The story below was copied from a
Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.
Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand
Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!
Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.
In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.
15,917 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 12801 – 13000 of 15917 Newer› Newest»An then there is this one. Yes, he said this.
"I wasn’t going to mention this, but fuck it, I am too arrogant not to: David Zuckerman was the first one to say the words “oscar” and “screenplay” to Nils and I in the same sentence. I scoffed at him, thinking he was just being nice to me.
Well, I have had someone else say that. Not to me, but to other people. And not just some scrub, but someone who has an idea of what they are talking about. Their exact quote was something to the extent of “sleeper nomination for best adapted screenplay.” I wasn’t there, I can’t confirm this, but…I was told this by someone who has no reason to lie to me."
Art = private jets
This post was deleted from RMMB as were a few other choice posts. Priceless.
"Making this movie was never the end goal for Nils or myself. Never. This movie is just a launching point for something much larger.
In addition to building a franchise off of this first film project, we have tons of ideas for Rudius media. Some are easy to envision (books, movies); others will take a lot more resources and be dependant upon certain benchmarks associated with domestic receipts and other factors that I will explain soon.
The business plan for Rudius is diverse to say the least and will surprise many people. Without giving away too many secrets I will list just a few of like 20 venutres we will be exploring.
Rudius Air: We are already in talks to purchase or lease two high-end private jets that will cater to specically to filmmakers. More on this later.
Crossbow and Rifle range: We have met with a few commercial realtors in Los Angeles to help us scout a location for an indoor firing range that isn't limited to handguns. There is a huge potential market for this in Southern California. People are just to lazy to do the research.
IHTSBIH Bar/Restaurant(s): Depsite the plethora of places to eat in Los Angeles, there are only a few places to go and actually drink (without being surrounded by cokehead actors in shiny shirts). The problem why so many bars fail in this town is because everyone overthinks the concept. Not us. Don't gte me wrong--There are HUGE obstacles for this; a liquor license being one as they are near impossible unless you stick to serving just beer and wine. We've run a broad concept past a few investors and got amazingly POSITIVE feedback. Again, this would be two years out at least, but two years is nothing in the timeline we have fashioned."
Anonymous (10/12/2009 1:52 PM), you are joking, right? Tucker Max could not possibly have been delusional enough to post that, or could he?
The low point for me was when he said people shitting on his trailer were just irrationally angry. His evidence? They made typos in their posts. That was just the dumbest, most hilarious response I've ever read. It HAD to be parody. There's just no way that is the best argument he could come up with. I mean, "get out of your mom's basement losers" would have been better. Not to mention, Tucker makes like 13 typos per sentence.
What a fucking moron.
"We have a distributor and it's a major. I'm not allowed to say anything until the trades make the official announcement."
"IHTSBIH will be released into thousands of theater just like any other Hollywood movie."
"This movie has always been about making art. It has never been about money. If we wanted money, Nils and I could have taken the 8-figure deal that was put on the table."
"Come September, Nils and I are going to see some serious F.U. money!"
"Ft. Hood screening going great, same as all the screenings. I cannot wait until September 25th. Private jet, here I come."
"It has always been about the art. Never about money."
Oh, I forgot to mention...
Tucker has been accused of rape probably five or six times. You know, maybe one I could see happening as rough sex gone wrong. Doesn't make it right, but it's within the boundaries of 'not a rapist'.
IF IF IF he manages to expand beyond the realm of fratboys on the internetz, all of this ridiculous shit is going to come to light and crush any shot he has at a decent career.
But, being a drunken asshole definitely pays off.
5/22/2007 6:36 PM
------------------------------------
This was posted back in 2007, talk about seeing into the future. thats hilarious
Oh man -- I love how Paranormal Activity is doing what Tucker WANTED HIS MOVIE TO DO!
Look at cnn.com. Paranormal Activity is the highlight on the front page.
Tucker Max Fail.
Maybe he should have hired those guys to handle his shit..
Tucker is planning on suing a number of people who have bad mouthed him in the press. Included are TheBostonist, the blog that called him a "rapist". The Harvard blog where he called a woman "a bitch", Gawker for a number of reasons, and a few other venues.
I find it hysterical on so many levels (to quote Tucker) that a guy who became famous by exploiting the fact that he was sued for whatever is now going to sue a bunch of places for doing pretty much the exact same thing.
The lawsuits will be the final nail in the coffin for Tucker Max. His fanbase, which as one can see has shrunk again DESPITE having a movie made about his life, will probably up and leave for the next "big" internet phenom.
Somebody said it on the screenwriter site that Tucker, despite his flaws could make money on his movie, but that he's more likely going to destroy his own brand before success comes. I think that guy completely nailed it. It wasn't the haterz or the bad press or whatever. It was always Tucker Max. In the end, he destroyed himself.
Good fucking riddance.
How long before Tucker tries to take (at least partial) credit for Paranormal's success & marketing strategy? He was correct that there would be an independent film this fall that could potentially be a game changer; unfortunately it certainly wasn't IHTSBIH:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/10/12/paranormal.activity.movie/index.html
^
Tucker is full of shit. He has to prove some sort of monetary damage, presumably to ticket sales. In absense of demonstrating damage, even if he wins (highly doubtful as courts grant considerable leeway to journalists and op-ed pieces) there is nothing for Tucker to collect.
Unless Tucker finds a lawyer willing to take his case pro bono (not exactly a worthy cause) he won't bother. That's why Tucker rages like spurned drag queen about suing The Bostonist, and yet hasn't filed a civil action. The threats are to soothe his hurt feelings.
If Tucker actually files suit against a bunch of his detractors, it will be the ultimate in ironic hypocrisy. So as not to bore, I won't go into the myriad reasons Tucker's potential suit doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. I'll just point out that Tucker gleefully attacked people left and right over the years, causing any number of them to sue him. In these cases (Miss Vermont, Anthony DiMeo), Tucker was rightfully vindicated (for the legal right at issue, not for him) and laughed at those with "thin skin". Amazing how the tables have potentially turned. What a fucking hypocritical tool.
3:18: I beat you to it! Owned.
3:18: I beat you to it! Owned.
Everyone say it with me...
1..2..3..
TUCKER
MAX
FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's NOTHING wrong with the idea of Rudius Air. Perfectly good business opportunity. Everyone wants to fly on an airplane with Tucker Max's face painted on the side. Just imagine! You're in the airport, and the planes are all lined up by the passenger terminal, Tucker's face with its charming half-grin on every one! Wouldn't that be awesome?
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/10/12/paranormal.activity.movie/index.html
Oh man this is too good. This article is almost a play by play of what Max wanted and expected his pile of steaming turd to acheive. I'd like to bet the bile is just choking him as he reads this.
The difference? - this is a good moive and Tuckers is not. It has nothing to do with what Freestyle or the PR company or Darko or anyone else did or did not do. Word of mouth works but only when the word is "good" instead of "crap-from-start-to-finish". Get it Max? Finally do you get it?
anytime tucker says 'more on this later' it means he's lying. anytime tucker says 'DO NOT EMAIL ME ABOUT THIS' - no one has ever emailed him about that, and he's lying.
http://www.790theticket.com/lebatard.aspx
Even in the face of failure he still has the audacity to perpetuate a myriad of lies in the interview, most notably:
1.) The "million books sold" myth
2.) His reference to an Econ degree.
How proud is Tucker of this line:
"I used to be an unguided missile of debauchery, but now I'm more like a smartbomb of debauchery"
He has said that line in every interview as if it is a well-crafted genius marketing device. It's just lame and silly.
He is the worst interview ever. The dumbest thing he ever did was stepping out from behind the internet curtain.
http://gawker.com/5379688/tucker-maxs-biggest-fans-explain-his-transcendent-movie
This particular evisceration of Tugger's fanbase is sublime.
Holy shit. mccoymountain has registered on RMMB and posted this:
"http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/...beerinhell.htm
Current box office total is $997,000. For all your HATERZ who said it would never break $1m, you are all going to EAT your words when the movie DOUBLES its daily PSA this weekend from $175 to $350 and destroys the seven-figure threshold.
That's right, it'll be in the company of box office giants like "Under the Sea 3D."
Now only if Tucker can figure out a way to get all the theaters to waive their cut and turn over 100% of the ticket sales to him, personally, he can buy a fractional interest in a G5 and not hear all the haterz between 3am and 5am every third Monday for the next THREE months. That's right, big time baby."
(My guess, it's not really mccoy. Sarcasm isn't his style.)
Mccoy's post has been deleted.
BTW, what are the chances of the Lion's making the playoffs this year?
^^^ Somebody else wrote that a while back. It's possible that mccoy just pasted it onto the RMMb, or that whoever wrote it (or liked it) registered under mccoy's name and put it there. In any case, it's probably gone by now.
About the same as McCoy becoming a mod on Tucker's board.
you beat me to it, 8:26.
Also, the Lions are almost certainly guaranteed to win it all. That 1-4 start is just a smokescreen, to throw off naysayers.
"家出している女の子と遊んでみませんか？彼女たちはお金に困っているので、掲示板で知り合ったいろんな男の家を泊り歩いている子も多いのです。そんな子たちとの出逢いの場を提供しています"
I finally translated this, after poring over Chinese (or Japanese, whatever) language books for hours.
