually IS working with real professionals. I'm actually surprised and impressed. He needs to stop sucking his own cock so hard, it deprives him of credibility. Also, Tucker is a horse-face and Nils is a fat bastard. Free Nilly, indeed.
I just looked Matt Czurchy up.
The earlier poster is right. This blog is turning gay. Matt Czurchy looks like a total fag.
Matt Czurchy IS a total fag. He's not publicly out, but it's pretty well known in Hollywood. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm surprised that Tucker would hired him after Tucker shrieked about not having any dicks on film.
I am SO looking forward to the next 5 days of TM posting about the "stars" that he has cast for the movie.
While it probably doesn't need to be said, whenever TM is self-fellating about how great the actors are, just insert the phrase "that we could afford" before any & all praise as to their abilities.
Also, Nils last posting about the Army Captain was one of the most transparent and bullshit self-congratulatory maneuvers they've pulled. Reading his post was a contest between counting the lies & counting the clichés. Talk about unoriginal....both Nils & TM are always commenting on how funny & original their humor is, however it has been a long, long time since I've read or watched anything from these two that is even remotely entertaining. TM's posts are painfully shallow, and Nils is just plain boring & a walking study in plagerism. Read any of Nils' stupid Drunkasaurus Rex posts---if it isn't a copy of Bill Simmons or Hunter S. Thompson, it is painfully inarticulate.
The cast actually looks pretty solid. Except for the fact that Tucker wrote in hist blog that they were looking for actors in their early twenties. But you can't have all I guess.
When do you think the last time was that Nils could see his feet?
TM commenting on Matt's winning the Tennesse high-school tennis championship as douchey vs he & Nil's as "real" athletes---I guess JV high-school basketball & failing out of the military's basic training qualify you as a real athlete. And Nils, since when are hot dog eating contests the provenence of real athletes?
I almost hope Tucker's latest post becomes true. It's almost worth hoping the movie succeeds.
Matt will be associated with the name Tucker Max and Tucker will be a bigger nobody than he already is. That would be hilarious, though it would require a significant success of his movie.
You guys are all idiots.
Don’t you realize how awesome and unprecedented this movie is going to be? A movie about road trips AND McGriddle flashbacks simultaneously? He is changing the model of everything, and you are so myopic you can’t see through it. But you will, in time. It’s literally unprecedented. Unprecedented things are happening, you don’t know because it’s so unprecedented. The whole media is shifting and you don’t know because it was just so unprecedented. The Titanic is sinking, and Tucker is the gravity making it sink. Unprecedented.
…unprecedented.
With lines like, “Don’t mess with Texas? Don’t mess with Tucker Max.,” I find it hard to believe you can sit there and say this movie won’t be a success. You’re all kidding yourself. That is so funny right there. Because he’s comparing himself to the entire state of Texas, and of course only funny things can result with those attitudes! And don’t forget, the guy who did Swimfan is going to be playing the “complex” character, Slingblade who plays war with kids. It’s going to be really funny because he’s going to use words like, “flank” and other tactical terms, and get this…the 5 year old kid won’t know what he’s saying! It’s just ABSURD because a kid won’t know what flanking is, and the audience will understand that and it will resonate with them! Isn’t that funny?!
Unprecedented.
So that's what happened to Jesse Bradford...
Been a slow and painful slide since Swimfan, eh Jesse?
Note, all the actors came to Tucker through the Collective, which one of his producers is a partner. Nobody in Hollywood even got his script with a few exceptions (the director got it to a couple of "name" actors who passed). Word on the street was that IHTSBIH was a project that was best to be overlooked because the producer (Tucker) was problematic. Tucker is flat out lying when he says he didn't even try to get name talent. He and his people were calling every agent in Hollywood for talent and those calls (at least to TM) were unreturned. His film is untouchable because of him getting blackballed from his agency.
If Tucker believes he had trouble getting talent, just wait until he tries to get distribution. Matt Who-Chry? Yeah, that'll make them press DVDs.
Everybody here has probably read his script. It was crap. It was crap when TM was touting it last year. He says it's been rewritten and it's infinitely better.
I'm calling bullshit.
The only way this film does well financially is if it's so bad that it becomes a cult classic. Like in college, I can see people playing a drinking game around it, like you have to drink everytime Tucker says or does something douchebaggy.
TATGuy, your thoughts?
Matt Max is Tucker Czuchry.
Tucker Max is Matt Zookree.
"Matt Whochry"
Classic
He's with Gersch. I didn't even think they repped actors.