Literally translated, this says: "Very, very fat is Nils."
i don’t think that this post does either of what you say. Simply that the author doesn’t like his “humor” and doesn’t understand why others do. Did you read the post?
As for women being responsible for abortions and divorce, it takes two to tango. If a women leaves a Neanderthal man who abuses her or doesn’t treat her with respect; or if a woman chooses a safe, legal medical procedure to end a pregnancy because she doesn’t have a supportive partner or she’s not ready for a child, I consider that a victory for families.
i don’t understand your bitterness towards women being strong and independent.
o
on October 7, 2009, at 4:54 pm | Reply jeffery jones
well, why are women funding and producing tucker max if it is really true that women do not like neandrathal men? why are thousands hooking up with him and wiring him hundreds of thousands of dollars from their women-controlled corporations?
The above author cites an executive summary:
“In study after study, findings have indicated that women more often than men are portrayed in a sexual manner (e.g., dressed in revealing clothing, with bodily postures or facial expressions that imply sexual readiness) and are objectified (e.g., used as a decorative object, or as body parts rather than a whole person). In addition, a narrow (and unrealistic) standard of physical beauty is heavily emphasized. These are the models of femininity presented for young girls to study and emulate.”
Well, this certainly is incriminating evidence!
Now that women have been given the freedom to choose and are afforded with the opportunity to “dress in revealing clothing, with bodily postures or facial expressions that imply sexual readiness,” they jump on the opportunity.
Of course the feminists will argue that neanderthal men are forcing the women to do this, and that women have no choice in the manner.
Should one puruse porn sites on the internent, they will find that far more women partake in them than do men. There are far, far more pictures of women, than men.
Of course the feminists will argue that neanderthal men are forcing the women to do this, and that women have no choice in the manner.
The feminist movement destroyed the strong fathers and fatherhood who would keep their daughters off such sites.
They took the Bible out of all the curriculums as its morality was patriarchal and oppressive. They replaced the classics with sexually-crarged material. And then they wonder and stand agape at the “Girls Gone Wild” phenomena, and blame it all on Neanderthal men.
So it is that the fundamental tenet of modern feminism is that women can a) do whatever they want, and b) are never responsible for their actions.
The interesting thing about porn is that while yes, men watch it and pay for it, women perform it, partake in it, and accept money for it. Porn is degrading, just like Tucker Max. so again, why are so many women funding, financing, producing, copulating, and publishing Tucker Max, even after his film flopped, and why are so many women partaking in porn?
#
on October 9, 2009, at 9:25 am | Reply jessicajarvis
hello km,
you write, “As for women being responsible for abortions and divorce, it takes two to tango.”
actually, no.
women initiate 2/3 of all divorces. of course you will say that this is because they married neandrethals. why do so many women love and copulate with neanderthals? why do they hate nice guys? why do they fund, produce, publish, and have degrading sex with tucker max who writes about pulling their hair?
women intiate 100% of abortions. it is a woman’s choice. men have absolutely no say. of course you will say they have to because they had sex with a neanderthal. why do women copulate with neanderthals? why not copulate with a nice guy so that they can have a nice baby and they don’t have to abort the neanderthal’s kid?
” If a women leaves a Neanderthal man who abuses her or doesn’t treat her with respect; or if a woman chooses a safe, legal medical procedure to end a pregnancy because she doesn’t have a supportive partner or she’s not ready for a child, I consider that a victory for families.”
as a awomen, i do not find tucker max funny at all.
do you find secretive tapings of sodomy without the girl’s consent funny? do you find that humorous?
*
on October 9, 2009, at 12:27 pm | Reply km
I don’t find tucker max in the least bit amusing. I do not support, finance, or otherwise condone any of this endeavors. I think that’s where we end our agreement.
Pregnancy takes two. Thus, abortion takes two. It’s that simple. Parenting also takes two.
A marriage takes two. Thus, divorce takes two. If you have some un-cited statistic that says 2/3 of women initiate divorce, that only means women are better at getting around to filing paperwork.
As a woman, i am offended that any other woman would have such a low opinion of other women and their ability to make choices.
blog-aauw.org/2009/09/28/time-to-draw-the-line-on-tucker-max/
mccoymountain
Why do I dislike Tucker?
To paraphrase RATM:
"Yes I know my enemies
Theyre the teachers who taught me to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
All of which are american dreams"
That's why I dislike Tucker Max.
Uh... you know, I've not been to this site in a while, but reading through some of these comments, it seems like you guys aren't that hot on Tucker Mac and his extensive body of artwork.
What the hell?!
Do I need to remind you guys that this is the man who taught so many of us how to be ourselves in the face of adversity, by going to the bathroom in a hotel lobby?!
I mean, this is the guy who vomited on a girl because she defecated on his penis! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAI'm a loser. That's HILARIOUS! But, not only is it hilarious, it's also powerful, moving art that compels the soul and frees the mind!
You see, Tucker's really, really smart, and he's SO cool, too. Like, most people just have jobs or whatever, but Tucker has a website! A WEBSITE! And he's had lots of sex with many different girls, which makes him a true artist in every sense of the word!
And you know? Most people would look at what he's done and be satisfied with it, but NOT TUCKER! HAHAAHAHAHAHAHelp me! He made a MOVIE! And in the movie, THE MAIN CHARACTER GOES TO THE BATHROOM IN A HOTEL LOBBY!! OH, SWEET MERCIFUL CHEESE ANGELS! That's so awesome that I don't even know what to say!
And it's not just that Tucker's now movie,'I'll Hope The Beer is Near Hell', is supremely artistic and timeless- it's made over a million dollars of real cash money! A MILLION DOLLARS! If that's not the epitome of success, I'd like to know what is!
In closing, I just want to remind you guys that Tucker's really, really funny, and cool, and has lots of ex because he's so funny and he went to Duke Law School, BUT ISN'T EVEN A LAWYER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAKill me! There's NOTHING cooler or funnier than that, or more artistic!
Why do I dislike Tucker?
To paraphrase Marcus from "Bad Santa"
"Tucker Max is an emotional fucking cripple. His soul is dog shit. Every single fucking thing about him is ugly."
That's why I hate Tucker Max.
What did Bunny get for all her troubles?
Tucker chose to write with Nils and use her as a sounding board for everything regarding the film. She's probably done more work reading the script than both Nils and Tucker combined. She was at all the script readings, all the casting sessions, meeting with talent, producers directors. Fuck, she was the person who got Max Wong interested in the project to begin with and got the ball rolling.
What did she get for her efforts? Nothing. Okay, not "nothing", she's going to get a big THANK YOU at the end of the credits. But that's it. She fucking deserved an associate producer credit at the very least, and TUcker, who had a lot of control on the project didn't fight to get her that credit. He rolled over the second they said NO to giving her a credit. Fuck, she could have been given a credit and Tucker could have given her one of his many points on the project just so her take wouldn't come out of Darko's points.
Did he do that? No. He fucking left her high and dry and made his movie without her getting any credit at all. A year later Tucker is telling everybody how great the movie is going to be while she was in rehab or a psychiatric hospital.
Erin, I don't know if you read this, but come on, that's got to sting. Yet you still fight for Tucker tooth and nail. Why? Why? Why? He's not your friend. The little "good times" are tempered by the 99% of the time he treats you like shit and you get nothing out of it.
Make a clean break. End it all. No more message board, phone calls when he needs you, etc. End it. Work on your art (which is excellent on a lot of levels) and do something for yourself BY YOURSELF. If it happens for you, that's great, if it doesn't you'll still have your dignity. You're too good of a person to keep this shit from going on and on in a vicious circle where only you feel pain.
That "The Hangover" has outdone IHTSBIH for every week of the latter's release is truly the greatest irony of all.
I won't believe tugger is filing lawsuits until he sets up a blog about it and makes ridiculous claims as to how much money he'll win. Of course, when the cases are dismissed (with prejudice) it'll suddenly be about the art.
Why do I hate Tucker Max?
The better question is, why DON'T YOU hate Tucker Max?
He's a liar. He's a hypocrite. He's a coward. But those things could be forgiven.
He's a bully who preys on the weak (at least in his stories) and the elderly, the physically imperfect, minorities, etc. (All of this he does while being both overweight and too old for his own nonsense.)
He's a vandal (at least in his stories) who shits, pisses and vomits all over public places.
He's a criminal -- he has sex with unconscious women and brags of driving dunk.
And worst of all -- he's putting all this behaviour out there as not only funny, but admirable, intellectually superior, and MASCULINE.
Would John Wayne do any of this idiocy?
Why do I hate Tucker Max? Oh, let me count the ways...
It's the way he's intellectually inconsistant (e.g., Shreveport, Bunny, his fans, his "art", etc). There's a reason for this, of course: Tucker always tries to be dominant in any situation, and this leads him to contradict himself pretty often. The man is two-faced and unprincipled, all bluster and no follow-through. If he meant what he said, or said what he meant, perhaps he would be the guy he's trying to play. As it stands, he's just a fake piece of shit.
"Tucker is planning on suing a number of people who have bad mouthed him in the press. Included are TheBostonist, the blog that called him a "rapist". The Harvard blog where he called a woman "a bitch", Gawker for a number of reasons, and a few other venues.
I find it hysterical on so many levels (to quote Tucker) that a guy who became famous by exploiting the fact that he was sued for whatever is now going to sue a bunch of places for doing pretty much the exact same thing."
I think his arrogance sometimes makes him stupid.
As you mentioned he was a defendant for the exact same thing he is talking about suing for. Libel. Why does he think he will win, when the person who sued him did not?
TM doesn't understand a myriad of things he would if he had ever become a lawyer.
a) A libel case is extremely difficult to prove today, but also extremely expensive to fully prosecute. Does he have any money?
b) It's difficult cause you must prove that there was financial impact upon you personally that you should be compensated for.
None of these people had any negative financial impact on him. If anything, they drew attention to him and put of free advertising.
c) Even *if* you can prove financial impact, the majority of libel cases are still not awarded any financial compensation at all. Even when the sued party is found guilty.
d) "So Tucker, What do your parents think of you?" - Tucker: "They think I'm a rapist."
Yes, Tucker seriously said that. Joking of course. But any lawyer worth their salt is simply going to point to this and go...
My client was simply reiterating what Tucker Max had said about himself.
e) Plus all the websites/mediaoutlets/etc always implied.
None of them ever said: "Tucker Max is a Rapist." there was always a word, "like" "seems" "may be" etc. All of which are non-explicit.
I'm sorry. If he goes to court he will find himself woefully mistaken, and out money for lawyers and court fees.
"If you have some un-cited statistic that says 2/3 of women initiate divorce, that only means women are better at getting around to filing paperwork."
Damnable lie. Women can and do drop divorce bombs without warning. Women lie about the fact that they do it. Women lie about why they do it. And the actual figure is 75%.
Never trust what a woman says. Only believe what she does.
Women divorce men for Existing While Beta. Women rationalize this to themselves by saying the man is so OBVIOUSLY not attending to her needs, he's dumped her already, so she's just paying him back properly. And the divorce court anal rape is just punishment for the man who has the effrontery to Exist While Beta. Women lie to themselves and everybody else. Meanwhile, the man who has committed the unpardonable sin of existence has no God damned clue what is going on in her head; he's operating on the basis of logic and reason and readily observable facts, all of which lead one to the logical conclusion that nothing is overtly wrong. But he Exists While Beta. He isn't catering to her insane hormonal emotional flightiness. Therefore she brainwashes herself into backstabbing him as viciously as she can and that it was his fault all along.
Women are not just physically inferior to men. They are not just mentally inferior. They are morally inferior too. Men who understand this can handle women properly, and get the women to convince themselves that they're being treated fairly and they're loved and everything is butterflies and roses. Men who don't understand it - or more likely, never took the time to learn about it, because rational creatures shouldn't need such things - are guilty, guilty, guilty of the ultimate sin: Existing While Beta.
Oh dear god,
That unbelievable twit Ryan Holiday (Aka the man who read a couple of books on strategy and earmarked himself as the next Alexander the Great) is advertising for an intern on his website.
Holiday is a prime example of how people who drift into Tucker's orbit eventually end up talking like him - That tendency towards hyperbole while keeping the details deliberately vague.
Remember this. No matter what happens with Tucker's movie he will call it a victory.
turns out Nils and I saw a decent amount of cash after all"
"The DVD market was all we were concerned about and in that respect we hit a grandslam"
"our movie tested higher than any film in Hollywood history"
"we suffered the same fate as a very similar film, Office Space. Both were great and unique but suffered from poor marketing"
"even the Shawshank Redemption was not well received at first"
"Had Freestyle had the balls to go two more weeks this thing was about to explode"
"Nils dropped the ball on the trailer"
"The PR company dropped the ball on the press side"
"Darko tied our hand and left us basically ball-less and blind"
"If the reviewers stuck to reviewing the film and not reviewing me, I think the results would have been better"
"I'd rather live making the film I wanted to make than die with a boot on my neck"
"at the end of the day we didn't have the money to compete with other films"
"Bob Gosse fucked this whole thing up"
"I never actually wanted a jet, I was just saying that to play headgames with the haters and they fell right intio my trap"
"my fans suck and they dropped the ball on this one"
From ryanholiday.net:
"I just ended a year and a half stint with a remote intern and am looking for a new one. My readership has turned over a few times since I took applications here last time and I am opening it up again. Before you send anything in read the following criteria I'm looking for: A young person with some tangible (emailable) internet experience. I'd prefer they be a fresh person I've haven't dealt much with before (no offense to the regulars who I hear from all the time) and someone with some talent at thinking strategically and teaching themselves. Most importantly, you have to constantly be reachable - I am and you'll need to be also. The fact that I really threw myself into stuff regardless of other commitments when I was 18 is maybe the only reason I was able to turn that little opportunity into this.
If this sounds like you, email me a couple bullet points about you - where you go to school; links to your delicious, FB, Twitter, site; where you live; authors you like; projects you've worked on. My last intern got to work with a whole bunch of important and famous people, paid on some contracting gigs, and had a chance to corner a really good market. Think of the position like an expanded research assistant job mixed with social media work and community organizing. It'll cover all the projects I work on and please don't ask what they are - you either get it at this point or you don't. "
Wait, isn't this little tardo TUCKER'S intern?!? Why the FUCK does he need an intern?!??????
Maybe it's a sign that the little kiss ass is about to break away from Tucker. Tucker is stuck somewhere between a has-been and a never-will-be. This failed movie undermined his status as an internet celebrity.
Of course the smart move for Ryan would be to register for classes next semester, but Ryan's too foolish to admit that dropping out was a bad idea.
"the projects I work on and please don't ask what they are"
Major, major, major red flag for anyone with a few real-world job interviews under their belt.
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=27508&page=17
Someone posted the Tucker Max fail link on the discussion board. It's actually managed to go quite a while without being deleted.
haterz rool
tuckerz drool
Oh my god, you guys gotta read this gem:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=9981
Too many gems, here's one:
" If you are absolutely honest with yourself about the criticism, then it can valuable. But if someone comes at you with a good critique and you ignore it because of your pride fucking with you, then you are only hurting yourself. One of the things I've had to learn over the past three years, and maybe the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn, is to not let your pride interfere with your goals. "
Like, say, insulting people for making typos?
"It'll cover all the projects I work on and please don't ask what they are - you either get it at this point or you don't."
Um, Ryan, no one understands all the "projects" you work on, least of all you. That's because whatever it is you do, and nobody knows because you're always vague and elusive about it, adds no value and despite lofty sounding soundbites "harnassing new media paradigms", it's really just a bunch of doublespeak for flaming message boards and comment sections with multiple accounts. The simple fact is, you're a hack, working for other hacks, but at least your bosses understand how worthless your endeavors are and just give you (unpaid) busy work to keep you from bothering them.
12:12--
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
blog-aauw.org/2009/09/28/time-to-draw-the-line-on-tucker-max/
here is a list of vulgarly depicted sexual positions published by a magazine run of, by, and for women:
www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/positions/
“Sex PositionsWhether it’s a mind-blowing, bed-rattling orgasm you’re after or a supersensory, soulful lovemaking session, our collection of steamy illustrations and step-by-step instructions has been tweaked and tailored by sex experts to help you reach your peak every single time. Climb on top of your cutie and take control with these sizzling strategies and sex positions.”
these are all the positions that thousands of young women are lining up to test on tucker max, who often even pulls their hair and leaves handprints on their butt, as this is what priscislla painton’s company rewards with advances of $300,000.
women–who labeled the traditional family as opressive– publish and promote all the sexually-charged material, just like powerful female publishing executives run the companies that publish, fund, and promote tucker max. why is this? how ocme women aren’t publishing and promoting shakespearean sonnets, but instead deconstructing and displacing shakespeare on college campuses with oversexualized feminist lit?
why aren’t letter being written to cosmo, to priscilla, and to our dumbed-down universities? women initiate 2/3 of all divorces and 100% of all abortions in this era of massive familial and societal disintegration. why is this?
why do so many women seem to tacitly support tucker max’s antics, by hooking up with him, publishing him, producing him, financing him, and promoting him? while hundreds of men are proetesting tucker max on various websites, thousands of women are lining up to hook up with him, publish, and produce him.
why is this?
blog-aauw.org/2009/09/28/time-to-draw-the-line-on-tucker-max/
blog-aauw.org/2009/09/28/time-to-draw-the-line-on-tucker-max/
as long as women-lead corporations and women continue to fund, publish, produce, copulate with (thousands of young women line up, given the opportunity), and fornicate with tucker max, marriage and the family will continue to decline.
above a women scoffs at abstinence-only education. this is because if women abstained before marriage, how then would thousands be able to enjoy one-night stands with tucker max who pulls their hair and leaves hand-prints on their butts and films acts of sodomy without their consent?