I once got a muffin basket from the Gersch agency, and every fucking other one was cranberry walnut. Blech! Not to mention that even the good ones (blueberry anyone?) were entirely too dry...
Seriously, I'm pretty sure that Tucker's vanity project is going to destroy lives, beginning with the life (and career) of Matt Czuchry, who is now and forever inextricably linked to the epic failure himself, Tucker Max.
If I were Matt Zuckree, I'd off myself now, and save a decade or so of humiliation.
I'm not, so instead, I'll say this:
We do not forgive.
We do not forget.
We are legion, and the next fagfag to be focused upon is indeed Tucker Max.
(Yes, I know, X is not my personal army. In this case, I don't think that X will need much (read: any) prodding to do what is right, and utterly pwn Tucker Max in unimaginable fashion.)
Signed-
Anonymous
Tucker was stupid to change the names of his characters. Aaron and Jeff are much better names for the characters than Drew and Dan.
What a phag.
Oh, and he also sucks dicks.
(That last part was for your benefit, Tatguy.)
Well... that massive screenplay rewrite evidently meant changing the character names.
to the anon who posted above:
i seriously doubt that anon or any of the /b/tards give two shits about this overaged frat boy.
To 2:36 PM:
You'd be shocked at what /b/ can rouse itself up and give a fuck about.
Tucker is an hero in the making if there ever was one.
The internet doesn't take kindly to fags like Tucker who peddle lies for fun and profit.
Case in Point: LRH.
His time will come, and that right soon.
Remember, none of us are as cruel as all of us.
Someone might want to tell Nils that three chins are two too many.
So what happened to Ryan Holiday? He still brags about his position in new media on his insufferable blog, but I don't think he has any involvement in the movie.
When Tucker moved to Shrevenport, did Ryan get left behind like Bunny? If so, what is he doing? His posts alternate from being about how dead-broke he is to how well-connected and successful he is. It doesn't mesh. Any of you know the story?
Ryan Holiday is a maladjusted kid from the suburbs who is good at imitating the blogging of new media industry players. In reality, he's an intern slash administrative assistant who feels important because he does Google research for semi-important douches.
He's accomplished exactly nothing in life so far.
He's not really that young for making real impact in the industry. I mean, how old is the Facebook kid?
^^^He also thinks he's some sort of phenomenon because he reads a lot.
I'm not sure how much he actually "reads" them rather than just regurgitating up the Cliff's Notes version of the book sprinkled liberally with buzz words, catchphrases and generally meaningless double-speak.
some 1 needs to post some url's of interview's/legitimate sources that are critical of tucker max so that we can add them to tuckers wikipedia artical. the pro-tucker fan boy's are such douche faggots that they delete any attempt to show tucker is a liar and fraud. his wikipedia need's to show he is a scum bag!
"I'm not sure how much he actually "reads" them rather than just regurgitating up the Cliff's Notes version of the book sprinkled liberally with buzz words, catchphrases and generally meaningless double-speak."
7/13/2008 1:34 AM
Haven't you been paying attention? Don't you know Ryan 'devours' books? (What an intense consumer of knowledge he is! He's so prodigious and different from 'everyone else'!) Why do you think he's posted lessons on how to read (featuring such treasures as 'look up words and concepts you don't know,' and 'read books from the bibliographies,' and other things I just never would have thought of)?
I own over ten-thousand books in my personal library, and I've used all of them. Raise your hand if you're impressed. Being an ardent reader is a wonderful character trait, and it speaks well of a person's initiative and will to learn, but it's certainly no reason for one to act as though one is some sort of enigmatic superthinker whose destiny is to change the world, as Ryan is so apt to do.
Eh, he's young... let him live a little... he'll either get busted down a few rungs, or his head will get bigger than Tucker's, in which case he's DEFINITELY in the right line of work.
I don't think this Michael Ian Black thing is legitimate. In the IHITSBIH entry, Tucker refers to http://michaelianblack.typepad.com/blog/2008/07/im-going-to-kic.html as Michael's blog, but Michael's blog is http://blog.myspace.com/michaelianblack
I guess it's possible he hosts his blog on more than 1 site, but if the one Tucker linked is legit, then the entries about Tucker should be on his myspace blog too.
You know, its surprising that a "genius" comedy writer like Tucker, one who wrote one of the funniest scripts in the history of cinema, can't pick up on the sarcasm/humor of Michael Ian Black's posts. Black's posts are clearly done with tongue planted firmly in cheek, but Tucker seems to be completely oblivious to that fact. At first, I thought he was doing an amazing job of acting like its real, but it becomes clear that Tucker is 100% serious. So much for that awareness for comedy.
Not surprising is that Tucker's mongoloid fanboys can't tell its humor. "You're gonna kick his azz, Tucker! Your[sic] the man!!"
Morons.
Ryan Holiday hasn't accomplished anything? Idiots. What about Fail Dogs?
That site is SO inspiring.
Don't you see? Nobody messes with Tucker... he's going to change everything by calling out anyone who talks smack. Someone who's actually willing to fight over a blog? How edgy! How interesting and intense and extreme! Hey, everyone, there's this guy who's willing to fight another guy drunk! Everyone turn your attention to this Tucker guy, because he goes further than anyone else, and does things nobody else does! This guy is crazy! Let's all talk about how insane and unusual it is for him to be willing to fight another guy! Tucker is worthy of people's attention and whatnot!
Etc., etc.
^ Especially your attention.
"^ Especially your attention."
Come on, TATguy, you can do better than that!
Forget Faildogs - this brief paragraph is Ryan's best, most poignant work to date:
"One of the strategies Tucker laid out for the movie campaign was to take all the money you'd normally spend on billboards and TV commercials and spend it on blogs or private websites. It's brilliant really. Umair just wrote a paper on it - he's giving the money to the people who create context. "
Oh my. I cannot wait to see how this turns out. Bribing bloggers instead of buying airtime? Even Snakes On A Plane ran TV spots.
^^^
Holiday and Fucker are about seven years behind the curve on that one. What movie HASN'T used word-of-mouth on internet sites??? That guy from Ain't It Cool News based his whole career on it.
Tucker doesn't have the funds to buy TV or radio spots, let alone billboards. It isn't brilliant, it's being broke.
^^^^
Yes he does. Didn't you read about how his next royalty check will be worth 150k? And how he's willing to gamble it on a fight?
Tucker should be careful fighting considering he recently tore his ACL.
Oh wait, that was all bullshit.
awesome...
the more tucker talks talks yap yap talks, the faster his traffic falls:
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/tuckermax.com?site0=tuckermax.com&y=r&z=3&h=300&w=610&c=1&u%5B%5D=tuckermax.com&x=2008-07-15T23%3A18%3A25.000Z&check=www.alexa.com&signature=3Qd9A4nQ7zsamnhGyrK8dVmVLPo%3D&range=max&size=Medium
http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_details/ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com?site0=ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com&y=r&z=3&h=300&w=610&c=1&u%5B%5D=ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com&x=2008-07-15T23%3A19%3A15.000Z&check=www.alexa.com&signature=qc4l4rBYrittu6zaPSvJT2tPA%2Fg%3D&range=6m&size=Medium
first he sunk the careers of all the rudius bloggers...
now he's going to take a bunch of one-shot wonder hollywood fanboys down with him...
and the great thing is that he'll be posting all the details on flickr & youtube. how revolutionary! how web 2.0!
but do you really need millions of dollars for this?
matt czurchsky will be forver remembered as the washed-up hollywood wanna-be who played the world's greatest douchebag.
"you'll never work in this town again."
"that's OK--i wasn't planning on it... i was kinda on my way out anyways..."
If Tucker's movie actually ever does hit theaters, hilarity is bound to ensue. It will get loads of bad reviews, as such movies are wont to do. Tucker will link to each and every one on his blog, explaining why the reviewer is a douchebag and why his movie is awesome, as well as challenging reviewers to fights and whatnot.
Can somebody who hasn't been banned on tuckers message board please help out the poster "Hoppjah." He posted a drunk driving story and in his "EDIT" he says he's getting alot of those dreaded "Red dots" because he drove drunk.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=22513&page=2
Please someone explain to this poor misguided soul that you are not COOL on that board unless you do a couple of things while drunk that make you cool instead of a drunk douchebag.
Number 1- While crashing a car when loaded it should be one that you don't own. Plus points given if you smash it into a place another person owns like..hmmm..I don't know a donut shop maybe. Super double bonus for not claiming responsibility and ignore the whole thing because, after all, your just a drunk douche. (Abstinace & Donuts)
Number 2- While drunk film a girl without her consent having sex with you. Don't worry about legal ramifications. Just do it. Later when you BLOG about you can just say you we're drunk. Nothing morally wrong with that right? Also in the bonus point category is this..say the tape is lost/destroyed that way you don't have to prove any of it really happened..Super bonus points if you can get called out on a syndicated radio show (Opie & Anthony) and almost cry when your called on your bullshit
(Tucker tries buttsex..blah blah, I'm full of shit ensues)
Number-3 Your not a super cool irresponsible drunk douche until you shit yourself all over a hotel lobby> After all thats what all frat guys who like to drink shoot for. It's the gold medal of douchebaggery acoording to Max. Shitting yourself equals comedy.