Monday night, Ohio State University’s student activities board gave money to a self proclaimed asshole, Tucker Max, to come to campus and share his message with OSU students. For those of you unfamiliar with Tucker Max here are some quotes from him **trigger warning**
First, here’s a tidbit from his rating system of women:
feministavengers.blogspot.com/
0-star (aka, Wildebeast): The lowest of the low… They should all be put to sleep. This is that loud, disgusting fat girl in the bar that smokes, orders complicated drinks and then spills them on everyone, and is generally just so annoying that you have to actively restrain yourself from kicking her in the crotch and stomping on her throat until she drowns on her own blood. There is no insult too mean or crude for her, and basic human rights do not apply to her.
This one girl, who was ugly and a b$#% (thus, didn’t have basic human rights) started doing one… when she was upside down, legs spread apart, I punched her right in the vagina. This caused her to violently spit up the beer she was trying to consume, and fall backwards into the two people holding her up, all of them splashing to the mud. I ran off, laughing so hysterically I couldn’t breathe.
feministavengers.blogspot.com/
Why are women publishing, promoting, funding, and financing such “literature”?
blog-aauw.org/2009/09/28/time-to-draw-the-line-on-tucker-max/
"The simple fact is, you're a hack, working for other hacks, but at least your bosses understand how worthless your endeavors are and just give you (unpaid) busy work to keep you from bothering them."
Good point--how is anyone in the Rudius Media empire of FAIL making money?
POOP FAIL
NICE TRY, MACBEEFSMOKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
" If you are absolutely honest with yourself about the criticism, then it can valuable. But if someone comes at you with a good critique and you ignore it because of your pride fucking with you, then you are only hurting yourself. One of the things I've had to learn over the past three years, and maybe the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn, is to not let your pride interfere with your goals. "
No way he said that!
Oh man. What a douchebag. When has he ever listened to anyones criticism ever.
"Someone posted the Tucker Max fail link on the discussion board. It's actually managed to go quite a while without being deleted."
Hahahahahahaha
Jesus Fucking Age Christ,
Being an intern for Ryan Holliday must be like working for Kramerica Industries.
What a self important douchebag. He's a low level PR guy for American Apparel who works for free for an even bigger douchebag on the side.
Look dude, these people out there, they think I'm all about shitty cheap humor vomit jokes but the jokes on them cause they don't see the big picture. I make ART, MOTHERFUCKER, AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRTTT!!!!!!
I mean sure I'm fucking cool, whatever but thats not the point. The point is that you shouldn't try to be ME, you know? Almost everyone wants to be ME but here's where the ART part comes in: be YOU!
VOMIT, FUCKING, TITS, MIDGETS, PISSING, BLUMPKINS-- That's ME. That's my life. And not a lot of people can be me.
But, you can be you dude. And thats the point... that's why I've been drinking, puking, cumming, degrading, debasing ALL THESE YEARS. So that you can learn to be you. And THAT motherfucker is ART and you're all going to see it while I look down on you from the G4 like Jesus Christ in Heaven, sprinkling my message all over your *beep* face."
-Tucker Max
E is for Erin Tyler
(You might know her better by the nickname TheBunny.) You know the phrase "behind every good man, there's a great woman"? For this instance think of it as "behind every lying douchebag, there's a stupid bitch supporting him" - Erin Tyler is that stupid bitch.
She's the on-off girlfriend of Tucker, web tech designer of every new Rudius site, and the editor of his work. She does all of this for free. Because someday Tucker is going to be real famous, as opposed to fading-internet-celebrity famous. And then he's just bound to marry her.
Let me tell you a story. When I was just a young kid I dropped my Gameboy on the ground and, even though it didn't smash, it had stopped working. The battery light would come on but the screen was blank. I asked my Dad and he said that even though it looked alright, it was broken on the inside. Erin Tyler is that Gameboy.
Nah, I'm just kidding - I never broke my Gameboy, I just wanted to personify Erin as one. Using metaphors makes it easier to objectify women, am I right bro? *Internet Five*
"But the thing is, this movie does have a star: Me.... ...my name is going to have a lot more pull than most actors, directors or writers. Fuck man, I could shit in a bag and draw more people than saw David Mamet’s last piece of crap (Redbelt)."
Redbelt: $2,345,941
IHTSBIH: $997,300
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOL X 10
Tucker please superglue your lips shut before you speak another word!
I'm tucker max, I have shit figured out and shit
Tucker,
I know you read this blog so I thought this would be the best way to reach you directly. I know you are sad about how the movie performed. I would be pissed too, but the movie's failure, that is truly your own fault. You played this game all wrong. You could have made a movie and had everyone rooting for you but you had to show the world that you knew better.
You had zero experience producing a movie so you made yourself a producer. You never wrote a movie before so you wrote the screenplay. You sat in on casting and actor readings even though these are areas of expertise that you have no experience in. I think I read last week that you were telling the director how to 'block shots' and 'pace scenes.' Since you have never directed a film I can see where your vast knowledge at directing was needed for this project.
It seems that you and Nils sat in the editing room while the director did not. Why did you think that was a good idea?
As for hyping the film, well, I don't think anyone could have been more arrogant or clueless than yourself. You promised to beat the Hangover? You proclaimed that your film was going to bring the Hollywood studio system to a halt? The actors would be household names and people would quote the movie for years to come? Top ten comedy of the decade?
You oversaw the film's marketing campaign? The most important part of any movie is the marketing. You have never marketed a movie in your life but you felt you could do this because you got lucky with a blog that pentrated a tiny fraction of a small demographic of the Internet? What were you thinking?
Then of course there is the 'art' and the 'jet.' Make up your mind. What is it that you want? You lied to yourself and everyone who trusted you and believed in you. You are the Bernie Madoff of film failures and yet, still, you act as if you have won some contest. You lost, and you lost in big way.
Move on.
I don't hate you. I just don't understand you. You built the monster that destroyed you, not us.
does american apparel know ryan holiday promotes rape culture by supporting tucker max? do they know about his shenanigans on wikipedia and how he was banned for being a huge retard?
and do you guys know what ryan holiday meant by he had a 'remote intern'? it means someone on tucker's board, who was a huge kiss ass, would help ryan with his blog. that is a 'remote intern'. an internet friend.
well, tucker met bunny on the internet, and half the girls he's fucked, and nils. and nils met his wife online. and ryan met tucker online.
these are winners, people!
some people are so despicable that only through the cloak of the internet can they ever make friends/lovers
Someone needs to call american apparel and let them know that their employee monitors a Wiki account 24/7/365
Ryan Holiday is stealing money via payroll from american apparel
I just took the biggest drizzling shit in the history of toilets. It was so big that ... no, wait, Nils' are still bigger.
only on the internet could the blobby, pudgy tucker max meet a gargoyle like nils and collaborate to make the worst movie of the year.
2:18 P.M. said:
"Being an intern for Ryan Holliday must be like working for Kramerica Industries."
Oh, Jesus Tapdancing Christ, I laughed so hard that I squirted beer out of my nose.
Dropping a rubber bladder filled with oil on a woman's head would have been much less catastrophic for Tucker & Co. than IHTSBIH is proving to be.
I salute you, Anonymous. It's been a while since I had a physiological reaction such as that to something so humorous.
-YG
P.S. The last time that I squirted liquid out of my nose laughing at something was caused by one of TDG's zingers.
This board has some of the funniest people that I've ever seen.
YG, you need to come around more often. Your initial posts were some of the best this board has ever seen.
YG,
Thanks, I appreciate your work as well.
-TDG
JET SALESMAN: Hello. May I help you with something?
TUCKER: Yeah, I'd like to buy a private jet and shit.
JET SALESMAN: I see. What is your price range?
TUCKER: Not sure. What are your payment terms?
JET SALESMAN: Cash on delivery.
TUCKER: What about artwork. Do you accept art instead?
JET SALESMAN: That would really depend on the art itself.
TUCKER: (HANDS SALESMAN A SCRIPT) What about this?
JET SALESMAN: What the fuck is this?
TUCKER: It's a screenplay I wrote with Nils?
JET SALESMAN: Who?
TUCKER: Nils.
JET SALESMAN: What kind of person names their kid Nils?
TUCKER: I don't know. Look, do we have a deal or not.
JET SALESMAN: (FLIPS THROUGH SCREENPLAY) "...don't taze me, bro... Scott Peterson... Magic Johnson... aids..." (THROWS SCRIPT BACK AT TUCKER) No fucking way.
TUCKER: I have other artwork as well.
JET SALESMAN: You have thirty seconds to make your pitch than I'm calling security.
(TUCKER PULLS OUT A BLANK CANVAS ART FRAME, SQUATS OVER IT AND SHITS. HE THEN SMEARS THE SHIT WITH HIS HAND BEFORE HANDING THE FRAME TO THE SALESMAN)
JET SALESMAN: (STARING AT SHIT COVERED CANVAS) What the hell is this called?
TUCKER: That's my soul, and shit.
A BEAT, THEN..
JET SALESMAN: So what color jet were you thinking about getting?
"TUCKER: What about artwork. Do you accept art instead?"
I'm literally lol'ing.
Also, whoever called Nils a gargoyle...a totally underused insult, and an incredibly fitting one.
Another poster brought up a good point about the private jet a few days ago.