(Austin road trip)..The only thing dumber then this story would be if Max based a movie on it..oh wait, he has.
All of us have seemingly forgotten that Tucker Max is a fucking douchebag.
Tucker Max is a Doucebag. (Yes, that is spelled properly.)
So, back to whatever you were doing, secure in the knowledge that Tucker is indeed still quite the Doucebag, as we spell it on this here piece.
Oh, and Tucker? I know that you read this blog, you fucking loser.
Those of us who are aware of you think that you're pretty fucking gay, my man.
Those who don't will figure it out on their own over the coming weeks and months (dare you hope years?)
Good luck with that movie thing though. I'm sure that due to your involvement it will be fucking epic, buddy.
Ye Gods, eschewing traditional and demonstrably effective media campaigns in favor of saturating the blogosphere? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, SIR?
Brilliant. Utterly brilliant.
Truly, Tucker, you are the first visionary to have hit on this potentiality.
Your movie is destined for success... And by success, I mean total, dismal, epic fucking failure.
Don't commit suicide Tucker! You can, believe it or not, do worse, if you really, REALLY try.
Nah, kill yourself now. You'll avoid a great deal of embarassment. And wouldn't that be worth it, you fucking transparent charlatan?
Dude, Tucker IS a doucebag.
And he's not just a regular doucebag, he's a fucked-in-the-mouth doucebag.
This link proves how much of a douche Tucker really is:
http://www.smouch.net/lol/
TAT
Matt Churchsky writes, "What I admire most about you, in the limited time that we have had together, is that you view the world through your own personal looking glass. You place no limitations on your dreams, your desires, seeing only freedom in your life experiences. You move forward always in life with the ultimate belief in yourself, not listening to obstacles placed in your way. And this view of the world creates an amazing infectious energy. An energy that I want to be a part of and share with others." --http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/
Ilove that--"not listening toobstacles placed in your way..."
Tucker Max writes, "We all have dreams. Martin Luther King dreamt of racial harmony. Larry Hagman dreamt of Jeannie. For over a decade, I dreamt of fucking a midget. One weekend in July of 2006, I finally achieved my dream. It went down like this:."
http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_midget_story.phtm
I think it's awesome churchsky has finally found his higher calling in this brief life.
What's really funny about that creepy letter by Churchsky is the immediate lock-down, deletion and ridicule of posts/posters who dare to point out that the letter comes off a little over the top.
I can understand not wanting a bunch of people signing up who write nothing beyond "Churchsky sounds like a fag lol."
But I'm sure even a well-reasoned response, maybe one that pointed out that while Tucker in real-life may have more depth than the shallow character he creates for his stories, the intense enthusiasm Churchsky had for the part after reading the screenplay comes across...kind of weird.
I wonder which lines or scenes conveyed the depth, insight and wit, which are obviously required for the role (why else would he have written such an impassioned e-mail?)
Was it this early exchange, with a member of a firm that was considering hiring him on?
"If I were you, I would pry my face out of my boss’s asshole, wipe the shit out of my eyes and take a look at what a failure
at life I was. Now pay the bill, bitch."
Or maybe the way Tucker is required to trail off into flashbacks, as neither Tucker nor Nils have any idea how to establish either the characters or the plot without littering the screenplay with this ill-advised sitcom device?
Might have been the fart joke that goes on for more than a page and a half.
The toast at the wedding?
"Here's to the people we've met, and to the people we've fucked,
And to those amongst us who've had no such luck. Here's to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup,
Here's to pokin' her in the ass, so she won't get knocked up.
Here's to all of you, and here's to me, Together as friends we'll always be, But if we should ever disagree, Then FUCK ALL OF YOU, HERE'S TO ME!"
The way he finally stands up to his mom?
"My phone is about to die so I am only going to say this once. I. Can’t. Help. You. This isn’t my fucking problem, and I am certainly under no obligation to fix it. You need to take responsibility for your actions and stop using me as a proxy
to deal with your emotional issues. I am your child, not your counselor. Now please: Leave. Me. Alone."
In all fairness, those are all from the "first draft." The one Tucker touted for months as being awesome, before it got leaked, and he claimed that it had been entirely re-written and didn't resemble the final product at all. Right.