Funny how now that Tucker's movie is about to break the 1 million dollar mark it seems that the new indicator for a film's success is, well, 1 million dollars. Tucker went on and on about how BIG this movie was going to be, how big of a star he was going to be and how much fuck you money and power he was going to have in the Tucker Max Hollywood system that would emerge from the wake of his giant, inevitable and unstopable success.
Can you image him and his college buddies and message board mods sitting around last month as he filled their heads with visions of them all flying to college football games aboard his private jet? These conversations happened and happened often.
Guys like Jon Tando didn't know what to do. They had opinions on the film that didn't jive with message and marching orders that Tucker dictated to his followers, but they didn't dare speak up for fear that they might be left behind, or worse yet, banned from the private jet.
Tucker talked about art and the hidden message of living the life you want, but at the end of the day it was always about three things. Money, power and attention. And a private jet. So that's four things. Tucker didn't get the money. Tucker was shown how powerless he truly is. There is no jet and there will never be a jet.
Internet celebrities, good lord, is there anything lower? Maybe Tucker, Tay Zonday, that Turkish guy, and the dancing baby can go on a "Monsters of Internet Obscurity" tour in a couple of years.
Bahahaha...not even the haters give a damn about Tucker anymore.
YOu people are bastard people!!!! Tucker is close to killing himself and all you do is make fun of him!!! Well Fuck you!!! Fuck you right in the ass!!! I can't believe how horrible you people are to kick somebody while they're down. All Tucker wanted to do was bring happiness and joy to everybody in the world. Yes, he failed, but he TRIED!!! HE FUCKING TRIED!!!! He put his heart into that movie, and all he wanted was to get some Fuck You Money so he could tell haterz like you horrible people another chance to kiss his masculine ass!!! But NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Because of you bastard people he's going to kill himself. What will you do then? Laugh? I'm sure you will, and it's not funny!!! He's such a gentle soul with a gift for making people smile and you awful fuckers have a gift for making that gentle soul cry!!! Fuck you. Fuck you all!!! I'm so mad at you people that I could just go home and bite a pillow!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Posts like these prove that this is the best fucking blog ever.
Tucker and Nils 's Meeting with Bankers:
Tucker: So we need a loan for $10Million to start Rudius Crossbow and Pistol, Inc.
Female Banker:Well, I will need to see your business plan; tax returns for the past five years, a personal financial statement from both of you and the corporation. Here is the credit application and the exhibits you need are listed.
Tucker: Whoa sweetie. I am a best selling author who literally invented a new genre of literature. I have a law degree from Duke and an economics degree from the University of Chicago. You need to just march me to the head of VIP banking.
Nils: And I lost ten pounds since the bus tour ended.
Tucker: Shut up Nils and tell him that your wife has some money she's willing to put up.
Banker: Oh, are you going to collateralize the loan in some way? How much capital is being put into the company?
Tucker: Lots, sweetie. I will bet my advance from my new book AFF; and 4 months royalties from my existing best seller IHTSBIH, that you've never fucked a midget. And I have 3 prints of my movie and a DVD master that I can put up as collateral.
Banker: I think the correct term is "little people" Mr. Max; and I will need to see your tax returns confirming income from literary sources.
Tucker: Well, you know sister, that only little people pay taxes. Only kidding. High Five, Nils. My intern, Ryan Holiday will send my tax returns right over pronto.
Nils: It's actually all set. My wife's family is going to send facebook messages to all of their rich friends asking them to buy advanced memberships to the cross bow range.
Tucker: And I have sold more than . . . one millyen dollars worth of movie tickets and . . . one millyen books recently, we project a potential membership of nearly 2 million in our crossbow project.
Banker: Well, I'm sure that you have grand aspirations for this project.
Tucker:(laughing) You just said aspirations, didn't you you dumb cunt. Didn't you mean, I am a grand inspiration to everyone. See, they are two different words.
Nils: Fucking Harvard broads .
Banker: I'm sure that I used the word correctly, Mr. Max. I was talking about your aspirations to build this business, not whether you are inspiring anyone.
Tucker: Pull the security tapes you dumb cunt. This is so incredible and comical on so many levels. I'm sure that you misused the word. It's almost criminal what you are doing here.
Banker: I'm not sure that we are really your bank Mr. Max.
Nils: First smart thing she said all day. Back at the check cashing place we were at before here, they were right next to a KFC and we could at least eat something while we were filling out the forms.
Tucker: I'm not leaving till you pull the security tape.
Banker: The tape doesn't even have sound.
Tucker: Hah. . . I've still got you you cunt. I was fucking some deaf girl the other day and she can read lips. Pull the tape and I will prove that once again, I am the smartest guy in the room
we are legion.
we do not forgive.
we do not forget.
remember this, Tucker Maxes of the future.
@5:29 a.m.
Great post! Thanks
Tucker has been MIA from his board lately. This whole "movie sucking cock and being an abject failure" thing probably has him down. Poor guy.
I love how he talks about "the response at the screenings" like it means anything. The critics hated it (and don't flatter yourself Tucker, 90% of them had no idea who you were going in) and there was 0 word of mouth. I think it's safe to say the opinion of a bunch of drunk, overly-excitable, spastic fuckwits might not have been indicative of the film's actual quality.
You've gotta love it. Tucker was talking 200+ million gross, best comedy in 10 (or was it 20?) years, cult classic, Oscar nomination (this one still cracks me up) and he won't even end up beating "Jennifer's Body." Fuck, he won't even come CLOSE to beating "Jennifer's Body." You suck Max.
5:29
That feels way too real.
Great job!
I love how he talks about "the response at the screenings" like it means anything.
_____________________________________
I've been saying this all along. Fuck, man, the people at all the premieres were Tucker Max FANS who read about the premiere on his blog and bought tickets IN ADVANCE to see the movie. People don't buy tickets weeks in advance to see a movie unless they're already fans of the property the movie is based on. I mean, is there a more biased sample of viewers than people who followed his blog and bought tickets a month before the movie even opens?!
The fact that Tucker would cite the reactions of his fans as proof that the movie is objectively good just cracks me up.
I guess what I'm really getting at is that Nils is hugely fat.
I'm totally loving the new meme of "Nils is fat".
Fuck that guy. Did you see that douche make fun of women due to whatever during the fucking tour? Has he looked in the mirror? Did he not notice that if you cut his wife's hair off that she looks like an ugly little boy?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that Nils is fat, fat enough to hold all of Tucker's oozing douche.
"Banker: I think the correct term is "little people" Mr. Max; and I will need to see your tax returns confirming income from literary sources.
Tucker: Well, you know sister, that only little people pay taxes. Only kidding. High Five, Nils. My intern, Ryan Holiday will send my tax returns right over pronto."
If Tucker and Nils are going to drop a Magic Johnson Aids joke, it does seem appropriate and timely to drop a Leona Helmsley tax reference. If only Nils had the same finger on the social pulse as the posters on this board have. The movie could have included a Max Headroom joke
"Banker: I think the correct term is "little people" Mr. Max; and I will need to see your tax returns confirming income from literary sources.
Tucker: Well, you know sister, that only little people pay taxes. Only kidding. High Five, Nils. My intern, Ryan Holiday will send my tax returns right over pronto."
If Tucker and Nils are going to drop a Magic Johnson Aids joke, it does seem appropriate and timely to drop a Leona Helmsley tax reference. If only Nils had the same finger on the social pulse as the posters on this board have. The movie could have included a Max Headroom joke
^^^^
So are you really trying to say that Nils is fat--because that's what I'm getting from all that
Nils board:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2984415/board/thread/149446205
Let's do this. I want everybody who ever meets Nils to go to his IMDB board and see how people think of him.
And when I say "think of him" I mean "he's really fat".
"Did he not notice that if you cut his wife's hair off that she looks like an ugly little boy?"
Don't think this little tidbit went unnoticed. Well done.
-TDG
I can't stop listening to the song Your Touch by The Black Keys, since I heard in Zombieland. Now there's a film that was unexpected and funny as hell. The best part of it? There were no "jokes." Despite the cliched formula of zombies, the stupidity/frailties/insecurities of the characters were enough to recognize the same qualities in myself. If only more people could see the potential in Hollywood and write a screenplay and produce a movie that was an honest testament to the human condition.
Not you Tucker, I said "honest."
Keep in mind that Nils refers to himself as the 'asassin of comedy.'
He is well aware of his own genius.
THE WORLD WILL END IN 2012! ANCIENT MAYA PROPHECIES CONFIRM IT! ALSO, SECRET NASA TAPES REVEAL THE EXISTENCE OF MOONLING WOMEN WITH BIG TITS!
Does anyone know why Tucker isn't updating his message board with weekend box office recaps?
Is he still on press tour or whatever? Just curious to see how things are shaping up.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
I figured out who TDG is!!! He's one of JoJo's friends IRL!!! This is fucking awesome!!!
hey everyone. ryan holiday's intern checking in.