What's sad is that a lot of Tucker's loser fans probably think that "cool" people like Tucker act and talk like this in real life, and might even think it sounds funny on the page, but have no idea that if the written word came across the same as the spoken, Tucker and his friends would sound like counselors from Camp Crystal Lake who found a thesaurus and a pop-culture dictionary to play with.
Dude, y'all just don't get it... it's all about the STORY... a story of redemption and deliverance... where slingblade falls in love with a stripper with a heart of gold and amazing insight into the nuances of love lost...
Come on, people. It's all about the story. We all know Tucker tells an incredible story.
DRex looks like John Candy in The Babe. I can't wait until they delete all these videos after realizing how embarrassing it was that it took them more than two years to write this garbage. Especially since DRex was a law-school drop-out the entire time, and Tucker's only job was "managing" the vast Rudius empire.
Not that "Scream" was the best movie of all time, although it was great for what it was and especially what it inspired, it took Kevin Williamson (so he claimed) about 48 hours to write.
Yeah, but 'Scream' didn't have the incredible story that 'Beer' has. Don't you understand? It's all about the story, and 'Beer' is an incredible story.
Here's an amazing story. Man graduates law school and passes the bar exam and is allowed to continue his job at a prestigious firm. 6 years later he becomes a junior partner with full benefits, an impressive salary, and lots of vacation time.
That's a better story than becoming superdouche.
I miss the marine.
4:35, that IS a better story!
You should get ahold of Bob Gosse, and go for it.
Or, you know, someone a little better than him. I mean, if he's working with Tucker, his standards can't be that high.
2601!
I dedicate this post to TATguy, always thinking about all of us.
:)
And she gets it, possibly more so than some of you morons who think it's all about being an asshole.
I love how Tucker and his ass-kissing surrogates on the board are always trying to claim that somehow his work has a deeper meaning. I'm sorry, but WHAT THE FUCK? Tucker (in the past at least) was proud to admit that was no meaning, no growth, in his character; he was the personification of the Seinfeld ethos "no hugging, no crying, no meaning" of comedy. That's fine. But now that he has a little bit of attention thrown his way, he and his supplicants are constantly trying to pass of this movie as an important "story". I'm sorry, it doesn't. You can get all post-modernist and back-read a bunch of "meaning" into Tucker if you like, but the simple fact is that there isn't any there because Tucker didn't put any meaning there. It needs to be remembered that ALL of his "work" started off as emails to his friends where the sole point was to brag about his crazy exploits.
I've been on Tucker's board since the original. I've read the stories that were posted on the old website, the stories that were cribbed directly from emails he sent (so Tucker claimed). I can assure you that they are 99.99% the same as what appeared in his book. All Tucker did was cut-and-paste his stores and fixed (some) of the typos. And this "editing" job took TWO FUCKING YEARS! Even DbagRex admits that the first script was little nothign more than a cut-and-paste job of the Austin story; and the version that leaked onto the net was about 10% new filler with the rest cut-and-pasted. I don't care what these idiots claim, there is no way that the "current" script is that different, because Tucker has written anything "original" in more than five years. There's no meaning here, it's just a guy with narcissistic personality disorder engaging in literary masturbation.
I'm sorry, but am I the only one who thinks Tucker referring to his work as "art" is just a little bit precious?
I bet he couldn't even say that with a straight face.
I find it amusing that Tucker couldn't even get the $10M for the production budget that he listed on his website. Of course, now the official party line is "the budget was always $6M!!" Not even Stalin rewrote history as much as Tucker.
http://ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/archives/faq_1.html
They keep claiming that a character "like this" has never been written in Hollywood.
What does that mean?
Are they talking about likeable assholes?
Have they seen "Swingers" or "Van Wilder"? At this point this movie better be mind blowing because I'm seeing Bachelor Party 2 right now.
@ 10:00 a.m.
Couldn't agree more. I was a fan of his stories (and even the book) until he started pretending like he was something more than an asshole who got lucky by posting his exploits on the internet and then self-promoting the shit out of them.
"All Tucker did was cut-and-paste his stores and fixed (some) of the typos. And this "editing" job took TWO FUCKING YEARS! "
He even forgot to put in the picture (but left in the caption) of that guy living in a warehouse or something.
Isn't his new book supposed to be coming out in the fall? I haven't seen any mention of it since he said it was being pushed back a year. I know it's supposed to be full of new stories that no one's heard before, but I guarantee that even if it comes out, it's just going to be an extended version of the production blog.
And 10:14, that is hilarious he still has the old budget listed IN the FAQ on HIS web site. He's usually better about disappearing the truth. I wouldn't be surprised if it's gone by the end of the day, after Tucker reads your comment.
This guy is priceless. Who is he?
Talking about protecting his brand in a youtube video. Brand of what?
What am I missing here?
Y'all just don't 'get it.' Tuck's destined for greatness. Duh.
Whay isn't the video of Tucker on Opie and Anthony on the "You tube" thread on Tucker's site? It is by far funnier then any other video posted there. He stammers, and stall's, hym's and haul's through the whole interview.
"His buddy fell out of the closet" while illegally filming a girl having sex? Yeah, that happens all the time. The tape was destroyed because it was 9 years ago and the camera was one of those "VHS style" cameras?. I7m sorry but those old school cameras were the shit. I've seen footage filmed on those of a hurrican and the tape with (and camera) withstood the hardship. I guess a little "Buddy puke" is like kryptonite to a video camera.
Seriously watch the video. Its been awhile since the interview happened and it seems more retarded now then it did then.
What a lying douche.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=mAbreeMofRg
happened
Sorry this Opie and Anthony clip is even funnier.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zc27DX7qRT0&feature=related
In the clip Tucker says " It was just a crashed out window" referring to the accident with the car. Somehow on the radio this..has transformed into "Just a crashed out window".
Here's what Tucker says in his "story"
QUOTE DOUCHE/LIAR MAX
4:46: I get out of the car. I am INSIDE of a donut shop. With the car. Shattered glass crunches under my feet as I investigate the damage. There are broken and fractured tables scattered all across the store. The car has only a few scratches. I am in shock and completely unsure about what to do. I am have never driven a car into a store before.
Yeah, so which was it a smashed window or, "where you inside the shop" with broken stuff all around you?
Christ what a fucking liar!
I knew a guy in law school just like Tucker. In fact, he's a pretty good friend of mine. He acted in a very similar manner as Tucker, viewed women as objects, fucked A LOT of girls (dirty little secret of law school is that it is the easiest place to get laid, the girls are the most insecure in the world), did crazy shit usually under the influence of one or more substances and just generally acted like an asshole. Like Tucker, my friend came from a wealthy family and had a shit ton of money, a fact that allowed him to smooth over any problems as well as provide the means to just not give a fuck. We would email around stories about the crazy antics we got into, and my friend's (again, like Tucker's) were always the most wild, the craziest most I-can't-believe-he-did-that type stories to tell. The thing is, we all knew he was lying. Whenever he would start a story with "you won't believe what happened..." we knew to immediately discount it by 50%. It's not that he was making shit up completely, just that he always exaggerated/embellished to top anyone else's story. He's still a good friend, but that fact remains.
Tucker's stories are exactly the same. It's important to remember that, by Tucker's own admission, his stories started out as emails passed around amongst his friends where they would do exactly what my friends did: pass along stories of crazy exploits for a cheap laugh. Tucker is the ultimate story-topper, he has to top whatever crazy experience anybody else had with one that "was just like yours, but 10x worse!!" And it's that point where he's trying to make his THE CRAZIEST EVER!!! that you can tell he's just making it up. In the Absinthe Donuts Story, its the point where he somehow jumps the curb, drives back 5-10 feet and then goes through the plate class window of a donut shop. Sure you did, champ. Everything up to that point is (somewhat) believable, this is where he goes off the tracks, and you can tell he's lying in an attempt to make his story seem like the wildest night ever, something that ONLY TUCKER could find himself in.
Same with the Buttsex story. I have no problem believing it up until the point about it being videotaped by a friend hiding in the closet who falls out, "breaking" the videotape. The genesis of the story undoubtedly was Tucker, PWJ, Slingblade and some others talking about sexual mishaps and stupid things that happened. Someone undoubtedly had an experience with some leakage while attempting anal, a story that got a big reaction. Tucker, being the narcissist that he is, HAD to one-up that story and spun a tale of projectile diarrhea and vomiting. Probably 80% of the story is true, he was trying to fuck some girl in the ass and used too much lube (hey, accidents happened), she shat herself and Tucker ended up with a huge pile of santorum, a situation that may or may not have made him throw up. But that's not enough for Tucker, he has to add those outlandish details about secret videotaping, etc. etc.