*sigh* ryan has me downloading quotes of lao tzu for him all day today. he wants to see only the ones that make him feel powerful, so he can post them on his blog *double sigh*.
yesterday he had me download the robert greene audiobook in french. ryan doesn't speak french, but he's edited sartre's wikipedia article many times, so he is obsessed. he is making me transcribe the french and google translate it into english. i dont know why i cant just download the english version to begin with, but ryan holiday is the boss.
tomorrow he will have me edit his favorite wikipedia articles. since i'm a remote intern (across the country), we can both edit the article and not look like sockpuppets. *sigh*
well, i have to get back to downloading pdf's of war strategies. dr holiday will be IMing me soon. *sigh*
-ryan holiday's intern
"I figured out who TDG is!!! He's one of JoJo's friends IRL!!! This is fucking awesome!!!"
Dude, seriously, keep it under your hat.
crossbow ranges, private jets, and war strategies. sounds like the delusions of college drop outs and lawyers... oh wait
nils is the comedy assassin? he murders comedy? that sounds about right. except i'd call him the double whopper assassin.
ryan holiday's intern's intern
TDG that's hilarious. Thanks for the laugh of the day man.
Monday's results: $34,752, $131 per screen average.
That would make yesterday his worst day ever (until tomorrow).
Still can't believe that this thing made more than a million dollars though, tucker rules.
ryan holiday doesn't pay money, nor do i get college credit. but i do get rep points on the message board, so the internship is fruitful in some ways
*sigh*
now he has me writing 'nigger' over and over to spam any blog that negatively reflects on tucker max. he also will be quizzing me on de oratore at 5 PM on aol instant messenger. *sigh*
-ryan holiday's intern
Tucker said last year that he was going to 'avoid the mistakes that Troy Duffy made.'
So how did he do?
Duffy filmed and documented the entire process of making his film "The Boondock Saints"
Tucker filmed and documented the entire process of making his film "I Hope They Serve Beer In hell"
Duffy made outrageous decisions regarding how the film should be cast - even disrespecting established actors.
Tucker made outrageous decisions regarding how the film should be cast - even disrespecting established actors.
Duffy predicted his future in Hollywood well before his career even began. He was going to be huge.
Tucker predicted his future in Hollywood well before his career even began. He was going to be massive.
Duffy wanted to have his own band record songs for the soundtrack.
Tucker and Nils wrote a song for their soundtrack.
Duffy surrounded himself with a posse of guys he could control with threats of being 'cut off from the fame train' if the stepped out of line.
Tucker surrounded himself with a posse of guys he could control with threats of being 'cut off from the fame plane' if the stepped out of line.
Duffy predicted a box office of 'hundreds of millions' and many 'sequels'
Tucker predicted a box office of 'hundreds of millions' and many 'sequels'
Duffy pissed off tons of people in the industry with his sheer arrogance and shitty personality.
Tucker pissed off tons of people in the industry with his sheer arrogance and shitty personality.
Both films screened 'near' Cannes, sort of.
Both films were rejected by every established film distributor in the world.
Both films scored less than 25% on Rotten Tomatoes
Both films tanked at the box office.
Both filmmakers made shitty dvd deals
Both filmmakers blamed others for their own failure.
So yeah, Tucker steered clear of the errors Troy Duffy made.
Tucker is hiring an unpaid intern ponzi scheme. Pretty soon Ryan Holiday's unpaid intern will have an unpaid intern.
And the irony of this is that Tucker himself makes about as much as an unpaid intern.
If Tucker hired 10 unpaid interns, who then each hired 10 unpaid interns, who then in turn hired 10 unpaid interns, who then in turn hired 10 unpaid interns....
And if they all collectively brought 10 of their friends (who had never heard of Tucker Max before) to see "Beer in Hell" several times to catch the deeper meaning, Tucker could have made $200 million.
the whole 'unpaid, remote intern' deal is just a scam to get 1 extra person to see this horrible movie.
nice try, tucker tibor max.
tucker just released details about his 'special buddy' program. to become special buddies with tucker, you just have to go see his movie. please? he will, like, totally give you his phone number. okay dude?
-ryan holiday's intern
-and gawker guy
-and wikipedia guy
http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=529495
"Q: Would you have had a life if there wasn't the internet?
Tucker Max: No way."
Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brad-balfour/qa-bad-boy-author-tucker_b_299792.html
some say tucker only met nils, bunny, ryan holiday, and the rest of his rejects via the internet. this is true. but he is so unforgettably masculine that he would have met them anyway
Tugger's movie pulled in a mere $29,366 on Tuesday, just $110/screen.
Does anyone know why Tucker and Nils are not posting on the Rudius Message boards? I would like to hear some feedback on the marketing and expansion strategy. Is this weekend the 2000 theater push or is that the following weekend?
http://www.flybyblog.com/2009/10/09/tucker-max-calls-crimson-reporter-dumb-bitch-claims-to-have-had-sex-with-six-harvardgirls/#more-5954
Wow, just wow. That interview is just brutal in exposing what a complete asshole and liar Max is. Just a complete dick, for no other reason than he can. Way to bring in new fans there, Otto! It's amazing Darko ignored your amazing marketing insights, when you seem to think the most effective PR is to insult anyone who shows the barest modicum of interest in your product.
2:05,
You are gonna get so banned for that.
assholes finish 19th in the box office
Tucker puts the whole internet in perspective - the sole purpose of the internet is to match con men with easy marks. The internet is merely a great big stew of horse tales where someone can fabricate a litany of seemingly insignificant details about their sexual prowess, athletic ability, and other alpha qualities that this person read about in books about sociobiology back when he was a 20 year old nerd and actually persuade people to buy a product incorporating these hot white lies into supposed alpha-infused adventures.
By the way, when Tucker said in November that he had sold "about" 500,000 copies of his book. Who wants to bet that the number was closer to 350,000? Think about who we are dealing with, people?
~ FDG (not a hater I just crush a lo...well, occasionally)
Assholes don't finish. They quit about half way through the race, and heavy panting soon turns to effeminate whining about all the things other people did to keep them from finishing.
Or in the case of Nils, Assholes finish 13 pastrami sammiches in three hours.
~ FDG
assholes finish mcgriddles first
assholes finish 19th in the box office
assholes finish duke and think they finished harvard
assholes lose 11 million dollars
assholes look for unpaid, remote interns aka a new friend on AIM
Tucker must've slept with a LOT of other people's girlfriends.
CHEST BUMP!
I don't have enough dicks to handle all the pussy that's thrown at me.
this whole website is just mad because tucker slept with its girlfriend
re-recommending the 5:29am post
I don't have enough fans for all the dollars investors threw at me.
Why don't we all just pick a time and a date to register accounts at the RMMB and flood anti Tugger posts for an hour or so. It would be funny to watch how the mods/fanboys would react to that.
"Assholes finish first" has been renamed
"Assholes are finished in hollywood"
@9:00PM, Yes I like this idea. Let's all do it at 9PM Eastern time tomorrow, all at the same time. Don't waste much time writing shit, just post something hilarious from here.
9PM 10/15 We WAHOO TUCKER MAX!!!
EVERYBODY JOIN THE MOVEMENT!!!
yes, all 4 of us should do that
-RHI
Well, all four of us and the Chinese guy who keeps spamming.
Frankly, Tucker Max isn't worth the trouble of a Wahoo...I prefer to lurk anonymously and watch him implode, day by agonizing day.
March 2008:
"And we are going to have a wide release, on thousands of screens, with a big advertising campaign, mainstream reviews and everything else a normal movie gets. "
October 2009: week 3
"Here is the list for Week 4. It’s 130+ screens, half the previous weeks total w/200+ drops and approx 70 new theaters."
But...but... you promised........
This is a paragraph from a story on Max's appearance at OSU from May of this year:
"Max did have a back-up surprise for the audience. In gratitude of the audience "putting up with" the protesters, he revealed for the first time that his much-anticipated follow-up book will in fact be two separate books released simultaneously in early to mid-2010."
Hmm.... lately, he's been saying it's just one book. Wow, does that guy ever tell the truth about ANYthing?
Here's the full story:
http://www.thelantern.com/2.1345/tucker-max-brings-lessons-controversy-to-osu-1.71550
Tucker is a liar
How many sequels is Tugger going to make of his smash hit "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell"??? If he wants to save money and present a closer story of what his life is really like, he should probably purchase a webcam and film himself downloading and jerking off to porn for a couple hours. Some of his fanboys would probably pay to watch that!
Nils board:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2984415/board/thread/149446205
"Let's do this. I want everybody who ever meets Nils to go to his IMDB board and see how people think of him."
TGD--Why not let Nils speak for himself? Make sure to provide links to his blog, his comments on tucker's message board and the tour videos on you tube. Just like Tucker, he's so quotable!
And fat. Really fucking fat.
LOL:
"So the Canadian distributor promised me information about the Canadian release, being that the Canucks on this site are constantly pestering me for info. This is what they sent me:
“I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL has a limited release in Canada, on October 30th in Toronto, Vancouver, and Calgary.” "
3 places.
"So yeah, Tucker steered clear of the errors Troy Duffy made."
I love the irony of many of the things that have come out lately.
"I'm going to avoid Tory Duffys mistakes"
"But if someone comes at you with a good critique and you ignore it because of your pride *beep* with you, then you are only hurting yourself."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
The funniest thing Tucker Max has ever said:
TM: There are tons of people funnier than I am. Nils is way funnier; that's why he has such a hot wife.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!