You can tell he's lying, because of his reaction to the question, "what happened to the tape?" He hems and haws some lame answer about it being broken by the impact. Which is weird because VHS style camcorders may shatter, but it's not like the tape would somehow pop out AND THEN break, the camera would be ruined by the tape would almost assuredly be fine. In the real world, if you're sitting there with a VHS cassette covered in lube/shit/vomit your reaction would be to throw it away. Even if it could be cleaned off, you'd never want to touch that thing again. And that's what a person who wasn't lying and reacted naturally would say to Opie & Anthony, "look dude, I threw that thing away because it was covered in the nastiest stuff imaginable. No way I was keeping it around." Unfortunately for Tucker, he's lying, he doesn't know what a natural reaction would be because he didn't actually do it and goes with the first thought in his head. "Well, they can't prove me wrong if I don't have the tape because it was destroyed! Yeah, that'll work!! It's good AND believable." Just another example of taking the story too far and not being prepared for some obvious questions.
Sorry, that kind of rambled.
Y'all still don't get it... fame and popularity equal greatness. Lots of people buy Tucker's books; lots of people will see his movie. That makes him great.
Lots of people live in Canada, does that make it great?
Tucker is trying to rebrand himself as a non-douchebag.
He is doing this by posting pictures of himself with puppies and having his fanboys call anyone who questions the authenticy of a project that was built entirely upon douche "a cunt." All she was doing is questioning the wisdom of Churchsky's career-killing decision.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=22553&page=4
But every penny he has made has come from corproate douchebaggery . . . so until he gives it all back. . .
The thing is this-- the guy writes some semi-funny, not to hard to believe stories about getting drunk and banging insecure frat chicks. I get it.
Did he film the anal sex? No. Did he drive into a donut shop? of course not.
Is he the spoiled son of a multi-millionaire businessman? yeah. Good for his dad.
The problem is that now that he's making a movie and he steps out from behind the hidden world of just words and looks into cameras and speaks like the biggest asshole ever to walk the planet is just insane.
He buys his own bullshit. He surrounds himself with asskissers. No one there to check his shit. He's making a movie about buddies going to a strip club, not the Shawshank Redemption. He's calling himself "an artist" and speaking like he invented the cure for cancer.
Hey, it's fucking great entertainment when you think about it.
In the end, no matter what happens -- "straight to video" -- or "P2P distribution deal" - or "available exclusively online" -- he will spin that as the BEST OUTCOME EVER HAD BY A FIRSTTIME filmmaker.
He will never admit defeat, and will always claim victory -- and those around him will back his version because they're afraid to tell him the truth.
And we all get to watch! ;)
^^^^
Of course Tucker will never admit failure, because he's an alpha-dog, a winner DAMN YOU!!! And winners like Tucker get to define success however they choose, even retroactively changing their previous definition.
The short of it is, whatever happens with the movie, Tucker will spin the outcome as exactly what he wanted to be and the ass-kissers on his board will be right there to agree with him.
As I type this I am pretty sure Tucker is putting the finishing touches on his "Lights, camera, ACTION" BLOG post as Monday 7/21 filmming begins on his movie.
What will the tone be? "My life is never gonna be the same. Ever." or will he be humble and have the "Wish me luck" attitude.
I hope he's aware that he is not the first person to be on a movie set working on a film that is based on their lives. I really hope he realizes that what he is doing is not unique at all. Don't get me wrong, making a movie is fun and lots of hard work. It just seems like he thinks this whole project is something much bigger than it really is.
Either way, I will go see his movie.
is tucker going to use his amazon tactics for the movie too?
amazon actually let a couple honest one star reviews be posted, though they may be removed soon:
http://www.amazon.com/review/product/0806527285/ref=cm_cr_pr_recent?%5Fencoding=UTF8&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending
"I love to read and this is the worst book I have ever read in respect to both writing style and content...Tucker Max chronicles his drunken escapades which mainly include sleeping with as many women as possible, a lot of vomitting stories and insulting everyone he meets along the way. Most people would look upon this behavior years later and be embarrassed, but Tucker continues to think he is the funniest person alive. The only person I could see enjoying this book would be a frat boy who lacks any moral or ethical compass. I strongly regret having purchased this book and contributing to the financial success of Tucker Max in any way."
And: "I cannot believe anyone would want to read this book. I bought it thinking it would be funny but, it is just a sick account of someone with no respect for women. Tucker makes fun of all the women in his book that ever hooked up with him. The book is about a shallow childish frat brat who apparently never grew up.
If you want to read it go ahead but I wouldn't waste any money to support the way he degrades women. I feel sorry for the women that ended up in his sick book."