This is Nils Parker's "hot" wife.
http://www.sheppardmullin.com/attorneys-624.html
If you cut off her hair, she looks like a 13 year old boy. She rates as "hot" by Tucker. Hahahahahahahahaha
Good God, if I saw that in a bar I'd first check her Adam's Apple, and then scan for signs that I wandered into a gay bar.
She's a lawyer. You HAVE to tell her she's hot. Otherwise the claws come out, and lawyer chicks have really nasty claws.
Judging by her pedigree, she's not a very good attorney.
U of Wisconsin-Milwaukee is a commuter school for dumbasses who couldn't get into Madison.
I admit it. I didn't think he would ever update the movie blog again since he won't be expanding to 2000 screens.
"Judging by her pedigree, she's not a very good attorney.
U of Wisconsin-Milwaukee is a commuter school for dumbasses who couldn't get into Madison."
Careful there, dear; school snobbery makes you sound too much like Tucker for this blog's taste.
"Here is the list for Week 4. It’s 130+ screens, half the previous weeks total w/200+ drops and approx 70 new theaters."
So the "wide release" of the movie was only to 260 screens -- and now 200 of those screens have dropped the movie?! Take a look at the locations of the 70 new screens -- pretty remote, huh? Looks like Darko is trying to milk every penny to recoup at least some of their lossses.
130 screens * $110 per screen daily = $14,300 a day = running continuously for 38 years to hit expected $200 million mark.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
EPIC FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL
^^
I see the trend continuing from the second "expansion". The new screens tend to mostly be in southern "red neck" territories and select "blue collar" towns in the north. Someone (perhaps a southerner) got pretty offended on IMDB when I pointed it out, but it looks to be true. They've pulled it out of Boston, as the college crowd has seemingly rejected it. It's now playing in Revere, which is a pretty crappy area.
Someone should point out that positive reviews on imdb are transparently written by Tucker or his cronies-
note that all of the positive reviewers are first time commenters, all use the same style and syntax, and all spout the same talking points ("the movie is more real than the Hangover"; "people don't like this movie only because they don't like Tucker Max").
Pretty lame.
"If you cut off her hair, she looks like a 13 year old boy. She rates as "hot" by Tucker. Hahahahahahahahaha"
Dude, you've got to consider the ratio. Yeah, she isn't the greatest catch; but Nils is like really, really, really "for the love of god I hope he doesn't roll over tonight," really fat.
When you consider that, it's like an average looking guy managing a threesome with Jessica Alba and Megan Fox
You guys seriously need to stop ripping on people who aren't Tucker Max/Nils Parker/Rudius Media underlings; it undermines the entire purpose of this blog and makes you all look like gigantic assholes. Sure, Jennifer's no supermodel, but she's not a bad looking woman; her only crime is trying to help her husband out.
What I'm trying to say is that Nils is really fat.
^^^
Did "only following orders" work as a defense at Nuremberg?
What I'm trying to say is that Beer in Hell is a crime against humanity.
And that Nils is really, really fat.
"Did "only following orders" work as a defense at Nuremberg?"
It sure works for cops and "child support" enforcement and airport security "professionals".
Wait, that means we're being ruled by little Eichmanns. Boo, little Eichmanns! Boo! We're gonna have us a concert and show those little Eichmanns how we're gonna CHANGE THE WORLD!
Little Eichmanns?
I wasn’t going to mention this, but fuck it, I am too arrogant not to: David Zuckerman was the first one to say the words “Eichmann” and “screenplay” to Nils and I in the same sentence. I scoffed at him, thinking he was just being nice to me.
He later said it was a "real gas" to work with us.
Be careful what you wish for:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2984420/board/
thread/103992602?d=103992602&p=1#103992602
In this sordid little tale, nils' 'wife' is the equivalent of prescott bush profiteering off of the nazis during ww2. However in this case, the financial risk couldn't and didn't pay off; sucks to be 'her'.
So yes, 'she' is fair game.
Jen La Macchia Parker is one of the film's executive producers.
She's fair game.
Sorry.
Plus she's got a 38% on Hot Or Not (and a 57% if considered a man).
Seriously, Nils Parker deserves everything he gets. Dude is a talentless racist.
"Tucker: She lost both legs but had full vaginal capacity?
Guy: Oh yea, for sure.
Nils: She is Dominican. That might be the only body part of hers that functions on a regular basis."
Hahahahaha.
nils' wife knows he's a big fat disgusting smelly monster looking human, but she married him so she could inherit half of the IHTSBiH fortune after he dies of a heart attack from too many whoppers. she's a smart lady
^ Has IHTSBIH made enough money for a Whopper yet?
amusing new Gawker article:
http://gawker.com/5382677/tucker-max-could-have-defeated-obama#comments
http://www.theweekender.com/movies/What_the_hell_is_this__10-13-2009.html
According to Tucker, they are traveling to a veritable pleasure dome of carnal delights. And upon entry, the group is satisfied with the bevy of lovely ladies happy to give their attentions to the paying customers. Cynical Drew meets his match in Lara (Marika Dominczyk), a stripper possessing sarcastic wit to rival his own. Lara also seems to suffer from a traumatic head injury, as she invites this perfect stranger to play video games in the home she shares with her 7-year-old son. While implausible enough, Drew and her son soon become fast friends, putting a giant exclamation point on this entire sequence.
What follows is the requisite drinking, falling and arrests that accompany so many of these adventures. The big surprise? Tucker did this all to have sex with a midget stripper. Normally, this could be the basis of an entertaining plot in the land of “National Lampoon’s” inspired humor. In the hands of Max and director Bob Gosse, this story become a self-indulgent, hour and 45 minutes of unadulterated, meandering crap. Both parties should be forced to repay not only admission fees but also a penalty for forcing something of this magnitude upon the viewing public. The film’s sole redeeming moment is the cameo by porn legend Traci Lords as the personification of the uber-MILF.
There are many lists each year. Since the age of the Internet has really come into being, those lists have expanded exponentially. “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” will surely adorn dozens of “worst of” lists. But even that does not do it justice. Such justice does not exist in a galaxy that would allow this film to occur. Should there be an actual hell, forced viewings of this film will remain as punishment for those guilty of man’s worst transgressions. And there will be no clamoring for beer in that abyss, only sensory deprivation.
nils' wife knows he's a big fat disgusting smelly monster-looking human, but she married him so she could inherit half of the IHTSBiH fortune after he dies of a heart attack from too many whoppers. she's a smart lady
Does Tucker actually read this blog?
as a long time mod who's recently fallen from grace, i can tell you that on the mod board he discusses and coordinates his fake reviews, etc. from there. he doesnt mention this site specifically, but other mods have mentioned how they spam this place to disrupt it. since the movie came out, the mod board is a ghosttown, and almost everyone has deserted it. but tucker knows. he googles/google news himself about 30 times a day. he's tried to get this place shut down before by complaining to google (owns blogger). he is so fearful of criticism that this place will literally cause him to have cancer by the time he's 40 (in like 3 years).
more genius from mccoy mountain:
Are Easter Egg Hunthhs 'Unapologetically Masthculine' Like Tucker?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/board/thread/149517370
The billion-dollar corporations love tucker because to them, he represents "Mathsculinity."
And this is why their film is epic failing, as Tucker is to Masculinity what Ryan Holliday is to Success and Richard Kellly/Bob Gosse are to art.
Discuss! Discuss how there are no manly/masculine characters in Tucker's epic fail, but only immoral and amoral pushovers and wimps and little children pooping and making other people clean it up. During the poop scene, what would have been really funny, is have some stranger in a long trench coat witness it, witness teh maid crying, and then just pummel the crap out of tucker, and force him to clean it up by licking it up. That's what was misisng throughout the soulless film.
Gone are John Wayne and Charlton Heston--gone are cowboys and Moses as definitive, rugged, masculine men.
Enter Tucker--the "modern man."
Unlike the true, manly heroes of yore, Tucker
1) engages in sodomy and films it without the other persons' consent
2) makes fun of of innocent bystanders, geeks, and minorities
3) hypes and lies/misleads and spins and twists in an unmanly, dishonorable manner
4) lacks the manly soul that yearns for faith, morality, truth, justice, and family
5) lacks the manly soul which carries the "golden rule" shared by all religions and cultures "do onto others as you would have them do onto you."
On case you are wondering why they wire tens of millions at his epic fail, it is not out of a love of art and film and manhood and profit, but out of a love of sodomy, debauchery, and degredation.
What other ways is Tucker masculine?
Eashhter Egg hunthhs?
"During the poop scene, what would have been really funny, is have some stranger in a long trench coat witness it, witness the maid crying, and then just pummel the crap out of tucker, and force him to clean it up by licking it up."
Now THAT is fucking hot.
--female Douchebag fan
"as a long time mod who's recently fallen from grace, i can tell you that on the mod board he discusses and coordinates his fake reviews, etc. from there. he doesnt mention this site specifically, but other mods have mentioned how they spam this place to disrupt it. since the movie came out, the mod board is a ghosttown, and almost everyone has deserted it. but tucker knows. he googles/google news himself about 30 times a day. he's tried to get this place shut down before by complaining to google (owns blogger). he is so fearful of criticism that this place will literally cause him to have cancer by the time he's 40 (in like 3 years)."
How is Tucker dealing with the fact that his movie bombed so badly?
as a long time mod who's recently fallen from grace, i can tell you that on the mod board he discusses and coordinates his fake reviews, etc. from there. he doesnt mention this site specifically, but other mods have mentioned how they spam this place to disrupt it. since the movie came out, the mod board is a ghosttown, and almost everyone has deserted it. but tucker knows. he googles/google news himself about 30 times a day. he's tried to get this place shut down before by complaining to google (owns blogger). he is so fearful of criticism that this place will literally cause him to have cancer by the time he's 40 (in like 3 years).
I know Tucker can't keep his eyes off this blog or the IMDB message boards. He's a full-time Internet addict, as he uses the positive reinforcement from the RMMB boards to cosmetically cover his fears and insecurity.
Had he been more self-aware and confronted those fears and insecurities, he might have written a good script. But Tucker isn't an artist; and when Assholes Finish First dies on the shelves, he won't be an author. All he'll have is a shell of a message board, which will never sustain enough revenue to justify updating the site in future years.
Tucker is persona non grata on the mod boards these days, telling everybody how tired he is from the bus tour and leaving it up to Gris and a few others to sort it all out.
There's been a lot of laughing at Tucker by the mods. I mean, he's saying how exhausted he is, but what did he really do? He got driven around by a bus to drink and fuck. He's making it out like it was back breaking work, but come on. If there were any doubts that he was a whiny bitch they've all been erased.
Fuck it, I was bored of being a mod anyhow.
Why the fallout as mod? Did you quit, or did Tucker turn on you?
Mod Curious Guy
Any insider stories on how much of a dumbass geigs is?
Tucker holds on to some dream that his fans are cool, well-adjusted, smart kids, but they're really total idiots. Exhibit A, his message board. Exhibit B, that email sent to Gawker. Exhibit C, really just an extension of A, is this review that I just had to repost:
"In a few years, when critics look at the IHTSBIH franchise as a whole, they're going to be eating a lot of crow. Not because they wrote bad reviews (this movie, like every other movie, has its flaws), but because they failed to miss the "experience" aspect all together. In the same way that George Lucas generated long-term success for Star Wars with cutting-edge movie-making technology, IHTSBIH will ultimately succeed as a franchise and a brand because it completely redefined what it means to "experience" a movie. That's why it's unfair to compare this to any other film. It isn't like them."
One thing I've always been curious about is what the mods actually have for a career. People like DietCokeHead and JoJo seem to allude to the fact they are very successful in their fields, but they spend so much damn time on the RMMB I'm very skeptical. Any idea A) What they do? and B) How successful they are?
I mean it seems quite obvious they all probably suck at whatever they do, but I'm just curious is all.
Another Mod Curious Guy
it's easy to make fun of fatties - they're such big targets
"when Assholes Finish First dies on the shelves,"
You're assuming it'll come out at all. It won't. It doesn't exist.
AFF was supposed to be an indulgent self-referential exercise in patting his own back by Tucker, talking about his revolutionary taking of the entertainment world by storm, in the past tense. Basically the equivalent of "Heh. Heh. See? See what I did? Ok, now listen up, here's how I did it. I'm so cool. Listen up, I'll tell you how I'm so cool."
Now, of course, Tucker has to interpret a million dollars in revenue on a six million dollar movie as somehow finishing "first" and "beating the system" and "stickin' it to the Man" and the underdog coming out on top, and he has to write the book so it supports that claim. Even if he actually does write something that might fit, the publishers won't accept the manuscript, they'll lose more money just printing it than it can possibly make.
JoJo is a successful lawyer in Chicago. Not sure what DCH does, although out of all the mods he's a pretty cool guy.
I never had a problem with Tucker. I've been a mod there for years. I've felt that some of the other mods in his inner circle are fucking idiots down the line. I'm talking about Ryan, SLF, Bunny, Gris and a few others. It's like a group of elites on top of being "the elite" of a fucking message board. The worst of them has always been Nils, who is secretly hated by the majority of mods on the board because he's an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.
I've never had a run in with Tucker, as he's been pretty busy the last 2 years with the movie and the TV show (har har). I don't really have a problem with him as a person, but the persona he's created has gotten way out of hand with people on the board. So far we've banned like 50 people in two weeks, some of whom have been part of the message board for longer than me.
By the way, most of the mods couldn't stand his movie. Thought it was a huge sell out.
That makes sense, in context with the title... but then, he had the title worked out well before the movie deal.
Does anyone know if Simon still plans on publishing AHH? Didn't they reject Tucker's first manuscript a year ago?
geigs, is that you?
3:53, I'm the 3:44 poster, and I'm not a mod or anybody in the know, I'm just talking out my ass.
But I still think what I described is a decent guess about what Tucker thought his plan was.
i don't recommend the 'raid' on the message board for one reason: every single piece of traffic on tucker's board gains him advertising money. that is why i would never go to it. i dont want him making a penny off me. if i see a google ad that he pays for, however, i'll click it, because that costs him money.
-Ryan holiday's intern
Hey Mod Traitor, did geigs really send out that message begging people to post fake rottentomatoes reviews?
Okay, so I'm trying to factor in how much this wart-infested anal cavity of a movie cost.
$6 million production
$6 million P&A
But how much was Nil's food budget during filming and marketing?
I'm going to guess about $14 million. He is, after all, the most rotund of his friends.
That insider guy on IMDB who knew a couple of the investors said something like "The $12M figure is a joke," implying that they lost a lot more than that. Unfortunately his posts are all gone now.
For someone registered on IMDB:
"Yes I am learning a lot, and in some ways it is very fun making a movie, but if the movie were to bomb, I won't be able to put a nice spin on it. It would devastate me. "
Mod guy is a fake mod. I'm a real mod and I can tell you all the stuff he's writing is bullshit.
Trust me if he knew what a real mod knows, he'd be singing a much different tune.
"Trust me"... the battlecry of the untrustworthy.
"Anybody else catch Forrest Griffin as one of the cops who goes into the cell as Dan is coercing the bendejos into revolution/riot ?
Tucker, obviously you met him, was he cool?"
I imagine about as embarrassed as he was at the beating he took in the the Anderson Silva fight. If it were possible to ever be that embarrassed.
Running out of the Octagon? A self-declared TKO? I've never seen such a thing. What a little bitch.
______________
Hahahahahahaha
"Mod guy is a fake mod. I'm a real mod and I can tell you all the stuff he's writing is bullshit.
Trust me if he knew what a real mod knows, he'd be singing a much different tune."
So, what's he saying that's bullshit? He was fairly specific while your argument is specious.
RHI- nice new review on IMDB.
Real Mod guy is a real fake mod. I'm a real real mod and I can tell you all the stuff tugger has written is bullshit.
Trust me if he knew what a real real mod knows, he wouldn't know that this movie sucks and he wouldn't know that nils is fat.
i agree with chinese guy.
Realistically speaking, I'd put Nils around 350 lbs, given his height. Over/under?
Yes, there was a bunch of mods who conspired to tell some old school Tucker "loyalists" to help them go to the RT board and give the film 10s. How can they argue? Look at the RT board and see how many 1st time RT users gave the film 10's. It's not even up for debate. This wasn't because of random people suddenly feeling the urge to join RT after they saw Tucker's movie. This was a concerted effort that started on the mod board.
Here's an excerpt of the PM I received:
"We're going to see a lot of people who hate Tucker go onto Rotton Tomatoes and give him a 0. I think we should all go and even the score or else this film will start getting negative word of mouth before it's given a real chance to succeed."
Any mod who tells you differently is lying. Nothing personal guys, but the jig is up.
The curse of IHTSBIH. Another example.
"Forrest Griffin ran away like a little ween. Lol. I don't know, who am I to talk smack? According to USA today, Griffin left the cage just before the official decision was called. Apparently, this isn't anything new as Griffin has pulled the same garbage after losing previous battles.
Dana White, president of the UFC stated, "We've seen it before with him," White said. "He's an emotional guy. He came into this fight very confident that he was going to beat Anderson Silva. ... He might be in Georgia by now. He ran out and I haven't seen him since." What ever happened to the good ol', "Congrats mate. You fought better than me today. Good fight." Turns out that Griffin wanted none of it.
The implosion of the Tucker Max 'empire' continues. I love it.
My oh my that Nils fellow certainly is husky isn't he?
I think everyone is missing the very telling and valid arguments taht chinese guy is making. He should start his own blog.
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An old Tuckler quote:
"building a company that could potentially change the entire nature of the entertainment business"
Does Tucker read this kind of thing now and just want to curl up in embarrasement? It must be like waking up in the morning after a heavy night of after-work drinks and thinking to yourself "oh shit, did I really say that to my boss ???..."
Enough to make you want to stay in bed for a week with the covers pulled over your head and the phone off the hook.
In an unrelated comment- Tucker has not posted on his board for a week now....
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