We read about how honest reviews for tucker's douchebaggery are always disappearing from the site. What's the deal with that? Does Tucker have a direct line to Jeff Bezos?
http://www.amazon.com/REVIEW-LAME-KEEPS-GETTING-DELETED/forum/FxFIT6WSO238TC/Tx2NNUW7U53HYO3/1/ref=cm_cd_ef_rt_tft_tp?%5Fencoding=UTF8&asin=0806527285
"I posted a well-written, honest review of this one-star book (my opinion), and it keeps getting deleted! I posted it three times already. Hmmm.... seems like someone is totally threatened by what I have to say.
I am almost certain the author or his PR department is monitoring and flagging these bad reviews... how sad that he or they can't take a little honest criticism.
I simply stated my opinion--that this book would appeal to small-town folk or button-up corporate types who are sheltered and think that the kind of drinking and debauchery written in his memoires is subversive and "crazy"... when in fact, it's a little laughable for most of us who have been through more (and worse!!!) and don't have to flex our "crazy" muscles.
I also stated that the rare funny bits in this book were drowned out by his incessant self-promoting and bragging... I could barely get through this book because of that. It was annoying and tedious to read.
I'm sorry, to whoever is monitoring these, but that's just my opinion. I'm sorry if it doesn't sit well with you, but I just didn't find it all that great and the memoirs of some lame, over-privileged frat boy trying to "live on the edge"--laughably, at that--may not be of interest to some of us out here.
And stop censoring my reviews because your feelings are so hurt. Get a grip and deal with it.
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Guidelines."
i think it's awesome how corporate america has been taken over by censoring, tyrannical douchebags.
One of the great things about web 2.0 is that for $10,000,000 (I mean $6,000,000) you can buy good looking friends:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/2685472109/sizes/l/in/set-72157605835468911/
The trailer looks funny at least.
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1823998233/
Yeah--I love how Tucker treats people like accessories.
The second he gets some $$$$, he drops
1) Kung Fu Mike
2) The Bunny
3) Ryan Holliday
4) All the rudius bloggers
And in less than a couple weeks, he has a brand new set of close friends and old buddies, with pictures and video to prove it.
But like true art, true friendship derives from a deeper source.
i am not a douchebag, but i play one on straight-to-DVD:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/2685475887/sizes/l/in/photostream/
"i am not a douchebag, but i play one on straight-to-DVD:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rudiusmedia/2685475887/sizes/l/in/photostream/"
Looks like he's really trying to pretend enjoying himself. And for what it's worth, the fucking Wii wheel is shit for playing Mario Kart with.
yeah--if only tucker had raised $10,000,000, he would have beenhanging with
1) ryan gosling
2) kiera knightly
3) justin timberlake
4) spike jonze
oh well. if his movie is the smash he says it is going to be, i am sure he can afford to dump the current crew.
remember how rudius bloggers were all the best? until they epic failed?
well, i would imagine his present crew's imdb pages have their best days behind them.
Remember this little gem:
"You guys have no idea the wrath we are going to bring down before all of this hating is over.
pussies.
~KFM
7/04/2007 11:12 AM"
He sure showed us. Running himself into the ground financially, totally failing to do anything worth a damn out in LA, running back home to momma, and filling his blog with the same ol' inane dribble; these are all excellent strategies for putting us in our place. Where's the tough talk NOW, Michael Boulerice?
^^^Dude, don't you know anything? Mike knocked some girl up, and now he's getting married.
Read this:
http://www.kungfumike.net/archives/baked_potato.phtml
Then check out these myspace pages:
http://www.myspace.com/kungfu_mike
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=3083881
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=398257218
Way to win at life, KFC Mike.
^^^Sorry, here's a working link to the last myspace site:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=398257218
Dang, the link won't work. Anyhow, check the top friend on Mike's page, it's called "Mr. and Mrs. Kungfu."
I guess no one saw Bunny's short-lived blog post last week crying about how much she's supported Tucker over the years only to be left out in the cold now that he has gone Hollywood.
Silly girl obvious doesn't understand Tucker's art and how big this movie is going to be. Hopefully she can 'take a meeting' with him and patch things up.
As enteraining it is to read everyone's comments bashing tucker, brett meisner simply puts him to shame...
www.rocknrollbadboy.com
Unlike tucker, instead of deleting everything said that disagrees with him, he simply ignores it, his entire message board consists solely of him saying unbelievable things and a group of people tearing him to shreads over it...
I cried from laughter on multiple occasions, anyone know who that waste of space actually is?
I don't know who Brett is, but whoever he is, he has fucking mastered the art of trolling.
That being said, he is a doucebag on par with Tucker himself.
Mesiner is a toolshed w/o the shed!
But this pic made me laugh:
http://www.rockandrollbadboy.com/images/tattoo2-small.jpg
Guy on left face.
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